How Midlife Women Can Stop Fearing Judgment And Start Traveling Alone // 179

We name the hidden thing that stops many midlife women from traveling alone: the fear of what other people will think. We reframe judgment, talk through the comments people make about safety and money, and share simple ways to choose ourselves without apology. 

• fear of judgment as the real barrier to solo travel
• identity pressure from decades of caregiving roles
• common reactions ranging from admiration to disbelief
• assumptions about cost and how frequent travel looks
• worries disguised as concern about safety and loneliness
• reframing solo travel as freedom, growth, and adventure
• deciding for ourselves and refusing outside votes
• limiting who we tell early and building a supportive circle
• normalizing solo travel with real examples of women doing it
• taking the trip first so confidence can follow
• letting go of the need for permission from anyone

Resources & Links
Apply for 1:1 travel coaching with Cheryl:
https://cherylbeckesch.com/workwithme/

Coaching Invitation
If you’re feeling drawn toward solo travel but unsure where to begin, this is something I support women with through 1:1 coaching. Together we can explore what kind of travel experience fits your season of life and create a thoughtful plan that reflects the woman you are becoming.

https://cherylbeckesch.com/workwithme/

Transcript

The Real Barrier Is Judgment

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever thought about taking a solo trip and then immediately heard that little voice in your head say, But what will people think? Maybe it sounds like, isn't that a little selfish? Shouldn't you be traveling with your husband or your friends? Is it even safe at your age? Or maybe no one has ever said anything like that out loud to you, but you feel the judgment anyways. If that's you, you are absolutely not alone. Welcome to Solo Travel Adventures. I'm your host, Cheryl Esche, and today we're talking about one of the biggest invisible barriers holding women back from solo travel in midlife and beyond. And it is the fear of what other people will think. Now, I have to be honest, I have that fear still, even though I've been traveling solo for years now. But I think what most people fear, I'll get to why I have this judgment mentality that I feel from some people, but most people, what is really happening here is it's fear. And so we're calling this out. It really isn't about the travel itself, it's this fear of judgment. But your identity is in jeopardy, basically, if you decide to go on a solo trip. Because we have these roles and these expectations that we carry around sometimes for decades. And many women over 50 have spent, we've spent a lifetime being the responsible one, the caregiver, the planner, the one who puts everyone else first. So suddenly when we say, I want to go by myself, I don't know. I think people start to question, is there something wrong? What, what are you, what are you thinking? You know, it's it's this, it feels like you're breaking this unspoken rule in society. And that's, I think, how the fear creeps in. And maybe people really aren't judging you. I've had many people, diverse answers, I hear, when people find out that I travel solo. I have some that think it's remarkable and they wish they could do it. I have others say, Oh, I could never do that. I just they don't believe in themselves, is what I take from that. Or they're just somebody that doesn't want to break the mold of what is expected in society, possibly. Right? And but what I've been personally experiencing lately is a judgment on I think how much I travel. And you know, people see dollar signs and they wonder how I can afford it. And I think there's judgment there as far as, you know, how are you able to solo travel? And so there's a judgment that I am feeling often when I start to share with people that I'm going on a solo trip. But there are ways that I have worked around, most people don't realize I live very minimally, so I don't have a whole lot of cost, I don't have debt, and I travel economically. Budget traveler would be the term that's used. I use points quite a bit. So although they see all this travel and they're judging me, thinking, well, how is she affording that? That's the judgment I feel. And yes, there's fear, but another thing that could be holding you back of that fear, people are saying, Aren't you worried? Don't you want to wait for somebody? And so women are often told and grown up to believe that we shouldn't do things alone, and that travel is something as good wives, we should be doing it with our partner and not to put ourselves first, because that is selfish. And so that's a big misunderstanding of really what solo travel it can actually benefit, as we know, women later in life doing solo travel on their own terms, on their own timing. And so people will be thinking those things. Yes, they will, I know, but haven't you also gotten to a point in your life where you feel like I'm done with caring about what other people think? And I know that's how I've been feeling lately, and I love being in my 50s, and I love seeing people, I'm of the Gen X generation, just starting to not care. We well, I can't say we ever really cared, but we did. We did. Underlying, we did care what other people thought. We did. And now we're at a place where our health, our mental health, our physical health, our well-being in general, and our happiness, if you want to classify it as that, I think we've come to realize that's more important now. And we have the time, the space, and even the energy and finances to do it right now. But many people will look at another judgment that they might be either not saying or saying or trying to ask you is this fear of being misunderstood because people will think, are you lonely? Is your relationship struggling? Are you going through a crisis? Why do you have to travel alone? When in reality, this is a solo trip, might be something you are craving and you're needing that freedom. You want to feel some adventure back in your life, and there's opportunity for growth when you travel solo. So I want you to reframe the narrative that most people are maybe saying in their heads, maybe if they're truly honest with you, they're actually saying it out loud to you about what they really think about you doing a solo trip. And so we if we reframe really what's happening here, then we have a better opportunity, a better experience in our travels. And you know, five years from now, you're not going to be thinking about someone's off-handed comment, especially if you've already had that solo trip under your belt and you've built up this confidence and you truly have gotten to a place in your life where you don't care what other people think. And I want to remind you that you decide, you get a vote. Other people's opinions have no room in your thoughts or in your decision. And so remember that about deciding to go on a solo trip. It is your decision, no one else's opinion matters. Okay, this is your life, not theirs. So don't ask opinions, and when related to travel, don't ask opinions of people who've never traveled solo because they're gonna be basing their decisions on the old societal models of that whole we have responsibilities as women, we don't do these things, we we can't go outside of the box, and that's not true. That's not true. So get your mindset around the fact that this is your decision. I would also, number two, I would limit who you share early on with your plans about a solo trip. You want to share it with people who you know are gonna be supportive, who are gonna help you build the confidence and make you feel okay and protected to go. You need those people in your ring. And then normalize it for yourself. The more you see solo travel as normal, the less you're gonna feel like you need to justify it. So if you need to, not that you do need to justify it, but there are plenty of examples out there where you can find examples of women doing this. There's even women, you know, midlife and up who are becoming influencers on this whole solo travel, and you can find their content and you can share that with somebody that is still maybe questioning that is this the right thing for you to do. It is becoming more acceptable and normal, by the way. So if you have examples, maybe you need to rationalize for somebody. Maybe a close family member is concerned about you, or they present it as being concerned about you when really maybe it's I don't know, for me it was my ex-husband because he didn't want me leaving the responsibility of taking care of the kids or that responsibility of being that wife, right? So if I went on a solo trip, then he was left to do things I normally would do around the house. So some people have ulterior motives for why they don't want you to go on a solo trip. So keep that in mind too. And not that you have to justify, but if you had examples, some people might feel more at ease knowing, oh, okay, there's lots of other people that are doing this, it is safe, there's places that they're going, you can use them as an example. And then finally, I would say take the trip, anyways. Because confidence doesn't come before the action, it actually comes out of doing doing something hard, right? Something that is maybe not prevalent or accepted within your sphere of friends or family. And I want to remind you, at the end of the day, this isn't really about travel, it's about permission. And permission is to want more, do something different, step outside of your role that you've always played. But the truth is, you don't need permission. You know, we are strong women, and we've grown up already having all those past responsibilities. We know how to take care of ourselves. And so you don't need permission, and don't need it from your family, your friends, and not even from society. So don't let that voice in your head stop you from taking that solo trip. And I want to just remind you if something is holding you back because you're worried about what people think, let this be your reminder. People will always have opinions, but they're not the ones living your life. You are. And if you desire to live a life that feels expansive, exciting, adventurous, free for all, I encourage you to get out there and do that. And remember, adventure isn't about who you go with, it's about saying yes to yourself.