Why The Quiet Moments Matter More As You Age

We slow down enough to see how the smallest moments can hold the most meaning as we age. We connect the dots between protecting our energy and building a life where quiet joy becomes the whole point. 
• retiring rushed mornings and choosing a calmer start 
• finding a “middle morning” that feels balanced 
• letting go of the idea that happiness equals milestones 
• redefining luxury as a simple day and a plain week 
• valuing easy friendships and dropping relationships that require performing 
• protecting small joys with better boundaries and fewer yeses 
• practicing natural gratitude without forcing it 

What are your small joys?

Transcript

mall Moments That Carry Us

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello, and welcome to Aging A for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Let me ask you something. When was the last time something small made your entire day? Not a big old trip, not a huge event, not something you had planned for weeks. I'm talking about something simple. A good cup of coffee, a quiet morning, a conversation that just felt easy. Because here's what I've been noticing. As we get older, it's not the big moments that carry us, it's those small ones. And today we're talking about why those small moments might actually be the best part of this whole chapter. Okay, hello, my fabulous friends, and welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where we tell the truth about getting older with humor, honesty, and just enough sass to keep it interesting. And as always, around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. Now, over the last couple of weeks, we've been building something. We started by releasing pressure, then we started about protecting our energy, and last week we got very clear about we about what we are absolutely too old to tolerate anymore. Get off my lawn. Which, by the way, I'm still thinking about some of those things and laughing. But today, we're shifting gears just a little bit because once you've removed the pressure, once you've protected your energy and you've cleared out all that nonsense, something really beautiful happens. You start to notice your life again. So before we go any further, I'm introducing something new today. A little segment we're going to do every week, and I'm calling it not doing this anymore. Every week I'm going to share one thing I have officially retired from. And if you're listening, I want you thinking about yours too. Because honestly, this might be the most fun part of aging. So let's start. Let's start it with the subject. This week's not doing this anymore. I'm not rushing my mornings. Nope. We're not doing that anymore. I'm not waking up immediately entering chaos. I'm not starting my day already behind. Most of the time, I don't do that, but I do wake up. I'm not, I'm never gonna gulp a cup of coffee again. It's not a competitive sport. We're gonna ease into the day. And for me, that means I do ease into my morning. Mornings feel good. I like a slow morning. But to be honest, my mornings have gotten a little too slow. Because the first activity of my day is the gym. My gym class starts at 10:30, and if I do my workout beforehand, I leave the house around 8:30. So I've decided instead of just having my coffee in the morning, I can go over to my computer, I can get some things done. Because what I was doing was putting all those things off until I got home from the gym. And trust me, when I get home from the gym, I don't want to do a lot of things. So for me, I'm not gonna have too slow of a morning anymore. I'm gonna have a middle morning, if that makes sense. It does to me. So what's the first thing that you are going to do? So in the beginning, I talked about small joys. And why do small joys start to matter more? When we were younger, we were chasing the big things, big goals, big milestones, big moments. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That's how you build the life. But at some point, you realize something. You realize you don't have to live your life in big moments. You live it in the in-between. The everyday and aging has a this way of slowing you down just enough to finally see it. A quiet cup of coffee, a walk where nobody needs anything from you, a conversation where you're not multitasking, and suddenly those moments don't feel small anymore. They feel like everything. Don't they? They really do. Honestly. We were taught something growing up that sounds nice, but isn't entirely true. There's a lot of things we were taught that aren't entirely true. But we were taught that happiness comes from big achievements, the promotion, the house, the milestones. And yes, those things matter, but they are not where you live. They are moments, and then life continues. What we weren't taught is that happiness is actually built in very ordinary ways. Consistency, comfort, connection, and honestly, aging teaches you that faster than anything. It teaches you that happiness is actually built in very ordinary ways. Because you stop chasing every big thing and start appreciating what's already here. There is nothing better than after working out and the coffee I have with my lady friends, with my lady gang. We can talk about anything from traveling to restaurants to roses and birds and bird feeders, and I don't know, but man, it's simple stuff, but it just is the best. I leave there feeling so good. So let's talk about something that used to sound boring: a simple day. Ten years ago, a simple day may have felt like you weren't doing enough. Now, a simple day feels like a luxury. Just got off the phone with my friend. She's heading to Disney World for a week. And it sounds wonderful. But she asked me, What are you doing next week? And I said, you know, I just got a plain week. Just a plain week. And it and there's nothing wrong with that. And it sounds great. Her trip sounds fabulous, but my plain week sounds pretty darn good, too. A simple day feels like a luxury. If I have a good cup of coffee, something that makes me laugh, and that's important, a little fresh air, which I had walking to and from the gym today, and nobody creating chaos. My kids are fine. Craig is fine. That's a great day. And here's the funny part: it doesn't take much, which is exactly why it feels so good. Because it's accessible, it's repeatable, and it's real. The day I had today has been fabulous. Like I said, during the middle of this podcast, my phone rang. It was my friend Diana. I grabbed it. Because nothing is better than a conversation with Diana. Diana used to be my supervisor. Diana is now my friend. And she was worried that she was interrupting the podcast. Heck no. I'd I can come back to this podcast, which I did. I'll do a little magic editing, and you may not even have noticed the point when the phone rang. But it makes me happy. And being happy is my biggest priority right now in life. Small joys just aren't things, they're people. Like I just talked about. At this stage of life, you start noticing who feels easy, who can sit with and not feel drained, who you don't have to perform for. Oh, that for me is key. There were people in my life that I felt I had to perform for. I don't have them in my life anymore. I have the people who just get me. And those people, they become everything. You stop needing a big group. Well, I do have a big group, but they're a big group of wonderful women. I'm blessed to have. But you may not need that big group if they're not serving your needs. These ladies serve my needs. You stop needing constant activity. You start valuing connection over quantity. And that is a huge shift. That's a huge shift, my friends. Here's where the this ties back to the whole arc that I've talked about. Once you realize how valuable these small joys are, you start protecting them. You say no more easily. Does that sound familiar? You don't overbook yourself. You don't give your time away so quickly. Because now you understand something. These quiet, simple, joyful moments, they are not extras. They're the whole point. They are the whole point, everyone. This is not extra in your life. They are the point. Going to the museum with friends, walking down the street. Craig and I went to lunch today up on at the top of the 900 building where I go to the gym. And there was a gal from church, and to wave and say hi. It made me happy to see her out and about. I have told you before, living in the city of Chicago, downtown in the heart, I see more of my friends when I'm out and about in a day than I ever did in the suburbs. And it makes me happy. It is one of my small joys. There's one more thing I want to talk about. That's gratitude. But not in that forced way. Not the write down ten things you're happy for way. Not just natural gratitude, like I had today seeing my friend Beth, answering my phone call from my friend Diana. I'm talking about natural gratitude, the kind that sneaks up on you, where you're sitting somewhere doing nothing special, and you think, this is actually really nice. That's it. No big speech, no dramatic moment, just a quiet recognition. And honestly, that might be one of the best parts of aging. So here's what I want you to think about this week. What are your small joys? Not the big plans, not the things you post about, not the things you talk about, the quiet moments, the everyday pieces of your life that feel good. Because that's where your life actually is. And if you can start noticing those, you're not missing anything. You're finally seeing it. And remember, around here we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. And part of that is choosing to notice the life you already have. And I'll see you next week.