I Stopped Proving My Worth And Started Protecting My Peace

We close our road series with a simple truth: arrival can mean intact, not impressive. From cruise calm to medical detours handled with grace, we trade urgency for awareness and performance for peace, and we choose alignment over achievement.

• closing the road series with arriving differently
• redefining success from achievement to alignment
• pausing before yes and setting boundaries
• shifting from urgency to awareness and curation
• resting without apology and trusting instincts
• Medicare Advantage PPO working out of state
• choosing peace over performance and overextension
• bringing home gentle arrivals and self-trust

Please remember to share, like, whatever you can do to help me grow my podcasts
You can email me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com
You can get all three of my podcasts at Marcybacchusmedia.com

Transcript

On The Road And Catching Up

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello and welcome to AGNA for Sissy's. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Oh, well, I am still on the road. Today I am currently recording this from my nephew's house. You may hear dogs. That's right. Yes, Ray. What do you need? Come on. All right. Well, you know, this is how it's gonna go today. Anyways, um, I am on the road. This is my last podcast on the road. I will be home next week to record. So, yay! It's been a long trip. This is my fifth week away from home. I'm still enjoying myself. Am I looking forward to getting back home? Absolutely. I think there's a lot to be said for routine, but I am still having a great time. So today I am having lunch with my girlfriend Karen. Karen was my maid of honor at my wedding. I have not seen her for a very long time. Now lives in the area here of Phoenix, and we are going to lunch. And tomorrow I'm having breakfast with my friend Joan from Oregon, who moved here quite some time ago. And I get to see her from time to time when I come. So not only am I visiting family here, I'm getting the blessing of seeing old and longtime friends. So I'm happy to have you with me today. We are closing our little road trip series here. Um today's going to be about arriving differently, what this road taught me. So we're going to talk about that a little bit. What else? Okay. Um, since I talked to you last, I went on a fabulous cruise. Um, yes, I'm using the word fabulous because it was with my bestie Lynn. We had a great time. Norwegian cruise lines. We went down the Mexican Riviera. The weather was spectacular, the seas were flat. We never got off the ship. We lived in the spa. I did four wonderful spa treatments. We spent our days in the thermal suite. It was just a wonderful cruise. And after being friends for, I don't know, 55 years, how we still have things to talk about is mind-blowing. But we do. And we got dressed up at night for our dinner, and we came promptly back to the room and undressed for bed. But it was just wonderful. It was wonderful. We coordinated our outfits not intentionally, and we looked wonderful. We got lots of compliments, which is always fun. Um, I just I can't recommend it enough. It was great. And not getting off the ship made it such a more relaxed vacation. We didn't have to worry about getting off, getting in. We sat on our deck and we looked at the beautiful ports of call, and I don't think either one of us missed getting off the ship. I came back, I went to the doctor's to get my stitches out from my hand um infection. Pathology reports are starting to come in. It looks like it can't be a simple infection, it's going to be a difficult infection, but I will get it handled when I get home. It's a very slow-moving infection. I've obviously had it. I've known since September trying to get it handled. And since it was not a regular infection, it kind of went under the radar except for swelling in my hand. So that is what's happening with me. I hope your life is good. I've enjoyed, I missed all the horrifying weather in Chicago. And the day I'm driving in, it says it's going to be 60 next Wednesday. So lucky me. I uh have had wonderful weather here in Arizona. It's been in the 70s. I can't complain. And it looks like my driving weather home is going to be great too. I'm going to leave here and head to Albuquerque. Take me about six hours to do that. From Albuquerque, I'm going to go to Oklahoma City. That's going to be a long day of driving. From Oklahoma City, I'll go up to St. Louis. And then on Wednesday, I will do a quick four or five-hour drive from St. Louis into Chicago and back home. I will, my goal is to be home Wednesday. I don't know what day that is, what date that is. That's February something. Let's see. Let me look in my calendar. That'll be February 18th. I will be home. And Craig leaves February 18th for Orange County for four days to spend some time with his friends and go to some sporting events, etc. So I will have four days home alone to re-acclimate. I think after six weeks, I have never traveled this long before. I think after six weeks, there's going to be a little bit of re-entry shock. I um on that Friday, I have not gotten my 38-year sobriety coin. I'm going to pick it up that day. And um looking forward to it. Just looking forward to everything. So I again, this is the last in my road trip series, and then we're going to move on to other things. But I hope, and I will tell you my Medicare Advantage plan. Let me just share that because having to do some medical things outside of where I live, uh, it has taken care of me well. I'm on an etna PO PPP, PPO, PP, whatever it is, PPO, prefer preferred provider, whatever. Um, all of my bills have been paid, other than my co-pay. So I am grateful for a lot of people think if you're on an advantage plan, you cannot get care outside of your network. That is not true. 100% not true. I had a surgery. What happened to my hand was considered a surgery. So uh the biopsy on it, and uh everything went well. So just that's a little thing here on aging eight for sissies. I want to share with all of you who are looking at Medicare, thinking Medicare. My advantage plan has been wonderful. I was able to get the medications that I needed, etc. No problem at my CVS here. I think it's good to use a pharmacy that's all over the country because that does help. They had all my information, no problem getting it there. So so that's that. That's what's happening there. Hang in there, we'll be right back, and we're gonna get started with our main part of our episode. Well, all righty then. Arriving differently. What this road taught me. Hello, my friends, and welcome back to Aging April Sissies. This one feels special. This is the last episode I'm recording on this road series. And if you've been listening along, you've been riding with me through letting go, choosing differently, slowing down, exhaustion, and finding joy. And now we're here at the end of the road, but not in a dramatic way, not in a cue the music way, more in a quiet, steady way. Because what this road trip, literally and emotionally, has reminded me of is something simple. I'm not trying to arrive the way I used to. I am arriving differently. I used to think that arriving meant achieving. For most of my life, arriving meant something specific. It meant hitting the goal, getting the recognition, completing the checklist, being seen as capable. Arriving meant finishing strong, powering through, and definitely, definitely proving something. That proving something and being seen as capable is a very strong life thread for me. I think it has to do with being the youngest in the family. And I'm not only the youngest, I'm the youngest by 8, 10, and 12 years. So proving and being seen as capable was important to me. And I was very good at that version of arrival. I mastered it. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. But here's what I've realized on the road, and honestly, in this stage of life, so both of it. As we all know, I turned 65 a month ago. I don't want to arrive exhausted anymore. I really don't. I'm I that is just, I don't want to arrive depleted. I don't want to arrive having sacrificed my peace just to say I got there. So if those aren't part of it, what is? Now arriving means something different. It means I got here intact. It means I honored my energy, it means I didn't abandon myself along the way. And those are some very big shifts. Those shifts change everything. Okay, so we talked a little bit about what arriving meant. It meant mostly achieving. It's not the way I want to do it. So the old versus the new. The old way look like this. Say yes, handle it, figure it out, don't complain, keep going. And I honestly think our generation picked that up from our parents. You don't complain, you muster through, you get through it, you keep going, shut up, handle it, figure it out. Now that's not necessarily bad, but it's also not necessarily good. So my new way, my new way, and I'm working on this, is to pause. I don't say yes right away to anything anymore. I take a beat, I think about it, I consider. I do ask myself how it feels. Because how I feel is important. How I feel is important. My feelings matter, and they especially matter to me. Say no when necessary, and I choose very differently. If something in my life does not work, I don't want it there anymore. I also don't want to work so hard at keeping things that don't serve me. I think our generation was raised to not be self selfish, selfish. Being selfish isn't always bad. Being selfish protects ourselves. I am not selfish at the expense of others ever. But I am now selfish to save me. Oh, the old way was fueled by urgency. Were we not urgent about everything when we were young? About our children, about our lives, about our careers, our lack of careers, or everything was fueled with urgency. I lived my life on the edge of urgency. My new way is fueled with awareness. I think about what's around me. I curate my life. I curate my life. What and who is in my life is specifically curated. It's not by accident anymore. It's not by a whim. It's not because something's been there forever that it needs to stay, or that something's new can't take the place of something old. I I curate my life. Awareness takes courage because it means that you can't pretend you don't know better anymore. Oprah said this a long time ago, and I'm I'm not a huge Oprah fan. I admire Oprah. I don't live and die by Oprah, but when you know better, you do better. And that is a fact. On this road trip, I noticed how often I used to push. Push the drive a little longer, push the schedule a little tighter, push myself past tired. I don't do it anymore. Hello, Max. I got a doggy a doggy head on my lap. Yeah, hello, doggy. I don't do that anymore. Now I stop, I adjust, I rest. Oh my gosh, do you know how many times I stopped on this trip? A lot. A lot. I didn't care. I did not care. I did not care if cars passed me. I did not keep up with traffic. I obviously I drive at the speed limit, but beyond the speed limit. 10 miles over the speed limit, no matter where I am. 75, 85, 70, 80, whatever. But you know what I learned? I stopped, I adjusted, I rested, and nothing fell apart. I got to my destinations. I got to my destinations. That realization is huge. I did it my way and I got there. Being alone on this road trip has given me too much time to think sometimes, not enough on other times. But I could stop, I could adjust, I could rest, and nothing fell apart. In Amarillo, Texas, I backtracked 12 miles, so a total of 24 miles added to my day to go back to the Buckeys that I had passed at the end of my drive the day before and was too exhausted to stop. And with that morning energy, I went back, did the Buckeys thing. I'll stop there on my way to Oklahoma City, but uh, you know, nothing fell apart. So what? So I added a little bit more time. It was fun. I got to say I went to a Bucky's. I love it. What this road confirmed for me is a few things. First, I don't need as much as I thought I did. Not as much noise, not as many plans, not as many options about how I should be living. I'm doing just fine with where I am and what I have. Second, I trust myself more than I used to. I trust when something feels off. That is so important. I trust when something feels off. I trust when I need quiet. The days I spent in hotel rooms by myself, even though there were a couple that I didn't expect, I used them for my benefit. I skipped Disneyland, which was really hard to do, but I had just had the biopsy on my hand, and it was the right thing to do. I had a beautiful hotel room over by Disneyland, and I enjoyed that time to myself. I rested, I rejuvenated, I got myself ready for the upcoming cruise that following week. I spent time with my friends. My friend Mary and her husband go to bed later than I did. I was fine saying, I need to I need to go to bed now. I trust when I need quiet, I trust when I need connection. And third, peace is more important than performance. Performance is exhausting. Peace is sustainable. And at this stage of life, sustainability matters. I'm not sprinting anymore, I am living. And let me tell you something, arriving differently doesn't mean smaller. Now let me say something important. Arriving differently does not mean shrinking. It does not mean lowering your standards. It does not mean giving up. It means redefining success. Success used to mean achievement. Now it means alignment. It means did I live this honestly? Did I protect my energy? Did I chose what mattered? That's not smaller. That's wiser. Let's go through it again. Did I live honestly? Did I protect my energy? And did I chose what mattered? That's not smaller. It's wiser, people. And if we're not getting wiser when we're getting older, then what are we doing? What are we doing? And pat yourself on the back for your wiser moves. Pat yourself on the back for changing. Pat yourself on the back for protecting yourself. So what am I taking home with me from this epic adventure? As this road series wraps up, here's what I'm taking with me. I don't have to rush to prove I belong anywhere. I don't have to overextend to earn connection. I don't have to exha exhaust myself to feel worthy. I can move at my pace. I can choose my people. I can redefine what enough looks like. And maybe most importantly, I can arrive gently. Gently into conversations, gently into new seasons, gently into who I'm becoming. There's power in that kind of arrival. So wherever you are right now, whether you're in the middle of your own road trip or just trying to make it through a regular doggone Tuesday, I want to leave you with this. You don't have to arrive the way you used to. You don't have to prove what you've already lived. You can arrive differently. With more calm, more clarity, importantly, more self-trust. Trust you. Trust what you hear your body and your brain telling you. And that is not weakness, that is growth. I want to thank you all for riding along with me through this little series of growth. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for listening. Please remember to share, like, whatever you can do to help me grow my podcasts. I want to remind you that I do have three. I have this one, Aging Eight for Sissies. I have Inside Marcy's Mind, which is more about life, life hacks, cooking, all kinds of things go on on that one. And then if you have anybody struggling in your life, I have my unbottled podcast, which is all things sobriety or addiction. Addiction comes in many forms: food, alcohol, scrolling, exercise. No matter what, we can be addicted to a lot of things. So that touches on everything. If you want to talk to me, you can email me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com. You can get all three of my podcasts at Marcybacchusmedia.com. I want to thank you again. And remember, aging ain't for sissies, but it does teach us how to arrive in our own way. Please go out and do something positive in this world. Lord knows this world needs it.