{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.8,"body":"I don't think it's I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.8,"body":"think you can separate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1.8,"endTime":4.11,"body":"necessarily and say like, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1.8,"endTime":4.11,"body":"just because the drug use no,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4.11,"endTime":6.93,"body":"there's so many other things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4.11,"endTime":6.93,"body":"going on here. Like we've talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":6.93,"endTime":9.81,"body":"about separating the drugs from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":6.93,"endTime":9.81,"body":"the person separating the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":9.81,"endTime":13.68,"body":"alcohol from the person, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":9.81,"endTime":13.68,"body":"about 5% of the issues. 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So, okay, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":389.46,"endTime":392.94,"body":"just get into the questions and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":389.46,"endTime":392.94,"body":"then we'll let it flow from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":392.94,"endTime":394.02,"body":"there. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":394.68,"endTime":396.21,"body":"Now, when you say the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":394.68,"endTime":396.21,"body":"question, yeah, read it, please."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":396.24,"endTime":399.87,"body":"Alright, so the first one is my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":396.24,"endTime":399.87,"body":"a b, which is typically"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":399.87,"endTime":403.59,"body":"alcoholic boyfriend, I believe."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":399.87,"endTime":403.59,"body":"Yeah, a B. H is our husband"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":403.86,"endTime":408.24,"body":"frequently cheats or carries on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":403.86,"endTime":408.24,"body":"in sexting conversations with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":408.24,"endTime":411.63,"body":"whoever will do it with him, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":408.24,"endTime":411.63,"body":"continues to talk when sober is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":411.63,"endTime":415.26,"body":"the boundary to be very clear."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":411.63,"endTime":415.26,"body":"Of if you continue, I will no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":415.26,"endTime":417.87,"body":"longer continue in this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":415.26,"endTime":417.87,"body":"relationship. I find I make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":417.87,"endTime":421.11,"body":"excuses because of his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":417.87,"endTime":421.11,"body":"addiction. There's more there."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.44,"endTime":423.18,"body":"You want me to I was just going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.44,"endTime":423.18,"body":"to stop right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":423.18,"endTime":426.3,"body":"there. Okay, that's a lot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":423.18,"endTime":426.3,"body":"Yeah, that's a lot to digest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":426.3,"endTime":429.54,"body":"there. Is the boundary very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":426.3,"endTime":429.54,"body":"clear. If you continue in this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":429.54,"endTime":431.94,"body":"I will no law if you continue"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":429.54,"endTime":431.94,"body":"doing this, I will no longer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":431.94,"endTime":436.68,"body":"continue in this relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":431.94,"endTime":436.68,"body":"And maybe I should have prefaced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.68,"endTime":442.08,"body":"it by saying that there are this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.68,"endTime":442.08,"body":"comes up a lot. The infidelity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":443.01,"endTime":446.67,"body":"and addicted relationships."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":443.01,"endTime":446.67,"body":"Yeah, but not all people who are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.67,"endTime":451.08,"body":"addicted to substances do this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.67,"endTime":451.08,"body":"There aren't really clear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":451.08,"endTime":454.47,"body":"statistics on like, how many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":451.08,"endTime":454.47,"body":"people are unfaithful in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.47,"endTime":458.43,"body":"addicted relationships, but just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.47,"endTime":458.43,"body":"to an internet search earlier"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":458.43,"endTime":464.82,"body":"said that between 20 and 25% of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":458.43,"endTime":464.82,"body":"men self identified as having"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":464.82,"endTime":468.15,"body":"been unfaithful in their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":464.82,"endTime":468.15,"body":"marriage at some point. Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":468.15,"endTime":473.13,"body":"we're talking about what's that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":468.15,"endTime":473.13,"body":"one in five 20% but one in five."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":473.25,"endTime":476.58,"body":"Okay, I feel like I feel this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":473.25,"endTime":476.58,"body":"just me saying I feel like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":476.58,"endTime":480.72,"body":"incident the instances are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":476.58,"endTime":480.72,"body":"higher when it comes to addicted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":480.72,"endTime":483.06,"body":"relationships though. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":480.72,"endTime":483.06,"body":"we'll get into some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.21,"endTime":486.87,"body":"reasons we think that could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.21,"endTime":486.87,"body":"Yeah, but when it comes to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.87,"endTime":490.47,"body":"person carrying on sexting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.87,"endTime":490.47,"body":"conversations with whoever will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":490.47,"endTime":492.99,"body":"do it with him and you've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":490.47,"endTime":492.99,"body":"this boundary that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":493.02,"endTime":495.21,"body":"basically saying like I will no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":493.02,"endTime":495.21,"body":"longer continue this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":495.21,"endTime":495.96,"body":"relationship"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":495.99,"endTime":497.22,"body":"I think that's a solid"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":495.99,"endTime":497.22,"body":"boundary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.25,"endTime":498.51,"body":"I think that's a great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.25,"endTime":498.51,"body":"boundary"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":498.54,"endTime":501.42,"body":"right because I'm we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":498.54,"endTime":501.42,"body":"gonna say up front that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":502.11,"endTime":504.78,"body":"infidelity was a non negotiable"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":502.11,"endTime":504.78,"body":"in our relationship always has"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":504.78,"endTime":509.73,"body":"been and if some one of us did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":504.78,"endTime":509.73,"body":"any of that it would not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":509.73,"endTime":513.33,"body":"continue addict or not. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":509.73,"endTime":513.33,"body":"the behavior. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":513.33,"endTime":516.84,"body":"disrespectful and I wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":513.33,"endTime":516.84,"body":"have allowed my relationship"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":516.84,"endTime":519.66,"body":"with you to go on any further"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":516.84,"endTime":519.66,"body":"had that happen? Because it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":519.66,"endTime":524.34,"body":"just something that I've always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":519.66,"endTime":524.34,"body":"had a firm boundary and belief"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":524.34,"endTime":528.45,"body":"on with infidelity. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":524.34,"endTime":528.45,"body":"just my personal opinion that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":528.45,"endTime":531.75,"body":"your boundary is completely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":528.45,"endTime":531.75,"body":"solid here. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.75,"endTime":534.45,"body":"got the same feeling about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.75,"endTime":534.45,"body":"infidelity. It's just something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.45,"endTime":538.38,"body":"that that's just a no, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.45,"endTime":538.38,"body":"just a hard no for me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":538.62,"endTime":542.19,"body":"Right. And I have been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":538.62,"endTime":542.19,"body":"very open with all of our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":542.25,"endTime":549.15,"body":"episodes about how I focus on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":542.25,"endTime":549.15,"body":"behaviors, and not the substance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":549.15,"endTime":553.32,"body":"or addiction. If somebody is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":549.15,"endTime":553.32,"body":"doing something addiction or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":553.32,"endTime":557.94,"body":"not, it's still not appropriate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":553.32,"endTime":557.94,"body":"Behavior and Boundaries do need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":557.94,"endTime":558.87,"body":"to be put in place."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.32,"endTime":562.23,"body":"Yeah, with with these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.32,"endTime":562.23,"body":"questions, and then also like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":562.23,"endTime":565.5,"body":"our our Tic Toc, DMS, fill up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":562.23,"endTime":565.5,"body":"with these types of questions as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":565.5,"endTime":568.17,"body":"well. And the question is often"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":565.5,"endTime":568.17,"body":"something like this, like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":568.17,"endTime":572.79,"body":"person is even admitted. She's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":568.17,"endTime":572.79,"body":"saying I find that I make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.79,"endTime":575.85,"body":"excuses because of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.79,"endTime":575.85,"body":"addiction. And that is very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":575.85,"endTime":578.22,"body":"common. Yes, it is. Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":575.85,"endTime":578.22,"body":"you're thinking to yourself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.22,"endTime":580.65,"body":"Okay, well, if they're addicted,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.22,"endTime":580.65,"body":"I know that means like, their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":580.65,"endTime":586.14,"body":"brain is not operating as it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":580.65,"endTime":586.14,"body":"should. It's a disease. So when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":586.14,"endTime":589.05,"body":"it comes to this cheating, does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":586.14,"endTime":589.05,"body":"that fall into that same bucket?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":589.74,"endTime":592.59,"body":"My perspective on this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":589.74,"endTime":592.59,"body":"absolutely not right. It does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":592.59,"endTime":595.71,"body":"not. I know a lot of addicted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":592.59,"endTime":595.71,"body":"people that have never cheated."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":596.1,"endTime":600.99,"body":"Yeah, there this isn't. This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":596.1,"endTime":600.99,"body":"a separate issue. Yeah. It I now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.02,"endTime":603.81,"body":"will speak out of both sides of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.02,"endTime":603.81,"body":"my mouth sex addiction, things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":603.81,"endTime":607.38,"body":"like that. Very much hit on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":603.81,"endTime":607.38,"body":"same parts of the brain."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":607.8,"endTime":610.32,"body":"Yeah, any type of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":607.8,"endTime":610.32,"body":"addiction get does the same part"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":610.35,"endTime":611.28,"body":"of the brain. Once"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.28,"endTime":613.05,"body":"you're addicted to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.28,"endTime":613.05,"body":"something, there are co"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.05,"endTime":615.45,"body":"occurring addictions that take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.05,"endTime":615.45,"body":"place and the propensity for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.45,"endTime":618.24,"body":"those to occur is higher. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.45,"endTime":618.24,"body":"so someone that's already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.24,"endTime":621.87,"body":"addicted to a drug, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.24,"endTime":621.87,"body":"likelihood that they'll go do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.87,"endTime":624.66,"body":"something else addicting is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.87,"endTime":624.66,"body":"higher. Okay, so when it comes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":624.66,"endTime":628.2,"body":"to like this, but this is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":624.66,"endTime":628.2,"body":"sexting conversations like to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.2,"endTime":631.59,"body":"me, this is just betrayal. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.2,"endTime":631.59,"body":"it is. This is just betrayal,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":631.59,"endTime":635.13,"body":"especially like the emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":631.59,"endTime":635.13,"body":"affairs like that one. Oh, man."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":635.16,"endTime":639.15,"body":"Yeah. So let's discuss"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":635.16,"endTime":639.15,"body":"that, like the human connections"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":639.15,"endTime":644.34,"body":"that we all have. Yeah. Like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":639.15,"endTime":644.34,"body":"like, naturally over your course"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":644.34,"endTime":646.56,"body":"of your life, you're going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":644.34,"endTime":646.56,"body":"have connections with people,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":646.59,"endTime":648.42,"body":"you're going to connect with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":646.59,"endTime":648.42,"body":"people that aren't going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":648.42,"endTime":651.12,"body":"your partner, your spouse, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":648.42,"endTime":651.12,"body":"you're going to think, you know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":651.12,"endTime":653.43,"body":"what, maybe at some point in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":651.12,"endTime":653.43,"body":"time, we would have had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":653.43,"endTime":656.82,"body":"relationship, you know, or you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":653.43,"endTime":656.82,"body":"might fantasize about this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":656.82,"endTime":660.09,"body":"person or something like that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":656.82,"endTime":660.09,"body":"But do you act on it? No. Why do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":660.09,"endTime":661.05,"body":"you not act on it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":661.68,"endTime":664.89,"body":"My priorities are in line."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":661.68,"endTime":664.89,"body":"Yeah. And you can control the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":664.89,"endTime":665.64,"body":"impulses."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":665.67,"endTime":668.19,"body":"It's the impulse, you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":665.67,"endTime":668.19,"body":"able to manage the impulses."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":668.19,"endTime":670.83,"body":"It's no different than"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":668.19,"endTime":670.83,"body":"overeating. It's no different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":670.83,"endTime":676.26,"body":"than you managing your sobriety."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":670.83,"endTime":676.26,"body":"Yeah. Like you have, you will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":676.26,"endTime":678.63,"body":"have craving sometimes, but what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":676.26,"endTime":678.63,"body":"do you do? You don't give into"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":678.63,"endTime":681.57,"body":"the impulse? Right? There's,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":678.63,"endTime":681.57,"body":"there's a choice there. Yeah. To"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":681.57,"endTime":683.46,"body":"say, There's no choice. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":681.57,"endTime":683.46,"body":"just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.05,"endTime":687.15,"body":"I have issues with that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.05,"endTime":687.15,"body":"Yeah. And what you just said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":687.15,"endTime":691.02,"body":"there's like, that's, I think it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":687.15,"endTime":691.02,"body":"would maybe shock people to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.02,"endTime":693.9,"body":"that coming out of like, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.02,"endTime":693.9,"body":"mouth or my mouth. But like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.9,"endTime":696.21,"body":"we're humans, like, you come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.9,"endTime":696.21,"body":"across people throughout the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":696.21,"endTime":698.37,"body":"course of your life. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":696.21,"endTime":698.37,"body":"will find someone that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.37,"endTime":700.68,"body":"connect with and you, you'll,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.37,"endTime":700.68,"body":"you'll you're right, you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":700.68,"endTime":702.81,"body":"that thought, like maybe in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":700.68,"endTime":702.81,"body":"different place a different time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.81,"endTime":705.0,"body":"had I'd never met the person I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.81,"endTime":705.0,"body":"in love with and I've committed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":705.0,"endTime":708.18,"body":"my life with Yeah, that probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":705.0,"endTime":708.18,"body":"would have worked, right? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.18,"endTime":710.64,"body":"you might even find yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.18,"endTime":710.64,"body":"like daydreaming about it from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.64,"endTime":713.46,"body":"time to time. Like you can have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.64,"endTime":713.46,"body":"like a quote unquote, crush,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":713.49,"endTime":717.12,"body":"right? But does it go any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":713.49,"endTime":717.12,"body":"further than that? Yeah. Never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":717.15,"endTime":720.54,"body":"know. It. I know that you've had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":717.15,"endTime":720.54,"body":"these relationships, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":720.54,"endTime":723.45,"body":"that I've come across people to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":720.54,"endTime":723.45,"body":"write. And we've even talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":723.45,"endTime":726.51,"body":"about yes, some degree, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":723.45,"endTime":726.51,"body":"literally open about it. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":726.63,"endTime":728.55,"body":"But it's not threatening,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":726.63,"endTime":728.55,"body":"because I think we're very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":728.55,"endTime":729.93,"body":"secure with each other exactly"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":729.93,"endTime":731.28,"body":"where we're at. Exactly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.61,"endTime":733.71,"body":"You're right. I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.61,"endTime":733.71,"body":"even listeners that are hearing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":733.71,"endTime":736.62,"body":"this can think about someone in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":733.71,"endTime":736.62,"body":"their life. They've come across"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":736.62,"endTime":739.62,"body":"maybe someone they worked with,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":736.62,"endTime":739.62,"body":"or someone they come across it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":740.04,"endTime":741.96,"body":"you know, parties every so often"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":740.04,"endTime":741.96,"body":"whatever."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":741.96,"endTime":744.36,"body":"Right? Right. And you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":741.96,"endTime":744.36,"body":"have like matching energy as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":744.36,"endTime":746.58,"body":"people say, or you just have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":744.36,"endTime":746.58,"body":"these connections. That's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":746.58,"endTime":750.12,"body":"Yeah. But you don't take it a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":746.58,"endTime":750.12,"body":"step further, you're able to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":750.12,"endTime":752.58,"body":"manage that because you do have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":750.12,"endTime":752.58,"body":"something good. You'd have you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":752.58,"endTime":754.26,"body":"made a commitment with somebody."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":752.58,"endTime":754.26,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.77,"endTime":757.92,"body":"So yeah, I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.77,"endTime":757.92,"body":"answers it. I think the boundary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.92,"endTime":760.86,"body":"that you don't want to continue"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.92,"endTime":760.86,"body":"and this is wonderful. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.19,"endTime":764.64,"body":"if this is where you're at,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.19,"endTime":764.64,"body":"where this is a non negotiable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.64,"endTime":768.18,"body":"for me, I will not have someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.64,"endTime":768.18,"body":"in my life treating me this way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.24,"endTime":771.63,"body":"I mean, this to me harming me in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.24,"endTime":771.63,"body":"this way. I gotta get out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.63,"endTime":774.36,"body":"here. That's that's a boundary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.63,"endTime":774.36,"body":"protecting you. That's a fair"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":774.36,"endTime":778.02,"body":"boundary. Yes. Protecting your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":774.36,"endTime":778.02,"body":"peace, your values, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.02,"endTime":782.07,"body":"beliefs. That solid, totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.02,"endTime":782.07,"body":"solid. That sounds very solid."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.1,"endTime":783.21,"body":"Okay, what's next?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":783.81,"endTime":786.54,"body":"Ways of rebuilding trust"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":783.81,"endTime":786.54,"body":"and intimacy when there's been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":786.54,"endTime":791.67,"body":"cheating due to the drug use?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":786.54,"endTime":791.67,"body":"Okay. I don't have much. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":791.67,"endTime":793.05,"body":"have experience here. You don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":791.67,"endTime":793.05,"body":"have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.05,"endTime":795.84,"body":"personal experience. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.05,"endTime":795.84,"body":"don't. Nor do I. Nor do I. We've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.84,"endTime":800.67,"body":"haven't had to rebuild trust or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.84,"endTime":800.67,"body":"intimacy after cheating due to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.67,"endTime":804.15,"body":"drug use now, but we did have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.67,"endTime":804.15,"body":"conversation today with someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.15,"endTime":808.74,"body":"that has worked couples through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.15,"endTime":808.74,"body":"this before, and an unpopular"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":808.74,"endTime":812.55,"body":"opinions how he prefaced all of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":808.74,"endTime":812.55,"body":"this, in his experience when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":812.55,"endTime":815.55,"body":"there's been an affair now this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":812.55,"endTime":815.55,"body":"is outside of addiction. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.58,"endTime":819.27,"body":"this is just, yeah, he couldn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.58,"endTime":819.27,"body":"speak to oh, I've worked on many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.27,"endTime":822.03,"body":"instances where there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.27,"endTime":822.03,"body":"addiction present, but he could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":822.03,"endTime":825.18,"body":"speak to relationships where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":822.03,"endTime":825.18,"body":"there had been infidelity. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.18,"endTime":828.36,"body":"how do you rebuild that he said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.18,"endTime":828.36,"body":"The hardest part about it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.01,"endTime":832.74,"body":"let's say it's a husband, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.01,"endTime":832.74,"body":"cheated. And you've got this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":832.74,"endTime":838.77,"body":"this woman who's incredibly hurt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":832.74,"endTime":838.77,"body":"betrayed. And rightfully so. His"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":838.8,"endTime":844.77,"body":"his feeling, and this is what he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":838.8,"endTime":844.77,"body":"practices is that we didn't get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.77,"endTime":848.7,"body":"here because of just one person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.77,"endTime":848.7,"body":"Yeah, at some point in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.7,"endTime":851.4,"body":"relationship, something has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.7,"endTime":851.4,"body":"changed, something wasn't being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.4,"endTime":856.74,"body":"communicated. And it's not 100%"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.4,"endTime":856.74,"body":"One person and 0% the other that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.74,"endTime":861.27,"body":"there's shared responsibility,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.74,"endTime":861.27,"body":"and I want to fight back on that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":861.27,"endTime":864.54,"body":"a bit. Because I feel once"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":861.27,"endTime":864.54,"body":"again, like impulse control,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.54,"endTime":867.21,"body":"like all these things, but okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.54,"endTime":867.21,"body":"I've never been in a bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.21,"endTime":869.49,"body":"relationship. So I don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.21,"endTime":869.49,"body":"what it feels like to be in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.49,"endTime":872.58,"body":"relationship where you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.49,"endTime":872.58,"body":"compatible. You don't share"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.58,"endTime":877.98,"body":"values you, you fight. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.58,"endTime":877.98,"body":"nothing, nothing in common"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.98,"endTime":879.99,"body":"between either of you, you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.98,"endTime":879.99,"body":"support each other, you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":879.99,"endTime":883.77,"body":"validate each other, and what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":879.99,"endTime":883.77,"body":"would it take to drive you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":883.77,"endTime":888.12,"body":"someone else? Or to make the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":883.77,"endTime":888.12,"body":"choice to go and, and cheat?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":888.27,"endTime":891.3,"body":"Yeah, I don't know. I don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":888.27,"endTime":891.3,"body":"what that would take is. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":891.3,"endTime":893.37,"body":"never been there before, but he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":891.3,"endTime":893.37,"body":"says that there's a shared"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.37,"endTime":897.87,"body":"responsibility there. Now when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.37,"endTime":897.87,"body":"it comes to addiction, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":897.87,"endTime":900.69,"body":"that when you think of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":897.87,"endTime":900.69,"body":"addiction, it's a separate issue"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":900.69,"endTime":905.85,"body":"once again. Yes, a separate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":900.69,"endTime":905.85,"body":"issue but addiction cheating due"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":905.85,"endTime":910.89,"body":"to drug use. I got opinions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":905.85,"endTime":910.89,"body":"about this. Okay. I do not buy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.89,"endTime":914.64,"body":"for one second that you cheated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.89,"endTime":914.64,"body":"just because you're on drugs,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":914.67,"endTime":917.58,"body":"right? I do not buy for one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":914.67,"endTime":917.58,"body":"second. You cheated just because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.58,"endTime":920.19,"body":"you were an alcohol, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.58,"endTime":920.19,"body":"Whatever it might be, you know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":920.19,"endTime":922.89,"body":"many times I've been Hi, yah hoo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":920.19,"endTime":922.89,"body":"times I've been drunk in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.89,"endTime":928.53,"body":"life, right? Enough for 10"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.89,"endTime":928.53,"body":"people, right? I still had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.53,"endTime":932.61,"body":"agency, I still had the ability"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.53,"endTime":932.61,"body":"to know what was right and wrong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":932.61,"endTime":937.74,"body":"at times now. Are you thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":932.61,"endTime":937.74,"body":"clearly all the time? No. Is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":937.74,"endTime":941.55,"body":"your prefrontal cortex operating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":937.74,"endTime":941.55,"body":"at 100%? Efficiency? Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.55,"endTime":945.09,"body":"effing not right. No, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.55,"endTime":945.09,"body":"close. But we have choices that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":945.09,"endTime":949.38,"body":"we make. Yeah. So to say that an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":945.09,"endTime":949.38,"body":"addicts love this. They'll say,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.38,"endTime":952.08,"body":"Well, I only cheated because of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.38,"endTime":952.08,"body":"the cocaine. A lot of times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":952.08,"endTime":955.26,"body":"amphetamine users do this. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":952.08,"endTime":955.26,"body":"Amphetamine is just man. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":955.26,"endTime":958.41,"body":"just this heightened state of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":955.26,"endTime":958.41,"body":"crazy amounts of dopamine, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":958.41,"endTime":962.19,"body":"chose to take the drug. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":958.41,"endTime":962.19,"body":"So you chose to put the to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":962.19,"endTime":965.79,"body":"ingest the drug to begin with?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":962.19,"endTime":965.79,"body":"Yes. And especially if you're,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":965.94,"endTime":967.95,"body":"if you're someone who's done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":965.94,"endTime":967.95,"body":"this before, you know where this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.95,"endTime":972.12,"body":"leads. And that's what happens."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.95,"endTime":972.12,"body":"So in some ways, when you choose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.12,"endTime":975.63,"body":"to pick up, you're also choosing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.12,"endTime":975.63,"body":"that this is a possibility that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.63,"endTime":978.06,"body":"this is going to happen. So the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.63,"endTime":978.06,"body":"higher likelihood that I'm going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.06,"endTime":981.54,"body":"to cheat, do whatever else,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.06,"endTime":981.54,"body":"right? I don't think it's I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.54,"endTime":983.64,"body":"don't think you can separate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.54,"endTime":983.64,"body":"necessarily and say like, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.64,"endTime":985.8,"body":"just because the drug use? No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.64,"endTime":985.8,"body":"there's so many other things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.8,"endTime":988.98,"body":"going on here. Okay. Like we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.8,"endTime":988.98,"body":"talked about separating the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":988.98,"endTime":991.02,"body":"drugs from the person or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":988.98,"endTime":991.02,"body":"separating the alcohol from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":991.02,"endTime":995.04,"body":"person is about 5% of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":991.02,"endTime":995.04,"body":"issues. For why like, I know for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":995.04,"endTime":999.06,"body":"me, like why I did what I did,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":995.04,"endTime":999.06,"body":"there's so much stuff going on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":999.06,"endTime":1003.38,"body":"beneath the surface, the symptom"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":999.06,"endTime":1003.38,"body":"to the outward world was drugs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1003.38,"endTime":1006.02,"body":"and alcohol. Yeah, so a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1003.38,"endTime":1006.02,"body":"times spouses will say if we can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1006.02,"endTime":1007.88,"body":"just get them sober,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1006.02,"endTime":1007.88,"body":"everything's good. And I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1007.88,"endTime":1011.42,"body":"forget about the infidelity. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1007.88,"endTime":1011.42,"body":"not saying don't I'm not saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1011.42,"endTime":1014.33,"body":"don't rebuild your relationship,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1011.42,"endTime":1014.33,"body":"but I am saying, you can't just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1014.33,"endTime":1015.71,"body":"blame it all on the drugs and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1014.33,"endTime":1015.71,"body":"alcohol,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1015.74,"endTime":1019.28,"body":"right, and it's gonna be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1015.74,"endTime":1019.28,"body":"a long road. I didn't know that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1019.31,"endTime":1022.49,"body":"Because it taking away all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1019.31,"endTime":1022.49,"body":"behaviors and the layers of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1022.76,"endTime":1026.45,"body":"processing and going through it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1022.76,"endTime":1026.45,"body":"it takes a long time to rebuild"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1026.45,"endTime":1029.75,"body":"that trust. And I can't, I can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1026.45,"endTime":1029.75,"body":"imagine if there is, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1029.75,"endTime":1033.53,"body":"infidelity involved there, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1029.75,"endTime":1033.53,"body":"going to take even longer"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1033.53,"endTime":1037.49,"body":"because that's betrayal to Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1033.53,"endTime":1037.49,"body":"but a lot of people will say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.49,"endTime":1041.45,"body":"that addicts that are using"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.49,"endTime":1041.45,"body":"that's just like cheating on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1041.45,"endTime":1045.11,"body":"their partner, because you do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1041.45,"endTime":1045.11,"body":"choose a drug over the partner."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1045.11,"endTime":1048.59,"body":"And I always felt that way too."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1045.11,"endTime":1048.59,"body":"Back in the day, it's the only"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1048.71,"endTime":1051.23,"body":"the only difference is that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1048.71,"endTime":1051.23,"body":"there's not a connection with a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1051.23,"endTime":1054.08,"body":"human being, which does make a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1051.23,"endTime":1054.08,"body":"difference. That's going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1054.08,"endTime":1055.91,"body":"even more of a betrayal. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1054.08,"endTime":1055.91,"body":"like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.94,"endTime":1058.55,"body":"active addiction, I swear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.94,"endTime":1058.55,"body":"to you, it does not feel like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.55,"endTime":1064.22,"body":"choice. Like whenever, whenever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.55,"endTime":1064.22,"body":"I've ingested something I have,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.15,"endTime":1068.66,"body":"it feels like no control over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.15,"endTime":1068.66,"body":"the next one I pick up like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.66,"endTime":1071.45,"body":"know, but you chose to pick up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.66,"endTime":1071.45,"body":"the first. That's the thing is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.45,"endTime":1074.0,"body":"that we can always say okay, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.45,"endTime":1074.0,"body":"the first one is a choice. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.0,"endTime":1076.16,"body":"I agree with that. But once I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.0,"endTime":1076.16,"body":"get that first one in me, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1076.16,"endTime":1078.98,"body":"like all bets are off. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1076.16,"endTime":1078.98,"body":"Does that excuse my behaviors?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1079.01,"endTime":1080.69,"body":"No, no, no, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.69,"endTime":1083.81,"body":"don't think that it has"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.69,"endTime":1083.81,"body":"at all any type of behavior. No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1083.81,"endTime":1086.03,"body":"that's gonna affect me, all of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1083.81,"endTime":1086.03,"body":"this is gonna affect me. Now,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1086.03,"endTime":1086.21,"body":"let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.21,"endTime":1090.95,"body":"say that you're driving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.21,"endTime":1090.95,"body":"drunk and you're hauling ass"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1090.95,"endTime":1094.94,"body":"through a school zone going 50"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1090.95,"endTime":1094.94,"body":"miles an hour and a 20. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1095.09,"endTime":1098.54,"body":"And you get pulled over. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1095.09,"endTime":1098.54,"body":"just tell the cop, it's just the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.05,"endTime":1099.47,"body":"alcohol,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1099.5,"endTime":1102.08,"body":"I just have a problems."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1099.5,"endTime":1102.08,"body":"You think that cops just gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1102.08,"endTime":1102.83,"body":"let you go?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1102.86,"endTime":1105.32,"body":"No, they're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1102.86,"endTime":1105.32,"body":"arrest you for speeding. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1105.32,"endTime":1109.04,"body":"gonna get a DUI, there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1105.32,"endTime":1109.04,"body":"consequences. You can't be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.04,"endTime":1111.86,"body":"excused for your actions just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.04,"endTime":1111.86,"body":"because you were under the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1111.86,"endTime":1112.76,"body":"influence of something."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1112.79,"endTime":1115.49,"body":"No, but but a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1112.79,"endTime":1115.49,"body":"people in these marriages, they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1115.49,"endTime":1120.95,"body":"do tolerate the behavior based"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1115.49,"endTime":1120.95,"body":"on the alcoholism disease. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1120.95,"endTime":1123.26,"body":"And this is like, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1120.95,"endTime":1123.26,"body":"the most difficult thing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1123.26,"endTime":1125.96,"body":"I've had to explain to people,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1123.26,"endTime":1125.96,"body":"like in DMS and emails and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.96,"endTime":1131.18,"body":"things like that is I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.96,"endTime":1131.18,"body":"spouses so badly want to want my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1131.18,"endTime":1134.0,"body":"response to be yes. You can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1131.18,"endTime":1134.0,"body":"blame them for that. You don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.0,"endTime":1136.37,"body":"know what you're doing. It just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.0,"endTime":1136.37,"body":"happens. And you can't explain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.37,"endTime":1140.93,"body":"why. That's just not true. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.37,"endTime":1140.93,"body":"I hate to be the guy that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1140.93,"endTime":1144.02,"body":"delivers that news. But that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1140.93,"endTime":1144.02,"body":"not the way it works. Unless you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1144.02,"endTime":1148.4,"body":"are blackout drunk. And if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1144.02,"endTime":1148.4,"body":"you're blackout drunk, okay, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.4,"endTime":1150.47,"body":"still got yourself there. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.4,"endTime":1150.47,"body":"still responsible for what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1150.47,"endTime":1153.38,"body":"happens? Yeah, you don't you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1150.47,"endTime":1153.38,"body":"don't know what you're doing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1153.38,"endTime":1155.33,"body":"It's like it's like a time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1153.38,"endTime":1155.33,"body":"machine. Yeah, like you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1155.33,"endTime":1158.63,"body":"wake up and like what happened"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1155.33,"endTime":1158.63,"body":"that like, Xanax will do that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.63,"endTime":1161.72,"body":"alcohol will do that. Really? No"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.63,"endTime":1161.72,"body":"clue what happened? Could you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.72,"endTime":1165.08,"body":"argue in that moment that like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.72,"endTime":1165.08,"body":"I didn't mean to do it? Sure."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.2,"endTime":1167.45,"body":"Okay. But you did. Right. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.2,"endTime":1167.45,"body":"put yourself in that position."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1167.48,"endTime":1168.14,"body":"Right. So what's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1168.14,"endTime":1170.51,"body":"the if it's a one time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1168.14,"endTime":1170.51,"body":"thing that happened? I think it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1170.51,"endTime":1173.33,"body":"would be easier to rebuild"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1170.51,"endTime":1173.33,"body":"trust. If they had that. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.33,"endTime":1176.57,"body":"happened. Yes. And then they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.33,"endTime":1176.57,"body":"owned it took accountability and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.57,"endTime":1179.54,"body":"made changes and went to a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.57,"endTime":1179.54,"body":"program and went to therapy and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1179.54,"endTime":1182.81,"body":"did all of the things to try to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1179.54,"endTime":1182.81,"body":"rebuild the trust. I can see the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.84,"endTime":1186.08,"body":"trust being rebuilt again. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.84,"endTime":1186.08,"body":"but if it is happening over and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1186.08,"endTime":1188.54,"body":"over again, again, you'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1186.08,"endTime":1188.54,"body":"cheater again, my three strikes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1188.54,"endTime":1192.32,"body":"you're out type thing, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1188.54,"endTime":1192.32,"body":"like, how long are you going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1192.32,"endTime":1195.86,"body":"keep this going? They're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1192.32,"endTime":1195.86,"body":"to keep doing it until you say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1196.16,"endTime":1197.06,"body":"no more?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.12,"endTime":1200.72,"body":"Yeah. Yeah. And another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.12,"endTime":1200.72,"body":"thing this is What I've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.72,"endTime":1204.53,"body":"told from therapist about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.72,"endTime":1204.53,"body":"rebuilding a relationship after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1204.53,"endTime":1208.49,"body":"infidelity, you don't get back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1204.53,"endTime":1208.49,"body":"the same relationship. No. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.49,"endTime":1209.93,"body":"they argue why would you want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1210.41,"endTime":1212.66,"body":"do the same with if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1210.41,"endTime":1212.66,"body":"there's just addiction that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1212.66,"endTime":1215.21,"body":"involved? You don't get back to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1212.66,"endTime":1215.21,"body":"the relationship from before?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1215.24,"endTime":1218.12,"body":"No, it's a relationship, a new"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1215.24,"endTime":1218.12,"body":"relationship you're rebuilding"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1218.12,"endTime":1219.38,"body":"from scratch, start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1219.38,"endTime":1223.25,"body":"over. Yes. Oftentimes the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1219.38,"endTime":1223.25,"body":"work that that takes people are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.25,"endTime":1226.22,"body":"not willing to do right. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.25,"endTime":1226.22,"body":"understand well, yeah, for sure."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.22,"endTime":1229.97,"body":"I understand why. It's a lot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.22,"endTime":1229.97,"body":"It's so much. Yeah, it's so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.97,"endTime":1233.78,"body":"freakin much to walk through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.97,"endTime":1233.78,"body":"that. Like a friend of ours has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.78,"endTime":1238.58,"body":"said that oftentimes, couples"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.78,"endTime":1238.58,"body":"don't show up to therapy until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.58,"endTime":1242.33,"body":"it's too late. Yeah, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.58,"endTime":1242.33,"body":"usually show up. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1242.33,"endTime":1245.96,"body":"showing up to the mechanic when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1242.33,"endTime":1245.96,"body":"your car is on fire saying like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1245.96,"endTime":1249.08,"body":"I needed to get my car fixed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1245.96,"endTime":1249.08,"body":"Like this thing's done. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1249.08,"endTime":1251.36,"body":"thing is totaled. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1249.08,"endTime":1251.36,"body":"there is such a thing as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1251.36,"endTime":1254.24,"body":"relationship being totaled."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1251.36,"endTime":1254.24,"body":"Right? We've talked about, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1254.24,"endTime":1258.62,"body":"think, last episode, where it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1254.24,"endTime":1258.62,"body":"can be beyond repair. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.62,"endTime":1261.74,"body":"okay. I shouldn't say beyond"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.62,"endTime":1261.74,"body":"repair, but beyond what you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1261.74,"endTime":1265.1,"body":"willing to do to repair it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1261.74,"endTime":1265.1,"body":"Yeah, that's very likely to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.1,"endTime":1267.62,"body":"the case. If it's gotten to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.1,"endTime":1267.62,"body":"point where you've been cheated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.62,"endTime":1271.49,"body":"on X amount of times. How do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.62,"endTime":1271.49,"body":"repair that? It could take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.49,"endTime":1272.54,"body":"decades? I don't know."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.81,"endTime":1276.05,"body":"Yeah, I would definitely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.81,"endTime":1276.05,"body":"suggest if there is infidelity"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1276.05,"endTime":1279.71,"body":"that's involved, then go to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1276.05,"endTime":1279.71,"body":"couples counseling together, see"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1279.71,"endTime":1282.8,"body":"a professional, professional"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1279.71,"endTime":1282.8,"body":"about that, and talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1282.8,"endTime":1287.33,"body":"rebuilding trust and how it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1282.8,"endTime":1287.33,"body":"would benefit you? Or what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1287.33,"endTime":1289.7,"body":"you've got to do for that?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1287.33,"endTime":1289.7,"body":"Because I don't know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.36,"endTime":1292.28,"body":"I think you can sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.36,"endTime":1292.28,"body":"walk through it in your mind."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.28,"endTime":1294.59,"body":"Like, what what would have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.28,"endTime":1294.59,"body":"happen for me to trust this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.59,"endTime":1298.04,"body":"person wholly again, if I can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.59,"endTime":1298.04,"body":"change the past, if I can't go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1298.04,"endTime":1301.4,"body":"back and change what they did."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1298.04,"endTime":1301.4,"body":"What would have to happen for me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.4,"endTime":1304.34,"body":"to get to that place where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.4,"endTime":1304.34,"body":"everything is okay, again, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1304.7,"endTime":1307.79,"body":"I don't think it's something you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1304.7,"endTime":1307.79,"body":"ever forget. I think you could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.79,"endTime":1310.25,"body":"even find yourself years down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.79,"endTime":1310.25,"body":"the road after you are quote,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1310.25,"endTime":1313.67,"body":"unquote, recovered from it, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1310.25,"endTime":1313.67,"body":"still have moments where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1313.67,"endTime":1315.53,"body":"remember it, and it's still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1313.67,"endTime":1315.53,"body":"gonna hurt."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1315.83,"endTime":1318.95,"body":"We still have things even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1315.83,"endTime":1318.95,"body":"from just addiction that I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1318.95,"endTime":1321.86,"body":"about, and I'm like, God, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1318.95,"endTime":1321.86,"body":"hurts. Yeah, like, I mean, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1321.89,"endTime":1325.94,"body":"gonna take a long time to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1321.89,"endTime":1325.94,"body":"rebuild the trust 100% If ever,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1325.94,"endTime":1330.29,"body":"because when trauma is involved,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1325.94,"endTime":1330.29,"body":"it takes a long time to actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1330.29,"endTime":1332.18,"body":"unravel all that stuff. Some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.18,"endTime":1334.4,"body":"of the ingredients that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.18,"endTime":1334.4,"body":"know are necessary, it's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.4,"endTime":1336.89,"body":"take time. Yeah, that's one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.4,"endTime":1336.89,"body":"them. It's going to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.95,"endTime":1340.1,"body":"consistency in new behaviors and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.95,"endTime":1340.1,"body":"actions and accountability,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1340.19,"endTime":1343.25,"body":"accountability, right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1340.19,"endTime":1343.25,"body":"accountability and validation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.28,"endTime":1347.54,"body":"for harm caused. So you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.28,"endTime":1347.54,"body":"do all those things, which are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1347.54,"endTime":1349.94,"body":"incredibly difficult to do. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1347.54,"endTime":1349.94,"body":"then there's this time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.94,"endTime":1355.16,"body":"component, which is, it's kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.94,"endTime":1355.16,"body":"of just whatever it could be."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1355.55,"endTime":1358.82,"body":"months, it could be years, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1355.55,"endTime":1358.82,"body":"could be decades. Yeah. Before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1358.82,"endTime":1362.0,"body":"you're at a point where you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1358.82,"endTime":1362.0,"body":"like, Okay, I'm feel safe here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.0,"endTime":1365.51,"body":"again. I'm good. But I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.0,"endTime":1365.51,"body":"just want people to know and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.51,"endTime":1368.15,"body":"like, you have permission to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.51,"endTime":1368.15,"body":"that I won't tolerate this. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.15,"endTime":1371.3,"body":"it's okay to go. Yeah, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.15,"endTime":1371.3,"body":"feel like it's totaled, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1372.02,"endTime":1375.74,"body":"Why not? Right, right. Oh, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1372.02,"endTime":1375.74,"body":"goodness, we got crazy sounds in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1375.74,"endTime":1379.1,"body":"here. This the printer, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1375.74,"endTime":1379.1,"body":"thought something was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.49,"endTime":1379.85,"body":"something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1379.85,"endTime":1383.15,"body":"was in the roof, like an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1379.85,"endTime":1383.15,"body":"animal going down the walls. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1383.15,"endTime":1385.85,"body":"I'm like, What in the world than"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1383.15,"endTime":1385.85,"body":"it really is? It's a predator."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1385.97,"endTime":1389.12,"body":"Okay, what's next? Alright, so,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1385.97,"endTime":1389.12,"body":"um, I mean, the rest of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1389.12,"endTime":1391.67,"body":"questions are pretty much the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1389.12,"endTime":1391.67,"body":"same. I just wanted to touch on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1391.67,"endTime":1394.88,"body":"the one where it says, Is it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1391.67,"endTime":1394.88,"body":"really true if an attic says"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1394.88,"endTime":1399.14,"body":"that was the alcohol substance,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1394.88,"endTime":1399.14,"body":"not me? If they cheat, while"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1399.14,"endTime":1402.47,"body":"under the influences, while"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1399.14,"endTime":1402.47,"body":"under the influence, which is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1402.47,"endTime":1405.59,"body":"pretty much what you just that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1402.47,"endTime":1405.59,"body":"is not true. That's just not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1405.59,"endTime":1408.77,"body":"true. Yeah. And I also want you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1405.59,"endTime":1408.77,"body":"to know, it's not you either"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1408.77,"endTime":1411.53,"body":"know, like, that's the thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1408.77,"endTime":1411.53,"body":"too, is that I don't want the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.83,"endTime":1415.61,"body":"the spouses who are dealing with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.83,"endTime":1415.61,"body":"this, to think that there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1415.61,"endTime":1418.7,"body":"something wrong with you that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1415.61,"endTime":1418.7,"body":"they're doing this. No, there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1418.97,"endTime":1423.8,"body":"something within them that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1418.97,"endTime":1423.8,"body":"they're having to really fix."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1423.8,"endTime":1426.44,"body":"They need to correct yes, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1423.8,"endTime":1426.44,"body":"know, and you're gonna have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1426.44,"endTime":1429.38,"body":"heal from it. That's the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1426.44,"endTime":1429.38,"body":"difference. It's not that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1429.38,"endTime":1433.19,"body":"caused it to happen. They made"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1429.38,"endTime":1433.19,"body":"those choices. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1433.19,"endTime":1437.03,"body":"I think that the part that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1433.19,"endTime":1437.03,"body":"the spouse plays here is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.03,"endTime":1439.7,"body":"enable me the enabling of these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.03,"endTime":1439.7,"body":"behaviors,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1439.73,"endTime":1442.16,"body":"right? Which sounds"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1439.73,"endTime":1442.16,"body":"terrible when you say like that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1442.16,"endTime":1445.28,"body":"but it's basically just it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1442.16,"endTime":1445.28,"body":"tolerating tolerance is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1445.28,"endTime":1448.79,"body":"condoning? Yeah, it is. If"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1445.28,"endTime":1448.79,"body":"you're tolerating the behavior,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1448.79,"endTime":1451.49,"body":"and you're accepting it just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1448.79,"endTime":1451.49,"body":"because, you know, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1451.49,"endTime":1454.25,"body":"addiction or whatnot, then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1451.49,"endTime":1454.25,"body":"you're condoning it and they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1454.25,"endTime":1457.52,"body":"not going to change because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1454.25,"endTime":1457.52,"body":"they're like, Okay, this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1457.52,"endTime":1460.73,"body":"okay. This is okay, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1457.52,"endTime":1460.73,"body":"she's not doing anything to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1460.73,"endTime":1464.69,"body":"change it. So your part that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1460.73,"endTime":1464.69,"body":"really just your main part is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1464.69,"endTime":1467.42,"body":"just tolerated. Like what do you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1464.69,"endTime":1467.42,"body":"want to do for yourself? How are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1467.42,"endTime":1469.13,"body":"you going to put those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1467.42,"endTime":1469.13,"body":"boundaries up to protect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1469.13,"endTime":1469.7,"body":"yourself?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.73,"endTime":1475.46,"body":"Yeah. A show that I love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.73,"endTime":1475.46,"body":"is the Sopranos. Yeah, probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1475.46,"endTime":1476.09,"body":"my favorite show"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1476.09,"endTime":1478.04,"body":"of all time. Yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1476.09,"endTime":1478.04,"body":"were Tony"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1478.04,"endTime":1480.5,"body":"and Carmela one time for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1478.04,"endTime":1480.5,"body":"Halloween. Yeah, weird. Nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1480.5,"endTime":1483.77,"body":"like either of them, but I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1480.5,"endTime":1483.77,"body":"love the show. No, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1483.77,"endTime":1485.24,"body":"there's still some type"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1483.77,"endTime":1485.24,"body":"of similar"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.24,"endTime":1487.82,"body":"some way we're like ride"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.24,"endTime":1487.82,"body":"or die like that for Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.94,"endTime":1491.84,"body":"Yeah, like I would totally."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.94,"endTime":1491.84,"body":"We're totally hide a gun for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.84,"endTime":1497.48,"body":"you. If I had to. I don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.84,"endTime":1497.48,"body":"if I would do that shit. Come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.48,"endTime":1498.44,"body":"on, Carmela."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1498.77,"endTime":1500.36,"body":"I'm not you know me. I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1498.77,"endTime":1500.36,"body":"the rule"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.36,"endTime":1501.32,"body":"follower she'd be like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.44,"endTime":1502.82,"body":"I don't tolerate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.44,"endTime":1502.82,"body":"bullshit."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1502.82,"endTime":1506.18,"body":"Arrest him arrest that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1502.82,"endTime":1506.18,"body":"man. Anyway, my one of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1506.18,"endTime":1509.24,"body":"favorite characters of all time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1506.18,"endTime":1509.24,"body":"is Carmela soprano. So for those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1509.24,"endTime":1511.46,"body":"of you that don't know, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1509.24,"endTime":1511.46,"body":"sopranos is a show about a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1511.46,"endTime":1515.24,"body":"family that's in the mafia. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1511.46,"endTime":1515.24,"body":"husband Tony Soprano is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1515.27,"endTime":1518.66,"body":"he's a mafia boss and his wife,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1515.27,"endTime":1518.66,"body":"Carmela is a wife. She's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1518.66,"endTime":1524.12,"body":"homemaker lives a, I guess, a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1518.66,"endTime":1524.12,"body":"seemingly normal life of some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1524.12,"endTime":1526.16,"body":"kind. I mean, obviously, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1524.12,"endTime":1526.16,"body":"some weird stuff that goes on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.16,"endTime":1531.02,"body":"when you're in the mafia. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.16,"endTime":1531.02,"body":"money and improper. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1531.2,"endTime":1536.0,"body":"there's Okay, theft, all kinds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1531.2,"endTime":1536.0,"body":"of stuff. Anyway. Tony is a he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.0,"endTime":1539.57,"body":"an asshole. He's a complete"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.0,"endTime":1539.57,"body":"asshole to Carmela. And I always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1539.57,"endTime":1542.78,"body":"hated the way that he treated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1539.57,"endTime":1542.78,"body":"her. He would cheat on her,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.81,"endTime":1546.59,"body":"like, consistently, he always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.81,"endTime":1546.59,"body":"had a girlfriend or more than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1546.59,"endTime":1549.95,"body":"one girlfriend. He'd go to strip"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1546.59,"endTime":1549.95,"body":"clubs, he slept with other women"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1550.1,"endTime":1554.33,"body":"all the time, he would stay out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1550.1,"endTime":1554.33,"body":"till crazy hours, he would. He"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.33,"endTime":1558.5,"body":"was so mean to her. anytime she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.33,"endTime":1558.5,"body":"would ask him for like, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.5,"endTime":1562.46,"body":"basic human decency, or support"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.5,"endTime":1562.46,"body":"of any kind. Like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1562.46,"endTime":1565.1,"body":"relationship was very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1562.46,"endTime":1565.1,"body":"transactional. Yeah. And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.1,"endTime":1567.95,"body":"that these relationships, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.1,"endTime":1567.95,"body":"some ways transactional. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.95,"endTime":1571.58,"body":"like, you can get away with that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.95,"endTime":1571.58,"body":"if I can get away with this. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.58,"endTime":1573.77,"body":"that's how it became for them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.58,"endTime":1573.77,"body":"and like my heart broke for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1573.77,"endTime":1577.67,"body":"Carmela. But at the same time,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1573.77,"endTime":1577.67,"body":"what was her role in her own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1577.67,"endTime":1580.73,"body":"suffering? She was responsible"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1577.67,"endTime":1580.73,"body":"for a lot of because she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1580.73,"endTime":1584.99,"body":"condoned it, right? She was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1580.73,"endTime":1584.99,"body":"willing to sacrifice some parts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1584.99,"endTime":1589.91,"body":"of the relationship in order to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1584.99,"endTime":1589.91,"body":"get the others Yeah. So in order"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.91,"endTime":1592.49,"body":"to have the bright and shiny"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.91,"endTime":1592.49,"body":"things in order to have like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.49,"endTime":1596.63,"body":"picture, perfect family that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.49,"endTime":1596.63,"body":"could put on social media, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1596.63,"endTime":1599.9,"body":"run out there as like, we're so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1596.63,"endTime":1599.9,"body":"great. She tolerated this abuse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1599.9,"endTime":1604.97,"body":"from this guy is so freakin"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1599.9,"endTime":1604.97,"body":"long, right? And so yeah, you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1604.97,"endTime":1608.57,"body":"play a part. In some ways. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1604.97,"endTime":1608.57,"body":"it but it's through what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.57,"endTime":1612.71,"body":"tolerate. Therefore condoning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.57,"endTime":1612.71,"body":"Yes, she condone that behavior"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1612.71,"endTime":1615.98,"body":"by not standing up and walking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1612.71,"endTime":1615.98,"body":"out and saying, I'm not doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1615.98,"endTime":1618.53,"body":"this right. You will not treat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1615.98,"endTime":1618.53,"body":"me this way. Right. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1618.53,"endTime":1620.9,"body":"sign up for this. Right? She"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1618.53,"endTime":1620.9,"body":"didn't set her boundaries, right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1620.93,"endTime":1624.26,"body":"and with with with an abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1620.93,"endTime":1624.26,"body":"person, someone who will exploit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1624.26,"endTime":1626.99,"body":"you. They're just gonna keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1624.26,"endTime":1626.99,"body":"doing it. They're gonna take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.99,"endTime":1629.69,"body":"that as an okay, she's fine with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.99,"endTime":1629.69,"body":"this. I'm totally cool with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.69,"endTime":1632.75,"body":"this. Yes. But it killed her."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.69,"endTime":1632.75,"body":"But she just didn't have the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.75,"endTime":1634.97,"body":"strength to walk out because the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.75,"endTime":1634.97,"body":"other stuff meant too much to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1634.97,"endTime":1639.32,"body":"her. Yeah. So rough man. It is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1634.97,"endTime":1639.32,"body":"So I think of like that kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1639.32,"endTime":1642.77,"body":"like that tragedy of that kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1639.32,"endTime":1642.77,"body":"of person here. Yeah. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.77,"endTime":1644.93,"body":"rough. Yeah. Okay, what's next?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1644.96,"endTime":1645.95,"body":"That's it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.27,"endTime":1649.61,"body":"There is a question here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.27,"endTime":1649.61,"body":"that I wanted to sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1649.61,"endTime":1653.21,"body":"address. So what is the link"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1649.61,"endTime":1653.21,"body":"between cheating and addiction?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.21,"endTime":1657.62,"body":"Or is there one? Is it really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.21,"endTime":1657.62,"body":"true fanatic says that was the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1657.62,"endTime":1660.29,"body":"alcohol? It's what I just said."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1657.62,"endTime":1660.29,"body":"It's just the one you just Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.29,"endTime":1662.81,"body":"Okay. Sorry. But anyway, is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.29,"endTime":1662.81,"body":"there a link between cheating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1662.81,"endTime":1667.49,"body":"and addiction? Not exactly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1662.81,"endTime":1667.49,"body":"Right. Just not exactly. Yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1667.49,"endTime":1671.15,"body":"think that addicts would love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1667.49,"endTime":1671.15,"body":"you to believe that. And spouses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.15,"endTime":1674.81,"body":"would love to believe that. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.15,"endTime":1674.81,"body":"as well. Yes. They would love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.81,"endTime":1677.33,"body":"like both sides, like, oh, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.81,"endTime":1677.33,"body":"just blame the addictions, we'd"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.33,"endTime":1679.7,"body":"have no problem. And you're both"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.33,"endTime":1679.7,"body":"kind of sitting there. With this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.7,"endTime":1682.46,"body":"heavy feeling in the air. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.7,"endTime":1682.46,"body":"I get the feeling there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.46,"endTime":1684.98,"body":"something else going on? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.46,"endTime":1684.98,"body":"And you're right. There is yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.01,"endTime":1688.52,"body":"without a doubt. Yeah. So moving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.01,"endTime":1688.52,"body":"past infidelity is going to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.52,"endTime":1692.51,"body":"professional help, in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.52,"endTime":1692.51,"body":"opinion. Unless you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1692.51,"endTime":1694.64,"body":"someone who's been through this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1692.51,"endTime":1694.64,"body":"it can walk you through it step"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.64,"endTime":1698.21,"body":"by step. But I bet you there,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.64,"endTime":1698.21,"body":"their journey also involves some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1698.21,"endTime":1701.18,"body":"sort of professional help. Now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1698.21,"endTime":1701.18,"body":"they, they got help from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1701.18,"endTime":1706.97,"body":"someone, but when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1701.18,"endTime":1706.97,"body":"addicts, why they cheat? There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1706.97,"endTime":1710.57,"body":"some these aren't scientific"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1706.97,"endTime":1710.57,"body":"reasons. But these are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1710.57,"endTime":1713.93,"body":"general generalities. I should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1710.57,"endTime":1713.93,"body":"say, like, these are some things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.93,"endTime":1717.11,"body":"that you can, yeah, you can, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.93,"endTime":1717.11,"body":"can throw these things out there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.11,"endTime":1720.32,"body":"and say, there's probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.11,"endTime":1720.32,"body":"something to this. So impaired"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.32,"endTime":1722.99,"body":"judgment is one, we talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.32,"endTime":1722.99,"body":"that there are parts of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.99,"endTime":1726.47,"body":"brain that are not working at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.99,"endTime":1726.47,"body":"their best, right, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1726.47,"endTime":1729.92,"body":"cognitive function is impaired."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1726.47,"endTime":1729.92,"body":"decision making processes are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1729.92,"endTime":1732.32,"body":"not the best. We've all been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1729.92,"endTime":1732.32,"body":"drunk and done something stupid,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1732.32,"endTime":1737.06,"body":"probably Oh, yeah. But did you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1732.32,"endTime":1737.06,"body":"cheat? No, there are big, big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1737.06,"endTime":1740.48,"body":"problems. And they're small"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1737.06,"endTime":1740.48,"body":"problems. You know, many of us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.48,"endTime":1742.85,"body":"have made the mistake of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.48,"endTime":1742.85,"body":"driving. And some people maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.85,"endTime":1747.32,"body":"even wrecked a car. For a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.85,"endTime":1747.32,"body":"them. They do that once. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1747.32,"endTime":1749.24,"body":"that's that, yeah. When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1747.32,"endTime":1749.24,"body":"someone's addicted, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1749.24,"endTime":1751.19,"body":"going to keep doing these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1749.24,"endTime":1751.19,"body":"things. And they put themselves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.19,"endTime":1754.67,"body":"in these situations where it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.19,"endTime":1754.67,"body":"more likely to happen. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.67,"endTime":1758.66,"body":"it's not like, you can't tease"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.67,"endTime":1758.66,"body":"out like causation from this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.66,"endTime":1761.24,"body":"You can't say like, oh, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.66,"endTime":1761.24,"body":"causes cheating. No, it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.24,"endTime":1764.48,"body":"because it didn't explain why."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.24,"endTime":1764.48,"body":"So many others don't. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.63,"endTime":1770.54,"body":"Don't Yeah. seeking validation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.63,"endTime":1770.54,"body":"or escape. Actually, the the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1770.57,"endTime":1773.18,"body":"rest of these sort of run"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1770.57,"endTime":1773.18,"body":"together kind of threw this up,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.21,"endTime":1777.32,"body":"but inability to prioritize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.21,"endTime":1777.32,"body":"relationships. And this is one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1777.32,"endTime":1780.17,"body":"that I really wanted to focus a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1777.32,"endTime":1780.17,"body":"bit on was escaping emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1780.2,"endTime":1786.26,"body":"intimacy. Okay. I read this book"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1780.2,"endTime":1786.26,"body":"called biology desire by Mark"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1786.26,"endTime":1791.78,"body":"Lewis. And it's, it's called"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1786.26,"endTime":1791.78,"body":"biology of desire, comma, why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.81,"endTime":1796.49,"body":"addiction is not a disease. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.81,"endTime":1796.49,"body":"it's a catchy title, I think to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1796.49,"endTime":1799.16,"body":"get people interested fired up."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1796.49,"endTime":1799.16,"body":"I think you referenced this book"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1799.16,"endTime":1801.89,"body":"last episode. Maybe I did. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1799.16,"endTime":1801.89,"body":"not sure I've referenced it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.89,"endTime":1805.07,"body":"before I know that. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.89,"endTime":1805.07,"body":"know. And I put it in the, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.07,"endTime":1806.78,"body":"I've put it in that talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.07,"endTime":1806.78,"body":"in the course. But it talks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.78,"endTime":1810.38,"body":"about the neuroscience of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.78,"endTime":1810.38,"body":"addiction. And Mark Lewis has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.38,"endTime":1812.69,"body":"got a really interesting,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.38,"endTime":1812.69,"body":"interesting perspective. And he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.69,"endTime":1816.47,"body":"has got a crazy amount of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.69,"endTime":1816.47,"body":"knowledge on addiction and how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1816.47,"endTime":1818.72,"body":"the brain is functioning,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1816.47,"endTime":1818.72,"body":"inactive addiction, what gets"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.72,"endTime":1821.75,"body":"people sober, talks about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.72,"endTime":1821.75,"body":"concept of neuroplasticity is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.75,"endTime":1824.33,"body":"how we get addicted in the first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.75,"endTime":1824.33,"body":"place. And then also how we get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.33,"endTime":1827.93,"body":"out near the end of the book"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.33,"endTime":1827.93,"body":"he's talking about, he's making"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1827.93,"endTime":1832.97,"body":"this argument that if addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1827.93,"endTime":1832.97,"body":"is a disease, that means that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1832.97,"endTime":1838.25,"body":"love is also a disease. Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1832.97,"endTime":1838.25,"body":"when you look at the way parts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1838.25,"endTime":1840.89,"body":"of your brain light up, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1838.25,"endTime":1840.89,"body":"you're in love, when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.89,"endTime":1843.71,"body":"getting validated from somebody"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.89,"endTime":1843.71,"body":"when there's when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.71,"endTime":1847.82,"body":"attracted to somebody. It's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.71,"endTime":1847.82,"body":"same that dopamine right, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1847.82,"endTime":1851.6,"body":"he's not, can't prove that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1847.82,"endTime":1851.6,"body":"addiction is I mean, that love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.6,"endTime":1854.24,"body":"is also a disease, but he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.6,"endTime":1854.24,"body":"basically saying like, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1854.3,"endTime":1856.91,"body":"they're similar. It's sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1854.3,"endTime":1856.91,"body":"making the argument like, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.91,"endTime":1858.92,"body":"it's sort of like audacious to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.91,"endTime":1858.92,"body":"me that you would say it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1858.92,"endTime":1861.59,"body":"disease, when it's just a brain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1858.92,"endTime":1861.59,"body":"doing what a brain does is if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1861.59,"endTime":1863.15,"body":"you're gonna say that addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1861.59,"endTime":1863.15,"body":"is a disease, and you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.15,"endTime":1865.52,"body":"say that loves the disease as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.15,"endTime":1865.52,"body":"well. But started digging into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1865.52,"endTime":1868.58,"body":"more of that like that, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1865.52,"endTime":1868.58,"body":"notion, like sort of that frame"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1868.58,"endTime":1870.68,"body":"like love, that's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1868.58,"endTime":1870.68,"body":"interesting, because I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1870.68,"endTime":1873.98,"body":"that underlying some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1870.68,"endTime":1873.98,"body":"stuff is like, we've talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1873.98,"endTime":1877.52,"body":"about codependency we've talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1873.98,"endTime":1877.52,"body":"about, like, the need to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1877.52,"endTime":1880.13,"body":"loved. And some people were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1877.52,"endTime":1880.13,"body":"willing to sacrifice a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.13,"endTime":1882.83,"body":"their values in order just to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.13,"endTime":1882.83,"body":"get that get that almost like it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1882.83,"endTime":1888.23,"body":"is a drug. Right, right. For"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1882.83,"endTime":1888.23,"body":"addicts. emotional intimacy is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1888.5,"endTime":1892.55,"body":"very difficult. You are not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1888.5,"endTime":1892.55,"body":"concerned about forming deep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1892.58,"endTime":1895.13,"body":"emotional connections with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1892.58,"endTime":1895.13,"body":"people when you're in active"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1895.13,"endTime":1898.04,"body":"addiction. You're not so a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1895.13,"endTime":1898.04,"body":"of the questions we get that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.04,"endTime":1900.95,"body":"the answer is that you can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.04,"endTime":1900.95,"body":"Yeah, and we did a communication"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1900.95,"endTime":1902.48,"body":"episode on how to communicate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1900.95,"endTime":1902.48,"body":"with someone in active"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1902.48,"endTime":1905.36,"body":"addiction. That was the gist of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1902.48,"endTime":1905.36,"body":"it was that you can't you can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1905.36,"endTime":1907.22,"body":"can't communicate with somebody,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1905.36,"endTime":1907.22,"body":"you can't convince them of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.22,"endTime":1909.59,"body":"things. You can't form emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.22,"endTime":1909.59,"body":"connections, you can have a good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1909.59,"endTime":1912.8,"body":"relationship with someone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1909.59,"endTime":1912.8,"body":"inactive addiction, right? But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1913.46,"endTime":1915.74,"body":"when it comes to cheating, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1913.46,"endTime":1915.74,"body":"wonder if there's something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1915.74,"endTime":1919.82,"body":"behind this idea. And it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1915.74,"endTime":1919.82,"body":"a thought that I have. When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1919.82,"endTime":1922.07,"body":"things get serious in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1919.82,"endTime":1922.07,"body":"relationship, and we have to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1922.16,"endTime":1926.45,"body":"emotionally intimate. I have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1922.16,"endTime":1926.45,"body":"start being open and honest and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1926.45,"endTime":1929.21,"body":"vulnerable with you. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1926.45,"endTime":1929.21,"body":"something addicts most anyway"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1929.21,"endTime":1933.05,"body":"aren't capable of doing or don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1929.21,"endTime":1933.05,"body":"want to do. But they love the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.05,"endTime":1936.17,"body":"feeling of being in love. Who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.05,"endTime":1936.17,"body":"doesn't it's like a dopamine"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1936.17,"endTime":1939.62,"body":"kick. Yeah, just like a drug. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1936.17,"endTime":1939.62,"body":"I wonder how many addicts are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.62,"endTime":1943.76,"body":"leaving relationships to find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.62,"endTime":1943.76,"body":"new ones for that, that small"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.76,"endTime":1947.09,"body":"stage, when it's you meet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.76,"endTime":1947.09,"body":"somebody, you find out you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1947.09,"endTime":1950.27,"body":"things in common. You fall in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1947.09,"endTime":1950.27,"body":"love, you start sleeping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1950.27,"endTime":1952.97,"body":"together. And then when it gets"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1950.27,"endTime":1952.97,"body":"serious, you depart. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.97,"endTime":1955.58,"body":"then you start that cycle over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.97,"endTime":1955.58,"body":"again. I mean, if you're getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.58,"endTime":1958.49,"body":"the same sorts of dopamine"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.58,"endTime":1958.49,"body":"kicks, and we talked about CO"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.49,"endTime":1960.62,"body":"occurring addictions and things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.49,"endTime":1960.62,"body":"like that, I wonder if there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.62,"endTime":1964.46,"body":"something behind this about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.62,"endTime":1964.46,"body":"escaping emotional intimacy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.67,"endTime":1968.57,"body":"like addicts will cheat as a way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.67,"endTime":1968.57,"body":"to escape emotional intimacy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1968.57,"endTime":1970.91,"body":"but go find what they're looking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1968.57,"endTime":1970.91,"body":"for from someone else. Like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.91,"endTime":1974.87,"body":"fun part. Yeah. Like, I remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.91,"endTime":1974.87,"body":"what it was like falling in love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1974.87,"endTime":1977.57,"body":"with you. Like, I remember that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1974.87,"endTime":1977.57,"body":"there are certain days or like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1977.57,"endTime":1979.49,"body":"when the sun shining in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1977.57,"endTime":1979.49,"body":"certain way, or like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1979.49,"endTime":1982.43,"body":"weather's a certain way that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1979.49,"endTime":1982.43,"body":"remember what it felt like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1982.52,"endTime":1987.2,"body":"write certain smells. Yeah, me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1982.52,"endTime":1987.2,"body":"too. Like it imprints on your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.2,"endTime":1991.04,"body":"mind? Yes, it does. It's a very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.2,"endTime":1991.04,"body":"alluring thing. Yeah. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1991.04,"endTime":1992.3,"body":"that a lot of people chase that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1992.33,"endTime":1994.64,"body":"Yes. And they're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1992.33,"endTime":1994.64,"body":"getting that in their, their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1994.64,"endTime":1999.14,"body":"current marriage any more, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1994.64,"endTime":1999.14,"body":"you said, because there isn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.17,"endTime":2002.8,"body":"that emotional connection. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.17,"endTime":2002.8,"body":"like we said, in our last"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2002.8,"endTime":2005.65,"body":"episode, you have to have an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2002.8,"endTime":2005.65,"body":"emotional connection before you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2005.65,"endTime":2008.41,"body":"have the physical part. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2005.65,"endTime":2008.41,"body":"And they're not having that. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2008.41,"endTime":2010.12,"body":"they're gonna go get the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2008.41,"endTime":2010.12,"body":"physical part from somebody"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2010.12,"endTime":2010.75,"body":"else. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.78,"endTime":2013.03,"body":"I mean, some of them will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.78,"endTime":2013.03,"body":"get really really shitty about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.03,"endTime":2015.16,"body":"this, too. Like, I've seen some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.03,"endTime":2015.16,"body":"guys basically say, like, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.16,"endTime":2018.1,"body":"is a need I have, if you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.16,"endTime":2018.1,"body":"gonna give it to me, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.1,"endTime":2020.05,"body":"get it somewhere. That's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.1,"endTime":2020.05,"body":"okay. That's just straight"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.05,"endTime":2020.59,"body":"abuse."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2020.62,"endTime":2024.82,"body":"It is it is. And I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2020.62,"endTime":2024.82,"body":"I wouldn't tolerate that. Like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2024.85,"endTime":2028.66,"body":"no, that's you're, you're,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2024.85,"endTime":2028.66,"body":"you're stronger than that, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2028.66,"endTime":2032.89,"body":"know, you're good enough, you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2028.66,"endTime":2032.89,"body":"good enough. For sure. It's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2033.64,"endTime":2036.01,"body":"breaks my heart that somebody"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2033.64,"endTime":2036.01,"body":"would say that and threatened"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2036.01,"endTime":2039.46,"body":"it. Because all it does is make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2036.01,"endTime":2039.46,"body":"our self esteem go down so much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2039.46,"endTime":2043.27,"body":"more, as though we already we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2039.46,"endTime":2043.27,"body":"already have such a low self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2043.27,"endTime":2046.15,"body":"esteem from being in this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2043.27,"endTime":2046.15,"body":"relationship. That type of thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2046.15,"endTime":2048.82,"body":"just crushes you even more, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2046.15,"endTime":2048.82,"body":"it starts you start questioning"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2048.82,"endTime":2049.54,"body":"so much more."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2049.87,"endTime":2052.06,"body":"Which is why what we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2049.87,"endTime":2052.06,"body":"here, I think is important the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.06,"endTime":2055.63,"body":"work that we do. It's about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.06,"endTime":2055.63,"body":"empowerment, it's about helping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2055.63,"endTime":2059.11,"body":"people through that because we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2055.63,"endTime":2059.11,"body":"know as well as anybody that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2059.11,"endTime":2061.3,"body":"just because someone told you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2059.11,"endTime":2061.3,"body":"do something doesn't mean you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.3,"endTime":2063.4,"body":"going to do it. You can give"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.3,"endTime":2063.4,"body":"people the right answers. I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.4,"endTime":2065.56,"body":"tell an addict you should stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.4,"endTime":2065.56,"body":"drinking. Yeah. And they can go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.56,"endTime":2068.23,"body":"Yeah, you're right. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.56,"endTime":2068.23,"body":"Right. But they've got to want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2068.23,"endTime":2071.5,"body":"it. Yeah, they have to see it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2068.23,"endTime":2071.5,"body":"They have to practice it in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.5,"endTime":2074.98,"body":"overtime. You get there. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.5,"endTime":2074.98,"body":"That we understand that people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.98,"endTime":2077.08,"body":"aren't just going to take our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.98,"endTime":2077.08,"body":"advice at face value, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.08,"endTime":2079.09,"body":"going to have to see it for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.08,"endTime":2079.09,"body":"themselves. Because in the back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2079.09,"endTime":2082.57,"body":"of everyone's mind, is this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2079.09,"endTime":2082.57,"body":"this idea of terminal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2082.57,"endTime":2085.87,"body":"uniqueness, where it's like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2082.57,"endTime":2085.87,"body":"see what you're saying, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2085.87,"endTime":2089.17,"body":"different. I'm different. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2085.87,"endTime":2089.17,"body":"I was raised over here, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2089.17,"endTime":2091.6,"body":"had this type of family and this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2089.17,"endTime":2091.6,"body":"is what my background was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2091.78,"endTime":2094.78,"body":"and I'm this kind of person. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2091.78,"endTime":2094.78,"body":"I think that's good advice for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2094.78,"endTime":2097.87,"body":"most people, but that's not me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2094.78,"endTime":2097.87,"body":"Yeah, but it is. That's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2097.87,"endTime":2099.97,"body":"tough and people have to come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2097.87,"endTime":2099.97,"body":"there and we're patient. We will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2100.0,"endTime":2103.12,"body":"love you till you do. Yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2100.0,"endTime":2103.12,"body":"think that everything you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2103.12,"endTime":2106.45,"body":"saying here is 100% on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2103.12,"endTime":2106.45,"body":"money, though, yeah. But you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2106.45,"endTime":2108.88,"body":"gotta be empowered enough to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2106.45,"endTime":2108.88,"body":"able to make those decisions."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.91,"endTime":2112.84,"body":"Exactly. That's not empowered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.91,"endTime":2112.84,"body":"enough know that, something like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.84,"endTime":2114.4,"body":"that. But I think that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.84,"endTime":2114.4,"body":"this is validating their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.4,"endTime":2117.67,"body":"feelings for shutdown. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.4,"endTime":2117.67,"body":"I really do believe that we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2117.67,"endTime":2121.63,"body":"validating how you truly feel."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2117.67,"endTime":2121.63,"body":"And you're, you're just looking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2121.63,"endTime":2124.72,"body":"for answers that do align with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2121.63,"endTime":2124.72,"body":"your values. And I hope that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2124.72,"endTime":2128.77,"body":"this will help you see things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2124.72,"endTime":2128.77,"body":"just a little bit clearer for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2128.77,"endTime":2130.63,"body":"yourself to make better choices"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2128.77,"endTime":2130.63,"body":"for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.72,"endTime":2135.22,"body":"Yeah. You ever seen? You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.72,"endTime":2135.22,"body":"ever seen the way like a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2135.22,"endTime":2138.49,"body":"kid eats cupcakes? Like if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2135.22,"endTime":2138.49,"body":"gave it? Like, I just Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2138.49,"endTime":2141.22,"body":"just, they just like the icing?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2138.49,"endTime":2141.22,"body":"Yeah, throw out the rest of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.22,"endTime":2144.01,"body":"Yeah, that's sort of what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.22,"endTime":2144.01,"body":"addicts do when they're serial"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2144.01,"endTime":2147.64,"body":"cheating. They're taking the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2144.01,"endTime":2147.64,"body":"best part of the cupcake or the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.64,"endTime":2149.89,"body":"relationship, they're licking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.64,"endTime":2149.89,"body":"the icing off. And then when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.89,"endTime":2152.29,"body":"get down to the cake, where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.89,"endTime":2152.29,"body":"have to do the work and chew and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.29,"endTime":2155.5,"body":"stuff, throw it away. Done with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.29,"endTime":2155.5,"body":"that, that's too much work. Go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.5,"endTime":2158.08,"body":"on to the next one. And so they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.5,"endTime":2158.08,"body":"sort of sit there like think of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.08,"endTime":2160.24,"body":"like a little kid with a bunch"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.08,"endTime":2160.24,"body":"of cupcakes and it's like, ah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2160.45,"endTime":2163.39,"body":"though it away. Look at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2160.45,"endTime":2163.39,"body":"scarred. Yeah, just get rid of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2163.39,"endTime":2166.99,"body":"it. And it's they're seeking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2163.39,"endTime":2166.99,"body":"validation. They're trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.99,"endTime":2171.01,"body":"find that connection. They're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.99,"endTime":2171.01,"body":"chasing that high. Same thing,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2171.1,"endTime":2174.04,"body":"and you're trying to give"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2171.1,"endTime":2174.04,"body":"it to them, but it's not working"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2174.04,"endTime":2176.53,"body":"because they are still in active"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2174.04,"endTime":2176.53,"body":"addiction. Yeah, they have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2176.53,"endTime":2181.15,"body":"pull their weight to they have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2176.53,"endTime":2181.15,"body":"to be able to be emotionally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2181.15,"endTime":2183.7,"body":"connected to you as well. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2181.15,"endTime":2183.7,"body":"they're not capable of that. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2183.94,"endTime":2185.02,"body":"for my cupcake now,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2186.04,"endTime":2187.66,"body":"I can speak from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2186.04,"endTime":2187.66,"body":"experience and say that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.66,"endTime":2190.99,"body":"really hard, if not impossible"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.66,"endTime":2190.99,"body":"for me to experience love when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.99,"endTime":2195.25,"body":"couldn't even love myself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.99,"endTime":2195.25,"body":"Inactive addiction, like it's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2195.64,"endTime":2198.37,"body":"yeah, it's so true. I hated the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2195.64,"endTime":2198.37,"body":"person I saw in the mirror."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2198.37,"endTime":2200.92,"body":"Like, I hated me. Like, why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2198.37,"endTime":2200.92,"body":"would I believe for a second"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.92,"endTime":2202.24,"body":"that you liked me? Right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2202.42,"endTime":2204.67,"body":"Right. I had the same"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2202.42,"endTime":2204.67,"body":"thing when I was going down my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2204.73,"endTime":2208.3,"body":"you know, mental health."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2204.73,"endTime":2208.3,"body":"crashing? Yeah, I felt the same"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2208.3,"endTime":2210.16,"body":"way. It wasn't loving myself,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2208.3,"endTime":2210.16,"body":"and I couldn't get love from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2210.16,"endTime":2210.52,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.42,"endTime":2214.6,"body":"Yeah, I wouldn't given it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.42,"endTime":2214.6,"body":"No, I wouldn't give in it. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2214.6,"endTime":2217.75,"body":"when it comes to this topic of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2214.6,"endTime":2217.75,"body":"infidelity, I think the key"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2217.75,"endTime":2221.74,"body":"takeaways are that drugs don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2217.75,"endTime":2221.74,"body":"necessarily cause it, you can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2221.74,"endTime":2225.16,"body":"blame the drugs. And the drugs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2221.74,"endTime":2225.16,"body":"can excuse the behaviors, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.43,"endTime":2228.52,"body":"Like infidelity in active"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.43,"endTime":2228.52,"body":"addiction cannot be explained."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2228.55,"endTime":2231.85,"body":"All of it cannot be explained"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2228.55,"endTime":2231.85,"body":"away by the substance. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2232.18,"endTime":2234.88,"body":"That's heartbreaking for a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2232.18,"endTime":2234.88,"body":"of people I know. And I know a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.88,"endTime":2236.98,"body":"lot of addicts would argue with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.88,"endTime":2236.98,"body":"me, but I will argue all day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2236.98,"endTime":2238.57,"body":"long. That is not true. Right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2238.6,"endTime":2241.78,"body":"And I just asked you to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2238.6,"endTime":2241.78,"body":"simplify it just simplify like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2241.81,"endTime":2244.78,"body":"just what is the behavior and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2241.81,"endTime":2244.78,"body":"how is it affecting you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2244.93,"endTime":2246.61,"body":"substance or not? There"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2246.61,"endTime":2249.58,"body":"you go. So let's separate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2246.61,"endTime":2249.58,"body":"the two things. Look at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2249.82,"endTime":2252.58,"body":"behavior. Yeah. But there are a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2249.82,"endTime":2252.58,"body":"lot of people who will also and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2252.58,"endTime":2256.03,"body":"we should spend a little time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2252.58,"endTime":2256.03,"body":"here people who, having said all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.03,"endTime":2258.97,"body":"this and understanding how bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.03,"endTime":2258.97,"body":"it was. They still want to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.97,"endTime":2262.57,"body":"the relationship work. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.97,"endTime":2262.57,"body":"Seek professional help you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2262.6,"endTime":2265.54,"body":"Yeah, exactly. Yeah, with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2262.6,"endTime":2265.54,"body":"therapist that does specialize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2265.63,"endTime":2269.44,"body":"in infidelity, trauma, betrayal."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2265.63,"endTime":2269.44,"body":"Yes. Things like that. Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2269.47,"endTime":2272.29,"body":"Where are you going to bring"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2269.47,"endTime":2272.29,"body":"that up? That's right. Um, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.32,"endTime":2276.04,"body":"we've referenced the book. Why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.32,"endTime":2276.04,"body":"does he do that? A few times."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.04,"endTime":2279.79,"body":"Yes. And I found out about that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.04,"endTime":2279.79,"body":"book through a tick tock"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.79,"endTime":2284.17,"body":"account, actually, there's this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.79,"endTime":2284.17,"body":"account called btr.org. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2284.17,"endTime":2288.43,"body":"think it stands for betrayal."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2284.17,"endTime":2288.43,"body":"Trauma Recovery. Okay. We don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2288.43,"endTime":2291.61,"body":"promote a lot of people's stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2288.43,"endTime":2291.61,"body":"on our show, because it's our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2291.61,"endTime":2295.57,"body":"show. But I think that the work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2291.61,"endTime":2295.57,"body":"that these people do is is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.57,"endTime":2295.9,"body":"great."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2295.93,"endTime":2299.92,"body":"You have seriously you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2295.93,"endTime":2299.92,"body":"binge watched some of her stuff,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.92,"endTime":2303.67,"body":"and you came across a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.92,"endTime":2303.67,"body":"great stuff for you. Yeah, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2303.67,"endTime":2304.99,"body":"phrase, you look at yourself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.05,"endTime":2306.88,"body":"the first time I saw a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.05,"endTime":2306.88,"body":"video, I was like, This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2306.88,"endTime":2310.54,"body":"stupid. There's no, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2306.88,"endTime":2310.54,"body":"dumb. You did. And but I knew in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2310.54,"endTime":2313.3,"body":"that moment, as soon as I have,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2310.54,"endTime":2313.3,"body":"it means a millisecond thought,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.78,"endTime":2316.27,"body":"oh, there's something to that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.78,"endTime":2316.27,"body":"Yeah. There's a reason that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.27,"endTime":2318.97,"body":"triggered me. Exactly. I never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.27,"endTime":2318.97,"body":"act that way. I'm always open"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.97,"endTime":2322.24,"body":"and receptive to it. I know. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.97,"endTime":2322.24,"body":"then I started listening to more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.24,"endTime":2324.82,"body":"and more of it. And I started to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.24,"endTime":2324.82,"body":"see more of myself and some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2324.82,"endTime":2327.13,"body":"this stuff. And then they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2324.82,"endTime":2327.13,"body":"mentioned that book, and then I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.13,"endTime":2329.77,"body":"read the book. And I was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.13,"endTime":2329.77,"body":"Oh my god. Yep. So I'm really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.77,"endTime":2332.26,"body":"grateful for the for the account"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.77,"endTime":2332.26,"body":"and for the work that they do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2332.26,"endTime":2334.69,"body":"They've also got a website,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2332.26,"endTime":2334.69,"body":"they've got a community as well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.93,"endTime":2338.59,"body":"They've got coaches, they have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.93,"endTime":2338.59,"body":"podcast. It's called btr.org."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2338.59,"endTime":2339.85,"body":"That's the name of the TIC tock"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2338.59,"endTime":2339.85,"body":"account."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2339.85,"endTime":2342.61,"body":"Yeah. Check it out."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2339.85,"endTime":2342.61,"body":"Seriously, it's really good. We,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.73,"endTime":2345.82,"body":"they don't talk a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.73,"endTime":2345.82,"body":"about addiction. It's mostly on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.82,"endTime":2349.84,"body":"things like infinite infidelity,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.82,"endTime":2349.84,"body":"lying, financial abuse,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.87,"endTime":2354.28,"body":"emotional abuse, pornography,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.87,"endTime":2354.28,"body":"addiction narcissism. So it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2354.28,"endTime":2356.47,"body":"thing that you do, though, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2354.28,"endTime":2356.47,"body":"about the behaviors while the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.47,"endTime":2358.81,"body":"same stuff we cover but we add"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.47,"endTime":2358.81,"body":"in this layer of addiction,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2358.84,"endTime":2361.63,"body":"yeah, that I think brings people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2358.84,"endTime":2361.63,"body":"to us. And then we sort of cover"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2361.63,"endTime":2363.94,"body":"this, but they don't talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2361.63,"endTime":2363.94,"body":"addiction a ton. No, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.94,"endTime":2366.1,"body":"they're, it's They're excellent."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.94,"endTime":2366.1,"body":"They know what they're talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2366.1,"endTime":2368.29,"body":"about. They've got professionals"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2366.1,"endTime":2368.29,"body":"over there. And they've also got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.29,"endTime":2372.13,"body":"people with lived experience. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.29,"endTime":2372.13,"body":"follow us follow them as well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.16,"endTime":2377.59,"body":"Yep. Just don't leave us. No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.16,"endTime":2377.59,"body":"it's awesome. I want you guys to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2377.59,"endTime":2381.07,"body":"get help wherever you possibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2377.59,"endTime":2381.07,"body":"can. Absolutely. So check that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.07,"endTime":2384.25,"body":"out for sure. But yeah, key"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.07,"endTime":2384.25,"body":"takeaways get some professional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.25,"endTime":2388.54,"body":"help. It's going to be a long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.25,"endTime":2388.54,"body":"road if you do want to repair"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2388.54,"endTime":2391.27,"body":"that it's going to be a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2388.54,"endTime":2391.27,"body":"long road and also understand"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2391.87,"endTime":2395.89,"body":"that men that have these abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2391.87,"endTime":2395.89,"body":"qualities, shouldn't just say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.89,"endTime":2399.13,"body":"manage to say people that have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.89,"endTime":2399.13,"body":"these abusive qualities. Very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2399.13,"endTime":2403.51,"body":"few are willing to do the work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2399.13,"endTime":2403.51,"body":"that's necessary to get better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.54,"endTime":2407.89,"body":"Yes, it is hard effing workouts."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.54,"endTime":2407.89,"body":"I've done it myself, I'm telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2407.89,"endTime":2412.75,"body":"you like, it requires an open"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2407.89,"endTime":2412.75,"body":"mind and willingness. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.75,"endTime":2414.55,"body":"have to be able to challenge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.75,"endTime":2414.55,"body":"yourself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2414.58,"endTime":2416.86,"body":"I have one, I just think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2414.58,"endTime":2416.86,"body":"I'm gonna butcher this stat. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2416.86,"endTime":2420.31,"body":"I read enough is enough really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2416.86,"endTime":2420.31,"body":"good book about boundaries. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.31,"endTime":2424.21,"body":"when you feel like it's time to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.31,"endTime":2424.21,"body":"leave an abusive relationship,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2424.21,"endTime":2428.65,"body":"and I think it said something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2424.21,"endTime":2428.65,"body":"between like, two to 5% of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2428.65,"endTime":2433.63,"body":"people who are men who are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2428.65,"endTime":2433.63,"body":"abusive, actually recover. Wow."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2433.66,"endTime":2436.51,"body":"I mean, it was a really small"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2433.66,"endTime":2436.51,"body":"number, I could have totally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2436.51,"endTime":2438.61,"body":"butchered that. I just remember"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2436.51,"endTime":2438.61,"body":"being really small. It was a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2438.61,"endTime":2441.34,"body":"very small amount of people. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2438.61,"endTime":2441.34,"body":"I was like, Oh, my gosh, this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2441.34,"endTime":2445.0,"body":"just mind blowing. But it makes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2441.34,"endTime":2445.0,"body":"sense, because of how long it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2445.0,"endTime":2448.87,"body":"took you to deal with your shit."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2445.0,"endTime":2448.87,"body":"You know, we've dealt with this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2449.05,"endTime":2452.47,"body":"It took you like eight years to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2449.05,"endTime":2452.47,"body":"actually unravel every"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2452.47,"endTime":2456.19,"body":"everything? Yeah, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2452.47,"endTime":2456.19,"body":"eight to 10 years, if you really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2456.19,"endTime":2459.79,"body":"think about it, like to unravel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2456.19,"endTime":2459.79,"body":"it all. Like, that's a long"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2459.79,"endTime":2461.38,"body":"time. Really long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.38,"endTime":2464.44,"body":"time. I mean, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.38,"endTime":2464.44,"body":"undoing a ton of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2464.8,"endTime":2466.63,"body":"No, that was like 10"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2464.8,"endTime":2466.63,"body":"years of active addiction."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2466.63,"endTime":2468.37,"body":"That's how much you were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2466.63,"endTime":2468.37,"body":"unraveling. So think about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2468.37,"endTime":2471.16,"body":"people who have been an active"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2468.37,"endTime":2471.16,"body":"addiction for 20 years, is it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2471.16,"endTime":2473.11,"body":"gonna take 20 years for it to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2471.16,"endTime":2473.11,"body":"unravel? Could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2473.11,"endTime":2474.88,"body":"have been longer than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2473.11,"endTime":2474.88,"body":"that. Because you think about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.91,"endTime":2477.37,"body":"it's not just the stuff that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.91,"endTime":2477.37,"body":"occurs an act of addiction. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.37,"endTime":2478.24,"body":"is stuff that goes back to your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2478.24,"endTime":2481.42,"body":"childhood. Yeah, it goes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2478.24,"endTime":2481.42,"body":"far. It's deep rooted, deeply"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2481.42,"endTime":2482.53,"body":"rooted. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.62,"endTime":2485.08,"body":"then whatever it is inside"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.62,"endTime":2485.08,"body":"of me, that made me want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2485.08,"endTime":2488.65,"body":"control everything and everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2485.08,"endTime":2488.65,"body":"around me, and coerce people,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2488.77,"endTime":2491.98,"body":"and exploit people like all that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2488.77,"endTime":2491.98,"body":"comes from a really, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2491.98,"endTime":2495.85,"body":"nasty place in my soul. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2491.98,"endTime":2495.85,"body":"got to dig deep and do it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.85,"endTime":2498.73,"body":"like, understand that if you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.85,"endTime":2498.73,"body":"gonna go down this path that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2498.73,"endTime":2502.33,"body":"the, the odds are against you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2498.73,"endTime":2502.33,"body":"and it's not going to be up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2502.33,"endTime":2504.28,"body":"you whether or not it succeeds."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2502.33,"endTime":2504.28,"body":"Once again, it's gonna be up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2504.28,"endTime":2506.62,"body":"the person that you're really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2504.28,"endTime":2506.62,"body":"got the problem. Yeah, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2506.62,"endTime":2511.21,"body":"part of this is going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2506.62,"endTime":2511.21,"body":"having to find the patience it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.21,"endTime":2515.71,"body":"takes to get through this. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.21,"endTime":2515.71,"body":"if they choose to recover, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2515.71,"endTime":2519.34,"body":"sort of on this, like betrayal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2515.71,"endTime":2519.34,"body":"and trauma type stuff, kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.34,"endTime":2521.17,"body":"we're talking about here when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.34,"endTime":2521.17,"body":"comes to infidelity. Even when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2521.17,"endTime":2523.15,"body":"it comes to addiction, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2521.17,"endTime":2523.15,"body":"you'd mentioned that you felt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.15,"endTime":2526.63,"body":"betrayed. Because I felt like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.15,"endTime":2526.63,"body":"was taking substances over you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.63,"endTime":2530.47,"body":"I was choosing substances over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.63,"endTime":2530.47,"body":"our family. Yeah. And back from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.47,"endTime":2533.92,"body":"that, like one of the toughest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.47,"endTime":2533.92,"body":"things, and anytime I'm coaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2534.49,"endTime":2537.73,"body":"couples, this comes up a lot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2534.49,"endTime":2537.73,"body":"And it's I hate having to do it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.73,"endTime":2541.6,"body":"I feel like an ass trying to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.73,"endTime":2541.6,"body":"it. And I even tell women like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.6,"endTime":2544.54,"body":"I, I can't believe I'm gonna ask"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.6,"endTime":2544.54,"body":"you this, when I'm gonna have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.54,"endTime":2547.12,"body":"ask you this, you're gonna have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.54,"endTime":2547.12,"body":"to find patients, if you want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2547.12,"endTime":2550.93,"body":"this to work. It's, it's like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2547.12,"endTime":2550.93,"body":"shouldn't have to ask you to but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.93,"endTime":2552.79,"body":"if you want it to work, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.93,"endTime":2552.79,"body":"that's what you came to me for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2552.79,"endTime":2555.73,"body":"was to try to make it work, then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2552.79,"endTime":2555.73,"body":"that's going to be required,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.76,"endTime":2558.55,"body":"you're going to have to find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.76,"endTime":2558.55,"body":"patients where you there's none"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2558.55,"endTime":2560.74,"body":"that's deserved, right? But they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2558.55,"endTime":2560.74,"body":"don't deserve any patients"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.74,"endTime":2563.29,"body":"necessarily, right. But if we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.74,"endTime":2563.29,"body":"agreed we want this marriage to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2563.29,"endTime":2566.11,"body":"work. It has to be it has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2563.29,"endTime":2566.11,"body":"happen as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2566.11,"endTime":2568.27,"body":"long as they're working"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2566.11,"endTime":2568.27,"body":"on as long as we're working on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2568.27,"endTime":2569.74,"body":"it. Yes, yes. Yes. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2569.74,"endTime":2571.63,"body":"Having patience. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2569.74,"endTime":2571.63,"body":"that's a question we get a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2571.63,"endTime":2575.11,"body":"is like, how do you how do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2571.63,"endTime":2575.11,"body":"support someone like that? What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.11,"endTime":2576.91,"body":"are you doing? It's my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.11,"endTime":2576.91,"body":"questions. First, my first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.91,"endTime":2579.88,"body":"question like, What are they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.91,"endTime":2579.88,"body":"doing nothing. Then you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2579.88,"endTime":2582.22,"body":"choose to be patient like your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2579.88,"endTime":2582.22,"body":"you can do that. Don't get me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2582.22,"endTime":2584.32,"body":"wrong, you can but nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2582.22,"endTime":2584.32,"body":"changes if nothing changes, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.32,"endTime":2587.47,"body":"we'll have the same conversation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.32,"endTime":2587.47,"body":"right very soon. Right. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.5,"endTime":2591.01,"body":"Yeah. So but patients is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.5,"endTime":2591.01,"body":"to be required. Yeah, for sure."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.04,"endTime":2594.55,"body":"And a lot of it and some you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.04,"endTime":2594.55,"body":"have to go to places you really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2594.55,"endTime":2597.28,"body":"don't want to go for a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2594.55,"endTime":2597.28,"body":"people they do decide like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2597.28,"endTime":2602.05,"body":"is total. Yeah, we don't like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2597.28,"endTime":2602.05,"body":"didn't get any verify statistics"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.05,"endTime":2605.77,"body":"today when we talk to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.05,"endTime":2605.77,"body":"therapist. But he did say that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2606.4,"endTime":2609.97,"body":"He was like my stats on this are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2606.4,"endTime":2609.97,"body":"sort of lower I think than usual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2609.97,"endTime":2612.61,"body":"than the normal but he was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2609.97,"endTime":2612.61,"body":"I bet you it's still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.61,"endTime":2616.57,"body":"depressingly low, probably 30%"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.61,"endTime":2616.57,"body":"of couples actually get through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.57,"endTime":2620.8,"body":"infidelity in counseling. Don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.57,"endTime":2620.8,"body":"hold us to that. But he said but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2620.8,"endTime":2623.83,"body":"probably about 30% Yeah, most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2620.8,"endTime":2623.83,"body":"don't. But he said it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.31,"endTime":2626.65,"body":"oftentimes because people have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.31,"endTime":2626.65,"body":"waited too long before they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2626.65,"endTime":2628.96,"body":"showed up. Right? Right. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2626.65,"endTime":2628.96,"body":"They tried to fix it on their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.96,"endTime":2631.84,"body":"own right so long the resentment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.96,"endTime":2631.84,"body":"is already there resentment sets"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2631.84,"endTime":2633.19,"body":"in Oh, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2633.19,"endTime":2635.5,"body":"hard to break. It is it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2633.19,"endTime":2635.5,"body":"is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.95,"endTime":2639.01,"body":"takes years to just unwind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.95,"endTime":2639.01,"body":"that we've gotten to the reasons"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2639.01,"endTime":2644.89,"body":"this occurred you know, so you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2639.01,"endTime":2644.89,"body":"could be getting into some deep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.89,"endTime":2647.86,"body":"water Yes, just just know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.89,"endTime":2647.86,"body":"Yeah, but I hope we've answered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.86,"endTime":2649.78,"body":"some of your questions when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.86,"endTime":2649.78,"body":"comes to infidelity. Just know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2649.78,"endTime":2652.03,"body":"that the substance doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2649.78,"endTime":2652.03,"body":"excuse it, right? It can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2652.15,"endTime":2655.15,"body":"right. There's no way Yep. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2652.15,"endTime":2655.15,"body":"right. We got a pterodactyl"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.15,"endTime":2655.84,"body":"little thing flying. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2655.87,"endTime":2659.26,"body":"know. I saw them. I saw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2655.87,"endTime":2659.26,"body":"him. Like, it's that means it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2659.26,"endTime":2661.66,"body":"too warm outside or something. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2659.26,"endTime":2661.66,"body":"don't know. We gotta go get our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2661.66,"endTime":2662.05,"body":"kid."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2662.29,"endTime":2665.11,"body":"All right. Well, thanks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2662.29,"endTime":2665.11,"body":"for joining us. Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.11,"endTime":2669.46,"body":"being here with us. My name is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.11,"endTime":2669.46,"body":"Matt. I butchered that. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.46,"endTime":2671.32,"body":"you didn't know. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2671.41,"endTime":2672.97,"body":"wow. Does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.97,"endTime":2679.15,"body":"it go do it for me? Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.97,"endTime":2679.15,"body":"I met on page"}]}