Memorial Day vs Veterans Day: Honor the Fallen Correctly

Memorial Day is specifically for honoring military personnel who died in service to the country, not to be confused with Veterans Day which honors all who have served. I share my personal experience as a military widow and why the common phrase "Happy Memorial Day" is deeply painful for those who have lost loved ones in service.

• Memorial Day falls on the last Monday in May and is a day to mourn and honor deceased service members
• Many people incorrectly conflate Memorial Day with Veterans Day (in November)
• The confusion between these holidays can be harmful to Gold Star families who are grieving
• Now approaching my 17th Memorial Day since losing my husband
• Self-care strategies for managing grief during triggering holidays include allowing yourself to feel emotions
• Practical self-care can include simple productivity, maintaining hygiene, and seeking professional support
• Consider reaching out with a simple message to Gold Star families, understanding they may not respond

If you have not already, please make sure you are following us on IG and YouTube at thegagispot, and remember to hit that plus sign on your streaming platform so you're notified when new episodes drop every Friday.

Chapters

• 1:09 Welcome to The Gag Is Pod
• 2:30 The Real Meaning of Memorial Day
• 6:38 Personal Impact and Memorial Weekend Struggles
• 12:52 Growth Through Grief Over Years
• 17:02 Self-Care Strategies During Hard Times
• 21:57 Closing Thoughts and Contact Information

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:35

Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag Is Pod. I am your girl, charli Chanté. Thank you for joining me on another episode and, like I always say, if you're listening to this episode, then it's probably Friday, because you know that is when our new episodes drop. But if you're listening to it any other day of the week, that's fine as well. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. If you have not already, please make sure you are following us on IG and YouTube at thegagispot, and to ensure that you are getting every new episode when it is released, please make sure, whatever streaming platform you're listening to this on, you go in the top corner, hit that little plus sign and that will ensure every time I drop a new episode, you're the first to know. It's going to automatically put it there for you. There's no rigmarole like oh my God, it's Friday. I got to remember. The gag is pod is releasing today. None of that. Go set it. Forget about it. When you wake up in the morning it'll pop up, because I try to release them early on Fridays, like 5 or 6 am. That way, when you get up and then you start scrolling through your notifications, it's there already. But thank you for joining me. We're going to go ahead and get into this thing. Grab your snack, grab your drink, whatever it is you're going to do. If you're in a car, turn this up. Let's go ahead and jump in.

Speaker 1: 1:56

Today is one of those days. Let's go ahead and jump in. Today is one of those days. It's one of those episodes I enjoy doing, but I also, at the same time, it's kind of hard for me to do because I be in my feelings, but I'm very authentic. To know me in real life is to know that I'm authentic and to know that we'll always keep it 100 with you.

Speaker 1: 2:19

Um and so this weekend is Memorial Day weekend and it's a weekend that I'd be sad and mad at the same time. And, um, I'm, I'm going to explain that. So you say well, how can you be bad and sad at the same time? Well, memorial Day, people get Memorial Day and Veterans Day mixed up every year and it irritates me. And I guess it irritates me more because I'm personally affected by it and I know the difference. And one of my pet peeves is when somebody goes happy Memorial Day Well, what's happy about it? Like, tell me. And people are like well, it's a day that you know, we used to thank the men and women who have served our country and it's kind of like no, that's in November today. You know, matter of fact, I've pulled up the real definition for y'all and you know to get the myths out there. But still, but still, somebody is going to comment under this, or somebody is going to message me, or somebody is going to send me an email and they're going to tell me that it don't matter what I see, it don't matter how I feel, that they're going to celebrate it however they want to celebrate it. Well, that's your prerogative, but just know they're doing so, you know, of disrespectful To me. It's very disrespectful.

Speaker 1: 4:03

Y'all are looking for a three-day weekend, a cookout and some sales, and I'm over here trying to hold it together and not even going to lie 10 days cause it was mother's day. And now we here in, you know, I try to hold it together and I'm trying to keep it um together, but you know this is coming up and I'm in shambles over this. And then I got personal stuff going on and I'm just like a mess, I've literally. And then I'm coming up on the end of my Botox for my headaches and this is just like the perfect storm and I've literally like been in the bed because I am low key, not functioning right now, like a little bit of depression has set in. But you know, I know this is not a state that I can stay in forever. But that's just a little bit of transparency for you guys. But let's get back to the real meaning.

Speaker 1: 5:15

So Memorial Day and this is this is verbatim a day on which those who died in active military service are remembered. Traditionally it's observed on May 30th, but now it has become more famous for being observed the last Monday of the month of May, the last Monday of the month of May. Okay, so it's going to vary a little bit. Sometimes it's going to fall on May 30th, sometimes it ain't. This year it is not falling on May 30th. It's cool, we're still going to observe it.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Now, what is the true meaning for Memorial Day, the nation's foremost annual day to mourn and honor deceased service men and women? Ok, ok, this y'all gonna come for me, don't come for me. Like I'm just telling you. I somebody argued me down when I tried to correct them. Right and Happy Memorial Day seems very harmless to the average person, to me, it's very detrimental to me because, yes, I should give people a break because they may not know that I'm personally affected, but I'm also not going to give them a break because they should be old enough to know the difference.

Speaker 1: 6:57

Ok, so when I say, when you say Happy Memorial Day to me and I respond back to you and I say, so, what's so happy about it? And then I have to tell you well, do you think it's still happy because today is a day that we should, we honoring my husband and all the other service members who died on active duty, who gave their life and stuff you still think it's happy? Do you think you still think it's happy that there are men and women who, without their spouses and their kids, don't got their parents? You still think it's happy? No, you don't, because your ass is worried about this cookout and these seals. So I try to educate people, but we have come to the point where education Google free. It's too much education out here. And then I'll say this If somebody corrects you, you should be receptive of what it is they're saying, because how do you know that you telling somebody Happy Mother's Day is their final straw?

Speaker 1: 7:56

How do you know it's not someone's 13th reason why? How do you know? It's not someone's 13th reason why, like, how do you know? So I think we should be more careful how we approach and we say things, especially if we don't know. And if somebody is trying to correct you, be receptive of that, don't be a jerk off about it.

Speaker 1: 8:18

Because, unfortunately, now that this ain't got nothing to do with nothing, but now that the house is finally getting done it's finally done with the hurricane repairs I have to go get furniture and I'm going to utilize this weekend to go get furniture, since the repairs were completed last week, and so I know that when I go into stores, this is what I'm going to be greeted with. And you might say well, why are you going to go to the store if you know this is what's going to happen? So I can't take my time and go look for something because somebody else's lack of education or lack of acknowledgement can be detrimental. I'm just not going to do that. That's not fair to me that I have to not do what things that I want to do because someone is uneducated.

Speaker 1: 9:12

But, yes, we can be here all day talking about it, okay, and the last one is is memorial day only for fallen soldiers? Yes, memorial day is specifically for honoring military personnel who have died in service to the country. It is a day of remembrance for those who made the ultimate sacrifice, ie died veterans. On the other hand, is a day to thank and honor all living and deceased veterans for their service. Ok, I read that straight to you. Oh my goodness, oh my gosh, people still finna mess this up and I don't understand, and I'm not even going to lie to you.

Speaker 1: 10:04

My phone has been on, do not disturb, probably for about the last two weeks, because this is that time of year where, no matter what organization that I've volunteered with um, that have donated to me over the past eight uh, I can't even think off the top of my head how many years it's been since 2007, like all of the organizations or people that have been sponsorships for me, um, this is that time of year where they um, they reach out and they go. You know, we want to let you know that you're in our thoughts and prayers and you know, and different stuff like that. And I don't don't get me wrong, I, I, I appreciate it, but when it keeps rolling in and in and in and in and in, it's kind of like oh my gosh, there's a little piece of pricking going on each time and it's like. It's like we peel the scab back a little bit, peel the scab back a little bit, peel, peel, peel, peel, peel. That's kind of what it's like, you know, and there's different ceremonies going on to honor and different stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 11:22

This year I didn't. I didn't get to, I'm not getting the opportunity to go to the cemetery this year to place flowers. It just wasn't. It wasn't in my travel plans for this year. It wasn't in my travel plans for this year and that kind of hurts me too. But I'll probably, when I'm out that way in a couple weeks, I'll probably take some time and go and do that. Yeah, probably take some time and go do that.

Speaker 1: 12:00

So, moving right along with that information, please, if you know a family of a fallen soldier, just send a quick message to them, because if they like me, they don't like phone calls. Send a quick message and even if they don't respond back, it's not personal. Y'all like, y'all don't understand. We get so much information, is so much thrown at us that it's not even personal. It's not personal. I know I get. I think right now I have like 200 some emails and it ain't personal, it ain't personal.

Speaker 1: 12:43

I'm just in a season right now, there's just a lot going on and the last thing I need is something that's going to make me cry. That's the last thing that I need. This is my. I think it's the 17th. It's the 17th or 18th. That's bad, that I don't rememberth. It's the 17th or 18th? That's bad, I don't remember. It's the 17th or 18th memorial day and, um, like I always say, I never, I never wish this on anybody. Um, because you know you have brothers and sisters that lose, but when it's your spouse, that shit just hit different.

Speaker 1: 13:23

And like I was telling somebody the other day, I said I literally spent my whole twenties like recovering, like from, and I still ain't even recovered all the way, just recovering from this. And so every year, the thing about it every year I get an opportunity to show my growth. Because had this been 10 years ago, what we 14 minutes in, had this been even I'm not even going to say 10, had this been about six, seven years ago and we 14 minutes into this conversation, it'd have been tears, I'd have been ugly crying, I'd have probably done already been like this is the end of the episode and all of this. But I know that over the course of this weekend, somebody who has never heard of me, has never seen this podcast or anything, is gonna find this and they're gonna be like, oh my god, she gets it understands. Like, like I found my community.

Speaker 1: 14:40

So each year, you know, I've seen where people recycle episodes when it comes to a particular topic. But I feel like that's not fair to you guys, because where I was last year, you can go back to that. Where I was last year is not where I am this year. Um, I can deal with it better and I can help somebody else deal with it better. So, um, so, yeah, so I I can't. When on things that's important, like anniversary date like that, uh, angelversaries, memorial Day and stuff like that, I won't recycle the episodes because I need you to genuinely see the growth there and I wish I knew about podcasting probably like 10 years ago. I feel like I could have helped a lot more people. I feel like I could have helped a lot more people. Um, I feel like I could have helped a lot more people, but I know in due time this will get to where ever it needs um to be.

Speaker 1: 15:50

So some of the things that I like to do around this time, when I get to fill in and see a different stuff, like that is, I always make sure that I take care of myself. Now, there's nothing wrong with being by yourself. I choose to be by myself and kind of, you know, not isolate myself, but just to you know, just be by myself a little bit more. You know, watch some shows. Just take it as a time of rest and relaxation, because when the body feels stressed, the body gets sick. Easy and different things like that. So I've been watching, like, I found a few shows that on on Netflix that I've watched, and just things just to keep me calm, netflix that I've watched, and just things just to keep me calm. Um, I've been watching what I eat. Um, well, I'm trying to lose weight too, but that's another day. That's the top for another day.

Speaker 1: 16:49

Um, just being mindful of the things that I eat. Um, one thing that y'all are probably gonna be, like girl, what um that you have to be mindful of when, when you feel down, or that is hygiene. Um, because you can ask a lot of people there. There are times where sometimes you, like I don't care about, like I'm finna, sit here and stew, like literally, um, just just stew and. But you make sure you get up, you wash your face, you brush your teeth, you're showering, you're changing your clothes and different stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 17:26

I thought about going and getting a facial or a massage. But I said no on the facial because I need to do some yard work. It's that time of year and youall know I love to do my yard work myself. I don't hire nobody. I want to do yard work. So I'm like no, that'll be a waste of a facial, but I'll probably get it in a couple weeks before I go out of town because I want my face to be fresh. Then I thought about getting a massage. But the thing is, every time I get a massage I get sick because I don't know, I guess I got that many toxins in my body and they be coming out and I get sick. So I'm not going to do that. So, since I'm not going to do those things, I'm just going to, like I said relax.

Speaker 1: 18:08

I got like right now, like I got a candle burning, I'm just taking it easy. You know, I got my water and different stuff like that. Just taking it easy is the number one thing that I would say self-care and taking it easy for me. Y'all might judge me, but whatever my self-care, cleaning up and organizing is a big part of my self-care. Like I always used to joke that I could start a organizing business, because when your girl get in the groove, your girl get in the groove Like nah, like that's my jam.

Speaker 1: 18:43

So I'm probably spend this weekend doing like some dusting, like cleaning some baseboards, organizing clothes and different stuff like that, just to keep my mind, keep my mind busy, keep my mind from wandering. But I'm also doing something productive as well, because you can go and do anything to mind busy, keep my mind from wandering. But I'm also doing something productive as well, because you can go and do anything to stay busy. Hell, you can go, get in your car and take a drive and stay busy. You might say, okay, well, that is productive because you're clearing your mind. Yes, that is true, but I would rather exert that energy in doing something like housework or something like that. Like I plan on doing a yard, I plan on replacing the mulch um outside and stuff like that. So just little simple stuff. I might get into a pool, just little simple stuff to keep you going. Um, and everybody might not be like me. So if you need to be around family, if you need to be around friends, because that's where your comfort is, there's nothing wrong with that either. That's just not what I do.

Speaker 1: 19:43

Another thing I do is I also allow myself to feel the feels. I don't try to suppress my feelings. I don't try to say this is not right or you can't feel like this or you've been in this too long. No, I don't say that I allow myself to feel the feels. And because I know what happens, what Memorial Day symbolizes, and I know that's coming up in a few days, I always set an appointment to go see my psychiatrist or either my psychologist a day or two after, just to ensure that I'm not still stuck in the same position, that I'm coming up out of this and I'm not going on a downward spiral. And, to be honest, even though I have that appointment next week, I'm going to go, but right now I'm in an okay space. I don't feel like I've kept my spiraling to a minimum, even with everything that is going on in life right now. I've kept it to a minimum, and so that would be.

Speaker 1: 20:50

My advice to you is just focus on self-care, focus on, you know, happy things, happy times If you're able to go to the cemetery or whatever, or go to where your loved one is buried or what have you. Just, you know, do what makes you feel happy. Don't listen to other people that say, well, you got to get out and do this, you got to do this. You can't tell me what to do because you ain't never been in my shoes. So do what makes you feel happy.

Speaker 1: 21:16

I've told y'all what makes me feel happy and, even though it makes me sad, I still might go get a massage. I might just go be hard-headed. I'm sorry, nick, please don't hurt me. Um, but yeah, so, um, like, after I finish this'm going to go get up and look for this furniture, and you know we finna see what happens. Um, so we're going to go ahead and close out here. And you know how I always say um, my song lyric of the week for this Memorial day is going to be Leona Lewis.

Speaker 1: 21:56

Yesterday, um, yeah, she started us all off by saying still can't believe that you're gone. And it's been 17 years. I still can't believe that you're gone. But you know, it is what it is. You know, I know you walk beside me every day, even though some days you probably won't leave me hanging, but I'll be trying. I'll be trying, but if you have not already, please make sure you follow us on IG at the gag is pod. Please make sure you're following us on YouTube as well. You're more than welcome to follow my personal page as well. Smart fit, underscore Oki. And if you have any business inquiries or you would like to collab, please send us an email at thegaggispod at gmailcom. I am your girl, charlie Shante. This is the gag is pod. Bye, guys.