As the holiday season rolls around, it can be a bittersweet time for those of us dealing with grief. Sharing my personal journey, I will take you through my first Thanksgiving and my late husband's birthday without him. Dealing with an emotionally charged period filled with tears, laughter, and even a challenging interaction with my mother-in-law, I found solace in celebrating my husband's life and finding comfort in visiting his grave.
Amid the emotional rollercoaster, I stress on the significance of maintaining and cherishing traditions during this season as they serve as beautiful reminders of our loved ones. From adopting an Angel tree kid to the joy that giving back during the holidays brings, I share my experiences that reflect the true spirit of the season. We also discuss how the smallest donations can make a significant impact on someone's life and the importance of supporting organizations assisting families in need. Remember, even in the midst of grief, it's possible to spread kindness and generosity, and to find moments of joy and laughter. So tune in for an episode filled with heartfelt moments and inspiring stories.
As the holiday season rolls around, it can be a bittersweet time for those of us dealing with grief. Sharing my personal journey, I will take you through my first Thanksgiving and my late husband's birthday without him. Dealing with an emotionally charged period filled with tears, laughter, and even a challenging interaction with my mother-in-law, I found solace in celebrating my husband's life and finding comfort in visiting his grave.
Amid the emotional rollercoaster, I stress on the significance of maintaining and cherishing traditions during this season as they serve as beautiful reminders of our loved ones. From adopting an Angel tree kid to the joy that giving back during the holidays brings, I share my experiences that reflect the true spirit of the season. We also discuss how the smallest donations can make a significant impact on someone's life and the importance of supporting organizations assisting families in need. Remember, even in the midst of grief, it's possible to spread kindness and generosity, and to find moments of joy and laughter. So tune in for an episode filled with heartfelt moments and inspiring stories.
Welcome to the gag is podcast with me, your host, charlie Chante, where I share the roller coaster of my life the highs, the lows and everything in between, after becoming a teen mom at 14 and a widow by the age of 21,. It's a journey filled with tears and laughter, reminding you that even in the toughest moments, there's hope. The gag is life may be unpredictable, but it's always worth living.
Speaker 2:
Hey y'all, welcome back to the gag is podcast. I am your girl, charlie Chante. Thank you for joining me on another episode. Can y'all believe that it is almost 2024? Like it's almost 2024. Like that is awkward. We're, but we are here. We are here. So that means, if it's almost 2024, guess what? That means we're in the midst of the holidays. So we just got done with Thanksgiving and Christmas is upon us, and if you have not seen my last episode, go look at that, go listen to that. Have you done your Christmas shopping yet? Because if you haven't, like what are you waiting for? I think I have a couple of more things coming, but other than that, I am good to go. So I hope y'all are well. I am well. Yeah, girl is a whole different age from when she was last week. Yes, I celebrated my birthday this week and I also celebrated big baby's birthday this week. So big baby is the big two, three. So he celebrated his birthday and I celebrated my birthday as well. Went on me a little trippy trip to Denver, so that vlog will be dropping, probably next week yeah, next week.
Speaker 2:
But let's go ahead and jump into today's topic. We're going to talk about the holidays, all right. So let me go ahead and adjust the elephant in the room. I'm in the bed because I am in pain. I have really bad sciatica going on, so that's why I am in bed with these pillows around me. But we're going to get through this episode, okay. So pray for your girl. So I'm going to talk about grief and the holidays.
Speaker 2:
So this time of year is typically pretty dang on rough for me, because the holidays my birthday and my husband's birthday and it all is within 40 days of each other. So there's Thanksgiving, his birthday, my birthday, christmas in New Year's, so that all runs within 40, 45 days of each other. And when I tell you emotional roller coaster, that's exactly what it is. Over the years. Some years it's easy, some years it's not. This year it was hell. I spent between Thanksgiving and his birthday. I spent most of my time in bed. For some reason this year I just your girl just couldn't fathom this year, and I don't know what it was. There's never a rhyme or reason Pidges pages. It was just rough this year and I don't know why. But I realized I messed up.
Speaker 2:
So I did not give y'all a review. So let's take one, two, three steps back and let's go ahead and read this review. So this week we got a nice little review, remember, if you are watching or if you are listening wherever you're watching or listening let's go ahead and leave a comment so that I can go ahead and read it on one of the upcoming episodes. I want to recognize you and I want to thank y'all for supporting yeah, girl. So this review says so many thoughts. We are meant to outgrow people. It shows your growth. It shows your growth or lack of.
Speaker 2:
I felt bad for the guy on his water journey. Now, on the vetted episode with Tarvis the, you can't make this up. The gentleman was trying to raft up from Florida to New York. So you'll have to go check that episode out to get the full story on that. I felt bad for the guy on his water journey. He was trying to achieve something. I would have leased him a boat if he was my friend and been the wingman that he needed. Good show. Thank you so much for leaving that comment. Yes, that was a very crazy, crazy, crazy. Like, sir, like, what are you doing? You will have to go listen to that episode to under get the full connotation and understanding. But it was good. So now let's take 123 steps forward, back to where we were.
Speaker 2:
So let's go ahead and jump into my first holiday without my husband. It was unique, to say the lease, very unique. I ended up spending it with my family in Oklahoma. We cooked, we ate and we did the things. And then my husband's mother. I wanted to go see her. So I drove and went to go see her.
Speaker 2:
Now, mind you, it only been about 10 months since he had passed away. I went to see her and she asked how I was doing, asked is everything good? And then proceeded to tell me that you know, it's the holidays and I need to find a man because it's getting cold outside and I don't need to be alone. Ma'am, I just lost the love of my life and you're telling me that I need to go find me a new man's. Like that's what you're telling me. So you know, needless to say, that was my last time seeing her because, ma'am, how you gonna tell me that I need to move on? Like that was your whole son, how are you telling me that I need to move on and find me another man? I haven't even processed losing the love of my life and you want me to go focus on another man's? Absolutely not. So. That's how I seen her and that's how my first Thanksgiving went, and I believe Thanksgiving fell on his birthday or the day his birthday was the day after.
Speaker 2:
So that was pretty, that was pretty traumatic. I did go to the cemetery and Put some flowers on his grave and put a happy birthday on his grave, you know, because it's his birthday, you know, I got to celebrate our first, your first birthday as a married couple. We said no, that was his second birthday. Uh yes, second birthday, but I got to celebrate your first birthday without you being here.
Speaker 2:
Like you're forever the same age, I Each year passes by, but you stay the same age and that is not fair you know, it's really not fair and the leading up to the day is actually Way worse than the day itself, because you're like, okay, this day is coming, this day is coming and you know at least when the day gets there you're like, okay, the day is here, I Can deal with it. You know, the day has come, I can deal with it, I can process it. And then the day after you're like, okay, I made it through. But the days leading up, our hell, and so on. The days leading up I I Kind of try to prepare myself mentally. You know, I'm like I acknowledge that the day is coming up, I Try to keep myself busy and let myself know it's gonna be okay. Because if you go this this holds true for me if I go into a special occasion like his birthday or Anniversary or something like that, if I go into it without a plan, I am a complete Wreck. And I've had so much going on over the past few months that I can say that this year I did not have a plan. And since I did not have a plan, the entire day Leading up to the day of in the day after I was very well-roated In a bad place, but after that I was able to deal and Processes like this year. I just dealt with the emotions and processed them just a little bit slower but I was able to to gather myself and continue on, could just continue on with the rest of the weeks, because I knew my birthday is coming up, my son's birthday is coming up, so I know I had to gather myself back together so that we can make it through the next couple of weeks, because I know in the next couple of weeks Christmas is gonna come and so I need to mentally prepare myself for that. And then I know New Year's is coming, so I need to mentally prepare myself for that. With it being my birthday this week, I always I get a little sad but then I also get happy.
Speaker 2:
When my husband was gone and he was deployed, it was our first we. We were, it was my first birthday married to him. He called I, was. I remembered his day so vividly. He was at work, he was overseas. I was at work and I told one of my co-workers I was like girl. I was like my husband has not called me all day long. I was like I am so sad because it was the afternoon. I was like man. I was like I'm not gonna get that phone call from my husband today and that is just going to devastate me. And she's like girl, she's like he gonna call, just wait. I Just happened to my phone ring and it was him Singing me happy birthday. That is a memory that I will never, ever Forget.
Speaker 2:
And so when my birthday rolled around the next year and I didn't get that happy birthday from him, when I tell y'all I lost it, I was like I don't care if my mama tell me happy birthday, my daddy tell me, my grandma, my siblings, my kids, if they tell me happy birthday, it don't even matter, because the one person that I want to tell me happy birthday Is not here to tell me happy birthday. Oh, y'all can just imagine Just when you want something, when you want to hear from that one person, and you know you're not going to hear from them. It just does something to you and I will say I that was probably the worst Birthday, because I knew that I wasn't gonna get that happy birthday from him. And then, knowing that I wasn't gonna get that happy birthday from him, I knew that I wasn't going to get a Merry Christmas from him. I know that I wasn't going to get a Christmas gift from him and I had to mentally Kind of prepare for that.
Speaker 2:
But when you're 22 years old, how do you mentally prepare yourself to? You just got married and just as quick as you got married it ended like how do you prepare yourself for that? None of my friends are going through this. Like I don't know anybody that's 22 years old that has just lost a husband. I don't know anybody that I can ask like, hey, so how do I deal, you know, with first holidays? Like there's tons of books, there's tons of webinars, there's tons of seminars, but none of those things Target, target your emotions in the moment. They tell you how to deal with them, but they don't tell you how. How am I supposed to deal with this? In the moment? They tell you tell me how I to deal with it leading up. You tell me how to deal with it leading on afterwards.
Speaker 2:
But on the actual day, how do we do that? You can write down this is what you need to do on this day, but when that day comes, who's to say that you're going to be there in the right Mindframe to actually do those things? You can sit here and go. I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna go get coffee, I'm gonna go on me a morning walk, I'm gonna come home, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna end my day with a birthday candle in a cupcake, and Things are gonna be good Just as clear as you say that when it actually comes to it. If you might be in the bed, having gotten out the bed all day, having washed your face, having brushed your teeth, and that's just the reality of what grief is. That that's just what it is.
Speaker 2:
There's no perfect way to deal with grief during the holidays. You have to figure out how you can deal with grief during the holidays Because, like I said, you can read a book. That book ain't gonna tell you how to deal with you. That book is just a general concept in a general basis. I don't feel like those books are written for people who are of a younger age, because at a younger age, who thinks that they're going to lose a spouse? You know, you don't typically hear about people losing their spouse until 50, 60, 70s. You don't hear about 21 year olds losing spouses, like this book is encated to them because it's not written by a 21 year old who lost the spouses written by somebody in their 50s or 60s that has lost the spouse. So a 50 year old and a 20 year old. They got nothing coming. They emotions don't even operate the same. So you know. But just, you got to figure out your flow and Go with your flow and not let anyone to tell you that how you're dealing and how you're processing is wrong, like if you ain't been through it. Then you can't tell me how to go through it. That's just period, period, point blank, how I Get through the holidays and some tips that can help you get through the holidays.
Speaker 2:
If you have any traditions, keep those traditions going. If you hang 10 light bulbs not 10 light bulbs, 10 Christmas bulbs on your tree every day for the first 12 days of Christmas, keep doing that. You know. If you go and pick out a fresh tree on the first Saturday of every December, keep doing that tradition. Don't let those traditions die. It's a great thing to pass traditions on down the line.
Speaker 2:
We had only been married for a short amount of time, so unfortunately we didn't get to create any traditions. So my first Christmas it was it was another Christmas, you know. Just merry Christmas and get these gifts and toys for these kids, and you know, that's just, that's just what that is. You know, I Still, to this day it is Years late it's been, it's been over 15 years and I still don't have a Tradition. I mean, I ain't got no man either, so I mean, but with the kids I had a tradition we try to go on vacations and and spend time with each other, in love on each other through Christmas, so that that's our Family tradition. You know, I wish I could have made one with him, but unfortunately that's not how the cards fell and I've learned to be okay with that. You know, I've learned to Just accept that and be okay with that.
Speaker 2:
Share memories of your loved ones. I always like sharing memories of him. We don't have any holiday memories, like I said, but just memories in general. One of my favorite memories of Him is when he, when we first met he can, I was living in Texas with my brother and he came to my house and he had a fifth of gin with him and I was like Okay, like alright, but that's like one of my favorite memories. And then, just from there, we just hit it off like Things were good. We just Hit it off Like I was like this is my person, this is my person, it's my person and I'm happy that this is my person.
Speaker 2:
And, last but not least, do us best for you, because only you know how to deal with your feelings. Don't let anybody tell you that you have to Deal with your feelings a certain way, because no matter how you deal with it, whether you deal with it positively or whether you deal with it negatively, you are gonna have to deal with the outcome. Or however you feel you need to deal with your feelings, you're gonna have to deal with that, not nobody else. So, whatever it is that you want to do to process and get through your day or your time period, do that, like this Christmas. I don't know what I'm gonna do this Christmas like I'm probably Gonna relax, cuz I got to go to work the next day, but I'm gonna spend time with my kids, spend time with my mom and we gonna have a good time, a Very good time, cuz Christmas is what? Not next week, but the week after. So this thing is coming up on us.
Speaker 2:
So do whatever it is you need to do to Make you happy, something that can help you regulate your emotions, and just go with that and stick with that. I'm the day after I Might go get a massage or something like that. Weekend I might go get a massage or something. I might go get a facial or something like that, something kind of self-carrish To help you get through your time. Call your girls up, kick it with your girls, kick it with your homies. Laugh, cuz that's what I'm gonna do, cuz I'm probably gonna get on FaceTime with Nikki and Tiffany and we gonna have us a ball, cuz that's? I'm called Tarvis too, cuz that's my, that's my support when they they. They seen me at my lowest. So I'm a comma. More than likely I'm gonna call them. So Tiffany, nikki and Tarvis.
Speaker 2:
I know y'all are watching this and listening to it, so be prepared. Around Christmas time we gonna have us a nice little FaceTime and we're gonna have some foolery. So go ahead and get prepared. Y'all gonna be ready to be sick of me, sick of me. So that is my short spiel of grief and the holidays. Now, if you ain't done shopping after you listen to this, go ahead, do your shopping, cuz these deadlines is approaching you, probably too late for shipping. Go ahead, go in the store and do what it is you need to do had to readjust myself real quick. All right, for the last part. My favorite is one of my favorite parts of this show. You can't make this up, so you can't make this up.
Speaker 2:
So, since we're talking about holidays and a grief, every year I always adopt a Angel tree kid and I love to shop for my angel tree kid. Me and my mom pick one or two kids and we shop for this kid. It's our way of giving back. Now, when we were growing up, we was po, we was po as shit, but we had what we needed. We may not have had what we wanted, but we had what we needed. So, mommy, thank you for that. So now that I'm older and my coins is better, every year we get the angel tree kid right.
Speaker 2:
So last weekend I went to Go shopping for the angel tree kid and get some clothes, the shoes and some other little things that are on the wish list. So I go into a particular store and I'm shopping and I'm grabbing stuff. I'm like, oh my gosh, this stuff is so cute. I get to the register the girl's like how you doing? How's your day? I was like everything is good. I'm just out shopping for my angel tree kid. I love doing this.
Speaker 2:
This is my one of my favorite times of the year to give back. I Went, proceeded to tell her I was like growing up as a child. I was like we were very poor and we always got donations from the angel tree and others. So now that I'm an adult and my money is better, I take the opportunity to Give back to a child on the angel tree. Do y'all know? This chick laughed at me. I'm like I'm doing something good for somebody and you are laughing. I Am being sincere.
Speaker 2:
I am trying to allow someone to wake up on Christmas morning to have something, because their parents May not at the time, be able to afford it, because they got a pick between giving you a Christmas or putting a roof over your head, and I just thought that that was just so terrible, so very Terrible of that individual to do that. And I say that to say this if you have the means, even if it's five dollars, ten dollars or whatever you're able to afford, find a donation place or an organization or a charity close to you and donate To an organization that is going to assist families in need With toys and clothes. A lot of times on those lists. Those people ask for basic stuff a lot.
Speaker 2:
I know sometimes an angel tree gets a wrap because you do have some kids that ask for Outrageous stuff on there, like ps5 and things like that, because they want to keep up with their friends and there's nothing wrong with that. But a lot of time the kids on there ask for clothes and shoes and underwear and socks, things like that. So for the holiday, if you have a little extra in your pocket, go ahead and, you know, give a little money to a charity, help a family out in need during this holiday season. Don't forget also your local food banks as well, because not only do they need material things, they need food as well. That is my spill. So until next week, y'all be safe and I will see y'all next week. Peace I.