Shedding the Corporate Bitch

Navigating Bad Bosses and Office Idiots with Vicky Oliver

• Vicky Oliver • Episode 430

Share episode

Have you ever stopped to wonder if your difficult boss or colleague is just a challenging personality, or could it be that you yourself are unknowingly contributing to the toxic dynamic?

In our latest episode of the Shedding the Corporate Bitch Podcast, host Bernadette Boas sits down with award-winning author Vicky Oliver to explore the complex world of workplace dynamics. With her book "Bad Bosses, Crazy Co-Workers, and Other Office Idiots" as a guide, Vicky shares her wealth of knowledge on how to effectively combat bullying, confront challenging colleagues, and maintain a learning mindset amidst workplace chaos.

Key Talking Points:

  1. The Prevalence of Dysfunctional Workplace Personalities: 
    • Revealing at least 17 distinct dysfunctional work styles.
    • From bully bosses to credit snatchers, understanding these categories is crucial for navigating workplace relationships.
  2. Dealing with Bully Bosses: 
    •  Importance of documenting incidents and addressing the aggression calmly and strategically to earn respect.
    • How to handle an outburst, stressing the power of pausing and assessing the situation.
  3. Self-Reflection and Personal Development: 
    • The need for self-reflection and personal growth to understand one's role in workplace dynamics.
    • Evaluate whether they might unconsciously be contributing to their own challenges.
  4. Strategies for HR and Leadership: 
    • The responsibility of HR and company leadership in training and creating an environment where bully behaviors are not tolerated.
  5. Power of Self-Awareness: 
    • Listeners are reminded of the potential decision point of whether to remain in a toxic environment or move on, but with the caution that similar personalities exist elsewhere.

Connect with Vicki Oliver:

Join us in exploring these rich insights and empowering transformations, ensuring that your journey through the corporate world is one of growth and leadership. SUBSCRIBE, FOLLOW, LIKE, and REVIEW this episode on your favorite podcast platform.

Support the show

Speaker 1:

Raise your hand. If you are dealing with a bully boss or two in the workplace or in your life, what is the experience they are creating for you? Do you know how to build bridges with them and anyone else? That may be challenging. I am talking with award-winning author of Bad Bosses, crazy Coworkers and Other Office Idiots, vicki Oliver, all about how to fight off bullies, build bridges and keep a beginner's mindset so you never stop learning. She'll share with us the many different dysfunctional styles you could deal with in the workplace, the reasons people bully, take credit or simply behave poorly with you and your teammates and, lastly, tactics and tips for how you can deal with them effectively and productively to protect your job, but also your sanity. So stay with us.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms today's managers into tomorrow's powerhouse leaders. Your host, bernadette Boas, executive coach and author, brings you into a world where the corporate grind meets personal growth and success in each and every episode. With more than 25 years in corporate trenches, bernadette's own journey from being dismissed as a tyrant boss to becoming a sought-after leadership coach and speaker illustrates the very essence of transformation that she now inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories, with their tips, strategies and stories. So if you're ready to shed the bitches of fear and insecurity, ditch the imposter syndrome and step into the role of the powerhouse leader you were born to be, this podcast is for you. Let's do this.

Speaker 1:

Vicki hi Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Speaker 3:

Nice to meet you. Thank you so much for having me on your show. I really, really appreciate it. Oh, you're very welcome.

Speaker 1:

I absolutely love this subject. You know all around bully bosses and just crazy people in the workplace, but before we get there, I would love for you to share a little bit about you to our viewers and our listeners about Vicki Oliver.

Speaker 3:

Okay, thank you so much. So my name is Vicki Oliver. I am a native New Yorker. I started my first career. I was in advertising business, and in the advertising business there are lots of bad bosses, crazy co-workers and other office idiots. And I was working, you know, first I started as a receptionist and gradually I kind of climbed up.

Speaker 3:

First I started as a receptionist and gradually I kind of climbed up and at one point I was both looking for a job but also hiring people and they would roll in and they knew nothing about, like the ad agency where I was working.

Speaker 3:

They didn't know who the clients were, they didn't know who my boss was and they didn't know anything about me for sure, right. And they would roll in like 10 minutes late and I would think, oh my God, I am going to write the book about job hunting one day, you know, because, buddy, you are blowing it. So that's how I started, like I just would have these ideas about job hunting and I write them down. And then I started writing articles about job hunting, you know, and then, in the course of developing my first book, which was all about job hunting, I gave people my email address and I said Look, I have answered 301 answers for you, but maybe there's another one out there. Maybe there's some question you have that I didn't address. If you have a question and I didn't address it right to me and that research led to this book Bad Bosses, crazy Coworkers and Other Office Idiots Because I just heard from people all around the country what was going on with them.

Speaker 1:

Wow, well, and I wish you'd reach out to me, because I would have given you a book worth.

Speaker 3:

Everyone says that to me. They were like where were you when this guy was bullying me? Where were you? But I did. I did a lot of research, I met a lot of people that way. You know, people emailed me and that was like the basis of the book. Of course, having been in the advertising business myself, I'm very familiar with bullies.

Speaker 1:

So, of all that research you did, what was the most eye-opening aspect that you came across? That you weren't necessarily expecting, because we take a lot for granted when we say that we have a bully boss. So what was the most kind of like, you know, profound observation or learning?

Speaker 3:

Okay. So I believe that my profound learning was that I learned that the grass is not greener there is always a bully somewhere else. So my advice in the book is to learn how to deal with bullies so that you don't have to leave your job, because if you do leave your job, you're just going to encounter a different bully somewhere else. That was my learning. They're everywhere, you know, they're men and women, right, and you just have to be able to sort of confront the beast. You can't run.

Speaker 1:

Right, you write about three different types and I'm sure there's more, because even I came up with a couple of more but three different types of different co-workers and bosses. Could you explain those to?

Speaker 3:

us. First of all, I think there I may be wrong, but I think there are about 17 different types in the book. So, for example, there's like sort of the devil wears product kind of person that's just always looking over your shoulder and they need to know, like, what are you doing? Like who's who's, where's the meeting, what are you talking about? That type of personality. And then there's another personality that's I call like the wizard of oz, where the person is never there and that is a problem in its own right, like if you need approvals and you can't find the person and maybe they're managing like multiple offices and there. And then there's like a chapter on bullying, right, and there's the bully. And so there's all different kinds of people. You know, there's sleazeballs, there are people who lie to you, like they're all kinds of people.

Speaker 3:

So really, I believe that you have to learn how to deal with the person, and the idea of the book for me was a thesaurus of different personality problematic, problematical and then if you encounter that person, right, you look up what to do, you follow these tactics and then you put the book away until the next person drives you crazy Five minutes later To be able to have like a resource like that where you could say, well, okay, this person is actually driving me crazy, what do I do? Try it. There's several tactics. Try them. Okay, now put it away. You don't want that book lying on your desk. Probably you mentioned 17,.

Speaker 1:

And you also talk about the fact that you have to identify the problem, and immediately. What I find is immediately, people just lump it under a bully boss or a bad boss. However, do you find it's really important to distinguish the exact problem that you might be having with it? You approach it properly, because not everyone is going to be solved by the same answer.

Speaker 3:

Exactly. I mean, there are fully bosses, like, for example, who take credit for your good work. You know and that is like a separate chapter in the book you know that I call the credit snatcher, right, and you know there are people that yell at you in the hallway and there are people that yell at you behind closed doors. I mean there are different problematical types, but I think it's fairly easy to just like go through the book and like find oh yeah, this is the guy or woman that I work for and this is what I'm going to try.

Speaker 1:

Which one do you find, and if it's not just one, but which one creates the biggest negative impact on a team, on a culture?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, so this is another theory of the book. Like, a boss that might bother me is not the same boss that might bother you. All right, and that is because you know. I have my background, how I grew up, my parents or whatever. Everybody comes to an office place with their own baggage. I have a very controlling mother, so a boss for me that's extremely controlling is like the worst person for me to work for. But somebody else maybe they need that control, Right, Right. So it just depends, I think, on your individual upbringing and what you yourself are bringing. And somebody that drives me crazy is not the same person necessarily that drives you crazy.

Speaker 3:

Yes, you know some people, if they have bullies as bosses, they just shrug it off. You know, some people it doesn't really bother them that much, you know, because they have a strong internal sense of like approval. They don't need approval from somebody else. Maybe somebody else walks through a hallway and somebody's yelling at them but they say, well, you know what he's yelling at me, but he doesn't really need it, you know, and it like just falls off of them. But another person, maybe if they grew up with like screamers and their family, maybe it's much, much, much, much worse. You know to be called out like that. So a third of the book is devoted to figuring out if you are the problem. You know are you the problem, Because if you keep having the same issues from job to job to job, you know, maybe it's you who needs to change. So it's all about diagnosis. For sure, and I'm not a shrink, I'm not a psychologist, but I just have strong opinions on how to deal with difficult people. That's really what it is.

Speaker 1:

Well, and at the same time, it's diagnosis, but it's also, from what I can tell, it's also just self-awareness, really understanding the experience you're creating with those around you. Would that be an accurate?

Speaker 3:

statement, I think is like a pearl of wisdom, which is, if you walk into a room, anybody at any given time, if you walk into a room, like, half the people are going to like you and half of the people are not going to like you. So a lot of it has to do with things you cannot control how you look like, how you talk these types of things. You cannot control how you look like, how you talk these types of things. Somebody you might walk into a room and, before you know it, your boss, your new boss, doesn't like you for nothing you have done. So I try to analyze that a little bit too and just to say, like, maybe the person doesn't like you. You can make it better, you know, with that person. You can improve your relationship with that person. It may not be fantastic, but you can make it better. You know, with that person, you can improve your relationship with that person. It may not be fantastic, but you can make it better.

Speaker 1:

Going back, to just you know overall, what is that impact that these type of dysfunctions has on a team and culture? What have you seen?

Speaker 3:

People don't want to confront the boss right, because he's a screamer. They're scared of him. People would rather make it up as they go along because they're scared of him. People might lie as a reaction to dealing with this horrible person that they don't want to deal with. Other people may cower in their corners.

Speaker 3:

You know there's a lot of negative behaviors that happen as a result of working with or for somebody who's a bully. We should also, if we have time, talk about how that person got to that position of power, because I feel like that's kind of an important thing about it. Absolutely Like the guy or woman they have talents or they wouldn't be in that position, and it's probably not a secret to the people in human resources that that person is a bully. So it's dangerous a little bit to confront head on that person. But why? Because they're there for a reason. Maybe they bring in you know all the rain, all the new business, right. Maybe they've worked there for 20 years and they know all the players and all the clients. Let's say you know they are very powerful or they would not be able to get away with all the bullying. So it's very difficult to go up against that person one on one and you have to be very careful about it.

Speaker 1:

At the same time, though, isn't there a degree because we talk so much about accountability within, you know, the work environment, the home environment, and isn't there an obligation of responsibility, though, to decide the fact that somebody generates a great deal for the business and they bring in all these new opportunities and address the fact that that individual, regardless of their behavior? Yes, it's unacceptable, and we have to make, we have to kind of model, what we believe to be, you know, real leadership, and that wouldn't be it, and so something would have to be done.

Speaker 3:

I'd say eventually yes, but let's say you are a new employee, right, and you get into the situation, and then there's somebody who's bullying you, right? You don't really know all the history of that person, you don't know the network of alliances that exist there and you don't really have any power yourself either, because you've just come in. So I think that this is true, that companies need to be better at moderating bullying behavior. That's true. But I also believe that it's very difficult for somebody to change unless they themselves want to change. You can change yourself, but I do not think that you can change another human being, right.

Speaker 3:

I agree, I don't think you can. So you know, are you going to leave the job because this guy or woman is driving you crazy? No, you're not going to leave the job. You are going to learn how to deal with that bully and wrestle with it and you are going to get better at it.

Speaker 1:

So you're never saying that you're going to accept that behavior. You're saying to anyone up and down the food chain learn tactics and strategies for working with that type of individual, and even with a little bit of maybe some help and self-awareness for hoping that they change. You can't control that. They'll change.

Speaker 3:

You will never be able to control them and you will not be able to change them, but I do believe that you can make that bully respect you and in that way, I think that he or she will treat you better if he respects you, and so some of my tips are really about that about gaining the respect and not cowering.

Speaker 1:

Before we get there, though, why would you say an individual is a bully, or is a grumpy martyr or, you know, or is a credit snatcher? Why do they behave in that and those dysfunctional manners?

Speaker 3:

Well, I think bullies in particular, I think that there's a lot of resonance with being a childhood bully, like they grew up, like the playground bully, and I feel like a lot of times they they did that as kids, you know, and it wasn't checked. And then they get into the workplace and it's not checked and you know they. They are very talented, as I said, in terms of other things, you know, getting the job done, task oriented, they get the stuff done and things were different 10 years ago, like people would were different 10 years ago, like people would overlook it 10 years ago. But maybe that man or woman is still there, right, and I think that times have changed right, and we're not as tolerant towards bullying. But, believe me, it is still out there. We may hate it or whatever, but it's still there.

Speaker 1:

I absolutely agree with you and you're speaking my entire story. I mean, I was kept around for a very long time because I was a massive producer, but my behavior and my bully style of leadership eventually had me seeing the door. So the self-awareness is absolutely key and the self-assessment is absolutely key which we'll get to. How can someone self-assess or really become aware, even on their own, let alone with some professional support?

Speaker 3:

Right. So, first of all, I think that performance reviews are sort of a key to it, or maybe even it happens before a performance review. A lot of times, something will happen like there'll be a person who complains about a bully, and it may be like a solitary incident, like somebody just sort of. I do not recommend doing this, by the way, okay, but they come in, they complain to somebody at human resources. Maybe that person like rushes up to your boss and says like, oh, like she's a bully, like so-and-so complained, right.

Speaker 3:

I think that it's so critical to not just tamp down the criticism. I think we're all trying to tamp down criticism. Like Dale Carnegie said that people hate to be criticized, and I think that that is a true insight into human nature, right, what happens when someone criticizes you? You're like no, it's not true. It's not true, right, and you know all your resources go to proving it's not true and you bandy about it and you get, like the emails and the people to come in and support you and all this stuff. Right, and you save your job, right, you save it. But instead of celebrating after you've saved your job, but instead of celebrating after you've saved your job, that's the time to reflect and say was that person secretly right? Did I bully them? Did I make them cower in a corner? Did I make her cry? I think it's important to sort of say, not just I saved my job, I saved my skin, but like, what did I learn from this interaction and can I do something to dampen it a little bit? Dampen it down, don't be so in your face, don't be so aggressive, don't be so hostile. So yeah, I think a lot of times there is like a singular complaint and we people dampen it down and then we don't think about it because we got through the crisis. Of course, professional help too. You know there's seeing career coaches and going to psychiatrists and shrinks, and you know I think that's fine, that's all good, as long as you know you're trying to. One is trying to improve oneself.

Speaker 3:

What are some tactics and strategies someone can use to address some of these people specifically? You know bully bosses, but even some of the other ones, because a boss's pet is when you do it that matters, right? I mean, I've walked in hallways in advertising and been yelled at right by a boss, right there, in front of every single person, and I'm happy to say I've said nothing. Because just because somebody is yelling at you doesn't make them right. Loudness does not equal right and I think, in the heat of the moment, if you can sort of have the equanimity to step back and say I am not going to yell at this guy right now, but I will deal with it later. I think that is the critical moment. Pausing, yeah, pause, step back. If you're a lady, run to the ladies room, whatever the men's room. If you're a man, get out of there, get out of the heated situation, you know, and don't emote. Don't emote right in the moment, because if you do, if you're like, hey, buddy, I don't want to be yelled at you.

Speaker 3:

Know, I'm like, whatever, you're going to lose your job, I'm telling you you are. So if you want to keep your job, you need to get out of the situation. Take a walk around the block, you know, just leave the premises, do something and calm yourself down.

Speaker 1:

Well, isn't it also? You're wanting to to kind of prevent feeding the beast? If, all of a sudden, you're responding to some some hostility with hostility, that's just ramping everything up and that's not going to solve anything, that's not going to have a happy ending for anyone or anything.

Speaker 3:

It really isn't and neither is. I'm just going to say this neither is bursting into tears going to help you either, because that's considered really unprofessional and people are going to feel bizarre being around you. So you can't cry and you can't yell right Fight or flight. Fight or flight. I would say flee, flee the situation.

Speaker 3:

Okay, then, in quietness, you want to start developing a little list and you want to say on such and such a day, peter screamed his head off at me for no reason in the hallway. He said blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I walked very calmly by and you're going to keep a document of these incidents that happen. That is what my recommendation is to do. This is a long, long haul, but I think you should do it anyway, because a he's probably bullying other people too. It's probably not just you.

Speaker 3:

Okay, we'll get into that in a minute, but but I would say, keep a little list and then, in a very calm moment maybe it's two weeks later you're going to go in like wrap on his door, ask if you can talk to him for a few minutes. If he says, okay, come on in, you know, then you close the door and you say you know, I really feel like you are bullying me and I don't like it. I think it's important to call out the aggression and he will probably deny it. Right, he will deny it, but you're going to be very calm and say well, no, as a matter of fact, on December 2nd you know you you said this, and December 5th you said that and I feel like you're targeting me, you're singling me out, and I want to work with you so that we don't have this situation between us and sometimes just that will ease the situation, because he's going to understand that you are onto him going to understand that you are onto him.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes that alone will help. Now, the two weeks is that? Because one, you don't want to assume that that first outburst was a pattern. It could have just been that guys or girls having a bad day, a bad moment, and they happen to lash out in front of everybody. But yet if you wait to see if there's a pattern and it is a target on you, then you want to be able to go and address it and that's why the couple of weeks you want to wait until you build that pattern.

Speaker 3:

I think that's a good idea, but I also think it also has to do with having proof points, in case you need to bring this to somebody else. You need to show a pattern. It can't just be an isolated incident, but also in a week, in two weeks, maybe two days, whatever. People calm down a lot, you know. Maybe, maybe after the outburst, you know he's going to stop by and say, hey, you know, I'm really sorry about that, I didn't mean to do that, forgive me or whatever.

Speaker 3:

In which case you should, because, well, part of my theory is it's better to be flexible and let things bounce off of you and realize people have bad days and be that kind of a person where you know you're just there to solve problems. That's the other, that's the other thing. It's like you're not there to create a problem, all right. So when you one reason I say don't go to human resources immediately is because if you go to human resources, then you are going to be looked at as the problem, even though it's his problem, you're going to be looked at as a problem, right? So you need a lot of proof points, I'd say, before going to anybody super official in your company. It can't just be one or two times. It has to be a real pattern. All the more reason to you know remain calm on the outside. You can broil on the inside, but calm on the outside, you know, and just keep a record of what is going on.

Speaker 1:

And just keep a record of what is going on. Yeah, yeah, what would you tell someone that I guess yelling at somebody is the same, or has the same degree of emotion, as being in a room full of people, maybe sitting at the table, and someone demeans you or degrade you or insults you. The yelling is one thing, but then the words people might use is a whole different situation. How would you handle that?

Speaker 3:

Well, I think it's in terms of a tactic. I think it's a little bit similar in that, let's say, somebody's always interrupting you. Every time you open your mouth in a big group meeting, somebody's like cutting you off and interrupting you. I think it's kind of the same tactic that you use, which is to wait and address it with that person in a calm moment. Every time I open my mouth, I feel like you're cutting me off. Why, why is that happening? I feel like I'm not allowed to speak in the meeting. Is that okay for me to speak?

Speaker 3:

I think you have to call it out, but gently, gently, Another way. I mean with that specifically you know there's other tactics, like, for example, if you can get yourself into the situation where you are the note taker in the meeting, like if you're taking the minutes of the meeting, you can sort of exact your revenge, if you will, by getting your ideas into the, into those notes. You know if you were cut off, but you're the note, you're the official note taker notes. You know if you were cut off, but you're the note, you're the official note taker, you know you can put it in. I so and so had you know an idea that we didn't have time to talk about it, but you know you can insert it if that's the problem that your ideas aren't getting out, because it keeps like quashing down.

Speaker 3:

But in terms of like looking in the mirror and saying, well, am I the problem? A lot depends on the protocol of the particular company. You know who is allowed to speak in those meetings. You know what level are you at. Are you monopolizing the meeting by always like raising your hand and having an idea? Are you talking over people? So there's a lot about that too, like self-analysis. But I would say, yes, it's very annoying to be interrupted all the time.

Speaker 1:

I think that's a good point, that you don't want to automatically assume it's the other person who is improper in their behavior. You first have to kind of assess yourself to say, well, wait a minute, am I provoking them to behave a certain way based on my own performance or behavior? And then say, okay, if I assess that no, it's not me, that this is happening for no reason. I think that's a very great point, because automatically we always tend to think that it's somebody else and not ourselves, right?

Speaker 3:

Exactly. I think also this is not a tip I've written about, but I think also if you have a buddy in the office and you trust the person and you can ask the other person like let's honestly assess each other in these meetings and you can give feedback to like a one-on-one buddy system, that could be a way of correcting if your buddy says what I think you were just trying to talk too much, you know, and he wasn't able to get his thoughts out and then you realize, oh, it's my problem, okay, I can work on it. You can work on your own problems, but you can't change other people.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Now and with all of this, you are not in any way saying that anyone should accept the behavior, but at the same time, you just need to learn how to deal with it. Are you also saying that you could have a decision point where it's not worth the job and it's not worth the mental strain and the stress, and therefore you have a decision point that you're in control of? As far as do I stay in this type of culture or do I leave this culture? Would that be a fair assessment?

Speaker 3:

Yes, but my only point is I think that is absolutely true. But my only point is if you're going to stay in your same field, you're going to encounter the same personality types elsewhere. Now, maybe that bully isn't as terrible as the one that you're currently working with. Right, but you also have other factors. When you go to a new place, you know you have to learn the culture all over again. You have to prove yourself all over again. You have to work super hard in the beginning, all over again, until you know all the people and you understand all the tasks. And it's, you know, kind of a.

Speaker 3:

It's a better tactic probably to stay where you are, deal with this bully and rise in your own company, rather than hopping, hopping, hopping, hopping, hopping I mean over time, over time. I think it's better to stay someplace, like for a while, and get the experience there and get the money and get promoted. So, yes, there are certain situations, like, for example, I think if you're feeling sexually harassed at your company, then I think probably you may want to leave. You may want to leave or you may force the other person to leave. Okay, that's a situation where it is intolerable to be there being sexually harassed. It's just horrible and you should get out of there and probably the situation won't exist. You know that way in another company. But if it's just like your sort of backyard bully that's bullying you, I think you should try to deal with him or her first before deciding to leave.

Speaker 1:

I want to kind of sum this up, but I want to break it down into two different groups. What would you say to HR leaders and like the powers to be when it comes to what they should be doing in regards to handling these dysfunctional type of individuals?

Speaker 3:

Right. So I think that you know training is always a good idea, right? I mean, I know I've sat through sexual harassment seminars and you know, and like it's good to sort of teach people what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. As, as rudimentary as that sounds, I think that we didn't learn it in college, right? We didn't learn it in grad school. Like we need to learn how to behave with other people in the office, Like we need to learn how to behave with other people in the office. So I think all of those types of seminars are great.

Speaker 3:

The human resources people have to decide whether the bullying, let's say, has risen to the level of. Is it a warning that you're going to give this person? You know, is it? Is it going to be that he's suspended or are you going to kick him out? Like how bad is it that he's suspended? Are you going to kick him out? Like how bad is it? You know there's pros and cons, you know, versus like all the money he's bringing in or the clients or whatever it is that's keeping him there. They have to, you know that versus the potential lawsuits. You know they have to decide these things.

Speaker 3:

But to people who are not in HR. I would say HR should be probably your last resource. I think your first resource is yourself going to the person calling out in a calm moment, calling out the aggression. Right, if it happens again, go back, call it out again, like you have to show the bully that you're not frightened of this person. Right, you recognize it and you're calling it out, and sometimes that alone will make the problem disappear from your standpoint, which is what we're talking about. Right, then you may want to talk to other people in your company. You might want to. This guy or woman has probably bullied lots of people and there are lots of people who have the scars inside the scars, like to talk about it, and you are not alone. You are not alone.

Speaker 1:

You are not alone, right? The only thing I need to kind of challenge and would love your thought on is I would think that the business individual, the business team, should partner with HR, not to report, but more so get advice, get coaching on how they could approach the situation with maybe a statement of I'm not formally placing a complaint for HR to act on. You're my partner and I want some guidance and some kind of overall coaching from you as to how to handle something, and some kind of overall coaching from you as to how to handle something.

Speaker 3:

Would you not recommend that? I think it's a great idea, but I think that the minute you go in there, you kind of are lodging a complaint. Whether you're putting it in writing or not, I think you still are lodged. Because the thing is, what is the HR person going to do? They're not going to go to the person and say we received four complaints about your bullying. Well, what's the first question? Who did it? Who complained? Right? And then it's like you know, you're not just being like the target, but now you're like a tattletale, You're like the whistleblower.

Speaker 3:

You know, I think it's dangerous. I have to be honest, I think it's. It sounds good, but I think it's dangerous to go in and actually make the complaint without a lot of like proof points that you have. I really do. I mean, you don't want that person to distrust you. That is going to have an alienating impact, I believe, on the bully. And now, now you know, because, as I say, this person is a person in power and they can do things to you. They can move you into a slower department. Maybe that's good, but they can move you, you. They can move you into a slower department. Maybe that's good, but they can move you away. They can give you terrible assignments. There's lots of things they can do if they don't trust you and they want to get rid of you. And then you go into human resources. I believe you're vulnerable to that because the human resources person who's doing their job, they're going to to, maybe not in front of you, but they're going to write it down and now it's on the record. You know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, ok, all right. Would you tell individuals that are dealing with this what they could do to get to know or to deal with these type of dysfunctional behaviors?

Speaker 3:

I would say realize when something is somebody else's problem, right, maybe you worked on a report for three weeks, right, and you hand it to your boss and he grunts and he doesn't say thank you, or she doesn't say thank you, you know, and they just like walk on by, right, and then they never get back to you with any kind of feedback or whatever. You know you're going to be sitting there probably thinking like, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? You know, why don't I, why doesn't this person give me any feedback, or whatever. But like, maybe that person is getting a divorce from his wife, you know, right, maybe he totaled the car over the weekend.

Speaker 3:

I mean, there's stuff going on in people's personal life that you don't know about, and sometimes their lack of respect or response is something you couldn't possibly know anything about. It's their problem. And I think, just like the self-talk of sometimes saying you know what? This is his problem, that he didn't get back to me on this fantastic report that I wrote, and like pat yourself on the back, yeah and just, I guess that would be one thing. And then the second is just, I mentioned it before, but just to say you are there to solve problems. Everybody in the whole company is there to solve problems, not to create them. So when somebody is a problem like a bully, you want to kind of tamp it down. You don't want to escalate it. That would be my first thought. You don't want to escalate it? That would be my first thought. Like, don't escalate stuff, tamp it down and just solve the work problems that you're there to solve.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, this has been fabulous. We could talk about this subject around don't bully me ever and I want to mention to everyone you can dive into the subject and get all those tactics and strategies based on the 17 different dysfunctional styles that she had mentioned, tinycc forward. Slash bad bosses, crazy workers, and take advantage of really digging in, identifying the specific problem you're having and then finding the tactics that she's promoting. Also, be sure to follow her. Follow Vicki on LinkedIn and Facebook, just simply at Vicki Oliver. You'll find her very easily, and then, if you want to learn more about Vicki and the work that she does and the books that she has, go to VickiOlivercom. Vicki. This has been fabulous, so fabulous. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 3:

Thanks so much for having me. I love you know talking about this important topic with you, and I very appreciate it.

Speaker 1:

You're very welcome topic with you and I very appreciate it. You're very welcome. What a powerhouse and a powerful conversation with Vicki Oliver. I don't know about you, but we can never talk enough about how to deal with dysfunctional personalities in the workplace, whether they are bullies or, as she said, they might be grumpy martyrs, bosses, pets, credit snatchers and a number of others. As a matter of fact, she mentioned that there's 17 different styles that you might be dealing with in the workplace that could cause you challenges. So then she went on to really get into what you need to do in order to manage them, build bridges with them, confront them, but in a way that won't hurt you but will just support your cause in you not changing them in any way, shape or form, but you being able to deal with them, manage them or at least survive with them in your current position. So it was a powerful conversation, one that definitely, as I mentioned, needs to be talked about time and time again because, as we all know, and as Vicki stated, life's not greener somewhere else. And so the choice to leave your position thinking that you're going to find a better culture, a better set of personalities in another company that could just get you into more trouble than you already have, and so in her advice and her tips, she's suggesting that you learn how to manage, deal with, the various dysfunctional personalities that you have within any workplace.

Speaker 1:

So I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts and ideas around this subject. So feel free to link in with me at BernadetteBose on LinkedIn and send me a direct message. But should you need some specific guidance and support and handholding through a difficult situation with an employee, a boss or someone else, then don't hesitate to reach out and let's talk about it. You can go to coachmebernadettecom forward slash discovery call and we can have a 30-minute conversation, and I can leave you with some tips and strategies as well for you to then act on to create a better environment for yourself, the team and the business as a whole. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I'll look forward to having you for another episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch.

Speaker 2:

Bye. Thank you for tuning into today's episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Every journey taken together is another step towards unleashing the powerhouse leader within you. Don't miss any of our weekly episodes. Subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you love to listen. And, for those who thrive on visual content, catch us on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel. Want to dive deeper with Bernadette on becoming a powerhouse leader? Visit balloffirecoachingcom to learn more about how she helps professionals, hr executives and team leaders elevate overall team performance. You've been listening to Shedding the Corporate Bitch with Bernadette Boas. Until next time, keep shedding, keep growing and keep leading.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Bernadette Boas

Host