{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.49,"body":"is hard to have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.49,"body":"motivation to do anything at all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2.49,"endTime":5.52,"body":"you like you will lay there and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2.49,"endTime":5.52,"body":"you say I just want to sleep. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":5.52,"endTime":7.8,"body":"just want to lay here. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":5.52,"endTime":7.8,"body":"want to get up. I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":7.8,"endTime":9.6,"body":"get dressed. I don't want to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":7.8,"endTime":9.6,"body":"my hair. I don't even want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":9.6,"endTime":12.6,"body":"brush my teeth. I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":9.6,"endTime":12.6,"body":"eat any food or if I do eat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":12.6,"endTime":15.81,"body":"food, it's going to be something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":12.6,"endTime":15.81,"body":"that's completely, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":15.81,"endTime":18.9,"body":"horrible for me. And it's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":15.81,"endTime":18.9,"body":"going to be nutritious, and then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":18.9,"endTime":20.37,"body":"I'm gonna feel even worse after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":18.9,"endTime":20.37,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":21.54,"endTime":23.37,"body":"And when it comes to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":21.54,"endTime":23.37,"body":"kids, are you just sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":23.43,"endTime":26.76,"body":"forcing yourself to force just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":23.43,"endTime":26.76,"body":"forcing yourself to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":26.76,"endTime":27.63,"body":"everything and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":27.63,"endTime":31.44,"body":"had anger or had a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":27.63,"endTime":31.44,"body":"anger with having to do things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":35.67,"endTime":40.5,"body":"Welcome back. Well come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":35.67,"endTime":40.5,"body":"back to another episode until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":40.5,"endTime":43.59,"body":"the wheels fall off. I am Matt."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":40.5,"endTime":43.59,"body":"I'm Paige started off with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":43.59,"endTime":47.67,"body":"little plug here. If you notice,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":43.59,"endTime":47.67,"body":"you're watching us on YouTube."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.15,"endTime":53.52,"body":"Got on our new merch. Longtime"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.15,"endTime":53.52,"body":"longtime coming it's been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":53.52,"endTime":56.82,"body":"forever because we've been super"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":53.52,"endTime":56.82,"body":"picky about it. But we've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":56.82,"endTime":61.41,"body":"merch available on our website"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":56.82,"endTime":61.41,"body":"to fo.com We've got a few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":61.41,"endTime":64.11,"body":"sweatshirts up there limited run"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":61.41,"endTime":64.11,"body":"there's not a whole lot of them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.11,"endTime":67.74,"body":"available Get them while they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.11,"endTime":67.74,"body":"hot. We've also got a bunch of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.74,"endTime":70.53,"body":"stickers and I would say we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.74,"endTime":70.53,"body":"got safely plenty of stickers"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":70.56,"endTime":71.52,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":72.06,"endTime":75.12,"body":"just I love stickers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":72.06,"endTime":75.12,"body":"completely. I love ice out your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":75.12,"endTime":78.12,"body":"water bottle like pages got down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":75.12,"endTime":78.12,"body":"over here. It's more stickers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":78.12,"endTime":81.3,"body":"that thing you shake a stick and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":78.12,"endTime":81.3,"body":"I want more. But if you're a fan"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.3,"endTime":84.12,"body":"of the show of pan the fan the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.3,"endTime":84.12,"body":"podcast for you'd like to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":84.12,"endTime":87.0,"body":"support us it's a great way to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":84.12,"endTime":87.0,"body":"do it. Grab a couple stickers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":87.06,"endTime":89.64,"body":"and if you do you get a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":87.06,"endTime":89.64,"body":"sweatshirt or a sticker. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":89.64,"endTime":93.18,"body":"would love to see these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":89.64,"endTime":93.18,"body":"in action. So tag us mentioned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":93.18,"endTime":97.08,"body":"us we would love to repost it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":93.18,"endTime":97.08,"body":"and show everyone how awesome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.08,"endTime":97.17,"body":"you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":97.17,"endTime":99.66,"body":"know I've worn this shirt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":97.17,"endTime":99.66,"body":"like four days in a row now it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":99.66,"endTime":103.08,"body":"solid but I take it off and on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":99.66,"endTime":103.08,"body":"off and on because I don't I'm a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":103.08,"endTime":106.2,"body":"weirdo. I don't like to wash my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":103.08,"endTime":106.2,"body":"clothes every time I wear them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":106.44,"endTime":106.59,"body":"You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.59,"endTime":109.77,"body":"want to know my house is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.59,"endTime":109.77,"body":"dirty one of my secrets shames"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":109.83,"endTime":113.43,"body":"What if I buy a sweatshirt and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":109.83,"endTime":113.43,"body":"the first time I wear it I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":113.43,"endTime":116.55,"body":"just feeling myself like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":113.43,"endTime":116.55,"body":"really liked the way this thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":116.55,"endTime":121.38,"body":"fits and looks. I just love it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":116.55,"endTime":121.38,"body":"I will not wash it. I have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":121.38,"endTime":124.71,"body":"sweatshirt in my closet that is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":121.38,"endTime":124.71,"body":"about four or five years old and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":124.71,"endTime":128.82,"body":"it's never been washed. I should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":124.71,"endTime":128.82,"body":"just blinking at me. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":129.15,"endTime":129.78,"body":"what?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":129.81,"endTime":132.84,"body":"Yeah, Kid you not which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":129.81,"endTime":132.84,"body":"one? I'm not telling you. Oh"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":132.84,"endTime":133.56,"body":"shit. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":133.59,"endTime":134.79,"body":"Is it hang me? Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":134.79,"endTime":137.85,"body":"hanging. And I've only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":134.79,"endTime":137.85,"body":"worn it a few times because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":137.85,"endTime":140.31,"body":"love it so much. I'm like I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":137.85,"endTime":140.31,"body":"wanted to stay this way forever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":140.31,"endTime":142.44,"body":"because I know as soon as I wash"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":140.31,"endTime":142.44,"body":"it it's gonna get destroyed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":142.44,"endTime":144.9,"body":"because I'm a terrible washer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":142.44,"endTime":144.9,"body":"has nothing to do with you. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":144.9,"endTime":148.8,"body":"just It's just what what washing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":144.9,"endTime":148.8,"body":"will do to a perfectly like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":148.8,"endTime":151.56,"body":"balanced sweatshirt, but these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":148.8,"endTime":151.56,"body":"wash Awesome. That's what I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":151.56,"endTime":155.28,"body":"gonna say. So we've owned these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":151.56,"endTime":155.28,"body":"various sweatshirts for years"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":155.28,"endTime":157.44,"body":"now. And they've been through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":155.28,"endTime":157.44,"body":"the wash. They've been abused"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":157.44,"endTime":160.59,"body":"and worn out these specific ones"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":157.44,"endTime":160.59,"body":"but the brand Yeah, the brand."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":161.13,"endTime":162.99,"body":"is one of those deals where like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":161.13,"endTime":162.99,"body":"you fought you come across the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":162.99,"endTime":165.39,"body":"perfect sweatshirt. This was a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":162.99,"endTime":165.39,"body":"years ago, I think I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":165.39,"endTime":168.36,"body":"we started the podcast yet. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":165.39,"endTime":168.36,"body":"was like, if we ever get merch,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":168.39,"endTime":172.08,"body":"it's going on these. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":168.39,"endTime":172.08,"body":"so we did. Yeah. So you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":172.08,"endTime":177.54,"body":"buying anyway. Yeah. Also, it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":172.08,"endTime":177.54,"body":"beginning of the year, and we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":177.54,"endTime":180.18,"body":"just talking about, it's still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":177.54,"endTime":180.18,"body":"the beginning of the year, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":180.18,"endTime":181.05,"body":"a week into this,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":181.11,"endTime":183.57,"body":"oh my gosh, I feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":181.11,"endTime":183.57,"body":"it's almost February or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":183.57,"endTime":184.17,"body":"something. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":184.17,"endTime":185.55,"body":"still early in this thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":185.58,"endTime":188.7,"body":"That's brilliant. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":185.58,"endTime":188.7,"body":"holidays, throw your whole brain"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":188.7,"endTime":190.29,"body":"off our our topic today"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":190.29,"endTime":194.49,"body":"is going to be self care."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":190.29,"endTime":194.49,"body":"But along those lines, it's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":194.49,"endTime":196.98,"body":"beginning of it's January,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":194.49,"endTime":196.98,"body":"right, everyone's looking to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.98,"endTime":200.13,"body":"make some changes in your life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.98,"endTime":200.13,"body":"You've heard us mention it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.13,"endTime":202.35,"body":"before. And we're not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.13,"endTime":202.35,"body":"stop because we believe in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":202.35,"endTime":205.14,"body":"effectiveness of our new course"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":202.35,"endTime":205.14,"body":"you can find out more by going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.14,"endTime":209.22,"body":"to our website, or going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.14,"endTime":209.22,"body":"independently strong.com It is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":209.22,"endTime":213.81,"body":"comprehensive. It is research"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":209.22,"endTime":213.81,"body":"back designed by a professional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":213.81,"endTime":216.42,"body":"therapist also has the real"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":213.81,"endTime":216.42,"body":"world experience of two people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":216.42,"endTime":219.36,"body":"that have walked through this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":216.42,"endTime":219.36,"body":"and walked others through it. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":219.36,"endTime":222.6,"body":"is amazing. I can't say enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":219.36,"endTime":222.6,"body":"about it. wheelies get a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":222.6,"endTime":227.31,"body":"discount wheelies 75. You can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":222.6,"endTime":227.31,"body":"get 75% off for limited time. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":227.31,"endTime":229.95,"body":"don't know how much longer we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":227.31,"endTime":229.95,"body":"going to keep it that way. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":229.98,"endTime":232.2,"body":"it's amazing. Some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":229.98,"endTime":232.2,"body":"reviews that are coming back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":232.2,"endTime":235.2,"body":"from some of the first students"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":232.2,"endTime":235.2,"body":"that have gone through the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":235.2,"endTime":238.65,"body":"course it's phenomenal. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":235.2,"endTime":238.65,"body":"it literally had us in tears."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":238.68,"endTime":242.58,"body":"Yeah. Because you think, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":238.68,"endTime":242.58,"body":"we believe this is great. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":242.58,"endTime":244.77,"body":"then to hear it from other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":242.58,"endTime":244.77,"body":"people and to hear how changed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.77,"endTime":248.1,"body":"life changing it has been it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.77,"endTime":248.1,"body":"just it's amazing. Here to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":248.1,"endTime":251.82,"body":"people say that they could have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":248.1,"endTime":251.82,"body":"saved, you know, 1000s and 1000s"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":251.82,"endTime":254.82,"body":"of dollars and years in therapy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":251.82,"endTime":254.82,"body":"if something like this would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":254.82,"endTime":258.87,"body":"have been around. It's just it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":254.82,"endTime":258.87,"body":"that's exactly what we're after."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":258.9,"endTime":261.3,"body":"Yep. It's exactly what we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":258.9,"endTime":261.3,"body":"after. To help people. It's life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":261.3,"endTime":265.8,"body":"changing. So let's get started"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":261.3,"endTime":265.8,"body":"today, talking about self care."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":265.83,"endTime":270.24,"body":"This is a topic that I feel is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":265.83,"endTime":270.24,"body":"so generic, that we've almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":270.24,"endTime":275.1,"body":"lost. We've almost lost the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":270.24,"endTime":275.1,"body":"meaning of the word in it as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":275.1,"endTime":279.54,"body":"whole like what is self care?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":275.1,"endTime":279.54,"body":"Yes, people use it. vaguely, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":279.54,"endTime":284.52,"body":"think and it's used a lot to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":279.54,"endTime":284.52,"body":"cover basically anything, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":284.52,"endTime":286.74,"body":"we're gonna get a little more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":284.52,"endTime":286.74,"body":"specific about it. And we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.74,"endTime":290.97,"body":"going to talk about gentle self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.74,"endTime":290.97,"body":"care is our version of self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":290.97,"endTime":291.33,"body":"care."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":291.54,"endTime":294.75,"body":"Well, yea or nay it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":291.54,"endTime":294.75,"body":"like, I know a lot of you who"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":294.75,"endTime":298.5,"body":"listen might be in survival"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":294.75,"endTime":298.5,"body":"mode, and you might be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":298.5,"endTime":301.95,"body":"struggling really hard. You're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":298.5,"endTime":301.95,"body":"thinking, you see all this stuff"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":301.95,"endTime":306.24,"body":"online that says New year new"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":301.95,"endTime":306.24,"body":"me? And it's like, how do I do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":306.24,"endTime":310.02,"body":"this? How do I make a routine"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":306.24,"endTime":310.02,"body":"when I'm just trying to freaking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":310.02,"endTime":313.23,"body":"get out of bed? You know, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":310.02,"endTime":313.23,"body":"I've, I've been there, I want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":313.23,"endTime":316.2,"body":"you all to know that I've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":313.23,"endTime":316.2,"body":"there. I know the feeling. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":316.2,"endTime":320.31,"body":"know how difficult it is to take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":316.2,"endTime":320.31,"body":"care of yourself, when you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":320.31,"endTime":323.73,"body":"just trying to survive, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":320.31,"endTime":323.73,"body":"we're going to help you get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":323.73,"endTime":326.07,"body":"started on that today. Survival"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":326.07,"endTime":328.92,"body":"Mode is something that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":326.07,"endTime":328.92,"body":"hear mentioned a lot like people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":328.92,"endTime":332.01,"body":"are like, I'm just in survival"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":328.92,"endTime":332.01,"body":"mode. What does survival mode"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":332.01,"endTime":334.98,"body":"look like? What is it like for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":332.01,"endTime":334.98,"body":"you? And what do you how do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":335.01,"endTime":337.26,"body":"generally see this play out like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":335.01,"endTime":337.26,"body":"your Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":337.26,"endTime":339.69,"body":"for me, like I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":337.26,"endTime":339.69,"body":"depressed, I had anxiety, I had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":339.69,"endTime":342.42,"body":"panic attacks. And the my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":339.69,"endTime":342.42,"body":"survival mode was just literally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":343.8,"endTime":348.15,"body":"waking up and being able to feed"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":343.8,"endTime":348.15,"body":"my children and clothe my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":348.15,"endTime":351.06,"body":"children. There was no, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":348.15,"endTime":351.06,"body":"know, like, there wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":351.09,"endTime":354.0,"body":"emotional connection very much."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":351.09,"endTime":354.0,"body":"There wasn't anything like that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":354.0,"endTime":357.69,"body":"I wasn't taking care of myself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":354.0,"endTime":357.69,"body":"physically or emotionally, like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":358.02,"endTime":362.1,"body":"survival in survival mode is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":358.02,"endTime":362.1,"body":"really just when you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":362.55,"endTime":364.89,"body":"constantly triggered. Is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":364.89,"endTime":368.01,"body":"it also sort of this state"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":364.89,"endTime":368.01,"body":"of mind where each day runs into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":368.01,"endTime":370.56,"body":"the next and you can't remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":368.01,"endTime":370.56,"body":"what day it is? It's almost like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":370.56,"endTime":373.11,"body":"a depression, right? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":370.56,"endTime":373.11,"body":"Depression was in there. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.14,"endTime":376.59,"body":"Depression is part of it. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.14,"endTime":376.59,"body":"For most people. Yes. Yeah. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":376.77,"endTime":378.93,"body":"tough. 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And you have somebody"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":388.26,"endTime":390.96,"body":"who's struggling, if your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":388.26,"endTime":390.96,"body":"partner is struggling with an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":390.96,"endTime":393.54,"body":"addiction, or alcoholism, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":390.96,"endTime":393.54,"body":"you have children, like you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":393.54,"endTime":396.48,"body":"having to take care of yourself,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":393.54,"endTime":396.48,"body":"your children and your partner,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":396.51,"endTime":399.72,"body":"like it's a lot of on your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":396.51,"endTime":399.72,"body":"mental load on your mental"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":399.72,"endTime":400.14,"body":"health."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":400.17,"endTime":402.84,"body":"I'm gonna derail us for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":400.17,"endTime":402.84,"body":"just one second, and shout out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":402.96,"endTime":406.08,"body":"all the moms out there. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":402.96,"endTime":406.08,"body":"awesome. Father's two that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":406.08,"endTime":408.99,"body":"really involved? Yes. Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":406.08,"endTime":408.99,"body":"There's some dads that had go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.99,"endTime":412.02,"body":"through this, too. Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.99,"endTime":412.02,"body":"Recently, I was able to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.05,"endTime":415.47,"body":"some time off of work about I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.05,"endTime":415.47,"body":"think it was about 45 days that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.47,"endTime":420.03,"body":"I was out, okay. And I was home"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.47,"endTime":420.03,"body":"with you this entire time. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":420.03,"endTime":424.29,"body":"I, our kids just so happened to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":420.03,"endTime":424.29,"body":"get sick and go on Christmas"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.29,"endTime":426.33,"body":"break and Thanksgiving break"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.29,"endTime":426.33,"body":"during this time. So they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":426.33,"endTime":430.59,"body":"home? The majority of this? Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":426.33,"endTime":430.59,"body":"And they're at ages now that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":430.86,"endTime":434.25,"body":"pretty easy. They're pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":430.86,"endTime":434.25,"body":"independent. They're hungry."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":434.28,"endTime":436.83,"body":"Make yourself some ramen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":434.28,"endTime":436.83,"body":"noodles, right? Like they do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.83,"endTime":439.59,"body":"that kind of stuff. Yeah. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.83,"endTime":439.59,"body":"would have these moments of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":439.59,"endTime":442.65,"body":"reflection when I was sitting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":439.59,"endTime":442.65,"body":"there thinking what it must be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.65,"endTime":446.13,"body":"like for a mother on any given"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.65,"endTime":446.13,"body":"day, with all this going on, to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.13,"endTime":450.63,"body":"wake up. And to have not just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.13,"endTime":450.63,"body":"their self to take care of which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":450.63,"endTime":454.11,"body":"often comes second. Or last,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":450.63,"endTime":454.11,"body":"which we're going to talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.11,"endTime":457.89,"body":"more but the emotional labor"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.11,"endTime":457.89,"body":"that is associated with all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.89,"endTime":463.29,"body":"decisions that have to be made"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.89,"endTime":463.29,"body":"on any given day. I am a like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":463.32,"endTime":466.68,"body":"our marriage has operated where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":463.32,"endTime":466.68,"body":"I've been the one that goes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":466.68,"endTime":469.8,"body":"work pages page works, don't get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":466.68,"endTime":469.8,"body":"me wrong, she works work sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.8,"endTime":474.12,"body":"hats off, but I have the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.8,"endTime":474.12,"body":"traditional like go to work from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.39,"endTime":477.36,"body":"like, nine to five type deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.39,"endTime":477.36,"body":"come home and you're at home"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":477.36,"endTime":479.46,"body":"dealing with the kids stuff, as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":477.36,"endTime":479.46,"body":"well as all the other stuff we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":479.46,"endTime":484.65,"body":"have going on. And it's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":479.46,"endTime":484.65,"body":"easy to get detached from what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":484.65,"endTime":487.92,"body":"it takes to run a home and what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":484.65,"endTime":487.92,"body":"it takes and I women have been,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":488.34,"endTime":491.52,"body":"you know, screaming about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":488.34,"endTime":491.52,"body":"for years and rightfully so,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":491.55,"endTime":495.75,"body":"like, listen to us like this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":491.55,"endTime":495.75,"body":"getting crazy. This is a lot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.11,"endTime":499.83,"body":"And it is because there are day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.11,"endTime":499.83,"body":"like days were like today from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.25,"endTime":503.01,"body":"three o'clock. 330 to five"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.25,"endTime":503.01,"body":"o'clock. We didn't have a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":503.01,"endTime":506.1,"body":"going on. Like I was just kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":503.01,"endTime":506.1,"body":"of chatting with people and kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.1,"endTime":508.62,"body":"of hanging out. We'd have fun at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.1,"endTime":508.62,"body":"your job since Yeah, at work and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":508.62,"endTime":512.58,"body":"my job. Yeah. You don't get any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":508.62,"endTime":512.58,"body":"of that here. No, any of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":512.85,"endTime":515.25,"body":"There's always something that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":512.85,"endTime":515.25,"body":"needs to be done someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.25,"endTime":518.37,"body":"needs your attention, something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.25,"endTime":518.37,"body":"that some shore of some sort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":518.4,"endTime":521.76,"body":"like laundry is the devil. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":518.4,"endTime":521.76,"body":"it never stops, never stops the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.76,"endTime":525.24,"body":"hills with that man piles"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.76,"endTime":525.24,"body":"outside their office right now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.27,"endTime":528.09,"body":"our studio. Yeah, you're right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.27,"endTime":528.09,"body":"I can see it out there out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.09,"endTime":531.75,"body":"there. But yeah, it's just, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.09,"endTime":531.75,"body":"nonstop. And I just want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.75,"endTime":534.93,"body":"shout out all the moms that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.75,"endTime":534.93,"body":"not just out there and healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.93,"endTime":537.78,"body":"relationships doing doing the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.93,"endTime":537.78,"body":"thing, but the ones especially"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.78,"endTime":541.92,"body":"that are in this doing it Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.78,"endTime":541.92,"body":"I got a small taste of what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":541.92,"endTime":544.86,"body":"was like, over the course of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":541.92,"endTime":544.86,"body":"almost two months. And it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.86,"endTime":548.28,"body":"lot like the emotional labor of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.86,"endTime":548.28,"body":"all the decisions that have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.28,"endTime":550.62,"body":"be made and having to know where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.28,"endTime":550.62,"body":"everything is and what time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":550.62,"endTime":553.89,"body":"everything starts. And when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":550.62,"endTime":553.89,"body":"gotta pick people up and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.89,"endTime":555.9,"body":"kids got their own lives. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.89,"endTime":555.9,"body":"got their own stuff going on."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":555.9,"endTime":559.08,"body":"They need to they need to vent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":555.9,"endTime":559.08,"body":"they have, you know, going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.08,"endTime":561.6,"body":"through puberty and like there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.08,"endTime":561.6,"body":"all kinds of crazy stuff going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":561.6,"endTime":563.85,"body":"on here. What do you what do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":561.6,"endTime":563.85,"body":"give me that? Look, I just don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":563.85,"endTime":564.63,"body":"like it when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":564.63,"endTime":567.09,"body":"you throw that out there."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":564.63,"endTime":567.09,"body":"I don't know why I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":567.09,"endTime":568.59,"body":"went through puberty you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":567.09,"endTime":568.59,"body":"went through period. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":568.59,"endTime":572.31,"body":"know. I know. I know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":568.59,"endTime":572.31,"body":"normalize puberty, I get it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.34,"endTime":576.27,"body":"I get it was crazy. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.34,"endTime":576.27,"body":"know. Life is so simple that all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":576.27,"endTime":578.58,"body":"of a sudden that's like in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":576.27,"endTime":578.58,"body":"course of a week everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.58,"endTime":580.44,"body":"changes and all of a sudden,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.58,"endTime":580.44,"body":"like your emotions are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":580.44,"endTime":582.24,"body":"heightened and everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":580.44,"endTime":582.24,"body":"matters and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":582.33,"endTime":584.91,"body":"Okay, yeah, we're getting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":582.33,"endTime":584.91,"body":"off track. I just want to shout."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":585.18,"endTime":587.91,"body":"I think that's great. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":585.18,"endTime":587.91,"body":"great. So whenever I was in my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":587.91,"endTime":592.68,"body":"survival mode, our kids were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":587.91,"endTime":592.68,"body":"three and five. Yeah, yeah, they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":592.68,"endTime":597.42,"body":"were five, three and five. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":592.68,"endTime":597.42,"body":"mean, you were sober. You were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":597.42,"endTime":600.93,"body":"working your program. You were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":597.42,"endTime":600.93,"body":"doing just fine, but I I was not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":600.96,"endTime":606.09,"body":"this was like me when I hit my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":600.96,"endTime":606.09,"body":"rock bottom of realizing that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":606.09,"endTime":609.69,"body":"needed help too. And not just,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":606.09,"endTime":609.69,"body":"it wasn't just because you got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":609.69,"endTime":612.24,"body":"sober, you know, everything was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":609.69,"endTime":612.24,"body":"going to be perfect this is when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":612.24,"endTime":614.55,"body":"I realized, oh shit, you know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":612.24,"endTime":614.55,"body":"something's wrong, I got to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":614.55,"endTime":617.46,"body":"something. So I was in survival"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":614.55,"endTime":617.46,"body":"mode. And I had no idea how to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":617.46,"endTime":620.31,"body":"take care of myself. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":617.46,"endTime":620.31,"body":"barely hanging on by thread. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":620.31,"endTime":625.26,"body":"I know a lot of our listeners"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":620.31,"endTime":625.26,"body":"are out there. feeling this way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":625.29,"endTime":628.62,"body":"right now. And I also want you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":625.29,"endTime":628.62,"body":"to know, if you're looking at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":628.62,"endTime":631.68,"body":"social media, and you're seeing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":628.62,"endTime":631.68,"body":"a lot of these highlight reels,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":631.98,"endTime":634.92,"body":"and you're feeling triggered by"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":631.98,"endTime":634.92,"body":"it or you feel like you see"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":634.92,"endTime":637.83,"body":"these people who are working out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":634.92,"endTime":637.83,"body":"or they have fit bodies, or they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":637.83,"endTime":641.61,"body":"look happy and healthy, and it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":637.83,"endTime":641.61,"body":"triggering for you. You're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.61,"endTime":646.5,"body":"alone. It's okay. I've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.61,"endTime":646.5,"body":"there before. And I'm in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":646.5,"endTime":648.45,"body":"totally different place now. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":646.5,"endTime":648.45,"body":"I want you to know that there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":648.45,"endTime":649.71,"body":"hope at the end of this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":650.52,"endTime":653.04,"body":"There is there is you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":650.52,"endTime":653.04,"body":"know, I was just thinking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":653.04,"endTime":657.63,"body":"this. When I got sober I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":653.04,"endTime":657.63,"body":"if it did anything at all, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.63,"endTime":662.22,"body":"sort of delayed what was already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.63,"endTime":662.22,"body":"happening, because when I was in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.22,"endTime":665.1,"body":"active addiction, you were still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.22,"endTime":665.1,"body":"in survival mode. You were in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":665.1,"endTime":670.05,"body":"that place. Yes, very much. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":665.1,"endTime":670.05,"body":"maybe even worse. And then I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.05,"endTime":673.95,"body":"sober and it's almost like it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.05,"endTime":673.95,"body":"was like a band aid in a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":673.95,"endTime":676.38,"body":"ways because it was never really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":673.95,"endTime":676.38,"body":"addressed. And they just came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":676.38,"endTime":679.29,"body":"back to haunt you. Never really."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":676.38,"endTime":679.29,"body":"Wow."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":680.16,"endTime":691.68,"body":"Sorry. Yeah, okay. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":680.16,"endTime":691.68,"body":"don't know why this is so hard."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":697.53,"endTime":701.37,"body":"Yeah, so when you were inactive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":697.53,"endTime":701.37,"body":"addiction I was in survival mode"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":701.37,"endTime":707.37,"body":"been to. But I didn't realize"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":701.37,"endTime":707.37,"body":"how bad it was. I was just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":707.85,"endTime":709.17,"body":"detaching from it all."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.49,"endTime":712.17,"body":"Yeah, it was really tough."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.49,"endTime":712.17,"body":"I mean, you're,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":712.44,"endTime":714.33,"body":"and then when you got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":712.44,"endTime":714.33,"body":"sober. It was kind of like a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":714.33,"endTime":716.64,"body":"band aid. It was a band aid. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":714.33,"endTime":716.64,"body":"and I was like, everything's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":716.64,"endTime":719.46,"body":"okay. And I'm like, but I knew"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":716.64,"endTime":719.46,"body":"deep down that something wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":719.46,"endTime":719.7,"body":"right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":719.7,"endTime":721.92,"body":"Yeah. Like you could tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":719.7,"endTime":721.92,"body":"yourself that but it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.92,"endTime":723.24,"body":"really okay. Yeah, I was like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":723.27,"endTime":725.1,"body":"oh, yeah, everything's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":723.27,"endTime":725.1,"body":"gonna be great. And then few"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":725.1,"endTime":728.73,"body":"years later, like, no, then I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":725.1,"endTime":728.73,"body":"really hit a rock bottom."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":728.76,"endTime":731.19,"body":"Yeah, it's like that old"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":728.76,"endTime":731.19,"body":"saying emotions buried alive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.19,"endTime":732.51,"body":"Never Die. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":732.51,"endTime":736.17,"body":"just never heard you say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":732.51,"endTime":736.17,"body":"that out loud. That's all maybe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":736.17,"endTime":739.32,"body":"I have it just hit me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":736.17,"endTime":739.32,"body":"differently. So okay, let's get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":739.32,"endTime":741.93,"body":"back into this. Sorry."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.86,"endTime":744.51,"body":"It is always okay to cry."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":744.63,"endTime":747.03,"body":"I know. That's the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":744.63,"endTime":747.03,"body":"people. That's that one thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":747.06,"endTime":750.42,"body":"That's the codependent in me say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":747.06,"endTime":750.42,"body":"I'm sorry for having emotion."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":751.95,"endTime":753.51,"body":"Emotions. All right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":753.57,"endTime":755.73,"body":"Okay. So if y'all had to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":753.57,"endTime":755.73,"body":"take a break for a moment,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":755.73,"endTime":757.74,"body":"that's okay. What's going on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.74,"endTime":760.14,"body":"on other side of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.74,"endTime":760.14,"body":"microphone? Yeah. Crazy. Carly,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":760.14,"endTime":761.16,"body":"what's crazy? Okay, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.16,"endTime":763.5,"body":"just happened was we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.16,"endTime":763.5,"body":"talking and then Paige had an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":763.5,"endTime":765.81,"body":"emotional reaction to what we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":763.5,"endTime":765.81,"body":"were talking about. Yeah. Which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":765.81,"endTime":768.69,"body":"is normal. We're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":765.81,"endTime":768.69,"body":"heavy stuff here. Yeah. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.69,"endTime":770.28,"body":"that a lot of listeners have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.69,"endTime":770.28,"body":"probably had moments where they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.28,"endTime":772.26,"body":"were cleaning or something like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.28,"endTime":772.26,"body":"that. And we've said something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":772.26,"endTime":774.54,"body":"and it did the same thing to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":772.26,"endTime":774.54,"body":"them. Yeah. Totally related."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":774.54,"endTime":776.04,"body":"Yeah. And okay. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":777.06,"endTime":782.55,"body":"Okay, so when I hit rock"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":777.06,"endTime":782.55,"body":"bottom, I just, I knew that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":782.55,"endTime":786.0,"body":"something had to change. So it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":782.55,"endTime":786.0,"body":"really hard to make life"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":786.0,"endTime":789.06,"body":"changing decisions when you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":786.0,"endTime":789.06,"body":"in survival mode. But you hit a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.06,"endTime":792.69,"body":"point, you hit a point where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.06,"endTime":792.69,"body":"you're just like, I can't do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":792.69,"endTime":795.96,"body":"this anymore. Something has to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":792.69,"endTime":795.96,"body":"be done. I have to be there for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":795.96,"endTime":800.55,"body":"my family. I need to be there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":795.96,"endTime":800.55,"body":"for myself. What do I do? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.58,"endTime":802.77,"body":"did you get to a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.58,"endTime":802.77,"body":"where you were just you finally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":802.77,"endTime":803.79,"body":"just said like, eff it?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":804.33,"endTime":808.5,"body":"I did. I did. I think I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":804.33,"endTime":808.5,"body":"read something on depression."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":809.19,"endTime":812.46,"body":"And this is when I first learned"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":809.19,"endTime":812.46,"body":"about neuroplasticity. The first"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.46,"endTime":815.01,"body":"time I ever heard about that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.46,"endTime":815.01,"body":"where it's like, okay, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":815.01,"endTime":820.98,"body":"rewire your brain with new"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":815.01,"endTime":820.98,"body":"habits. And it can help you get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":820.98,"endTime":823.56,"body":"out of your funk. And I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":820.98,"endTime":823.56,"body":"like, I don't know why I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.56,"endTime":826.62,"body":"remember that. But I just it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.56,"endTime":826.62,"body":"clicked for me. 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It seems"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.81,"endTime":843.51,"body":"like such an audacious"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.81,"endTime":843.51,"body":"thing for me to ask if someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":843.51,"endTime":844.65,"body":"considering what I did,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":844.68,"endTime":846.6,"body":"it doesn't matter. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":844.68,"endTime":846.6,"body":"because you knew how to set"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":846.6,"endTime":849.18,"body":"boundaries better than I did in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":846.6,"endTime":849.18,"body":"our marriage. And I think that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":849.18,"endTime":852.03,"body":"beautiful. There's nothing wrong"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":849.18,"endTime":852.03,"body":"with that. I learned something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":852.03,"endTime":852.63,"body":"from it. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":852.63,"endTime":855.0,"body":"like to remember things a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":852.63,"endTime":855.0,"body":"little more loving than that. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.0,"endTime":857.49,"body":"was loving. That's all it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.0,"endTime":857.49,"body":"loving as well."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":857.52,"endTime":861.48,"body":"But either way, I decided"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":857.52,"endTime":861.48,"body":"to take a chance. And I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":861.48,"endTime":864.96,"body":"say the first year of me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":861.48,"endTime":864.96,"body":"actually starting to take care"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":864.96,"endTime":870.18,"body":"of myself was really, really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":864.96,"endTime":870.18,"body":"hard. It's not easy. self care"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":870.18,"endTime":876.0,"body":"is not meant to be easy. It is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":870.18,"endTime":876.0,"body":"doing the hard thing and having"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":876.0,"endTime":877.59,"body":"the benefits later on in life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":878.19,"endTime":880.83,"body":"Before we're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":878.19,"endTime":880.83,"body":"what the hard things are, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.83,"endTime":884.25,"body":"like what self care is, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.83,"endTime":884.25,"body":"does it feel like to be in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.25,"endTime":886.65,"body":"survival mode? And what are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.25,"endTime":886.65,"body":"of the habits that someone in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.65,"endTime":890.34,"body":"survival mode has? Like what are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.65,"endTime":890.34,"body":"you doing in survival mode when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.34,"endTime":894.24,"body":"it comes to neglecting yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.34,"endTime":894.24,"body":"care? Getting up, it's very hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.24,"endTime":896.88,"body":"to get into bed. So it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.24,"endTime":896.88,"body":"tough to get up and have any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.88,"endTime":898.32,"body":"kind of motivation to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.88,"endTime":898.32,"body":"anything. 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Or if I do eat food, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":911.28,"endTime":914.55,"body":"going to be something that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":911.28,"endTime":914.55,"body":"completely, you know, horrible"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":914.55,"endTime":917.43,"body":"for me, and it's not going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":914.55,"endTime":917.43,"body":"nutritious, and then I'm going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":917.43,"endTime":918.81,"body":"to feel even worse after that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.83,"endTime":921.69,"body":"And when it comes to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.83,"endTime":921.69,"body":"kids are you just sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":921.72,"endTime":925.05,"body":"forcing yourself to force just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":921.72,"endTime":925.05,"body":"forcing yourself to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":925.05,"endTime":925.56,"body":"everything."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":925.65,"endTime":929.1,"body":"And I had anger, I had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":925.65,"endTime":929.1,"body":"lot of anger with having to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":929.1,"endTime":929.73,"body":"things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.76,"endTime":933.36,"body":"So it's it's characterized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.76,"endTime":933.36,"body":"by forcing yourself to do things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.36,"endTime":936.87,"body":"that you should be the you need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.36,"endTime":936.87,"body":"to do, which is it should but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.87,"endTime":941.55,"body":"you need to do and then being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.87,"endTime":941.55,"body":"really quick to indulge in ways"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.55,"endTime":945.06,"body":"that are harmful. Yes. So some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.55,"endTime":945.06,"body":"people even for spouses, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":945.06,"endTime":951.06,"body":"could go through bouts of heavy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":945.06,"endTime":951.06,"body":"drinking, or drug use, or binge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.06,"endTime":954.15,"body":"watching TV or scrolling or any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.06,"endTime":954.15,"body":"of these things that give us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.15,"endTime":957.75,"body":"that dopamine kick junk food."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.15,"endTime":957.75,"body":"Got that Taco Bell got that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":957.78,"endTime":960.36,"body":"McDonald's? McDonald's fries,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":957.78,"endTime":960.36,"body":"you know, all that good stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":961.62,"endTime":965.34,"body":"Did I have to say that? 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But anyway, so it becomes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.39,"endTime":978.45,"body":"really easy to neglect your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.45,"endTime":982.86,"body":"health and to give in to those,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.45,"endTime":982.86,"body":"those cravings, and it becomes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":982.86,"endTime":984.6,"body":"harder and harder to do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":982.86,"endTime":984.6,"body":"things that you shouldn't be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":984.6,"endTime":988.35,"body":"doing. And you're literally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":984.6,"endTime":988.35,"body":"forcing yourself to put one foot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":988.35,"endTime":990.72,"body":"in front of the other. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":988.35,"endTime":990.72,"body":"that's what survival mode feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.72,"endTime":991.32,"body":"like. Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":991.35,"endTime":993.93,"body":"And it feels like nothing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":991.35,"endTime":993.93,"body":"is getting done. Feels like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.93,"endTime":995.73,"body":"everything is just piling on."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.93,"endTime":995.73,"body":"And in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":995.73,"endTime":998.28,"body":"those moments, it's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":995.73,"endTime":998.28,"body":"it's impossible to think about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":998.55,"endTime":1002.06,"body":"doing something else. Even if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":998.55,"endTime":1002.06,"body":"you know you need to. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1002.06,"endTime":1004.46,"body":"yeah, I can't fathom like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1002.06,"endTime":1004.46,"body":"getting up tomorrow and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1004.49,"endTime":1008.57,"body":"exercising. No, that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1004.49,"endTime":1008.57,"body":"happening. There's just no way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1008.69,"endTime":1012.77,"body":"No, like, I don't have it in me,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1008.69,"endTime":1012.77,"body":"I don't have the will to get up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.77,"endTime":1013.67,"body":"and do anything like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1013.67,"endTime":1016.88,"body":"No, and there's a feeling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1013.67,"endTime":1016.88,"body":"in your body that just exhausts"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1016.88,"endTime":1020.3,"body":"you, you just feel exhausted and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1016.88,"endTime":1020.3,"body":"you feel angry and you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1020.63,"endTime":1023.21,"body":"sometimes you feel numb to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1020.63,"endTime":1023.21,"body":"though. And that's another"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1023.21,"endTime":1025.37,"body":"thing. Like you'll get to a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1023.21,"endTime":1025.37,"body":"place where you just feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1025.37,"endTime":1028.58,"body":"nothing. And then you just don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1025.37,"endTime":1028.58,"body":"want to do anything. You're just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1028.58,"endTime":1032.12,"body":"like, I'm just existing at this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1028.58,"endTime":1032.12,"body":"point. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1032.12,"endTime":1036.17,"body":"scary. It is scary. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1032.12,"endTime":1036.17,"body":"scary. 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I had to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1179.09,"endTime":1182.18,"body":"think I like seriously just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.18,"endTime":1187.1,"body":"stopped in my tracks for a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.18,"endTime":1187.1,"body":"moment. But yeah, we we're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1187.1,"endTime":1190.91,"body":"to help you with like just being"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1187.1,"endTime":1190.91,"body":"real about your social I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1190.91,"endTime":1194.3,"body":"your your self care. Like what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1190.91,"endTime":1194.3,"body":"what is it? What does it look"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1194.3,"endTime":1196.88,"body":"like for somebody who is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1194.3,"endTime":1196.88,"body":"struggling so hard to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1196.91,"endTime":1197.54,"body":"anything?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.63,"endTime":1199.58,"body":"Yeah, we're gonna meet you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.63,"endTime":1199.58,"body":"where you're at. Yep. And we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1199.58,"endTime":1202.37,"body":"gonna talk about things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1199.58,"endTime":1202.37,"body":"you're actually capable of doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.37,"endTime":1206.66,"body":"today today, we're not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.37,"endTime":1206.66,"body":"tell you to start doing back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1206.66,"endTime":1209.75,"body":"squats at 250. No, tomorrow,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1206.66,"endTime":1209.75,"body":"because that's what you should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.75,"endTime":1212.57,"body":"do right? Now we're gonna start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.75,"endTime":1212.57,"body":"small. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1213.59,"endTime":1216.02,"body":"I just want to talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1213.59,"endTime":1216.02,"body":"mine what I did, let's do this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1216.02,"endTime":1219.8,"body":"talk about myself. That's the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1216.02,"endTime":1219.8,"body":"best way my self care journey is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1219.8,"endTime":1224.66,"body":"what it's been six years in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1219.8,"endTime":1224.66,"body":"making. And let's say that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1224.66,"endTime":1229.01,"body":"things did not happen overnight."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1224.66,"endTime":1229.01,"body":"Yeah. But what happened that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1229.01,"endTime":1233.24,"body":"started it was the rock bottom"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1229.01,"endTime":1233.24,"body":"and making a decision to change."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1233.27,"endTime":1234.83,"body":"That's where you got to start."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1235.79,"endTime":1240.23,"body":"Question What question"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1235.79,"endTime":1240.23,"body":"about and I get this question a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1240.23,"endTime":1244.88,"body":"lot, too. About rock bottom?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1240.23,"endTime":1244.88,"body":"Yes. Is rock bottom necessary?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1245.96,"endTime":1248.78,"body":"In order to make changes do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1245.96,"endTime":1248.78,"body":"have to get there?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1248.81,"endTime":1252.23,"body":"I don't think so. But I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1248.81,"endTime":1252.23,"body":"not sure. Because I don't I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1252.23,"endTime":1255.68,"body":"don't know. Everybody's rock"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1252.23,"endTime":1255.68,"body":"bottom looks different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.04,"endTime":1257.9,"body":"thing about rock bottom is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.04,"endTime":1257.9,"body":"that it's really all about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1257.9,"endTime":1259.28,"body":"perspective. Right? Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.28,"endTime":1260.81,"body":"what your rock bottom is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.93,"endTime":1265.13,"body":"Exactly. So my answer to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.93,"endTime":1265.13,"body":"this? Not that anyone asked it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.13,"endTime":1265.4,"body":"But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1265.94,"endTime":1268.46,"body":"my answer to you ask that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1265.94,"endTime":1268.46,"body":"question just so you could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1268.46,"endTime":1269.84,"body":"answer it. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.84,"endTime":1272.48,"body":"kind of I wanted to give a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.84,"endTime":1272.48,"body":"perspective of it, because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1272.48,"endTime":1276.44,"body":"wanted your opinion on it. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1272.48,"endTime":1276.44,"body":"rock bottom is the point at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1276.44,"endTime":1279.95,"body":"which you decide to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1276.44,"endTime":1279.95,"body":"digging. Yes, I am what is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1279.95,"endTime":1286.01,"body":"called a high bottom drug"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1279.95,"endTime":1286.01,"body":"addict. Yeah, a high bottom. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1286.01,"endTime":1290.15,"body":"low bottom is someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1286.01,"endTime":1290.15,"body":"you've probably seen these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.15,"endTime":1294.47,"body":"people, they've, they've been to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.15,"endTime":1294.47,"body":"jail multiple times, like five,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.47,"endTime":1298.16,"body":"six times, they've been to, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.47,"endTime":1298.16,"body":"know, seven, eight rehabs,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1298.16,"endTime":1302.54,"body":"they've, they've lost multiple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1298.16,"endTime":1302.54,"body":"families and jobs and all that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1302.54,"endTime":1305.75,"body":"stuff. And then they decided to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1302.54,"endTime":1305.75,"body":"get sober. Their bottom is low,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1305.75,"endTime":1307.88,"body":"because they had to experience a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1305.75,"endTime":1307.88,"body":"ton of consequences. These"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.88,"endTime":1311.81,"body":"people have really, really high"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.88,"endTime":1311.81,"body":"pain tolerances. I have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.81,"endTime":1314.87,"body":"really, really low pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.81,"endTime":1314.87,"body":"tolerance. I don't believe that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.87,"endTime":1318.92,"body":"But okay. And so I didn't have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.87,"endTime":1318.92,"body":"to lose everything. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1318.92,"endTime":1322.28,"body":"have to do everything that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1318.92,"endTime":1322.28,"body":"people said. You have to do like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1322.31,"endTime":1326.81,"body":"old timers in AAA. would tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1322.31,"endTime":1326.81,"body":"people, if you still have your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1326.81,"endTime":1330.65,"body":"watch, you don't belong in here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1326.81,"endTime":1330.65,"body":"You're not done yet. They'd say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.65,"endTime":1333.77,"body":"stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.65,"endTime":1333.77,"body":"if you still have a wristwatch,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1333.8,"endTime":1337.88,"body":"you don't belong in here. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1333.8,"endTime":1337.88,"body":"okay. Well, that's bull. The way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1337.88,"endTime":1341.0,"body":"I see it now is that if you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1337.88,"endTime":1341.0,"body":"in the seat, you've earned the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1341.0,"endTime":1343.88,"body":"seat doing something, right, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1341.0,"endTime":1343.88,"body":"means you're doing something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.91,"endTime":1347.27,"body":"bottom is bottom to you. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.91,"endTime":1347.27,"body":"it's all I can say is that your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1347.27,"endTime":1349.7,"body":"rock bottom is whatever you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1347.27,"endTime":1349.7,"body":"decide it to be, it is your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.7,"endTime":1354.11,"body":"right, it is a decision we make."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.7,"endTime":1354.11,"body":"I made the decision, when I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1354.11,"endTime":1357.59,"body":"sober, that I didn't have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1354.11,"endTime":1357.59,"body":"lose it all before I saw that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.68,"endTime":1361.25,"body":"this was not getting any better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.68,"endTime":1361.25,"body":"I think what's important, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.25,"endTime":1363.56,"body":"realization you have at rock"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.25,"endTime":1363.56,"body":"bottom is the pattern that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1363.56,"endTime":1367.49,"body":"exists. And if you can identify"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1363.56,"endTime":1367.49,"body":"the pattern that I'm headed on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1367.49,"endTime":1371.3,"body":"downward trajectory, then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1367.49,"endTime":1371.3,"body":"just make the reasonable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.3,"endTime":1374.12,"body":"assumption that I'm likely to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.3,"endTime":1374.12,"body":"continue on that same pattern"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.12,"endTime":1377.45,"body":"unless I do something different."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.12,"endTime":1377.45,"body":"And that's what gets you out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1377.48,"endTime":1379.79,"body":"Yeah, that's the decision you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1377.48,"endTime":1379.79,"body":"make. So like you were talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.79,"endTime":1383.0,"body":"about your decision. Do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.79,"endTime":1383.0,"body":"remember the like the day that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1383.0,"endTime":1383.75,"body":"this happened?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1385.52,"endTime":1388.91,"body":"I don't remember the day"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1385.52,"endTime":1388.91,"body":"I remember the moment it was in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1388.91,"endTime":1391.58,"body":"our bedroom, and I decided to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1388.91,"endTime":1391.58,"body":"make a change. I don't I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1391.58,"endTime":1394.25,"body":"couldn't tell where to come from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1391.58,"endTime":1394.25,"body":"it. It was what I was talking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1394.25,"endTime":1397.28,"body":"about the neuroplasticity thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1394.25,"endTime":1397.28,"body":"So you'd read something I read"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1397.37,"endTime":1400.01,"body":"came across something in your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1397.37,"endTime":1400.01,"body":"life, I came across something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1400.01,"endTime":1404.36,"body":"and it just changed my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1400.01,"endTime":1404.36,"body":"perspective on everything. So I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1404.36,"endTime":1405.74,"body":"just decided to make a change."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1405.77,"endTime":1408.56,"body":"Something I will say about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1405.77,"endTime":1408.56,"body":"rock bottom before we move on is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1408.92,"endTime":1414.2,"body":"a lot of things lead up to that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1408.92,"endTime":1414.2,"body":"point. There's a lot of I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1414.2,"endTime":1418.13,"body":"know, like for me, I know for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1414.2,"endTime":1418.13,"body":"you were in the same place. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.13,"endTime":1421.52,"body":"sort of like your emotions are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.13,"endTime":1421.52,"body":"swirling around inside of you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.82,"endTime":1426.11,"body":"And you start to you'll have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.82,"endTime":1426.11,"body":"moments of hope. And then it'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.11,"endTime":1429.26,"body":"be crushed. But then you start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.11,"endTime":1429.26,"body":"to get really hopeful about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.26,"endTime":1432.29,"body":"those small moments of hope. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.26,"endTime":1432.29,"body":"then you at some point, you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.29,"endTime":1436.13,"body":"this crazy thought that I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.29,"endTime":1436.13,"body":"do this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1436.16,"endTime":1437.15,"body":"I mean, I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.18,"endTime":1439.55,"body":"I could make the change."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.18,"endTime":1439.55,"body":"Why not me? And when that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.55,"endTime":1442.1,"body":"thought happens if you've had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.55,"endTime":1442.1,"body":"that thought seize that moment."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1442.13,"endTime":1444.8,"body":"Yeah, that's crucial. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1442.13,"endTime":1444.8,"body":"crucial. Like there's a texture"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.8,"endTime":1448.04,"body":"of your mind in that moment. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.8,"endTime":1448.04,"body":"if you don't act on it, then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.04,"endTime":1450.29,"body":"you're likely not to see it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.04,"endTime":1450.29,"body":"again for quite some time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1450.32,"endTime":1453.35,"body":"Right? So just act on it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1450.32,"endTime":1453.35,"body":"you've you've read something and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.35,"endTime":1457.07,"body":"it's like, damn, I can do this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.35,"endTime":1457.07,"body":"Yeah, I'd say that your your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1457.07,"endTime":1460.97,"body":"rock bottom is not that it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1457.07,"endTime":1460.97,"body":"wasn't powerful. But it's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1460.97,"endTime":1462.29,"body":"mine. It's kind of a lame story."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1463.7,"endTime":1464.75,"body":"It's like yeah, okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.35,"endTime":1468.11,"body":"I mean for every one of us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.35,"endTime":1468.11,"body":"there's like five others which"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1468.17,"endTime":1470.57,"body":"was the boundary you set"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1468.17,"endTime":1470.57,"body":"to because I was scared that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1470.57,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"was like, Oh crap, this is here"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1470.57,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"I might lose my family which I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1476.87,"body":"don't get my shit together. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1476.87,"body":"might lose my family another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.87,"endTime":1478.85,"body":"testament to the power of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.87,"endTime":1478.85,"body":"boundaries and how they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1478.85,"endTime":1481.97,"body":"influence people for positive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1478.85,"endTime":1481.97,"body":"change and protect absolutely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1482.03,"endTime":1484.34,"body":"and protect Yes, which is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1482.03,"endTime":1484.34,"body":"the really for to protect you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1484.34,"endTime":1486.74,"body":"but sometimes they can influence"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1484.34,"endTime":1486.74,"body":"people to make positive changes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.19,"endTime":1487.52,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1488.27,"endTime":1490.97,"body":"So my self care journey"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1488.27,"endTime":1490.97,"body":"started with going to therapy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.21,"endTime":1497.99,"body":"So that's part of the mental"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.21,"endTime":1497.99,"body":"mental self care. I was gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1497.99,"endTime":1500.63,"body":"say we have five categories of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1497.99,"endTime":1500.63,"body":"self care. physical, mental,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1500.63,"endTime":1504.14,"body":"social, spiritual and emotional."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1500.63,"endTime":1504.14,"body":"We dig into those into another"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1504.17,"endTime":1509.84,"body":"part. But I wanted to say that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1504.17,"endTime":1509.84,"body":"started with my mental. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1509.84,"endTime":1514.13,"body":"started reading a book every"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1509.84,"endTime":1514.13,"body":"morning, from change your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1514.13,"endTime":1518.45,"body":"thoughts change your life, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1514.13,"endTime":1518.45,"body":"Dow. And I started journaling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1518.45,"endTime":1521.78,"body":"every morning. So those were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1518.45,"endTime":1521.78,"body":"like my three main things that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1521.78,"endTime":1526.28,"body":"started doing. And it wasn't a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1521.78,"endTime":1526.28,"body":"lot. It wasn't like, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1526.67,"endTime":1529.76,"body":"completely changing my life and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1526.67,"endTime":1529.76,"body":"changing my routine. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.88,"endTime":1533.0,"body":"routine, it was baby steps to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.88,"endTime":1533.0,"body":"take me to the next direction."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1533.24,"endTime":1535.25,"body":"And if there were times that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1533.24,"endTime":1535.25,"body":"felt like, oh, I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1535.25,"endTime":1538.37,"body":"do this, I did it anyway,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1535.25,"endTime":1538.37,"body":"because it was still small. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1538.37,"endTime":1538.76,"body":"wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.94,"endTime":1541.04,"body":"too big, how much time in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.94,"endTime":1541.04,"body":"your day to just take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1542.6,"endTime":1544.76,"body":"20 minutes if that to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1544.76,"endTime":1546.71,"body":"journal to read, and read."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1547.97,"endTime":1550.73,"body":"And then and then I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1547.97,"endTime":1550.73,"body":"started in therapy once a week."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1550.76,"endTime":1553.19,"body":"Yep. And then once I started"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1550.76,"endTime":1553.19,"body":"getting into kind of the groove"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1553.19,"endTime":1560.48,"body":"of that I started to practice"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1553.19,"endTime":1560.48,"body":"meditation. And I would do 10"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1560.48,"endTime":1564.65,"body":"minutes of meditation. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1560.48,"endTime":1564.65,"body":"meditation was very hard for me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1565.04,"endTime":1568.28,"body":"very hard for me, because I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1565.04,"endTime":1568.28,"body":"I had a panic attack, I had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1568.28,"endTime":1571.22,"body":"panic disorder. And when I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1568.28,"endTime":1571.22,"body":"start meditating it, I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1571.22,"endTime":1574.37,"body":"start breathing. And I was start"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1571.22,"endTime":1574.37,"body":"freaking out because I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1574.37,"endTime":1578.09,"body":"feel different. I know that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1574.37,"endTime":1578.09,"body":"sounds so weird. And it sounds"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1578.39,"endTime":1581.42,"body":"like, what are you doing, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1578.39,"endTime":1581.42,"body":"I've read all about it, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1581.42,"endTime":1583.25,"body":"there's a thing that happens"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1581.42,"endTime":1583.25,"body":"when you meditate, if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1583.25,"endTime":1586.7,"body":"haven't done it before, if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1583.25,"endTime":1586.7,"body":"you've had trauma, it's really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1586.7,"endTime":1592.64,"body":"hard to make your breath"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1586.7,"endTime":1592.64,"body":"regularly. Thank you. You knew"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1592.64,"endTime":1595.1,"body":"what I was saying. You read my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1592.64,"endTime":1595.1,"body":"mind can read your mind. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1595.34,"endTime":1598.67,"body":"So I practice that. And I told"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1595.34,"endTime":1598.67,"body":"myself, okay, you know what this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1598.67,"endTime":1603.53,"body":"is. This is important. I've read"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1598.67,"endTime":1603.53,"body":"this works. So I'm going to keep"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1603.53,"endTime":1608.42,"body":"doing it. And then a little bit"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1603.53,"endTime":1608.42,"body":"later on, I started on my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1608.42,"endTime":1613.55,"body":"physical health, just a little"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1608.42,"endTime":1613.55,"body":"bit, I took I took the kids to a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1613.55,"endTime":1619.4,"body":"gym that had childcare, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1613.55,"endTime":1619.4,"body":"I needed to take time for myself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1619.4,"endTime":1622.52,"body":"at the gym and let somebody else"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1619.4,"endTime":1622.52,"body":"take care of my kiddos. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1622.52,"endTime":1625.4,"body":"didn't have a set schedule to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1622.52,"endTime":1625.4,"body":"go. It was just like, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1625.4,"endTime":1628.31,"body":"go, I'm gonna try and do this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1625.4,"endTime":1628.31,"body":"And I remember I went and worked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1628.31,"endTime":1630.41,"body":"out and tried to get my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1628.31,"endTime":1630.41,"body":"endorphins up, and it didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1630.41,"endTime":1632.78,"body":"work. And I talked to my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1630.41,"endTime":1632.78,"body":"therapist about it, I was like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1632.78,"endTime":1635.63,"body":"I worked out and I still feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1632.78,"endTime":1635.63,"body":"like shit. And she's like, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1635.63,"endTime":1638.96,"body":"just this part of it. It's part"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1635.63,"endTime":1638.96,"body":"I still had to rewire my brain,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1639.29,"endTime":1641.69,"body":"it wasn't gonna happen with one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1639.29,"endTime":1641.69,"body":"workout. I like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1641.69,"endTime":1645.38,"body":"how you said you didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1641.69,"endTime":1645.38,"body":"commit to a certain amount of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.38,"endTime":1647.96,"body":"time in the gym, or certain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.38,"endTime":1647.96,"body":"amount of days in the gym or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.96,"endTime":1651.17,"body":"certain workouts in the gym."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.96,"endTime":1651.17,"body":"Usually, I'm gonna get my body"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1651.17,"endTime":1654.41,"body":"moving on the days that I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1651.17,"endTime":1654.41,"body":"get my body moving. And that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.41,"endTime":1657.56,"body":"how it starts. It starts small"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.41,"endTime":1657.56,"body":"sort of, it's like it's sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1657.56,"endTime":1660.17,"body":"like on your own terms in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1657.56,"endTime":1660.17,"body":"beginning. It is I think that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.17,"endTime":1664.04,"body":"important. It's a it's an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.17,"endTime":1664.04,"body":"important distinction from that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.04,"endTime":1668.18,"body":"and from what Instagram"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.04,"endTime":1668.18,"body":"influencer will tell you, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1668.18,"endTime":1673.28,"body":"that you need this workout"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1668.18,"endTime":1673.28,"body":"program. You need all this crazy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1673.28,"endTime":1676.25,"body":"food and the supplements and all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1673.28,"endTime":1676.25,"body":"this stuff. And this This is you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1676.25,"endTime":1679.13,"body":"stick to this every day and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1676.25,"endTime":1679.13,"body":"you're gonna get better. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.13,"endTime":1681.5,"body":"like biting off more than you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.13,"endTime":1681.5,"body":"can chew early on."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1681.53,"endTime":1685.94,"body":"I could not do that until"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1681.53,"endTime":1685.94,"body":"I got my mental health in check."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1686.6,"endTime":1689.75,"body":"So for you the fifth the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1686.6,"endTime":1689.75,"body":"the mental piece came first."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1689.75,"endTime":1695.87,"body":"Yes. It did for me too. I spent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1689.75,"endTime":1695.87,"body":"the first year of sobriety doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1695.87,"endTime":1698.87,"body":"nothing but focusing on my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1695.87,"endTime":1698.87,"body":"mental health and my spiritual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1698.87,"endTime":1703.73,"body":"health. Yes, I gained y'all I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1698.87,"endTime":1703.73,"body":"gained at least 80 pounds. My"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1703.73,"endTime":1706.58,"body":"dad's two years sober. You did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1703.73,"endTime":1706.58,"body":"funny story. I used to wear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1706.58,"endTime":1711.65,"body":"Spanx. That's not a joke. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1706.58,"endTime":1711.65,"body":"when you decided oh, shit. My"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1711.65,"endTime":1715.31,"body":"rock bottom for fitness."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1711.65,"endTime":1715.31,"body":"Fitness. Never forget it. I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1715.31,"endTime":1720.38,"body":"so big that I became really self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1715.31,"endTime":1720.38,"body":"conscious about my Manboobs. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.38,"endTime":1722.78,"body":"I bought Spanx, which I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.38,"endTime":1722.78,"body":"even know that they made for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.78,"endTime":1725.9,"body":"men, but I was like, Oh, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.78,"endTime":1725.9,"body":"a game changer. Let's just looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1725.9,"endTime":1728.3,"body":"all tight and slim. And I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1725.9,"endTime":1728.3,"body":"wear the shirts I couldn't wear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.3,"endTime":1732.32,"body":"before. And then we were at your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.3,"endTime":1732.32,"body":"parents house for Thanksgiving."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1732.35,"endTime":1736.61,"body":"And I went to go buy a football"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1732.35,"endTime":1736.61,"body":"jersey, cowboys jersey. Someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.61,"endTime":1738.62,"body":"told me today they sent me a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.61,"endTime":1738.62,"body":"message. They were like, Hey, by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.62,"endTime":1741.56,"body":"the way the Cowboys said your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.62,"endTime":1741.56,"body":"podcast with the Cowboys. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1741.56,"endTime":1744.71,"body":"that was so funny. Sit back,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1741.56,"endTime":1744.71,"body":"watch this great. I don't mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1744.71,"endTime":1748.19,"body":"it. But anyway, it was in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1744.71,"endTime":1748.19,"body":"moment that I was like, I had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.19,"endTime":1751.34,"body":"this like out of body"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.19,"endTime":1751.34,"body":"experience. And I was like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.34,"endTime":1756.65,"body":"just I just bought Spanx so I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.34,"endTime":1756.65,"body":"could wear a football jersey."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1758.66,"endTime":1760.04,"body":"I was pregnant with them,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1758.66,"endTime":1760.04,"body":"Joe, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1760.04,"endTime":1762.86,"body":"was like, oh my god, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1760.04,"endTime":1762.86,"body":"was Thanksgiving Day. Yeah. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.86,"endTime":1765.23,"body":"wasn't until March that I really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.86,"endTime":1765.23,"body":"did something about it. But that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.23,"endTime":1767.93,"body":"was the moment that I was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.23,"endTime":1767.93,"body":"Oh, something has to change,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1767.96,"endTime":1769.34,"body":"right? Something's got to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1767.96,"endTime":1769.34,"body":"change. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1769.34,"endTime":1770.93,"body":"got your mental health"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1769.34,"endTime":1770.93,"body":"together. First."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1771.02,"endTime":1773.75,"body":"I had to. I had to and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1771.02,"endTime":1773.75,"body":"I've always said like you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.75,"endTime":1775.88,"body":"think yourself in the right way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.75,"endTime":1775.88,"body":"or you can act yourself in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1775.88,"endTime":1779.81,"body":"right thing. I do believe that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1775.88,"endTime":1779.81,"body":"do believe that you can act"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1779.81,"endTime":1782.54,"body":"yourself into right thing. What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1779.81,"endTime":1782.54,"body":"I mean by that there will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1782.54,"endTime":1787.61,"body":"days where you your mind is just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1782.54,"endTime":1787.61,"body":"not cooperating and you cannot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1787.61,"endTime":1790.55,"body":"find positivity anywhere. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1787.61,"endTime":1790.55,"body":"can't find the bright side you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1790.55,"endTime":1795.62,"body":"can't find gratitude. What I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1790.55,"endTime":1795.62,"body":"learned through the school of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.62,"endTime":1798.98,"body":"hard knocks is that when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.62,"endTime":1798.98,"body":"forced myself to do the thing I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.98,"endTime":1802.25,"body":"didn't want to do that I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.98,"endTime":1802.25,"body":"Avoiding that suddenly my mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1802.25,"endTime":1805.46,"body":"came around and I found the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1802.25,"endTime":1805.46,"body":"gratitude. I found the positive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.46,"endTime":1808.28,"body":"thinking and I found all those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.46,"endTime":1808.28,"body":"things. But I think that was at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.28,"endTime":1811.07,"body":"a certain point that I could do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.28,"endTime":1811.07,"body":"that early on. I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1811.07,"endTime":1813.65,"body":"that had been possible. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1811.07,"endTime":1813.65,"body":"it would, maybe it would, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1813.65,"endTime":1816.8,"body":"would have worked temporarily."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1813.65,"endTime":1816.8,"body":"Yeah, but not for a while. I do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1816.8,"endTime":1820.04,"body":"think that you have to get your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1816.8,"endTime":1820.04,"body":"mind right. And then you the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.04,"endTime":1820.85,"body":"body comes after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1820.85,"endTime":1824.21,"body":"that. Yeah. But I did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1820.85,"endTime":1824.21,"body":"still work on my body while I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.21,"endTime":1828.68,"body":"was working on my mental piece,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.21,"endTime":1828.68,"body":"but it wasn't balls to the wall."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1828.68,"endTime":1833.12,"body":"You know, it wasn't small. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1828.68,"endTime":1833.12,"body":"wasn't trying to lose weight. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1833.12,"endTime":1837.26,"body":"wasn't trying to get fit. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1833.12,"endTime":1837.26,"body":"just trying to do it for my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1837.26,"endTime":1839.81,"body":"mental health. You know, I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1837.26,"endTime":1839.81,"body":"just trying to get my body"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1839.81,"endTime":1843.41,"body":"moving. I would even take the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1839.81,"endTime":1843.41,"body":"kids for a walk in the stroller,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1843.41,"endTime":1846.8,"body":"you know, simple things like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1843.41,"endTime":1846.8,"body":"that just to do something. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1846.89,"endTime":1849.26,"body":"like I said, it wasn't a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1846.89,"endTime":1849.26,"body":"routine. What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.26,"endTime":1853.19,"body":"you do on as far as diet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.26,"endTime":1853.19,"body":"goes in those early days, early"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.19,"endTime":1854.48,"body":"early days, so I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1854.51,"endTime":1858.68,"body":"always had Well, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1854.51,"endTime":1858.68,"body":"wouldn't say always because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1858.68,"endTime":1861.44,"body":"guess when we were younger, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1858.68,"endTime":1861.44,"body":"did eat like shit. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1861.44,"endTime":1864.11,"body":"no, no, here's why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1861.44,"endTime":1864.11,"body":"corrupted. This poor girl You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.11,"endTime":1867.02,"body":"really did grew up in a home"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.11,"endTime":1867.02,"body":"where her mother cooked and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1867.02,"endTime":1868.34,"body":"cooked healthy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1868.37,"endTime":1872.12,"body":"We didn't have sodas in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1868.37,"endTime":1872.12,"body":"our house. We didn't have like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1872.15,"endTime":1874.79,"body":"junk. I mean, we'd have snacks"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1872.15,"endTime":1874.79,"body":"and stuff. But it wasn't we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1874.79,"endTime":1878.15,"body":"rarely ate out. My mom cooked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1874.79,"endTime":1878.15,"body":"home cooked meals and they were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1878.15,"endTime":1882.23,"body":"healthy. I was raised with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1878.15,"endTime":1882.23,"body":"healthy food. And then who you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1882.35,"endTime":1885.56,"body":"met me and it's like, come to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1882.35,"endTime":1885.56,"body":"the dark side. Oh, yeah. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1885.56,"endTime":1888.47,"body":"introduced me to Taco Bell. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1885.56,"endTime":1888.47,"body":"we would eat that every day"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.47,"endTime":1890.27,"body":"after high school. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.47,"endTime":1890.27,"body":"remember that?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.9,"endTime":1894.86,"body":"Jack in the Box sign?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.9,"endTime":1894.86,"body":"Leaving the parking lot. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1896.09,"endTime":1898.64,"body":"I had my license for like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1896.09,"endTime":1898.64,"body":"a month. At that point. She"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.64,"endTime":1901.16,"body":"spilled a drink and her"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.64,"endTime":1901.16,"body":"the cup holder. I was in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1901.16,"endTime":1903.5,"body":"passenger seat. She was driving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1901.16,"endTime":1903.5,"body":"she spilled the drinks in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1903.5,"endTime":1906.77,"body":"cup holder. She was looking down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1903.5,"endTime":1906.77,"body":"as she was hurting out of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1906.77,"endTime":1911.54,"body":"parking lot onto this big road"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1906.77,"endTime":1911.54,"body":"and kept looking down while"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.54,"endTime":1915.8,"body":"turning and just hit the gas. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.54,"endTime":1915.8,"body":"jumped a curb and ran smooth and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1915.8,"endTime":1918.77,"body":"one of those Jack in the Box"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1915.8,"endTime":1918.77,"body":"signs that was huge. It was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1918.77,"endTime":1921.02,"body":"the size of the car. And it said"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1918.77,"endTime":1921.02,"body":"like two tacos tonight."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.02,"endTime":1924.23,"body":"Nonsense. Yep. And destroyed it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.02,"endTime":1924.23,"body":"Yep. It was like inside the car."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.26,"endTime":1927.2,"body":"Yep. That happened. When we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.26,"endTime":1927.2,"body":"about 17"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1927.23,"endTime":1930.56,"body":"Yeah. So anyway, I gained"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1927.23,"endTime":1930.56,"body":"a lot of weight when Matt was an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1930.56,"endTime":1933.71,"body":"active addiction. And when I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1930.56,"endTime":1933.71,"body":"even with with Sydney I did but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1933.71,"endTime":1936.92,"body":"during when I started with my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1933.71,"endTime":1936.92,"body":"self care, I would start small"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1936.92,"endTime":1940.13,"body":"with just cooking healthy it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1936.92,"endTime":1940.13,"body":"not like I die"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.49,"endTime":1943.1,"body":"every meal though. No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.49,"endTime":1943.1,"body":"like, I'm gonna eat a healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.1,"endTime":1945.89,"body":"meal today. Right? One of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.1,"endTime":1945.89,"body":"meals will be healthy, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.89,"endTime":1947.09,"body":"That's a start, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1947.12,"endTime":1949.52,"body":"Or I'm not going to snack"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1947.12,"endTime":1949.52,"body":"today. Or I'm going to drink"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1949.52,"endTime":1953.06,"body":"some water today, like extra"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1949.52,"endTime":1953.06,"body":"water today. You know, I didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1953.36,"endTime":1957.92,"body":"track everything. I know, I had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1953.36,"endTime":1957.92,"body":"tried like Weight Watchers a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1957.92,"endTime":1960.32,"body":"little bit and it's up and down."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1957.92,"endTime":1960.32,"body":"You know, I wasn't ready for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1960.32,"endTime":1966.08,"body":"that. Or it wasn't sustainable."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1960.32,"endTime":1966.08,"body":"And then I would do weird diets"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1966.08,"endTime":1970.25,"body":"with you. Because you were on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1966.08,"endTime":1970.25,"body":"like paleo. You tried all this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1970.25,"endTime":1973.61,"body":"stuff. And I was just like, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1970.25,"endTime":1973.61,"body":"know, I'm not I just not ready"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1973.61,"endTime":1977.09,"body":"to do this. But I would do it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1973.61,"endTime":1977.09,"body":"occasionally. You know, I knew"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1977.09,"endTime":1980.33,"body":"that I needed to eat healthy,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1977.09,"endTime":1980.33,"body":"but it wasn't every meal all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1980.33,"endTime":1981.17,"body":"time. I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.17,"endTime":1984.86,"body":"ready for that. Gentle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.17,"endTime":1984.86,"body":"self care. Gentle, gentle in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1984.86,"endTime":1987.71,"body":"beginning. It was like dinner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1984.86,"endTime":1987.71,"body":"will be healthy tonight. We will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.71,"endTime":1987.98,"body":"eat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1988.25,"endTime":1991.28,"body":"all or something. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1988.25,"endTime":1991.28,"body":"all their sweat. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1991.28,"endTime":1993.5,"body":"learned an E to him. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1991.28,"endTime":1993.5,"body":"this is an all or something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1993.5,"endTime":1996.35,"body":"thing, which we'll get to in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1993.5,"endTime":1996.35,"body":"just a moment. Okay. Okay, cool."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1996.35,"endTime":1996.95,"body":"Where are we going?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1997.46,"endTime":2003.46,"body":"I also worked on my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1997.46,"endTime":2003.46,"body":"spiritual self care during those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.46,"endTime":2008.53,"body":"times. So this, all of this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.46,"endTime":2008.53,"body":"stuff took three to four years."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2008.92,"endTime":2009.28,"body":"I liked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2009.28,"endTime":2011.65,"body":"that you framed it with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2009.28,"endTime":2011.65,"body":"the timing like that, because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2011.65,"endTime":2015.31,"body":"think a lot of people, obviously"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2011.65,"endTime":2015.31,"body":"we all want change now. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.37,"endTime":2018.91,"body":"it's like, I gotta make some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.37,"endTime":2018.91,"body":"changes, like yesterday. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.91,"endTime":2021.34,"body":"then so we sort of put on paper,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.91,"endTime":2021.34,"body":"everything that we need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.34,"endTime":2025.72,"body":"change and we try to do it all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.34,"endTime":2025.72,"body":"today. You're saying it's okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.72,"endTime":2028.33,"body":"It's okay to take the time. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.72,"endTime":2028.33,"body":"okay. And it's okay. If this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2028.33,"endTime":2031.81,"body":"process takes years. Yes. 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And then that's when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2053.35,"endTime":2058.84,"body":"like your, your, even your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2058.84,"endTime":2062.47,"body":"emotional, self care can comes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2058.84,"endTime":2062.47,"body":"in, come into play where you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2062.5,"endTime":2064.72,"body":"setting boundaries, and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2062.5,"endTime":2064.72,"body":"giving yourself compassion and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2064.72,"endTime":2067.78,"body":"you're taking action with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2064.72,"endTime":2067.78,"body":"detaching and you're, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2067.81,"endTime":2070.81,"body":"doing all these other things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2067.81,"endTime":2070.81,"body":"that are really, really hard."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2070.81,"endTime":2073.45,"body":"Yeah, you might not be ready to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2070.81,"endTime":2073.45,"body":"do that. If you're in survival"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2073.45,"endTime":2076.18,"body":"mode. You have to build up that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2073.45,"endTime":2076.18,"body":"self esteem first by doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2076.18,"endTime":2078.37,"body":"things for yourself. What does"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2076.18,"endTime":2078.37,"body":"spiritual self care look like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2078.37,"endTime":2082.9,"body":"for you? That would be my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2078.37,"endTime":2082.9,"body":"meditation and learning about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2082.9,"endTime":2087.52,"body":"the Dow. That was something that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2082.9,"endTime":2087.52,"body":"I was just huge for me. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2087.52,"endTime":2093.22,"body":"started praying. I didn't do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2087.52,"endTime":2093.22,"body":"that for a long time. And you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2093.22,"endTime":2094.18,"body":"really helped me in all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2094.18,"endTime":2097.87,"body":"of that. The spiritual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2094.18,"endTime":2097.87,"body":"stuff. That was part of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2098.08,"endTime":2098.59,"body":"because it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2098.59,"endTime":2100.99,"body":"part of your recovery."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2098.59,"endTime":2100.99,"body":"And I was like, you know, why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2100.99,"endTime":2104.2,"body":"not? Why not? You know. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2100.99,"endTime":2104.2,"body":"that's when I really started to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2104.2,"endTime":2107.59,"body":"get more in touch with nature,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2104.2,"endTime":2107.59,"body":"you know, with my panic attacks"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2107.59,"endTime":2110.14,"body":"and looking at the tree"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2107.59,"endTime":2110.14,"body":"grounding and all that grounding"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2110.14,"endTime":2114.13,"body":"and all that stuff. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2110.14,"endTime":2114.13,"body":"that's, that's part of that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.7,"endTime":2119.74,"body":"Again, I practiced this all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.7,"endTime":2119.74,"body":"time, I made time to do it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2119.74,"endTime":2122.89,"body":"because I knew that if nothing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2119.74,"endTime":2122.89,"body":"changes, if nothing changes, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2122.89,"endTime":2125.2,"body":"I had to make a change. 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If, if that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.23,"endTime":2153.73,"body":"Peace to you. And that takes all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2153.73,"endTime":2156.31,"body":"of I don't know, 30 seconds."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2153.73,"endTime":2156.31,"body":"Yeah, that's, that's a small,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2156.31,"endTime":2159.49,"body":"gentle start. Right? For us. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2156.31,"endTime":2159.49,"body":"like started from absolute"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2159.49,"endTime":2163.0,"body":"scratch. 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I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2169.57,"endTime":2171.85,"body":"just think the universe a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2169.57,"endTime":2171.85,"body":"lot of the times, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2171.97,"endTime":2175.15,"body":"yeah, that's where I find my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2171.97,"endTime":2175.15,"body":"gratitude is in my spirituality."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2175.63,"endTime":2178.93,"body":"Yeah, it's huge for that. We"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2175.63,"endTime":2178.93,"body":"have a total episode on that, if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2178.93,"endTime":2180.73,"body":"you want to go down, I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2178.93,"endTime":2180.73,"body":"want to go down that path too"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2180.73,"endTime":2183.13,"body":"much. Okay. 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And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2236.53,"endTime":2239.53,"body":"I'm grateful. I haven't been on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2236.53,"endTime":2239.53,"body":"that medication for a long time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2240.01,"endTime":2243.07,"body":"But I had to change my brain in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2240.01,"endTime":2243.07,"body":"order to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2243.13,"endTime":2245.62,"body":"get off of those. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2243.13,"endTime":2245.62,"body":"was an excellent bridge for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2245.65,"endTime":2246.04,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2247.3,"endTime":2252.16,"body":"And then do you want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2247.3,"endTime":2252.16,"body":"talk about the physical part?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2252.19,"endTime":2256.09,"body":"Sure. Let's get into it. 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I mean, both feet,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.46,"endTime":2347.89,"body":"just like in it. I was to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.46,"endTime":2347.89,"body":"point where like, I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2347.89,"endTime":2352.18,"body":"walk the next day kind of stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2347.89,"endTime":2352.18,"body":"like I was in that place. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.18,"endTime":2353.86,"body":"don't know, I don't think I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.18,"endTime":2353.86,"body":"would have been ready that first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.86,"endTime":2356.59,"body":"year. Yeah, not even close. Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.86,"endTime":2356.59,"body":"like you wouldn't have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.59,"endTime":2359.29,"body":"ready at some point when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.59,"endTime":2359.29,"body":"in survival mode. Yeah. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2359.29,"endTime":2362.17,"body":"just I just want people to know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2359.29,"endTime":2362.17,"body":"like, be gentle with yourself. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.17,"endTime":2364.33,"body":"mean, be firm, but be gentle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.17,"endTime":2364.33,"body":"Right? We're always going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2364.54,"endTime":2368.35,"body":"talk on both sides here. So be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2364.54,"endTime":2368.35,"body":"firm with yourself that you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.35,"endTime":2372.43,"body":"need to make changes. And they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.35,"endTime":2372.43,"body":"can be small. So be gentle when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.43,"endTime":2374.83,"body":"you can say they can be small,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.43,"endTime":2374.83,"body":"but be firm, when you say I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2374.83,"endTime":2378.97,"body":"to make some changes, something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2374.83,"endTime":2378.97,"body":"has to give here. And so if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.97,"endTime":2382.39,"body":"you're eating three fast food"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.97,"endTime":2382.39,"body":"meals a day, let's do two. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2382.45,"endTime":2384.64,"body":"let's try to let's start to eat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2382.45,"endTime":2384.64,"body":"a little bit better and have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.64,"endTime":2387.01,"body":"conscious mind that we're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.64,"endTime":2387.01,"body":"to improve on this when we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2387.01,"endTime":2387.46,"body":"ready."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2387.67,"endTime":2390.64,"body":"Yeah, I think there's a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2387.67,"endTime":2390.64,"body":"book called atomic habits. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2390.64,"endTime":2392.86,"body":"don't know if you read it. Did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2390.64,"endTime":2392.86,"body":"you read it? No. I started"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2392.86,"endTime":2396.1,"body":"reading it. But it was a little"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2392.86,"endTime":2396.1,"body":"bit past where I where I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2396.1,"endTime":2398.38,"body":"like, I don't think it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2396.1,"endTime":2398.38,"body":"beneficial for me in the moment"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2398.38,"endTime":2401.44,"body":"but I do think that our lives"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2398.38,"endTime":2401.44,"body":"nurses might benefit from it. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2401.44,"endTime":2402.67,"body":"just could be a resource for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2401.44,"endTime":2402.67,"body":"them. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2402.67,"endTime":2404.11,"body":"heard a lot of good things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2402.67,"endTime":2404.11,"body":"about it. I've actually had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.11,"endTime":2406.27,"body":"discussion with a guy for like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.11,"endTime":2406.27,"body":"three hours him telling me about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.27,"endTime":2408.1,"body":"the book. Yeah, all the sounds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.27,"endTime":2408.1,"body":"totally."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2408.16,"endTime":2413.53,"body":"Right, right. We're just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2408.16,"endTime":2413.53,"body":"very, like, you know, I took off"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2413.53,"endTime":2417.01,"body":"my Apple watch, like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2413.53,"endTime":2417.01,"body":"track things. I don't do things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2417.01,"endTime":2420.13,"body":"like that because it was too"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2417.01,"endTime":2420.13,"body":"overstimulating. For me, I like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.13,"endTime":2423.67,"body":"to kind of go at the beat of my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.13,"endTime":2423.67,"body":"own drum. That makes sense. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2423.67,"endTime":2427.03,"body":"I think that we get really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2423.67,"endTime":2427.03,"body":"overstimulated with things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2427.03,"endTime":2429.52,"body":"are on social media, and we get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2427.03,"endTime":2429.52,"body":"triggered by people posting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2429.52,"endTime":2431.26,"body":"things. And we're like, oh, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2429.52,"endTime":2431.26,"body":"gotta be like that. So we've got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2431.26,"endTime":2434.05,"body":"to stop comparing ourselves to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2431.26,"endTime":2434.05,"body":"everybody. And what they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.05,"endTime":2437.26,"body":"doing. Yeah, it's all show,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.05,"endTime":2437.26,"body":"folks. Yeah, yeah. And we don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2437.26,"endTime":2439.6,"body":"have to have all of these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2437.26,"endTime":2439.6,"body":"trackers like, it is nice. We"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2439.6,"endTime":2443.65,"body":"did have that. What did we just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2439.6,"endTime":2443.65,"body":"put on our phone? For social"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2443.65,"endTime":2447.91,"body":"media screens in? Yeah, that's a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2443.65,"endTime":2447.91,"body":"great, great way to to help with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2447.91,"endTime":2448.63,"body":"your mental. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2448.63,"endTime":2451.75,"body":"caught myself trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2448.63,"endTime":2451.75,"body":"open apps today. Like eight"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2451.75,"endTime":2455.38,"body":"times, right. So what am I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2451.75,"endTime":2455.38,"body":"doing? Yeah, yes. Yes. That was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.38,"endTime":2456.07,"body":"more productive, though."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2456.1,"endTime":2458.68,"body":"Yeah, it was. It's great."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2456.1,"endTime":2458.68,"body":"I love it. And I'm not like I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2458.68,"endTime":2461.8,"body":"said, I'm not a huge app person"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2458.68,"endTime":2461.8,"body":"with stuff like that. But this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2461.8,"endTime":2462.88,"body":"one is amazing. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2462.88,"endTime":2464.53,"body":"So shout out to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2462.88,"endTime":2464.53,"body":"wheelie told us about that. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2465.01,"endTime":2466.45,"body":"Yes, yes. Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2466.45,"endTime":2469.45,"body":"Thank you so much. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2466.45,"endTime":2469.45,"body":"um,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.59,"endTime":2474.25,"body":"when it comes to self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.59,"endTime":2474.25,"body":"care, self care, a lot of times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.25,"endTime":2478.27,"body":"people will say I needed to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.25,"endTime":2478.27,"body":"care of this as a distraction."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.39,"endTime":2482.89,"body":"Okay, or I needed to get away."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.39,"endTime":2482.89,"body":"Uh, huh. What are your thoughts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.89,"endTime":2484.75,"body":"on self care as a distraction?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2484.78,"endTime":2489.19,"body":"Um, so I think that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2484.78,"endTime":2489.19,"body":"distractions are good whenever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2489.19,"endTime":2493.51,"body":"we are in basic li panic mode."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2489.19,"endTime":2493.51,"body":"So distractions for me would be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2493.93,"endTime":2498.7,"body":"grounding techniques, breathing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2493.93,"endTime":2498.7,"body":"techniques. If you're having"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2498.82,"endTime":2501.16,"body":"something that's really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2498.82,"endTime":2501.16,"body":"triggering, then yes, you need a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2501.16,"endTime":2504.64,"body":"distraction to calm your body"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2501.16,"endTime":2504.64,"body":"down. But if you're distracting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2504.64,"endTime":2508.36,"body":"yourself from the problems"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2504.64,"endTime":2508.36,"body":"within your relationship, or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2508.36,"endTime":2512.05,"body":"within your life, by doing all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2508.36,"endTime":2512.05,"body":"these self care things, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.05,"endTime":2515.11,"body":"almost like a band aid. I guess,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2515.14,"endTime":2516.91,"body":"I would say that's when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2515.14,"endTime":2516.91,"body":"self care becomes self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.91,"endTime":2520.84,"body":"indulgence. Okay. Because self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.91,"endTime":2520.84,"body":"indulgence is bias, design."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2521.02,"endTime":2524.38,"body":"Distraction. I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2521.02,"endTime":2524.38,"body":"indulge, I'm going to be selfish"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.38,"endTime":2527.23,"body":"for a moment, which is a good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.38,"endTime":2527.23,"body":"thing. Good, selfish. I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2527.23,"endTime":2530.83,"body":"go get my I'm gonna go. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2527.23,"endTime":2530.83,"body":"know, for me, like, what do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.83,"endTime":2534.31,"body":"do? I don't do a whole lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.83,"endTime":2534.31,"body":"self indulgence. Do I?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2535.54,"endTime":2537.4,"body":"You eat a gallon of ice"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2535.54,"endTime":2537.4,"body":"cream."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.61,"endTime":2541.27,"body":"I'll eat a gallon ice"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.61,"endTime":2541.27,"body":"cream. There you go. I'll eat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.27,"endTime":2544.63,"body":"the whole gallon there,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.27,"endTime":2544.63,"body":"actually, I think, okay. I'll be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.63,"endTime":2547.93,"body":"almost the whole half now. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.63,"endTime":2547.93,"body":"Okay. But yeah, like, it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2547.96,"endTime":2551.11,"body":"self care and self indulgence, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2547.96,"endTime":2551.11,"body":"need to distraction I've been,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2551.77,"endTime":2554.56,"body":"you know, I take care of myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2551.77,"endTime":2554.56,"body":"most of the time. And I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2554.56,"endTime":2557.35,"body":"need to get away time and place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2554.56,"endTime":2557.35,"body":"for that. There's time there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.35,"endTime":2560.71,"body":"Yeah, is warranted. It's valid,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.35,"endTime":2560.71,"body":"there's a time and place for it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.71,"endTime":2563.89,"body":"But don't get caught in the trap"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.71,"endTime":2563.89,"body":"where self care becomes like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2563.89,"endTime":2565.87,"body":"this over encompassing idea"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2563.89,"endTime":2565.87,"body":"where you're just trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2565.87,"endTime":2568.48,"body":"distract yourself. Remember, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2565.87,"endTime":2568.48,"body":"self care is getting us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2568.48,"endTime":2571.6,"body":"somewhere. It's taking us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2568.48,"endTime":2571.6,"body":"somewhere. It's growing us. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2571.6,"endTime":2575.53,"body":"getting us out of the situation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2571.6,"endTime":2575.53,"body":"that we're in and focusing on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.56,"endTime":2577.93,"body":"the things that we can control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.56,"endTime":2577.93,"body":"it taking care of ourselves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2577.93,"endTime":2580.87,"body":"again, which is so needed when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2577.93,"endTime":2580.87,"body":"you're in a relationship where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.11,"endTime":2584.53,"body":"you're constantly focused on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.11,"endTime":2584.53,"body":"what everyone else is doing, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.53,"endTime":2586.69,"body":"what's going on with them and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.53,"endTime":2586.69,"body":"what they're going to what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2586.69,"endTime":2589.99,"body":"decision they're going to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2586.69,"endTime":2589.99,"body":"next. It is it's okay to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2589.99,"endTime":2593.02,"body":"distracted sometimes. But self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2589.99,"endTime":2593.02,"body":"care is a little different."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.05,"endTime":2596.38,"body":"These are the more difficult"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.05,"endTime":2596.38,"body":"things general, more general. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.38,"endTime":2598.33,"body":"mean, generally, I would say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.38,"endTime":2598.33,"body":"this the more difficult stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2598.33,"endTime":2601.24,"body":"It's not really always the fun"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2598.33,"endTime":2601.24,"body":"stuff. Yeah, therapy is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2601.24,"endTime":2604.09,"body":"always fun. But you'll never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2601.24,"endTime":2604.09,"body":"leave a therapy session feeling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2604.09,"endTime":2605.11,"body":"like what that was a waste of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.11,"endTime":2609.28,"body":"an hour. Know that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.11,"endTime":2609.28,"body":"will leave like, Oh, you'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2609.28,"endTime":2612.55,"body":"leave feeling like, Oh my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2609.28,"endTime":2612.55,"body":"God, you're hitching a blender."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2613.9,"endTime":2616.69,"body":"I mean, there are days where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2613.9,"endTime":2616.69,"body":"leave the gym and be like, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.69,"endTime":2619.63,"body":"was torture, but you are going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.69,"endTime":2619.63,"body":"to feel better. And you'll be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2619.63,"endTime":2622.21,"body":"proud of yourself the next day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2619.63,"endTime":2622.21,"body":"for it. You're not going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.21,"endTime":2624.79,"body":"proud of yourself the next day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.21,"endTime":2624.79,"body":"after you eat a half gallon of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.79,"endTime":2628.78,"body":"ice cream. Right? So if that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.79,"endTime":2628.78,"body":"that's my acid test, if I if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.78,"endTime":2632.68,"body":"can be proud of myself the next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.78,"endTime":2632.68,"body":"day, then that was self care if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.68,"endTime":2637.99,"body":"I look back on it, and I go no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.68,"endTime":2637.99,"body":"indulgent. Yeah. But then again,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.99,"endTime":2639.79,"body":"I think that when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.99,"endTime":2639.79,"body":"like, I don't know if some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2639.79,"endTime":2645.28,"body":"people like, get my hair done. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2639.79,"endTime":2645.28,"body":"need to get my nails done. Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2645.31,"endTime":2647.83,"body":"taking care of your body. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2645.31,"endTime":2647.83,"body":"I would argue this kind of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.83,"endTime":2651.61,"body":"gray area. Self care thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.83,"endTime":2651.61,"body":"Yeah. grooming. Yeah, exactly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.61,"endTime":2654.04,"body":"It's part of grooming yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.61,"endTime":2654.04,"body":"Hygiene. Yeah, these are self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.04,"endTime":2656.68,"body":"care things. But mix that in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.04,"endTime":2656.68,"body":"with some of the more difficult"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2656.68,"endTime":2660.52,"body":"stuff. Yes. Let's read a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2656.68,"endTime":2660.52,"body":"bit. Let's let's go for a walk."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.52,"endTime":2663.16,"body":"Let's just try to eat a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.52,"endTime":2663.16,"body":"healthier meal. Let's do some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2663.16,"endTime":2665.98,"body":"this little stuff. That's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2663.16,"endTime":2665.98,"body":"sexy. But you will be proud of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.98,"endTime":2669.04,"body":"yourself for later. The pride"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.98,"endTime":2669.04,"body":"that you get whenever like truly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.04,"endTime":2671.05,"body":"feeling proud of yourself or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.04,"endTime":2671.05,"body":"doing something taking care of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.05,"endTime":2674.68,"body":"yourself. Yeah, is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.05,"endTime":2674.68,"body":"indescribable. In those moments"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.68,"endTime":2679.57,"body":"where you feel lost and you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.68,"endTime":2679.57,"body":"down and out? That take a moment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2679.57,"endTime":2685.18,"body":"to feel pride within yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2679.57,"endTime":2685.18,"body":"It almost reconnects you to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.18,"endTime":2687.94,"body":"empowerment that was always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.18,"endTime":2687.94,"body":"there but we kind of lose track"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2687.94,"endTime":2690.46,"body":"of it. We kind of lose sight of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2687.94,"endTime":2690.46,"body":"it. it reconnects you and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2690.46,"endTime":2693.19,"body":"will get fired up in those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2690.46,"endTime":2693.19,"body":"moments like there is fire"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.19,"endTime":2696.31,"body":"inside you. You're still is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.19,"endTime":2696.31,"body":"Yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2696.94,"endTime":2701.17,"body":"Well, our our group, our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2696.94,"endTime":2701.17,"body":"support group is discussing self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2701.17,"endTime":2704.41,"body":"care at the moment, and we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2701.17,"endTime":2704.41,"body":"doing our accountability posts."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2704.77,"endTime":2708.76,"body":"And I think it's a great place"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2704.77,"endTime":2708.76,"body":"for people to talk about self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2708.76,"endTime":2712.99,"body":"indulgence as well. Because like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2708.76,"endTime":2712.99,"body":"we said, with gentle self care,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2712.99,"endTime":2715.57,"body":"like at the beginning, you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2712.99,"endTime":2715.57,"body":"still going to be doing some of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2715.57,"endTime":2718.48,"body":"that stuff. Because you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2715.57,"endTime":2718.48,"body":"starting to do self care slowly,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2718.48,"endTime":2721.42,"body":"and you're putting it in there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2718.48,"endTime":2721.42,"body":"just a little bit at a time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2721.42,"endTime":2724.48,"body":"That's great. So obviously,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2721.42,"endTime":2724.48,"body":"there's a mixture of it. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2724.48,"endTime":2729.04,"body":"I'll tell you this now, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2724.48,"endTime":2729.04,"body":"Matt and I, we self indulge once"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2729.04,"endTime":2733.09,"body":"a week about Yeah, if you think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2729.04,"endTime":2733.09,"body":"about it, like we do those kinds"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2733.09,"endTime":2736.81,"body":"of things, just once a week,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2733.09,"endTime":2736.81,"body":"it's balanced for us the rest of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2736.81,"endTime":2740.56,"body":"the week, we are pretty much you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2736.81,"endTime":2740.56,"body":"know, what, maybe we do like two"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2740.56,"endTime":2744.28,"body":"times a week. But most of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2740.56,"endTime":2744.28,"body":"time, we're really like doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2744.28,"endTime":2747.94,"body":"the hard things to get us to,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2744.28,"endTime":2747.94,"body":"you know, to benefit our lives"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2747.94,"endTime":2748.81,"body":"later on. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2749.29,"endTime":2751.63,"body":"absolutely. And if, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2749.29,"endTime":2751.63,"body":"you've enjoyed this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.63,"endTime":2756.07,"body":"conversation, if you've enjoyed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.63,"endTime":2756.07,"body":"our discussion here, the basis"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.07,"endTime":2759.58,"body":"of a lot of this is inside of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.07,"endTime":2759.58,"body":"our course. Yep. And we've heard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2759.58,"endTime":2762.01,"body":"is, you've heard us mention the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2759.58,"endTime":2762.01,"body":"course now, independently"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2762.01,"endTime":2766.81,"body":"strong. There is there are there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2762.01,"endTime":2766.81,"body":"are 10 modules within the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2766.81,"endTime":2771.94,"body":"course. One of them is a module"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2766.81,"endTime":2771.94,"body":"on self care. And in the self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.94,"endTime":2773.98,"body":"care module, we're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.94,"endTime":2773.98,"body":"cover the things that we covered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2773.98,"endTime":2777.61,"body":"right here. We are offering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2773.98,"endTime":2777.61,"body":"depth Yeah, in depth, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2777.61,"endTime":2779.47,"body":"you're gonna get a full"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2777.61,"endTime":2779.47,"body":"discussion, you're gonna see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2779.47,"endTime":2781.42,"body":"pages lovely face talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2779.47,"endTime":2781.42,"body":"this, you're gonna get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.42,"endTime":2785.68,"body":"worksheets. It's excellent. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.42,"endTime":2785.68,"body":"in the Duxton. Yeah, the doctors"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2785.8,"endTime":2788.38,"body":"perspective on all this stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2785.8,"endTime":2788.38,"body":"There's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2788.38,"endTime":2792.01,"body":"some exercises in there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2788.38,"endTime":2792.01,"body":"to help you keep track of what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2792.01,"endTime":2793.42,"body":"you need to keep track of."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2793.78,"endTime":2797.86,"body":"So from now, until we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2793.78,"endTime":2797.86,"body":"gonna say, February 14"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2797.86,"endTime":2801.88,"body":"Valentine's Day, yeah, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2797.86,"endTime":2801.88,"body":"offering that part of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2801.88,"endTime":2810.13,"body":"course, as a standalone course,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2801.88,"endTime":2810.13,"body":"for $50. To get a module, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2810.4,"endTime":2813.19,"body":"you may hear some things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2810.4,"endTime":2813.19,"body":"reference to other parts of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.19,"endTime":2816.04,"body":"larger course that it came out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.19,"endTime":2816.04,"body":"of. Yeah. But we're just talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.04,"endTime":2818.65,"body":"about self care here. Yes. Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.04,"endTime":2818.65,"body":"self care. So if you hear as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2818.65,"endTime":2820.75,"body":"mentioned something else, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2818.65,"endTime":2820.75,"body":"part of the other the other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.75,"endTime":2822.55,"body":"portion of the course, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.75,"endTime":2822.55,"body":"it's a good introduction to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2822.55,"endTime":2826.36,"body":"people curious about what goes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2822.55,"endTime":2826.36,"body":"on in this course, which is life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2826.36,"endTime":2828.58,"body":"changing. I mean, freaking life."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2828.61,"endTime":2831.22,"body":"It truly is. It's a great"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2828.61,"endTime":2831.22,"body":"course. But I think it's really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2831.22,"endTime":2834.28,"body":"helpful to Yeah, I mean, I could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2831.22,"endTime":2834.28,"body":"talk all day long about self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2834.28,"endTime":2838.54,"body":"care, like, a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2834.28,"endTime":2838.54,"body":"don't realize the importance and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2838.54,"endTime":2842.56,"body":"the significance of it. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2838.54,"endTime":2842.56,"body":"just, I think it needs to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2842.56,"endTime":2847.42,"body":"discussed more. And it needs to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2842.56,"endTime":2847.42,"body":"be discussed in a proper way. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2847.42,"endTime":2850.57,"body":"guess you could say, because on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2847.42,"endTime":2850.57,"body":"social media, social media, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2851.02,"endTime":2855.13,"body":"making us feel crazy. So I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2851.02,"endTime":2855.13,"body":"it's great that we pulled it out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2855.13,"endTime":2859.12,"body":"and give everybody an option to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2855.13,"endTime":2859.12,"body":"go in there and work on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.12,"endTime":2861.85,"body":"it. Yeah, I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.12,"endTime":2861.85,"body":"we're going to do a lot of this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2861.88,"endTime":2863.83,"body":"I think it was just really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2861.88,"endTime":2863.83,"body":"relevant for the time of year"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2863.83,"endTime":2866.38,"body":"that we're in. Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2863.83,"endTime":2866.38,"body":"And we've got this in, we've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2866.38,"endTime":2869.14,"body":"the self care movement in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2866.38,"endTime":2869.14,"body":"community right now. So I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2869.14,"endTime":2872.35,"body":"it's just fitting that it's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2869.14,"endTime":2872.35,"body":"available. It's out there. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.35,"endTime":2877.42,"body":"it's a wonderful introduction to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.35,"endTime":2877.42,"body":"the entire course. But it's very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.42,"endTime":2879.22,"body":"specific to what we're talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.42,"endTime":2879.22,"body":"about here, especially this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.22,"endTime":2883.15,"body":"month when it comes to self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.22,"endTime":2883.15,"body":"care. Yeah. What is what isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.18,"endTime":2886.39,"body":"how to go about it. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.18,"endTime":2886.39,"body":"what are some examples? How do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2886.39,"endTime":2889.75,"body":"get there? How do I track it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2886.39,"endTime":2889.75,"body":"Like, all that stuff's included?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2889.78,"endTime":2892.48,"body":"Yep. And give yourself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2889.78,"endTime":2892.48,"body":"grace. But remember, nothing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2892.48,"endTime":2894.52,"body":"changes. If nothing changes?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2892.48,"endTime":2894.52,"body":"Yep, firm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.55,"endTime":2897.52,"body":"but gentle. Can Be gentle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.55,"endTime":2897.52,"body":"You can make some small changes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2897.52,"endTime":2901.45,"body":"And that is okay. Is if you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2897.52,"endTime":2901.45,"body":"in survival mode, guys, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.45,"endTime":2903.97,"body":"memes and this crap that these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.45,"endTime":2903.97,"body":"people post on the internet do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2903.97,"endTime":2907.27,"body":"not apply. They don't apply No."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2903.97,"endTime":2907.27,"body":"Like that stuff that they just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.27,"endTime":2910.09,"body":"say, people just say this crap"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.27,"endTime":2910.09,"body":"because it gets likes and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.09,"endTime":2913.72,"body":"follows. But that doesn't get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.09,"endTime":2913.72,"body":"paid. They get paid or whatever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.72,"endTime":2917.65,"body":"That's not relevant to what,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.72,"endTime":2917.65,"body":"what our listeners are going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2917.65,"endTime":2921.07,"body":"through, right? It's just not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2917.65,"endTime":2921.07,"body":"no, it does not apply. Mr."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2921.1,"endTime":2923.59,"body":"muscle man has nothing to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2921.1,"endTime":2923.59,"body":"with me right now. You don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2923.59,"endTime":2926.44,"body":"know what my life looks like."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2923.59,"endTime":2926.44,"body":"Have you walked walk in my shoes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2926.44,"endTime":2930.16,"body":"for one day? And you'd be like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2926.44,"endTime":2930.16,"body":"Oh, I'm sorry. I had mentioned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.16,"endTime":2934.51,"body":"it. You know? Yeah, yep. Yep. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.16,"endTime":2934.51,"body":"okay. I think that's all we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2934.51,"endTime":2937.36,"body":"got. Yes. Anything else we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2934.51,"endTime":2937.36,"body":"didn't cover? I feel like we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.36,"endTime":2941.47,"body":"missing. Yeah. Oh, I feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.36,"endTime":2941.47,"body":"when we shut this off, and I go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2941.47,"endTime":2944.86,"body":"to bed, I'm gonna be like, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2941.47,"endTime":2944.86,"body":"mom and home alone."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2945.1,"endTime":2947.14,"body":"It's okay. Of course."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2947.23,"endTime":2950.17,"body":"It's in the course. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2947.23,"endTime":2950.17,"body":"right. It's all there. We did."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2950.23,"endTime":2952.66,"body":"It's in the course. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2950.23,"endTime":2952.66,"body":"excellent. And check that out at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.66,"endTime":2955.72,"body":"independently strong.com. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.66,"endTime":2955.72,"body":"right. Well, thank you all for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2955.72,"endTime":2959.62,"body":"being here with us. Thanks for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2955.72,"endTime":2959.62,"body":"joining us. Till next time. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.62,"endTime":2960.31,"body":"Matt. I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2960.31,"endTime":2961.27,"body":"Paige. We'll see you"}]}