Why Healthy Aging Feels Like A Second Job

We talk about the hidden workload of aging and why it can feel like everything is suddenly our responsibility, from fitness and food to family and technology. We name the exhaustion, the quiet grief, and the bright side, then remind ourselves we’re doing better than we think. 
• the surprise reality that healthy aging takes active management 
• the daily checklist of movement, strength, protein, hydration, sleep, supplements, and screenings 
• the mental load of staying “on top of” changing health advice 
• the emotional weight of supporting adult children while letting them live their lives 
• the tech fatigue of passwords, apps, and healthcare portals 
• the small losses that pile up and make the soul tired 
• the shift toward honesty, wisdom, and choosing what matters most 
Keep laughing, keep moving, and keep learning 

Transcript

Welcome And The Unseen Work

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Hello and welcome to Aging Name for Sissies. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Well, hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of Aging Ape for Sissies. I am Marcy, and if you're new here, welcome. Around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. And this week I need to have a little talk with whoever was in charge of preparing us for aging, because he left out a few details. Some very important details, by the way. This episode came about while I was working with my trainer this week. I said to him, This is really hard getting old, like trying to remember all the things I need to do. I meant that in the lightest of ways. And today we're going to tackle it in the lightest of ways. Because whoever, this whole aging thing, they left out some details, some very important details. When I was younger, I thought aging meant reading glasses, gray hair, and maybe a sensible pair of shoes. My mother did nothing about aging. I nothing. I don't think my mom drank water for ages, like nothing. And I am like, I've got a full-on spreadsheet for aging. Nobody sat me down and said, Marcy, one day you'll spend part of every morning wondering if you've eaten enough protein. Nobody mentioned that. No, no, no, no, not out there. Not in the ethers. I'm mentioning it. I'm mentioning it all because I need to. Nobody said I'd be carrying a water bottle around like it was life support. Nobody said I'd voluntarily lift heavy things in a gym because apparently that's what keeps you from breaking a hip at 80. Nobody said I'd spend time researching magnesium supplements and aster xanthem that I'm taking now. What the hell is aster? I don't know. Nobody said I'd become deeply interested in fiber. Fiber? Seriously? Do you know how boring a topic has to be before you're excited about fiber? Yet here we are. Here we are. And honestly, aging isn't getting really is. I'm sorry. Aging is really getting hard. Not because we're old, has nothing to do with that. Because there is so much to manage. And I guess you don't have to manage it if you don't want to, but if you want to do this well, there is some managing that needs

The New Job Called Self-Care

SPEAKER_01 2:32

to be done. Today we're talking about the unexpected workload of getting older. And if you've ever thought, why is everything suddenly my responsibility? This episode is for you. Now I'm going to probably talk about some things and you're going to go, well, that's not me. That's not me. Why is she talking about that? Blah, blah, blah, whatever. I always come from my perspective in these episodes. So take it with a grain of salt, take it what you will. But aging has become a part-time job for me. I want to start here. First of all, this podcast. Do something to keep your mind sharp, they say. Well, hello. You are my mind sharpening tool. So I spend more time maintaining myself than I ever expected. Think about it. We exercise, I do water aerobics, I walk everywhere I go. I do strength training. I stretch now. I am now trying to get 150 grams of protein in a day. I have to stay hydrated because it helps keep my skin plump, keeps cramps away. I need to get enough sleep. I take supplements. I have a shit ton of doctor's appointments. Now, I have to tell you, those have backed off a little because things are going well. We need to do blood work. We have numbers that we have to hit, people. We need to do our preventative screenings. Then there's the dental cleanings, the eye exams, the skin checks. The list never ends. And the crazy part, most of us are healthier than previous generations. But staying healthy does require work. And it's exhausting, people. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted sometimes. I feel like every week experts discover something now. Now we're trying to get 100 grams of protein or 120 or 150, depending on which expert you're listening to. Luckily, I have a friend that's an expert. She helped me figure it out. A few years ago, nobody was talking about protein. Now it's everywhere. I walk through Costco, and half the store appears to have protein added to it: protein coffee, protein yogurt, protein bars, protein cereal, protein cookies. I'm expecting to see protein in my toothpaste. And don't, and I would like that because it would be one more place that I wouldn't have to think about adding protein. And don't even get me started on strength training. I finally found water aerobics. I uh was happy. I was living my best life five days a week in the water, flouncing around. I would be, I would happily live in a pool. Then someone informed me.

Protein And Weights Get Complicated

SPEAKER_01 5:17

You need to get more muscle strength. I need to lift weights too. Apparently, swimming isn't enough. Walking isn't enough. Existing isn't enough. Now I'm in the gym looking at machines, wondering if I'm strengthening my glutes or accidentally launching myself into another dimension. I don't know people. I have a personal trainer. Good God, this is exhausting. My mom sat in a chair. Now, mind you, I don't know. My mom lived a pretty good life. I'm not gonna lie. The woman lived till in her 80s with emphysema. I I don't know. I don't know, but apparently this is the thing I need to do. And I'm trying, just like you're all trying. But there is a mental load to this. The physical stuff is one to think, the mental stuff is another. I actually do Sudoku now. I made fun of Craig, I have to be honest, for a long time for doing it. Now I do it. Haven't told him so. Shh. But life gets

Adult Children Still Need You

SPEAKER_01 6:21

exhausting. And why? Because we're also still a lot of us are responsible for our aging parents, responsible for our spouses, a lot of us are responsible for grandchildren, or even our adult children. And can we talk about adult children for a minute? Because nobody warned us about this phase either. You spend 20 years raising them, getting them launched. You think you're done. Then one calls, they can't figure out insurance, another one needs advice, another one has a crisis, another one wants help budgeting. And God love them. I want to be there for my adult kids all the time. But sometimes I just want to say, fucking figure it out yourself. Excuse my language. Language warning. But I don't. I help them because honestly, it makes me feel good to help. I'm a helper. I'm a fixer. If you don't know that about me, if you are my friend or if you've just met me on this podcast, I'm a fixer. I can't help it. It's what I am. I've come to embrace it and I continue to fix. But it is exhausting. It is exhausting. And yesterday I went into church to tell them I'm giving up a job, but managed to get two more. Only me. Only me. And adult children are somehow it's harder because you can't actually tell them what to do. You just sit there watching the train approach. Sometimes you watch the train go right through the station. Sometimes it stops and asks a question. And sometimes it's a train wreck. You offer your advice and they and then you pray. I do give my children to God all the time. That is emotional cardio. Every single day. Every single day. You can't tell me. I don't care how perfect your adult children are. I don't care if they're lawyers and doctors and they've managed to get that piece of it. There's something in their life that you're thinking about that you're worrying about. Now, my parents' generation didn't do that. My parents' generation were the I don't give a shit generation. My life was a dumpster fire and they had no idea. Before I got sober when I was out on my own, my life was a dumpster fire, and my parents were blissfully unaware. There's something to be said for that.

Passwords And Portals Wear Us Out

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Everything is more complicated than it used to be as well. And I've talked about this. Can we all agree on this? Everything requires a password or your face or your fingerprint. And nothing ever works. Everything requires an app. Yesterday, honest to God, I went to open a Word document. It says, you no longer have Microsoft 365. I'm like, okay, where did I get it? Was I using Craig's? Did it come? I thought it had come with my, and I think it did when I first started my podcast, when I created a website. I think I got it from GoDaddy. I don't know. I couldn't figure it out. I finally just paid for a new subscription. And in doing that, I almost got my computer Shanghai. Thank God my internet and my house is smarter than me. Everything requires another password. I recently forgot a password for an account whose password existed only to access another account. Explain that. You can't. Nobody can. And don't get me started on healthcare portals. I have my portals. I had them all set up. Now there's a general portal to the portals. I don't know about that. A portal for every doctor, a portal for prescriptions, a portal for insurance, a portal. Who knew when we were in elementary school that we were going to live a life in portals? A portal to access the portal. Oh, you'll find it in your portal. Oh. And sometimes points, some point I'd like a portal that simply explains all my portals. I pay extra for that.

The Quiet Grief Nobody Mentions

SPEAKER_01 10:41

The surprise grief nobody talks about in this aging thing. Here's the harder part. There are losses. Not huge dramatic losses every day, little ones. Friends move away, parents age, people get sick, people freaking die on you. People retire. People move. Some dreams change. Some plans don't happen. Sometimes relationships shift. Sometimes your asshole husband is an asshole. It all happens. Well, all this other crap is going on. Well, I'm sagging, begging, puffy eyes, dry eyes, runny nose. Like I live with tissue in my hand. And while we're managing all the practical stuff, we're also carrying emotional realities, and that's a lot, which is why I think many people our age feel tired. You can tell I'm a little emotional because there's a lot going on in life. It's not all physical. My soul is tired. We've lived enough life to know life is beautiful. We've lived a life to know that life is fragile. Both things can be true at once. All right, that's enough emotional, Marcy. Stop it, Marcy. Slap me in the face here. All right, I want some good news.

Choosing What Matters Most

SPEAKER_01 12:09

So, because you know all you all know me well enough to know I try to look at the bright side of things. But even I struggle at times. But I actually think this stage of life can be amazing, and I do, because we've stopped pretending. We're more honest, we're wiser, we're less interested in impressing people. Oh, that is so true. We're finally figuring out what matters. The challenge is that we have to stop trying to do everything. And God, that is a challenge for me. It's a challenge. Not every health trend, not every obligation, not every crisis, not every expectation. Somewhere along the way, we have to decide what actually matters to me. For me, it's relationships. Travel, my podcasts, laughing, moving my body, helping others, learning new things. The rest. I'm getting a lot better at letting it go. If you know me, that's my list. That's what my what's what's most important to me. Relationships is number one. And my relationship with Craig right now is going through it. It is tough. I love to travel. My podcasts, honestly, you guys help me stay mentally awake, mentally aware. Moving my body is so important because I personally, personally, I am mourning the physicality of young Marcy. I let so many things go four years ago, or actually five, six years ago, when I got in a car accident and I was in so much pain all the time. Chronic pain is a life thief. And I allowed that chronic pain to tell me I was not capable of doing things anymore. I gained weight. I got physically inactive, and damn it, it is hard to get it back. I mourn the person that could get up off the ground and out of a chair easily. And I am working my ass off people to get her back. I know this isn't a very long episode, but I don't like to make episodes just to talk, to hear myself talk, as my dad would say. But I did think about it when I was working out with Erin, my trainer, the other day. I said, aging is hard. And then I looked at him and I said, Oh, that's my next podcast. And I don't mean getting old. I mean aging. I mean aging. And I think our generation of agers, if you're I'm 65, if you're somewhere around here, we hold a lot more than our parents did. There's a lot more expected from us. I didn't expect my parents to help me. I didn't expect my parents to be there for me if emotionally. And to be honest, as hard as it is with my kids sometimes. I'm grateful that I'm important enough for my son to call me the minute he gets finished with a trip where he was out of service for two weeks. To let me know he's good. I'm grateful that my oldest child who struggles with ADHD trusts me enough to help them with finances, to take care of their money? Would my life be easier if I didn't have to do that probably? But I do it with a happy heart. And I'm grateful that my kid trusts me enough to be there for them.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Oh sorry, everyone, it's really emotional.

You’re Not Failing At Aging

SPEAKER_00 16:09

So if you've been feeling overwhelmed lately, let me tell you something.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

It's not because you're failing at aging. It's because aging is a lot more complicated than anyone told you. We're managing our health, our families, our finances, our homes, our future. That's the one financial future which worries me. And we're all doing it while trying to enjoy life. That's a lot. Give yourself some credit. You're doing better than you think. And remember, around here we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally. And I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me. And until next time. Oh, we got to keep laughing, keep moving, and keep learning and remember aging eight versus ease. Oh, I'll do something.