How to Help Your Child Make Friends (parenting tips for kids’ social skills)

Friendships can make or break the school years—and as parents, we want to help our kids build healthy connections. In this video, we’ll cover why social skills are so important, green flags and red flags in friendships, and practical parenting tips to guide your child without forcing socialization.

You’ll learn:
✔️ How to help your child make friends naturally
✔️ The signs of healthy friendships (green flags)
✔️ Red flags like jealousy, criticism, or peer pressure
✔️ How to teach kids social skills like respect, boundaries, and forgiveness
✔️ When parents should step in—and when to let kids work things out

Whether your child is shy, struggling with peer pressure, or just learning how to build strong friendships, this video will give you the tools to raise socially smart, confident kids.

✨ Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share for more parenting tips!

#ParentingTips #KidsSocialSkills #MakingFriends #ChildDevelopment #PositiveParenting

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to The Gaggis Pod
• 2:09 Why Social Skills Matter Post-COVID
• 6:38 Green Flags in Children's Friendships
• 11:19 Red Flags to Watch For
• 15:10 Building Better Social Skills
• 22:12 The Nepo Baby Story
• 27:14 Closing Thoughts and Song of the Week

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:34

Hey guys, welcome back to the Gag is Pod. I am your girl Charlie Shantae. Thank you for joining me on another episode. And like I always say, if it's a new episode, then it must be Friday. Or if you're listening to this some other day, thank you for being here as well. And before we get started, if you have not already, please make sure you are following us at the Gaggis Pod on IG. And make sure you are following us on your favorite podcasting app. That way, when a new episode is released, you are one of the first to know. All you got to do is hit play. And boom, we're right there. Um, so go ahead, we're gonna jump right into today. Keep today short and sweet. So grab your drink or grab your snack or whatever it is you do when you listen to this, so we can go ahead and jump into today's episode. And I feel like today's episode cannot come at a better time. Um, there's a lot going on, and um unfortunately it's starting to trickle down to children. And I just want to, I just want to, for parents and families, educators, caregivers, I just want to take some time to go over some things um to help your child be a better child and not let your child be that child. Um, in my today's, you can't make this up. I'll detail a story about um new face and some things that he has encountered just this school year already, and we're only um about nine weeks into the school year. Uh no. We midway through the first nine weeks, um, and some of this trickled down from the summer as well, and then it just kind of rolled over into school as well. So I just want to talk about some things that can help kids have healthy friendships and have healthy social skills. I think that's important to teach kids to, you know, feel the feels, feel the emotions. Now remember, I'm not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, counselor, or anything like this. But these are just some tools that I have used with my kids and um children who are close to me. Some things that I've talked to them about, some tips that me and their parents have talked about, just so we can get um our kids, you know, to help them become better people and to surround themselves with better people because as adults we know that being around the appropriate group and the appropriate people can take us further compared to being around people who don't mean well and such. I always tell my kids quantity is better than quality. You can have a hundred people around who you who don't mean you well, and you can have three people who are solid for you, but those three people who are solid for you are much better than the 100 people that you had around you who were just being leeches and didn't mean you any good. Um, so why are friendships and social skills important in life? You cannot, well, you can, but it's not healthy just to go around and just not talk to anybody, not have any social interaction. I think when COVID occurred, it took away a lot of socialization for a lot of younger kids because they were growing up, they couldn't start kindergarten. Um, you know, a lot of them didn't get to go to preschool or daycare or anything like that. So they missed out a lot on that social interaction during that time period from maybe 2020 to all the way to 2023. I know during that time, New Face um was, I wouldn't say homeschool, but he was doing virtual school because that still was an option. We chose virtual school for him due to the fact that he has a very compromised immune system. And so we wanted to ensure that um he was well because he did catch COVID. Um, he's caught COVID two times, and each time that he's had it, it's been pretty bad on him. So during that time, he was transitioning from uh, I think he was in like fourth or fifth grade, and his social skills kind of fell off a little bit. He was he's always been a kid who's been shy when it comes to other kids and making friendships, but when COVID happened, it really um was a little bit detrimental to him, and I had to figure out ways to kind of get him to be a little bit more sociable, um, to get him to go outside more. I was like, you know, let's go here, let's go to the park, let's go to a jump place or something like that, just so that there were other kids there so he could get that social interaction. Once he was in fifth grade, the last nine weeks, I was like, you know, you're gonna have to start riding the bus to school next year because you're gonna be in middle school. Do you think that maybe you want to try and go to school, you know, to make friends because you only see these people on camera. You know, he's never ridden a bus to school since he was in fifth grade. Um so he was like, Yeah, and he tried it and he absolutely loved it, and now he craves social interaction. He is not one of those people who can just sit in the house and be alone. He prefers to be around other people. He's still awkward when he's around other people, but nonetheless, I do have him around other um people. Green flags and red flags, and when it comes to a friendship or a partnership for a child, um, one of the green flags that I always try to emphasize is mutual respect. We as people have to understand that we will not always agree with people, and I always tell New Face and others that uh if somebody agrees with me, every time I talk, I don't want to be friends with them because I know for a fact that they're not being honest and they are not being beneficial towards me. And if you I don't need a yes woman or I don't need a yes man, so I tend to stay away from people who agree with everything I say because everything I say shouldn't be agreed upon. Um and when you don't agree with someone, you should respectfully share your side, share your opinion. The way that I raise my kids is if they don't agree with something, then I ask them why they don't agree with what I stated or what I said, and then they let me know, well, mom, this is why I disagree, or you know, or or vice versa. And we have healthy conversations. And one of the things that I say is mutual respect comes from home. Parents, you I understand a lot of times we are built that we are not our kids' friend. Um, I don't have to be nice to you and the things of the light. And I agree and I disagree with that. You don't have to be your child's friend, but I do believe that it is important that you show your child respect. When you show your child respect, then it's going to show them that hey, I need to have respect for adults. I see a lot of times a lot of kids don't have respect for adults, and then when I see those kids interacting with their parents, I'm like, oh, okay, there it is. So respect starts at home. Um, like I said, you don't have to be your child's friend, but respect is a two-way street. You do you cannot tell your child, well, I ain't gotta respect you because you're a child. Like, that's not fair to them. Like, what are you teaching them? Because they're going to take that mindset and they're gonna take it outside the house. And then when you're getting calls that your child is being disrespectful to other adults, then you're gonna feel some kind of way, and you're gonna be like, I don't understand why my child um acts like that. And it's kind of like, take a look in the mirror. Um, are you showing them respect at home? Are you teaching them respect? One of the compliments that I get when I'm I go out with with the kids is your children are so respectable. You have to show your kids respect. There's a way to show your child respect and be their parent at the same time. Okay, shared interests. This one, shared interests are good because I feel like if you hang you're hanging around somebody who don't understand the things that you're into, it makes it a little weird. And then it's kind of like, mm-hmm, are we really cool? Like, mm, what are we doing here? Um, so I tell I tell New Face, surround yourself with people who have the same interests as you from personal experience, being surrounded somebody that doesn't have the same experiences and expectations for their life as you, they get boring because after a while they start draining you, and it gets it's too much. It's too much. Um, so he likes anime, he likes swim. So the group of people that he hangs with, they like anime. And you know, they don't per se like swim because he's a swimmer and they play other sports, but they have anime in common, you know, and then when they get together, they tell each other about each other's respective sport. And it just goes well together. So make sure your kids are aligning themselves with people who share similar interests and goals as them. It will make the things a lot easier. It's a positivity, you never know. Your child could be being a role model to someone else in their group, and vice versa. Now, red flags. Um, today's You Can't Make This Up story is going to be um about red flags and friendships. Um, one of the biggest red flags in friendship, and this goes for adults as well, not just children, but criticism or jealousy. This and I will say this. Um children are going to see other people with things, and this, I could say this is even a thing in adulthood. Children are going to see other kids with things, and they're going to feel some type of way. They're going to be like, well, such and such has better shoes than me, or such and such has a better house than me, or such and such has a better car than me. Um, or such and such just has more than what I have. And with that, sometimes um, you know, jealousy comes along, or you know, talking bad about them comes along. Um, I would call this the crab in a bucket effect because you know, in a bucket of crabs, there's always that crab that figures out how to kind of climb the wall, scale the wall, and kind of get to the top. But while they're doing that, what is the other crab doing? They're grabbing at them, trying to pull them down, and it creates the crab in a bucket effect. And we got to teach our kids it's okay to be with people who have less than you, and it's okay to be cool with people who have more than you. Um, we we don't judge people because in some situations, everybody is one eye blink away from being pulled in either direction, or either having, or either not having, or being somewhere in the middle. So I teach my children: don't down others. If you feel like someone in your group or somebody you hang with, you have to down them, or you don't have anything positive to say about them. You probably should not be hanging around them. Um, because they're it's just like when you have a bad apple, a bad apple spoils a bunch. That apple is gonna start rubbing off on you, and you're gonna start spoiling too. And it's kind of like the same concept: peer pressure. We've all been through it. Um, peer pressure is a big thing, like you know, I do it, you should do it too, or do it, it's not gonna hurt you, or different stuff like that. I tell New Face all the time, if somebody pressuring you to do something you don't want to do and they keep pressuring you, that would that's the last that day is the last day they're gonna be your friend. Because real friends don't do that, they don't peer pressure you to do bad things. Not saying that all peer pressure is um is is bad, but if they're peer pressuring you to do bad stuff, you need to let that friend go because they're not really your friend. That's just somebody that you um associate with, and you don't need them because they don't mean you no good because they're gonna start dragging you down again. The crab in a bucket effect. Now, some ways that you can help your child build their social skills is by helping them read social cues. This is a big one for New Face. Like, my boy is always on 10, and I had to tell him sometimes, baby, you gotta read the room. You gotta read the room because you might be happy to do it, but this situation, it doesn't call for that. And a lot of times at swim, he's just happy to be around other people. He's happy to be out there swimming and doing his thing. But I had to tell them, tell him sometimes, you gotta read the room, baby. You gotta read the room. Like, like you gotta you gotta know how to play, you gotta know when the time takes serious. Um you gotta read the room, baby. Just take these social gills, you gotta read the room. Um, also teach your child how to forgive and apologize. And even as an adult, this is something that I struggle with. Um, I'm a Sag, and you know, they say, you know, they say, Oh, your Sodiac sign shouldn't say. Well, we're gonna play devil's advocate today. And as a Sag, um, what I'm apologizing for because what I said, what I said, and I mean what I said. So that's just what it is. Like you take it how you want to. I ain't got nothing to do with that. Okay. But let's teach our kids how to apologize because if you are wrong, it is okay to say I'm sorry. And even as an adult, I've had to learn this. Just because I feel like I'm right, don't mean I'm right. And that's the same thing for kids as well. It's okay to apologize and it's okay to forgive, not saying that whatever the apology or the forgiveness is for, that you have to continue with that person or that situationship. But there's nothing wrong with apologizing and forgiving, even if you don't feel like you were wrong. Sometimes apology, apology can go a long way. Um, I've apologized to people that I ain't feel like I need to apologize to, and I just left it at that. Like, okay, you feel like you deserve an apology. I apologize to the most sincerest of my ability. I just know, I just know how to go and deal with you um from here on out. And before y'all say, is that a beer? No, it's not a beer, it's just a it's water, it's water in a can. Um, you know, when you sit up here and you're talking, because I've been talking for 15 minutes, you know, your mouth gets a little dry, so you gotta moisten the chops a little bit. Um so setting boundaries, I think this is one of the most important things, uh, and friendships that you have to set boundaries and it's beneficial, it's more beneficial to set boundaries. Um it's more beneficial to set boundaries in the beginning than it is in the middle, because it's gonna be a little bit harder because it's gonna be like, oh well, I I always do that. Like, why it's a problem now? But had you established that boundary from the get-go, then you know, you wouldn't have had to uh, you know, we it wouldn't be no confusion because I feel like if you set boundaries in the middle, then that can lead to just the whole fallout of the friendship, the relationship, whatever. It's gonna lead to a fallout. And so, you know, I always tell New Face, if somebody says or does anything that you don't like, um, say something, set that boundary. It's okay to set that boundary. I don't like the way that you talk or talk to other people. Please be respectful around. I know he tells me, like, you know, such and such was cussing, I'll be like, you know, hey, like that, don't do that around me. If you need to do that around me, you know, like you, we ain't even finna be cool. Like, don't don't do that around it. Teach your kids how to set boundaries. It's okay to set boundaries because if boundaries boundaries is what keeps your inner peace. So I always want my kids to have peace, and I'll be like, set your boundaries, and I tell them boundaries are not exclusive to non-family members, boundaries can go for for your little cousins and stuff too. Like, these are your boundaries, and either you can respect them or you can't, and that's just that's just that. If you can't respect my boundaries, then you know there's no there's no friendship, there's no relationship here. Let them, and this is something that I had to let my kids do, especially New Face. Um, you know, let them pursue their interests and find their people. Their people are going to come to them, their people are going to find them. Um, Newface has found his people. New face has found his tribe, and I'm like, thank you, Lord. I'm cool with the parents and everything. Um, he got swim team people that I'm cool, that I'm cool with the parents, got school people. My baby done found his tribe, and I'm like, thank you, Jesus. And they are decent people and decent human beings, and I can't ask for nothing better. Like, the parents is good and the kids is good. I'm like, thank you, Lord. Like, I appreciate that. And my last clip, um, no, it's not my last hook. Um, another one of the trips is let your kids hang out. New face hang out all the time. They go to the movies, they go bowling. Nine times out of ten, it's the movies because they want to go see these anime movies and stuff like that. Let your kids hang out. It's nothing wrong with let your kids hang out because think about it. Like, New Face is in his face, he wants to go to the movies, he won't go to the mall. When I was New Face's age, I used to go to the mall. I used to go to the movies, so now that he's one, I'm like, yes, like teenager, come on. Yes. My boys are an official teenager, yeah, teen stage. You know, he'd be like, Yeah, my my my friends are coming to the mall. I'm like, cool, we can go to the mall. I'll do a little window shopping. I'll go sit down, I'll have me some lunch by myself. Now, let me know when you're ready to go, boo-boo. Like, I can find something to do, and ain't nothing to it. I'll go sit and I have me a little bisy, and then I'll go window shop, I'll go look at some clothes, and I might buy a little something, but I'm just I'm happy because he's out with his friends, he's out with his tribe, and he's just not sitting in the house. He actually prefers to be out the house. He does not prefer a lot of screen time, he has a lot of outside activities, like he does um the bow and arrow, he does um what's that thing called? He does the guitar, so there's like a lot of things that he does outside of the house. And last but not least, um, and I think this is important because kids have to find themselves, and they, like I said, they have to find who who suits them best, who they need to be around, and such. Um, don't force them to socialize, um, because forcing them to socialize is gonna make it very much awkward. And, you know, they just might start rebuttaling and rebelling, and they because they don't want to do stuff. So I I never forced New Face to socialize. There were times where he didn't socialize, and I'd be like, you know, you gotta talk to people. Like, but I did not, um, I did not force it up on him. Uh, so I'm like, all right, cool. Now I he he he he don't stop socializing. So you see, you gotta be careful what you ask for because now he don't stop socializing. And it's kind of like, can I go here? Can I go there? Can I do this? Can I go to the football game this weekend? Can I? So it is like be careful when you be like, my kid doesn't socialize. It's coming, and when it comes, it's gonna come. So don't don't uh don't don't shy away from it, just embrace it. And I feel like that'd be that shows the pivotal turning point um in in a child's life is when they start uh socializing and you know kind of advocating for themselves. Now, when to step in. Um, I say as a parent, educator, guardian, caregiver, whatever it is, it's time to step in when um there's cases of bullying or emotional harm. Um, because that's not okay. We we do not bully, um we do not create emotional harm. Um, we don't, and this goes back, we don't down others, we don't do um that kind of stuff. Talk through the conflict with your child and don't, but don't solve it for them because that they're gonna have to figure it out. Because I know people who have sent their kids off and um, you know, the kids don't have any socialization skills, and then you know, I I I see it every day, you know. I talk to you know, co-workers and stuff, and they're like, you know, my kid don't got no socialization skills, and he's like, you know, they don't know how to solve a problem because I'm always solving it for them. So let your child solve their own um problems. Um so for my you can't make this up, um it's it it really hurt my feelings um when this was brought to my attention. Um Newface has a couple of group chats with a couple of kids from school, and um, it was at the end of last year. And no, it was not at the end of last year. It was yeah, it was at the end of last year. And New Face is a growing boy. The boy is six foot tall and he's 15. So I know he's in like his growth spurt and different stuff like that. So um he was like, hey, mom, I know it's not the beginning of school year, but can I get some new shoes? And I'm like, sure, you know, I don't want you to walk around here with your shoes, you know, with your toes curled up and doing damage to your feet and stuff. So we went to the Nike outlet and they would just happen to be having a spectacular sale. So I ended up buying him two pairs of shoes, and I think it cost me about 80 bucks. So um, you know, he's like, yo, I check out my fresh kicks, you know, whatever, whatever, whatever. And so the group started calling him uh a Nepo baby. Now I'm still don't know. As a matter of fact, while I'm talking to y'all, let me look it up. But they called him a Nepo baby because he ended up getting um I don't even know how to spell it. Um, it's it says Nepo baby, short for nepotism baby, is a person um who has benefited from familial connections or advantages to gain opportunities, employment, or success that they might not have achieved otherwise. What we ain't even rich. Uh well, I guess okay. Um that's what I just say. Yeah, I don't so he was called a Nepo baby because he got new shoes and um they judged him because um because he got new shoes and stuff, and so they collectively agreed that they would kick him out of the friend group because his mom gets him new stuff whenever he needs it. So they decided to kick him out of the friend group, and I was like, you don't need that, and now he has another friend group, and I said, I think you need to get rid of that friend group too, because I said, if you don't think for a minute that that friend group is talking to the people in the other friend group about you, I say, You sadly mistaken. I said, I know it hurt, but you're sadly mistaken. So, parents teach your um parents, teach your kids to be good people. Tell your kids, teach your kids don't judge other kids because their parents can do stuff for them. Now, why would I not get my child new new shoes because his toes was curled up? Why would I not do that? Why are why are kids making fun of kids for getting um the basic essentials? I understand that all parents can't afford to go buy their kids new shoes in the middle of the summer, but some of us can. And you your child making fun of a child because they're able to get new stuff and they don't have to wear the same old stuff during the summer that's uncomfortable. Y'all kids cannot make fun of people for that. That is not okay. It's not okay. So, yeah, so I mean, but if my baby needs new clothes and new shoes, um he finna get them. Um it's just that um and so I ain't really I ain't really pick uh a song for this week. Um, so I'm just gonna get one off the fly. So it's gonna be Blessings Remix by Friday and Asake. Um, really good song. Um because I think I've used TLC, What About Your Friends? I think I've used that one before, but that can be the other secondary song of the week. But that is the end of this episode. Please make sure you are like, sharing, and subscribing. Please make sure you're watching on YouTube as well. So after you get done listening to this, make sure you head over to YouTube so that you can watch this as well and see the visuals. Um, and make sure you are downloading on your favorite social media. Your favorite social media. Yeah, we are on social media. We are on um IG and TikTok at the gaggest pod. And it's the same handle on YouTube as well. Make sure you are hitting that notification button and your favorite podcasting app as well, so that every time a new episode is released, you are one of the first to get it. All right. Until next week, I am your girl, Charlie Shantae. This is the Gaggist Pod. Bye guys.