Shedding the Corporate Bitch
Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch – the podcast that challenges the status quo and empowers bold professionals to ditch outdated expectations, rewrite the rules, and rise into leadership on their own terms.
Hosted by transformational coach and unapologetic truth-teller Bernadette Boas, each episode delivers raw insights, unfiltered conversations, and practical strategies for ambitious corporate professionals, executive leaders, and HR trailblazers who are ready to level up—without selling out.
Whether you're navigating toxic cultures, battling burnout, or aiming for that next big role, this show is your weekly dose of motivation, straight talk, and real solutions that get results.
Follow now—and start shedding what no longer serves you, so you can build a career and life that actually fits you.
Shedding the Corporate Bitch
Mansplaining: How to Reclaim or Share Your Ideas with Kelly Meerbott
When was the last time someone stole your idea or explained something to you that you were the expert on? It happens more often than one thinks.
Welcome to another transformative episode of the Shedding the Corporate Bitch Podcast with Bernadette Boas. In this powerful conversation, executive coach Kelly Meerbott joins us to unpack the nuanced, often contentious issue of mansplaining and its impact on workplace dynamics and leadership credibility.
Episode Highlights:
- Understanding Mansplaining: Discover what mansplaining truly entails and its subtle mechanisms aimed at undermining confidence, particularly in women leaders.
- Real-Life Scenarios: Kelly shares insightful stories that illustrate how mansplaining shows up in professional settings and how women can unintentionally find themselves silenced or their ideas overshadowed.
- Strategies to Reclaim Ownership: Learn actionable strategies to elevate your confidence and leadership presence. From aligning with female colleagues for mutual support to mastering communication techniques like alpha tonality, gain insights on how to effectively reclaim your voice and ideas.
- The Role of Men in the Dialogue: Delve into the important role men play in dismantling patriarchal practices. Hear about the significance of allies and how both genders can collaboratively foster an inclusive environment.
- Inter-generational Advocacy: Explore the challenges and opportunities in bridging generational divides among women in corporate settings. Understand the importance of support networks and mentorship for elevating emerging female leaders.
- Practical Takeaways: Whether you're combating imposter syndrome or seeking to bolster your leadership style, Kelly offers profound advice on building enduring confidence, aligning with core values, and navigating corporate power dynamics with authenticity and strength.
Connect with Kelly Meerbott:
- Website: kellymeerbott.com
- LinkedIn: Find Kelly Meerbott on LinkedIn for insights and updates.
Join us as we tackle the intricacies of gender dynamics in the workplace, empowering you with the tools to lead with resilience and authenticity. Whether a victim of mansplaining or as someone striving to create a more inclusive work environment, this episode offers something valuable for everyone aiming to unleash their powerhouse potential.
Don't miss out—tune in now to accelerate your journey towards transformative leadership!
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How do you respond when someone takes your idea for their own or mansplains it away from you? Do you counter and reclaim your idea, or do you just let it go? Do you understand what mansplaining is and how it impacts your credibility and leadership style? It's important to understand. Taking credit or stealing someone else's idea doesn't look good for anyone not for the one who takes it and not for the one who allows it. Our guest, kelly Mirabot, is here to help you understand what mansplaining is, the effect it has on one's leadership style and how to reclaim ownership of your own ideas and contributions. Kelly sees the challenges many leaders have when it comes to feeling bold, empowered and leading with authenticity and boundaries, while also owning their ideas, opinions and contributions, or reclaiming them. You will walk away with some specific strategies and tips that will elevate your confidence, empower your leadership and elevate your credibility in the workplace. Stay with us.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Shedding the Corporate Bitch, the podcast that transforms today's managers into tomorrow's powerhouse leaders. Your host, bernadette Boas, executive coach and author, brings you into a world where the corporate grind meets personal growth and success in each and every episode. With more than 25 years in corporate trenches, bernadette's own journey from being dismissed as a tyrant boss to becoming a sought-after leadership coach and speaker illustrates the very essence of transformation that she now inspires in others with her tips, strategies and stories. So if you're ready to shed the bitches of fear and insecurity, ditch the imposter syndrome and step into the role of the powerhouse leader you were born to be, this podcast is for you. Let's do this.
Speaker 1:Kelly welcome, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 3:How are you, bernadette? I am so good, especially since we are twinning and like so twinning. So can we just say for your audience we have never met before, right, right, and this happened, and there's some off-audio things that we talked about that are really synchronous. So I am so excited to be here and I love your work. I listen to your podcast and being here as a guest is not only an honor, but I'm very grateful.
Speaker 1:Well, and I appreciate you being part of it because I think some of the subjects you cover are very near and dear to our listener and viewers hearts, even though they may not want them to be like our conversation today about mansplaining. But before we get into that, I love our audience to really get to know our guests personally, on a personal level. So can you share with us a little bit about Kelly?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So at the core of me, bernadette, I'm a little kid that wants to have fun and make mischief and change the world. So I'll tell you something that only people close enough. Well now, obviously when I say this, it's not going to be that, but my husband and I love, love, love karaoke and my go-to song is you May Be Right by Billy Joel. And if you know that song just for those people that don't the hook is you May Be Right, I May Be Crazy. So there you go. I mean, that's me. I'm very curious about the world, I get fascinated by things and literally go down the rabbit hole on them. So you know, I'm really open to learning new things and I kind of askew being called an expert, because I feel like when you're labeled that the learning has stopped, like you're some kind of guru on the mountain. And I'm certainly not that. I'm just somebody who goes through life and learns and shares things so that other people don't have to suffer.
Speaker 1:I absolutely love that and you're so right. I mean, until I am like six feet under, I want to be learning and growing, making mistakes, succeeding. I don't want to ever get complacent. I just want to know that there's always something more that I could know, which, even for our very seasoned and, I'll say, mature listeners and viewers in the corporate world, I think even this subject is going to be kind of an eye opener for them because it's not talked a lot about. So we're going to get into mansplaining and what that's all about, but I think we need to define it. I think you're going to need to provide some context around it, because I think many people confuse what it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, it is literally a condescending way to tell a woman or somebody who is not a straight white man something that they know Right. So I'll give you an example, cause I find that stories really kind of codify the definition. You know, I had, or I still have, a client right now who's a COO and he's in his mid seventies and he wrote a book in 1984 on leadership. So he is constantly explaining to me what leadership is, even though I have made a career out of that. So things like that, or mansplaining, also can kind of take the form of, say, you and I are in a meeting, right, and we're giving solutions or whatever. The man comes in and repeats exactly what we've just said, things like that. But it's really a way to, it's an egoic way to rise above and put yourself above a woman.
Speaker 1:And more so, whether consciously or unconsciously, diminish. Not even put yourself above some a woman and more so, whether consciously or unconsciously, diminish. Not even just put yourself above, but work to diminish and chip away at someone's confidence. Correct?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I I believe that it is a form of oppression. I really do, because it's a power over dynamic right. It's I know better than you and let me explain that. And it's like yes, you don't need to know. Like I had a guy who tried to explain to me how the government works and I was like do you know what I do for a living? And he was like no, I said I'm an executive coach to high ranking officers in the military, leaders at DHS, dot, fema, tsa and he goes well, obviously then you know how crazy they are. And he turned and walked away and I was like OK, I mean, what do you?
Speaker 1:say to that. Now, you had made mention, though, that in the scenario you painted, you know you're in a meeting, yep, and you say something, you bring up an idea or a solution, and then a man comes in, and now I want to make sure to be clear about this. The man's already been sitting there. He's not coming into the room, as much as it might have sounded that way. He's actually at the table hearing you, hearing an individual say something, bring up an idea, provide a solution, and then comes in, figuratively, to take that idea.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and let me give you an example from my corporate career because that might gel it a little bit more. So I remember I was sitting in a meeting, right, and it was in entertainment, so I don't want to throw the company under right and it was in entertainment. So I'm not, I don't want to throw the company under the bus, but it was in entertainment and we're meeting daily. I was in sales at the time and we were coming up with promotional ideas and I came up with this idea but it was around the election to send out some of our interns dressed as election ballots, some of our interns dressed as election ballots and my boss, who was a man, was like yeah, I don't know, I don't think we should do that. Two people later, a guy repeated word for word what I said and they thought it was genius. And when I called them out on it, the response was don't be sour grapes, kelly, and I was like the hell. I mean, did you?
Speaker 1:did you pull them out on it right then?
Speaker 3:and there, yeah, I said well, that's literally what I just said 10 minutes ago, word for word. And they that's when they jumped on me and I was sort of like why are you jumping on me instead of jumping on him and saying you need to come up with your own thoughts and own ideas? So that that's a better way of explaining it, I mean, or another way I can explain it. I don't know if I told you about my book of 10 fables, where it's all about things that I learned in corporate right, so I haven't released the second volume. However, there is a fable about mockingbirds, because mockingbirds repeat exactly what other birds do and it's all about mansplaining and men taking over space in mixed environments and not really having their own original ideas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Now who do you fault for that? And that seems like a tricky question, but who do you hold responsible for not only allowing it to happen, but then for the response and the reaction to the response?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I fault the systems, processes, procedures that were built in favor of men. That's what they were conditioned in. I also fault the ego, you know, because that is a self-worth issue. It's oh my gosh, am I relevant? She came up with such a great idea and I'm going to take that, so I seem more important, right? Because that's that's how all of us were conditioned in the patriarchy and with misogyny and sexism. I mean, I hate to say this, but the United States is the 10th most dangerous place in the world for women and children. We live in a rape culture. So it really, you know, stems from that and conditioning and all of that.
Speaker 3:And I think for me, I was just like in my situation. I thought first of all, I was wrong, but I was also in my early twenties. It should be an excuse for it, right, right, no, it shouldn't be an excuse for it, but I was so green into the corporate world that I hadn't experienced that before, you know. And and when I went to college I don't know if you experienced this I was told the myth that we've broken the glass ceiling and that doesn't happen anymore. So I think, going back in my mind's eye, I was really in shock because I couldn't believe that this guy in real time was stealing this idea. And they were jumping out, like I said, they were coming out on me and not on him and it's almost like this surreal kind of coming out of your body sort of like is this really happening?
Speaker 1:Yes, I have found. I found in your illustration that everyone in that room was responsible.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:The leader of the meeting was responsible for not calling out the individuals who mansplained obviously was guilty. People that didn't support you know and raise their voice are guilty and not supporting a colleague. And then and then, in a sense, because you write about this and I I'm curious about it you I'm going to say you in this instance because it was you in this scenario it's all about how one raises that up so that it's not taken as if it's defensive or someone's insecure or complaining. So you talk about communication is also a real key part and a skill when it comes to, in the case of our conversation today, reclaiming one's ideas or sharing one's ideas. Can you help us understand how that is?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I love that question. Thank you for that. As I was listening to you, I was thinking about and let's strip away the politics of it but Obama, who is married to a strong woman, has two strong woman daughters In his administration. The women in his cabinet came together to amplify each other's ideas so that they weren't taken. And I think, as women since your podcast is called Shedding the Corporate Bitch part of our problem is again, go back to the patriarchy, right. It's a distraction to pit us against each other. If I had other women that I was aligned with in that room and they amplified my idea, it probably wouldn't have happened. So you're exactly right.
Speaker 3:I think all of those people were responsible. But if you go to the root of the issue, it starts with these systems and it takes all of us, including men, to dismantle them, because 70% of my practice is white men, white straight men between the ages of 35 and 65. In fact, there's a joke among my team that I'm called the white guy whisperer. You know and, and, and. The biggest challenge that they have is they feel like they are not part of the DEIA discussion, right, and my response is that's not true. We need you because you have the keys to the kingdom and you know where the bodies are buried. And in order to take this apart, we need you. We need you to give us the roadmap, and they usually get that.
Speaker 1:This has always been a rub for me when it comes to men and D and I is. If you go to a good many women's summits, um, there are very few men on the stage or in the audience. But I'm more interested in those on the stage. Yeah, you know, sending the message, partnering with the women to send the message of why everyone should support women in their role. What is your take on that? As far as what you just said, the men want to be part of the conversation, or that's what they're raising up to you, and yet even I think women are failing in making sure that they are at the table or on the stage.
Speaker 3:I think you're right, there are some men that are great and they're allies, advocates and accomplices for all of us, and I call those the unicorns or my enlightened white guys. But I think there are some that are very performative and what I challenge those men who are on the stage to do is make sure what you're saying on stage matches what you're doing in your work life. I had Right, you know, I had a guy who was the head of biotech and it took me a little bit to get his mind around it, but when I, when he did, and it clicked, I always say it's like a game of Tetris, you know, they kind of fall into place and all of that. Um, he all of a sudden got invited to panels that he wasn't in those spaces. He admitted to me later which I didn't realize that one of his kids was transgender, so this was something near and dear to his heart and he just took off running with it and it changed his career and he got more opportunities.
Speaker 3:So I agree with you, I think there needs to be more men now. Do they need to center themselves in that space? No, that is a space for us. They need to be good guests, be curious and again, be in alignment. What you say and what you do matters, because we are right now in a war with accountability and people don't know the difference between accountability and shaming Right. So that's my biggest challenge to my clients is really be an integrity, do what you say you're going to do. So I definitely think. Personally, I think people men need to be in those rooms, but again, it's not your room, it's ours, so be a good guest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, and that's true, but that's putting all the onus on the man. Why aren't women inviting men? That's what drives me crazy when I go to these summits and I'm sitting there thinking I understand this room. We're all there to support each other as women and lift each other up and educate and inform At the same time. Why aren't you inviting men on stage to provide that advocacy?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, I think it's probably because we have so few spaces that are dedicated just to us and I know when I'm in a summit there's a mask that comes down. I don't have to worry about a defense mechanism or cognitive acrobatics. Like, do I walk out of the house looking nice but not too nice? Who's going to comment on my appearance? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That all goes away when I'm in a room with women. So it could be a protective thing. I don't really. From my point of view, it could be that it's like this is our space. But I agree with you. I think we should be inviting men into this more. And actually I'm doing a panel on the 19th and it's all women and now I'm thinking maybe I should talk about resilience yeah.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely Well. You brought up another good point and it'll also kind of compliment our conversation around mansplaining, but you said that people don't understand the difference between accountability and shaming, so let's make sure they do.
Speaker 3:Yep, yep. So shaming, it's about intent and nuance, right. Shaming, you know, I recently had somebody body shame me, right? And it was a man which, whatever, it's fine. I don't give credence to what he says, but it's all about. Oh, kelly, why are you so worried about how you look and do you really think you should be wearing those things? It's like this this is the wearing those things. It's like this this is the tone, right it's.
Speaker 3:It's making you feel like garbage versus hey Kelly, you promised to get me this on a deadline and it's now a day after. What happened? That is holding somebody accountable, and part of my job as a coach is really to hold you accountable to the best version of yourself. And I'll give you an example of that.
Speaker 3:I had somebody who kept not doing the work we were talking about. Right, we do a core purpose exercise in our work, and he just kept missing the deadline and apologizing to me, and I said you don't need to apologize to me, you need to apologize to yourself. This is a commitment you made to yourself, right? And I'm just reflecting back what I'm seeing. I don't make them feel bad. You know about, about things or choices that would be more like working with a first grade teacher who's like, no, no, no, now go stand in the corner and yeah, it's shaming him Right right Now. There have been some men in my personal life who I have taken pleasure in shaming because they were being not very nice, not very kind, but that really is a defense mechanism and I I believe that in in all of shaming it's, it's again. You know, making you feel ashamed of yourself versus accountability is more about rising up and and reaching your highest potential.
Speaker 1:And reminding yourself of what you committed to and what you signed up for, and what the expectations of the goals are. What do women need to do to handle and manage someone who might be mansplaining them?
Speaker 3:So one of the things we can you know I already mentioned is aligning yourself with other women who you know their strength in numbers Before you move on from that, though let's break that down a little bit more.
Speaker 1:Were you suggesting that if they have other women on the team, they should intentionally and purposely come together and discuss how they're going to support each other, how that in a meeting, if something should come up, they should, you know, support them and, and you know, kind of echo back? What that individual said is that's specifically what you mean when it comes to aligning with other women.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's having a conversation offline and saying like, hey, I noticed, this happened to you, it's happened to me before, as you know. Let's come together and align ourselves and have that conversation. Obviously, we know from Joe it looks like this. So when he says that I'm very permission-based, Would it be okay with you if I say this? You know what I mean. It's not another energy of blindsiding, because that that's what that is my man's playing, blindsides people and knocks you off your center so that you, you can't think clearly, which is what happened to me in that room. I was a little bit like I was shocked, I was taken aback and you know my defense mechanism is freezing. So I just kind of like stop talking and sink back into myself and I don't do it as much anymore. But yeah, I do believe in talking to other women in the organization and saying this is not fair, it's not right, we can't do it alone. Not fair, it's not right, we can't do it alone. So help me out. So that's in a group setting For me. I'm not somebody who calls people out in public. I do it in private, Although I'm thinking about a meeting I facilitated last week and I did call somebody out, but it looked like this and I'll get back to the other piece in a second but he was talking about one of the things he wanted to work on in 2025.
Speaker 3:And he said it's talking over people and interrupting and literally there were 40 of his colleagues in the room nodding behind him that he yes, he does that. So the meeting proceeds and one guy starts to give an answer to one of our questions and this guy jumps in and starts talking over him and I looked at him, I go, I'm going to pause you there for a second. Remember when we talked about you talking over people and literally the room erupted and he was fine, Like he was fine because I did it very tongue in cheek and you know, again, that's not shaming, Right, I was holding him accountable. So the the opposite of that, the shaming piece would be like blah, blah, blah. I told you, if you're going to work on your goals, why would you do that? Blah, blah, blah. You know it's that energy and intent behind it where I, in my mind, I would want to take him down a peg. That's the intention, right. Again, to make him ashamed of his behavior. That's not effective.
Speaker 1:That was my go-to. That's where the corporate bitch all stemmed from. Was that would have been my go-to 15, 20 years ago, and it just doesn't work.
Speaker 3:It doesn't work. And the other thing that doesn't work is us getting upset and screaming, even if we are Right it's. I remember somebody was that person who wrote the book like I told you was mansplaining to me in the middle of a meeting and my response was Okay, because I know that as women in leadership positions, we do not have the grace and space to get upset because what happens we're labeled bitch, aggressive, assertive, emotional emotional Yep Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 3:So it's really, really important to stay calm in this. Take a breath right. One of the things I teach my female executives is put your tongue to the roof of your mouth and count to 10. Count to 10 before you say something, because we don't want to come out looking like you know a crazy person, because we're all automatically disqualified and our credibility is out the window.
Speaker 1:It's hard to get back in an instant, but it'll take forever to get it back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and right after that meeting where that guy was mansplaining to me, it was the C-suite meeting and the chief technology officer and the CHRO, who are both women the CHRO is a black woman they came over to me later and they were like so I bet you're not going to ever, you know, forget that word again and I go nope. And then they said but we really liked how you put him in this place. I didn't do anything but say okay, okay, and guess what? Three days later I got an apology email from him. I would say the other thing in terms of mansplaining, right, especially if you're an introvert and you don't want to again, it's not a good idea to call them out in a group setting, because what will happen is the other men will either pile on or do something else to discredit you, right? What I like to do is say can we have a conversation? And I do it right away. It's kind of like we were talking about our dogs, right? If your dog pees on the floor, you're not going to be like 10 minutes later correct them. You want to correct them right there. So I'll basically say listen them right there. So I'll basically say listen.
Speaker 3:You know, I noticed in that meeting that you were X, y, z, whatever it was. You know, I had already said that and I'm just wondering where the cognitive dissonance is, like what made you do that? Or what made you? You know, and I don't use the word you because it puts people on defense immediately so I'll say, you know, I understand, like that information was being shared and I I had already said that. So I'm just wondering where my gap in blind spot is right, to give them a little bit of grace to to understand and let it click in, like, like I said, like Tetris, right, and usually it does and they will course correct. Um, in fact, that that guy, I was in a meeting with him last Monday and he's, he even made fun of himself he goes. I, I did everything short of bludgeoning Kelly over the head when I was like he goes, do you remember that meeting? I'm like he goes, do you remember that meeting? I'm like mm-hmm, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And, by the way, it's been subject of many podcast discussions and many range writing pieces. So what should women work on when it comes to ensuring that they are owning their ideas or reclaiming them and sharing them without feeling as if they have to lower themselves or to finish themselves?
Speaker 3:Well, bernadette, I like to get to the root of people's issues. I'm not a therapist, but there's always things that happen in our lives to inform things. So I would say, build your confidence. Confidence is not something you have, it's something you build. So build that. Make sure that you're aligned with your core purpose and your values. And the other thing I would work on is imposter syndrome. 70% of the global population has it, so just remember you belong in that room, there's a reason why you're in that room. And then build up your internal resilience and your strength, because this is not going away until those systems, processes, procedures are dismantled.
Speaker 3:And I would say, try modeling the behavior for other women that you want to see. Right. We'll go back to Gandhi's quote be the change you want to see in the world. You know, yeah, and the thing that I hear from the mentees that I have as millennials Gen Z, gen Alpha is that and this is unfortunate, and I don't think it's every woman, but women in the boomers and Gen X, which is what I am are not giving a hand up to the you know I am are not giving a hand up to the you know future generations, and I really think we need to come together and drop our egos and understand that just because we scratched and scraped our way to get to the top, that doesn't mean the next generation has to. We can teach them.
Speaker 1:And what have you found as to why they're not?
Speaker 3:I think it's insecurity and I think, well, let me drop the. I think it's insecurity and it is a feeling of irrelevance. What I have found, especially working with the boomer generation they are wrapped in to this. What I do is who I am right, and that's not it. It's what you do is one sliver of who you are. You're a mom, daughter, sister, friend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right. What you do is what you do, it's not who you are.
Speaker 3:So, as they are sunsetting their career, it's painful. There's grief involved. There is who am I now Right? And then add in empty nest syndrome, add in caring for your parents, which is kind of an interesting dynamic. Life doesn't come and go. Hey, kelly, you're no longer a kid, you're a caregiver. No, it just all of a interesting dynamic Like life doesn't come and go. Hey, kelly, you're no longer a kid, you're a caregiver. No, it just all of a sudden happens and you're like wait a second. So so I think all of those things you know, but but really I think the root of it is is feeling relevant and also, you know, insecurity, like what am I going to do next with my life? Or the other thing is well, I had to go through it.
Speaker 1:I thought it was maybe the fact that when they look at all these other younger generations they're too lazy to put time into, they don't have, you know, unrealistic expectations, and nothing I can say will help them kind of get more serious and get more formal around seeking a job. They just want everything right now and they want to do it quickly and they want to soar to the top and expect to be taken to the top without putting the work in.
Speaker 3:I think that's a misidentification on the part of Gen Zers and Gen Xers. It really is. The mentees that I work with are some of the hardest working people that I've ever met. They don't expect anything, but they don't want to burn out. They don't want to be loyal to an organization that's going to quote unquote give you a gold watch. They watched us and the boomer generation get well, it's shutting the corporate bench, get screwed over by, you know, these organizations that have literally only seen them as cogs in the wheel. You know, I mean, at least that's from my perspective I think you know we have a lot more in common with the future generations than we allow ourselves to see, because we're saying the same thing in different ways, and they learned from us. They learned from us. I mean, I worked in't matter that I had recovered, you know, $1.7 million in one market, or created $680,000 in new revenue in advertising when nobody was buying advertising in 2008. So I didn't think it could possibly be me that got laid off. Well, guess what?
Speaker 1:It was that got laid off? Well, guess what it was. When it comes to mansplaining, in our conversation today, you talked about confidence, work on confidence, work on communication. Are those the big ones, the big tips that you would say? That is absolutely a focus that you should do. Is there anything else that they should be working?
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's this technique that I teach my clients. Is called alpha tonality, and if you look it up, you're not going to find it. You're going to find men trying to pick up women. Okay, but alpha tonality in this context is staying really calm, right. So, like the example of me looking at this gentleman and going, okay, you know, with no expression at all, drop your voice down an octave and stay as calm as you possibly can Doesn't mean you don't have to, you can't get emotional, just don't do it in that room, right.
Speaker 3:A great example of alpha tonality and I'll give you two examples, because one might be dated is the opening scene of the godfather. Right, if you watch marlon brando, he's behind the desk and he's extremely calm, even though these people are like jumping up and down in front of him. Right, all he does is. And then when he does talk, it's very like, in very little words, he'll say things like my wife is God mother to your daughter and you've never come to me in friendship, and then the guy starts getting upset and he's like, I understand why, but you see, it's very flat. It's not even when the console area comes and talks in his ear. He's like very calm.
Speaker 3:Another good example is on Netflix. It's the movie, it's the series Wednesday, based on Wednesday Addams, and she's very like there's a scene where her roommate tries to teach her about technology and she's like typing on her typewriter and the roommate's like do you want me to teach you how to use your computer? And she goes I refuse to be a slave to technology. So it's like that, right, it's good to say as little as you can like, answer the question or address the situation in the least amount of words that you can, without getting emotional.
Speaker 1:Just calm, calm, calm calm right, I love the whole your tongue on the top of your roof, of your mouth, and you just kind of like pause and not say anything for 10 seconds and you can bring your central nervous system down, right.
Speaker 3:And then the the other one is really got. It just flew right out of my mind but it just basically go back to your breath, you know. Go back to your breath, just breathe, follow your breath in your mind's eye, you know, give your breath a color. So you know, in blue, out red or whatever, just to kind of like again, just calm yourself down, because we don't have the grace and space to get as upset as we want to, right? But yeah, I mean I, I think all of those tips are are are really good and they're easy to practice and you can do it wherever. I mean. Also, the other thing you can do is if you're aligning yourself with other women, you know, help, allow them to call it out. You don't, you don't have to do it, you know, you want a trusted, consenting relationship with that person.
Speaker 3:You know they can also give you good feedback. They're outside and they're they're observing. So yeah, those are definitely some some good tips. And for the men check yourself, man. This is a great way to do it. Imagine your wife, daughter, mother in that situation and she's receiving what you're saying. Would you say it that way? Would you interrupt and talk over? Are you contributing to pitting women against each other Because that's a function of the patriarchy? Right? If we're against each other, then we're not seeing the bad behavior because we're distracted by being against each other.
Speaker 1:Well, that was great. Well, I thank you so so much. So, everyone, if you would, please go learn more about Kelly and all the fabulous work that she does, as well as her books, and you can go to kellymirbotcom and that's M-E-E-R-B-O-T-T dot com, and then also follow on LinkedIn. Again, just look up Kelly, although you can go to at Kelly A Mirabot and find her there and, of course, get her book, and she mentioned one of the fables about mansplaining that is in her book, so you can go onto her website, kellymirabotcom, forward slash books and find that there, as well as look forward to the second version that she had mentioned. Right, yes, yes yes.
Speaker 1:Thank you, Kelly. I so appreciate it. It was great having you.
Speaker 3:Oh, my pleasure and thank you for the work you're doing. It's really important to have these conversations because that's where change happens.
Speaker 1:So I appreciate that. What did you think about this discussion on mansplaining with Kelly Mirabot, of you, loud and Clear. Now, I know from my own personal experience over the years mansplaining has been a common occurrence and I've had my own journey in how to deal with it, initially very reactive, and then over time really working on myself internally, confidence-wise, empowerment-wise, boldness-wise, even the use of words and the use of posture and behavior. I've learned to then tame my response to it and really address it more productively. And I loved how Kelly kind of supported that and went into great detail around what anyone, male or female, can do when confronted with mansplaining, because it does impact one's whole leadership style, their credibility, their reputation, their perception others have of them, whether they are the victim of the mansplaining and how they handle it or don't handle it, and the person who is mansplaining or stealing someone's ideas or, you know, taking someone's opinions and using it for their own. So it's really important that all of us, especially if we consider ourselves leaders, to really understand that and ensure that we're aligning with each other to support it not happening. And she went on to explain how women can align with one another to support each other when that mansplaining might happen. At the same time, she went into what men can be doing to ensure that they're not allowing it, whether it's the leader of a team or someone you know peer-to-peer with you, or with whoever might be a victim of mansplaining. She also went on to explain some generational differences that also affect how we're supporting one another, and so she went on to discuss what women can be doing to lift up and raise up the younger women of today, as well as what us seasoned individuals whether that's Gen X or boomers we need to be doing in order to make a shift, make a change in how we're treating one another, how we're respecting or not respecting each other, how we're communicating with each other and how, overall, we're engaging and connecting with each other.
Speaker 1:So it was a powerful conversation, and I was thrilled that Kelly provided her expertise in this subject matter, and I want to remind all of you you are powerhouses and therefore, if you should fall victim to mansplaining, you should have the confidence, the empowerment and the boldness to stand up for yourself. If you're the one mansplaining to others even womansplaining, I'll throw that in there then you may want to do some self-assessment and figure out where that might be coming from, do some self-assessment and figure out where that might be coming from. So all of us deserve to have our ideas heard, respected, whether they're accepted or shot down. But anyone working to diminish you or to make you feel less valued and important is where we really need to support and be bold to stand up to it.
Speaker 1:And if you should need help and guidance, tips and strategies as to how to go about doing that without damaging your own credibility and your own reputation in the workplace, then feel free to schedule some time with me. You can go to coachmebernadettecom forward slash discovery call and let's havea conversation so you can be the powerhouse that you are meant to be. Thank you for being with us for this episode and I'll look forward to having you for another episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch.
Speaker 2:Bye. Thank you for tuning into today's episode of Shedding the Corporate Bitch. Every journey taken together is another step towards unleashing the powerhouse leader within you. Don't miss any of our weekly episodes. Subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you love to listen. And, for those who thrive on visual content, catch us on our Shedding the Bitch YouTube channel. Want to dive deeper with Bernadette on becoming a powerhouse leader? Visit balloffirecoachingcom to learn more about how she helps professionals, hr executives and team leaders elevate overall team performance. You've been listening to Shedding the Corporate Bitch with Bernadette Boas. Until next time, keep shedding, keep growing and keep leading.
