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And any change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":405.12,"endTime":407.4,"body":"you can like I would encourage"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":405.12,"endTime":407.4,"body":"people just from my personal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":407.4,"endTime":412.05,"body":"opinion, is that opioids are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":407.4,"endTime":412.05,"body":"like a last resort. There's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.05,"endTime":414.93,"body":"time and a place for that type"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.05,"endTime":414.93,"body":"of treatment. I don't believe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":414.93,"endTime":418.95,"body":"it's home. I've never believed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":414.93,"endTime":418.95,"body":"this. Since I've been sober."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":419.25,"endTime":422.31,"body":"Knowing what I know now about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":419.25,"endTime":422.31,"body":"what I've been through and how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":422.34,"endTime":424.71,"body":"easy it is to access those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":422.34,"endTime":424.71,"body":"things and how quickly you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.71,"endTime":427.02,"body":"walk over that invisible line"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.71,"endTime":427.02,"body":"where you're treating your pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":427.02,"endTime":430.68,"body":"and now that you're addicted,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":427.02,"endTime":430.68,"body":"and what that does to a family"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":430.68,"endTime":433.38,"body":"what that does to like spouses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":430.68,"endTime":433.38,"body":"and partners like we discuss"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":433.38,"endTime":436.38,"body":"here. In the ad, it was a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":433.38,"endTime":436.38,"body":"cool opportunity that came at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.38,"endTime":438.6,"body":"the right time. Like I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.38,"endTime":438.6,"body":"believe in coincidences anymore."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.63,"endTime":442.35,"body":"You know, I've seen too much in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.63,"endTime":442.35,"body":"my life. Now. I think that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.35,"endTime":445.35,"body":"was just sort of like God's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.35,"endTime":445.35,"body":"timing kind of thing. Just one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":445.35,"endTime":448.95,"body":"of those opportunities you get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":445.35,"endTime":448.95,"body":"because you're, you've put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.95,"endTime":451.44,"body":"yourself in that situation. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.95,"endTime":451.44,"body":"like he puts it down in front of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":451.44,"endTime":453.72,"body":"you. It's like, hey, you need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":451.44,"endTime":453.72,"body":"do this thing. And so we did,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.2,"endTime":458.22,"body":"and it released today. Got a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.2,"endTime":458.22,"body":"virtual media tour. Coming up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":458.22,"endTime":460.59,"body":"talk about some more of this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":458.22,"endTime":460.59,"body":"We're going to be paired up with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":460.95,"endTime":466.74,"body":"Mary Bono, Sonny Bono's widow,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":460.95,"endTime":466.74,"body":"former California Congresswoman"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":466.77,"endTime":471.96,"body":"and she is with Mothers Against"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":466.77,"endTime":471.96,"body":"prescription drug abuse Magda"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":471.99,"endTime":475.29,"body":"thanks what you say that's I get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":471.99,"endTime":475.29,"body":"that right, Madam map to my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":475.29,"endTime":478.38,"body":"dyslexia is kicking in NAFTA."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":475.29,"endTime":478.38,"body":"Looking forward to that that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.38,"endTime":480.87,"body":"going to be really, really cool."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.38,"endTime":480.87,"body":"But today's been released, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":480.87,"endTime":483.12,"body":"it's we've been posting and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":480.87,"endTime":483.12,"body":"talking about it. And it's been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.12,"endTime":485.04,"body":"kind of surreal, hasn't it? Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":485.07,"endTime":488.22,"body":"Yes. It's actually been a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":485.07,"endTime":488.22,"body":"very emotional day for me. When"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":488.22,"endTime":492.9,"body":"I listen to the video, I cry."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":488.22,"endTime":492.9,"body":"It's very powerful campaign."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":493.68,"endTime":496.59,"body":"Yeah, so let's let's play"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":493.68,"endTime":496.59,"body":"it for a second. It's about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.59,"endTime":500.7,"body":"three minutes long. Stick with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.59,"endTime":500.7,"body":"me. If there's any spots where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.7,"endTime":503.91,"body":"you're not hearing a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.7,"endTime":503.91,"body":"audio, there's also some text on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":503.91,"endTime":506.67,"body":"the screen as well. And you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":503.91,"endTime":506.67,"body":"you can access this by heading"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.67,"endTime":511.32,"body":"over to elite.com/the painful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.67,"endTime":511.32,"body":"truth, all one word"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":511.35,"endTime":515.91,"body":"elite.com/the painful truth or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":511.35,"endTime":515.91,"body":"by clicking which is much easier"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.91,"endTime":519.39,"body":"clicking the link in any of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.91,"endTime":519.39,"body":"social media profiles. So head"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":519.39,"endTime":522.27,"body":"over to Tufo couple. And check"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":519.39,"endTime":522.27,"body":"out any of the social media"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":522.27,"endTime":525.39,"body":"profile links the link tree"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":522.27,"endTime":525.39,"body":"there, it will have it listed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.39,"endTime":528.45,"body":"So, let's go ahead and listen."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.39,"endTime":528.45,"body":"So it starts off with the sound"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.45,"endTime":531.18,"body":"of a video call. And this is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.45,"endTime":531.18,"body":"your phone ringing. Yes. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.18,"endTime":531.66,"body":"been happening"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":531.99,"endTime":534.69,"body":"all day, we would hear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":531.99,"endTime":534.69,"body":"this and I'm like, Oh my gosh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":534.69,"endTime":534.87,"body":"whose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.87,"endTime":537.66,"body":"phone keeps calling?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.87,"endTime":537.66,"body":"Alright, so let's get into it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":543.63,"endTime":547.74,"body":"As you mechanisms, are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":543.63,"endTime":547.74,"body":"there? My audio is a little low."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.86,"endTime":551.55,"body":"Can you hear me? Yes. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.86,"endTime":551.55,"body":"great. Christina. My name is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.55,"endTime":552.51,"body":"Matt Robinson. How are you?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":552.54,"endTime":553.56,"body":"Good. How are you Matt?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.65,"endTime":555.21,"body":"Crystal. Well, good to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.65,"endTime":555.21,"body":"meet you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":555.42,"endTime":556.62,"body":"Nice to meet you as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":555.42,"endTime":556.62,"body":"well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":558.63,"endTime":561.78,"body":"story about recovery. Can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":558.63,"endTime":561.78,"body":"you tell me a little bit about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":561.78,"endTime":562.83,"body":"the source of your pain?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":563.64,"endTime":567.42,"body":"So the costochondritis"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":563.64,"endTime":567.42,"body":"I woke up and I just had a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.42,"endTime":572.4,"body":"really tight pain in my chest. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.42,"endTime":572.4,"body":"was in an accident where I broke"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":572.4,"endTime":576.24,"body":"my ankle. My bones were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":572.4,"endTime":576.24,"body":"apparently grown too fast for my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":576.24,"endTime":577.56,"body":"muscles to keep up with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":577.89,"endTime":582.18,"body":"you know, I tried patches and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":577.89,"endTime":582.18,"body":"groups and lotions and meds and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":582.24,"endTime":584.34,"body":"everything and it's it still"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":582.24,"endTime":584.34,"body":"hurts."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":585.27,"endTime":587.76,"body":"I've opioids ever been a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":585.27,"endTime":587.76,"body":"consideration? Have you ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.76,"endTime":589.38,"body":"thought about prescription pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.76,"endTime":589.38,"body":"relief?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":589.77,"endTime":591.72,"body":"I'll tell you when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":589.77,"endTime":591.72,"body":"you're in back pain."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":592.14,"endTime":595.5,"body":"It'd be a consideration if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":592.14,"endTime":595.5,"body":"can get rid of this pain. You"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":595.5,"endTime":599.31,"body":"don't when I left the hospital"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":595.5,"endTime":599.31,"body":"they gave me a prescription."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":599.85,"endTime":604.26,"body":"No Try, like you can try to see"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":599.85,"endTime":604.26,"body":"what you can do. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":604.59,"endTime":609.39,"body":"we're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":604.59,"endTime":609.39,"body":"opioids and treating pain. Side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.39,"endTime":612.63,"body":"effects are certainly something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.39,"endTime":612.63,"body":"to consider. Right? Common ones"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":612.63,"endTime":615.87,"body":"that people may experience would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":612.63,"endTime":615.87,"body":"be like nausea, vomiting,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.9,"endTime":619.38,"body":"hypotension, which is lower"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.9,"endTime":619.38,"body":"blood pressure, you may"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":619.38,"endTime":622.23,"body":"experience some extra"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":619.38,"endTime":622.23,"body":"perspiration as the body has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":622.23,"endTime":625.83,"body":"sort of changes temperatures up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":622.23,"endTime":625.83,"body":"and down. You might also find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":625.83,"endTime":628.77,"body":"yourself looking forward to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":625.83,"endTime":628.77,"body":"next dose. It's a very effective"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.89,"endTime":632.1,"body":"painkiller. And other side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.89,"endTime":632.1,"body":"effects, you could notice your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":632.1,"endTime":636.93,"body":"behavior changes of that. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":632.1,"endTime":636.93,"body":"could find yourself lying about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.14,"endTime":640.29,"body":"everything that you do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.14,"endTime":640.29,"body":"Everywhere you are, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":640.29,"endTime":643.05,"body":"everywhere that your money is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":640.29,"endTime":643.05,"body":"going. You might find yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":643.05,"endTime":646.14,"body":"going through the medicine"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":643.05,"endTime":646.14,"body":"cabinets of friends or family or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.14,"endTime":648.96,"body":"rifling through people's purses."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.14,"endTime":648.96,"body":"That's a scary thought. That's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":648.96,"endTime":652.02,"body":"scary thought. You might find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":648.96,"endTime":652.02,"body":"yourself in your backyard,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.2,"endTime":655.35,"body":"swinging as hard as you can add"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.2,"endTime":655.35,"body":"a fence to break your hand. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.35,"endTime":658.11,"body":"you can go to the hospital or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.35,"endTime":658.11,"body":"the ER and get a couple of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":658.11,"endTime":661.11,"body":"pills. You might find yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":658.11,"endTime":661.11,"body":"on Christmas morning with your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":661.11,"endTime":664.17,"body":"nine month old daughter in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":661.11,"endTime":664.17,"body":"back of your truck, pulling up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":664.17,"endTime":666.78,"body":"to a drug house leaving her in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":664.17,"endTime":666.78,"body":"it while the truck is running."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.41,"endTime":670.2,"body":"To go upstairs and get just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.41,"endTime":670.2,"body":"enough pills to get you through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.2,"endTime":670.56,"body":"the day."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.77,"endTime":671.82,"body":"Oh my gosh."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":673.98,"endTime":675.03,"body":"Christina, that was me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.44,"endTime":677.52,"body":"Oh, really?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.11,"endTime":689.04,"body":"Everything I've just told"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.11,"endTime":689.04,"body":"you. That's my life. These are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.04,"endTime":695.22,"body":"things that I've done. Yes, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.04,"endTime":695.22,"body":"an expert in opioids, because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":695.22,"endTime":697.53,"body":"was an addict once and it almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":695.22,"endTime":697.53,"body":"destroyed my life."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":698.34,"endTime":700.83,"body":"Sorry, I'm getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":698.34,"endTime":700.83,"body":"emotional."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":703.98,"endTime":706.98,"body":"I know what you're thinking. It"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":703.98,"endTime":706.98,"body":"won't happen to you right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":714.48,"endTime":722.88,"body":"Powerful, really powerful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":714.48,"endTime":722.88,"body":"Yeah. Okay, yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":724.83,"endTime":728.58,"body":"I have listened to that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":724.83,"endTime":728.58,"body":"video maybe four times today."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":730.95,"endTime":734.94,"body":"And it gets me every time. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":730.95,"endTime":734.94,"body":"listen to it in the car, and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":734.94,"endTime":737.37,"body":"was crying and listen to it in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":734.94,"endTime":737.37,"body":"the bedroom, because I knew it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":737.37,"endTime":739.59,"body":"was gonna make me cry. Remember"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":737.37,"endTime":739.59,"body":"that you sent it to me? And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":739.59,"endTime":743.52,"body":"was like, I didn't know I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":739.59,"endTime":743.52,"body":"gonna get emotional about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":743.52,"endTime":751.83,"body":"Because I don't know. It's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":743.52,"endTime":751.83,"body":"that was my life, too. You know?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":751.89,"endTime":760.26,"body":"Yeah. And then I think of how it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":751.89,"endTime":760.26,"body":"how it was, it was just the side"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":760.26,"endTime":763.65,"body":"effects that they talked about,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":760.26,"endTime":763.65,"body":"and how it got deeper and darker"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":763.65,"endTime":767.49,"body":"and stuff. It's just people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":763.65,"endTime":767.49,"body":"don't talk about it. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.49,"endTime":770.19,"body":"the progressive nature of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.49,"endTime":770.19,"body":"it, though. Starts out so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.19,"endTime":772.56,"body":"innocent, you having some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.19,"endTime":772.56,"body":"normal, like physical side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":772.56,"endTime":775.89,"body":"effects, and then your behavior"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":772.56,"endTime":775.89,"body":"starts to change. And then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.89,"endTime":779.94,"body":"become something in someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.89,"endTime":779.94,"body":"you swore you'd never be. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":779.94,"endTime":782.52,"body":"before you and it's so easy to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":779.94,"endTime":782.52,"body":"like, write those things off in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.52,"endTime":785.16,"body":"the moment, like, Oh, it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.52,"endTime":785.16,"body":"I got it under control. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":785.16,"endTime":787.56,"body":"managing it. It's temporary,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":785.16,"endTime":787.56,"body":"whatever it might be, like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":787.56,"endTime":789.72,"body":"come up with a million"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":787.56,"endTime":789.72,"body":"justifications for that back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.72,"endTime":795.48,"body":"then. It's, it's, it's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.72,"endTime":795.48,"body":"emotional. I know, for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.48,"endTime":798.45,"body":"average person to hear that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.48,"endTime":798.45,"body":"story. It's emotional. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":798.48,"endTime":802.65,"body":"strangers that never met were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":798.48,"endTime":802.65,"body":"emotional for us. This is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":802.65,"endTime":804.69,"body":"is the because you're right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":802.65,"endTime":804.69,"body":"This Was Your Life, too. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.69,"endTime":807.42,"body":"not just mine. You know, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.69,"endTime":807.42,"body":"were on the other side of all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":807.42,"endTime":811.74,"body":"those things I was doing and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":807.42,"endTime":811.74,"body":"were directly in the line of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":811.74,"endTime":812.82,"body":"fire for all this stuff."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.85,"endTime":816.72,"body":"Yeah, the lies that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.85,"endTime":816.72,"body":"taking the money, the daughter,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":816.72,"endTime":820.23,"body":"daughter, you know, all of that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":816.72,"endTime":820.23,"body":"That's, that's that was all I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":820.23,"endTime":823.38,"body":"was part of that too. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":820.23,"endTime":823.38,"body":"involved, not involved, but I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.38,"endTime":826.71,"body":"was within it. You know, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.38,"endTime":826.71,"body":"were I didn't know that. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":826.71,"endTime":829.32,"body":"were doing a lot of that stuff,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":826.71,"endTime":829.32,"body":"obviously. But when we've talked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":829.32,"endTime":832.83,"body":"about that in different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":829.32,"endTime":832.83,"body":"different podcasts, but I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":832.83,"endTime":836.34,"body":"know I just I think that this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":832.83,"endTime":836.34,"body":"campaign is extremely powerful"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":836.34,"endTime":838.71,"body":"and it needs to be out there for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":836.34,"endTime":838.71,"body":"a lot to hear."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":839.85,"endTime":842.82,"body":"Yeah, if you don't already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":839.85,"endTime":842.82,"body":"follow the show subscribe to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":842.82,"endTime":847.65,"body":"show. If you could do us a favor"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":842.82,"endTime":847.65,"body":"and and share that out. Share"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.65,"endTime":849.57,"body":"that out there's that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.65,"endTime":849.57,"body":"conversation that needs to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":849.57,"endTime":853.89,"body":"happening. I know that our I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":849.57,"endTime":853.89,"body":"don't know maybe it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.89,"endTime":856.71,"body":"change our story. Exactly. If I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.89,"endTime":856.71,"body":"have that conversation, but for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.71,"endTime":861.03,"body":"someone it will for someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.71,"endTime":861.03,"body":"will for some not insignificant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":861.03,"endTime":864.15,"body":"number of people. This could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":861.03,"endTime":864.15,"body":"the the message they hear that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.15,"endTime":866.82,"body":"changes their idea about the way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.15,"endTime":866.82,"body":"that they treat their pain,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.24,"endTime":869.91,"body":"because it starts innocent. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.24,"endTime":869.91,"body":"had an injury. I didn't I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.91,"endTime":873.06,"body":"mean to walk into this. I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.91,"endTime":873.06,"body":"looking for that. Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":873.06,"endTime":877.29,"body":"know, it sort of found me and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":873.06,"endTime":877.29,"body":"then it took me and then a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.29,"endTime":880.77,"body":"decade later before you wake up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.29,"endTime":880.77,"body":"and realize what's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.77,"endTime":884.34,"body":"happening and decide to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.77,"endTime":884.34,"body":"something about it. So it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.34,"endTime":888.09,"body":"really cool to be part of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.34,"endTime":888.09,"body":"thing. It really is. I mean from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":888.09,"endTime":891.42,"body":"the from the moment that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":888.09,"endTime":891.42,"body":"was like the like the creative"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":891.42,"endTime":893.73,"body":"critic put it together talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":891.42,"endTime":893.73,"body":"them about it like it felt like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.73,"endTime":896.16,"body":"it was just right the entire"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.73,"endTime":896.16,"body":"time. And then the work that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.16,"endTime":899.58,"body":"do here until the wheels fall"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.16,"endTime":899.58,"body":"off. They seem to just like pair"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":899.58,"endTime":902.19,"body":"in perfect clay, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":899.58,"endTime":902.19,"body":"because we're talking about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":902.19,"endTime":904.02,"body":"addicts perspective here and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":902.19,"endTime":904.02,"body":"they're like, let's not get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":904.02,"endTime":907.47,"body":"people started on it, and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":904.02,"endTime":907.47,"body":"we can hand off from there and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":907.47,"endTime":910.41,"body":"like, okay, so what happens if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":907.47,"endTime":910.41,"body":"you are here? And how do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.41,"endTime":913.29,"body":"repair relationship? How do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.41,"endTime":913.29,"body":"how do you deal with all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":913.32,"endTime":916.44,"body":"Seaton the lies and everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":913.32,"endTime":916.44,"body":"else that comes after that?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.31,"endTime":921.0,"body":"It's, it's really cool to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.31,"endTime":921.0,"body":"part of like, it's really like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":921.0,"endTime":923.1,"body":"our work is really hard. Don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":921.0,"endTime":923.1,"body":"get me wrong, like, this is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":923.1,"endTime":926.52,"body":"hard stuff we do. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":923.1,"endTime":926.52,"body":"oftentimes, I'm like, man, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.52,"endTime":928.83,"body":"this is really heavy emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.52,"endTime":928.83,"body":"stuff. Like sometimes I wish we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.83,"endTime":932.16,"body":"could just like, you know, do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.83,"endTime":932.16,"body":"some, like sell widgets or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":932.16,"endTime":933.36,"body":"something. Right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":934.08,"endTime":938.61,"body":"I was thinking about that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":934.08,"endTime":938.61,"body":"earlier today. Funny, I swear,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":938.61,"endTime":941.64,"body":"you read my mind. I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":938.61,"endTime":941.64,"body":"thinking, which is what I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":941.64,"endTime":944.52,"body":"thinking of just like a T shirt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":941.64,"endTime":944.52,"body":"or something, or something like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":944.52,"endTime":948.63,"body":"a product, since this is deep,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":944.52,"endTime":948.63,"body":"heavy stuff. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":948.63,"endTime":951.3,"body":"I think on the other side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":948.63,"endTime":951.3,"body":"of that, like, the more effort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.3,"endTime":953.67,"body":"and the more work that goes into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.3,"endTime":953.67,"body":"it, the more people we can help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":953.67,"endTime":957.18,"body":"like, this is real, authentic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":953.67,"endTime":957.18,"body":"stuff. This is real life stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":957.18,"endTime":960.84,"body":"that people often don't get a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":957.18,"endTime":960.84,"body":"chance to hear. So if it's us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.84,"endTime":963.9,"body":"that have to volunteer to deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.84,"endTime":963.9,"body":"with that, and to fight through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":963.9,"endTime":966.72,"body":"that, like, I'm not sitting here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":963.9,"endTime":966.72,"body":"saying, like, we're like, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":966.72,"endTime":970.59,"body":"martyrs, like, oh my gosh, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":966.72,"endTime":970.59,"body":"it's so hard for us. Like, it's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":970.62,"endTime":974.22,"body":"it's beneficial for us to like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":970.62,"endTime":974.22,"body":"we set up here. Like, I've told"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.22,"endTime":976.59,"body":"Paige before, like, a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.22,"endTime":976.59,"body":"ways like this has been like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":976.62,"endTime":980.16,"body":"like a, like a life hack for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":976.62,"endTime":980.16,"body":"good marriage. Because we sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":980.16,"endTime":981.96,"body":"here every week, and we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":980.16,"endTime":981.96,"body":"forced to process some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.96,"endTime":985.02,"body":"stuff in it might sound like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.96,"endTime":985.02,"body":"conversation we've had a million"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.02,"endTime":987.48,"body":"times. And it might be but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.02,"endTime":987.48,"body":"different when we're sitting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":987.48,"endTime":990.0,"body":"here recording and thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":987.48,"endTime":990.0,"body":"about it and writing it out, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.0,"endTime":993.57,"body":"the outlines and everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.0,"endTime":993.57,"body":"else. So we've benefited from no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":993.57,"endTime":996.18,"body":"doubt as well. And we've gotten"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":993.57,"endTime":996.18,"body":"to meet so many amazing people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":996.21,"endTime":999.24,"body":"and get introduced to amazing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":996.21,"endTime":999.24,"body":"people and be like, bear witness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":999.24,"endTime":1002.09,"body":"to people's growth like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":999.24,"endTime":1002.09,"body":"That has been so cool."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1002.12,"endTime":1004.49,"body":"Yeah. And we're human to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1002.12,"endTime":1004.49,"body":"you know, we still have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1004.49,"endTime":1007.49,"body":"emotions, and we're gonna go up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1004.49,"endTime":1007.49,"body":"and down, and we're gonna learn"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.49,"endTime":1011.24,"body":"from it. And that's what makes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.49,"endTime":1011.24,"body":"us authentic. And I think that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1011.24,"endTime":1013.94,"body":"that's, that's important. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1011.24,"endTime":1013.94,"body":"for others to know that we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1013.94,"endTime":1017.6,"body":"aren't, you know, always perfect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1013.94,"endTime":1017.6,"body":"either. Yeah, like we do have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1017.6,"endTime":1018.53,"body":"these emotions."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1018.62,"endTime":1023.15,"body":"Yeah. And that, that add,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1018.62,"endTime":1023.15,"body":"to not add to campaign and we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1023.15,"endTime":1026.42,"body":"not selling anything. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1023.15,"endTime":1026.42,"body":"we're not like mean Aleve."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.32,"endTime":1031.31,"body":"Obviously put this on, but at no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.32,"endTime":1031.31,"body":"point are we saying like, by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1031.31,"endTime":1034.85,"body":"leave, it's not about it's about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1031.31,"endTime":1034.85,"body":"options and awareness. Like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1034.88,"endTime":1036.98,"body":"pretty sure the people over at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1034.88,"endTime":1036.98,"body":"Bayer and Aleve would be more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1036.98,"endTime":1040.73,"body":"than happy if you chose some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1036.98,"endTime":1040.73,"body":"other method other than opioids,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1040.82,"endTime":1043.13,"body":"like trying to save lives right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1040.82,"endTime":1043.13,"body":"there in the healthcare"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1043.13,"endTime":1045.83,"body":"industry, trying to save lives."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1043.13,"endTime":1045.83,"body":"I'm trying to save lives and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1045.83,"endTime":1051.44,"body":"trying to save marriages,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1045.83,"endTime":1051.44,"body":"fathers wives. You know, mothers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.44,"endTime":1054.65,"body":"like everyone out there who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.44,"endTime":1054.65,"body":"affected by this. Yeah, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1054.65,"endTime":1058.19,"body":"are people and all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1054.65,"endTime":1058.19,"body":"complexities of people that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.19,"endTime":1063.11,"body":"affected by this thing. So it's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.19,"endTime":1063.11,"body":"it's about awareness. And, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1063.11,"endTime":1066.86,"body":"know, this weekend was, gosh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1063.11,"endTime":1066.86,"body":"like, I think this came up a few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1066.86,"endTime":1071.24,"body":"times. Yeah, you know, yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1066.86,"endTime":1071.24,"body":"had a really, really cool"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.24,"endTime":1074.87,"body":"weekend. So like, everything we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.24,"endTime":1074.87,"body":"just heard on in the in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.87,"endTime":1077.33,"body":"campaign is like some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.87,"endTime":1077.33,"body":"darker moments of our past,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1077.69,"endTime":1081.08,"body":"which are the relevant that that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1077.69,"endTime":1081.08,"body":"happened. Those things happen."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1081.14,"endTime":1083.42,"body":"It's real. You know, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1081.14,"endTime":1083.42,"body":"Christmas morning story? That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1083.42,"endTime":1086.27,"body":"true. Yeah. Going out in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1083.42,"endTime":1086.27,"body":"backyard to break my own hand."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.54,"endTime":1089.69,"body":"That's true. I literally broke"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.54,"endTime":1089.69,"body":"my own hands. So I could go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1089.69,"endTime":1091.97,"body":"the doctor and show him didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1089.69,"endTime":1091.97,"body":"get the X ray. So like, it gets"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1091.97,"endTime":1093.08,"body":"some pills. Oh, yeah. Cuz"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1093.08,"endTime":1095.87,"body":"there's a lot. There's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1093.08,"endTime":1095.87,"body":"even more stories that I could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1095.87,"endTime":1098.54,"body":"come up with that I remember you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1095.87,"endTime":1098.54,"body":"doing? Yeah, these are just some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1098.54,"endTime":1099.14,"body":"of them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.17,"endTime":1101.63,"body":"Yeah, it's just, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1099.17,"endTime":1101.63,"body":"crazy. Like, in my mind, it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1101.66,"endTime":1105.62,"body":"easier to deal with a broken"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1101.66,"endTime":1105.62,"body":"hand than it was to go without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1105.71,"endTime":1108.59,"body":"the pills and deal with the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1105.71,"endTime":1108.59,"body":"withdrawal and everything else."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1108.59,"endTime":1114.17,"body":"Like, how crazy is that? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1108.59,"endTime":1114.17,"body":"It's It's insane. Like it really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1114.17,"endTime":1117.26,"body":"is. The actions are insane. in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1114.17,"endTime":1117.26,"body":"it. Yeah. But when you're in it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1117.26,"endTime":1120.32,"body":"it doesn't feel that way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1117.26,"endTime":1120.32,"body":"Exactly. It's so wild. So wild."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1120.32,"endTime":1124.79,"body":"So going from the dark to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1120.32,"endTime":1124.79,"body":"something better, like, there is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1124.79,"endTime":1127.07,"body":"something to look forward to if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1124.79,"endTime":1127.07,"body":"you choose a path of recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1127.31,"endTime":1129.35,"body":"We've talked about it a bit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1127.31,"endTime":1129.35,"body":"here. But I think we spend more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1129.35,"endTime":1131.72,"body":"time on the dark side of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1129.35,"endTime":1131.72,"body":"thing. And then anything we do,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1132.41,"endTime":1134.99,"body":"kind of have to because most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1132.41,"endTime":1134.99,"body":"people are there like there. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.99,"endTime":1138.02,"body":"few that have actually figured"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.99,"endTime":1138.02,"body":"out how to get out of it. Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1138.08,"endTime":1141.92,"body":"And sometimes I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1138.08,"endTime":1141.92,"body":"hesitant to discuss the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1141.92,"endTime":1146.78,"body":"highlights of our lives, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1141.92,"endTime":1146.78,"body":"because it can be triggering for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1146.78,"endTime":1151.4,"body":"those that are hurting. So I try"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1146.78,"endTime":1151.4,"body":"to be mindful in that. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1151.4,"endTime":1154.55,"body":"also understand that it can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1151.4,"endTime":1154.55,"body":"bring hope to others too. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1154.55,"endTime":1157.19,"body":"there's, it's a gray area right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1154.55,"endTime":1157.19,"body":"there, you know."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.12,"endTime":1160.76,"body":"So let's talk about some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.12,"endTime":1160.76,"body":"of the better moments, some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1160.76,"endTime":1163.28,"body":"the warmer moments like what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1160.76,"endTime":1163.28,"body":"life gets to look like now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1163.37,"endTime":1163.85,"body":"Yeah, let's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1163.85,"endTime":1165.68,"body":"talk about this weekend"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1163.85,"endTime":1165.68,"body":"and what we did. Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.68,"endTime":1168.59,"body":"we booked a family weekend"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.68,"endTime":1168.59,"body":"at the summer camp that our kids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1168.59,"endTime":1173.96,"body":"attend. So it's, it was Friday"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1168.59,"endTime":1173.96,"body":"evening, all day, Saturday,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1173.99,"endTime":1177.92,"body":"Sunday morning. And it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1173.99,"endTime":1177.92,"body":"summer camp that they love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1177.92,"endTime":1178.55,"body":"dearly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1178.91,"endTime":1182.09,"body":"First of all, whenever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1178.91,"endTime":1182.09,"body":"you got this email about this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.09,"endTime":1184.88,"body":"and saying that you wanted to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.09,"endTime":1184.88,"body":"it, I was a bit surprised. I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.09,"endTime":1190.07,"body":"not gonna lie, because old Matt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.09,"endTime":1190.07,"body":"would not be up for this. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1190.07,"endTime":1193.37,"body":"know, you used to not want to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1190.07,"endTime":1193.37,"body":"anything like we, when Matt was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1193.37,"endTime":1196.28,"body":"an active addiction. He wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1193.37,"endTime":1196.28,"body":"the kind of person who went out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1196.28,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"to bars all the time, or went"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1196.28,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"out to people's homes to like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1204.89,"body":"Hardy, we were hermits. We"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1204.89,"body":"stayed home all the time, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1204.89,"endTime":1207.38,"body":"didn't want to do anything, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1204.89,"endTime":1207.38,"body":"didn't want to go to family"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1207.38,"endTime":1212.48,"body":"functions, you didn't want to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1207.38,"endTime":1212.48,"body":"anything. So fast forward. Now,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1213.38,"endTime":1215.99,"body":"whenever you sent that to me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1213.38,"endTime":1215.99,"body":"and you were like, Hey, let's go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1215.99,"endTime":1219.02,"body":"do this family fun activity,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1215.99,"endTime":1219.02,"body":"it's still kind of like, Wow, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1219.02,"endTime":1222.32,"body":"can't believe that he's actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1219.02,"endTime":1222.32,"body":"wanting to do this. I still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1222.32,"endTime":1224.84,"body":"think about that. And I'm still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1222.32,"endTime":1224.84,"body":"like, oh, wow, this is kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1225.05,"endTime":1226.16,"body":"awesome. Those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.16,"endTime":1229.31,"body":"types of moments come up a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.16,"endTime":1229.31,"body":"lot. Like you're still really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.31,"endTime":1233.42,"body":"shocked by behaviors. It just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.31,"endTime":1233.42,"body":"goes to show like how how deep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.42,"endTime":1234.5,"body":"some of those wounds can be."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1234.53,"endTime":1237.35,"body":"Absolutely. I like the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1234.53,"endTime":1237.35,"body":"holidays and stuff like that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1237.35,"endTime":1241.52,"body":"you know, it's taken me because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1237.35,"endTime":1241.52,"body":"I had to train my brain for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1241.52,"endTime":1244.43,"body":"disappointment or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1241.52,"endTime":1244.43,"body":"disappointment. I did, I had to,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1244.46,"endTime":1247.52,"body":"I started to do what you did."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1244.46,"endTime":1247.52,"body":"And I was like, Okay, well, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1247.52,"endTime":1251.93,"body":"just don't, I'm just going to go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1247.52,"endTime":1251.93,"body":"with the flow with him, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1251.93,"endTime":1255.35,"body":"I don't want to rock the boat."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1251.93,"endTime":1255.35,"body":"So I had to learn to do what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1255.35,"endTime":1259.28,"body":"wanted to do instead of what I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1255.35,"endTime":1259.28,"body":"had wanted to do beforehand. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.28,"endTime":1263.06,"body":"now I'm having to switch it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.28,"endTime":1263.06,"body":"around. And it's it's hard. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.06,"endTime":1265.34,"body":"hard. And I've told you that for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.06,"endTime":1265.34,"body":"years that it's hard to, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1265.34,"endTime":1268.73,"body":"know, switch your mind to where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1265.34,"endTime":1268.73,"body":"you were before where I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1268.73,"endTime":1269.27,"body":"before,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.3,"endTime":1271.19,"body":"like holidays. You mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.3,"endTime":1271.19,"body":"like how I never used to want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.19,"endTime":1274.04,"body":"go to anything? Yeah. And now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.19,"endTime":1274.04,"body":"it's like, I want to go to every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1274.04,"endTime":1278.57,"body":"single family function there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1274.04,"endTime":1278.57,"body":"Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.87,"endTime":1282.56,"body":"it's, I've changed a lot me and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.87,"endTime":1282.56,"body":"my value set has changed. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1282.56,"endTime":1287.51,"body":"grown so much. The things I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1282.56,"endTime":1287.51,"body":"believe to be important, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.51,"endTime":1289.43,"body":"things I hold dear are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.51,"endTime":1289.43,"body":"completely different than they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1289.43,"endTime":1293.39,"body":"were back then. Part of that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1289.43,"endTime":1293.39,"body":"just maturing an age. But the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.39,"endTime":1297.11,"body":"bigger part of that is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.39,"endTime":1297.11,"body":"changes that take place from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.14,"endTime":1300.23,"body":"challenging yourself completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.14,"endTime":1300.23,"body":"sober and challenge yourself to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.23,"endTime":1306.77,"body":"be a better man a better person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.23,"endTime":1306.77,"body":"in his last 4000 days. Yeah. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.79,"endTime":1311.33,"body":"it's kind of cool sometimes. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.79,"endTime":1311.33,"body":"it's sort of validating, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.33,"endTime":1314.84,"body":"moments. And I think this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.33,"endTime":1314.84,"body":"sort of important. And like I, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.84,"endTime":1317.96,"body":"think you've always done a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.84,"endTime":1317.96,"body":"really, really good job at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.96,"endTime":1322.1,"body":"supporting me and telling me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.96,"endTime":1322.1,"body":"that you're proud of me. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1322.1,"endTime":1325.04,"body":"that people do need that. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1322.1,"endTime":1325.04,"body":"agree. I think validation is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1325.04,"endTime":1329.03,"body":"important for everybody, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1325.04,"endTime":1329.03,"body":"think. And don't get me wrong,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1329.03,"endTime":1330.92,"body":"like we've had those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1329.03,"endTime":1330.92,"body":"conversations where you've told"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.92,"endTime":1334.13,"body":"me like, What do you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.92,"endTime":1334.13,"body":"freakin cookie for like being an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.13,"endTime":1337.16,"body":"adult today? Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.13,"endTime":1337.16,"body":"congratulations, some people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1337.16,"endTime":1343.01,"body":"might feel that way. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1337.16,"endTime":1343.01,"body":"that you would be you'd be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.01,"endTime":1346.07,"body":"selling yourself short on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.01,"endTime":1346.07,"body":"benefit of really picking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.07,"endTime":1348.38,"body":"someone up and like what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.07,"endTime":1348.38,"body":"can do for somebody and what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.38,"endTime":1350.78,"body":"they can do for a marriage and a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.38,"endTime":1350.78,"body":"relationship. I know, it's easy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.78,"endTime":1352.97,"body":"to take these things for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.78,"endTime":1352.97,"body":"granted. But even today, still,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1352.97,"endTime":1356.84,"body":"you will make mention like, man,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1352.97,"endTime":1356.84,"body":"that's it's just so cool. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.84,"endTime":1359.06,"body":"want to do things like this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.84,"endTime":1359.06,"body":"like we're talking over a decade"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1359.06,"endTime":1362.06,"body":"later, and you're still you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1359.06,"endTime":1362.06,"body":"still reminding me like keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.06,"endTime":1365.39,"body":"going. I love what I'm seeing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.06,"endTime":1365.39,"body":"Everyone loves what they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.39,"endTime":1368.63,"body":"saying. I know you love what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.39,"endTime":1368.63,"body":"you're doing, keep it up. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.63,"endTime":1371.18,"body":"really important to do that. No"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.63,"endTime":1371.18,"body":"matter if you're dealing with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.18,"endTime":1373.16,"body":"addiction or anything else. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.18,"endTime":1373.16,"body":"you know someone who's ever been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1373.16,"endTime":1375.83,"body":"through a tough time and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1373.16,"endTime":1375.83,"body":"winning today. Make sure to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1375.83,"endTime":1378.29,"body":"remind them that you see that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1375.83,"endTime":1378.29,"body":"let them know that's huge. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.29,"endTime":1380.78,"body":"means a lot. Yeah, just like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.29,"endTime":1380.78,"body":"see like like wheelies all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1380.78,"endTime":1383.48,"body":"time. We see you we see you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1380.78,"endTime":1383.48,"body":"Yeah, we do. You're doing it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1383.51,"endTime":1387.38,"body":"you're killing it doing great."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1383.51,"endTime":1387.38,"body":"It's important it's important."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.38,"endTime":1390.38,"body":"So anyway, we we booked this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.38,"endTime":1390.38,"body":"thing that you didn't expect me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1390.38,"endTime":1394.07,"body":"to book we take a family road"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1390.38,"endTime":1394.07,"body":"trip which I love road trips"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.07,"endTime":1394.97,"body":"road trips are my favorite"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1395.03,"endTime":1397.43,"body":"yes we do love road trips"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1395.03,"endTime":1397.43,"body":"you were saying that you would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1397.43,"endTime":1400.55,"body":"rather take a road trip then fly"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1397.43,"endTime":1400.55,"body":"depends there is a there's a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1400.55,"endTime":1402.62,"body":"distance though where it's like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1400.55,"endTime":1402.62,"body":"this is just impractical that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1402.62,"endTime":1404.39,"body":"another thing that used to not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1402.62,"endTime":1404.39,"body":"be like that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1405.08,"endTime":1407.48,"body":"there as fast as possible"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1405.08,"endTime":1407.48,"body":"because I couldn't couldn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1407.48,"endTime":1410.48,"body":"drink in the car couldn't Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1407.48,"endTime":1410.48,"body":"you know you just drugs. Is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1410.48,"endTime":1413.96,"body":"there anything in the car so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1410.48,"endTime":1413.96,"body":"yeah, car trips would used to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.96,"endTime":1416.87,"body":"pretty inconvenient. Now the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.96,"endTime":1416.87,"body":"like it's all about the journey,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.87,"endTime":1420.17,"body":"not the destination break. So we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.87,"endTime":1420.17,"body":"have road trips like I love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1420.17,"endTime":1425.24,"body":"stopping roadside gas stations"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1420.17,"endTime":1425.24,"body":"and blowing up on snacks. I must"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1425.24,"endTime":1427.79,"body":"have stopped four or five times."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1425.24,"endTime":1427.79,"body":"But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1427.85,"endTime":1430.64,"body":"the worst part about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1427.85,"endTime":1430.64,"body":"sitting in the car for so long"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1430.64,"endTime":1431.93,"body":"is because is your back."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.23,"endTime":1435.8,"body":"Yeah, this is something we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.23,"endTime":1435.8,"body":"don't talk a lot about. No. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.83,"endTime":1439.37,"body":"originally was introduced to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.83,"endTime":1439.37,"body":"opiates because of an injury. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.37,"endTime":1441.77,"body":"broke my leg when I was a kid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.37,"endTime":1441.77,"body":"playing football had three"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1441.77,"endTime":1444.2,"body":"surgeries on that leg over the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1441.77,"endTime":1444.2,"body":"course of a couple years it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.2,"endTime":1447.11,"body":"two or three years to get it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.2,"endTime":1447.11,"body":"fixed. Like a broke at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1447.11,"endTime":1449.96,"body":"growth plate during like right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1447.11,"endTime":1449.96,"body":"when I was finishing my growth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1449.96,"endTime":1453.26,"body":"spurt. They weren't sure what it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1449.96,"endTime":1453.26,"body":"was gonna like be like and it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.26,"endTime":1455.69,"body":"was it was a bad break. I had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.26,"endTime":1455.69,"body":"screws and rods and the whole"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.69,"endTime":1458.42,"body":"bit of reconstructive gnarly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.69,"endTime":1458.42,"body":"scar. Yeah, it's crazy to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1458.42,"endTime":1462.65,"body":"roadmap on my ankle and and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1458.42,"endTime":1462.65,"body":"a few years later, I broke my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1462.65,"endTime":1466.01,"body":"back. I was I was moving a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1462.65,"endTime":1466.01,"body":"filing cabinet down some stairs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1466.01,"endTime":1469.31,"body":"and the guy was moving in with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1466.01,"endTime":1469.31,"body":"it slipped out of his hands. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.31,"endTime":1471.53,"body":"top thing was super heavy. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.31,"endTime":1471.53,"body":"didn't even empty it out. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1471.53,"endTime":1474.02,"body":"we were so dumb. We just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1471.53,"endTime":1474.02,"body":"oh, we'll figure it out. It was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1474.02,"endTime":1477.8,"body":"an empty filing or like 17 years"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1474.02,"endTime":1477.8,"body":"old. Yeah, I was a teenager and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.8,"endTime":1480.86,"body":"so it was being dumb, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.8,"endTime":1480.86,"body":"and it fell down the stairs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1480.86,"endTime":1483.65,"body":"laying on top of me and I broke"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1480.86,"endTime":1483.65,"body":"broken vertebrae herniated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.65,"endTime":1487.19,"body":"several discs. And I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.65,"endTime":1487.19,"body":"treat it. I didn't do anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.19,"endTime":1492.95,"body":"about it. I just got pain pills"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.19,"endTime":1492.95,"body":"for it. And then years later, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1492.95,"endTime":1496.64,"body":"just like it's one of those like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1492.95,"endTime":1496.64,"body":"it's degenerative, so it gets"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1496.64,"endTime":1500.18,"body":"worse over time. And it just got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1496.64,"endTime":1500.18,"body":"worse and worse and worse. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.18,"endTime":1502.25,"body":"worse to the point where I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.18,"endTime":1502.25,"body":"having to get injections all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1502.25,"endTime":1504.56,"body":"time. Now this was an act of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1502.25,"endTime":1504.56,"body":"addiction. I was getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.56,"endTime":1507.2,"body":"injections on the reg because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.56,"endTime":1507.2,"body":"every time I went to go get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1507.2,"endTime":1509.75,"body":"injections, I would also get to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1507.2,"endTime":1509.75,"body":"refill my prescriptions. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1509.75,"endTime":1513.83,"body":"And there were lots of pills."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1509.75,"endTime":1513.83,"body":"Lots of pills. I was Oh my god."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1513.83,"endTime":1516.5,"body":"Yes. Bottle crazy amounts of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1513.83,"endTime":1516.5,"body":"pills that you would blow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.5,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"through in less than a week."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.5,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"Yeah, like, a three month"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1523.67,"body":"supply. Yeah. And like a week?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1523.67,"body":"Yeah, it was insane. That's why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1523.67,"endTime":1525.8,"body":"you went to the streets. Yes, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1523.67,"endTime":1525.8,"body":"had to go. That's why I had to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1525.8,"endTime":1528.14,"body":"go the streets because the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1525.8,"endTime":1528.14,"body":"doctor couldn't keep keep up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1528.14,"endTime":1530.57,"body":"with my habit. Insurance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1528.14,"endTime":1530.57,"body":"companies. Were sending letters"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1530.57,"endTime":1533.69,"body":"to my mom's house like, hey, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1530.57,"endTime":1533.69,"body":"noticed you're getting a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1533.69,"endTime":1536.6,"body":"prescriptions for a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1533.69,"endTime":1536.6,"body":"drugs. If you need help, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.6,"endTime":1538.82,"body":"know, there's resources for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.6,"endTime":1538.82,"body":"I'm just throwing that in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.82,"endTime":1543.14,"body":"trash. They're on to me, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.82,"endTime":1543.14,"body":"know? Yeah, somewhere out there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1543.14,"endTime":1545.78,"body":"There's someone's record and an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1543.14,"endTime":1545.78,"body":"insurance office. That letter is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.78,"endTime":1547.97,"body":"still out there somewhere. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.78,"endTime":1547.97,"body":"some kind of a risk of some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1547.97,"endTime":1551.45,"body":"kind. But anyway, I've had back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1547.97,"endTime":1551.45,"body":"problems that the back problems"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1551.45,"endTime":1554.15,"body":"didn't go away, like I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1551.45,"endTime":1554.15,"body":"sober. And I learned how to deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.15,"endTime":1557.33,"body":"with my pain in different ways."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.15,"endTime":1557.33,"body":"But it's getting worse. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1557.33,"endTime":1559.46,"body":"gets worse and worse and worse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1557.33,"endTime":1559.46,"body":"Every year, it gets a little bit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1559.46,"endTime":1562.97,"body":"worse. I still get injections"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1559.46,"endTime":1562.97,"body":"about once a year. Yes. And they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1562.97,"endTime":1565.58,"body":"give you some relief. Don't get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1562.97,"endTime":1565.58,"body":"me wrong. But for the most part,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.58,"endTime":1570.59,"body":"it's a I've had to learn how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.58,"endTime":1570.59,"body":"manage pain, right? There was a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.62,"endTime":1574.61,"body":"narrative that was sold to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.62,"endTime":1574.61,"body":"American public in the probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1575.03,"endTime":1579.08,"body":"early to mid 2000s, that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1575.03,"endTime":1579.08,"body":"shouldn't be in pain. And there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.08,"endTime":1582.2,"body":"were pharmaceutical companies"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.08,"endTime":1582.2,"body":"like Purdue that were selling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.2,"endTime":1586.1,"body":"this idea that like, we want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.2,"endTime":1586.1,"body":"eliminate all pain, we want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.1,"endTime":1591.95,"body":"everyone to be pain free. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.1,"endTime":1591.95,"body":"was a this very, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.95,"endTime":1598.52,"body":"performative empathy. Really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.95,"endTime":1598.52,"body":"sadistic and like, manipulative"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.52,"endTime":1601.22,"body":"tale about how they didn't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.52,"endTime":1601.22,"body":"people to be in pain, but they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1601.22,"endTime":1603.71,"body":"were really just trying to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1601.22,"endTime":1603.71,"body":"people hooked on drugs. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.77,"endTime":1606.77,"body":"And that's come out. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.77,"endTime":1606.77,"body":"tons of documentaries about it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.83,"endTime":1609.65,"body":"like dope six are really good."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.83,"endTime":1609.65,"body":"One really good one. There are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1609.65,"endTime":1612.86,"body":"others that are just I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1609.65,"endTime":1612.86,"body":"there's, this is a well, well"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1612.86,"endTime":1615.74,"body":"told story that's out there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1612.86,"endTime":1615.74,"body":"Yeah. But I was, you know, I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1615.74,"endTime":1618.14,"body":"in the middle of that I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1615.74,"endTime":1618.14,"body":"right in the middle of that. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1618.14,"endTime":1619.97,"body":"so you could go in there with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1618.14,"endTime":1619.97,"body":"any amount of pain, and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.97,"endTime":1624.32,"body":"were giving you crazy amounts of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.97,"endTime":1624.32,"body":"opioids. When I got sober, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1624.32,"endTime":1627.56,"body":"learned that pain is part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1624.32,"endTime":1627.56,"body":"healing. I remember reading a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1627.56,"endTime":1630.47,"body":"book of Kaymer when the name of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1627.56,"endTime":1630.47,"body":"the book kind of cannot remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.47,"endTime":1636.14,"body":"it now. It was about pain. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.47,"endTime":1636.14,"body":"picked it up in treatment could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.14,"endTime":1638.15,"body":"not tell you remember that book."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.14,"endTime":1638.15,"body":"It was like a big workbook"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1638.39,"endTime":1640.55,"body":"couldn't tell you what's called"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1638.39,"endTime":1640.55,"body":"either way. It talks about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.55,"endTime":1644.09,"body":"history of pain treatment and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.55,"endTime":1644.09,"body":"things like that. And at one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1644.09,"endTime":1646.58,"body":"time, it was believed and still,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1644.09,"endTime":1646.58,"body":"in many cultures, it's believed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1646.58,"endTime":1649.97,"body":"that pain is part of the healing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1646.58,"endTime":1649.97,"body":"process. It is a natural part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1649.97,"endTime":1653.66,"body":"and necessary part of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1649.97,"endTime":1653.66,"body":"healing process. Like we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.66,"endTime":1656.54,"body":"supposed to go through some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.66,"endTime":1656.54,"body":"level of pain. It's I really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1656.54,"endTime":1661.13,"body":"took that and ran with it. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1656.54,"endTime":1661.13,"body":"agree with that 100%. In in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1661.13,"endTime":1664.13,"body":"listening to my body and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1661.13,"endTime":1664.13,"body":"kind of pain that I'm in, I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.13,"endTime":1666.59,"body":"have to pull back at times."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.13,"endTime":1666.59,"body":"Like, there's certain things I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.59,"endTime":1669.2,"body":"can't do. Like I have no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.59,"endTime":1669.2,"body":"business doing deadlifts or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1669.2,"endTime":1671.66,"body":"squats anymore, or jumping on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1669.2,"endTime":1671.66,"body":"trampoline jumping on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.66,"endTime":1674.69,"body":"trampolines. Yeah, like a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.66,"endTime":1674.69,"body":"the things that it sounds like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.69,"endTime":1679.01,"body":"fun or grabbing a box or you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.69,"endTime":1679.01,"body":"know, three or four days of like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.01,"endTime":1682.49,"body":"walking like the fair are like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.01,"endTime":1682.49,"body":"spring training and baseball"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.49,"endTime":1685.58,"body":"like there's there's a certain I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.49,"endTime":1685.58,"body":"have to know my limits now. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.58,"endTime":1688.64,"body":"have to know my limits. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.58,"endTime":1688.64,"body":"so hard for man. I'm just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.64,"endTime":1691.1,"body":"one of those people that just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.64,"endTime":1691.1,"body":"like go go go go go Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1691.1,"endTime":1695.33,"body":"know, like I'm really athletic."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1691.1,"endTime":1695.33,"body":"Or I say I like to be I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1695.33,"endTime":1699.11,"body":"like really athletic. I'm, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1695.33,"endTime":1699.11,"body":"like to be active. I like to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1699.11,"endTime":1702.92,"body":"active, okay, I ride bikes, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1699.11,"endTime":1702.92,"body":"run I play sports, all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1702.92,"endTime":1707.39,"body":"stuff and I'm, I get hurt really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1702.92,"endTime":1707.39,"body":"easily. You know, and I have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1707.39,"endTime":1709.28,"body":"deal with that in different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1707.39,"endTime":1709.28,"body":"ways. Now, like I understand now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.28,"endTime":1712.85,"body":"that pain is part of healing, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.28,"endTime":1712.85,"body":"I'm totally fine being in pain."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.45,"endTime":1716.36,"body":"There's some level of pain,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.45,"endTime":1716.36,"body":"though, that is debilitating and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1716.42,"endTime":1719.75,"body":"you can't do much about it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1716.42,"endTime":1719.75,"body":"there were times when I will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1719.75,"endTime":1723.38,"body":"turn to over the counter drugs."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1719.75,"endTime":1723.38,"body":"Things like leave things like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1723.38,"endTime":1727.58,"body":"ibuprofen, Tylenol, like all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1723.38,"endTime":1727.58,"body":"basic ones everyone knows about."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.33,"endTime":1733.58,"body":"And I'll have to rest. I'll have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.33,"endTime":1733.58,"body":"to do stretches yoga. Take it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1733.58,"endTime":1738.59,"body":"easy. I have to do a lot of cat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1733.58,"endTime":1738.59,"body":"cow. Now but you can't do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.74,"endTime":1743.78,"body":"not so much cow. Cat Cat not so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.74,"endTime":1743.78,"body":"much cow because anytime you do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1743.78,"endTime":1745.67,"body":"that, it's like when you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1743.78,"endTime":1745.67,"body":"lay on your stomach like I can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1745.67,"endTime":1748.1,"body":"even do that it makes my back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1745.67,"endTime":1748.1,"body":"flexion"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.13,"endTime":1751.82,"body":"flexion flexion on the man"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.13,"endTime":1751.82,"body":"it tears me up tears me up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.82,"endTime":1756.23,"body":"really bad to get away in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.82,"endTime":1756.23,"body":"car. It starts to wear on me I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1756.23,"endTime":1758.75,"body":"get about an I can get about an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1756.23,"endTime":1758.75,"body":"hour and a half in a car before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.75,"endTime":1761.81,"body":"it really starts to bother me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.75,"endTime":1761.81,"body":"And then it starts to ache and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.81,"endTime":1764.57,"body":"then it starts to radiate down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.81,"endTime":1764.57,"body":"my legs and in my hips and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.57,"endTime":1768.26,"body":"my knees and my feet will go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.57,"endTime":1768.26,"body":"numb. Men it hurts. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1768.32,"endTime":1771.89,"body":"it hurts. Yeah. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1768.32,"endTime":1771.89,"body":"whenever we got to our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1771.89,"endTime":1776.06,"body":"destination or whatnot, the camp"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1771.89,"endTime":1776.06,"body":"was going to be all about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1776.18,"endTime":1780.5,"body":"activities. That's all we did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1776.18,"endTime":1780.5,"body":"all weekend long was jump play"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1780.5,"endTime":1785.63,"body":"run. You know kick balls and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1780.5,"endTime":1785.63,"body":"dance and just you know we were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1785.81,"endTime":1790.58,"body":"active nonstop. Lots of walking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1785.81,"endTime":1790.58,"body":"though. Tons of walk and walking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.58,"endTime":1795.26,"body":"for you is maybe the worst thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.58,"endTime":1795.26,"body":"around her. Yeah, yeah. walking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1795.26,"endTime":1799.79,"body":"and standing is whenever you get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1795.26,"endTime":1799.79,"body":"like really? You get a little"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1799.79,"endTime":1803.12,"body":"air I'm irritated. You're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1799.79,"endTime":1803.12,"body":"that bad. I mean, I can tell I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1803.12,"endTime":1806.06,"body":"know you I know when you're in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1803.12,"endTime":1806.06,"body":"pain and you don't even have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1806.06,"endTime":1809.18,"body":"save face I make or something."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1806.06,"endTime":1809.18,"body":"It's not a face. It's just your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1809.18,"endTime":1813.53,"body":"demeanor. It's the way that I,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1809.18,"endTime":1813.53,"body":"you always know you're quiet."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1813.83,"endTime":1817.79,"body":"You're just not like your goofy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1813.83,"endTime":1817.79,"body":"self. Like I can just tell. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1817.79,"endTime":1824.21,"body":"know when you're in pain, and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1817.79,"endTime":1824.21,"body":"think oh, I remember to when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.24,"endTime":1827.03,"body":"they had that big bounce jump"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.24,"endTime":1827.03,"body":"thing there and the kids were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1827.03,"endTime":1829.61,"body":"even like, Dad, you're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1827.03,"endTime":1829.61,"body":"getting on that you're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1829.61,"endTime":1833.33,"body":"getting on that because you did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1829.61,"endTime":1833.33,"body":"hurt your back really bad, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1833.33,"endTime":1836.06,"body":"last year, a year and a half ago"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1833.33,"endTime":1836.06,"body":"or something at a trampoline"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1836.06,"endTime":1839.93,"body":"park. And the kids witnessed it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1836.06,"endTime":1839.93,"body":"and they're like No, Dad, no. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1839.93,"endTime":1842.81,"body":"they know all about your back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1839.93,"endTime":1842.81,"body":"like we even our son is even at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1842.81,"endTime":1845.93,"body":"a point now he's he's almost 10"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1842.81,"endTime":1845.93,"body":"And he'll walk around saying,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.47,"endTime":1849.8,"body":"Oh, my back hurt just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.47,"endTime":1849.8,"body":"watching my old as he is."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1849.8,"endTime":1853.67,"body":"He's been picking up on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1849.8,"endTime":1853.67,"body":"it and stuff. So I'm kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1853.67,"endTime":1856.85,"body":"like, I've been really mindful."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1853.67,"endTime":1856.85,"body":"I've been trying to discuss with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1856.85,"endTime":1859.82,"body":"you like, okay, baby, kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1856.85,"endTime":1859.82,"body":"pull it back a little bit, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1859.82,"endTime":1865.13,"body":"so he doesn't take that on. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1859.82,"endTime":1865.13,"body":"I know that you're in pain, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1865.25,"endTime":1869.33,"body":"I know, but you still keep"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1865.25,"endTime":1869.33,"body":"going. You. You raised our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1869.33,"endTime":1869.87,"body":"daughter."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1870.14,"endTime":1870.77,"body":"Yeah, man."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1871.61,"endTime":1874.73,"body":"Yeah, you did. She was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1871.61,"endTime":1874.73,"body":"pretty good. She's faster than"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1874.73,"endTime":1878.12,"body":"me. Like I even ran with her."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1874.73,"endTime":1878.12,"body":"And I'm like, Okay, you kicked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1878.12,"endTime":1884.06,"body":"my butt. I don't want to do that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1878.12,"endTime":1884.06,"body":"gogo ball or whatever it is. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1884.06,"endTime":1886.52,"body":"that's hard on the back like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1884.06,"endTime":1886.52,"body":"that was even hurtful, hurting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1886.52,"endTime":1888.47,"body":"me like we were sore after this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1886.52,"endTime":1888.47,"body":"week."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1888.59,"endTime":1891.14,"body":"Baseball, all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1888.59,"endTime":1891.14,"body":"stuff. Yeah, you didn't have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1891.14,"endTime":1895.58,"body":"take anything. I didn't have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1891.14,"endTime":1895.58,"body":"take anything heavier than, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1895.58,"endTime":1900.47,"body":"you said earlier. That's yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1895.58,"endTime":1900.47,"body":"that's it and rest. Rest helps a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1900.47,"endTime":1903.23,"body":"lot just have to get off my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1900.47,"endTime":1903.23,"body":"feet, I'd be more mindful of it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1903.26,"endTime":1906.5,"body":"I need to have to sit down at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1903.26,"endTime":1906.5,"body":"times, like, I don't like there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1906.5,"endTime":1910.64,"body":"are no metals given out for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1906.5,"endTime":1910.64,"body":"being tough. No. And when I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.64,"endTime":1914.33,"body":"the one that has to deal with it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.64,"endTime":1914.33,"body":"in the evenings, and you guys"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.33,"endTime":1916.97,"body":"have to deal with it, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.33,"endTime":1916.97,"body":"I'm not able to get up and move"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1916.97,"endTime":1919.91,"body":"around. Like, there's no metals"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1916.97,"endTime":1919.91,"body":"given out for that, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1919.91,"endTime":1921.95,"body":"don't like to be an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1919.91,"endTime":1921.95,"body":"inconvenience to anyone. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.95,"endTime":1924.38,"body":"just can't kind of quietly go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.95,"endTime":1924.38,"body":"find a binge or something like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.38,"endTime":1926.72,"body":"that. And I'll have to relax a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.38,"endTime":1926.72,"body":"little bit and just deal with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1926.72,"endTime":1928.91,"body":"it. Yeah, and there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1926.72,"endTime":1928.91,"body":"times where I'm like, Okay, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1928.94,"endTime":1933.47,"body":"don't want you to do this,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1928.94,"endTime":1933.47,"body":"because I can't pick you up. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1933.47,"endTime":1937.52,"body":"I'm gonna have to call an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1933.47,"endTime":1937.52,"body":"ambulance, doing things. I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1937.52,"endTime":1941.33,"body":"in the future, I have this whole"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1937.52,"endTime":1941.33,"body":"reel that plays out. Because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1941.33,"endTime":1943.34,"body":"know that if you do something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1941.33,"endTime":1943.34,"body":"that's going to hurt yourself,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1943.34,"endTime":1946.79,"body":"there's not much I can do. So I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1943.34,"endTime":1946.79,"body":"really, that's why it's not me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1946.79,"endTime":1950.48,"body":"controlling you. It's like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1946.79,"endTime":1950.48,"body":"you're affecting me, too. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1950.48,"endTime":1955.25,"body":"why That's where this go down."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1950.48,"endTime":1955.25,"body":"Yeah, yeah. And it's not be it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1955.28,"endTime":1958.37,"body":"also being you know, I'm also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1955.28,"endTime":1958.37,"body":"caring about you, obviously, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1958.37,"endTime":1960.35,"body":"I do have to let you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1958.37,"endTime":1960.35,"body":"you're like you're gonna affect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1960.35,"endTime":1963.83,"body":"me too. So let's kind of be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1960.35,"endTime":1963.83,"body":"mindful on your part."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.43,"endTime":1966.98,"body":"Yeah, whenever, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.43,"endTime":1966.98,"body":"whenever I first got sober, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.98,"endTime":1969.59,"body":"was a major concern of mine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.98,"endTime":1969.59,"body":"Like, what if I get hurt again,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.62,"endTime":1973.46,"body":"like, what's gonna happen if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.62,"endTime":1973.46,"body":"get hurt again? For so long? I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1973.46,"endTime":1976.94,"body":"really feared pain, like I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1973.46,"endTime":1976.94,"body":"scared to death of pain. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.62,"endTime":1981.26,"body":"anytime I felt pain, I was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.62,"endTime":1981.26,"body":"Oh, this is bad. Like, this is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.26,"endTime":1983.93,"body":"trigger. Like, I'm gonna have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.26,"endTime":1983.93,"body":"like, do something to make it go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.93,"endTime":1987.95,"body":"away. And I've really, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.93,"endTime":1987.95,"body":"shifted that mindset to where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.98,"endTime":1991.7,"body":"it's like, this isn't. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.98,"endTime":1991.7,"body":"damaging to my health right now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1991.7,"endTime":1995.0,"body":"It's uncomfortable. I can deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1991.7,"endTime":1995.0,"body":"with discomfort. That's fine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1995.12,"endTime":1997.43,"body":"It's totally fine. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1995.12,"endTime":1997.43,"body":"discomfort is part of life. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1997.43,"endTime":1999.89,"body":"we've preached that here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1997.43,"endTime":1999.89,"body":"forever. Oh, yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.89,"endTime":2003.4,"body":"discomforts part of life, part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.89,"endTime":2003.4,"body":"of life. And I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2003.4,"endTime":2008.71,"body":"there's anyone walking around in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2003.4,"endTime":2008.71,"body":"their late 30s 40s 50s. and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2008.71,"endTime":2012.34,"body":"beyond. That's not in some level"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2008.71,"endTime":2012.34,"body":"of pain from something. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2012.34,"endTime":2015.28,"body":"know, we carry that around."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2012.34,"endTime":2015.28,"body":"Yeah. It's just how are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.28,"endTime":2017.92,"body":"going to deal with it? I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2015.28,"endTime":2017.92,"body":"one way that I can't deal with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.92,"endTime":2021.43,"body":"it, which is through any type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.92,"endTime":2021.43,"body":"narcotic, or any type of mood or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.43,"endTime":2025.21,"body":"mind altering substance, I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.43,"endTime":2025.21,"body":"can't. I've taken steroids and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.21,"endTime":2027.76,"body":"things like that. And I'll take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.21,"endTime":2027.76,"body":"over the counter, like steroids,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2027.76,"endTime":2029.86,"body":"like I mean, like prescription"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2027.76,"endTime":2029.86,"body":"steroids. We're not talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2029.86,"endTime":2033.7,"body":"about like, Hulk steroids. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2029.86,"endTime":2033.7,"body":"mean, like, prednisone, things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2033.7,"endTime":2035.98,"body":"like that, to reduce swelling."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2033.7,"endTime":2035.98,"body":"I'll get injections every so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.98,"endTime":2039.88,"body":"often. But, you know, I have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.98,"endTime":2039.88,"body":"deal with it. And then I I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.88,"endTime":2042.04,"body":"been asked the question, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.88,"endTime":2042.04,"body":"Would you ever take opioids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.04,"endTime":2045.88,"body":"again? I'm like, Man, I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.04,"endTime":2045.88,"body":"think so it would have to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.88,"endTime":2049.75,"body":"really, really, really bad under"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.88,"endTime":2049.75,"body":"the rights like I would have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2049.75,"endTime":2053.44,"body":"be in like a massive car wreck"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2049.75,"endTime":2053.44,"body":"or something or surgery. Even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2053.44,"endTime":2056.92,"body":"then, like if I was surgery,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2053.44,"endTime":2056.92,"body":"like for instance, one day, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2056.95,"endTime":2059.65,"body":"doctors have told me many times,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2056.95,"endTime":2059.65,"body":"uh, you have to have surgery,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2059.65,"endTime":2062.35,"body":"you're gonna have to have back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2059.65,"endTime":2062.35,"body":"surgery. This is gonna get way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.35,"endTime":2065.47,"body":"worse before it's not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.35,"endTime":2065.47,"body":"get better. And I've thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.47,"endTime":2069.07,"body":"about I'm like, Could I get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.47,"endTime":2069.07,"body":"through surgery without the use"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.1,"endTime":2073.15,"body":"of like, opioids? Yeah, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.1,"endTime":2073.15,"body":"I could. I do. It might be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2073.15,"endTime":2076.42,"body":"miserable, but I know what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2073.15,"endTime":2076.42,"body":"alternative looks like. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2076.42,"endTime":2079.87,"body":"that's not worth it for me. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2076.42,"endTime":2079.87,"body":"I've been through kidney stones."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2079.9,"endTime":2084.43,"body":"I've been through broken bones."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2079.9,"endTime":2084.43,"body":"I've been through more back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.43,"endTime":2087.52,"body":"flare ups and I can possibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.43,"endTime":2087.52,"body":"count the SEC to me like all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2087.52,"endTime":2091.18,"body":"kinds of these, like injuries"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2087.52,"endTime":2091.18,"body":"that people usually stop for."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2091.449,"endTime":2095.379,"body":"A vasectomy was not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2091.449,"endTime":2095.379,"body":"normal. Man,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.38,"endTime":2097.15,"body":"listen to your doctor when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.38,"endTime":2097.15,"body":"he tells you not to walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2097.15,"endTime":2098.14,"body":"anywhere after that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2098.95,"endTime":2101.11,"body":"I had to throw that out."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2098.95,"endTime":2101.11,"body":"out there because that you were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2101.11,"endTime":2101.95,"body":"miserable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.07,"endTime":2105.52,"body":"being me. I got the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.07,"endTime":2105.52,"body":"vasectomy on like October 30."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.55,"endTime":2108.19,"body":"Yeah. And then the next day was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.55,"endTime":2108.19,"body":"Halloween, our favorite holiday"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.28,"endTime":2110.8,"body":"and the kids were little. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.28,"endTime":2110.8,"body":"like, Man, I'm not going to not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2110.8,"endTime":2112.9,"body":"go trick or treating like I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2110.8,"endTime":2112.9,"body":"to go trick or treating with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2112.9,"endTime":2115.54,"body":"them. I'll just be I'll be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2112.9,"endTime":2115.54,"body":"conscious of it. You know, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2115.54,"endTime":2118.81,"body":"took some ibuprofen beforehand,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2115.54,"endTime":2118.81,"body":"man, we got dunked on by some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2118.81,"endTime":2123.37,"body":"swelling as uncomfortable. walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2118.81,"endTime":2123.37,"body":"around with a soft ball between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.37,"endTime":2124.66,"body":"your legs. Man, I was horrible."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2125.14,"endTime":2128.14,"body":"I'm not meaning to laugh."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2125.14,"endTime":2128.14,"body":"But then again, most of the time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2128.17,"endTime":2133.18,"body":"when stuff like this happens,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2128.17,"endTime":2133.18,"body":"you don't listen to the doctors."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2133.3,"endTime":2136.27,"body":"Yeah, it's just like after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2133.3,"endTime":2136.27,"body":"patients, that's what I get."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2136.3,"endTime":2139.21,"body":"They'll tell you, you need to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2136.3,"endTime":2139.21,"body":"chill out and you're like, I'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2139.21,"endTime":2142.84,"body":"be fine. I'll be good. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2139.21,"endTime":2142.84,"body":"don't I don't tell you not to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2142.84,"endTime":2145.36,"body":"things because I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2142.84,"endTime":2145.36,"body":"alright, this this is on you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2145.42,"endTime":2147.19,"body":"This part is on you. Such as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.19,"endTime":2149.68,"body":"the mind of an addict,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.19,"endTime":2149.68,"body":"though you're different. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.68,"endTime":2152.8,"body":"understand? I know my body"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.68,"endTime":2152.8,"body":"better than you. Do. I know me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2153.07,"endTime":2155.56,"body":"Yeah. Right. Listen, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2153.07,"endTime":2155.56,"body":"doctors have learned anything at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.56,"endTime":2159.1,"body":"all this is listen to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.56,"endTime":2159.1,"body":"doctor. Take it easy. Listen to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2159.1,"endTime":2162.16,"body":"the doctor, man. It's a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2159.1,"endTime":2162.16,"body":"easier. It's worth it. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.16,"endTime":2165.07,"body":"like, I'm not a martyr. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.16,"endTime":2165.07,"body":"So if I was ever in a situation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2165.07,"endTime":2168.76,"body":"where I had no choice, like if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2165.07,"endTime":2168.76,"body":"it was excruciating where I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.76,"endTime":2171.97,"body":"about to pass out, like, what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.76,"endTime":2171.97,"body":"consider it Yeah, under the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.97,"endTime":2175.33,"body":"right setting, I would have to,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.97,"endTime":2175.33,"body":"I would contact everyone in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2175.33,"endTime":2178.6,"body":"sober network, I would have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2175.33,"endTime":2178.6,"body":"increased layers of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2178.6,"endTime":2183.4,"body":"accountability with doctors and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2178.6,"endTime":2183.4,"body":"nurses as well as you. People"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.4,"endTime":2185.95,"body":"would know. And I wouldn't, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.4,"endTime":2185.95,"body":"certainly wouldn't take them out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2185.95,"endTime":2188.2,"body":"of the hospital. I don't think I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2185.95,"endTime":2188.2,"body":"would take them out of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2188.2,"endTime":2192.55,"body":"hospital. I just I can't see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2188.2,"endTime":2192.55,"body":"myself handling that. Well, I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.55,"endTime":2194.89,"body":"got 10 years of experience that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.55,"endTime":2194.89,"body":"says I can't handle that. Well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2195.1,"endTime":2197.59,"body":"you know, it'd be really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2195.1,"endTime":2197.59,"body":"triggering for me to have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2197.62,"endTime":2200.68,"body":"disperse pills. Yeah, yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2197.62,"endTime":2200.68,"body":"don't think we've actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2200.68,"endTime":2204.31,"body":"really talked about that. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2200.68,"endTime":2204.31,"body":"that would be, that'd be really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2204.31,"endTime":2204.49,"body":"hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.49,"endTime":2208.18,"body":"for me. Yeah, the thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.49,"endTime":2208.18,"body":"about addiction is that it never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2208.18,"endTime":2212.5,"body":"goes away, never goes away."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2208.18,"endTime":2212.5,"body":"Like, there's an old saying in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.5,"endTime":2216.16,"body":"the rooms of 12 Step communities"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.5,"endTime":2216.16,"body":"is that, like your addiction is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.16,"endTime":2218.86,"body":"just in the parking lot doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.16,"endTime":2218.86,"body":"push ups just waiting for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2218.92,"endTime":2221.02,"body":"Like he's just out there getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2218.92,"endTime":2221.02,"body":"stronger and stronger and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2221.02,"endTime":2224.05,"body":"stronger. He's waiting for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2221.02,"endTime":2224.05,"body":"day that you think that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2224.05,"endTime":2227.5,"body":"fixed, or you're better or it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2224.05,"endTime":2227.5,"body":"going to be different. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.5,"endTime":2230.8,"body":"it comes back way stronger, all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.5,"endTime":2230.8,"body":"you do is hit pause, you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2230.8,"endTime":2233.44,"body":"stop and start over from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2230.8,"endTime":2233.44,"body":"beginning. Again, all I did was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2233.44,"endTime":2238.06,"body":"hit pause. On April 13 2013, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2233.44,"endTime":2238.06,"body":"hit pause. And I've been paused"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.06,"endTime":2241.48,"body":"ever since if I pick back up,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.06,"endTime":2241.48,"body":"you don't pick back up from when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.48,"endTime":2245.29,"body":"I was 12 or 13 years old, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.48,"endTime":2245.29,"body":"pick back up where you left off,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2245.95,"endTime":2250.0,"body":"which is for me, like, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2245.95,"endTime":2250.0,"body":"be around much longer. I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.0,"endTime":2252.46,"body":"this. I know this. And I've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.0,"endTime":2252.46,"body":"this more times than I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2252.46,"endTime":2256.6,"body":"count. Which is like, for me at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2252.46,"endTime":2256.6,"body":"this point in my sobriety, one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.6,"endTime":2258.46,"body":"of the greatest benefits, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.6,"endTime":2258.46,"body":"is gonna sound horrible, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.46,"endTime":2260.77,"body":"don't take it this way. One of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.46,"endTime":2260.77,"body":"the greatest benefits of going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2260.77,"endTime":2263.77,"body":"to 12 step meetings and go into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2260.77,"endTime":2263.77,"body":"treatment centers, is to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.77,"endTime":2267.13,"body":"reminded of people who thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.77,"endTime":2267.13,"body":"that they were smarter to come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.13,"endTime":2270.04,"body":"back. Like I watched the scouts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.13,"endTime":2270.04,"body":"come back with arrows in their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2270.04,"endTime":2273.52,"body":"ass. And they say didn't get any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2270.04,"endTime":2273.52,"body":"better, man. I thought I could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2273.52,"endTime":2276.25,"body":"figure it out. I thought it'd be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2273.52,"endTime":2276.25,"body":"different this time. And they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.25,"endTime":2279.1,"body":"come back and remind me what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.25,"endTime":2279.1,"body":"out there for me if I want to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.1,"endTime":2281.95,"body":"try it. I'm like, Thanks for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.1,"endTime":2281.95,"body":"reminder. I appreciate that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.98,"endTime":2284.65,"body":"Yeah, at this point, I figured"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.98,"endTime":2284.65,"body":"out how to live sober. I'm still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2284.65,"endTime":2287.65,"body":"learning every day. But that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2284.65,"endTime":2287.65,"body":"lesson I need to be reminded of."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2287.68,"endTime":2290.38,"body":"Yeah, it's powerful. I've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2287.68,"endTime":2290.38,"body":"it happen more times than I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.38,"endTime":2293.05,"body":"count. And I know that I will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.38,"endTime":2293.05,"body":"not be any different. I know I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2293.05,"endTime":2295.72,"body":"wouldn't. So today I choose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2293.05,"endTime":2295.72,"body":"sobriety."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2295.81,"endTime":2299.23,"body":"That's great. I'm really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2295.81,"endTime":2299.23,"body":"proud of you. But I do want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.23,"endTime":2303.73,"body":"go back to this weekend for just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.23,"endTime":2303.73,"body":"a second. Oh, how? How did it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2303.73,"endTime":2307.39,"body":"feel? Having fun sober?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.23,"endTime":2310.15,"body":"Well, it's not my first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.23,"endTime":2310.15,"body":"time having fun,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2310.15,"endTime":2313.12,"body":"sober I know that but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2310.15,"endTime":2313.12,"body":"like this was special. This one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2313.12,"endTime":2313.81,"body":"was this was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.81,"endTime":2316.66,"body":"really special. Like, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.81,"endTime":2316.66,"body":"pretty rare. We're able to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.66,"endTime":2318.82,"body":"away with we're really busy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.66,"endTime":2318.82,"body":"It's it's rare, we're able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.82,"endTime":2321.49,"body":"get away like that as a family"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.82,"endTime":2321.49,"body":"with we're not like on someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2321.49,"endTime":2324.97,"body":"else's clock. Or we're all like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2321.49,"endTime":2324.97,"body":"we're all together like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2325.15,"endTime":2327.73,"body":"It's amazing. Like, there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2325.15,"endTime":2327.73,"body":"moments I have to stop and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.73,"endTime":2331.18,"body":"pause. And try not to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.73,"endTime":2331.18,"body":"emotional, because I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.18,"endTime":2336.01,"body":"like, This is so incredible."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.18,"endTime":2336.01,"body":"Like, I'm here, I'm clear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.01,"endTime":2338.68,"body":"minded. I'm watching my kids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.01,"endTime":2338.68,"body":"smile, I'm looking at you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2338.68,"endTime":2342.43,"body":"looking at them. And like just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2338.68,"endTime":2342.43,"body":"the love I have for that moment."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.43,"endTime":2345.67,"body":"And you in that moment in them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.43,"endTime":2345.67,"body":"and just the gratitude, you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.67,"endTime":2348.67,"body":"like it makes you want to cry."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.67,"endTime":2348.67,"body":"Like it chokes you up just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2348.67,"endTime":2352.33,"body":"thinking about where things were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2348.67,"endTime":2352.33,"body":"headed and where they could be,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.36,"endTime":2354.67,"body":"but where they're not and just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.36,"endTime":2354.67,"body":"the grace that you feel that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2354.67,"endTime":2357.55,"body":"like, holy crap, like we're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2354.67,"endTime":2357.55,"body":"there. It's like waking up from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.55,"endTime":2360.31,"body":"a bad dream. And and none of its"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.55,"endTime":2360.31,"body":"real. And in that moment, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.31,"endTime":2363.28,"body":"like, Oh, thank God. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.31,"endTime":2363.28,"body":"ruin everything. You know, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.28,"endTime":2365.71,"body":"like how Scrooge must have felt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.28,"endTime":2365.71,"body":"the morning after he was visited"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.71,"endTime":2369.31,"body":"by the you know, the Christmas"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.71,"endTime":2369.31,"body":"ghosts. It's like, I didn't ruin"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2369.31,"endTime":2371.41,"body":"everything. I'm okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2369.31,"endTime":2371.41,"body":"Everything's okay. And I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2371.41,"endTime":2373.75,"body":"feel so much gratitude. In those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2371.41,"endTime":2373.75,"body":"moments. I'm able to watch you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2373.75,"endTime":2376.78,"body":"guys and spend time with you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2373.75,"endTime":2376.78,"body":"Like we did so many fun things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2376.78,"endTime":2378.49,"body":"as a family this weekend. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.49,"endTime":2383.98,"body":"we did. And I also think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.49,"endTime":2383.98,"body":"that we were a great team on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2383.98,"endTime":2388.12,"body":"last night. Oh my gosh, man, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2383.98,"endTime":2388.12,"body":"had a when kids get struggling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2388.12,"endTime":2388.87,"body":"child."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2389.89,"endTime":2393.04,"body":"Oh, yeah, yeah, so our kid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2389.89,"endTime":2393.04,"body":"has a puker"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2394.27,"endTime":2395.8,"body":"tick tock kids puke."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.83,"endTime":2399.97,"body":"He's a puker you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.83,"endTime":2399.97,"body":"like abuse, like on the wreck."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.0,"endTime":2400.12,"body":"Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2400.42,"endTime":2403.24,"body":"no, not on the reg. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2400.42,"endTime":2403.24,"body":"just he's not very good at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2403.54,"endTime":2406.09,"body":"making the puke to the toilets."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2403.54,"endTime":2406.09,"body":"No."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.15,"endTime":2409.93,"body":"So, like one time I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.15,"endTime":2409.93,"body":"overfed him like, like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.93,"endTime":2412.99,"body":"goldfish. Like don't overfeed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.93,"endTime":2412.99,"body":"the goldfish because I'll just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.99,"endTime":2416.2,"body":"eat it all. It was a lesson a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.99,"endTime":2416.2,"body":"dad had to learn to him. We went"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.2,"endTime":2419.89,"body":"to spring training couple years"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.2,"endTime":2419.89,"body":"back and I fed him from sunup to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.89,"endTime":2424.03,"body":"sundown and fine, man, I woke up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.89,"endTime":2424.03,"body":"to the sound of you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2424.06,"endTime":2427.69,"body":"heaving and I thought I was in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2424.06,"endTime":2427.69,"body":"the clear, there's just a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2427.69,"endTime":2430.9,"body":"bit on the bowl. And I was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2427.69,"endTime":2430.9,"body":"oh, yeah, okay, buddy. Y'all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2430.9,"endTime":2433.06,"body":"good. I'll get you some water"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2430.9,"endTime":2433.06,"body":"because it burns your nose. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.06,"endTime":2435.28,"body":"know, he was really upset that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.06,"endTime":2435.28,"body":"his nose was burning as it came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2435.28,"endTime":2439.18,"body":"out of his nose. And then as I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2435.28,"endTime":2439.18,"body":"walking back to the my bed, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2439.18,"endTime":2442.12,"body":"look like side of my like my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2439.18,"endTime":2442.12,"body":"peripheral. Just pick something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2442.12,"endTime":2444.34,"body":"up and it looks like I mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2442.12,"endTime":2444.34,"body":"someone just slaughtered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2444.34,"endTime":2449.23,"body":"something. I mean, it's like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2444.34,"endTime":2449.23,"body":"mean, it looks like a sacrifice"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2449.23,"endTime":2453.55,"body":"took place over here. So much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2449.23,"endTime":2453.55,"body":"vomit, your hotel rooms. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2453.55,"endTime":2457.57,"body":"have like carpet cleaner or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2453.55,"endTime":2457.57,"body":"anything else. And it's like two"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2457.57,"endTime":2460.27,"body":"or three in the morning. So your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2457.57,"endTime":2460.27,"body":"brain is trying to process like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2460.57,"endTime":2461.59,"body":"what happened and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2461.59,"endTime":2463.63,"body":"was not there to clean it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2461.59,"endTime":2463.63,"body":"up. No, it was just me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2463.9,"endTime":2467.23,"body":"But anyway, we went to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2463.9,"endTime":2467.23,"body":"dinner like which is really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2467.23,"endTime":2470.08,"body":"cool. We got to camp food, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2467.23,"endTime":2470.08,"body":"was really really cool. So we go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.08,"endTime":2475.54,"body":"and they had spaghetti meatballs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.08,"endTime":2475.54,"body":"at night. Really good. We we go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2475.54,"endTime":2478.06,"body":"play hang out. They have dance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2475.54,"endTime":2478.06,"body":"that night. We go dance around a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.06,"endTime":2481.93,"body":"little bit. We both picked up on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.06,"endTime":2481.93,"body":"a couple dances. That was fun."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2481.96,"endTime":2487.57,"body":"Yeah. And then get back to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2481.96,"endTime":2487.57,"body":"cabin. He starts feeling sick,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2487.57,"endTime":2490.54,"body":"like kind of out of nowhere. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2487.57,"endTime":2490.54,"body":"like this kid just like refuses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2490.54,"endTime":2493.51,"body":"to puke in a toilet. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2490.54,"endTime":2493.51,"body":"know what it is, man. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2493.51,"endTime":2495.67,"body":"know if that's just me. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2493.51,"endTime":2495.67,"body":"like, just the I'm going to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.67,"endTime":2498.19,"body":"what everyone else doesn't do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.67,"endTime":2498.19,"body":"like I'm just gonna I tried and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2498.19,"endTime":2500.32,"body":"I got really frustrated"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2498.19,"endTime":2500.32,"body":"and you were getting frustrated"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2500.32,"endTime":2502.72,"body":"with me because I was frustrated"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2500.32,"endTime":2502.72,"body":"with the whole situation, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2502.72,"endTime":2504.22,"body":"you missed a little bit of it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2502.72,"endTime":2504.22,"body":"So I must"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2504.22,"endTime":2505.78,"body":"have missed the fight that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2504.22,"endTime":2505.78,"body":"happened before but either way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2505.78,"endTime":2509.05,"body":"through. And he's a puker right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2505.78,"endTime":2509.05,"body":"So I don't think too much of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2509.05,"endTime":2512.02,"body":"Like he's a puker he puked. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2509.05,"endTime":2512.02,"body":"what peakers do, so we go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.02,"endTime":2512.5,"body":"bed."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.8,"endTime":2516.4,"body":"You're okay, Joe Dirt."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2512.8,"endTime":2516.4,"body":"There's a big pile of puke over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2516.4,"endTime":2516.67,"body":"there. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.67,"endTime":2519.34,"body":"might want to pick up the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.67,"endTime":2519.34,"body":"puke. Oh, yeah. Forgot about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.34,"endTime":2524.56,"body":"that. See? It's pretty big pile"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.34,"endTime":2524.56,"body":"of poop. Yeah. So he he wakes up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.56,"endTime":2526.33,"body":"in the middle of night. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.56,"endTime":2526.33,"body":"like we'd been sick about an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.33,"endTime":2529.24,"body":"hour or so he wakes up like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.33,"endTime":2529.24,"body":"screaming like a nightmare."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2529.36,"endTime":2532.48,"body":"Yeah. heartbreak for some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2529.36,"endTime":2532.48,"body":"reason. I just like it just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.81,"endTime":2536.2,"body":"identified like the noises. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.81,"endTime":2536.2,"body":"think he's got the puke. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2536.23,"endTime":2538.42,"body":"jumped up. I ran toward him."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2536.23,"endTime":2538.42,"body":"Like, come on. Let's get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2538.42,"endTime":2541.3,"body":"outside, get outside, open up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2538.42,"endTime":2541.3,"body":"the cabin door. And as soon as I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.3,"endTime":2544.66,"body":"open up the door, I hear splat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.3,"endTime":2544.66,"body":"plop, plop, plop, and I just go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.72,"endTime":2550.84,"body":"ah, F Oh, we almost made it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.72,"endTime":2550.84,"body":"man. Like he puked at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.84,"endTime":2555.07,"body":"threshold. So we're cleaning it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.84,"endTime":2555.07,"body":"all up. And then he's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.07,"endTime":2559.45,"body":"every hour 45 minutes. It comes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.07,"endTime":2559.45,"body":"back. He got a virus at this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.48,"endTime":2561.58,"body":"like, yeah, at this point. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.48,"endTime":2561.58,"body":"like, Oh, he's got a virus or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2561.58,"endTime":2564.79,"body":"food poisoning, but none of us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2561.58,"endTime":2564.79,"body":"were sick. So virus. Yeah. He's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.79,"endTime":2567.37,"body":"puking, like every hour. So if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.79,"endTime":2567.37,"body":"like for the ne peut. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.37,"endTime":2568.69,"body":"know, eight, nine times at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.37,"endTime":2568.69,"body":"night,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2568.75,"endTime":2571.27,"body":"I don't know is more dry"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2568.75,"endTime":2571.27,"body":"heaving. But we don't have a P"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2571.27,"endTime":2571.48,"body":"That's."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2572.14,"endTime":2575.17,"body":"So the first three or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2572.14,"endTime":2575.17,"body":"four? Like first one. It was me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.17,"endTime":2578.47,"body":"and you and then at first after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.17,"endTime":2578.47,"body":"that was just me. And then it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.47,"endTime":2582.4,"body":"was just you? Yeah, like traded?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.47,"endTime":2582.4,"body":"Yeah. Like tending to him? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2582.58,"endTime":2584.38,"body":"Great. We're a team. And yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2584.47,"endTime":2589.96,"body":"I don't see that being"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2584.47,"endTime":2589.96,"body":"handled that great. Had it been,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2590.05,"endTime":2591.67,"body":"you know, 11 years ago?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.7,"endTime":2592.54,"body":"No way."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2592.6,"endTime":2597.52,"body":"It would have been awful,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2592.6,"endTime":2597.52,"body":"awful. traumatizing. Yeah, for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2597.52,"endTime":2601.99,"body":"all involved. For sure. So I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2597.52,"endTime":2601.99,"body":"just I just I, I know, people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2601.99,"endTime":2605.44,"body":"might hear these things and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2601.99,"endTime":2605.44,"body":"think, okay, big deal. But it is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.44,"endTime":2609.37,"body":"a big deal. If you're in it. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.44,"endTime":2609.37,"body":"you understand the dynamics of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2609.37,"endTime":2612.1,"body":"these relationships and the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2609.37,"endTime":2612.1,"body":"situations that happen and how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2612.1,"endTime":2616.0,"body":"there's so much anger and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2612.1,"endTime":2616.0,"body":"frustration and, and how addicts"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2616.0,"endTime":2618.85,"body":"don't know how to, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2616.0,"endTime":2618.85,"body":"process their emotions."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2619.21,"endTime":2622.39,"body":"appropriately. This is a big"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2619.21,"endTime":2622.39,"body":"deal. It's a big deal. When I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2622.39,"endTime":2625.96,"body":"see you do things like that. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2622.39,"endTime":2625.96,"body":"of course, you can say, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2625.96,"endTime":2627.82,"body":"well, you're a grown up, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2625.96,"endTime":2627.82,"body":"know, you're a grown man, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2627.82,"endTime":2629.98,"body":"should know how to do this. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2627.82,"endTime":2629.98,"body":"there are a lot of grown men out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2629.98,"endTime":2632.98,"body":"there who would not have handled"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2629.98,"endTime":2632.98,"body":"it like you did? Don't I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2632.98,"endTime":2637.3,"body":"it's great. And every time it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2632.98,"endTime":2637.3,"body":"happens, I it's a new core"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2637.3,"endTime":2641.62,"body":"memory. You know, it's over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2637.3,"endTime":2641.62,"body":"writing the things that happened"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2641.62,"endTime":2642.34,"body":"in the past."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2642.34,"endTime":2644.11,"body":"Yeah, those things will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2642.34,"endTime":2644.11,"body":"never go away. But eventually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.11,"endTime":2647.11,"body":"you will have so many new ones"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.11,"endTime":2647.11,"body":"where it's like, oh, this is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.11,"endTime":2650.08,"body":"norm now. Yes, but it takes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2647.11,"endTime":2650.08,"body":"time. But even a decade later,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2650.08,"endTime":2652.84,"body":"you're still not like, Oh, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2650.08,"endTime":2652.84,"body":"is the norm. Right. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2652.84,"endTime":2656.02,"body":"you still recognize those as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2652.84,"endTime":2656.02,"body":"like new behaviors. Yes. Which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2656.02,"endTime":2657.76,"body":"just goes to show how long it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2656.02,"endTime":2657.76,"body":"could take?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2657.82,"endTime":2660.49,"body":"Well, that and how much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2657.82,"endTime":2660.49,"body":"of an impact the negative can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2660.49,"endTime":2661.45,"body":"have on you big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2661.45,"endTime":2664.36,"body":"time. Anytime. Yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2661.45,"endTime":2664.36,"body":"we had more than a few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.36,"endTime":2668.53,"body":"instances. I remember. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.36,"endTime":2668.53,"body":"know what I was doing. Oh, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2668.53,"endTime":2672.22,"body":"got we volunteered to take part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2668.53,"endTime":2672.22,"body":"in a competition. They gave us a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.22,"endTime":2674.74,"body":"giant bowl of whipped cream and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.22,"endTime":2674.74,"body":"it had these little called"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.74,"endTime":2677.26,"body":"merits. It's like things you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.74,"endTime":2677.26,"body":"earn at camp for doing good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2677.26,"endTime":2680.29,"body":"deeds. And there was like four"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2677.26,"endTime":2680.29,"body":"or five merits buried in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.29,"endTime":2683.38,"body":"giant bowl of whipped cream and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.29,"endTime":2683.38,"body":"you had to dig out the merits"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2683.38,"endTime":2687.64,"body":"with nothing but your face. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2683.38,"endTime":2687.64,"body":"so me and our son volunteered to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2687.64,"endTime":2690.55,"body":"do this. Like our hands went up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2687.64,"endTime":2690.55,"body":"right away. And we got called up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2690.55,"endTime":2692.59,"body":"there and we ended up winning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2690.55,"endTime":2692.59,"body":"the competition, but when I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.59,"endTime":2696.61,"body":"done, you said to me, it's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.59,"endTime":2696.61,"body":"be hard to say without crying."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2698.11,"endTime":2704.86,"body":"You said I think I just fell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2698.11,"endTime":2704.86,"body":"more in love with you. That was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.86,"endTime":2709.45,"body":"really cool. It took me a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.86,"endTime":2709.45,"body":"second. I'm like, Why? Because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2709.45,"endTime":2712.54,"body":"won the the whipped cream"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2709.45,"endTime":2712.54,"body":"competition, because I flexed on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2712.54,"endTime":2717.07,"body":"the other dad, you know, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2712.54,"endTime":2717.07,"body":"then like that, you know, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.07,"endTime":2719.05,"body":"millisecond of a thought I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.07,"endTime":2719.05,"body":"like, oh, it's because I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2719.05,"endTime":2722.11,"body":"present with my family. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2719.05,"endTime":2722.11,"body":"doing the things that we always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2722.11,"endTime":2725.56,"body":"dream we do. And we're actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2722.11,"endTime":2725.56,"body":"doing them right now. They doubt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2725.62,"endTime":2728.62,"body":"that was powerful. That was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2725.62,"endTime":2728.62,"body":"cool. That's not anything I ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2728.62,"endTime":2731.89,"body":"would have done before. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2728.62,"endTime":2731.89,"body":"not performative. Like I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2731.89,"endTime":2733.81,"body":"doing these things, because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2731.89,"endTime":2733.81,"body":"feel like I'm making up for lost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2733.81,"endTime":2736.84,"body":"time. Like, I want to do these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2733.81,"endTime":2736.84,"body":"things like this is the life I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2736.84,"endTime":2740.74,"body":"signed up for originally. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2736.84,"endTime":2740.74,"body":"finally just get to live it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2740.74,"endTime":2743.08,"body":"it's cool. It's just really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2740.74,"endTime":2743.08,"body":"cool. I don't know where to put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2743.08,"endTime":2745.57,"body":"it. I'm just extremely grateful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2743.08,"endTime":2745.57,"body":"for it. I'm never proud of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2745.57,"endTime":2751.36,"body":"I'm just grateful, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2745.57,"endTime":2751.36,"body":"grateful. Like I'm, I'm just, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.36,"endTime":2754.21,"body":"sit there and like pure grace,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.36,"endTime":2754.21,"body":"like, I don't deserve any of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2754.21,"endTime":2757.33,"body":"these things. If I got like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2754.21,"endTime":2757.33,"body":"people don't get what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2757.33,"endTime":2759.97,"body":"deserve. If I got if people got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2757.33,"endTime":2759.97,"body":"what they deserved, I would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2759.97,"endTime":2764.86,"body":"in jail. And I would be single,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2759.97,"endTime":2764.86,"body":"and you'd be married to some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.86,"endTime":2768.25,"body":"wonderful man, and he would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.86,"endTime":2768.25,"body":"raising my kids. That's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2768.25,"endTime":2771.37,"body":"happens when people get what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2768.25,"endTime":2771.37,"body":"they deserve. I got grace, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.37,"endTime":2774.37,"body":"know, something that I truly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.37,"endTime":2774.37,"body":"didn't deserve Arne. But it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2774.4,"endTime":2777.34,"body":"I was given an opportunity. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2774.4,"endTime":2777.34,"body":"I took it. And I just decided to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2777.34,"endTime":2781.15,"body":"put everything I thought I knew"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2777.34,"endTime":2781.15,"body":"and everything I believed aside,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.6,"endTime":2785.17,"body":"and I just like, I'm gonna, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.6,"endTime":2785.17,"body":"gotta try something else. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2785.17,"endTime":2787.57,"body":"owe it to the people that were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2785.17,"endTime":2787.57,"body":"there for me in the beginning,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.6,"endTime":2789.88,"body":"and not just to talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.6,"endTime":2789.88,"body":"people who were sober, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2789.91,"endTime":2792.94,"body":"showed me that it can be done."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2789.91,"endTime":2792.94,"body":"Yeah. And they were showing me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2792.94,"endTime":2795.34,"body":"that you could be happy and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2792.94,"endTime":2795.34,"body":"sober. And that you could find a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2795.37,"endTime":2799.45,"body":"replacement that wasn't just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2795.37,"endTime":2799.45,"body":"like, gonna make things, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2799.45,"endTime":2802.87,"body":"know, tolerable for those around"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2799.45,"endTime":2802.87,"body":"you. But there's a true"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2802.99,"endTime":2805.93,"body":"substitute for a better life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2802.99,"endTime":2805.93,"body":"And so if you couldn't show me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2805.93,"endTime":2807.94,"body":"something better than I never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2805.93,"endTime":2807.94,"body":"would have done it, I never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2807.94,"endTime":2810.25,"body":"would have gotten sober. If it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2807.94,"endTime":2810.25,"body":"wasn't going to be better. I'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2810.25,"endTime":2812.29,"body":"just go back to what I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2810.25,"endTime":2812.29,"body":"doing. Man, this is so much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2812.29,"endTime":2814.6,"body":"better. But I owe it to those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2812.29,"endTime":2814.6,"body":"people in the beginning, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2815.11,"endTime":2818.23,"body":"like my sponsor, my 12 Step"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2815.11,"endTime":2818.23,"body":"sponsor, all the people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2818.23,"endTime":2820.72,"body":"came and volunteered their time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2818.23,"endTime":2820.72,"body":"to show me it can be done. And,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2821.32,"endTime":2824.05,"body":"man, I'm just grateful. I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2821.32,"endTime":2824.05,"body":"grateful. Like, that's grace."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2824.23,"endTime":2827.44,"body":"Like, I don't deserve any of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2824.23,"endTime":2827.44,"body":"this. But I'm so fortunate. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2827.44,"endTime":2831.25,"body":"lucky. That's awesome. Thanks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2827.44,"endTime":2831.25,"body":"for dealing with me. Know."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2831.91,"endTime":2836.23,"body":"Thanks for dealing with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2831.91,"endTime":2836.23,"body":"me, too. Um, I did want to ask"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2836.23,"endTime":2838.93,"body":"you some questions. I mean, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2836.23,"endTime":2838.93,"body":"answered a lot of the questions"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2838.93,"endTime":2843.85,"body":"that I had on here, okay, within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2838.93,"endTime":2843.85,"body":"what we were discussing, but um,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2844.0,"endTime":2850.39,"body":"you know, you talked about how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2844.0,"endTime":2850.39,"body":"you don't how you take over the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2850.39,"endTime":2853.0,"body":"counter medications for your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2850.39,"endTime":2853.0,"body":"back pain? Well, there are a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2853.0,"endTime":2855.88,"body":"of people who self medicate with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2853.0,"endTime":2855.88,"body":"alcohol and stuff like that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2855.88,"endTime":2860.17,"body":"Well, your drug of choice was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2855.88,"endTime":2860.17,"body":"opiates and opioids, primarily,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2860.29,"endTime":2866.14,"body":"and an amphetamine. So why did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2860.29,"endTime":2866.14,"body":"you stop drinking and smoking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2866.14,"endTime":2869.29,"body":"weed and even taking the MCAT"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2866.14,"endTime":2869.29,"body":"you were on amphetamines as well"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2869.32,"endTime":2871.96,"body":"in which was a prescription when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2869.32,"endTime":2871.96,"body":"you became clean?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.77,"endTime":2875.59,"body":"So opioids were a problem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.77,"endTime":2875.59,"body":"for me from the very beginning."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2875.65,"endTime":2879.49,"body":"Like when I checked into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2875.65,"endTime":2879.49,"body":"treatment, my goal was to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.49,"endTime":2882.46,"body":"taking opioids, I need to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.49,"endTime":2882.46,"body":"off these opioids or I need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2882.46,"endTime":2886.54,"body":"learn how to manage my use. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2882.46,"endTime":2886.54,"body":"was described to me pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2887.14,"endTime":2890.35,"body":"clearly, it's like, that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2887.14,"endTime":2890.35,"body":"how this works. Let's go through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2890.35,"endTime":2893.8,"body":"your history. So I sat down, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2890.35,"endTime":2893.8,"body":"I kind of went through my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2893.8,"endTime":2900.55,"body":"history, honestly, right. really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2893.8,"endTime":2900.55,"body":"honest. I heard someone say, one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2900.55,"endTime":2903.25,"body":"of the first days I was in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2900.55,"endTime":2903.25,"body":"treatment, they said many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2903.25,"endTime":2907.27,"body":"addicts have relapsed, thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2903.25,"endTime":2907.27,"body":"that alcohol was not a drug. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.27,"endTime":2909.13,"body":"many people have done that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.27,"endTime":2909.13,"body":"like, well, I didn't have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2909.13,"endTime":2910.9,"body":"problem with alcohol, or I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2909.13,"endTime":2910.9,"body":"didn't have problem with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.9,"endTime":2913.42,"body":"opiates, or I didn't have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2910.9,"endTime":2913.42,"body":"problem with Adderall. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.42,"endTime":2916.96,"body":"have problem with weed. My"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2913.42,"endTime":2916.96,"body":"problem was x. And they just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.96,"endTime":2920.89,"body":"focus on x. For me any mood or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.96,"endTime":2920.89,"body":"mind altering substance,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2920.89,"endTime":2923.5,"body":"anything that makes me feel good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2920.89,"endTime":2923.5,"body":"and do bad shit, I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2923.5,"endTime":2926.71,"body":"chase that is my personality."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2923.5,"endTime":2926.71,"body":"When I'm really honest with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2926.71,"endTime":2930.91,"body":"myself. That is what I do. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2926.71,"endTime":2930.91,"body":"had to consider Okay, now let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.91,"endTime":2933.07,"body":"pretend that you're in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2930.91,"endTime":2933.07,"body":"house six months from now we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2933.07,"endTime":2937.66,"body":"removed opioids, but you think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2933.07,"endTime":2937.66,"body":"you can smoke weed? How would I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.66,"endTime":2941.02,"body":"smoke weed? I'll tell you how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2937.66,"endTime":2941.02,"body":"I'll smoke weed all day, every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2941.02,"endTime":2944.38,"body":"day. That's how I'd smoke weed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2941.02,"endTime":2944.38,"body":"Okay, let's take away the weed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2944.68,"endTime":2948.55,"body":"But you can drink How would you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2944.68,"endTime":2948.55,"body":"drink all day, every day. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2948.55,"endTime":2952.84,"body":"how I do things. That's how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2948.55,"endTime":2952.84,"body":"addicts operate. So for me, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.84,"endTime":2955.87,"body":"solid, liquid or gas, it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2952.84,"endTime":2955.87,"body":"matter. It's all the same thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.41,"endTime":2959.47,"body":"When I get a substance in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2956.41,"endTime":2959.47,"body":"body that changes my state of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.47,"endTime":2963.25,"body":"mind. I want more. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2959.47,"endTime":2963.25,"body":"this allergy kicks in. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2963.25,"endTime":2966.1,"body":"what Dr. Silkworth called it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2963.25,"endTime":2966.1,"body":"the doctor's opinion that they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2966.4,"endTime":2968.47,"body":"wanted, like I guess it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2966.4,"endTime":2968.47,"body":"preface or forward to in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2968.47,"endTime":2971.74,"body":"book of AAA talks about this and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2968.47,"endTime":2971.74,"body":"he's like it's it's like an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2971.74,"endTime":2974.32,"body":"allergy. It's like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2971.74,"endTime":2974.32,"body":"phenomenon of craving happens"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2974.32,"endTime":2977.41,"body":"like something happens in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2974.32,"endTime":2977.41,"body":"brain. Jordan Peterson did a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2977.41,"endTime":2982.15,"body":"study on this. He's a site"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2977.41,"endTime":2982.15,"body":"psychologist, psychiatrist, a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2982.15,"endTime":2985.75,"body":"psychologist in Canada, he was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2982.15,"endTime":2985.75,"body":"doing these studies and he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2985.75,"endTime":2990.61,"body":"identified like, he could see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2985.75,"endTime":2990.61,"body":"addicts looking at their their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2990.61,"endTime":2993.64,"body":"blood alcohol measuring their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2990.61,"endTime":2993.64,"body":"desire. So they would hook them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2993.67,"endTime":2997.54,"body":"up to all these brain things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2993.67,"endTime":2997.54,"body":"like this, like some somehow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2997.54,"endTime":3000.51,"body":"measured your brainwaves, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2997.54,"endTime":3000.51,"body":"And on the ascending Alcohol"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3000.51,"endTime":3004.14,"body":"curves. So as your blood alcohol"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3000.51,"endTime":3004.14,"body":"content is rising, some people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3004.14,"endTime":3008.43,"body":"get an abnormal response where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3004.14,"endTime":3008.43,"body":"they want more. Most people,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3008.73,"endTime":3011.94,"body":"your average drinker enjoys that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3008.73,"endTime":3011.94,"body":"feeling and then lets it go back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3011.94,"endTime":3014.34,"body":"down guys like me don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3011.94,"endTime":3014.34,"body":"when to stop. It's like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3014.34,"endTime":3017.82,"body":"phenomenon of craving kicks in,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3014.34,"endTime":3017.82,"body":"I need that to be stronger. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3017.82,"endTime":3021.18,"body":"need multiples of that. I need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3017.82,"endTime":3021.18,"body":"that to last forever. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3021.18,"endTime":3023.97,"body":"what happens in my brain. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3021.18,"endTime":3023.97,"body":"I've known this about myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3023.97,"endTime":3027.03,"body":"from the first time ever took a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3023.97,"endTime":3027.03,"body":"substance. So I'd be lying if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3027.03,"endTime":3031.08,"body":"thought, could I drink ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3027.03,"endTime":3031.08,"body":"again? Like, in the beginning, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3031.08,"endTime":3034.98,"body":"was like, maybe Yeah, but where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3031.08,"endTime":3034.98,"body":"would we end up though, if I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3034.98,"endTime":3037.53,"body":"screwed it up here, I'm probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3034.98,"endTime":3037.53,"body":"going to screw it up there. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3037.53,"endTime":3039.51,"body":"it's just the truth I have with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3037.53,"endTime":3039.51,"body":"myself. And it's like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3039.54,"endTime":3042.78,"body":"resigned to that. I had a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3039.54,"endTime":3042.78,"body":"good run. Like, I think about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3042.78,"endTime":3046.2,"body":"it, like I retired with a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3042.78,"endTime":3046.2,"body":"good career, of drinking and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3046.2,"endTime":3049.29,"body":"using, like, I took a lifetime's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3046.2,"endTime":3049.29,"body":"worth and a very small amount of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3049.29,"endTime":3053.46,"body":"time. I've had my dosage. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3049.29,"endTime":3053.46,"body":"good. I've, I've experienced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3053.46,"endTime":3057.57,"body":"everything you could experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3053.46,"endTime":3057.57,"body":"with all those substances, all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3057.57,"endTime":3060.27,"body":"the things that people do. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3057.57,"endTime":3060.27,"body":"hadn't, there was nothing more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3060.27,"endTime":3064.2,"body":"to explore. There was only pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3060.27,"endTime":3064.2,"body":"and regret and sorrow and like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3064.44,"endTime":3065.85,"body":"destruction left."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3066.18,"endTime":3068.7,"body":"Oh, kudos to you for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3066.18,"endTime":3068.7,"body":"being real with yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3068.73,"endTime":3071.4,"body":"That's hard. That's hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3068.73,"endTime":3071.4,"body":"for a lot of people I find, yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3071.43,"endTime":3072.75,"body":"Really hard for a lot of people."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3071.43,"endTime":3072.75,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3072.75,"endTime":3076.47,"body":"And I think that is what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3072.75,"endTime":3076.47,"body":"I think that's a huge thing that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3076.47,"endTime":3079.95,"body":"helped you becomes as as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3076.47,"endTime":3079.95,"body":"successful as you are in your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3079.95,"endTime":3084.63,"body":"sobriety is that you were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3079.95,"endTime":3084.63,"body":"honest, from the get go. Honesty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3084.66,"endTime":3087.57,"body":"in this deal is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3084.66,"endTime":3087.57,"body":"indispensable. You have to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3087.57,"endTime":3090.96,"body":"honest with yourself. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3087.57,"endTime":3090.96,"body":"can't be honest with yourself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3090.99,"endTime":3097.08,"body":"you have no chance, you have no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3090.99,"endTime":3097.08,"body":"chance. And self deceit is part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3097.08,"endTime":3100.14,"body":"it's one of the features of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3097.08,"endTime":3100.14,"body":"addict mind is self deceit,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3100.17,"endTime":3103.86,"body":"projection, denial, all these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3100.17,"endTime":3103.86,"body":"things. You have to be able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3103.86,"endTime":3106.98,"body":"identify that within yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3103.86,"endTime":3106.98,"body":"and to make decisions that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3106.98,"endTime":3110.58,"body":"best for your future self. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3106.98,"endTime":3110.58,"body":"for me, like the decision early"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3110.58,"endTime":3113.16,"body":"on that I'm just not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3110.58,"endTime":3113.16,"body":"use any sort of mood or mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3113.16,"endTime":3115.23,"body":"altering substance, it was a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3113.16,"endTime":3115.23,"body":"very conscious thought, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3115.23,"endTime":3118.95,"body":"I know where I would end up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3115.23,"endTime":3118.95,"body":"why did I know that? Well, I had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3118.95,"endTime":3121.83,"body":"evidence in the past to show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3118.95,"endTime":3121.83,"body":"where I had done it before. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3121.83,"endTime":3124.44,"body":"why would it be any different?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3121.83,"endTime":3124.44,"body":"Yeah, why would it be different?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3124.53,"endTime":3127.62,"body":"And we use that logic for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3124.53,"endTime":3127.62,"body":"everything else in life? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3127.71,"endTime":3130.2,"body":"You know what I mean? Like, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3127.71,"endTime":3130.2,"body":"could look at every like, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3130.2,"endTime":3133.5,"body":"let's say that. Someone's a bank"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3130.2,"endTime":3133.5,"body":"robber. Right? They're a bank"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3133.5,"endTime":3136.68,"body":"robber. Right? What are they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3133.5,"endTime":3136.68,"body":"likely to do? Again, rob banks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3136.68,"endTime":3139.29,"body":"or steel? That's what they do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3136.68,"endTime":3139.29,"body":"This is what they do. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3139.29,"endTime":3141.69,"body":"what they're going to do. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3139.29,"endTime":3141.69,"body":"well, so we're gonna give them a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3141.69,"endTime":3144.36,"body":"job in a bank? No, we probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3141.69,"endTime":3144.36,"body":"shouldn't do that. They have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3144.36,"endTime":3147.09,"body":"history of this. addicts,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3144.36,"endTime":3147.09,"body":"alcoholics, I think you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3147.09,"endTime":3150.21,"body":"look yourself in much the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3147.09,"endTime":3150.21,"body":"way where it's, this is my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3150.21,"endTime":3153.6,"body":"history, I tend to abuse things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3150.21,"endTime":3153.6,"body":"I tend to go too hard on things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3153.78,"endTime":3157.62,"body":"Even cough medicine. Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3153.78,"endTime":3157.62,"body":"When those things kick in, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3157.62,"endTime":3160.89,"body":"like, huh, kind of feels nice,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3157.62,"endTime":3160.89,"body":"man. I wonder what two would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3160.89,"endTime":3164.88,"body":"feel like, I feel like I heard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3160.89,"endTime":3164.88,"body":"this, this frickin joke that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3164.94,"endTime":3169.05,"body":"that illustrates this perfectly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3164.94,"endTime":3169.05,"body":"Okay. There's an AAA group with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.05,"endTime":3171.96,"body":"like, 50 people, and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.05,"endTime":3171.96,"body":"sitting there. They're in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3171.96,"endTime":3174.48,"body":"meeting, it's, it's quiet,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3171.96,"endTime":3174.48,"body":"someone's talking. And then a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3174.48,"endTime":3177.84,"body":"doctor burst in the room. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3174.48,"endTime":3177.84,"body":"he's holding up a pill. And he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3177.84,"endTime":3182.43,"body":"like, I have discovered the cure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3177.84,"endTime":3182.43,"body":"for alcoholism. All you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3182.43,"endTime":3186.42,"body":"do is take this one pill, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3182.43,"endTime":3186.42,"body":"you're completely cured forever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3186.78,"endTime":3189.0,"body":"And the alcoholics are just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3186.78,"endTime":3189.0,"body":"silent. They're just sitting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3189.0,"endTime":3192.96,"body":"there staring. Until one moment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3189.0,"endTime":3192.96,"body":"one of them stands up, he raises"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3192.96,"endTime":3198.09,"body":"his hand. And he goes, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3192.96,"endTime":3198.09,"body":"happens if you take to think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3198.09,"endTime":3199.98,"body":"that illustrates perfectly the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3198.09,"endTime":3199.98,"body":"mind of an addict or an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3199.98,"endTime":3204.48,"body":"alcoholic? Wow. What happens if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3199.98,"endTime":3204.48,"body":"you take more? What happens if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3204.48,"endTime":3206.61,"body":"you take too? How can I make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3204.48,"endTime":3206.61,"body":"that stronger? How can I What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3206.61,"endTime":3208.8,"body":"can I add to this to make it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3206.61,"endTime":3208.8,"body":"different? That's what our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3208.8,"endTime":3211.77,"body":"brains do. And once you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3208.8,"endTime":3211.77,"body":"that truth about yourself, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3211.77,"endTime":3214.62,"body":"your responsibility. Now to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3211.77,"endTime":3214.62,"body":"manage it. There are many people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3214.62,"endTime":3217.53,"body":"who for years and years and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3214.62,"endTime":3217.53,"body":"years and years will try against"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3217.8,"endTime":3220.89,"body":"everything to manage that. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3217.8,"endTime":3220.89,"body":"what I have seen through my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3220.89,"endTime":3223.65,"body":"experience of being in the rooms"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3220.89,"endTime":3223.65,"body":"for 11 years working with other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3223.65,"endTime":3227.88,"body":"people, and just being in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3223.65,"endTime":3227.88,"body":"space is that I'd never seen a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3227.88,"endTime":3232.23,"body":"single person figure it out. Why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3227.88,"endTime":3232.23,"body":"would it be me? I have to I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3232.23,"endTime":3235.17,"body":"the average, right? Like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3232.23,"endTime":3235.17,"body":"the middle of the bell curve. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3235.23,"endTime":3236.94,"body":"find the middle of the bell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3235.23,"endTime":3236.94,"body":"curve, I'm probably just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3236.94,"endTime":3240.27,"body":"them, I will I'm not special."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3236.94,"endTime":3240.27,"body":"I'm just not special. I would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3240.27,"endTime":3242.49,"body":"just like them. And I think you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3240.27,"endTime":3242.49,"body":"just have to accept that truth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3242.49,"endTime":3244.38,"body":"about yourself. A lot of people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3242.49,"endTime":3244.38,"body":"just have a really hard time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3244.38,"endTime":3246.81,"body":"doing it. They think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3244.38,"endTime":3246.81,"body":"they're different or unique. Or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3246.81,"endTime":3251.13,"body":"they can't drop the fantasy of,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3246.81,"endTime":3251.13,"body":"you know, like the romanticism"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3251.13,"endTime":3254.25,"body":"of the use. A lot of people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3251.13,"endTime":3254.25,"body":"romanticize it. Like they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3254.25,"endTime":3257.52,"body":"remember the one time they got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3254.25,"endTime":3257.52,"body":"it perfect. They didn't forget"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3257.52,"endTime":3260.76,"body":"the 50 other times that went"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3257.52,"endTime":3260.76,"body":"terribly wrong. Yep. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3260.76,"endTime":3262.8,"body":"they want to remember that one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3260.76,"endTime":3262.8,"body":"time in Mexico when they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3262.8,"endTime":3265.71,"body":"their wife and him that night"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3262.8,"endTime":3265.71,"body":"was just perfect man. And they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3265.71,"endTime":3269.16,"body":"made love and it was great. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3265.71,"endTime":3269.16,"body":"it was on the beach and but they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3269.16,"endTime":3272.28,"body":"don't want to remember the DWI."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3269.16,"endTime":3272.28,"body":"They don't remember like, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3272.28,"endTime":3275.97,"body":"know, getting fired because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3272.28,"endTime":3275.97,"body":"you're hung over. Any other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3275.97,"endTime":3279.36,"body":"problems that we have screaming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3275.97,"endTime":3279.36,"body":"at your kids or drinking, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3279.36,"endTime":3282.09,"body":"sneak drinking things, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3279.36,"endTime":3282.09,"body":"things they don't want. Remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3282.09,"endTime":3285.06,"body":"that stuff. That's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3282.09,"endTime":3285.06,"body":"addiction does. Yeah. So like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3285.06,"endTime":3288.54,"body":"once I know I have this thing in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3285.06,"endTime":3288.54,"body":"my brain, okay, now, what can I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3288.54,"endTime":3292.5,"body":"do to work back against that?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3288.54,"endTime":3292.5,"body":"And that was like, the first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3292.5,"endTime":3295.2,"body":"thing I decided to do was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3292.5,"endTime":3295.2,"body":"I can't do anything, man. I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3295.2,"endTime":3296.07,"body":"this about myself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3296.1,"endTime":3300.18,"body":"Yeah. Wow, that's good."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3296.1,"endTime":3300.18,"body":"Um, what advice would Would you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3300.18,"endTime":3302.43,"body":"give someone who is struggling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3300.18,"endTime":3302.43,"body":"with daily pain and wants to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3302.43,"endTime":3307.02,"body":"self medicate? And not just with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3302.43,"endTime":3307.02,"body":"with pills or whatnot even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3307.02,"endTime":3307.59,"body":"alcohol?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3307.71,"endTime":3310.11,"body":"Yeah, I would say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3307.71,"endTime":3310.11,"body":"alcohol hasn't been used in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3310.11,"endTime":3313.77,"body":"medicine since like 1916. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3310.11,"endTime":3313.77,"body":"like you're not white or at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3313.77,"endTime":3316.35,"body":"okay corral after the shoot out,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3313.77,"endTime":3316.35,"body":"man, they're not using whiskey"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3316.35,"endTime":3319.5,"body":"anymore to medicate pain is an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3316.35,"endTime":3319.5,"body":"ineffective way to medicate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3319.5,"endTime":3323.19,"body":"pain. What about emotional pain?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3319.5,"endTime":3323.19,"body":"Horribly ineffective, it causes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3323.19,"endTime":3327.78,"body":"more? It makes anxiety worse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3323.19,"endTime":3327.78,"body":"Yes, it's a depressant present,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3327.81,"endTime":3331.08,"body":"right? It's not good for someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3327.81,"endTime":3331.08,"body":"who's depressed? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3331.56,"endTime":3334.29,"body":"that's an excuse, we see"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3331.56,"endTime":3334.29,"body":"a lot. What?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3335.01,"endTime":3337.17,"body":"And I've been here, so I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3335.01,"endTime":3337.17,"body":"gonna speak for myself is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3337.17,"endTime":3340.23,"body":"what you want in those moments"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3337.17,"endTime":3340.23,"body":"is a release from the pain that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3340.23,"endTime":3342.69,"body":"you're feeling? You want to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3340.23,"endTime":3342.69,"body":"anything other than the way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3342.69,"endTime":3346.26,"body":"you're feeling? But the only way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3342.69,"endTime":3346.26,"body":"out is through? Yeah, the only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3346.26,"endTime":3348.9,"body":"way out is through, you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3346.26,"endTime":3348.9,"body":"going to figure it out by going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3348.9,"endTime":3352.05,"body":"backwards or under, which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3348.9,"endTime":3352.05,"body":"what we think. Yeah, let me just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3352.05,"endTime":3354.54,"body":"run from this for a moment, let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3352.05,"endTime":3354.54,"body":"me zone out. Let me just get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3354.54,"endTime":3357.6,"body":"away from it for a while. Every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3354.54,"endTime":3357.6,"body":"time you refuse not to deal with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3357.6,"endTime":3360.12,"body":"the emotion in front of you. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3357.6,"endTime":3360.12,"body":"you're doing is putting it on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3360.12,"endTime":3363.54,"body":"credit card to be paid later at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3360.12,"endTime":3363.54,"body":"a higher interest rate. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3363.54,"endTime":3367.38,"body":"it, it gets paid eventually, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3363.54,"endTime":3367.38,"body":"want to pay more you want to pay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3367.5,"endTime":3370.56,"body":"in more pain, or you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3367.5,"endTime":3370.56,"body":"deal with it right now. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3370.56,"endTime":3372.9,"body":"just deal with it right now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3370.56,"endTime":3372.9,"body":"Let's get it over with. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3372.9,"endTime":3375.0,"body":"this just reminds me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3372.9,"endTime":3375.0,"body":"we're gonna do an episode on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3375.0,"endTime":3379.02,"body":"anger, and how suppressing anger"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3375.0,"endTime":3379.02,"body":"can make things worse. This is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3379.02,"endTime":3380.58,"body":"the same thing. Same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3380.61,"endTime":3383.52,"body":"thing. So anyone that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3380.61,"endTime":3383.52,"body":"self medicating, Listen, I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3383.52,"endTime":3387.0,"body":"judging you. I did this forever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3383.52,"endTime":3387.0,"body":"I can't there's no judgment, get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3387.0,"endTime":3391.02,"body":"it. But what I'm saying is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3387.0,"endTime":3391.02,"body":"there is no benefit to doing it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3391.05,"endTime":3395.31,"body":"It's you're causing yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3391.05,"endTime":3395.31,"body":"more homes, more pain. And for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3395.31,"endTime":3397.65,"body":"so many people, they don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3395.31,"endTime":3397.65,"body":"realize what that pain looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3397.65,"endTime":3400.83,"body":"like. They don't see it in their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3397.65,"endTime":3400.83,"body":"loved ones. They don't see it in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3400.83,"endTime":3403.14,"body":"the minds of their loved ones,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3400.83,"endTime":3403.14,"body":"when their loved ones are alone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3403.14,"endTime":3405.12,"body":"in their private thoughts. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3403.14,"endTime":3405.12,"body":"they're thinking about how they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3405.12,"endTime":3408.21,"body":"were treated, or what was said."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3405.12,"endTime":3408.21,"body":"Because we're too volatile to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3408.21,"endTime":3411.21,"body":"like, address anything with,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3408.21,"endTime":3411.21,"body":"like you're creating like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3411.21,"endTime":3415.83,"body":"phantom show of a family without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3411.21,"endTime":3415.83,"body":"even realizing. Yeah, there's so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3415.83,"endTime":3419.67,"body":"many issues that stem from this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3415.83,"endTime":3419.67,"body":"And, like, you think you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3419.67,"endTime":3423.72,"body":"being sneaky, but everyone knows"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3419.67,"endTime":3423.72,"body":"we see it. But there's a way out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3423.78,"endTime":3425.67,"body":"just how honest you want to be."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3423.78,"endTime":3425.67,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3426.57,"endTime":3428.52,"body":"Are there any warning"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3426.57,"endTime":3428.52,"body":"signs or triggers that you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3428.52,"endTime":3433.41,"body":"learned to watch out for to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3428.52,"endTime":3433.41,"body":"prevent relapse? Um,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3434.01,"endTime":3438.42,"body":"so I haven't relapsed in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3434.01,"endTime":3438.42,"body":"since I got sober. But I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3438.42,"endTime":3443.46,"body":"relapsed plenty of times before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3438.42,"endTime":3443.46,"body":"I finally got sober. Right? Pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3443.46,"endTime":3448.35,"body":"was a trigger for me. Pain was a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3443.46,"endTime":3448.35,"body":"trigger. And it was because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3448.35,"endTime":3453.81,"body":"believed, and I'm not listen."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3448.35,"endTime":3453.81,"body":"What I'm about to say is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3453.81,"endTime":3456.72,"body":"to sound like I'm trying to be a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3453.81,"endTime":3456.72,"body":"victim, but I'm not. But here's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3456.72,"endTime":3459.48,"body":"what the reason I think I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3456.72,"endTime":3459.48,"body":"associated pain with, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3459.48,"endTime":3461.88,"body":"let's get out of pain is because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3459.48,"endTime":3461.88,"body":"this is what the doctors told"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3461.88,"endTime":3466.86,"body":"me. This is what everyone in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3461.88,"endTime":3466.86,"body":"care told me. It's like, oh, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3466.86,"endTime":3468.99,"body":"have a problem. Here's a pill,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3466.86,"endTime":3468.99,"body":"oh, you feel this, here's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3468.99,"endTime":3472.32,"body":"syrup. Like whatever it might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3468.99,"endTime":3472.32,"body":"be. There's whatever ailment you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3472.32,"endTime":3475.92,"body":"have, we will fix. You're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3472.32,"endTime":3475.92,"body":"supposed to feel anything other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3475.92,"endTime":3480.18,"body":"than happiness and peace all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3475.92,"endTime":3480.18,"body":"time. So I think it started with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3480.18,"endTime":3486.57,"body":"that. It's like this idea that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3480.18,"endTime":3486.57,"body":"shouldn't be in pain. So once I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3486.57,"endTime":3489.66,"body":"came to accept that healing,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3486.57,"endTime":3489.66,"body":"part of the healing process was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3489.66,"endTime":3494.34,"body":"dealing with pain. I become just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3489.66,"endTime":3494.34,"body":"more open to it, like start to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3494.34,"endTime":3497.4,"body":"feel and experience my pain. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3494.34,"endTime":3497.4,"body":"then I had this thought one day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3497.4,"endTime":3500.82,"body":"I'm like, is this really that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3497.4,"endTime":3500.82,"body":"bad? Like, is my pain really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3500.82,"endTime":3504.6,"body":"that bad? Isn't it all relative?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3500.82,"endTime":3504.6,"body":"And so I would start to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3504.6,"endTime":3507.63,"body":"things that I wouldn't normally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3504.6,"endTime":3507.63,"body":"do, like, used to be as soon as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3507.63,"endTime":3509.85,"body":"my back would hurt, I would just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3507.63,"endTime":3509.85,"body":"like lay in bed all day long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3509.85,"endTime":3513.51,"body":"take pills. Then I was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3509.85,"endTime":3513.51,"body":"well, go do something, I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3513.51,"endTime":3515.79,"body":"get up and go hang out. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3513.51,"endTime":3515.79,"body":"like, it's not that bad. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3515.79,"endTime":3518.34,"body":"able to do all these things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3515.79,"endTime":3518.34,"body":"It's just pain. And it's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3518.34,"endTime":3522.36,"body":"I've told our son this before,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3518.34,"endTime":3522.36,"body":"like he. I think kids watch a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3522.36,"endTime":3524.88,"body":"lot of like pro sports like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3522.36,"endTime":3524.88,"body":"soccer. And they'll watch guys"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3524.88,"endTime":3527.58,"body":"that are like flopping for an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3524.88,"endTime":3527.58,"body":"injury. And the reason they do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3527.58,"endTime":3529.35,"body":"that it's because of trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3527.58,"endTime":3529.35,"body":"get a penalty is going to help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3529.35,"endTime":3531.99,"body":"the team, right? It's dishonest."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3529.35,"endTime":3531.99,"body":"It's but it's part of the game"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3531.99,"endTime":3534.66,"body":"is what it is. But he's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3531.99,"endTime":3534.66,"body":"really embellishing these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3534.66,"endTime":3537.09,"body":"injuries like he's like limping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3534.66,"endTime":3537.09,"body":"around, and I'm like, Are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3537.09,"endTime":3539.91,"body":"hurt or are you injured? Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3537.09,"endTime":3539.91,"body":"there's a difference. If you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3539.91,"endTime":3543.57,"body":"hurt, suck it up. If you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3539.91,"endTime":3543.57,"body":"injured, that's a different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3543.57,"endTime":3545.85,"body":"conversation. That means there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3543.57,"endTime":3545.85,"body":"something structurally wrong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3545.85,"endTime":3547.95,"body":"with the body. We gotta get this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3545.85,"endTime":3547.95,"body":"fix. Something's torn."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3547.95,"endTime":3551.16,"body":"something's broken. Are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3547.95,"endTime":3551.16,"body":"hurt? Suck it up. Quit being a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3551.16,"endTime":3555.72,"body":"bitch. That's what I told myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3551.16,"endTime":3555.72,"body":"now. Just crude as it sounds."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3556.59,"endTime":3559.62,"body":"Suck it up. It's okay. It's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3556.59,"endTime":3559.62,"body":"pain. Yeah, and you get through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3559.62,"endTime":3559.74,"body":"it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3559.77,"endTime":3560.67,"body":"It's just by doing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3560.7,"endTime":3563.7,"body":"this will pass. This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3560.7,"endTime":3563.7,"body":"okay. You were it's not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3563.7,"endTime":3565.47,"body":"end your day. There's some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3563.7,"endTime":3565.47,"body":"degree of this you're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3565.47,"endTime":3569.22,"body":"have to accept and it's okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3565.47,"endTime":3569.22,"body":"Sometimes it gets bad enough Rob"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3569.22,"endTime":3571.41,"body":"to take something over the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3569.22,"endTime":3571.41,"body":"counter. I'll have to rest I'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3571.41,"endTime":3574.89,"body":"use ice or heat or whatever it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3571.41,"endTime":3574.89,"body":"might be. But that's it. That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3574.89,"endTime":3576.93,"body":"was one of my triggers. Another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3574.89,"endTime":3576.93,"body":"trigger for a lot of people is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3576.93,"endTime":3580.8,"body":"boredom. Oh, yeah. That's a big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3576.93,"endTime":3580.8,"body":"one man. The ability to sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3580.8,"endTime":3585.51,"body":"still and just feel and just be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3580.8,"endTime":3585.51,"body":"Yeah, is so hard in early"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3586.11,"endTime":3588.3,"body":"recovery. It's like it's one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3586.11,"endTime":3588.3,"body":"the hardest things one of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3588.3,"endTime":3592.77,"body":"hardest things about like active"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3588.3,"endTime":3592.77,"body":"addiction to is just being just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3592.77,"endTime":3596.07,"body":"sitting here without anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3592.77,"endTime":3596.07,"body":"like, What the hell do you do?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3596.82,"endTime":3599.07,"body":"What am I supposed to do with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3596.82,"endTime":3599.07,"body":"all this time and all these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3599.07,"endTime":3603.54,"body":"fields and like or the lack of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3599.07,"endTime":3603.54,"body":"feelings? Like what do you do?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3603.6,"endTime":3606.48,"body":"Like I had to learn how to fill"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3603.6,"endTime":3606.48,"body":"time like boredom was a huge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3606.48,"endTime":3606.99,"body":"trigger."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3607.11,"endTime":3609.24,"body":"I was gonna ask you do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3607.11,"endTime":3609.24,"body":"you find that your life is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3609.24,"endTime":3611.25,"body":"boring now? No, I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3611.25,"endTime":3614.76,"body":"it is at all man. I'm more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3611.25,"endTime":3614.76,"body":"busy than I don't do I have more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3614.76,"endTime":3618.42,"body":"crap to do than I literally like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3614.76,"endTime":3618.42,"body":"more shit to do I can stand but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3618.51,"endTime":3620.25,"body":"a different wasn't always that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3618.51,"endTime":3620.25,"body":"way though"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3620.28,"endTime":3622.98,"body":"I guess people would call"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3620.28,"endTime":3622.98,"body":"us boring though because we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3622.98,"endTime":3627.27,"body":"don't do what social norms are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3622.98,"endTime":3627.27,"body":"we don't go out and party, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3627.27,"endTime":3630.45,"body":"don't have parties. We don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3627.27,"endTime":3630.45,"body":"have a lot of dinner parties,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3630.45,"endTime":3634.17,"body":"you know, we just don't get out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3630.45,"endTime":3634.17,"body":"much. So a lot of people would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3634.17,"endTime":3638.46,"body":"say that our life is boring. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3634.17,"endTime":3638.46,"body":"the reality is, it's very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3638.49,"endTime":3642.33,"body":"fulfilling the things that we do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3638.49,"endTime":3642.33,"body":"what we fill them up with,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3642.36,"endTime":3645.99,"body":"I think it's disingenuous"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3642.36,"endTime":3645.99,"body":"to say that being sober is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3645.99,"endTime":3651.54,"body":"always more fun than people who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3645.99,"endTime":3651.54,"body":"drink because I don't think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3651.54,"endTime":3654.69,"body":"always true. Like, there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3651.54,"endTime":3654.69,"body":"some events that I'll go to,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3655.08,"endTime":3658.11,"body":"like, we've been to nightclubs."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3655.08,"endTime":3658.11,"body":"We've been stuff like that. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3658.11,"endTime":3660.99,"body":"I have to consciously force"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3658.11,"endTime":3660.99,"body":"myself to get out there and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3660.99,"endTime":3664.26,"body":"dance and put myself in those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3660.99,"endTime":3664.26,"body":"situations. And I have to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3664.26,"endTime":3667.95,"body":"all the awkwardness. It's more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3664.26,"endTime":3667.95,"body":"fun when you're drunk. Let's all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3667.95,"endTime":3673.14,"body":"just be honest. Yeah, it's more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3667.95,"endTime":3673.14,"body":"fun. So but I'm having 80 or 90%"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3673.14,"endTime":3677.61,"body":"as much fun. Is that worth it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3673.14,"endTime":3677.61,"body":"To me that cost benefit is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3677.64,"endTime":3682.47,"body":"20% of awkward feelings worth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3677.64,"endTime":3682.47,"body":"all of the wreckage? Yes, it is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3682.47,"endTime":3686.28,"body":"But is it as fun thought it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3682.47,"endTime":3686.28,"body":"not let's just be real about it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3686.31,"endTime":3689.01,"body":"Yeah, that's why people drink."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3686.31,"endTime":3689.01,"body":"People drink because they liked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3689.01,"endTime":3692.1,"body":"the effects they like, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3689.01,"endTime":3692.1,"body":"it's fun. Yeah. So you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3692.1,"endTime":3694.98,"body":"redefine what fun is. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3692.1,"endTime":3694.98,"body":"find more fulfilling ways to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3694.98,"endTime":3698.49,"body":"spend your time for me. One of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3694.98,"endTime":3698.49,"body":"the reasons and this is this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3698.49,"endTime":3702.6,"body":"a lot of self dark work, I did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3698.49,"endTime":3702.6,"body":"say dark shadow work really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3703.17,"endTime":3707.58,"body":"early on was I had a lack of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3703.17,"endTime":3707.58,"body":"purpose. And that led to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3707.58,"endTime":3711.57,"body":"empty feeling that I filled with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3707.58,"endTime":3711.57,"body":"drugs and alcohol. purpose to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3711.57,"endTime":3715.68,"body":"people like me now comes very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3711.57,"endTime":3715.68,"body":"simply, when you're sober and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3715.68,"endTime":3720.51,"body":"you found a way out, you are in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3715.68,"endTime":3720.51,"body":"a very unique and interesting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3722.07,"endTime":3725.4,"body":"opportunity, unique opportunity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3722.07,"endTime":3725.4,"body":"to be really useful to the world"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3725.88,"endTime":3728.31,"body":"by telling your story helping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3725.88,"endTime":3728.31,"body":"others to get there. So I fill"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3728.31,"endTime":3732.27,"body":"my time with that. Now, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3728.31,"endTime":3732.27,"body":"two photos, a variation of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3733.23,"endTime":3735.66,"body":"We do a lot of things that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3733.23,"endTime":3735.66,"body":"incredibly fulfilling. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3735.66,"endTime":3738.93,"body":"find fulfillment in different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3735.66,"endTime":3738.93,"body":"ways. Now, I'll find fulfillment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3738.93,"endTime":3747.27,"body":"in photography, in music, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3738.93,"endTime":3747.27,"body":"writing and doing a bunch of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3747.27,"endTime":3749.55,"body":"other stuff. But those things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3747.27,"endTime":3749.55,"body":"don't just happen all at once."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3749.82,"endTime":3752.19,"body":"You kind of create them over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3749.82,"endTime":3752.19,"body":"time, like you find new hobbies"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3752.19,"endTime":3755.28,"body":"you find new things to do. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3752.19,"endTime":3755.28,"body":"yeah, people might say we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3755.28,"endTime":3759.96,"body":"boring, but okay, what's boring?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3755.28,"endTime":3759.96,"body":"You know, what's boring to you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3760.59,"endTime":3763.8,"body":"If that means all the things I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3760.59,"endTime":3763.8,"body":"just described, and we probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3763.8,"endTime":3767.13,"body":"just wouldn't get along, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3763.8,"endTime":3767.13,"body":"those things are really cool. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3767.13,"endTime":3770.19,"body":"you're only if you only have one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3767.13,"endTime":3770.19,"body":"trick in your bag to have fun, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3770.19,"endTime":3773.52,"body":"would say that that's not fun."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3770.19,"endTime":3773.52,"body":"That's an addiction, that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3773.52,"endTime":3776.1,"body":"have a bigger problem than just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3773.52,"endTime":3776.1,"body":"like the ability not to sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3776.1,"endTime":3778.74,"body":"still like you have an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3776.1,"endTime":3778.74,"body":"addiction. If everything you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3778.74,"endTime":3781.17,"body":"revolves around alcohol or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3778.74,"endTime":3781.17,"body":"drugs, there is a problem."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3781.35,"endTime":3781.92,"body":"Period."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3782.4,"endTime":3786.51,"body":"Yeah, period. Yeah. How"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3782.4,"endTime":3786.51,"body":"has your circle changed?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3786.87,"endTime":3792.99,"body":"It's gotten I would say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3786.87,"endTime":3792.99,"body":"it's all about quality. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3793.02,"endTime":3796.17,"body":"quality people around me, like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3793.02,"endTime":3796.17,"body":"still have my core group of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3796.17,"endTime":3799.62,"body":"friends that I've had since I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3796.17,"endTime":3799.62,"body":"was in elementary school. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3799.68,"endTime":3802.95,"body":"we're still tight. I mean, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3799.68,"endTime":3802.95,"body":"older. Now. We all have kids and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3802.95,"endTime":3806.16,"body":"jobs and like our own things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3802.95,"endTime":3806.16,"body":"going on. So we're not as tight."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3806.88,"endTime":3808.68,"body":"Because you just grow apart from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3806.88,"endTime":3808.68,"body":"people. But we still get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3808.68,"endTime":3811.11,"body":"together at least once a year,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3808.68,"endTime":3811.11,"body":"we still talk and text and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3811.11,"endTime":3815.04,"body":"whatnot. But the friends that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3811.11,"endTime":3815.04,"body":"I've made, in addition to them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3815.07,"endTime":3817.11,"body":"since I've been sober are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3815.07,"endTime":3817.11,"body":"of the best friends I've ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3817.11,"endTime":3819.87,"body":"had in my entire life. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3817.11,"endTime":3819.87,"body":"people that really, like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3819.87,"endTime":3822.51,"body":"bring value to their life, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3819.87,"endTime":3822.51,"body":"they bring value to yours. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3822.51,"endTime":3825.96,"body":"don't just mean like, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3822.51,"endTime":3825.96,"body":"transactional like, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3825.99,"endTime":3830.25,"body":"actually it's not transactional."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3825.99,"endTime":3830.25,"body":"It's, it's, it's transformative."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3830.25,"endTime":3833.31,"body":"Like we yeah, we really pack"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3830.25,"endTime":3833.31,"body":"into each other's lives, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3834.15,"endTime":3838.2,"body":"talk to each other about like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3834.15,"endTime":3838.2,"body":"deep meaning in our lives, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3838.2,"endTime":3841.59,"body":"we really have awesome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3838.2,"endTime":3841.59,"body":"discussions about big things and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3841.59,"endTime":3844.8,"body":"like you listen, and they listen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3841.59,"endTime":3844.8,"body":"to you, and you make each other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3844.8,"endTime":3848.55,"body":"better. Those are the kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3844.8,"endTime":3848.55,"body":"relationships so my circle has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3848.55,"endTime":3852.33,"body":"just changed in that. It used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3848.55,"endTime":3852.33,"body":"just be full of like these, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3852.33,"endTime":3857.34,"body":"disposable people were becoming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3852.33,"endTime":3857.34,"body":"go like you never really knew"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3857.34,"endTime":3861.3,"body":"they were never got closer than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3857.34,"endTime":3861.3,"body":"the surface. And now it's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3861.3,"endTime":3864.03,"body":"people who really know me and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3861.3,"endTime":3864.03,"body":"really know them. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3864.03,"endTime":3866.91,"body":"that's awesome. I think that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3864.03,"endTime":3866.91,"body":"great. That's, that's like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3866.91,"endTime":3867.42,"body":"good shit."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3868.23,"endTime":3870.99,"body":"Well, congratulations on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3868.23,"endTime":3870.99,"body":"4000 days."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3871.02,"endTime":3874.26,"body":"4000 days is neat. It's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3871.02,"endTime":3874.26,"body":"cool, cool milestone. It sounds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3874.26,"endTime":3877.08,"body":"cooler than 11 years. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3874.26,"endTime":3877.08,"body":"only think I'll celebrate 11"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3877.08,"endTime":3878.55,"body":"years. I just want to say 4000"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3877.08,"endTime":3878.55,"body":"days."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3878.7,"endTime":3881.43,"body":"No, we celebrate a little"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3878.7,"endTime":3881.43,"body":"bit. I'll make you like a nice"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3881.43,"endTime":3885.39,"body":"Italian meal that you like, some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3881.43,"endTime":3885.39,"body":"homemade pasta."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3885.81,"endTime":3887.79,"body":"It's really cool. I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3885.81,"endTime":3887.79,"body":"grateful. Like I say this every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3887.79,"endTime":3890.64,"body":"year like I'll let I'll let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3887.79,"endTime":3890.64,"body":"everyone else be proud. I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3890.64,"endTime":3893.61,"body":"grateful. And just really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3890.64,"endTime":3893.61,"body":"grateful. That's what my sponsor"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3893.61,"endTime":3897.03,"body":"told me day one. He was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3893.61,"endTime":3897.03,"body":"you let me be proud. You just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3897.03,"endTime":3899.52,"body":"stay grateful and you keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3897.03,"endTime":3899.52,"body":"staying grateful and keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3899.52,"endTime":3902.31,"body":"helping others People and you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3899.52,"endTime":3902.31,"body":"going to be okay, keep doing the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3902.31,"endTime":3907.05,"body":"same thing that you did day one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3902.31,"endTime":3907.05,"body":"on day 4000. And everything's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3907.05,"endTime":3909.27,"body":"going to be okay. And I believe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3907.05,"endTime":3909.27,"body":"that, like, I used to have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3909.27,"endTime":3912.84,"body":"fear that this was like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3909.27,"endTime":3912.84,"body":"temporary thing. And at some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3912.84,"endTime":3915.63,"body":"point, I would just like, see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3912.84,"endTime":3915.63,"body":"through the bullshit, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3915.63,"endTime":3919.14,"body":"wouldn't want to be sober"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3915.63,"endTime":3919.14,"body":"anymore. But like, my thirst and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3919.14,"endTime":3921.09,"body":"desire for sobriety is stronger"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3919.14,"endTime":3921.09,"body":"than it's ever been. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3921.09,"endTime":3925.17,"body":"was such a map thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3921.09,"endTime":3925.17,"body":"What you just said, What's that?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3925.32,"endTime":3928.74,"body":"About? Like, I just thought this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3925.32,"endTime":3928.74,"body":"was very interesting seeing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3928.74,"endTime":3930.57,"body":"seeing that this would be BS,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3930.63,"endTime":3933.42,"body":"like, yeah, like, I just I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3930.63,"endTime":3933.42,"body":"and I did, like, I thought that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3933.63,"endTime":3936.12,"body":"man, I hope is just another one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3933.63,"endTime":3936.12,"body":"of those things I get into for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3936.12,"endTime":3939.45,"body":"little while, but you commit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3936.12,"endTime":3939.45,"body":"yourself to it every day. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3939.45,"endTime":3941.82,"body":"I've still never sworn off of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3939.45,"endTime":3941.82,"body":"drinking or using drugs forever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3941.82,"endTime":3944.91,"body":"Like, I have a hamster sized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3941.82,"endTime":3944.91,"body":"brain, it cannot handle forever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3945.45,"endTime":3949.74,"body":"I can handle today though. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3945.45,"endTime":3949.74,"body":"do that every day. Like, I get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3949.74,"endTime":3953.25,"body":"up in the morning. You know, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3949.74,"endTime":3953.25,"body":"the first thing I do with my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3953.25,"endTime":3955.74,"body":"feet ever hit the floor is I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3953.25,"endTime":3955.74,"body":"think God for another day sober"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3956.28,"endTime":3960.18,"body":"every single day. Thank you God"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3956.28,"endTime":3960.18,"body":"for another day sober, thank you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3960.18,"endTime":3962.7,"body":"for another chance to do things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3960.18,"endTime":3962.7,"body":"right? Thank you for another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3962.7,"endTime":3967.41,"body":"chance to live your will and to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3962.7,"endTime":3967.41,"body":"do something for others pack"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3967.41,"endTime":3969.87,"body":"into the stream of life. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3967.41,"endTime":3969.87,"body":"then I get my day started. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3969.9,"endTime":3974.49,"body":"anytime I get agitated, or upset"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3969.9,"endTime":3974.49,"body":"about something, and I've done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3974.49,"endTime":3977.16,"body":"someone wrong, I make amends for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3974.49,"endTime":3977.16,"body":"those things. Like it's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3977.22,"endTime":3982.44,"body":"freaking simple. You know, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3977.22,"endTime":3982.44,"body":"I was taught anyway, that we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3982.44,"endTime":3985.26,"body":"never cured of this thing. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3982.44,"endTime":3985.26,"body":"we have is a daily reprieve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3985.26,"endTime":3987.21,"body":"maintenance are contingent on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3985.26,"endTime":3987.21,"body":"the maintenance of our spiritual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3987.21,"endTime":3990.42,"body":"condition. And I believe that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3987.21,"endTime":3990.42,"body":"and I've found that to be true"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3990.42,"endTime":3993.45,"body":"in my life. And I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3990.42,"endTime":3993.45,"body":"you've witnessed this too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3993.51,"endTime":3996.69,"body":"You've witnessed me work on this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3993.51,"endTime":3996.69,"body":"thing every day. Yeah, some way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3996.69,"endTime":4000.14,"body":"shape or form. Yeah. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3996.69,"endTime":4000.14,"body":"just automatic now. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4000.14,"endTime":4002.66,"body":"hard in some at some, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4000.14,"endTime":4002.66,"body":"sometimes it's hard for me to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4002.66,"endTime":4006.32,"body":"back. And like remember what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4002.66,"endTime":4006.32,"body":"that was like, like really early"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4006.32,"endTime":4010.22,"body":"on, but I'll never forget it. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4006.32,"endTime":4010.22,"body":"were in treatment. And they gave"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4010.22,"endTime":4014.3,"body":"us like statistics on recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4010.22,"endTime":4014.3,"body":"And they were there was a I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4014.33,"endTime":4018.29,"body":"I was in a room with 20. Guys,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4014.33,"endTime":4018.29,"body":"there's 20 of us. And they said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4018.77,"endTime":4023.66,"body":"one in 20 of you will be sober"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4018.77,"endTime":4023.66,"body":"in a year 120 of you will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4023.66,"endTime":4027.44,"body":"dead in a year, the rest of you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4023.66,"endTime":4027.44,"body":"will have relapsed to be still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4027.44,"endTime":4029.81,"body":"struggling. I remember looking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4027.44,"endTime":4029.81,"body":"around the room just thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4030.32,"endTime":4033.92,"body":"the other sucks be the other 19"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4030.32,"endTime":4033.92,"body":"of you guys. I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4033.92,"endTime":4037.01,"body":"to say, I'm gonna get this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4033.92,"endTime":4037.01,"body":"thing. I never had any doubt at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4037.01,"endTime":4040.37,"body":"any point that I would figure it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4037.01,"endTime":4040.37,"body":"out. Because I had seen others"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4040.37,"endTime":4043.25,"body":"do it. They told me here's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4040.37,"endTime":4043.25,"body":"blueprint. If you just do this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4043.43,"endTime":4045.71,"body":"everything will be fine. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4043.43,"endTime":4045.71,"body":"like, Well, if it worked for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4045.71,"endTime":4046.79,"body":"them, it worked for me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4046.82,"endTime":4050.27,"body":"I like how you use your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4046.82,"endTime":4050.27,"body":"addictive stubborn stubbornness"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4050.33,"endTime":4054.14,"body":"in your recovery. You just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4050.33,"endTime":4054.14,"body":"switched it, it just you just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4054.29,"endTime":4054.74,"body":"changed and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4055.76,"endTime":4058.28,"body":"you repurpose it. Just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4055.76,"endTime":4058.28,"body":"like we're gonna get into next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4058.28,"endTime":4060.59,"body":"week with anger. Like you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4058.28,"endTime":4060.59,"body":"repurpose anger. Yeah, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4060.59,"endTime":4063.86,"body":"going to have it you might as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4060.59,"endTime":4063.86,"body":"well make it useful. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4063.86,"endTime":4067.97,"body":"not a flaw. It's a feature. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4063.86,"endTime":4067.97,"body":"a feature it's built in and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4067.97,"endTime":4071.45,"body":"can use it for good or bad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4067.97,"endTime":4071.45,"body":"Sure, cool. Yeah. actly. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4071.45,"endTime":4073.1,"body":"was like, alright, well, I'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4071.45,"endTime":4073.1,"body":"just get obsessed with something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4073.1,"endTime":4075.92,"body":"else, then I'll get obsessed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4073.1,"endTime":4075.92,"body":"with growth I'll get obsessed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4075.92,"endTime":4079.61,"body":"with with challenging myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4075.92,"endTime":4079.61,"body":"with, you know, forgetting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4079.61,"endTime":4082.01,"body":"everything I think I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4079.61,"endTime":4082.01,"body":"getting on. It's like, I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4082.01,"endTime":4085.19,"body":"be the best at that. I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4082.01,"endTime":4085.19,"body":"be the best me I can be today."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4085.28,"endTime":4088.46,"body":"Like I'm not competing with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4085.28,"endTime":4088.46,"body":"anyone. Just me. I know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4088.46,"endTime":4091.49,"body":"every day I leave something on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4088.46,"endTime":4091.49,"body":"the table or I can be better. In"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4091.55,"endTime":4094.61,"body":"4000 days. I've yet to sit there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4091.55,"endTime":4094.61,"body":"at the end of the night. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4094.61,"endTime":4098.87,"body":"do this every night. I go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4094.61,"endTime":4098.87,"body":"through my day, you know, was I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4098.87,"endTime":4102.65,"body":"selfish, dishonest, afraid, was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4098.87,"endTime":4102.65,"body":"a self seeking was I thinking of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4102.65,"endTime":4105.89,"body":"myself all day was actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4102.65,"endTime":4105.89,"body":"thinking of other people? Do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4105.89,"endTime":4110.63,"body":"owe anyone an apology? Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4105.89,"endTime":4110.63,"body":"every single day there is. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4110.63,"endTime":4113.78,"body":"screwed up at some point every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4110.63,"endTime":4113.78,"body":"single day. Welcome to being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4113.78,"endTime":4116.63,"body":"human. Right. So I always have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4113.78,"endTime":4116.63,"body":"something to strive for. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4116.63,"endTime":4119.54,"body":"think I'll ever be perfect. No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4116.63,"endTime":4119.54,"body":"but I'm great. But I should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4119.54,"endTime":4122.54,"body":"never stop trying. Now, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4119.54,"endTime":4122.54,"body":"know? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4122.57,"endTime":4125.54,"body":"But I'm grateful that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4122.57,"endTime":4125.54,"body":"have become the man that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4125.54,"endTime":4126.5,"body":"promised me you'd be."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4127.4,"endTime":4130.76,"body":"I'm happy for that, too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4127.4,"endTime":4130.76,"body":"I'm happy because you deserve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4130.76,"endTime":4133.55,"body":"every bit of it. I'm happy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4130.76,"endTime":4133.55,"body":"because I do and they're the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4133.55,"endTime":4138.89,"body":"beneficiaries of it. Like yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4133.55,"endTime":4138.89,"body":"I just when I leave this planet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4138.89,"endTime":4141.71,"body":"I want because I'm dying first."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4138.89,"endTime":4141.71,"body":"We've already talked about this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4141.71,"endTime":4145.97,"body":"That's ideal. I just want you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4141.71,"endTime":4145.97,"body":"remember that about me. I want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4145.97,"endTime":4148.7,"body":"you to remember that. That like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4145.97,"endTime":4148.7,"body":"I took some shit and I turned it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4148.7,"endTime":4152.0,"body":"into gold. And I was able to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4148.7,"endTime":4152.0,"body":"that's that's the lesson I want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4152.0,"endTime":4154.1,"body":"people to remember about me is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4152.0,"endTime":4154.1,"body":"that like you can you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4154.1,"endTime":4159.65,"body":"redefine who you are at any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4154.1,"endTime":4159.65,"body":"given moment. Yeah. And the way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4159.65,"endTime":4161.63,"body":"that I was remembered at one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4159.65,"endTime":4161.63,"body":"point, My life won't be the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4161.63,"endTime":4164.48,"body":"where I'm remembered forever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4161.63,"endTime":4164.48,"body":"That will be a small part, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4164.48,"endTime":4166.55,"body":"know, and that'll just be the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4164.48,"endTime":4166.55,"body":"first few chapters of the book."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4167.0,"endTime":4169.01,"body":"It talks about me and the rest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4167.0,"endTime":4169.01,"body":"of it's going to be me helping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4169.01,"endTime":4172.13,"body":"other people trying to be better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4169.01,"endTime":4172.13,"body":"man. The work we do here to fo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4172.61,"endTime":4177.92,"body":"like that's the legacy I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4172.61,"endTime":4177.92,"body":"lead the world. But I have so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4177.92,"endTime":4181.64,"body":"much to be thankful for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4177.92,"endTime":4181.64,"body":"especially you I can't be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4181.64,"endTime":4185.42,"body":"understated enough like, man, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4181.64,"endTime":4185.42,"body":"went through hell. Yeah, we went"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4185.42,"endTime":4188.51,"body":"through a lot of shit. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4185.42,"endTime":4188.51,"body":"listen to that like on the leaf"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4188.51,"endTime":4191.45,"body":"spot like listening to like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4188.51,"endTime":4191.45,"body":"that was Christmas to us. That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4191.45,"endTime":4195.53,"body":"was our Christmas y'all. I left"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4191.45,"endTime":4195.53,"body":"my wife at home because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4195.53,"endTime":4198.35,"body":"weren't feeling well. I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4195.53,"endTime":4198.35,"body":"feeling well. That day. I left"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4198.35,"endTime":4201.62,"body":"you at home and took our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4198.35,"endTime":4201.62,"body":"daughter to my mother's house"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4201.65,"endTime":4205.13,"body":"where they were doing Christmas."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4201.65,"endTime":4205.13,"body":"Now, what kind of husband would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4205.13,"endTime":4208.43,"body":"do that? Leave you at home on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4205.13,"endTime":4208.43,"body":"Christmas when you're sick? No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4208.43,"endTime":4210.95,"body":"what should have happened was,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4208.43,"endTime":4210.95,"body":"hey, we're not going to make it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4210.95,"endTime":4213.68,"body":"She's not feeling well, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4210.95,"endTime":4213.68,"body":"just going to be here. The only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4213.68,"endTime":4216.2,"body":"reason I left the house because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4213.68,"endTime":4216.2,"body":"I needed pills, you knew"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4216.2,"endTime":4219.74,"body":"that you you could go run"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4216.2,"endTime":4219.74,"body":"an errand. And I had known that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4219.74,"endTime":4224.3,"body":"you were y'all have to remember"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4219.74,"endTime":4224.3,"body":"we didn't have location trackers"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4224.3,"endTime":4229.07,"body":"at this time. But I know by"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4224.3,"endTime":4229.07,"body":"going on time, and I knew that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4229.07,"endTime":4233.15,"body":"you would always run errands"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4229.07,"endTime":4233.15,"body":"errands. After a long day. I did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4233.15,"endTime":4236.15,"body":"that in quotes, because it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4233.15,"endTime":4236.15,"body":"always something else. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4236.15,"endTime":4240.83,"body":"knew that it was taking longer"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4236.15,"endTime":4240.83,"body":"than expected. And I don't I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4240.83,"endTime":4243.62,"body":"don't I really don't remember"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4240.83,"endTime":4243.62,"body":"what happened that day. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4243.62,"endTime":4247.37,"body":"remember if I asked you how long"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4243.62,"endTime":4247.37,"body":"it took you. I think I found out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4247.37,"endTime":4250.85,"body":"about this later on. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4247.37,"endTime":4250.85,"body":"remember finding out about it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4250.91,"endTime":4253.43,"body":"that day. Because I'm pretty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4250.91,"endTime":4253.43,"body":"sure that I asked you in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4253.43,"endTime":4256.43,"body":"question. Do you like I always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4253.43,"endTime":4256.43,"body":"did. I always questioned you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4256.43,"endTime":4258.77,"body":"when you were gone for too long."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4256.43,"endTime":4258.77,"body":"And I'm sure you pulled"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4258.77,"endTime":4261.74,"body":"something out of your ass and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4258.77,"endTime":4261.74,"body":"told me that Oh, well. I had to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4261.74,"endTime":4264.65,"body":"go do this or do that and came"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4261.74,"endTime":4264.65,"body":"up with something. You came up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4264.65,"endTime":4269.51,"body":"with something? Yeah. And yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4264.65,"endTime":4269.51,"body":"And when I hear it, it's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4269.51,"endTime":4274.07,"body":"like, it makes it more real."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4269.51,"endTime":4274.07,"body":"That that really did happen. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4274.07,"endTime":4277.67,"body":"I know that you probably"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4274.07,"endTime":4277.67,"body":"minimized it for a long time,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4277.76,"endTime":4279.65,"body":"for sure. And that was hard."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4279.71,"endTime":4285.08,"body":"Yeah, for sure. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4279.71,"endTime":4285.08,"body":"but that's that's the reason. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4285.08,"endTime":4289.49,"body":"was even able to take place that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4285.08,"endTime":4289.49,"body":"I had to get out of the house."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4289.88,"endTime":4294.53,"body":"You know, who leaves her wife at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4289.88,"endTime":4294.53,"body":"home alone for their daughter's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4294.53,"endTime":4300.53,"body":"first Christmas? Addicts do?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4294.53,"endTime":4300.53,"body":"That's what we do. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4300.53,"endTime":4304.76,"body":"what we do. Without thinking too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4300.53,"endTime":4304.76,"body":"much about it. I can sell myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4304.76,"endTime":4308.3,"body":"that story so easily. Like I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4304.76,"endTime":4308.3,"body":"said before, like inside of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4308.3,"endTime":4311.66,"body":"mind is a factory one half"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4308.3,"endTime":4311.66,"body":"manufacturers bullshit all day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4311.66,"endTime":4315.2,"body":"long, and the other half buys"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4311.66,"endTime":4315.2,"body":"it. And it's just a self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4315.95,"endTime":4320.36,"body":"perpetuating economy in my head"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4315.95,"endTime":4320.36,"body":"where manufacturing bullshit and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4320.36,"endTime":4325.85,"body":"I'm selling it to myself. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4320.36,"endTime":4325.85,"body":"can sleep at night. You know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4325.85,"endTime":4328.94,"body":"that the factory has been shut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4325.85,"endTime":4328.94,"body":"down. I'm able to call myself in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4328.94,"endTime":4332.84,"body":"my own BS now before other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4328.94,"endTime":4332.84,"body":"people have to. That's a gift."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4332.9,"endTime":4336.08,"body":"Yeah, that's a gift of sobriety."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4332.9,"endTime":4336.08,"body":"Yeah. And like this weekend, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4336.08,"endTime":4341.06,"body":"think was just a, like a nice"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4336.08,"endTime":4341.06,"body":"example of this is what life can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4341.06,"endTime":4344.87,"body":"look like. Yeah, we did all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4341.06,"endTime":4344.87,"body":"family things together. It was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4344.87,"endTime":4347.93,"body":"so enjoyable. The weather was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4344.87,"endTime":4347.93,"body":"perfect. We had so much fun,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4347.93,"endTime":4350.72,"body":"man. Wholesome good fun. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4347.93,"endTime":4350.72,"body":"And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4350.72,"endTime":4353.18,"body":"I wanted to kind of share"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4350.72,"endTime":4353.18,"body":"a little bit about my growth on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4353.18,"endTime":4357.86,"body":"this weekend. Um, you I went on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4353.18,"endTime":4357.86,"body":"that big ol swing thing. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4357.89,"endTime":4363.17,"body":"Okay. I'm very much scared of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4357.89,"endTime":4363.17,"body":"heights. I used to freak out if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4363.17,"endTime":4366.86,"body":"Matt was trying to encourage me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4363.17,"endTime":4366.86,"body":"to do something like that. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4366.86,"endTime":4370.73,"body":"was like, I was super calm."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4366.86,"endTime":4370.73,"body":"Like, I was so calm about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4370.73,"endTime":4373.91,"body":"And I was actually excited about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4370.73,"endTime":4373.91,"body":"it. And like having fun and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4373.91,"endTime":4378.86,"body":"goofing off with all the people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4373.91,"endTime":4378.86,"body":"around me. Like I felt myself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4378.86,"endTime":4383.72,"body":"like my high school self. I felt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4378.86,"endTime":4383.72,"body":"like the person I felt before"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4383.72,"endTime":4389.45,"body":"your addiction. Yeah. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4383.72,"endTime":4389.45,"body":"did. I felt like somebody. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4389.45,"endTime":4392.9,"body":"felt like me. And I went with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4389.45,"endTime":4392.9,"body":"it. And I had fun with it. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4392.9,"endTime":4397.61,"body":"I, I closed my eyes and I sing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4392.9,"endTime":4397.61,"body":"the alphabet. And I just kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4397.64,"endTime":4400.22,"body":"went with it. And my daughter"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4397.64,"endTime":4400.22,"body":"was freaking out. And I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4400.22,"endTime":4402.8,"body":"telling everybody, no, we have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4400.22,"endTime":4402.8,"body":"to keep going, keep going up,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4402.8,"endTime":4406.19,"body":"keep going up. And I would have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4402.8,"endTime":4406.19,"body":"been like my daughter back in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4406.19,"endTime":4409.16,"body":"the day. You know, like, no,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4406.19,"endTime":4409.16,"body":"stop, stop. It's uncomfortable."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4409.16,"endTime":4412.25,"body":"Stop now. Yeah, it was all your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4409.16,"endTime":4412.25,"body":"life. And I was like, No, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4412.25,"endTime":4415.25,"body":"going to do this. I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4412.25,"endTime":4415.25,"body":"push. I'm gonna push. I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4415.25,"endTime":4418.4,"body":"get out of my comfort zone. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4415.25,"endTime":4418.4,"body":"you encouraged us, obviously,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4418.4,"endTime":4422.48,"body":"you know, I loved that. But that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4418.4,"endTime":4422.48,"body":"was a big thing for me. For me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4422.63,"endTime":4424.91,"body":"It was a big deal for me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4422.63,"endTime":4424.91,"body":"Myself,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4424.94,"endTime":4426.77,"body":"I was proud of you, too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4424.94,"endTime":4426.77,"body":"That was not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4427.82,"endTime":4429.62,"body":"a page thing to do. No, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4429.62,"endTime":4435.59,"body":"think it's for the kids to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4429.62,"endTime":4435.59,"body":"have two healthy parents, then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4435.59,"endTime":4438.2,"body":"that those are the behaviors we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4435.59,"endTime":4438.2,"body":"exhibit? I think only they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4438.2,"endTime":4440.84,"body":"benefit from that. Yeah, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4438.2,"endTime":4440.84,"body":"gonna benefit from that. They're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4440.84,"endTime":4443.72,"body":"gonna see that and they're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4440.84,"endTime":4443.72,"body":"remember a we push when things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4443.72,"endTime":4446.93,"body":"get tough. It's okay, get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4443.72,"endTime":4446.93,"body":"through it. And if they find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4446.93,"endTime":4449.6,"body":"themselves in the situation that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4446.93,"endTime":4449.6,"body":"I was in, or that you were in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4449.6,"endTime":4453.8,"body":"someday, there's a way out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4449.6,"endTime":4453.8,"body":"There's, there's still a happy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4453.8,"endTime":4455.99,"body":"ending for me in here. Maybe not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4453.8,"endTime":4455.99,"body":"the way I wanted in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4455.99,"endTime":4458.12,"body":"beginning. But there's still a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4455.99,"endTime":4458.12,"body":"happy ending in here we can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4458.12,"endTime":4462.17,"body":"push. So wherever you're at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4458.12,"endTime":4462.17,"body":"today, keep pushing, push. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4462.17,"endTime":4464.51,"body":"okay. You're gonna be okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4462.17,"endTime":4464.51,"body":"Whether you're struggling with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4464.51,"endTime":4468.17,"body":"addiction, or you struggle with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4464.51,"endTime":4468.17,"body":"someone who's in it. Push. Do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4468.17,"endTime":4471.26,"body":"the uncomfortable thing. Do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4468.17,"endTime":4471.26,"body":"thing you don't want to do. Yep,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4471.44,"endTime":4474.74,"body":"it's usually just the opposite."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4471.44,"endTime":4474.74,"body":"Yeah. Something I figured out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4474.74,"endTime":4476.69,"body":"early on was just do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4474.74,"endTime":4476.69,"body":"opposite of what I think I want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4476.69,"endTime":4478.91,"body":"to do. Oh, yeah, that's what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4476.69,"endTime":4478.91,"body":"was the right. There was the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4478.91,"endTime":4480.38,"body":"right answer. 100% Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4480.41,"endTime":4484.19,"body":"absolutely. All right. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4480.41,"endTime":4484.19,"body":"this episode was all about it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4484.19,"endTime":4488.75,"body":"was basically an updated version"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4484.19,"endTime":4488.75,"body":"of your story. Yes. Yeah. How we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4488.99,"endTime":4493.19,"body":"learn in 4000 days, man."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4488.99,"endTime":4493.19,"body":"Yeah. It's been a beautiful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4493.19,"endTime":4496.34,"body":"journey. I wouldn't trade it for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4493.19,"endTime":4496.34,"body":"the world. I wish other people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4496.34,"endTime":4501.65,"body":"wouldn't have had to suffer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4496.34,"endTime":4501.65,"body":"because of it. Mm. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4502.1,"endTime":4506.39,"body":"might be crazy to say, but I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4502.1,"endTime":4506.39,"body":"think that we're so much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4506.39,"endTime":4507.17,"body":"stronger for it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4507.35,"endTime":4508.1,"body":"I think so too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4508.31,"endTime":4511.01,"body":"You know what we did with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4508.31,"endTime":4511.01,"body":"it? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4511.01,"endTime":4513.44,"body":"we did with it? Yeah. So much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4511.01,"endTime":4513.44,"body":"stronger for what we did with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4513.44,"endTime":4516.83,"body":"it. Yeah. So usually we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4513.44,"endTime":4516.83,"body":"don't talk about what our next"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4516.83,"endTime":4518.69,"body":"episode is about. But I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4516.83,"endTime":4518.69,"body":"already started on the next"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4518.69,"endTime":4520.52,"body":"episode, because I'm kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4518.69,"endTime":4520.52,"body":"excited about it. I think it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4520.52,"endTime":4524.99,"body":"going to be a good one. And I'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4520.52,"endTime":4524.99,"body":"speak more on that one, please."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4525.62,"endTime":4527.9,"body":"But yeah, as we mentioned"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4525.62,"endTime":4527.9,"body":"before, it's about anger. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4527.9,"endTime":4530.63,"body":"we're going to just dig into"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4527.9,"endTime":4530.63,"body":"that emotion and what it means"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4530.63,"endTime":4533.63,"body":"for you. This is going to be for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":4530.63,"endTime":4533.63,"body":"the wheelies. That'd"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4533.63,"endTime":4536.45,"body":"be good. Well, I'm looking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4533.63,"endTime":4536.45,"body":"forward to that. Yeah. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4536.45,"endTime":4539.51,"body":"right. Let's go. Until next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":4536.45,"endTime":4539.51,"body":"time, I'm Matt"}]}