Corporate Jargon: Useful Connector or Useless Elitism

There's nothing like trying to explain American English idioms and slang to non-native English speakers, to really make you notice how extreme the swings in the usage of words has become. While grade school educators are asked to follow this K.I.S.S. method (Keep It Simple Sweetheart), corporate America (and college campuses) have ushered in phrases with such force that the effectiveness of this secret language is questionable. So why is it that saying something like "let's sync up later," has become the De facto phrase in many offices as opposed to "let's talk later?" Let's chat about it.

Music by Mound City by Coleman Hawkins (recorded 1929)

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This podcast is recorded in a style that pays homage to talents like Miss Monitor (Tedi Thurman) and explores topics designed to stimulate conversations. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What else feel like Office Speak is the equivalent of the children's game where you would speak Chipperish and only your friends would understand what you meant? My name is the lovely Ray, and I was born and raised in the US. I currently have the opportunity to speak with people from all over the world. Regular people, just like you. And I'm always fascinated by our cultural differences and similarities. This podcast is voicing the style of the Sultry Sounding 1955 Weather Girl. It is a collection of thoughts inspired by my global conversations and instant by you to have those hard conversations out loud and with others. Thanks for stopping by, darlings. I love to travel back, darlings. I must confess that between dealing with some paperwork and traveling from place to place, I have been a bit delayed in posting. Because you see, I told myself if I'm gonna do this thing, this podcasting thing, then I wanna deliver something that is worthwhile. Not just some garbage. I mean after all, if we all just want content, if we all just want to consume, there's plenty of AI slob out there that we can slurp up by the dozen or mouthful, however you want to put it. But with all of that being said, I found that I had tons of notes, and yet I didn't have tons of time to sit and perfect. You see, writing podcast episodes became something that would take hours because I wanted to share my thoughts, my ideas, and stimulate in you a little bit of conversation. And yet this girl's got bills to pay, and this podcast is free, and so the ability to sit and write for hours. Well, it wasn't something that I can do as much as I would have liked. And so, my darlings, we are returning to a little bit of the impromptu form. I have an idea. I'm gonna sit and chat about it. So do forgive me if at times there are pauses or I seem to circle get off track and need to circle back.

unknown 3:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

Now, with my apologies being placed out there, I want to ask you to sit down. Or you can stand up if you prefer. But I want to invite you to hop on the conversation train with me. Hmm, let's do it, baby. So earlier today I was having a conversation with a gentleman, and I was going over some vocabulary that was supposed to be business vocabulary, and I noticed that the vocabulary that I was introducing were phrases such as, how does that land with you? Let's get down to business. And I thought, good God, what the fuck are we? Airplanes? How does that land with you? And then when I looked at the AI-generated summary of what that person did well and what they could work on, it all sounded like gobbledygook, in my opinion. There were just lots of office speak language, once again, more of that you landed that really well. And I'm thinking, who talks like this? Now, to be fair, it has been a while since I have been in a boardroom, stepped foot in an office, and got down to business. But for fuck's sake, I am very tired of sitting in mentoring sessions with young individuals and hearing the moderators of these events use phrases like piggyback and um let's all do some roses and thorns. And my thought is, is this what people are really doing in offices nowadays? Have we all moved so far away from being able to just get to the fucking point and get work done? Are we also afraid that we're going to hurt someone's feelings? That they'll become an emotional mess and they'll record it and it'll be on TikTok, that our businesses will be inundated with nasty comments and emails. How dare you fire that young person? How dare you tell that young person that their work isn't up to stuff, or that they can't dress like that at the office. I don't know about you, darlings, and I don't know what industry you work in, but I for one have found that the amount of new language that is being implemented in offices, um, I just found it to be disturbing. And frankly, I find it to be unnecessary. It reminds me of being a child when you create your own fictional worlds and fictional language with the idea that only we get it. Us school kids, no one else will understand. Goodness. I must confess I do not love Slack. In fact, I hate it. Why? I find it to be an interrupter. Back in the old days when you needed to say something to me, you had to actually either pick up the phone and buzz my desk, which I could answer or not, or you had to get out of your chair and come and find me. Maybe I'm at my desk, maybe I'm not. But now with a message on Slack ping ding, it's up on the screen. And so, the same way I'd have to fight in order to not pay attention to the notifications on my phone, I now have to try to avoid the notifications coming through on Slack. I received an invitation to join the Slack group the other day, and I thought this could be beneficial. There might be some small tidbits on changes within the platform that could really benefit me. And they are inviting me for a reason. This isn't being sent out to everyone, and yet I must confess I declined the invitation. Why? Because I also envisioned a bunch of shit that just interrupts my day, and I'm a busy girl, baby. I don't need a lot of interruptions. When I was participating in a group in New York City who was focused on helping get people more involved and educated in politics and helping politicians who were running for various local positions, helping them be seen and heard and reach more people. I do believe in the mission of the organization. I had trouble with the way they were going about it, and frankly, I just found myself frustrated. I just stopped devoting the time. But before I faded away, I did notice that they had switched conversations to Slack. And ding ding, lots of little popping up messages appearing on my screen. And then I would get emails. Did you see the update on Slack? And I'm thinking, what the fuck is this? There are so many messages, so many threads on Slack. Where am I supposed to put my attention? It's too much. Give me the important information, give it to me by email. Let's be done with it. Same problem seems to happen with group text. Oh my goodness. A group text, one person sends out some information, and then you have 15 other people who are all liking and saying, good job. It's all unnecessary. Because you see, if we were all face to face, having these interactions, the amount of time that the congratulations and applause, or the questions and the inquiries, the amount of time of the back and forth would be far less. And if time is money, don't waste my time with your thumbs up, your hearts, your happy faces, and your laughing out loud emojis. Now I don't know if emojis are even something that can be implemented in Slack. But I have to say, the week or more that I was uh subscribed to this Slack feed, I found it so disruptive that I well, there you have it. That would be the nail in the coffin in terms of why I finally decided this group environment is not for me. Now you might be listening to this and saying, but lovely, I don't have a choice. Slack is what my company wants us to use, and that's what we're doing. I also find myself wondering, is Slack a little bit like Square? I remember it wasn't that long ago, but some six to eight years ago, maybe eight to ten years ago at this point, when Square had the tip feature built into all of the checkout uh pages, and were offering tablets to pretty much any size business. You can get this tablet, and your vendors or your uh employees can have someone swipe, push a few buttons, the customer swipes, and they can add the tip very easily. Square made this very accessible, very easy to get, and as a result, we as the consumers found ourselves inundated with several small businesses asking us to tip on everything. And I don't know about you, baby, but I did not really want to tip the person who simply rang me up for my coffee. But I had to go pour the coffee myself, and I just didn't want a tip for someone taking the donut and placing it in a bag. If it's an establishment where I'm literally pulling food that's prepackaged off the shelf, placing it on a tray, and then going up to a human asking them to ring me up. Do I really have to tip on that? Now you might be saying, Well lovely, there are so many establishments now that you self-jack out, you aren't being asked to tip as much. And yet, when I do find myself seeking a little human interaction, I actually enjoy talking to baristas and other people who work in establishments in which they are being asked to take my money. I like having a face with a heartbeat and finding out about them and their day. And I want them to feel that they are noticed and they are more than just someone completing a transaction. There's no secret language between us. Or perhaps there is the language of human understanding. Now, darlings, I am not saying that I avoid the self-checkout. In fact, I often use the self-checkout when I go to certain stores, but there are stores that don't provide self-checkout like Trader Joe's, and I have to say, it's quite refreshing. I'm being forced to buy in their culture. If I want to get those Trader Joe branded items, or if I just want to be able to purchase something that I know is ethically sourced because I'm that girl who called corporate to find out, then yeah, I'm gonna have to do their thing. I'm gonna have to accept the fact that I'll be interacting with a human in order to make my purchase. And that's not really a bad thing now, is it? A little human interaction, a little touching, a little getting to know someone. Speaking of touching, I am not physically molesting my um checkout personnel at the grocery store, but I do like to think that the emotional touch, the mental touch, is something that is transferred, is something that is there. I recognize that you are doing me a service. I recognize I am not being asked to tip upon this service, therefore I can assume that you are being paid a wage which makes you content with this exchange at this moment. Now, to be fair, there are many coffee shops and uh eateries in which there is no table service, there's no waiter and uh customer in that sense. We're talking about establishments where it's grab and go, we give you your item, you help yourself. There's no real service per se. Of course, service with a smile behind a register, or maybe behind the coffee machine, but that's pretty much the extent of it. And yet, while those individuals are being paid a wage, I'm still being asked to tip on that wage. Okay, so let me state up front that I did spend time as a waitress and as a bartender, no surprise there. And I've never complained about being tipped as a bartender or um tipping a bartender, to be fair. However, is it because those are situations in which the tipping process has been built in for so long? Or is it because those particular industries it is understood that those individuals are being paid a lower rate than someone who would, say, be making coffee as a barista or uh tending the counter at a bakery. And so in order to survive, those individuals rely on tips. Hmm. I do wonder. Now, of course, the pay scale varies by state, and when I was in California, I really found tips to be something extra. I was paid at least minimum wage in order to w do table service, and I was pleased with the extra money that came from providing excellent service through tips. And the excellent service was something that was over a period of time I'm checking in on you. Now, to be fair, that bartender also checks in. How are you doing? Do you need another drink? So I can see the service there. But when it comes to the barista, to the uh bakery shop, you put the item in the bag, you made the coffee, no one's coming and asking me, do I need another muffin? How about another cookie? Want another cappuccino?

SPEAKER_01 18:39

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

It's just not there. And so I think I've solved for myself why I have such a problem with tipping in those establishments and not in the restaurant establishment. Now, to be fair, prior to Square pushing their little devices on all of these small businesses, I did choose to tip certain coffee shop personnel. But my tip might be my extra change, my fifty cents or a dollar, into a jar or bucket because I recognized that they were doing a work that they may or may not particularly enjoy, but I appreciated the conversation and the smile. And that for me was service. Fast forward in 2026. I everyone can say that when I go into a little eatery in New York City, I is hard to find true service nowadays. Service with a smile, rare. A lot of times it is next, and they're ringing you up while talking to someone else, their friend that's next to them, or looking at their phone, and they're not really asking you, did you find what you wanted? Do you need anything else? How would you like that? It's all pretty hmm inhuman, transactional. I minds well be at a machine, swiping my request for a cookie, and then bagging it myself and going on my merry way, or lo and behold, swiping, selecting, and then picking up my cookie from a box door that opens. Yes, you see, there are many places in which getting service from a machine is the norm. It's expected, and the quality is amazing. I wonder if in Japan people are being asked to tip the machine that makes their smoothie. I highly doubt it. Ah yes, but I digress. The expectation that I, as the consumer, participate in the process of tipping just about everyone for any and every little thing that determines whether or not I am a good person and worthy of their time. This, my friends, this is really not any different than being cool enough for that corporate speak. Yes. Once again, someone is pushing something on me. So I do wonder was there a television show in which every One dropped phrases like let's put a pin in it. We're gonna circle back to that shortly. Why don't we go ahead and pivot to another topic? Hey everybody, I realize this is a low-hagging fruit, but I just want to make sure that we move the needle forward and keep this all going. I realize you may not have the bandwidth in order to complete this task on time, but given that this is an action item and you are a thought leader, I thought we could do a deep dive because, as per my last email, I want to make sure that we are all aligned and on the same page. I do wonder if something in pop culture stimulated the influence upon American businesses. Did everybody watch the same Steve Jobs presentation and then go back to their tech startups and say, we're gonna talk like this? And talking like that in their businesses, then inspire those employees who left those companies to move forward, starting their own businesses and thus incorporating such jargon. And those individuals finding themselves as adjunct professors in American colleges found themselves saying, Hey, college, we need to teach courses in which we provide this language to students who are going to be graduating because they need this language in order to survive in corporate America. Is that what happens? Maybe not. I don't know. But I do find it exhausting. And I do feel somewhat dirty teaching these phrases to those who are working on the English language. Now, to be fair, if these are phrases that are all commonly used in business, then I am doing them a service. And yet I feel that I am doing them a disservice because it seems like, well, everyone in America talks like this. And that's just not true. I think it's helpful to know a phrase in order to understand what someone else is saying to you, if they are using the phrase. And yet the idea that someone who is not a native English speaker will drop one of these slang terms, feeling more empowered, feeling like they're speaking like a native English speaker, dropping it in their casual conversation and business. I just feel like, hmm, but maybe the people you're working with don't use these phrases.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

I am of two minds, but only one body. And so, my friends, I want to know what do you think? What do you think is the cause of all of this corporate jargon? Do you think it's actually helping businesses be productive? Or is it a bit juvenile? What ever happened to being able to use language not necessarily inventing language, because there are many beautiful words that simply aren't used anymore. And I do wonder why I do long for the days when people spoke when we used words like a board and we found ourselves being willing to speak in a way that didn't necessarily state we were cool, but it did show that we had an understanding of the English language and perhaps some sort of education, possibly a collegiate education, or at least experience in reading books. At least with words that stem from some sort of learned experience, whether it be collegiate or from books, the scope in which one could find others who speak the same language, who know those same words was or is quite broad. One could have a conversation with someone from a different industry and still understand each other because you both have a similar experience of being familiar with the language, whether through books or through education. And yet now the experience of understanding what one is talking about seems to be a far narrower field because you can say something that is commonly used in your industry, and yet that same phrase may not be used in another industry, and God forbid you want to change careers and enter into a different industry. Then again, if one thinks about it, the whole idea of college being worthwhile is something that Americans have been poo-pooing on for well about a decade now, if that possibly longer. And so if college is overrated and no one sees it, then maybe these interesting phrases, this corporate speak is not something that one goes to college for, and therefore making college not necessary, perhaps for some. Though if one looks at the YouTube ads, then when one reaches a certain age, they must work on articulation training and speak clearly and with power and with confidence. And yet this articulation training does it include this corporate jargon. And of course, when one reaches a certain age, they must ensure that they are not obsolete and use AI in order to learn the necessary corporate jargon. Oh, it is all so exhausting, my darling. Hmm, but I realize you may have been expecting me to come in all hot and heavy with something about politics. But this is what was on my mind, and I thought we could chat about it. And so I encourage you have a little conversation with someone you know or someone you want to get to know, and ask them what's something that is said in their daily work life that is unrelated to their actual industry and yet is flung around, slung around quite frequently. How do they feel about that term? Do they like it? Are they tolerant of it? Do they find it beneficial or silly? Well, perhaps you'll message me. Maybe we can sync up later and share notes. Thanks for stopping by, darling. Until next time, it's been lovely to chat.