Forrest: Would you grab your seat?
Forrest: Good morning.
Forrest: I'm Pastor Forrest, League here at Multiply.
Forrest: And can you believe that our church is turning three years old in just a couple of weeks from now?
Forrest: And I think about all that God has done over the last few years.
Forrest: And we've jumped into this series-catching feelings.
Forrest: And the last couple of weeks, what we have done is before the message, you've heard from a couple in our church about how they met and their dating experience, namely because uh my wife and I we met when we were six and eight years old in Sunday school.
Forrest: Which kind of makes you throw up in your mouth a little bit.
Forrest: Now it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but we got married young, and that's not always the most uh relatable.
Forrest: But three years ago, I think back to the beginnings of Multiply, and just a few weeks after we launched as a church, I got to have a conversation with Dana.
Forrest: And Dana, who has been a part of our church for three years now, a little bit more than that.
Forrest: And Dana and I, we were talking about her decision, we were talking about salvation and her decision to be baptized, and she got baptized our first Easter three years ago.
Forrest: And God has done an amazing work in her life.
Forrest: Uh over the last three years, she's been able to baptize uh both of her kids, Peyton and Arya.
Forrest: And when she came to our church, she was, you know, in this single mom, figuring it all out, and then to see God work in and through her life.
Forrest: And now, today, she serves and leads the preschool area in our kids' space, and actually, she teaches my daughter about Jesus.
Forrest: And to think about all God has done in and through her life, and then also in the last three years, she met Nate, who you're gonna hear from them, and I cannot wait for you to hear their story today.
Forrest: So, can you please help me in welcoming uh Nate and Dana Newland as they come here now?
Forrest: Give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up.
Forrest: Y'all come grab a seat.
Forrest: Y'all are gonna love this.
Forrest: Um okay.
Forrest: Uh Newland's, how long have y'all been married now?
Forrest: Y'all figured it out?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, after doing the math, it's been like eight months.
SPEAKER_02: Eight months, okay.
SPEAKER_02: Eight months.
SPEAKER_02: Maybe a little more.
Forrest: And I actually had the honor of doing their wedding and uh got to see God just do amazing work in your all's life.
Forrest: So tell me, uh tell me, uh start with how did y'all meet?
SPEAKER_02: All right, she likes for me to tell the story because I seen her first.
SPEAKER_02: Like we were I was leaving a kid's basketball game for my nephew, and I seen her, I was like, dang, she's tall.
Forrest: So are you right?
SPEAKER_02: But uh I didn't I didn't know too much about her.
SPEAKER_02: I asked, I inquired with a friend, found out there's a lot of things going on, so I kind of backed off of that situation.
SPEAKER_02: Then I seen her on uh dating app, and that kind of let me know she was available, and I hit her up on there.
Forrest: Hey, which dating app?
SPEAKER_02: Uh Hinge.
Forrest: Hinge! That's the second uh I know actually third.
Forrest: All three of the couples have met on Hinge the last three weeks, which has been crazy, which is blowing my mind.
Forrest: And uh so uh you guys met and then uh Dana tell us what happened there from there.
SPEAKER_00: So um, well, we met on the dating app, we started talking, and I said, if you want to have a date, you need to come to church.
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so our first date was church, and then he's the first date was church, he's multiply.
SPEAKER_00: And then he's been coming ever since with Starbucks, which is so nice.
SPEAKER_00: Um but it was really when I saw God working on our life that um I was a foster mom as a single mom, and a lot of people discouraged me because I had two kids already to take in more kids.
SPEAKER_00: Um Nate and I had been dating for a couple months, and I called him because taking on four kids while dating, newly dating was was something I was like, I don't know if I should do this or not.
SPEAKER_00: And it's like encouraged me and through the whole process of fostering.
SPEAKER_00: If you haven't seen Instant Family, it's a movie about foster parents.
SPEAKER_00: You probably think most of it's not true.
SPEAKER_00: It is.
SPEAKER_00: Um, and he was there for me through it all and encouraged me.
SPEAKER_00: And in some parts of that, when things were really hard, a lot of people discouraged.
SPEAKER_00: But he stood by my side and helped me through all that just as a boyfriend at the time.
SPEAKER_00: At some point during that, I said, So when are you gonna marry me?
Forrest: Doesn't that sound like Dana if you know Dana?
Forrest: Sounds just like her.
SPEAKER_00: But it was um it was really seeing him encourage me, and he's been he always has told me God has a plan, God has a plan um through everything that we have gone through.
Forrest: Yeah.
Forrest: So and it's amazing just to already hear like just the the life transformation that was happening in you as you were following Jesus closely, and you're a pro at kids.
Forrest: If you don't know Dana is a school teacher uh at 2nd Street, and she's phenomenal.
Forrest: And so to to just to hear about what God was doing in and through you, and then you're you're serving, and then you say, Hey, first date church.
Forrest: I mean, come on, somebody, that that'll that'll preach.
Forrest: And um, Nate, tell us, brother, from your experien from your perspective, how you saw God's hand in your all's meeting and dating and all right.
SPEAKER_02: Um I met Christ in college, and I think I really got like a mental understanding of like the gospel and things.
SPEAKER_02: But once Dana invited me to church, I was uh man, God started really working on my heart once I started coming consistently and searching for him through the scriptures because I didn't really want to just put up a front.
SPEAKER_02: I wanted everything to be real.
SPEAKER_02: Like in my dating, I wanted to be up front, and God met me in that and really showed himself through his scriptures and coming to church, and in that, like dating was very hard, coming out of the world and then trying to set new standards of like okay, this is how we should date.
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you know, like can you just imagine telling somebody, hey, God is doing something in me, and I don't really want to go about this the way that we've been going about it.
SPEAKER_02: Right.
SPEAKER_02: Um so yeah, he's how can I do that?
Forrest: That's a radical that's a radical switch.
Forrest: And as you're letting God lead your old relationship, especially in dating, and Dana, tell us, you know, how did you see God's hand?
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the main thing was um in dating in the past, um, God was never the center of it.
SPEAKER_00: Um and I always felt like to get somebody to come to church or to get to be able to serve God, it was taking away.
SPEAKER_00: Um but with Nate it was it was different in the fact that um he encouraged me to serve every Sunday and encouraged me to serve with fosters or encouraged me and just pray together.
SPEAKER_00: And um we sought out when Nate decided that he wanted to propose.
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know this at first, but he sought out Forrest and about marriage counseling, and we um we did marry and counseling together, and it was really um good for us to learn about fighting fair and which Forrest is gonna talk about today, but fighting fair and just understanding how to have a relationship with God and then within our relationships.
Forrest: Yeah, and it's it I've gotten to have a front row seat to these two, walking out their relationship with Jesus, and then Jesus bringing them together to them walk together and encourage one another.
Forrest: Iron sharpens iron.
Forrest: And um, you know, uh Nate, you talked about you met Jesus in college um during a time.
Forrest: Uh if you can't tell, um Nate played football in college at Troy University, um, where uh you got to know the Lord with campus outreach.
Forrest: And then now to see your growth is phenomenal because now not only is Nate been serving, but also how he's leading with guys in our parking lot team and crushing it and praying for guys and encouraging them.
Forrest: And I just see how the Lord's hand is just literally woven you together, and then now you all are blessed.
Forrest: Not obviously you're all home and what God is doing in your home, but then God is literally flowing out of you all, and then that's a beautiful thing, church.
Forrest: Now there's another uh layer to this story in the fact that um you guys are expecting David Judah.
Forrest: So uh not too long, not too long after y'all got married, you found out that you were expecting right?
SPEAKER_00: Force gave marriage counseling.
SPEAKER_00: Um but yeah, so we figured out that we were pregnant.
SPEAKER_00: We were surprised because it was a month into our marriage, um, and we were both a little older and we weren't sure we could have another child, but God bless us with the child.
SPEAKER_00: We went for our first ultrasound and they found a cyst on um the baby's belly, and they told us don't tell people about, you can see there.
SPEAKER_00: One big for those of you don't know ultrasounds, one big circle is a stomach, the other big circle is a cyst.
SPEAKER_00: And so they said that um don't tell people about your pregnancy.
SPEAKER_00: We don't know what's gonna happen, that this is not good.
SPEAKER_00: Um they scheduled us an appointment to meet with a pediatric surgeon if we were gonna do that.
SPEAKER_00: Um and so they just said don't share, and uh kind of went against that and shared with a bunch of women from church and they prayed over me, and um you can see me there, really ugly crying right there.
SPEAKER_00: I was really moved by it, but um yeah, those prayers meant more to me than any of those women know.
SPEAKER_00: But I we went for an ultrasound a week ago after they've been tracking the cyst and telling us it's getting a little bit smaller, he's getting bigger, um, it's still there.
SPEAKER_00: We had an appointment next week with the pediatric surgeon, and then last week they did an ultrasound for like an hour, um, and they couldn't find it.
SPEAKER_00: They said it's gone.
SPEAKER_00: They said it was gone.
SPEAKER_00: They couldn't explain why I'm but I knew it was God.
SPEAKER_00: Um and I'm gonna that was really powerful to me.
SPEAKER_00: My husband is so patient, and so um he trusts God and he knew that the whole time he was like, Don't stress, don't worry, God has a plan.
SPEAKER_00: But I was stressed and worried.
SPEAKER_00: Clearly, you could see all the tears in that picture, but I was stressed and worried, but God had a plan, and um I'm just so happy I can share this miracle.
SPEAKER_02: I would tell people that he's just saving a little room for the Holy Spirit.
Forrest: Um and uh church, we're like in miracle territory because the doctors said they couldn't really explain what happened.
Forrest: And I think about now God doing this in your family, and I think about from uh obviously church, we're gonna pray over this baby, little baby Judah, and this baby and their family for continued protection, but also just recognizing the fact that isn't this such a beautiful picture of God's not only r restoration but his healing in and through this couple and now their uh soon-to-be baby boy.
Forrest: And I just we we just really just need to thank God, don't we?
Forrest: We really just need to give gratitude to him.
Forrest: And so that's what we're gonna do.
Forrest: Let's was we're gonna pray together.
Forrest: And I want us to pray over this couple, and if you would, if you would join me in extending a hand forward towards this couple as we pray right now, as we pray over baby Judah.
Forrest: And we're gonna pray now.
Forrest: Father, we just come to you, God, and we thank you, Lord, for the beautiful story that you have written through the newlands.
Forrest: God, we thank you, Lord, for all the ways where God you intervened and God you protected, and God, the ways that you provided.
Forrest: And Father, we thank you right now, specifically, Lord, for this healing that has taken place over baby Judah.
Forrest: God, we thank you.
Forrest: Lord, we praise you, Lord, we give you the glory.
Forrest: And Father, we pray, Lord, for your hand of favor to continue to rest on Dana throughout this pregnancy.
Forrest: Father, we pray, Lord, God, for health in their home.
Forrest: Father, we pray, Lord, for your favor and your blessing to pour out onto their home and through them as you have been doing.
Forrest: But God, I thank you, Lord, that their relationship is going to be a picture of Jesus the way that you love us.
Forrest: And you're gonna do that for decades and decades and decades and decades to come.
Forrest: And so, Father, we just pray that now over them, Lord, agreeing in prayer, God, over your faithfulness to them.
Forrest: And God, we give you all the glory in Jesus' powerful name.
Forrest: We pray.
Forrest: Amen.
Forrest: Church, will you put your hands together and thank these two for sharing?
Forrest: Love you all.
Forrest: That's like amazing to hear the story of what God is doing.
Forrest: My goodness.
Forrest: We're in week three of our catching feeling series.
Forrest: If you've not heard the first two messages, please go online to multiplyky.com, the sermons, and catch up to where we are, because this is really in a way like episode uh three of this.
Forrest: And um, as Dana said, we're uh we're we're talking about conflict today, so I do want to give this disclaimer, and I've given it in the last couple of weeks, that um there are ladies that I know that are in our church and others that have experienced physical abuse in their relationship in the past.
Forrest: And what I want you to know is that the principles we're discussing today do not apply to you in your situation.
Forrest: Your safety is top priority, and so you need to take the steps to separate yourself from that situation and get authorities involved and trusted friends involved, especially as we're talking about conflict.
Forrest: There's a temptation to think, well, if I just act a little bit better, if I just do a little bit better, that things will change.
Forrest: But you all know as well as I do, church, that uh some radical, something radical needs to change in that situation, um, not just incremental.
Forrest: And so if you're a lady that's in that situation, that's uh that's encouragement to you and disclaimer to you uh today.
Forrest: And um as we jump into this series that's been talking about relationship and dating and drama and everything in between.
Forrest: Uh I I know that as we are thankfully now in March, uh, that uh March Madness doesn't just apply to basketball, but sometimes to our dating relationships.
Forrest: But boy, I love March Madness basketball, don't you?
Forrest: Woo man, we're here.
Forrest: Uh a little bit of March Madness.
Forrest: Uh a few years ago in March of 2013, during the Oklahoma High School basketball playoffs, there was a game between Hugo High School and Millwood High School, and there were only uh 3.7 seconds left on the clock, and Hugo was leading by one point.
Forrest: And after a timeout, Hugo's player, Trey Johnson, uh intercepted the inbound pass, dribbled towards the basket, and scored the game-winning layup just as the buzzer sounded.
Forrest: But there was only one problem.
Forrest: It was the wrong basket.
Forrest: The error, it handed Millwood High School a one-point victory and ended Hugo's playoff run altogether.
Forrest: And Hugo High School's head coach said, without a doubt, that was the toughest locker room I have ever had to talk to.
Forrest: Could you imagine?
Forrest: And in sort of a similar way, we think about relationships and marriage.
Forrest: Marriage is like a team sport.
Forrest: You don't win by beating your teammate.
Forrest: See, many couples, they they fight like they're trying to defeat the other person instead of resolving the problem.
Forrest: And as we jump in today and we talk about dating and marriage, I said a few weeks ago as we started our series that if you're dating or married, oftentimes, and what you should really be thinking about as you are marrying that person or choosing to marry that person, that whoever you choose to marry, you are going to be forgiving for the rest of your life.
Forrest: Oftentimes for the same thing over and over again.
Forrest: And so choose wisely someone who you can forgive.
Forrest: Now, some of us think that um we're winning in the area of conflict with our significant others because uh we think we're scoring or we're we're we're right, but sometimes we're just scoring in the wrong basket.
Forrest: Because conflict and conflict resolution in our dating, marriage relationships, and our relationships in general, it's not necessarily about who's winning, but instead how you're growing.
Forrest: And we're gonna see today that what it looks like for us to fight in our relationships, we should be fighting in a way that is honoring the other person.
Forrest: And the way we do that is by fighting fair.
Forrest: That's the title of my message today, fighting fair.
Forrest: Turn to your neighbor and say, fighting fair.
Forrest: If you're sitting next to your spouse, turn to them and say, You better fight fair.
Forrest: See, Jesus teaches us that forgiveness is the foundation of conflict resolution, resolving conflicts in our marriages, and how you handle conflict will dictate and determine the quality of your relationships.
Forrest: See, healthy conflict, because there is, obviously, you know there's unhealthy conflict, but there's healthy conflict, and healthy conflict can lead to deeper intimacy with someone if it's handled with humility, with wisdom, and with grace.
Forrest: And what we're gonna see today from the scriptures is that the way that we navigate conflict in our life should mirror the grace that we have received from God.
Forrest: It should be like a picture of how God has forgiven us.
Forrest: See, oftentimes we have unresolved conflict, and unresolved conflict it leads to resentment and to bitterness.
Forrest: You heard the old saying, you can get bitter or you can get better.
Forrest: That applies to our relationships and marriage and dating or any relationships that you're walking out daily.
Forrest: And how you handle conflict, how you handle conflict, it is a picture and it starts with what the condition of your heart is.
Forrest: And healthy relationships, they require grace.
Forrest: Now I don't want to size this room.
Forrest: Some of us grew up in a household where conflict meant yelling and silent treatment, sometimes even leaving.
Forrest: Or maybe you grew up in a household where you just learn to avoid conflict completely and just rush it under the rug.
Forrest: And we know it doesn't stay under the rug, it just delays the explosion.
Forrest: See, what if conflict wasn't something that we feared, but we saw it as an opportunity for deeper growth.
Forrest: Jesus is talking to his disciples, and they're asking specifically about forgiveness.
Forrest: Because in the Jewish context that they grew up in, they had learned an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a retribution type relationship with other people.
Forrest: But Jesus said, you've heard it said, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, but I tell you to turn the other cheek.
Forrest: Jesus is upending what their understanding and thinking is about grace and forgiveness.
Forrest: And Peter comes to Jesus and asks him straight up directly about what it should look like for him to forgive others.
Forrest: And in Matthew 18, starting in verse 21, Peter says this.
Forrest: Then Peter came to him and asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me?
Forrest: Seven times?
Forrest: No, not seven times, Jesus replied, but seventy times seven.
Forrest: Peter walks up to Jesus and he's like, he's probably thinking he's being pretty generous.
Forrest: Like I'm sure he wasn't walking up to Jesus trying to give him an answer that made him look bad.
Forrest: He's like, I'm gonna go talk to Jesus.
Forrest: I gotta come up with something really good.
Forrest: I'm gonna ask Jesus how often I should forgive.
Forrest: I think probably, you know what?
Forrest: Let me, uh seven times, that probably seems like a safe number of like a pretty over the top.
Forrest: It's not like two, you know, not like three, but seven times.
Forrest: And he goes and says to Jesus, should I forgive seven times?
Forrest: And then Jesus says, No, seventy times seven, two perfect numbers, basically saying the unlimited grace that you should be forgiving someone unlimited.
Forrest: Now, Jesus then, to illustrate his point further, then he tells a parable which is a small story with a big truth, and it's gonna get kind of intense.
Forrest: Are y'all good with this?
Forrest: Y'all good?
Forrest: Y'all ready to go?
Forrest: You want to hear what Jesus said?
Forrest: All right, here we Verse 23.
Forrest: Therefore, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him.
Forrest: In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.
Forrest: Verse 25.
Forrest: He couldn't pay, so his master ordered that he be sold along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned to pay the debt.
Forrest: But the man fell down before his master and begged him, begging him, please be patient with me, and I will pay it all.
Forrest: Then his master was filled with pity for him and released him and forgave his debt.
Forrest: But, verse 28, but when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars, and he grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.
Forrest: His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time.
Forrest: Be patient with me and I will pay it, he pleaded.
Forrest: But his creditor wouldn't wait.
Forrest: He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.
Forrest: When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset.
Forrest: And they went to the king and they told him everything that had happened.
Forrest: Verse 32.
Forrest: Then the king called the man he had forgiven and said, You evil servant, I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.
Forrest: Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on you?
Forrest: Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid the entire debt.
Forrest: Verse 35, that's what my Father in heaven will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.
Forrest: Jesus replies with this intense parable.
Forrest: And he's talking all about the grace that we receive from God.
Forrest: The fact that Jesus has gone to the cross, not just to forgive us of millions of dollars, but something even more, our very souls.
Forrest: Something even more precious.
Forrest: That Jesus extended grace to us even though we could not repay the debt of sin.
Forrest: Each one of us has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and we know from the scriptures that the wages of sin is death.
Forrest: And so we are in a situation where we cannot pay for the penalty of sin.
Forrest: And so Jesus came on our behalf and stood in our place on the cross and died for us.
Forrest: And when he did that, his forgiveness flowed freely from the Father to us who are in Christ.
Forrest: And Jesus says that the measure in which and the way that you forgive from the heart is a picture of whether or not you are following me.
Forrest: If you're someone who's forgiven, then you should be someone who forgives.
Forrest: And oftentimes, we think about conflict and we think about the grace that we extend to others, oftentimes grace ends up being the last resort instead of the starting point.
Forrest: And not just conflict with others, how many of you know that sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself?
Forrest: The things that have happened in life, and you just keep going through this mental cycle of punishing yourself.
Forrest: And what ultimately you're trying to do is you're trying to you're trying to move Jesus off of the cross and put yourself in his place.
Forrest: But you can't handle the cross.
Forrest: You can't handle it.
Forrest: You can't handle the weight of sin and death.
Forrest: It was Jesus who's the one who took away death, who removed its sting because of his great power.
Forrest: And sometimes we get in a place where we just are conflicted inside and we weren't even willing to and able to forgive ourselves, and Jesus just is asking for us to flow in forgiveness to others and also to yourself.
Forrest: You've got to ask God for forgiveness and forgive yourself so that you can move forward.
Forrest: And as I address those in the room who are married and dating and single, and as we talk about grace flowing out from us and conflict that happens, there's also, and I want to speak for a second to those that are single in the house that aren't wanting to remain single, and I want to talk about an intern, an internal conflict and struggle that's going on right now in modern dating.
Forrest: And it's that uh you may be trying to figure out dating, you're trying to find someone to date, but things just aren't working out.
Forrest: You're on dating apps, but you're just not finding the perfect match.
Forrest: Do you know there's a phenomenon right now?
Forrest: That even though there's dating apps and there's this endless stream of options that are out there of people to date, that people are going on fewer dates than ever.
Forrest: There's a study that showed that if people that are on dating apps on average, they go on one or one or fewer dates per year.
Forrest: Why is that?
Forrest: What's going on?
Forrest: What is happening in our modern dating?
Forrest: See, I I used to think, you know, this mindset of like, you know what, I'm just need to keep options open, you know, well, just make sure that I have enough choices.
Forrest: But there's this phenomenon that's happening, and maybe it's happening to you, where you're just always feeling like there's something better out there.
Forrest: I know this is that if you're constantly thinking about a better job or the city that you don't live in, or the a better person for you today, if you're constantly in this mindset of just thinking about what could possibly be better, you're never going to find contentment.
Forrest: And uh there's a there's a kind of a word that's that's that's put to this, and you guys have heard of FOMO before, fear of missing out.
Forrest: Well, this is phobo, the fear of a better option.
Forrest: That there may be just the endless stream of options, and you're just just swiping and swiping and swiping, and if you're just in this mindset of fearing that there may be some better option out there, what it's doing is it's robbing you of deep and meaningful relationship.
Forrest: Now, you know, people say, you know, well, don't, you know, don't settle.
Forrest: You can keep looking for something better.
Forrest: And as your pastor, I'm not telling you to settle.
Forrest: We've been talking in the last three weeks about having high standards and high character in dating.
Forrest: But listen to me, listen to me, single folks.
Forrest: Chasing perfection will keep you from experiencing connection.
Forrest: If you're just looking for all the perfect things and you're in this mindset of like, well, well, maybe this person could be better, maybe, maybe actually this person could be better.
Forrest: Here's the thing: the grass is greener where you water it, not on the other side.
Forrest: See, there isn't true fulfillment and just like endless options, but in you taking this step for intentional commitment.
Forrest: And what that looks like is for with the dating apps, or maybe it's job hopping or whatever the endless pursuit of the next best thing, what's happening is that it's it's leading to anxiety in your life, not peace.
Forrest: See, contentment is is is found in depth, not just in a myriad of choices.
Forrest: Jesus reminds us of the fact that grace is at the centerpiece of the kingdom.
Forrest: And that we just aren't needing to just like keep all our options open.
Forrest: You know a huge percentage of people uh reported that have Tinder accounts are married.
Forrest: Water your own grass.
Forrest: If you're married, even if you're dating, there's no reason for you to be continually swiping through and looking for the better options.
Forrest: Anybody hear me?
Forrest: There's no reason for you to be on a dating app if you're married.
Forrest: See, it if you're just like demanding perfection, you're not gonna build a lasting relationship.
Forrest: Here's why, listen to me.
Forrest: Because grace allows people to grow.
Forrest: Grace allows people to grow.
Forrest: And as you're single and you're stewarding your season of singleness that Paul tells us to have this undivided devotion to the Lord.
Forrest: Obviously, in the midst of that, there's fears, there's fears of rejection and fears of, oh, can I settle or is this all gonna work out?
Forrest: Is it not gonna work out?
Forrest: This failure, but you know what?
Forrest: God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind.
Forrest: He knows.
Forrest: He loves you and is leading you.
Forrest: And you don't need a myriad of options, you just need to make the connection and the one that God is leading you to.
Forrest: Follow the Holy Spirit.
Forrest: See, as you are trying to figure out and navigate what it looks like for you to find someone, you need to be thinking about having a high standard of God's calling over your life and also grace at the same time.
Forrest: And aren't you glad, because I know I'm glad, that God didn't pass over me because I wasn't perfect.
Forrest: Instead, he knew that I wasn't perfect, and he chose me anyway.
Forrest: That while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Forrest: And so as we think about dating and marriage and relationships, and specifically for those who are dating, as you're not just having conflict within yourself and you're working this out with Christ, but then also in conflict, and if you're having conflict with others, see, I used to think that conflict, if you have conflict in your relationship, that meant that it's unhealthy.
Forrest: What I've come to realize and learn is that conflict doesn't ruin relationships, avoiding conflict does.
Forrest: Sweeping it under the rug.
Forrest: But you have to learn how to handle it.
Forrest: You have to learn how to handle it.
Forrest: And for those that are dating, you've got to learn to navigate with grace.
Forrest: Navigate with grace.
Forrest: For those that are dating in the room, figuring out what it looks like for you to fight fair.
Forrest: And you know, the world will say, well, you know, well, if they really loved you, they they wouldn't upset you.
Forrest: But we know that there is a healthy conflict that comes where things aren't just brushed under the rug, but instead you're able to grow.
Forrest: See, uh our the strength of our relationship isn't measured by how few fights we have, but how well you grow together.
Forrest: Are you able to grow together?
Forrest: So you've got to navigate with grace.
Forrest: For those that are in the room and you're thinking about, okay, what does it look like for me to have a healthy relationship, a healthy relationship with someone that doesn't just avoid conflict, but it engages in a way that is right in alignment with God's heart.
Forrest: See, when Emily and I were in premarital uh counseling when we got engaged, we learned about this concept of fighting fair.
Forrest: And basically what it looked like was for us to come up with some guidelines, some boundaries, some rules around what our fighting looked like.
Forrest: And we'll get into more of it, but like, you know, like not yelling at each other, no threats, not giving the silent treatment, these things that we we decided together that would be what is fighting fair as we have different conflicts in our life.
Forrest: And but all the while, as we're learning to fight fair, it's also rooted in God's grace for us.
Forrest: So, how in the world do we act with grace?
Forrest: And what does Jesus show us in this parable about the person that was forgiven and was unwilling to forgive somebody else?
Forrest: Grabbing them by the throat, demanding of them.
Forrest: Proverbs 15:1 tells us a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Forrest: See, we have to speak truth with grace, attacking the problem, not the person.
Forrest: Attacking the problem, and that maybe look like for you, you you you have to have the conversation, or maybe you need to take a few hours to cool off so that you can have some space so that you can then return to find resolution.
Forrest: See, the navigation with grace looks like for you making the decision, and maybe it's in your dating relationship, maybe it's moving into marriage that you're starting to decide, all right, what is fighting fair to us?
Forrest: See, because when you get into the married relationship, and this is for married people in the house, when you get into the married relationship, when you are in the middle of a fight, what should be happening is that there should, you should be confronting that other person in order to connect, not to control them.
Forrest: See, the intimacy is built when you're able to grow together and dealing with life's challenges and difficulties.
Forrest: And you may be in this situation as a married couple or dating where you aren't fighting fair with one another, and so you're just in this cycle of miscommunication and hurt over and over and over again.
Forrest: But your spouse is not your opponent, the issue is the opponent, and we also have an opponent named Satan who wants to steal, kill, and destroy.
Forrest: Our battle is not against flesh and blood.
Forrest: There's a spiritual thing that's going on.
Forrest: And people will tell you, oh, well, you know, well, if you if you're fighting that much, then you just might not be right for each other.
Forrest: Or maybe it's that you've not been walking out what it means for you to fight fair and you're fighting for connection with that person rather than trying to control different outcomes and aspects of your partner.
Forrest: See, you can win an argument and lose your relationship.
Forrest: This week, Emily and I, we were in a, let's just call it a heated discussion.
Forrest: I mean, it wasn't like a full-blown fight, but it was it was it was getting there.
Forrest: And uh it was in the kitchen and it was over our kids' behavior, which no shock there, you know?
Forrest: That's a that's a constant heated discussion of our parenting.
Forrest: And in the middle of us going back and forth, and it was getting heated, and Emily said something that we often say, and when she said it, it turned the entire and reset the entire conversation.
Forrest: She looked at me kind of halfway through and she said, We're on the same team.
Forrest: In our kitchen this week.
Forrest: And when she said, We're on the same team, it immediately switched my mindset to the fact that we weren't fighting each other, but we were fighting for each other.
Forrest: That we were now working out together, not to just just to fight and combat and control, but instead for us to work as a team.
Forrest: And oftentimes when we get into conflict and conversation, at some point that statement is said, hey, we're on the same team.
Forrest: Maybe some of you married couples and those dating, maybe you you need to get that into your language.
Forrest: You're on the same team.
Forrest: You're not fighting against each other because the motion, the emotions just get so high, and and and the motion, especially with guys, we just get so quick to quick to get angry.
Forrest: But the scripture tells us in Ephesians 4, and don't sin by letting anger control you.
Forrest: Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry.
Forrest: And so, are you gonna be a person who lets anger control you?
Forrest: Or are you gonna be someone whose God's grace flows through you?
Forrest: So, Emily and I, in fighting fair, we came up with some things, and I want to share some of these with you.
Forrest: There's more than I'm gonna share right now, but ultimately you need to have a conversation with your spouse about what it looks like for you to fight fair in your relationship.
Forrest: Because ultimately, and oftentimes when we get into an argument, instead of us wanting to fight fair, we want to punish our partner.
Forrest: We want to make them feel hurt because we're hurt by something or we're upset by something.
Forrest: And so I'm gonna give you uh a few things to help you get started.
Forrest: One of the things that we do, and one of our ways of fighting fear is that we never say always.
Forrest: We don't generalize.
Forrest: You know, it's so easy to say, well, you always do that.
Forrest: Well, you you always undermine me, you always uh take somebody else's side, you always don't take out the trash, that's me on Thursdays.
Forrest: But oftentimes, here's the thing when it almost no one does something always.
Forrest: So when you're generalizing like that, uh that's probably not even true, it's probably a lie.
Forrest: Something else that we do is that we don't drag up the past.
Forrest: 1 Corinthians 13 says that love keeps no record of wrong.
Forrest: And so it's so easy for us in our relationships to just bring up old hurts and old mistakes and old mess-ups and to throw it into our spouse's face over and over again.
Forrest: But that isn't just like unhealthy, it's unloving.
Forrest: The scripture teaches us that love keeps no record of wrong.
Forrest: And so when something has been forgiven, then it needs to be forgotten and step forward so that you can continue to work together as teammates.
Forrest: Not keeping this laundry list of record of wrongs, of things that have happened in the past, but if you're gonna continue to walk together as you should out this life, that you're not just bringing up the past constantly.
Forrest: And Emily and I, we have to tell each other in the middle of a fight, and that's actually really helpful, and this will help you in your marriage relationship because if your partner, if your spouse says something like that, you just say, Hey, that's not fighting fair.
Forrest: And I've said it to Emily a million times, she said it to me a million times.
Forrest: Hey, that's not fighting fair.
Forrest: We don't break things, we never hit, obviously.
Forrest: One thing that's for us that's fighting fair is that we never fight in our bedroom.
Forrest: Because that's a space for intimacy.
Forrest: There have been plenty of nights that we have gotten up out of the bed to go and finish a fight.
Forrest: Seriously.
Forrest: Because the bedroom is not for us to fight.
Forrest: We go into another room and we finish the fight.
Forrest: You want to know why?
Forrest: Because we're trying to walk out what the scripture says to don't let the sun go down on your anger.
Forrest: So oftentimes in a relationship, we punish each other by the silent treatment and holding on to things for days and days.
Forrest: We weaponize physical intimacy and conversation so that that person will feel the hurt that they've caused you.
Forrest: But the scripture is telling us to not let the sun go down on our anger, so we try our very best not to go to sleep angry.
Forrest: Now, obviously, there's big things that happen in life, and there's you know major trust breaks.
Forrest: And we know from the scripture and probably things that have been experienced in the past that you know, infidelity and cheating, that's a that's a a cause for divorce, Jesus tells us.
Forrest: But one of the rules that Emily and I have is that we don't say the D word, we don't say divorce in our house.
Forrest: And for 15 years we haven't.
Forrest: That's not just like it's not an option, it's not a card just to throw out, but instead that we're we're on the same team.
Forrest: So oftentimes when we're arguing about things, we're arguing about some surface thing, but there's something deeper going on.
Forrest: There's intimacy that needs to be restored.
Forrest: There's resolution that needs to be found.
Forrest: And many times there's forgiveness that needs to be extended.
Forrest: See, Jesus didn't just command us to forgive, he showed us how to do it, he modeled it for us.
Forrest: Jesus was betrayed by one of his great friends for a small amount of money to go and be arrested and be beaten and be taken to the cross.
Forrest: And in the middle of that, he said, Father, forgive them because they know not what they do.
Forrest: Jesus had every reason to hold our sin against us, but he forgave us instead.
Forrest: And so forgiveness it's not about excusing behavior, it's about seeing God release resentment in your life and make you look more like.
Forrest: His son, Jesus.
Forrest: So forgiveness, it does ultimately doesn't even have to do with somebody else.
Forrest: Somebody doesn't even have to ask for forgiveness for you to extend it to them.
Forrest: Because ultimately, you need to release the resentment so that bitterness doesn't take root in your heart.
Forrest: So that you can walk alongside with Christ in a way where He has forgiven you, and then you are a mirror of that to the world.
Forrest: And so for those of you in the house that are single, let me just encourage you, stop chasing perfection.
Forrest: Commit to connection with someone.
Forrest: For the dating couples in the room, are you fighting against each other?
Forrest: Are you fighting for the relationship?
Forrest: Are you learning to fight fair?
Forrest: For the married couples in the house, are you handling conflict with grace?
Forrest: Are you just trying to control?
Forrest: Here's the thing.
Forrest: It's never too late for you to start fighting fair now.
Forrest: There are things that have happened in the past.
Forrest: Maybe there needs to be a conversation.
Forrest: Ask for forgiveness, an extension of forgiveness.
Forrest: But then to begin to have a conversation about, alright, what is it going to look like for us to fight fair?
Forrest: And are you going to handle conflict your way or God's way?
Forrest: Are you going to choose to harbor resentment or are you going to go after resolution and redemption and restoration?
Forrest: Are you going to let conflict divide you?
Forrest: Are you going to let it deepen your love for one another?
Forrest: So in a room this size, I know that people have had so many different experiences when it comes to forgiveness and fighting.
Forrest: And I just want to take a second to acknowledge the fact that, like, and for you to know it's not too late.
Forrest: It's not beyond repair.
Forrest: God is in the work of miracle healing.
Forrest: Amen.
Forrest: We've seen it today.
Forrest: And heard the story of God's miraculous power.
Forrest: That applies to our relationships as well.
Forrest: So I want to take a second, I want to pray for those who are in the room, whether you're single, married, or dating, and ask for God's forgiveness to flow to you and then through you.
Forrest: And so if you would bow your heads right now and pray with me.
Forrest: Father, I pray across this room, Lord, for those that are in the room, single, married, dating, Father, that right now, Jesus, that they would tangibly experience and hear and feel your forgiveness right now.
Forrest: Jesus, that you didn't count them too far gone or too messed up, too ugly, or broken, for God, you to restore and redeem and put the pieces together.
Forrest: So Jesus, I pray right now over all the homes that are represented now, God.
Forrest: That Lord, these would be places and homes, God, where, Lord, your forgiveness would flow freely.
Forrest: That Lord, our relationships, our marriages, God, would be a picture of the way that Jesus, you love the church unconditionally.
Forrest: Father, I pray, Lord, for strength in the home.
Forrest: Father, I pray, Lord, for single people in the house that are trying to navigate and figure out where you're leading them, what's going on, Father, that they would stay rooted and connected to your Holy Spirit, Lord.
Forrest: That you would help them, God, for you to frame their mindset towards their future.
Forrest: And God, in the house right now, I pray, Lord, that there's anybody in this room who's not yet started a relationship with you, they've not received your forgiveness, that today would be the day of their salvation.
Forrest: Today would be the day that they give their life over to you.
Forrest: And Jesus, today would be the day that they finally receive your forgiveness, healing, and freedom from the cross.
Forrest: And so I pray right now, if that's you, that you would pray to God and say, Jesus, forgive me.
Forrest: Set me free.
Forrest: I believe that you're the Son of God, that you died on the cross for my sins.
Forrest: I give you my life as you've given yours for mine.
Forrest: Thank you for saving me.
Forrest: Head bowed, eyes closed.
Forrest: Today, if you prayed to receive Christ as your Savior, to be forgiven and free, I want you to take an action towards heaven, and so I can pray for you.
Forrest: But I'm going to count to three, and I want you to raise your hand so that God sees your act of you submitting and giving your life over to Him, and so I can pray for you.
Forrest: And so if that's you, at the count of three, raise your hand ready.
Forrest: One, two, three.
Forrest: Anybody in here?
Forrest: Right here, I see you, sir.
Forrest: Right here, I see you.
Forrest: Keep your hand up so I can see you.
Forrest: Yes, right here, I see you in the front.
Forrest: Father, I pray right now.
Forrest: I see you in the back.
Forrest: Just raise your hand.
Forrest: Father, I thank you, God, that, Lord, salvation has come to this house today.
Forrest: Thank you, Lord, that in our midst, God, people are being set free and forgiven by your Holy Spirit power.
Forrest: Thank you, God, that eternal destinations have changed from hell to heaven.
Forrest: And we are just in all of your goodness and your miracles and your gracious love towards us.
Forrest: We thank you and praise you in the strong name of Jesus.
Forrest: Everybody said Amen.
Forrest: Church, will you put your hands together this morning?
Forrest: The salvation to come and stand to your feet as we worship and sing.