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Is there good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":156.57,"endTime":160.17,"body":"guilt versus bad guilt? We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":156.57,"endTime":160.17,"body":"gonna get into all that, all of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.17,"endTime":162.06,"body":"that. But before we do, as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":162.06,"endTime":164.01,"body":"a partner of someone"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":162.06,"endTime":164.01,"body":"struggling with alcohol or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":164.01,"endTime":167.94,"body":"substance use, do you feel lost,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":164.01,"endTime":167.94,"body":"scared, confused or unsure of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":167.94,"endTime":170.37,"body":"yourself? Have you ever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":167.94,"endTime":170.37,"body":"wondered, how did she get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":170.37,"endTime":173.46,"body":"through the trauma? 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We talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":207.72,"endTime":210.63,"body":"managing triggers, am I helping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":207.72,"endTime":210.63,"body":"or enabling self awareness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":210.63,"endTime":213.84,"body":"boundaries? How do I set them?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":210.63,"endTime":213.84,"body":"How do I make life changing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":213.84,"endTime":217.53,"body":"decisions, maintenance, we got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":213.84,"endTime":217.53,"body":"worksheets, exercises, you name"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":217.53,"endTime":220.74,"body":"it, and you even get access to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":217.53,"endTime":220.74,"body":"us. 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I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":235.5,"endTime":237.54,"body":"like that better accountability."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":235.5,"endTime":237.54,"body":"Check in for self care."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":237.57,"endTime":238.65,"body":"Is that what I said?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":237.57,"endTime":238.65,"body":"Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":238.65,"endTime":240.54,"body":"solid. That's better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":238.65,"endTime":240.54,"body":"Yeah, it's not really so much a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":240.54,"endTime":243.48,"body":"challenge. But it's, it's kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":240.54,"endTime":243.48,"body":"of challenging. It's challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":243.48,"endTime":246.75,"body":"people to show us what you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":243.48,"endTime":246.75,"body":"doing for self care. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.78,"endTime":250.41,"body":"did you read something today?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.78,"endTime":250.41,"body":"Did you journal? Did you do some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":250.41,"endTime":254.04,"body":"artwork? Did you exercise"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":250.41,"endTime":254.04,"body":"whatever you did? Or did you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":254.07,"endTime":256.29,"body":"maybe some self indulgence,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":254.07,"endTime":256.29,"body":"maybe you've taken care of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.29,"endTime":259.05,"body":"yourself, maybe you got dressed,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.29,"endTime":259.05,"body":"showered up, put makeup on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":259.05,"endTime":262.2,"body":"whatever it might be? Post in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":259.05,"endTime":262.2,"body":"the group, we'd love to see your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":262.2,"endTime":265.38,"body":"smiling face or whatever it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":262.2,"endTime":265.38,"body":"you're working on, or reading or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":265.41,"endTime":268.65,"body":"what have you. 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I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":316.44,"endTime":318.45,"body":"know, I could be wrong on this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":316.44,"endTime":318.45,"body":"instrument. I played for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":318.45,"endTime":320.67,"body":"insurance. I'm not sure about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":318.45,"endTime":320.67,"body":"the woodwinds, too."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":320.7,"endTime":322.44,"body":"Oh, and I learned that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":320.7,"endTime":322.44,"body":"you put your hand inside of for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.44,"endTime":325.08,"body":"insurance? You do? Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.44,"endTime":325.08,"body":"didn't realize that I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.08,"endTime":327.15,"body":"watching these people play and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.08,"endTime":327.15,"body":"I'm like, stick your hand in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":327.15,"endTime":328.53,"body":"that. That's quite interesting."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":330.27,"endTime":332.19,"body":"Okay, that could derail"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":330.27,"endTime":332.19,"body":"too, too terribly bad."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":332.46,"endTime":335.46,"body":"We've had this topic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":332.46,"endTime":335.46,"body":"requested a few times about the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":335.46,"endTime":337.53,"body":"guilt of leaving a toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":335.46,"endTime":337.53,"body":"relationship. And I think that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":337.53,"endTime":341.25,"body":"we haven't discussed this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":337.53,"endTime":341.25,"body":"because we're still married. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":341.25,"endTime":345.12,"body":"it obviously felt like okay, are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":341.25,"endTime":345.12,"body":"we you know, is this fraud"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":345.12,"endTime":348.81,"body":"information. But in reality,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":345.12,"endTime":348.81,"body":"Matt and I do have a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":348.81,"endTime":353.07,"body":"experience in this and other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":348.81,"endTime":353.07,"body":"parts of our lives. Ton Yes. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":353.07,"endTime":357.21,"body":"we aren't pulling stuff out our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":353.07,"endTime":357.21,"body":"butt to share with you. This is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":357.21,"endTime":360.0,"body":"actually from experience, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":357.21,"endTime":360.0,"body":"obviously research as well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":360.0,"endTime":363.54,"body":"because every time we do an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":360.0,"endTime":363.54,"body":"episode, we do do research to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":363.54,"endTime":366.12,"body":"make sure you know, we're on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":363.54,"endTime":366.12,"body":"point to,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":366.51,"endTime":369.45,"body":"let's make sure that our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":366.51,"endTime":369.45,"body":"experience here we're right back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":369.45,"endTime":372.21,"body":"valid and correct and right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":369.45,"endTime":372.21,"body":"they have some research and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":372.21,"endTime":374.31,"body":"clinical back information to it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":372.21,"endTime":374.31,"body":"Right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":374.31,"endTime":378.03,"body":"So it's not just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":374.31,"endTime":378.03,"body":"relationships with your partner,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":378.03,"endTime":380.88,"body":"this could be you leaving a job,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":378.03,"endTime":380.88,"body":"this could be other, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":380.88,"endTime":383.58,"body":"Friends, this could be family"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":380.88,"endTime":383.58,"body":"members, this could be so many"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":383.58,"endTime":386.04,"body":"different relationships in your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":383.58,"endTime":386.04,"body":"life, and it's going to feel the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":386.04,"endTime":389.88,"body":"same way. Because it could be a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":386.04,"endTime":389.88,"body":"toxic, abusive environment that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":389.88,"endTime":394.14,"body":"you're in. So the guilt that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":389.88,"endTime":394.14,"body":"feel, I want you to know if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":394.14,"endTime":396.6,"body":"do feel these feelings. totally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":394.14,"endTime":396.6,"body":"valid,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":396.72,"endTime":399.78,"body":"totally valid. Totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":396.72,"endTime":399.78,"body":"normal, I would say. Yeah, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":399.78,"endTime":402.24,"body":"the context of what's been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":399.78,"endTime":402.24,"body":"happening in your life. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":402.27,"endTime":405.42,"body":"yes. And in these types"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":402.27,"endTime":405.42,"body":"of relationships, it might even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":405.42,"endTime":409.71,"body":"feel more heightened. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":409.71,"endTime":410.67,"body":"probably, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":410.67,"endTime":413.19,"body":"know, then if you were to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":410.67,"endTime":413.19,"body":"leave just a standard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":413.58,"endTime":416.58,"body":"relationship that you Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":413.58,"endTime":416.58,"body":"without a doubt, where you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":416.58,"endTime":419.13,"body":"just like, both of you are kind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":416.58,"endTime":419.13,"body":"of independent and you're just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":419.13,"endTime":421.74,"body":"like, this isn't gonna work out."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":419.13,"endTime":421.74,"body":"But when you're in an abusive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.74,"endTime":424.5,"body":"relationship, the levels are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.74,"endTime":424.5,"body":"totally different."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.98,"endTime":428.67,"body":"Without a doubt, yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.98,"endTime":428.67,"body":"think that so we talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":429.21,"endTime":431.49,"body":"last week we talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":429.21,"endTime":431.49,"body":"codependency"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":433.29,"endTime":436.65,"body":"No, it was when Dr."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":433.29,"endTime":436.65,"body":"Taylor was here. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.68,"endTime":439.14,"body":"that was a few episodes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.68,"endTime":439.14,"body":"back. So when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":439.14,"endTime":442.74,"body":"codependency there are seven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":439.14,"endTime":442.74,"body":"characteristics of codependency"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.77,"endTime":444.48,"body":"and I'd like to go through these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.77,"endTime":444.48,"body":"for just moments. I think it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":444.48,"endTime":448.83,"body":"sets us up for the context of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":444.48,"endTime":448.83,"body":"why people leaving these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.83,"endTime":452.4,"body":"relationships feel so incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.83,"endTime":452.4,"body":"guilty for things that really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.4,"endTime":454.02,"body":"aren't their fault or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.4,"endTime":454.02,"body":"responsibility."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":454.02,"endTime":457.32,"body":"Do you want to talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":454.02,"endTime":457.32,"body":"like the psychology of guilt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.32,"endTime":457.68,"body":"first let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.68,"endTime":461.64,"body":"get into get into that. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.68,"endTime":461.64,"body":"think this this sets the stage"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":461.88,"endTime":464.52,"body":"are you talk to me like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":461.88,"endTime":464.52,"body":"that? It's like just a moment"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":464.52,"endTime":467.67,"body":"like you're my my professor or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":464.52,"endTime":467.67,"body":"something? Yes. And I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":467.67,"endTime":470.64,"body":"What are you doing? You don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":467.67,"endTime":470.64,"body":"like this mat? No, no, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":470.64,"endTime":473.88,"body":"just my brain my brain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":470.64,"endTime":473.88,"body":"works on these like small tracks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":473.88,"endTime":475.98,"body":"and if I get off the track, I'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":473.88,"endTime":475.98,"body":"never get back to it. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":475.98,"endTime":478.02,"body":"that's cool. That's the reason I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":475.98,"endTime":478.02,"body":"just wanted to make sure you had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.02,"endTime":481.56,"body":"a plan of something. Yeah, a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.02,"endTime":481.56,"body":"little bit. You might have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.56,"endTime":484.26,"body":"remind me about the psychology"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.56,"endTime":484.26,"body":"of it all, but I'll get there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":484.68,"endTime":486.81,"body":"Alright, so seven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":484.68,"endTime":486.81,"body":"characteristics of codependency."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.84,"endTime":490.56,"body":"So number one is distorted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.84,"endTime":490.56,"body":"reality. So a codependent person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":490.56,"endTime":494.1,"body":"is often blind to the ways in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":490.56,"endTime":494.1,"body":"which they're being manipulated."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.13,"endTime":497.64,"body":"We have talked about this in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.13,"endTime":497.64,"body":"depth actually. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.64,"endTime":501.6,"body":"codependent people even fear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.64,"endTime":501.6,"body":"reality, so they can hold on to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":501.6,"endTime":504.33,"body":"habits within a relationship to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":501.6,"endTime":504.33,"body":"stay disconnected from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.33,"endTime":507.99,"body":"reality, it becomes a very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.33,"endTime":507.99,"body":"comfortable place at times. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":508.44,"endTime":512.19,"body":"Number two incorrect beliefs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":508.44,"endTime":512.19,"body":"about responsibility. This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":512.19,"endTime":514.59,"body":"where we're really going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":512.19,"endTime":514.59,"body":"focus most of our conversation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":514.59,"endTime":517.86,"body":"today. So codependent people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":514.59,"endTime":517.86,"body":"often struggle with how much to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":517.86,"endTime":520.95,"body":"give or receive in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":517.86,"endTime":520.95,"body":"relationship. Oftentimes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":520.95,"endTime":525.27,"body":"they're giving far more than is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":520.95,"endTime":525.27,"body":"being received. And they may"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.27,"endTime":527.34,"body":"date while they have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.27,"endTime":527.34,"body":"expectations about how much they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":527.37,"endTime":529.59,"body":"should receive. They don't hold"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":527.37,"endTime":529.59,"body":"anyone accountable to that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":529.59,"endTime":529.86,"body":"right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":530.46,"endTime":533.31,"body":"And that's the imbalance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":530.46,"endTime":533.31,"body":"of the relationship right? Power"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":533.34,"endTime":533.88,"body":"and yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.06,"endTime":536.07,"body":"generally this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.06,"endTime":536.07,"body":"assumes that it's their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":536.07,"endTime":540.0,"body":"responsibility to make others"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":536.07,"endTime":540.0,"body":"happy, which can also cause them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.0,"endTime":542.34,"body":"to think that others are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.0,"endTime":542.34,"body":"responsible for making them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.34,"endTime":546.03,"body":"happy as well. Since you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.34,"endTime":546.03,"body":"only be truly responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":546.03,"endTime":548.43,"body":"yourself this type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":546.03,"endTime":548.43,"body":"relationship does not work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.7,"endTime":551.79,"body":"trying to be responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.7,"endTime":551.79,"body":"someone other than yourself. One"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.79,"endTime":554.94,"body":"keeps others from taking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.79,"endTime":554.94,"body":"responsibility for themselves to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":554.94,"endTime":558.18,"body":"keeps you from being responsible"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":554.94,"endTime":558.18,"body":"for yourself. Three creates"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":558.18,"endTime":561.87,"body":"resentment for being the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":558.18,"endTime":561.87,"body":"responsible one all the time and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":561.87,"endTime":564.81,"body":"for sort of a general point it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":561.87,"endTime":564.81,"body":"just leads you to taking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":564.81,"endTime":567.63,"body":"yourself far too seriously"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":564.81,"endTime":567.63,"body":"giving yourself no grace at all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":567.66,"endTime":571.74,"body":"okay for anything Yeah. Along"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":567.66,"endTime":571.74,"body":"with some of the other things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":571.74,"endTime":573.99,"body":"well, we're not gonna spend too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":571.74,"endTime":573.99,"body":"much time here but being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":573.99,"endTime":577.68,"body":"manipulated manipulating others,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":573.99,"endTime":577.68,"body":"which is interesting trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":577.68,"endTime":581.79,"body":"fix people exactly. The Fixer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":577.68,"endTime":581.79,"body":"mentality, hurt and anger."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.82,"endTime":585.21,"body":"Another characteristic. While"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.82,"endTime":585.21,"body":"everyone feels hurt and anger"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":585.21,"endTime":587.37,"body":"they're more common and a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":585.21,"endTime":587.37,"body":"codependent person because their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.37,"endTime":591.54,"body":"inability to say no. So they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.37,"endTime":591.54,"body":"often going to be dealing with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":591.54,"endTime":593.52,"body":"us all the time because they're,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":591.54,"endTime":593.52,"body":"they're going against what their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":593.52,"endTime":598.38,"body":"values are. Yes. So when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":593.52,"endTime":598.38,"body":"comes to guilt, the codependence"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":598.38,"endTime":602.37,"body":"guilt is actually false guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":598.38,"endTime":602.37,"body":"because they haven't done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":602.37,"endTime":606.24,"body":"anything wrong. The codependent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":602.37,"endTime":606.24,"body":"dependent will describe the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":606.24,"endTime":609.39,"body":"emotion as guilt. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":606.24,"endTime":609.39,"body":"codependent feels guilty about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.39,"endTime":613.71,"body":"everything, what they did, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.39,"endTime":613.71,"body":"they didn't do, what they should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.71,"endTime":617.01,"body":"have done, the feeling rarely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.71,"endTime":617.01,"body":"goes away, which keeps him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":617.01,"endTime":621.63,"body":"fueled to take care of others."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":617.01,"endTime":621.63,"body":"But as a way, but it's way more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.63,"endTime":625.02,"body":"of an obligation than a desire."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.63,"endTime":625.02,"body":"It's an obligation you feel not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":625.02,"endTime":627.99,"body":"like I want to do these things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":625.02,"endTime":627.99,"body":"Yeah, you feel obligated to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.99,"endTime":628.14,"body":"it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":628.17,"endTime":630.78,"body":"Do you think that's more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":628.17,"endTime":630.78,"body":"of like a fight or flight type"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":630.78,"endTime":633.57,"body":"response? Like you have to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":630.78,"endTime":633.57,"body":"this, like, since you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":633.57,"endTime":636.33,"body":"obligated to do it, you fear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":633.57,"endTime":636.33,"body":"that there's gonna be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":636.33,"endTime":637.65,"body":"repercussions if you don't,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.86,"endTime":640.08,"body":"I think it's a learned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.86,"endTime":640.08,"body":"behavior, okay, which is, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":640.08,"endTime":643.74,"body":"think perfect segue into the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":640.08,"endTime":643.74,"body":"psychology of guilt and where it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":643.74,"endTime":646.95,"body":"comes from so, so keeping in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":643.74,"endTime":646.95,"body":"mind the incorrect beliefs about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.95,"endTime":649.5,"body":"responsibility in a codependent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.95,"endTime":649.5,"body":"relationship, where you have one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":649.5,"endTime":653.88,"body":"person doing basically all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":649.5,"endTime":653.88,"body":"work. And then this, this false"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":653.88,"endTime":657.24,"body":"guilt that is created, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":653.88,"endTime":657.24,"body":"of that overwhelming sense that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.24,"endTime":659.97,"body":"you're responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.24,"endTime":659.97,"body":"basically, the happiness of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.97,"endTime":663.75,"body":"yourself and everyone else"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.97,"endTime":663.75,"body":"around you. We get to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":663.75,"endTime":667.08,"body":"psychology of guilt, like what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":663.75,"endTime":667.08,"body":"is guilt? What is the biological"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.08,"endTime":670.95,"body":"basis of guilt? Is there an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.08,"endTime":670.95,"body":"evolutionary basis for guilt?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":671.07,"endTime":675.51,"body":"Guilt is an emotion like any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":671.07,"endTime":675.51,"body":"other? Yes? neither good or bad,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":675.54,"endTime":679.11,"body":"right? In a sense, right? But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":675.54,"endTime":679.11,"body":"the context of guilt very much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":679.11,"endTime":684.84,"body":"matters. Yes, there is guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":679.11,"endTime":684.84,"body":"that comes that is derived from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":684.87,"endTime":690.45,"body":"breaking your values, okay. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":684.87,"endTime":690.45,"body":"if you value honesty, stealing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":690.54,"endTime":693.45,"body":"would cause some guilt inside of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":690.54,"endTime":693.45,"body":"you. Because that wasn't an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.48,"endTime":697.71,"body":"honest thing to do. Like what?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.48,"endTime":697.71,"body":"We talked about this, but you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":697.71,"endTime":701.31,"body":"got a really good handle on just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":697.71,"endTime":701.31,"body":"natural guilt, I think you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":701.31,"endTime":706.02,"body":"got a great barometer for when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":701.31,"endTime":706.02,"body":"you're bleeding into unnatural"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":706.02,"endTime":709.98,"body":"or false guilt, if you will, on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":706.02,"endTime":709.98,"body":"time didn't have that. But okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.01,"endTime":712.29,"body":"but you've always had strong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.01,"endTime":712.29,"body":"values. And as a result, you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":712.29,"endTime":715.98,"body":"always felt guilt the right way,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":712.29,"endTime":715.98,"body":"okay, for someone that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.98,"endTime":718.35,"body":"have strong values for someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.98,"endTime":718.35,"body":"that's in their 40s. And they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":718.35,"endTime":721.62,"body":"just discovering, oh, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":718.35,"endTime":721.62,"body":"supposed to have values, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.62,"endTime":724.74,"body":"are those, and they're just now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.62,"endTime":724.74,"body":"figuring it out. They're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":724.74,"endTime":727.53,"body":"be weeding through this from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":724.74,"endTime":727.53,"body":"back end, and figuring out Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.53,"endTime":731.43,"body":"my God, like a lot of my guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.53,"endTime":731.43,"body":"was the result of manipulation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.43,"endTime":735.48,"body":"from other people. A lot of that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.43,"endTime":735.48,"body":"comes from childhood. So if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":735.48,"endTime":739.86,"body":"were raised in a home, where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":735.48,"endTime":739.86,"body":"had a parent that made you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.86,"endTime":742.68,"body":"responsible for their emotions,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.86,"endTime":742.68,"body":"in some ways, a manipulative"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.68,"endTime":745.83,"body":"parent, maybe a narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.68,"endTime":745.83,"body":"parent, overbearing parent of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.83,"endTime":748.68,"body":"whatever you, whatever think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.83,"endTime":748.68,"body":"people kind of know where I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":748.68,"endTime":752.25,"body":"going with this, the child will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":748.68,"endTime":752.25,"body":"often feel responsible for those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":752.25,"endTime":754.8,"body":"emotions overly responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":752.25,"endTime":754.8,"body":"those emotions and will feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.8,"endTime":758.16,"body":"guilty when others aren't happy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.8,"endTime":758.16,"body":"Yes, it's like when codependency"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":758.4,"endTime":762.9,"body":"forms, a lot of it is in early"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":758.4,"endTime":762.9,"body":"childhood development. But it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":762.9,"endTime":766.59,"body":"can also occur later in life in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":762.9,"endTime":766.59,"body":"trauma bonds as well. Yes, in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":766.59,"endTime":768.81,"body":"trauma bond, we've talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":766.59,"endTime":768.81,"body":"this in depth, if you haven't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.81,"endTime":771.21,"body":"listened the episode on trauma"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.81,"endTime":771.21,"body":"bonds, check that out the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.21,"endTime":773.97,"body":"relationship, I mean, this, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.21,"endTime":773.97,"body":"conversation will make much more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.97,"endTime":779.19,"body":"sense. Yes, in a trauma bond,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.97,"endTime":779.19,"body":"you're, you're bound to someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":779.19,"endTime":782.94,"body":"else via trauma. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":779.19,"endTime":782.94,"body":"relationship is only as good as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.94,"endTime":785.94,"body":"your willingness to bend your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.94,"endTime":785.94,"body":"values to give in to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":785.94,"endTime":789.93,"body":"person. Yeah, you get stuck in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":785.94,"endTime":789.93,"body":"the cycle of being picked up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.93,"endTime":793.02,"body":"praised where you get this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.93,"endTime":793.02,"body":"dopamine kick, and then put back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.02,"endTime":794.7,"body":"into the place where they want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.02,"endTime":794.7,"body":"you, which is where they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":794.7,"endTime":797.7,"body":"controlling you. Yeah. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":794.7,"endTime":797.7,"body":"just repeats itself over and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.7,"endTime":801.33,"body":"over and over and over, you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.7,"endTime":801.33,"body":"be feeling guilty for things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.33,"endTime":805.59,"body":"that are not your fault, or not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.33,"endTime":805.59,"body":"your responsibility, that have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":805.59,"endTime":808.56,"body":"nothing to do with you could not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":805.59,"endTime":808.56,"body":"have changed these things. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":808.56,"endTime":811.44,"body":"make no difference to you. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":808.56,"endTime":811.44,"body":"it's all skill. So in some ways,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":811.44,"endTime":815.49,"body":"I think that guilt is, while it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":811.44,"endTime":815.49,"body":"is a natural emotion, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.49,"endTime":819.06,"body":"that it matters in the context"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.49,"endTime":819.06,"body":"of where you were raised, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.06,"endTime":822.33,"body":"what you believe in and what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.06,"endTime":822.33,"body":"hold your values, your culture"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":822.33,"endTime":824.28,"body":"and your family. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":822.33,"endTime":824.28,"body":"sometimes your religious"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":824.28,"endTime":827.34,"body":"upbringing is what it is like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":824.28,"endTime":827.34,"body":"some, it's somewhat of a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":827.34,"endTime":828.51,"body":"conditioned emotion."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":828.54,"endTime":830.43,"body":"Exactly. That's a better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":828.54,"endTime":830.43,"body":"way to put a conditioned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.43,"endTime":833.4,"body":"emotion. Because if someone is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.43,"endTime":833.4,"body":"raised in a culture where they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":833.4,"endTime":836.07,"body":"have to hunt to survive, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":833.4,"endTime":836.07,"body":"they're not going to look at an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":836.07,"endTime":839.64,"body":"animal suffering from a death"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":836.07,"endTime":839.64,"body":"nearly as bad as like we would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":839.67,"endTime":842.52,"body":"Yeah, because it's just even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":839.67,"endTime":842.52,"body":"though we eat animals, we don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":842.52,"endTime":845.61,"body":"see that every day. So to us it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":842.52,"endTime":845.61,"body":"would it would we feel more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":845.61,"endTime":848.19,"body":"guilty for them. It's like, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":845.61,"endTime":848.19,"body":"is how I survived. I don't feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.19,"endTime":851.19,"body":"guilt for this, like I value the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.19,"endTime":851.19,"body":"animal's life. But for me, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.19,"endTime":855.15,"body":"is survival. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.19,"endTime":855.15,"body":"different, right? equal, equal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.18,"endTime":857.88,"body":"stimulus, equal response,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.18,"endTime":857.88,"body":"different feelings about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.88,"endTime":863.1,"body":"guilt itself. So in the context"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.88,"endTime":863.1,"body":"of these codependent, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":863.37,"endTime":866.07,"body":"addicted relationships, where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":863.37,"endTime":866.07,"body":"there's trauma bonds present,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.76,"endTime":868.35,"body":"guilt isn't created equal,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":868.86,"endTime":871.77,"body":"right? Healthy guilt is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":868.86,"endTime":871.77,"body":"when you know that you've done"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":871.77,"endTime":875.04,"body":"something wrong and you're able"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":871.77,"endTime":875.04,"body":"to see it clearly. And you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":875.22,"endTime":879.03,"body":"able to have accountability for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":875.22,"endTime":879.03,"body":"your actions and try to make it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":879.03,"endTime":882.42,"body":"right. So can you think of a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":879.03,"endTime":882.42,"body":"healthy, healthy guilt that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":882.42,"endTime":884.97,"body":"felt based on how you've treated"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":882.42,"endTime":884.97,"body":"me in the past and what you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":884.97,"endTime":885.84,"body":"done to correct it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":885.87,"endTime":889.92,"body":"Absolutely. Yeah. When I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":885.87,"endTime":889.92,"body":"became like, when I became truly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":889.92,"endTime":894.15,"body":"aware of the extent to which I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":889.92,"endTime":894.15,"body":"emotionally abused you over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.18,"endTime":898.47,"body":"those years and years and years,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.18,"endTime":898.47,"body":"I had real guilt like real guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":898.47,"endTime":901.59,"body":"because that's not that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":898.47,"endTime":901.59,"body":"one of my values, my values is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.95,"endTime":905.16,"body":"honesty, integrity, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.95,"endTime":905.16,"body":"compassion and love. And it's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":905.7,"endTime":909.36,"body":"it's being there for you. In"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":905.7,"endTime":909.36,"body":"particular, our relationship has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.36,"endTime":912.15,"body":"its own values and one of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.36,"endTime":912.15,"body":"relations, the values of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.15,"endTime":916.05,"body":"relationship is authenticity."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.15,"endTime":916.05,"body":"And I wasn't allowing you to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":916.05,"endTime":918.36,"body":"authentic. And I had a ton of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":916.05,"endTime":918.36,"body":"guilt whenever I went back and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":918.36,"endTime":921.03,"body":"looked at my behavior over the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":918.36,"endTime":921.03,"body":"time, yes, it was healthy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":921.03,"endTime":923.22,"body":"though, because I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":921.03,"endTime":923.22,"body":"acknowledge where it was coming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":923.22,"endTime":926.43,"body":"from. I knew why I had the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":923.22,"endTime":926.43,"body":"guilt. Yes, I knew what I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.43,"endTime":929.31,"body":"have done differently. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.43,"endTime":929.31,"body":"was very obvious like I had done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.31,"endTime":932.7,"body":"wrong. When there was a right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.31,"endTime":932.7,"body":"yes, there was right and wrong."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":932.73,"endTime":935.76,"body":"It was very clearly defined what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":932.73,"endTime":935.76,"body":"right and wrong were Yeah, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":935.79,"endTime":938.22,"body":"didn't do the right thing. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":935.79,"endTime":938.22,"body":"had guilt for that. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":938.28,"endTime":939.6,"body":"That's healthy guilt. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":939.6,"endTime":940.5,"body":"you owned it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":940.53,"endTime":942.45,"body":"It's just like, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":940.53,"endTime":942.45,"body":"took accountability for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":942.84,"endTime":944.94,"body":"let's say, you miss"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":942.84,"endTime":944.94,"body":"somebody's birthday, and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":944.94,"endTime":947.37,"body":"like, Oh, I feel guilty for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":944.94,"endTime":947.37,"body":"this. So what do you do you make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":947.37,"endTime":950.04,"body":"it right, you apologize to them?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":947.37,"endTime":950.04,"body":"You say, I'm so sorry. And maybe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":950.04,"endTime":952.68,"body":"you'll get them a special gift"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":950.04,"endTime":952.68,"body":"or something and say, Look, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":952.68,"endTime":955.44,"body":"apologize, I hope I can't I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":952.68,"endTime":955.44,"body":"won't do this again. And you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":955.44,"endTime":957.93,"body":"know, I know what made you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":955.44,"endTime":957.93,"body":"a certain way. It's healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":957.93,"endTime":961.11,"body":"guilt, because you know that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":957.93,"endTime":961.11,"body":"did something wrong. This false"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":961.11,"endTime":965.01,"body":"guilt or this unhealthy guilt is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":961.11,"endTime":965.01,"body":"whenever you can't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":965.01,"endTime":968.79,"body":"pinpoint what it is that you did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":965.01,"endTime":968.79,"body":"wrong. It's basically what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":968.79,"endTime":972.66,"body":"somebody else is telling you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":968.79,"endTime":972.66,"body":"that you did wrong. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.72,"endTime":974.61,"body":"that's a great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.72,"endTime":974.61,"body":"distinguishment you made just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.61,"endTime":975.96,"body":"right there. So that again,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":976.08,"endTime":979.08,"body":"it's whenever it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":976.08,"endTime":979.08,"body":"somebody else's telling you what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":979.08,"endTime":982.2,"body":"you did is wrong, but you can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":979.08,"endTime":982.2,"body":"pinpoint exactly what it is you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":982.2,"endTime":983.16,"body":"did. That's so true."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.16,"endTime":986.85,"body":"guilt comes from a lack of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.16,"endTime":986.85,"body":"internal integrity, I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":986.85,"endTime":990.69,"body":"violated my own personal values."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":986.85,"endTime":990.69,"body":"And false guilt is a learned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.69,"endTime":994.11,"body":"response that's triggered by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.69,"endTime":994.11,"body":"something outside demand that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":994.11,"endTime":996.93,"body":"didn't meet based on someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":994.11,"endTime":996.93,"body":"else's expectation, not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":996.93,"endTime":1000.95,"body":"necessarily how we feel, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":996.93,"endTime":1000.95,"body":"Which is interesting, because in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1000.95,"endTime":1004.1,"body":"these relationships, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1000.95,"endTime":1004.1,"body":"become guilty for all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1004.1,"endTime":1007.1,"body":"things that you don't even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1004.1,"endTime":1007.1,"body":"value. But you were made to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1007.1,"endTime":1010.61,"body":"like you were less than and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1007.1,"endTime":1010.61,"body":"wrong, for not doing these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1010.61,"endTime":1014.0,"body":"things. And then people will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1010.61,"endTime":1014.0,"body":"internalize that and question"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1014.0,"endTime":1016.4,"body":"that, like we've talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1014.0,"endTime":1016.4,"body":"empaths before on the show,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1016.46,"endTime":1020.33,"body":"yeah, and how these incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1016.46,"endTime":1020.33,"body":"empathetic people feel what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1020.33,"endTime":1023.0,"body":"others are feeling. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1020.33,"endTime":1023.0,"body":"some others go a step further to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1023.0,"endTime":1026.21,"body":"make themselves responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1023.0,"endTime":1026.21,"body":"those feelings. And they often"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1026.24,"endTime":1030.02,"body":"end up with these people, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1026.24,"endTime":1030.02,"body":"personalities is addicted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.02,"endTime":1033.5,"body":"people, these abusive people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.02,"endTime":1033.5,"body":"that dominate and control and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1033.5,"endTime":1036.26,"body":"it's like, one of nature's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1033.5,"endTime":1036.26,"body":"sickest jokes. I mean, really is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1036.26,"endTime":1038.96,"body":"like, it's terrible. I think a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1036.26,"endTime":1038.96,"body":"lot of relationship issues in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.96,"endTime":1042.86,"body":"the world could be fixed if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.96,"endTime":1042.86,"body":"nature had some, like, some sort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1042.86,"endTime":1046.49,"body":"of trick that didn't allow that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1042.86,"endTime":1046.49,"body":"to happen. But it does. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.49,"endTime":1049.55,"body":"here we are, right. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.49,"endTime":1049.55,"body":"you made a great distinguishment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1049.55,"endTime":1053.21,"body":"is that false guilt is, in a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1049.55,"endTime":1053.21,"body":"of ways, it's unreasonable. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1053.21,"endTime":1055.85,"body":"it doesn't come from where we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1053.21,"endTime":1055.85,"body":"can't even see where we've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.85,"endTime":1060.83,"body":"wrong. Like, for healthy guilt,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.85,"endTime":1060.83,"body":"it's like, okay, there was a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1060.83,"endTime":1063.23,"body":"right, I did something wrong, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1060.83,"endTime":1063.23,"body":"see clearly, I can take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1063.23,"endTime":1065.27,"body":"accountability, I can move on."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1063.23,"endTime":1065.27,"body":"So for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1065.27,"endTime":1068.27,"body":"me, I will throw out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1065.27,"endTime":1068.27,"body":"there what I have felt guilty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1068.27,"endTime":1071.48,"body":"about and how I treated you back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1068.27,"endTime":1071.48,"body":"in the day, I was a very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1071.51,"endTime":1076.49,"body":"critical person, that was one of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1071.51,"endTime":1076.49,"body":"my toxic traits that I had. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1076.49,"endTime":1080.36,"body":"I made you feel a certain way,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1076.49,"endTime":1080.36,"body":"and it affected you long term as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.36,"endTime":1085.22,"body":"well. So I had the guilt of how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.36,"endTime":1085.22,"body":"it made you feel. So I owned it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1085.25,"endTime":1089.87,"body":"I acknowledged it, I apologized,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1085.25,"endTime":1089.87,"body":"and I changed it. That's where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1089.9,"endTime":1093.32,"body":"healthy guilt comes into play."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1089.9,"endTime":1093.32,"body":"And I knew exactly what I did,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1093.44,"endTime":1097.37,"body":"and how I can make it better. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1093.44,"endTime":1097.37,"body":"this false guilt, we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.37,"endTime":1098.99,"body":"like really dig deep into this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.02,"endTime":1103.55,"body":"Yeah, so false guilt."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.02,"endTime":1103.55,"body":"Let's just give an example. For"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.55,"endTime":1105.05,"body":"false guilt. Let's say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.55,"endTime":1105.05,"body":"you're in a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1105.05,"endTime":1106.64,"body":"someone who's incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1105.05,"endTime":1106.64,"body":"abusive, and they've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.64,"endTime":1109.88,"body":"abusive for basically the entire"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.64,"endTime":1109.88,"body":"time that you've known them in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.88,"endTime":1112.97,"body":"some way. And when we define"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.88,"endTime":1112.97,"body":"abuse, we mean someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1113.33,"endTime":1116.75,"body":"chronically mysteries or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1113.33,"endTime":1116.75,"body":"devalues you not saying just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1116.78,"endTime":1119.24,"body":"hitting not physical isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1116.78,"endTime":1119.24,"body":"necessarily chronically"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.24,"endTime":1125.27,"body":"devalues. What did I say?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.24,"endTime":1125.27,"body":"devalues or? Oh my gosh, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.27,"endTime":1127.61,"body":"brain just blank. See what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.27,"endTime":1127.61,"body":"mean? The final thought right on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1127.61,"endTime":1130.79,"body":"the point that it just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1127.61,"endTime":1130.79,"body":"disappears. Oh, my God, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.79,"endTime":1133.94,"body":"okay, though. Either way, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.79,"endTime":1133.94,"body":"someone's abusing you, and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1133.94,"endTime":1139.13,"body":"have been for a very long time,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1133.94,"endTime":1139.13,"body":"you, you will do what you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1139.13,"endTime":1141.74,"body":"is right at certain times, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1139.13,"endTime":1141.74,"body":"you will be made to feel guilty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.74,"endTime":1146.21,"body":"for this. Yes, the false guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.74,"endTime":1146.21,"body":"comes from them their criticism,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1146.24,"endTime":1149.72,"body":"it comes from their manipulator"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1146.24,"endTime":1149.72,"body":"manipulation, how they spun the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1149.72,"endTime":1153.65,"body":"narrative and used these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1149.72,"endTime":1153.65,"body":"convenient facts, quote,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1153.65,"endTime":1156.89,"body":"unquote, against you. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1153.65,"endTime":1156.89,"body":"leads to you blaming yourself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1157.22,"endTime":1159.17,"body":"but it's unreasonable, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1157.22,"endTime":1159.17,"body":"nothing you could have done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.17,"endTime":1161.99,"body":"differently. It is a projection"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.17,"endTime":1161.99,"body":"of their own feelings, and it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.99,"endTime":1165.29,"body":"has nothing to do with you and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.99,"endTime":1165.29,"body":"your values of right or wrong."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1166.52,"endTime":1168.83,"body":"This is never more evident than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1166.52,"endTime":1168.83,"body":"whenever you are in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1168.83,"endTime":1172.1,"body":"relationship with an alcoholic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1168.83,"endTime":1172.1,"body":"or an addict. And let's just get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1172.13,"endTime":1174.92,"body":"cut to the chase here about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1172.13,"endTime":1174.92,"body":"is that there's nothing that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1174.92,"endTime":1178.94,"body":"can do or say that is going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1174.92,"endTime":1178.94,"body":"stop them. There's nothing you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1178.94,"endTime":1181.67,"body":"can do or say that's going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1178.94,"endTime":1181.67,"body":"make them start either, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1181.97,"endTime":1185.24,"body":"There's nothing like page you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1181.97,"endTime":1185.24,"body":"can do nothing back then to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1185.24,"endTime":1188.06,"body":"me from doing what I was doing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1185.24,"endTime":1188.06,"body":"All you could do is take care of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.06,"endTime":1191.63,"body":"yourself. Yes. And when you did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.06,"endTime":1191.63,"body":"that, lo and behold, I saw"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.66,"endTime":1195.26,"body":"waking up I woke up but to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.66,"endTime":1195.26,"body":"day, there's nothing that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1195.26,"endTime":1199.22,"body":"could do that would cause me to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1195.26,"endTime":1199.22,"body":"drink or you're right I could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1199.22,"endTime":1202.64,"body":"leave I I could cheat on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1199.22,"endTime":1202.64,"body":"you, I could do all these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1202.64,"endTime":1207.5,"body":"things. Yeah. And it's not it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1202.64,"endTime":1207.5,"body":"not an excuse for you to go and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1207.5,"endTime":1208.01,"body":"use?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.04,"endTime":1210.98,"body":"No, it's not an excuse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.04,"endTime":1210.98,"body":"No, that would be a decision I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1210.98,"endTime":1214.58,"body":"made. Right? You would have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1210.98,"endTime":1214.58,"body":"false guilt. If you felt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.58,"endTime":1220.7,"body":"responsible for me doing that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.58,"endTime":1220.7,"body":"as as I told you, I did this I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.7,"endTime":1223.61,"body":"used and I started drinking,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.7,"endTime":1223.61,"body":"because I couldn't stand the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.61,"endTime":1226.61,"body":"thought of you with someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.61,"endTime":1226.61,"body":"else. That's manipulation. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.61,"endTime":1229.43,"body":"that is not true, right? I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.61,"endTime":1229.43,"body":"relieving myself of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.43,"endTime":1232.43,"body":"responsibility of doing what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.43,"endTime":1232.43,"body":"best for me, and giving it to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1232.43,"endTime":1235.22,"body":"you so that you can feel guilty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1232.43,"endTime":1235.22,"body":"for it. Yeah, it isn't."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1235.22,"endTime":1238.16,"body":"I should feel guilty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1235.22,"endTime":1238.16,"body":"because I mean, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.16,"endTime":1241.67,"body":"all wrong things to do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.16,"endTime":1241.67,"body":"But my response to those things,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.7,"endTime":1244.58,"body":"your response to them that right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.7,"endTime":1244.58,"body":"there, my response to those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.58,"endTime":1247.73,"body":"things in this context, in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.58,"endTime":1247.73,"body":"context of guilt, just guilt, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.73,"endTime":1250.46,"body":"talked about reactive abuse and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.73,"endTime":1250.46,"body":"other things complex, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.97,"endTime":1253.4,"body":"talking about guilt. So if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.97,"endTime":1253.4,"body":"you're if you leave a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.43,"endTime":1257.09,"body":"relationship with an abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.43,"endTime":1257.09,"body":"alcoholic or an addict, and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1257.12,"endTime":1260.69,"body":"then you start to feel all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1257.12,"endTime":1260.69,"body":"these, these emotions, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.69,"endTime":1264.2,"body":"guilty emotions that a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.69,"endTime":1264.2,"body":"times they portray on you, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1264.2,"endTime":1267.05,"body":"is I'm never going to figure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1264.2,"endTime":1267.05,"body":"this out now. Because you left"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.05,"endTime":1270.98,"body":"me I have no purpose anymore."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.05,"endTime":1270.98,"body":"You've completely ruined my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1270.98,"endTime":1273.47,"body":"life. I have no reason to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1270.98,"endTime":1273.47,"body":"sober. Why would I ever get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.47,"endTime":1276.32,"body":"sober? If you're not around? All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.47,"endTime":1276.32,"body":"these things? Like all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1276.32,"endTime":1278.99,"body":"things and then you will feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1276.32,"endTime":1278.99,"body":"like well, oh, my God, how could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.99,"endTime":1282.02,"body":"I do is how can I walk away?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.99,"endTime":1282.02,"body":"Like it's bad enough to leave a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1282.02,"endTime":1284.66,"body":"healthy relationship and feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1282.02,"endTime":1284.66,"body":"guilty? People are going to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.66,"endTime":1287.81,"body":"guilty in irrational ways in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.66,"endTime":1287.81,"body":"ways we necessarily shouldn't."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.05,"endTime":1290.84,"body":"What could I have done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.05,"endTime":1290.84,"body":"differently, like impasse are so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.84,"endTime":1293.9,"body":"introspective, codependents are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.84,"endTime":1293.9,"body":"so introspective and looking at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.9,"endTime":1296.0,"body":"their part in things way too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.9,"endTime":1296.0,"body":"far. They"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1296.0,"endTime":1299.51,"body":"go too far, way too hard."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1296.0,"endTime":1299.51,"body":"We go to the links of where we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1299.51,"endTime":1301.76,"body":"are not taking care of ourselves"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1299.51,"endTime":1301.76,"body":"at all. No."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.76,"endTime":1305.09,"body":"And you have a completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.76,"endTime":1305.09,"body":"absorbed the other person of all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1305.09,"endTime":1308.6,"body":"responsibility they have here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1305.09,"endTime":1308.6,"body":"Yes, yes. All responsibility"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1308.6,"endTime":1312.38,"body":"that Yes. Yeah. And I do have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1308.6,"endTime":1312.38,"body":"experience here. I do and not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1312.38,"endTime":1314.57,"body":"with not with Paige, but you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1312.38,"endTime":1314.57,"body":"know, I have more than one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.57,"endTime":1315.53,"body":"person in my life."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1316.76,"endTime":1319.01,"body":"We have other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1316.76,"endTime":1319.01,"body":"relationships. Yeah, we have not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1319.01,"endTime":1319.64,"body":"in plenty of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1319.64,"endTime":1321.89,"body":"other relationships. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1319.64,"endTime":1321.89,"body":"I've been in relationships where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.89,"endTime":1324.95,"body":"this is the case where I've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.89,"endTime":1324.95,"body":"in relationship with somebody"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.95,"endTime":1328.85,"body":"for a very long time. And there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.95,"endTime":1328.85,"body":"has been this power dynamic."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.85,"endTime":1332.15,"body":"That was, you've got one person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.85,"endTime":1332.15,"body":"in power, one person with more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.15,"endTime":1336.14,"body":"control than the other. I was on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.15,"endTime":1336.14,"body":"the acid of that. And there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.14,"endTime":1340.04,"body":"been abuse because of it. I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.14,"endTime":1340.04,"body":"been manipulated, and I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1340.04,"endTime":1343.52,"body":"been left to feel guilty when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1340.04,"endTime":1343.52,"body":"shouldn't have. And it has been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1344.81,"endTime":1348.32,"body":"a long time on one year stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1344.81,"endTime":1348.32,"body":"And it's incredibly painful. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.32,"endTime":1350.57,"body":"there are moments where you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.32,"endTime":1350.57,"body":"take action to do what's best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.57,"endTime":1352.91,"body":"for you. And on paper. It all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.57,"endTime":1352.91,"body":"makes sense. You're writing it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1352.91,"endTime":1355.67,"body":"out. Yes. Okay, this is good for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1352.91,"endTime":1355.67,"body":"my mental health because this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1355.7,"endTime":1358.22,"body":"saved for my family because this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1355.7,"endTime":1358.22,"body":"is the right thing to do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1358.22,"endTime":1361.7,"body":"Because my therapist even agrees"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1358.22,"endTime":1361.7,"body":"the community agrees everyone in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.7,"endTime":1364.22,"body":"my circle agrees. But at the end"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.7,"endTime":1364.22,"body":"of the day, when this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1364.22,"endTime":1367.61,"body":"lets me know that I made them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1364.22,"endTime":1367.61,"body":"feel bad. I feel like a piece of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1367.73,"endTime":1370.67,"body":"you know what, yeah, I feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1367.73,"endTime":1370.67,"body":"horrible. I feel like I've done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1370.67,"endTime":1373.85,"body":"the wrong thing. I'm better than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1370.67,"endTime":1373.85,"body":"that. I should be the bigger"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1373.85,"endTime":1378.83,"body":"person I need to squash it. No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1373.85,"endTime":1378.83,"body":"no, I know, it's hard. But you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.83,"endTime":1381.14,"body":"have to tell yourself, you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.83,"endTime":1381.14,"body":"to rationalize this stuff. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1381.14,"endTime":1384.41,"body":"that's why it's important to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1381.14,"endTime":1384.41,"body":"have a therapist or community or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1384.41,"endTime":1388.58,"body":"a mentor or a coach or someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1384.41,"endTime":1388.58,"body":"around you, to remind you that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1388.58,"endTime":1391.25,"body":"you're not crazy, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1388.58,"endTime":1391.25,"body":"it's okay, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1391.25,"endTime":1393.08,"body":"gonna feel it, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1391.25,"endTime":1393.08,"body":"gonna feel all these things,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1393.08,"endTime":1394.61,"body":"you're gonna feel crazy, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1393.08,"endTime":1394.61,"body":"feel like you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1394.61,"endTime":1396.29,"body":"wrong, but we're here to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1394.61,"endTime":1396.29,"body":"help. We're here to tell you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1396.29,"endTime":1400.37,"body":"that it is okay to feel this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1396.29,"endTime":1400.37,"body":"way. But it's also false guilt."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.4,"endTime":1402.68,"body":"It's false guilt. There is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.4,"endTime":1402.68,"body":"such a thing, there is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1402.68,"endTime":1404.84,"body":"such a thing. It's a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1402.68,"endTime":1404.84,"body":"thing. Like we tell people to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1404.84,"endTime":1406.64,"body":"trust their gut all the time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1404.84,"endTime":1406.64,"body":"And they don't know the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1406.64,"endTime":1411.23,"body":"difference between, well, I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1406.64,"endTime":1411.23,"body":"guilty. So I need to do what my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.23,"endTime":1414.77,"body":"guilt is telling me to do. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.23,"endTime":1414.77,"body":"in reality, your gut is telling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1414.77,"endTime":1417.5,"body":"you to do the hard thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1414.77,"endTime":1417.5,"body":"Because you know, deep down what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1417.5,"endTime":1421.82,"body":"you're doing is really important"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1417.5,"endTime":1421.82,"body":"for your own protection."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.85,"endTime":1423.95,"body":"That's a great rule of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.85,"endTime":1423.95,"body":"thumb. And that's a freebie I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1423.95,"endTime":1426.05,"body":"want to throw out here is I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1423.95,"endTime":1426.05,"body":"always told people this very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.05,"endTime":1428.81,"body":"thing is that the right thing is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.05,"endTime":1428.81,"body":"generally the most difficult"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1428.81,"endTime":1430.91,"body":"thing. The thing you feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1428.81,"endTime":1430.91,"body":"when people say I've trusted my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1430.91,"endTime":1434.12,"body":"gut here. It's you there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1430.91,"endTime":1434.12,"body":"there's two parts of that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1434.15,"endTime":1437.12,"body":"there's the part of your gut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1434.15,"endTime":1437.12,"body":"that this is the easy way. Don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.12,"endTime":1440.06,"body":"trust that part. Yeah, do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.12,"endTime":1440.06,"body":"more difficult thing. Do this do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1440.06,"endTime":1443.27,"body":"the hard thing. Do the quiet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1440.06,"endTime":1443.27,"body":"voice. The quiet voice is always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1443.27,"endTime":1446.57,"body":"the correct voice. Yeah, like in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1443.27,"endTime":1446.57,"body":"my mind that my experience and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1446.57,"endTime":1448.55,"body":"everyone I've ever worked with,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1446.57,"endTime":1448.55,"body":"it tends to be the case. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.55,"endTime":1451.88,"body":"the thing we don't want to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.55,"endTime":1451.88,"body":"that we know is right. We can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1451.88,"endTime":1455.24,"body":"really quite ascertain why it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1451.88,"endTime":1455.24,"body":"right. But we just know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.24,"endTime":1458.06,"body":"that's the right thing. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.24,"endTime":1458.06,"body":"but dammit, it's going to ruffle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1458.06,"endTime":1461.0,"body":"feathers and it's going to rock"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1458.06,"endTime":1461.0,"body":"the boat. And I'm going to have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1461.0,"endTime":1464.06,"body":"to defend myself and there's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1461.0,"endTime":1464.06,"body":"whole set of fears associated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1464.06,"endTime":1467.36,"body":"with that. It's it's terrible,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1464.06,"endTime":1467.36,"body":"but it's usually the quiet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1467.36,"endTime":1470.24,"body":"thing, the gut intuition to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1467.36,"endTime":1470.24,"body":"winch to intuition. It's usually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.27,"endTime":1472.7,"body":"it's like quiet little bitty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.27,"endTime":1472.7,"body":"voice inside there. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1472.91,"endTime":1475.67,"body":"And you're gonna try and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1472.91,"endTime":1475.67,"body":"justify this guilt through all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1475.67,"endTime":1478.4,"body":"different things. You're gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1475.67,"endTime":1478.4,"body":"say, Oh, they have a disease."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1478.7,"endTime":1482.57,"body":"Oh, they have childhood trauma."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1478.7,"endTime":1482.57,"body":"Oh, they just can't help how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1482.57,"endTime":1485.48,"body":"they are oh, they treated my me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1482.57,"endTime":1485.48,"body":"that way because they were drunk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1485.48,"endTime":1489.5,"body":"or high. And I know I just said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1485.48,"endTime":1489.5,"body":"that they had childhood trauma,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1489.5,"endTime":1491.87,"body":"but I'm also going to throw out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1489.5,"endTime":1491.87,"body":"there that some people make the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.87,"endTime":1495.35,"body":"justification of saying that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.87,"endTime":1495.35,"body":"they have unhealed trauma, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1495.35,"endTime":1499.94,"body":"that's why they feel guilty for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1495.35,"endTime":1499.94,"body":"making them feel uncomfortable."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1500.57,"endTime":1506.24,"body":"I just want to say that that is,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1500.57,"endTime":1506.24,"body":"it's a slap in the face to you,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1506.81,"endTime":1509.72,"body":"for people who have actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1506.81,"endTime":1509.72,"body":"held to their trauma and have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1509.72,"endTime":1512.93,"body":"gone through the hard things and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1509.72,"endTime":1512.93,"body":"have not made their trauma, an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1512.93,"endTime":1516.47,"body":"excuse to treat others poorly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.89,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"Yeah, I don't know at what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.89,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"point we allow other people to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1522.56,"body":"treat us like crap because they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1522.56,"body":"have trauma like, Oh, I'm sorry,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1522.56,"endTime":1525.65,"body":"you have trauma. You can totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1522.56,"endTime":1525.65,"body":"keep Yes. Doing all that stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1525.65,"endTime":1527.84,"body":"Right? i You should have said"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1525.65,"endTime":1527.84,"body":"that to begin with. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1527.84,"endTime":1530.54,"body":"know that next time. Open up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1527.84,"endTime":1530.54,"body":"with that. So I can let you kick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1530.54,"endTime":1532.01,"body":"my ass for 10 more years, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1532.1,"endTime":1534.89,"body":"I had unhealed trauma."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1532.1,"endTime":1534.89,"body":"And I was starting to trickle it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.89,"endTime":1538.19,"body":"into my children and to my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.89,"endTime":1538.19,"body":"husband and to people around me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1538.34,"endTime":1541.46,"body":"because I didn't know what to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1538.34,"endTime":1541.46,"body":"about it. But I didn't make it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1541.46,"endTime":1545.06,"body":"an excuse to treat others"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1541.46,"endTime":1545.06,"body":"poorly. Yeah, I got help. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1545.06,"endTime":1550.34,"body":"decided to heal the trauma, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1545.06,"endTime":1550.34,"body":"you can heal your trauma. Your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1550.34,"endTime":1554.72,"body":"partners have the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1550.34,"endTime":1554.72,"body":"heal their trauma, it is not an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1554.72,"endTime":1557.39,"body":"excuse to treat others poorly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1554.72,"endTime":1557.39,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.14,"endTime":1560.57,"body":"I've never How many have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.14,"endTime":1560.57,"body":"ever said this out loud before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1560.57,"endTime":1563.36,"body":"but a lot of the time, so I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1560.57,"endTime":1563.36,"body":"a ton of compassion for addicts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1563.36,"endTime":1566.96,"body":"and alcoholics. I always will."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1563.36,"endTime":1566.96,"body":"Because I remember what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1566.96,"endTime":1570.2,"body":"helpless state felt like where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1566.96,"endTime":1570.2,"body":"you can't imagine life with or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.2,"endTime":1572.72,"body":"without your substance. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.2,"endTime":1572.72,"body":"you're like, What do I do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1572.72,"endTime":1576.62,"body":"consider just killing yourself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1572.72,"endTime":1576.62,"body":"you consider just ending it all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1576.65,"endTime":1579.62,"body":"because you don't know what else"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1576.65,"endTime":1579.62,"body":"to do. And I have compassion for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.62,"endTime":1582.89,"body":"that. And I, every day in some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.62,"endTime":1582.89,"body":"way, I reached my hand out to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.89,"endTime":1586.1,"body":"someone struggling and I helped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.89,"endTime":1586.1,"body":"them through that. So I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.1,"endTime":1589.43,"body":"preface what I'm about to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.1,"endTime":1589.43,"body":"with that. But yeah, it really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.43,"endTime":1591.71,"body":"gets under my skin when I see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.43,"endTime":1591.71,"body":"people making excuses for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.71,"endTime":1594.95,"body":"addicts and alcoholics because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.71,"endTime":1594.95,"body":"live through all that crap. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1594.95,"endTime":1598.4,"body":"whenever you say they can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1594.95,"endTime":1598.4,"body":"recover because of xy and z,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.52,"endTime":1600.56,"body":"what you're saying is that my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.52,"endTime":1600.56,"body":"recovery isn't important. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1600.56,"endTime":1603.05,"body":"didn't happen. And it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1600.56,"endTime":1603.05,"body":"mean anything and then I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.05,"endTime":1606.2,"body":"suffer and that I didn't deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.05,"endTime":1606.2,"body":"with all this stuff, too. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.2,"endTime":1611.24,"body":"check every effing box. Every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.2,"endTime":1611.24,"body":"single one trauma. Yep, got it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.27,"endTime":1616.79,"body":"Abuse. Yep, got it. unresolved."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.27,"endTime":1616.79,"body":"anxiety, fear. You name it. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1616.82,"endTime":1620.75,"body":"all there with me. Mental health"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1616.82,"endTime":1620.75,"body":"issues. diagnoseable ones"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1620.75,"endTime":1624.32,"body":"really? I've got all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1620.75,"endTime":1624.32,"body":"stuff every one of them I've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1624.44,"endTime":1626.99,"body":"so when you say that they can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1624.44,"endTime":1626.99,"body":"do it, but I did when I'm what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.99,"endTime":1629.57,"body":"you're saying to me is that, oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.99,"endTime":1629.57,"body":"you're different. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.57,"endTime":1632.9,"body":"special. You know, I walked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.57,"endTime":1632.9,"body":"through that same mud, it can be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.9,"endTime":1636.29,"body":"done and you did. It can be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.9,"endTime":1636.29,"body":"done. So yeah, it gets under my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.29,"endTime":1638.33,"body":"skin a little bit when I see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.29,"endTime":1638.33,"body":"people making those excuses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1638.33,"endTime":1641.39,"body":"because I did it. Like what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1638.33,"endTime":1641.39,"body":"hell they chopped liver over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1641.39,"endTime":1644.6,"body":"here. Like I did all those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1641.39,"endTime":1644.6,"body":"things. It's possible. So don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1644.6,"endTime":1647.21,"body":"say that. That's the reason"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1644.6,"endTime":1647.21,"body":"they're not recovering. We can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.21,"endTime":1650.54,"body":"be effing done if you want to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.21,"endTime":1650.54,"body":"the work. Most people don't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.54,"endTime":1654.92,"body":"to do the work and say that say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.54,"endTime":1654.92,"body":"that I it gets under my skin so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.92,"endTime":1659.57,"body":"bad when someone says I can't. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.92,"endTime":1659.57,"body":"want to throw a chair at him. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.57,"endTime":1663.53,"body":"know. Don't Don't say you can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.57,"endTime":1663.53,"body":"tell me you won't say you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1663.53,"endTime":1666.65,"body":"ready. Say that's too much right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1663.53,"endTime":1666.65,"body":"now. But don't say you can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.68,"endTime":1669.71,"body":"because it can be done. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.68,"endTime":1669.71,"body":"walking proof of it. Right? I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1669.71,"endTime":1673.31,"body":"not special. I just did the work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1669.71,"endTime":1673.31,"body":"right. So when so whenever other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1673.31,"endTime":1676.79,"body":"people say that they can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1673.31,"endTime":1676.79,"body":"because of XYZ because they had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1676.79,"endTime":1680.45,"body":"childhood trauma because they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1676.79,"endTime":1680.45,"body":"were abused. We all have every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1680.45,"endTime":1683.03,"body":"one of us that have recovered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1680.45,"endTime":1683.03,"body":"have dealt with that stuff. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1683.03,"endTime":1686.27,"body":"it can be done. Like you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1683.03,"endTime":1686.27,"body":"you're negating the experiences"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1686.27,"endTime":1689.21,"body":"of people that have walked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1686.27,"endTime":1689.21,"body":"through this. And you're once"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1689.21,"endTime":1692.45,"body":"again you're you're giving too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1689.21,"endTime":1692.45,"body":"much credit to this person that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1692.45,"endTime":1694.67,"body":"is being manipulative, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1692.45,"endTime":1694.67,"body":"giving too much credit this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.67,"endTime":1697.22,"body":"person that doesn't want to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.67,"endTime":1697.22,"body":"this stuff. And they'd rather"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.22,"endTime":1700.64,"body":"make excuses and they'd rather"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.22,"endTime":1700.64,"body":"you feel guilty for asking them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.64,"endTime":1704.54,"body":"otherwise. Yeah. So yeah, I that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.64,"endTime":1704.54,"body":"stuff drives me nuts. Sorry for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.54,"endTime":1705.23,"body":"the rant you went"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1705.23,"endTime":1707.72,"body":"on that rant I literally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1705.23,"endTime":1707.72,"body":"put on here rant because I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1707.72,"endTime":1709.55,"body":"gonna go on the rant, but you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1707.72,"endTime":1709.55,"body":"did it. Sorry."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.58,"endTime":1711.56,"body":"Thank you. Why are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.58,"endTime":1711.56,"body":"apologizing? Because I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1711.56,"endTime":1713.81,"body":"ever want to derail the podcast,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1711.56,"endTime":1713.81,"body":"like make some sound clip is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.81,"endTime":1715.01,"body":"gonna get me roasted? No, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1715.01,"endTime":1717.08,"body":"think that it's important"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1715.01,"endTime":1717.08,"body":"because like I said, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1717.11,"endTime":1721.28,"body":"unjustified guilt. Yeah. And we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1717.11,"endTime":1721.28,"body":"don't need to feel guilty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1721.28,"endTime":1724.79,"body":"because somebody has. We don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1721.28,"endTime":1724.79,"body":"need to feel guilty about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1724.79,"endTime":1727.25,"body":"leaving a situation because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1724.79,"endTime":1727.25,"body":"somebody has trauma and you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1727.25,"endTime":1729.98,"body":"like, I think you might feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1727.25,"endTime":1729.98,"body":"like you're gonna give them more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1729.98,"endTime":1732.8,"body":"trauma. Do you feel like that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1729.98,"endTime":1732.8,"body":"could be part of the guilt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1732.8,"endTime":1733.94,"body":"process? Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1733.94,"endTime":1736.88,"body":"Like you said, because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1733.94,"endTime":1736.88,"body":"know, their story, you know how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.88,"endTime":1738.62,"body":"much they've been through, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.88,"endTime":1738.62,"body":"you're like, Well, I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.62,"endTime":1741.53,"body":"adding on to it. Right. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.62,"endTime":1741.53,"body":"you're not, you're not, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1741.53,"endTime":1745.4,"body":"not, you're adding on to their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1741.53,"endTime":1745.4,"body":"failure to recognize the problem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.4,"endTime":1748.58,"body":"and do something about it. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.4,"endTime":1748.58,"body":"are completely absolving them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.58,"endTime":1752.75,"body":"with responsibility of what it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.58,"endTime":1752.75,"body":"is to be a human and what it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.75,"endTime":1756.47,"body":"to grow and change and what it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.75,"endTime":1756.47,"body":"is to challenge yourself. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1756.5,"endTime":1759.2,"body":"You've absolve them of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1756.5,"endTime":1759.2,"body":"responsibility of being an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.2,"endTime":1762.92,"body":"adult. Yeah. Don't forget that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.2,"endTime":1762.92,"body":"We have consequences for our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.92,"endTime":1766.43,"body":"actions. Yeah. And it sucks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.92,"endTime":1766.43,"body":"being the one because you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1766.46,"endTime":1768.89,"body":"you are going to be someone they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1766.46,"endTime":1768.89,"body":"view as they are someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1768.89,"endTime":1772.19,"body":"calls me a consequence is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1768.89,"endTime":1772.19,"body":"and there's guilt associated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1772.19,"endTime":1773.6,"body":"with that you feel terrible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1772.19,"endTime":1773.6,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1773.63,"endTime":1778.76,"body":"But time, education and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1773.63,"endTime":1778.76,"body":"healing will make you see this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1778.76,"endTime":1782.18,"body":"whole much clearly, like so much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1778.76,"endTime":1782.18,"body":"more clear, and you will be able"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1782.18,"endTime":1784.58,"body":"to release that guilt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1782.18,"endTime":1784.58,"body":"eventually."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1784.79,"endTime":1786.29,"body":"And you're not a bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1784.79,"endTime":1786.29,"body":"person. I think if it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1786.29,"endTime":1788.78,"body":"anything, it's confirmation that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1786.29,"endTime":1788.78,"body":"you are an amazing person. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.81,"endTime":1792.47,"body":"But you are such a caring and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.81,"endTime":1792.47,"body":"compassionate person. But you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1792.47,"endTime":1795.2,"body":"also a person that completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1792.47,"endTime":1795.2,"body":"disregards himself. Yes. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.2,"endTime":1798.68,"body":"what matters for you matter is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.2,"endTime":1798.68,"body":"you damn it so hard to do that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.68,"endTime":1801.5,"body":"and like I know how it feels. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.68,"endTime":1801.5,"body":"know how it feels to completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.5,"endTime":1803.87,"body":"disregard what's important for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.5,"endTime":1803.87,"body":"you because you're so used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1803.87,"endTime":1806.54,"body":"taking licks for people you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1803.87,"endTime":1806.54,"body":"so used to stepping in and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.54,"endTime":1809.69,"body":"saving people, you're so used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.54,"endTime":1809.69,"body":"apologize and for people, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1809.69,"endTime":1812.66,"body":"know, I've done the same thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1809.69,"endTime":1812.66,"body":"for people in my life, and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.72,"endTime":1815.96,"body":"so hard to finally stand up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.72,"endTime":1815.96,"body":"be like, No, it's not right, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.96,"endTime":1819.23,"body":"first time you do it, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.96,"endTime":1819.23,"body":"gonna feel like the, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1819.23,"endTime":1822.71,"body":"gonna say the words don't try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1819.23,"endTime":1822.71,"body":"not to curse, but you're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1822.71,"endTime":1826.28,"body":"feel like a POS you're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1822.71,"endTime":1826.28,"body":"feel terrible. So you try not to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1826.28,"endTime":1828.23,"body":"curse. Yeah, cuz I'm bad about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1826.28,"endTime":1828.23,"body":"that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1829.85,"endTime":1830.78,"body":"is what we do often,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1830.81,"endTime":1834.68,"body":"I do watch the baby too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1830.81,"endTime":1834.68,"body":"much too much. And I don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1834.68,"endTime":1837.38,"body":"who's listening in the car,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1834.68,"endTime":1837.38,"body":"whatever. But anyway, you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.38,"endTime":1839.87,"body":"going to feel like the biggest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.38,"endTime":1839.87,"body":"POS the first time that you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1839.87,"endTime":1844.28,"body":"it well. And the reaction you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1839.87,"endTime":1844.28,"body":"get is going to confirm that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1844.28,"endTime":1846.92,"body":"suspicion that I'm a POS because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1844.28,"endTime":1846.92,"body":"they are going to lose it on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.92,"endTime":1850.55,"body":"you. They're gonna send you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.92,"endTime":1850.55,"body":"nasty texts. They're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.67,"endTime":1853.7,"body":"guilt trip, you guilt trip you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.67,"endTime":1853.7,"body":"and shame you and tell you that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.7,"endTime":1856.46,"body":"you've ruined everything. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.7,"endTime":1856.46,"body":"sure some people experienced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.46,"endTime":1859.4,"body":"this over the holidays, where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.46,"endTime":1859.4,"body":"they didn't let someone show up."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1859.43,"endTime":1862.46,"body":"And they're like, You know what,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1859.43,"endTime":1862.46,"body":"not doing it this year. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1862.73,"endTime":1866.09,"body":"their kids probably asked him,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1862.73,"endTime":1866.09,"body":"Well, we're so and so why aren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.09,"endTime":1868.52,"body":"they here? And they put you in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.09,"endTime":1868.52,"body":"position to have to answer all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1868.52,"endTime":1871.01,"body":"those questions. And then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1868.52,"endTime":1871.01,"body":"feel like if I just would let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1871.01,"endTime":1874.4,"body":"him be here, we wouldn't it be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1871.01,"endTime":1874.4,"body":"so much easier. But don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1874.4,"endTime":1877.1,"body":"forget, don't forget the point"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1874.4,"endTime":1877.1,"body":"of the boundary is to protect"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1877.1,"endTime":1879.89,"body":"your values. Remember, you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1877.1,"endTime":1879.89,"body":"value this crap, right. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1879.89,"endTime":1880.13,"body":"why it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1881.3,"endTime":1883.67,"body":"cycles as well as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1881.3,"endTime":1883.67,"body":"breaking cycles for you and your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1883.67,"endTime":1886.01,"body":"children. Yeah, man, never"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1883.67,"endTime":1886.01,"body":"forget that there's little kids"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1886.01,"endTime":1888.98,"body":"around, right? Don't Don't ever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1886.01,"endTime":1888.98,"body":"forget that the hard things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.98,"endTime":1891.56,"body":"you do now to break cycles are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.98,"endTime":1891.56,"body":"going to be imperative for your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1891.56,"endTime":1894.71,"body":"children. Yeah. So what about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1891.56,"endTime":1894.71,"body":"the guilt that comes with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1894.71,"endTime":1897.47,"body":"leaving somebody and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1894.71,"endTime":1897.47,"body":"afraid that they're going to die"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1897.47,"endTime":1901.07,"body":"or lose everything? Or you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1897.47,"endTime":1901.07,"body":"become homeless or lose their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1901.07,"endTime":1904.07,"body":"jobs? You know, how does that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1901.07,"endTime":1904.07,"body":"come into play?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.19,"endTime":1906.83,"body":"Don't let fears turn into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.19,"endTime":1906.83,"body":"guilt. I tell people this all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1906.83,"endTime":1909.77,"body":"the time, don't let your fear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1906.83,"endTime":1909.77,"body":"turn into guilt. So those are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1909.77,"endTime":1912.44,"body":"rational fears to have for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1909.77,"endTime":1912.44,"body":"someone that uses a dangerous"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1912.44,"endTime":1915.35,"body":"drug or does something really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1912.44,"endTime":1915.35,"body":"risky like that, you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1915.35,"endTime":1917.84,"body":"compassion for them, but you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1915.35,"endTime":1917.84,"body":"not responsible for those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1917.84,"endTime":1921.62,"body":"things, you're not responsible."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1917.84,"endTime":1921.62,"body":"And I need you to know that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.62,"endTime":1924.41,"body":"is coming from an addict, a drug"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.62,"endTime":1924.41,"body":"addict, like I was full blown as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.41,"endTime":1927.8,"body":"bad as they get drug addict and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.41,"endTime":1927.8,"body":"alcoholic as well, is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.83,"endTime":1929.9,"body":"there's nothing that you could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.83,"endTime":1929.9,"body":"have done that would have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1929.9,"endTime":1934.37,"body":"changed that for me. In fact,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1929.9,"endTime":1934.37,"body":"what you did got me better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1934.4,"endTime":1936.95,"body":"Right? So there's a chance that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1934.4,"endTime":1936.95,"body":"could actually get better if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1937.31,"endTime":1940.01,"body":"lay down the law? Well, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1937.31,"endTime":1940.01,"body":"but also, you wouldn't have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.01,"endTime":1942.83,"body":"changed anything, you wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.01,"endTime":1942.83,"body":"have changed anything, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1942.83,"endTime":1945.8,"body":"look back. And you could What if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1942.83,"endTime":1945.8,"body":"and think about all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.8,"endTime":1947.72,"body":"scenarios that could have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.8,"endTime":1947.72,"body":"different. Let's say that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1947.72,"endTime":1953.3,"body":"person does, let's say that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1947.72,"endTime":1953.3,"body":"leave. And they they use and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1953.3,"endTime":1955.85,"body":"they get a hold of some some bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1953.3,"endTime":1955.85,"body":"powder of some kind, and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.85,"endTime":1960.14,"body":"got some fentanyl in it or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.85,"endTime":1960.14,"body":"whatever. And they Oh D Are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.14,"endTime":1963.02,"body":"responsible for that? You might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.14,"endTime":1963.02,"body":"feel responsible for that. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.02,"endTime":1966.56,"body":"are you responsible for that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.02,"endTime":1966.56,"body":"decision? When we all wake up?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.56,"endTime":1970.52,"body":"We are all we all have the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.56,"endTime":1970.52,"body":"opportunity for decision making."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.55,"endTime":1972.56,"body":"Yes, unless I guess you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.55,"endTime":1972.56,"body":"incarcerated or something."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1972.65,"endTime":1975.65,"body":"Right. But you've got the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1972.65,"endTime":1975.65,"body":"opportunity for decisions I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.65,"endTime":1978.92,"body":"make a decision that benefits me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.65,"endTime":1978.92,"body":"or is to my detriment, one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.92,"endTime":1981.62,"body":"the one of the two. You're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.92,"endTime":1981.62,"body":"responsible for other people's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.62,"endTime":1985.49,"body":"decisions. They come from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.62,"endTime":1985.49,"body":"within, yes. addicted or not."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1986.12,"endTime":1989.0,"body":"disease or not, you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1986.12,"endTime":1989.0,"body":"responsible for those decisions."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1989.24,"endTime":1993.35,"body":"Who made you responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1989.24,"endTime":1993.35,"body":"them? Right? Tell me who? Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1993.35,"endTime":1994.97,"body":"at some point, did you sign an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1993.35,"endTime":1994.97,"body":"agreement that says I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.97,"endTime":1995.57,"body":"responsible for you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1995.57,"endTime":1997.16,"body":"to say no, but their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1995.57,"endTime":1997.16,"body":"partners will make them feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1997.16,"endTime":1999.92,"body":"like they're responsible."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1997.16,"endTime":1999.92,"body":"They're gonna blame them all day"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.92,"endTime":2002.02,"body":"long. You're the reason I do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.92,"endTime":2002.02,"body":"drugs. You're the reason I do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2002.02,"endTime":2004.9,"body":"this. Now. The reason I, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2002.02,"endTime":2004.9,"body":"reason I'm mad, you're the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2004.9,"endTime":2007.9,"body":"reason I'm not happy. But we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2004.9,"endTime":2007.9,"body":"know from the outside from the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2007.9,"endTime":2009.52,"body":"other side that that is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2007.9,"endTime":2009.52,"body":"true."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2009.55,"endTime":2011.8,"body":"I see people that no,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2009.55,"endTime":2011.8,"body":"that's not true. Like it's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2011.8,"endTime":2014.74,"body":"a common excuse. It's a common"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2011.8,"endTime":2014.74,"body":"reasons common justification."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2014.74,"endTime":2018.52,"body":"It's a common projection. But it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2014.74,"endTime":2018.52,"body":"is not true. It's not a fact."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.52,"endTime":2022.21,"body":"It's not it's not a fact, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.52,"endTime":2022.21,"body":"not true. We all have stress in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.21,"endTime":2025.6,"body":"life, we all have things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.21,"endTime":2025.6,"body":"are tough in life, we will all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.6,"endTime":2030.07,"body":"experience death in some way. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.6,"endTime":2030.07,"body":"will all experience loss, grief,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2030.1,"endTime":2032.59,"body":"you name it, these things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2030.1,"endTime":2032.59,"body":"part of life, you are not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.59,"endTime":2035.5,"body":"responsible for everyone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.59,"endTime":2035.5,"body":"response to the things that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.5,"endTime":2038.23,"body":"all have to go through. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.5,"endTime":2038.23,"body":"you're not responsible for them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2038.26,"endTime":2040.36,"body":"Right. At the end of the day, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2038.26,"endTime":2040.36,"body":"are responsible for those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.36,"endTime":2044.29,"body":"things. Yeah. And you can have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.36,"endTime":2044.29,"body":"guilt, but just know that that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.29,"endTime":2047.83,"body":"a false guilt. And it's not it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.29,"endTime":2047.83,"body":"not valid, even though I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2047.83,"endTime":2051.16,"body":"it's valid, but it's a valid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2047.83,"endTime":2051.16,"body":"emotion, but it is not. There is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.16,"endTime":2055.03,"body":"not true, right? Yeah. And what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.16,"endTime":2055.03,"body":"about if done nothing wrong?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2055.06,"endTime":2058.42,"body":"What if people have guilt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2055.06,"endTime":2058.42,"body":"of trying to make changes and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2058.42,"endTime":2061.36,"body":"they want to leave or they want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2058.42,"endTime":2061.36,"body":"to set boundaries, but shit just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2061.36,"endTime":2063.58,"body":"keeps hitting the fan within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2061.36,"endTime":2063.58,"body":"their relationship or within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2063.58,"endTime":2067.75,"body":"their partner's life? And they,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2063.58,"endTime":2067.75,"body":"you know, feel like they can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2067.84,"endTime":2070.9,"body":"make a decision to leave right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2067.84,"endTime":2070.9,"body":"now. Because Oh, okay, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2070.9,"endTime":2071.53,"body":"guilty. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.53,"endTime":2073.93,"body":"let's say let's say your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.53,"endTime":2073.93,"body":"relationships in a place where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.71,"endTime":2078.1,"body":"things are not good. You've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.71,"endTime":2078.1,"body":"listening to pho for the last"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.13,"endTime":2081.58,"body":"year and like you're, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.13,"endTime":2081.58,"body":"about to make the leap, which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.58,"endTime":2083.38,"body":"like, I can't be in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.58,"endTime":2083.38,"body":"relationship anymore. But before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2083.38,"endTime":2086.02,"body":"you do, something happens in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2083.38,"endTime":2086.02,"body":"their life. Like they just lost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2086.02,"endTime":2086.77,"body":"their job, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2086.77,"endTime":2089.29,"body":"they lost their job or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2086.77,"endTime":2089.29,"body":"some family member might pass"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2089.29,"endTime":2093.64,"body":"away or just you know, life"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2089.29,"endTime":2093.64,"body":"happens. And you feel like you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2093.64,"endTime":2096.37,"body":"can't make that decision. Now. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2093.64,"endTime":2096.37,"body":"feel like this happens so much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2096.37,"endTime":2099.64,"body":"in life. Like whenever you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2096.37,"endTime":2099.64,"body":"so strong and you feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2099.64,"endTime":2101.41,"body":"you're on top Up in the world,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2099.64,"endTime":2101.41,"body":"and you feel like everything's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2101.41,"endTime":2104.83,"body":"like you're about to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2101.41,"endTime":2104.83,"body":"something so bad as shit hits"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2104.86,"endTime":2108.28,"body":"the fan. And it makes you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2104.86,"endTime":2108.28,"body":"it's like a test. I tell people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2108.28,"endTime":2110.14,"body":"this all the time, it's like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2108.28,"endTime":2110.14,"body":"they're testing what you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2110.14,"endTime":2113.71,"body":"learned, and what how you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2110.14,"endTime":2113.71,"body":"actually apply it in your life."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.01,"endTime":2116.47,"body":"And it pisses people off because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.01,"endTime":2116.47,"body":"they're like, I don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2116.47,"endTime":2118.96,"body":"tested. I've been tested enough"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2116.47,"endTime":2118.96,"body":"in my life. I'm like, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2118.96,"endTime":2122.44,"body":"what this life teaches you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2118.96,"endTime":2122.44,"body":"though that life is always going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2122.44,"endTime":2125.41,"body":"to happen, something is always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2122.44,"endTime":2125.41,"body":"going to happen. So there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2125.41,"endTime":2128.98,"body":"never a right time to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2125.41,"endTime":2128.98,"body":"anything that is difficult."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.01,"endTime":2129.25,"body":"That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2129.25,"endTime":2130.99,"body":"what I was gonna say you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2129.25,"endTime":2130.99,"body":"answered the right thing. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2131.02,"endTime":2133.69,"body":"there's no, think about a diet,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2131.02,"endTime":2133.69,"body":"we can all find reasons not to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.69,"endTime":2137.62,"body":"start the diet. Yeah, we can all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.69,"endTime":2137.62,"body":"find reasons. Oh, well, Jimmy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2137.62,"endTime":2140.83,"body":"starts theater class this week,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2137.62,"endTime":2140.83,"body":"and it's going to be a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2140.83,"endTime":2143.41,"body":"hectic around here. So we'll do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2140.83,"endTime":2143.41,"body":"it next week. The next week,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2143.41,"endTime":2145.72,"body":"what happens? Oh, well, so and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2143.41,"endTime":2145.72,"body":"so got sick? Yeah, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2145.72,"endTime":2147.55,"body":"always going to be something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2145.72,"endTime":2147.55,"body":"it's a matter of how you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.55,"endTime":2150.88,"body":"prioritize your self care. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.55,"endTime":2150.88,"body":"what you're saying essentially,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2150.88,"endTime":2152.77,"body":"is that you don't prioritize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2150.88,"endTime":2152.77,"body":"yourself. You're once again"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.77,"endTime":2155.95,"body":"prioritizing them. Remember, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.77,"endTime":2155.95,"body":"went back to that those those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.98,"endTime":2158.41,"body":"characteristics of codependent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.98,"endTime":2158.41,"body":"right. And we talked about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.41,"endTime":2161.17,"body":"overbearing responsibility for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.41,"endTime":2161.17,"body":"others. Yes, once again, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2161.17,"endTime":2163.39,"body":"it's evident, like, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2161.17,"endTime":2163.39,"body":"separate the true from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2163.39,"endTime":2166.72,"body":"false. And I think we'll put a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2163.39,"endTime":2166.72,"body":"link for the characteristics of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.72,"endTime":2168.67,"body":"codependency because I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.72,"endTime":2168.67,"body":"it's important for people to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.67,"endTime":2171.25,"body":"self aware about it. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.67,"endTime":2171.25,"body":"agree to acknowledge these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.25,"endTime":2174.49,"body":"things. But like, crap, man, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.25,"endTime":2174.49,"body":"pay full disclosure, I can see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.49,"endTime":2178.03,"body":"myself in all seven. Yeah, every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.49,"endTime":2178.03,"body":"one of them. Absolutely. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2178.03,"endTime":2180.46,"body":"some other ones that are on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2178.03,"endTime":2180.46,"body":"different page as well. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.46,"endTime":2183.13,"body":"I've got yeah, I've got it too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.46,"endTime":2183.13,"body":"So I'm not like I'm not pointing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.13,"endTime":2186.01,"body":"at anybody. Please don't ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.13,"endTime":2186.01,"body":"get that. You're not just an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2186.01,"endTime":2188.68,"body":"addict. You are a codependent."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2186.01,"endTime":2188.68,"body":"Absolutely, I am. Which is why,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2189.13,"endTime":2190.57,"body":"I mean, it's easy to talk about."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2190.93,"endTime":2193.03,"body":"No, right. But,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2193.3,"endTime":2197.44,"body":"yeah, there's always going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2193.3,"endTime":2197.44,"body":"to be some justification, some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.44,"endTime":2200.29,"body":"reason that you're going to not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.44,"endTime":2200.29,"body":"do these things, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2200.29,"endTime":2203.29,"body":"can have compassion for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2200.29,"endTime":2203.29,"body":"people's struggles. But still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2203.32,"endTime":2204.91,"body":"yourself first. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.94,"endTime":2207.82,"body":"okay, it doesn't make you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.94,"endTime":2207.82,"body":"cruel. It doesn't make you a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2207.82,"endTime":2211.06,"body":"cruel person. No. And just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2207.82,"endTime":2211.06,"body":"because someone says it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.06,"endTime":2213.67,"body":"mean it's true. Just because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.06,"endTime":2213.67,"body":"someone says something doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.67,"endTime":2214.81,"body":"make it so. Yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2215.8,"endTime":2220.78,"body":"So how can you get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2215.8,"endTime":2220.78,"body":"through the guilt? Like if he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2220.78,"endTime":2223.69,"body":"because it's gonna happen. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2220.78,"endTime":2223.69,"body":"think that now that we've kind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2223.69,"endTime":2228.4,"body":"of educated you, we can help you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2223.69,"endTime":2228.4,"body":"get through the feelings and let"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2228.4,"endTime":2231.1,"body":"you know that there are stages."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2228.4,"endTime":2231.1,"body":"I wanted to talk about the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2231.1,"endTime":2234.22,"body":"stages of grief, because I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2231.1,"endTime":2234.22,"body":"that has a lot to do with this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.25,"endTime":2236.59,"body":"Yeah, I think that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.25,"endTime":2236.59,"body":"concept is wrapped into the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2236.59,"endTime":2238.66,"body":"stages of grief. I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2236.59,"endTime":2238.66,"body":"grief is sort of like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.66,"endTime":2242.56,"body":"overarching concept here. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.66,"endTime":2242.56,"body":"think that guilt and shame are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2242.56,"endTime":2245.11,"body":"sort of under this umbrella"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2242.56,"endTime":2245.11,"body":"lawless times of grief because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2245.11,"endTime":2247.72,"body":"we're grieving the loss of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2245.11,"endTime":2247.72,"body":"relationship, the loss of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2247.72,"endTime":2250.99,"body":"dream, the loss of this, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2247.72,"endTime":2250.99,"body":"life that we had that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2251.02,"endTime":2254.38,"body":"imagined in many cases and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2251.02,"endTime":2254.38,"body":"truth of what could be Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2254.71,"endTime":2258.67,"body":"absolutely. So the state there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2254.71,"endTime":2258.67,"body":"originally, I think it was worth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.67,"endTime":2263.89,"body":"there five, I think in. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.67,"endTime":2263.89,"body":"see, there were originally five"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.89,"endTime":2266.35,"body":"stages of grief in 1969. A lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.89,"endTime":2266.35,"body":"of people are familiar with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.35,"endTime":2270.04,"body":"those, but they've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.35,"endTime":2270.04,"body":"expounded upon. So the seven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2270.04,"endTime":2275.17,"body":"stages of grief now, okay, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2270.04,"endTime":2275.17,"body":"it's denial, right? pain, anger,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.47,"endTime":2280.48,"body":"depression, what they call the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.47,"endTime":2280.48,"body":"upward turn, reconstruction, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2280.48,"endTime":2285.13,"body":"then acceptance. Yeah, and guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2280.48,"endTime":2285.13,"body":"is in pain. So then that's step"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.13,"endTime":2288.37,"body":"two. And that's really early on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.13,"endTime":2288.37,"body":"in the process very early in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2288.37,"endTime":2292.72,"body":"process. This is the stage where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2288.37,"endTime":2292.72,"body":"you'll be, you'll hear people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.72,"endTime":2296.59,"body":"wishing it had been them or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.72,"endTime":2296.59,"body":"expressing remorse, or saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2296.59,"endTime":2298.87,"body":"like, I could have done this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2296.59,"endTime":2298.87,"body":"different I could have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2298.87,"endTime":2300.85,"body":"there, I could have done you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2298.87,"endTime":2300.85,"body":"name it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2300.85,"endTime":2302.89,"body":"it's probably about the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2300.85,"endTime":2302.89,"body":"stage where you want to go back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2302.92,"endTime":2305.05,"body":"this is because you want to get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2302.92,"endTime":2305.05,"body":"rid of the pain. This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.05,"endTime":2308.08,"body":"the bargaining stage and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.05,"endTime":2308.08,"body":"the previous development, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.08,"endTime":2311.2,"body":"five stages. This is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.08,"endTime":2311.2,"body":"bargaining stage. Yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2311.41,"endTime":2314.44,"body":"really, it's about learning to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2311.41,"endTime":2314.44,"body":"embrace and accept the pain."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.65,"endTime":2317.71,"body":"Pain is part of grief. Yes, all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.65,"endTime":2317.71,"body":"these things aren't necessarily"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2317.71,"endTime":2320.71,"body":"part of the process of grief. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2317.71,"endTime":2320.71,"body":"in therapy, though, I love this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2320.71,"endTime":2325.15,"body":"quote, emotions buried alive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2320.71,"endTime":2325.15,"body":"never die. Anytime you bury an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2325.15,"endTime":2327.7,"body":"emotion alive and never address"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2325.15,"endTime":2327.7,"body":"it and truly deal with it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.7,"endTime":2330.91,"body":"experience it from beginning all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.7,"endTime":2330.91,"body":"the way to the end. It's coming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.91,"endTime":2334.48,"body":"back one day, and it's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.91,"endTime":2334.48,"body":"come back times 10 It's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.48,"endTime":2337.06,"body":"like we've talked about putting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.48,"endTime":2337.06,"body":"stuff on a credit card Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2337.06,"endTime":2339.43,"body":"have to pay that one day with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2337.06,"endTime":2339.43,"body":"interest it's gonna be worse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.43,"endTime":2340.84,"body":"it's gonna pop up in some other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.43,"endTime":2340.84,"body":"way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2340.87,"endTime":2344.05,"body":"but if you look at these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2340.87,"endTime":2344.05,"body":"emotions at not as not good or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2344.05,"endTime":2347.8,"body":"not bad just are in a non"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2344.05,"endTime":2347.8,"body":"judgmental way it's easier to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2347.8,"endTime":2350.11,"body":"get through them because you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2347.8,"endTime":2350.11,"body":"accept them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2350.14,"endTime":2352.75,"body":"grief Yeah, and guilt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2350.14,"endTime":2352.75,"body":"they're painful emotions."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.78,"endTime":2357.04,"body":"Absolutely so freaking painful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.78,"endTime":2357.04,"body":"and there is listen, we don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.04,"endTime":2359.23,"body":"have an answer how to make it go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.04,"endTime":2359.23,"body":"away."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2359.26,"endTime":2361.75,"body":"I don't have that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2359.26,"endTime":2361.75,"body":"supposed to make it go away."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2361.75,"endTime":2362.2,"body":"Exactly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.2,"endTime":2365.26,"body":"Like there's no trick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.2,"endTime":2365.26,"body":"like, Oh, hey, try this. Try a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.26,"endTime":2370.21,"body":"cold plunging try sauna is no,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.26,"endTime":2370.21,"body":"there's no way to make grief go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2370.21,"endTime":2373.36,"body":"away. There's no way to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2370.21,"endTime":2373.36,"body":"guilt just go away. But when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2373.36,"endTime":2377.14,"body":"comes to this false guilt that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2373.36,"endTime":2377.14,"body":"is created, there is a way to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2377.14,"endTime":2381.82,"body":"rationalize through that. Or you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2377.14,"endTime":2381.82,"body":"can look at the true story right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.85,"endTime":2384.88,"body":"and say, Okay, I can recognize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.85,"endTime":2384.88,"body":"that I'm feeling guilt and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.88,"endTime":2388.57,"body":"that's valid. You are feeling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.88,"endTime":2388.57,"body":"it. That is true. Yes. But is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2388.57,"endTime":2392.59,"body":"it? Is it true, justifiable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2388.57,"endTime":2392.59,"body":"guilt? Is it something you could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2392.59,"endTime":2395.5,"body":"have done different? Did you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2392.59,"endTime":2395.5,"body":"violate one of your values and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.5,"endTime":2398.29,"body":"doing this and what you'll come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.5,"endTime":2398.29,"body":"to see is no, I'm just feel bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.29,"endTime":2400.78,"body":"that they can't figure it out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.29,"endTime":2400.78,"body":"And I feel respect asked before."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.99,"endTime":2404.53,"body":"And that's fair, that's okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.99,"endTime":2404.53,"body":"But that's why it's important to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.53,"endTime":2408.82,"body":"have a coach or therapist or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.53,"endTime":2408.82,"body":"community, a group of people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2408.82,"endTime":2410.38,"body":"that you can talk about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2408.82,"endTime":2410.38,"body":"stuff, well, they're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2410.38,"endTime":2412.99,"body":"accept this stuff in a non"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2410.38,"endTime":2412.99,"body":"judgmental way and understand"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.99,"endTime":2415.45,"body":"what you're going through. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.99,"endTime":2415.45,"body":"but you're going to have to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2415.45,"endTime":2417.01,"body":"through it, you're going to have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2415.45,"endTime":2417.01,"body":"to experience it from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2417.01,"endTime":2419.92,"body":"beginning, all the way to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2417.01,"endTime":2419.92,"body":"end, there is no off button,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.92,"endTime":2420.61,"body":"y'all. And the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.61,"endTime":2422.68,"body":"guilt and a lot of these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.61,"endTime":2422.68,"body":"feelings to they're going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2422.68,"endTime":2426.31,"body":"come back and forth to it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2422.68,"endTime":2426.31,"body":"doesn't necessarily, oh, I felt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2426.31,"endTime":2428.92,"body":"all the way down with that, ya"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2426.31,"endTime":2428.92,"body":"know, sometimes you'll do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2428.92,"endTime":2430.72,"body":"something or you'll go through"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2428.92,"endTime":2430.72,"body":"something and that guilt will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2430.72,"endTime":2433.87,"body":"pop back up. But it may not be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2430.72,"endTime":2433.87,"body":"as strong as it was before. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2433.87,"endTime":2436.48,"body":"you're able to see it more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2433.87,"endTime":2436.48,"body":"clearly. That is why part of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2436.48,"endTime":2439.69,"body":"this, I tell people, whenever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2436.48,"endTime":2439.69,"body":"they do leave a situation that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2439.69,"endTime":2444.79,"body":"toxic, go non contact, no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2439.69,"endTime":2444.79,"body":"contact for at least 90 days,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2444.82,"endTime":2448.96,"body":"there's a 90 day rule to where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2444.82,"endTime":2448.96,"body":"you do not talk with this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2448.96,"endTime":2453.7,"body":"person, you do not communicate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2448.96,"endTime":2453.7,"body":"with them and you're able to see"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2453.7,"endTime":2456.19,"body":"things in a different light."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2453.7,"endTime":2456.19,"body":"And, and that's what's going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2456.19,"endTime":2458.41,"body":"help you get through all those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2456.19,"endTime":2458.41,"body":"stages. And you're gonna need to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2458.41,"endTime":2462.28,"body":"heal at that time, educate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2458.41,"endTime":2462.28,"body":"yourself, do a lot of self care,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2462.28,"endTime":2466.12,"body":"go to therapy, focus on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2462.28,"endTime":2466.12,"body":"yourself, you know, because if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2466.12,"endTime":2469.81,"body":"you don't allow yourself if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2466.12,"endTime":2469.81,"body":"allowed yourself to contact this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2469.81,"endTime":2472.78,"body":"person, again, it's going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2469.81,"endTime":2472.78,"body":"more difficult to get through"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2472.78,"endTime":2476.14,"body":"all of these emotions that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2472.78,"endTime":2476.14,"body":"feel are uncomfortable. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2476.32,"endTime":2480.31,"body":"Because you will try, they will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2476.32,"endTime":2480.31,"body":"try to reel you back in. Like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2480.31,"endTime":2482.68,"body":"there's gonna be so many guilt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2480.31,"endTime":2482.68,"body":"trips, there's gonna be so many"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2483.13,"endTime":2487.21,"body":"different. That's so unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2483.13,"endTime":2487.21,"body":"guilt trips are very unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2487.3,"endTime":2489.67,"body":"in relationships and healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2487.3,"endTime":2489.67,"body":"relationships. You just don't do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2489.67,"endTime":2492.4,"body":"that to people. I don't think I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2489.67,"endTime":2492.4,"body":"don't feel like we've ever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2492.4,"endTime":2495.28,"body":"actually guilt tripped each"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2492.4,"endTime":2495.28,"body":"other. Oh, you know, I can never"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2495.28,"endTime":2497.92,"body":"think of it. Because I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2495.28,"endTime":2497.92,"body":"feel like that's appropriate in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2497.92,"endTime":2500.47,"body":"a healthy relationship. But if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2497.92,"endTime":2500.47,"body":"you have somebody who's guilt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2500.47,"endTime":2502.45,"body":"tripping you, that is a red"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2500.47,"endTime":2502.45,"body":"flag, that means that what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2502.45,"endTime":2507.7,"body":"you're doing is appropriate."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2502.45,"endTime":2507.7,"body":"Sorry, if I spit on you, not on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2507.7,"endTime":2510.46,"body":"me. I read the listeners as I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2507.7,"endTime":2510.46,"body":"just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.35,"endTime":2516.07,"body":"so let's let's go through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.35,"endTime":2516.07,"body":"this just really quickly. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.07,"endTime":2518.08,"body":"is like when talking about like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.07,"endTime":2518.08,"body":"how do you identify this? What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2518.08,"endTime":2520.81,"body":"do you do about it? What are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2518.08,"endTime":2520.81,"body":"some solutions? This is a quick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2520.81,"endTime":2523.24,"body":"way you can identify Okay, am I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2520.81,"endTime":2523.24,"body":"having false guilt? Or is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.24,"endTime":2526.87,"body":"real guilt? So it's probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.24,"endTime":2526.87,"body":"real guilt. If you know exactly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.87,"endTime":2530.17,"body":"why you feel this way. Yes. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.87,"endTime":2530.17,"body":"it's, if it's very clear to you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.98,"endTime":2534.07,"body":"Let's just sit at the beginning."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.98,"endTime":2534.07,"body":"Yeah, so stick with that. So if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2534.07,"endTime":2536.68,"body":"you feel fully responsible and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2534.07,"endTime":2536.68,"body":"accountable for what happened,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2536.83,"endTime":2540.34,"body":"and be honest about that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2536.83,"endTime":2540.34,"body":"honestly answer that question,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2540.37,"endTime":2543.55,"body":"do you feel fully responsible"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2540.37,"endTime":2543.55,"body":"and accountable for what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2543.55,"endTime":2544.87,"body":"happened? Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2545.05,"endTime":2546.82,"body":"it's not fuzzy. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2547.33,"endTime":2550.45,"body":"Can you see the entire"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2547.33,"endTime":2550.45,"body":"cycle of actions from beginning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.45,"endTime":2554.5,"body":"to end? Can you see this thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.45,"endTime":2554.5,"body":"is a big picture? If you can,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2554.5,"endTime":2557.02,"body":"and you're at the center of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2554.5,"endTime":2557.02,"body":"That's real guilt. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.02,"endTime":2559.36,"body":"something I've done wrong. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.02,"endTime":2559.36,"body":"feel guilty for something I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.36,"endTime":2559.99,"body":"done wrong."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2560.56,"endTime":2562.3,"body":"And that's something that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2560.56,"endTime":2562.3,"body":"you have actually dealt with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2562.3,"endTime":2566.29,"body":"really well. Yeah. So you didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2562.3,"endTime":2566.29,"body":"get that way until you were, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2566.29,"endTime":2568.27,"body":"know, clear headed and got help."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2566.29,"endTime":2568.27,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2568.57,"endTime":2571.48,"body":"Okay. And then also, so if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2568.57,"endTime":2571.48,"body":"the guilt is resolved by facing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2571.63,"endTime":2576.13,"body":"or stopping the behavior, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2571.63,"endTime":2576.13,"body":"taking relevant, appropriate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.13,"endTime":2579.34,"body":"amends, yes. So once you've made"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.13,"endTime":2579.34,"body":"amends, there's a style and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2579.34,"endTime":2581.47,"body":"change your behavior. Most of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2579.34,"endTime":2581.47,"body":"the time, guilt does, like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.47,"endTime":2584.35,"body":"can apologize to someone. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.47,"endTime":2584.35,"body":"listen, I what I did was, like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.35,"endTime":2587.95,"body":"always say that a proper apology"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.35,"endTime":2587.95,"body":"has three parts. What I did was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.95,"endTime":2590.86,"body":"wrong. I feel badly that I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.95,"endTime":2590.86,"body":"hurt you. What can I do to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2590.86,"endTime":2594.19,"body":"this right amends or an action?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2590.86,"endTime":2594.19,"body":"What can I do to make this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2594.19,"endTime":2596.89,"body":"right? Most people just going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2594.19,"endTime":2596.89,"body":"say, I just want you to listen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.89,"endTime":2599.08,"body":"to me and let you I'll let you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.89,"endTime":2599.08,"body":"know how I felt about it. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.08,"endTime":2601.81,"body":"love you and you give each other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.08,"endTime":2601.81,"body":"a huge hug. And you're good. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2601.81,"endTime":2604.57,"body":"it feels you feel that that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2601.81,"endTime":2604.57,"body":"feeling of resolution in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2604.57,"endTime":2607.66,"body":"belly? Yeah, I've made that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2604.57,"endTime":2607.66,"body":"right with him where we're okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2607.66,"endTime":2610.18,"body":"you might still feel a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2607.66,"endTime":2610.18,"body":"bad about it. But it's different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2610.18,"endTime":2615.25,"body":"than false guilt. So it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2610.18,"endTime":2615.25,"body":"probably unreasonable or false"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2615.25,"endTime":2618.76,"body":"guilt if you feel stuck or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2615.25,"endTime":2618.76,"body":"trapped, especially if you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.76,"endTime":2621.85,"body":"no alternatives. If you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.76,"endTime":2621.85,"body":"like you're obligated to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2621.85,"endTime":2625.6,"body":"this, yeah, not necessarily. In"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2621.85,"endTime":2625.6,"body":"the context of these types of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.6,"endTime":2629.26,"body":"relationships, I have to stay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.6,"endTime":2629.26,"body":"and be miserable and lose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.29,"endTime":2631.48,"body":"everything I've ever wanted in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.29,"endTime":2631.48,"body":"life. Because if I don't, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2631.48,"endTime":2635.14,"body":"he's going to lose it. That is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2631.48,"endTime":2635.14,"body":"unreasonable guilt. That is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.14,"endTime":2637.84,"body":"false guilt. You don't feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.14,"endTime":2637.84,"body":"fully responsible or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.84,"endTime":2641.89,"body":"accountable. If you're not fully"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.84,"endTime":2641.89,"body":"responsible, accountable. Then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.89,"endTime":2644.29,"body":"who is right, we all have a part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.89,"endTime":2644.29,"body":"in things but sometimes this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.29,"endTime":2647.38,"body":"mixed. Yeah. In this type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.29,"endTime":2647.38,"body":"relationship, you're gonna have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.38,"endTime":2650.8,"body":"a much smaller part than the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.38,"endTime":2650.8,"body":"abuser, right? Someone who is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.16,"endTime":2655.12,"body":"mistreating and devaluing you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.16,"endTime":2655.12,"body":"If you're protecting someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.12,"endTime":2658.9,"body":"else's feelings, oftentimes this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.12,"endTime":2658.9,"body":"is false guilt. Yes. That's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2658.9,"endTime":2662.95,"body":"big one for me. Yeah, I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2658.9,"endTime":2662.95,"body":"recognize I feel and I feel it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2662.98,"endTime":2665.95,"body":"I know how you guys feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2662.98,"endTime":2665.95,"body":"you feel like the lowest person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.95,"endTime":2669.13,"body":"and the first thing you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.95,"endTime":2669.13,"body":"do is apologize. I'm sorry, I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.13,"endTime":2671.62,"body":"made you feel this way. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.13,"endTime":2671.62,"body":"sorry. I've caused this and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.62,"endTime":2674.41,"body":"reason for it. But what I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.62,"endTime":2674.41,"body":"really doing what I'm doing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.41,"endTime":2677.95,"body":"I'm I'm just protecting their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.41,"endTime":2677.95,"body":"feelings of having to face the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2677.95,"endTime":2680.14,"body":"music of their behavior"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2677.95,"endTime":2680.14,"body":"accountability and take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.14,"endTime":2682.72,"body":"accountability because it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.14,"endTime":2682.72,"body":"easier for me it's it's so much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.75,"endTime":2685.54,"body":"easier to have peace. Yes. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.75,"endTime":2685.54,"body":"I've been the person I haven't."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.75,"endTime":2688.99,"body":"I got broad shoulders. I got big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.75,"endTime":2688.99,"body":"quads. I can hold a bunch of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2688.99,"endTime":2692.02,"body":"weight, and I can take punches."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2688.99,"endTime":2692.02,"body":"I don't mind it. I can take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.02,"endTime":2694.93,"body":"pain. I've been doing it my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.02,"endTime":2694.93,"body":"whole life. So yeah, if you need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2694.93,"endTime":2697.45,"body":"to beat me up to feel better,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2694.93,"endTime":2697.45,"body":"I'm okay with that. Like, I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2697.45,"endTime":2700.0,"body":"been that person for a long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2697.45,"endTime":2700.0,"body":"time, my life and I've just been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.0,"endTime":2703.15,"body":"okay with it, I've become numb"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.0,"endTime":2703.15,"body":"to it where, yeah, it's no big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2703.15,"endTime":2705.55,"body":"deal. I'm protecting their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2703.15,"endTime":2705.55,"body":"feelings because they can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.55,"endTime":2708.91,"body":"handle it, but I can't, but I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.55,"endTime":2708.91,"body":"can, I can like this protector"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2709.24,"endTime":2712.66,"body":"complex that comes up the savior"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2709.24,"endTime":2712.66,"body":"complex, almost, that's my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2712.66,"endTime":2716.29,"body":"codependency. If you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2712.66,"endTime":2716.29,"body":"apologized made amends, and yet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2716.29,"endTime":2718.48,"body":"you still feel guilty, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2716.29,"endTime":2718.48,"body":"should have never made the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2718.48,"endTime":2720.73,"body":"amends in the first place. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2718.48,"endTime":2720.73,"body":"oftentimes you're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2720.76,"endTime":2726.79,"body":"continue to feel guilty, and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2720.76,"endTime":2726.79,"body":"feel to blame. You might even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2726.79,"endTime":2728.98,"body":"feel like you need to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2726.79,"endTime":2728.98,"body":"punished for it. Yeah, that is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2728.98,"endTime":2733.42,"body":"false guilt that comes from a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2728.98,"endTime":2733.42,"body":"place of this is a, this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2733.42,"endTime":2737.14,"body":"or this family unit, or this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2733.42,"endTime":2737.14,"body":"construct of whatever it is, has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.14,"endTime":2742.12,"body":"created this toxic set of norms"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.14,"endTime":2742.12,"body":"and values that you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2742.12,"endTime":2745.6,"body":"operate in. And when you're,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2742.12,"endTime":2745.6,"body":"they're going to try to hold you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2745.6,"endTime":2748.09,"body":"to those things, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2745.6,"endTime":2748.09,"body":"comfortable for them, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2748.12,"endTime":2750.79,"body":"easier for them, it's much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2748.12,"endTime":2750.79,"body":"better to have you in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2750.79,"endTime":2753.64,"body":"place, than it is for them to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2750.79,"endTime":2753.64,"body":"have to face the music of their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2753.64,"endTime":2756.22,"body":"actions, and to deal with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2753.64,"endTime":2756.22,"body":"things. So if you're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.22,"endTime":2758.41,"body":"feel guilty, I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.22,"endTime":2758.41,"body":"lie to you, you're going to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2758.41,"endTime":2761.17,"body":"terrible. But it helps being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2758.41,"endTime":2761.17,"body":"able to rationalize this stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.17,"endTime":2764.38,"body":"and to work with someone. And to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.17,"endTime":2764.38,"body":"know that, okay, I'm not crazy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.41,"endTime":2768.61,"body":"I'm not crazy, whether that's in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.41,"endTime":2768.61,"body":"the community, which is totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2768.61,"endTime":2771.52,"body":"free. Whether that's what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2768.61,"endTime":2771.52,"body":"therapists, whether that's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.52,"endTime":2775.81,"body":"the coach, you're going to have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.52,"endTime":2775.81,"body":"to have someone around you that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2775.81,"endTime":2777.88,"body":"is going to be able to help you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2775.81,"endTime":2777.88,"body":"distinguish the two, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2778.39,"endTime":2780.76,"body":"Because he's going to be muddy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2778.39,"endTime":2780.76,"body":"for a while until you figure out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2780.76,"endTime":2783.22,"body":"your way. And you learn to trust"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2780.76,"endTime":2783.22,"body":"your instincts and your values"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2783.22,"endTime":2784.33,"body":"in your gut again,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2784.9,"endTime":2787.66,"body":"journaling helps to Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2784.9,"endTime":2787.66,"body":"journal everything, journal"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2787.66,"endTime":2787.93,"body":"journal,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2788.08,"endTime":2791.2,"body":"don't just write it once."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2788.08,"endTime":2791.2,"body":"Go back and review. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2791.2,"endTime":2792.7,"body":"where you can see the growth."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2791.2,"endTime":2792.7,"body":"That's where you can really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2792.7,"endTime":2793.57,"body":"start to see this stuff."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2793.6,"endTime":2795.82,"body":"And you can see the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2793.6,"endTime":2795.82,"body":"patterns and see like, okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2795.82,"endTime":2799.18,"body":"when you felt guilty, what do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2795.82,"endTime":2799.18,"body":"you feel like you did in order"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2799.18,"endTime":2801.82,"body":"to make you feel guilty? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2799.18,"endTime":2801.82,"body":"Where's that coming from? Is it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2801.82,"endTime":2804.85,"body":"true guilt? Or is it false"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2801.82,"endTime":2804.85,"body":"guilt?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.94,"endTime":2808.3,"body":"Yeah. So just because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.94,"endTime":2808.3,"body":"feel guilty, doesn't mean it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2808.3,"endTime":2813.04,"body":"true that you're a bad person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2808.3,"endTime":2813.04,"body":"It's just a thought. It's just a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.04,"endTime":2815.29,"body":"thought thought. It's just a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.04,"endTime":2815.29,"body":"thought. It's harmless. It's up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2815.29,"endTime":2817.42,"body":"there. It's just a thought. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2815.29,"endTime":2817.42,"body":"not reality. Feelings aren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2817.42,"endTime":2820.36,"body":"facts. Matt has always said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2817.42,"endTime":2820.36,"body":"Yeah, but you are an amazing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.36,"endTime":2823.3,"body":"person who's incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.36,"endTime":2823.3,"body":"empathetic, who watches over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2823.3,"endTime":2825.73,"body":"others, you are a caretaker. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2823.3,"endTime":2825.73,"body":"so you are going to try to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2825.73,"endTime":2827.62,"body":"that on, we're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2825.73,"endTime":2827.62,"body":"challenge you not to do it or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2827.89,"endTime":2834.28,"body":"not do it and it's going to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2827.89,"endTime":2834.28,"body":"so icky and uncomfortable. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2834.79,"endTime":2837.88,"body":"you're going to feel so guilty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2834.79,"endTime":2837.88,"body":"for it. But you have to know in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.88,"endTime":2840.1,"body":"your heart of hearts that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.88,"endTime":2840.1,"body":"doing the right thing. And if it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2840.1,"endTime":2843.49,"body":"feels difficult, it's usually a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2840.1,"endTime":2843.49,"body":"good thing. Because what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2843.49,"endTime":2847.39,"body":"comfortable usually gets you is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2843.49,"endTime":2847.39,"body":"more of the same. Comfortable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.39,"endTime":2849.46,"body":"And this sense is the worst"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.39,"endTime":2849.46,"body":"thing ever. If you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2849.46,"endTime":2851.98,"body":"comfortable in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2849.46,"endTime":2851.98,"body":"relationship, that's a red flag,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.01,"endTime":2854.59,"body":"right? That's a bad thing,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.01,"endTime":2854.59,"body":"right? That means you're used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.59,"endTime":2856.18,"body":"abuse means you're okay with it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2856.18,"endTime":2857.14,"body":"and normalized. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2857.14,"endTime":2859.75,"body":"not going away. Once"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2857.14,"endTime":2859.75,"body":"again, emotions buried alone,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.78,"endTime":2862.9,"body":"alive, never die. They're coming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.78,"endTime":2862.9,"body":"back eventually. So if it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2862.9,"endTime":2865.81,"body":"uncomfortable, just know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2862.9,"endTime":2865.81,"body":"that's a sign of change, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2865.81,"endTime":2868.39,"body":"is a good thing means you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2865.81,"endTime":2868.39,"body":"challenging. You're challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2868.39,"endTime":2871.57,"body":"status quo is a good thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2868.39,"endTime":2871.57,"body":"You're making other people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2871.57,"endTime":2874.66,"body":"accountable for things. Yes, not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2871.57,"endTime":2874.66,"body":"by force. But just by making"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2874.66,"endTime":2877.3,"body":"them look at the reality of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2874.66,"endTime":2877.3,"body":"situation. That's a good thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.3,"endTime":2879.7,"body":"These are good things. And these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.3,"endTime":2879.7,"body":"are painful things."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2879.7,"endTime":2882.79,"body":"Yes. And then with time,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2879.7,"endTime":2882.79,"body":"and with healing, you will be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2882.79,"endTime":2886.12,"body":"able to see the situation for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2882.79,"endTime":2886.12,"body":"what it really is. And you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2886.12,"endTime":2889.45,"body":"going to recognize what you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2886.12,"endTime":2889.45,"body":"done and how powerful it is to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2889.45,"endTime":2890.44,"body":"get through that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.04,"endTime":2894.19,"body":"Yeah, just think of think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.04,"endTime":2894.19,"body":"of a day whenever you're, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.19,"endTime":2897.85,"body":"able to trust your emotions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.19,"endTime":2897.85,"body":"again. Yeah. And how great would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2897.85,"endTime":2901.06,"body":"that be? Yeah, how great would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2897.85,"endTime":2901.06,"body":"that be right? To know in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.06,"endTime":2903.94,"body":"heart of hearts, like okay, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.06,"endTime":2903.94,"body":"hey, this doesn't mean this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2903.94,"endTime":2905.71,"body":"person is going to change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2903.94,"endTime":2905.71,"body":"though, I need people to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2905.71,"endTime":2907.87,"body":"that, that you're probably never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2905.71,"endTime":2907.87,"body":"gonna get validation from them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2908.53,"endTime":2910.69,"body":"It's unlikely that they're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2908.53,"endTime":2910.69,"body":"to wake up and be like, You know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.69,"endTime":2913.81,"body":"what, I'm sorry that I did those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.69,"endTime":2913.81,"body":"things to you. This is just who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.81,"endTime":2916.96,"body":"they are. This is how they've,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.81,"endTime":2916.96,"body":"they've constructed their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.96,"endTime":2920.68,"body":"reality and what is expected of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.96,"endTime":2920.68,"body":"you. That's just how things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2920.71,"endTime":2925.72,"body":"like, no contact, not talking to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2920.71,"endTime":2925.72,"body":"these people, distancing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2925.72,"endTime":2927.58,"body":"yourself as the only way that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2925.72,"endTime":2927.58,"body":"you're ever going to be able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2927.58,"endTime":2930.58,"body":"trust yourself again, the longer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2927.58,"endTime":2930.58,"body":"that they're around, the more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.58,"endTime":2932.89,"body":"chances they have to manipulate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.58,"endTime":2932.89,"body":"and make you feel guilty for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2932.89,"endTime":2936.34,"body":"these things and take advantage"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2932.89,"endTime":2936.34,"body":"of your compassionate nature,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2936.34,"endTime":2939.34,"body":"the more they're gonna do it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2936.34,"endTime":2939.34,"body":"That's just what they do. Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2939.34,"endTime":2942.91,"body":"what they do. So, got anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2939.34,"endTime":2942.91,"body":"else? No, I think that's it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2943.39,"endTime":2944.59,"body":"I don't think we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2943.39,"endTime":2944.59,"body":"mentioned the course."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2945.04,"endTime":2947.53,"body":"Well, we'll have an ad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2945.04,"endTime":2947.53,"body":"They've already heard it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2949.18,"endTime":2952.57,"body":"Okay. Yeah. Well, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2949.18,"endTime":2952.57,"body":"recorded this like three times."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2952.57,"endTime":2952.87,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.93,"endTime":2956.83,"body":"yeah, we'll get in here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.93,"endTime":2956.83,"body":"So yeah, again, so we've got our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.83,"endTime":2960.22,"body":"course we're incredibly proud"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.83,"endTime":2960.22,"body":"of. It is designed to walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2960.25,"endTime":2962.83,"body":"spouses or partners through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2960.25,"endTime":2962.83,"body":"their recovery journey. It is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2962.83,"endTime":2966.55,"body":"self paced course it is thorough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2962.83,"endTime":2966.55,"body":"as it gets. I know nothing else"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2966.55,"endTime":2969.37,"body":"like this out there in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2966.55,"endTime":2969.37,"body":"world. It comes from someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2969.37,"endTime":2971.65,"body":"that's worked through it page,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2969.37,"endTime":2971.65,"body":"it comes from someone that has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2971.65,"endTime":2974.11,"body":"worked through it in some other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2971.65,"endTime":2974.11,"body":"ways and other types of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2974.11,"endTime":2978.04,"body":"relationships. Me also through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2974.11,"endTime":2978.04,"body":"the addiction piece me and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2978.04,"endTime":2981.73,"body":"you've got research back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2978.04,"endTime":2981.73,"body":"clinical perspectives from Dr."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2981.73,"endTime":2984.88,"body":"Taylor. Yep. This is this is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2981.73,"endTime":2984.88,"body":"whole thing wrapped into one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2984.91,"endTime":2987.76,"body":"Yep. And I think from a value"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2984.91,"endTime":2987.76,"body":"perspective, like it's, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2987.76,"endTime":2991.75,"body":"value like using our, our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2987.76,"endTime":2991.75,"body":"discount code, we at least 75"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2991.78,"endTime":2995.23,"body":"Yep. I mean, that is it's not a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2991.78,"endTime":2995.23,"body":"small investment. Don't get me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2995.23,"endTime":2997.21,"body":"wrong, like I understand the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2995.23,"endTime":2997.21,"body":"gravity of that number for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2997.21,"endTime":3000.09,"body":"people. I totally get it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2997.21,"endTime":3000.09,"body":"there's no requirement set. cuz"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3000.09,"endTime":3002.07,"body":"like, if you follow the show,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3000.09,"endTime":3002.07,"body":"you have to do it you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3002.07,"endTime":3004.56,"body":"know, it's just a resource that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3002.07,"endTime":3004.56,"body":"we have there. For people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3004.56,"endTime":3006.48,"body":"want to do it, they want to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3004.56,"endTime":3006.48,"body":"that recovery the next level,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3006.48,"endTime":3008.67,"body":"they really want that more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3006.48,"endTime":3008.67,"body":"personalized approach to it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3008.97,"endTime":3011.52,"body":"It's there for you. So if he's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3008.97,"endTime":3011.52,"body":"discount coupon, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3011.52,"endTime":3014.55,"body":"really 75, you think about what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3011.52,"endTime":3014.55,"body":"the cost of therapy is, the cost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3014.55,"endTime":3018.21,"body":"of coaching pays for itself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3014.55,"endTime":3018.21,"body":"pretty quickly. It does. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3018.21,"endTime":3020.1,"body":"just the fact that it paid for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3018.21,"endTime":3020.1,"body":"itself after four or five"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3020.1,"endTime":3023.58,"body":"sessions. It's you have it for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3020.1,"endTime":3023.58,"body":"lifetime, forever, right? You'd"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3023.58,"endTime":3025.74,"body":"access to us any updates that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3023.58,"endTime":3025.74,"body":"ever make to that course,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3025.74,"endTime":3028.29,"body":"anything we ever add, go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3025.74,"endTime":3028.29,"body":"straight in there, no extra"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3028.29,"endTime":3032.04,"body":"costs, no charges, it's in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3028.29,"endTime":3032.04,"body":"there. And also coaching. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3032.04,"endTime":3033.96,"body":"don't I don't think we've ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3032.04,"endTime":3033.96,"body":"really promoted a coaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3034.95,"endTime":3038.46,"body":"mentorship coaching page, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3034.95,"endTime":3038.46,"body":"do that it's available on our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3038.46,"endTime":3041.31,"body":"website to fau.com. You can go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3038.46,"endTime":3041.31,"body":"on their schedule with us if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3041.31,"endTime":3043.95,"body":"you'd like. Again, not a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3041.31,"endTime":3043.95,"body":"requirement. If you just want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3043.95,"endTime":3046.77,"body":"be a listener and check out the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3043.95,"endTime":3046.77,"body":"free stuff. That's fine. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3046.77,"endTime":3049.98,"body":"want. If you want to take your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3046.77,"endTime":3049.98,"body":"recovery to the next level. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3049.98,"endTime":3051.75,"body":"you want to work with someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3049.98,"endTime":3051.75,"body":"one on one, if you need some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3051.75,"endTime":3054.75,"body":"validation of some kind you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3051.75,"endTime":3054.75,"body":"schedule with us and talk to us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3054.75,"endTime":3057.75,"body":"and work through us. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3054.75,"endTime":3057.75,"body":"great. It's an option. It's out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3057.75,"endTime":3060.09,"body":"there for you. If you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3057.75,"endTime":3060.09,"body":"get really serious about your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3060.09,"endTime":3062.82,"body":"recovery journey about learning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3060.09,"endTime":3062.82,"body":"about becoming educated and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3062.82,"endTime":3066.03,"body":"empowered. Yes, it's out there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3062.82,"endTime":3066.03,"body":"for you. So I think it's all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3066.99,"endTime":3070.41,"body":"okay. Well, until next time, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3066.99,"endTime":3070.41,"body":"am Matt and we'll see you"}]}