Navigating Adult Friendships: Betrayals, Red Flags, and Loyalty

Have you ever felt betrayed by someone you considered a close friend? Join me as I unravel my experiences and observations about adult friendships, emphasizing why quality triumphs over quantity. Through personal stories involving my friends Tarvis, Tiffany, and Nikki, we'll navigate the red flags that are often ignored, the betrayals that can stem from such oversights, and the vital role of loyalty and karma in maintaining genuine connections. You'll gain valuable insights into why it's crucial to surround yourself with true friends who stand by you through thick and thin.

In this episode, we also explore why holding high standards for friendships is non-negotiable and the pitfalls of hastily labeling acquaintances as friends. Hear about the importance of mutual respect and effort, and why one-sided friendships can be draining. By the end, you'll be equipped to assess the dynamics of your own friendships, ensuring that you cultivate a circle that genuinely uplifts and supports you. Reflect not just on the kind of friends you have, but also on the kind of friend you are, setting the foundation for long-lasting, meaningful relationships.

Chapters

• 0:36 Friendship and Betrayal in Adulthood
• 11:27 High Standards for Friendships
• 18:48 Assessing Friendship Dynamics and Standards

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:36

Hey guys, welcome back to the gag is podcast. I am your girl, charlie Shantae. Thank you for joining me on another Friday, friday the 13th to be exact. Are y'all superstitious? I'm not. I was born on a Friday the 13th, so it really don't make me new. And so, um, yeah, it's Friday the 13th.

Speaker 1: 0:56

We in this thing, Y'all in for another good episode, as always, you know, we're going to jump right into it. So, if you have not already, go ahead and grab you something to drink, grab you a snack, whatever it is that you need to grab. As a matter of fact, I need to get my coffee a little stirring. Let me see, make sure it's good. I don't know about that cream. I bought this dairy-free creamer and I think it's like a combination of oat milk and almond milk, but I'm not real sure. I'm real sure that's this is what this is. So I need to say I won't be buying that camera again. But anyways, let's jump right on in to today. Oh, my gosh, wow. So, as I always tell y'all, tell y'all, I'm always transparent with you guys and I always do my due diligence and I always make sure that I plan out my episodes, I write them out and do everything like that. So when it's time to record, I can, like I typically have like a calendar. I'm like, okay, this is what's going to be launched on this day, this is what's going to be launched on this day, whatever. And so now it's gotten to the point where I just kind of round robbed it. I was just like what sound good today? And that's what I was like this morning. So, like I took a nap, I was like what sound good today? That that's on this little list, on this little list. And I came up with friendships breast, breast, best friend day. Let me take a sip of my coffee because I can't even talk a piece, I can't even get my bees and my letters together. Best friend day. Uh, at some point this month I didn even I didn't even look it up to see what day, but I know it's this month.

Speaker 1: 3:02

So I figured we would touch on the topic of friends, because we all have social media. We all see the conversations that go day in, day out, week in, week out, um, about friends Like and, needless to say, some of the things that I have seen. If you allow these type of people in your life, that is not your real friend, and quantity is not better than quality. I would tell you that I had to learn that the hard way, but let's go ahead and jump right into it. I've been seeing all these things on social media and I try to stray away from talking about subjects that I see on social media, but I always see them and I'm like how can I tie that into my show? So I'm tied into my show, I'm going to tie that thing like a shoe. Some of y'all friends are foul and some of these people y'all should not even be calling your friends, let alone your best friend, because, like I be seeing stories.

Speaker 1: 4:08

What would you do if you found out that your best friend and your man was sleeping together? How old are we? Okay, like, how old are we and why are we still doing this and why are we still having conversations? First of all, why are you putting people around your man or your hunger and you can't trust them? Like, why do you even keep people around you like that, that move, like that? Because you can't sit here and say, well, I know he or she was going to do that. You knew. Because, just like a relationship, there were red flags, there were signs, because you see how that individual moves with other individuals. So you can't sit here and say, oh, I didn't know that he or she was going to do that. You knew because you've seen them move like that with other people. But instead of being like girl or hey, dude, like that was foul, you chuckle right along in their face with them because you like they never do that to me. Huh, y'all better start thinking twice about these people. That y'all say, oh, they never do that to me, are you sure? Are you sure? Oh, they'd never do that to me. Are you sure? Are you sure? Because just as quick as you say they never do that to me is the same way that you finna be on social media talking about something. I can't believe they did that.

Speaker 1: 5:31

Why would they portray me like that? Because you've seen them portray other people and you thought that you was exempt from being portrayed. How does that work? How does that work? It doesn't work like that. And one thing that I can say about myself Tarvis, tiffany and Nikki you can ask any of them three. They'll never tell you that I've betrayed them in any kind of way. They'll never tell you that I've done anything crazy or anything like that because I'm a true, genuine friend.

Speaker 1: 6:00

And, as a matter of fact, tiff called me and she said you know what? She said I appreciate you so much because you a real ass friend. And she's like. Not only that, she said you're a real ass female. She said there's not a lot of females out here like you. She said you don't sugarcoat nothing. She said you always give it to me real. And she said I can talk to you about anything and there's no judgment. She's like I never seen you move foul with anybody.

Speaker 1: 6:26

Because why would I do that? Because I'm always I'm a firm believer in karma and I feel like I don't want to do so. I'm not going to do something to somebody that I wouldn't want them to do to me. And you know karma's a hmm and I just I just don't get it and I be feeling so bad because people mess over genuine people. And then people wonder why people don't want no new friends in a circle. I say all the time I don't want no new friends in my circle because I see how people move out here and it's like oh my gosh, like like I'm OK with the little friend group. I got Like I'm really OK and I don't I don't use that term friend loosely Like if I consider you a friend like you. Like if I consider you a friend like you like if I consider you a friend, you damn near failing, because I don't consider everybody a friend. Just because of the way people move. It's just crazy, like real, real crazy, and I don't get it. And it's kind of like what makes somebody your friend? Like, what is the vetting process?

Speaker 1: 7:44

Because we're older now, we're not 30, some of us in our 40s, you know, um, my demographic is spread out, I have some people in their 20s, but I'm just gonna speak for my, my age group. Uh, in your 30s, what makes you wake up and say, well, I'm gonna do such and such like that, or this is my motive for whatever, whatever. Like what makes you wake up and say you're gonna do somebody like that? Like how do you sleep at night? You just in there, just like I'm about to lay my head down because, oh, I know tomorrow I'm about to go over here and I'm about to fuck this person over and I'm gonna fuck them over. So damn good, oh, but first I gotta get this sleep because I need to be rested to carry out this foolishness like how do you do that? Like I don't get it. I don't get it and I always strive to tell my kids be careful how you treat people, because you never know.

Speaker 1: 8:44

You never know who that person is and you never know who that person knows, because you could mess over somebody and then later on down the line an opportunity comes up and you miss that opportunity because that person that you messed over is really good people, good, really good friends, really good peoples with the person who's trying to give you that opportunity. You think that person going to put in a good word for you after you done did Because they're going to be like oh no, let me tell you about what they did. And I'm a person. If, if somebody close to me tells me something about a person, I'm going to take heed to what they're saying. If it's just like a fair weather person that I know and they be like, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'll be like all right, cool, you know what I'm saying, I keep it back here in my Rolodex. But somebody who word is born to me, I'm going to be like oh okay, that's how they move. Like okay.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Another thing I don't understand is. If you have a friend and they confide in you and they tell you stuff, why is it that when you get mad at them, the first thing you want to do is go run and tell everybody how down bad they are? Why would you do that? I don't understand that. So not only is this person down bad, they can fight it in you and you, instead of being a confidant and a friend, you decided to go run and blast their business to whoever else. And it's just crazy, and I've seen, so I'm starting to see this trend on social media where people are telling other people's business in the form of story time. What part of the game is that? Where do they do that at? Huh, where do they do that at? Because you could never get me to sit on this here platform until anybody business other than my own.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Now, if there's a story that I need to tell it involves somebody, I'm going to ask them first. Do they mind if I talk about it? And I'm going to give you the story, but some portions may be a little skewed to kind of protect a couple of people. But I'm not going to get on here and just blatantly be like let me tell y'all you know. Let me tell y'all what happened between me and Suzy Q. Let me tell you what Suzy Q man over here doing to her. Let me tell you what Billy Bob wife over here doing.

Speaker 1: 11:27

I don't understand how you could do something like that. And then, when they don't want to be your friend no more, they don't want to fool with you, no more. You be like well, I don't understand why they don't want to be your friend, no more, they don't want to fool with you, no more. You be like well, I don't understand why they don't want to be my friend, no more. You don't want to tell all them people business. Why would I want to be friends with somebody that every time I'm down bad or I'm in a sticky spot? Why would I want to be friends with somebody who just going to go and blab all of my information every time they get upset with me, like we have a small disagreement. You know how many times me, nigga, your targets didn't have like a misunderstanding with each other. But I never go get on here and be like let me tell you what happened. I never do that because at the end of the day, we grown and if we have a misunderstanding. We I'm gonna pick up up the phone and I'll be like hey, look, that conversation ain't go too good. But is you good though, because I love you and people are going to disagree. And I think that when people get into it with their friends or whatever the slightest inconvenience, they're like oh, I don't want to be friends with them, no more. Why, how are you okay?

Speaker 1: 12:46

Rotating your friends like seasons? I understand that we grow in whatever reason season, but a lot of y'all are going through a lot of damn seasons with different people. I want to go through seasons with the same people. I've been, and I've said previously I've been best friends with all of my people for a minimum of 10 years. Tarvis the longest. I've been friends with Tarvis for almost 20 years. I've been friends with Tiffany for like 15 years. I've been best friends with Nikki for 10 years.

Speaker 1: 13:28

So I thrive on longevity and like long friendships because, like I don't want to have to keep like letting, like okay, I lost another friend, like now I gotta let somebody else speak and I'm like, oh crap, like I don't want to do that, like I already don't like people and then I got to introduce new people into my life. Like that's crazy, crazy, crazy. Like why would I want to do that? I just, I just I don't get it, I don't understand it. I don't understand it and it's terrible, like it be low-key, hurting my feelings. And then everybody want to let me speak for females. Well, I'm going to speak for me. Okay, I'm not going to speak for the masses because some of you broads is weird.

Speaker 1: 14:25

Group trips, like female group trips. It's only one person that you, I take out the country with me. That's Nikki hell, no, because I've gone on a trip with her and it was our first trip a couple months ago and I, our first trip. I seen how she do, I seen how we operate and we like, yeah, we finally made it out the group chat. So guess what? Now she on my list of people I go out to contribute.

Speaker 1: 14:54

All y'all don't have that type of friends Like I need. I need for y'all to do me a favor. I need for y'all to require more of your friends. If you're calling these people your friends, I need you to hold these people to high standards. Okay, I don't need y'all to hold them to standards that are ankle high. I need you to hold them to standards that are over your head.

Speaker 1: 15:24

Stop meeting people and go oh well, we got three things in common, so that's my dog, that's my dog. No, that's not your dog, that's somebody that you got three things in common with Hell. I probably got three things in common with a lot of people I work with, but it don't mean we finna be friends. Stop being so easy calling people your friend. Everybody is not your friend. I would rather have five solid friends than to have 20 people around me, because quantity does not always mean better and I think people get that understood.

Speaker 1: 16:10

I was having a conversation the other day with Nikki and I said if I ever get married again, who would I invite to my wedding? Like, who would be my bridesmaids? And y'all know I had to struggle to come up with 20 people, and that's including family, because everybody is not your friend, like every like. Just as much as you want to invite people to stuff, everybody is not your friend. Case in point I have this here beautiful podcast that I love to do, okay, and I could have easily reached out to tons of people to be like hey, you want to do an episode with me on my podcast and I got to thinking everybody ain't your friend, okay, so they probably showing fake love and I was like, all right, I'm going to wait X amount of time and then I'm going to see how well this person supports you know, and then we'll go from there, and then we'll go from there.

Speaker 1: 17:34

So I started noticing the people that I call my friends were not necessarily the people that would support me, which brings me to my next topic. If you're supposed to be my friend, shouldn't you support me, regardless of what I do, as long as it's legal, regardless of what I do, as long as it's legal? I'm just asking for a friend because I'm the type of friend that, regardless what endeavor you are embarking on, I'm going to support you because you believe in that dream, you believe in that passion. It may not be something that interests me, but I'm going to support you because I'm your friend. You start a business to scrub feet. It's not my, that's not my thing, but I'm going to support you. I'm going to be like, okay, like, do I need to donate to? Like, get you some little supplies or whatever? Like, what can I do as a friend to support my friend? But some of y'all don't get the concept and that should be the determining factor if they really your friend or not. Because how you call yourself my friend but you never support anything that I have going on. But when the roles are reversed, you expect me to support everything that you got going on Can't have a one-sided friendship.

Speaker 1: 18:48

I don't do one-sided friendships and I've got a lot of people off because I don't do one-sided friendships. I'm not going to be a stellar ass friend to you and you fit to give do that to me. But I just want to know. I wish I could get people to you know, interact more with my show, but they don't. And it's cool, it's fine, especially people that consider themselves my friend. And it's crazy because I get more support for people who ain't my friends than people who are my friends. And yeah, we're going to talk about that on the anniversary episode.

Speaker 1: 19:40

But I just feel like friends like we, too old to be being fair, a fair weather friends to be be a shitty individuals. Um, y'all need to tighten that up. Like reflect. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and it hurts when we have to let you go because you're like a, you're like a gangrene to to somebody like I can't have you around because you mean me no good. I can't have you around because you mean me no good, like you're just sticking around to see what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it and if I'm going to succeed or if I'm going to fail. Crazy, it's real crazy.

Speaker 1: 20:25

So what I'm trying to say is evaluate yourself as a friend. See, if you're the friend that I'm talking about, are you the one sided friend? Are you the friend that never reaches out? Are you the friend that always wants people to reach out to you? Are you the friend that goes to sleep, lays their head down at night and says, hmm, I'm an amazing individual, but I'm not a good friend? What can I do? What terrible thing can I do this week to somebody that's my friend? Are you that person? Please don't be that person.

Speaker 1: 21:03

What I'm trying to say is evaluate yourself and evaluate your friend group, because if you got 20 people around you and only four or five support whatever it is, you're doing something, you're doing something your kid's doing. You need to evaluate them other 16 people and be like do they really mean me well, or are they just around because it's convenient? 16 people and be like do they really mean me well, or are they just around because it's convenient? Or are they just around because I got something to offer them? Like, why are you? Why are you around? Like that's, that's, that's this week's takeaway? What kind of friend are you? You a good friend? You a fair weather friend? Or are you just a friend that just hops from friend group to friend group to friend group, Like, evaluate that, like.

Speaker 1: 21:50

And if you are friends with somebody and then you go be friends with they, with somebody that they don't particularly get along with, you're not a real person. You're not a real friend, like. You should just be by yourself, because you shouldn't do that to people, because it's a reason that they don't really fool with that person. And just like you finna go over there and tell that other person's business, you don't think that other person don't told that person your business. You feel safe going and being friends with that person. You know, um, and then you know.

Speaker 1: 22:26

My last little bullet point is um, friends, expectations are not the same for everybody, and what I mean by that is I hold all my friends in high regard, but I don't hold them all to the same standards because they're all in different places, um, in their life and my favorite thing to say is meet people where they're at Um, and I just know that within my friend group everybody's in a different stage and I hold everybody to a high standard. However, I know where they are and I know what kind of friend I need to be to them, if that makes sense. A certain way I'm a friend to Nikki. A certain way I'm a friend to Tiffany. It's a certain way I'm a friend to Nikki. It's a certain way I'm a friend to Tiffany. It's a certain way I'm a friend to Tarvis.

Speaker 1: 23:15

None in a bad way, all in positive ways, but I know how I can talk and interact with one is not how I can talk and interact with the other, because I have to do my due diligence. Let me see how I can word this. I have to do my due diligence. Like, everybody gets held to a high standard. Everybody is, everybody is treated, treated the same, but not the same if that makes sense. So everybody gets respected, but because everybody is at different portions and different stages, everybody gets a different level of treatment. See, it makes sense to me, but I don't know if it really makes sense to you. Everybody get treated the same, but they don't get treated the same, but it's not in a bad, negative way. You know what? If you understand, you understand. If you don't, then I don't know. Uh, rewind this back a few times until you get it. Everybody gets treated the same, but I know where everybody's at and so I do my due diligence to respect everybody in the space that they in there we go.

Speaker 1: 24:25

I knew it was gonna come together sooner or later. Y'all see, I'm drinking my coffee just now, so it ain't hit all the way. Y'all like my hair. I'm trying to do a little one too. You know I'm saying anniversary coming up, anniversary episode coming up. So you know, I'm trying to make sure I'm cool with it, I'm fly with it. You see, I got the little. Y'all see that that's real cute, ain't it? I worked out this week because I ain't trying to mess my hair up before I record, but after I record I don't even care my thing. I ain't even cut my my hair up before I record, but after I record I don't even care. Matter of fact, I ain't even cut my grass, but I didn't even here nor there.

Speaker 1: 25:01

But friend story, what I'm trying to say is be a good friend, don't be a fair weather friend. Don't be a terrible friend. Don't be a backstabbing friend. Don't be a friend who uses people. Don't be a friend that's going to go and run until people's business to other people. Let's not do that. Okay, all right. My favorite part you can't make this up. So if you follow me on social media SmartFit Okie, smartfit underscore, smartfit underscore oaky then you know that my best friend's birthday, nikki birthday, was a little bit back right. So when I tell you we went on a trip and if, like I said, if you would have seen the birthday post that I made for her, and if, like I said, if you would have seen the birthday post that I made for her, if you would have seen the post that I made for her, when I tell y'all that's my ride or die. Okay, that is my ride or die. This is the kind of friend that she is. Okay, this is the level of friend that you should have in your circle.

Speaker 1: 26:15

We was on our way to get on a cruise and we had ate at this place and the food was nasty. So I was like I'm just going to swing around the corner to get some Chick-fil-A fries before we eat, before we get on a boat because I want to have something on my stomach before I drink. So we hit the blog and go to Chick-fil-A and y'all, when I tell y'all it's like they roasted these fries in salt, I was like, oh my God. Like I took a bite or two and I was like, oh my God, I can't eat it. Like I tried to dip it in the barbecue sauce, because I eat my fries with barbecue sauce or buffalo sauce, don't judge me. And I was like, oh my god, I can't, can't eat these fries. Do y'all know? Nikki took a napkin and wiped the salt off of each individual fry, dipped it in the barbecue sauce and gave it to me while I was trying to drive us to the port to eat.

Speaker 1: 27:11

If you don't have a friend that will do that level of stuff for you, what kind of friend do you ain't got no friend. She does it off a medium Chick-fil-A fry size fry, cause it had too much salt and your girl couldn't eat it Cause she's like, no, she's like you wanted these fries. We went all the way out, the way to go get these fries. You finna eat these fries. And I was like, oh my god. So from that day forward I knew in my heart that that was my road dog and she would do any, as long as it's legal, anything for your girl. Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I said, oh, this my ride or die right here, because she didn't. She didn't knock the dust off these fries, just knocked the salt off the fries. And I was just like tear, like I had a whole tear in my eye because I was like she does the all these fries so I can eat them, so I ain't waste my money. I'm forever indebted to you, girl, nikki, girl, baby, I love you, baby, I love you. You're my everything. Like she got the salt off the fries for me, y'all, I was like, oh my God, here, dip it in theall. I was like, oh my God, yeah, dip it in the bread. I was like, oh my God, yes. So that is my.

Speaker 1: 28:39

You Can't Make this Up. Just a, you know, just a friend story to tie that in Not saying if your friends don't take the salt off your fries, they're terrible friends. But will your friends take the salt off your fries? Oh my God, take the salt off your fries. Oh my god, uh.

Speaker 1: 28:58

So, since this is an episode about friends, um, my song lyric of the week is one of my favorite songs. I, oh, I love, love, love this song. Um, it has been a song lyric of the week before, but just because the topic that we're going over today, I'm gonna go ahead and revisit it. So this week's song lyric of the week is ride wave. Call your friends. Call your friends. Do not shut your friends out, especially the ones that care about you, especially the ones that just want to see you do well, the ones that want to see you win, the ones that don't mean you no harm. Call your friends, just see how they're doing. It's just a call them text just to say, hey, see how you doing. That's all. It take Five minutes out your day. You spend more than that on social media. So song lyric of the week is ride wave. Call your friends.

Speaker 1: 29:39

We've come to the end of the episode, as always. If you are not already, please follow us on YouTube and Instagram. At thegagispod, you may follow my personal page as well. Smartfit underscore okie. You may follow my personal page as well. Smartfit underscore Oki. Please make sure that when these episodes are coming out, you are listening to them and then, after you listen to them, go over to YouTube. Make sure you are watching them as well. Wherever you're listening to them at, please make sure that you subscribe and become a follower. That way, every time a new episode comes out, you are the first to be notified. It's going to already be downloaded for you. All you got to do is listen and make sure you leave in a comment, you leave in a review. If you don't want to leave a review, just hit them five stars on there. You know what I'm saying. Just write your girl. That way we can get this thing rolled out a little bit more. All right, until next week, I am your girl, charlie Shante. This is the gag is podcast. Bye, guys.