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And it's going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":251.16,"endTime":251.52,"body":"be great."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":251.79,"endTime":254.94,"body":"Yeah, yeah, it's a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":251.79,"endTime":254.94,"body":"relationship evaluation. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":254.94,"endTime":258.15,"body":"then we have information on how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":254.94,"endTime":258.15,"body":"you're affected. Within this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":258.15,"endTime":261.39,"body":"type of relationship. There's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":258.15,"endTime":261.39,"body":"more information on how my story"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":261.42,"endTime":265.83,"body":"came about. There's clinical"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":261.42,"endTime":265.83,"body":"perspective in this module, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":265.83,"endTime":269.22,"body":"like so much more. 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Yeah, like if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":282.84,"endTime":286.38,"body":"ever thought I wish there were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.38,"endTime":288.42,"body":"some kind of test I could take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.38,"endTime":288.42,"body":"or something that would help me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":288.42,"endTime":290.4,"body":"just like see this for what it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":288.42,"endTime":290.4,"body":"is and something that would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":290.43,"endTime":294.27,"body":"remind me of what this really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":290.43,"endTime":294.27,"body":"is. This is the module that does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":294.27,"endTime":296.82,"body":"that. Yeah. 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And that's the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":319.26,"endTime":322.89,"body":"reason I want to bring this up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.89,"endTime":325.47,"body":"is because I was in denial for a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.89,"endTime":325.47,"body":"long time. It was part of my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.47,"endTime":329.28,"body":"story. And I think that there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.47,"endTime":329.28,"body":"a lot of people who are in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":329.28,"endTime":332.13,"body":"denial, but they don't realize"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":329.28,"endTime":332.13,"body":"they're in denial. 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I had to shift"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":361.23,"endTime":363.27,"body":"because I was like, my head was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":363.27,"endTime":364.8,"body":"hurting turn sideways?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":364.95,"endTime":367.56,"body":"Because I'm way back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":364.95,"endTime":367.56,"body":"here. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":367.56,"endTime":372.24,"body":"So we're just going to kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":367.56,"endTime":372.24,"body":"go down this list. And I'm,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":372.48,"endTime":376.47,"body":"we're both gonna talk about, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":372.48,"endTime":376.47,"body":"know, how it was a part of our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":376.47,"endTime":379.62,"body":"relationship, too. So a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":379.62,"endTime":383.25,"body":"four word on denial. 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And it's not because of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":395.7,"endTime":397.95,"body":"you. But there are more than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.95,"endTime":400.32,"body":"there's more than one person in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.95,"endTime":400.32,"body":"my life other than you. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":400.35,"endTime":404.1,"body":"even though when you were gone,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":400.35,"endTime":404.1,"body":"it didn't feel like it. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.1,"endTime":407.64,"body":"have been in a really, really,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.1,"endTime":407.64,"body":"really, really bad relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":407.64,"endTime":412.08,"body":"before. And for so so so long, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":407.64,"endTime":412.08,"body":"was in denial. And then when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.08,"endTime":415.71,"body":"was addicted, I was also in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.08,"endTime":415.71,"body":"denial for a very long time. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.71,"endTime":418.86,"body":"doesn't feel like you think it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.71,"endTime":418.86,"body":"would know, it's easy to look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":418.86,"endTime":423.39,"body":"out at everyone else and see,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":418.86,"endTime":423.39,"body":"oh, they're messed up. We're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":423.39,"endTime":425.97,"body":"there yet. I'm not that bad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":423.39,"endTime":425.97,"body":"Yet. Things aren't that crazy?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":425.97,"endTime":429.51,"body":"Yeah. Or watch a movie like see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":425.97,"endTime":429.51,"body":"a character like that person in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":429.51,"endTime":432.54,"body":"my mind represents where I never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":429.51,"endTime":432.54,"body":"want to get if I ever get there,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":432.54,"endTime":434.79,"body":"then I'm in trouble. Yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":432.54,"endTime":434.79,"body":"it's not. It's not the way it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":434.79,"endTime":438.06,"body":"works. This stuff sneaks up on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":434.79,"endTime":438.06,"body":"you. And your life can be a mask"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.06,"endTime":440.7,"body":"before you realize it. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.06,"endTime":440.7,"body":"can stay in this comfortable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":440.7,"endTime":443.55,"body":"place. And one of the things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":440.7,"endTime":443.55,"body":"that helps you stay there is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":443.55,"endTime":447.69,"body":"like these, these little, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":443.55,"endTime":447.69,"body":"periods of like peacefulness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":447.72,"endTime":452.28,"body":"that occur. Yeah, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":447.72,"endTime":452.28,"body":"like, where I can hide my use"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.28,"endTime":455.22,"body":"really well for a couple of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.28,"endTime":455.22,"body":"weeks, and I can be more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":455.22,"endTime":457.32,"body":"present. And you're like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":455.22,"endTime":457.32,"body":"man, things are on the up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.32,"endTime":461.1,"body":"up, like things are good. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.32,"endTime":461.1,"body":"you can just, I mean, so quickly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":461.13,"endTime":466.26,"body":"vanish and erase all of the bad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":461.13,"endTime":466.26,"body":"Yeah. But you're still in it. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":466.26,"endTime":469.05,"body":"just doesn't feel like it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":466.26,"endTime":469.05,"body":"denial is not what you think it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.05,"endTime":470.88,"body":"is, is what I'm trying to say."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.05,"endTime":470.88,"body":"And if you think that you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":470.88,"endTime":475.14,"body":"a denial, or you wait, no. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":470.88,"endTime":475.14,"body":"said that. Yeah. Yeah. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":475.14,"endTime":479.52,"body":"think you're not Yeah, you are,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":475.14,"endTime":479.52,"body":"right. But it's there. Yes. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":479.52,"endTime":482.4,"body":"just about everyone's life in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":479.52,"endTime":482.4,"body":"some way, shape, or form, we are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":482.4,"endTime":485.97,"body":"in denial. Humans are really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":482.4,"endTime":485.97,"body":"good at rationalizing. We will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":485.97,"endTime":489.15,"body":"find ourselves in these crazy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":485.97,"endTime":489.15,"body":"situations. Yeah. And it moments"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.15,"endTime":492.75,"body":"it'll like poke its head out and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.15,"endTime":492.75,"body":"remind you like, Oh, we're in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.75,"endTime":496.02,"body":"it. This is bad, right? Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.75,"endTime":496.02,"body":"didn't feel like it in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.02,"endTime":497.73,"body":"moment, and always think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.02,"endTime":497.73,"body":"gonna feel different than it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.73,"endTime":498.27,"body":"really does."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":499.29,"endTime":503.67,"body":"So let's get into it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":499.29,"endTime":503.67,"body":"Let's do it. Okay. So the first"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":503.85,"endTime":505.95,"body":"marker, that's what you said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":503.85,"endTime":505.95,"body":"earlier, and I thought that was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":505.95,"endTime":509.58,"body":"cute. First marker is justifying"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":505.95,"endTime":509.58,"body":"toxic behavior. So you find"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":509.58,"endTime":512.88,"body":"yourself making excuses for your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":509.58,"endTime":512.88,"body":"partner's toxic behavior, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":512.91,"endTime":516.09,"body":"blaming, blaming external"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":512.91,"endTime":516.09,"body":"factors or believing they didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":516.09,"endTime":519.06,"body":"mean to hurt you. So you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":516.09,"endTime":519.06,"body":"say, Oh, they had just like a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":519.06,"endTime":523.08,"body":"stressful day, or they don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":519.06,"endTime":523.08,"body":"know any better because they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":523.08,"endTime":527.58,"body":"were raised this way, or just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":523.08,"endTime":527.58,"body":"justifying all of these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":527.58,"endTime":531.24,"body":"behaviors that are actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":527.58,"endTime":531.24,"body":"affecting you. Can you think of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":531.24,"endTime":532.08,"body":"things that you did?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":532.11,"endTime":534.84,"body":"Yeah, I was just gonna say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":532.11,"endTime":534.84,"body":"there were a lot of family"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.84,"endTime":537.21,"body":"events that I didn't make it to,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.84,"endTime":537.21,"body":"like, you've got a close knit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.21,"endTime":539.82,"body":"family and you guys would get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.21,"endTime":539.82,"body":"together for like, if it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":539.82,"endTime":542.07,"body":"someone's birthday, the family"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":539.82,"endTime":542.07,"body":"gets together with a big meal."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.07,"endTime":544.17,"body":"Or if it's a holiday, everyone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.07,"endTime":544.17,"body":"getting together or sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.17,"endTime":546.21,"body":"just for nothing. People are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.17,"endTime":546.21,"body":"just getting together like, Hey,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":546.21,"endTime":548.91,"body":"we're having dinner at my mom's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":546.21,"endTime":548.91,"body":"house and your brothers would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.91,"endTime":551.55,"body":"come by and like uncles are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.91,"endTime":551.55,"body":"there and there's everyone there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.55,"endTime":555.9,"body":"and I was never there. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.55,"endTime":555.9,"body":"it was always because I was just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":555.9,"endTime":559.26,"body":"like, eff that. Half the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":555.9,"endTime":559.26,"body":"establishment. I ain't doing it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.29,"endTime":562.44,"body":"I don't feel like it. No one's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.29,"endTime":562.44,"body":"gonna tell me how to use my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":562.44,"endTime":563.88,"body":"Sunday. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":563.91,"endTime":566.82,"body":"stuff like very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":563.91,"endTime":566.82,"body":"narcissistic of you. Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":566.82,"endTime":567.09,"body":"Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":567.09,"endTime":569.58,"body":"it fits. What did you tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":567.09,"endTime":569.58,"body":"your family though?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":570.78,"endTime":574.14,"body":"Oh, he's just not feeling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":570.78,"endTime":574.14,"body":"well or working really hard on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":574.14,"endTime":579.93,"body":"him calm for like, just today."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":574.14,"endTime":579.93,"body":"He wanted to, like recharge or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":579.93,"endTime":581.19,"body":"sit around and watch TV."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.22,"endTime":583.62,"body":"He's been working super"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.22,"endTime":583.62,"body":"hard. He's stressed out and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":583.62,"endTime":585.09,"body":"right. All that crazy. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":585.09,"endTime":588.9,"body":"would justify that type"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":585.09,"endTime":588.9,"body":"of stuff. And all that did was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":588.9,"endTime":592.2,"body":"keep me stuck in that denial."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":588.9,"endTime":592.2,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":592.2,"endTime":594.39,"body":"absolutely. Like it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":592.2,"endTime":594.39,"body":"really easy. And also, like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":594.39,"endTime":597.66,"body":"mentioned one of the in there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":594.39,"endTime":597.66,"body":"about how someone may have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":597.66,"endTime":602.37,"body":"raised. Damn, that's an easy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":597.66,"endTime":602.37,"body":"Want to get to? Yeah, I have yet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":602.37,"endTime":605.34,"body":"to meet an addict or an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":602.37,"endTime":605.34,"body":"alcoholic that came from a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.34,"endTime":609.15,"body":"perfect family. We've all got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.34,"endTime":609.15,"body":"stuff like there's no such thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.15,"endTime":612.24,"body":"as a perfect family. We've all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.15,"endTime":612.24,"body":"got something there by so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":612.24,"endTime":615.45,"body":"therefore, by definition, if no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":612.24,"endTime":615.45,"body":"one comes from a perfect family,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":616.08,"endTime":619.59,"body":"then we've all got an excuse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":616.08,"endTime":619.59,"body":"Yeah, everyone's got an excuse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":619.59,"endTime":623.67,"body":"for why we do the things we do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":619.59,"endTime":623.67,"body":"Yeah, I was most abusers were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.67,"endTime":628.38,"body":"abused. Most addicts didn't come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.67,"endTime":628.38,"body":"from the best background. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.38,"endTime":631.17,"body":"didn't have the best examples."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.38,"endTime":631.17,"body":"Now, that isn't always the case."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":631.17,"endTime":633.72,"body":"Right. But most of the time, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":631.17,"endTime":633.72,"body":"my experience, it has been the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.72,"endTime":636.0,"body":"case, right? And it's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.72,"endTime":636.0,"body":"easy to look at the way that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.0,"endTime":639.87,"body":"someone is and say, Man, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.0,"endTime":639.87,"body":"kid never had a chance. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":639.9,"endTime":643.32,"body":"like he was, what do we expect?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":639.9,"endTime":643.32,"body":"You know, like, and you can you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":643.32,"endTime":646.32,"body":"can people with empathy often"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":643.32,"endTime":646.32,"body":"are the ones who are attracted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.32,"endTime":650.25,"body":"to us the most can fall in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.32,"endTime":650.25,"body":"trap, that empathy trap where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":650.25,"endTime":653.91,"body":"it's, oh, man, will God they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":650.25,"endTime":653.91,"body":"just had it so tough. And so you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":653.91,"endTime":656.34,"body":"just find yourself tolerating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":653.91,"endTime":656.34,"body":"this. So like justifying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":656.34,"endTime":658.89,"body":"tolerating Yeah, kind of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":656.34,"endTime":658.89,"body":"same thing. Exactly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":659.52,"endTime":662.64,"body":"All right. Number two is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":659.52,"endTime":662.64,"body":"going to be ignoring red flags."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":664.08,"endTime":667.56,"body":"So you overlook or downplay"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":664.08,"endTime":667.56,"body":"warning signs of toxicity in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":667.56,"endTime":670.2,"body":"relationship, convincing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":667.56,"endTime":670.2,"body":"yourself that things will get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":670.2,"endTime":674.43,"body":"better or that you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":670.2,"endTime":674.43,"body":"overreacting. Red flags mean"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":674.43,"endTime":676.98,"body":"something? They do? They do. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":674.43,"endTime":676.98,"body":"it has a lot to do with your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":676.98,"endTime":679.32,"body":"intuition too, which we'll talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":676.98,"endTime":679.32,"body":"about that later on. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":679.32,"endTime":682.38,"body":"whenever you feel like something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":679.32,"endTime":682.38,"body":"is off, there's typically"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":682.38,"endTime":683.76,"body":"something off there. Shout out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":683.76,"endTime":685.86,"body":"to the wheelies in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":683.76,"endTime":685.86,"body":"community. By the way, I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.86,"endTime":689.73,"body":"spend just a moment here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.86,"endTime":689.73,"body":"Oftentimes, the people I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.73,"endTime":694.02,"body":"the majority of our groups, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.73,"endTime":694.02,"body":"think they're married, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":694.05,"endTime":698.1,"body":"recently split or on their way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":694.05,"endTime":698.1,"body":"to split. But there are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.1,"endTime":703.41,"body":"people that come in, and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.1,"endTime":703.41,"body":"in a new relationship. Very new,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":703.44,"endTime":706.8,"body":"like a year old, less than that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":703.44,"endTime":706.8,"body":"And people will say things like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":707.34,"endTime":709.71,"body":"I'm in this new relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":707.34,"endTime":709.71,"body":"And these are the things I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":709.71,"endTime":712.44,"body":"noticing and it's just Ding,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":709.71,"endTime":712.44,"body":"ding, ding, these are the red"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":712.44,"endTime":715.23,"body":"flags going off one after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":712.44,"endTime":715.23,"body":"another. And nobody is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.23,"endTime":718.29,"body":"sugarcoating it. No. Like, there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.23,"endTime":718.29,"body":"have been people that have said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":718.71,"endTime":722.55,"body":"like, just flat out, get out as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":718.71,"endTime":722.55,"body":"soon as you can before you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":722.55,"endTime":726.45,"body":"me, right before you look right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":722.55,"endTime":726.45,"body":"me and 30 years thinking that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":726.45,"endTime":728.94,"body":"this gets better and you can fix"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":726.45,"endTime":728.94,"body":"him or you can change him and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":728.94,"endTime":731.64,"body":"you're ignoring these things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":728.94,"endTime":731.64,"body":"Those red flags mean something?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.64,"endTime":736.05,"body":"Yep. There there are red flags."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.64,"endTime":736.05,"body":"There are also beige flags."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":736.05,"endTime":739.32,"body":"Yeah, talk taught me this. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":736.05,"endTime":739.32,"body":"There's some things that just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.32,"endTime":742.86,"body":"quirks people have just kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.32,"endTime":742.86,"body":"funny like, they just do weird"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.89,"endTime":745.23,"body":"stuff. Everyone's got their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.89,"endTime":745.23,"body":"quirks that's not the same thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.23,"endTime":749.28,"body":"as a red flag, right? Red flags"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.23,"endTime":749.28,"body":"should take tick notice. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":749.31,"endTime":752.01,"body":"like my weird sound that we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":749.31,"endTime":752.01,"body":"talked about? That weird throat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":752.01,"endTime":755.88,"body":"thing? Yeah, beige, that's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":752.01,"endTime":755.88,"body":"beige, annoying Pages. Pages"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":755.88,"endTime":756.33,"body":"beige,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":756.36,"endTime":758.73,"body":"it's not really hurting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":756.36,"endTime":758.73,"body":"you. But if there are, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":758.73,"endTime":761.88,"body":"behaviors that are harming you,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":758.73,"endTime":761.88,"body":"and you feel like, this is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":761.88,"endTime":764.19,"body":"right, then don't ignore it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":761.88,"endTime":764.19,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.19,"endTime":767.28,"body":"like leaving your clothes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.19,"endTime":767.28,"body":"on the floor is not a red flag."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.64,"endTime":770.97,"body":"Yeah, that stuff. Those are like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.64,"endTime":770.97,"body":"quirks, people have their their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.97,"endTime":774.0,"body":"stuff, you know. And that stuff,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.97,"endTime":774.0,"body":"you can actually change in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":774.0,"endTime":777.15,"body":"relationship. Oh, you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":774.0,"endTime":777.15,"body":"have this interesting frame that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":777.15,"endTime":781.92,"body":"I discovered recently, I forget"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":777.15,"endTime":781.92,"body":"if it's if it's called the I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":781.92,"endTime":784.68,"body":"can't remember the exact name of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":781.92,"endTime":784.68,"body":"it. So it kind of ruined it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":784.68,"endTime":788.61,"body":"already. But there's this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":784.68,"endTime":788.61,"body":"concept that I think it's called"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":788.61,"endTime":792.57,"body":"like the Michelangelo concept or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":788.61,"endTime":792.57,"body":"something like that, where over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":792.57,"endTime":796.59,"body":"time in a relationship, people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":792.57,"endTime":796.59,"body":"will actually mold each other to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":796.59,"endTime":800.49,"body":"be the their ideal version of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":796.59,"endTime":800.49,"body":"partner. I think this happened"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.49,"endTime":803.28,"body":"with us. Over time this can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.49,"endTime":803.28,"body":"happen but people have to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":803.28,"endTime":805.56,"body":"open receptive to it. We're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":803.28,"endTime":805.56,"body":"talking about narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":805.56,"endTime":806.37,"body":"addicted types,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":806.91,"endTime":809.25,"body":"people who are actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":806.91,"endTime":809.25,"body":"working on like personal"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":809.25,"endTime":809.64,"body":"development,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":809.73,"endTime":811.77,"body":"they say yeah, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":809.73,"endTime":811.77,"body":"they say like people will say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":811.77,"endTime":814.92,"body":"like, we look alike, or like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":811.77,"endTime":814.92,"body":"sometimes like the people will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":814.92,"endTime":817.02,"body":"say like if you had a dog for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":814.92,"endTime":817.02,"body":"long enough, it looks like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.05,"endTime":819.06,"body":"you become more closely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.05,"endTime":819.06,"body":"associated with this. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.06,"endTime":822.36,"body":"thinking in relationship, this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.06,"endTime":822.36,"body":"this this concept, like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":822.36,"endTime":824.67,"body":"frame of thought says that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":822.36,"endTime":824.67,"body":"basically over time, we will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":824.67,"endTime":829.23,"body":"create our ideal partner through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":824.67,"endTime":829.23,"body":"just like these, it's almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":829.23,"endTime":833.46,"body":"like erosion, it's like, water"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":829.23,"endTime":833.46,"body":"over rocks over time will shape"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":833.46,"endTime":835.95,"body":"them the way they want them to."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":833.46,"endTime":835.95,"body":"It's not like this drastic, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":835.95,"endTime":838.38,"body":"change overnight kind of thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":835.95,"endTime":838.38,"body":"It's just over time you get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":838.38,"endTime":841.44,"body":"acclimated to what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":838.38,"endTime":841.44,"body":"expectation is, and you change,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":841.47,"endTime":844.95,"body":"you become that person's ideal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":841.47,"endTime":844.95,"body":"partner. That's interesting."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.98,"endTime":846.87,"body":"There. It's the same way that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.98,"endTime":846.87,"body":"Michelangelo would have looked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":846.87,"endTime":850.65,"body":"at a giant block of marble a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":846.87,"endTime":850.65,"body":"square block and seen you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.68,"endTime":854.25,"body":"David, like, Oh, it's beautiful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.68,"endTime":854.25,"body":"I can see it, like just sculpted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":854.25,"endTime":857.64,"body":"into what you want over time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":854.25,"endTime":857.64,"body":"This doesn't work in these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.64,"endTime":860.28,"body":"relationships. No, no, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.64,"endTime":860.28,"body":"not the way it works. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":860.28,"endTime":863.22,"body":"don't get the wrong idea. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":860.28,"endTime":863.22,"body":"Oh, I'm Michelangelo? And he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":863.28,"endTime":863.7,"body":"no,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":863.73,"endTime":867.18,"body":"no. Like they have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":863.73,"endTime":867.18,"body":"actually remove the substance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":867.18,"endTime":869.07,"body":"before any of that even have a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":867.18,"endTime":869.07,"body":"lot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.1,"endTime":871.86,"body":"There's a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.1,"endTime":871.86,"body":"prerequisites to that. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":871.92,"endTime":874.29,"body":"we're evidence of it. We show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":871.92,"endTime":874.29,"body":"you tell you what it looked like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.29,"endTime":878.01,"body":"before and after. Yeah. Before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.29,"endTime":878.01,"body":"you had like, some weak ass"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":878.01,"endTime":881.01,"body":"sandpaper and on this giant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":878.01,"endTime":881.01,"body":"block of granite, nothing was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":881.01,"endTime":884.01,"body":"changing as much as you tried."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":881.01,"endTime":884.01,"body":"You end up with blisters and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.01,"endTime":886.8,"body":"everything else working on me,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.01,"endTime":886.8,"body":"but nothing changed. Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.8,"endTime":889.14,"body":"have to have the right tools and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.8,"endTime":889.14,"body":"that person has to be receptive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":889.14,"endTime":893.16,"body":"to it. So you have to be a soft"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":889.14,"endTime":893.16,"body":"material like marble. Like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.43,"endTime":895.95,"body":"Yeah, I thought it was a cool"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.43,"endTime":895.95,"body":"concept. When I when I heard it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":895.95,"endTime":897.63,"body":"it was like, oh, man, it makes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":895.95,"endTime":897.63,"body":"sense. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":897.63,"endTime":900.42,"body":"for sure. All right,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":897.63,"endTime":900.42,"body":"we're gonna go there. Next one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":900.42,"endTime":903.48,"body":"isolating yourself, you withdraw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":900.42,"endTime":903.48,"body":"from friends, family or support"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":903.48,"endTime":905.88,"body":"networks who express concerns"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":903.48,"endTime":905.88,"body":"about your relationship"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":905.88,"endTime":910.23,"body":"preferring to avoid con."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":905.88,"endTime":910.23,"body":"Confronting the reality of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":910.23,"endTime":911.7,"body":"situation. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.54,"endTime":914.49,"body":"Yeah, this happens a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.54,"endTime":914.49,"body":"doesn't that?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":914.55,"endTime":918.99,"body":"Yeah. Why think that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":914.55,"endTime":918.99,"body":"kind of did this as well. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":918.99,"endTime":923.13,"body":"then I did do this. Yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":918.99,"endTime":923.13,"body":"isolated myself a lot. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":923.13,"endTime":925.47,"body":"there were a lot of reasons that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":923.13,"endTime":925.47,"body":"I isolated myself, but one of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":925.47,"endTime":930.39,"body":"them was because I didn't want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":925.47,"endTime":930.39,"body":"to face the reality of our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":930.39,"endTime":933.84,"body":"situation. Plus, I didn't know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":930.39,"endTime":933.84,"body":"how bad it really was, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":933.84,"endTime":936.78,"body":"I felt it. But I didn't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":933.84,"endTime":936.78,"body":"know. Like, I couldn't express"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":936.78,"endTime":940.08,"body":"it. But I do know that there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":936.78,"endTime":940.08,"body":"people who do not speak with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":940.08,"endTime":943.17,"body":"their family members, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":940.08,"endTime":943.17,"body":"they tell them upfront look,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":943.17,"endTime":946.59,"body":"this is not healthy for you got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":943.17,"endTime":946.59,"body":"to listen to them. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":946.62,"endTime":949.26,"body":"they're able to see things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":946.62,"endTime":949.26,"body":"you are not able to see."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.29,"endTime":951.63,"body":"Yeah, a lot of partners"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.29,"endTime":951.63,"body":"that we talked to are loyal to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.63,"endTime":955.77,"body":"fault. Yeah. And they will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.63,"endTime":955.77,"body":"defend their husband or wife"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":955.77,"endTime":959.01,"body":"like to the death. Like they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":955.77,"endTime":959.01,"body":"don't like even though that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":959.01,"endTime":961.32,"body":"they've done terrible things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":959.01,"endTime":961.32,"body":"not going to let someone talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":961.32,"endTime":964.11,"body":"bad about their loved one. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":961.32,"endTime":964.11,"body":"think that comes more from a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":964.11,"endTime":967.26,"body":"place of pride than it does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":964.11,"endTime":967.26,"body":"objective judgment. Because if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.26,"endTime":969.18,"body":"they were to sit there and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.26,"endTime":969.18,"body":"listen non partially and say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":969.18,"endTime":971.1,"body":"this is not your husband, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":969.18,"endTime":971.1,"body":"talking about this is someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":971.1,"endTime":973.23,"body":"else's husband, what would you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":971.1,"endTime":973.23,"body":"think if they did these things?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":973.5,"endTime":975.33,"body":"You'd be like, Oh, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":973.5,"endTime":975.33,"body":"terrible. What if I told you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.33,"endTime":980.16,"body":"that was your husband? Oh, damn,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.33,"endTime":980.16,"body":"but when when your mom who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":980.16,"endTime":983.49,"body":"you've already probably got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":980.16,"endTime":983.49,"body":"tension with says this person is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.49,"endTime":986.04,"body":"treating you like crap. Or this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.49,"endTime":986.04,"body":"friend you've always thought was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":986.04,"endTime":988.17,"body":"kind of it's like depends where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":986.04,"endTime":988.17,"body":"the information is coming from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":988.17,"endTime":991.08,"body":"and it sort of clouds it. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":988.17,"endTime":991.08,"body":"you'll find yourself isolating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":991.08,"endTime":994.11,"body":"for most people who were some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":991.08,"endTime":994.11,"body":"the loudest advocates you have."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":994.8,"endTime":997.02,"body":"Right? People are wanting what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":994.8,"endTime":997.02,"body":"is best for you?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":997.05,"endTime":999.63,"body":"Yeah. And you're at a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":997.05,"endTime":999.63,"body":"point where you're like, I you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":999.63,"endTime":1002.87,"body":"want them to tell you what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":999.63,"endTime":1002.87,"body":"want to hear instead of them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1002.87,"endTime":1006.17,"body":"trying to help you see reality."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1002.87,"endTime":1006.17,"body":"Yeah, that's tough. And it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1006.17,"endTime":1009.77,"body":"really hard. Really, really,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1006.17,"endTime":1009.77,"body":"really hard. I remember my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1009.77,"endTime":1011.84,"body":"parents hated you in high"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1009.77,"endTime":1011.84,"body":"school, and I hated them talking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1011.84,"endTime":1012.14,"body":"about it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.14,"endTime":1015.62,"body":"I couldn't stand me know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.14,"endTime":1015.62,"body":"for rightfully so. Right. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.62,"endTime":1020.81,"body":"And even like, I had no manners"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.62,"endTime":1020.81,"body":"no respect. I was a hoodlum."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1020.81,"endTime":1024.98,"body":"Man. Yeah. Run around just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1020.81,"endTime":1024.98,"body":"getting into trouble and so many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.98,"endTime":1030.26,"body":"red flags, so many red flags."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.98,"endTime":1030.26,"body":"You're like the 1% of 1%. That,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.38,"endTime":1036.2,"body":"that got Michelangelo to work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.38,"endTime":1036.2,"body":"out? That, like 99% people are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1036.2,"endTime":1037.73,"body":"not gonna get that. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.91,"endTime":1039.89,"body":"It took a long time,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.91,"endTime":1039.89,"body":"though. And I lost a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1039.89,"endTime":1043.22,"body":"myself during that process as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1039.89,"endTime":1043.22,"body":"well. You know? Yeah. Thinking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1043.22,"endTime":1044.0,"body":"about that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1044.84,"endTime":1047.96,"body":"Yeah. So when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1044.84,"endTime":1047.96,"body":"isolating yourself, like, think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1047.96,"endTime":1051.26,"body":"about where you're at now, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1047.96,"endTime":1051.26,"body":"your relationships with your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.26,"endTime":1055.79,"body":"friends and family? How many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.26,"endTime":1055.79,"body":"forget about why just how many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.79,"endTime":1061.79,"body":"dramatic arguments or events"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.79,"endTime":1061.79,"body":"have you had, that? You didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.79,"endTime":1065.09,"body":"have before? And think for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.79,"endTime":1065.09,"body":"moment? How many of these are in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.09,"endTime":1066.74,"body":"some way related to this person?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1067.43,"endTime":1067.79,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1067.97,"endTime":1071.72,"body":"How has your isolation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1067.97,"endTime":1071.72,"body":"been a result of this person?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.78,"endTime":1074.6,"body":"And abusive people are also very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.78,"endTime":1074.6,"body":"good at isolating you? Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.96,"endTime":1075.62,"body":"They talked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1075.62,"endTime":1077.15,"body":"about the courage. They"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1075.62,"endTime":1077.15,"body":"encourage that because they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1077.15,"endTime":1080.36,"body":"don't want their true colors to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1077.15,"endTime":1080.36,"body":"come out. They don't want you to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.36,"endTime":1083.21,"body":"talk bad about them. They don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.36,"endTime":1083.21,"body":"want you to, you know, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1083.24,"endTime":1084.95,"body":"you're their comfort zone. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1084.98,"endTime":1088.22,"body":"recover for 14, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1084.98,"endTime":1088.22,"body":"former abusive person, I can say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1088.22,"endTime":1091.13,"body":"that I didn't need people who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1088.22,"endTime":1091.13,"body":"are out there giving you ideas."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1091.67,"endTime":1096.14,"body":"I need you to listen to me and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1091.67,"endTime":1096.14,"body":"stay close to me. Because I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1096.14,"endTime":1098.57,"body":"I didn't need the grief of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1096.14,"endTime":1098.57,"body":"having to explain why I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1098.57,"endTime":1100.88,"body":"doing the things I was doing. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1098.57,"endTime":1100.88,"body":"didn't want to be held"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1100.88,"endTime":1104.99,"body":"accountable or called out. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1100.88,"endTime":1104.99,"body":"was easier. If you just stayed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1104.99,"endTime":1107.27,"body":"in my little circle where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1104.99,"endTime":1107.27,"body":"weren't going to get any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1107.27,"endTime":1109.94,"body":"information that was like almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1107.27,"endTime":1109.94,"body":"like I don't know how I imagined"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.94,"endTime":1112.64,"body":"North Korea probably is got this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.94,"endTime":1112.64,"body":"little government telling these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.64,"endTime":1115.79,"body":"people how it is right. And God"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.64,"endTime":1115.79,"body":"forbid they tried to get outside"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1115.79,"endTime":1119.0,"body":"information, you know, and get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1115.79,"endTime":1119.0,"body":"read pilled and figure out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.0,"endTime":1121.82,"body":"what's really happening in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.0,"endTime":1121.82,"body":"world. That'd be the worst thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1121.82,"endTime":1122.21,"body":"ever."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1122.24,"endTime":1124.79,"body":"The second time you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1122.24,"endTime":1124.79,"body":"referenced make matrix with me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1124.79,"endTime":1126.95,"body":"in the last 24 hours. A blue"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1124.79,"endTime":1126.95,"body":"pill? Is that what you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1126.95,"endTime":1127.46,"body":"talking about?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1128.03,"endTime":1128.63,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1128.9,"endTime":1129.95,"body":"Never seen that movie."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.28,"endTime":1132.65,"body":"I cannot believe you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.28,"endTime":1132.65,"body":"never seen The Matrix. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1132.65,"endTime":1133.67,"body":"that's possible."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1133.7,"endTime":1135.8,"body":"I know. And I've seen a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1133.7,"endTime":1135.8,"body":"lot of movies I like movies. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1135.8,"endTime":1135.98,"body":"don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.01,"endTime":1139.13,"body":"I just crazy but isolating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.01,"endTime":1139.13,"body":"yourself. If you are isolated,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1139.13,"endTime":1141.92,"body":"think about it. From stand back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1139.13,"endTime":1141.92,"body":"and look at your life from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.92,"endTime":1145.31,"body":"30,000 feet. Do you have less"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.92,"endTime":1145.31,"body":"close relationships with your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1145.31,"endTime":1148.97,"body":"friends and family? Yeah. Don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1145.31,"endTime":1148.97,"body":"think about the why. Just think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.97,"endTime":1152.45,"body":"about if you do or no. And we'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.97,"endTime":1152.45,"body":"get to the why later. Right. Are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.45,"endTime":1152.99,"body":"you will?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1153.47,"endTime":1157.76,"body":"It makes me so sad. The"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1153.47,"endTime":1157.76,"body":"next one is rationalizing abuse."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.0,"endTime":1160.46,"body":"So you normalize abusive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.0,"endTime":1160.46,"body":"behavior, telling yourself that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1160.46,"endTime":1163.91,"body":"it's normal for couples to have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1160.46,"endTime":1163.91,"body":"ups and downs, or that your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1163.91,"endTime":1167.57,"body":"partner's actions are justified"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1163.91,"endTime":1167.57,"body":"because of stress, or other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.57,"endTime":1173.9,"body":"factors. Yeah, I know that the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.57,"endTime":1173.9,"body":"word abuse a lot of people don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.9,"endTime":1176.21,"body":"want to talk about that. They"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.9,"endTime":1176.21,"body":"don't like to use that word in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.21,"endTime":1179.84,"body":"these relationships. It's a very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.21,"endTime":1179.84,"body":"hard pill pill to swallow. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1179.84,"endTime":1184.97,"body":"know, we didn't start using that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1179.84,"endTime":1184.97,"body":"term for a long time. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.36,"endTime":1188.12,"body":"in saying that it's normal to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.36,"endTime":1188.12,"body":"have ups and downs. Yeah, it is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1188.12,"endTime":1191.54,"body":"normal to have ups and downs but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1188.12,"endTime":1191.54,"body":"not like we're having it's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1191.54,"endTime":1193.07,"body":"normal at all."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1193.52,"endTime":1196.79,"body":"No and abuse as we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1193.52,"endTime":1196.79,"body":"discussed it here. We use Lundy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1196.79,"endTime":1200.12,"body":"Bancroft's definition which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1196.79,"endTime":1200.12,"body":"someone that chronically As"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.12,"endTime":1204.38,"body":"treats or devalues their partner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.12,"endTime":1204.38,"body":"in that context abuse is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1204.38,"endTime":1208.01,"body":"what you think it is. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1204.38,"endTime":1208.01,"body":"just screaming curse words. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.01,"endTime":1211.55,"body":"not just pushing and shoving or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.01,"endTime":1211.55,"body":"hitting, or any of those things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1211.55,"endTime":1214.28,"body":"that we commonly think of as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1211.55,"endTime":1214.28,"body":"abuse. Yeah, it becomes more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.28,"endTime":1217.79,"body":"emotional. Yes. Emotional abuse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.28,"endTime":1217.79,"body":"So we're talking about most of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1217.79,"endTime":1219.65,"body":"the time, I think, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1219.68,"endTime":1222.71,"body":"yeah. And it's, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1219.68,"endTime":1222.71,"body":"all the manipulation that a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1222.71,"endTime":1225.38,"body":"of people can't pick up on for a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1222.71,"endTime":1225.38,"body":"long time. And they don't even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1225.38,"endTime":1227.15,"body":"realize they're being abused."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1225.38,"endTime":1227.15,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1227.18,"endTime":1232.67,"body":"the the curse of empaths"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1227.18,"endTime":1232.67,"body":"is that empaths look very, very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1232.67,"endTime":1238.28,"body":"hard at their part in an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1232.67,"endTime":1238.28,"body":"argument or how, how you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.28,"endTime":1241.76,"body":"upset me, the the abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.28,"endTime":1241.76,"body":"addict, because I'm very good at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.76,"endTime":1244.76,"body":"manipulating you. And I'm going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.76,"endTime":1244.76,"body":"to tell you, you're responsible,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.76,"endTime":1247.07,"body":"this is your fault. I'm really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.76,"endTime":1247.07,"body":"good at crafting these arguments"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.07,"endTime":1251.78,"body":"to, like, crazy good at it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.07,"endTime":1251.78,"body":"you'll have yourself questioning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1251.78,"endTime":1254.27,"body":"like, Man, did I? Yeah. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1251.78,"endTime":1254.27,"body":"you start to think about it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1254.27,"endTime":1257.63,"body":"because you're empathetic,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1254.27,"endTime":1257.63,"body":"right? And you wear this stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.17,"endTime":1260.96,"body":"And you start to think, oh, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.17,"endTime":1260.96,"body":"know, I did do that. I gotta be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.96,"endTime":1264.17,"body":"better. I've got to be more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.96,"endTime":1264.17,"body":"responsible for my reactions and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1264.17,"endTime":1266.96,"body":"the things that I say. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1264.17,"endTime":1266.96,"body":"you'll find yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.92,"endTime":1270.2,"body":"rationalizing everything that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.92,"endTime":1270.2,"body":"just happened because you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1270.2,"endTime":1272.93,"body":"like you've got a 50% part, at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1270.2,"endTime":1272.93,"body":"least in that argument, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1272.93,"endTime":1277.07,"body":"that's not the case. Right? We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1272.93,"endTime":1277.07,"body":"designed it that way to like an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1277.07,"endTime":1280.76,"body":"abusive person loves nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1277.07,"endTime":1280.76,"body":"more than that. Yeah. That makes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1280.76,"endTime":1284.72,"body":"life easy for the abuser. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1280.76,"endTime":1284.72,"body":"for sure. It does. You'll find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.72,"endTime":1287.51,"body":"yourself rationalizing this. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.72,"endTime":1287.51,"body":"So think about an argument that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.51,"endTime":1291.56,"body":"you might have had recently"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.51,"endTime":1291.56,"body":"think about some big blowup,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1291.56,"endTime":1294.65,"body":"fight or even think about one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1291.56,"endTime":1294.65,"body":"the like, like the quick strike"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.65,"endTime":1297.77,"body":"fights like the ones where it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.65,"endTime":1297.77,"body":"might only be like a 10 minute"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.77,"endTime":1300.23,"body":"spat, but some really nasty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.77,"endTime":1300.23,"body":"things are said and they kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.23,"endTime":1303.41,"body":"resolved pretty quickly think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.23,"endTime":1303.41,"body":"about those things. How did you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.41,"endTime":1306.65,"body":"come to peace in that? Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.41,"endTime":1306.65,"body":"that's the thing that always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.65,"endTime":1309.62,"body":"blows my mind about denial is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.65,"endTime":1309.62,"body":"that we have these big major"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1309.62,"endTime":1312.98,"body":"mental, like massive fights. How"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1309.62,"endTime":1312.98,"body":"is everything okay, tomorrow?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1313.52,"endTime":1317.72,"body":"Generally, it's because the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1313.52,"endTime":1317.72,"body":"empath has taken it upon"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.72,"endTime":1320.57,"body":"themselves to make things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.72,"endTime":1320.57,"body":"peaceful and right again, right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1320.72,"endTime":1324.92,"body":"The abuser rarely ever takes the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1320.72,"endTime":1324.92,"body":"responsibility. Yeah. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.95,"endTime":1327.35,"body":"or they'll just wake up and act"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.95,"endTime":1327.35,"body":"like nothing happened. Yeah. Or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1327.35,"endTime":1330.41,"body":"there's a caveat attached like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1327.35,"endTime":1330.41,"body":"little asterisk next to it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.41,"endTime":1333.92,"body":"Yeah. Yeah. Where it sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.41,"endTime":1333.92,"body":"they'll just blame the substance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1333.92,"endTime":1336.17,"body":"straight up. Oh, yeah. It was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1333.92,"endTime":1336.17,"body":"because of the alcohol. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.17,"endTime":1339.47,"body":"sorry. That's not me. Or I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.17,"endTime":1339.47,"body":"just really stressed. That's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1339.47,"endTime":1342.83,"body":"me. I've got some things going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1339.47,"endTime":1342.83,"body":"on in my life, whatever it might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.83,"endTime":1345.92,"body":"be. And then we have you feeling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.83,"endTime":1345.92,"body":"sorry for us? Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1345.92,"endTime":1348.29,"body":"Which is complete BS."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1345.92,"endTime":1348.29,"body":"Y'all don't take it. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1348.29,"endTime":1351.62,"body":"another part of justifying the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1348.29,"endTime":1351.62,"body":"behavior and minimizing the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1351.62,"endTime":1355.07,"body":"situation. Yeah, but I know when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1351.62,"endTime":1355.07,"body":"you're in it, it's hard. It's,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1355.1,"endTime":1358.79,"body":"it's, it's hard to see it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1355.1,"endTime":1358.79,"body":"clearly because of that type of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1358.79,"endTime":1362.06,"body":"behavior. Because this is the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1358.79,"endTime":1362.06,"body":"person that we chose to be with."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1362.06,"endTime":1365.24,"body":"This is the person we chose to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1362.06,"endTime":1365.24,"body":"trust. And you're doing these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1365.24,"endTime":1367.73,"body":"things that are breaking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1365.24,"endTime":1367.73,"body":"everything, but then we're like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1368.21,"endTime":1372.95,"body":"okay, is this Is he right? Or am"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1368.21,"endTime":1372.95,"body":"I right? You know, you start"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1372.95,"endTime":1376.61,"body":"getting so confused. And that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1372.95,"endTime":1376.61,"body":"why you're stuck in that denial."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1377.03,"endTime":1379.25,"body":"Do you find yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1377.03,"endTime":1379.25,"body":"wanting to just make peace?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1379.61,"endTime":1383.99,"body":"Sometimes? Yes. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1379.61,"endTime":1383.99,"body":"Yeah, it's easier that way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1384.11,"endTime":1388.25,"body":"Yeah. You know, another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1384.11,"endTime":1388.25,"body":"issue here, I think underlying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1388.25,"endTime":1392.03,"body":"rationalizing abuse, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1388.25,"endTime":1392.03,"body":"rationalize it in a multitude of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1392.03,"endTime":1395.93,"body":"ways. Our minds are amazing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1392.03,"endTime":1395.93,"body":"calculators that can take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1396.02,"endTime":1400.52,"body":"comparison from others. And use"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1396.02,"endTime":1400.52,"body":"it as a like, as a tool to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.52,"endTime":1404.36,"body":"rationalize. So you if you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.52,"endTime":1404.36,"body":"got girlfriends or other guy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.36,"endTime":1406.67,"body":"friends, and they have types of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.36,"endTime":1406.67,"body":"these types of arguments, or if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1406.67,"endTime":1410.78,"body":"you've seen a show, we get a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1406.67,"endTime":1410.78,"body":"of stuff from TV to Oh, yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1410.78,"endTime":1413.27,"body":"take this stuff and like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1410.78,"endTime":1413.27,"body":"program it in our brains. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.27,"endTime":1416.09,"body":"we'll think of a character in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.27,"endTime":1416.09,"body":"show who had an argument. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.09,"endTime":1418.61,"body":"it's a show, everything always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.09,"endTime":1418.61,"body":"happens. You know, it's all good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.61,"endTime":1421.91,"body":"and whatnot. But we will take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.61,"endTime":1421.91,"body":"these things in our minds. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.91,"endTime":1424.34,"body":"we'll say, well, Christy had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.91,"endTime":1424.34,"body":"fight with her husband, she was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.34,"endTime":1427.28,"body":"telling me that he was a total"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.34,"endTime":1427.28,"body":"ass. This is no different. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1427.28,"endTime":1429.65,"body":"is the same thing. We're just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1427.28,"endTime":1429.65,"body":"it's just normal relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.65,"endTime":1432.65,"body":"stuff. Everyone has fights. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.65,"endTime":1432.65,"body":"not a big deal. Everyone has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.65,"endTime":1436.07,"body":"fights. Yeah. You'll find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.65,"endTime":1436.07,"body":"yourself writing off these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1436.07,"endTime":1439.79,"body":"really important red flags. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1436.07,"endTime":1439.79,"body":"And just rationalizing it based"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.79,"endTime":1442.52,"body":"on other people's experiences."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.79,"endTime":1442.52,"body":"But I'm telling you, it's not as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1442.52,"endTime":1444.68,"body":"bad as what you're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1442.52,"endTime":1444.68,"body":"through. Right? They're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.68,"endTime":1448.49,"body":"living your life. No. They're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.68,"endTime":1448.49,"body":"not. Yeah, like I've been in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.49,"endTime":1451.16,"body":"normal relationship. And I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.49,"endTime":1451.16,"body":"been in the bad one, it is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1451.16,"endTime":1453.5,"body":"the same, right? We have normal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1451.16,"endTime":1453.5,"body":"arguments now."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1453.53,"endTime":1456.74,"body":"Yes, they're healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1453.53,"endTime":1456.74,"body":"arguments. We have healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1456.74,"endTime":1461.75,"body":"arguments that are productive."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1456.74,"endTime":1461.75,"body":"And we don't just I know, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1461.75,"endTime":1466.82,"body":"asked earlier, if I find myself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1461.75,"endTime":1466.82,"body":"or if I used to find myself just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1466.82,"endTime":1470.54,"body":"trying to keep the peace or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1466.82,"endTime":1470.54,"body":"whatever. I would do that. Just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1470.54,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"because I You were really good"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1470.54,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"at what you did, to where I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1476.9,"body":"would believe you. It wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1476.9,"body":"necessarily that I would try to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1476.9,"endTime":1480.05,"body":"keep the peace or whatnot. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1476.9,"endTime":1480.05,"body":"was just like, oh, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1480.05,"endTime":1483.02,"body":"was wrong in this situation. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1480.05,"endTime":1483.02,"body":"know, and just listen, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1483.02,"endTime":1488.3,"body":"sorry. Let's move on. And that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1483.02,"endTime":1488.3,"body":"sucks. Yeah. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1488.3,"endTime":1490.28,"body":"I was like a little kid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1488.3,"endTime":1490.28,"body":"about things like a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1490.28,"endTime":1494.15,"body":"manipulative one, though, like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1490.28,"endTime":1494.15,"body":"could. As soon as I got you as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.15,"endTime":1497.03,"body":"soon as I found an angle where I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.15,"endTime":1497.03,"body":"knew I could get some empathy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.03,"endTime":1499.64,"body":"and some sympathy. I would just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.03,"endTime":1499.64,"body":"run with that. And I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1499.64,"endTime":1503.09,"body":"pretend And like I was mad or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1499.64,"endTime":1503.09,"body":"upset or hurt or whatever. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1503.09,"endTime":1508.34,"body":"would just stay in that place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1503.09,"endTime":1508.34,"body":"until you caved. Yeah. I know."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.34,"endTime":1509.93,"body":"It sucks, right? Yeah, my test."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1510.86,"endTime":1513.23,"body":"Alright, the next one is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1510.86,"endTime":1513.23,"body":"minimizing your feelings. So you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1513.23,"endTime":1516.35,"body":"dismiss her and validate your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1513.23,"endTime":1516.35,"body":"own feelings of unhappiness,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.35,"endTime":1519.11,"body":"fear or discomfort within the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.35,"endTime":1519.11,"body":"relationship, convincing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1519.11,"endTime":1522.2,"body":"yourself that you've been overly"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1519.11,"endTime":1522.2,"body":"sensitive or irrational."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1522.47,"endTime":1526.49,"body":"Basically, what I just talked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1522.47,"endTime":1526.49,"body":"about, yeah, is that I mean, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1526.49,"endTime":1529.82,"body":"always thought that I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1526.49,"endTime":1529.82,"body":"overreacting, or I was being"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.82,"endTime":1534.41,"body":"overly sensitive, or, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.82,"endTime":1534.41,"body":"I wasn't listening to my gut"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.44,"endTime":1538.67,"body":"telling me that no, you're being"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.44,"endTime":1538.67,"body":"treated poorly. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1538.67,"endTime":1541.22,"body":"something has to be done about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1538.67,"endTime":1541.22,"body":"this. A lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1541.22,"endTime":1543.56,"body":"of people are raised being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1541.22,"endTime":1543.56,"body":"told that they're too sensitive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1544.19,"endTime":1547.67,"body":"I know that you were one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1544.19,"endTime":1547.67,"body":"those for sure. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1547.67,"endTime":1551.87,"body":"that's pretty common, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1547.67,"endTime":1551.87,"body":"people are told, like, you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1551.9,"endTime":1554.66,"body":"you get too worked up easily. Or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1551.9,"endTime":1554.66,"body":"you're just like, if you care"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.66,"endTime":1558.2,"body":"too much about things that don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.66,"endTime":1558.2,"body":"matter. And there is such a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.2,"endTime":1562.28,"body":"thing as being highly sensitive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.2,"endTime":1562.28,"body":"There's also just normal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1562.28,"endTime":1565.22,"body":"emotions that we're told that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1562.28,"endTime":1565.22,"body":"shouldn't be having. Yeah, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.22,"endTime":1567.44,"body":"so but I think that people can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.22,"endTime":1567.44,"body":"kind of program themselves to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.44,"endTime":1569.75,"body":"believe that kind of stuff where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.44,"endTime":1569.75,"body":"it's like, I'm just overly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1569.75,"endTime":1572.84,"body":"sensitive. And you can gaslight"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1569.75,"endTime":1572.84,"body":"yourself into thinking that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1572.84,"endTime":1577.01,"body":"is just my sensitivity. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1572.84,"endTime":1577.01,"body":"yeah. This is just, this is no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1577.01,"endTime":1580.4,"body":"big deal. But trust your gut,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1577.01,"endTime":1580.4,"body":"because you know, in your gut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1580.4,"endTime":1583.67,"body":"that it's, something's up,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1580.4,"endTime":1583.67,"body":"right. But you can you have to,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1583.67,"endTime":1586.19,"body":"like talk yourself into it. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1583.67,"endTime":1586.19,"body":"you find yourself talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.19,"endTime":1589.34,"body":"yourself into these things. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.19,"endTime":1589.34,"body":"a great sign that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.34,"endTime":1592.19,"body":"probably in denial about it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.34,"endTime":1592.19,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1592.58,"endTime":1594.74,"body":"And I just think about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1592.58,"endTime":1594.74,"body":"some of the things that you used"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1594.74,"endTime":1598.04,"body":"to do. And then you would call"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1594.74,"endTime":1598.04,"body":"me insensitive or whatnot. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1598.04,"endTime":1600.47,"body":"feel like if I were to do those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1598.04,"endTime":1600.47,"body":"things to you, you would have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1600.47,"endTime":1604.31,"body":"been upset too. And I wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1600.47,"endTime":1604.31,"body":"have called you insensitive or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1604.31,"endTime":1607.16,"body":"too sensitive. I would have just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1604.31,"endTime":1607.16,"body":"said like, Okay, I'm sorry,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1607.16,"endTime":1613.01,"body":"let's own our part. But it's, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1607.16,"endTime":1613.01,"body":"didn't do those things to you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1613.07,"endTime":1615.32,"body":"And I don't think that you, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1613.07,"endTime":1615.32,"body":"think that when you say that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1615.32,"endTime":1618.98,"body":"was too sensitive. It's like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1615.32,"endTime":1618.98,"body":"oh, well, I'm just if that was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1618.98,"endTime":1621.95,"body":"happening to me. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1618.98,"endTime":1621.95,"body":"remember where I was going with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1621.95,"endTime":1622.88,"body":"this. Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1622.88,"endTime":1626.69,"body":"I can I can just say, No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1622.88,"endTime":1626.69,"body":"I saw what your point was. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.69,"endTime":1630.32,"body":"what your point was, I can say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.69,"endTime":1630.32,"body":"that if I would have if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.32,"endTime":1632.42,"body":"would have done those things to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.32,"endTime":1632.42,"body":"me, yeah, I would have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.84,"endTime":1636.77,"body":"deeply hurt, right? deeply hurt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.84,"endTime":1636.77,"body":"away from me to avoid a taking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.77,"endTime":1640.73,"body":"accountability. Yeah. Or for you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.77,"endTime":1640.73,"body":"to like, get red pilled and see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.73,"endTime":1644.75,"body":"the truth here. Yeah, is if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.73,"endTime":1644.75,"body":"validate that, or we talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1644.75,"endTime":1647.54,"body":"it anymore, you're gonna get to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1644.75,"endTime":1647.54,"body":"the bottom of it. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.54,"endTime":1651.29,"body":"remember the anxiety of feeling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.54,"endTime":1651.29,"body":"like you're on to me, many times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1651.71,"endTime":1654.95,"body":"the fear of like, oh, shit,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1651.71,"endTime":1654.95,"body":"she's 100%, right and having to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.95,"endTime":1659.21,"body":"sit there and like, craft an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.95,"endTime":1659.21,"body":"argument on the spot for how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.21,"endTime":1661.4,"body":"get out of it. I can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1661.4,"endTime":1666.02,"body":"even imagine how much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1661.4,"endTime":1666.02,"body":"energy that takes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.08,"endTime":1668.69,"body":"I'm a sick puppy man."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.08,"endTime":1668.69,"body":"Like, this is just how my brain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1668.69,"endTime":1674.12,"body":"worked. Um, I don't know if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1668.69,"endTime":1674.12,"body":"abuse was like, as a result of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.12,"endTime":1676.43,"body":"my childhood, or if it was sort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.12,"endTime":1676.43,"body":"of always there if I always had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1676.43,"endTime":1680.72,"body":"kind of control problems, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1676.43,"endTime":1680.72,"body":"what but I don't know if it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1680.72,"endTime":1683.99,"body":"like a defense tactic. I have no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1680.72,"endTime":1683.99,"body":"idea. But it was always really,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1683.99,"endTime":1688.13,"body":"really easy for me to mess with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1683.99,"endTime":1688.13,"body":"people like that. And it's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.13,"endTime":1690.83,"body":"a perfect combination when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.13,"endTime":1690.83,"body":"you're an active addict, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1690.83,"endTime":1694.31,"body":"you have so much shit to keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1690.83,"endTime":1694.31,"body":"people off of like, you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.31,"endTime":1697.28,"body":"keep people off your trail in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.31,"endTime":1697.28,"body":"million different ways. And one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.28,"endTime":1700.85,"body":"of those tactics is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.28,"endTime":1700.85,"body":"emotional manipulation. Where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.85,"endTime":1704.18,"body":"I've got to convince you that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.85,"endTime":1704.18,"body":"your feelings don't matter."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.21,"endTime":1707.15,"body":"Yeah, I have to convince you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.21,"endTime":1707.15,"body":"that you think your feelings"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1707.15,"endTime":1709.25,"body":"don't matter. I'm not telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1707.15,"endTime":1709.25,"body":"you they don't I have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.25,"endTime":1713.72,"body":"convince you. Like internally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.25,"endTime":1713.72,"body":"inception, right? You convinced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.72,"endTime":1717.17,"body":"yourself now that feelings don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.72,"endTime":1717.17,"body":"matter. That comes with like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.29,"endTime":1721.82,"body":"constant belittling constant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.29,"endTime":1721.82,"body":"devaluing if someone's doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1721.82,"endTime":1726.68,"body":"these things to you. This is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1721.82,"endTime":1726.68,"body":"toxic, abusive relationship. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1726.68,"endTime":1730.49,"body":"I just I've got bad news, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1726.68,"endTime":1730.49,"body":"not going to get better unless"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.52,"endTime":1735.14,"body":"some serious overhaul happens."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.52,"endTime":1735.14,"body":"And the chances that happening"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.38,"endTime":1738.05,"body":"are so little, I would say it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.38,"endTime":1738.05,"body":"probably just a better idea to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.05,"endTime":1742.07,"body":"move on than it would be to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.05,"endTime":1742.07,"body":"stick with it. Like, backs. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.07,"endTime":1745.22,"body":"just sucks to say that, but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.07,"endTime":1745.22,"body":"true, right? We're just speaking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.22,"endTime":1748.25,"body":"from experience you I've seen a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.22,"endTime":1748.25,"body":"lot of these things. And very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.25,"endTime":1752.12,"body":"few people actually get it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.25,"endTime":1752.12,"body":"then take that and want to grow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.12,"endTime":1755.6,"body":"with it. Yeah, most people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.12,"endTime":1755.6,"body":"aren't interested in growth. Now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1755.6,"endTime":1758.42,"body":"they're interested in status"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1755.6,"endTime":1758.42,"body":"quo, right? This is comfortable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.42,"endTime":1761.24,"body":"for me. Why would I do anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.42,"endTime":1761.24,"body":"different? This is working for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.24,"endTime":1764.0,"body":"me. But you're like it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.24,"endTime":1764.0,"body":"working for me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1765.2,"endTime":1768.95,"body":"Listen to that voice."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1765.2,"endTime":1768.95,"body":"Yeah. Yep. All right. The next"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1768.95,"endTime":1772.19,"body":"one is denying the impact on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1768.95,"endTime":1772.19,"body":"your well being. So you ignore"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1772.19,"endTime":1774.32,"body":"the negative impact that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1772.19,"endTime":1774.32,"body":"relationship is having on your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1774.32,"endTime":1777.5,"body":"mental, emotional or physical"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1774.32,"endTime":1777.5,"body":"health, choosing to focus only"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1777.5,"endTime":1781.01,"body":"on the positive aspects or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1777.5,"endTime":1781.01,"body":"moments of the relationship. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1781.01,"endTime":1782.3,"body":"this is kind of like trauma"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1781.01,"endTime":1782.3,"body":"bonding."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1784.61,"endTime":1786.59,"body":"Yeah, think about where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1784.61,"endTime":1786.59,"body":"you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1786.59,"endTime":1788.87,"body":"really focusing on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1786.59,"endTime":1788.87,"body":"highs. Really,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.87,"endTime":1791.03,"body":"really focusing on those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.87,"endTime":1791.03,"body":"highs and that's all you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.03,"endTime":1793.94,"body":"thinking about? Yeah, like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.03,"endTime":1793.94,"body":"we had a really good weekend"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1793.94,"endTime":1797.06,"body":"that one time things are getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1793.94,"endTime":1797.06,"body":"better. I mean, it's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1797.06,"endTime":1800.09,"body":"looking at you know, people will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1797.06,"endTime":1800.09,"body":"say that you when you've got Not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1800.09,"endTime":1803.9,"body":"a bad kid. The parents are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1800.09,"endTime":1803.9,"body":"oftentimes accused of looking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1803.9,"endTime":1806.3,"body":"through at the world through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1803.9,"endTime":1806.3,"body":"like rose colored glasses."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.66,"endTime":1809.39,"body":"People do this in their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.66,"endTime":1809.39,"body":"relationships all the time. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1809.39,"endTime":1811.97,"body":"could look at me and see all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1809.39,"endTime":1811.97,"body":"good in me, you see the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1811.97,"endTime":1815.48,"body":"potential in me. Based on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1811.97,"endTime":1815.48,"body":"things that I've told you, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.48,"endTime":1818.54,"body":"is the person I want to be one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.48,"endTime":1818.54,"body":"day this is the man I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.54,"endTime":1821.06,"body":"become. This is the father I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.54,"endTime":1821.06,"body":"want to be in like, you're like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.09,"endTime":1824.72,"body":"oh, man, I'm hooked this dude,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.09,"endTime":1824.72,"body":"is it? Yeah. You start to look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.72,"endTime":1829.25,"body":"at me with this frame that like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.72,"endTime":1829.25,"body":"positivity. And you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.28,"endTime":1834.32,"body":"focusing on these bad things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.28,"endTime":1834.32,"body":"But a good indicator that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1834.32,"endTime":1837.35,"body":"wearing rose colored glasses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1834.32,"endTime":1837.35,"body":"that look at your life. Really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.35,"endTime":1840.32,"body":"look at your life like you talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.35,"endTime":1840.32,"body":"about it in this module. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.32,"endTime":1842.93,"body":"that worksheet. Yes. Think about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.32,"endTime":1842.93,"body":"a time when you had a fire"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1842.93,"endTime":1846.92,"body":"inside of you. reignite that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1842.93,"endTime":1846.92,"body":"fire. What would it look like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.92,"endTime":1849.32,"body":"when you were on top of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.92,"endTime":1849.32,"body":"world the last time? What did?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.77,"endTime":1852.38,"body":"What was the texture of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.77,"endTime":1852.38,"body":"mind? Like? What was your friend"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1852.38,"endTime":1853.1,"body":"group? Like? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1853.1,"endTime":1856.07,"body":"what were you doing? What"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1853.1,"endTime":1856.07,"body":"are you doing this in life?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.1,"endTime":1857.87,"body":"Were you in school"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1856.1,"endTime":1857.87,"body":"learning something? Were you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.9,"endTime":1859.73,"body":"optimistic about your free"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.9,"endTime":1859.73,"body":"challenging"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1859.73,"endTime":1861.8,"body":"yourself? Are you just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1859.73,"endTime":1861.8,"body":"doing things that made you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1861.8,"endTime":1863.09,"body":"happy? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.12,"endTime":1864.77,"body":"you're really good at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.12,"endTime":1864.77,"body":"placing people back in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.77,"endTime":1867.62,"body":"moment? And they're like, then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.77,"endTime":1867.62,"body":"for just a moment, they realize,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1867.62,"endTime":1872.27,"body":"Oh, my God, I'm not that person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1867.62,"endTime":1872.27,"body":"today. Yeah. Not even close. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1872.27,"endTime":1875.45,"body":"then it vanishes again. Might it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1872.27,"endTime":1875.45,"body":"becomes a skill to look at that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.45,"endTime":1877.76,"body":"and remind yourself, but some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.45,"endTime":1877.76,"body":"the other things like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1877.76,"endTime":1880.4,"body":"physical pieces, you can pick up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1877.76,"endTime":1880.4,"body":"pretty quick, like have you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.4,"endTime":1884.21,"body":"gained or lost a lot of weight?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.4,"endTime":1884.21,"body":"If you're the body does keep the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.21,"endTime":1887.66,"body":"score. They move book. Oh, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.21,"endTime":1887.66,"body":"it's true. Yeah, the body will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1887.66,"endTime":1890.69,"body":"let you know. Yes. Like, are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1887.66,"endTime":1890.69,"body":"having panic attacks? Has your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.69,"endTime":1894.53,"body":"appetite changed in one way or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.69,"endTime":1894.53,"body":"another? Are you passionate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1894.53,"endTime":1896.99,"body":"about activities used to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1894.53,"endTime":1896.99,"body":"really? I mean, are you still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.99,"endTime":1899.36,"body":"passionate about the same thing?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.99,"endTime":1899.36,"body":"Right, right. And that's not to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1899.36,"endTime":1901.28,"body":"say that like, yeah, I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1899.36,"endTime":1901.28,"body":"really into roller skating when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1901.28,"endTime":1905.75,"body":"I was 10. Oh, no, there's Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1901.28,"endTime":1905.75,"body":"But do things that bring you joy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1905.75,"endTime":1908.39,"body":"like that? Right. I used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1905.75,"endTime":1908.39,"body":"paint. I don't do that anymore."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.48,"endTime":1912.92,"body":"Do any of this stuff. Your body"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.48,"endTime":1912.92,"body":"will tell you, your life will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1912.92,"endTime":1916.79,"body":"tell you. Yes. And you are your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1912.92,"endTime":1916.79,"body":"well being is reflected in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1916.79,"endTime":1919.76,"body":"stuff. Yes. But if you look at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1916.79,"endTime":1919.76,"body":"it through rose colored glasses,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1920.45,"endTime":1922.28,"body":"it's pretty good. We've got to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1920.45,"endTime":1922.28,"body":"how we got to you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1922.31,"endTime":1926.06,"body":"gratitude can be like an enemy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1922.31,"endTime":1926.06,"body":"at times. Yes. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1926.06,"endTime":1928.31,"body":"especially the way like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1926.06,"endTime":1928.31,"body":"toxic gratitude thing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1928.31,"endTime":1929.78,"body":"people use. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1929.81,"endTime":1931.58,"body":"yeah. Where it's like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1929.81,"endTime":1931.58,"body":"oh, well, you all your bills are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1931.58,"endTime":1933.68,"body":"paid Are you got a roof over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1931.58,"endTime":1933.68,"body":"your head, you've got food on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1933.68,"endTime":1935.57,"body":"your table, you've got clothes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1933.68,"endTime":1935.57,"body":"on your back, you've got all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1935.57,"endTime":1937.73,"body":"these things. You've got air to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1935.57,"endTime":1937.73,"body":"breathe. You're alive. Like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1937.73,"endTime":1941.27,"body":"okay, yeah, but those aren't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1937.73,"endTime":1941.27,"body":"like, we're asking for our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1941.27,"endTime":1943.64,"body":"emotional needs to be met. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1941.27,"endTime":1943.64,"body":"know, there's totally different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1943.67,"endTime":1946.73,"body":"well, you can you have any"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1943.67,"endTime":1946.73,"body":"gratitude there, like about your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1946.73,"endTime":1949.16,"body":"emotional needs. This is all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1946.73,"endTime":1949.16,"body":"physical stuff, right? Like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1949.16,"endTime":1951.38,"body":"yeah, like this is these are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1949.16,"endTime":1951.38,"body":"things that you have to have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1951.38,"endTime":1952.19,"body":"survive. Yeah. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.22,"endTime":1956.33,"body":"like, like the Maslow's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.22,"endTime":1956.33,"body":"hierarchy of needs. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1956.33,"endTime":1960.29,"body":"Shelter and all that. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1956.33,"endTime":1960.29,"body":"Yeah. So you were like one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.29,"endTime":1963.41,"body":"the first people that I knew"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.29,"endTime":1963.41,"body":"anyway, that identified toxic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.41,"endTime":1967.01,"body":"positivity, because you came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.41,"endTime":1967.01,"body":"from an MLM background at one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.01,"endTime":1969.89,"body":"time. Yes. And not to say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.01,"endTime":1969.89,"body":"they're all bad. I'm not here to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.89,"endTime":1972.71,"body":"bash MLMs. Right, in some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.89,"endTime":1972.71,"body":"these circles, and it's well"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1972.71,"endTime":1976.31,"body":"documented that there are people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1972.71,"endTime":1976.31,"body":"who are struggling with their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1976.31,"endTime":1980.54,"body":"gaslit and told that they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1976.31,"endTime":1980.54,"body":"being ungrateful. Yes. So but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1980.54,"endTime":1983.39,"body":"that is still out there. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1980.54,"endTime":1983.39,"body":"like, you still recognize this a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.39,"endTime":1983.63,"body":"lot."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1983.63,"endTime":1988.49,"body":"Oh, yeah. Does that plan?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1983.63,"endTime":1988.49,"body":"Mean is big time on that? What"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1988.49,"endTime":1989.69,"body":"do you mean? How does it play"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1988.49,"endTime":1989.69,"body":"into it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1989.72,"endTime":1993.32,"body":"Like, the, I guess, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1989.72,"endTime":1993.32,"body":"narrative that social media"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1993.32,"endTime":1995.69,"body":"pushes, and that people will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1993.32,"endTime":1995.69,"body":"push at times?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.89,"endTime":1999.47,"body":"Well, yeah, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.89,"endTime":1999.47,"body":"they're pushing this whole, stay"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.47,"endTime":2002.32,"body":"positive or choose happiness,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.47,"endTime":2002.32,"body":"you know, that one that will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2002.32,"endTime":2006.94,"body":"choose happiness. I think that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2002.32,"endTime":2006.94,"body":"that term got spun around"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2006.97,"endTime":2009.88,"body":"incorrectly. It doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2006.97,"endTime":2009.88,"body":"that you wake up during the day"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2009.88,"endTime":2012.13,"body":"and you say, You know what, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2009.88,"endTime":2012.13,"body":"just going to choose to be happy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2012.13,"endTime":2016.12,"body":"today. It means that you need to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2012.13,"endTime":2016.12,"body":"make decisions within your life"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2016.12,"endTime":2018.88,"body":"that are gonna make you happy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2016.12,"endTime":2018.88,"body":"And I know that you've always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2018.88,"endTime":2021.13,"body":"said happiness is the way and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2018.88,"endTime":2021.13,"body":"what is it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.61,"endTime":2024.4,"body":"There is no way to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.61,"endTime":2024.4,"body":"happiness, happiness is the way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2024.79,"endTime":2028.78,"body":"well, you don't just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2024.79,"endTime":2028.78,"body":"choose to be happy. You have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2028.78,"endTime":2031.66,"body":"build a life around yourself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2028.78,"endTime":2031.66,"body":"that is going to bring you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2031.66,"endTime":2032.5,"body":"happiness."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.56,"endTime":2035.83,"body":"Yeah, I think that applies"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.56,"endTime":2035.83,"body":"in the context. I've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.83,"endTime":2039.73,"body":"thought about that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.83,"endTime":2039.73,"body":"materialistic things. I thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.73,"endTime":2043.24,"body":"that when I got a certain car,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.73,"endTime":2043.24,"body":"or when we got a certain house,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2043.24,"endTime":2046.09,"body":"or when I got a certain job or a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2043.24,"endTime":2046.09,"body":"level of income, then I would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2046.09,"endTime":2049.51,"body":"happy. Oh, yeah. But each time I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2046.09,"endTime":2049.51,"body":"would achieve any of those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2049.51,"endTime":2052.33,"body":"things or a goal, for instance,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2049.51,"endTime":2052.33,"body":"it could easily go like I have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.33,"endTime":2056.05,"body":"goal to Okay. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.33,"endTime":2056.05,"body":"aesthetically, I always wanted a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2056.05,"endTime":2058.36,"body":"six pack. Like that was the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2056.05,"endTime":2058.36,"body":"thing for me from the time I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.36,"endTime":2060.58,"body":"a little boy, the first time I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.36,"endTime":2060.58,"body":"ever saw Arnold Schwarzenegger."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.58,"endTime":2064.24,"body":"I was like, I want to look like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.58,"endTime":2064.24,"body":"that guy. Yeah. And I thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2064.27,"endTime":2067.51,"body":"when I did, and I look anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2064.27,"endTime":2067.51,"body":"like Arnold, don't get me wrong,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.51,"endTime":2067.78,"body":"but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2067.81,"endTime":2071.41,"body":"Oh, you look pretty damn"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2067.81,"endTime":2071.41,"body":"good. He wasn't that No, no,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.469,"endTime":2074.619,"body":"but I got in really,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.469,"endTime":2074.619,"body":"really good shape. And I got a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.619,"endTime":2078.819,"body":"six pack and I was like shredded"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.619,"endTime":2078.819,"body":"up. I had less than 10% body fat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.819,"endTime":2081.939,"body":"and a bunch of muscles. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.819,"endTime":2081.939,"body":"was like, it's not what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.939,"endTime":2086.439,"body":"thought it was. He were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.939,"endTime":2086.439,"body":"starving. That too. And I always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2086.439,"endTime":2089.949,"body":"thought that you'd be all over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2086.439,"endTime":2089.949,"body":"me. You thought it was cool for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2089.949,"endTime":2093.309,"body":"like 10 minutes. And then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2089.949,"endTime":2093.309,"body":"were like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2093.31,"endTime":2096.67,"body":"just I mean I think it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2093.31,"endTime":2096.67,"body":"hot and it's your sexy it's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2096.7,"endTime":2100.15,"body":"that's not what I will. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2096.7,"endTime":2100.15,"body":"emotional needs that need needs"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2100.15,"endTime":2101.5,"body":"to be met. Yeah, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2101.5,"endTime":2105.22,"body":"yeah. Well, anyway, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2101.5,"endTime":2105.22,"body":"it comes to this happiness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.22,"endTime":2108.61,"body":"thing, yes, that is like how I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.22,"endTime":2108.61,"body":"apply that. I think that has a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.61,"endTime":2112.69,"body":"place, right? If you think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.61,"endTime":2112.69,"body":"this next, like you just anytime"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2112.69,"endTime":2115.03,"body":"you succeed, all you've really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2112.69,"endTime":2115.03,"body":"done is just set the bar for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2115.03,"endTime":2119.47,"body":"next level of success. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2115.03,"endTime":2119.47,"body":"like, let's okay, we're 100,000"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.47,"endTime":2122.74,"body":"downloads in the podcast. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.47,"endTime":2122.74,"body":"remember whenever we were happy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2122.74,"endTime":2127.75,"body":"with 1000 And then how quick did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2122.74,"endTime":2127.75,"body":"1000 not become cool? The moment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2127.75,"endTime":2130.72,"body":"we gotta ya know what I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2127.75,"endTime":2130.72,"body":"that kind of stuff. That's never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.72,"endTime":2134.47,"body":"but that ain't for me, things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.72,"endTime":2134.47,"body":"don't so much apply, right to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2134.47,"endTime":2138.01,"body":"relationship like this or your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2134.47,"endTime":2138.01,"body":"well being. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2138.58,"endTime":2142.36,"body":"if you're talking about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2138.58,"endTime":2142.36,"body":"gratitude, what would you within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2142.36,"endTime":2144.49,"body":"these types of relationships?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2142.36,"endTime":2144.49,"body":"I'm trying to think, okay, what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2144.49,"endTime":2147.76,"body":"are you grateful for? Like, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2144.49,"endTime":2147.76,"body":"times that they're sober and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2147.76,"endTime":2151.87,"body":"they're acting? somewhat normal?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2147.76,"endTime":2151.87,"body":"Like where? Where would you look"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2151.87,"endTime":2153.22,"body":"at the gratitude? To"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2153.22,"endTime":2156.67,"body":"find gratitude in an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2153.22,"endTime":2156.67,"body":"addicted relationship? Yeah. How"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2156.67,"endTime":2159.07,"body":"would I suggest someone find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2156.67,"endTime":2159.07,"body":"gratitude?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2159.1,"endTime":2161.68,"body":"Know, like, what, what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2159.1,"endTime":2161.68,"body":"would they be grateful for in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2161.68,"endTime":2163.42,"body":"the relationship? What is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2161.68,"endTime":2163.42,"body":"something that they could look"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2163.42,"endTime":2166.0,"body":"at that would be positive?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2163.42,"endTime":2166.0,"body":"Because this is saying, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2166.0,"endTime":2169.45,"body":"know, you ignore the negative"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2166.0,"endTime":2169.45,"body":"and you only focus on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2169.45,"endTime":2172.75,"body":"positive aspects of the moment?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2169.45,"endTime":2172.75,"body":"What are the positive aspects of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2172.75,"endTime":2175.75,"body":"this relationship that are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2172.75,"endTime":2175.75,"body":"overriding the negative? I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2175.75,"endTime":2181.42,"body":"that people can, can visit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2175.75,"endTime":2181.42,"body":"like their, like their vignette"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2181.42,"endTime":2184.63,"body":"memory banks pretty quickly. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2181.42,"endTime":2184.63,"body":"they can think of the times like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2184.66,"endTime":2187.12,"body":"even recently, like, what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2184.66,"endTime":2187.12,"body":"were like, really, really good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.12,"endTime":2190.9,"body":"with the kids like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.12,"endTime":2190.9,"body":"whenever he had little Josie on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.9,"endTime":2192.7,"body":"his shoulders, and they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.9,"endTime":2192.7,"body":"walking through the mall, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.97,"endTime":2195.73,"body":"in that moment, I just felt and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.97,"endTime":2195.73,"body":"the potential that's what holds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2195.73,"endTime":2197.89,"body":"on to the potential even in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2195.73,"endTime":2197.89,"body":"those moments, it's like, wow,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.89,"endTime":2200.47,"body":"like that. There. It is, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.89,"endTime":2200.47,"body":"that's the guy married though."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2201.34,"endTime":2202.39,"body":"Those types of things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2202.42,"endTime":2205.9,"body":"are not consistent. No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2202.42,"endTime":2205.9,"body":"they're not. And they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2205.9,"endTime":2209.26,"body":"supposed to be consistent. Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2205.9,"endTime":2209.26,"body":"I'm not saying perfect all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2209.26,"endTime":2212.53,"body":"time, though. But definitely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2209.26,"endTime":2212.53,"body":"more often than not,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.59,"endTime":2216.43,"body":"that's a good way to put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.59,"endTime":2216.43,"body":"it. Yeah, like finally, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.43,"endTime":2219.31,"body":"gaslight yourself into finding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.43,"endTime":2219.31,"body":"gratitude in any situation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.31,"endTime":2222.01,"body":"right? And in fact, I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.31,"endTime":2222.01,"body":"it can be really beneficial at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.01,"endTime":2225.25,"body":"times. Yes. Viktor Frankl wrote"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.01,"endTime":2225.25,"body":"a book called Man's Search for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.25,"endTime":2229.72,"body":"Meaning. Frankel, I think he's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.25,"endTime":2229.72,"body":"psychiatrist, maybe psychologist"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2229.72,"endTime":2233.89,"body":"either way, he was a prisoner in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2229.72,"endTime":2233.89,"body":"a concentration camp World War"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2233.89,"endTime":2236.95,"body":"Two. Right, right. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2233.89,"endTime":2236.95,"body":"about how they could take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2236.95,"endTime":2241.12,"body":"everything from him. But his"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2236.95,"endTime":2241.12,"body":"hope and gratitude, finding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.12,"endTime":2243.25,"body":"gratitude and some of the simple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.12,"endTime":2243.25,"body":"things in life, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2243.25,"endTime":2246.22,"body":"he hadn't he had no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2243.25,"endTime":2246.22,"body":"choice in that situation. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2246.25,"endTime":2248.38,"body":"that's, that's a, that's the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2246.25,"endTime":2248.38,"body":"difference, right? So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.41,"endTime":2250.93,"body":"he was in this dark"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.41,"endTime":2250.93,"body":"situation. And that's how he was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.93,"endTime":2253.57,"body":"able to survive. 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Or because the church"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.98,"endTime":2266.65,"body":"tells you you have to be because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.65,"endTime":2269.35,"body":"your friends pressure you to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.65,"endTime":2269.35,"body":"and you don't want to split up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2269.35,"endTime":2272.68,"body":"your family because of finances"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2269.35,"endTime":2272.68,"body":"because of all these things. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.68,"endTime":2276.46,"body":"you can find yourself getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.68,"endTime":2276.46,"body":"grateful for all this stuff, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.46,"endTime":2277.45,"body":"like be real, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2277.45,"endTime":2280.45,"body":"then that keeps you in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2277.45,"endTime":2280.45,"body":"denial. Does that's the because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2280.45,"endTime":2282.07,"body":"there are Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2282.1,"endTime":2285.1,"body":"that's that's the catch."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2282.1,"endTime":2285.1,"body":"That's the catch. Yeah. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.1,"endTime":2290.41,"body":"could choose to do that like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.1,"endTime":2290.41,"body":"melody is a BD or Betty BD. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.41,"endTime":2294.07,"body":"believe she wrote codependency"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.41,"endTime":2294.07,"body":"or codependent no more. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2294.07,"endTime":2299.02,"body":"this quote that she had written."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2294.07,"endTime":2299.02,"body":"From her second book, I believe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2299.02,"endTime":2302.41,"body":"called the language of letting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2299.02,"endTime":2302.41,"body":"go. She wrote denial is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2302.41,"endTime":2305.62,"body":"protective device, a shock"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2302.41,"endTime":2305.62,"body":"absorber for the soul. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.62,"endTime":2308.62,"body":"prevents us from acknowledging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.62,"endTime":2308.62,"body":"reality until we feel prepared"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.62,"endTime":2312.1,"body":"to cope with that particular"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.62,"endTime":2312.1,"body":"reality. People can shout and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2312.1,"endTime":2315.55,"body":"scream the truth at us, but we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2312.1,"endTime":2315.55,"body":"will not see or hear it until we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2315.55,"endTime":2318.37,"body":"are ready. Yeah, I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2315.55,"endTime":2318.37,"body":"that's so spot on."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2318.43,"endTime":2319.9,"body":"Oh my gosh, yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.96,"endTime":2323.8,"body":"So spot on. So spot on,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.96,"endTime":2323.8,"body":"like denial is a shock absorber,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.8,"endTime":2327.73,"body":"I think in some ways, but we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.8,"endTime":2327.73,"body":"always just encouraged people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.73,"endTime":2329.65,"body":"like, look at the reality of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.73,"endTime":2329.65,"body":"these things. Like, let's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.65,"endTime":2331.63,"body":"look at it for what it is. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.65,"endTime":2331.63,"body":"gonna love you and hold you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.63,"endTime":2334.69,"body":"through it. But we need you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.63,"endTime":2334.69,"body":"see it. Yeah, I need you to look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.69,"endTime":2338.11,"body":"at this. Right. Truly, I tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.69,"endTime":2338.11,"body":"addicts the exact same thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2338.14,"endTime":2342.43,"body":"Absolutely. I am a firm believer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2338.14,"endTime":2342.43,"body":"that you never ever, ever tear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.43,"endTime":2345.67,"body":"anybody apart without zippin and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.43,"endTime":2345.67,"body":"backup, right? So when I first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.67,"endTime":2348.85,"body":"meet somebody, and we're working"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.67,"endTime":2348.85,"body":"through recovery, I will destroy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2348.85,"endTime":2353.59,"body":"them till they're a blubbering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2348.85,"endTime":2353.59,"body":"mess. Dang. And then I build him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.59,"endTime":2356.53,"body":"back up on what life could look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.59,"endTime":2356.53,"body":"like. Yeah, but I need you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.53,"endTime":2359.47,"body":"see who you are. Yeah, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.53,"endTime":2359.47,"body":"don't see how miserable and how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2359.47,"endTime":2362.05,"body":"sick you are, you're not going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2359.47,"endTime":2362.05,"body":"to be interested in doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.05,"endTime":2365.08,"body":"anything about it. I need you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2362.05,"endTime":2365.08,"body":"feel it. I need you to see it. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.08,"endTime":2366.16,"body":"need it to hurt you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2366.16,"endTime":2368.98,"body":"have to feel that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2366.16,"endTime":2368.98,"body":"discomfort. Yes, it's it's it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.98,"endTime":2372.31,"body":"may hurt, like the discomfort"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.98,"endTime":2372.31,"body":"that you have throughout your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2372.31,"endTime":2374.68,"body":"relationship. But it's going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2372.31,"endTime":2374.68,"body":"be different because it's going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2374.68,"endTime":2378.97,"body":"to be it might be it might be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2374.68,"endTime":2378.97,"body":"more difficult at first because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.97,"endTime":2381.97,"body":"it's getting you out of your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.97,"endTime":2381.97,"body":"comfort zone. But eventually,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2382.18,"endTime":2385.57,"body":"that discomfort is going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2382.18,"endTime":2385.57,"body":"such a huge relief for you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2385.57,"endTime":2388.3,"body":"because you're learning how to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2385.57,"endTime":2388.3,"body":"work your way through it. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2388.3,"endTime":2391.54,"body":"starts when you get past yes it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2388.3,"endTime":2391.54,"body":"does. It does start with pain."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2391.63,"endTime":2396.16,"body":"But do you want to be in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2391.63,"endTime":2396.16,"body":"same pain the rest of your life"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2396.19,"endTime":2400.3,"body":"within you know, this dynamic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2396.19,"endTime":2400.3,"body":"that you're in or do you Want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2400.36,"endTime":2401.59,"body":"shift that pain?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2402.16,"endTime":2402.64,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2402.67,"endTime":2403.75,"body":"Does that make sense?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2402.67,"endTime":2403.75,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.78,"endTime":2407.26,"body":"yeah, there's a psych"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.78,"endTime":2407.26,"body":"psychologist I was listening to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2407.26,"endTime":2409.84,"body":"the other day remember who it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2407.26,"endTime":2409.84,"body":"was, was Peterson or someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.84,"endTime":2412.72,"body":"else, but this guy was saying,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.84,"endTime":2412.72,"body":"he's like, you're screwed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.75,"endTime":2416.2,"body":"Either way. You're screwed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.75,"endTime":2416.2,"body":"either way. Both outcomes are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.2,"endTime":2420.28,"body":"screwed. If you stay, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.2,"endTime":2420.28,"body":"screwed. You know what your life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2420.28,"endTime":2421.99,"body":"is gonna look like, but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2420.28,"endTime":2421.99,"body":"gonna get worse because it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2421.99,"endTime":2424.78,"body":"progressive. Exactly. So it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2421.99,"endTime":2424.78,"body":"you think it's bad now? Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2424.78,"endTime":2428.38,"body":"wait. It gets worse over time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2424.78,"endTime":2428.38,"body":"Yes, it gets way worse. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2428.38,"endTime":2431.68,"body":"Think the abuse is bad now? Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2428.38,"endTime":2431.68,"body":"wait. I think it's it's bad with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2431.68,"endTime":2433.84,"body":"no kids is when you have kids,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2431.68,"endTime":2433.84,"body":"right? You think it's bad with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.84,"endTime":2435.73,"body":"like, little kids wait till"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.84,"endTime":2435.73,"body":"they're teenagers? And they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2435.73,"endTime":2439.09,"body":"adults, and they need like real"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2435.73,"endTime":2439.09,"body":"parents and adults around to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2439.09,"endTime":2442.78,"body":"help them. Yeah, you've got the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2439.09,"endTime":2442.78,"body":"burden of everything. Right? The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2442.78,"endTime":2447.55,"body":"alternative also sucks. Leaving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2442.78,"endTime":2447.55,"body":"is scary. Yeah, there's your own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2447.58,"endTime":2450.04,"body":"that comes with that huge amount"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2447.58,"endTime":2450.04,"body":"of grief, which we're gonna talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2450.04,"endTime":2454.84,"body":"about in the episode pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2450.04,"endTime":2454.84,"body":"soon. You're screwed either way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2454.87,"endTime":2458.71,"body":"But at least you get to choose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2454.87,"endTime":2458.71,"body":"how screwed you're going to be,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2459.16,"endTime":2462.49,"body":"and what that path looks like."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2459.16,"endTime":2462.49,"body":"And one is progressively worse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2462.49,"endTime":2466.12,"body":"The other one's progressively"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2462.49,"endTime":2466.12,"body":"better. That's the thing. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2466.12,"endTime":2469.12,"body":"like, it's they're both"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2466.12,"endTime":2469.12,"body":"progressive paths. But one goes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.12,"endTime":2473.59,"body":"down and one goes up. Yeah. Now,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.12,"endTime":2473.59,"body":"denial is a shock absorber. At"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2473.59,"endTime":2477.01,"body":"times, we do need that. People"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2473.59,"endTime":2477.01,"body":"aren't ready to process things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.01,"endTime":2479.98,"body":"right away. If I had $1 Every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.01,"endTime":2479.98,"body":"time I talked to someone who had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2479.98,"endTime":2483.37,"body":"a problem, and they just went,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2479.98,"endTime":2483.37,"body":"Man, you're right. What do I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2483.37,"endTime":2486.43,"body":"to do next? I would have like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2483.37,"endTime":2486.43,"body":"$2. Yeah, I've talked to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.61,"endTime":2490.18,"body":"hundreds of 1000s of people."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.61,"endTime":2490.18,"body":"Most people are in denial for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2490.18,"endTime":2492.49,"body":"quite some time until like, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2490.18,"endTime":2492.49,"body":"bad enough that the shock has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2492.49,"endTime":2495.73,"body":"over brakes. And you've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2492.49,"endTime":2495.73,"body":"cars rotted Rome with no shocks."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.82,"endTime":2499.15,"body":"They're a mess. Life is falling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.82,"endTime":2499.15,"body":"apart. Yeah, they have to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2499.15,"endTime":2503.8,"body":"there. But you can also sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2499.15,"endTime":2503.8,"body":"wake yourself up to it. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.83,"endTime":2504.49,"body":"you're screwed either"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2504.49,"endTime":2507.73,"body":"way. Well, it's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2504.49,"endTime":2507.73,"body":"like, changing your lifestyle,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2507.73,"endTime":2512.11,"body":"like your diet lifestyle. Same"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2507.73,"endTime":2512.11,"body":"Yeah, pick your pick your heart,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.11,"endTime":2515.8,"body":"if you're gonna stay in these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.11,"endTime":2515.8,"body":"poor eating habits not working"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2515.8,"endTime":2518.8,"body":"out, it's gonna go down, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2515.8,"endTime":2518.8,"body":"gonna get progressively worse,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2518.8,"endTime":2521.5,"body":"you're gonna get sick later on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2518.8,"endTime":2521.5,"body":"down the road. You know, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2521.5,"endTime":2524.11,"body":"causes a bunch of issues within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2521.5,"endTime":2524.11,"body":"your you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.11,"endTime":2525.79,"body":"will have health,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.11,"endTime":2525.79,"body":"everything your life will end"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2525.79,"endTime":2528.19,"body":"before it was supposed to right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2525.79,"endTime":2528.19,"body":"Oh, doubt about it will be on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2528.19,"endTime":2528.82,"body":"medication,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2528.82,"endTime":2532.06,"body":"or you choose the path"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2528.82,"endTime":2532.06,"body":"that seems more difficult. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2532.06,"endTime":2536.65,"body":"it is mentally more challenging."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2532.06,"endTime":2536.65,"body":"Oh, it's hard. But you're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2536.65,"endTime":2539.53,"body":"to have a way more fulfilling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2536.65,"endTime":2539.53,"body":"life. And it gets progressively"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2539.77,"endTime":2544.45,"body":"easier, it gets easier. And you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2539.77,"endTime":2544.45,"body":"are building up your self esteem"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2544.45,"endTime":2547.45,"body":"even more, because you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2544.45,"endTime":2547.45,"body":"choosing to challenge yourself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2547.45,"endTime":2549.43,"body":"and how do you build up your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2547.45,"endTime":2549.43,"body":"self esteem, you challenge"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2549.43,"endTime":2553.27,"body":"yourself and then you follow"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2549.43,"endTime":2553.27,"body":"follow through, do hard things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2553.27,"endTime":2557.14,"body":"do hard things. So it's very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2553.27,"endTime":2557.14,"body":"similar to that. We've talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.14,"endTime":2560.44,"body":"about it's been a long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.14,"endTime":2560.44,"body":"time but Paige lost like 50 or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.44,"endTime":2560.83,"body":"60"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2560.83,"endTime":2565.63,"body":"pounds 50 pounds in six"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2560.83,"endTime":2565.63,"body":"months and six months? Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2565.66,"endTime":2569.68,"body":"Because I stayed very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2565.66,"endTime":2569.68,"body":"disciplined on on the on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2569.71,"endTime":2570.25,"body":"program I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.25,"endTime":2573.1,"body":"was on. And that was hard."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.25,"endTime":2573.1,"body":"But now you have maintained it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.13,"endTime":2574.45,"body":"is become well, I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2574.45,"endTime":2578.35,"body":"kind of gone like this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2574.45,"endTime":2578.35,"body":"are still but I'm still nothing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2578.35,"endTime":2581.89,"body":"like I was before I have I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2578.35,"endTime":2581.89,"body":"want to go back to where I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2581.89,"endTime":2584.95,"body":"before. Because I did make the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2581.89,"endTime":2584.95,"body":"changes within my brain. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2584.95,"endTime":2588.04,"body":"trained my brain to do the hard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2584.95,"endTime":2588.04,"body":"things that were going to you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2588.04,"endTime":2592.75,"body":"know, keep me fit and healthy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2588.04,"endTime":2592.75,"body":"Yeah. Which a little plug right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2592.75,"endTime":2596.59,"body":"now. Next week. I believe. E to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2592.75,"endTime":2596.59,"body":"M Signups are happening."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.62,"endTime":2599.26,"body":"Yeah. E to M. fitness.com."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.62,"endTime":2599.26,"body":"Yeah. Check it out here to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.26,"endTime":2602.8,"body":"motivate. I think it is it. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.26,"endTime":2602.8,"body":"think it ETM fitness.com."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2602.95,"endTime":2605.59,"body":"I don't know. Either."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2602.95,"endTime":2605.59,"body":"Just we'll put it in the notes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.59,"endTime":2606.55,"body":"or we'll bill."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2607.66,"endTime":2610.72,"body":"You great, great program."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2607.66,"endTime":2610.72,"body":"Yeah, it is. enough good things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2610.72,"endTime":2613.33,"body":"about it. And people that run"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2610.72,"endTime":2613.33,"body":"it. They're awesome. But back to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2613.33,"endTime":2616.45,"body":"the denying the impact of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2613.33,"endTime":2616.45,"body":"well being. Yeah, you've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.45,"endTime":2618.52,"body":"through this emotionally. You've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.45,"endTime":2618.52,"body":"been through this physically and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.52,"endTime":2622.27,"body":"everything else. You're right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.52,"endTime":2622.27,"body":"once progressively harder over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.27,"endTime":2624.67,"body":"time it gets keeps getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.27,"endTime":2624.67,"body":"worse. It keeps getting worse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.67,"endTime":2628.09,"body":"It keeps getting worse, won't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.67,"endTime":2628.09,"body":"gets better. But it all comes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.09,"endTime":2632.02,"body":"down to like, listen, we want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.09,"endTime":2632.02,"body":"we we've always said we will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.02,"endTime":2634.24,"body":"love you until you can love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.02,"endTime":2634.24,"body":"yourself. And we will be there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.24,"endTime":2637.69,"body":"we will hold you we will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.24,"endTime":2637.69,"body":"there with you with patients. No"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.69,"endTime":2640.81,"body":"matter where you're at. You can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.69,"endTime":2640.81,"body":"be the person that comes in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2640.81,"endTime":2644.08,"body":"Super hopeful. And then they say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2640.81,"endTime":2644.08,"body":"Hey, I see the light, this isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.08,"endTime":2648.13,"body":"gonna work. And then you come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.08,"endTime":2648.13,"body":"back in two months and say, Hey,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.13,"endTime":2650.86,"body":"I'm hopeful and happy again. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.13,"endTime":2650.86,"body":"then you come back a month"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2650.86,"endTime":2653.08,"body":"later, hey, this sucks again."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2650.86,"endTime":2653.08,"body":"You can be that person. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2653.08,"endTime":2655.63,"body":"still gonna love you. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2653.08,"endTime":2655.63,"body":"because we know like, like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.63,"endTime":2658.57,"body":"author said, Man, we know early."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.63,"endTime":2658.57,"body":"Yes, until you're ready to see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2658.57,"endTime":2660.7,"body":"it, you won't see it. But we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2658.57,"endTime":2660.7,"body":"gonna encourage every way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.7,"endTime":2663.4,"body":"possible that you do see this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.7,"endTime":2663.4,"body":"sooner than later, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2663.43,"endTime":2666.73,"body":"Because we've been there before."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2663.43,"endTime":2666.73,"body":"There's benefit to doing that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.0,"endTime":2671.26,"body":"And this is like an elevator."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.0,"endTime":2671.26,"body":"The same for addiction recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.29,"endTime":2673.45,"body":"And it's just like for you guys."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.29,"endTime":2673.45,"body":"Like you hit rock bottom."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2673.45,"endTime":2676.9,"body":"Everyone has to hit rock bottom."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2673.45,"endTime":2676.9,"body":"But you hit rock bottom. When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2676.9,"endTime":2679.99,"body":"you stop digging, at some point"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2676.9,"endTime":2679.99,"body":"make a decision to stop digging."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.02,"endTime":2682.45,"body":"Yeah, it was described to me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.02,"endTime":2682.45,"body":"that recovery is like an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.45,"endTime":2685.18,"body":"elevator and this goes for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.45,"endTime":2685.18,"body":"spouses and addicts. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.18,"endTime":2688.66,"body":"an elevator. You can get off on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.18,"endTime":2688.66,"body":"any floor that you want. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2689.11,"endTime":2691.09,"body":"You can choose to get off on any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2689.11,"endTime":2691.09,"body":"floor that you want. You have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2691.09,"endTime":2693.79,"body":"choices. How far down do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2691.09,"endTime":2693.79,"body":"want to ride this thing? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.82,"endTime":2696.91,"body":"because it's only going one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.82,"endTime":2696.91,"body":"direction. Yeah, down. Yeah. How"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2696.91,"endTime":2700.93,"body":"far down do you want to go? Is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2696.91,"endTime":2700.93,"body":"the question Yeah, which you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.93,"endTime":2701.98,"body":"get off whenever?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2702.19,"endTime":2702.73,"body":"I like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2703.03,"endTime":2704.71,"body":"I don't think I've ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2703.03,"endTime":2704.71,"body":"heard you say that one for sure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.71,"endTime":2706.27,"body":"you have. Sure. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2706.27,"endTime":2709.87,"body":"wasn't listening. Oh, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2706.27,"endTime":2709.87,"body":"I liked it. Sometimes I just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2709.87,"endTime":2713.59,"body":"blank out. Alright, the next one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2709.87,"endTime":2713.59,"body":"is going to be hope for change,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2713.59,"endTime":2715.42,"body":"which is kind of what we've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2713.59,"endTime":2715.42,"body":"discussed. But you hold on to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2715.42,"endTime":2717.67,"body":"the belief that your partner"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2715.42,"endTime":2717.67,"body":"will change their behavior or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2717.67,"endTime":2720.52,"body":"that the relationship will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2717.67,"endTime":2720.52,"body":"improve. Despite evidence to the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2720.52,"endTime":2722.74,"body":"contrary. You did a newsletter"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2720.52,"endTime":2722.74,"body":"on that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2723.7,"endTime":2727.99,"body":"Oh, on hope? Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2723.7,"endTime":2727.99,"body":"right. Yeah, it was called a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2727.99,"endTime":2729.76,"body":"few. Hey, if you don't subscribe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2727.99,"endTime":2729.76,"body":"to our newsletter, I write a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2729.76,"endTime":2733.03,"body":"newsletter every week. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2729.76,"endTime":2733.03,"body":"completely free. Just go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2733.03,"endTime":2735.82,"body":"photo calm. Yeah, go to photo,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2733.03,"endTime":2735.82,"body":"comm. And sign up. And it comes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2735.82,"endTime":2740.92,"body":"out. Wednesday mornings, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2735.82,"endTime":2740.92,"body":"5am 5pm Our time anyway. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2740.92,"endTime":2744.25,"body":"was called Hope is beautiful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2740.92,"endTime":2744.25,"body":"hope is dangerous. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2744.25,"endTime":2747.31,"body":"about this very thing. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2744.25,"endTime":2747.31,"body":"that when people first see us,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2747.31,"endTime":2749.65,"body":"the first thing they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2747.31,"endTime":2749.65,"body":"attracted to is they figured it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2749.65,"endTime":2752.83,"body":"out. Right? Those two figured it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2749.65,"endTime":2752.83,"body":"out. Right? You get really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2752.83,"endTime":2757.54,"body":"hopeful. Yeah, you think hope?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2752.83,"endTime":2757.54,"body":"It just hits you. Boom, oh, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2757.54,"endTime":2761.23,"body":"God, that can be high. It is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2757.54,"endTime":2761.23,"body":"It's intoxicating. Like in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.23,"endTime":2765.16,"body":"moment, everything you thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.23,"endTime":2765.16,"body":"was ruined, is suddenly better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2765.16,"endTime":2767.92,"body":"because someone found a way out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2765.16,"endTime":2767.92,"body":"And they're going to show me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.92,"endTime":2773.05,"body":"how. But if you listen closely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.92,"endTime":2773.05,"body":"to what we talked about, I hope"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2773.05,"endTime":2776.59,"body":"that you hear that. We are the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2773.05,"endTime":2776.59,"body":"exception, not the rule. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2776.65,"endTime":2780.16,"body":"And that the other part of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2776.65,"endTime":2780.16,"body":"is that there's only so much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2780.16,"endTime":2783.1,"body":"that Paige could have done to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2780.16,"endTime":2783.1,"body":"get us here. Yeah, it was up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2783.1,"endTime":2787.6,"body":"you. I've always said that the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2783.1,"endTime":2787.6,"body":"the larger burden of change has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.6,"endTime":2790.69,"body":"to come from the addicted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.6,"endTime":2790.69,"body":"person. Yeah, for the most part,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2790.75,"endTime":2793.78,"body":"you were all right, man. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2790.75,"endTime":2793.78,"body":"you have too much stuff going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2793.78,"endTime":2798.22,"body":"on. I had to grow up like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2793.78,"endTime":2798.22,"body":"wouldn't believe. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2798.91,"endTime":2802.42,"body":"Eventually, I got to a point"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2798.91,"endTime":2802.42,"body":"where I had caught up. And now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2802.42,"endTime":2804.34,"body":"it's like, Alright, now we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2802.42,"endTime":2804.34,"body":"chasing each other back and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.34,"endTime":2806.65,"body":"forth. You know, it's like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.34,"endTime":2806.65,"body":"take the lead, and you take the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2806.65,"endTime":2809.65,"body":"lead, and now we're chasing each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2806.65,"endTime":2809.65,"body":"other. But for a long time, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2809.65,"endTime":2814.06,"body":"was like, in last place, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2809.65,"endTime":2814.06,"body":"were running laps around me. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.09,"endTime":2816.67,"body":"it's really easy to get hopeful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.09,"endTime":2816.67,"body":"that that could be you. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.67,"endTime":2820.9,"body":"really easy to get hopeful. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.67,"endTime":2820.9,"body":"hope can be a beautiful thing in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.9,"endTime":2824.47,"body":"that regard. Because some people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.9,"endTime":2824.47,"body":"can change. I'm evidence people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2824.47,"endTime":2828.73,"body":"can change. Yeah, you can redo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2824.47,"endTime":2828.73,"body":"everything about yourself, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2828.73,"endTime":2831.4,"body":"can become a completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2828.73,"endTime":2831.4,"body":"different person. But it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2831.4,"endTime":2833.65,"body":"going to be up to you. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2831.4,"endTime":2833.65,"body":"think you can get hopeful for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2833.65,"endTime":2836.59,"body":"other reasons than just your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2833.65,"endTime":2836.59,"body":"relationships going to work out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.07,"endTime":2838.87,"body":"We encourage people to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.07,"endTime":2838.87,"body":"hopeful about what your life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2838.87,"endTime":2841.42,"body":"could look like, if you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2838.87,"endTime":2841.42,"body":"really happy. Yeah, what would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2841.42,"endTime":2844.18,"body":"have to happen in your life for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2841.42,"endTime":2844.18,"body":"you to be truly happy? So think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2844.18,"endTime":2847.45,"body":"about yourself? Would you like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2844.18,"endTime":2847.45,"body":"let's say that you had to do it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.96,"endTime":2851.41,"body":"all over again? Well, part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.96,"endTime":2851.41,"body":"our evaluation, it's part of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2851.41,"endTime":2854.44,"body":"value. There you go. More"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2851.41,"endTime":2854.44,"body":"plugged in the value, guys. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.44,"endTime":2857.95,"body":"evaluation is great. It is so we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.44,"endTime":2857.95,"body":"have never been in over here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2857.95,"endTime":2860.83,"body":"like trying to shake people down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2857.95,"endTime":2860.83,"body":"for cash. Like we're that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2860.83,"endTime":2864.61,"body":"us. It will never be us. We are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2860.83,"endTime":2864.61,"body":"we are as honest as they come."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2864.91,"endTime":2868.18,"body":"Yeah. But it's worth it. That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2864.91,"endTime":2868.18,"body":"that module is so worth"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2868.18,"endTime":2871.24,"body":"it. It really is. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2868.18,"endTime":2871.24,"body":"really is. But anyway,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2871.24,"endTime":2873.49,"body":"like would you would you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2871.24,"endTime":2873.49,"body":"go back to school? Would you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2873.49,"endTime":2875.2,"body":"learn a new would you learn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2873.49,"endTime":2875.2,"body":"something new? Like would you be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2875.2,"endTime":2876.91,"body":"a writer? Would you move"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2875.2,"endTime":2876.91,"body":"somewhere else? Would you move"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2876.91,"endTime":2879.19,"body":"at the beach? Like we had to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2876.91,"endTime":2879.19,"body":"it all over again? Like it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.19,"endTime":2883.27,"body":"hopeful that that that life is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.19,"endTime":2883.27,"body":"still there? Yeah, it is. Never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.27,"endTime":2884.41,"body":"Too Late yourself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2884.44,"endTime":2885.28,"body":"It's never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2885.28,"endTime":2887.74,"body":"too late. Like I have I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2885.28,"endTime":2887.74,"body":"got really discouraged about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2888.22,"endTime":2890.32,"body":"writing a book, I got really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2888.22,"endTime":2890.32,"body":"discouraged about starting the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2890.32,"endTime":2894.4,"body":"podcast about all the things we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2890.32,"endTime":2894.4,"body":"do what, because I felt like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.4,"endTime":2898.45,"body":"we we missed that many people in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.4,"endTime":2898.45,"body":"their 20s do that stuff. People"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.45,"endTime":2901.63,"body":"always don't do that. That's so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.45,"endTime":2901.63,"body":"not true. But like, I've come to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.63,"endTime":2904.54,"body":"understand that like a lot of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.63,"endTime":2904.54,"body":"favorite authors and writers and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.57,"endTime":2909.61,"body":"like they started later 40s 50s"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.57,"endTime":2909.61,"body":"Yeah, like there are some people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2909.61,"endTime":2912.31,"body":"that write their first books in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2909.61,"endTime":2912.31,"body":"their 60s. Exactly. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2912.31,"endTime":2915.64,"body":"it's never too late. So get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2912.31,"endTime":2915.64,"body":"hopeful, hopeful for get hopeful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2915.64,"endTime":2918.04,"body":"that you can be the happiest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2915.64,"endTime":2918.04,"body":"person on earth."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2918.52,"endTime":2920.35,"body":"And well, you can be the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2918.52,"endTime":2920.35,"body":"best version of yourself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2920.35,"endTime":2922.48,"body":"possible. Like we're not always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2920.35,"endTime":2922.48,"body":"happy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2923.23,"endTime":2924.88,"body":"At some point, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2923.23,"endTime":2924.88,"body":"look at your life and just be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.88,"endTime":2928.42,"body":"like, This is great. Yeah, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.88,"endTime":2928.42,"body":"is great. Yeah, you can be proud"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2928.42,"endTime":2931.0,"body":"of your accomplished even in all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2928.42,"endTime":2931.0,"body":"of our crazy stress. We have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2931.0,"endTime":2933.31,"body":"like I think about our lives."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2931.0,"endTime":2933.31,"body":"And I'm like, I'm really, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2933.31,"endTime":2937.09,"body":"grateful where we are today. For"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2933.31,"endTime":2937.09,"body":"sure. credibly happy. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.09,"endTime":2942.46,"body":"think had I not done this. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.09,"endTime":2942.46,"body":"could see you happy to. Yeah, no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2942.46,"endTime":2945.07,"body":"matter what I could see, I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2942.46,"endTime":2945.07,"body":"you'd be happy you'd find a way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2945.16,"endTime":2947.8,"body":"Yeah, get hopeful for that get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2945.16,"endTime":2947.8,"body":"hopeful that you've still got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2947.8,"endTime":2951.25,"body":"fire in you enough if that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2947.8,"endTime":2951.25,"body":"person doesn't have the capacity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2951.25,"endTime":2953.38,"body":"to change, or they refuse to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2951.25,"endTime":2953.38,"body":"change that you can be happy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2953.41,"endTime":2956.47,"body":"Yeah. And I don't know, maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2953.41,"endTime":2956.47,"body":"maybe 10 years down the road."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.47,"endTime":2959.71,"body":"You guys reconcile and you get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.47,"endTime":2959.71,"body":"validated and all that becomes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.71,"endTime":2962.53,"body":"right in some way. Yeah. But by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.71,"endTime":2962.53,"body":"that point, you know, you're,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2962.71,"endTime":2965.89,"body":"you know that you can do it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2962.71,"endTime":2965.89,"body":"Yeah. So you're not not worried."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2965.89,"endTime":2969.1,"body":"Maybe you get remarried? I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2965.89,"endTime":2969.1,"body":"know. But there are options out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2969.1,"endTime":2970.93,"body":"there. Right. Like you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2969.1,"endTime":2970.93,"body":"stuck,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2970.93,"endTime":2974.11,"body":"right? Yeah, there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2970.93,"endTime":2974.11,"body":"choices. Alright, so the next"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2974.11,"endTime":2977.23,"body":"one is suppressing intuition. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2974.11,"endTime":2977.23,"body":"you push aside your instincts or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2977.23,"endTime":2979.99,"body":"gut feelings that something is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2977.23,"endTime":2979.99,"body":"wrong in the relationship,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2979.99,"endTime":2983.65,"body":"choosing instead to trust your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2979.99,"endTime":2983.65,"body":"partner's words or actions. Talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2983.65,"endTime":2986.41,"body":"to me about intuition. So I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2983.65,"endTime":2986.41,"body":"reading a book called awakening"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2986.41,"endTime":2988.78,"body":"intuition right now. This is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2986.41,"endTime":2988.78,"body":"actually a book that my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2988.78,"endTime":2993.25,"body":"therapist recommended to me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2988.78,"endTime":2993.25,"body":"Seven years ago, it's been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2993.25,"endTime":2995.74,"body":"sitting on a shelf and it's been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2993.25,"endTime":2995.74,"body":"sitting on our shelf because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2995.74,"endTime":2998.11,"body":"just didn't it I don't know I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2995.74,"endTime":2998.11,"body":"wasn't ready to read it yet."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2998.14,"endTime":3000.42,"body":"There are a lot of times that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2998.14,"endTime":3000.42,"body":"I've been recommended. books and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3000.42,"endTime":3002.7,"body":"I just wasn't ready to read it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3000.42,"endTime":3002.7,"body":"And I'm sure there are times"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3002.7,"endTime":3004.62,"body":"that I recommend books to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3002.7,"endTime":3004.62,"body":"people, and they're not ready to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3004.62,"endTime":3007.2,"body":"read it at that time. But in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3004.62,"endTime":3007.2,"body":"seven years you will be."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3008.34,"endTime":3012.12,"body":"It's off the shelf above"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3008.34,"endTime":3012.12,"body":"our our headboard. And we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3012.12,"endTime":3015.36,"body":"talking about intuition. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3012.12,"endTime":3015.36,"body":"like, What's that book? You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3015.36,"endTime":3015.9,"body":"looked at it?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3016.35,"endTime":3019.08,"body":"No. Yeah, we were talking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3016.35,"endTime":3019.08,"body":"about intuition. Or when you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3019.08,"endTime":3022.56,"body":"said, what you just said, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3019.08,"endTime":3022.56,"body":"pretty much what that book title"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3022.56,"endTime":3026.52,"body":"is about. And I was like, What"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3022.56,"endTime":3026.52,"body":"are you talking about? Like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3026.52,"endTime":3028.62,"body":"now I have to read that book."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3026.52,"endTime":3028.62,"body":"Because I've been really big on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3028.62,"endTime":3030.66,"body":"intuition and gut feelings"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3028.62,"endTime":3030.66,"body":"lately. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3030.66,"endTime":3032.61,"body":"liked the book, because it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3030.66,"endTime":3032.61,"body":"was green, and it popped nice on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3032.61,"endTime":3034.62,"body":"that wall. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3034.77,"endTime":3038.16,"body":"it was great. It goes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3034.77,"endTime":3038.16,"body":"good. But with the stuff Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3038.16,"endTime":3041.1,"body":"I'm pretty I mean, I haven't,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3038.16,"endTime":3041.1,"body":"I've only gotten through it a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3041.1,"endTime":3045.03,"body":"little bit. So I'm not. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3041.1,"endTime":3045.03,"body":"know how great it is yet until I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3045.03,"endTime":3048.12,"body":"finish it. So I didn't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3045.03,"endTime":3048.12,"body":"want to talk about the book. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3048.21,"endTime":3052.29,"body":"it does go along with this whole"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3048.21,"endTime":3052.29,"body":"intuition thing. We're all born"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3052.35,"endTime":3058.62,"body":"with a natural compass, I guess"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3052.35,"endTime":3058.62,"body":"you could say, We're all born"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3058.62,"endTime":3062.7,"body":"with something that tells us how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3058.62,"endTime":3062.7,"body":"to live our lives based on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3063.27,"endTime":3068.94,"body":"survival and our values, pretty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3063.27,"endTime":3068.94,"body":"much. But the world and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3068.94,"endTime":3073.41,"body":"societies become so muddy with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3068.94,"endTime":3073.41,"body":"too much information, and too"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3073.41,"endTime":3076.68,"body":"much structure in a way where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3073.41,"endTime":3076.68,"body":"it's like, you have to do things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3076.68,"endTime":3079.35,"body":"this way. That way, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3076.68,"endTime":3079.35,"body":"nobody knows how to make their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3079.35,"endTime":3084.57,"body":"own decisions anymore. And if we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3079.35,"endTime":3084.57,"body":"just go back to listening to our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3084.57,"endTime":3088.26,"body":"gut and our intuition, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3084.57,"endTime":3088.26,"body":"make decisions. And it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3088.26,"endTime":3091.89,"body":"matter what anybody else says,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3088.26,"endTime":3091.89,"body":"this is your life, and what is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3091.89,"endTime":3097.32,"body":"going to work for you. And this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3091.89,"endTime":3097.32,"body":"says choosing to trust your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3097.32,"endTime":3100.74,"body":"partners words or actions, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3097.32,"endTime":3100.74,"body":"happens so much in these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3100.74,"endTime":3102.51,"body":"relationships. It's kind of like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3100.74,"endTime":3102.51,"body":"what we were talking about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3102.51,"endTime":3105.9,"body":"earlier, whenever you were like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3102.51,"endTime":3105.9,"body":"rationalizing or whatnot. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3106.23,"endTime":3109.59,"body":"your partner would say something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3106.23,"endTime":3109.59,"body":"like, oh, you know, maybe maybe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3109.59,"endTime":3112.17,"body":"they are right, and maybe I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3109.59,"endTime":3112.17,"body":"wrong. You know, we just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3112.2,"endTime":3117.15,"body":"completely put our voices aside."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3112.2,"endTime":3117.15,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3117.18,"endTime":3120.33,"body":"are those hollow apologies"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3117.18,"endTime":3120.33,"body":"that come through? Where you'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3120.33,"endTime":3123.36,"body":"say all the right things?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3120.33,"endTime":3123.36,"body":"Everything like it could have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3123.36,"endTime":3127.47,"body":"been written by Shakespeare. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3123.36,"endTime":3127.47,"body":"there's no play to back it up?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3127.5,"endTime":3130.53,"body":"Yeah, there's no actions. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3127.5,"endTime":3130.53,"body":"There's so many guys that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3130.53,"endTime":3133.02,"body":"great, smooth talkers. And they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3130.53,"endTime":3133.02,"body":"can get themselves out of all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3133.02,"endTime":3136.89,"body":"kinds of stuff, saying the right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3133.02,"endTime":3136.89,"body":"things. We know what to say. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3136.89,"endTime":3140.04,"body":"very few people do what they say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3136.89,"endTime":3140.04,"body":"they're going to do. Yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3140.04,"endTime":3144.15,"body":"should be the the acid test."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3140.04,"endTime":3144.15,"body":"Yeah, for whether or not you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3144.15,"endTime":3146.34,"body":"gonna suppress your own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3144.15,"endTime":3146.34,"body":"intuition. But we've also talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3146.34,"endTime":3148.32,"body":"about it in previous episodes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3146.34,"endTime":3148.32,"body":"And he made a great point there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3148.32,"endTime":3152.1,"body":"that society has his way of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3148.32,"endTime":3152.1,"body":"like, there's too much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3152.1,"endTime":3155.25,"body":"information and you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3152.1,"endTime":3155.25,"body":"question everything now. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3155.7,"endTime":3159.93,"body":"if you ever look up, like, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3155.7,"endTime":3159.93,"body":"know, I think weight loss is so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3160.26,"endTime":3165.06,"body":"freaking, like, intimidating for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3160.26,"endTime":3165.06,"body":"people is because if you look up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3165.06,"endTime":3169.14,"body":"how to do it, there's a million"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3165.06,"endTime":3169.14,"body":"methods. And everyone's says,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.14,"endTime":3172.02,"body":"I'm right, this works for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.14,"endTime":3172.02,"body":"This is the one that works,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3172.05,"endTime":3174.87,"body":"right? Want to get shredded like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3172.05,"endTime":3174.87,"body":"me do this, right? So people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3174.87,"endTime":3178.14,"body":"will find themselves jumping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3174.87,"endTime":3178.14,"body":"from like, you're on like paleo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3178.14,"endTime":3181.89,"body":"keto, you're doing macros,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3178.14,"endTime":3181.89,"body":"you're doing whole 30 You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3181.89,"endTime":3186.87,"body":"doing all you know, it's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3181.89,"endTime":3186.87,"body":"there's so much info. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3187.26,"endTime":3189.75,"body":"our intuition gets suppressed,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3187.26,"endTime":3189.75,"body":"like this is kind of the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3189.75,"endTime":3192.6,"body":"thing. But part another part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3189.75,"endTime":3192.6,"body":"it is, and we've talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3192.6,"endTime":3194.58,"body":"this, that being in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3192.6,"endTime":3194.58,"body":"relationship with an abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3194.58,"endTime":3198.36,"body":"person has a way of crushing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3194.58,"endTime":3198.36,"body":"your self esteem to where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3198.36,"endTime":3201.15,"body":"don't even trust your own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3198.36,"endTime":3201.15,"body":"intuition anymore. Which is why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3201.15,"endTime":3203.28,"body":"one of the first things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3201.15,"endTime":3203.28,"body":"people say to us, like if we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3203.28,"endTime":3205.53,"body":"working with them, and one on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3203.28,"endTime":3205.53,"body":"ones, like in our coaching is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3205.53,"endTime":3209.31,"body":"like, I can't even answer that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3205.53,"endTime":3209.31,"body":"question. Because I don't even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3209.31,"endTime":3211.89,"body":"know who I am anymore. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3209.31,"endTime":3211.89,"body":"don't even know what I want. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3211.89,"endTime":3215.76,"body":"don't know who I am or what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3211.89,"endTime":3215.76,"body":"am. And that's heartbreaking,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3215.76,"endTime":3218.73,"body":"man. Yeah, when you hear people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3215.76,"endTime":3218.73,"body":"say that, but it's because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3218.85,"endTime":3222.6,"body":"they're, they've suppressed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3218.85,"endTime":3222.6,"body":"their own intuition. And then we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3222.6,"endTime":3226.47,"body":"also live in this world, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3222.6,"endTime":3226.47,"body":"is so loud. Yeah. So we always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3226.47,"endTime":3229.05,"body":"second guess our own minds."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3226.47,"endTime":3229.05,"body":"Yeah. But most of the time, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3229.05,"endTime":3232.11,"body":"know, yeah. Like, you ever go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3229.05,"endTime":3232.11,"body":"a restaurant. We do this all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3232.11,"endTime":3234.51,"body":"time at restaurants. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3232.11,"endTime":3234.51,"body":"look at the menu, and you know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3234.51,"endTime":3237.84,"body":"what you want? Like that? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3234.51,"endTime":3237.84,"body":"no, yeah. And what do you do?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3237.84,"endTime":3240.3,"body":"The waiter takes 20 minutes. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3237.84,"endTime":3240.3,"body":"you sit there, you look at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3240.3,"endTime":3243.24,"body":"other stuff, you second guess?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3240.3,"endTime":3243.24,"body":"If you change your mind three or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3243.24,"endTime":3247.23,"body":"four times you order something."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3243.24,"endTime":3247.23,"body":"And he comes in, it sucks. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3247.23,"endTime":3249.9,"body":"they go, I should just ordered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3247.23,"endTime":3249.9,"body":"the thing I was going to order"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3249.9,"endTime":3252.42,"body":"because I will always order your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3249.9,"endTime":3252.42,"body":"first thing. Yeah, I know. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3252.42,"endTime":3254.76,"body":"gonna be good. Yeah, I did the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3252.42,"endTime":3254.76,"body":"same thing. Just go with your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3254.76,"endTime":3258.45,"body":"gut. Trust your gut a little bit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3254.76,"endTime":3258.45,"body":"more. Yeah. Like you were built"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3258.45,"endTime":3261.99,"body":"with this beautiful internal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3258.45,"endTime":3261.99,"body":"operating system. Yes. And a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3261.99,"endTime":3265.26,"body":"of us have lost it. We've just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3261.99,"endTime":3265.26,"body":"lost it because of abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3265.26,"endTime":3268.35,"body":"people because of the crazy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3265.26,"endTime":3268.35,"body":"world that we live in. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3268.8,"endTime":3272.13,"body":"getting back to trusting that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3268.8,"endTime":3272.13,"body":"person that has always been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3272.13,"endTime":3275.22,"body":"there and like you have this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3272.13,"endTime":3275.22,"body":"amazing intuition and ability to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3275.22,"endTime":3278.85,"body":"determine what's best for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3275.22,"endTime":3278.85,"body":"What should I do next? 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Right, right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3283.74,"endTime":3287.55,"body":"That's why like peer to peer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3287.55,"endTime":3290.22,"body":"groups exist, like I need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3287.55,"endTime":3290.22,"body":"bounce this off somebody because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3290.22,"endTime":3293.19,"body":"I think this is crazy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3290.22,"endTime":3293.19,"body":"Oftentimes, you'll hear like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3293.19,"endTime":3295.89,"body":"did the exact same thing, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3293.19,"endTime":3295.89,"body":"maybe just change it to add but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3295.89,"endTime":3299.49,"body":"like you're on the right track."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3295.89,"endTime":3299.49,"body":"You're on the right track. Trust"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3299.49,"endTime":3302.37,"body":"you're into Question. Yeah. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3299.49,"endTime":3302.37,"body":"hard to do though, whenever you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3302.37,"endTime":3303.9,"body":"feel like it's not there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3302.37,"endTime":3303.9,"body":"anymore, you don't know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3303.9,"endTime":3305.28,"body":"happened to it. Well, also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3305.28,"endTime":3307.38,"body":"there are some times when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3305.28,"endTime":3307.38,"body":"people get confused with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3307.38,"endTime":3312.06,"body":"intuition and like neuroticism"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3307.38,"endTime":3312.06,"body":"type thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3313.05,"endTime":3315.87,"body":"So, I should have an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3313.05,"endTime":3315.87,"body":"episode neuroticism. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3315.87,"endTime":3319.14,"body":"we will. 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It's like your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3401.19,"endTime":3404.46,"body":"intuition has like a flavor of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3401.19,"endTime":3404.46,"body":"its own. Yeah, pay attention to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3404.46,"endTime":3407.76,"body":"that. Pay attention to it when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3404.46,"endTime":3407.76,"body":"it's talking. It's important."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3407.79,"endTime":3411.6,"body":"Yeah, it is there to protect"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3407.79,"endTime":3411.6,"body":"you. It is wiser than you. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3411.63,"endTime":3414.78,"body":"you might not think that that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3411.63,"endTime":3414.78,"body":"person's in there. But it's in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3414.78,"endTime":3417.87,"body":"there. I was listening to this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3414.78,"endTime":3417.87,"body":"The story there was this navy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3417.87,"endTime":3421.32,"body":"seal. I don't even know who it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3417.87,"endTime":3421.32,"body":"was. But he got canceled on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3421.32,"endTime":3423.42,"body":"internet. He must have said"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3421.32,"endTime":3423.42,"body":"something. I don't know what he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3423.42,"endTime":3426.81,"body":"said or what he did. But he got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3423.42,"endTime":3426.81,"body":"cancelled by like a Twitter mob"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3426.84,"endTime":3432.03,"body":"like these people came after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3426.84,"endTime":3432.03,"body":"him. And he said he thought it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3432.03,"endTime":3434.4,"body":"was a really tough guy. Like he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3432.03,"endTime":3434.4,"body":"was a Navy SEAL. It was like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3434.4,"endTime":3438.78,"body":"toughest of the tough, okay. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3434.4,"endTime":3438.78,"body":"in that moment, he was destroyed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3438.87,"endTime":3442.35,"body":"as low as he ever been in his"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3438.87,"endTime":3442.35,"body":"entire life, like, felt like he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3442.35,"endTime":3445.92,"body":"was worthless, like he was good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3442.35,"endTime":3445.92,"body":"for nothing. And he said in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3445.92,"endTime":3449.73,"body":"back of his mind, he had always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3445.92,"endTime":3449.73,"body":"wondered and feared that he was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3449.73,"endTime":3452.79,"body":"actually a coward, that all this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3449.73,"endTime":3452.79,"body":"stuff he always did was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3452.79,"endTime":3455.01,"body":"this outward way of displaying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3452.79,"endTime":3455.01,"body":"that he was like this big, tough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3455.01,"endTime":3458.28,"body":"guy. But he said deep down, he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3455.01,"endTime":3458.28,"body":"always sort of believed in some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3458.28,"endTime":3462.21,"body":"way that he was actually a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3458.28,"endTime":3462.21,"body":"coward. But he he had faith that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3462.69,"endTime":3466.89,"body":"when the moment came, when the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3462.69,"endTime":3466.89,"body":"rubber met the road, and that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3466.89,"endTime":3470.46,"body":"shit hit the fan that that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3466.89,"endTime":3470.46,"body":"better version of himself would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3470.49,"endTime":3473.37,"body":"appear. And he's he had this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3470.49,"endTime":3473.37,"body":"quote that gives me goosebumps,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3473.4,"endTime":3476.79,"body":"like hair on the back of my neck"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3473.4,"endTime":3476.79,"body":"stands up. He said, I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3476.79,"endTime":3479.97,"body":"always hear my better self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3476.79,"endTime":3479.97,"body":"clearing his throat in the other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3479.97,"endTime":3483.18,"body":"room. Like he could you know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3479.97,"endTime":3483.18,"body":"what I mean? Like, do you does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3483.18,"endTime":3485.67,"body":"that resonate with you? Or is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3483.18,"endTime":3485.67,"body":"just me? Like when I heard that?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3485.67,"endTime":3487.98,"body":"I was like, I know exactly what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3485.67,"endTime":3487.98,"body":"he's talking about. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3487.98,"endTime":3490.47,"body":"know, you've brought this up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3487.98,"endTime":3490.47,"body":"before. Like, I've always felt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3490.47,"endTime":3494.4,"body":"like there was a better version"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3490.47,"endTime":3494.4,"body":"of me. That wasn't scared that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3494.4,"endTime":3498.21,"body":"didn't have anxiety that didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3494.4,"endTime":3498.21,"body":"have this addictive issues. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3498.21,"endTime":3500.79,"body":"like, this is a lot what got me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3498.21,"endTime":3500.79,"body":"sober. Like, I could always hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3500.79,"endTime":3503.85,"body":"that guy. Everybody has anxiety."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3500.79,"endTime":3503.85,"body":"You know what I mean? Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3503.88,"endTime":3507.09,"body":"debilitating, like, scared to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3503.88,"endTime":3507.09,"body":"anything. Like I always could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3507.09,"endTime":3510.57,"body":"hear that dude in the room next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3507.09,"endTime":3510.57,"body":"door, clearing his throat and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3510.57,"endTime":3514.02,"body":"was reminded at times that he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3510.57,"endTime":3514.02,"body":"was in there. Oh, there he is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3514.05,"endTime":3517.41,"body":"It was just real quick. I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3514.05,"endTime":3517.41,"body":"just hear him. And I would No, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3517.41,"endTime":3519.66,"body":"think that was my intuition. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3517.41,"endTime":3519.66,"body":"think that was like, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3519.66,"endTime":3522.27,"body":"authentic self. That's my gut."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3519.66,"endTime":3522.27,"body":"Like, that's what we're kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3522.27,"endTime":3525.42,"body":"getting it like that person is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3522.27,"endTime":3525.42,"body":"in there. Yeah, it's really easy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3525.42,"endTime":3528.63,"body":"to block them out and let the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3525.42,"endTime":3528.63,"body":"fears take over. And all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3528.63,"endTime":3531.87,"body":"what ifs that could happen. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3528.63,"endTime":3531.87,"body":"have faith that that person is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3531.87,"endTime":3535.77,"body":"there. And they will show up."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3531.87,"endTime":3535.77,"body":"Yeah, if you like them. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3536.01,"endTime":3536.19,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3536.19,"endTime":3538.08,"body":"but even like triggers"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3536.19,"endTime":3538.08,"body":"and things like that. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3538.11,"endTime":3540.45,"body":"part of your intuition. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3538.11,"endTime":3540.45,"body":"your body telling you something?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3540.45,"endTime":3544.08,"body":"Yes. Anytime your body is doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3540.45,"endTime":3544.08,"body":"anything that feels different."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3544.08,"endTime":3547.47,"body":"Like you said earlier, your body"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3544.08,"endTime":3547.47,"body":"does keep the score this you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3547.47,"endTime":3551.55,"body":"have to pay attention to all of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3547.47,"endTime":3551.55,"body":"these emotions and sensations"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3551.55,"endTime":3554.16,"body":"and feelings. It's all within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3551.55,"endTime":3554.16,"body":"your body. And that's part of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3554.16,"endTime":3554.97,"body":"your intuition."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3555.18,"endTime":3558.24,"body":"Yeah. Don't suppress it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3555.18,"endTime":3558.24,"body":"any more than it has to when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3558.27,"endTime":3561.93,"body":"when that when you get that that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3558.27,"endTime":3561.93,"body":"little center that zing in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3561.93,"endTime":3564.6,"body":"head. You hear that voice? You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3561.93,"endTime":3564.6,"body":"hear that person clearing their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3564.6,"endTime":3567.27,"body":"throat, pay attention, don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3564.6,"endTime":3567.27,"body":"suppress it. Yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3567.72,"endTime":3569.82,"body":"Alright, so the last one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3567.72,"endTime":3569.82,"body":"is fear of confrontation or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3569.82,"endTime":3572.85,"body":"change. So you avoid confronting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3569.82,"endTime":3572.85,"body":"your partner about their toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3572.85,"endTime":3575.79,"body":"behavior, or initiating changes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3572.85,"endTime":3575.79,"body":"in the relationship because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3575.79,"endTime":3578.25,"body":"you're afraid of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3575.79,"endTime":3578.25,"body":"consequences, or the unknown."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3578.4,"endTime":3581.55,"body":"Well, this is pretty common and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3578.4,"endTime":3581.55,"body":"standard even though a lot of us"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3581.55,"endTime":3584.58,"body":"have, you know, confronted our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3581.55,"endTime":3584.58,"body":"partners and it always turns"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3584.58,"endTime":3587.88,"body":"into nothing. Yeah, but I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3584.58,"endTime":3587.88,"body":"that the fear of change is one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3587.88,"endTime":3592.17,"body":"of the big ones here is that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3587.88,"endTime":3592.17,"body":"you're scared of what it looks"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3592.17,"endTime":3595.17,"body":"like on the other side. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3592.17,"endTime":3595.17,"body":"scared of getting out of your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3595.17,"endTime":3599.4,"body":"comfort zone. It's scary as hell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3595.17,"endTime":3599.4,"body":"or you're or getting out of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3599.4,"endTime":3602.04,"body":"denial. You know, it's scary."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3599.4,"endTime":3602.04,"body":"There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3602.04,"endTime":3605.85,"body":"this quote. I don't even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3602.04,"endTime":3605.85,"body":"know who said it. I don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3605.85,"endTime":3609.12,"body":"who attributed it to. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3605.85,"endTime":3609.12,"body":"apologize. But denying the truth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3609.12,"endTime":3613.08,"body":"doesn't change the facts. Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3609.12,"endTime":3613.08,"body":"because we deny the truth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3613.08,"endTime":3616.32,"body":"doesn't change the facts of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3613.08,"endTime":3616.32,"body":"situation. And the facts have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3616.32,"endTime":3619.38,"body":"be dealt with at some point."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3616.32,"endTime":3619.38,"body":"These are the facts. Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3619.53,"endTime":3622.02,"body":"They will come out, they will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3619.53,"endTime":3622.02,"body":"find a way to the surface, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3622.02,"endTime":3625.41,"body":"float, and they will find their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3622.02,"endTime":3625.41,"body":"way and you're right. There's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3625.41,"endTime":3628.95,"body":"fear of confrontation or change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3625.41,"endTime":3628.95,"body":"and it's okay to be scared."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3628.98,"endTime":3632.28,"body":"Yeah, guys, I don't ever want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3628.98,"endTime":3632.28,"body":"anyone to feel like we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3632.28,"endTime":3635.85,"body":"telling them you can't be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3632.28,"endTime":3635.85,"body":"fearful. Scared is totally fine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3636.48,"endTime":3639.36,"body":"You can you can have a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3636.48,"endTime":3639.36,"body":"fear around this. It's okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3639.36,"endTime":3641.88,"body":"Like that's why we encourage"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3639.36,"endTime":3641.88,"body":"people to lean on the community."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3642.09,"endTime":3644.49,"body":"Like get with the community get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3642.09,"endTime":3644.49,"body":"with other people go they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3644.49,"endTime":3647.79,"body":"going through this. Like I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3644.49,"endTime":3647.79,"body":"really scared when I was going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3647.79,"endTime":3649.47,"body":"into this. You were scared when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3647.79,"endTime":3649.47,"body":"you were going through this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3649.47,"endTime":3652.89,"body":"Like we had people around us who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3649.47,"endTime":3652.89,"body":"are letting us know it's okay to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3652.89,"endTime":3658.2,"body":"feel that way. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3652.89,"endTime":3658.2,"body":"massive. Its massive. So I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3658.2,"endTime":3664.62,"body":"that wraps up denial. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3658.2,"endTime":3664.62,"body":"that's a lot. Yeah, it is. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3664.62,"endTime":3668.31,"body":"yeah, denial doesn't change the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3664.62,"endTime":3668.31,"body":"facts. Like tell yourself these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3668.31,"endTime":3671.49,"body":"things aren't so and like as we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3668.31,"endTime":3671.49,"body":"started off with is that it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3671.49,"endTime":3673.53,"body":"never going to feel real like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3671.49,"endTime":3673.53,"body":"you're gonna think it feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3673.53,"endTime":3677.58,"body":"different. You're here you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3673.53,"endTime":3677.58,"body":"you're everything you're in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3677.58,"endTime":3680.94,"body":"everything you thought you'd"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3677.58,"endTime":3680.94,"body":"never be in chances are if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3680.94,"endTime":3683.37,"body":"you're listening to us chances"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3680.94,"endTime":3683.37,"body":"are you're already there. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3683.49,"endTime":3687.3,"body":"And we'll love you until you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3683.49,"endTime":3687.3,"body":"love yourself will love you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3687.3,"endTime":3689.94,"body":"until well I'll actually will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3687.3,"endTime":3689.94,"body":"say we love you until it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3689.94,"endTime":3692.22,"body":"contingent. We'll always love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3689.94,"endTime":3692.22,"body":"you, no matter where you're at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3692.22,"endTime":3695.25,"body":"along your journey, but will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3692.22,"endTime":3695.25,"body":"always you always get nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3695.25,"endTime":3698.13,"body":"but patients for muscle on this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3695.25,"endTime":3698.13,"body":"You know, I don't want people to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3698.13,"endTime":3700.62,"body":"hear this and think that okay, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3698.13,"endTime":3700.62,"body":"have to change today. No, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3700.62,"endTime":3702.81,"body":"don't know. You don't. You'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3700.62,"endTime":3702.81,"body":"change when you're ready to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3702.81,"endTime":3705.36,"body":"change. Exactly. Just remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3702.81,"endTime":3705.36,"body":"it is an elevator. Yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3706.41,"endTime":3708.06,"body":"Yes. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3708.06,"endTime":3710.01,"body":"right. Well, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3708.06,"endTime":3710.01,"body":"that's all we got. So until next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3710.01,"endTime":3711.75,"body":"time, I am man. I'm Paige."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3712.02,"endTime":3712.68,"body":"Bye"}]}