The Gag is… Podcast

Parent Burnout

• Charli Shanta

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We get honest about parent burnout—how the school year, sports, injuries, and constant driving can erase sleep, joy, and any sense of self. We share practical ways to set limits, protect rest, and stop out-parenting other parents so we can show up whole.

• naming the signs of burnout and sleep debt
• rethinking youth sports time and travel demands
• choosing meets and commitments with intention
• swapping vices for real recovery habits
• using a village for rides and logistics
• setting clear boundaries and saying no
• communicating needs and limits to kids
• giving yourself grace without guilt
• simple routines for wind-down and better sleep

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SPEAKER_00:

Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the Gag is Pod. I am your girl Charlie Shantae. Thank you for joining me on another episode. And like I always say, if this is and I'm not even gonna take that blooper out. If this is a new this is a new episode, so if since this is a new episode, that mustn't that's still all wrong. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of The Gag is Pod. I am your girl Charlie Shantae. Thank you for joining me on another episode, and you know what that means. If it's a new episode, then it must be a Friday. However, whatever day you're listening to this, I'm just appreciative that you are listening to this. There we go. There, there we go. Like, okay, is that setting the tone for the episode today? But y'all know me, y'all gonna hear that. That's a blooper. I never take out my bloopers because I am human. If you have not already, please make sure you are liking, sharing, and subscribing on your favorite podcasting app. Please make sure you're hitting a little notification in the top. It's probably like a little plus sign. Make sure you hit that that way when a new episode is released. You are one of the first to get it, and all you gotta do is hit play. It's already right there. Make sure you're following us on YouTube at the gag is pot and on Instagram with the same handle. Like I always say, grab your drink or whatever it is that you grab and do when you're listening to this, and we're gonna jump into today's episode. Um man, um, I felt that like this topic was not even on my radar. I'm not even gonna lie to you, but it started becoming on my radar because I feel like as parents, we do so much and not enough at the same time, and we don't realize that we are burning ourselves out. So today we're just gonna talk about a little parent burnout because your girl is tired, like there's there's a lot going on. Um, school has started back, there's sports, uh, new face is dealing with injuries, it's just a lot going on, and if you notice, I didn't even say anything about me, I said this is all the things that New Face is dealing with, not even me. So today's episode is justified. I'm I'm having parent burnout, and I just I'm trying to, you know, I'm I know if I'm going through it, y'all are going through it too. Um, you know, like I said, school just started, you know, either in August or September. We start in August. Some people start in September after Labor Day. Um, and we we we, you know, I did a whole series on how to get prepared for back to school, how to get through different stuff, how to take care of the kids. I did a little self-care, and I was like, you know, on the weekends, do your stuff and chill, whatever, whatever. But I never talked about what to do when it becomes too much. So today we're gonna dive in that a little bit. Um, you know, just so you know, it's this this is like an easy and a hard topic because I we have the topic, like as a parent, we are burnt out. But why is it that we have the solution for everything else for how our kids need to deal with stuff, how we need to deal with stuff for other people, but we can't address our own type of things, and then when we do it, we do it, you know, potentially um in in the wrong way. So if you are a parent and you're like, oh my goodness, I am tired. I feel like I'm not getting enough rest, or you know, I don't have any time for me anymore. This episode is for you. Um, I got my little notes here. See, like I'm I love that with each episode I'm involved in. So I got my little notes here. Um, that you know, some of the things that we're gonna talk about, all this may not resonate with you, but this is just from my personal experience, and you know, I hope that whatever we talk about today um inspires somebody, encourages somebody. You take something from it, and then you go take it and share it with other people. But when you take it and share it with other people, please make sure you're telling them to come listen to the episode for themselves so that they can get more little eggs, more little drops, and what have you. So, like I said, school year has started, we're past the we're entering the second nine weeks, and within the first nine weeks, um, we have had swim meets, we have had homework, and we have had injuries, and this is all within nine weeks. Oh my goodness, let me tell you. And then not on on top of that, the boy got his driver's permit. Okay, so you understand my level of stress. So all of this is going on, and during this time, I'm realizing that I'm not taking care of me, I'm losing me. I'm slacking on my content creating, I'm slacking on the podcasting, you know, I'm having writers block, and I'm just not producing the things that make me happy. And from even before I was an adult, like when I was a teenager, I always knew that I kind of we're getting off topic, but that's for another time. But I just realized that I wasn't putting me first in the things that I like, the things that I enjoy doing, I wasn't putting those things first. Uh, so you know, I had to realize, you know, what point or you're taking care of everything and everybody else, and you're doing everything for this child like you're ripping and running, but what are you doing for yourself? Because how long can you continue to do this before you're not good for yourself? And if you're not good for yourself, how can you be good for your child? So I I mean I'm trying to hold it together this episode, but this the topic is so it's so every topic that I talk about is relatable, but this one, you know, I'm talking about it while I'm going through it. I think that's what the difference is. Typically, I talk about a subject and I've already gone through it, I've already dealt with it, or everything like that. But this one, I'm actually dealing with it while I'm talking to y'all as well. So bear with me, we're gonna get through this together. I've noticed when since school has started back and with all these sports, you know, and then when I get home and I try to take some time for myself, I notice that like I'm not getting in the bed till like 10, 11 o'clock. And I get up at 4:30 for work, so I'm you know, like I said, I'm getting in the bed at 10:30, 11 o'clock. I'm not falling asleep till like midnight. So I'm only running on like four or five hours at best of sleep, and I know that that is not that's not okay, that's not good, that's not okay. I typically when things are good and everything is ordered, I'm averaging about eight to ten hours of sleep because I I have a period where I start shutting my body down, I start winding down. Now, I will say a couple of weeks ago I did start Pilates um at seven. New faces swim is over with at six. I drop him off at home and I go to Pilates at seven. Then I come home and I start winding down, and it has been a good wind down, and it has also helped me to get to sleep, stay sleep, and get a little bit more hours according to my watch. I'm getting about six hours now, which is pretty good. Um, but I know over time that I can't continue to run off a six between four and six hours a night. I know that I'm gonna have to go back to that eight to ten, and you're like, well, you know, that seemed like a lot. That's what works for me. You just have to find your sleep pattern and whatever. And I also have a sleep window, so if I don't go to sleep within a certain window, then it's kind of like I've missed it and I'm going to be up and it's going to be a long night, and then I'm gonna need the big coffee. Okay, that's just what it is. Um, so some of the some of the signs, like I said, is lack of sleep and you know you're not doing things for yourself, and you know, you can go. I'm I'm not a medical professional or anything like that, but you know, there are studies out there that show that as a parent, if you continually stay on the go, go, go, go, go, um, you could be at risk for things such as high blood pressure, um, diabetes, and other cardiovascular things. You can have strokes, you can have heart attacks and different things like that. I never wanted to um get to that point. I feel like, and I was talking to Nick about this the other day. Um, I feel like as a parent, we have to parent very different from what the way our parents parented us, especially when it comes to sports. When we did sports, it was practice at the school, one or two hours, that's the end of that. Uh, it was like five or ten dollars to play just so you can get your team shirt and different things like that. Today, you know, these kids are still having practice, but they're having practices way places that you have to drive them to like far, like New Face. He's swimming for his school right now, so that swim practice is 10 minutes from the house. When he swims with his club, that is 30 minutes from the house, and that's just 30 minutes one way. So it's 30 minutes there and it's 30 minutes back. The time commitment, the money commitment, it becomes a lot. And you know, it's like we as parents want our kids to do so good, and we're like, we're gonna do anything we can. So I seen on um, I was on social media and I'm part of some swim groups, and I seen a parent ask the question, how does your child have a social life with swim? And somebody was like, you know, they really don't outside of swim and this, that, and the third. But while we're asking the questions, what kind of social life do kids have? What kind of social life do parents have? Because a lot of these kids can't drive, they can't get themselves to where they need to be. Um, you know, we want our kids to be social and different things like that. But again, we have to make sure that we're putting ourselves first and we're not burning ourselves out and just committing and saying, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know last year when New Fay started competitive swim, every meet that they had, I was like, we're going to that meet, we're going to that meet, we're going to that meet. For three months straight, we were at a meet every weekend. And I was like, we cannot keep this up. We cannot do this. We're going to have to pick and choose what meets that we go to. And these meets are not around the corner, they're not up the street. These meets are like an hour away, almost two hours away, you know, and that's just one way. So I'm like, we're not doing that because I am burnt out. I know, you know, you kind of you're tired too, but you get to sleep a little bit while I'm driving. So you're not as burnt out as me. And I think that as parents, we've become so competitive against other parents, you know, it's like, yeah, I want my kid to do good. So it's like, in the same time that you want your parent, your kid to do good, are you trying to outparent another parent by via your child? You know, which is causing more and more of a parent burnout. You know, we got to look, are we self-inflicting some of this parent burnout? And you could probably say, Well, no, I'm doing it for my child, so how can it be inflicting? You have to learn how to say no sometimes. You have to know when to say when, because these are children, and do we want the best for them? Yes, but we also got to say no. We got to say when because we need time for ourselves. Because if you don't say no, you're gonna get lost in the sauce and you're gonna be dealing with more than parent burnout. You that's when depression started kicking in and different stuff, you start picking up bad habits um because you're burnt out. And so at that point, you're just looking for coping mechanisms, you know, uh, whether it be drinking, whether it be smoking, or whatever your yo, whatever your idea of unwind or take the edge off, you know, what is the word I'm looking for? There's a word that I am looking for, um, whatever your uh I it'll it'll come to me at a random moment, but whatever it is you do to unwind, like that's your thing, and it can become a potential problem and a in a habit. So instead of fixing it, it's kind of like you're band-aiding it with whatever your vice, smoking, drinking, whatever your vice is, you're bandating it, you're not fixing the problem. So it's kind of like, for example, I have a lot of clothes and I shop from time to time. And instead of getting rid of some old clothes, I just go get more clothes hangers. And what am I doing? I'm just putting a band-aid on that, you know. I'm not fixing the problem. So then I'm gonna have a closet full of clothes that barely get worn, then I'm gonna eventually run out of room, and it's the same like that with parenting. You're gonna continue to continue to continue to go, and then you're just gonna find more band-aids, more vices to help deal with it, and you're not even fixing the problem, and then it's gonna become worse and worse and worse. It's kind of like if you remember, um, I I don't know the age demographic that's listening to this episode, but on Save by the Bell, I believe it was Kelly when she was on, like, she was so tired and she started taking those caffeine pills to when she just collapsed, like her body just gave up, and that's one thing you never want your body to give up on you. You gotta make sure you're hydrating. There's so much you have to do other than say no, like you gotta take care of yourself because parent burnout is real. I to me, parent burnout is equivalent to having a newborn, but it just never ends, like they don't grow out of the phase because the older they get, the higher the demand. Uh, and and it it like newborns, they as they get older, they're gonna grow out of the cycle, they're gonna start sleeping longer and different stuff like that. With parent burnout, the older they get, the more the obligation get, especially if they can't drive. I mean, it just you know, so again, I asked the question you want your child to do good, but are you trying to outparent another parent? You know, like think about it. Is it the kids burned us out, or is it our need to outparent another parent what's really burning us out? Um, you know, I I get guilty. I feel guilty sometimes. And I was just telling Nick the other day, I said, I need to, I need to go get a massage because I used to go get massages, I used to go get facials and different stuff like that. A lot of self-care. This weekend, I'm finna go get my legs wet because they look terrible. I cannot, I'm I'm I'm burnt out. I'm I'm I'm burning quicker than a firecracker fuse. I'm getting burnt out, so I was like, I need to go have some self-care. I'm gonna go get my legs wet, and I'm probably finna go make me appoint me, get me a massage, and it's still a little warm outside, it's still humid, so I ain't quite ready for a facial yet. Even though my face is screaming, I have got to do something because I I gotta do I've I've got um to do something. Um so one thing I do know is that everybody the body needs rest. I remember a couple weeks ago, I laid on the couch for the entire weekend. All I did was get up and eat, take a shower, and get back on the couch. And Nufe said, That's how you're gonna do this weekend? I said, Yes. I said, he said, I've come out here twice and you've been asleep. My body is tired. I get up at 4:30 to go to work, I get off, I take you to practice until 6. That's 14 hours right there. And then by the time we get home, it's 6:30, and I go to Pilates just to have a little piece of myself, and then I have to come home, I have to eat, and by the time I get home, I take a shower and I eat and I get in a bed, it's almost 10 o'clock, it's like 9:30, 9:45, 10 o'clock. So for a Saturday and Sunday, I sat on the couch, and I sat and I rotted on the couch, and I never felt better. Parents, it is okay to sit on the couch and rot. I promise you, the world is not going to end. And when I tell you, after I did it, I felt so I felt refreshed, and I said, you know what? I gotta do this more often because this feels amazing. Like I could just literally feel the stress leaving my body, like I can feel like the renewedness, the refreshness. And you know, I don't think riding on the couch is a every weekend thing, but I think it should happen off twice a month. Once or twice a month, it once definitely, twice if you got that kind of time, just so you can um refresh yourself. And one of the things that I always recommend if you have a village, reach out um to see if just maybe. Um, I know one time I was like brushing from work, and I'm like, I text my mom like, hey, can you drop him off at swim? Like, I'm running behind. Um, and I knew that he was gonna be super late if I came all the way to the house to get him, versus I could have taken a different way from to and so to get home is one way to get to swim is a different way. I could have just gone the other way and just met him at swim. Um, we leave his stuff at the house that way. In the event that I cannot make it, he can just grab his stuff and he can still go to swim and he's not dependent on me having to come and pick him up. Um, one thing you gotta set realistic expectations with yourself. Yes, it's good to be like, oh yeah, New Face can come to a play date or new face can go to a movie. But at the same time, you gotta make sure you have the capacity to do that because if you don't have the capacity to do that, it's okay to say no, the movie's not going anywhere. They may not need to go see it and watch it with their friends, but at the same time, y'all can have like a movie day at the house or something, like feed the kids, have popcorn and different stuff like that. There's also alternatives, you know, different alternatives like that. Um, explain to your kids, mommy needs rest. Okay, just as plain and simple. With my kids, I don't sugarcoat anything. I need rest, and I'm finna rest. And if you don't like it, then I don't care. Like this, I gotta do for me because you rested, you get to take care of your body. I have to do me and take care of my body. So just explain to your kids, you know, mommy needs rest. Like, we can, whatever it is that you need to do, as long as it's not super pressing and important, we can come back, we can revisit it, we can do it at a later time. But right now, mommy or daddy, you know, we need rest. And because if we don't have rest, we can't continue to be there for you and to be supportive for you. And kids are understanding, unless you tell them you finna take them to McDonald's and you pass 13 McDonald's, kids are very understanding as long as you communicate with them. Parent the children are um very understanding, and uh last but not least, please understand that you are human, you have emotions, and you are doing the best you can. So that's one thing I struggle with. I'm always like, man, I feel like I need to be doing more. But it's kind of like, dang, if you do more, girl, you you're gonna crash and burn, and you're going to end up in the hospital. Tons of things can happen, like you're going to burn out, you're literally going to fall over, you know. So I have to practice giving myself grace more. Um, that way, um I'm doing enough. Like I'm literally doing what the human body can do to the point, to a certain point, to a certain limit. And um, if people around you don't understand, because I used to be one of those people I had to always go, go, go, go, go. And Nick used to be like, girl, why don't you just sit down? I'm like, girl, no, it's a lot of life to live. Like, what I'm gonna sit down for, not realizing that I can't live more life if I'm tired. Like, it's cool to go, go, go, go, go. If I could, I could travel, I would travel all the time. And I guess I spoke a little too loud and the Lord heard me. And it was a point where I was traveling so much, I was like, I am getting tired. So you have to be careful what you put out in the universe. I was like, I am tired. I was literally traveling, like flying every two weeks, and and that went on for about three months, and I was just like, I am exhausted. And when I wasn't flying, I was driving somewhere. I was like, I am exhausted, I am tired of living out of a suitcase, and I am tired of living in a hotel. But I thought that that was cool, and I thought that was a cool thing to do. Given the opportunity, I know how to deal with it next time. I know how to deal with it. I know how to be like, okay, we're gonna space this out just a little bit. I like, I like jet setting, but we need a jet set within reason, um, so that so that I can rest my body, you know, make sure I'm hydrating, I'm eating properly, so that my body will not fail me. Um, and like I said, that was just the end of it. Um let me see. Do I have a you can't make this up this week? Him. Him. So I guess this would go along the lines of parent burnout. So I've been kids don't think that we know. We be knowing, okay? We parents. Um, we know when something is wrong with them. And finally, New Face decided to tell me that he hurt his shoulder three weeks ago. Um, and he has a shoulder impingement. We thought it was rotator cuff, but it's not. We have shoulder impingement. That has added extra because now I gotta incorporate more stuff into my day. And like last week he had to go to the doctor twice. So this is two extra stops in my week that I gotta add into my already busy schedule and I'm tired. But the caveat was he didn't have practice last week. So when I got off from work, I got to enjoy. Like, I got to go to Pilates earlier and different stuff like that. Oh, but uh, I still gotta make my Pilates appointment for today. Luckily, it's early enough in the day, so I can still do it. But I did get to relax a little bit, and when he does not have swim, I make sure that I do not take that for um, I don't take it for granted because baby, and he likes for me to sit out there the whole time and it'd be beating me down. That's not gonna be beating me down. I be feeling like I'm the one that went out there uh and just got done swimming. I'd be like, Lord, have mercy. It's hot out here. Like, what am I um what what what what am I what am I doing here? Um so my song lyric of the week. Let's find us a good one. Um I know there's a song. Um what's it called? Uh I should be having this already, but um I think it's Mary J. Blige, I think it is. See, I shouldn't be looking for this. Mary J. Blige. But while I'm looking for this, please make sure if you have not already, please make sure you're liking, sharing, subscribing, all of that good stuff. Make sure you leave in comments, make sure you leave in, you're going to leave a review, five stars, because this podcast is the bomb. Make sure you're leaving your five stars, um, and everything like that. And so the song leaker of the week is I'll be there. Um Method Man and Mary J Oblige. And yeah, I am your girl, Charlie Shantae. This is the Gag is Podcast. Bye, guys.

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Charlie Shanta

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