Getting Unstuck: The Power of Asking Yourself The Right Questions

#286 - What if the key to unlocking your potential lies in the questions you ask yourself? Discover how to transform your inner dialogue and banish negative self-talk by focusing on empowering, solution-oriented questions. In this episode, I share personal experiences and practical strategies that have helped me and my clients break free from mental ruts and make progress in our personal and professional lives. 

We'll explore how the right questions can shift your mindset, influence your actions, and align those actions with your goals to significantly reduce overwhelm. Tune in to learn how fostering curiosity over self-doubt can lead to profound personal growth and improved well-being. Whether you're navigating challenges in your relationships, business, or self-care, this episode offers actionable insights to help you take control and thrive amidst the chaos.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:09

Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos. We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best. It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive. Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals. Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos. Now on to the show. Hey friends, welcome to this episode of Organized Chaos. I'm so glad you're here. If you're new here, welcome. I hope you enjoy the show.

Speaker 1 0:47

I'm actually going to be talking about a topic that has really been a game changer for me and for a lot of people that I coach, because it's really about getting unstuck, using the power of asking yourself the right questions. Now you're probably thinking okay, what does that even mean and why is it important for us to ask ourselves the right questions? So of course, we have this inner dialogue. Sometimes we have an inner mean girl or like this, you know, really negative internal dialogue and it's okay. I mean, we all kind of have it, but it's all about becoming aware of what that or how that is affecting us and being able to reframe that into something that is actually going to help us create momentum and move forward and actually help us even make better decisions. So why am I really talking about this? It's really kind of like that thing where we have so many thoughts in our head and some of these things can really creep in and we don't even realize how much it's impacting us in a negative way. So I just want to shine a light on this and also kind of give you some examples of how you can apply this in your life so that you can start getting unstuck. So what's the difference between a wrong question and a right question? So a wrong question, in my eyes, is one that is more problem based. It's really focusing more on what's going wrong or what's broken or missing, and a right question is an empowering question and something that is more focused on the solution. So just think about it. Like, if you start to ask yourself questions that are more empowering and that focus on the things that you have control over and more solution-based, how do you think that's going to change your life? Well, maybe you're already like this and you probably can kind of see the effects of this. But I want to really kind of hone in on this because it's really something that can make a huge impact in our lives, not just in our business, but in our relationships and even with our own wellbeing.

Speaker 1 3:06

So let's first talk about kind of like the role of this and the role of asking ourselves the right questions. It's really about personal development, it's personal growth, it's being aware of our thoughts and how those thoughts are leading to our behavior. Because whatever we think about really aligns with our actions, and if we're trying to get somewhere, if we're trying to achieve certain goals, our actions have to align with that. But our actions don't just don't come out of nowhere. They come from the thoughts that we have, and sometimes those thoughts are questions. So we want to ask ourselves questions that are going to lead to better and more aligned actions. This is also a really great way to reduce our overwhelm and it helps us focus on what really matters.

Speaker 1 4:04

Like I said, the right questions are more solution-based. So it's kind of allowing ourselves to think about like, what do I have control over and what kind of actions can I take? So it's also a way to kind of like be more curious than you know, allowing more self-doubt to creep in. So that's what's really important about this, right? Because you know. Just imagine someone else, someone who you look up to, someone who you know is a few steps ahead of you, and you know you're telling them, you know some of the things that you're struggling with, and you know that person is not going to ask you well, why are you a failure? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? That person is probably going to ask you well, okay, what are some of the things that you can do, or what has helped you in the past? Those are a little bit more empowering questions. Now, this is about really honing in on how you can use this for yourself. You be that person in that inner dialogue so that you can move forward. So how does this actually apply in our lives, in different areas of our lives? So I'll give you an example of a few.

Speaker 1 5:22

So, let's say, this is more in your career. So, instead of asking yourself, well, so stagnant in my career, you can ask yourself instead what steps can I take to advance my career today? Now, this does a couple of things, right, because you go from, oh, this is a problem, I'm stagnant to okay, well, what can I do and what can I start doing today? And that really focuses more on, like the small steps that you can take so it's less overwhelming. So when you're thinking about, oh, my career is stagnant, you're kind of thinking about the future and like the worst case scenario and with this particular question, you're thinking more of what can I do now? Like I'm in the present moment, what is it that I can do today? And it makes it a little less overwhelming. So the reframing can actually lead to more actionable steps and also kind of like this renewed motivation, like, oh, okay, you know I can do this, it's not so bad.

Speaker 1 6:24

And when it comes to relationships, like you know, some of the questions that we ask ourselves is, you know, maybe we have someone in our life who kind of like some of the questions that we ask ourselves is, you know, maybe we have someone in our life who kind of like upsets us or, you know, gets on our nerves, and maybe we're thinking like, why does this person always frustrate me? No, that's not going to lead to a positive answer, and we could say instead or what you can ask yourself instead is what boundaries do I need to set to protect my peace. Now this is, you know, the way that I see this is like we can't control anybody else. We can't control their behavior. We can only control how we show up, and that can actually lead to influencing others. So it goes from you know less about control and more about how do I want to show up. This can also kind of transform your relationships because you're maybe less defensive.

Speaker 1 7:22

So I want to share something with you that happened last week. I had a coaching session with a one-on-one client and she was feeling really overwhelmed with the start of the new school year. You know she's, you know's in her full-time job, she has two kids and she felt like her partner just wasn't helping out and this was creating a lot of stress on her mentally and physically, because it's the start of all the new routines and the added responsibilities with extracurricular activities and all of that the added responsibilities with, like, extracurricular activities and all of that. So, like the questions that she was asking was why doesn't he just know how to do this, or why do I have to tell him to do this? So all of these questions, like yeah, like I understand that those are some of the questions that will pop up, because we do feel frustrated and we just feel like this is the way to approach it, but it's not going to allow you to actually find a solution to this. Now, like I said, we can't control anybody, but we can influence them.

Speaker 1 8:28

So I did an exercise with her and it was really about kind of reframing the way that she was approaching this and we came up with a statement for her. She actually came up with a statement, but this can also become a question. So her statement was I'm being proactive and protecting my own energy, so this is what she has control over. This is what she has control over. Now a question or saying this in a question in the form of a question is how can I be proactive and protect my own energy? So now she's looking at it through the lens of okay, how can I work with this and find a solution without having to feel like someone else has to change in order for me to be happy?

Speaker 1 9:13

Now we went through that exercise in the session. She was feeling a little bit better. She didn't make any changes other than reframing her thoughts around it. Now I got a message from her the next day stating that of course, she didn't really do anything, but her husband did something different. He offered to take on a responsibility that allowed her to actually go home and rest and feel refreshed for the next day. And there was also like a better conversation that they had, where there was another particular issue that she was struggling with and her partner actually acknowledged that. And, you know, it was just kind of funny in a way, because it's almost like you know, you put it out there in the universe and like it actually happened. It doesn't always happen that way, of course, because now she can see, oh, this is actually workable, we can actually do this. And it was all about kind of reframing her mind and her thoughts around it and how she can show up.

Speaker 1 10:22

So I want to kind of do this a little bit more in the general sense, like some of the general questions that might pop up and how you can transform it into right versus wrong question. So sometimes we'll have a thought like why am I failing? So this is kind of leading more towards a victim mentality and it doesn't really offer a way forward. Now the right way to ask a question would be what can I learn from this setback? So this is more growth oriented and you're learning from your mistakes and creating a path to improve. So it's way different. There's a way different energy.

Speaker 1 11:02

Another question is why don't I have enough time? So this is really disempowering because you feel like, well, I don't have control over my time and it often leads to kind of like this sense of helplessness. So the right question you can ask is how can I prioritize my tasks to make the most of my time? Now you're reframing it to a more empowering way and taking control of your time and it'll even increase your productivity, because now you're thinking of the solutions. Another question is why can I ever get it right? So maybe you have kind of like this inner critic, that or this thought that you're like not good enough and you're like why can I ever get this right? So it's just reinforcing self-doubt and negative self-talk. The right question could be what small steps can I take to improve? Now, again, this is going back to the beginning, when I talked about, like the taking the small steps. Today, this is breaking things up into more manageable steps, but it's also removing that negativity where you're not stuck in why can't I? You're like, well, how can I? So it encourages more progress and it'll build confidence over time.

Speaker 1 12:18

Now this is more of awareness, right, and be more mindful about how we ask questions of ourselves daily. So I want to give you a homework assignment, and this is really simple and it's just so that you become aware of what's going on in your head so that you can make a different or have a different approach to it. So write down three quote unquote wrong questions that you often ask yourself and then reframe them or try to reframe them into quote right questions and see how that turns out. You can journal it, you can type it up on your phone, but just keep track of how it is that you're talking to yourself and see what the impact is of these new questions and a new way of approaching this and see if this actually kind of changes the actions that you take and helps you move forward. All right, that's all I have for you today. I hope that was helpful and I hope you have a great rest of your day and I'll see you again next week.