Whispers of Mortality Amidst the Laughter of the Limelight
Mar 11, 2024
Marcy Backhus
As I sat basking in the glow of Oscar night glamour, I couldn't help but ponder the juxtaposition of Hollywood's dazzling facade against the weightier discussions of life's inevitable outcomes. In this episode, I, Marcy Backhus, invite you on a journey from the red carpet's luster to the intimate, often unspoken conversations about informed care choices. We'll revisit the allure of the Oscars and the pressures on celebrities to dazzle but also delve into the profound responsibility we hold in making our personal wishes known for times when we may not be able to speak them ourselves. From my own relaxed moments with a cherished friend in Palm Springs to the emotional heaviness of end-of-life care planning, this is a tapestry of life's contrasting moments woven with the threads of joy, glamour, and the gravity of our decisions.
Stay tuned for illumination and inspiration, as the Aging ain't for Sissie's podcast is a beacon in exploring the multifaceted aspects of life and aging. Whether you're here for the celebrity fashion debrief or the pivotal advice from Medicare expert Anita Wendrick, there's a place for you at our table. Wrap up your day and join me; let's savor the simple pleasures like a pot roast dinner while embracing the happiness we strive to cultivate year-round. This episode is about celebrating joy, understanding the importance of clear communication, and navigating life's complexities with grace and ease.
As I sat basking in the glow of Oscar night glamour, I couldn't help but ponder the juxtaposition of Hollywood's dazzling facade against the weightier discussions of life's inevitable outcomes. In this episode, I, Marcy Backhus, invite you on a journey from the red carpet's luster to the intimate, often unspoken conversations about informed care choices. We'll revisit the allure of the Oscars and the pressures on celebrities to dazzle but also delve into the profound responsibility we hold in making our personal wishes known for times when we may not be able to speak them ourselves. From my own relaxed moments with a cherished friend in Palm Springs to the emotional heaviness of end-of-life care planning, this is a tapestry of life's contrasting moments woven with the threads of joy, glamour, and the gravity of our decisions.
Stay tuned for illumination and inspiration, as the Aging ain't for Sissie's podcast is a beacon in exploring the multifaceted aspects of life and aging. Whether you're here for the celebrity fashion debrief or the pivotal advice from Medicare expert Anita Wendrick, there's a place for you at our table. Wrap up your day and join me; let's savor the simple pleasures like a pot roast dinner while embracing the happiness we strive to cultivate year-round. This episode is about celebrating joy, understanding the importance of clear communication, and navigating life's complexities with grace and ease.
Speaker 1:
Hello and welcome to the Agent and Persistence Podcast. My name is Marcia Beckins and I am your host. Well, welcome here on. I am doing this on Oscar Sunday, so if you're not a big Oscar fan, well, I think growing up in LA, everybody's an Oscar fan. Everybody loves a winner, everybody loves a beautiful jewel and everybody loves a beautiful dress. So, with that being said, we're not going to talk about such joyful stuff today, but I think it's really important.
Speaker 1:
We've been going through a series at our church in our education hour, and this one is called we're going to do Starting the Conversation, starting the Conversation about Informed Care, choices. We've talked about a lot of things wills, trusts, all that but today we're going to talk about informed care. But before we do that, we're going to talk about fun stuff. We're going to talk about the finish of my trip in California and let's talk about the Oscars a bit. So sit back, get ready for an important conversation and some fun conversation. Get that Diet Coke, iced tea or coffee, depending on where you're at, depending on what you're doing, and if you drink cocktails, have a cocktail. If you're listening to this, again, sit back and get ready, all right. Well, already in this recording. I hear some weird glitches and I can't see to figure out how to get rid of them. So if there were some cracklier glitches on your part, I'm sorry. I'm not a professional, I'm just me and I can't seem to get rid of it and it may just be on my end. It may not be on your end, but if it is, I apologize.
Speaker 1:
So again, I said I am doing this on Oscar Sunday. I have the Oscars on, but they are muted. But I'm telling you, you know, I was looking and there's nothing more beautiful than a beautiful gown and jewelry and being all gussied up. And then tomorrow somebody's going to get ripped to shreds for their outfit. And then Jimmy Kimmel is the host and it's a thankless job, the hours of work that's put into it, and then I think Jimmy Kimmel usually gets pretty good reviews, but you know you, never it's thankless, it's just thankless. And I think, oh dear, and I really do.
Speaker 1:
I think about the woman who is and it's well, I'm not going to say it's rarely a man, but men have changed up their looks and they could get hammered tomorrow for their looks, but it's usually a woman and she thinks she looks. Obviously you're not going to go to the Oscars thinking you look anything but the best you've ever looked and they are going to get hammered tomorrow for how they look. So I'm here to say I'm here to keep the positivity into it. All of the women look amazing. All of the men look amazing and, I am going to be honest, I love the fact that men have switched it up and it's not just necessarily a straight black tie anymore and they add color and they add pattern and they may add a dress or two and I love it all. I've always loved it. I will always love it.
Speaker 1:
When I was younger, I had girlfriends that got together and we had Oscar parties, had a few Oscar parties at my friend Mary's house. This year. I'm going to be honest, I haven't seen a lot of the movies. I haven't even seen Barbie, which I know, I know, I know, but I haven't seen Barbie. I have seen Oppenheimer, but I still love to see.
Speaker 1:
Everybody loves a winner. Let's be real, and people in this industry work hard and this is their job. I understand that most of us go to our job every day and there is nothing that celebrates us. I think there should be. I think every office should have awards. I think there should be a Dre. Everybody gets dressed up and goes into the office and they're given award for the best copier and the best keyboardist Not playing music but typing fast, sorry, taking a little sip, getting a little dry there. Anyways, I think everybody should get an award for something at work. Let's see what.
Speaker 1:
I was in Palm Springs the last time I talked to y'all and I had a great rest of the trip there with my BFF Lynn. The weather was gorgeous. We ate at one of our favorite restaurants on El Paso and I can't think of the name right now, but it is a mid-century modern restaurant with a beautiful indoor-outdoor seating and it just it makes. It gives you all the feels of old Palm Springs and plus great food the best homemade potato chips I've ever had. They were so thin and crispy it's like you could see through them, but they weren't greasy or salty. Telling you, dynamite got a wonderful barata cheese sandwich on Chebada. Couldn't ask for more. We got to spend the day out by the pool one day just basking ourselves in the sunlight.
Speaker 1:
Did some shopping. I have to be honest, I did so much clothes shopping on this trip which I needed to, because I needed some clothes that fit, but I had to buy a little duffel bag to get my clothes home in. So when we were at luggage pick up at 2 o'clock, 1 30 in the morning, don't even ask. The flight coming home was insanely crazy. Somebody on our plane called American Airlines and said they didn't feel safe and wanted to get off the plane. They didn't even tell the stewardess. The captain was mad, mad, mad and I don't blame him. So anyways, our flight was already an hour and a half delayed, another hour delayed, so I supposed to be getting home at midnight or 11 30 or social land think. We landed at one or 1 30, got my luggage, got home nonetheless. That was crazy.
Speaker 1:
But being in Palm Springs with my BFF is one of my favorite things in Palm Desert. There's nothing more beautiful to me. And then the desert winter, spring, summer, fall. I love the desert and my favorite desert is Palm Desert. I love me some Arizona. I love me some family in Gilbert, but as far as deserts go, palm Desert, palm Springs wins for me and it was lovely being there and staying in these beautiful Hyatt willow time shares. They were gorgeous, the pool was gorgeous. It was lovely because it was just before spring break. So there were no children. No offense to those of you with children, but my time of children is over and I do love a peaceful pool. So did that on my way back to the airport, did a little stopping in those cabazon outlets at the cabby store and did a little more shopping. But I wasn't too concerned because I already knew I had a duffle bank close that I could just add it to. So that was the finish up of last week.
Speaker 1:
Craig and I are on countdown now to Greece. We are going to Greece with our fellow Gloria Day friends and I'm so excited to do my podcast from Greece. Maybe I'll be able to get some of my friends from Gloria Day to do it. I've been trying to think about what we could talk about. Maybe bring in some of my pals from my Gloria Day church, lutheran church there in Dana Point, california. So I'm be home for about a month and then off again for two weeks. Looking forward to that, looking forward to traveling with friends with. The last time we went with a group from our church we went to Germany for the Reformation and it was amazing. I'm sorry I got a little distracted by some beautiful gowns and beautiful jewels. I'm like a bird, but this is going to be another great trip. I think traveling with like-minded people is is awfully fun.
Speaker 1:
So, with that being said, we're going to talk about today, we are going to talk about informed care choices. It's really important to make sure. You may have a DNR, you may have all these things, but there can be other things that come up and I want, and I want you to be aware and have these decisions made so that your family doesn't have to, not necessarily because you don't trust them, but because it can cause problems within the family. Make sure. Again, it's always important for all of our thoughts and wishes to be clear to our loved ones. With that being said, sit back, we're gonna get into that conversation. These are some decisions that me. You can't write everything down legally. Well, I guess you could. I just got up and during the break, I was letting one cat out, one cat that nobody wanted to go out, nobody wanted to come in, but now I'm back on and now everybody wants to switch places again. All right. So informed care, so unknown care goals can, for example, they can delay access to hospice care, they can delay your care, and so I think these questions that we're going to talk about today, while you're doing with them, with your husband or your children or whoever is going to be the point person for you, I would suggest videoing them and making sure there's a video available and then sending it to everybody who possibly might be in a position to make these decisions. They can watch it. They cannot watch it, but these are your wishes for things like.
Speaker 1:
I think one of the questions that you should answer to your loved ones is what do you value most about your life? Do you value your freedom, whatever it is? Get that information out there because it may inform. Part of that's being informed care. Well, let's do this because mom cared about this or dad cared about that. So answer the question what do you value most about your life? It's a big question. I can't even answer it right now. I value a lot of things, but what do you value most about your life?
Speaker 1:
If you were diagnosed with an illness that could not be cured, would you still want to pursue every possible treatment, realizing that some could negatively affect your quality of life? Answer that question. That's a big question. If you're diagnosed with an illness that cannot be cured, think about financial implications, emotional implications, physical implications of that question. Do you imagine wanting to stop curative efforts if they were to be unsuccessful? Curative efforts, things that could cure your, things that could help you Another very big question. Now, think about these three questions that I've already asked you. A legal document can't answer them, but you can. You can answer them before you're in a situation where you need to. You can have it videotaped so that your loved ones will know. Now, this is interesting.
Speaker 1:
If you were unable to eat or drink due to a terminal illness, would you want artificial nutrition, tube feeding and hydration, even if it could cause complications and might not help you live longer? I had to be on the nutrition for two weeks while I was in the hospital and I definitely wanted it. I was curative, though they had poked a hole in my throat during the emergency surgery. On my hand, anything I swallowed went into my body, not down my throat, in order for it to heal. I had to go two weeks with no water, no ice chips, no food. I basically said don't feed the animals as you came into my room. But that nutrition was super important to me. I wanted that nutrition because it did make a difference. But if it wasn't going to make a difference and it might not help you live longer. Is that something? In other words, you want to starve to death and it may be a better choice if you're facing a certain type of illness? Again, these are weird questions, but they're things I want you to think about, understanding that CPR could result in broken bones or other medical problems.
Speaker 1:
Would you want it if you were dying from an illness or were extremely frail? So there are people that say I want to live at all costs. If you're extremely frail, your physically being is not great. Cpr could break all your ribs, you know. Think about these things. How do you feel about an extended hospital stay or extended time in a nursing home? I'm going to tell you my feelings. Don't like it, don't want it. Hospitals are horrifying. The longest I've been in one is two weeks. It was two weeks too long. It was necessary for that stupid hole in my throat that they put there. But you need to think about your feelings on that. Do you want to die in your home? A lot of people feel like they want to die at home. Pickles, you're stuck in here now. I tried to let you out, so think about that. Do you want to die in your home? Now? This is a really important one.
Speaker 1:
After being in that car accident and living in chronic pain for like seven years which I'm out of now, thank God to losing weight and exercise and some good shots at the time when I really needed them. How much pain is acceptable to you? I want you to think about that, because I don't want you to say I don't ever want to be in pain, because what takes away pain are drugs that could change your thinking and change your cognitive abilities. Do you want that? So think about it. Don't just say I don't want to be in pain. Think about your hold on. Just a second I'm going to. Can you hear pickles just meowing away Pickles? Let it go, all right, we're going to try to finish this off with pickles here. So think about how much pain you're willing to accept. I know that for me, I'm willing. I am sober. Obviously we all know that that have listened for 36 years. I will take pain pills or pain something under the guise of a doctor if I have to, but I don't want to become addicted to anything. I don't want to mask pain to a point where I don't feel it if it means, excuse me, I'm going to be addicted.
Speaker 1:
So make sure those thoughts and wishes are relayed to someone. What decisions regarding your care do you want to entrust to others and who do you want to designate to make those decisions? And make sure if you've chosen someone and your life with that person has changed whether maybe it's a divorce or maybe it's a child you don't excuse me, I've got the hiccups again a child that you don't trust anymore. I mean right now, to be honest, I would not trust Kyle with any of my care decisions. Alec definitely, craig definitely, but Kyle no, and you know that may change again. There was a point where I would trust Kyle with the decisions of my care. Right now, kyle and I are at a place in our relationship that I don't trust Kyle. So make sure, if you've got some of these things written down or you've expressed these concerns to someone or these wishes to someone, that you've changed that, if things have changed, make sure people understand.
Speaker 1:
If you want a funeral memorial service, if you want an arbitrary, make sure people understand. If you even want that, you know, don't, they don't get to just decide you get to have a funeral. If you don't want a funeral, you don't have to have one If you don't want to be buried. I do not want to be buried in the ground. I don't want a place where people can come visit me. It's not my thing, it's not what I want. Make sure somebody knows that and that should be in your funeral plans that we've talked about. But even if you don't have funeral plans, at least make sure. If you don't have anything planned, make sure these things are informed, that your care is informed, that people know. Make sure people know if you want your organs donated I was just talking to Lynn on the phone and make sure you understand that if you say you do want to do organ donation, do you want them to keep your body alive, so your organs stay alive till they're needed? I didn't even think about that, but that's not something I want. I'm happy you can take all my organs you want when I just when I die, you can harvest them, give them to people on list. But I don't want you keeping me alive just to keep my or. I don't want to be a donor in that sense of the word. I don't want that. So make sure when you're making these decisions for yourself. They're informed decisions. Make sure that you have a productive discussion with someone on your informed care choices. I really highly suggest videotaping that so that people know that it's really important to me. Like if I'm on a ventilator and I'm brain dead, let me go.
Speaker 1:
Pastor today was talking about a mom that was on life support. Dad had already passed away. The kids had to make the decision and one child said let her go. The other one said don't, that's murdering mom. He said till this day those siblings do not talk. It fell to the oldest child to make the decision, which I think would be normal in any circumstances. He made the decision that he felt was right for his mom. His sister has not forgiven him for it as a parent.
Speaker 1:
As a parent, I don't think you ever want decisions about yourself or your care or the end for God's sake, the ending of my life. I do not want to come between my kids. Although Kyle and I and Craig and Craig and Kyle have an estranged relationship right now, alec and Kyle do not. It would devastate me knowing that a decision made for me at the end of my dang life broke up their relationship. So we've talked about a lot of these things the last few weeks. I promise I'm not talking about any more death or dying. I'm still trying to figure out what's going to be coming up in my next episodes.
Speaker 1:
Again, if you have any suggestions or things that you want me to talk about, my girlfriend, katie, a few weeks ago, texted me and wanted to talk about what to do with photographs. I love that because I hadn't thought of that. It's hard to come up with new and interesting topics for you guys each week. I always wanted this to be not a waste of your time but educational fun. It doesn't have to be serious. We've talked about skincare. We may go back and revisit some things as well, but if you have any ideas, please aging fast one the number one at gmailcom or go to my website.
Speaker 1:
You can always get a hold of me through aging eight versus ease podcastcom. You can get a hold of me there. You can get information there. You can get links to people who are important to the podcast, friends of the podcast like Anita Wendrick. If you are getting ready for Medicare, I think it's time to have another Anita Wendrick update here. So I've got to get a hold of her and see if we can get some new information there, but I want to keep these podcasts information fun and up to date.
Speaker 1:
I don't want to beat a dead horse, so to speak. And if we do beat a dead horse, I want to make sure we know it's it's wishes. No, I'm just kidding, beat a dead horse, that doesn't even sound nice. What a terrible saying. I'm not going to use that anymore. Sorry, rewind, get rid of that Gone.
Speaker 1:
I enjoy these podcasts. I hope you do. I don't have a senior moment today because I want to get back to the Oscars. I hope that you got to watch the Oscars if you enjoy them. If you don't, I hope you're doing something you enjoy. That's fun. I've got a good pot roast in there, a Sunday pot roast with potatoes and carrots that's cooking away for Craig and I tonight. I felt like I needed a Sunday pot roast. It's a beautiful, sunny, gorgeous day here in Chicago. A little chilly, 40 degrees, with the winds been pretty high. So even though 40 degrees sounds warm, it's not when the wind is cold. So I hope it's gorgeous and beautiful where you are. You are all beautiful people. Keep the positive thoughts, stay positive, stay happy. It's what I'm working on this year. It's my intention to be positive and be happy. I hope it's your intention to remember what I always say Agenene for Sissy.