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The AdopTwins
A podcast from two adoptees about Life, Loss, Moving On, and Growing Up.
The AdopTwins
Against All Odds: Building a Family Amidst Chaos
In this episode, Billy shares his tumultuous journey through the early months of 2023, from experiencing career setbacks to dealing with the emotional and devastating loss of a miscarriage. Despite these hardships, Billy and his wife navigate these trials with resilience, eventually finding hope as they prepare to welcome a new life into their family. Throughout the narrative, Billy emphasizes gratitude for the opportunities that have come their way, highlighting how the power of persistence, community support, and personal growth have helped him find balance between personal aspirations and family responsibilities.
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visit us on the web at https://adoptwins.com/
Hi, this is Meg.
Speaker 2:And this is Billy.
Speaker 1:And we are.
Speaker 2:The Adopt Twins.
Speaker 1:Meg and this is Billy, and we are the Adopt Twins. Welcome to a podcast from two adoptees who are navigating life loss, moving on and growing up.
Speaker 2:For our adopted friends we hope to bring you a familiar point of view and for our friends who aren't welcome to the complicated jungle of how we get on.
Speaker 1:So you are lucky that you are married and you have a wife, as that will make parenting uh, not easy, because parenting isn't easy, but um, easier, some realms, um, because since the last time we talked about parenting happened billy uh well, I found myself on tour.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, how much can I talk about? Because, like the last time, we talked about parenting before the pod fest, right? Yes okay, so I, I had a horrendous start to 2023. It was absolute, probably worst amount of time that I could possibly point my finger to in terms of just.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it off where it was. Just you know, it was like all right, I guess we're going to have a brush fire here and it's going to turn into a, a massive forest fire. I was trying to get my business off the ground and just came to a pain point between getting people who want to give us money. That went I think I might have had200 or $300 to my name Just really just like, went deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep into the savings where there was essentially wiped out, because I really wanted to give it a try and have a have a successful business.
Speaker 2:I want I, I thought, I thought there was a chance with it, and when it proved that that was not going to be the case, I fell back on trying to find a gig in the experiential marketing world, and so my wife and I had made the decision that it was time to bring a child into the world, and so I was sending out for jobs that every other reality and every other time in my history it's not even really a issue to get an interview, much less get the job very quickly based off of my resume. But this is coming out of COVID. This is people, and my competition is now people who are better qualified in terms of having degrees in the field that I'm in. I know that's so hard.
Speaker 1:I know, oh, that's so hard. I've been dealing with that.
Speaker 2:But it's, it was, it was. It was maddening, and things that should have been givens were just gone-ins. They were gone-s. I couldn't, I didn't have any prospects. And there was some. I, I, I put out to be a, a, you know, to work as an actor and do some commercial work. A friend of mine helped me out with that and I was very thankful, but the auditions were non-existent. They're trickling in at best, so I couldn't rely on them.
Speaker 2:I was freaking out, genuinely thinking how are we going to do this? How am I going to provide? And? But still excited at the prospect, because the decision felt good to make, even though there was a, a fear. Um, and so I did. You know what? Yeah, I'm sure you get it. Um, and so we I ended up getting a horrible job. That was a scam and it was yeah, it was, it was. That was in May. Um, it was going to pay fine and it was going to be good and the potential of it was like, hey, doing what you're typically used to doing in a skill set in Chicago. And then they bait and switched me and were like you know, we need you to go and do a different version of this kind of job, but all around the country, and then they weren't paying me.
Speaker 1:Oh boy paying me.
Speaker 2:So I had a fun time with it, though, like once I realized that they were all full of. I was just the most annoying Connecticut person that exists, just poking at them, being like hey, where's my benefits package? Hey, oh, hey, you guys said that I could reach out to the CEO if I'm not getting what I want. Right, you said that on a call. That's super cool. Hey, ceo, where's my benefits package? Hey, when am I getting paid? Hey, I heard this guy got paid and I didn't get paid. So why am I getting paid? By the way, I have a question when is the Chicago market going to open up?
Speaker 2:So, kind of like hilariously, they worked trying to get me out of there by having me quit as opposed to firing me, because I, straight up, just began to be.
Speaker 2:I sent the email saying hey, I want you, I want to thank you so much for the consideration of having me be somebody who travels, but I think it'll be better for me to just stay put in Chicago until the markets open and I'll just fulfill the responsibilities of the job that we agreed to that I contract for. And they were just like well, you know, it seems like you're not very happy here, right and I said, oh no, I'm thrilled to be here, I love this company, I really believe in the mission. I'm just going to hang out here until the Chicago market opens. Does that sound good to you guys? This seems fair, right, whole thing of just like watching these people on Zoom just do what they can to just not gouge their eyeballs out and jump across the screen and strangle me. And so eventually they said, yeah, we're going to let you go. And I'm like, okay, so back to square one. And soon after that we miscarried and it was. It was just, I mean, for me it was devastating, for my wife it was beyond devastating.
Speaker 1:Can't imagine that at all.
Speaker 2:Beyond. I'm glad you're in the realm of needing to use imagination, because there's just so much. That was that wrapped up an idea of what happened. It was a situation where they stopped developing but the body still reacted as if they were still developing.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, for weeks talking to something that wasn't there and like thinking that little things were happening and no, there was never anything there. It was absolutely, oh, devastating, yeah, so, so, after that it was, it was like it still was. Oh, you know, great, I'm getting poorer by the moment. Yeah, yeah, like there's still. There's still this absolute, you know, horror show now of life. But then it was oh, by the way, still you don't have any money. You need to make money. And I was lucky enough to see somebody I've worked for since 2009 post something on Facebook for a gig. And they were like it's in Chicago. And I was like, oh my God, hey, if you're hiring, still, if you remember me, because it had been a long time since we worked together and they were just like, yeah, you're in. Oh my God, you're back in the game. Yes, oh my God, thank God. And like, even though there was so much going on with what was happening at home, it felt so good to be appreciated.
Speaker 2:After so much ghosting, like you really start to worry about your value yeah, as a partner, as a person, as a contributor to society, and it's just like one thing after the other of just getting just slammed down, of just like, but wait, this worked before. Like, is life passing me by? What is this? And they really, really helped me. Just give me. I've really just felt like my life back, honestly and, yeah, be able to have a stability. And you know, it was simple stuff, just strapping vr headsets to kids faces and having them to pretend to be a cat for a few months. So all this was happening before we found out that pregnancy wasn't viable. Our landlord reached out to us and told us that we were going to be able, if we wanted to, to transition from a one bedroom to a two bedroom across the hall from where we lived, and it was like everything okay, well, at least this is working out. So that got set in stone. We had to move in August for a September 1st move in and it was fine. This gig ends where it's kids playing as cats and then I'm asked to go out on the road road for a legitimate tour now, um, go up to, basically from vancouver, pacific northwest, all this kind of stuff and I was going to be gone as my wife moved into the new space, and this would be the furthest that we were away from each other and the first time that we would be able to see each other would be in Iowa, where it would make sense for her to fly out. So that was.
Speaker 2:I think that was in September, like late September, when that happened and we had been communicating and we got to a point where, finally, it felt like we were ready to give it another try. And, yeah, all it took was that try. So it was all right. I got home, we had a party the next day. After the party, um, it's like I'm just kind of curious. Let's, let's, let's kind of see what this test says. Oh, here we go and like the feeling of I don't know the feeling of the first time, which was just, you know, exuberance when it happened, and like the second time, it was this feeling of okay, now, how are we going to do this as adults? Like what's the feeling? Okay, now, what's on the checklist? What do we need to do? Okay, this is great, all right, what do we need to do now to make sure that this is going to be a good home? I don't know, it was a weird, more practical reaction, also tempering our expectations because we don't want to go through the devastation again.
Speaker 1:Right, I've seen that kind of go on with other people too, where after having a mis, miscarriage, the next time around they are more in like the planning phase of things and I just feel like I've never gone through it. So I don't know. But instead of trying trying to find a way just to just be so excited and overjoyed because you, what could happen, and just trying to just kind of make it more I don't know the right word for it, but make it more just um, I was gonna say clinical, but that's not what I mean for it.
Speaker 2:But we're just yeah, yeah yeah, not, not pessimistic, but not optimistic. But just okay, let's just, before we do any touchdown dances, let's continue our life and let's not go buy anything. Let's just, let's just do. Let's just do what they actually suggested we do at this point, which is continue on being mindful of what our environment needs at this point to change. You know, prenatal care, cutting out, you know different activities that aren't really conducive to bringing a healthy child up or fetus. But then when we heard that heartbeat, oh my god, we heard well, it's a lot faster, but it was one of the most joyful moments I've had in my life. And, yes, she's been growing and he's been growing and she's got long, long legs and she's got already personality traits of both of us that we can tell inside there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so stayed on working with the company that I was working with. They gave they, they, they offered me another tour, got to work with a lot of people that I love, and then after that, it was a good seven months. It felt like being on the road, which was, you know, even though for some of it I was flying in and flying out. It was enough of that kind of work and since then I've been committing to being a full-time actor since February and I've been able to pay the bills. I've been able to get it. That's great. Yeah, wow. It's a big hustle, but it's been working out for me, and my wife has been just such a rock star when it comes to making sure that they're taking care of themselves, they're taking care of the baby, they're relaxing when the body says it's time to relax and you know, knock on wood, the doctor seems very confident that everything is going to be great. So it's so good. I'll see what happens in the next two weeks.
Speaker 1:Congratulations, though that's quite a road to come down.
Speaker 2:Thank you. It was a trip, it was so much. But on the other side, feeling very, very thankful and also just feeling like the amount of positive sort of of not just feedback but opportunities that just keep popping up in the acting space, no-transcript, and so it's nice to I don't know have an awareness of where I fit into a project after project and doing the job that's required. For that. And, like at other points in life, I would have tried to Superman and be like oh, I see that you're having trouble with this, Put all of my energy into this and help you out with it. Blah, blah, blah. But now it just is great to just be like what do you need? I'll be doing that one thing and help you out with it. Blah, blah. But now it just is great to just be like what do you need? I'll be doing that one thing and I'll be doing it incredibly well that's right, somebody grew up so yeah, now.
Speaker 2:Now I'll be responsible for an adorable child.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 2:We've got the nursery set up.
Speaker 1:Did you pick a theme?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we have a light theme. There's a sort of bear theme. There's some bears kicking around sleeping, some bears that are painted bear sheets, some bear clothes, some bear stories.
Speaker 1:So I would say the theme is bears that's cute yeah, um not that you need to say it on air, but just for my own personal curiosity, and not that you need to tell me it. But I'm just wondering if you guys have chosen a name yet oh yeah, we've got a name oh, good I love it yep I'm so excited first and middle, yeah, in the.
Speaker 2:In the meantime, though, when people ask what the name is, we just say, uh, first name gator, second name gator, so gator, gator, bay raw okay, you know that's a very korean thing.
Speaker 1:They always give the um the fetus a nickname. It's never the name that they actually give them in real life and once they're born, but they always give them a nickname.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's funny, yeah yeah, yeah, there's definitely there. She's got nicknames for sure once, once she's out. Um, and like you know, just people, people have their opinions.
Speaker 1:Just that was one opinion we didn't care to have any feedback on right, I mean, it's your kid yeah yeah, you're the one that's going to be having to yell it out all the time when they're doing things that they shouldn't gator, you wobble on over here.
Speaker 2:Come on now, girl.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's good. Oh gosh and I um, are you going to be parents who post about your child on social or not?
Speaker 2:first, Not a lot Okay.
Speaker 1:Well then, I look forward to seeing the photos at some point.
Speaker 2:However, We'll send them out to people, but Okay at some point, however, we'll send them out to people, but I think posting on social is not a high priority.
Speaker 1:Good, okay, that's better for the child.
Speaker 2:I feel like that right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I post a lot of photos of my kid but I don't give any names, I don't give any identifying information, school uniform, none of it. It's all very and if we're at an event I wait days, sometimes weeks, before I post just having a little bit of a time delay and nobody needs to know exactly where we are at all times, right?
Speaker 2:so, and I don't, I don't know. I just also don't want my algorithm to be nothing but baby stuff.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it's, it's not fun. I've, I've, I've, figured out how to change mine and now it's a bunch of bts and adoption, oh good.
Speaker 2:So I get to have my cry in two different ways if I, that's a good cry and the sad cry if I. If I get it if I get to the truly I'm watching avatar right now, the last airbender, not the live action, because I watched the live action first and my wife had a conniption fit. The whole time she was like this is not how this is supposed to. They ruined it. They ruined it.
Speaker 1:Oh, she's a fan of the original.
Speaker 2:I can honestly say we're watching the original. Yeah, they kind of missed the ball on the live action with some pretty basic stuff.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's unfortunate.
Speaker 2:Well, you know how it is.
Speaker 1:Yep, I do. Well, hopefully it doesn't take this long for us to catch up again, because it would be really weird if our next guest was your daughter talking Because I don't want that much time to pass.
Speaker 2:We're going to see. You know she might come out talking.
Speaker 1:We've been talking to her a lot in the womb so maybe she's already got it figured out if you liked this episode of the adopt twins, I urge you to pull over if you're driving, or stop what you're doing, and take one minute to take out your phone and text someone you know that you think would also like the Adopt Twins. Send them a text that says hey, I've been listening to this podcast and I think you'd like it. Let me know what you think and send them a link to the show. Word of mouth is the best way to spread the hilarity of the Adopt Twins, so stop gatekeeping us and let someone else know We'll catch y'all soon.