In the absence of a father, family plays a crucial role in the development of a child. They become a cornerstone of support, providing guidance to help them navigate life’s challenges.
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In this episode of our Vanishing Fathers Series, host Jamie Truman is speaking to a very special guest: her father-in-law, Gerald Truman. His life poignantly illustrates the importance of family, who became a major influence on his personal growth and success after losing his father at a young age.
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During their conversation, Gerald reflects on his journey through various hardships and the strong work ethic and values that helped him power through them. He also discusses his deep commitment to family and work as baseball coach, exemplifying his dedication to shaping young minds and instilling within them the same values that empowered him.
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Tune in to hear his sage advice on resilience, parenthood, and more!
Purchase Vanishing Fathers book
100% of the proceeds from our book will go to charity
Connect with Jamie at Truman Charities:
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
Website
YouTube
Email: info@trumancharities.com
This episode was post produced by Podcast Boutique https://podcastboutique.com/
In the absence of a father, family plays a crucial role in the development of a child. They become a cornerstone of support, providing guidance to help them navigate life’s challenges.
-
In this episode of our Vanishing Fathers Series, host Jamie Truman is speaking to a very special guest: her father-in-law, Gerald Truman. His life poignantly illustrates the importance of family, who became a major influence on his personal growth and success after losing his father at a young age.
-
During their conversation, Gerald reflects on his journey through various hardships and the strong work ethic and values that helped him power through them. He also discusses his deep commitment to family and work as baseball coach, exemplifying his dedication to shaping young minds and instilling within them the same values that empowered him.
-
Tune in to hear his sage advice on resilience, parenthood, and more!
Purchase Vanishing Fathers book
100% of the proceeds from our book will go to charity
Connect with Jamie at Truman Charities:
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
Website
YouTube
Email: info@trumancharities.com
This episode was post produced by Podcast Boutique https://podcastboutique.com/
Welcome to the Truman Charities podcast. I am Jimmy Truman, your host for part of the vanishing father series. I spoke with my father in law, Gerald Truman. I have so much respect for my father in law, who was born in 1943 in Youngstown, Ohio. He lost his father on his sixth birthday and had to begin working at the young age of eight. We speak about his childhood, his almost 60 years of marriage to Helen, being a father of four children and coaching for over 40 years. I spoke with him about how he was able to overcome such a great tragedy at such a young age and become a loving husband and father to his four children. This is Gerald's story. All right, so why don't we start out from the beginning? Where and when were you born and what was your family dynamic like at that time?
Speaker 2:Okay, I was born in Campbell, Ohio, March 31, 1943. He and I had an older brother and my mother and my father.
Speaker 1:And how old was your brother when you were born? Two, and so what was your family dynamic like when you were a young child?
Speaker 2:It was great. I mean, you know, my father used to take us in the car to go pick up my mother. She used to work in a shoe repair shop down in Youngstown, ohio and then he, you know, always stopped at a candy store and get candy for us and he did a lot. He was there but he worked a lot.
Speaker 1:What did he do for a living?
Speaker 2:He worked in the steel mill, the Briar Hill Steel Mill.
Speaker 1:And is that where a lot of people worked at that time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, where the Camel Works, the Sheaton Tube or the Briar Hill, those all steel mills. That was a big industry then.
Speaker 1:So what memories do you have of your dad as a young child?
Speaker 2:I have quite a few. It's hard to remember. You know he died exactly on March 31 when I was six years old. But I do remember him doing things with us, like taking us for rides in a car and buying us candy, and he used to get on us all the time because we were boys. So he was after my brother and I all the time.
Speaker 2:In two days prior to him going to the hospital because he had a hospital bed at the house, he called my brother and I into the room and he said, told us he didn't say what he was doing, he just says that he wanted us to be sure we took care of my mother and that everything was okay. He left off to the hospital and that was March 29. You know, on my birthday, March 31, they had taken me to my godparents house, Tris and Andy Profagic, because they were going to have a birthday party for me and they didn't want me there with my mother right then because my dad had passed away that day and that's how we found out how he passed away.
Speaker 1:Did you find out on your birthday?
Speaker 2:Right on my birthday, my mother came to the party my godparents house for me. Yep, we all started from there.
Speaker 1:And so what was that like directly after the passing of your father?
Speaker 2:Well, you know, at six years old you know you don't anticipate stuff like that, so you don't really know. You try to make the best of it if you could. And it was tough. It was tough because my brother, my other younger brother, was born. He was, I believe, maybe two years old and my mother was pregnant with my sister. And you know it was tough for her and for us. And we were fortunate to have all our family within a quarter mile of us, my father's, four sisters. So we spent a lot of time down there. They helped my mother a lot. My mother. She went to California with her friends or so and we stayed with my aunts and that. And then the years just went on. You know we knew right away we had to survive.
Speaker 1:And how was your mother able to survive financially after that?
Speaker 2:Very, very difficult, because she that's for kids. And if she worked, you know she was mostly a waitress at the places and then we got a check. We wouldn't even buy milk from the Social Security government. So anyhow, from that time on, you know, after a couple of years went by, it was not much for my brother and I to do other than work.
Speaker 1:So when you? Were younger and your mom obviously had to go out and was working a lot to support you guys. What were you guys doing Working? How old were you when you started working?
Speaker 2:Well, the first time I read a job was cutting grass, at eight years old.
Speaker 1:Who would you cut?
Speaker 2:grass for, like just neighbors, anybody who wanted to cut. We had to push more, and I even got a picture of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then what? And then we all, we just did it. And in the summertime well, mostly during the winter, you know you go to school. Then, since we came over from school, we had numerous things that we were doing, my brother and I, my older brother we had paper routes, cleanings, restaurants, I worked in a pizza shop. I worked in numerous things and didn't have much time for sports except in the summertime when we didn't have to go to school. We were fortunate that they had playgrounds. Each school within our town of Campbell Ohio they had four elementary schools up to eighth grade, and in those schools, with those schools, they had parks. So you would go to the park. That's what spent most of our day when we weren't working, and then every penny we made we gave to my mother. Of course she went. That time, you know, milk was for a dollar. You get milk, bread and everything else.
Speaker 1:It changed a little bit, right. Yeah yeah, what men had the significant impact on your upbringing since your father was gone?
Speaker 2:I spent a lot of time with my grandfather. He lived down the street from us.
Speaker 1:And was that your mom's dad or your dad's dad?
Speaker 2:No, my dad's dad, yeah and we had my mother and two friends one lived across the street from us and one lived on the one side of us, and we had so many chores that we had to do to get the house to clean and Take care of stuff. But they always looked after us, my aunt, they made sure that we walked the chalk line and and of course at that time in our lives, every Sunday, you know I mean for sure, you were at your grandparents house and you went to visit all your aunts so they all knew what we were doing. It was going on. I mean, by the time, ten miles, nine years old, I had my old paper out, you know they would. That used to do pretty good for us. We used to make lease money to, you know, to support the house. And by 10 years old, I mean I was just working all the time, doing stuff all the time.
Speaker 2:In the time time I came 13 years old, I Was working, I go to school. So I come home from school, I'd be in, I'd have to work four days in the pizza shop cleaning up the place. Coming from school and go home, do my homework, get up and go to school, and then when at 13 I. On Saturdays I would work at a gas station, one of my mother's friends. He'll in the gas station, so I'd go there on Saturday and all he wanted me do is wash cars Keep his customers happy. I used to have to take this is about 13 years old. I used to have to take two buses to get to the place.
Speaker 1:And how long did that take?
Speaker 2:Well, I used to leave about six o'clock in the morning and get there about 8 30 and then I'd stay there all day and wash their car, wash cars, so that was. That was a big help at the house. And then we had other jobs my brother already. He was like driving. So we had these mass paper routes where you drop papers off, pick them up at the Indicator and take all these bundles of papers to places for people to deliver them to households. And we do that.
Speaker 2:I'd go with him with in that car and we'd leave it at 10 o'clock on Saturday night and finish up about one o'clock 1 30, come home, deliver our papers, our paper route, get dressed and go to church, come back. And then we had three or four, five cars, whatever was that we used to polish, wash and polish and that's it. So it was like we didn't have. I didn't really have time to Think about you know who's gonna help me or who's not gonna have me. I just did it. We, you know, we just did our, did the thing, and you did little things like I used to go to the scrapyard and pick up all the parts from Old bikes and then put them back in my shed and by my house and put them together and used to sell the bikes Five or six bucks to somebody you needed you would put together an entire bike.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, from old. You know like I'd pick up old people throw away. Yeah, I mean, you know, it was just anything to make a dollar that so that we could Surwrite so what did you do for fun?
Speaker 2:Actually played ball, baseball. I played little league and Then I went into class B Pony league. How old were you when you started? I started I was in the playgrounds. We had those playgrounds. I played ball when I was like nine and ten years old and then then they had a big League that they had they called the Camelot League, and then I played over there for two years, from 11 and 12 and then 13 or 14.
Speaker 2:I played in the Pony League and my mother my mother was every game that we played, my brothers and my brother and I, every game. And then of course, my younger brother was getting a little bit older. So you know he was Eating, work with us or anything, but we had to watch him, had a watch that I am my sister. All the time she, my mother, had to work and my mother always was on our back. You know she would always say Don't tell me, you can't do it. So if there was something to be done, you did it right, robber, indifferent, you just do it. If you make a mistake, you make a mistake, you learn from it. So you know our life was good. We used to go to Geneva, ohio, or my. My grandfather's sister lived with her Sons and I would stay there sometimes three, four or five weeks out of the summer.
Speaker 1:Oh, what would you do there?
Speaker 2:We'd go down to the beach, down to Lake Erie, with a walk or hitchhike down to there, and I would. The Cousins there had a bar, so I'd have to clean the bar every day before I went anywhere, and it's that's why. But at time I was 50 years old, I was ready to retire because I've been working since I was eight years old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so do you think that your family living at such close proximity to your mom was a Significant and you guys being able to survive and there are, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean could have all the friends in the world, which okay, but you know you really need need the family to. They stuck by us and it was. It was good. They helped a lot, very much. And and I do know that we had the help from the church, because I went to pro-kill school for eight years, then I went to high, public high school and you know, I don't know, it just seemed like a time just flew by and I'm trying to think about 1957, 50s, about 1956. I think. This guy was, you know, really like my mother and he used to be used to be at the Restaurant. She worked at night, every night. He used to be there every night. In Next thing, you know, we come to find out they're gonna get married. So at that time I was probably 14, my brother was 16.
Speaker 1:What type of relationship did you have with someone he married?
Speaker 2:Well, we that was not a problem. He, he was very outfall. He was hard for him to come into our house when we were doing everything, my brother. But he came in and he was, he was good, he never said no and he helped whatever we needed. And then I, when I graduated from high school, I left to move to California.
Speaker 1:You are a high school years, so when did you meet your wife Helen?
Speaker 2:10th grade in high school, yeah tell me about that. Well, she, she was going to East High School, which is one of the suburbs, and there, and it's just a just matter that following year we went to the prom and we just hooked up and he's doing everything together all the time. I actually went to California to High school did you go? To.
Speaker 2:California with her or did you go to know? Yeah, I won. He graduated from high school. I was 17 years old and I left. I drove out to California and I stayed. Actually I was Her sister and brother-in-law lived out there and I was looking for get a job and it didn't pan out because I was too young, I couldn't get a job because I was only 17. And then I came back and we just talked about it and came back to her and there we were the next thing. You know, I mean it.
Speaker 1:Well, how old are you when you guys got married?
Speaker 2:I was 20.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you go to. California. And then you come back here and then you said you were 20, she was 21. And then what did you do for work Since?
Speaker 2:the company did your work out. I tried various things. Well, he would be my stepdad. They had this money put away from me in college and I wanted to work on cars, but a gas station. So I went to school for it and I was going to open up a gas station in one of the small towns there. So when I went to go at the gas station at the historical company, I couldn't do that job. That couldn't take the bologna from those guys. You know I'd probably put in jail and I was too young. I thought I was too young. I did have a job. I worked for an aluminum factory where they used to do the windows.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They made frames and spring doors and all that I worked for there. I was going to electronic school, refrigeration school, and I applied for this job down in Washington DC in 1961. And then I took the test and scored very high on it. So after about a year or so I was selected for it. So I was there, you know, helen, all the time my wife and I decided that. You know they said I could have the job. I started here in July 1963. So we talked about getting married. I was going to join the military as in one of the weekend lawyers, that type of National Guard or something. So I took the job. I went down there in July 1. And then in October I came back, we got married and we ended up down there. I got a waiver on the military because I was on the job training in the government job. That was needed.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what did you do for the government?
Speaker 2:Through the printing government printing office. They print all the documents, the congressional record, you know all the printing stuff and I actually went there to become a machinist. But they said I passed the test to do academic, like they put me in the composing area.
Speaker 1:So I was doing type setting, proofreading and so this is a lot different than you wanting to work with cars. Did you like it?
Speaker 2:No, I learned to like it, though Learned to like it. I learned to like it. There's a lot of things I didn't like that I learned to like, but I would have preferred be doing that. It was too good of a job and I learned that you know how to work hard to advance myself to the five year apprenticeship I took. So we got married in 63 and we moved down there in 63. I had a real nice apartment for us.
Speaker 1:When did you have your first kid?
Speaker 2:January 1960.
Speaker 1:Okay, so 63 by 65, you had a child, your first child, and so what was that like for you, knowing that you were going to be a father? What did that feel like?
Speaker 2:That was great because it was nice to know that you're going to have somebody that you have partaken having a child. And my grandfather I was very close to him. He had to come down to see us when we lived in Washington and he had to know where I lived. He wanted to be sure he knew where I lived and he came down and emphasized very clearly that I had to work and make money for my family. It all worked out, you know, to the best. You know, four kids later.
Speaker 1:So what was it like after you had your first child?
Speaker 2:To change a life you can't just walk out the door. But one thing we always did because we had the two girls within a year, the same year One thing we did do is we never went anywhere without them Very seldom that, you know. We would get sometimes somebody to watch the show, for we might go to a dance or something, but no matter where we went, took our kids with us. No matter what we did, they always came up, came with us. We had cookouts. If you went to the down to the ocean, they came crib and canopy and all the rest of this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys would drive to California with them, right? Oh yeah, what was that like?
Speaker 2:Wonderful, best thing we ever did, even the drive Mm-hmm 8,200 miles.
Speaker 1:How long is that?
Speaker 2:I was out for 31 days. Oh my, I take well.
Speaker 1:How are you able to take off 31 days?
Speaker 2:Well, I say my leaf. I did that four times in our married life. Wow, take off a month. We had a station wagon in the girls in the our deal, the son we just Jerry. He was I don't know year and a half, two years old or something. He had a bar Because we had that big station wagon and we just drove in the kid. They liked it. You know the kids, they like seeing the different parts of the country.
Speaker 1:Now, what was one of your favorite memories of the kids when they're little, of you guys as a family?
Speaker 2:There's many, many favorites. They might have a special favorite my work. When they kept saying, are they wanted from? Let me give me this, give me that, and change my hours from nine to six, thirty and so on, so forth, I Told them I'm staying right with my job because I like getting home at 3, 34 o'clock. Helen would have dinner ready, would be go up to the pool, spend time at the pool, pull them in a wagon. So I wanted to spend time with the kids.
Speaker 1:Turns down Getting promotions. Yes, that were handed to you because you chose to want to spend more time with your family instead.
Speaker 2:I didn't like the hours that yeah because the people Probably not good to say, but there are people that work in the government in the hierarchies are nuts. Their dinners are 10 o'clock at night. They have the workplace wanted me to. You might have to stay. She might, you know, like them. Bureau of the myth. They might Want you to come to a meeting at Seven o'clock at night. You got to be nuts on me.
Speaker 1:So when did you decide that you wanted to start coaching?
Speaker 2:because you've been really I coached years that I coached even the girls when they were small.
Speaker 1:What did you coach for the girls? T ball. So it was always baseball.
Speaker 2:Yes, already baseball. And then the boys. When they came up, I was coaching Cyo youth ball.
Speaker 1:No part about coaching.
Speaker 2:I always got along with the kids on my kids coaching. Whatever I said, you know how to be done, you know they they did. A lot of parents Would always come to me to tell their kids something because they couldn't talk to, and I never had that problem with mine. Why?
Speaker 1:do you think the kids were so responsive to you?
Speaker 2:My kids or anybody both. Well, number one is when I said something, I meant it it wasn't had. So, kate, and it's not okay. This is the rules. This is what you're supposed to do, this is what you got to do, and I Wanted to see them Grow. I don't want them to be relying on their parents all the time. It's just an incident. This is a Cyo, so this would be Six, seven, eight grade. I don't know which one it was, but this happened several times.
Speaker 2:We did have all this communication. We had to do it by phone. So when I had something to do with the team, I would call the kid. Para would answer the phone. I'm gonna speak to George. He can't come up, he's upstairs, okay, well, you tell him to call me when he he's able to. Or you could tell me no, I don't want to tell you. I'm gonna tell you, kid, and, and that's the way it is. So you don't like what I'm doing, then you, you know which kids somewhere else. But I always responded to the kids. I never Relyed on the parents. I always talk directly to the kid and I just wanted to see the kid grow and be responsible For their actions. What do you?
Speaker 1:think, the most important values that you wanted to instill in your children first of all, so they could learn that they could be self-sufficient.
Speaker 2:Second of all, that be responsible for their actions. And they have to be polite To people. I taught him that when you walk in the house somebody's house Well, I don't care who it is, your answer friends or anybody you always walk up to and say hi, it will you leave their house. You tell them you leave and, and why, why should? I thought that that was very important, that they did that. You know, to have respect and it grew on it and I like to see that you know parents to do that today.
Speaker 2:So my last few years of coaching, I had a tough time coach because parents are terrible. And how so? Well, they wanted to rule, they want. You know it's okay for them, the kids to do this or do that. Example how we're leaving, we're going, we're getting ready to go to Florida for baseball. We're on the parking lot getting in the cars heading to the airport and the guy one kid pulls up there and said, hey, you can't come. He says why? I said because your grades you're like 1.3. You can't come. They have 2.0 to play and to come. So that was fine. You know he didn't go. Well, his parents decided to send him for two weeks to Cancun. Oh right, so you see, I mean it's.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's not learning much, so how long did you coach for?
Speaker 2:For 40 years.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I coached at the Samantha High School on the coaching staff for 28. I did American Legion for 13 years probably 40 years, you know, before I went to the math. Yeah, because I was coaching in the 70s, I got into this long time.
Speaker 1:What were some of your most memorable moments from coaching?
Speaker 2:It's the see the kids succeed. To see a kid come on the team who couldn't throw the ball to first base and by the time the season was over he's throwing rockets. That's the whole thing of coaching is that you're teaching them something. And when you see a kid make a spectacular catch when you taught him how to dive for a ball so he don't get hurt and he makes the catch, that's what it all boils down to.
Speaker 1:So I want to go back just for a minute and we were talking about some of the values that you wanted to instill in your children, and you know respect and being very self-sufficient. Where do you think you who gave you those values? Where did you learn those from?
Speaker 2:My mother.
Speaker 1:And what values do you think you learned from your grandfather too? That you said he was pretty sick.
Speaker 2:He taught me the bad things, how to fight. He was always I used to go to before I went out for the evening. I used to go down to his house and see him spend a half hour, 45 minutes with him, no matter where I was gone In place, games of school, like wine, and you know he just he always used to tell me about you know, be good, you know, do what you, watch what you do. His big saying was watch your shoes, Watch your shoes, Watch where you put your shoes when you step, so you don't get in trouble. Okay, Okay, I tried instilling the kids, not that, but the before you start talking, think before you put your ears in action.
Speaker 1:And then tell me about your mom. Which values did she instill in you?
Speaker 2:Oh, she, you know she made us walk a chopper. I mean she, she taught us that she was very respectful to everything we did. That that's what taught me that. You know, I tried to be with all the kids, my kids then, be all their sports, and whether it's gymnastics, dancing, playing softball, baseball, football, and that's what my mother always did, you know.
Speaker 1:I wonder how she was able to do that. Was so much stress on her to provide for you guys? So it asked me.
Speaker 2:I tell you my, my sister, and we talked about that all the time. You know, when she driving nuts she was able to put food on the table. She was. You know, these things were different. You know, you, you learn. You learn yourself how to do things. You know how to repair things, how to. You just learned how to do stuff. But every Sunday there was no if, ends or buts. We had to go to church.
Speaker 1:And that was always always.
Speaker 2:You dress up, you go to church.
Speaker 1:What do you think going to church every Sunday? What do you think that taught you?
Speaker 2:I think that everybody should have some church in them because I think going on Sunday we sit written in the gospel. There's always something in there that gives you values for life, no matter what day you go. When you go now the big thing is working in a steel mill town. That's Sunday. You would go because you put clay clothes on, you know you showered you, you know you dressed up, you had a family dinner, you meet sure, and I thought that you know that. It's just the change of pace. So the things today is very irritating to me when you know I see somebody come to church half dressed in slobs and I think you should have some value and some respect for not only yourself but for the glory in the church and do that. I thought that until this day. I still believe in that. You should go to church every Sunday and listen to the gospel, listen to what the priests have sometimes that say there's always some value in there to help everybody.
Speaker 1:That's where I and you guys still to this day, every every week. Right, You're there.
Speaker 2:Every Sunday.
Speaker 1:Every Sunday? Yeah, and now do you think? Because when I met Jerry, I love a lot of things about your son, but one of the things that I found very attractive was how close the family is now close to all. Of you guys are in the relationship that you have not only with just his, his core family, which siblings and you guys, but cousins and aunts and uncles. You guys are all so very well connected. Do you think that had to do with where you grew up and your family being in such close proximity and because of going to church and then you guys would have your Sunday dinners and you guys spent a lot of time together?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it has a lot to do with it. The one thing, like I mentioned before, that every function we ever had, the kids are all there. He's close with a lot of his cousins because my brothers and my sister we decided. I decided that we would get together. I didn't care what they did, but we would get together three times a year. That would be Easter, thanksgiving and Christmas. Somehow we would get together. That would be the whole family. Now they're all cousins, now they have kids. And then, as the years went on, things started changing.
Speaker 2:Because of all, there's no value. The sports people. They're always doing sports. It's crazy, because there's so much of a Saturday, sunday, during the week. How many people sit down at the table and have dinner together. It's a rarity. Not my house, we sat down at dinner every day. There's a lot of values come out of sitting down and having dinner every day because you find out what they did. That's why the girls especially had a close relationship with my wife, because she would let them speak out and they would talk about things. And then, of course, you got to discipline them too, and when we disciplined them, we meant it. It wasn't. Oh, that's okay. Yo, that's okay. If you did that, it's not okay. They needed to know it's not okay, so let them think about it when they go to do it next time.
Speaker 1:Do you have a lot of grandsons that have yet to get married and have children? What would be marriage and parenting advice to them?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I just tell them that you always said you need to make sure what you're doing, Make sure you think it out thoroughly, because once you do it it doesn't work out. There's a lot of failures, a lot of problems.
Speaker 1:How do you attribute your success of your marriage? How long have you guys been married now I mean 60 some years.
Speaker 2:Some around here.
Speaker 1:I remember celebrating your 50th, but that seems like it was a little while ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm like I think we might be at 60 now yeah 63, whatever that comes out there on, you know you're going to fight all the time anyhow, so it doesn't make any difference. You have to think of all the sides of it. You know, when you have the kids and the grandkids and friends and they all respect us You're gonna have bad times. Some go to extremes, you know. They think they're not happy with what they're doing, but it just goes on. We fight. There's no doubt about it. There's no offense or buts, but you just impact. That it has on a lot of people if you don't stay married, if you do, if you do what you do, because we have an impact on a lot of the kids where they come. You know, like I wanna see, I wanna see you. You know, dominic, we're in Delaware.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, delaware, yeah, I mean. So you know, it's a. You know, like Vinnie and Joe Greg, they just thought of respect and everything, and if they were off on their own and not bother. Everything is not good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I did read once that to measure how successful you are as a man is if you are children as grown adults still wanna hang out with and they still like you and they still come around and your kids are always around. We're at your house once a month, so Cindy's there. I think Matt might be there too, I don't know. Yeah, there's always someone at your house.
Speaker 2:It would be a bunch of them this week. I know it's a constant, just like open revolving door. And they, Vinnie's working here.
Speaker 1:I know, I know.
Speaker 2:So you know it's good, it's nice sometimes. You know, at our age it's sometimes it's nice to just be alone, but it's also nice to see everybody sit at the table 16 of us, whatever it comes out, and you have in Thanksgiving or a little birthday party or something, it's always nice to have that stuff.
Speaker 1:I like watching your late night card games with all the grandkids, and then you don't, you don't let them win.
Speaker 2:No, no, I don't think that's the problem when you play sports. When you play sports, you can be the best of friends. When you walk across that line on that field, you're not friends anymore. When you come back off the line, you're friends. You think you play cards. Don't play cards to give up play cards to win, because that helps you and everything else you do for your job or whatever thing else you wanna do. When they become 18, I could tell you right now you're gonna be on your own. I have no jurisdiction over you when you're 18. Do you live in my house? I could make you kick you out. You need it by the time you become 18, you need it all right from wrong. You make your choices. Then you pay your consequences if you make the wrong choice soon.
Speaker 1:I do like the one story of Jerry he told me he said he dropped a class, so I guess he went down like three credits or something. And then you saw his grades and you're like, okay, well, you owe me this amount of money. If you drop a class, you owe me. So he was like huh. You're like, oh no, this isn't free.
Speaker 2:That's everybody. When he I wanted to go when he lived on his own, so I made him. He made out his chart, all the expenses and stuff like that. You find out what you get out of it. Live on your own. I was coaching the Greenbelt Legion team and we were in Tennessee and you could be 18 years old and be playing. So before we went I went to the parents and said I just want you to know that they're under my control. The 18 year old, they're not gonna have any control. They don't want to listen. Or if the younger kids don't want to listen, guarantee I'll send them home. I'm not gonna put up with no another crack. And we were on the field and one of the kids which he happened to drive down because he was 18, I said, okay, what you do? You get in the car and get out of here, you get out on this team. And he jumped in his car and screamed and yelling in the place. He went by the ball field, never saw him again.
Speaker 1:Well, why did you tell him to go?
Speaker 2:Well, you gotta have some respect. So we took him out of the game and the coach I wonder if they take him out of the game. He took him through his club at the coach. He come off there. I said you can't do that. So when the coach came off the field, you either gonna do it or I'm gonna do it. You go tell him right now. We can't take that crap. Nobody, you know we have too much responsibility. So he gone, he was gone.
Speaker 2:And then there was one other incident. We were down in Tennessee and we're in a county that you weren't allowed fireworks, and right across the street was the county you could have fireworks. So they bought fireworks. I told him he can't shoot them off. So they went out on the field and shot them off in here and the cops came and they came and I said, hey look, they didn't know they couldn't shoot fireworks. Give them a stick up a little bit for it. So you need to do me a favor. Make them sweat, tell them what the fine is for shooting fireworks to the county that's not allowed fireworks. Make all of them sweat. You should have seen that and then they can work with me in the next meeting. Well, I guess you meant what you said. So sometimes little things, that's all.
Speaker 1:Well, so, before I let you go, what was your advice be to a young man who has also lost their father?
Speaker 2:I'm gonna really start coaching. There was maybe one parent that was divorced or the mother was just taking them. As the years went on there was a lot more, like eight or nine. Sometimes you know kids that their parents are divorced and stuff. It's hard to give advice to what they would do. I would just have to tell them that when you have a coach, I'm a coach, I want to win, but it don't mean nothing to me. 10 years from now it's gonna be something to you. So you have to. I'm looking out for your best interest.
Speaker 2:And when they don't have a father or parent, then that's what I have to tell the kid. You know, because my biggest problem was the last three or four or five years when you would have to look at the kid. Maybe it's not the kid's fault, because why are they late Five minutes early? He's late and he's gonna run polls. You have to look at it and say is it the dad's fault, the mother's fault, the stepfather's stepmother's? The kid's sick. And I told the school the same. As soon as he does all his running and everything, they will find out. No, you got to look at it before I don't do that.
Speaker 2:I said I can't coach. That way I can't have a good team, because it's important that you be there for all the practices because you're part of the team. It's not you, it's the team. You can't win the ball game, the team has to. So you need to be on time. So we start everything, the calisthenics. You've got to be involved in it. You can't come 20 minutes late and say because I didn't want to do the workouts. That can't happen. But I felt sorry for the guys.
Speaker 2:I don't know you might see it now. I mean it's seeing parents with their kids not holding up to what they do. You know the mother, the father don't agree and they just pat them on the back and say this is okay. It can't be that way. You have to be responsible for your actions when you have a response that you've got to have somebody at the house. Even in the school system, somebody at the home has to instill stuff in.
Speaker 2:So the incident my wife, she, for 34 years she was in substitute well, in substitute, an extra at the school teacher. So she would go there two or three days a week. So one little kid come in here and he says she says okay, you got to do this, he was in kindergarten. He says you got to do this. He said I don't have to do anything I don't want. My mother says I don't have to. If I don't want to do it, I don't have to do it. But you have to do it in this class. No, I don't. That's a big worry and I was parents. But I'm all grown up in the way I live all the years. It's hard to bite that bullet.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Very difficult. This one guy told me I was in I forgot where I had the team and how he's got up early For me. I always had breakfast for the team. So I went in and had a cup of coffee and the guy that was serving and everything. We were sitting there talking. He said he wished he could send his kid to Catholic school and he says he can't do it. He says his boy said to him one day. He says he was five years old. He says if you touch me again, I'm gonna call the police. Did you know what I said? You know on the phone? Bam, that's cherry. I think I probably didn't wanna call the police.
Speaker 1:Wow. Is there anything else that you'd like to talk about before we wrap up?
Speaker 2:No, not really. You could almost go on forever with all this. It's what Jerry told me, because when I left to go to California and all the things I have done, he told me I should be taking notes and I should write a book. Yeah you have great stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he had, and I don't even remember with some strikes and like a sender talk all then you did that. I just hope it all comes out good. Whatever you're doing, it's helpful to somebody. I just hope that the kid whoever does the seat just looks at it. The parents look at it and say make sure you have your kids, show respect for you and for everybody else. It's your job. Your job is not being a friend, your job is to be a parent. Somebody else be your friend. So I hope that instills in other people. I don't think it'll ever change. You know it's gonna get better. I'll just stop.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. If you enjoyed this episode in our Vanishing Fathers series, please make sure to rate or review this podcast. The reviews really do count. If you'd like to hear more about the statistics and further understand the impact on fathers in society, please purchase our book Vanishing Fathers A Ripple Effect on Tomorrow's Generation. All proceeds from the book will directly go to charities that are helping at-risk youths, and if you'd like to follow us online, go to our website, trumentaritiescom, facebook at Trumentarities, instagram Jamie underscore, trumentarities, and you can follow me on LinkedIn at Jamie Truman. Thank you so much for listening to our Vanishing Fathers series and please make sure to subscribe so you don't miss any further episodes.