Modelland by Tyra Banks (Ch. 8-12)

We have FINALLY made it to The Day of Discovery (aka T-DOD)! Join us as we dive deep into chapters 8-12 of Modelland! 

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Transcript

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Cold Open From The Pouch

Abigail 0:02

And she's shocked and she's like, What about my brother? I'm not doing the accent. She's like, What about my brothers and sisters? They're tagging Dylan. A voice distant voice announced a rolling wave of murder's head at Dylan's way and grew louder. Dylan's mouth dropped open. Look of understanding washed across her face. But what about my brothers and sisters? Dylan gestured to a tiny house near the dental and feminine hygiene. I got four each. I'll look after them. And they're like, don't worry, baby. This is your time. Mama, I'm going to model land. Maybe. Dylan ran her hands over her generous hips and shrugged. So she's fat, basically. It's like the whole thing is she's just fat. She's a fatty. She's probably not. If you guys are wondering, she's probably like, you know, a 14. No, she's shaped like a cola bottle.

unknown 0:48

Yeah.

Abigail 0:54

Welcome

Welcome And How To Support

Abigail 0:55

to the Redirect Podcast. I'm Abigail Freshley. And I'm Emily Rojas. The Redirect Podcast is the show where we shift the conversation back to books. We discuss themes from some of our favorite books and how those themes show up in our real lived experiences. On today's episode, we are discussing yet again Model Land by Tyra Banks. Chapters 8 through 12. But before we get to that, um, if you are loving our Modeland deep dive and you want to support us and let us know that you're enjoying it, please consider going to Spotify and or Apple Podcasts. Leave us a five-star review and let us know that you're loving the show. You can also follow us on Instagram and TikTok at redirectpodcast. You can follow Emily on all platforms at Emily Rowhouse Reads. Me on Instagram at Fabigal Insta and on TikTok at Fabigal11. You can go to redirectpodcast.com to search our media library and check out our merch. And if you really, really love the show, you can share our show with a friend. Because sharing our show with a friend is by far the best way to help us grow our community of book-loving nerds. We have never once monetized anything on this podcast. We could have easily put heated rivalry behind a paywall, except that we're too lazy to figure out how to do that. So the least you the least you could do is share our show with a friend, if you really think about it. Hey, food for thought. Yeah. Share a show with a friend, five-star review. That's all we're asking. That's all we're asking. Anyway. And I'm feeling that more now more than ever on our third of question mark installment of Modeling by Tower Banks because this was yet another tough read. But

Fast Recap Of ModelLand Stakes

Abigail 2:47

um hey, at least we are at T Dod. We're finally at T Dod. We're about a fourth of the way through. Um, so that's exciting. And I thought we finally know what's gonna happen. Um, okay, I do want to say if you've missed our first two episodes of Modeland, I do think you should go listen to them. But a very brief recap: Tuki de la Creme, she lives in this world. It's called Model Land. There's this huge thing. It's called the Day of Discovery. Tuki is ugly, she looks really weird, and she's a forgetta girl. She has this crush, he doesn't really like her back. She has this dumb sister. They're getting ready to go to the Day of Discovery, which is like all these girls basically compete to see who will get selected to go to this special academy for models, and then of that group, people from seven of those people will become seven sevens who are like these esteemed models who have um like superpowers. Sound like you're describing like a Pyrene scheme. Like, okay, and if 17 spaghetti girls, and then outputs that we'll be in Toxabellas of the Seven Sevens. Anyway, yeah. Who else wants to be watching their goal by midnight on Thursday? We're burning the ships, ladies. We're burning the ships. There's no way out but through. Come on, mamas. Kids are found. Oils are sold. All right. I wish I were bothered by that. All right. I wish we were too, honestly. Um, so yeah, we're at T Dod finally. Finally. Chapter eight. Eight chapters. We have to really cooking. This is when we're really gonna start cooking with the plot. We think less than I thought, though. To be cooking like less sapin than I thought. We're cooking less than I thought, but we are finally at T Dot. I feel like I've been like edged this whole time about T Dot, and now we're finally correct. All right. Um, we're back with our omniscient narrator. Correct. I miss her. Who did I say that was? Um, there's like a voice that speaks from Modeland. Like when the Toxabellas come down, you thought it was gonna be them. In my mental, in my brain, it's RuPaul. That's the voice I'm hearing. Oh, mine is Tyra Banks. I just assume this is Tyra talking to us through the book. So but RuPaul's a good one too. I like it, just makes me feel more comforted. Yeah, that's better. Mind damaged. So uh, do you want me to kick it off with the omniscient narration? We gotta read them. We've we've read all of them so far. So go for it. Okay, here we go. Can you smell

The Diabolical Divide And The Plague

Abigail 5:36

it? Oh, wait, no, sorry. Chapter eight is titled Welcome to T Dod. Can you smell it? Feel it, taste it? Oh, I can. And it tastes oh so sweet. And the sound, deafening. Think about the loudest, most riotous crowd you've ever been in, and quadruple it. Then multiply that by the power of ten. That is the day of discovery. And yes, my darling, that delightful day has arrived. The whole world is flooding to Miitopia to see the dialectical spectacle unfold. It takes place all over the planet, of course, on the sexy beaches of Terra Bossa Nova, on the strip of Striptown. But there's nowhere like Miitopia for the most authentic experience. Model Land is right there after all. At the top of Miitopia's highest peak, everyone wants to see the scouts' first descent from the mountain and their final flight back to the land. Their capacious carriages full of new recruits. I'm gonna pause here and just say in these next few chapters, there is like a ton of very casual and confusing world building. So if you are confused in this, don't worry. Yeah, same. So am I. But some visitors don't trek from the corner of the globe just to see the scout's initial descent. Some come to experience something else. The aftermath, the madness that affects the forsaken, the rejected, the unchosen, and the denied once all the discovery after parties have ended. There are always some rejected candidates who just cannot accept Model Land's decision. They are so sure they deserve a spot in the new class, so convinced that there has been a terrible mistake, that they embark on a pilgrimage to the diabolical, this is still going, you guys, the diabolical divide in hopes that Model Land will see firsthand the grave oversight that has been committed. Okay, so we're learning from this. There's like a second chance. Hail Mary, for people who are like, I should have been chosen. Correct. Called the Diabolical Divide. Those intrepid females, that's crazy. Those intrepid females, the pilgrims, as they are called, have tunnel vision so laser focused that no one can convince them they're mistaken. People call this debilitating illness the plague. The first telltale symptoms are profuse sweating, massive headaches, and bulging veins. This plague is worse than the one you might already be familiar with. The B one. Bubonic that is really custom. The B one. Bubonic that is darling. That plague induces seizures, fevers, chills, gland swelling, the upchucking of blood, and the decomposition of skin while one is still alive. But I will take the bubonic plague any day. For it's caught, for if it's caught in time, it can be ousted from the body with a simple swallow of one or two of mycens, genta or strepto. The pilgrim plague, however, is terminal darling. And I'm not referring to an airline departure lounge. Oh thank God, thanks for clearing that up. Because I was really confused actually. None who have journeyed up the fountain have ever made it to Model Land, and none have returned to Mitopia alive. Now, doesn't that send Shivera shivers all the way down your sky-high stilettos? Absolutely. I mean, I was just thinking that. The thing that troubles me here is that we've spent the last two chapters, like kind of really slow moving, I think, with this like backstory about Chris de la creme and the cream and the dolls, and then the dolls. And now we're just like in like three paragraphs, they're like, here's all this information about this world that you didn't know already. You just like get it. Correct. Yes. Which I'm like, why did we spend so much time on wingtip and gymnastics? It means nothing. Yes. And unless unless it all means something, but not everything can mean something. I'm already gonna argue that we have already arrived at the first um thing that was built up that means nothing soon, which is the SMIS, which played zero part in what's about to happen in the SMIS but zero rule. Um so unless that's coming back around, which it really doesn't feel like it is, it just feels like a lot of this is kind of gonna end up being meaningless. So that would be my prediction. Uh concerning, very concerning, yes. Um agree. Okay, so many things. Also, again, like it's like, oh, here's some casual world building about our like antibiotics. We don't call them antibiotics in this world, they're called micins, and you can get the gento or the strepto. Anyway, don't worry about it. Anyways, just oh my god. Like, hey, that's so unnecessary. Like, no, we didn't actually need that. Edited this, no one wait till we get to the fact that they're on Earth. Because that took me by surprise. But we'll get to it. We'll get that. Okay. So yeah, they get to see odd. So chapter eight opens, and the Day La Crumbs are all in the family station wagon, pulling into downtown Lodorno, which as a reminder is like the swanky, yeah,

T-Dod Crowds And World Confusion

Abigail 11:00

rich part of Miitopia. Correct. And it's just kind of like, you know, it's like it's giving like Times Square on New Year's Eve. Just people clambering over each other. It's packed. There's like protesters, there's uh supporters, there's the girls who are there to walk, there's there's everybody, every every faction is representative. Yes, and there's uh a reminder yet again where the hell is CL? And people are wondering where this this uh intoxabella is. If that doesn't pay off, I'm I'm actually going to like write a letter to tell me. I get so mad. I do think it will, but it's consistent. I think it's Lizzie. I think it's Lizzie. Yeah, I'm on I'm with you on that. Or she's somewhat bombed for sure. So uh so yeah, there's this is also like another thing that's kind of seems important to know, which is that not everyone in Miitopia loves T Dod, which yeah, it was built up to be like this is the most important thing, but there's people protesting it and being like, Yes, we're anti-beauty standards and blah, you know. I was also surprised by the fact that um there are okay, so there's the spectators, and then it says overpowering all the spectators were the thousands upon thousands of candidates making their way to Lodorno Square, homely girls, riveting girls, short and tall girls, droopy-eyed and doe-eyed girls, shapely hipped and pigeon-toed and slew and flat-footed girls, twig-limbed and ample-figured and athletic girls, all of them march into the square with confidence. So there's a lot of girls, thousands upon thousands. And I just want to say thousands upon thousands. We're about to find out there's no organized, like, there's not like a runway where everyone takes a turn. It's just crazy, by the way. Crazy. People just like walking around. But not only there are, there's over a thousand girls at this location in Ladorno, there are over 1,000 other cities hosting chaotic day of discovery events all over the world. One screen shows girls planting atop a frozen lake in the town of Paulinian. Others displayed candidates milling excitedly in cleared out sugarcane fields and Cueto. Pilts wearing tribal leaders dancing ceremonially all around them. A third depicted a massive crowd of young ladies gathered around an auto racetrack in the city of 500. I guess that's Daytona. I'm still not really getting. I thought Mietopia was the world. I thought so too. But we're the world. The entire next few chapters, and I imagine actually beyond that, given how things end in chapter 12, we're learning that there is an entire literal world, like our existing world, and everybody celebrates the day of discovery. What I also don't understand about this part, we're seeing the other cities on the screen, but in a few pages, we're gonna find out that the day of discovery does not happen simultaneously. It is based on your time zone. So it's like happening continuously. It is like New Year's Eve, like the the day happens at different times around the globe. When it's midnight where you are, yeah. Correct. So I don't understand how all these other seemingly, if we're gonna make assumptions about where they are, uh, that they're all in different time zones, but the girls are already there. But then in the I'm overthinking this, but the holdless to say is this is very confusing. Yeah, it is confusing. And and I want to also I want to anchor us back in to Tuki and Lizzie's Exodus plan, which there was their plan from the last chapter where they were gonna run away, but it didn't work out. I'm finding out now there's an entire globe. They actually they mentioned the earth, so this is planet Earth, okay, later in this book. They're like, it crashed down to Earth. Okay, so we're on Earth. They could go anywhere on Earth for their runaway, correct? But still, their grand plan is to go to like the edge of Miitopia on the beach and set up a factory. Yes, but nice one. I just want to say, what if we thought a little bigger? We could dream. A little bigger with your escape plan. Right. Um, and we're learning also like that the other cities, I guess, or like environs on this version of Earth, they're not all centered on manufacturing. Some of them are centered on other stuff. So now it's making more sense, I guess. Yeah, like who's buying all the stuff. Correct. Yeah, it's that it does make sense. But it's kind of like the world is hyper local. Like, like it makes the supply chain alone in this world must be insane. Because if you want to get a candle, we'll get there. You have to get it from like one place on the entire planet. That's where all the world's candles are made. So, like, that just doesn't seem like logistically sound to when we're on actual planet Earth, like we are on like you're having to ship stuff. If you're in China and you want a candle, you have to get it from the other wherever this place is. I don't even know. Um, but like the shipping, what are we doing? I don't understand. So anyway, I don't understand either. Super teaching. We just have to let it go. I what I would like to know is if every town has their own discrete mountain with the eye coming out from behind the clouds. I don't think so. I think that is in Meetup. The Miitopia one is the place. Because I say too, like, oh, we have a lot of like um a lot of potential candidates are always chosen from here, and uh because we have the mountain and we have the manufacturing, and so there you guys could always come work jobs here, like they're trying to recruit people to move to Miitopia. Okay, so it's to like support the model and endeavor. Okay. So it's like the hub. But it's only the one, yeah. Because they're gonna go in a little bit and collect people, and I assume they're all gonna be brought back to Miitopia. I don't know. I don't know. Not to spoil what's about to happen. This is so crazy. This is not at all what I expected T Dodd to be, by the way. Yeah, nothing. We will I I don't have a ton in here to highlight, and I don't stop me if you do, but just as like uh an overview of what's happening, we get there. First of all, okay, so Miracle is Tuki's little sister, she's all dressed up, she has the smise again. Uh having a smise is supposed to up your chances of getting picked to 91%. Um this doesn't seem to have any bearing on anything that's going on. Um strangely though, her face does absorb the smise and it becomes her eyeshadow. So that was weird, but yeah, you know, that's only affecting us. The the method of the walk

The Walk Rule And Scout Arrivals

Abigail 18:05

is like they have like 30, there's like a countdown clock, and a lot of it's a good thing before we get to the walk? Yes, yes. Randomly, I'm sure I hope this comes up later, but it is mentioned in like two paragraphs that there are three obelisks that appeared at the base of the mountain six months ago, and nobody knows what they are or what they're for or where they came from or what they do. Okay. Um, basically that's it. Uh, they're just obelisks. So just a important note is it could be. Who knows? Where like this hasn't come up at all before. Oh, yeah, those obelisks showed up six months ago. We don't know where they came from. Okay, cool. I've seen a rival. The vibe, like the pace of this book is like um if you're playing an imaginary game with like a six-year-old, yeah, and then they're like, wait, okay, pause. Pause the game. All right, now pretend that I'm wearing a pink zebra-shaped dress. Okay, a zebra print dress. Okay, go play. Yeah. And then like, yeah, play for a little bit longer. Okay, wait, pause. Now, um, actually pretend I'm the queen. Like, we're literally Oh, wait, wait. Hold on, what? We're like backdating all the information, anyways. Yeah, the walk has no rhyme or reason. Could not be. There's not, there isn't a main stage. There isn't like it's not a fashion show. When the when the clock starts, everyone that is wanting to be like potentially chosen by one of these scouts, T Dot scouts, is just supposed to walk around like in a circle, their own runway. Just make your own runway anywhere. Yeah. Anywhere. So it's just a bunch of people walking around and into each other, and it's like thousands of like it's like a horde of like people just kind of walking around in circles. Yes, pushing around. As soon as this happens, it becomes clear, like, okay, so Tuki, all she has to do is accidentally take a step. I was thinking there's gonna be a runway. How is she gonna get there if she's not planning to participate? But it just it's it's actually you just have to walk make one step anywhere in this. And actually, yeah, to be fair, it's not even clear that that's required, but anyway, that's how it's done. So yeah, so that is how it starts. You see during this period of time. This is we kind of get into chapter nine here. There's no omniscient narrator. Um no. But okay, so it starts as thousands of girls stamped into the square all at once, heels clacked, dresses swished, hairdo's wobbled, the T Dot theme song boomed in a pulsating beat. There was one rule and one roll one rule and one rule only. A girl must be walking in order to be chosen. And so Creamy's like, Miracle, like, you know, do this. Don't dance. Don't dance, miracle. You're a horrible dancer. Just walk. So there's a lot going on, and then these like scouts start to appear. And this was like unbelievably confusing to me. I don't know about you. These kind of like fairy like people emerge out of objects, um like a car or a lamp or someone's head. Yes. And then they like scoop asteroid. Yes. Yeah. They scoop up people that are being chosen to go to some place that we don't know. Correct. Yes, one says an asteroid rocketed to Earth, throwing up chunks of marble all around the square and causing nearby runway walkers to flee in hysterics. A stunning scout emerged from the rubble with skin that seemed Be made of rough stone. She wore a bathing suit ensemble that appeared to be made of rocks. She tapped a long, a tall, long-haired girl in a plain, dingy cotton dress. The dress wasn't nearly as fancy as most of the outfits the girls were wearing, and its front was wet with tears. When the girl looked up and saw the scout, her jaw dropped. And then basically the scout grabs her. The scout the scout nodded and grabbed the sobbing girl's hand, and they both disappeared into a hole in the ground. Immediately, all the broken marble flew into the sky, reassembled, and then dropped right back to exactly where it had been before the disruption. Yeah, so here's what happens with all these different objects. There's no rhyme or reason to it. And one thing we start to notice as the scouts start snatching people up is that they are not conventionally beautiful. It's just it's kind of weird. In all of this hullabaloo, I do want to shout out that we have a Theophilious Lovely Sismother. I was gonna say. Which again, he makes his appearance again. I don't think that this is even materializing into anything. Like I have no idea. But um she's like, so Tuki is in the middle of all of the melee, and she hears, uh, I know you, right? Turkey. Tuki turned and nearly jumped out of her skin. Standing next to her was Theophilia's lovelaces. His eyes glistened in the Lodorno sun. He was seeing her, actually seeing her. His eyes focused right on hers. His words were meant for her. Tuki smiled, tried to smile, but she had a feeling her mouth made more of a grimace. You're not participating, Theophilia asked, gesturing to the crowd. Tuki opened her mouth but couldn't speak. She was dying to say, Really? Me? Have you lost your mind? But instead, a cross between a yelp, a sneeze, and a burp came out. Good for you, Theophilia's indicated, and the can Theophilia's indicated to Canada Square. This is a little crazy. They both turned to Zarpeza, who strutted confidently right over an open manhole that three girls had just fallen into. Okay. Her long, straight auburn hair streamed behind her. We remember we hate Zarpeza. Yeah, she's her skin glistened in the sun. She wore a bright yellow dress that seemed electrified with matching yellow shoes. Tuki assumed it was her the ensemble Lizzie had mentioned the other day, the one that Zarpeza had fought over at the clothing dump. That's right, because Zarpeza is like secretly poor. She even makes trash look beautiful. Turkey. Oh my god. Tuki murmured. Theophilius glanced at her in surprise. Oh nothing. It pained her to say that the very first conversation with Theophilus was about Zarpeza. She considered telling Theophilious about Zarpeza's dumpster digging, but then clamped her mouth shut, no matter how much she envied Zarpeza, exposing something that awful was just too mean. And then Theophilious looks at her and says, What's your name anyway? Theophilius asks, looking at Tuki again, which is just heartbreaking. Crazy. And then she points to that Toki button that she thought was like a sign that they were supposed to be together. And then he goes insane, by the way. The way he talks to her is giving, you know how like some popular kids or boys especially would like befriend a student with special needs. You know what I'm talking about? There's just specific, dynamic. There's nothing like mean spirited about it, but like it just is giving, like, good for you. Like Holly's first day on the at the office in Scrampton. She thinks that um she thinks that uh Kevin's intellectually disabled. It's exactly what it feels like. I drive a car just like you. You're doing a swell job. Doing super that's exactly what it feels like to me. Also, then Tuki's like staring longingly at Zarpeza. I'm like, which one of these two do you actually have a crush on? Because she's like, God, she can make trash look beautiful. It's like, okay. Investigate thyself, Tookie. Anyways, again, does this any of this matter? I don't really know. Okay. Moving on. So more people that are weird. Scout picks. Um,

Theophilius Meets Tuki And Zarpeza

Abigail 26:10

and then uh we are there's a car. The family car. Why are we by the car? Hold on, I'm gonna figure it out. Um, okay. Blah blah blah blah. So the time is winding down. Time is craning down. It's like a miracle will happen for the miracle. I just know it. So it's winding down. We're starting to get worried, and this this the what's the thing called? Smise. It's not doing something. It's not some, it's not paying off. Um, Mr. DeLacreme, Christopher, uh, so basically everybody's running out of space because people are panicking and freaking out. And so Christopher is like, Tukey, get up here on this car and give your sister space. Like, we'll clear our bodies out, and she'll have this little space to walk. So Tuki and Mr. and Mrs. De La Cram climb on top of a car, and then Miracle's trying to walk. Um, yeah. So then they're standing on top of this car, and then the roof of the car turns into a scout somehow. This was so confusing to me. Like the the roof of the car turns in. The roof of the car is diamond encrusted. Okay. Right. And then that turns out a shimmering gown that the scout is wearing. And I think we can all see where this is going. She reaches her hand out to Tuki, not Miracle. Yes. And it's like three, two, one. Yeah. And the the daylight crimes are freaking out insanely. And then Dieter's like, I guess just go with her. Like, it's better one of our daughters goes than none. So now we've made it to chapter 10. So she gets in there. There's no omniscient narrator in in chapter 10. No. It's called Boo Big Teak Nation. This is like, we're about to embark on, like, I don't know, um, around the world in a hundred, what is it, 180 days? Around the Aries in 80 days. Uh yeah, it's like like we're just gonna be going around and we're gonna see all the places that exist. Right. So when Tuki agrees to go with the Scout, the Scout kind of wraps her up in like a kangaroo pouch of her gown.

unknown 28:47

Yeah.

Abigail 28:48

That like she turns her gown into like a net. Yeah, a net. And she can see out of it. It's kind of veiled. She can see out of it, and they're like flying high in the sky, and they are flying. Yes. She can the the scouts can fly, but they can also like transport their bodies like through matter. You know, why not? Yeah, why not really? When they're in the sky, they can travel like faster than a plane. Like they're like they're they're they're they're booking it. Yeah. Yeah. So what happens when she's in the pouch? So she kind of like starts to they go higher and higher, and she like sees things. She sees like a party happening, a bunch of old men in and with young women dates. So that's you know, social commentary. Um, then she sees some kids. Uh, then she's like, I'm obviously dreaming, this isn't real, but then she's like, no, this actually might be real. And then um, she sees like the empty streets of Ladorno because everybody's in the thing for T Dot. But then she also sees uh a figure running down an alley and she recognizes it as Lizzie, and she's like, Lizzie, and then Lizzie sees her and is kind of like shaking her head and running off. Because and she's like, Oh, we have to stop because I don't want Lizzie to think that I blew her off on Exodus so that I could go to Model Land or like doing it. Like I wasn't trying to eat, I was chosen. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like I'm not a bad friend, but whatever. So she just goes off. Yeah. And then yeah, they keep they keep flying, they stop by the obelisks, so they do come up again slightly, and they're going back towards the ground, and she's like, We're gonna crash into the ground. She's panicking, and then they kind of go through the ground into a tunnel sort of thing underground, and then they're kind of zooming. She hears the she hears the T Dodd theme song set to banjos. Um, she sees a light. So I don't know, it's unclear if they're just going really, really fast or if there's some kind of portal. There might be some kind of portal because um, you know, there's like a there's she goes through a light and then they find themselves in the title of this chapter, which is the Boo Big Teak Nation. So Right, which is like Which like to explain what the Boo

Miracle’s Moment And Tuki Chosen

Abigail 31:25

Big Teak Nation is. It's basically like they all live in a Walmart. They live in a Walmart. They they never leave the entire community, lives in the store that they buy all of their goods in and produce the goods in. And it is basically like West Virginia vibes. It's like we're in West Virginia in a Walmart, a super Walmart. So she they pop their and she's like, oh my god, Tuki gasps aloud. I'm in big uh boo, big teak nation walking, ladies. A chipper voiced man boomed over them. It looks like we've got a Zarconi encrested Model Land Scout on the loose. Thousands of girls screamed with excitement. Voices bubble through the air. Where is she? A girl screamed. I think I see her in aisle four fifty three near the near the purple light bulb section. Whatever. Tuki looked to the pouch, taking in Big Boop Big Boob Tik Nation for the first time. She'd read all about the place. It was the most convenient of convenience stores, for everyone lived inside the giant convenient of convenience stores. Oh, sorry, because everyone lived inside the giant store. Um, small houses peppered the perimeter as far as Tuki could see, and a wide upper level balcony filled with larger houses encircled the entire place. To her left was a j was a large section of motor homes for sale. A board salesman sat under a sign that read, Ready to take your family on a boo big teak vacation tour. Explore the other side of the nation in style. The rest of the square footage contained mile upon mile of merchandise, but no one was shopping. Everywhere Tuki looked, girls were walking. They were in a different part of the country, in a different time zone. It's still T Dod here, Tukey thought. So there's still big Boo Big Teak Nation is still in the country of wherever the country is. So city is the city's Miitopia, which is divided into four quadrants, and then they live in a country, which they share with Boobig Teak Nation, and then there's a world. Stop off, please. No, what the fuck? Okay. Miitopia has the four quadrants. I need a map. Wait, is there a map at the beginning? Hold on. You keep talking. Four quadrants. Miitopia has four quadrants. There is a map. Wait, what is this? No, it's just a drawing. That's not helpful actually at all. Is it I need a map? No, it's like it's like a bunch of random bizarre stuff. This is the drawing. Yeah, yeah. Okay, not helpful. For once I actually want a map in the beginning of a book. I never look at those maps. But this time I I do fear I need it. There's a fan-made map. And it just basically looks like a blobby landmass. That's not helpful. I don't know, dude. Alright, well, let's not put too much thought in this. Basically, we are introduced to in the secondary country. But a different time zone. So uh the girl stood behind the counter. Her name tag said Dylan. Dylan was shaved like a bottle of boo big T Cola and had a heart-shaped face. Her lips were full and naturally raspberry colored, and her lavender blue eyes sparkled. Her thick, healthy golden blonde hair stretched to her butt, and she wore it in two ponytails, one on each side of her head. Her monochromatic outfit was the exact hue of her lavender blue eyes. An apron with strips of blinking lights displayed boo in bold across her dress, uh in bold across her chest, big in block letters down her right thigh, antique in script across her buttocks. New Halloween costume just dropped. I love gay Halloween. What do you mean? You're Dylan from Dorothy. Dylan why can't I walk? I've been practicing my struty strut. She twirled around Dylan. DD, you know you can't walk today, baby cakes. You're only five years old. Plus, mama would go crazy on me if she saw you were anywhere near that loony bin farm of desperate chicks. The little girl pouted. Can I walk with you then right here? She won't know. Dylan smiled good naturedly at her sister. Okay, baby cakes, stand on my feet. As if on cue, a crash sounded down an aisle. You stole my walking style. A girl in an ivory outfit screamed to strawberry blonde. Okay, blah blah blah blah blah. There's like a big hullabaloo. Someone gets knocked out on aisle 69 or whatever. So Dylan sighs and whispers something in her sister's ear and then march down towards the altercation because she like works here, I guess, swinging her hips to dodge frantic walkers and lifting her arms to squeeze between displays. Dylan looks graceful and very sexy, even if she slid in the oil spill. Come on, ladies! Dylan shouted at Strawberry, who was swinging punches at no at anyone nearby. Six instigating girls continued to prance and strut around the ruckus. Dylan's mere presence seemed to calm Strawberry. Dylan put her hands on her hips, cleared her throat, and spoke like a referee. Okay, so since the day you were born, you here in the big boo big teak hospital, nursed on wombat milk. You had dreams of going to Modeland. Am I correct? And has Model Land magazine ever mentioned that it prefers girls with high hopes of being the next welterweight champion of the BBT nation? Dylan asked. The girls shook their head. Then let's get back to fulfilling your dreams, ladies. Y'all are on busted looking now from your championship bat, but pull your confidence from your insides. That's gotta count for something. Wombat milk? Oh my god, I would trust Dylan with my life. Dylan is running the bad team. I can't I can't even blinker on wombat milk. There's no way that's cost effective. Like, how many wombats are there? Why are we getting the money? Why are we farming? Is that like one of the cities that's like farms wombat wombat? It's like a womb on wombat dairy.

Flying Away And Seeing Lizzie

Abigail 38:10

I have no idea. Maybe this is like Bucky's. Okay. Oh my god. So more things happen, more things happen. It's established that Dylan is like she's like she's kind of like a hot girl who like doesn't, but she's like a tomboy, you know. She's like, she's cool and sexy, but not but she's like the boss and she's more like working class and she's not whatever. Um and she gets chosen. Yes. By the same scout that has um Tuki in her kangaroo pouch.

unknown 38:56

Yes.

Abigail 38:57

Her wombat pouch, somebody said. Yeah. And she's shocked and she's like, what about my brother? I'm not doing the accent. She's like, they're Tyke and Dalen. Voice, distant voice announced. A rolling wave of murder's head at Dylan's way grew louder. Dylan's mouth dropped open. Look of understanding washed across her face. But what about my brothers and sisters? Dylan gestured to a tiny house near the dental and feminine hygiene. I got four each. I'll look after them. And they're like, don't worry, Baby. This is your time. Mama, I'm going to model land. Maybe. Dylan ran her hands over her generous hips and shrugged. So she's fat, basically. It's like the whole thing is she's just fat. She's a fatty. She's probably like, you know, a 14. No, she's shaped like a cola bottle.

unknown 39:50

Yeah.

Abigail 39:52

Um, all right. So they're like, all right, you know, Dylan, go get them, girl. We love you. Don't forget where you came from. And she gets into the kangaroo pouch. And she's in there with Tookie. Oh, Lord. You've set a bad precedent because you can't do the accent on the next land. It's gonna be it's gonna be racist. No, no, no. I can do the the Walmart, West Virginia accent because that's my culture. Yeah, that's that's our culture. That's our culture. So yeah, then the scout leaves. It seems like also all these other worlds, like in Model Land, it seems like a lot of, or in Miitopia, sorry. Miitopia, a lot of girls get chosen. In these other lands, it seems like only one girl is being chosen. And this scout is going to these lands to only pick one girl in addition to Tuki. So Which makes sense when you explained the context of that's what they said, yeah. Yeah, Miitopia is kind of like New York or LA. Yeah, yeah. And then we're going to all these small towns, we're gonna get one of each. But there's a lot of LA girls there. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right, why don't you kick us off with chapter 11? Okay. Chapter 11 is called Shiraz Shiraz. So that's good. Um, so then they go, oh, it does say a portal. Okay, so they go through the green portal again, and then the pouch starts to fill with thick white goo. It's like it's pouch. Well, that's what Dylan says. She says, What the heck is happening? And Tuki's like, uh, because she doesn't know. But then when the the the goo submerges there, she can breathe the goo, she finds. Um, and then the goo releases them. And by the way, they burst out of a candle. Yeah. Guess what? The goo means nothing. We found No. The goo is the candle. Yeah, the goo is bec they're they're

Boo Big Teak Nation And Dylan

Abigail 41:55

turning into the candle. Like how the other girl came from the car. Then now they're becoming a candle, they're bursting out of a candle in the land of Candelabra, right? Yes. Can Del Abra. Um, Tuki has read it in a book once, and uh Dylan is so excited because they sell Candelabra candles in aisle 385 to 401. So that's an insane amount of candle idols. Um, and she likes to go over there during her break to smell the fudge scented ones. But Tuki doesn't like chocolate, so then they get in a little argument about like chocolate. That's ever gonna mean anything. No, she doesn't. I really don't think so. I think it's just like she's so dear. Dylan does like, girl, you don't want chocolate. You must be crazy. Yeah, she wouldn't be wrong, Dylan. Then we get to we see some olive skin people. Wait, reminder. Reminder to the listeners that haven't read this cursed book. Tuki randomly speaks like every language on earth. That's really important. She taught it to herself, remember, and she writes it in her journal, sometimes in other languages, just to like stay sure. Just to mix things up. All right, continue. So she hears someone talking, and it is it is written as a series of vowels where every single vowel has like an accent, an um laut, uh, I don't know what some of these other symbols are called, but every single vowel is written. It's just A-E-I. It's like A E I. Okay, so that's what this girl's saying. And then Tuki is like, oh my god, they're speaking Labrian, Libra Labrian, the official language of Candelabra, which she understands perfectly in case you forgot. Of course. And the girl had just said, Daddy, I'm so nervous the day of Discovery walk off is about to start, and my dress has still not arrived. So then we get to a petite, muscular girl with thick curly hair, face covered in freckles and full lips, and she has all these bundles and packages, and then the girl says. Sings a song, and once she finishes the song, she the messenger girl drops this address into her arms, and that's it. And then she says, Okay, let's go. So this girl is the girl she's delivering all the dresses to these girls who are waiting for the day of discovery. Yes. Um and Dylan's like, Wow, she's so fast. Um, so then she's delivering more and more and more, and she's running around, and then the scout goes to her and she's like, You're here for me? You're here for me? And scout's just standing there because she's a creep and she doesn't speak. And then Shiraz says, Oh, the language barrier. I try to speak in the English. I am Shiraz Shiraz, seven inches and four feet tall. So she's really short. Perfect for studies at the model land, yes? Which you would think no, because models are normally tall. Um, she straightens out her hair, and then the the girl throws her into the pouch, basically. Um, and then they go that back through the portal. And Shiraz is kind of a bit because she gets in there and looks at Tuki and Dylan, and she's like, Surely you guys are not also going because you're ugly. And come on. And then Tuki's like, Don't you realize that none of us look like model gland girls? Not one of us. Like, hey, you're one of us too. Like, you aren't all that. Yes. Um, and so then she's like, Dylan's like, yeah, wait, you're right. She looks at her broad thighs once again, don't forget. Um, and she's like, Do you got a theory about why we're all chosen? And Tuki's like, I don't know. I just don't know at all. So we're establishing that the it's the ugliest getting chosen this year. They're not traditional model types, and that is how Tuki has come to be in this pouch. And now we're in chapter 12. Okay, one more chapter. Let's push through. Notice how much world building was given to like the the the West Virginia girl, but Shiraz Shiraz were just like meh. She's like, This is vaguely like Morocco.

unknown 45:57

Yeah.

Abigail 45:58

She's like, eh, you know, whatever. Okay. They don't speak English there. Chapter 12 is first princess, first princess of sans calor. Or sans color. I don't know. So uh we're gonna. Yeah, why have we been saying it sans color? Like nobody told us to do that, but that is how I've been pronouncing it. I don't know. That feels right though. Yeah, it does. It does, it does. Um okay, so the pouch emerged into a sea of thin white strands. Some of them even entered the pouch, covering Tuki's head and drifting past her mouth. It tickled a little. Everyone started to giggle. What are we gonna pop out and add a now? Dylan joked. A horse tail? Through through the mesh wall of the pouch, Tookie saw a bear cave-sized hole and peeked in. Sticky, pasty gunk with peach fuzz was lodged inside. She frowned. I think we're inside of an ear. How could we be inside of an ear? Ear of a giant? That makes no sense. They end up popping out of an older woman's head, right? Uh the patch accelerated warning, popping out of a sea of white. Behind them, Tuki saw a pale-skinned woman with a long platinum lock screaming at the top of her lungs. Yes. She was also scratching her scalp, scalp, and poking at her ears. Which is crazy of the scout to do, by the way. Why did they have to do that? Imagine someone just flies out of your head. That's crazy. Anyway, yeah, you're right. Because Dylan says, you know, I think Tuki was right. I think we just popped out of that gray-haired woman's head. So that's cool. They're looking around. Okay, we're now even in an earlier time zone, and this is San's calorie. It's their uh, it's their T Dod. And then Dylan's like, they're all looking around, and Dylan squints into the crowd. How do they stand out for goodness sake? It's the battle of the plans. The blands, because that's the whole thing there is uh everybody's albino. Everyone's albino, and they all wear like colorless clothing. It's like it's like colorless, it's like monochromatic. It's like there's an aqua, there's a navy group, but they're all wearing like sets um of the same color. It's really odd. So Shiraz is like, oh, I get it. Okay, so earlier she heard the banjo's the T-Dod sound. That's when she went to West Virginia. Now she hears the T-Dod theme song with a drum major beat, and the walkers are like marching. So that's why every land has its own version of the T-Dod theme song. I'm getting it. The banjo's really confused me. But I'm getting it. That's why. Okay.

unknown 48:38

Mm-hmm.

Abigail 48:38

So yeah, there's Shiraz is like, is everybody here sick? And then Tuki's like, no, they have albinism. And then Shiraz is like, you mean they albinos? Oh no, sorry, Shiraz doesn't have a southern accent. You mean they albinos? No, but it reads like and then he's like, Tuki was pretty sure it was rude to call them albinos, but she kept her mouth shut, not knowing to seem like a know-it-all. Um I love that.

Candelabra Run And Shiraz Joins

Abigail 49:05

This like that's just like the author being like, hey guys, don't worry, I know that's not chill to say, but uh just in case this this character doesn't know, we're just gonna keep it on the mom. And so, yeah, and and Tuki hears people speaking Kalorian. Yes. And she of course sounds like rasping, gurgling, popping, and sucking sounds. Just the untrained ear, the language sounded like someone swallowing a bucket of raw oysters. But to Tuki, every tiny sound was beautiful, every language was. That's what she says. And Dylan's there, like that sound makes me want to clear my throat. Which is fair, because if I heard a people speaking a language that sounded like swallowing a bucket of raw oysters, I might feel the same way. Um, and so their like leader is like sitting on her throne, and Tuki is overhearing this conversation that the scout is having with the leader. And she translates it, and she's like, if you can guarantee safety for whomever you choose, you may select anyone who declares herself willing. That is my pledge. And so it's like, okay. They're having to in in sans calore, they're having to like barter and make an agreement for someone to go as a representative, which is kind of interesting. Yeah, it was kind of weird because it's like she's saying you have to promise that whoever you choose will be safe. So it's like, do they know something? Did the Sans Colorians know that like something's amiss about this? Um, because also, uh, so the scout chooses the princess, whose name is Piper, um, who's the daughter of the Prime Minister, which again, I don't really know how a prime minister has a princess daughter, but we're just not gonna must keep that. Um, and and the prime minister starts freaking out and is like, you can't take her, she's my daughter. And so it's like, do they know? Is there something weird going on in Modeland? And it seems like they're a little more wary than the other lands we visited so far, where they're really excited and it's like an honor to be chosen. Yeah. Right. And she's like, I am Piper, first princess of Sans Calore, and I have rights. I hereby accept admines to Modeland. Piper's mother hurled a menacing popping sound at her daughter. I will not allow you to go to that mindless school on the mountain. So then like bullets start flying. Yeah, the the prime minister gets mad because they put Piper in the pouch and start flying off. And so then the prime minister says fire, and then um, we're they're being dodged around and spiraling and dodging and stuff. And Tuki's like, oh, she's dodging their bullets uh because the soldiers start firing their weapons at them. And then whirling sideways, the pouch burst out of the bubble dangerously close to a war-torn concrete jungle that surrounded Sans Khalira. Okay. Thousands of 10-foot spears pointed at the bubble now shifted their aim. So, okay, okay, okay. I'm understanding now. There's a bubble around the world of Sans Kalour. Just on the other side of that bubble, where they're fleeing to, there is a war-torn concrete jungle. So, like a city, and there are thousands of spears pointed at the bubble. I guess they're trying to attack Son'Kalour, but then they aim at the scout, and it says a horde of demonic yellow-eyed jungle inhabitants stared at the pouch, roaring savagely. One wrong move, and the pouch would be ripped to shreds. And I that is the end of chapter 12. I do want to do a quick preview. The first sentence in chapter 13 is what in the name of wombat milk are those things? And that would be Dylan. So the wombat milk is um making a reappearance, and uh yeah, we'll see where that goes. Uh what's gonna happen to them. I'm assuming they're about to pick up another gal. Um we tapped out at chapter 12 this go round, but I'm sure more adventures await us in chapter 13. It feels like why is this necessary? Because it's almost like this section of undetermined length. I mean, I it I'm looking at the next few chapter titles, and it does feel like we're gonna be on this journey for some time. This would be like if in the Hunger Games, instead of Katniss like being on the train and going to the Capitol and like looking at the blur of the districts going by, this would be like her stopping for a full chapter in every single district and being like, I know this is district 10. Here they make this. Let's go find someone, let's go pick up the victors. Oh, now we're gonna meet them. And it's like, hey, this is so unnecessary, actually. To the like, you could just skip this. This isn't needed. You could do one of these scenes and then blur through the rest. So, anyway, I can't wait to see where they go next in the name of Wombat Milk. Um, and yet again, we have almost approached an hour of talking about a video. We haven't even gotten to Model Land yet. Yeah, somehow I am I am left with more questions than answers. At every turn, I am more confused. Um, so join us next time if we do return to this world, which we may or may not, to see what's going to happen next. I do feel like I have to finish it at this point. So Yeah, at this point we're in. Like we're really invested. So anyway, stay tuned. Thank you for supporting our endeavors. Please leave us a five-star review and let us know that you love the show. Emily, what have you read recently? Okay, to in in the spirit of transparency, um, the only thing I have read right recently is a a very lengthy amount of a list of fan fiction. I have also read a few additional Ice Planet Barbarians, and I have started a reread of the pairing, which I am really enjoying. I haven't really finished anything else. So I have not much to contribute because my I've been on like a summer binge, so that's all kind of mindless. Um, the pairing is just as good as I remember. I've been like kind of slow rolling it because it's so good and I don't want it to be over again. I'm having a really good time with it, so it's very painful. Um, and the barbarians, I'm trying to catch up on my reading goal, so I'm like on book six now, I think, and I still have a deficit. Uh so I'm like yeah, four books left until I'm back on track, despite everything. And um, the fan fiction, I'm having a great time reading, but what fandoms? You know, DM for Rex. There's only the one really Wolf Star. Yeah, I'm kind of out on heated rivalry fix right now. So Okay, alright, alright, all right. It's kind of scary over there. Um and heated rivalry fix. Yeah, I feel like there's a lot going on, and there's so many of them, and there's there's also like I feel like every other one, like when I'm searching for for heated rivalry fix, I am like

Sans Calore Princess Taken Under Fire

Abigail 55:55

having to really screen out because many of the fix are like, Ilya actually dies. Yeah. I'm like, um I'm okay. I think that's interesting too, because it's like I think you see the deficits because like in the okay, Wolf Star, which I mostly read, the actual canon source material is so incredibly sad if you're like treating it earnestly, that there are like an a bun, of course there are sad fics, but it's like most of them are happy or like fix it or like fluff. And then like heated rivalry where the source material is like gen. I mean, of course, there's angst, there's tension, whatever, but it's like generally very happy and they live happily ever after. It's like so many figs are like the worst thing you can imagine. Like Ilia gets dementia and or like horribly injured and like plane crash, yeah. I'm okay, I'm actually good. Thank you. Yeah, like sometimes that is the vibe. I I did a really, really cute short one um that was like uh they Shane and Ilya went on the uh Sesame Street. I saw that on TikTok. I saw someone posting. It was really short, it was sweet. Yeah, that is cute. Anyways, if you went down here rivalry rex, DM me for Rex because I did have some I really liked. So yeah, yeah. Okay, I am what have you read recently? Well, this is I've read a couple of things that were good, but not groundbreaking. Like they I I wanted them to be better. And um, but I will I will share. Uh I would say this is the first time in the last few years where I really feel like I might not reach my reading goal. Like I I make this progress and then I lose the progress and I make the and so I'm just like, I don't know. Anyways, whatever happens, happens. Yeah, whatever, whatever it will be, will be. Um, okay, so these are two books that I both gave three stars. But this is the thing about three stars. It can mean, oh, it's pretty good, or it can mean, ugh, that was fine. Yeah. It's just like three stars. So true. It requires most ambiguous rating. Yeah. Yeah. So I actually moved the second one to 2.75 because I was like, I just rated this other one three. Yeah. So anyway, um, the first is Murder on Sex Island by Joe Firestone. Have you ever heard of this?

unknown 58:20

Okay.

Abigail 58:20

This sounds familiar. Uh so it started as a podcast because Joe Firestone had this idea for a book, and she couldn't get a publisher to pick it up. She couldn't get it to sell. So she was like, you know, I'm just gonna write this and I'm just gonna make it into a podcast where I'm reading my book basically as an audiobook. And then fascinating. Yeah, and then it really took off and it did, then it did get trad published. So um the idea here is that um there is this woman uh who is of like a burnt-out social worker who quit social work and she became a private investigator with an alternate identity. And her alternate identity is uh Luella Horn. Luella Van Horn.

unknown 59:10

Sure.

Abigail 59:11

Luella Van Horn is kind of like um younger version of like Long Island medium. So like she's from Long Island. She's got this like her, she has a disguise, like she wears this big wig and she has like fake teeth and whatever, and she like solves minor crimes in her community. And um she is also obsessed with a show uh called Sex Island, which is basically just Love Island. Sure. The producers of Sex Island call her up and they're like, one of our participants, one of our contestants has been missing for three days. Okay. We do not want to stop production and we're scared. We don't want to call the cops. We he can't have gone anywhere. We're on an island. We need you to come. Right. We want to hire you to see if you can find him before we go to the cops. Right. And so she shows up and they're like, your cover story is that you're gonna be a participant. Okay. It is it's it's super funny, it's hilarious. And it's like she is trying to solve this mystery and like this is what ends up being like a string of murders. But it's mostly like if you like Love Island, which you do, it's like you're gonna think it's funny because it's just a caricature of Love Island. Um she is like she's in her late 20s, she has like a regular type body. So it's just it's also funny, like her being inserted into this like horde of of early 20s, like hotties. It's a lot of fun. I gave it three stars and I was like, pretty good. This was pretty good, yeah. Um, was it like the best mystery of all time? I do not think so. But the sequence is called Sex on Murder Island. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. Um okay, continue. So, anyways, that is the first one. I listened to the audiobook uh version, which I guess you could also just listen to the original podcast, I think. I don't know what if there are major differences, but the narration is funny and it's good, and I liked it that way. So you might enjoy that. Interesting. I've actually been deep into reading um reality TV AUs recently, so that's kind of like a lining. I'm telling you, like, I'm I'm in brainrod summer. I'm not reading anything. Well, I do have a book for next time that might be a little more not on that line. So I hope to finish it. But anyway, I'm like trash, give it to me. So yes, great, I'll I'll check it out. The second book I finished today, um, just before this, is Just a Highland Fling by Naina Kumar.

Pacing Complaints And Next Chapter Tease

Abigail 1:01:55

And I have to say, I really liked your first two books, and I just really felt like this fell flat. Um it was fine. Like I didn't DNF it, you know. I finished it and it was like mostly enjoyable. I just didn't think it was like very good. Um I think maybe just over time my my bar for romance has gotten higher. That's true. And I'm just expecting something, I'm just no longer interested in reading things that are just okay. Um, but it has a really high rating on Story Graph. And so it's like 4.18 stars on Story Graph. So, like, I don't know, it is a new release. Probably a lot of those reviews were ARCs. Sure. Which skew higher. But um, anyways, so basically, um, this is a book about a young woman who she flies to Scotland for her dad's wedding. She kind of has like this weird, kind of cooled off relationship with her dad. Um, she goes for his wedding the night before the wedding, she meets this guy in a pub. They like really hit it off. They end up hooking up, they are like, let's not exchange names, like, this is just for tonight, whatever. And then the next day he ends up seeing the she ends up seeing him at the wedding. And then chaos ensues. Um, and basically she ends up um like this is not a spoiler, this is like in the first, very first page of the book. The bride based because of something that she says to the bride at the rehearsal dinner, the bride uh runs out of the wedding. And um, so now she is on a journey with her father and this other guy

Recent Reads And Goodbye

Abigail 1:03:40

to try and go get the bride back across they're like driving across Scotland, he's Scottish, they're all uh Dissy, it's great, whatever. It just was like okay. I don't know. It just I had higher hopes, higher expectations, and I just thought um it just fell a little flat for me. But okay, I would I wouldn't I wouldn't give up on her as an author. I think that like a lot of my favorite authors were authors I really like. I allow them like a dud. You know, yeah. You get one, you get one. You get a dud. And maybe just because I thought it was a dud. I just thought, oh, Scotland, like this, like it's like a time and place, it's a vacation romance. Like, I think I would like this. It was just okay. It was just okay. Okay. So thank you for your hoping for something better next time. Yeah. Naina, come back to us. I know. Okay. And it's just like I'm looking for a book to kind of I know. Suck me back in. So I'm gonna do that. I really feel like this has also been one of my worst years of reading. Like, I even feel like there aren't a lot of books I can think of so far this year where I'm like, those are gonna be in my tops of all time. You know what I mean? Like favorites ever. And I feel like normally I do have, you know, at least a few every year that I'm like, yeah, that that's gonna be my go-to racks. So I mean, also though, this year we did discover Cat Sebastian, so it kind of saves everything else. So what am I talking about? The universe requires balance, yeah. Um, but yeah, I feel like maybe also I'm looking back, I'm like, well, we did, I did take up a lot of my rating with all the three Christy Millers with Regini Blood. Oh my god. Now we're doing Model Land. So, you know, maybe I can forgive myself for feeling this way. Um, anyway, we'll see you guys next time, probably for more Model Land. Shout out, Tyra. You're keeping us employed on this non employment job. Bye.