What If The Real You Is The Upgrade

We get honest about the gap between who we expected to be by now and who we actually are, from reheated coffee to forgotten passwords to the daily reality of getting older. We land on the best surprise of all: a quiet confidence that makes life lighter, funnier, and more ours. 
• lightning and thunderstorms as the perfect backdrop for real talk 
• the fantasy version of being organised calm and financially flawless 
• the reality of lost glasses brain freezes and too many passwords 
• not pretending we can hear in loud restaurants anymore 
• the life we pictured versus the life we actually love 
• mornings that start with nap negotiation and coffee as survival 
• a kind of confidence that comes with age and stops the chase 
• letting go of people-pleasing while staying kind 
• finding happiness in small routines community and everyday walks 
Go out and do something positive. Lord knows we need it in this world. 

Transcript

Stormy Welcome And Big Premise

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello and welcome to AGNA for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Oh my gosh, as we're going on the air today, I am getting lightning proximity alert, severe thunderstorm alert. So if you hear a good crack of thunder during this, or a big crack of lightning, I can't help it. I'm up on the 36th floor here, looking at it getting very dark out, even though it's only 4:30 in the afternoon while I'm doing this, and uh it's looking mighty scary out there. But nonetheless, we're in here, and I really need to talk to my younger self because she had some ideas or she had plans. Oh, she had plans. She thought by this age I'd be organized, calm, financially flawless, drinking lemon water every morning like a wellness influencer. And instead, I'm standing in my kitchen reheating my coffee for the third time, looking for my phone while holding my phone. So today we're going to talk about it the gap between who we thought we'd be and who we actually are. And honestly, I kind of like her better. Hello, my fabulous people. Slightly surprised by how this all turned out? And welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where we talk about getting older with honesty, humor, and just enough sass to keep it real. And as always, around her, we're not going quietly, we're aging intentionally. Now, over the last few weeks, we've been talking about things like releasing the pressure, protecting our energy, letting go of nonsense, finding joy in small moments. And I started to feel a little bit like it was becoming too many heavy therapy sessions. And then I thought about this topic about who I thought I'd be versus who I am. So today we're just going to have some fun because I want to talk about something I think we can all relate to. Who we thought we were going to be by now versus who we actually are. And let me just say, there are some differences. I was talking to my bestie the other morning, getting ready to go to the gym. Now, I know, ad nauseum. Um, you know that my workout five days a week is in a pool. And if somebody had told me when I was 65 I'd be wearing a bathing suit almost every day, I would have thought you were nuts. 65? I'm wearing a bathing suit every day, I think I would have thought. Are you kidding? But here we are, people. Here we are. Here we are. I am doing it. So I just my brain just died. Does yours ever do that? See, that's another thing. I just stalled out. Anyways, we're just gonna have a little fun. I think we can all relate to this. And don't forget my re my new recurring segment, not doing this anymore. All right, time for our segment. Not doing this anymore. This week, pretending I can hear people in loud restaurants. Nope. We're not smiling and nodding anymore like we understood the entire conversation. We're not saying, mm-hmm, and hoping it wasn't a question. Now I just say I can't hear a word you're saying it. Honestly, it's very freeing. So that's what we're not doing anymore this week. Who I thought I'd be. Let's start with expectations. I think I need to add music in there when I change to my my new little thing. Let's do that. I won't have it this week, but I'll have it next week. So we know where that segment lies. Kind of just falls flat in there. I don't wanted to do that. Not going to do it today because I hadn't thought about it till now. But let's move on to who I thought I'd be. Let's start with expectations. Because younger me really believed that by this age I would have it all had it all figured out. I thought I'd be extremely organized. I'm pretty organized. Financially dialed in, not so much. Calm under pressure, not at all. Making healthy meals every day. What? No, not me. Basically, I thought I'd be one of those women who had her life all together. You know the type. Her house is clean, her fridge is stocked. She always knows where her keys are. Meanwhile, I have a system. And by system, I mean if I don't move something, I know where it is. And that is the truth. That is the truth. I am a fairly organized people. People that know me know that. But sometimes I organize myself into oblivion. Sometimes I don't follow my own organizing plans. My cat's over here losing his ever-loving mind. Patrick, what's up? He can, I think, feel the lightning coming. They can feel the electricity. But but truly, I'm I got room for improvement. So there's a reality check. Let's talk about reality because reality is different. Reality is I still lose my glasses while they're on my head. I lose my glasses all the time, and I'm going to tell you why. I wear contacts, but when I'm home, I wear glasses. Now, I refuse to put the bifocal in my glasses. So I'm taking my glasses on and off as I'm looking at my phone or my iPad, whatever it may be. And then did I put them on my head? Did I put I don't know where they are? I take them off while I'm laying in bed to look at my phone that I want to see what's on the TV and I put them back on. Don't ask me why I don't get the the graduated lenses in them. I just don't. And my contacts are bifocal. So I don't know. I lose mine all the time. I still forget why I walk into a room. Oh, Lord in heaven. We have a one-bedroom condo now, not the giant house anymore. We have a one-bedroom condo. I can still forget why I walked in the kitchen and it's in the same room I'm sitting in right now. Huh. I still think I'll remember that and absolutely do not. And let's talk about technology for a second. I do understand technology. I understand it very well. My problem is I can't explain it to Craig. And he wants me, we had this, it wasn't an argument. It's just frustrating. My phone's not getting its email, so I start to look at it. I figure things out, that's how I fix them. But I thought I'd be able to explain it better by now, to be honest. And I can't. I just have to do it. The younger me also assumed by this age I would fully understand everything. I'd be confident, efficient, in control. Ay. Instead, I have 47 passwords, none of which I can remember. And every account says incorrect password. And at some point I just sit there thinking, maybe this account isn't meant for me anymore. It's exhausting, people. What was the lifestyle I imagined? I don't know. I, you know, I don't really know. I know that this wasn't it. A high-rise living in downtown Chicago. This was not what I imagined. And for me, it happens to be better than what I imagined, even though I don't really know what I imagined, but I love it here. I did think my life would look very polished, and I try to be polished, but I'm not. I wake up early, that I do. I don't drink something green. I don't go for a peaceful walk. My walk is to the gym. And normally it's it's past um the children's hospital and northwestern. I hear a lot of, a lot of ambulances. It's not a peaceful walk, yet it is a walk. Journaling my thoughts, I thought I probably would journal. My dad was a journaler. We have his journals. My sister Cindy does. And nope, I don't do that either. I thought I'd start my day like a calm, centered person. Reality, nope. I wake up immediately and start negotiating with myself. All right, you're gonna go to the gym today, but then you can come home and take a nap. I'm already thinking about my nap the minute I wake up. And you know, my mom was a napper and I used to laugh. Oh, did I wake you up? I'd call my mom. Oh, did I wake you up in the afternoon? I'd think that was so funny. It's not funny. I start negotiating my nap when I wake up in the morning. Okay, I can go to the gym. I'm gonna stop and do this on the way home. When I get home, I'll have my lunch. And Patrick, my cat, let me tell you, expects two o'clock to be on me on that couch. And if I'm not there, he is not happy with me. I will tell you, I have a cat that expects me to nap. So I do start negotiating with myself right when I wake up. And then I think, do I really have to get up right now? But you know what? I love my coffee so much. Coffee is not a gentle experience, it really is survival. I love my coffee. So, what gets me out of bed is my coffee. Coffee is survival. All right, before I keep going, though, let me take a quick minute to share something with you. If you're enjoying Aging Aim for Sissies, there's a very good chance you'd like other corners of my world too. I also host a podcast called Inside Marcy's Mind, where we talk about life hacks, real life situations, and all those little things that make life easier, or at least a little less chaotic. And then there's Unbottled, which is a much more personal space where I talk about sobriety, growth, and what it really looks like to build the life you don't want to escape from. Each show's a little different, but they all come from the same place. Real conversations, real life, and figuring it out as we go. And if you want everything in one place, episodes, updates, and what I'm up to, you can always head over to Marcybackusmedia.com. That's where it all lives. All right, back to reality. What actually got better in life? Now here's the twist. Even though I didn't become the perfectly organized, flawless version of myself, I imagined. Something else happened. Things got better in ways I didn't expect. My whole life. I was too tall when I was little. Believe it or not, I was too skinny and I was too tall. I looked at a picture of myself at my sister Devon's wedding when I was little. I looked emaciated. What the heck is wrong with me? Anyways, I was never I was too tall, I was too thin, then I was too fat. Then I was too this and I was too that, and I was too loud, and I'm too overbearing, and I'm apparently condescending, and many other things, and the teachers told me I talked too much, and I don't know. I was never comfortable with who I was. Ever. So if you've known me for a long time, just know that Marcy was never comfortable with who she was. I am now. I am now. I don't ever overthink every little thing. Do I overthink? Absolutely, but not like I used to. I can usually get myself out of it too. I can usually just have humor with myself and tell myself, you're overthinking again, ding dong. I don't try to impress people I don't even like. And if I don't like people, I don't like them. I don't have to try to like them. How's that? There's a new lady in our swim group, and I don't like her. She's just in the pool, not in my group. Ladies, if you're listening, you know who I'm talking about. And I I'm not gonna try to I don't have to like everyone. Everyone doesn't have to like me. Guess what? And honestly, that's a huge upgrade. All those things are huge upgrades. I have to be nice, and I am nice, but I don't have to like everyone. And I used to think you did. The confidence nobody talks about. There's a kind of confidence that comes with aging that nobody really explains. So I'm gonna try. There's probably people out there that can do it better than I, but you're here, you're it. Aging in for sissies by Marcy Backis. So I'm gonna try to talk about the kind of confidence that comes with age. It's not loud, it's not showy, it's very quiet. It's the confidence of I know who I am. And more importantly, I'm okay with that. And I'm gonna add this to that. I'm okay with that. And if you're not, oh well. You stop chasing some imaginary version of yourself, you start living as a person you actually are, and that feels really good. It really does. I am doing my best. I have a lot of medical issues, I got a lot of flaws, but I'm doing my best. I am a kind human being. I have people that love me, and I'm people that I love. I am very rich in all the ways that matter. The funny truth. The funny truth is this is where I've landed. I may not be perfect, I may not always be put together or drinking lemon water every morning, but I am real. I'm a little wiser, I am a lot more relaxed, and definitely less interested in nonsense. And honestly, you know what? I will take that version any day. When you are young, it is your time to try to figure it out. You are out there making it, you are figuring out your job, you are trying to get your promotions, you are trying all those things. When you get to the point where you don't have to worry about your one-on-one with your boss, you don't have to worry about your expectation review or your review in general. When your kids are grown and doing their best, they're not going to be perfect either. And I can't stand people that talk about their kids like they're perfect. Makes me crazy. Because that's putting an expectation on them that is far too hard to live up to. All these things make life so much more enjoyable. I love my walks to the gym. They may not be quiet walks, but they're fabulous. I walk down Michigan Avenue or I walk down Rush Street and I walk by the Rolls-Royce dealership, and I look at the newest Rolls-Royce in there, and they're always beautiful. I walk past the park where Ginny's ice cream is with my big favorite tree. It's humongous, this tree. I worry about it in every storm. I think I'm going to come by and it's going to be knocked down. I know Dorman. I know um the guys that work at the hotels that say hi to me every day. It may not be a quiet and serene rock, but it's mine. And I love it. I walk through Watertower Park or Jane Byrne Park, and at Christmas time, the Christmas tree is up there. And right now they've taken the base of the Christmas tree down, the wood that covers the fountain. And in a few days, the fountain will be full of water, and that tells me that we're on to another season. I love my life. It is not what I expected at all. I did not see myself living in a high-rise in downtown Chicago with amazing friends, with a wonderful church community. Not really sure what I saw. I think Craig and I moved so many times, and our life changed so much. I never dared dream what the next step would be because it would always change. I'm happy with this now. I hope you're happy where you're at. And if you're not, try to find a way to be. Because all we have is today. And being happy is underrated. Because being happy is pretty nice. I'm loving it. So here's what I want you to think about this week. Who did you think you were going to be by now? And how does that compare to what you actually are? And more importantly, can you appreciate her or him? Because she's been through some things. Oh man, has she been through some things? She's learned a lot. She's still standing, maybe a little slower, maybe even with reading glasses, but still here. Maybe walking to the gym every day in a bathing suit. Who knew? And still living. And remember, around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. And part of that, yes, part of that, is learning to laugh at ourselves and love who we have become. I'll see you next week. Go out and do something positive. Lord knows we need it in this world.