#46 Money, Finances and Emotional Regulation

This is episode 1 of the 3-Part Financial Empowerment Series!

💝Get your gift here! 💝

To kickoff to this Financial Empowerment series, I'm thrilled to share with you one of my favorite practices that has helped me boost my net worth by thousands of dollars this year!

If there is something I truly and deeply believe in, it's that we all need to learn how to manage our emotions, and this comes BEFORE we learn financial management!

In this episode, I tell you exactly why! I will also share with you how pain-point marketing disempowers you to seek comfort and validation outside of yourself, and what you can do about this!

Together, we will peel back the curtain on emotional spending, guiding you to revisit past purchases with a fresh perspective, attuned to the emotions they stir within you.

Get a sneak peek into some valuable tools from my e-book that provide a roadmap to self-leadership and alignment with your financial goals for a prosperous and abundant 2024.

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💝Financial Empowerment Series Day 1 GIFT 💝

Tune in tomorrow for episode 2 of this 3-Part series, which also comes with a little gift just for you!!

Lots of love, 
Nadine

Thank you for being here ❤️

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:14

Hello, welcome back to the Money Healing Podcast. What's up everyone. This is your host, nadine Zarmott, and I am so freaking thrilled to be presenting my three-part financial empowerment series, starting with today's episode, which is all about emotional management. And I am so freaking excited, yes, because I'm a money nerd, but also because I am about to share with you a practice that has increased my net worth by thousands of dollars this year and I didn't want to share it until I was 100% sure that it works. And it fucking works. And it has nothing to do with restriction, nothing to do with budgeting, nothing to do with all these, like you know, archaic, old school financial practices from 2017 that are, like, so unapplicable to people like us, people who are abundant by birthright. We are all abundant by birthright, but we do not need to subscribe to the paradigms that just force all this restriction and discipline and scarcity, because we can never become abundant through scarcity. We become abundant through personal empowerment, through self-leadership, and today I'm about to share with you one of my favorite practices from this year, and I will be sharing two more awesome practices with you in this three-part series financial empowerment. That concludes the 2023 here on the Money Healing Podcast, and each episode is going to come with a free gift, and you will be able to access this free gift in the show notes. So let's get cracking, neil. I'm so excited. All right, if you don't know me, my name is Nadine Zahmot. Welcome to the Money Healing Podcast. I am a holistic money mentor, coach, healer. I'm also just recently got certified as a functional somatic practitioner, so that's fucking exciting, as I'm very happy about that. Um. So today, as I was saying, I want to share this practice with you that has boosted my savings and boosted our net worth by tens of thousands of dollars. So let me just begin really slow, because I really want to ease you into this.

Speaker 1: 2:47

We all think that money looks like numbers. You know we all look at number of money and we're like, oh, this is numbers. But we all know, you know, I know, we both know that money is more than what meets the eye. If we look at money as numbers, we will all definitely go crazy, because if it's just numbers, logically we can just control it, can't we? Money comes in, we spend a portion of it, we save the rest and then invest our savings to to grow our money right. Sounds simple, too easy even. But we both know that it's way more emotional than than that. Money is gnarly all it drives all of us crazy trying to keep up with it, trying to take care of it, trying to manage it, be intentional with it. We kiss ass and suck up toxic workplaces and demanding work hours for it and, to be honest, it scares the shit out of all of us, including me. Sometimes.

Speaker 1: 3:51

And I don't want to sound depressing I know I cited this episode on a high note and promise we will go back to that high note in a minute, but we this is a serious topic and I am using my serious voice here, but I really don't want to. I don't want to sound depressing. I just want you to see that we are all dealing with this and that we are all in this together and going into the new year, I want us to shift away from this narrative and I am so excited that I was able to experiment and shift this narrative for myself and create a practice, create like a way for this to be repeated, not just for me, but for my clients and also for you, the listeners of the money healing podcast. Okay, so, so in November so last month I was able to save $12,000 just using this practice and I'm about to share. So we all agree that money might look like a piece of paper or might look like numbers, but, as we all know, it is highly emotionally charged and I bet, like me, you were also told as a child to never talk about it.

Speaker 1: 5:10

But we need to talk about it. We have to, we have to talk about it, we have to examine it and we have to see how exactly it takes away our power, because when we feel powerless, we then feel weak and then we can be easily controlled. This is not a conspiracy theory kind of thing. You know. They're out to control us, blah, blah, blah. It's more about allowing something that is external to us to control how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about our day, how we feel about our life, how to feel in each and every present moment.

Speaker 1: 5:52

This dynamic with money takes away our power Beyond quote-unquote needs. We might feel a sense of shame for wanting things that cost money. We get them anyway because we're humans and we are meant to get the things that we desire. But when we follow old-school financial advice, we feel ashamed or guilty, because if it's not a need, then don't buy it. Okay, and this old-school financial advice, it's all ingrained in us, it is what our parents taught us. It was the reality of our parents and it was the reality of our parents' parents and their parents' parents. They came from a completely different reality to where we are now.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Okay, and we need to shift this reality if we are going to take our power back, if we want to reclaim our power, if we want to shift the dynamic of the collective in terms of money healing on this planet, okay, and my job is to help you as individuals shift. There are other organizations out there that help the collective shift their money, their you know, our collective money wounds. However, my specialty is with the individuals, because it is not enough to only work on the collective. We have to work on an individual level, okay. That's why we really need to start shifting away from that old-school paradigm of money.

Speaker 1: 7:16

Okay, because that old-school paradigm, or the old-school financial advice, is built on this belief that humans are inherently bad, sinful, even lazy, and we live in a culture where we are all fed the sly that we're not good enough and the way that we are sold to, the way that we are marketed to, it is all with this pain point intention of like do this to feel this, get this to feel this. And nowadays, if you're in the coaching industry or if you're online, you know, looking at these curated ads that are specifically like perfectly for you, it's more like, oh, you won't be happy until you have 10K months or 100K months, so you really need this specific program. And it's like slamming on your pain points kind of marketing okay, buy this. So you don't feel that. I don't believe in this at all and I do believe that abundance is our birthright and that money is one form of expression of abundance and buying what we want is just an extension of that. Okay, it's like a byproduct of that.

Speaker 1: 8:27

But when we are marketed to from this pain points perspective, we are all going to end up accumulating things that clutter our homes, clutter our inboxes, but also things that are, you know, they're cluttering our lives. They are making us use money that is supposed to go on different things, or maybe it's making us use money that we don't have yet, but it's also polluting our planet. This is why I was very, very intentional when I named my program. So my six month program is called create fulfilling abundance, and I was very intentional with using the word fulfilling, because abundance is abundance. I mean, if I have a room full of like plastic shit and I love this plastic shit I can feel abundant, but is it fulfilling? Is it fulfilling for me? Is it fulfilling for the planet? Is it fulfilling for the people that created this cheap plastic shit, for example? It needs to be fulfilling on all areas, okay, and every aspect of whatever was included in the transaction of set thing in your house, for example and I go into that in my program create fulfilling abundance.

Speaker 1: 9:36

So at the end of the year, usually I like to look at my bank statements and I look at what I purchase and I notice in my body what actually makes me cringe. You can go ahead and do that, by the way. It's not like it's just a very simple practice. Just download your bank statements or, if you have QuickBooks, look at your QuickBooks and look at your purchases and, kind of like, become aware of how your body is feeling. Is your body feeling, oh my God, this was an amazing purchase. I'm so glad I did that. Oh my God. This is when I went to Italy and I bought this gelato and, oh, that was such a good purchase or oh my God, I can't believe I bought that. Oh my God, I bought that. I totally forgot I bought that you know like. Just go through and see how your body is feeling.

Speaker 1: 10:28

And one thing I personally noticed is that the purchases that make me personally cringe or feel a certain kind of way are the purchases that I might have made when I wasn't feeling amazing about myself or about my life. To be a little bit more specific, I found that my most misaligned purchases happened right before my period, because right before my period is when my inner critic is the harshest and it's when I'm feeling anxious, tired, bloated and very unsexy. So I have the tendency of spending money when I don't feel good enough or when I don't have, when I don't feel confident, and that's not a good idea. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. I personally, as a money coach, I define emotional spending as when we buy things while we are in an emotional state of dysregulation or when we are experiencing heightened emotions. So I don't think spending money is bad and I don't think emotions are bad either. It's just that they don't mix well together.

Speaker 1: 11:46

I've spent a lot of money on things that completely elevated my existence, like trips, moving countries, investing in my coaches and mentorship programs that were so amazing and so healing and elevated the experience that I offer to my clients. I've gone to festivals, I've gone to music shows, I've bought amazing bras and shoes and skinny jeans that made me feel amazing, exercise programs, things for the house. I do stand by a lot of the things that I have bought in the past, but the problem is not the buying. The problem is so. It's not the what, the problem is the why. It's the intention behind the buying. It is also the emotional state in which we're in when we buy and why we buy because of that emotional state.

Speaker 1: 12:36

So when we are purchasing things and when we commit to things from the energy of frustration, anger, fatigue, defeat, fear, hunger whether it's emotional or physical hunger, that is sometimes that is what causes a lot of buyer remorse. And you might think I'm only referring to the emotions that don't make you feel good, but I also want to bring your attention to the emotions of happiness and excitement. When you think, oh, fuck it, I'll just worry about money later, I'm just going to do it now, okay. This can also create buyer regret or buyer remorse. So when we are overly excited about something. When we have that, you know if you want to, if you're knowledgeable with the money archetype lingo, like when we're in that full energy, when we feel frustrated and angry and all the things, but also when we're feeling emotionally or physically hungry. You know how they say never go to the supermarket hungry. That's the same. I say never do anything hungry.

Speaker 1: 13:41

Okay, because that state of heightened emotions will cause us to make purchases that are out of alignment. Okay, feelings of guilt, regret, remorse all these feelings cringe can suck up a lot of your time and creative energy. Emotional buying can set you back financially, obviously, because if you you know, if you're making good money but it keeps slipping through your fingertips, or if you started making really good money but you still can't keep up, that will really impact your self-esteem. It will make you feel a little bit crappy about yourself and then, if this goes out of hand and you end up accumulating debt, that will make you feel very heavy. Okay, and if you're one of my clients and we're having a session right now, I will be able to ask you a few questions to tell you exactly why you emotionally spend, because I believe that the why is important and I believe that we change our financial behaviors, not just through changing, you know, the behavior itself. We have to go to the root of the behavior. That's why I call it money healing. But regardless of the why, right now I want us to just like bring home the fact that we need to reclaim our power back from money, and we won't do that through following a budget. We won't like. A budget will never make you abundant. Okay, restriction and all that is still telling money that you tell me what to do instead of I tell you what to do. Okay, and we are kind of making like we're aiming for making money a little bit more neutral by taking our power away from it, because anything can have power over you if it makes you feel like an emotional mess, for example. Okay, so abundance comes from stepping out of or away from fear and reclaiming your power. Abundance comes from self-leadership, not through control and restriction.

Speaker 1: 15:48

I am giving you this amazing present that is attached to the show notes of this episode. It's an e-book and I outlined exactly how to do that in that e-book. In the next, this is episode number one of the Financial Empowerment series, and then there's two more episodes and each episode is going to come with a little present from me. This episode's e-book is going to include four practices that I, like. I said I developed this whole system, but I'm going to share with you four practices from this big system. I teach that big system in CFA, but four of these practices are going to be included for you in this e-book. They work, they're amazing and they will help you become more financially empowered, more abundant, even without needing to succumb to a budget, without needing to ask money for permission, because you are the captain of your ship.

Speaker 1: 16:56

When you are the captain of your ship, you don't need a budget, you don't need permission from everyone, because the thing is, when we are in a heightened emotional state, we are no longer the captains of our ships. Our emotions are when we are following a budget. We are no longer a captain of our ship. Money is. So back to emotions, because there's all tied and linked together.

Speaker 1: 17:19

When our emotions are driving or sailing the ship, we end up buying things to self-soothe when we're feeling sad, afraid or inadequate, or to numb chronic feelings of loneliness, pain, depression and all that stuff. We might even buy things from a desire to be liked, from a desire to be accepted from a desire to feel connected and loved by others. In other words, we throw money at our feelings instead of feeling our feelings. I'm gonna take a break. All right, break's over. I love a good cup of coffee with my podcast. Who doesn't right? All right. So what was I saying? We throw money at our feelings instead of feeling our feelings, and I'm sure you've heard people say this before feel your feelings. But how do we actually do that? And if they were that easy, why aren't we all doing it? Why aren't we all born with this ability to just feel our feelings?

Speaker 1: 18:33

Feeling our feelings and being able to manage our emotions in a healthy way is not as intuitive as it sounds. It is actually a skill we have to learn from our feelings, a skill we have to learn from our caregivers in childhood. And tell you something Not a single one of my clients, including myself, has been taught how to manage their emotions and feel their feelings in childhood, including myself. Okay, I had to teach myself how to do that. It is sometimes so fascinating to see how something so it should be intuitive. But then, when you look at how our parents were raised and how things were in the past of having feelings as weak or being vulnerable as something to be apologetic about, or if you're somebody who's emotional oh, she's on her period or that old gibber driver from the past. It is no wonder that our parents grew up not knowing how to manage their own feelings, let alone teach us how to manage our feelings. This is something I most certainly 100% teach inside of my programs.

Speaker 1: 19:54

Okay, in the new iteration of CFA that is gonna roll out in January, I have an entire module on how to manage our emotions and feel our feelings, because when we don't, they will hijack our financial life. They will take us over and make us feel scarcity when abundance is actually our birthright. Okay, so I believe that learning emotional management is even more important than learning financial management, because what's the point of having a good financial system if you keep getting hijacked over and over again and feel small and defeated every time? You look at how you know, you look at your financial system that is so amazing and fancy, but you look at your reality and you're like what the fuck they are completely you know, out of line, out of line of each other. That will make you feel very, very defeated. I've been there, okay. I've been there in the past.

Speaker 1: 20:53

Emotional management comes before financial management. By emotional management, I definitely do not mean being all stoic and controlled, you know, and being all reserved and controlled all the time. That is not the key to life, absolutely not. I mean, look at me, listen to me. I am a very passionate and emotional person. I believe that emotions add spice to life. Okay, emotional management simply means that you are able to be emotionally regulated enough to feel your feelings by being with them, not in them. Okay, so you feel your feelings not by being hijacked by them or you know, you feel your feelings by being with them and not in a way where they're messing up your entire belief system. So emotional management really means learning how to emotionally regulate yourself to feel your feelings and not be hijacked with them, and understand when a feeling might be causing you to believe something about yourself.

Speaker 1: 21:53

You know how I said earlier that I have this tendency to spend a lot of money right before my period. So what does this mean? It means that I am someone who has the tendency to buy things when I am feeling inadequate and not good enough. Does that mean that I am inadequate and not good enough for real Hell. No, does it mean I stop buying things? Another hell? No, knowledge and self-awareness are power, and now I know that this is a tendency that I have. So I follow a completely different protocol when I buy things, and I created another system. I love systems. I created this entire system to help my clients decipher whether they are buying something from woundedness or from a place of alignment. I teach that in CFA.

Speaker 1: 22:47

However, here's what I wanna share with you here. We all have an inner critic and we all buy things because we don't feel good enough. It doesn't mean that we are not good enough. It's just what happens sometimes. Okay, and that's the whole thing with pain point marketing. It makes you feel, or it like it uses the fact that we all have this feeling sometimes that we're feeling not good enough or inadequate, and it tells you that you won't feel what you want to feel unless you buy X, unless you buy this coaching program, this car, this house, this yoga mat, these yoga pads, whatever. So it all just like hammers in our slams on that innate feeling that we're not good enough. So that, of course, is something that we work on healing. I am working on healing this feeling. Honestly, this month, december. It didn't even come and it's amazing, I did not feel that inner critic very loudly, and it's because I have taken other measures, because I'm aware of it. Like I said, awareness is power, but I'm not here to tell you how or to tell people how to market. It's not the marketing that I'm worried about, because we simply cannot control things that are outside of us, but what we can control, what we can reclaim our power from, is our internal world, how we handle that inner critic, how we heal that inner critic, that voice that tells us that we're not good enough, that causes us to perhaps spend out of alignment.

Speaker 1: 24:23

Like I said, emotions are great. What would life be without emotions? It would be bland, it would be boring. Our emotions hold a lot of information and a lot of wisdom, but they are not your financial managers. Like I said, some things are great when they're separate, like pizza and pineapple, for example but when they're mixed together, it's not a good mix. They just don't go well together. I really do want you to have everything you desire I really do but I don't want you to spend your time, your money, your energy, your space and all your other beautiful resources from a place of imbalance, because I want you to feel empowered in every single MF decision that you ever make in your entire life.

Speaker 1: 25:15

When we are in an emotionally heightened state, we are no longer in our reasoning brain. I break down the three brains and I break down the physiology of what's happening when we are emotionally hijacked inside of the e-book, so it's in the show notes, just in case you missed that the first time or the second time I said that. So when we are in an emotionally heightened state, we are no longer able to access our reasoning brain. We are in our emotional and survival brains, and that is when and how we make decisions that we might regret later on. This is exactly how you can save money without having a budget.

Speaker 1: 26:00

Okay, you simply take yourself back to a state of emotional regulation and emotional balance through the exercises that I provide in this book. They are so simple, they are so easy, they are so. They so so work, and once you are in that emotionally regulated state and balance, you are going to be a pro at financial management. You are going to not even recognize yourself when you look back and see how well you've done in a year from now. Okay, so get the e-book. It's a present from me to you.

Speaker 1: 26:38

And, of course, if you would like to go deeper and heal your money wounds and finally feel financially empowered and abundant to create the life of your dreams, then I would love to have you inside of CFA. You know, Just have a look at it. I'll put the link in the show notes. Have a look and if it tickles your fancy, if it makes your body parts tingle, jump on a call and we can chat about it. We can chat about a payment plan, we can chat about how to make this possible for you. We start on January 9th. I have a handful of spots left and I would love to have you in there. All right, everyone. So this is part one out of the three part financial empowerment series. So stay tuned for part two, which is going to be all about creating a makeover for your finances to get started in 2024 with a bang. I love you and leave you for now. I'll see you in episode number two of the financial empowerment series, mwah bye for now.