{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.89,"body":"The person that berates"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.89,"body":"you when they're drunk, and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1.89,"endTime":4.35,"body":"person that's overly kind when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1.89,"endTime":4.35,"body":"they're sober is the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4.35,"endTime":11.22,"body":"person. I think humans we love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4.35,"endTime":11.22,"body":"We love binary concepts. We love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":11.22,"endTime":14.01,"body":"to be able to categorize good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":11.22,"endTime":14.01,"body":"and bad, right or wrong, yes or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":14.01,"endTime":16.95,"body":"no. And so when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":14.01,"endTime":16.95,"body":"sober versus drunk, we'd love to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":16.95,"endTime":19.14,"body":"be able to categorize that. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":16.95,"endTime":19.14,"body":"that's just him when he's drunk."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":19.41,"endTime":22.62,"body":"That's him when he's sober."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":19.41,"endTime":22.62,"body":"False, it is not true. That is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":22.62,"endTime":25.44,"body":"the same person. That is one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":22.62,"endTime":25.44,"body":"bucket of him. That is him."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":25.44,"endTime":28.08,"body":"That's who he is. The ups and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":25.44,"endTime":28.08,"body":"the downs and everything that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":28.08,"endTime":37.56,"body":"come with it. 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Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":52.02,"endTime":55.14,"body":"being a viewer. Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":55.14,"endTime":58.35,"body":"following along with us. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":55.14,"endTime":58.35,"body":"reached 100,000 downloads, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":58.35,"endTime":62.1,"body":"is a milestone. big milestone."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":58.35,"endTime":62.1,"body":"Yes. That was exciting. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.1,"endTime":65.85,"body":"growth has been in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.1,"endTime":65.85,"body":"beginning. It's very slow. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":65.85,"endTime":68.76,"body":"think we got to 10,000, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":65.85,"endTime":68.76,"body":"near the end of last summer."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":68.82,"endTime":72.48,"body":"Yeah. And then since then, seven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":68.82,"endTime":72.48,"body":"months or so we've 10x that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":72.51,"endTime":76.53,"body":"Yeah. So the message is catching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":72.51,"endTime":76.53,"body":"on. And I just, it's hard to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":76.53,"endTime":81.45,"body":"describe what it feels like."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":76.53,"endTime":81.45,"body":"It's it's amazing to have people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.45,"endTime":84.0,"body":"follow along with us and listen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.45,"endTime":84.0,"body":"to us, and we get the great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":84.0,"endTime":86.91,"body":"reviews and the communities"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":84.0,"endTime":86.91,"body":"popping in and but at the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":86.91,"endTime":89.16,"body":"time, it's really sad that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":86.91,"endTime":89.16,"body":"there's so many people that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":89.22,"endTime":91.98,"body":"in need of this conversation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":89.22,"endTime":91.98,"body":"man. Yeah, it's just it's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":91.98,"endTime":96.48,"body":"sad. But it's not nothing that a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":91.98,"endTime":96.48,"body":"podcast gets 100,000 downloads."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":96.51,"endTime":99.99,"body":"I think we covered the stats a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":96.51,"endTime":99.99,"body":"long time ago. Something like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":99.99,"endTime":103.53,"body":"95% of podcasts don't make it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":99.99,"endTime":103.53,"body":"past and maybe it's 90% of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":103.53,"endTime":106.74,"body":"podcasts don't make it past"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":103.53,"endTime":106.74,"body":"seven episodes or stats, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.74,"endTime":110.37,"body":"then out of those that are left"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.74,"endTime":110.37,"body":"that 10% I think only like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":110.37,"endTime":114.69,"body":"think like 90% don't make it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":110.37,"endTime":114.69,"body":"past 20 episodes. 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Didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":127.65,"endTime":131.43,"body":"know how who would listen just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":131.43,"endTime":133.53,"body":"like our closest friends and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":131.43,"endTime":133.53,"body":"family. And now it's been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":133.53,"endTime":136.89,"body":"listened to on every continent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":133.53,"endTime":136.89,"body":"but Antarctica. Yeah, still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":136.89,"endTime":140.22,"body":"waiting for our first Antarctica"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":136.89,"endTime":140.22,"body":"listener. But it's it's all over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":140.22,"endTime":143.13,"body":"the place. It's it's worldwide."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":140.22,"endTime":143.13,"body":"And it's amazing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":144.27,"endTime":146.19,"body":"to change the recovery"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":144.27,"endTime":146.19,"body":"world, and that's what we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":146.19,"endTime":149.04,"body":"doing and why we're here and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":146.19,"endTime":149.04,"body":"we're getting closer and closer"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":149.04,"endTime":150.33,"body":"to it every day is so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":150.33,"endTime":153.57,"body":"cool. So thank you so much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":150.33,"endTime":153.57,"body":"for for being a viewer for being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.57,"endTime":157.47,"body":"a listener. You know, I think I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.57,"endTime":157.47,"body":"first see us in not too distant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":157.47,"endTime":160.89,"body":"future doing this full time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":157.47,"endTime":160.89,"body":"This is going to be what we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.89,"endTime":164.22,"body":"for a living our job is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.89,"endTime":164.22,"body":"having these cool conversations,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":164.43,"endTime":166.59,"body":"guests and all kinds of stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":164.43,"endTime":166.59,"body":"We've got some awesome things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":166.59,"endTime":169.23,"body":"planned for this year. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":166.59,"endTime":169.23,"body":"mentioned this the end of last"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":169.23,"endTime":171.36,"body":"year. We'll have more guests"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":169.23,"endTime":171.36,"body":"this year. Some cool"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":171.36,"endTime":175.02,"body":"conversations and bigger things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":171.36,"endTime":175.02,"body":"coming out. We've got the the ad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":175.02,"endTime":179.01,"body":"that we filmed coming out pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":175.02,"endTime":179.01,"body":"soon should give us some more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":179.01,"endTime":181.62,"body":"exposure in different spaces."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":179.01,"endTime":181.62,"body":"And I'm excited to see what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.62,"endTime":185.28,"body":"brings. So excited to see what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.62,"endTime":185.28,"body":"that brings. We've also got some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":185.28,"endTime":189.3,"body":"meetups scheduled this year. Not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":185.28,"endTime":189.3,"body":"on the calendar yet. We are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":189.3,"endTime":193.32,"body":"still working through some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":189.3,"endTime":193.32,"body":"these days. Tentatively the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":193.32,"endTime":196.5,"body":"month of June could include as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":193.32,"endTime":196.5,"body":"many as four meetups not 100%"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.5,"endTime":200.76,"body":"sure one will be local to Texas"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.5,"endTime":200.76,"body":"from the area that we are in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.94,"endTime":204.03,"body":"others across the country where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.94,"endTime":204.03,"body":"we have the densest population"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":204.03,"endTime":207.45,"body":"of listeners and viewers. 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You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":207.45,"endTime":210.12,"body":"probably know what they are but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":210.12,"endTime":214.26,"body":"it's at Tufo underscore couple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":210.12,"endTime":214.26,"body":"TW fo underscore couple for more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":214.26,"endTime":217.2,"body":"updates on those yes, we've also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":214.26,"endTime":217.2,"body":"still got sweatshirts available"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":217.2,"endTime":220.08,"body":"we got merch we got tons of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":217.2,"endTime":220.08,"body":"stickers got some sweatshirts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":220.08,"endTime":224.04,"body":"left not too many available on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":220.08,"endTime":224.04,"body":"our website to fau.com. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":224.07,"endTime":227.28,"body":"lastly here for our ads, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":224.07,"endTime":227.28,"body":"courses, the courses, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":227.28,"endTime":233.37,"body":"courses, we've got our miniature"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":227.28,"endTime":233.37,"body":"course, it is the first piece of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":233.37,"endTime":237.78,"body":"the larger independently strong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":233.37,"endTime":237.78,"body":"course pulled out as a sample, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.78,"endTime":240.0,"body":"guess it's to say it's an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.78,"endTime":240.0,"body":"appetizer, but it's also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":241.14,"endTime":244.62,"body":"really good worksheet and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":241.14,"endTime":244.62,"body":"like videos in there that are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":244.62,"endTime":246.57,"body":"going to help you start your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":244.62,"endTime":246.57,"body":"healing journey. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.6,"endTime":249.03,"body":"relationship evaluation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.6,"endTime":249.03,"body":"you also get access to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":249.03,"endTime":252.51,"body":"teachable community. The courses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":249.03,"endTime":252.51,"body":"are offered through teachables"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":252.51,"endTime":256.05,"body":"the platform we do this on and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":252.51,"endTime":256.05,"body":"the full course is still out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.05,"endTime":258.93,"body":"there available and helping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.05,"endTime":258.93,"body":"people if you are ready, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":258.93,"endTime":261.9,"body":"are tired of being stuck and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":258.93,"endTime":261.9,"body":"want an answer independently"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":261.9,"endTime":266.31,"body":"strong.com Check it out. We at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":261.9,"endTime":266.31,"body":"least get a 75% discount with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":266.31,"endTime":270.24,"body":"the code wheelies 75 that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":266.31,"endTime":270.24,"body":"released with an S 75 at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":270.24,"endTime":273.27,"body":"checkout for 75% off for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":270.24,"endTime":273.27,"body":"limited time. It is a founders"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":273.27,"endTime":276.03,"body":"round. And there will be an end"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":273.27,"endTime":276.03,"body":"to that discount at some point"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.03,"endTime":279.51,"body":"but not sure exactly how much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.03,"endTime":279.51,"body":"longer it's gonna last. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":279.69,"endTime":283.17,"body":"that's all. So thank you. Thank"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":279.69,"endTime":283.17,"body":"you. Thank you all for listening"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":283.17,"endTime":286.44,"body":"for being part of this for your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":283.17,"endTime":286.44,"body":"support. We see the messages in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.44,"endTime":290.67,"body":"the DMS and the kind words and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.44,"endTime":290.67,"body":"cannot tell you how much that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":290.67,"endTime":295.05,"body":"means to us. Truly. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":290.67,"endTime":295.05,"body":"amazing. Thank you. Okay, as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":295.05,"endTime":298.92,"body":"promised, we're going to further"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":295.05,"endTime":298.92,"body":"our conversation on overthinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":298.95,"endTime":299.25,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":299.28,"endTime":302.52,"body":"so last week, we talks"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":299.28,"endTime":302.52,"body":"about overthinking basics, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":302.52,"endTime":305.19,"body":"in general, despite people who"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":302.52,"endTime":305.19,"body":"overthink, which is pretty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":305.19,"endTime":309.15,"body":"common. And this one is going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":305.19,"endTime":309.15,"body":"be based on questions that we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":309.15,"endTime":315.15,"body":"received within the community. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":309.15,"endTime":315.15,"body":"asked everybody to submit some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":315.15,"endTime":318.66,"body":"questions on what they struggle"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":315.15,"endTime":318.66,"body":"with, with overthinking. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":318.66,"endTime":322.08,"body":"what I came to find this is why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":318.66,"endTime":322.08,"body":"we split this up is that it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.08,"endTime":324.69,"body":"not necessarily overthinking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.08,"endTime":324.69,"body":"that they're struggling with,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.02,"endTime":328.59,"body":"it's a lot deeper than that. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.02,"endTime":328.59,"body":"we're gonna get into it. We're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":328.59,"endTime":330.96,"body":"going to answer some of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":328.59,"endTime":330.96,"body":"questions. There were so many I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":330.96,"endTime":333.03,"body":"couldn't pull out all of them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":330.96,"endTime":333.03,"body":"So I pulled out the best ones"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":333.03,"endTime":334.98,"body":"that I could think of at the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":333.03,"endTime":334.98,"body":"moment. The ones that made you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":334.98,"endTime":338.55,"body":"go, Oh, yeah, yeah. And a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":334.98,"endTime":338.55,"body":"them were very similar, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":338.55,"endTime":340.23,"body":"these are the ones that I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":338.55,"endTime":340.23,"body":"like, okay, yeah, we can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":340.23,"endTime":342.0,"body":"definitely touch on that. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":342.03,"endTime":344.16,"body":"you said something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":342.03,"endTime":344.16,"body":"interesting. earlier? Yeah, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":344.16,"endTime":348.24,"body":"a moment ago, that it's not just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":344.16,"endTime":348.24,"body":"overthinking. It's not as simple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":348.24,"endTime":352.14,"body":"as that. Yeah, I think that a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":348.24,"endTime":352.14,"body":"lot of these conversations are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":352.14,"endTime":356.4,"body":"taking very complex situations"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":352.14,"endTime":356.4,"body":"and problems, and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":356.55,"endTime":360.27,"body":"distilling them down to terms"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":356.55,"endTime":360.27,"body":"like codependency or something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":360.27,"endTime":363.78,"body":"like overthinking. But it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":360.27,"endTime":363.78,"body":"not that simple. If it were that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":363.78,"endTime":366.93,"body":"simple, the solution would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":363.78,"endTime":366.93,"body":"really easy and shows like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":366.93,"endTime":370.26,"body":"wouldn't exist. But it's not so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":366.93,"endTime":370.26,"body":"simple. So we're gonna dig into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":370.26,"endTime":373.71,"body":"it. We're gonna go a step"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":370.26,"endTime":373.71,"body":"further than some of the normal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.92,"endTime":376.89,"body":"vernacular around this stuff,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.92,"endTime":376.89,"body":"which is just overthinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":376.89,"endTime":381.78,"body":"anxiety codependent. It's, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":376.89,"endTime":381.78,"body":"so much more than that, man. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":381.78,"endTime":384.66,"body":"we've we've been saying this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":381.78,"endTime":384.66,"body":"from the very beginning. It's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":384.96,"endTime":388.11,"body":"those words are nice, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":384.96,"endTime":388.11,"body":"they help people relate to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":388.11,"endTime":390.72,"body":"what's going on. It helps you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":388.11,"endTime":390.72,"body":"find communities of people who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":390.72,"endTime":393.06,"body":"are going through similar"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":390.72,"endTime":393.06,"body":"situations. But I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":393.06,"endTime":396.03,"body":"they're too broad and generic."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":393.06,"endTime":396.03,"body":"And I think the solutions they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":396.03,"endTime":400.74,"body":"offer are ineffective,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":396.03,"endTime":400.74,"body":"ineffective, simplest, nicest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":400.74,"endTime":403.83,"body":"way I can put it. Yeah, no knock"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":400.74,"endTime":403.83,"body":"on anyone that has found hope or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":403.83,"endTime":407.37,"body":"help through programs like Al"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":403.83,"endTime":407.37,"body":"Anon or Codependents Anonymous,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":407.37,"endTime":411.75,"body":"or maybe work with a therapist"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":407.37,"endTime":411.75,"body":"on topics like codependency."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.17,"endTime":414.42,"body":"It's just our opinion and our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.17,"endTime":414.42,"body":"perspective and our experience."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":414.63,"endTime":416.79,"body":"It's much deeper than that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":414.63,"endTime":416.79,"body":"Yeah. So let's get into some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":416.79,"endTime":419.67,"body":"this over thinking stuff as it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":416.79,"endTime":419.67,"body":"pertains to an addicted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":419.67,"endTime":421.65,"body":"relationship. Yes. What are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":419.67,"endTime":421.65,"body":"of the questions you got?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":421.68,"endTime":422.13,"body":"Alright, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":422.13,"endTime":424.44,"body":"here's the first one."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":422.13,"endTime":424.44,"body":"It's overthinking if the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.44,"endTime":430.02,"body":"addiction is as bad as it seems."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.44,"endTime":430.02,"body":"You want me to go on this? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":430.02,"endTime":434.16,"body":"I just thought that you had like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":430.02,"endTime":434.16,"body":"notes, and you were gonna do I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":434.16,"endTime":437.64,"body":"want to I don't even know why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":434.16,"endTime":437.64,"body":"I'm asking you. I'm gonna have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":437.64,"endTime":443.04,"body":"this chicken as we say, thank"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":437.64,"endTime":443.04,"body":"you. Okay, so here's the thing,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":443.04,"endTime":446.94,"body":"if you're asking this question,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":443.04,"endTime":446.94,"body":"yes, it is as bad as it seems, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":446.94,"endTime":454.32,"body":"feel like a addiction. Education"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":446.94,"endTime":454.32,"body":"is lacking. And we get in these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":454.32,"endTime":457.14,"body":"relationships. And we think, oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":454.32,"endTime":457.14,"body":"you know, it's not as bad as it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.14,"endTime":460.5,"body":"seems. Maybe it isn't as bad as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.14,"endTime":460.5,"body":"it seems. Excuse me, because the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":460.5,"endTime":463.02,"body":"people that you're speaking with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":460.5,"endTime":463.02,"body":"are telling you Oh, it's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.02,"endTime":468.24,"body":"that bad. This is just normal,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.02,"endTime":468.24,"body":"like it becomes normalized and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":468.24,"endTime":472.62,"body":"minimized. And if you're asking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":468.24,"endTime":472.62,"body":"this question, you are not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":472.62,"endTime":476.46,"body":"overthinking that is, it's bad"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":472.62,"endTime":476.46,"body":"because it is it is as bad as it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":476.46,"endTime":479.85,"body":"seems. If there's addiction"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":476.46,"endTime":479.85,"body":"involved, it is as bad as it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":479.85,"endTime":482.76,"body":"seems. And that's just the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":479.85,"endTime":482.76,"body":"reality of it. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":482.76,"endTime":485.7,"body":"want to know how how we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":482.76,"endTime":485.7,"body":"handle this from the other side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":485.7,"endTime":489.51,"body":"of the coin from the addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":485.7,"endTime":489.51,"body":"standpoint, let's hear it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.54,"endTime":492.15,"body":"anytime you're, we're a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.54,"endTime":492.15,"body":"treatment center I go with this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.15,"endTime":494.1,"body":"good friend of mine is in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.15,"endTime":494.1,"body":"recovery. And he's got this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.1,"endTime":498.03,"body":"really funny but very obvious"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.1,"endTime":498.03,"body":"point that he makes. If at any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.03,"endTime":501.93,"body":"point, you have Googled signs of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.03,"endTime":501.93,"body":"alcoholism, or am I an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":501.93,"endTime":506.73,"body":"alcoholic? There's a 99.9%"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":501.93,"endTime":506.73,"body":"chance that you are these normal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.73,"endTime":510.69,"body":"people aren't googling these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.73,"endTime":510.69,"body":"sorts of things. If you on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":510.75,"endTime":513.42,"body":"conversely, on the other side of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":510.75,"endTime":513.42,"body":"that if you're in a relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":513.42,"endTime":517.95,"body":"with one of us, chances are it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":513.42,"endTime":517.95,"body":"absolutely as bad as it seems."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":517.98,"endTime":521.31,"body":"Yeah. It's absolutely as bad as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":517.98,"endTime":521.31,"body":"it seems like there are criteria"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.31,"endTime":525.12,"body":"that can be met for alcoholism."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.31,"endTime":525.12,"body":"Yes, like the DSM five gives 11"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.12,"endTime":528.36,"body":"criteria. Okay. And it is said"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.12,"endTime":528.36,"body":"that I think more than two of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.36,"endTime":531.87,"body":"those is recommended or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.36,"endTime":531.87,"body":"insinuated that you probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.87,"endTime":536.49,"body":"have a substance use disorder"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.87,"endTime":536.49,"body":"that I want to go through them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":536.49,"endTime":538.8,"body":"all, but I don't want to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":536.49,"endTime":538.8,"body":"through those. But from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":538.8,"endTime":541.2,"body":"other side of this. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":538.8,"endTime":541.2,"body":"about that. If you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":541.2,"endTime":545.04,"body":"overthinking that's as bad as it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":541.2,"endTime":545.04,"body":"seems. It's it's as bad as it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":545.04,"endTime":546.63,"body":"seems. Yes. And here's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":545.04,"endTime":546.63,"body":"the thing, too, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":546.63,"endTime":550.56,"body":"progressive. Yes, it is. So if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":546.63,"endTime":550.56,"body":"they are not getting help at the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":550.56,"endTime":553.65,"body":"moment, it may not seem that bad"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":550.56,"endTime":553.65,"body":"at at the very beginning, but it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":553.65,"endTime":557.13,"body":"is going to get worse. It almost"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":553.65,"endTime":557.13,"body":"always gets worse. I don't like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":557.13,"endTime":560.7,"body":"using absolutes, but this is the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":557.13,"endTime":560.7,"body":"truth. If there's no change or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":560.7,"endTime":563.94,"body":"any type of recovery happening,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":560.7,"endTime":563.94,"body":"it is going to get worse. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":563.94,"endTime":566.25,"body":"yes, it it may not be as bad as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":563.94,"endTime":566.25,"body":"it seems in the moment, but it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":566.25,"endTime":567.15,"body":"will be eventually."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":568.11,"endTime":572.73,"body":"The book Alcoholics"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":568.11,"endTime":572.73,"body":"Anonymous book I'm trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.73,"endTime":574.83,"body":"recall. I don't have it here in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.73,"endTime":574.83,"body":"front of me, but I'm almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.86,"endTime":578.43,"body":"positive that it does use an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.86,"endTime":578.43,"body":"absolute when it comes to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.43,"endTime":581.85,"body":"progressive nature of alcoholism"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.43,"endTime":581.85,"body":"and addiction. It says that it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.85,"endTime":584.49,"body":"gets worse. No, never better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.85,"endTime":584.49,"body":"over time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":584.58,"endTime":587.46,"body":"Okay, no, that's okay. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":584.58,"endTime":587.46,"body":"can be using these absolutes in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":587.46,"endTime":587.61,"body":"this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.61,"endTime":590.1,"body":"situation I experienced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.61,"endTime":590.1,"body":"personally in over a decade of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":590.1,"endTime":591.63,"body":"this. I've never seen it get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":590.1,"endTime":591.63,"body":"better. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":591.66,"endTime":593.73,"body":"Yeah. And that's what I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":591.66,"endTime":593.73,"body":"mean, too, because I've seen it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":593.73,"endTime":597.45,"body":"in all sorts of ways too. And if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":593.73,"endTime":597.45,"body":"there's no help if there's no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":597.48,"endTime":600.66,"body":"you know, progress, it's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":597.48,"endTime":600.66,"body":"going to To get worse,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":600.69,"endTime":603.84,"body":"yeah. So if you're having"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":600.69,"endTime":603.84,"body":"the thoughts already, and likely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":603.84,"endTime":608.25,"body":"these thoughts came from a very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":603.84,"endTime":608.25,"body":"sound place, right? So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":608.25,"endTime":613.59,"body":"identified some problematic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":608.25,"endTime":613.59,"body":"behaviors. But I think that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.59,"endTime":618.0,"body":"all feel we're all guilty of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.59,"endTime":618.0,"body":"this. We all feel like it would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.0,"endTime":623.4,"body":"be different in reality. What I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.0,"endTime":623.4,"body":"mean by that is, like, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.4,"endTime":626.94,"body":"say, you, you're an alcoholic."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.4,"endTime":626.94,"body":"Like for me, I'm an alcoholic."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":626.97,"endTime":630.48,"body":"It's so easy. And a lot of us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":626.97,"endTime":630.48,"body":"get stuck in this trap where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.48,"endTime":633.33,"body":"can compare out and say, but I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.48,"endTime":633.33,"body":"haven't I haven't lost my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.33,"endTime":637.17,"body":"license yet, or I haven't lost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.33,"endTime":637.17,"body":"my family yet. It's not that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.17,"endTime":639.57,"body":"bad. Yeah, it's just not that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.17,"endTime":639.57,"body":"bad, right? It's not that bad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":639.57,"endTime":642.9,"body":"Yes, yes, it will get to that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":639.57,"endTime":642.9,"body":"point, you've identified some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":642.9,"endTime":645.33,"body":"the early symptoms, which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":642.9,"endTime":645.33,"body":"good. It's like you've seen a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":645.33,"endTime":647.58,"body":"foundation repair commercial,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":645.33,"endTime":647.58,"body":"like, Hey, have you noticed that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":647.58,"endTime":649.83,"body":"your doors are sticking or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":647.58,"endTime":649.83,"body":"something like these weird"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":649.86,"endTime":652.47,"body":"things are happening? Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":649.86,"endTime":652.47,"body":"these are signs of a larger"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.47,"endTime":655.2,"body":"problem that's going to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.47,"endTime":655.2,"body":"worse over time. It's important,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.2,"endTime":658.32,"body":"it's important to recognize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.2,"endTime":658.32,"body":"these early symptoms. And to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":658.32,"endTime":661.02,"body":"say, Yeah, but a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":658.32,"endTime":661.02,"body":"are gonna look at this and say,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":661.02,"endTime":664.29,"body":"Well, I just always assumed or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":661.02,"endTime":664.29,"body":"I've looked out, and I watch"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":664.29,"endTime":667.59,"body":"movies, and you see how hopeless"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":664.29,"endTime":667.59,"body":"addiction can be. And I just not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.59,"endTime":670.65,"body":"like the movies. Yes, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.59,"endTime":670.65,"body":"whatever that is. It's not what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.65,"endTime":673.5,"body":"I'm going through. But it is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.65,"endTime":673.5,"body":"is, but it is, this is what it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":673.5,"endTime":676.32,"body":"feels like. Yes. This is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":673.5,"endTime":676.32,"body":"it's like, for sure. It's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":676.32,"endTime":679.02,"body":"the tip of the iceberg, though."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":676.32,"endTime":679.02,"body":"It gets worse. Yeah. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":679.02,"endTime":681.0,"body":"you're not overthinking you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":679.02,"endTime":681.0,"body":"not overthinking this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":681.69,"endTime":684.81,"body":"So I'm gonna go the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":681.69,"endTime":684.81,"body":"second one. How can you tell if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":684.81,"endTime":688.47,"body":"it's overthinking or gut"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":684.81,"endTime":688.47,"body":"instinct? This is good. This"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":688.47,"endTime":691.74,"body":"question was brought up a lot."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":688.47,"endTime":691.74,"body":"And I've had this question and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":691.74,"endTime":695.7,"body":"been be it's been brought up a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":691.74,"endTime":695.7,"body":"lot even throughout this whole"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":695.7,"endTime":698.7,"body":"Tufo experience, and I haven't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":695.7,"endTime":698.7,"body":"really touched on it too much."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":699.48,"endTime":705.15,"body":"But your gut instinct is an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":699.48,"endTime":705.15,"body":"immediate response, your body is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":705.15,"endTime":710.4,"body":"going to feel a warmth, a punch,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":705.15,"endTime":710.4,"body":"a, we all know what it feels"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":710.4,"endTime":712.95,"body":"like. It's almost a trigger, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":710.4,"endTime":712.95,"body":"know, you're feeling this like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":713.55,"endTime":717.6,"body":"it's a sensation. If you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":713.55,"endTime":717.6,"body":"overthinking something that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":717.6,"endTime":721.2,"body":"mental, and it's not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":717.6,"endTime":721.2,"body":"a feeling that's overpowering."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":721.2,"endTime":723.51,"body":"It's just a thought process"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":721.2,"endTime":723.51,"body":"that's going on over and over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":723.51,"endTime":726.69,"body":"again in your head. But it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":723.51,"endTime":726.69,"body":"doesn't, you know, you can make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":726.69,"endTime":729.21,"body":"yourself sick, though, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":726.69,"endTime":729.21,"body":"make yourself have that gut"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":729.21,"endTime":733.2,"body":"feeling, if you think about it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":729.21,"endTime":733.2,"body":"over and over and over and over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.2,"endTime":737.37,"body":"again. But the gut instinct that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.2,"endTime":737.37,"body":"is your initial reaction, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":737.37,"endTime":739.77,"body":"it's a feeling that you have,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":737.37,"endTime":739.77,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.77,"endTime":744.9,"body":"good instincts are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.77,"endTime":744.9,"body":"powerful. Yeah. I was reading a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":744.9,"endTime":750.54,"body":"lot about this, this this last"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":744.9,"endTime":750.54,"body":"week. And it talks about how the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":750.54,"endTime":754.44,"body":"subconscious mind has a way of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":750.54,"endTime":754.44,"body":"communicating to our bodies when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.89,"endTime":758.46,"body":"we recognize something that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.89,"endTime":758.46,"body":"out of place. And we often refer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":758.46,"endTime":760.59,"body":"to these things as gut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":758.46,"endTime":760.59,"body":"instincts, or just instincts or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":760.59,"endTime":764.04,"body":"intuition. Your brain has done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":760.59,"endTime":764.04,"body":"billions and billions of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.04,"endTime":767.7,"body":"calculations on this problem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.04,"endTime":767.7,"body":"underneath the surface without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.7,"endTime":770.64,"body":"you even realizing it. And when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.7,"endTime":770.64,"body":"the moment comes that you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.64,"endTime":773.52,"body":"noticed something, it will let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.64,"endTime":773.52,"body":"you know. And we like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.52,"endTime":775.56,"body":"mentioned, we all know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.52,"endTime":775.56,"body":"feeling like when you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.56,"endTime":777.6,"body":"identified like, ooh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.56,"endTime":777.6,"body":"something's not right with this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":777.93,"endTime":781.26,"body":"It could be a red flag that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":777.93,"endTime":781.26,"body":"recognize it could be anything."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":781.29,"endTime":786.12,"body":"Let's say that you've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":781.29,"endTime":786.12,"body":"someone in your family. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.24,"endTime":788.94,"body":"you're just not comfortable with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.24,"endTime":788.94,"body":"your kids around them. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":788.94,"endTime":793.23,"body":"not 100% sure why. But you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":788.94,"endTime":793.23,"body":"something's not right. In those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.23,"endTime":797.79,"body":"moments when it comes up, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.23,"endTime":797.79,"body":"will know. You will know your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.79,"endTime":801.6,"body":"body will tell you. No, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.79,"endTime":801.6,"body":"isn't right. Right. But then we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.63,"endTime":804.42,"body":"what we'll do is we second guess"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.63,"endTime":804.42,"body":"it? Yes. And we take it we try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.42,"endTime":807.45,"body":"to rationalize then it turns"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.42,"endTime":807.45,"body":"into overthinking then it Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":807.45,"endTime":812.4,"body":"exactly. Oh, that was good."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":807.45,"endTime":812.4,"body":"Yeah. And, like anxiety and gut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":812.4,"endTime":814.74,"body":"instincts are similar, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":812.4,"endTime":814.74,"body":"they're different. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":814.74,"endTime":818.07,"body":"mentioned it like a gut feeling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":814.74,"endTime":818.07,"body":"is not an anxious type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":818.07,"endTime":821.58,"body":"feeling. It's an AHA type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":818.07,"endTime":821.58,"body":"feeling. Yes. Yeah. So much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":821.58,"endTime":825.3,"body":"different. From the way it feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":821.58,"endTime":825.3,"body":"right. It doesn't feel scary. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.3,"endTime":828.66,"body":"feels very confident. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.3,"endTime":828.66,"body":"it can feel a little bit jarring"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":828.66,"endTime":831.42,"body":"because you're like, Ooh, I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":828.66,"endTime":831.42,"body":"recognize something like, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":831.42,"endTime":834.03,"body":"is a hard thing to talk about."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":831.42,"endTime":834.03,"body":"Like I just recognize that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.03,"endTime":837.45,"body":"there's a problem here. But it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.03,"endTime":837.45,"body":"the anxiety is totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.45,"endTime":840.54,"body":"different. We all know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.45,"endTime":840.54,"body":"anxiety feels like. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.54,"endTime":843.72,"body":"it's just ambient, it just hangs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.54,"endTime":843.72,"body":"in the air and it just wears on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":843.72,"endTime":847.11,"body":"us. But it can be chronic, where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":843.72,"endTime":847.11,"body":"it's happening all day every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.11,"endTime":851.28,"body":"day. That is not the same as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.11,"endTime":851.28,"body":"that initial aha moment that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.28,"endTime":856.17,"body":"have from a gut instinct."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.28,"endTime":856.17,"body":"wheelies I've never met one that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.41,"endTime":860.85,"body":"didn't have strong intuition,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.41,"endTime":860.85,"body":"strong gut instincts. A lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":860.85,"endTime":864.09,"body":"our listeners are mothers or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":860.85,"endTime":864.09,"body":"women and I believe that women"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.09,"endTime":867.96,"body":"have really really good Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.09,"endTime":867.96,"body":"yeah, their instincts and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.96,"endTime":870.09,"body":"don't have any data to support"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.96,"endTime":870.09,"body":"this. I'm sure someone's done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":870.09,"endTime":874.59,"body":"it, but it's just been my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":870.09,"endTime":874.59,"body":"experience that it's always on."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.59,"endTime":875.52,"body":"It's always on the money."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":875.55,"endTime":878.85,"body":"Yeah. And our our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":875.55,"endTime":878.85,"body":"instincts come up based on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":878.85,"endTime":882.54,"body":"patterns of behavior that have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":878.85,"endTime":882.54,"body":"happened throughout our life and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":882.54,"endTime":885.99,"body":"relationships. Yes, it's about a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":882.54,"endTime":885.99,"body":"pattern so you're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":885.99,"endTime":889.98,"body":"overthinking things like are we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":885.99,"endTime":889.98,"body":"are supposed to pick up on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":889.98,"endTime":893.97,"body":"patterns in our lives to protect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":889.98,"endTime":893.97,"body":"ourselves and that's what your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":893.97,"endTime":896.64,"body":"gut instinct is doing. It is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":893.97,"endTime":896.64,"body":"picking up on a pattern and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":896.64,"endTime":900.0,"body":"telling you Oh, something's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":896.64,"endTime":900.0,"body":"right here. We need to focus"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":900.0,"endTime":901.47,"body":"Some survival exactly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.47,"endTime":903.36,"body":"like the mind is doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.47,"endTime":903.36,"body":"those calculations, and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":903.36,"endTime":906.6,"body":"keeping score and it's keeping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":903.36,"endTime":906.6,"body":"tabs. And it's remembering the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":906.6,"endTime":910.44,"body":"patterns. It will remind you in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":906.6,"endTime":910.44,"body":"sometimes subtle ways. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.44,"endTime":913.47,"body":"always like top of mind, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.44,"endTime":913.47,"body":"very front of your brain, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":913.47,"endTime":916.32,"body":"I'm conscious of what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":913.47,"endTime":916.32,"body":"happening. It starts as a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":916.32,"endTime":919.47,"body":"Aha, feeling like, Ooh, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":916.32,"endTime":919.47,"body":"listen to that. What was that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.47,"endTime":922.38,"body":"about? I just recognize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.47,"endTime":922.38,"body":"something that was weird. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.38,"endTime":924.66,"body":"it's really tough to begin to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.38,"endTime":924.66,"body":"trust yourself again, which is,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":924.81,"endTime":927.06,"body":"like our course aims to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":924.81,"endTime":927.06,"body":"accomplish. Like, the the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":927.06,"endTime":930.06,"body":"journey of empowerment is so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":927.06,"endTime":930.06,"body":"powerful, because it's about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":930.06,"endTime":933.33,"body":"getting to, like, who am I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":930.06,"endTime":933.33,"body":"again, like, trusting myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.33,"endTime":937.11,"body":"again, being able to trust when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.33,"endTime":937.11,"body":"I have a thought that there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":937.11,"endTime":940.65,"body":"it's backed from a from a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":937.11,"endTime":940.65,"body":"of reason and factual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":940.65,"endTime":943.86,"body":"information, calculations that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":940.65,"endTime":943.86,"body":"are done by my brain, not by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":943.86,"endTime":946.68,"body":"what some lunatic is telling me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":943.86,"endTime":946.68,"body":"right is right or wrong? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":946.68,"endTime":948.51,"body":"So I was gonna say,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":946.68,"endTime":948.51,"body":"that's the reason you feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":948.51,"endTime":950.52,"body":"you can't trust your gut"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":948.51,"endTime":950.52,"body":"instinct is because you're with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":950.52,"endTime":952.86,"body":"somebody who's telling you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":950.52,"endTime":952.86,"body":"you're wrong all the time. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":952.86,"endTime":954.6,"body":"that will make anybody question"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":952.86,"endTime":954.6,"body":"themselves."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.63,"endTime":957.0,"body":"Yeah, pattern recognition"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.63,"endTime":957.0,"body":"is huge. And the relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":957.0,"endTime":960.24,"body":"evaluation in the beginning,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":957.0,"endTime":960.24,"body":"that first part of the course"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.24,"endTime":963.96,"body":"that we've released. Yeah, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.24,"endTime":963.96,"body":"the mini course, is a pattern"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":963.96,"endTime":966.66,"body":"recognition exercise. Yes, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":963.96,"endTime":966.66,"body":"is. That is the point of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":966.93,"endTime":969.21,"body":"Let's recognize some patterns."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":966.93,"endTime":969.21,"body":"Let's go through and let's see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":969.21,"endTime":972.6,"body":"it. This happens subconsciously,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":969.21,"endTime":972.6,"body":"most of the time, but to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.6,"endTime":975.75,"body":"actually do the work and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.6,"endTime":975.75,"body":"practice pen to paper, put it on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.75,"endTime":978.33,"body":"paper, write it out. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.75,"endTime":978.33,"body":"undeniable at this point, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.33,"endTime":981.12,"body":"you're looking at the patterns,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.33,"endTime":981.12,"body":"patterns are huge patterns tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.12,"endTime":984.21,"body":"the story. You got to pay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.12,"endTime":984.21,"body":"attention to him? Yes, you do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":984.75,"endTime":985.2,"body":"Alright, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":985.2,"endTime":988.59,"body":"the next question is, is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":985.2,"endTime":988.59,"body":"being a single parent easier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":988.59,"endTime":993.42,"body":"than feeling like one in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":988.59,"endTime":993.42,"body":"marriage? That's a great"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.42,"endTime":996.51,"body":"question. Yeah. And this is so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.42,"endTime":996.51,"body":"people, somebody asked this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":996.51,"endTime":1000.44,"body":"question, because they feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":996.51,"endTime":1000.44,"body":"they were overthinking it. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1000.74,"endTime":1007.34,"body":"from experience, obviously, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1000.74,"endTime":1007.34,"body":"haven't been a single parent,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.49,"endTime":1010.61,"body":"you felt like but I have felt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.49,"endTime":1010.61,"body":"like one. And it was more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1010.61,"endTime":1017.0,"body":"difficult to parent, when Matt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1010.61,"endTime":1017.0,"body":"was around and not, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1017.03,"endTime":1019.67,"body":"engaged, like if you were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1017.03,"endTime":1019.67,"body":"sitting on the couch or just not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1019.67,"endTime":1021.29,"body":"even paying attention or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1019.67,"endTime":1021.29,"body":"whatever. And I'm over here"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1021.29,"endTime":1025.91,"body":"doing stuff. That was probably"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1021.29,"endTime":1025.91,"body":"more difficult than me being a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1025.91,"endTime":1028.43,"body":"single parent while he was away"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1025.91,"endTime":1028.43,"body":"at treatment. Like it was easier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1028.43,"endTime":1031.04,"body":"when you were gone. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1028.43,"endTime":1031.04,"body":"easier. I had a weight lifted"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1031.04,"endTime":1033.35,"body":"off of my shoulders, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1031.04,"endTime":1033.35,"body":"did have help. Obviously, it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1033.35,"endTime":1036.47,"body":"with my mom and stuff. But it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1033.35,"endTime":1036.47,"body":"was still easier that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1036.47,"endTime":1040.16,"body":"weren't around with that added"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1036.47,"endTime":1040.16,"body":"layer of drama."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1040.19,"endTime":1043.97,"body":"Yeah, that's a great way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1040.19,"endTime":1043.97,"body":"to put it. So like, like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1043.97,"endTime":1046.34,"body":"mentioned, we honestly have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1043.97,"endTime":1046.34,"body":"never been single parents,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.34,"endTime":1048.65,"body":"either one of us like truly a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.34,"endTime":1048.65,"body":"single parent, right? We split"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.65,"endTime":1051.32,"body":"up from one another with like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.65,"endTime":1051.32,"body":"visitation rights and all that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.32,"endTime":1055.61,"body":"stuff. So I took to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.32,"endTime":1055.61,"body":"internet, and I explored message"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.61,"endTime":1060.86,"body":"boards, different forums, I read"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.61,"endTime":1060.86,"body":"several articles, probably a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1060.86,"endTime":1064.58,"body":"dozen in total from people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1060.86,"endTime":1064.58,"body":"have done this, though, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1064.58,"endTime":1067.79,"body":"have left a bad situation for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1064.58,"endTime":1067.79,"body":"one reason or another. It wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1067.79,"endTime":1070.97,"body":"always addiction. It could have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1067.79,"endTime":1070.97,"body":"been physical abuse, it could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1070.97,"endTime":1074.09,"body":"have been just relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1070.97,"endTime":1074.09,"body":"issues. How do they refer to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.09,"endTime":1077.99,"body":"that in divorces irreconcilable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.09,"endTime":1077.99,"body":"and reconcile II wreck? I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1077.99,"endTime":1083.78,"body":"done. Yeah, differences. Let me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1077.99,"endTime":1083.78,"body":"reconcile. They, they, they you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1083.78,"endTime":1086.6,"body":"know, they tell their stories."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1083.78,"endTime":1086.6,"body":"And I read through and every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.6,"endTime":1091.64,"body":"single one said that it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.6,"endTime":1091.64,"body":"easier to be a single parent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1091.85,"endTime":1097.1,"body":"than it was to feel like one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1091.85,"endTime":1097.1,"body":"Yeah. Because the outcome is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1097.1,"endTime":1099.74,"body":"same, you still have the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1097.1,"endTime":1099.74,"body":"workload, you still have the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.74,"endTime":1103.01,"body":"same amount of stress. For many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.74,"endTime":1103.01,"body":"of them, they still had the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.01,"endTime":1106.61,"body":"financial problems, many of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.01,"endTime":1106.61,"body":"them, not all of them. But all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.61,"endTime":1109.22,"body":"those problems. Were still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.61,"endTime":1109.22,"body":"there. So setters paribus, all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.22,"endTime":1114.05,"body":"things equal, that stuff is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.22,"endTime":1114.05,"body":"going to be there. So net, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1114.05,"endTime":1117.59,"body":"was easier to deal with someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1114.05,"endTime":1117.59,"body":"who wasn't around causing more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1117.59,"endTime":1122.03,"body":"grief, resentment and anxiety"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1117.59,"endTime":1122.03,"body":"from not doing their job, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1122.93,"endTime":1125.57,"body":"yelling at you or screaming at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1122.93,"endTime":1125.57,"body":"you and causing fights while you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.57,"endTime":1128.09,"body":"were trying to get all this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.57,"endTime":1128.09,"body":"stuff done than it was just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1128.09,"endTime":1129.29,"body":"doing it on your own. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1129.29,"endTime":1131.03,"body":"And also a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1129.29,"endTime":1131.03,"body":"will say that they're like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1131.03,"endTime":1133.34,"body":"parenting their spouse anyway."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1131.03,"endTime":1133.34,"body":"So you're just going to lose a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1133.34,"endTime":1133.79,"body":"kid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1133.85,"endTime":1136.58,"body":"on more than one occasion."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1133.85,"endTime":1136.58,"body":"Called me your third child? Yes."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1138.11,"endTime":1140.09,"body":"I think I think women"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1138.11,"endTime":1140.09,"body":"in general do that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.17,"endTime":1144.44,"body":"Yeah, but so obviously not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.17,"endTime":1144.44,"body":"from a place of experience, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1144.47,"endTime":1148.13,"body":"from relaying the experiences of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1144.47,"endTime":1148.13,"body":"others. Yes. Many do report that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.13,"endTime":1152.12,"body":"it is much easier, although"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.13,"endTime":1152.12,"body":"painful in different ways, much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.21,"endTime":1155.57,"body":"easier on a day to day basis,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.21,"endTime":1155.57,"body":"not dealing with that, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1156.17,"endTime":1159.74,"body":"The person who is gaslighting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1156.17,"endTime":1159.74,"body":"you or another person, another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.74,"endTime":1162.74,"body":"thing you really have to worry"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.74,"endTime":1162.74,"body":"about, and that affects the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1162.74,"endTime":1165.77,"body":"immediate safety of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1162.74,"endTime":1165.77,"body":"children and you all those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.77,"endTime":1167.33,"body":"things disappear. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.33,"endTime":1168.83,"body":"And like you said, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.33,"endTime":1168.83,"body":"resentment because you have a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1168.83,"endTime":1172.67,"body":"lot of resentment. Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1168.83,"endTime":1172.67,"body":"Personally, I eat you up and it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1172.67,"endTime":1176.33,"body":"will go into your children and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1172.67,"endTime":1176.33,"body":"it sucks. It sucks. I know that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.33,"endTime":1177.23,"body":"feeling. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1177.23,"endTime":1179.72,"body":"you can remove those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1177.23,"endTime":1179.72,"body":"pieces of it. Yeah. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1179.81,"endTime":1184.25,"body":"becomes easier on like, net"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1179.81,"endTime":1184.25,"body":"easier, right. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1184.94,"endTime":1187.7,"body":"The next one is do I have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1184.94,"endTime":1187.7,"body":"the ability to leave due to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1187.7,"endTime":1191.75,"body":"financial reasons. So this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1187.7,"endTime":1191.75,"body":"person is overthinking that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1191.75,"endTime":1194.24,"body":"which I think that this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1191.75,"endTime":1194.24,"body":"probably very common across the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1194.24,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"board. But I know there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1194.24,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"solutions to that. You know, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1203.36,"body":"We've met a lot of people who"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1203.36,"body":"have had to leave even when they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1203.36,"endTime":1208.52,"body":"were not financially able or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1203.36,"endTime":1208.52,"body":"capable of doing so. But there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1208.52,"endTime":1209.57,"body":"were solutions to it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.99,"endTime":1212.0,"body":"there are solutions. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.99,"endTime":1212.0,"body":"this is a really, really tough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1212.0,"endTime":1214.43,"body":"one. And this is this is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1212.0,"endTime":1214.43,"body":"practical reason that a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.43,"endTime":1220.31,"body":"people stay in relationships. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.43,"endTime":1220.31,"body":"don't want to get too far off in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.31,"endTime":1224.72,"body":"the weeds here. But a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.31,"endTime":1224.72,"body":"these relationships stay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1224.72,"endTime":1229.34,"body":"together for this reason where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1224.72,"endTime":1229.34,"body":"it is, I practically cannot pick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.34,"endTime":1233.09,"body":"up my stuff and my kids and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.34,"endTime":1233.09,"body":"leave. Because I haven't worked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.09,"endTime":1237.29,"body":"in however many years, I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.09,"endTime":1237.29,"body":"have a degree or work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1237.29,"endTime":1240.08,"body":"experience, I'm not going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1237.29,"endTime":1240.08,"body":"able to get a job support myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1240.08,"endTime":1243.98,"body":"and my children. And so the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1240.08,"endTime":1243.98,"body":"alternative is I will just stay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.19,"endTime":1248.06,"body":"and try to find a way to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.19,"endTime":1248.06,"body":"this work. But it never that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1248.06,"endTime":1250.82,"body":"thought never leaves you I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1248.06,"endTime":1250.82,"body":"once you come to that place, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.82,"endTime":1253.43,"body":"never quite leaves you. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.82,"endTime":1253.43,"body":"start to think of okay, so how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.43,"endTime":1256.58,"body":"can I figure this out? If you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.43,"endTime":1256.58,"body":"in our community, if you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.58,"endTime":1258.41,"body":"already in there to fill"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.58,"endTime":1258.41,"body":"community, there are many people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.41,"endTime":1261.89,"body":"that have figured a way out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.41,"endTime":1261.89,"body":"this. It starts small, though,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1261.92,"endTime":1263.33,"body":"yeah, very small. Yes, this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.33,"endTime":1265.88,"body":"is where that like one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.33,"endTime":1265.88,"body":"day at a time really can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1265.88,"endTime":1269.03,"body":"apply, because you want all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1265.88,"endTime":1269.03,"body":"answers to be able to fix it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1269.03,"endTime":1272.18,"body":"But sometimes you just have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1269.03,"endTime":1272.18,"body":"take that first step and get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.18,"endTime":1275.15,"body":"help and support. And there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.18,"endTime":1275.15,"body":"people in there who can help you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1275.15,"endTime":1278.39,"body":"with that to figure out what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1275.15,"endTime":1278.39,"body":"need to do to get there. Think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.39,"endTime":1281.78,"body":"of it from a more common"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.39,"endTime":1281.78,"body":"life experience. Let's say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1281.78,"endTime":1284.0,"body":"you have a job that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1281.78,"endTime":1284.0,"body":"absolutely hate, but it pays you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.0,"endTime":1287.0,"body":"well. A lot of Americans and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.0,"endTime":1287.0,"body":"people around the world find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.0,"endTime":1290.48,"body":"themselves in this, this world"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.0,"endTime":1290.48,"body":"to myself included."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1292.16,"endTime":1294.98,"body":"You see my face where"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1292.16,"endTime":1294.98,"body":"you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.98,"endTime":1297.41,"body":"working a job and you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.98,"endTime":1297.41,"body":"sort of got like these golden"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.41,"endTime":1301.22,"body":"handcuffs where it pays well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.41,"endTime":1301.22,"body":"you like the lifestyle that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.22,"endTime":1303.68,"body":"comes with it, but you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.22,"endTime":1303.68,"body":"absolutely miserable. It's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.68,"endTime":1306.59,"body":"well, how much is it worth it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.68,"endTime":1306.59,"body":"And you can find a million ways"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.59,"endTime":1309.62,"body":"to make yourself comfortable and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.59,"endTime":1309.62,"body":"happy and overtime, but I find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1309.62,"endTime":1313.91,"body":"that they all have an expiration"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1309.62,"endTime":1313.91,"body":"date. And it will ultimately"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1313.91,"endTime":1317.72,"body":"always go back to that place. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1313.91,"endTime":1317.72,"body":"for us, it's come to this place,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.72,"endTime":1321.23,"body":"it's like could we could we live"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.72,"endTime":1321.23,"body":"on much less and be happier?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.23,"endTime":1323.93,"body":"Yes. Is that worth it? It is now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.23,"endTime":1323.93,"body":"at one point, I could say it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.93,"endTime":1328.61,"body":"wasn't at one point I was more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.93,"endTime":1328.61,"body":"than willing to accept the bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.79,"endTime":1331.64,"body":"for the perceived good, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.79,"endTime":1331.64,"body":"was income. It was a certain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1331.64,"endTime":1334.31,"body":"number. And it's like Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1331.64,"endTime":1334.31,"body":"we're happy here. I can deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.31,"endTime":1337.4,"body":"with anything that catches up. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.31,"endTime":1337.4,"body":"think that I always thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1337.4,"endTime":1340.7,"body":"there'd be a number in I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1337.4,"endTime":1340.7,"body":"we all feel this way. What we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1340.7,"endTime":1342.62,"body":"thought there'd be a number."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1340.7,"endTime":1342.62,"body":"It's like, if I could just make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.62,"endTime":1346.1,"body":"that number. I'll be happy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.62,"endTime":1346.1,"body":"False. But no one's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.1,"endTime":1348.14,"body":"believe it until you do it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.1,"endTime":1348.14,"body":"yourself. Yeah, like when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.14,"endTime":1350.84,"body":"more kids. Think about when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.14,"endTime":1350.84,"body":"you're graduating high school is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.84,"endTime":1353.87,"body":"like if I could find a job that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.84,"endTime":1353.87,"body":"paid me 50k A year, dude, I'd be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.87,"endTime":1357.41,"body":"sad. I'd be sad. But then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.87,"endTime":1357.41,"body":"become an adult and realize how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.41,"endTime":1360.08,"body":"expensive adulting is. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.41,"endTime":1360.08,"body":"like, that's not a lot. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1360.08,"endTime":1362.69,"body":"then you what do you do just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1360.08,"endTime":1362.69,"body":"increase the number. And each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.69,"endTime":1365.6,"body":"time you hit those numbers, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.69,"endTime":1365.6,"body":"find yourself equally miserable,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.6,"endTime":1368.84,"body":"if not more miserable. There are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.6,"endTime":1368.84,"body":"ways out you can do practical"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.84,"endTime":1371.81,"body":"things like you can get side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.84,"endTime":1371.81,"body":"hustles you can go back to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.81,"endTime":1377.3,"body":"school, you can set aside a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.81,"endTime":1377.3,"body":"savings account, you can you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1377.3,"endTime":1379.67,"body":"know, reach out to friends and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1377.3,"endTime":1379.67,"body":"family for help. Like there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.67,"endTime":1382.16,"body":"there are options, there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.67,"endTime":1382.16,"body":"things you can do. But this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1382.16,"endTime":1384.53,"body":"not a problem that is solved"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1382.16,"endTime":1384.53,"body":"today or tomorrow or the next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1384.53,"endTime":1387.32,"body":"day or the next day. Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1384.53,"endTime":1387.32,"body":"can find yourself in these types"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.32,"endTime":1390.74,"body":"of situations for many, many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.32,"endTime":1390.74,"body":"years, actually, until you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1390.74,"endTime":1394.16,"body":"able to finally get out. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1390.74,"endTime":1394.16,"body":"time plus pain equals change,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.16,"endTime":1397.43,"body":"right? Kind of we talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.16,"endTime":1397.43,"body":"that a lot. Eventually, you'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.43,"endTime":1400.01,"body":"get in enough pain where a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.43,"endTime":1400.01,"body":"longer period of time, you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.01,"endTime":1402.68,"body":"just make the change and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.01,"endTime":1402.68,"body":"won't. You won't even think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1402.68,"endTime":1402.89,"body":"twice."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1403.19,"endTime":1405.83,"body":"It'll it'll be easier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1403.19,"endTime":1405.83,"body":"actually to just do it because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1405.83,"endTime":1407.66,"body":"you're like this is gonna be so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1405.83,"endTime":1407.66,"body":"much better than what I've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1407.66,"endTime":1411.47,"body":"dealing with. That is a process."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1407.66,"endTime":1411.47,"body":"Oh, yeah. It does not happen"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.47,"endTime":1413.12,"body":"overnight. You can even write it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.47,"endTime":1413.12,"body":"down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.12,"endTime":1415.04,"body":"and be like, Oh, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.12,"endTime":1415.04,"body":"makes total sense and still not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1415.04,"endTime":1417.44,"body":"be ready to do it. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1415.04,"endTime":1417.44,"body":"okay. That's totally fine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1417.44,"endTime":1418.1,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1418.64,"endTime":1421.31,"body":"All right. The next one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1418.64,"endTime":1421.31,"body":"is this one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.34,"endTime":1422.12,"body":"This one pisses you off?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1422.12,"endTime":1426.23,"body":"This one gets under my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1422.12,"endTime":1426.23,"body":"skin? Did I sign up for this?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1426.26,"endTime":1431.75,"body":"There were red flags? No, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1426.26,"endTime":1431.75,"body":"did not sign up for this. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1431.75,"endTime":1435.41,"body":"did not sign up for this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1431.75,"endTime":1435.41,"body":"Everybody's gonna find red"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1435.41,"endTime":1439.55,"body":"flags. Okay. But like I said,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1435.41,"endTime":1439.55,"body":"there's not enough education on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1439.55,"endTime":1443.69,"body":"addiction and alcoholism, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1439.55,"endTime":1443.69,"body":"stuff where we don't realize the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1443.69,"endTime":1447.68,"body":"impact it's going to have on us"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1443.69,"endTime":1447.68,"body":"in the future. You didn't not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1447.68,"endTime":1450.5,"body":"sign up for this. You didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1447.68,"endTime":1450.5,"body":"pick a partner like this. Like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1450.53,"endTime":1453.08,"body":"none of us would have signed up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1450.53,"endTime":1453.08,"body":"for this. I would not have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1453.08,"endTime":1456.11,"body":"signed up for this life. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1453.08,"endTime":1456.11,"body":"had so many red flags. If you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1456.11,"endTime":1459.17,"body":"take the course we talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1456.11,"endTime":1459.17,"body":"all of the red flags that I saw,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1459.41,"endTime":1462.41,"body":"but I didn't like walking red."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1459.41,"endTime":1462.41,"body":"Oh my god, he was a walking red"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1462.41,"endTime":1466.22,"body":"flag. I like seriously there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1462.41,"endTime":1466.22,"body":"were so many. I mean, sometimes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1466.22,"endTime":1469.61,"body":"I do beat myself up because I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1466.22,"endTime":1469.61,"body":"like, Oh my God, why did I not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1470.0,"endTime":1476.03,"body":"see it? But oh my gosh, Matt was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1470.0,"endTime":1476.03,"body":"so good at what he did. And it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1476.03,"endTime":1480.32,"body":"true. Like addicts are really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1476.03,"endTime":1480.32,"body":"really good at that charm at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1480.32,"endTime":1484.49,"body":"that. So keeping you in like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1480.32,"endTime":1484.49,"body":"it's it will make you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1484.49,"endTime":1488.42,"body":"crazy. But no, you did not sign"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1484.49,"endTime":1488.42,"body":"up for this. Don't ever think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1488.42,"endTime":1491.6,"body":"once you know, like twice that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1488.42,"endTime":1491.6,"body":"you signed up for this. Don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.6,"endTime":1493.01,"body":"think that? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1493.37,"endTime":1495.92,"body":"When we're dating. When we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1493.37,"endTime":1495.92,"body":"get into relationships, we put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1495.92,"endTime":1498.35,"body":"our best foot forward. Like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1495.92,"endTime":1498.35,"body":"try to show people the best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1498.35,"endTime":1503.48,"body":"parts of ourselves or not. Going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1498.35,"endTime":1503.48,"body":"like it's not. It's not like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1503.66,"endTime":1506.12,"body":"like there are companies that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1503.66,"endTime":1506.12,"body":"especially like car companies"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1506.12,"endTime":1508.01,"body":"like we are going to treat you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1506.12,"endTime":1508.01,"body":"right, we're going to give you a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.01,"endTime":1510.77,"body":"CARFAX, we're going to show you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.01,"endTime":1510.77,"body":"where this car has been all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1510.77,"endTime":1513.92,"body":"issues with it upfront, we'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1510.77,"endTime":1513.92,"body":"sell you a warranty on it. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1513.92,"endTime":1516.11,"body":"they want to make they want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1513.92,"endTime":1516.11,"body":"be like, fully disclose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.11,"endTime":1520.67,"body":"everything. In dating, we don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.11,"endTime":1520.67,"body":"play that game. Rarely. We don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.67,"endTime":1524.75,"body":"show up in the first month and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.67,"endTime":1524.75,"body":"tell you everything that's wrong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1524.75,"endTime":1527.84,"body":"with us under the hood. And we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1524.75,"endTime":1527.84,"body":"don't tell you about the squeaky"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1527.84,"endTime":1530.6,"body":"wheel that comes up only when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1527.84,"endTime":1530.6,"body":"it's wet outside. We don't we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1530.6,"endTime":1534.35,"body":"don't tell you about like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1530.6,"endTime":1534.35,"body":"cup holder that broken. We just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1534.35,"endTime":1536.78,"body":"glued it back together. Like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1534.35,"endTime":1536.78,"body":"don't we're not disclosing these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.78,"endTime":1538.94,"body":"sorts of things. And like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.78,"endTime":1538.94,"body":"mentioned, there's not enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.94,"endTime":1542.6,"body":"education around the progressive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.94,"endTime":1542.6,"body":"nature of addiction, and what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.6,"endTime":1545.51,"body":"these relationships can look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.6,"endTime":1545.51,"body":"like at some point. So does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.51,"endTime":1548.12,"body":"anyone sign up for it? Arguably,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.51,"endTime":1548.12,"body":"I never signed up to be an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1548.12,"endTime":1550.7,"body":"addict either. So it's not fair"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1548.12,"endTime":1550.7,"body":"to say anyone signed up for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1550.7,"endTime":1552.8,"body":"this. Yeah, because I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1550.7,"endTime":1552.8,"body":"sign up for it. And you didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1552.8,"endTime":1556.1,"body":"sign up for it. But it happened."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1552.8,"endTime":1556.1,"body":"Here we are. But there's a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1556.1,"endTime":1559.1,"body":"of shame that comes with these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1556.1,"endTime":1559.1,"body":"like types of relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1559.1,"endTime":1563.51,"body":"especially from people who are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1559.1,"endTime":1563.51,"body":"either still in it. Like in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1563.51,"endTime":1565.52,"body":"they're really arrogant about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1563.51,"endTime":1565.52,"body":"it. Like a lot of addicts will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.52,"endTime":1568.22,"body":"do this, or people who have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.52,"endTime":1568.22,"body":"never been in it and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1568.22,"endTime":1571.76,"body":"just like, women haters. I see a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1568.22,"endTime":1571.76,"body":"lot of men that come in like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1572.0,"endTime":1574.61,"body":"you should know better. They can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1574.61,"endTime":1576.68,"body":"Why would you even in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1574.61,"endTime":1576.68,"body":"relationship with an addict."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1576.71,"endTime":1578.84,"body":"They come after me all the time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1576.71,"endTime":1578.84,"body":"on Tik Tok. And it just I know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1578.84,"endTime":1581.12,"body":"kind of cracks me up. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1578.84,"endTime":1581.12,"body":"always dudes. But also I had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1581.12,"endTime":1583.73,"body":"somebody told me it told me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1581.12,"endTime":1583.73,"body":"before and I'll never forget it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1583.73,"endTime":1586.31,"body":"like you picked him basically,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1583.73,"endTime":1586.31,"body":"like, I have to deal with it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1586.31,"endTime":1587.48,"body":"And I picked him and I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.07,"endTime":1592.58,"body":"I did, but I didn't pick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.07,"endTime":1592.58,"body":"this life. Thinks did not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.61,"endTime":1593.33,"body":"represent himself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1593.78,"endTime":1596.42,"body":"Yeah. And another thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1593.78,"endTime":1596.42,"body":"is a lot of people who are in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1596.42,"endTime":1599.57,"body":"active addiction, and if they if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1596.42,"endTime":1599.57,"body":"they come from toxic families,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1599.99,"endTime":1605.0,"body":"they do not recognize how toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1599.99,"endTime":1605.0,"body":"the situation or the dynamics"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1605.0,"endTime":1608.06,"body":"are. So you're not going to get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1605.0,"endTime":1608.06,"body":"into this relationship and think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1608.09,"endTime":1610.88,"body":"and they say, oh, yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1608.09,"endTime":1610.88,"body":"know, my family is just like, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1610.88,"endTime":1614.12,"body":"toxic. And all of this, and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1610.88,"endTime":1614.12,"body":"you know, this is this runs in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1614.12,"endTime":1616.52,"body":"my family, blah, blah, blah, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1614.12,"endTime":1616.52,"body":"just don't talk about that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1616.52,"endTime":1618.65,"body":"stuff. And you don't think of it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1616.52,"endTime":1618.65,"body":"just being a red flag or like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1618.68,"endTime":1621.56,"body":"oh, well, maybe they do talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1618.68,"endTime":1621.56,"body":"about it. And then you think,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1621.59,"endTime":1624.32,"body":"Oh, well, then maybe we can I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1621.59,"endTime":1624.32,"body":"can help them. Or maybe I can,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1624.5,"endTime":1627.77,"body":"you know, be a good influence on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1624.5,"endTime":1627.77,"body":"him or something like that. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1627.77,"endTime":1630.35,"body":"that's just not how it works."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.77,"endTime":1633.5,"body":"Yeah, like we talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.77,"endTime":1633.5,"body":"the Michelangelo phenomenon."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1633.71,"endTime":1637.64,"body":"Remember that we're over time,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1633.71,"endTime":1637.64,"body":"we sort of mold our partners to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1637.64,"endTime":1640.64,"body":"be the ideal partner that we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1637.64,"endTime":1640.64,"body":"always wanted. And that happens"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1641.03,"endTime":1645.41,"body":"bilaterally happens. Both people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1641.03,"endTime":1645.41,"body":"do this over time to where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.41,"endTime":1647.54,"body":"become each other's ideal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.41,"endTime":1647.54,"body":"partners, you sort of mold each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.54,"endTime":1650.15,"body":"other over time. Yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.54,"endTime":1650.15,"body":"happens in relationships all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.15,"endTime":1653.54,"body":"time. And very common talk to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.15,"endTime":1653.54,"body":"couple has been together for 60"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.54,"endTime":1655.43,"body":"years. Ask them what they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.54,"endTime":1655.43,"body":"like today versus what they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1655.43,"endTime":1658.01,"body":"like when they got together."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1655.43,"endTime":1658.01,"body":"Very, very, very different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1658.01,"endTime":1662.15,"body":"people. Yeah, we become softer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1658.01,"endTime":1662.15,"body":"over time more willing to bend"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1662.18,"endTime":1664.7,"body":"our egos not as strong. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1662.18,"endTime":1664.7,"body":"understand what's important,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.7,"endTime":1670.07,"body":"what's not. I think that so many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.7,"endTime":1670.07,"body":"people can beat themselves up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1670.07,"endTime":1672.74,"body":"for not recognizing there's red"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1670.07,"endTime":1672.74,"body":"flags. When it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1672.74,"endTime":1675.62,"body":"overthinking you can sit there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1672.74,"endTime":1675.62,"body":"and like Gosh, second guess"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1675.62,"endTime":1677.63,"body":"yourself to death. I should have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1675.62,"endTime":1677.63,"body":"seen this. I should have seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.63,"endTime":1680.57,"body":"this I should not necessarily."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.63,"endTime":1680.57,"body":"It's a progressive thing. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1680.57,"endTime":1682.52,"body":"not going to catch it in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1680.57,"endTime":1682.52,"body":"position where it's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.52,"endTime":1685.94,"body":"obvious. What if you met your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.52,"endTime":1685.94,"body":"partner, let's say that, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.97,"endTime":1687.83,"body":"your partner is really bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.97,"endTime":1687.83,"body":"right? Now, let's say they've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1687.83,"endTime":1690.62,"body":"been to treatment three or four"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1687.83,"endTime":1690.62,"body":"times. If you met them right now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1690.62,"endTime":1693.68,"body":"today in that state, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1690.62,"endTime":1693.68,"body":"you'd be able to identify that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.37,"endTime":1697.88,"body":"you would know. But early on,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.37,"endTime":1697.88,"body":"especially when we start dating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.88,"endTime":1700.43,"body":"in our 20s and whatnot, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.88,"endTime":1700.43,"body":"hasn't gotten that bad yet,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.79,"endTime":1704.93,"body":"generally presents itself a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.79,"endTime":1704.93,"body":"little bit later. The stresses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.93,"endTime":1707.9,"body":"of life get worse, it becomes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.93,"endTime":1707.9,"body":"more obvious and harder to hide."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1708.26,"endTime":1711.77,"body":"At certain time in life. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1708.26,"endTime":1711.77,"body":"totally acceptable and normal to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1711.77,"endTime":1714.71,"body":"drink and do drugs every once in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1711.77,"endTime":1714.71,"body":"a while. Like, I'm not saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1714.71,"endTime":1717.44,"body":"it's okay. But I'm saying it's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1714.71,"endTime":1717.44,"body":"you can get away with it. No"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.44,"endTime":1719.03,"body":"one's gonna think twice about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.44,"endTime":1719.03,"body":"it. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1719.69,"endTime":1722.75,"body":"But a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1719.69,"endTime":1722.75,"body":"experiment with that. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.75,"endTime":1725.75,"body":"lot of people don't end up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.75,"endTime":1725.75,"body":"addicts either. So it's not fair"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1725.75,"endTime":1728.06,"body":"to just to look at those and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1725.75,"endTime":1728.06,"body":"say, You should have seen the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.06,"endTime":1730.49,"body":"red flags. Like dude, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.06,"endTime":1730.49,"body":"husband is doing the same thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.61,"endTime":1733.1,"body":"Right? And he's fine. Like, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.61,"endTime":1733.1,"body":"do you mean, look at me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1733.1,"endTime":1735.86,"body":"I partied. Yeah, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1733.1,"endTime":1735.86,"body":"I didn't go nearly as hard as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1735.86,"endTime":1739.04,"body":"you. When it came to things."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1735.86,"endTime":1739.04,"body":"Like I was always a supervisor."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1739.31,"endTime":1744.23,"body":"But like I was able to grow out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1739.31,"endTime":1744.23,"body":"of it. I was I was a supervisor"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1744.23,"endTime":1746.66,"body":"for y'all a little parties,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1744.23,"endTime":1746.66,"body":"remember? Yeah. It was in our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1746.66,"endTime":1750.2,"body":"early 20s Whenever people were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1746.66,"endTime":1750.2,"body":"experimenting, you know, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1750.2,"endTime":1753.08,"body":"like, you don't think about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1750.2,"endTime":1753.08,"body":"that. And so no, you did not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1753.08,"endTime":1754.31,"body":"sign up for this. No, man."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.31,"endTime":1757.43,"body":"Like, like my best friends"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.31,"endTime":1757.43,"body":"of my group. I've I've had the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1757.43,"endTime":1760.28,"body":"same like core group of friends"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1757.43,"endTime":1760.28,"body":"since I was like six or seven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1760.28,"endTime":1763.31,"body":"years old. Yeah, we all party"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1760.28,"endTime":1763.31,"body":"together. And I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1763.37,"endTime":1767.39,"body":"implicating anyone. All right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1763.37,"endTime":1767.39,"body":"so I can't confirm or deny that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1767.39,"endTime":1770.45,"body":"they participated in everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1767.39,"endTime":1770.45,"body":"with me. But I will say I'm the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1770.45,"endTime":1772.73,"body":"only one that ended up an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1770.45,"endTime":1772.73,"body":"addict. And we all had the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1772.73,"endTime":1775.52,"body":"quote unquote, red flags,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1772.73,"endTime":1775.52,"body":"because we all ran together and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1775.52,"endTime":1780.62,"body":"did the same things. So it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1775.52,"endTime":1780.62,"body":"fair to say there were red flags"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1780.62,"endTime":1783.44,"body":"or for you to beat yourself up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1780.62,"endTime":1783.44,"body":"and say why didn't they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1783.44,"endTime":1786.14,"body":"recognize those and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1783.44,"endTime":1786.14,"body":"overthink that stuff? Yeah, not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1786.14,"endTime":1787.52,"body":"right. Now. Give yourself a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1786.14,"endTime":1787.52,"body":"break. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.52,"endTime":1788.27,"body":"okay. It's alright."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.3,"endTime":1789.89,"body":"We get worse over time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.3,"endTime":1789.89,"body":"It's not your fault. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.49,"endTime":1793.22,"body":"All right. So is sober"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.49,"endTime":1793.22,"body":"husband the true version or is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1793.22,"endTime":1796.46,"body":"drunk version. I know that this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1793.22,"endTime":1796.46,"body":"question and people overthink"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1796.46,"endTime":1806.39,"body":"this all the time. Um, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1796.46,"endTime":1806.39,"body":"say neither. What do you mean by"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1806.39,"endTime":1809.81,"body":"neither, neither one of them is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1806.39,"endTime":1809.81,"body":"the true version of who you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1809.81,"endTime":1813.71,"body":"married, your sober husband is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1809.81,"endTime":1813.71,"body":"going to be the person who's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1813.71,"endTime":1816.47,"body":"given you all the highs, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1813.71,"endTime":1816.47,"body":"it's going to be high high, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1816.47,"endTime":1820.25,"body":"going to be like, special love"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1816.47,"endTime":1820.25,"body":"bombing, all the good stuff,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1820.25,"endTime":1824.0,"body":"everything that you hold on,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1820.25,"endTime":1824.0,"body":"it's the potential drunk version"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.0,"endTime":1826.43,"body":"is going to be the total"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.0,"endTime":1826.43,"body":"opposite of that, who's going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1826.43,"endTime":1831.08,"body":"be the lowest of lows? If they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1826.43,"endTime":1831.08,"body":"were truly sober, or like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1831.83,"endTime":1834.53,"body":"working on personal development"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1831.83,"endTime":1834.53,"body":"and doing what they're supposed"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1834.53,"endTime":1837.38,"body":"to be doing? They would be in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1834.53,"endTime":1837.38,"body":"between that. So you're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1837.38,"endTime":1841.13,"body":"getting their true colors?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1837.38,"endTime":1841.13,"body":"During sober period or drunk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1841.13,"endTime":1844.52,"body":"period? Yeah. Does that make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1841.13,"endTime":1844.52,"body":"sense? Like, like, do you agree"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1844.52,"endTime":1848.12,"body":"with that? I do. We didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1844.52,"endTime":1848.12,"body":"discuss this question very much."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1848.12,"endTime":1849.2,"body":"So I didn't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.2,"endTime":1851.06,"body":"I absolutely agree with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.2,"endTime":1851.06,"body":"this. This is a question that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.6,"endTime":1853.25,"body":"get a lot. A lot."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1853.28,"endTime":1855.62,"body":"A lot of people say we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1853.28,"endTime":1855.62,"body":"agreeable. So I'm just asking,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1855.62,"endTime":1858.47,"body":"is there something that this is,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1855.62,"endTime":1858.47,"body":"was I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1858.47,"endTime":1862.43,"body":"hope we're agreeable to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1858.47,"endTime":1862.43,"body":"some point? You know, we have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1862.43,"endTime":1864.62,"body":"show about this and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1862.43,"endTime":1864.62,"body":"relationship that works. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.62,"endTime":1868.28,"body":"that we have to be agreeable at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.62,"endTime":1868.28,"body":"some point. But no, I agree with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1868.28,"endTime":1873.62,"body":"you here. What you're seeing our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1868.28,"endTime":1873.62,"body":"highlight reels and disaster"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1873.62,"endTime":1876.44,"body":"reels. That's what you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1873.62,"endTime":1876.44,"body":"basically seeing whenever you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1876.44,"endTime":1879.23,"body":"with an addict or an alcoholic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1876.44,"endTime":1879.23,"body":"and active use, you're seeing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1879.23,"endTime":1882.32,"body":"someone at their worst, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1879.23,"endTime":1882.32,"body":"you're seeing them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1882.53,"endTime":1886.1,"body":"performatively at their best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1882.53,"endTime":1886.1,"body":"performatively it's this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1886.1,"endTime":1889.58,"body":"performance that we put on. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1886.1,"endTime":1889.58,"body":"lot of times I felt a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1889.58,"endTime":1893.36,"body":"guilt, and sometimes shame for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1889.58,"endTime":1893.36,"body":"the ways that I'd acted. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1893.36,"endTime":1897.44,"body":"would recognize it, I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1893.36,"endTime":1897.44,"body":"listen to you and your tears and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1897.5,"endTime":1900.65,"body":"so upset telling me of all this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1897.5,"endTime":1900.65,"body":"crap that I've done that it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1900.65,"endTime":1904.34,"body":"hurts you. And I feel that man,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1900.65,"endTime":1904.34,"body":"I feel horrible. So I need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.34,"endTime":1908.03,"body":"make up for that. I need to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.34,"endTime":1908.03,"body":"up for it syndrome kicks in. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.03,"endTime":1912.23,"body":"then we become this performative"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.03,"endTime":1912.23,"body":"like caricature of husband. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1912.23,"endTime":1914.66,"body":"yeah, like, Oh, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1912.23,"endTime":1914.66,"body":"read to the baby. I'll do bath"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1914.66,"endTime":1917.84,"body":"time tonight. I'll make sure she"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1914.66,"endTime":1917.84,"body":"goes to sleep. I'm going to feed"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1917.84,"endTime":1921.62,"body":"her. I'll stay up all night. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1917.84,"endTime":1921.62,"body":"you can sleep. Yes, all of these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1921.62,"endTime":1924.41,"body":"things happened. And that's why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1921.62,"endTime":1924.41,"body":"you start questioning a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1924.41,"endTime":1927.35,"body":"things because of those highs"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1924.41,"endTime":1927.35,"body":"and you're like, oh, wow, maybe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1927.35,"endTime":1929.63,"body":"it isn't that bad. But it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1927.35,"endTime":1929.63,"body":"performative. Like you said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1930.05,"endTime":1933.05,"body":"it's performance in a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1930.05,"endTime":1933.05,"body":"of ways. We want to be better a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.05,"endTime":1935.63,"body":"lot of us want to be better. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.05,"endTime":1935.63,"body":"lot of us know deep, deep deep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1935.63,"endTime":1940.67,"body":"down that we've, we're screwed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1935.63,"endTime":1940.67,"body":"And we've got to be better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.82,"endTime":1943.46,"body":"Sometimes I think we can take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.82,"endTime":1943.46,"body":"this like fake it till you make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.46,"endTime":1949.19,"body":"it sort of idea. And you know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.46,"endTime":1949.19,"body":"what, I'll just let me just move"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1949.19,"endTime":1951.77,"body":"past that stuff. I know what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1949.19,"endTime":1951.77,"body":"need to be let me just be that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1951.77,"endTime":1954.38,"body":"person. But you're not that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1951.77,"endTime":1954.38,"body":"person. You're acting like that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1954.38,"endTime":1958.79,"body":"person. That's not really who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1954.38,"endTime":1958.79,"body":"you are. So when people say, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.79,"endTime":1961.7,"body":"can't tell if what he says when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.79,"endTime":1961.7,"body":"he drunk? What if he actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.7,"endTime":1963.74,"body":"means these things to the people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.7,"endTime":1963.74,"body":"actually mean the things they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.74,"endTime":1967.28,"body":"say when they're drunk? Whenever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.74,"endTime":1967.28,"body":"he's really sweet. Is this the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.28,"endTime":1971.09,"body":"real him? Or is this just fake?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.28,"endTime":1971.09,"body":"You don't know what to think."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.57,"endTime":1974.6,"body":"You're looking at who they are."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.57,"endTime":1974.6,"body":"This is who they are. Yes. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1974.6,"endTime":1976.7,"body":"when you say neither? I agree"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1974.6,"endTime":1976.7,"body":"with that, like the real."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1977.51,"endTime":1980.33,"body":"themselves. Yeah, it's both."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1977.51,"endTime":1980.33,"body":"That's, that's the same person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1980.36,"endTime":1983.12,"body":"Let's just get get that out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1980.36,"endTime":1983.12,"body":"the way. That's the same person,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.18,"endTime":1985.19,"body":"the person that berates you when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.18,"endTime":1985.19,"body":"they're drunk. And the person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.19,"endTime":1988.67,"body":"that's overly kind when they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.19,"endTime":1988.67,"body":"sober is the same person. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1988.67,"endTime":1994.43,"body":"think humans we love. We love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1988.67,"endTime":1994.43,"body":"binary concepts. We love to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.43,"endTime":1997.91,"body":"able to categorize good and bad,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.43,"endTime":1997.91,"body":"right or wrong, yes or no. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1997.91,"endTime":2000.22,"body":"so when it comes to sober versus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1997.91,"endTime":2000.22,"body":"drunk, we'd love to be able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2000.22,"endTime":2002.86,"body":"categorize that, oh, that's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2000.22,"endTime":2002.86,"body":"him when he's drunk. That's him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2002.86,"endTime":2005.89,"body":"when he's sober, false, it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2002.86,"endTime":2005.89,"body":"not true. That is the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2005.89,"endTime":2008.95,"body":"person that is one bucket of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2005.89,"endTime":2008.95,"body":"him. That is him. That's who he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2008.95,"endTime":2012.79,"body":"is. The ups and the downs and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2008.95,"endTime":2012.79,"body":"everything that come with it. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2012.79,"endTime":2015.61,"body":"think that we, like a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2012.79,"endTime":2015.61,"body":"people do this. And it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.61,"endTime":2018.01,"body":"funny, and I don't think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.61,"endTime":2018.01,"body":"unhelpful by any means. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.01,"endTime":2021.58,"body":"they'll, they'll give the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.01,"endTime":2021.58,"body":"addicted person a name, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.66,"endTime":2025.33,"body":"something. And it's hilarious."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.66,"endTime":2025.33,"body":"And it's true, because it feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.33,"endTime":2028.24,"body":"like you're dealing with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.33,"endTime":2028.24,"body":"completely different person. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2028.27,"endTime":2031.93,"body":"it's not the same as something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2028.27,"endTime":2031.93,"body":"like this is so to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.99,"endTime":2035.29,"body":"disassociative identity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.99,"endTime":2035.29,"body":"disorder, which is like multiple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.29,"endTime":2040.27,"body":"personality disorder. What was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.29,"endTime":2040.27,"body":"the name of that movie? Guy, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.27,"endTime":2042.16,"body":"can't remember, there's a movie"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.27,"endTime":2042.16,"body":"recently, where a guy had like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.16,"endTime":2045.19,"body":"four or five personalities. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.16,"endTime":2045.19,"body":"at any given point, he could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.22,"endTime":2048.37,"body":"any of them. It's not like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.22,"endTime":2048.37,"body":"It's not like that. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.37,"endTime":2051.55,"body":"like I am a completely different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.37,"endTime":2051.55,"body":"person with my own set of values"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.55,"endTime":2055.66,"body":"and my own background, in my own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.55,"endTime":2055.66,"body":"past experiences that never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2055.66,"endTime":2058.66,"body":"actually happened, when I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2055.66,"endTime":2058.66,"body":"sober versus when I'm drunk. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.66,"endTime":2061.39,"body":"the same person, right? So it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.66,"endTime":2061.39,"body":"not a disassociation from your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.39,"endTime":2064.66,"body":"personality, that is your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.39,"endTime":2064.66,"body":"personality. The worst parts of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2064.66,"endTime":2066.85,"body":"it are often brought out when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2064.66,"endTime":2066.85,"body":"you're drunk. And when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2066.85,"endTime":2069.76,"body":"using, you get to see those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2066.85,"endTime":2069.76,"body":"they're on display for all to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.76,"endTime":2072.73,"body":"see. A lot of them aren't even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.76,"endTime":2072.73,"body":"intentional and intentional."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.73,"endTime":2075.46,"body":"It's just stuff that sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.73,"endTime":2075.46,"body":"happens. And when we're sober,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.46,"endTime":2078.49,"body":"we're oftentimes trying to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.46,"endTime":2078.49,"body":"up for those things or at times,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.49,"endTime":2082.36,"body":"you can just be like a shadow of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.49,"endTime":2082.36,"body":"your authentic self, but the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2082.36,"endTime":2085.96,"body":"real person has yet to be seen,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2082.36,"endTime":2085.96,"body":"this person will come out at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2085.96,"endTime":2090.25,"body":"some point later. It's not going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2085.96,"endTime":2090.25,"body":"to be as good or as bad as those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2090.28,"endTime":2093.01,"body":"ups and downs that you see in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2090.28,"endTime":2093.01,"body":"active addiction. It's somewhere"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2093.01,"endTime":2095.86,"body":"in between, like you mentioned,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2093.01,"endTime":2095.86,"body":"absolutely. Normal people kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.86,"endTime":2099.16,"body":"of hover around the mean around"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.86,"endTime":2099.16,"body":"the middle. Yeah, they're not on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.16,"endTime":2102.13,"body":"the on the The tail ends of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.16,"endTime":2102.13,"body":"distribution curve where it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.13,"endTime":2104.89,"body":"super high, super low. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.13,"endTime":2104.89,"body":"somewhere in between. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.89,"endTime":2107.35,"body":"don't know what this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.89,"endTime":2107.35,"body":"looks like yet most likely for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2107.35,"endTime":2110.08,"body":"us, let's just talk about what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2107.35,"endTime":2110.08,"body":"it was like for us. So when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2110.08,"endTime":2113.38,"body":"was inactive us, I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2110.08,"endTime":2113.38,"body":"completely detached. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2113.44,"endTime":2119.8,"body":"really, really selfish. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2113.44,"endTime":2119.8,"body":"complete aihole I had zero to no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.8,"endTime":2123.49,"body":"empathy for you. No validation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.8,"endTime":2123.49,"body":"no compassion. That was like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.49,"endTime":2127.63,"body":"worst of me. Right? Yeah. Liar."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.49,"endTime":2127.63,"body":"That whole bit. The best of me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2127.63,"endTime":2130.3,"body":"when I was an act of addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2127.63,"endTime":2130.3,"body":"was, let's be in all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.3,"endTime":2133.09,"body":"Facebook photos. Let's appear to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.3,"endTime":2133.09,"body":"be the great dad. Let's take the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.09,"endTime":2136.3,"body":"daughter to the store when she's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.09,"endTime":2136.3,"body":"little bitty and show off. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.3,"endTime":2138.04,"body":"how good of a dad I am. Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2138.04,"endTime":2139.45,"body":"got her to sleep tonight."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2139.48,"endTime":2141.7,"body":"I did all these things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2139.48,"endTime":2141.7,"body":"Let me let me bring home dinner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.7,"endTime":2144.31,"body":"tonight. Let me do all this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.7,"endTime":2144.31,"body":"stuff. How long did that stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2144.31,"endTime":2144.61,"body":"last?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2144.64,"endTime":2146.35,"body":"Not long. It wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2146.35,"endTime":2148.9,"body":"consistent. I even do it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2146.35,"endTime":2148.9,"body":"for a week. I don't remember."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2148.93,"endTime":2151.51,"body":"No. Oh, no. So it was short"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2148.93,"endTime":2151.51,"body":"lived? Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2151.51,"endTime":2154.66,"body":"And I remember them. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2151.51,"endTime":2154.66,"body":"that's what's crazy is like I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2154.66,"endTime":2157.69,"body":"actually remember those specific"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2154.66,"endTime":2157.69,"body":"times. It wasn't consistent"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2157.69,"endTime":2158.47,"body":"short bursts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.5,"endTime":2162.25,"body":"of performative empathy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.5,"endTime":2162.25,"body":"and performative compassion and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.25,"endTime":2165.19,"body":"performative look at me how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.25,"endTime":2165.19,"body":"great of a dad I am, how great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2165.19,"endTime":2169.3,"body":"of a husband, I am. Trying to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2165.19,"endTime":2169.3,"body":"that person in so many ways, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2169.3,"endTime":2172.81,"body":"also trying to make up for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2169.3,"endTime":2172.81,"body":"wrongs that I had done. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2172.81,"endTime":2175.78,"body":"not authenticity. That's not the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2172.81,"endTime":2175.78,"body":"real me, the real me is much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2175.78,"endTime":2179.92,"body":"more balanced. Now in between, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2175.78,"endTime":2179.92,"body":"have a lot less of the really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2179.92,"endTime":2183.58,"body":"bad stuff. And I have more of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2179.92,"endTime":2183.58,"body":"the good stuff. So I would say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.58,"endTime":2187.39,"body":"on the on the whole it's much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.58,"endTime":2187.39,"body":"more like the person that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.75,"endTime":2191.26,"body":"performing, but not nearly as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.75,"endTime":2191.26,"body":"exaggerated. Right. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2191.26,"endTime":2194.23,"body":"and I have far fewer like high"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2191.26,"endTime":2194.23,"body":"high highs, like how often do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.23,"endTime":2196.84,"body":"like just randomly go get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.23,"endTime":2196.84,"body":"flowers and bring them home?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2196.87,"endTime":2202.15,"body":"Their handout? What do you mean?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2196.87,"endTime":2202.15,"body":"Yeah, I do. It's just less"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2202.18,"endTime":2206.38,"body":"often. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, order"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2202.18,"endTime":2206.38,"body":"or order flowers and haven't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2206.38,"endTime":2209.17,"body":"sent up here with the funny"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2206.38,"endTime":2209.17,"body":"note, I still do that. Every few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.17,"endTime":2211.03,"body":"months or so. Maybe a couple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.17,"endTime":2211.03,"body":"times a year?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2211.06,"endTime":2213.19,"body":"Yes. But during active"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2211.06,"endTime":2213.19,"body":"addiction, you did it? Oh, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2213.19,"endTime":2216.13,"body":"was like my god. It was like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2213.19,"endTime":2216.13,"body":"whenever you were angry, it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2216.13,"endTime":2218.08,"body":"a way for you to like, look what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2216.13,"endTime":2218.08,"body":"I did for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2218.08,"endTime":2219.88,"body":"you. When I was doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2218.08,"endTime":2219.88,"body":"like, when I were I would do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.88,"endTime":2222.85,"body":"dishes and stuff back then how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.88,"endTime":2222.85,"body":"often did I do that? Oh, gosh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.88,"endTime":2227.71,"body":"once every how often? I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.88,"endTime":2227.71,"body":"even I can't even I can't even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.74,"endTime":2231.01,"body":"now it's much more stable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.74,"endTime":2231.01,"body":"Right? It's more consistent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.04,"endTime":2233.26,"body":"consistency. It's about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.04,"endTime":2233.26,"body":"consistency, which"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2233.92,"endTime":2236.32,"body":"it's not all the time,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2233.92,"endTime":2236.32,"body":"which is fine. And it's not like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2236.32,"endTime":2237.49,"body":"going balls to the wall,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.76,"endTime":2239.59,"body":"you know, being good. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.76,"endTime":2239.59,"body":"just normal. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2241.3,"endTime":2244.45,"body":"just normal. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2241.3,"endTime":2244.45,"body":"like, you'll say, Okay, I can't,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2244.48,"endTime":2248.65,"body":"I can't, I can't parent right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2244.48,"endTime":2248.65,"body":"now, I kind of need to, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2248.65,"endTime":2251.83,"body":"know, detach for a little bit."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2248.65,"endTime":2251.83,"body":"And that's okay. Like, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2251.83,"endTime":2254.2,"body":"tell me those things. And it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2251.83,"endTime":2254.2,"body":"not all the time. And I can do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2254.2,"endTime":2256.66,"body":"the same thing for you. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2254.2,"endTime":2256.66,"body":"just need a break. So can you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2256.66,"endTime":2257.38,"body":"help me out here?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2257.41,"endTime":2260.5,"body":"It's just balance. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2257.41,"endTime":2260.5,"body":"we've talked about this before."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2260.5,"endTime":2263.56,"body":"I'm gonna spend too much more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2260.5,"endTime":2263.56,"body":"time here, but you're gonna get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.59,"endTime":2266.71,"body":"a new person and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.59,"endTime":2266.71,"body":"relationship. Yeah, they will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.71,"endTime":2270.19,"body":"very familiar. It will almost be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.71,"endTime":2270.19,"body":"like a cousin of your original"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2270.19,"endTime":2272.53,"body":"husband. Like, like, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2270.19,"endTime":2272.53,"body":"tell they're sort of related,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.53,"endTime":2275.2,"body":"but they're different here. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.53,"endTime":2275.2,"body":"different. But we got to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.2,"endTime":2278.35,"body":"each other in a totally new way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.2,"endTime":2278.35,"body":"a lot. A lot of it was just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2278.35,"endTime":2283.9,"body":"better, like on the whole net"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2278.35,"endTime":2283.9,"body":"just gains and wins. But a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2283.9,"endTime":2287.17,"body":"of the other stuff that came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2283.9,"endTime":2287.17,"body":"with it, like the like I had to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2287.17,"endTime":2289.24,"body":"come to terms the fact that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2287.17,"endTime":2289.24,"body":"like, I'm actually a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2289.24,"endTime":2292.3,"body":"emotional person, I wasn't as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2289.24,"endTime":2292.3,"body":"stoic as I'd like to think I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.3,"endTime":2295.57,"body":"was. I'm hyper emotional a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.3,"endTime":2295.57,"body":"of time I get really like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.57,"endTime":2299.59,"body":"have to try and cry not cry"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.57,"endTime":2299.59,"body":"commercials and movies. All the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2299.59,"endTime":2303.55,"body":"time, man. Like daily, I feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2299.59,"endTime":2303.55,"body":"this stuff that I just hit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2303.55,"endTime":2307.21,"body":"forever, like a weird. There's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2303.55,"endTime":2307.21,"body":"lot of stuff like that, that for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2307.21,"endTime":2309.7,"body":"you that you get now. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2307.21,"endTime":2309.7,"body":"like, well, I guess that's part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2309.7,"endTime":2313.18,"body":"of it, too. So there are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2309.7,"endTime":2313.18,"body":"parts I guess, I guess. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.18,"endTime":2315.64,"body":"know, depending on who you are."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.18,"endTime":2315.64,"body":"Some may perceive that as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2315.64,"endTime":2318.79,"body":"negative. I don't. But some may."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2315.64,"endTime":2318.79,"body":"Some may be like, I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.79,"endTime":2322.09,"body":"interested in the guy that cries"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.79,"endTime":2322.09,"body":"Well, we have emotions, too. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.09,"endTime":2325.6,"body":"know, you'll get some of that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.09,"endTime":2325.6,"body":"comes with it. You'll get sweet."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.32,"endTime":2329.2,"body":"You're gonna get a totally new"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.32,"endTime":2329.2,"body":"person, a new person, which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.2,"endTime":2331.3,"body":"should be an exciting thing. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.2,"endTime":2331.3,"body":"don't want back the old person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.33,"endTime":2333.49,"body":"you don't know. And we've talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.33,"endTime":2333.49,"body":"about that before, too. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2333.49,"endTime":2335.47,"body":"and everything else is like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2333.49,"endTime":2335.47,"body":"highlight reel. You don't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2335.47,"endTime":2339.46,"body":"that necessarily either. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2335.47,"endTime":2339.46,"body":"Like that's not sustainable. No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.49,"endTime":2342.64,"body":"you know, like, I know, I do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.49,"endTime":2342.64,"body":"know some dads and husbands that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.64,"endTime":2346.78,"body":"make us all look bad. Like just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.64,"endTime":2346.78,"body":"some Mike. Dude, these guys are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2346.78,"endTime":2350.47,"body":"just rock stars. Like they're I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2346.78,"endTime":2350.47,"body":"don't know how to keep it up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2350.47,"endTime":2353.29,"body":"like that though, man. Like, how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2350.47,"endTime":2353.29,"body":"does anyone right? Like, how do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.29,"endTime":2357.4,"body":"the Rockstar moms do it? I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2353.29,"endTime":2357.4,"body":"I'm talking about Yeah, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.4,"endTime":2360.46,"body":"some people are just wired that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.4,"endTime":2360.46,"body":"way. But be in more we don't see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.49,"endTime":2363.64,"body":"in my experience. That's a very,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.49,"endTime":2363.64,"body":"very, very small slice of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.64,"endTime":2366.34,"body":"pie. Yeah, that are able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.64,"endTime":2366.34,"body":"maintain that level of energy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2366.34,"endTime":2368.74,"body":"and consistency all the time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2366.34,"endTime":2368.74,"body":"Right. They make us all feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.74,"endTime":2372.07,"body":"bad. Yeah, they exist, but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2368.74,"endTime":2372.07,"body":"not common. Right. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.07,"endTime":2374.98,"body":"probably not going to get back."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.07,"endTime":2374.98,"body":"Super like man."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2375.13,"endTime":2375.91,"body":"Oh my gosh."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.97,"endTime":2378.49,"body":"Okay. All right. So the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.97,"endTime":2378.49,"body":"next question is how do you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.52,"endTime":2382.24,"body":"recondition yourself to not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.52,"endTime":2382.24,"body":"overthink and feel normal after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2382.24,"endTime":2387.25,"body":"so much trauma? So I'm assuming"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2382.24,"endTime":2387.25,"body":"this question is coming after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2387.28,"endTime":2393.34,"body":"active addiction. It's not so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2387.28,"endTime":2393.34,"body":"high ticket. Well, I I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2393.88,"endTime":2397.96,"body":"I took this as someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2393.88,"endTime":2397.96,"body":"who's in it currently wanting to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2397.96,"endTime":2403.15,"body":"know what they can look forward"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2397.96,"endTime":2403.15,"body":"to One day. Most people want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.15,"endTime":2405.25,"body":"answers for the future. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2405.25,"endTime":2409.51,"body":"but it's really hard to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2405.25,"endTime":2409.51,"body":"not overthink and to feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2409.51,"endTime":2412.12,"body":"normal. If you're still having"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2409.51,"endTime":2412.12,"body":"trauma. Yes, in your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2412.12,"endTime":2414.4,"body":"relationship, if there's still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2412.12,"endTime":2414.4,"body":"active addiction going on,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2414.4,"endTime":2416.68,"body":"there's still going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2414.4,"endTime":2416.68,"body":"patterns of behavior. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2416.68,"endTime":2421.21,"body":"not. That's that hasn't changed."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2416.68,"endTime":2421.21,"body":"And you cannot change your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2421.21,"endTime":2427.24,"body":"mindset to stop overthinking to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2421.21,"endTime":2427.24,"body":"feel normal. If you're still in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2427.24,"endTime":2428.71,"body":"it, that's just the truth."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2428.74,"endTime":2432.43,"body":"Yeah, this should be a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2428.74,"endTime":2432.43,"body":"daily reminder for us. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.43,"endTime":2436.75,"body":"let's get it over with here real"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.43,"endTime":2436.75,"body":"quick. Sobriety does not fix"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2436.75,"endTime":2441.34,"body":"everything. Sobriety does not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2436.75,"endTime":2441.34,"body":"fix much of anything by itself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2441.73,"endTime":2446.23,"body":"Sobriety only sets the stage for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2441.73,"endTime":2446.23,"body":"growth in the future. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.26,"endTime":2449.26,"body":"that's all it does. And that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.26,"endTime":2449.26,"body":"growth takes place over the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2449.26,"endTime":2453.04,"body":"course of years, years, years,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2449.26,"endTime":2453.04,"body":"years, years, years. It does not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2453.04,"endTime":2456.4,"body":"happen right away. And I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2453.04,"endTime":2456.4,"body":"only imagine what it feels like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2456.4,"endTime":2458.74,"body":"to be in like your shoes and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2456.4,"endTime":2458.74,"body":"think to yourself, like, am I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.74,"endTime":2462.43,"body":"ever going to not be able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.74,"endTime":2462.43,"body":"feel this way? Again? Yes, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2462.46,"endTime":2465.37,"body":"only if they're sobriety. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2462.46,"endTime":2465.37,"body":"like you said, if someone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2465.37,"endTime":2469.03,"body":"still in it, all bets are off?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2465.37,"endTime":2469.03,"body":"Absolutely not. It's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.03,"endTime":2471.34,"body":"continue you'll have good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.03,"endTime":2471.34,"body":"moments, bad moments, but more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2471.34,"endTime":2473.05,"body":"bad than good. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2473.05,"endTime":2476.14,"body":"And if this is how, if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2473.05,"endTime":2476.14,"body":"this question is happening, if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2476.17,"endTime":2478.54,"body":"like your partner is in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2476.17,"endTime":2478.54,"body":"recovery, or whatnot, or maybe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2478.54,"endTime":2480.76,"body":"you're out of the relationship,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2478.54,"endTime":2480.76,"body":"and you feel like you still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2480.76,"endTime":2485.29,"body":"overthink, it's gonna take time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2480.76,"endTime":2485.29,"body":"healing, you know, you've got to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2485.29,"endTime":2490.84,"body":"do a lot of self work to help"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2485.29,"endTime":2490.84,"body":"yourself feel normal again, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2490.84,"endTime":2493.6,"body":"I still have things that pop up."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2490.84,"endTime":2493.6,"body":"I don't think no one has ever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2493.6,"endTime":2497.65,"body":"fully healed like, this is where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2493.6,"endTime":2497.65,"body":"your brain like this, this stuff"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2497.68,"endTime":2503.47,"body":"imprints on you, like you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2497.68,"endTime":2503.47,"body":"said before? So how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.47,"endTime":2506.23,"body":"did you recondition"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.47,"endTime":2506.23,"body":"yourself to not do it? For"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2506.23,"endTime":2509.41,"body":"me, like, we did that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2506.23,"endTime":2509.41,"body":"episode on how I found myself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2509.41,"endTime":2512.38,"body":"again, and there's a lot of good"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2509.41,"endTime":2512.38,"body":"information in there. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.38,"endTime":2516.49,"body":"you know, going to therapy and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.38,"endTime":2516.49,"body":"mindfulness meditation,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2516.49,"endTime":2521.29,"body":"meditation was huge for me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2516.49,"endTime":2521.29,"body":"doing like, looking at my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2521.29,"endTime":2525.79,"body":"cognitive distortions, my self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2521.29,"endTime":2525.79,"body":"awareness, spirituality, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2525.79,"endTime":2527.08,"body":"kind of stuff. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2527.14,"endTime":2530.47,"body":"yeah, like, man, like one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2527.14,"endTime":2530.47,"body":"of the one of the things we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.47,"endTime":2532.99,"body":"sought out to do was to help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.47,"endTime":2532.99,"body":"people find themselves again and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.99,"endTime":2537.01,"body":"begin to trust themselves again,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.99,"endTime":2537.01,"body":"and be able to identify and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.01,"endTime":2540.34,"body":"act on their intuition again."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2537.01,"endTime":2540.34,"body":"And that's sort of what's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2540.34,"endTime":2542.14,"body":"on here. Like how do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2540.34,"endTime":2542.14,"body":"conditioned yourself to not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2542.14,"endTime":2545.38,"body":"overthink? First of all, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2542.14,"endTime":2545.38,"body":"can't be in the situation that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2545.38,"endTime":2549.13,"body":"got you sick, that has to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2545.38,"endTime":2549.13,"body":"whether they stop or you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2549.13,"endTime":2553.0,"body":"stopped participating in one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2549.13,"endTime":2553.0,"body":"the two have to happen. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2553.0,"endTime":2555.01,"body":"not just going to fix this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2553.0,"endTime":2555.01,"body":"magically, while they're still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.01,"endTime":2559.51,"body":"in it. That will be I would say,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.01,"endTime":2559.51,"body":"impossible. Just go and say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.51,"endTime":2564.64,"body":"impossible. But therapy, therapy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.51,"endTime":2564.64,"body":"therapy. Yeah, helps a ton. Yep."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.76,"endTime":2567.64,"body":"And it takes a long period of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.76,"endTime":2567.64,"body":"time to it does. It takes time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.79,"endTime":2570.94,"body":"It takes time. Like we've we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.79,"endTime":2570.94,"body":"talked about this. So Dr."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.94,"endTime":2574.18,"body":"Taylor, our good friend, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.94,"endTime":2574.18,"body":"also our partner, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2574.18,"endTime":2577.48,"body":"independently strong, I've asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2574.18,"endTime":2577.48,"body":"him like, if all things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2577.48,"endTime":2579.64,"body":"going well, someone's showing up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2577.48,"endTime":2579.64,"body":"to their appointments on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2579.64,"endTime":2583.24,"body":"regular basis. How long does it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2579.64,"endTime":2583.24,"body":"take to have breakthroughs? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.24,"endTime":2587.2,"body":"he's like, I mean, generally,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.24,"endTime":2587.2,"body":"about a year"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2587.23,"endTime":2589.72,"body":"yeah, I was gonna say six"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2587.23,"endTime":2589.72,"body":"months to a year, a year, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2589.72,"endTime":2591.46,"body":"first year is rough. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.46,"endTime":2594.55,"body":"that's like per"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.46,"endTime":2594.55,"body":"breakthrough. Yeah, you might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2594.55,"endTime":2597.76,"body":"have one a year you might have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2594.55,"endTime":2597.76,"body":"another one, maybe six months"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2597.76,"endTime":2600.13,"body":"later, and then another one six"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2597.76,"endTime":2600.13,"body":"months after that, but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2600.13,"endTime":2600.7,"body":"slow."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2600.91,"endTime":2605.89,"body":"I had a breakthrough last"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2600.91,"endTime":2605.89,"body":"like, few months, whenever you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.89,"endTime":2609.13,"body":"like, really started"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.89,"endTime":2609.13,"body":"acknowledging my my pain and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2609.13,"endTime":2612.52,"body":"taking accountability and that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2609.13,"endTime":2612.52,"body":"like that was another level."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2612.55,"endTime":2615.61,"body":"Yeah, I it was another layer of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2612.55,"endTime":2615.61,"body":"my healing that came apart. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2615.61,"endTime":2618.46,"body":"yeah, it's gonna take time there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2615.61,"endTime":2618.46,"body":"is no like solution to this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2618.46,"endTime":2622.24,"body":"except for just working on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2618.46,"endTime":2622.24,"body":"yourself. And making sure you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2622.24,"endTime":2624.58,"body":"not being you know, traumatized"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2622.24,"endTime":2624.58,"body":"over and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.58,"endTime":2628.99,"body":"over. Yeah. So how do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2624.58,"endTime":2628.99,"body":"recondition yourself? Ricky? I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.99,"endTime":2632.44,"body":"think validation is so important"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.99,"endTime":2632.44,"body":"in the healing process. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.47,"endTime":2635.02,"body":"you can self validate all you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.47,"endTime":2635.02,"body":"want. That's no different than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.05,"endTime":2637.99,"body":"like shouting affirmations in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.05,"endTime":2637.99,"body":"the mirror. Affirmations are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2638.02,"endTime":2641.29,"body":"helpful if you have evidence in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2638.02,"endTime":2641.29,"body":"your life to support those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.29,"endTime":2643.72,"body":"things. But you can't say I'm an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.29,"endTime":2643.72,"body":"astronaut every morning. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2643.72,"endTime":2646.18,"body":"you're not an astronaut. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2643.72,"endTime":2646.18,"body":"it's never going to work. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2646.18,"endTime":2650.68,"body":"can say these things. It doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2646.18,"endTime":2650.68,"body":"make them true. I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2650.68,"endTime":2654.58,"body":"external validation is really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2650.68,"endTime":2654.58,"body":"where we can begin to heal. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.58,"endTime":2657.31,"body":"therapy is a great place to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.58,"endTime":2657.31,"body":"that. Groups like the community"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.55,"endTime":2660.58,"body":"are a great place to do that. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.55,"endTime":2660.58,"body":"think that's the benefit of a 12"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.58,"endTime":2665.14,"body":"step community like Al Anon, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.58,"endTime":2665.14,"body":"think that if it while I, while"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.14,"endTime":2667.18,"body":"I disagree with some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2665.14,"endTime":2667.18,"body":"semantics and the things that go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.18,"endTime":2670.36,"body":"on there, I think from a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.18,"endTime":2670.36,"body":"validation standpoint, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2670.36,"endTime":2673.24,"body":"it is validating to just see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2670.36,"endTime":2673.24,"body":"other people who are going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2673.24,"endTime":2677.32,"body":"through it and that's validating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2673.24,"endTime":2677.32,"body":"just the community in itself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2677.53,"endTime":2680.41,"body":"Yeah, yeah. And you used"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2677.53,"endTime":2680.41,"body":"to say, you know, you don't need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2680.41,"endTime":2684.85,"body":"validation, you just need to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2680.41,"endTime":2684.85,"body":"what you want. Circle. Circle"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2684.85,"endTime":2688.33,"body":"for a long time until you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2684.85,"endTime":2688.33,"body":"realized no, man I I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2688.33,"endTime":2692.59,"body":"become my best once I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2688.33,"endTime":2692.59,"body":"somewhat validated by who I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.59,"endTime":2695.98,"body":"do a lot of good work on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.59,"endTime":2695.98,"body":"my own, but to really, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2695.98,"endTime":2699.25,"body":"get there and feel it, it came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2695.98,"endTime":2699.25,"body":"from other people. Yeah, it did."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2699.34,"endTime":2702.52,"body":"I mean, that's just Near"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2699.34,"endTime":2702.52,"body":"experience. Yeah. Okay, so the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2702.52,"endTime":2708.97,"body":"next one is when is the other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2702.52,"endTime":2708.97,"body":"shoe going to drop? So based on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2708.97,"endTime":2713.08,"body":"overthinking, I know that every,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2708.97,"endTime":2713.08,"body":"like so many people struggle"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2713.08,"endTime":2717.49,"body":"with this, but all that is is a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2713.08,"endTime":2717.49,"body":"like trauma response. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2717.49,"endTime":2722.47,"body":"another way of you recognizing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2717.49,"endTime":2722.47,"body":"the patterns, and it's only, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2722.47,"endTime":2727.27,"body":"know, common, or it only makes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2722.47,"endTime":2727.27,"body":"sense that you are going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2727.3,"endTime":2729.88,"body":"overthink if the other shoe is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2727.3,"endTime":2729.88,"body":"gonna drop."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2730.75,"endTime":2734.11,"body":"I agree. 1,000%. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2730.75,"endTime":2734.11,"body":"think, if you're asking the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2734.11,"endTime":2737.17,"body":"question, when is the other shoe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2734.11,"endTime":2737.17,"body":"going to drop? I would ask some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.17,"endTime":2739.15,"body":"questions, I would say okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.17,"endTime":2739.15,"body":"well, what's different about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2739.15,"endTime":2742.63,"body":"this time? If your answer is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2739.15,"endTime":2742.63,"body":"nothing, the other shoe is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2742.63,"endTime":2746.92,"body":"to drop very soon? If your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2742.63,"endTime":2746.92,"body":"answer is, well, they went to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2746.92,"endTime":2750.4,"body":"treatment for 30 days, they went"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2746.92,"endTime":2750.4,"body":"to a sober living for 90 days,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2750.4,"endTime":2753.37,"body":"they're in counseling, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2750.4,"endTime":2753.37,"body":"working a program of some kind,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2753.7,"endTime":2756.67,"body":"they're going to a ton of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2753.7,"endTime":2756.67,"body":"meetings, I would say, proceed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.67,"endTime":2760.42,"body":"with cautious optimism that shoe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.67,"endTime":2760.42,"body":"may never drop. But it could."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2760.87,"endTime":2764.26,"body":"But the likelihood is much,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2760.87,"endTime":2764.26,"body":"much, much, much lower than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.26,"endTime":2767.41,"body":"someone who's doing next to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.26,"endTime":2767.41,"body":"nothing. So the other shoe is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.41,"endTime":2771.79,"body":"going to drop based on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.41,"endTime":2771.79,"body":"degree to which they are making"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.79,"endTime":2772.51,"body":"real changes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2772.72,"endTime":2775.39,"body":"Yeah, and I'll say like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2772.72,"endTime":2775.39,"body":"you know, in our experience, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2775.39,"endTime":2778.69,"body":"didn't stress too much over the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2775.39,"endTime":2778.69,"body":"substances, obviously, like I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2778.69,"endTime":2784.39,"body":"didn't look for your substances,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2778.69,"endTime":2784.39,"body":"I wasn't totally concerned that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2784.39,"endTime":2787.09,"body":"you were going to relapse. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2784.39,"endTime":2787.09,"body":"wasn't part of our story,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2787.09,"endTime":2791.2,"body":"because I always based our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2787.09,"endTime":2791.2,"body":"experience on behaviors. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2791.2,"endTime":2797.17,"body":"think that since my my mind was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2791.2,"endTime":2797.17,"body":"shifted that way. It was easier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2797.17,"endTime":2800.14,"body":"for me not to stress over if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2797.17,"endTime":2800.14,"body":"were going to relapse, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2800.14,"endTime":2802.03,"body":"it was all about behaviors."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2800.14,"endTime":2802.03,"body":"Yeah, I was like, I don't care"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2802.03,"endTime":2804.22,"body":"if you use I don't care if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2802.03,"endTime":2804.22,"body":"do that stuff, as long as you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2804.22,"endTime":2807.1,"body":"don't treat me like crap. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2804.22,"endTime":2807.1,"body":"mean, I cared obviously,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2807.1,"endTime":2809.65,"body":"obviously, the two obviously,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2807.1,"endTime":2809.65,"body":"they do go hand in hand, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2809.65,"endTime":2814.72,"body":"just saying I didn't focus on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2809.65,"endTime":2814.72,"body":"that very much at all."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.75,"endTime":2817.36,"body":"Yeah, like you weren't so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.75,"endTime":2817.36,"body":"much concerned with Oh, my God,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2817.36,"endTime":2820.6,"body":"what if he drives by a liquor"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2817.36,"endTime":2820.6,"body":"store? Yeah, that's it's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.6,"endTime":2822.73,"body":"to happen, or Oh, my God, he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2820.6,"endTime":2822.73,"body":"going out with friends from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2822.73,"endTime":2825.73,"body":"work, and they're going to a big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2822.73,"endTime":2825.73,"body":"dinner, and there's going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2825.73,"endTime":2829.0,"body":"alcohol there. But you weren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2825.73,"endTime":2829.0,"body":"so much concerned about those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2829.0,"endTime":2833.08,"body":"things. But you also had someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2829.0,"endTime":2833.08,"body":"who was working in it. I know a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2833.08,"endTime":2835.6,"body":"lot of people who aren't. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2833.08,"endTime":2835.6,"body":"think that you're right to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2835.6,"endTime":2837.94,"body":"wonder when the other shoe is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2835.6,"endTime":2837.94,"body":"going to drop. That's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.94,"endTime":2840.73,"body":"anxiety. That's pattern"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.94,"endTime":2840.73,"body":"recognition. And like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2840.73,"endTime":2843.64,"body":"mentioned, a trauma response."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2840.73,"endTime":2843.64,"body":"This is the response to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2843.64,"endTime":2847.78,"body":"typical stimulus, which is them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2843.64,"endTime":2847.78,"body":"not doing anything expecting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.78,"endTime":2852.34,"body":"something to be different this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2847.78,"endTime":2852.34,"body":"time. Your right to be call it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.34,"endTime":2854.83,"body":"anxiety, I would say it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.34,"endTime":2854.83,"body":"pattern recognition. That's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.83,"endTime":2857.89,"body":"gut instinct, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.83,"endTime":2857.89,"body":"something's going to happen. Why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2857.89,"endTime":2860.23,"body":"wouldn't it? Right? What's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2857.89,"endTime":2860.23,"body":"what's different about this?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2860.44,"endTime":2861.04,"body":"Nothing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2862.66,"endTime":2864.55,"body":"All right, the next one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2862.66,"endTime":2864.55,"body":"is worrying about the drinking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2864.55,"endTime":2868.78,"body":"while they're out or when I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2864.55,"endTime":2868.78,"body":"not home, kind of along the same"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2868.78,"endTime":2874.87,"body":"lines. Yeah. And it's almost"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2868.78,"endTime":2874.87,"body":"like you want to this is almost"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2874.87,"endTime":2878.5,"body":"kind of wanting to control the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2874.87,"endTime":2878.5,"body":"situation, which, obviously, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2878.5,"endTime":2880.48,"body":"want to control the situation,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2878.5,"endTime":2880.48,"body":"because you know, what happens"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2880.48,"endTime":2884.56,"body":"whenever you feel like you don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2880.48,"endTime":2884.56,"body":"control the situation? Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2884.56,"endTime":2887.08,"body":"I mean, it really is similar to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2884.56,"endTime":2887.08,"body":"what we said before."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2887.11,"endTime":2890.71,"body":"Yeah, this is a big one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2887.11,"endTime":2890.71,"body":"For a lot of people. It's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2890.77,"endTime":2894.28,"body":"fear that they are not taking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2890.77,"endTime":2894.28,"body":"the recoveries recovery"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.28,"endTime":2898.33,"body":"seriously enough to prevent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2894.28,"endTime":2898.33,"body":"relapses, or the slips that come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.36,"endTime":2900.52,"body":"up whenever they're in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.36,"endTime":2900.52,"body":"situations that they're probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2900.52,"endTime":2904.33,"body":"not ready for. It's a scary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2900.52,"endTime":2904.33,"body":"thing to do to kind of go hands"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.33,"endTime":2907.06,"body":"off. It's like, I mean, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.33,"endTime":2907.06,"body":"a horrible thing. But this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.06,"endTime":2910.48,"body":"true of having children today,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.06,"endTime":2910.48,"body":"and 2024, like sending your kids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.48,"endTime":2913.18,"body":"to school. Like there's always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.48,"endTime":2913.18,"body":"going to be some level of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.18,"endTime":2915.37,"body":"anxiety associated with that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.18,"endTime":2915.37,"body":"because you're just not safe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2915.37,"endTime":2918.64,"body":"anymore. There's always going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2915.37,"endTime":2918.64,"body":"be some level of anxiety problem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2918.64,"endTime":2922.81,"body":"maybe for you about me getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2918.64,"endTime":2922.81,"body":"injured, and the prospect of me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2922.81,"endTime":2926.11,"body":"being in a lot of pain and being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2922.81,"endTime":2926.11,"body":"around pills or something like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2926.11,"endTime":2927.97,"body":"that. You know, yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2927.97,"endTime":2930.85,"body":"But I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2927.97,"endTime":2930.85,"body":"address that until it happens. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2930.85,"endTime":2934.72,"body":"can't I know myself, I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2930.85,"endTime":2934.72,"body":"want to over do it. So I do kind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2934.72,"endTime":2935.95,"body":"of stop my overthinking with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2934.72,"endTime":2935.95,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2935.95,"endTime":2938.68,"body":"Yeah, and I totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2935.95,"endTime":2938.68,"body":"understand why spouses and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2938.68,"endTime":2942.73,"body":"partners, yeah, want to control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2938.68,"endTime":2942.73,"body":"the scene, like I get it. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2942.73,"endTime":2945.55,"body":"only time that your safety is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2942.73,"endTime":2945.55,"body":"even somewhat guaranteed and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2945.55,"endTime":2949.06,"body":"your relationship your emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2945.55,"endTime":2949.06,"body":"safety is when you are managing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2949.06,"endTime":2952.24,"body":"this thing like crazy when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2949.06,"endTime":2952.24,"body":"you're really putting a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.24,"endTime":2954.49,"body":"effort in to make sure that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.24,"endTime":2954.49,"body":"person is doing what they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2954.49,"endTime":2956.77,"body":"supposed to be doing. Right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2954.49,"endTime":2956.77,"body":"because otherwise it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.77,"endTime":2959.47,"body":"happen. But that is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.77,"endTime":2959.47,"body":"sustainable. No."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2959.47,"endTime":2962.23,"body":"And most of the time it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2959.47,"endTime":2962.23,"body":"doesn't it they're still gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2962.23,"endTime":2963.16,"body":"do what they want to do. Anyway,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2963.19,"endTime":2965.74,"body":"we get really creative,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2963.19,"endTime":2965.74,"body":"don't we? Yeah, yeah, you gotta"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2966.73,"endTime":2970.42,"body":"find ways it doesn't even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2966.73,"endTime":2970.42,"body":"matter. No, you can drug tested."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2970.42,"endTime":2973.51,"body":"Yeah, you do all of those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2970.42,"endTime":2973.51,"body":"things. But if they want to find"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2973.51,"endTime":2976.03,"body":"a way to do it, they're gonna do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2973.51,"endTime":2976.03,"body":"it. So you're just exhausting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2976.03,"endTime":2976.84,"body":"yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2977.14,"endTime":2980.68,"body":"Like I've told addicts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2977.14,"endTime":2980.68,"body":"before. Like if you put 10% of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2980.68,"endTime":2984.1,"body":"the effort into staying sober,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2980.68,"endTime":2984.1,"body":"and being a better person as you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2984.1,"endTime":2987.28,"body":"did get in high A, you would win"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2984.1,"endTime":2987.28,"body":"a Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2987.31,"endTime":2990.73,"body":"within five years of getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2987.31,"endTime":2990.73,"body":"sober. We put so much effort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2990.73,"endTime":2993.7,"body":"into deceiving others. It's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2990.73,"endTime":2993.7,"body":"crazy. Crazy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2994.45,"endTime":2996.46,"body":"All right. The next one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2994.45,"endTime":2996.46,"body":"is overthinking the tone of his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2996.46,"endTime":2999.04,"body":"voice. Did he intend to sound"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2996.46,"endTime":2999.04,"body":"mean or dismissive? Or am I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2999.04,"endTime":3005.7,"body":"hearings, some thing that's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2999.04,"endTime":3005.7,"body":"there. Go. No, you go ahead on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3005.7,"endTime":3006.03,"body":"this one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3007.14,"endTime":3010.83,"body":"This is this is an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3007.14,"endTime":3010.83,"body":"interesting one. micro"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3010.83,"endTime":3013.44,"body":"expressions are something that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3010.83,"endTime":3013.44,"body":"couples oftentimes pick up on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3013.77,"endTime":3017.07,"body":"the tone of the voice, the look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3013.77,"endTime":3017.07,"body":"in your eyes. We see these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3017.07,"endTime":3020.25,"body":"things, but we're not always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3017.07,"endTime":3020.25,"body":"cognizant that we're doing it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3020.25,"endTime":3022.35,"body":"like I don't I don't have this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3020.25,"endTime":3022.35,"body":"awareness. I don't Yeah, I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3022.35,"endTime":3024.9,"body":"realize what you always think I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3022.35,"endTime":3024.9,"body":"roll my eyes. And I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3024.9,"endTime":3027.03,"body":"rolling my eyes. I don't even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3024.9,"endTime":3027.03,"body":"know how to do that. But you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3027.03,"endTime":3028.65,"body":"like you're being dismissive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3027.03,"endTime":3028.65,"body":"You're rolling your eyes. It's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3028.65,"endTime":3033.36,"body":"micro expression you can see."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3028.65,"endTime":3033.36,"body":"Right? So are they? Are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3033.36,"endTime":3036.12,"body":"overthinking the tone of their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3033.36,"endTime":3036.12,"body":"voice? Okay, first of all, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3036.12,"endTime":3038.22,"body":"gonna tell you like, as guys,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3036.12,"endTime":3038.22,"body":"we're not thinking too hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3038.22,"endTime":3039.48,"body":"about this stuff. Yeah, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3039.69,"endTime":3042.03,"body":"your simple creatures"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3039.69,"endTime":3042.03,"body":"steep down. For the most part,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3042.03,"endTime":3043.2,"body":"right? For the most part, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3043.2,"endTime":3048.54,"body":"would say that, like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3043.2,"endTime":3048.54,"body":"not going to try in a calculated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3048.54,"endTime":3053.22,"body":"way to throw in a passive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3048.54,"endTime":3053.22,"body":"aggressive dig. I'm just not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3053.22,"endTime":3055.35,"body":"going to do that. If I have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3053.22,"endTime":3055.35,"body":"problem. Most of time, I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3055.35,"endTime":3060.15,"body":"gonna say I have a problem with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3055.35,"endTime":3060.15,"body":"something, or bringing up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3060.18,"endTime":3063.09,"body":"intend to sound mean or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3060.18,"endTime":3063.09,"body":"dismissive. So this is one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3063.15,"endTime":3067.02,"body":"intention comes into play. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3063.15,"endTime":3067.02,"body":"don't think that most addicts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3067.02,"endTime":3069.78,"body":"intend to do much of anything. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3067.02,"endTime":3069.78,"body":"don't think that we intend to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3069.78,"endTime":3072.18,"body":"hurt anybody. I don't think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3069.78,"endTime":3072.18,"body":"we intend to become addicts in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3072.18,"endTime":3075.03,"body":"the first place. I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3072.18,"endTime":3075.03,"body":"that we intend on lying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3075.03,"endTime":3077.76,"body":"anyone. When we get up in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3075.03,"endTime":3077.76,"body":"morning. It just becomes a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3077.76,"endTime":3081.24,"body":"survival mechanism in order to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3077.76,"endTime":3081.24,"body":"keep the addiction going. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3081.24,"endTime":3084.96,"body":"So did they intend to do it? Not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3081.24,"endTime":3084.96,"body":"necessarily. Does that mean to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3085.08,"endTime":3091.53,"body":"make it okay? No, not really."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3085.08,"endTime":3091.53,"body":"But here's a funny story. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3092.7,"endTime":3098.22,"body":"noticed person in recovery, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3092.7,"endTime":3098.22,"body":"he came home. He's been sober"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3098.22,"endTime":3101.61,"body":"for six months now doing really,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3098.22,"endTime":3101.61,"body":"really well. Super proud of him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3101.61,"endTime":3107.19,"body":"and his wife doing really well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3101.61,"endTime":3107.19,"body":"He came home, and he has a male"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3107.19,"endTime":3110.46,"body":"version of resting bitchface. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3107.19,"endTime":3110.46,"body":"what does that resting bitchface"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3110.46,"endTime":3113.73,"body":"we'll call it resting bitchface."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3110.46,"endTime":3113.73,"body":"So he has resting bitchface. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3113.73,"endTime":3117.0,"body":"he comes home, and she's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3113.73,"endTime":3117.0,"body":"quiet. She's like, I thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3117.0,"endTime":3121.86,"body":"that you were mad or something."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3117.0,"endTime":3121.86,"body":"He's like, No, I'm fine. But he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3121.86,"endTime":3123.81,"body":"understands why this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3121.86,"endTime":3123.81,"body":"happening. And like he did a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3123.81,"endTime":3128.22,"body":"really awesome job about talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3123.81,"endTime":3128.22,"body":"through it because she sees that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3128.22,"endTime":3131.31,"body":"microexpression that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3128.22,"endTime":3131.31,"body":"dismissiveness the look on his"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3131.31,"endTime":3135.69,"body":"face, attributes it to his past"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3131.31,"endTime":3135.69,"body":"behaviors of being angry mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3135.69,"endTime":3140.58,"body":"dismissive, and validating all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3135.69,"endTime":3140.58,"body":"those things. They just had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3140.61,"endTime":3143.25,"body":"conversation about it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3140.61,"endTime":3143.25,"body":"laughed about it a little bit,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3143.25,"endTime":3145.44,"body":"but also understood that he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3143.25,"endTime":3145.44,"body":"needs to be more aware of this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3145.44,"endTime":3148.17,"body":"Yeah. And then now that there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3145.44,"endTime":3148.17,"body":"sobriety in the home, they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3148.2,"endTime":3150.93,"body":"talk about it. She can say from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3148.2,"endTime":3150.93,"body":"now on, I don't know if they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3150.93,"endTime":3154.95,"body":"actually going to do this, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3150.93,"endTime":3154.95,"body":"encourage it. Hey, the look on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3154.95,"endTime":3156.96,"body":"your face sort of tells me that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3154.95,"endTime":3156.96,"body":"you're bothered Is everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3156.96,"endTime":3159.9,"body":"okay? And then he could turn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3156.96,"endTime":3159.9,"body":"around and say either yes or no,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3159.93,"endTime":3162.24,"body":"over time having these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3159.93,"endTime":3162.24,"body":"conversations over and over and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3162.24,"endTime":3165.6,"body":"over again, is going to help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3162.24,"endTime":3165.6,"body":"that person reestablish what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3165.6,"endTime":3169.11,"body":"norms are in your expressions in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3165.6,"endTime":3169.11,"body":"the relationship. And everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.11,"endTime":3171.54,"body":"else. I'm let this dog out real"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.11,"endTime":3171.54,"body":"quick, okay."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3181.98,"endTime":3188.1,"body":"Okay. Yeah, that was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":3181.98,"endTime":3188.1,"body":"good. All right. Well, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3188.1,"endTime":3193.62,"body":"gonna go on to this next"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3188.1,"endTime":3193.62,"body":"one. Is it better to stay"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3193.62,"endTime":3196.77,"body":"because leaving will make the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3193.62,"endTime":3196.77,"body":"addiction worse?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3197.31,"endTime":3200.04,"body":"Is it better to stay?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3197.31,"endTime":3200.04,"body":"Because leaving will make the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3200.04,"endTime":3203.82,"body":"addiction worse? Man, that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3200.04,"endTime":3203.82,"body":"million dollar question. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3203.82,"endTime":3206.1,"body":"because you don't We"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3203.82,"endTime":3206.1,"body":"don't really know. You know, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3206.1,"endTime":3210.15,"body":"goes, it can go. It can go both"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3206.1,"endTime":3210.15,"body":"ways. It can go many ways, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3210.15,"endTime":3213.57,"body":"sometimes leaving saves life."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3210.15,"endTime":3213.57,"body":"Sometimes it makes it worse for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3213.57,"endTime":3216.51,"body":"a time frame. Like we've heard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3213.57,"endTime":3216.51,"body":"people where addiction was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3216.51,"endTime":3219.6,"body":"ramped up for like six months"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3216.51,"endTime":3219.6,"body":"until they hit their rock"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3219.6,"endTime":3222.21,"body":"bottom. After they left. They"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3219.6,"endTime":3222.21,"body":"realized, oh, wow, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3222.21,"endTime":3223.59,"body":"really need to do something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3222.21,"endTime":3223.59,"body":"about it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3223.59,"endTime":3227.19,"body":"And full disclosure, some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3223.59,"endTime":3227.19,"body":"people, they do get worse than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3227.19,"endTime":3229.59,"body":"ever. And some Yes, some loser"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3227.19,"endTime":3229.59,"body":"lives."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3229.62,"endTime":3234.96,"body":"Yes. Yes. Like that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3229.62,"endTime":3234.96,"body":"that's the reality of it. But as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3234.96,"endTime":3239.61,"body":"easy as I mean, as hard as it is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3234.96,"endTime":3239.61,"body":"to say this, like it's not your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3239.61,"endTime":3244.98,"body":"responsibility to make sure"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3239.61,"endTime":3244.98,"body":"their addiction is. It's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3244.98,"endTime":3248.1,"body":"yours. It's not yours to hold."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3244.98,"endTime":3248.1,"body":"It's not yours to carry. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3248.1,"endTime":3248.28,"body":"I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3248.28,"endTime":3250.8,"body":"got personal experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3248.28,"endTime":3250.8,"body":"with this. I have people that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3250.8,"endTime":3255.03,"body":"love in addiction that have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3250.8,"endTime":3255.03,"body":"tried to hurt themselves. I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3255.03,"endTime":3257.94,"body":"worked with people and known"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3255.03,"endTime":3257.94,"body":"them intimately personally that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3257.94,"endTime":3262.98,"body":"have killed themselves. So I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3257.94,"endTime":3262.98,"body":"seen it. I've seen how this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3263.01,"endTime":3266.79,"body":"unfolds. I've also seen people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3263.01,"endTime":3266.79,"body":"who had someone leave and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3266.79,"endTime":3269.31,"body":"got sober and they're happy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3266.79,"endTime":3269.31,"body":"today. So I've seen all three,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3269.61,"endTime":3271.65,"body":"I've seen all three, I've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3269.61,"endTime":3271.65,"body":"people get worse, I've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3271.65,"endTime":3274.89,"body":"people get better, I've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3271.65,"endTime":3274.89,"body":"people in their life. Here's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3274.89,"endTime":3276.9,"body":"what I know about addiction is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3274.89,"endTime":3276.9,"body":"that it is progressive in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3276.9,"endTime":3280.77,"body":"nature. And that unless there is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3276.9,"endTime":3280.77,"body":"a significant intervention of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3280.77,"endTime":3283.38,"body":"some kind, I don't mean like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3280.77,"endTime":3283.38,"body":"intervention, like let's all sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3283.38,"endTime":3286.29,"body":"down to how much we love them. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3283.38,"endTime":3286.29,"body":"mean, on the part of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3286.29,"endTime":3289.95,"body":"addicted person to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3286.29,"endTime":3289.95,"body":"significant changes. It will get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3289.95,"endTime":3293.55,"body":"worse over time, not better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3289.95,"endTime":3293.55,"body":"Here's what I asked people do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3293.55,"endTime":3296.31,"body":"you want to do you want to read"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3293.55,"endTime":3296.31,"body":"about in the paper or do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3296.31,"endTime":3299.55,"body":"want a front row seat? That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3296.31,"endTime":3299.55,"body":"what it boils down to? Yeah. Do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3299.55,"endTime":3301.44,"body":"you want to front row seat to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3299.55,"endTime":3301.44,"body":"watch how this unfolds? Do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3301.44,"endTime":3303.6,"body":"want to be part of it as it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3301.44,"endTime":3303.6,"body":"happening? Because it's going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3303.6,"endTime":3307.29,"body":"happen one way or another. Now,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3303.6,"endTime":3307.29,"body":"could it accelerate whenever you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3307.29,"endTime":3310.71,"body":"leave? It could, it could. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3307.29,"endTime":3310.71,"body":"you'll read about it in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3310.71,"endTime":3314.82,"body":"paper, you won't be there. In"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3310.71,"endTime":3314.82,"body":"the experience of it all, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3314.82,"endTime":3317.52,"body":"have little to no effect on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3314.82,"endTime":3317.52,"body":"whether or not this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3317.52,"endTime":3320.55,"body":"actually gets sober, to actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3317.52,"endTime":3320.55,"body":"do the work. You cannot take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3320.55,"endTime":3323.64,"body":"them to a meeting and make them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3320.55,"endTime":3323.64,"body":"read the book and make them call"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3323.64,"endTime":3326.46,"body":"a sponsor and make them work the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3323.64,"endTime":3326.46,"body":"steps or do anything like that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3326.46,"endTime":3328.5,"body":"you can't make them go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3326.46,"endTime":3328.5,"body":"therapy, you can't sit there and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3328.5,"endTime":3330.12,"body":"make sure that they're listening"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3328.5,"endTime":3330.12,"body":"and processing what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3330.12,"endTime":3333.21,"body":"therapist is saying, or put that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3330.12,"endTime":3333.21,"body":"stuff into practice. You can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3333.21,"endTime":3337.38,"body":"do a forum, right? So you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3333.21,"endTime":3337.38,"body":"sort of a prisoner of what their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3337.38,"endTime":3339.78,"body":"actions might be. But I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3337.38,"endTime":3339.78,"body":"guarantee you that they're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3339.78,"endTime":3343.29,"body":"to do what they're going to do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3339.78,"endTime":3343.29,"body":"This has been proven, more times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3343.29,"endTime":3345.3,"body":"than I can count with my own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3343.29,"endTime":3345.3,"body":"experience and the experience of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3345.3,"endTime":3347.76,"body":"other people that I've worked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3345.3,"endTime":3347.76,"body":"with is that we do it we do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3347.97,"endTime":3349.92,"body":"We're going to do it. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3347.97,"endTime":3349.92,"body":"going to do until we're done."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3350.07,"endTime":3354.27,"body":"Yes, I know this, some people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3350.07,"endTime":3354.27,"body":"never make it out. So should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3354.27,"endTime":3358.05,"body":"you? Is it better to stay? Not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3354.27,"endTime":3358.05,"body":"necessarily. It's not. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3358.11,"endTime":3360.0,"body":"It's Do you want a front row"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3358.11,"endTime":3360.0,"body":"seat? Or do you want to read"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3360.0,"endTime":3362.07,"body":"about it in the paper? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3360.0,"endTime":3362.07,"body":"that's what it boils down to."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3362.07,"endTime":3362.76,"body":"For me anyway."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3363.15,"endTime":3367.29,"body":"Okay. The next one is, is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3363.15,"endTime":3367.29,"body":"this my fault? A lot of people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3367.29,"endTime":3371.37,"body":"overthink, if all of this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3367.29,"endTime":3371.37,"body":"your fault. And no, it is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3371.37,"endTime":3374.31,"body":"your fault. I know why you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3371.37,"endTime":3374.31,"body":"like it could be your fault from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3374.31,"endTime":3377.85,"body":"so many different angles. The"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3374.31,"endTime":3377.85,"body":"person with your with that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3377.85,"endTime":3379.98,"body":"you're with maybe blaming you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3377.85,"endTime":3379.98,"body":"and telling you it's your fault"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3379.98,"endTime":3383.37,"body":"all the time. You have you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3379.98,"endTime":3383.37,"body":"different programs that kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3384.15,"endTime":3386.67,"body":"put it on you as well. And like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3384.15,"endTime":3386.67,"body":"you will, this is what you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3386.67,"endTime":3390.78,"body":"doing. And this is partially"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3386.67,"endTime":3390.78,"body":"your fault and whatnot, but it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3390.81,"endTime":3395.28,"body":"not your fault. It is not your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3390.81,"endTime":3395.28,"body":"fault. It is so complex. These"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3395.28,"endTime":3398.49,"body":"relationships are just it's it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3395.28,"endTime":3398.49,"body":"so complicated when you're in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3398.49,"endTime":3401.94,"body":"it, that it's hard to see the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3398.49,"endTime":3401.94,"body":"reality of it. But I can just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3401.94,"endTime":3402.72,"body":"tell you, it's not."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3403.59,"endTime":3407.25,"body":"We've talked about this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3403.59,"endTime":3407.25,"body":"So it's not new to me. But let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3407.25,"endTime":3412.26,"body":"go through it any point. Did you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3407.25,"endTime":3412.26,"body":"feel like that your responses or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3412.26,"endTime":3415.65,"body":"the way you treated me? Or some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3412.26,"endTime":3415.65,"body":"of the things that you got mad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3415.65,"endTime":3418.47,"body":"at me about led me down further"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3415.65,"endTime":3418.47,"body":"down the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3418.47,"endTime":3421.98,"body":"path? Oh, yeah. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3422.37,"endTime":3424.86,"body":"So you felt like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3422.37,"endTime":3424.86,"body":"contributed to it? I do because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3424.86,"endTime":3428.37,"body":"I had reactions. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3424.86,"endTime":3428.37,"body":"everyone tells you well, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3428.37,"endTime":3431.7,"body":"only focus on your reactions and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3428.37,"endTime":3431.7,"body":"you know, all these things, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3431.7,"endTime":3434.64,"body":"it's like, I wouldn't have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3431.7,"endTime":3434.64,"body":"reacted this way had I not been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3434.64,"endTime":3435.42,"body":"threatened?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3437.19,"endTime":3441.48,"body":"That's interesting. From a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3437.19,"endTime":3441.48,"body":"perspective of like, what does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3441.48,"endTime":3444.18,"body":"it take to keep my side of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3441.48,"endTime":3444.18,"body":"street clean? Like almost like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3444.18,"endTime":3448.23,"body":"what doesn't make it easier for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3444.18,"endTime":3448.23,"body":"me to sleep at night? You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3448.23,"endTime":3450.75,"body":"I think when we focus really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3448.23,"endTime":3450.75,"body":"hard on our responses to other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3450.75,"endTime":3453.51,"body":"people, keeping our side of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3450.75,"endTime":3453.51,"body":"street clean, it helps us sleep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3453.51,"endTime":3456.27,"body":"at night. Like I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3453.51,"endTime":3456.27,"body":"contribute to that. Yes. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3456.3,"endTime":3460.47,"body":"from an addiction. I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3456.3,"endTime":3460.47,"body":"I was going to do what I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3460.47,"endTime":3461.01,"body":"going to do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3461.04,"endTime":3464.04,"body":"Yep. It didn't matter"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3461.04,"endTime":3464.04,"body":"what my responses were, it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3464.04,"endTime":3465.69,"body":"always going to be turned you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3464.04,"endTime":3465.69,"body":"damned if you do and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3465.69,"endTime":3467.01,"body":"damned if you don't, your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3465.69,"endTime":3467.01,"body":"responses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3467.01,"endTime":3469.23,"body":"could certainly put me in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3467.01,"endTime":3469.23,"body":"a position where I was more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3469.23,"endTime":3473.79,"body":"angry or more disturbed and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3469.23,"endTime":3473.79,"body":"would want to get get loaded or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3473.79,"endTime":3477.48,"body":"something. But I was gonna get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3473.79,"endTime":3477.48,"body":"loaded when where, exactly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3477.96,"endTime":3481.53,"body":"Yeah, I just now I have you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3477.96,"endTime":3481.53,"body":"blame. Yeah. So I think more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3481.53,"endTime":3484.8,"body":"boils down to that, like, Do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3481.53,"endTime":3484.8,"body":"Do you want that on you where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3484.8,"endTime":3487.77,"body":"they can come back? Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3484.8,"endTime":3487.77,"body":"we're good at doing this? Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3487.77,"endTime":3492.63,"body":"it's your fault. It's your fault"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3487.77,"endTime":3492.63,"body":"that I did XYZ. You didn't make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3492.63,"endTime":3495.93,"body":"it easier on me. You're You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3492.63,"endTime":3495.93,"body":"making me want to drink that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3495.93,"endTime":3498.57,"body":"makes me want to throw a chair"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3495.93,"endTime":3498.57,"body":"when someone says that? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3498.6,"endTime":3500.55,"body":"because they're gonna do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3498.6,"endTime":3500.55,"body":"it no matter what, no matter"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3500.55,"endTime":3502.62,"body":"what your reaction is. They're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3500.55,"endTime":3502.62,"body":"going to do it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3502.62,"endTime":3506.79,"body":"and ability to process"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3502.62,"endTime":3506.79,"body":"stress. And anything else is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3506.79,"endTime":3509.13,"body":"reason you want to drink yes, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3506.79,"endTime":3509.13,"body":"it's not from her, it's from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3509.13,"endTime":3511.29,"body":"someone else. Someone else. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3509.13,"endTime":3511.29,"body":"you're gonna find something."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3511.32,"endTime":3515.43,"body":"It's the IRS letter in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3511.32,"endTime":3515.43,"body":"mailbox. It's whatever name it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3515.52,"endTime":3519.15,"body":"finds something. We'll find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3515.52,"endTime":3519.15,"body":"something but I wouldn't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3519.15,"endTime":3523.71,"body":"too terribly hard. Unless you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3519.15,"endTime":3523.71,"body":"just now. Okay, let's let's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3523.71,"endTime":3527.58,"body":"play devil's advocate for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3523.71,"endTime":3527.58,"body":"moment. Okay. Someone that is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3527.58,"endTime":3531.57,"body":"constantly on, someone's asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3527.58,"endTime":3531.57,"body":"about what they're drinking, how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3531.57,"endTime":3533.55,"body":"much when's the last time you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3531.57,"endTime":3533.55,"body":"drank? I'd be taking your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3533.55,"endTime":3537.12,"body":"medication today. Like they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3533.55,"endTime":3537.12,"body":"become like a case manager for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3537.12,"endTime":3541.17,"body":"this person like a nurse. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3537.12,"endTime":3541.17,"body":"constantly, like nagging,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3541.2,"endTime":3543.93,"body":"nagging, nagging, nagging,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3541.2,"endTime":3543.93,"body":"nagging, to the point where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3543.93,"endTime":3546.09,"body":"you're not even really, that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3543.93,"endTime":3546.09,"body":"don't look at someone as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3546.09,"endTime":3549.6,"body":"spouse anymore. It's more like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3546.09,"endTime":3549.6,"body":"do this is like an authority"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3549.6,"endTime":3554.13,"body":"figure that I can't stand and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3549.6,"endTime":3554.13,"body":"makes things worse, like, do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3554.13,"endTime":3556.92,"body":"think that it's okay for people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3554.13,"endTime":3556.92,"body":"to put themselves into that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3557.34,"endTime":3560.31,"body":"authority figure? Almost like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3557.34,"endTime":3560.31,"body":"I'm responsible for your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3560.31,"endTime":3562.08,"body":"sobriety type of lame"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3562.08,"endTime":3565.08,"body":"No, but I think a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3562.08,"endTime":3565.08,"body":"people do it because it's, they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3565.08,"endTime":3567.33,"body":"feel like they need to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3565.08,"endTime":3567.33,"body":"something to protect themselves."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3567.33,"endTime":3569.64,"body":"And that's how they feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3567.33,"endTime":3569.64,"body":"they have a sense of control,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3569.64,"endTime":3571.23,"body":"when in reality they don't."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3572.52,"endTime":3576.75,"body":"Yeah, I agree with that. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3572.52,"endTime":3576.75,"body":"agree with that. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3576.75,"endTime":3581.52,"body":"interesting, you know, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3576.75,"endTime":3581.52,"body":"we can all be better. Like, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3581.52,"endTime":3583.44,"body":"know, people in Al Anon are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3581.52,"endTime":3583.44,"body":"like, well, I've got my own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3583.44,"endTime":3587.37,"body":"stuff you do. My contention has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3583.44,"endTime":3587.37,"body":"always been it's just, it's much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3587.37,"endTime":3591.72,"body":"less of a part than you think it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3587.37,"endTime":3591.72,"body":"is. Yes. But the way you talk to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3591.72,"endTime":3594.99,"body":"people does matter. The way that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3591.72,"endTime":3594.99,"body":"you approach things does matter."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3595.41,"endTime":3599.61,"body":"When it comes to any problem,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3595.41,"endTime":3599.61,"body":"you have addiction or any other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3599.64,"endTime":3603.42,"body":"issue You know, it's not nice to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3599.64,"endTime":3603.42,"body":"shame people, it's not nice to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3603.45,"endTime":3607.5,"body":"belittle them or berate them, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3603.45,"endTime":3607.5,"body":"to call them names, or any of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3607.5,"endTime":3609.69,"body":"the above things. It's not nice,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3607.5,"endTime":3609.69,"body":"that's not a healthy way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3609.69,"endTime":3612.81,"body":"necessarily even to process or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3609.69,"endTime":3612.81,"body":"problem solve or conflict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3612.81,"endTime":3617.01,"body":"resolution is to, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3612.81,"endTime":3617.01,"body":"you're the reason I do this, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3617.01,"endTime":3620.4,"body":"can't stand you if you are only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3617.01,"endTime":3620.4,"body":"better. That doesn't help. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3620.4,"endTime":3622.89,"body":"certainly doesn't help. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3620.4,"endTime":3622.89,"body":"we're going to do what we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3622.89,"endTime":3624.51,"body":"going to do. Yeah. So yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3624.57,"endTime":3627.69,"body":"I still think that you no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3624.57,"endTime":3627.69,"body":"matter what you do, you're still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3627.69,"endTime":3629.13,"body":"going to do what you're going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3627.69,"endTime":3629.13,"body":"do. I do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3629.13,"endTime":3631.08,"body":"think you give yourself a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3629.13,"endTime":3631.08,"body":"better chance of sleeping well"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3631.08,"endTime":3634.2,"body":"at night, and you give them a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3631.08,"endTime":3634.2,"body":"better chance at not being at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3634.2,"endTime":3637.47,"body":"seeing what the real problem is,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3634.2,"endTime":3637.47,"body":"when you're responding the right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3637.47,"endTime":3637.65,"body":"way."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3637.68,"endTime":3640.8,"body":"Well, I think it's you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3637.68,"endTime":3640.8,"body":"able to see it in more clarity"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3640.8,"endTime":3643.47,"body":"with more clarity whenever you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3640.8,"endTime":3643.47,"body":"don't respond that way. Because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3643.47,"endTime":3648.03,"body":"then you there is no fuel to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3643.47,"endTime":3648.03,"body":"give them protecting yourself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3648.03,"endTime":3648.15,"body":"So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3648.15,"endTime":3650.64,"body":"let's remove the variable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3648.15,"endTime":3650.64,"body":"kind of thing, right? Yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3650.64,"endTime":3654.21,"body":"either way, even if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3650.64,"endTime":3654.21,"body":"you don't react, they're still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3654.21,"endTime":3657.93,"body":"going to do something. Yes, yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3654.21,"endTime":3657.93,"body":"that's, that's the whole list."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3657.93,"endTime":3659.88,"body":"Figure that out, you have to let"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3657.93,"endTime":3659.88,"body":"them figure that out. And that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3659.88,"endTime":3663.03,"body":"why we tell you not to justify,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3659.88,"endTime":3663.03,"body":"argue, defend or explain it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3663.03,"endTime":3666.18,"body":"not because you're fueling the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3663.03,"endTime":3666.18,"body":"fire is because I want you to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3666.18,"endTime":3669.75,"body":"see this situation for what it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3666.18,"endTime":3669.75,"body":"is and know that you're not at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3669.75,"endTime":3673.2,"body":"fault. Because if you do yell at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3669.75,"endTime":3673.2,"body":"them, they're gonna do it. If"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3673.2,"endTime":3674.91,"body":"you don't, they're gonna do it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3675.09,"endTime":3678.06,"body":"Yeah, it's, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3675.09,"endTime":3678.06,"body":"something I've seen, I've had,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3678.09,"endTime":3681.21,"body":"like, guys tell me like, my wife"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3678.09,"endTime":3681.21,"body":"is the reason I drink if you had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3681.21,"endTime":3685.65,"body":"my wife, you would drink too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3681.21,"endTime":3685.65,"body":"Okay? So either the wife leaves,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3685.68,"endTime":3690.45,"body":"or we can work with the wife and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3685.68,"endTime":3690.45,"body":"get her on the same page about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3690.45,"endTime":3693.03,"body":"how to talk with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3690.45,"endTime":3693.03,"body":"inactive addiction, how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3693.03,"endTime":3695.64,"body":"support someone who's trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3693.03,"endTime":3695.64,"body":"get sober. And then the wife"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3695.64,"endTime":3699.48,"body":"becomes a non non issue here,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3695.64,"endTime":3699.48,"body":"the wife is doing amazing, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3699.48,"endTime":3702.33,"body":"she is doing everything she's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3699.48,"endTime":3702.33,"body":"supposed to do. And then the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3702.36,"endTime":3706.98,"body":"addicted person will call me for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3702.36,"endTime":3706.98,"body":"instance, and it's like, now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3706.98,"endTime":3709.56,"body":"it's my boss on my car. That's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3706.98,"endTime":3709.56,"body":"bitch. And if it's not one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3709.56,"endTime":3711.75,"body":"thing, it's um, it's like Whack"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3709.56,"endTime":3711.75,"body":"a Mole. It's always something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3711.75,"endTime":3714.72,"body":"with you. Yep. Yep. So so you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3711.75,"endTime":3714.72,"body":"can remove all the variables and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3714.72,"endTime":3716.37,"body":"find that the result is still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3714.72,"endTime":3716.37,"body":"going to be the same, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3716.37,"endTime":3719.22,"body":"still going to want to use over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3716.37,"endTime":3719.22,"body":"something most the time. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3720.0,"endTime":3720.33,"body":"Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3720.36,"endTime":3723.39,"body":"so we already kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3720.36,"endTime":3723.39,"body":"answered that question. And we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3723.39,"endTime":3726.99,"body":"kind of have to go. So I'm going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3723.39,"endTime":3726.99,"body":"to Can I close this out? For one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3727.38,"endTime":3728.07,"body":"thing? Yeah, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3728.07,"endTime":3728.85,"body":"do it. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3729.63,"endTime":3732.57,"body":"I kind of had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3729.63,"endTime":3732.57,"body":"realization last week in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3732.57,"endTime":3737.73,"body":"group when I was discussing this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3732.57,"endTime":3737.73,"body":"with some of the wheelies. And a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3737.73,"endTime":3741.87,"body":"lot of us in these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3737.73,"endTime":3741.87,"body":"relationships, have no choice"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3741.87,"endTime":3745.5,"body":"but to overthink, because we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3741.87,"endTime":3745.5,"body":"don't have an equal partner. We"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3745.5,"endTime":3748.53,"body":"carry the load of everything"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3745.5,"endTime":3748.53,"body":"while they get to be selfish, or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3748.53,"endTime":3752.16,"body":"do whatever they're doing. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3748.53,"endTime":3752.16,"body":"the only way to make sure that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3752.19,"endTime":3755.91,"body":"you know, shit gets done. We"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3752.19,"endTime":3755.91,"body":"overthink, we take on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3755.91,"endTime":3759.42,"body":"everything, we have to have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3755.91,"endTime":3759.42,"body":"structure, we have to have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3759.69,"endTime":3764.13,"body":"these. These rules we have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3759.69,"endTime":3764.13,"body":"have like all of these guidances"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3764.16,"endTime":3767.76,"body":"like to make sure that shit gets"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3764.16,"endTime":3767.76,"body":"done, because we know that we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3767.76,"endTime":3770.64,"body":"can't depend on our partner to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3767.76,"endTime":3770.64,"body":"do it. And that's why we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3770.64,"endTime":3772.14,"body":"overthink. Absolutely,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3772.35,"endTime":3774.75,"body":"there's a reason for it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3772.35,"endTime":3774.75,"body":"Yeah, you're not broken. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3774.75,"endTime":3778.2,"body":"not You're not broken. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3774.75,"endTime":3778.2,"body":"it's a feature. It's not like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3778.2,"endTime":3782.37,"body":"problem. It's a feature. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3778.2,"endTime":3782.37,"body":"It's like evolutionary processes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3782.37,"endTime":3786.39,"body":"have played into this to what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3782.37,"endTime":3786.39,"body":"the benefit of this being passed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3786.39,"endTime":3789.03,"body":"down someone who can think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3786.39,"endTime":3789.03,"body":"forward in the future predict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3789.18,"endTime":3792.45,"body":"what's going to happen recognize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3789.18,"endTime":3792.45,"body":"patterns, think about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3792.45,"endTime":3796.2,"body":"possible scenarios of what could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3792.45,"endTime":3796.2,"body":"go wrong, like risk assessment,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3796.2,"endTime":3799.35,"body":"social navigation, problem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3796.2,"endTime":3799.35,"body":"solving, anxiety, regulation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3799.35,"endTime":3801.69,"body":"anticipation of future needs,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3799.35,"endTime":3801.69,"body":"these are all qualities that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3801.69,"endTime":3804.87,"body":"would want someone to have in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3801.69,"endTime":3804.87,"body":"your pack. Yes, not a bad thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3805.02,"endTime":3807.39,"body":"And you're sort of pinned into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3805.02,"endTime":3807.39,"body":"this corner where you're forced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3807.39,"endTime":3809.91,"body":"to do it. It's not like people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3807.39,"endTime":3809.91,"body":"wake up one day, it's like, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3809.91,"endTime":3813.54,"body":"know what I want to do maybe a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3809.91,"endTime":3813.54,"body":"control freak. Really? Yeah. Who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3813.54,"endTime":3814.98,"body":"wants to do that? No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3815.01,"endTime":3817.68,"body":"you have no choice. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3815.01,"endTime":3817.68,"body":"how you're surviving and getting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3817.68,"endTime":3821.67,"body":"through the day. Yeah. So I hope"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3817.68,"endTime":3821.67,"body":"this episode was helpful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3821.88,"endTime":3822.39,"body":"I do too."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3822.96,"endTime":3823.98,"body":"I think that we,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3824.73,"endTime":3827.34,"body":"I think it's repackaging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3824.73,"endTime":3827.34,"body":"of some like similar information"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3827.34,"endTime":3831.24,"body":"we've had before. But anytime"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3827.34,"endTime":3831.24,"body":"you can repackage it and give to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3831.24,"endTime":3833.67,"body":"someone in a new way. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3831.24,"endTime":3833.67,"body":"that's what makes makes us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3833.67,"endTime":3837.96,"body":"better teachers. Great, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3833.67,"endTime":3837.96,"body":"basically information new. So,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3838.08,"endTime":3840.78,"body":"alright, let's do it. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3838.08,"endTime":3840.78,"body":"finish it up. All right. Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3840.81,"endTime":3843.06,"body":"thank you for being here with us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3840.81,"endTime":3843.06,"body":"again. Thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3843.06,"endTime":3845.16,"body":"being part of this thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3843.06,"endTime":3845.16,"body":"Getting 100,000 downloads was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3845.16,"endTime":3850.44,"body":"awesome. Give me a fist bump."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3845.16,"endTime":3850.44,"body":"Pray work. Alright, until next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3850.44,"endTime":3851.43,"body":"time, I am Matt"}]}