Embracing Change: A Tale of Retirement, Relocation, and Resilience in Chicago

Join me, Marcy Backhus, on a heartfelt journey through life's inevitable changes as I share the ups and downs of retiring, relocating, and the art of letting go in the great city of Chicago. Emotions run deep as I recount my 63rd spin around the sun, celebrating at Rosebud with a newfound zest compared to the solitude of my previous birthday. I pull back the curtain on the trials of a genetic test for my heart condition and the triumphs of embracing healthy habits. Winter here is a beast of its own, but with every snowflake, I've learned the value of a good pair of boots and the healing power of staying active, despite the freeze.

Our episode unfolds the map of my latest adventures, where the comfort of old friends is miles away and the quest for new connections is a daily endeavor. Navigating the bustling streets of a new city, finding solace in the embrace of a fitness community, and the solace of AA meetings, this chapter of life is all about planting roots in uncharted territory. Chronic pain, a vestige of my past, becomes an unexpected teacher, guiding me towards resilience and a deeper appreciation for the community's embrace. The lens of my new camera captures not just the beauty around me, but also the beauty within this journey of transformation, as I look forward to a sun-soaked escape to Phoenix and the joy of capturing moments through my newfound passion for photography.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hello and welcome to the Aging in Persistus podcast. My name is Marcy Backes and I am your host. On today's episode, I am going to talk about my personal journey in retirement, in moving in downsizing, and what this last two years have gone through and how I've gotten to the other side. I think, by sharing that, that maybe some of you that are out there are doing some of the similar things that are going to be, and it will give you hope and just knowing that things can change and still be okay. So sit back, grab that coffee, grab that Diet Coke from the QT, get whatever you need and sit back and relax. So what happened this week? We are now already into what the third week of January Two and a half weeks were somewhere in there. I celebrated a birthday January 18th. I turned 63 years old yes, 63 years old on January 18th, and had a great day, had a great dinner with Craig.

Speaker 1: 1:23

I love this restaurant here in Chicago. It's right on the corner. We live on a block obviously big city block and on one of the corners is a restaurant called Rosebud, been there forever Italian, great service. It's just an awesome. It's got a great patio area during the summer and they enclose that during the winter and then they have like a downstairs kind of base mini area that's kind of dark and just like old Italian and they have such good food. But literally I can get three meals out of everything I order. So I love it. So I had a Caprese salad and brought home the leftovers on that, had fettuccine which I only ate a little bit, took the leftovers on that. That gave Craig a meal and then me a meal. I still have some of the Caprese salad.

Speaker 1: 2:14

Then got a piece of coconut cake for my birthday. That was so huge I ended up just throwing most of it not most of it, but half of it away. Today I ate what I could and then I kind of was over the coconut cake. But delicious, delicious, delicious and right there on the corner. So in the freezing cold we didn't have to walk very far and enjoyed my birthday this week. Also. What was going on? Oh, I did go in for a blood test and this is a genetics test because the cardio myopathy, whatever blah, blah, blah that I have they want to see if it's genetic. So that's kind of interesting. We'll see no surgery on it because I'm doing so well and that's not by accident, that's by design. I've made a lot of changes this last year and we'll talk about that a little bit in the next section, but had a great week. Just it was cold here in Chicago. I drove a couple times to the gym, I walked once.

Speaker 1: 3:16

I went to a luncheon over a couple blocks away with my pool pals, my ladies from my aquasculpt class had a lovely luncheon. The main dish and salad. I mean the main dish chicken and a pasta was ordered in. And then I brought a salad. Oh, I brought such a good salad. Let me tell you it was spinach. And then I did toasted sliced almonds, goat cheese and dried cherries. If you haven't put dried cherries in a salad, I'm telling you drop them in. They're like a dried cranberry, but better I think. And then I did a champagne vinaigrette. If you know Gerard's champagne vinaigrette, you can't make a better one. And so I brought a salad and just a lovely luncheon. And again, I can't tell you what a great group these ladies are. It was so fun to go to class that day. The minute I walked into the pool there were five friends in the pool and they all yelled happy birthday.

Speaker 1: 4:22

And last year on my birthday. I didn't have anybody that I knew here really as a friend. I have friends in California, I have friends in Oregon, I have friends in Texas, I have friends everywhere, but I still hadn't gotten any here. And on my birthday I spent it out getting a pain shot, which I don't need this year, so we'll talk about that as well. I was getting a pain shot. I was quite a bit overweight, and what did I do that day? I wouldn't got myself a free cookie from crumble and ate it in my car. Not a great birthday. But I'll tell you this one was a lot different Coffee with my lady friends, afterwards, my pool pals, and got a great birthday card email from one of my pool pals. Very, very different life and very, very different, and things have really changed.

Speaker 1: 5:17

A very cold week here in Chicago, not as cold as it can be, but it was cold and I'm learning to get out and walk even in the cold. It really and I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's the wind that gets you. So if it's not windy, it's not so bad when it's zero. I can't even believe that's coming out of my mouth, but it's true and you know I love it. 100 and above so zero is like 100 degrees colder than what I like, but if it's not windy it's not bad. It really isn't. And so I have gloves that have little heaters in them. I also bought myself some pocket warmers. They're little heaters, you can put them in your pockets.

Speaker 1: 6:02

I have a great coat. I have great boots. I wore the boots the entire time I was in Denver last weekend and I wore them all this week. I mean you literally, when it's snowing and the city's had snow and slush and all that, you really can't wear a shoe that isn't waterproof and warm inside, because, even though the snow may stop, the sidewalks are cleared, the corners when you're crossing are all slushy, gross, disgusting snow, and there's slush on the sidewalk sometimes. So it really requires you to have a shoe that is more utilitarian than fashion, and I think the best fashion when it's zero is a stay puff marshmallow look. That's what I go for Big giant, marshmallow-y look and keeps you nice and warm.

Speaker 1: 6:50

I can't live without a scarf and earmuffs. For me, those are the two things. I don't look good in those poofy hats with poofy things on the top. I look good in a hat. I'm not going to lie. I look good in a great straw hat, but those poofy hats, I just don't look good in them. But earmuffs, warm gloves and a great scarf Scarves for me are super important, I think.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Because I have short hair, I love a scarf, so got through the cold this week. It's 19 degrees right now. I'm looking at my I'm not going to say the name or she'll start talking, but it says 19 degrees, partly cloudy out this week, supposed to be a little warmer. That means it may get up to the 30s, which will be delightful. We've had two sunny days the last two days and again, I can handle the cold more, and then I know it's colder when it's sunny, but the sun talks to me. I just love the sun. So that's what's been going on here this week. That's what's been going on with me. I hope it's warm and toasty where you are. I hope, if it isn't, that you're in where it's cozy and warm.

Speaker 1: 7:54

If you're driving, be safe, be careful, keep your eyes on the road. I did drive a little this week, so that was. That was good. I do have an electric gas car and I'm doing good with my electricity. I feel bad for those Tesla owners. Man, their cars are dying around here like dinosaurs. People don't realize that an electric mine's an electric gas plug-in hybrid, so I get it all, so I can go on all gas if I need to. But those all electric cars, man, they charge half as much in the cold and they use twice as much electricity to go half as far. And people's cars are dying like dinosaurs here. So glad I don't have a Tesla. All right, let's take a break and I will get into my journey, all right. So my journey, so what I'm going to talk to you and I'm going to share about is the journey from my retirement to where I am today. So in what?

Speaker 1: 8:56

Every 2020, 2022, the end of 2021, craig's business was not doing great. We knew things were going to have to change. We weren't quite sure how they were going to change, but we knew we were going to move and we were going to downsize and all of that. So we had sold our house just before the pandemic. We were living in a rental and weren't sure what the future held and what things were going to look like. Then Craig got an opportunity to do something he's never done here in Chicago and we thought, well, that's perfect, we already own a condo in Chicago. We've owned it for, at that time, like 22 years. It was an investment property that we put money into and we thought, well, we've got a place to live. Although it's a one bedroom, one bath condo, we can do that Beautiful building. As I've shared with you, we live in an amazing place in Chicago. We live right in the heart. We live right by Water Tower. If you know where that is, it's pretty much the heart of downtown Chicago. We're right by where all the action is. So we thought, okay, we can do that. So, going into 2022, that's right. Going into 20, you can hear my cat meowing. Sorry, you can't get out, patrick, you're stuck in here right now.

Speaker 1: 10:25

In the beginning of 2022, I let my office know that I was going to be retiring in March. Craig was starting his new position here in Chicago in March and I was going to take March and April and May to downsize and pack the house to get ready to the move. So we move in May and that's what I did. So in March, I left a job that I loved and people that I enjoyed. Craig moved to Chicago in March and lived in his mom's house. That was empty at the time and I was left to get things together and get the move ready. I've shared many times and you can look back on my episodes on how I downsized from a gigantic house to a small condo and what that looked like and what that took. But I did it and I spent my time doing that and spending time with my friends. Now I had lived in that area for 23 years Lots of good friends, great church.

Speaker 1: 11:33

My best friend lives there. My best girls, mary and Debbie, live right near where I lived. I had a job. I loved that. I left. I left a lot my sister Cindy, my nephew Chris and his family. My child Kyle and Alec was moving at the same time to Denver. So I got all of that done and I have moved before Craig and I have.

Speaker 1: 12:01

We were married. We lived in Venice Beach. We moved out to Wood Ranch, out in the CME Valley area. From there we moved to Texas into a condo. Right from there we moved to Denmark, back to the Texas condo, into a house in Texas, to a rental in Oregon, to a house that we bought in Oregon and then down to California.

Speaker 1: 12:21

So I'm not a stranger to moving. I'm not a stranger to making new friends. I'm not a stranger to creating a life from the ground up anywhere, but this is a very different thing. So what I want to talk about is if you are retiring, if you're downsizing, if you're moving to a place that's way more affordable than California, for gosh sakes, if you're just moving because you want to, if you're moving out of the country, if you're whatever your retirement plans look like, if it requires moving. It is scary when you're older.

Speaker 1: 12:54

All the other times when I moved, I had children, young children, and through your children you create relationships. And I can say all of my friends that I've created through the years have been through relationships from my children, my all, except for my best friend, lynn, who we became friends in sixth grade. And everybody else was met through my children and their activities. Okay, patrick, I'm going to take a break here and we're going to let Patrick out of the room. All right, I'm back, he's a talker, he is a talker. But again, all of those relationships were created through my kids. So not only was I'm changing everything, losing my church, leaving my friends, changing the size of the house, changing the way of my life I moved to the 36th floor of a building.

Speaker 1: 13:48

I don't live in a suburb, I live in a city, driving, driving. Let me tell you, when we first moved here, craig stayed at his mom's house and I unpacked this whole house. So I lived here by myself for two weeks unpacking, but every day around one o'clock I would make myself go out in my car and drive around to get used to things and I couldn't have the radio on, I couldn't have anything. I had to get used to driving in the city. So it's things like that that you don't even think about right when you move and depending on where you move, people drive different. Cities are really different. So I did do that. But we got here, I got things unpacked. I became very friendly with all of my door people, the maintenance guys around here, the gals in the office. I'm very friendly and quickly became. They kind of became my social life.

Speaker 1: 14:46

And Craig was working at the time, so eight to five he would walk to work, walk home. I'd either make dinner or we'd go out to dinner. We ate out a lot that could help, did not help with my health. So when we moved here I had been in a car accident at that point, like five years ago, and it had left me in a lot of pain, a lot of pain. I don't think people even knew how much pain, but a lot of pain and I just kept trying to keep going. But I'll tell you it took a toll on my physical. Chronic pain is awful. I totally believe people that have chronic pain. Now I never was sure if that was quite a thing, but I guess God taught me that one or the car accident did. I had so much pain and then trying to walk here in the city and I wasn't working out and I wasn't doing anything.

Speaker 1: 15:39

And so we got here in the spring. I didn't realize how fast how beautiful the summer was, but how fast it went. I didn't spend enough time outdoors during that time. I was kind of hiding away in the house. I would go out now and again, I would walk, I would try to do things on my good days and I learned very quickly that when the summer is here, spend as much time as you can outside, because when it's over it's over. And we went into that fall.

Speaker 1: 16:10

Craig and I did a driving trip. We did all kinds of things. Everything was centered around food is all I can say and I wasn't exercising, and those two things combined are not good. I didn't meet anyone here. I didn't know anyone. We started to get active in our church across the street our church across the street. Okay, now the little kitty is meowing because she wouldn't go out. You got to stay and hear pickles. All right, I'm going to let her out. Okay, these cats are going to add to my editing process.

Speaker 1: 16:41

But all of those things combined, I did not realize how low I was mentally, physically, the bottom the barrel, the whole thing, and still not making friends. Met a couple people in the building you see each other in the elevator, run into each other on the street. You say, hey, nothing really came of that. There are still some people in this building that I really enjoy, but I wasn't finding my footing. So, with that said, when you are our age and you're making a big move, prepare yourself for it to take a while. Try to get good habits before you move so you can continue them after you move. Get involved. I tried to get involved in things and it just wasn't. I started to go to an AA meetings here. I know the people there. I see them when I'm there, they're excited to see me.

Speaker 1: 17:47

That's become a great friendship, but it wasn't something that I was doing on a daily basis. I didn't want a job because I wanted to travel. So what I found is I did a lot of traveling. For me, that was the life saver. I went to California more times than I can count to visit people. Craig and I did some trips. All of that was great, but a whole year went in.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Let's see, I got here in the middle of 2022, 2023. Going into 2023, I realized things had to change. So for me, what did that look like? And so, if you're moving and you're changing, be prepared for it to take a little while. I can remember, in all the times that I moved, it was about the third year with all the girls and gals that I met when I was moving, that I really felt like we were friends, like you've shared your history, they know you, they've been through things with you. It always took three years. I didn't want to wait three years. I was falling apart and I didn't even know it. I didn't know how bad I was mentally, because I always put on for you guys. On this podcast, I put on a great face for my friends, my family, because I also believe that if you tell yourself you feel good, eventually you're going to feel good, and that did happen. So for me, what did that look like?

Speaker 1: 19:18

At the beginning of 2023, january, february, about March I started to think I need to join a class. So I started looking for classes and I went over to a Pilates studio and I was so weak I couldn't even do the Pilates studio and something told me I need to do water aerobics. So put it on the back burner. Put it on the back burner, look around, couldn't really find anything and found a gym equinox gym, just two blocks up from where I'm at great gym kind of a shishy gym, but very nice. And then I had to wrestle with myself. We have a gym in our building. Why am I going to pay a couple hundred bucks a month for the gym? And I joined it and I wanted to go to the water aerobics class. And now I'm telling you this part because this may happen to you.

Speaker 1: 20:15

When I was touring, the guy said he took me down to the pool and he said oh, there's great water aerobics class. He says there's a group of women here, super good friends, they have an email list, they get along there and all of a sudden, that fear in me came. Well, I don't think I can fit in. So I'll tell you, I joined that gym in March and didn't go to water aerobics till late May. And I didn't go because I was afraid I had started losing weight in March, april, may.

Speaker 1: 20:47

I was afraid a couple of things. I was in such bad shape they have. They don't have steps to get into the pool, they have ladders, so I was afraid I might not be able to get out with the ladder. That was one of my fears. The other fear of the ladies. They're already so close and I went and I'm telling you this so if you are retired and you have thought about something, do it. Go, don't be afraid. I am like the least likely person to be afraid, and man, I had built up so many fears. So I went. I went that first day and a lady, denise, and another lady, gabby, were first that day too, and we got close and Gabby hasn't been coming, I don't know why, but Denise has. And then I would kind of be in the pool. I'd get there early and the ladies would all be talking and I'd kind of be on the peripheral and finally they would say something to me and I'll tell you what. Those ladies have saved my life.

Speaker 1: 21:46

I love going to my aerobics class because I love it. I love it how it makes me feel. It has so in. It's done two things for me. As you heard, in the beginning I was in chronic pain. I'm no longer in chronic pain from exercising four times a week in. And it's not just, it's called aqua sculpt, it's just like an aerobics class, but in the water. It never stops. There is no resting, there is no. It moves and there is everybody from 95 in that class to probably girls in their 20s that come in and guys in their 20s that come in sometimes. But what a great group of women. And I slowly they'd asked me to coffee and I wouldn't go, and then one day I get a little terrier. One day I went and I just I just can't tell you what an interesting group of women it is. Several of them, husbands, have passed away and they live in the city on their own. And I'll tell you, it takes a special woman to live in this city by yourself. And interesting and just a great group of women. And they have welcomed me and they have welcomed Denise in. They're very welcoming and Through stepping out and going to my class, it gave me two things it gave me a physical body that no longer hurts and it gave me a mental attitude.

Speaker 1: 22:59

That has changed. And what changed was the reason I wasn't making friends before wasn't because of anything other than I wasn't sparkling anymore. I wasn't putting out a happy Marcy to the world, because once I started going to this class and once I started feeling good about myself, I have met more people. I have talked to more people. I have I'm stepping out in our church. I'm going to be helping there. There's a meeting February 10th and the head priest wants me to Probably head up some Groups and anybody from Gloria Day that's listening. You know I can do that and you know that's my forte and I'm so excited. And If you are moving and if you are changing your life, the main reason I'm telling the story is because I want you to know it can take time and even someone like me, who everybody goes oh, you're going to make friends.

Speaker 1: 24:00

It's going to be so easy, it's not, but put your best self out there and if you're not your best self, figure out what you need to do to change what's going on to become your best self. If you're Exercising but you're not eating, I don't know if you figure out what your deal is. Tweak it and watch the world change how it reacts to you. A couple months ago, three, four months ago I gave the I was the speaker at my Friday night a meeting and this girl came up to me and she said you know, you just sparkle. And I thought I'm sixty, what's the time? Sixty two years old and I sparkle. I want you all to sparkle.

Speaker 1: 24:43

So, even if you're not moving, even if you're not retiring, I hope this is a story of hope for you that, no matter what you're going through, and and remember in all of this, this last year, my daughter, who is transitioning, has chosen to no longer talk to me or her dad, and it has nothing to do with the transition. We accept that completely. It's just something that Kyle's going through and needs to figure out. So so no, my life isn't perfect. That's not why all this change could happen. You know, I've got a child that's not talking to me. My son's gone through a couple things this year. It doesn't mean life is perfect to be able to feel good in your own skin and happy.

Speaker 1: 25:28

And I'll tell you something as sad as I am and I've talked about this before that Kyle is no longer talking to Craig and I I've given Kyle back to God and I am not going to allow Kyle to ruin what I have in my life. I've worked hard for this, craig, and I have worked hard for this. This is the final chapter in our life. Not saying I'm going to die tomorrow, I'm just saying you know this is, you know, after 60 that's, you know there's kind of a third, a third and a third, and I feel like we're in that last third. Kyle's an adult and going to have to figure it out and I'm not going to let that dull my sparkle. Does it hurt? Sometimes? Yes, am I sad about it? Sometimes? Yes, but I'm not letting it take me over. I've worked way too hard to get to where I am.

Speaker 1: 26:17

So, again, I hope this is a story of hope. I hope you've enjoyed listening to it. Life is good. I am happy. I have all my friends in California and all over. I have my friends here. Craig and I have a great trip in April planned. It's our trip that didn't happen to Israel at the end of last year and we're going to Greece instead with a great group of people from our church in California.

Speaker 1: 26:46

Life is good and it's good because I kept moving forward. Don't get stuck. Don't get stuck. Keep pushing forward, keep pushing forward, keep pushing forward. Talk to your doctor if there's something you need. Do what you need to do. And, like I said this year, my intentions that I set at the New Year are to work on mental health. I've got my physical health together and I think that anybody who's lived 63 years can always use a little mental health help.

Speaker 1: 27:18

So again, I hope this is a story that brings you hope. If you're retiring, it's great. I love it. My favorite thing is a nap time, and the cats expect an afternoon nap every day. I don't push myself. I don't feel like I have to be doing something every moment.

Speaker 1: 27:39

Oh, my new activity that I'm going to be doing is I've got a Craig got me a real camera for digital camera for Christmas and I'm going to be taking photography classes. And I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and what a great place to start photography. So that's my new thing. I'll keep you up to date on how the photography goes. I've got to sign up for the beginner class. First I had to figure out my trip to Phoenix. I think I've got that figured out for February so I can get out of this cold for a little bit. I'm going to see my family, because I miss them, and start my photography. Oh, maybe I'll bring my camera to Phoenix and do a little photography there. That'll be fun, all right.

Speaker 1: 28:22

Well, again, I hope my story brings you hope. I hope it lets you know that nobody's life is perfect, no matter what it seems and I'm not saying that my life seems perfect, but it can easily seem that way to some people. I'm going to work to get where I am today, but let me tell you I love it and I love the city and I am so happy that Craig and I made this move close to family, have friends, have family in California and Oregon, arizona. I got a lot to be happy for and a lot to be grateful for. Thanks again for listening and remember what I always say aging eight or sixies.