WEBVTT 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:09.839 Hey, I'm Pastor Forrest, and welcome to the Multiply Church Podcast. 00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:15.439 Each week we open God's word together to help you meet God and multiply good in your everyday life. 00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:18.879 We're so glad that you've taken time to join us for this week's sermon. 00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:24.160 And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe and follow us on social media so you never miss a message. 00:00:24.320 --> 00:00:27.120 Now, let's dive into this week's sermon. 00:00:29.839 --> 00:00:31.440 My name is Seth Nolan. 00:00:31.679 --> 00:00:36.000 Uh, have the honor and privilege of being back at Multiply. 00:00:36.159 --> 00:00:39.920 Uh, this is my third time being able to speak at Multiply. 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:46.880 I've always heard it said that it's one thing to be invited to speak somewhere, but it's another thing to be invited back. 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:54.640 And uh count it an honor and a privilege to be amongst some of the best people uh north of the Tennessee border, because that's where I'm at, right? 00:00:54.719 --> 00:00:57.280 But north of the Tennessee border here in Kentucky. 00:00:57.359 --> 00:00:59.119 Uh grateful to be at Multiply Church. 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:02.240 Is anyone thankful for Multiply Church this morning? 00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:12.560 Uh my wife Felicia and I uh have the honor and privilege of uh leading in a pastor Heights Church in Middle Tennessee. 00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:16.799 The last time I was here at Multiply, we had not yet had our grand opening. 00:01:16.959 --> 00:01:19.760 But uh I'm excited to tell you that I have a beautiful wife. 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:24.560 I have five kids in a four-month-old church, and so uh we can give a shout of praise and also pray for me. 00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:25.599 You know what I'm saying? 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:26.799 Praise God. 00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:32.560 Uh ma'am, uh, we truly do feel honored to be here this morning. 00:01:32.719 --> 00:01:38.799 I don't know if you're aware, but there is something very special and significant happening through Multiply. 00:01:39.040 --> 00:01:49.519 And I believe that in large part that's due to the team and due to your pastor, Pastor Forrest and his wife Emily, for leading the charge and pioneering something special here in Frankfurt. 00:01:49.680 --> 00:01:56.319 Um I'm always stirred to faith when I'm in this space and always encouraged when I speak to your pastor. 00:01:56.480 --> 00:02:01.439 He's become uh somewhat of like an older brother to me in this season of church planting. 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:06.640 And uh you all have a very, very special soil that you're planted in. 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:14.719 So if this is your first time at Multiply, uh, I want to tell you you should consider making this your home church if this this is where you live. 00:02:14.800 --> 00:02:26.879 Uh and if you do call Multiply Church your home, thank you for playing a part in things like Frankfurt Forward uh and and packing boxes for students who um man need it. 00:02:27.039 --> 00:02:29.840 You all are paving a way in your generosity. 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:33.199 And uh, it's inspiring to us to be in the room to experience. 00:02:33.360 --> 00:02:39.520 But I truly do believe that you are a part of something that's bigger than yourself because of the grace of God on this church. 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:49.680 Uh so one time, can we praise Jesus and also thank him for his provision in giving you all pastors like Forrest, uh like his wife Emily, and like the amazing team here at Multiply. 00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:52.479 Can we just give God some praise this morning? 00:02:56.479 --> 00:03:05.520 Uh we're in a series uh called Smoke and Mirrors, uh, where we're diving into uh good things that are found in the book of Ecclesiastes. 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:12.639 And before we jump into our scripture this morning, uh I kind of want to uh invite you into something with me this morning. 00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:17.680 I would love for you, you don't have to close your eyes, but if you could just get a mental picture with me this morning. 00:03:17.919 --> 00:03:21.199 And imagine that a man receives a gift. 00:03:22.240 --> 00:03:28.479 It's been carefully chosen for him, thoughtful, costly, and it's been given to him with love. 00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:36.719 But instead of opening the gift, enjoying it, learning how it works, the man does something else. 00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:50.960 He puts it on a shelf, he dusts around it, he protects it from damage, he tells people, that's my gift, but never actually uses it. 00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:56.960 Years go by, the gift remains intact, but untouched. 00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:03.199 Then one day, someone asks him, Do you enjoy that gift? 00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:11.280 And the man answers honestly, I've had it for years, I just never really opened it. 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:18.399 I want to tell you today, that's how many men treat marriage. 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:28.240 Not abused, not neglected outright, just unopened. 00:04:28.959 --> 00:04:40.240 They provide for it, they protect it, they preserve it, but they never enter their marriage with presence, with honor, and with consistency. 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:43.439 I want you to hear this from me today. 00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:49.199 Um my wife and I in May will be married nine years. 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:52.000 Uh I am so grateful for that. 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:56.319 In these years, we have accumulated five children, praise God. 00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:06.319 Uh, we pastor an incredible church in Middle Tennessee, but I am still learning what it looks like to steward the gift that is my wife. 00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:09.759 And so as we look to Scripture today, I want you to hear me say this. 00:05:09.839 --> 00:05:14.240 I'm preaching this as a man who is still being shaped by this message. 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:20.160 And I kind of want to blanket it before the wives check out or start taking some real notes in church this morning. 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:20.800 You know what I'm saying? 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:22.560 Oh, you leave talking to my husband today. 00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:27.120 I think this message is for everyone. 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:38.319 But in talking to your lead pastor the past few weeks, he's been talking to me about the heart he has for men in this church to raise up to the calling that God has placed on your lives. 00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:42.319 And so today I'm going to speak into the heart of the men of multiply church. 00:05:42.480 --> 00:06:01.839 And I want to do so in a way that I think can either prepare you for marriage if you're a single man in this room today, but for those of us like me who have a wife and maybe a family, I think that there is something significant that we can take from Scripture that will help us lead well in the area of enjoying our wives. 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:02.800 Amen. 00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:07.279 Praise God. 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:09.839 I'll just take that as a sign that we're on it, okay? 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:13.600 Uh Proverbs 18, verse 22. 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:18.319 Uh Solomon has authored this to the nation of Israel, and he says this. 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:21.600 He says, He who finds a wife finds a good thing. 00:06:21.759 --> 00:06:22.959 Someone say, good thing. 00:06:23.920 --> 00:06:26.399 And obtains favor from the Lord. 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:30.720 Men, I just want to tell you, our wives are a gift from God. 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:32.800 They are a gift. 00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:41.680 You know, I think it's easy when we read this scripture to read the phrase a good thing and see it only through like an emotional lens. 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:46.160 Um, and while I think my wife is a good thing, praise God. 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:55.439 I think it's important that we recognize that when Solomon is writing this, he's actually drawing a parallel to the Genesis narrative. 00:06:55.600 --> 00:07:00.480 And the same Hebrew phrasing actually is found in Genesis that's found in Proverbs 18. 00:07:00.639 --> 00:07:09.040 And you can see it through this lens, he says, finding a wife is a good thing, almost as if God looked at the world and he said it was good. 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:14.879 What we learn is that having a wife is a God-given gift. 00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:19.360 It's a covenant reflection of the love of God in our lives. 00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:31.920 Meaning that there's a stewardship that's implied in the Bible towards men in the way that we not only see our wives, but the way that we steward our wives. 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:38.160 It leads us to Ecclesiastes 9, verse 9, which is kind of the anchor text of the message today. 00:07:39.439 --> 00:07:44.879 Solomon, also writing Ecclesiastes, writes this: Enjoy life with the wife whom you love. 00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:54.000 All the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:07:57.920 You know, when you first read that, you go, Man, is this like a romance novel here? 00:07:58.079 --> 00:08:06.959 Like Solomon has such eloquent language, but there's so much more to what he's writing here, and what I want us to see is that this is wisdom language. 00:08:07.920 --> 00:08:11.439 Ecclesiastes is wisdom literature. 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:24.000 When we teach our church through the book of Proverbs or Ecclesiastes, we like to unpack that the Bible teaches us in wisdom literature how to live well with God in the real world. 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:42.399 And so, what Solomon is writing to us today is for us to see how when we enjoy the life we've been given with the good thing, the wife in which we have been given by God, we actually can learn how to walk with God in our real, everyday life through Scripture. 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:51.679 As Pastor Forrest is kind of unpacking through this series, Smoke and Mirrors, we find that Ecclesiastes is obsessed with misused gifts. 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.320 We would say it this way: taking the good things in life for granted. 00:08:57.279 --> 00:09:17.600 You find in Ecclesiastes that there's work without enjoyment, wealth without satisfaction, wisdom without reverence, life without presence, and I want to make the argument today that there is a kind of life that we can have in which we have been given a good wife, which is a good gift from God, and yet we can actually fail to enjoy her. 00:09:19.519 --> 00:09:30.159 This is really one of the drivers of this series, Smoke and Mirrors, that we ask this overarching question how do we steward the good things God has given us? 00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:43.360 So when Solomon says, enjoy life with the wife whom you love, he's saying, Men, don't leave one of God's best gifts sitting unopened on the shelf of your life. 00:09:44.399 --> 00:09:49.759 Because a wise man doesn't merely possess his marriage, he participates in it. 00:09:50.799 --> 00:09:54.240 If you want a title for today's message, we're gonna keep it simple. 00:09:54.559 --> 00:09:56.000 Enjoy your wife. 00:09:56.559 --> 00:09:57.360 Come on, man. 00:09:57.440 --> 00:09:58.320 Someone say it with me. 00:09:58.480 --> 00:09:59.360 Enjoy your wife. 00:10:00.720 --> 00:10:03.519 Alright, I got like three dudes with me in the building today. 00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:04.720 Praise God. 00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:14.879 You know, but this idea is that a wise man doesn't drift through marriage, he leads it with presence, with honor, and with consistency. 00:10:15.440 --> 00:10:19.200 And so as we look at scripture today, I want to talk through each of these things. 00:10:19.279 --> 00:10:20.320 And first we'll start here. 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:22.320 How do we lead with presence? 00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:32.720 When we look at Ecclesiastes 9, verse 9, what we find is that this phrase that opens up the text, enjoy life with the wife whom you love. 00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:41.600 The verb translated enjoy in Hebrew literally means to see life or to experience life fully. 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:46.799 So this isn't emotional indulgence that Solomon is writing about here. 00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:53.360 Solomon isn't saying to us, do the most to inflate romance in your home, men, and enjoy it. 00:10:53.600 --> 00:10:58.799 What he's saying is that we have to be present in participation. 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:01.600 To enjoy means to be present. 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:08.080 So Solomon isn't simply calling men to be more romantic, he's calling men to be more aware. 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:18.080 Solomon doesn't say, maintain your marriage, fund your household, avoid scandal. 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:21.679 No, he says, enjoy your wife. 00:11:22.720 --> 00:11:26.720 See, enjoyment requires presence, not just provision. 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:37.679 You can be providing financially and still be relationally absent. 00:11:40.480 --> 00:11:44.320 It's the pressure that the text presses on today. 00:11:44.799 --> 00:11:47.679 That you can win at work and lose at home. 00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:54.480 That you can have a wife and still not have truly enjoyed her. 00:11:56.720 --> 00:11:58.960 Can I have a moment of honest reflection? 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:04.159 Maybe it'll soften the room a little bit before you grab another stone to throw at me this morning, alright? 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:12.000 There have been seasons in my life in marriage where I've been building something that's important to God. 00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:17.039 I have the honor and privilege of pastoring a local church. 00:12:17.279 --> 00:12:24.320 And the things we put our hands to in our work, I like to believe with a conviction that they matter to God. 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:39.279 But there have been times while putting my hands to the things of God in my work, that at the same time I found myself mentally checked out in my own living room with my wife and with my children. 00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:49.679 And I want to present today that this is a tension that we have to wrestle with daily, especially as men, and we'll unpack this further. 00:12:49.919 --> 00:13:11.519 That although there is a leadership role in a mantle, there is a weight that has been placed upon our shoulders to carry and to pioneer in our homes and in our marriages, just because we carry that weight doesn't mean that we can neglect the other weight in our life, which is our wife and our children. 00:13:12.159 --> 00:13:20.559 And can I be the first to tell you today that there are few things more important than being present in your marriage? 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:24.960 And here's the thing Ecclesiastes, man, Ecclesiastes is brutally honest. 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:27.519 I mean, Ecclesiastes is not pulling punches. 00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:32.639 Don't read Ecclesiastes unless you're ready to be told straight up what life is like. 00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:33.440 All right? 00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:39.600 Because it tells us life is short, work is fleeting, success is unstable. 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:45.200 It essentially contrasts this idea of being passive versus being intentional. 00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:49.840 And so enjoyment in Ecclesiastes, it's not accidental. 00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:53.360 Like we don't accidentally enjoy our wife. 00:13:55.840 --> 00:13:59.759 Enjoyment is chosen in the face of how short life is. 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:03.600 So we would say this life is short. 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:09.039 God has given us the gift of our wives to enjoy, so don't waste it. 00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:12.320 Gentlemen, we're gonna wake up one day. 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:23.200 Our kids are gonna be older, and we're gonna come to the stark reality that we're gonna reap the benefit of that which we have sown into our lives and into our marriages. 00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:28.000 Can I just tell you, my life right now is busy. 00:14:29.600 --> 00:14:33.679 I have five kids, but I didn't tell you that the oldest is seven. 00:14:34.000 --> 00:14:34.639 Alright? 00:14:35.440 --> 00:14:36.879 Yeah, someone gasped. 00:14:36.960 --> 00:14:37.440 I heard it. 00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:40.320 Someone was like, oh, yeah, I know, it's crazy. 00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:43.519 Seven, five, three, two in ten months. 00:14:44.399 --> 00:14:47.919 And praise God, I got six hours and twenty minutes of sleep last night. 00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:48.639 Yeah. 00:14:49.039 --> 00:14:49.600 Come on, someone. 00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:51.360 Yeah, we're fresh today, baby. 00:14:51.440 --> 00:14:52.159 Come on. 00:14:56.320 --> 00:14:59.919 Busyness is not an excuse to not be present, though. 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:13.120 I think some of the best decisions I've ever made in my life in the context of my marriage is to set boundaries, to set reminders, and to be intentional with my presence in my home. 00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:34.879 I mean this as practical, as like maybe deciding that there are certain times of day that certain applications on your phone will be available for you to scroll through because the time you have with your children or with your wife after you've clocked out is more important than the time you could be decompressing because you feel like you're carrying a weight that's heavy. 00:15:35.200 --> 00:15:36.480 Are you with me? 00:15:37.600 --> 00:15:40.879 See, our wives are a gift, and hear me. 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:44.720 Our presence is our response to the gift. 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:49.440 I'm gonna say that again. 00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:52.799 Our wives are a gift from God. 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:58.960 And our presence is how we respond to the gift God's given us. 00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:05.440 So Solomon says, don't miss what God has already put in your hands. 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:12.320 Wisdom is learning to slow down long enough to receive the gift that God has already given us. 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:14.639 We have to lead with presence. 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:17.519 Secondly, we have to lead with honor. 00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:32.320 Genesis 2, 18, we come to a passage in the creation narrative in which, if you're familiar with the text, uh Genesis 1 documents how God created the earth and everything within it. 00:16:32.480 --> 00:16:39.360 And we come into chapter 2, and God creates man and his own likeness and in his own image. 00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:50.080 And we come to verse 18, and there's this interesting moment in which it says, The Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone. 00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:54.720 I will make a helper fit for him. 00:16:55.679 --> 00:17:01.279 The Hebrew phrase helper fit for him, it means a corresponding strength. 00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:05.359 It means a partner who stands face to face. 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:14.880 Now this is interesting because Eve, then, woman, is not an inferior support. 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:20.240 She is God's answer to man's incompleteness. 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:34.400 It's interesting to me because I've recently, in my own personal study, been reading back through the creation narrative, and I underlined all throughout my Bible this phrase that happens after God creates everything. 00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:45.119 He goes through, God created the sun and the moon, a light to rule the day, a light to rule the night, and there was day and there was night, and God saw it and it was good, right? 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:45.519 Okay. 00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:58.240 Now it was interesting to me because when you come to chapter 2 and you look back at verse 18, what you find is that there is one thing that God looks at and sees that it's not good. 00:18:00.720 --> 00:18:03.920 And it's man being alone. 00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:33.279 I tend to think that we've been conditioned to believe in our culture, that we're more masculine when we can carry a weight to look impressive and prove ourselves worthy, rather than realizing true strength comes in leaning into the strength of the Holy Spirit and God's created order for our life. 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:42.559 What I mean by that is I think many of us despise the gift of our wives because we spend more time trying to impress her than we do embracing her. 00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:52.400 Men, we need our wives. 00:18:53.519 --> 00:19:00.319 And not need in the same sense that we need Jesus to save us from our sin. 00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:03.039 Because we need a savior. 00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:17.359 What I mean is that there's a recognition that comes through maturity, being a man of God, that says what God has given me is a gift, and it's not something for me to consume, it's something for me to steward. 00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:26.400 And I tend to believe that when something is a necessity in my life, I won't treat it like an accessory. 00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:40.960 When I realize my need for something, I treat it differently than something that I simply want. 00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:50.319 And the more mature a man becomes, the more he recognizes how much he needs his wife. 00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:53.839 See, our wives are a gift from God. 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:58.079 They're given to us as a helper, a strength that God has given us. 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:01.440 See, a good wife is not proof that a man succeeded. 00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:04.000 She's evidence that God is involved. 00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:10.240 And look, Genesis, when we read through this, it reframes masculinity. 00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:20.559 If you look back through the creation narrative, you find that God said man was not fit to be alone, meaning that there was something missing from him. 00:20:20.880 --> 00:20:24.079 It meant that strength that we carry was not enough. 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:27.119 The authority that we carry as men was not enough. 00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:29.920 The purpose that we carry as men was not enough. 00:20:30.240 --> 00:20:33.440 Adam or man needed partnership. 00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:36.240 So hear me when I say this. 00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:40.960 Before sin enters the story, authority exists, right? 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:50.319 Difference exists, order exists, but hierarchy without honor does not exist. 00:20:52.640 --> 00:20:54.720 Do you hear what I'm saying today, men? 00:20:55.680 --> 00:20:58.079 That there is a role that we serve in our home. 00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:01.119 There is a biblical hierarchy for the family. 00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:06.079 There is a nuclear family, the way God designed it in his created order. 00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:12.240 And yet, what I'm proposing today is that there's hierarchy, but there's not hierarchy without honor. 00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:17.200 See, even in the text, Adam names the animals alone. 00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:29.200 He has the responsibility of carrying a weight that God gave him solo, but he doesn't name Eve until he recognizes her as bone of his bone. 00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:33.920 Meaning that he honors Eve even in naming her. 00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:36.880 So here's some practicality. 00:21:37.119 --> 00:21:40.720 To honor your wife means that you speak of her with weight. 00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:53.359 I mean, if we speak about our wives casually, dismissively, or jokingly in ways that shrink them, we're dishonoring the gift God's entrusted to us. 00:21:56.240 --> 00:22:00.960 You've read the proverb that says the power of life and death is in the Tongue. 00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:14.480 I think a lot of the times the way that we speak of individuals, but especially our wives, is not just harming or building them up to other people. 00:22:14.559 --> 00:22:19.759 I think it's actually framing and shaping the perception that we have of them in our own hearts. 00:22:22.079 --> 00:22:24.640 Secondly, you protect her dignity. 00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:40.079 I think one of the best decisions my wife and I made in setting boundaries in our marriage in the beginning stages was we predetermined proactively who we would and would not speak to for counsel when things went sideways. 00:22:41.759 --> 00:22:46.559 Hey, look, if you're not married, that's an A1 decision right there, okay? 00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:52.720 Because we said to each other, hey, uh my mama is my mama. 00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:58.160 She's your mama in law. 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:01.279 But I'm her son. 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:12.079 So when things go sideways, I'm gonna protect my wife's dignity and not go running back to my mama and talking sideways of my wife. 00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:17.039 Even in our friendships, we've learned this principle in leadership. 00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:18.559 It's the same thing. 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:31.599 Man, whenever you feel like you have to vent frustration or things are happening that you know you need to seek counsel on, man, I don't go peer-to-peer and start talking about my wife in a way that's gonna be dismissive of her or dishonoring of her. 00:23:31.680 --> 00:23:38.240 I'm gonna protect her dignity by going to someone who's gonna look at me and first point to me and say, hey, what part do you play in this, dude? 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:45.279 You recognize her as someone entrusted to you, not consumed by you. 00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:47.759 Man, can I just say this today? 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:52.799 Man, I think it's so vitally important to not ignore in church. 00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:59.359 Because, you know, this is a this is an environment in which we are growing closer to the Lord. 00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:03.920 But I want to be as brutally honest and candid as I can. 00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:11.920 Beware of the sources you are allowing to shape the lens through which you see women in your life. 00:24:13.920 --> 00:24:18.640 Because our culture is conditioning us to consume. 00:24:21.119 --> 00:25:03.599 Pornography runs rampant in our society, but it's not just like pornography, it's social media, it's the way things are presented in media in general, it's the reason that we don't even watch half the shows that maybe we used to watch because it's hard to get away from this conditioning that's transactional and consumption-minded, consumer-oriented, and in our relationship, especially to our wife, we can slip real quick or drift real quick into thinking that this is more a transaction and something to be consumed than something we've been entrusted with by God to steward well. 00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:10.720 I think every man in the room would agree, and ladies, you can say amen loud if you want to as well. 00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:16.799 But like it's not always X produces, Y produces Z, and we have a happy ending at the end of the night. 00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:20.960 I really thought someone would say amen pretty loud right there. 00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:25.440 But like life is nuanced. 00:25:25.759 --> 00:25:35.279 So if we slip into this mentality that we start to treat our wives as something to be consumed, we'll fail to steward that which we've been entrusted. 00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:39.359 See, wise men don't dominate their wives, they steward them. 00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:45.920 Wise men don't treat marriage like a reward for success, they treat it like a sacred assignment. 00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:51.519 Can I tell you today, men, this is like a this is something to fight for? 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:57.440 I mean, we've been set apart by God in a society that's like anti this. 00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:17.119 And if we'll take this on and wear it like a badge of honor and realize that we represent something that can actually set some captives free, I think it would empower us to stand in the trenches and actually realize that God has empowered us to carry a weight that there's not many men strong enough or brave enough to carry in this culture. 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:29.599 But if we'll carry this and we'll walk through life honoring the women and the wives in our lives to say we'll speak of them with weight, we'll protect their dignity, we'll recognize them as someone who's been entrusted to us. 00:26:29.680 --> 00:26:34.319 I'm telling you right now, that sacred assignment will move the needle more than you think. 00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:41.440 There are young men in that kid's ministry who need to see men who are willing to stand in the gap and honor with consistency. 00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:47.839 We have to lead with presence, we have to lead with honor, and we have to lead with consistency. 00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:52.160 Ephesians 5, 25 through 27. 00:26:53.440 --> 00:26:58.960 The apostle Paul writes to the church at Ephesus and he says this, he says, Husbands, love your wives. 00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:00.559 Okay, pause. 00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:11.359 We are called as men to love our wives, but listen to what Paul says next, because this is like real, this is like big league stuff, okay? 00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:17.759 He says, as Christ loved the church, we are to love our wives. 00:27:19.680 --> 00:27:22.960 That's like a that's a big commission, okay? 00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:25.279 That's a big deal. 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:43.440 Because he says, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 00:27:43.759 --> 00:27:48.640 Husbands, circle back to 25, love your wives that way. 00:27:50.880 --> 00:28:05.440 You know, when you look at the beginning of verse 25, um, it uses the Greek root agape, which represents the love of God, not the Greek root eros, which is emotion first love. 00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:15.359 That tells us something because Paul's saying, hey, love with the love of Christ, your wife. 00:28:17.039 --> 00:28:29.519 This love that we're speaking of here is of the will, meaning it's intentional, it's sacrificial, it's repetitive, it's covenant-shaped love. 00:28:30.880 --> 00:28:35.920 See, Christ's love is not reactive, Christ's love is initiating. 00:28:37.039 --> 00:28:45.359 So, Paul, he doesn't call us as husbands to intensity, he calls us to faithful, patterned love. 00:28:46.799 --> 00:28:53.359 And can I tell you today, spiritual leadership is not a moment, it's a consistent rhythm. 00:28:55.759 --> 00:29:04.559 When Paul uses this language, wash her with the word, he's using imagery that's used to describe priestly duties in the old covenant. 00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:09.839 So Paul is saying the husband actually acts as a spiritual gardener. 00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:13.119 He creates an environment where holiness can grow. 00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:15.680 So wash her with the word, hear me. 00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:18.000 It doesn't mean that we preach at our wives. 00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:23.680 It doesn't mean that we correct them constantly. 00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:28.640 It doesn't mean that we win theological debates when they arise in our homes. 00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:32.880 It means that we shape the environment of our home. 00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:38.240 Man, I had this epiphany in first service and I shared. 00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:51.200 Um I know for you all here in Frankfurt, it was the same in Middle Tennessee the past few weeks because there's a giant grip of ice still in the parking lot, right? 00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:53.200 It's been cold. 00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:55.519 Someone say cold. 00:29:56.640 --> 00:29:57.680 I love the winter. 00:29:57.759 --> 00:30:03.119 I spent 10 years almost in Phoenix, Arizona, and I get excited for it to get cold because I can wear a sweater finally. 00:30:03.279 --> 00:30:04.160 Praise God. 00:30:05.359 --> 00:30:08.160 But man, it's been cold recently. 00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:29.359 Now, with that in mind, how many of you know it would be pretty foolish to clock out of work to make your drive home and to walk through the front door of your house and for the atmosphere of your home, the temperature of your home to be set by however it feels outside. 00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:32.160 Yeah, I feel that. 00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:36.480 Because you would be cold. 00:30:39.279 --> 00:30:43.279 I could just imagine my wife and five children just bundled up in big old sweaters. 00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:44.559 My wife's a native to Phoenix. 00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:46.000 She'd be like, you are out of your mind. 00:30:46.079 --> 00:30:47.440 Turn the heat on. 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:50.880 Turn the thermostat on. 00:30:53.440 --> 00:31:05.839 And yet I close my eyes and I get this mental image of how many of us are clocking out of work and we're carrying the weight and the stress of what it feels like to have to lead and to have to be on consistently. 00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:13.519 And to know that we're going home and we're stepping into an environment where we just got to change the hat a little bit, but we still gotta be on and be present. 00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:20.000 And I wonder how many of us, our spiritual climate of our home, looks like a house that the thermostat hasn't been kicked up. 00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:25.039 And we've walked into our home and it's cold. 00:31:26.319 --> 00:31:30.799 And we're just allowing it to be cold because that's what we feel like today. 00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:40.319 And I just sense the Holy Spirit saying to the men in the room, you set the spiritual temperature of your home. 00:31:43.200 --> 00:31:51.599 It's a weight and a responsibility for us men to lead and posture ourselves to set the climate of our homes. 00:31:51.759 --> 00:32:00.559 That means that we model repentance, we model prayer, we model obedience, we model a life lived in Christ Jesus. 00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:13.680 Man, I don't want my kids to grow up and to look at their dad with a microphone in his hand and then to reflect back on their living room and feel like the Holy Spirit didn't dwell there like he dwelt with dad when he spoke. 00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:21.519 I don't want my kids to grow up and go, man, dad turned on Caleb on the way to church and we coasted into church. 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:26.640 But man, by the time we hit Sunday afternoon, you would have never known the Holy Spirit dwelt with us. 00:32:27.599 --> 00:32:33.599 Man, I refuse to let my life be shaped by things of this world while claiming Christ. 00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:40.000 I'm telling you, this isn't domination, this is spiritual leadership that we are responsible for as men. 00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:51.119 See, here's the thing: Scripture never commands wives to make their husbands holy, but Scripture does command husbands to take responsibility for the spiritual climate. 00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:59.359 And here, I want to set some men free in the room today before you look and go, yeah, but bro, you're a pastor, okay? 00:33:00.319 --> 00:33:02.240 You know how to talk. 00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:07.200 Can I tell you that consistency matters more than intensity? 00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:13.119 And I know every wife in the room wants to amen when I say that. 00:33:13.359 --> 00:33:14.480 You can say it. 00:33:14.799 --> 00:33:15.440 Amen. 00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:16.400 All right? 00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:19.759 Consistency matters more than intensity. 00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:26.640 See, consistency looks like regular prayer, even if it's short. 00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:38.559 Man, I'll never forget our pastor in Phoenix used to say to the church all the time, he would say, the most intimate thing that you will ever do in your marriage is pray out loud with one another. 00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:48.960 And I remember being like, I think you missed one, because like I got five kids, and I think there's some other things that are. 00:33:52.079 --> 00:33:59.119 But you know, it's interesting to me because I'll never forget what was it, the early years of our our marriage, like year one. 00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:08.239 It was almost so crippling to think about taking hands and praying out loud that I think it took us like six months to actually like do it. 00:34:10.559 --> 00:34:17.360 And I just remember coming to this place of realizing there is such power and being comfortable enough. 00:34:17.599 --> 00:34:27.199 When I say comfortable, I really mean being vulnerable enough to take the hands of your wife and to just pray a simple blessing over her life or over her day. 00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:29.119 And you don't have to be perfect, man. 00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:31.280 I'm telling you, you don't have to have all the words. 00:34:31.599 --> 00:34:41.280 I think sometimes when we when we sit down to pray, it can be as simple as God, my wife is a gift that you've given me, and I pray that you'd bless her today. 00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:43.920 It can be that simple. 00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:53.679 But if we will take up that kind of spiritual stewardship and leadership in our homes, watch what will happen in our lives and in our marriages. 00:34:55.679 --> 00:35:00.159 Consistency looks like um scripture spoken naturally, not forcefully. 00:35:00.239 --> 00:35:04.719 Um, there's an implication here, and that that's that we know the word of God. 00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:10.320 I get asked the question all the time: how do you know when God speaks? 00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:12.400 How do you know his voice? 00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:15.360 And I always point people to scripture. 00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:17.280 You want to know what God is like? 00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:19.280 Look at the life of Jesus. 00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:24.239 Read through the scripture and understand what his will and purpose is for your life. 00:35:24.480 --> 00:35:36.800 Man, I'm telling you, if we're not regularly scheduling time to sit down and equip ourselves with truth, we're gonna be at a deficit whenever the noise starts to blur our reality. 00:35:38.960 --> 00:35:42.079 We have to speak scripture into our homes and into our lives. 00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:45.599 A tone of grace and not criticism. 00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:52.880 Gentleness is a a fruit of the spirit. 00:35:57.679 --> 00:36:03.280 Gentlemen, gentle men. 00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:07.360 We should carry grace. 00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:10.960 I I think it's easy to be harsh. 00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:15.440 I'll be honest with you, it's like way easier to be harsh than it is to be gentle. 00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:37.920 But I think someone needs to hear today there's a tone of grace that your heavenly father gives to you to empower you and to give you mercy as his son that he expects to be given to his daughters and to your children who are sons and daughters. 00:36:40.480 --> 00:36:44.880 Consistency looks like leading first, not demanding followership. 00:36:45.199 --> 00:36:51.599 I feel this um I feel this so uh heavily in my heart this morning. 00:36:55.440 --> 00:37:00.239 It's really difficult to lead in a space that you've never followed in. 00:37:05.039 --> 00:37:16.239 Meaning it's it's extremely difficult to be a husband and a father that looks like Jesus if I've never received from Jesus. 00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:23.360 I I I did a practice a few years ago in which I actually wrote out all the roles that I carry in my life. 00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:37.679 And I remember sitting down, I was like, I'm a father, I'm a husband, I'm a pastor, I'm a friend, I'm a you know brother, I'm a and I just wrote them all out to understand the different weights and hats that I carried in my life. 00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:38.400 And you know what? 00:37:38.559 --> 00:37:44.559 I had to come to the realization of is before I'm any of those things, I'm a son of the Most High God. 00:37:46.559 --> 00:37:47.440 And you know what? 00:37:47.519 --> 00:38:07.519 It's really difficult to be a father and to be a husband and to be a pastor and whatever else you know you carry, whether it's CEO, businessman, um, you know, tradesman, whatever, whatever the hats may be in your life, it's really difficult to fulfill those if you're not first a son of the Most High God. 00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:10.400 And so hear me. 00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:20.079 Like we have to receive from Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, what it takes to live with consistency. 00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:26.320 But I want to urge you today to understand, men, our wives should feel safer spiritually because we're in the room. 00:38:27.679 --> 00:38:31.360 Our wives shouldn't have to beg us to be spiritually present. 00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:36.480 And see, spiritual leadership is not about being impressive, it's about being faithful. 00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:41.119 It's consistency that matters more than intensity. 00:38:42.400 --> 00:38:47.360 It's not about perfection, it's about setting a direction in your home. 00:38:47.599 --> 00:38:49.199 I'm gonna close here. 00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:54.320 Uh God's given us many gifts under the sun. 00:38:55.119 --> 00:39:02.480 He's given us work, time, breath in our lungs, opportunity, the ability to experience. 00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:08.639 But one of the most sacred gifts a man receives is a wife to enjoy, to honor, and to lead. 00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:12.400 Now listen to me, wisdom is not found in having her. 00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:17.599 Wisdom is found in opening the gift every single day. 00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:22.400 See, a wise man doesn't wait until life slows down to love his wife well. 00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:27.119 He understands that this is the work God has given him under the sun. 00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:33.199 One day, success will fade. 00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:37.360 One day, work will end. 00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:42.800 One day, schedules will stop demanding your attention. 00:39:43.440 --> 00:39:48.639 One day, those muscles that you're so impressed with are gonna start to deteriorate. 00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:51.280 We can go on and on, right? 00:39:53.039 --> 00:40:00.480 But wisdom asks the question now will you still have enjoyed the gift God placed in your hands? 00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:04.320 So, men, open the gift. 00:40:05.519 --> 00:40:07.039 No one else can do it for you. 00:40:08.880 --> 00:40:09.599 Show up. 00:40:11.119 --> 00:40:18.239 Speak with honor, lead with consistency, not perfectly, not impressively, but faithfully. 00:40:19.039 --> 00:40:21.519 Because wisdom isn't about getting it right every day. 00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:24.400 It's about refusing to leave the gifts of God unopened. 00:40:29.760 --> 00:40:32.960 Now, before we pray, I want to take a moment to speak to the wives in the room. 00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:38.000 I know for a minute there you were like, man, this whole entire thing just went right over my head, dude. 00:40:38.559 --> 00:40:41.599 Can't believe he just talked to my husband the entire message. 00:40:44.159 --> 00:40:51.280 Some of you are are married to men who are trying imperfectly, sometimes clumsily. 00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.480 If you talk to my wife, maybe most of the time clumsily. 00:40:55.679 --> 00:40:58.400 But they're trying sincerely. 00:40:59.199 --> 00:41:02.400 Now others of you are carrying weight that feels unseen. 00:41:03.519 --> 00:41:08.239 And some of you are in seasons where this message today is painful, it's not inspiring. 00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:13.840 See, this message, it's it's not meant to place a pressure on you. 00:41:14.079 --> 00:41:17.599 It's not meant to give you a measuring stick to hold over your husband. 00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:22.559 Okay, so before you go to lunch and you grab your notebook from service and say, Well, what did you learn today, honey? 00:41:22.639 --> 00:41:26.000 Why don't you tell me all about your experience with the message today, huh? 00:41:28.559 --> 00:41:41.199 It's a reminder that this is meant to invite him upward and to remind you that God sees you and that he honors you, and that he values the gift that you are. 00:41:41.920 --> 00:41:45.360 You're not a side character in someone else's calling. 00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:53.599 You're a gift that's entrusted by God, worthy of presence, worthy of honor, and worthy of faithful love. 00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:57.920 And even when human leadership falls short, the Lord remains faithful. 00:41:58.400 --> 00:42:02.800 So ultimately, our hope is not in perfect husbands or in perfect marriages. 00:42:02.960 --> 00:42:05.280 Husbands are our worth. 00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:10.880 Our hope is not in perfect wives or in perfect marriages in perfect scenarios. 00:42:11.119 --> 00:42:14.559 Our hope is in a faithful Savior who never grows distant. 00:42:14.960 --> 00:42:19.519 He never withholds his presence and he never stops loving his bride. 00:42:20.480 --> 00:42:23.039 And that's the hope we hold on to today. 00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:31.360 No matter the roles we serve in life, no matter our current situation or circumstances, we have a savior and his name is Jesus. 00:42:31.679 --> 00:42:38.559 And he loves us and he gave himself for us that we might have forgiveness of sin and eternal life with God. 00:42:38.880 --> 00:42:53.599 And I want to tell you today, for as much as this is a challenging word that I'm sure has led us into some conviction today, to say, Man, am I truly stewarding that which God has entrusted to us? 00:42:53.760 --> 00:43:00.239 I want to remind you today that his grace is sufficient for you and his power is made perfect in your weakness. 00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:09.199 So if you're here this morning and you're wrestling, you're grappling with what does this look like for me, I'm so far down the line, I'm so deep in the trenches right now. 00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:10.079 What does it look for me? 00:43:10.239 --> 00:43:14.800