The impact of childhood trauma is profound, but it doesn't have to define your future. The story of Victor Marx is proof that resilience can lead to a life of healing and fulfillment. As Victor shares his emotional journey with host Jamie Truman, you’ll get a sense of the immense strength it takes to confront and heal the wounds of abuse and an absent father.
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In this episode, Victor openly discusses how severe physical and sexual abuse at the hands of his stepfather affected his life, including his battle with PTSD, anger and anxiety. He also talks about his time in the Marine Corps and steadfast faith which helped him overcome his tumultuous past and become a beacon of hope for others.
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With the unwavering support of his wife, Victor embraced fatherhood and created the loving family he had always longed for. His story is not just one of personal triumph but also a testament to the power of love, support, and resilience in forging a new path and helping others along the way.
-
Tune in to hear more!
Connect with Victor Marx:
Facebook
Instagram
Website
-
Watch Victor Marx’s interview on the Shawn Ryan Show on YouTube!
Connect with Jamie at Truman Charities:
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
Website
YouTube
Email: info@trumancharities.com
This episode was post produced by Podcast Boutique https://podcastboutique.com/
The impact of childhood trauma is profound, but it doesn't have to define your future. The story of Victor Marx is proof that resilience can lead to a life of healing and fulfillment. As Victor shares his emotional journey with host Jamie Truman, you’ll get a sense of the immense strength it takes to confront and heal the wounds of abuse and an absent father.
-
In this episode, Victor openly discusses how severe physical and sexual abuse at the hands of his stepfather affected his life, including his battle with PTSD, anger and anxiety. He also talks about his time in the Marine Corps and steadfast faith which helped him overcome his tumultuous past and become a beacon of hope for others.
-
With the unwavering support of his wife, Victor embraced fatherhood and created the loving family he had always longed for. His story is not just one of personal triumph but also a testament to the power of love, support, and resilience in forging a new path and helping others along the way.
-
Tune in to hear more!
Connect with Victor Marx:
Facebook
Instagram
Website
-
Watch Victor Marx’s interview on the Shawn Ryan Show on YouTube!
Connect with Jamie at Truman Charities:
Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
Website
YouTube
Email: info@trumancharities.com
This episode was post produced by Podcast Boutique https://podcastboutique.com/
Welcome to the Trumentary's podcast. I am Jamie Truman, your host. I had the absolute pleasure of speaking with Victor Marks for a Fanishing Fathers series. An international humanitarian and the founder of all things possible ministries, Victor has been through the unthinkable as a child. He endured childhood marked with physical and sexual abuse, multiple step fathers and going through 14 different schools. Victor has been able to overcome his childhood tragedies to become a loving husband, father, and now he and his wife put themselves in harm's way to reach and restore victims of trauma. This is Victor Marks story. Hi, Victor, thank you so much for coming on to speak with me today.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, what a joy. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:Of course. Yeah, as we were just saying, I've been following you for a while and gosh watch some of your films and you're everywhere. You're the best selling author and I think you couldn't have been a better person to speak with today about the project that we're doing, about really strong men and strong fathers in society and what you've been able to kind of overcome.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I tell you, you guys are spot on. I think that's probably the biggest issue we have in our culture. There's tons of others, but we're talking about the root source, the cause of and you know, some of those listeners who don't know me I mean I've done, I think, 16, 17 pumps to Iraq and Syria and plenty of contact with terrorists. As a matter of fact, I think two weeks ago, 10 days, we just got back from Israel and we're dealing with rockets being shot at us from Hamas and helping those who have been horribly affected. That's how, folks, the greatest threat to America is simply the lack of men to be fathers and dads. That's the core issue, and it's not even terrorism, because if we have the men, if we have the dads and we're reproducing ourselves in young men, then the culture will be much better.
Speaker 1:So I want to start out and learn about you and your background. So can you tell me a little bit about where you were born and your family dynamic as a young child?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was born in Louisiana to a mother who had was no longer married and had three siblings, and my father and mother didn't make it, which is very common these days. It was a lot more uncommon in the sixties and my father was a. He had his own personal issues, as did my mother, and it was really a horrible we call it the perfect storm told by both of my parents. The night that I was conceived, my dad put a pistol to my mother's head and then Chevrolet's rebees down her throat and there was. My mother could have boarded me. She didn't and I always I try to be always more grateful for the things that didn't happen than the things that did, because it can always be worse. I think it's a trap when people come from challenged backgrounds that they stay stuck and being a victim and and or say, well, I survived this. Well, you got to move from surviving to thriving and it's, believe me, the journey is not necessarily pretty at all. I mean, I'm I'm happy to share with the audience, but as a result of my father not being there, my mother would marry, you know, six times and I went to 14 different schools, 17 different houses. But I was a vulnerable kid.
Speaker 2:I was the, at the time the baby of four, and my mother met a highly intelligent, well-educated, degreed former military intelligence officer who was at the time, I think, running up college bookstore. His favorite author was Ernest Hemingway, but he had challenges in his life of perversion and addiction and it would later we would later find out, horribly, that he was a pedophile. So I was one of the siblings that suffered under that and my mother, bless her heart, had dissociative identity disorder, you know, or multi-personality for people. So under high stress she would just check out and I used to blame my mom for a lot. She's responsible for decisions she's made, bringing things to the house, but also know people kind of do their best with what they have and all you do is just wait to grow up and not repeat the cycle. And that's what I did.
Speaker 2:But as a result, this fella in a, torturing me as a kid from ages three to seven and abusing me, and it resulted in 123 visits to a trauma specialist later in life to try to get my head together. So I've been on Devokov, devokin, prozac, zolof Lenthe. I was diagnosed at the VA as ultra rapid cycler, bipolar two, started off in depression and really one of the biggest things. That was just post traumatic stress and it became a disorder in my life and I think that's where so much of the challenges came in.
Speaker 1:So tell me a little bit about when your mom met the stepfather who?
Speaker 2:ended up abusing you. You don't mind, I'll bring him a cup of coffee for this.
Speaker 2:I have my Marine Corps cup right here. My mother, she was a single mom with four kids. You know what? Thank you for asking me this. Most people don't, which is what I would say is the second biggest problem in America are women. Girls insecure, vulnerable, horrible decision making, females that repeat cycles and they oftentimes want to blame people when it's like hey sister, suck it up butter cup, that's you, that's all you. And I think women gals, teenagers of course they're more vulnerable than dudes, but it doesn't give them a reason to just pile headlong into horrible decision making, and that's what my mother did as a single mom with four kids.
Speaker 2:This smooth, talking, nice guy this is the key. We ended this conversation right after this. It's worth the take away and the coffee and getting to meet you. Beware of nice guys, ladies and I'm talking junior high, high school, college. Beware of nice guys. And let me explain this Nice guys, they'll do whatever they need to do to get to you, to get what they want from you. Of course they're going to be nice. They want to jump your bones putting the sack, touch your bathing suit parts. For you, young guys, that typically really is the end goal, and young men and men and older and especially perverts will be very nice until they get what they want or they don't, and then you'll see the true character in them versus. I tell people I'm not a nice guy. Ask ISIS, ask pedophiles we've hunted. But I try to be a kind man. I try to be a gentleman, a kind person, and you know what A kind man will do the right thing, simply because it's the right thing to do.
Speaker 1:So tell me a little bit about what that was like during that time frame. When you were younger, did your mom have any idea what was going on with you and your siblings, or was this something that she was unaware of?
Speaker 2:I think both. Anne. She got pregnant pretty quick with him and had two children, so she was a mom. But then she was being abused by him, which this is the hard part for people who don't understand, regarding true victims not people who just kind of, but real victims Like. He held her, pissed her out her head numerous times, just her and him in a room, and he would make her confess the things she never did, thought or said, and you know he would threaten to kill us as kids, and so she was a very broken person. So do I think she knew some things may have been going on? Was she probably able to compartmentalize, yeah, Other things? She had no clue. We've talked about it as adults and you know, in tears she would just say I didn't know that was happening, which isn't uncommon either. You know people who abuse children. They're very good at what they do. So this reinforcement in the lies and and, of course, her own abuse by him.
Speaker 1:And then what was it like for you at school? So you had all of this going on at your house and then you're going to school.
Speaker 2:I like you. You are asking the right question, am I right, kendall? Cause I'll tell you, I get tired of doing interviews and podcasts. Sure, I mean, I'm on networks, I'm on, you know this. But when people ask the right questions, I know it's not about them. It's really about helping people. That's the right question. I cannot even remember the last time Interviewers have asked me questions like this. So hats off to you, sister. Great.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I'm at school, I'm fun, I'm vivacious, I'm a normal kid, but I couldn't process things right, so I was not good at any type of school work. Known and compliment I remember is having a little this was like first grade an outline of a picture of a tree and the teacher's like here's the crayons, don't eat them, future Marine. And I remember just shading in a tree, black and brown, and the teacher she was a student enough to know that something wasn't right about me. I had behaviors in the class that wasn't normal. There was an hamster in the class, little cage. I just stuck my finger in there until he bit me and then I was bleeding everywhere.
Speaker 2:At recess there was a playground and there was a utility truck driving slow through the playground. I hopped on the back and wrote it all the way out on first grade. I get sent to the office for doing other stuff. I leave class. I find a teacher I like more. I go sit in her class as much as I can. They're like what is wrong with you, boy, and I'm like a whole lot.
Speaker 1:So what was it like? For you while you were in school and you had all of this kind of chaos going on within your house, and then you would go to a friend's house. Did you even notice the difference between it, or could you kind of digest or comprehend that your house was different?
Speaker 2:It's weird when you're a child you really can't process extreme abuse, you can't Trauma, so you'd think at a certain level it's normal, right? I'm sure some goes on behind the closed doors for them or you say I'm just a bad kid and they leave you this something wrong with me because I keep getting in trouble. But I remember this is now middle school hanging out with the cool kids. I mean these were cool dudes who were athletic. All the girls liked them. I mean they were smart and I remember they let me hang out with them. I was like, wow, I guess it was a he's part crazy. You can be part of our group. You can do the crazy stuff. You can steal. You can throw water balloons at cars going by. You can, and I would. I'd do about anything to be accepted.
Speaker 2:But I remember John MacLendon, the MacLendons. His dad worked in Norfield. His mom was so kind. I can remember going to his house, especially on Saturday morning, and they had waffles. They just had these waffles. That was the coolest thing. And then they had certain serials that I'd never seen because we were so poor. You know, my mom was single. She struggled. There was six kids in the house, no support from any of the other fathers and they were so kind, they were just so kind to me. I just remember wanting that, you know, such a place of hope that would get me along to the next crisis in my life. I remember thinking one day I want to have a family like the MacLendons. And, do you know, way later in life, in my 40s, I connected with them again and the father had passed but the mother was still alive and I found her and my buddy John was actually through all social media and I remember calling her and just saying thank you.
Speaker 1:That must have meant so much to her, because she didn't even know. I see that a lot when I talk to people. It's that you may not even know what kind of impact you're having on a child by them just watching you, and she didn't even know until how many years later, right?
Speaker 2:That gates and you know what, to this day because I'm 59 on my next birthday and to this day she still follows us on social media, her son and family, and I let her know, just like I'm talking now. Yeah, well, one family that really helped.
Speaker 1:So I want to know that was in middle school. What were your high school years like? So you, your stepfather, had left at around seven and then you guys moved, and at this point your mom is kind of in and out of relationships, so it's a little bit unstable of homes, and so what was that like for you in high school?
Speaker 2:The abuse stopped at seven. We left my stepfather at 10 and moved into some apartments and then it wasn't ever. If it was just be when in our life, when is the next tragedy going to happen? And I remember my brother's making friends with a neighbor girl and everything's cool, and I used to go over there and she was older. We just sit and listen to the records and just mean her. You know my brother's a sweet owner, but you know I was just the younger brother and then one night she only live with her dad. He traveled a lot and one night the police knocked on our door and said we need you to come with us, so walked over to the apartment is upstairs, and why they do this I don't know this day, but they wanted us to see where she shot herself and she committed suicide with a shotgun and I'll never forget the pellets and the meat and the walls. And the cops are looking at me. Do you know anything about this? I'm like no, I was just over here and they, you know I had her in a body bag and I just it was stuff like that. Stuff like that death, homicide, rape, abuse, trauma, and when you're living in those conditions, you know it's like all these kids in the inner city who are ransacking places, and you know they're living in a jungle, they're living in a war zone. They got to be held accountable for what they do. But, man, if the parents don't raise kids in a solid environment, you think they're just gonna turn out normal. It's not so.
Speaker 2:By the time we got in the high school, I tried sports, I got in the music, I was in the band and I was always cute to the girls that I remember that it's like you're so cute. So I'm like I don't want to be cute, I want to be dashing, and but I was a little bitty guy, I was just a little bitty commit, you know. And my mother had married again I think those are fourth or fifth time and he was a commercial diver, which I thought was cool. I thought, wow, and he, you know, he he made really good money and there were days he stayed in decompression and work for an old company, like 30 days, and I was like, wow, but he was, he was a quiet fella and I liked him, we could talk, everything's cool.
Speaker 2:But then one day I came home from school, I got in trouble and I got suspended and my mother had told him you need to, you need to whoop him, you need a disciplined Victor, and I'm like a sophomore. So I come home, he had taken a two by four and carved it into a paddle and he says he's part Native American, he's real quiet. He pulled out that paddle and you know, he hit me a few times with it and then I turn around and said don't, I'm full grown man now. I'm not being hit or hurt by anybody else without. And he, he saw my eyes were kind of crazy, the kind where, like I'll wait for you to go to sleep and Get. Even so, he walked me to the back of the trailer house and he opened the door and he goes I'll never get this. He looked at me, goes if you ever get in my face again or threaten me. He says I'll take you in the back and we'll just, we'll do it like men. And I said, fine, I don't care. And he said but I want you to see something first and Walk me into the house. I thought what? Or me into his bedroom, reach underneath his bed? And I was like, oh shoot, this gonna get weird. It was a briefcase. And he put the briefcase out open. It laid out newspaper clippings and he said read this Before you ever get my face again. And he walked out. I'm like what? It's a guy that's handcuffed in front of a judge. He's got a ponytail. I'm looking and this fella had gone into a bar, got a fight, pulled out a gun, shot, a couple of guys killed one. The judge sentenced him to To Chino prison in California.
Speaker 2:And I finished reading it. It's my stepfather. Yes, you see your look. Wait till you watch this. I was saved. I was like what the hell? And I was like I remember calling my mom. I even touch it. I call my mom. I was like, hey, mom, do you know you made a murderer and she's at work. She goes, of course I do. Oh, my gosh, okay, uh, I said what were you gonna tell us? Like this is something you know, she goes. Well, I figured I'd tell you when are you'd find out when you need to know she goes. Apparently you needed to know today. I was like I'm gonna go wash this truck. I'm a mode alone. I'm gonna like hey, hey, what's up? Step pops, we're good right, not gonna knock off.
Speaker 2:And he did the best he could. He was actually a good stepfather. He married a woman with six children and he had never I don't think he'd been married before said. Later, when we talked about he said in the bar because he was part of a gang, a biker gang, and what you would have never known. But boom, he shoots these guys. They were threatening him and then he shot himself. That's the part of it. No, he goes. Yeah, I shot myself after I shot them because I thought, well, I killed them, I'm gonna present, I don't go. So he shoots himself, survived.
Speaker 2:He said that while he was unconscious and all that stuff, he had a near-death experience and he actually went to heaven and God told him. He said the Lord told him you can't come yet. You have a mission. It's a woman with six children. Wow, yeah, so he was he and I'm going to prison, god, out of prison. Based on a scholarship of being a commercial diver it was like Bud's Navy SEAL school and he made it. And then he got hired by McDermott oil company and then soon after that he met my mom Wow, and she had six children. He's like, wow, this is my mission.
Speaker 1:Are they still together?
Speaker 2:No, unfortunately my mom. She repeated her cycle.
Speaker 1:So tell me a little bit about why you decided to go into the Marines.
Speaker 2:Well, honestly, it was about my only option. I just graduated high school barely. I was working in a country club I mean a bar at night and like a department store during the day I'm stealing stuff. I got caught stealing. You know, I'm a little kid trying to be a bouncer. Guys are throwing me around the local. I mean the regular guys are like we got this son. They're like we like your heart, but you you better eat.
Speaker 2:And man Bay root bombing happened and most people don't remember but it was the largest loss of Marines life in one incident and it was in 1983, where a suicide bomber drove a van and two barracks Marine Corps barracks and it exploded and collapsed the building. All those Marines were killed and I remember singing on TV and that was what I needed to direct all this anger in me. Yeah, I had my fun happiest, but I had so much anger from a whole child and so I went down to Marine recruiter D next day. I was like can I kill Arabs? Can I kill Muslims? He was like sure, sound, right here. And At the time I didn't know there was a difference between terrorists, moderate Muslims, extremists. I just like I let me kill them all and that was my motivation for joining, and it was under President Ronald Reagan I mean, that's how far I go back and he was a great commander. But it was the Marine Corps that really taught me discipline, gave me skill sets I never had before, showed me how powerful the human mind is, and what I learned is my mind is Far more powerful than my body and I have tore up my body on every possible way I can by pushing it. And it's six months before I got the Marine Corps. I was only in for a three-year stint back then and but six months before it got out my biological dad, who I'd never been really Connected to as someone.
Speaker 2:Once, when I was six, I thought my stepfather was my real dad. Right, they had to tell me later that's not your real dad. I was like, oh my gosh. So I was a teenager. But boom, he wrote me a letter and it was a letter that really changed my life as far as the course of it. God had been drawing me.
Speaker 2:And he writes me this letter and he apologizes as a dad and a man. He apologized for his failure. And if I can tell any dads out there right now, any men, and just own your stuff. What does it cost you to be humble, to say, look, I've messed up and and, believe me, I have five children? I have apologized plenty, everything from I don't know how to be a dad to you know, oh, the whole I just put in the wall. That's not a good representation of god the father, that's a dad who just lost his temper and is physical, but still, to me that was great because I never hit any of my kids like you know you got. I've never punched my wife, especially because I'm scared. You know my wife's a black belt, she's a shooter and like she can work a blade. Those things don't turn out well.
Speaker 1:I've seen videos. Yeah, so how did I do? Scared? So how? How did that feel when you got this letter?
Speaker 2:Well, I was mad at first because he called me son. He goes, dear son. I thought, son, you got my mom pregnant. You've never been a dad. Don't call me son, don't? I remember that, just and. But then I kept me knowing because I know you think I'm crazy. I'm like, yeah, you were in a mental hospital for homicidal tendencies and it's the same mental hospital that his dad, my grandfather, who I never met, died in, died in. So you know, I'm fighting this eternal. Oh, my gosh, that's my future. But then he goes. I am crazy, but this time for Jesus Christ, and I'll tell you. Jesus Christ, that man, that religious figure who claimed to be the son of god and who helped children, protected women, offered himself as a sacrifice for, you know, sinners, people doing wrong. You know, he's the only one constant in my life that's always helped me, from my childhood To this day. He's the one constant and it's my dad and a letter saying I've surrendered my life to him.
Speaker 1:I thought wow, At this point did you have a relationship with christ.
Speaker 2:Not the type of personal one that I have now, but I knew him as a as of a child. I was church and you know that I didn't have a personal relationship and I you know to where you surrender, because as a, you can't have a head knowledge but the heart knowledge is like. It's like your husband. Y'all fell in love, but you need to put that ring on you, right?
Speaker 2:Right and that's, that's the deal of gone. You do love me. You love me enough and you love him enough to take his last name. It's that type of whereas I. But it was so compelling, the letter, that someone happened to my dad. He was a practicing warlock before and you know I'll stop. Tough is a weird help, but I went and visited him. He asked me to come visit him.
Speaker 1:And what was that?
Speaker 2:like I was like it's freaky, kind of weird. Here I'm looking at a man who's my dad. Now I'm a man and he was a fighter. My grandfather was a professional fighter. We have this lineage of getting hit, but you know his nose. We've all had our nose broke so many times. But his his would just stay broke. It was flat, big forms tattoo.
Speaker 2:I'm like whoa and he wasn't perfect. I mean he had come to faith but he was still kind of mixed up on some things because he was a former pimp. So it's like you know, he had some. It worked through some sanctification processes with women and he did, but it was he invited me to church. I didn't want to go at first but he had some fighters that he was trained in black belts that were going to go. I was like, yeah, I'll go. And then I went and I mean I just simply heard the gospel of that person, of Jesus Christ, what he did and that he loved me and if I would just surrender my life to him I could be forgiven.
Speaker 2:And while I'm listed this, I mean, guess what? I'm not blaming people anymore. I know my own things I've done wrong, not heinous, just torture and abuse of children. I got my own stuff, cause if you look at the 10 commandments you kind of have to look at those things. I'm like, ooh, I, I about broke them, all you know. And all of a sudden I could feel the love of God, like he's a felt presence of love. I never felt love in my life, that I will say nothing. I never felt love in my life until that point and I remember just going. I didn't know this was all real at this level.
Speaker 1:And I surrendered right there.
Speaker 2:I just was like my gosh, you're getting the bad end of the deal, I'm getting all the benefits. You're getting this broken young man. And yet God touched me, and that was June 22nd 1986. And that was the beginning of my walk with him. And also my biological dad has been reconciled.
Speaker 1:Okay. How was the relationship after that with him?
Speaker 2:Rough Cause. You know it's like okay, you know you don't get a pass of never being there. And and also my mother had programmed me to believe the very worst about him. And there's a lot that wasn't hard to believe, that was bad, but not all of it. And then I ended up I mean the worst that ever got, cause he's an eighth degree black belt Judo Jujitsu boxer, but the worst it got me.
Speaker 2:We're driving and we started having words and I'm like, oh, you know, and where are you? And he just goes boy, you like me, get it all pent up inside. He goes, pull over. And I pulled over. It was a very fast, like too late in highway. It was horrible. I pulled over, we got out, stood in front of the car on the side of the road. He goes, let's do it. He said, just come, get all you want. And I remember him making his fist. That looked like clubs in his arms and he dug into the gravel and I thought, man, these cars are whizzing by. If we start fighting, one of us are both is going to get run over and I'll never forget. I just said we'll do this later. He goes, all right, got back in the car. Never did it. I have sparred with him and been hit by him. It was like getting hit by a dog on telephone pole, quite honestly.
Speaker 1:My All right, so can we talk a little bit? I want to know a little bit about when you met your wife. What was that like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had started going to church after that incident. It was like six months later I met my wife. A friend invited her to come to church. She didn't have faith and I learned that don't be uniquely yoked, you want somebody to have the same faith. But I remember seeing her walk into the church and I was like, oh my, she was breathtakingly beautiful. There wasn't another woman that could fare.
Speaker 2:You know it was a typical church young women who wanted to get married. She wasn't and like she was different, it's like she didn't need a man. She was just in the sense of she didn't seem desperate. She had one misfitness USA. She had her own career, she was in the fitness instructor and all that and it was a gal was bringing her to church and I remember she would just sit there and listen to Bible teaching and then she started coming by herself and then about six months into she ended up giving her life to Christ and I was ready to pounce. I was like whoa now, same faith, I'll just type her and I really could feel like the Holy Spirit said don't you mess it up. And she took me out for my 22nd birthday. We became friends and I can honestly say I never had like a girlfriend, a girl who's just a friend. I mean I was sweet and on her.
Speaker 2:But she's just a friend and we would talk and, and she knows my birthday, coming up with 20 seconds, she goes hey, what are you doing? I go, I don't know she goes. Well, let me take you to dinner.
Speaker 1:I said really.
Speaker 2:She says yeah, so we went Bear Cruz Fish House. I don't know if I could. That Said Marcus California.
Speaker 2:And we went at dinner and you know she's just talking or visiting, but I'm looking at her like, oh my God, she's so beautiful, she had green eyes, drew me in. And then I went home that night and I'm writing in my little prayer journal in my prayer closet, which was literally a closet, and the Lord said this is the woman you've been praying for, because I used to pray for her. Never met her like never. But I would pray There'd be times that I have been tense for Lord where my future wife is, please protect her right now, Help her. And I prayed like I knew her but I hadn't. And then here, fast forward, meeting. But that night the Lord says this is who you've been praying for. Of course I was like this is my wife, so I'm ready, I'm ready just to ask her to marry me. And the Lord's like you know, slow down. I'm like no.
Speaker 2:And she ended up coming into the church they try to get counseling from a pastor because she was dating some guy, right, a guy whose brother was a pastor, and he ended up being a planting of the enemy, which I'll tell ladies, be careful of the nice guys. They can be plantings of the enemy, doesn't matter if they have Churchiness or whatever. But she came in and she's like is there a pastor? Because I was at church, I said no, no one's here right now. I said, well, what's going on, tell me. It's like well, you know, I'm taking this guy and he still wants to party. Like once a guy and party. She goes, I don't want to do that. I'm a new Christian. I, I don't want to do that. I'll tell you what I think. I think that dude is like the spawn of Satan. You should drop him like a bad habit right now.
Speaker 2:And she's like oh and and this is the honest truth, when people know me, know, yeah, that's. This is not a stretch for Victor, especially as a young man, I said but hey, anyway, now that we got that settled, I'm looking for a wife. I Tell her right there, like I'm looking to you. I'm like I'm looking for a wife and I Don't even date, I just don't get married and I'm probably gonna be a missionary in Africa, live just about poverty level. But you know, I want someone that you know. And she goes wow, wow, wow, victor, you know, and she, of course, is more mature than me. She's like that's very sweet of you to, you know, offer and she's, you know, let me, let me pray and bless her heart. She calls me like 5, 30 in the next morning. She's crying. She's like Victor, I know you, I mean, I really know you have emotions for me. You know you look for wife and she's like we're just friends and I've got to make sure this Guy I'm dating isn't the one for me. It's I, you know, like whatever.
Speaker 2:So literally it was about a year after that that, off and on, she broke. You know, blah, blah, blah. And then that was over. That was so mad at God and I'll tell young men and women don't compromise, don't let your heart get broke if you're not willing to let God mend it and heal it. And it listened to him. Even though I knew that was my future wife, I believed it. I wasn't willing for God's timing, because the Lord needed to work things out in her and me.
Speaker 2:It's about a year later she came, she was teaching at one of my karate schools, again as a friend, and Then I remember going my dad, my, my biological dad, he moved out. Anyway, we did something with her, her house and her sister and and that was the first time she ever, like, looked at me different First time. It was always friends and guys don't really understand, as McGow's do. You know you can literally not have an attraction to a dude and still be friends. I said, well, what was it? She goes what you offered to give me a little private lesson in my living room After dinner and my dad was doing the dishes. He was like, yeah, you go get that private lesson, boy. And she goes. You were in your jebo jeans and that was like a, that was like some famous jeans right there she goes. All I know is, as the first time I looked at you, going, oh my You're you're kind of cute like that.
Speaker 2:I'm like we're talking about this because next month's 35 years of your marriage. I'm like can I just order some jebo jeans? You know my waist is still. I got a 32 inch waist, I can wear them. She's like you don't need the jebos no more. I said I'll get them.
Speaker 1:I'm free.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, from that point on we knew, and again, she had to. Once she committed to me, it was like that. I mean she's a very she didn't waver at all once she knew. And so I proposed three months later and we were married three months later. But I will tell your viewers here you know, the best thing I ever did is not have sex with her. We could have, we were full grown, we'd been in relationships before, but we decided to make a very intentional decision to not have sex until we're married, because we're both new Christians or like, yeah, that never really worked out, let's do a cons way. And I mean, it took me like I don't know, a month, month and a half to ask to hold her hand. I mean, I was so. It's because I cherished her so much, she meant so much to me.
Speaker 2:And we proved that you can have self-control. Right in this day and age, in this culture, nobody thinks you can, you know, and people sleep with everybody. It's ridiculous. God really has a plan and desire and and we did it and and we didn't wait long. The engagement, was it long?
Speaker 2:But we got married and of course I wanted to have intimacy with my wife. You know, I think you know, after a marriage you wanted to know we, we were naturally drawn. There was that excitement, that. But it was beautiful and I'll tell. I'll tell you folks, 35 years I've never cheated on my wife or been cheated on. And and for those who are listening, going, well, you know, we don't have that story. Or I'm a single person and I've it's like, hey, we'll just start puriting now, that's all. And if you're married, make your marriage pure. Don't let other things come in and look, I had a bunch of messed up stuff I had to work through and God did work it all out, but honor the one you love and if you're dating, just tell them hey, are you willing to wait for me?
Speaker 2:I'd like to follow this God's prescription and, gals, I'll tell you what. That's what I always tell single gals that you know, cuz they asked my wife how do you get a man like the one you got? I'm like, tell him, babe, you just tell him. And I said I'll tell you, don't sleep with a dude if you want to know if somebody really loves you for you, because sex is not a sustainable, able aspect of Relationship. It's actually a small part. It's a beautiful, wonderful, amazing part. But if sex was the most important aspect of a relationship, then guess who would be the most sought-after women in the world hookers, girls in the porn industry. But they're not, sadly, and I love them and I there's no less value in them. It's just the world lies to people. But that's how I met my wife and and and thank God she is stuck with me when you know she's like All the gals would have got you Shopping but they would have returned you with the receipt. I'm going right. It's like this model is broken.
Speaker 1:I would love to hear about what it was like when you found out that you were gonna be a father yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm not a great question. You're all up in my mind. Woman, nobody asks these questions. These are so good. When I lean, we decided I mean right into. Marriage is like let's have kids and we can practice a lot, you know. Yes, finally.
Speaker 2:I mean literally that was. It's like yes and no guilt, no shame, safe loving, right, it's the way God intended. But I remember, you know, we said I mean let's have a baby right away, this would be great, we'll start a family. And we did, we. We got pregnant like right away. And but when she told me I'll not forget this, I was in our room, a little one bedroom, you know guest studio, which is so great. As young married people, you just kind of grow together. You don't have to have it all, you don't have to figure it all out, just grow together. But she came and she goes honey, babe, I'm pregnant. And she showed me I was like, oh my gosh, I was so excited. I'm hugging her, I'm kissing her, I'm like, yeah, and I remember laying on the bed, just like.
Speaker 2:And then I got terrified. It was the most horrible feeling and I remember I had a quick conversation with God because I was like honey, what's wrong? And I just I said I'm so scared, I don't want to be a dad and I don't want to be. I don't want to be the dads that I had to see and live under. And she's holding my hands, she's gonna be a great dad and all that and I loved her reassurance.
Speaker 2:But this was a heavy fear and I remember God's spirit. When I talked to him I was like I don't know how to be a dad, I don't want to be a father. And it was so simple. He goes, I did and I'll teach you everything. And it settled it, cause the Bible says God is our father. And I thought, wow, okay, I never had the fear anymore and we ended up having five children, three kind of back to back. Then we took a 10 year break and then we had two more and now we have five granddaughters and we just thank God for this. So, yeah, I'm at the stage of my life where I've won. There's nothing my wife and I don't have, don't want, haven't done. We won and I literally kind of just started breathing easy a few years ago. I'm like, oh my gosh it all came true All God's promises, hardships through to.
Speaker 2:We were separated twice. One time I loaded her up you know I'm like you better go to your mom's but we never wanted to divorce. We never thought that was an option, cause we both come from divorce families and there's a place for divorce. I'll tell you people right now yeah, abuse, you know I would say habitual infidelity, all the stuff, but not divorce, for I don't like him anymore. Really, seriously, I mean give me a break or it's too hard.
Speaker 1:Like knock it off, suck it up out of cup.
Speaker 2:Stick together, stick together, stay together, don't give up. It's worth it. That's what I would tell young people.
Speaker 1:So I would like to know what was it like when your first child turned the age of three, three and a half, when you started having these abuse situations with your stepdad. How did that make you feel, looking at your child and seeing them at the same age that you were?
Speaker 2:Okay, are you a psychologist? I got a. We're just meeting. You're asking all these like real psychologists questions.
Speaker 2:I told you it was triggered. I mean there were certain stages, my kids age, when they're young. It of course it triggered me Cause I'm seeing them and thinking who in the hell would abuse a kid like this? Who would torture a child? Who would so rage and anger and you know legitimate anger but what do you do with it? That's the problem. You can't stuff anger. It's gonna either pull a grenade and throw it, pull or eat it. And the Lord, the Lord, was the only one that showed me. You gotta give me, you gotta give me your anger, you gotta let me walk. You do this.
Speaker 2:It was very unjust what happened to you. But what's the good news, what's the great news? Like I said in the beginning, it's I'm not gonna do that. This child will not have to go through this. But you know it was horrifying and my stepfather was still alive at the time and so you know part of me wants to go kill him, even though he'd been to prison. But God did the most amazing thing with him and in me, which is miraculous. It's the crux of probably my story and movie that people can watch on, you know, youtube.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it was not where I struggled. And I struggled because I asked my kids. When they're all older, I said, hey, if I could do it different, what would you want? Just be, just tell me. And they were like you know what? You were a great dad. Only one thing you were overprotective. And that's part of PTSD, this hypervigilance, and it's miserable and people think God's worry. No, it's extreme anxiety. It's extreme anxiety where I'm waking up three times a night checking the doors and windows, where I'm homeless, fenced in, I've got dogs, I've got guns, I'm you know, it's just this constant. And I did suffocate my kids and you know what I can tell you do your best you can, but we live in a pretty dark culture and bad things are gonna happen. So, but I'm thankful. You know, my kids got abused. That was the main thing, and now I'm telling them protect your children. It's worse than when I was a kid.
Speaker 1:What do you think is the main thing that you wanted to instill in your children?
Speaker 2:Well, my wife's scripture, her life scripture for the family, is I have no greater joy than for my children to walk with the Lord. That's her like life first for children. I hope I'm saying that right and I think that that's the same for me. It's just know Him, just know Him. And if you seek first His kingdom and all His righteousness, all the other things will fall into place.
Speaker 2:It's when you don't and you do what the world says to be happy, it's gonna be miserable. You can do all you can, but ultimately your kids, at a certain age they have their own for will. Prayer is probably more important to duct tape or zip ties. You just stay right here, young man.
Speaker 1:I know right, It'd be nice if you could just keep them in your house the whole forever. But I would love to, but I could literally talk to you forever. I have so much more to talk about, but I know that our time is almost up here and I want to ask you one last question, that is, what would your advice be to young men that are going through a really tough time right now?
Speaker 2:Yeah, first, it's a cliche, but tough times don't last. It will not last. Second, don't just kick away from tough times in a weird way, kind of embrace it, like in the Marines. We call it, or combat, we call it. Embrace the suck, right, just embrace the suck. You acknowledge it, this sucks. But don't give up. Know that it will help build your character. Two, if anybody that has abuse in the background, the shame is not yours. It was never yours. So don't take a perversion of somebody else and make it your own shame, no matter what happened, no matter how you complied one time or 20 years, it's just not yours, it's on them. And then the final thing is keep hope, faith and love in front of you. Keep it in front of you hope, faith and love. And the best person that has ever embodied that is the God man, jesus Christ, nazareth.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much. I wish we could talk for a lot longer. If you've accomplished more than most in several lifetimes, so yeah.
Speaker 2:This is true.
Speaker 1:I mean I could talk for an hour. Just what you did a couple of weeks ago in Israel. I mean it's just amazing all the missions you've been on?
Speaker 2:Where are y'all based out of?
Speaker 1:So right outside of DC, Bethesda, Maryland.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, if me and my wife get that way, we'll come over and drink some coffee with you and your hubby. I would love to and we'll visit. Wouldn't that be fun.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I would love it. And then I'll extend this invitation to y'all. We're based in Colorado Springs. We have a training center, but we also have a on the back part of the sacred. We have a chalet. It's private. You and your husband can come here anytime you want, stay in the chalet. And then we have a shoot house here. We got a range, we got a dojo. We'll do training for a day and I tell couples come on, come spend a couple of days. Y'all buy the tickets, we'll cover everything else. So that is a real invitation.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Yeah, my husband and I love going shooting. It's a good time.
Speaker 2:Okay, great, yeah, we'll do blade work. My wife can teach you some stuff. I just got two weapons sent to me by a manufacturer, upstairs with Ken, though we're gonna shoot today. I was like, oh my gosh, yeah so. And then I know my wife would love to visit with you. You're of her sort, I can tell.
Speaker 1:Oh good, All right. Well, thank you so much. So this is just a take care. I'll see you soon then.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I would tell folks. If you're interested right now those of you listening to learning more go to Sean Ryan. It's a podcast, the Sean Ryan Show. I just did three interviews with them. It was five and a half hours. I've never done anything like that. I will never do it again, but he captured my life in a way nobody has and that's where I'm telling people. If you really wanna get to know me and the details, go to the Sean Ryan podcast. It's on YouTube and all the other channels. You'll actually see my Gundas Arm. Go to my Instagram or my Facebook and we have links to it. But I did the Gundas Arm. Those of you who don't know, it's like monkeys and symbols still, but I hold the world record for fastest Gundas Arm, but I did it on him. Like in four days it's got 1.7 million views. So really fun stuff and I would encourage especially young men and men go check that out, get a little splash of testosterone and then hear more about my life.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, thank you so much and have a great rest of the day.
Speaker 2:We'll talk to you, you as well. Thanks for having me on your program.
Speaker 1:Of course, loved it, and I will remind you guys to stay motivated. In certain ways, nothing can beat that. There's appeal in everything. Nothing's Freedom ��라고 Reality. I'm only doing what I can do. Adonnatha can't control you or yousomom bio-s sharp. What is freedom? Trumment Charities dot com, facebook at Trumment Charities, instagram Jamie underscore Trumment Charities, and you can follow me on LinkedIn at Jamie Trumman. Thank you so much for listening to our Vanishing Father series and please make sure to subscribe so you don't miss any further episodes.