Is This A Mid-Life Crisis? Embracing Transformations and Challenges of New Chapters

#294 - Ever wonder if midlife is a crisis or simply a fascinating chapter of transformation? I peel back the layers of my own journey through my forties, challenging the notion of a "midlife crisis" and instead embracing this time as one of profound change and reflection. From navigating the emotional and biological shifts brought on by perimenopause to juggling the demands of the "sandwich generation," I share candid insights into how these transitions impact identity and mood. We'll contemplate whether the thirties were indeed the pinnacle of life or just another stage with its unique hurdles and joys, paving the way for growth and reinvention in midlife.

Feeling isolated during these changes? You're not alone, and I emphasize the critical role of community and support in finding your way through life's unpredictable transitions. This episode underscores the power of sharing stories and connecting with others in similar life stages, fostering a sense of belonging. I also consider bringing in experts to shed light on specific topics like perimenopause, offering practical advice that can help you through your journey. Together, we'll explore the ways to move forward with resilience and hope, reminding you that transformation is not only possible but also a shared experience.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:09

Hey, my name is Teresa Hildebrand and this is Organized Chaos. We take a deep dive into living with intentionality, focusing on what's important in our lives so we can truly feel our best. It may feel chaotic at times, but with a little organization, the right mindset and a ton of self-love, we can still thrive. Join me as we talk to other busy moms and experts who will share tips and strategies to help you reach your goals. Hope you enjoy this episode of Organized Chaos. Now on to the show. Hey friends, welcome to this episode of Organized Chaos. So I actually had an entirely different topic to record, but I decided I was going to change my mind last minute and talk about this particular topic, just because I feel like I needed to kind of get it off my chest. So have you ever caught yourself thinking is this a midlife crisis? I mean, maybe you ask yourself this because you're in your 40s and you're suddenly questioning everything. And I just want to say that sometimes this quote unquote crisis is just because there's like this significant time where things are changing and it's time for a reflection, and it doesn't necessarily mean it's a crisis, although it may kind of feel that way, just because things just feel discombobulated and it's really about like having a big opportunity for growth and, I don't know, sometimes like reinvention. So there's a lot of things that we go through and I'm experiencing that right now when you start to go into a different decade, right, and it can feel, like I said, like a crisis, but it's really about understanding that this is just maybe a transition period for you and just embracing the season as a time to transform and not necessarily like break down. So why do we even call it a midlife crisis, right? Like I would always think about a midlife crisis as something that men would go through, where they would get like these crazy sports cars or have like a like a drastic career change or just have like impulsive decisions that they've made. I would never really think about it in terms of women, and I mean that might be true for some men, but I think it really looks different for women some men, but I think it really looks different for women. So this is really about breaking down and not necessarily in a bad way, Kind of like maybe breaking down norms, reflecting and sometimes feeling a little lost. So it could be positive or negative, but it's just change, and what I'm going through right now is like several different things, but it just it feels off because this is something that I haven't experienced.

Speaker 1 3:18

I'm in my forties now, so I'm going through these biological changes which also affect emotional changes, Like perimenopause, for example. I don't know if I'm going through these biological changes which also affect emotional changes, Like perimenopause, for example. I don't know if I'm actually going through perimenopause, but it really does feel like it when I read about it and try to learn more about it, and your hormones are shifting and that also affects your mood and it sometimes may increase your anxiety or just you have these identity shifts. I mean, it makes sense Like your body is going through a change. It's going from hey, you're making babies to okay, now, like let's slow this down and go into this next phase, and at the same time, you may be actually going through a different phase in parenting, Like our kids are now in high school now and pretty soon they may not even be around as much. So there's all of these different changes, there's changes in dynamics and it just makes you feel off. And there's also something that I've been hearing a lot about this term of the sandwich generation, where you find yourself taking care of aging parents but still, at the same time, taking care of your kids because they're not out of the house yet. So it's like you're in this sandwich of having these different responsibilities on top of everything else that you're going through. So there's these real changes that come up at this time of your life.

Speaker 1 4:56

And it's funny because I was out with my cousins for a birthday and one of our cousins just turned 30. And she was talking about you know, I keep hearing that your 30s are like the best time of your life. And I stopped for a second. And I stopped for a second and before I agreed or disagreed with her, I thought about it like, hmm, was that the best time of my life? And I mean, you could argue that it's different, right, and depends on you know what you're doing at that time and you feel fulfilled there and you're climbing the corporate ladder. If that's what you want to do, or maybe that's when you're you know you have kids and your kids are at a certain age, that's like really fun, or maybe it's really difficult.

Speaker 1 5:47

So I guess it's a case by case basis, right, but there's always these you know generalities that pop up and when I think about my time in my 30s like, yeah, it was really awesome Because the kids were, you know, they were growing. But also I started to shift my focus on what was really important and some of that had to do with my own physical health. So I felt really good physically because I was taking care of myself, I started to work out consistently, I started to eat better. So there was a big chunk of my 30s where I went through this transition and it changed my life because I started to have better habits and like this, you know, transition from working in the corporate world to staying at home and running a business. So, yeah, I would say that that was a really great time in my life, but there's still more to come. Right, We'll talk more about that later.

Speaker 1 6:57

But as far as like physical changes, so there's like these hormonal shifts that we're going through, especially during perimenopause. There's, you know, energy levels that are changing. There's weight gain or weight loss. There's sleep disturbances. Like man, I don't know what is going on with my sleep and it's funny because it's like, okay, I have to get enough sleep and I know that for me it's between seven and a half to eight hours and I try my best to do that, and even though I can sometimes be in bed for that long, I find myself now waking up in the middle of the night many times, which wasn't the case before. My problem was I wasn't getting enough sleep, like actually in bed for enough time, but now it's like I'm waking up, and for no apparent reason.

Speaker 1 7:49

So all of these different changes are happening, right, but another thing that's happening is the shift in our own self image, where we're kind of looking at ourselves a little bit differently. It could be in a good way, or it could be in a oh my God, what's happening? Look at all these gray hairs, right, and for me, I have had gray hairs for a few years now, but they were very, very sparse, but now it's like my roots are kind of like I dye my hair, so like my roots are coming out and it's like oh, like I could see, like not just one here and there, it's like it's a whole row. I'm like what is going on which you know you could see from the perspective of ooh, like I'm getting older but wiser, right, but then it can also feel like you know discomfort and you feel insecure. So there's there's these different ways that you can actually approach this and it, you know, depends on how you want to see it right. It's all about perspective.

Speaker 1 8:51

But I know that there are certain things now where I was doing in my 30s that I was doing fine, where I was like I was eating well and I was, you know, I had a lot more activity. And now I still try and eat well and I am active, but it's not working the same way. It's like I have to change. I have to change a routine where what was working before isn't working now, which, again, I can take as okay. I just have to make some switches, find what works best for me now and be consistent with that. But then you can also see it as like oh man, this is like another hump, this is something different, this is something scary. So it really all depends on how you see it. Scary. So it really all depends on how you see it.

Speaker 1 9:41

But you also kind of maybe come into some of like the shift in identity where it's like you start to question like who am I Like? This is a huge question that pops up in your 40s, especially as, like, your kids become, like, more independent. Or maybe you know your career is just not what it felt like before and you're not even excited about climbing the corporate ladder, so to speak, and you start to feel maybe a little bit disconnected. Maybe you don't have as many friends as you used to, Because I remember in our 30s and when our kids were small, we had a group of friends where we would hang out because, like, the kids were the same age. And now it's kind of like there's a more of a disconnect and it may feel lonely a little bit or you just like completely you know lose a friendship. So that starts to mess with your head a little bit and there's like it's increased in maybe anxiety or even depression.

Speaker 1 10:36

That can be like a common thing that pops up in this phase of life, but it's important to like really like normalize those feelings rather than brush them aside. Like I'm currently going through therapy for a specific thing and I'm finding myself like really digging into things that I hadn't before. Like I won't go into detail or anything, but I'm starting to find that I'm going through this kind of like a butterfly phase, where it's like I'm shedding the old and like coming into kind of like this new phase of myself and really letting go of things that have really held me back, that I didn't know were holding me back. So that's really kind of uncovering, like some things that just don't serve me anymore and being okay with that. It could be something personal, like a relationship, or it could be a way of thinking personal like a relationship, or it could be a way of thinking, and for me it's like thinking about how some things in my childhood were holding me back, things that I didn't know, that they were very, very deep under the surface, that have come up to the light now that I can be like huh, okay, I'm not going to put myself down for it, or I'm not going to regret having this anchor because I didn't know that it was there, but now I can be okay with huh, okay, I can move on, I can let go of that.

Finding Support Through Life Transitions

Speaker 1 12:10

So there are just some things that I have been thinking about, but I wanted to see if maybe this could resonate with you, and maybe this is a period of your life that you're going through right now and you don't know what the heck is going on. I almost dropped an F-bomb, but you don't know what's going on and you feel lost. But just know that you can see this more of a transition and dig into what that means. What does this mean to you, what's going on? And you can see it as a way of like shedding that, like old habits or you know old thoughts that may be holding you back, and just focusing on, like what truly makes me happy. What do I want more of in my life? Do I want more joy? Do I want more peace? Do I have to set more boundaries, Like what do I need to let go of? All right, I just want you to ponder on that and I won't like dive into anything more that is going on. I just wanted to put it out there just so that you know you're not alone.

Speaker 1 13:20

So, if you're feeling like this, you know there's millions of other women that are feeling like this and I just wanted to put it out there just to let you know that there may be even a community out there that can help support you and you can bounce ideas off of. Or, you know, just talk, right, Because sometimes it's just better to talk, and that is kind of like. What I'm doing right now is like I'm just talking about it out loud, and maybe I'm just like talking into the void or maybe this is resonating with you, but I hope that was a little bit helpful. And I don't know, maybe I'll bring in an expert to talk about, maybe, specifically perimenopause, Maybe that's something that you know might be helpful or something else just talking about transitions in life, right? So anyway, hope that was helpful. I hope you have an amazing day and I will see you next week.