Fickle Family, Fickle Friends

An uproariously entertaining conversation with a young man in Brazil has left me longing for a little chat. Everything from pop culture to religion, tells us to prioritize family, even if the family members are hand-picked, but this isn't as practical or as easy it may seem. Sit back and relax as we uncover the BS of fickle family and friends.

Music by Mound City by Coleman Hawkins (recorded 1929)

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This podcast is recorded in a style that pays homage to talents like Miss Monitor (Tedi Thurman) and explores topics designed to stimulate conversations. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm just gonna say it, baby. I find that shit shady. Because if I'm the lovely Ray, and I'm delighted to spend a little time with you today. I was born and raised in the US, but over the past few years, I've been fortunate enough to spend some time chatting online with people from all over the world. Thanks to a little website called Cambly. I don't have any strong opinions about the Cambly English Learning Platform. But my conversations with folks from other countries has left me with a lot to think about. So in this podcast, I thought I'd share a little with you and maybe we can keep the conversation going. Morning. This podcast is about stripping down and having real conversations. So if you're looking for someone to dress things up, well, as the old saying goes, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. I save my lipstick for the stage, dearest, and dressing up for the bedroom. I do not dress up my conversations with friends. So I'd love to have a chat. Welcome back, darlings. Oh how I've missed you. I found myself earlier today reminiscing on the joys of having a good laugh. You see, up until the moment I was speaking to this gentleman from Brazil, I had been busy with work and all kinds of things, and it was in our conversation when I found myself laughing, laughing a laugh that my heart and soul hadn't felt in a very long time. Perhaps you know what I mean. The genuine kind of laughter, not the kind of laughter that naturally occurs when a child does something surprising, but the kind of laughter that only occurs when you are faced with the sheer honesty of another adult sharing with you something that is so taboo, it's just simply not heard of to say things like this out loud. Yes, my darlings, I laughed because he was so right and I felt so wrong for the discussion that we were having, and yet it was a discussion that needed to be had. And isn't that what this podcast is all about? Igniting those discussions that need to be had. Yes. So what was it that made me laugh? Well, I have to confess, our conversation spanned across a number of topics, but I think the one that had me laughing the most was when he started sharing with me his feelings on friends and family. You see, the question I posed to this gentleman was, would you rather? Or more specifically, do you prefer to go to the beach with friends, family, or on your own? And he emphatically responded with on my own, because friends and family, they just want money. And I thought, well, ooh, isn't this interesting? Do tell me more. And I must remind you that English is not the gentleman's first language. And so he did continue. He regaled me with a tale of a friend who also loved to travel and loved to go to the beaches. And this friend had borrowed some money with the promise that she would pay him back within a month. Three months later, he still had not received the money, however, he did receive several notifications from Instagram showing his friend traveling around, going to different beaches, different parties, going shopping, and he thought, wait a minute, I worked hard for that money. I worked hard for my money. Where is my money? Oh my dears. The feelings that he was feeling I could relate. You see, I feel it wasn't that long ago where I loaned money to a family member under the condition that they pay me back as soon as they arrived in the town that they were flying to. Because our arrangement was I would pay for certain things, and the remaining of the things that needed to be paid for, they had several months to come up with that money. I say several months, but I think it was probably like two months. And so here we are with me, paying for something that I was not supposed to pay for. And they assured me they would pay me back. And after they had settled in to where they were traveling to, I got an inquiry of would you still like the money? Something to that effect, which I replied, yes. Yes, yes, I would still like my money. And this is how you can send it. Now, to be fair, that family member is still learning and was still learning the value of money and how to handle commitments, social obligations, financial obligations, and so forth. And yet I am not going to give these life lessons as a complete excuse because this person knew very well that financially they had responsibilities and they were in the habit of shirking those responsibilities. But this episode is not about that. And so let's get back to Mr. Brazil. Yes, his friend was off spending that money, living the life, and that friend was not working. So essentially, that friend was probably just borrowing from this person and that person, probably all with the same promise. Yeah. Who needs a friend like that? But you might be saying, Oh, lovely, but what about family? Family wouldn't do you like that. Well, it seems that Mr. Brazil and I have something in common. Because we both also seem to have family members who only come around when it seems like it is advantageous to them. Hmm.

unknown 8:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Now I I will confess, long gone are the days where my family will just outright borrow money from me. However, only speaking to me when it is beneficial to them, whether that be for social currency or well, in one instance, there was a family member on payroll, and so yes, it it did make sense to inquire about payment. If a payment was missed, this was encouraged by all team members. But the fact that you haven't bothered to talk to me since I stopped issuing weekly payments because you no longer work for me, well, that I do find interesting. And I'm just gonna say it, baby. I find that shit shady. Because if our relationship was more than just financially transactional, then one would think you could find any reason to reach out and touch someone. Yeah. So when Mr. Brazil told me that when it comes to family, he likes to leave the house. When family members come by to say hi to his mom, he takes that as an opportunity to skip on out and go somewhere on his own, all alone, where he doesn't have to worry about someone asking for more than they deserve or than what he's willing to give. Hmm. You see, darlings, these are the things that had me laughing out loud. Perhaps you could have been late. You know, I find myself thinking back to those fast and furious movies. They weren't all about souped up cars. Oh no, because we also had the message of family is what you make of it. And family is what matters. Funny how Hollywood is ready to give us the very meaning to life all within the matter of ninety minutes, two hours, with a banging soundtrack and some shiny cars. We are buying in to the very definition of family. Interestingly enough, I will talk to individuals who reside in countries like Saudi Arabia and what's another one that I'm thinking of. Oh, um one could say Turkey, but not so much my Turkish friends. Though my Turkish friends do value family a great deal, but it is my friends in the Middle East who find themselves shocked at the idea that one doesn't call upon their mother on a regular basis. How dare you not call your mom weekly or even daily? And your siblings, but of course you would see them every weekend, spend as much time with them as possible. And to be fair, even my Turkish friends find themselves dutifully seeing family on various holidays. Got a break from work, get together with the whole family, and hang out. Now, here in America, I must confess this is not exactly the model that many Americans follow. Now some do, especially if it is considered part of one's cultural upbringing. However, it is also very common to say, take that holiday break and go somewhere on your own. Or go somewhere with your chosen friends, your chosen family. Yeah. I seem to recall recently viewing a video on YouTube in which there was someone commenting on a series of TikTok videos in which one person exclaims that their friends, if their friends are too broke to travel with them, then those friends should not be traveling. Don't borrow money if you have no intention of paying it back. And to this I do agree. If you have no intention of paying the money back, then please just don't ask to fucking borrow it. Instead, just simply say, May I have some money? I do have this request, and by the way, I have no intention of paying it back because I feel entitled to that money. I mean, the honesty would be greatly appreciated, and the person who gives that money in that type of situation doesn't really seem, in my opinion, to have any right to be frustrated, disgruntled, or feel deceived if the money's never paid back, because the conditions were the money is given freely, without any expectation that the money would be returned. And oftentimes we spend so much time and energy with friends that these friends can become like family. And so you see, the young lady who was frustrated by the friend who borrowed money and did not pay it back, despite there being an expectation that that friend would pay the money back. Well, I can see why she was pissed. And yet the person who borrowed the money went online to say, I've got money. I didn't need to borrow money. I had a budget, and I said that I would go. However, I had to stick to my budget. She had her various excuses, and she also said that she paid the money back. She never asked people to pay for this, that, and the other thing they offered, and so forth, and so forth, and so forth. And you see, oh, what a tangle where we leave when once we practice to deceive, because her answers weren't making much sense. And maybe she got it like that. Maybe she has friends who just want to give and give and give. But clearly, something's wrong because both of you are online taking a TikTok to complain, to air your grievances, and seeking the confirmation, the like, the click, the comments from mere strangers in order to justify your actions, in order to feel satisfied with your feelings. Hmm. Isn't it curious? Because if these real true friends, why not just tell that friend? You did me wrong, you did me dirty, and I ain't down with that. I don't know, baby. Makes me think. Makes me think. So what do you think? Do you willingly spend time with your family because you enjoy their company? You have a lot in common, or do you spend time with family out of obligation because it is your obligation to spend time with people that you share some sort of blood relation to? Do you find yourself choosing to spend more time with your selected family? Do you spend time with your selected family because you grew up together? Do you enjoy their company, or is it mere obligation? Or perhaps like me and like Mr. Brazil, you prefer to spend your time alone, away from the stress that comes with sharing space with others, and yet why is there this stress? Why are these demands existing, some of which seem to simply be unspoken expectations? Why do they haunt us? Do they enter the room and linger? Like the smell of patrouille oil or the smell of weed. Just lingering and often existing without comment. Well say la vie, as they say. Say la vie. What does family obligation and expectation look like for me? What should it look like? What do I want it to look like? What do I want it to be? You know, I have some friends who say at the end of the day, it does not fucking matter. Let it all go. And I could see in a desire to not feel alone, to not be alone, one may reach a point where one is willing to simply accept the mere breadcrumbs of attention and respect and love that might be tossed their way. But why settle for breadcrumbs when you can learn to grow your own food and feast every single day? That's the beauty of appreciating what it is to be alone and not getting bogged down with the concept of being and feeling lonely. I remember a few years ago there was some information circulating throughout the news. Whether or not it was really scientifically backed, I cannot say. What constituted these various studies, I cannot say. But there was this trending statement on social media and the news that more people today are suffering from loneliness. Loneliness is an epidemic. Loneliness is at crisis levels. And I must confess, it wasn't long after where we found that Chat GPT was being used to cure loneliness. Now we have people who are marrying, marrying their AI chatbot lovers that they created through some stupid fucking apps. And AI is going to be the solution that we need in order to help the elderly sitting in elderly senior centers stop feeling so lonely. And yet, darlings, these AI relationships create relationships which do not strengthen social skills because these are relationships designed to simply have the human component feel and receive the information they want to receive and the feelings that they want to receive. And I I remember some guy who had gone through various interviews about his marriage to his AI partner. Mind you, the man was also married to a woman in real life. And his wife felt that his infatuation with his AI partner was completely fine because she would much rather know that he was wasting his time having an affair with a computer program than going out and sleeping around with another human. She didn't feel threatened by this AI relationship. And that did have me wonder well, how much time is he spending with you if he has all of this time to pour into his AI relationship? Is he sharing things with you that he is also sharing with his AI chatbot? Is he giving parts of himself to this creation of his that he doesn't give to you? It's all begging to come back to the question of what do we expect from our relationships? What do we want them to be? And so, darling, I don't know about you, but the idea that my partner would take curiosity and hobby and turn it into a commitment that I would say more resembles an addiction. This would have me concerned. Now, to be fair, it is very common for a person to give a part of themselves to someone else in their lives and for there to still be enough to give to their most intimate partner, after all. One might tell friends one thing, but not feel the need to share all those details with their most intimate partner because they find that that partner supports them in other ways. But I do question whether it is beneficial for all parties involved when the mere ability of the relationship to exist is completely dependent upon the time spent apart. Hmm. Yes. Interesting, isn't it? I mean, when we look at why the trophy wife is disposed of, it's because she no longer serves the purpose she once served. Being enviable arm candy. Now, to be fair, darlings, ladies are also known to take on partners for their parents. After all, I did have a friend who was believe he was I do find myself struggling to remember which Caribbean island he was from, possibly Jamaica. But he told me that numerous friends of his were hounded by women coming from the United States seeking to acquire a husband to bring home someone who would be able to satisfy their needs at their beck and call. And in exchange, the lady doth provide for him. And I thought, ooh, well that simply isn't talked about enough. And how would that man feel after a few years of simply being arm candy a servant to someone else? I mean traveling to another country and being exposed to so many different things can create a lot of temptations, but do not stray because that could get someone deported. Family how it is defined so differently by so many. And yet, isn't that the very beauty of words? Words provide labels to provide meaning to allow us to ascribe some sort of feeling to the things we experience. Well, just thinking about it all does make me laugh. Perhaps you're the same. Or perhaps you feel that it's no laughing matter. And maybe you're frustrated thinking about who owes you, who owes you a phone call, who owes you money, who owes you a cup of coffee, who owes you the time to simply say they recognize you do exist. Hmm. Well, darlings, that's quite a bit to think about. But if you find yourselves getting overwhelmed with all there is to think about, I invite you to take a breath, take a pause, and to think back on a very lovely young man living in Brazil who is pissed off that after three months he still has not seen his money from his so-called friend, and so he prefers to spend his time traveling alone. Well, that sure did tickle my fancy, and I hope it did a little something for you, darlings, because you see, these very conversations make every day worthwhile for me. The simple power in the ability to think and the freedom to express thoughts. Until next time, darlings. It's been lovely to chat.