Beyond Grades: Emotional Health and Academic Growth

Expectations placed on children have evolved, but the impact of perfectionism often harms their mental health and social skills. This episode prompts parents to reconsider how they nurture their child's development, aiming for balance and communication rather than rigid standards. 
• Addressing the pressure for perfection in children 
• Exploring cultural expectations and their influence on parenting 
• The importance of letting kids have downtime and social interactions 
• Rethinking perfect attendance and its relevance in children's lives 
• Encouragement for parents to communicate openly with their children 
• Discussing the physical and mental burden of over-scheduling children 
• Real-life stories illustrating the consequences of excessive pressure

Chapters

• 0:35 Parental Pressure in Education
• 12:25 Importance of Taking Breaks in Education
• 17:20 Lockdown Drills and Student Mental Health

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:35

Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag Is podcast. I am your girl, charli Chanté. Thank you for joining me on another episode. Happy Friday to you, or happy whatever day it is that you're listening to this. New episodes release every Friday. So if you go ahead and hit that little notification bell wherever you listen to your podcast, you'll be sure to get the new episode when it drops every Friday. Ok, that's no matter what platform that you listen on.

Speaker 1: 1:06

So we're going to go right ahead and dive into today's topic. I got a good one for you. This is for my parents. It's time to talk parent to parent, like real to real. So go over here and grab your bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop and I'm not taking that blooper out. Go ahead and grab your drinks, grab your snacks, whatever it is you grab when you listen to this. If you're in the car, make sure you've got the volume good so you can hear. Tell them kids be quiet in the back so that you can hear this episode and we can talk real.

Speaker 1: 1:39

So today I want to talk about the pressures that we put on kids, and this is like an age old conversation and we talk about it a lot. We hear people talk about it a lot and it's the pressure for our kids to be perfect In the Spencer household. I don't pressure these kids to be perfect, but what you are going to do is do your best. Okay, that's all I can ask for. And some people are like, well, why wouldn't you want your kids to be perfect? Like, why are you just saying, like, do your best? No, I just need them to do their best, like not stress out to the point where they depressed, they need medicine and they have a whole lot of other things going on. You know they get anxiety and different stuff like that. I don't believe in all that. Like, I believe in doing your best and living life and, uh, living life in just just being a kid and taking that moment to enjoy being a kid. So we're going to start with school and then we're going to transition over into sports and you know I'm going to get y'all my little one too on how, how we do things here in the Spencer household. Um, you know so, when it comes to school, like we pressure our kids to overachieve.

Speaker 1: 2:57

And I do know that sometimes it's cultural related. I know, like Middle Eastern, european, asian, korean and in that culture, like they take their education very seriously. Y'all know, here in America we don't let's just tell a lot how it is, don't? Um, let's just tell a lot how it is. Asian culture, they, they pressure their children to, you know, get the best education that they can, but then again their education system is good as hell, like if I had the opportunity to move to japan, like I would, but then again I don't have no little kids that I can say, oh, let me go anyway. We, we, we getting off on something else, um, because they expect their kids to be doctors or you know, or something of high status stature. Um, and here in America we just, we, push our kids to, you know it's, we have too much uh, going going on, like I know one of the things and a lot of this.

Speaker 1: 4:01

I'm speaking from a teacher perspective and from a parent perspective because I've been in the classroom, so I know what it's like and the things that I did in the classroom. I made sure I translated it over into home and vice versa. So you know we should not force children to take an excessive amount of classes. I know, in high school and middle school, here your kids can take classes, like online, to get extra credits and stuff like that to kind of help them graduate and move on a little faster. And this is just me. All of these opinions are mine. I just don't believe in doing that. I feel like there are tracks that are set for kids in education and we should follow those tracks for our kids.

Speaker 1: 4:50

So one of the things that I did when I had Marco Polo, he just followed a traditional track because you know, I was a young mother and I didn't know about all of the things that were out there and you know, like the different programs and graduating early, and you know associates, you know graduating with dual, you know high school diploma and an associate's degree. I wasn't aware of all of that and it wasn't until I started teaching that I was like, oh, we have all these things. But you know, he was already in high school and we talked about it a few weeks ago and he was like I'm glad you didn't put me in that and he was like I loved my experience and I was like wow, really, he's like yeah, he said I wouldn't have liked if you would have done that to me. He said I'd have been very upset and I was like wow, like that's very different and that's very, um, unique.

Speaker 1: 5:43

So, with new face, I started him off in sixth grade. He started off in what's called Cambridge and you know. So he had like those upper level advanced classes. And I remember asking his two fifth grade teachers I was like do y'all think he's capable of doing that? And our teacher was like, yeah, he's capable of doing that. And then some. So I was like, okay, I was like, cause I don't want to seem like I'm putting too much on him. They're like no, they're like, and when other kids get done, he helps grade papers with us. And I'm like, oh, okay, so he did that in middle school. And then I'm just like, oh, my God, I'm like, you know, as each year went by, I'm like this just seems like so much work and I didn't want to put all this work on my kid and stuff and then come to find out most of the work was just like busy work and you know, just stuff like that. So I was very disappointed.

Speaker 1: 6:38

And now that he's in high school, and he's in his second semester of high school, you know like the classes, like he said, this format works best for him because all of it he has high school classes and he has college classes. And he said, with, with all of my classes, my work is due on Sunday. And he said I don't have to rush home every day and just complete all of this work in one sitting. You know, I can spread it out over days and then have it submitted on Sundays. And I was like, okay, he's like I. He said I like this better because the deadlines are known. He's like, you know, when I was in middle school they would just give us work and they'd be like okay, you know what is due today. And it's kind of like, you know, I wasn't prepared for that. You know it makes me anxious because I didn't finish and you know I didn't get to understand it. But he's like now in high school he said we have hard deadlines. Um, he's in a collegiate academy. So you know he's, he's on like a college route. He's like we have hard deadlines, I can get help easy. The teachers are more willing to help. And I'm like that is super crazy. And he does so much better.

Speaker 1: 7:49

I can see the shift from middle school to high school like his whole attitude, his whole demeanor, like he's not upset, he's not angry, like he's, he's doing really, really well in the classes are going to come Like right now he has um, he doesn't have a full schedule, he has study hall because he's caught up on all of the track that he was supposed to be on. So instead of saying, well, you need to go find another class to get into because you got to take classes, I let him um and enjoy study hall because that's like a little break. And he said it's the last class, is second to last class before the end of the day. He said I take it, I get my homework done. That way when I come home I can relax before I go to swim, because I know he's a competitive swimmer. He's like it allows me that little time, that little break, to get that done in school and if I need help, the teacher is right there and then if I don't finish it all, then I can bring it home but I'm not starting from no place and then try to finish it. I can get it done in study hall. It kind of frees up my weekends and he's like I just like the format and I'm glad that he has communicated that with me to let me know that he loves the format of how his work, his schoolwork is going, you know.

Speaker 1: 9:04

So he's, he's a brainiac and he's an athlete at the same time and he has found his balance not the balance that I set forth for him, but he has found his balance. Um, you know and that rolls into my next topic, since he doesn't have a lot of homework, you know, and that rolls into my next topic, since he doesn't have a lot of homework, you know, it allows for him to have a social life outside of school, whether it be when he go to swim or whether it be just outside in general. If his friends call, say, hey, you know, I want to do something this weekend. You know, can you ask your mom? I don't have to be like, well, you know you got homework that you need to finish and you know you don't have to be like, well, you know you got homework that you need to finish and you know you don't know when the teacher going to turn it in, so you need to go ahead and finish that I can say like, yeah, like where are we going? Um, and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 9:51

I um knows, I've heard of a story I I know the people, but I don't really know the people um, that their daughter has had to fall back from swim because she has so much homework that, like she just she's overwhelmed. Now I think this, this little girl, is probably like middle school, like sixth grade, and she just has so much work that she can't even come to swim during the week anymore. She can only come on the weekends because she has so much work. And the parents, like the mom, wants the daughter to be at the school but the dad doesn't because he feels like it's stressing his daughter out and he's like we can't agree on the same school that she should, what this type of school that she should go to. And I think that is very, very sad that you know and I know it happens every day, but it's very sad that the baby is struggling because the the mom has high expectations and ambitions. Like you want your daughter to be a brainiac and a swimmer, but it's actually costing her her mental health to the point where the little child is like I miss seeing my friends and you know I want to go be with my friends and you know swim and you know she can't keep up. The dad was like she can't keep up anymore with the swim group because you know she can only swim on the weekends and these kids swim four or five days a week for two hours at a time. So like they've been about the time she comes out on Saturday, these kids have already swam for 10 hours during the week and she just did two hours, you know, and it's just very sad, you know.

Speaker 1: 11:29

I see parents they're just like no, we don't go on vacations, because anytime my child has a free time they're going to some kind of camp, they're going to some kind of enrichment, for sports or something like that, something like that. And it's like why? Why are we like taking these kids social life away from them, you know, at such a young age? Because when, when they become adults, they're not going to have a social life, they're like they're going to be socially awkward because they didn't learn those skills when they were teenagers, kids and teenagers because you had them so wrapped up in so much stuff. So now, as an adult, when someone says they don't want to hang out with them and they don't want to be their friend, they get into a tailspin because they don't understand why somebody doesn't want to be their friend or somebody doesn't want to hang out with them, or why people act the way they act, you know, cause we've taken that lack of social skills.

Speaker 1: 12:26

And that's one thing that I like Larissa likes to play outside. We go outside all the time. He go outside. He play his bow and arrow, he go. We go on bike rides, we play basketball, we throw the football, we do all kinds of stuff. And like I don't make him go outside, I'm like hey, he'd be like, hey, mom, I want to go outside. And I'd be like, come on, let's go. And you know you don't hear kids talking about how they want to go outside often. So he likes to go outside and I'd be like, all right, you know to do either I'm a text to come home, or you know 630 or streetlight you home, or you know 630 or streetlight. You know it's going to be one of the two, just depending.

Speaker 1: 13:09

Um, I don't believe in perfect attendance and I know y'all like, oh my God, like you don't make your kid go to school every day. I do make my kid go to school every day. But I also understand what my kid need to break too. For example, during COVID, I took him out of school for both of them. Um, no, marco Polo had graduated, I took him out of school for her, both of them, um no, marco Polo had graduated. I took him out of school for a week and we did a 10 state cross country, like kind of thing. We went to great Wolf lodge and we just got in the car, put clothes, I put his scooter in the car, we put some stuff in the car and we went road tripping. Because it's COVID, you got to wear masks and he just, I can tell, I literally woke up and I said, hey, you're not going to school this week, we finna go on a road trip. And that's exactly what we did and we had the time of our lives. We went to Memphis to see the hotel, we went to see all kind of social stuff, like you know. Like, instead of reading it in a book, I took him to see it with his eyes, you know. So, instead of seeing, reading it with his eyes, he seen it with his eyes and he appreciated that he's going to ever, ever remember that that my mom told me to close the book and look outside and he did just exactly that.

Speaker 1: 14:18

But I don't believe in perfect attendance days because what, what are they getting out of perfect attendance? I've never seen anybody get hired and say, put on a resume, I got perfect attendance, okay. And so you're telling me that you're okay every day. You're telling me that you're never sick. What expectation are you setting by making your kids go to school every day? They need a break sometimes. I'm not saying all the time. Let them be out for a week at a time. No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is it's okay if they miss a day or if they don't get perfect attendance.

Speaker 1: 14:52

Every year in our school district they always show the kids who have had perfect attendance from kindergarten all the way to high school, and it'd be less than 10 kids. Less than 10 kids. And I'm like you telling me your kid was never sick, you telling me your kid was never exhausted. That's what you're telling me, and so you know. And the only thing that I ever see them, I don't see them getting paid full rides. I don't see them getting anything. I think last year they got like a um $2,500, um tuition assistance and like a laptop. Is that what I'm pressuring my kid to get by? Getting perfect tennis is um a one-time payment for books and tuition. That is probably not even going to cover in a laptop, like that's what I'm pushing my kid for. Absolutely not. Not, finna, do it. Not, finna, do it at all.

Speaker 1: 15:46

I do allow New Face, like random stay-at-home days, like depending on, like, his birthday. So this year he may get to stay home for his birthday because they were supposed to have school out but they got to make up them hurricane days, so you know he don't get that day off. Well, he's supposed to go to school, but we'll see how it go. He might get that day off. He might get another day off, um, they all we going on a cruise the week later. So he might just get that day. They all might just do that.

Speaker 1: 16:21

And then, when you know, think about it, when we were kids, there were many days that we didn't want to go to school, right, and our parents didn't play that. And you know, there's the belief that you know you don't miss a day or whatever like that. Now, looking back on it hindsight, do you feel like you should have had some days off? Because I definitely feel like that. I should have had some days off. Um, did I get perfect attendance? Uh, I don't think so, because I had bad asthma, so I didn't get days off. You know, um, I mean, I did get days off, but it's because I was sick. There goes y'all honorary yarn, but looking back at it, I wish that you know my mom would have been like you know what you could take a day off, but then again that rolls into all of the things that we have going on in schools now. We didn't have back then.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Um, you know, like, we have these stupid lockdown drills and you're gonna be like, well, they're not stupid. Well, here's my opinion, of my opinion only, I feel like when it comes to lockdown drills, the shooter is typically somebody that's gone to that school and know what y'all finna do during the lockdown drill, so y'all just kind of giving them the blueprint. That's neither here nor there. Um, there's so many lockdown drills, there's so many actual lockdowns, because people think it's cool to call schools and say that there's a bomb or there's gonna be a shooting, or they think it's cool to say it on social media, and it happens every year like a school shooting happened and then people try to be copycat.

Speaker 1: 17:56

But like these charges, these charges are serious. They're starting to charge kids now and I almost feel like they need to start charging the parents too, because your child is messing up other people's children mental health, and for what? To be cool. So now you gotta making terroristic threats charge on you, and you only a minor. Now you got to do all this diversion. Your parents got to do stuff because you messing up your parents too. Because now I gotta take off my job because you got to go to court because you want to be a dumbass and say that you was gonna shoot up school or do something stupid like that. Y'all kids are messing with other kids mental health. So that's why I give new face days, because and then I can I can see it in his face that he be needing some time. I can see it in his face, you know.

Speaker 1: 18:45

So I would say you know, use discretion and if it looks like your kid is going through the ringer or they're just wore out or they're just exhausted or something like that, sit, sit with them, have a conversation with them and make sure everything is OK, like make sure that they're doing OK, like they don't need a break. Kids need breaks too. Kids need breaks too. Ok, sometimes school be doing the most and kids need breaks. That's all I'm saying. But evaluate your circumstance. You know what works for you, because what works for me probably not going to work for you. Or do your own piece of how, how it is you want to, how it is you want to do it, you know. But just make sure, when it comes to school and achieving and stuff like that, like you're not putting too much on the kids, because kids, kids can feel that and kids don't need all that. You know it's it's just too much, too much pressure and you don't want your kids balled in and there's just so much that um, that comes with that.