I have been the go-to tech help regarding Apple products for my mother-in-law. As my daughter has become more tech-savvy, she wanted to help her Gram. The transition reminded my mother-in-law and I of a relay race. Just as a relay race requires trust, timing, and knowing when to release control, so does the transition into releasing control and responsibility to our kids.
In this episode, we talk about the three stages of passing the baton - recognizing when it's time to pass the baton, letting go of control, and trusting in their ability to handle the responsibility.
A couple of years ago my mother-in-law needed some computer help. My oldest daughter loves technology as much as I do and was spending the week with my mother-in-law, so she wanted to help Graham with her technology problems. She got started and they solved several of the issues, but there was still one problem they couldn't resolve. They called me and I walked them through how to solve that last problem. My mother-in-law and I were talking about it later and I love the metaphor she used, that it was like passing a baton in a relay race. That was so true. In today's episode we're going to explore three lessons we can learn from a relay race and how they can help us release some of the control as our children mature. The first lesson is to recognize that this is a transition time. My daughter was not able to help Graham with technology overnight. She's been learning this over several years as she learned about her computer and how to solve the problems that she was having. During that time I helped her by providing instruction and advice, and I had to recognize when each of those was needed. When did I need to teach her what to do on the computer? When did I need to let her try and figure it out, even if that meant I'd have to help her clean up some of the mistakes if she didn't get it right. There is a transition time as our children learn how to assume taking that baton. The second lesson is that we have to let go. I had to discern when she was ready for me to let go of the baton and allow her to be the one assuming responsibility for the task. If I continued to hold the baton she would not be able to take off at her own pace. Her pace has been way faster than I can keep up. There are still some things that she doesn't know about solving the computer problems that I do, because I have experienced those and I have had to research and figure it out on my own. But she knows a lot of other things. She has taken cybersecurity classes. She has learned a lot about computers through some of the classwork that she's done. She is moving at a much faster pace than I am right now. I know what I've learned in the past, but I'm in a stable place and I don't need to learn more until I have a problem. She brings in this greater depth and breadth of knowledge now. So if I don't let go of the baton. If I don't let her take hold of it, it's going to slow everybody down. She's bringing in so much that we're benefiting from, but I have to let go and allow her to step up.
Speaker 1:
The third lesson is that we have to trust. If you don't trust the person that you are passing the baton to, you will be hesitant to let go, and that is often when teams drop the baton. They might stumble because they don't have their stride right. That's when disaster in the race occurs. Now I have had to recognize that my daughter has made some mistakes, that she was learning and that is a part of developing a new skill. I've had to trust that she would do her best to grab the baton firmly and not let go. I've had to trust that if she does drop it, she's going to pick it up and take off. I have had to resist the urge so many times to pick the baton back up And there have been many times I had to apologize when I did pick it up and I shouldn't have.
Speaker 1:
But as we think about these three things, they can really help us think about helping our children transition into assuming more responsibility for themselves and for various life skills. There will be that transition time and we do have to let go and we do have to trust. I want to invite you to imagine that you're in a race. You are running, you see the person in front of you with their hand extended behind them and you're reaching forward to pass the baton. You want to have a successful handoff and you are very focused on the person's hand in front of you. Now imagine that that person is your child. What are you passing off to your child? Be honest with yourself. Is your child ready for you to let go of the baton? If so, what is stopping you from letting go? If not, what do you need to incorporate into their training so that you can let go? As you imagine this scene, what is one thing that you can do differently this week so that you can be ready to pass the baton?