Tradwives Tell Tall Tales

Sometimes pop culture trends reported online seem so outrageous, I find myself thinking, "that can't be true. In the same way, the X files warned us that there was a group of powerful men who would meet secretly and make decisions that impacted all of mankind, I wounder if there's a group of "influencers" gathering together to discuss fake trends. Certainly a good business model, other influencers would pick up the stories, thus growing the myth to a point where it is so loud, that mainstream media starts reporting on it. Alas, this podcast doesn't dabble in conspiracies. This week we will take a peek at the "tradwife" trend, the name in and of itself raises some questions. Let's chat about it.

Music by Mound City by Coleman Hawkins (recorded 1929)

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This podcast is recorded in a style that pays homage to talents like Miss Monitor (Tedi Thurman) and explores topics designed to stimulate conversations. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Baking sourdough while still making time to change diapers and homeschool the kiddos is a full-time job in and of itself. But many of these women are also balancing running social media platforms with millions of views, and in some cases, these women are also selling courses or products in addition to courting sponsors for their channel. So would that make it two full-time jobs? My name is the lovely Ray, and I was born and raised in the US. I currently have the opportunity to speak with people of all over the world. It is a collection of thoughts inspired by my local conversations. Thanks for stopping by, darlings. Welcome back, darlings. Is it a coincidence that the same day I watched a more perfect unions YouTube video report on the American Tradwife trend? That I also listened to an episode of 2020 about a young couple of deep faith, in which both the first wife and the second wife have given complete financial control over to their husband, only to later discover that not only has he not been paying the bills, but that the couple would be facing eviction. Oh, spoiler alert, the first wife ends up dead. The whole trad wife thing seems to pop up in mainstream media once a year. Even Tevran Hall had an episode in which trad girlfriends were being cautioned by divorced trad wives. Conservative groups are even promoting the trad wife lifestyle by encouraging young women to focus on having as many babies as they can. The thing that puzzles me is the people extolling the joys of being a trad wife, aka stay-at-home mom, seem to be either men or women who are being paid to promote the lifestyle. Hence, technically, these are not traditional wives, but rather working women. Baking sourdough while still making time to change diapers and homeschool the kiddos is a full-time job in and of itself. But many of these women are also balancing running social media platforms with millions of views, and in some cases, these women are also selling courses or products in addition to courting sponsors for their channel. So would that make it two full-time jobs? Hmm. For a while, social media seemed to be full of influencers whose only focus seemed to be on shopping and spa treatments while their rich boyfriends paid the bills. Though there are women in Long Island, New York and Dallas, Fort Worth, Texas, who would probably eye roll as such content if they weren't so busy picking out dresses for the next social function they would be hosting. No, aspiring to be the arm candy of a wealthy gentleman is a thing of the past, and now true gin Z goals seem to include lots of manual labor when one is not physically going into labor. The subservient to the opposite sex is strange to me, and I have had the pleasure of speaking with many women in other countries who have raised their children and find themselves with too much free time. Some of them lonely, some of them having that loneliness, exasperated by the fact that they have relocated to another country in order to support their spouse's career, a country where they do not speak the local language. They rarely go out and they have few friends. I wonder if they feel their lives are glamorous and worth millions of followers. Why is it that women who are of deep faith feel that their duty is to be at home? Nowhere in the Bible does it say that Eve must stand behind Adam and spend all of her intelligence on looking good. Now, to be fair, a large part of the current trad wife marketing is focused on women raising the kids. It wasn't that long ago when American society and therapists alike were complaining that the absentee father was leading to the downfall of the human race. Having lots of babies on one income means having to feed those babies, which means the breadwinner, aka, according to this new trad wife trend, the man, will have to be away from home working hard for that money. And some inflowers claim that Americans used to be able to get by on just one income with a large family. But what does getting by even mean? Many Americans who grew up in the 50s did not have parents who had to worry about outfitting the kids with video game consoles, big screen TVs, trips to Disney, laptops, cell phones, homeschool curriculum, bouncy parks in the backyard. Oh, look, we need to have not just a home of an own, but we actually need to have a homestead. We need a lot of acres that we're gonna maintain and build our own little community. Wanna go back even further, baby? In fact, many women weren't trying to homeschool and maintain a clean home back in the day. But we can keep going back further. Let's look at the early 1900s. Medicine was nothing like it is today, and in the early 1900s, there was a high infant mortality rate where a child making it past the age of five was a blessing. Today, thanks to modern medicine, kids are living a lot longer, and adult life expectancy back in the day was around age 50. And thanks to vaccinations, well, those vaccinations have had a large role in reducing the infant mortality rate. Though if you listen to some of the trad wives, homeschooling vaccine conspiracy, women of deep faith, you would think that homemade bread and whole milk were the key to the fact that many adults today are living past the age of a hundred. What's missing from the trad wife and stay-at-home girlfriend illusions is what happens when the marriage no longer works. Sure, it's fun to see ladies baking bread and doing laundry as they twirl around and are magically in a dress that they swear is something they created themselves.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

However, darlings, that's only one small glimpse into a woman's day. Because you see, marriage is not at all balanced, happy, even.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

It is not without conflict. It is not simply I'll take care of this, you take care of that, and we'll come together. Always an agreement. Oh no. That would be far too easy. In fact, the story of the unhappy nineteen fifties and sixties half-wife is one that has been retold by Hollywood again and again. Indeed, even movies in the 2000s showed the same scenario of an intelligent woman wasting away her years staying at home while the man goes out and has an affair. Or how about the bored housewife goes out and has an affair? This aspect seems to be missing from these TikTok reels. And while I do appreciate the form-fitting wiggle dresses or even the full little circle skirts from the bygone era, I do not for one wish to go back to a time where, just based on gender, I cannot get a bank account, a credit card, or a home without a man to vouch for me. After all, why shouldn't a woman be able to keep a secret domicile for her lovers? Should she choose? Men have been doing it for well over a century. Putting up their mistresses, making sure they are well taken care of. Perhaps this trend is just an attempt to solve issues with both declining birth rates globally and the decline in marriages within the US. That's the only way this makes sense to me. I mean, why else would anyone buy into the trad wife lifestyle? It seems that the majority of the Gen Z men and women that I speak to avoid cooking, hate cooking, or feel they are terrible cooks. So who exactly is making this sourdough? I often ask these individuals what they will do when their mother is no longer able to cook for them. And I rarely get a response to this question. I did have one young woman from Latin America tell me that she was actually quite lucky. Growing up, her mother wanted her to invest her time in studying. So mom would cook, and her daughter's focus was to study and get a good job. Which she studied very hard, went to university, and at university the school provided food. And upon graduation, she had secured a job that paid enough where she could eat out every night. So cooking was just not something she's ever really had to do. She felt confident she could follow a recipe if needed, but according to her, there wouldn't be any time soon which she would need to cook for herself. Now this path to being free from obtaining culinary skills is probably less common than one might think. But it is quite interesting. I have known many millennials and Gensiers not to own a broom, not to maintain a clean home. And at times state that this clutter is just the way they live or long to get a cleaner. Or better yet, wait till mom comes by to visit and let her do the cleaning.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

And so again, what are these trad wives doing if they're not cooking?

SPEAKER_01 14:51

They're not cleaning. Is it just having babies? But that's not what the social media reels show. Hmm. I don't know, baby. There seems to be a bit of a disconnect. I do wonder if part of the trad wife homestead soapboxing is due to people being pissed off that they aren't making millions right out of college. That life isn't exactly easy. That at times things will be hard. You can't get what you want right when you want it. That things take time. And given that, the majority of millennials in Gen Z group up with smartphones, internet, social media, the instant gratification, the hey, take a click and it will be delivered.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Take a click and you will get a like. The shortened attention span. The instant gratification. I do wonder if it's all related.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Mm-hmm. You didn't get that job you wanted instantly. Why not just give the fuck up? Why not just throw your hands up in the air and say college degree? It's all a scam. It's a waste of money because everything you need to know you can learn from free online or through a six-month course. Hmm. Is the soapboxing actually correlated with the college as a waste of money movement? Are women taking a social media and promoting a trad wife lifestyle because they feel that they wasted money on a college education which they could not afford? Hence, they would raise their kids the right way by providing those children with all the education that they need and protect them from feelings of failure. The feeling of failure that comes with encountering others who don't think like you do, who may question your views and assumptions, the feeling of trying in a job where the employer gives feedback, and that feedback will include that not everything you do will be perfect, let alone welcome or accept it.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

What about you, darling?

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Do you find yourself yearning for bygone errors?

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Maybe you just find yourself yearning. If so, know that you are not alone. I'm right there with you, baby. Yearning for something more. I do hope that you take our little discussion and use it.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Don't abuse it. Use it to reach out and touch someone whose brain you are just dying to tickle. Ask them what they think about the role of men and women. The role of promoting a certain domestic lifestyle via social media. Ask them whether they think that being a stay-at-home wife is the best way for women to move forward in society and to help contribute to creating a world that is better for all.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

TikTok Reel. Well, until next time, darlings, it's been lovely to chat.