A Single Word Can Change Everything

In this episode, we get open and raw about life’s real problems. And, when life gets real so does God.

When my depression was at its very worst, when no one could reach me, God did. He spoke a single phrase that has forever changed my life.

“There is beauty in the broken.”

Many people have wanted to know where “beauty in the broken” came from. Today you’ll find out. This episode is all about hope and encouragement. 

Sometimes all it takes is a single word for the captives to be set free. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1:
Welcome to When Words Don't Come Easy. A podcast for anyone who wants real hope in a busted up world. Each week, your host Andy Howard will deliver hope, breakthrough, and practical tools to help you move forward in every area of your life. Now, here's Andy with this week's episode.

Speaker 2:
Yo, yo, yo. Welcome! Welcome back. Man, I'm loving that intro. Love it. Sometimes I need a little more fiber in my music and that definitely packs a punch. So, love it.

Speaker 2:
If it's your first time here, welcome to the When Words Don't Come Easy podcast. My name is Andy Howard and it's so nice to meet you. If I haven't gotten to meet you yet, or it's your first time joining the podcast, I hope it won't be your last. And welcome.

Speaker 2:
A lot of things going on in my life. I am so excited. The last few days have just been so overwhelming for me, and I want to share a little bit with you on that. I'm flying solo today. Most times you'll notice I will bring a guest on with me, but today I'm flying solo. The book released last week, on the 27th, but things have just been so crazy this past week. In a good way. In such a good way. I've been so overwhelmed and as I've had a couple of days and a week just to reflect on the craziness, I was trying to put it into words and, ironically words have not come easy. I really didn't know what to say but the whole time leading up to the book release, I kept telling Tiff, "I just want simple. I'm a simple guy. I don't need anything over the top. I just want a few of my friends and family here, and I want to celebrate it." I was proud of the book coming out, but I'm pretty simple and when I got there, it was just so overwhelming and I wanted to take you behind the scenes on that and I felt like I had some things that I can share with you that maybe will bring help to you.

Speaker 2:
If this is your first time joining, I just want you to know this podcast is about hope. The book is about hope. The whole reason I'm doing this is to bring hope to people. So I don't want that to get old. But that's what I feel like I'm supposed to do.

Speaker 2:
And so, taking you back to the Saturday before the book release, so that was the 24th. And my wife had put so much effort into this, it was amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I've just got to tell you, even from my daughters, Parker and Prestley. especially Parker. Now Prestley, she is one who loves to get dolled up, that's just her thing. I think she came out of the womb wearing high heels, that's just her. She had make-up on and all the things. Parker, on the other hand, she's kind of my tomboy. She loves PJs, shorts and t-shirts. 

Speaker 2:
But even Parker went full out in this beautiful dress. Prestley in a beautiful dress. And we were getting ready to leave and Tiff told me to go get Peyton attentive. Now, we don't take Peyton out. Just for her protection. For those who don't know, she's got 10% brain function, can't walk. She can't talk, has no vocabulary. But the doctor had told us she'd have a very limited vocabulary. Right now she's never said any words, but she communicates to us all the time with her beautiful smile and her eyes.

Speaker 2:
But anyways, we don't take her out because she gets so sick and we just have... she's got a very weakened immune system and we have to protect her. But we wanted her to be there. I thought it would be an honor to have her at the book release, and so we did our best. And, so far so good, she's been well.

Speaker 2:
But Tiff asked me to go get her and her nurses were coming and helped load her in the van and when I went into the room, oh my goodness. My heart just melted. Tiffany had got her the most beautiful red dress and she did her hair, it was curls. Big curls. And she was made up and I've got to tell you, she was so beautiful I just started crying. I was just so moved, even before I got to the actual celebration. Because... it's hard to explain. It's hard to explain unless you've been there. And I'm going to try to. I'm going to try to take you there with me, but even getting through the depression stages, there are still times, as a daddy, I have so many things I feel like I've been robbed on. And, not robbed, but I missed out on. And now, looking around and seeing her as a freshman in high school now, even though she's home bound, she's home schooled. 

Speaker 2:
But she would have been a freshman this year and starting to see all the other girls around her age, she's got two cousins who... It was beautiful and she got to take pictures with them at the celebration, it was so cool. One of my favorite pictures. They're all within six months of each other. In fact, Peyton is right in the middle of the two. But anyways, just seeing them grow up sometimes, and seeing other kids her age grow up and get ready for homecoming dances and all dressed up and seeing them getting older and all the things. It's hard to see sometimes.

Speaker 2:
 And so, seeing her all dolled up and in her dress and mom had did her make-up and her hair, she was just so beautiful. It was such a special, special occasion. And so, this whole time I had been telling Tiff, "I don't need much. I'm simple." But she really went out of her way to make this thing so special. And I am so glad she did. It was one of my favorite nights of my life. Of everything we've done. From getting married, to my salvation, accepting Christ as my Savior. That's probably the two biggest things I would put above it. Well, having kids. Okay, it's definitely in the top five. But it was so special, it really was.

Speaker 2:
So, we had 120 people there, I didn't even think there'd be that many people there. I was thinking something small, just some family and a few friends. Tiff had 120 people invited. People came from all over the world for me. And that's... It's overwhelming. I don't like the attention. I don't want people going out of their way for me. But, it was so special and I'm so glad she did. 

Speaker 2:
So we got there on Saturday night and it was just amazing. Absolutely amazing. So she found this event planner and she absolutely killed it. There was this... It looked exactly like my book cover, except it was... They had created this big box and it had a plexiglass on the outside of it. The book cover with letters was on the plexiglass, with room for people to take pictures there. It was a photo booth, I guess you'd call it. It was just so fun, seeing people take the pictures. People were in line like crazy for the book and it was a free gift to everyone that showed. But to see them really care and want the book, was overwhelming to me. And just spending time... I wish I could have spent time with everybody there. More time, I got to see everyone. But it was just such a whirlwind of an event. It went so fast, but so fun.

Speaker 2:
But I've got to tell you, I was thinking about... I was reflecting back ten years ago, when I was so alone. I felt alone. This is what the weird thing about depression is, you're kind of skewed on what's really going on. Because all these people are friends who love me, who would do anything for me. They would, they said that. Which is overwhelming. And then family, of course, who would do anything for me. Pastors, and different ones came and just celebrated me. And it was just such a fun night. 

Speaker 2:
But at the time, I felt so alone. I had fallen for this lie that I'm doing this by myself, even with my wife, some of my best friends who were there, Ricky and Andre, you'll hear about them in chapter one, if you haven't read that yet. They were there. They've lived this journey with me. In the height of my depression, they've lived it all with me. It's just so special that I was thinking back, ten years ago I would have never saw this day coming. I couldn't see all these beautiful people in my life. All I could see was this tunnel of darkness and just say, "can I even get out of bed today?" And that's just the truth. And I almost missed out on all this.

Speaker 2:
And what I've said, even from the stage when I got to talk, I wish everybody could have a day like this. I wish everyone could feel this at least once in their life. Where so many people come and just say good things about you. Even as uncomfortable as it was for me, because I don't like that. I'd much rather celebrate somebody else than myself. But I wish everybody could feel that once. And I thought, unfortunately, sometimes the only time this happens, when someone gets to experience someone saying all these good things about them, is generally at a funeral.

Speaker 2:
We don't take the time to tell our friends, our families, our loved ones how much we care about them. How special they are to us. We just don't. It's just the hustle and bustle, we're busy people. We've got to finish our job. We've got to get home. We've got to get the kids to soccer practice. We're stressed, we've got things due, and it's easier to just jump on the negative things than the positives. It's easier just not to point out all the good that's gone on in people's lives.

Speaker 2:
So, for whatever reason, sometimes we don't take advantage of all these great opportunities that we have everyday to stop one person and say, "hey, you know what I love about you? I love how your smile can light up a room." 

Speaker 2:
Isn't that cool? You think that'd make someone's day? You don't have to be weird about it. Don't make it weird. Just tell them something you love about them. "Wow, I love your personality. You're always so easy going. You always see the best in things. That's one thing I really love about you."

Speaker 2:
"Wow, you're always so helpful. Thank you for being helpful."

Speaker 2:
Or, "You always put others first." We can find something positive in everybody. We really can. But for some reason, we choose to hold onto these things until it's too late. But then we're at the funeral and we're like, "Man, he was so good. He was such a kind person. He was so loving. He had a way of always making jokes or fumbling the most easiest thing, at most inopportune times." 

Speaker 2:
We love to laugh at things, we love to look back at things. It's easier to look back than it is to go forward. THat's the thing that really stirred me is, "Wow, what if everyone could have a moment like this?" Because I've got to tell you, ten years ago this is where I was. And I wanted to tell this story today because a lot on this podcast, you'll probably hear the term "Beauty and the broken". And for me, that's finding positive in the negative. 

Speaker 2:
And it goes like this, my friends Ricky and Andre and I, we had rented a suite. We were in Alabama. Gulf Shores, Alabama. If you've ever been there, it's beautiful. And we were able to share a suite, we didn't have a lot of money back then. We did our best to make it, we needed a vacation. Needed to get away. My depression was at an all-time high back then. In fact, it just hit a peak that week. We were there, walking around I would see little kids burying their dads in the sand. Little boys, little girls burying their dad in the sand. Or I'd see dads throwing frisbees for their kids. Or playing with beach balls, or tossing their kids in the pool. Or trying to boogie board with them on the beach. And we're supposed to be on this vacation, we're supposed to be happy, and it's like the further I went, the worse it got. And I wasn't sleeping well. I was just stuck in my thoughts. I couldn't escape it. 

Speaker 2:
I was mad at God. I was. Just upset. I felt wrong, I felt cheated. I was a youth pastor, making peanuts. It wasn't about the money, I never did ministry for the money. Nobody does. You don't do ministry for the money, you do it to serve people. But I thought, "Wow. The least I could do, Lord... The least I could do is you owe me this one, right? You didn't even look out for me or my daughter?" 

Speaker 2:
And it hurt, man. It hurt. And all these feelings and thoughts were coming from a place of hurt. And I'll never forget that week. One morning, it was towards the end of the week, I hadn't been sleeping well. And again, I tossed and turned all night. And by the time I got out the door, it was around 4:30. And because Tiff was in our room and in the other room, Ricky and Andre was in there and they were sleeping, I didn't want to wake up anybody. So I didn't even stay in the house, I just got my stuff and thought I'd go on a walk. I always loved the peaceful waves crashing the shore. The sound, and it's usually quiet. Nobody's around that early. 

Speaker 2:
So I thought I'd just go for a walk. And I got out there and I was just feeling pretty bad about myself. Kind of like Eeyore, just walking around, "Woe is me." And, I just wanted to be alone. Didn't want to be around anybody. I didn't care. That's the worst part, right? I just didn't care anymore. What anyone thought about me. What God thought about me. What my wife thought about me. I didn't care. I was just worried about myself, and not in a good way. I just wanted to do whatever I want to do, because I was not happy.

Speaker 2:
So, I'm walking down the shore and there's this couple ahead of me. And it's still pretty dark, the sun was about to come up with the sunrise, but it was still pretty dark. I could see well, but it was really early. I could see a couple, they were about 100 yards ahead of me and I kept seeing them. They would bend down and pick up something, and every once in a while they'd keep it. Then every once in a while, they'd throw it back down. I didn't quite understand. Didn't think much about it, I was still in my thoughts and walking. Just walking, wasn't doing much of anything. Just not happy.

Speaker 2:
And again, I looked ahead and it started intriguing me. "What are they doing?" They had flashlights and I thought maybe they see something in the water, maybe... I didn't know what it was. But as I finally got closer and was seeing what they were throwing down, it dawned on me that they're collecting seashells. But they were only keeping the whole shells, the complete shells. The perfect shells. The ones that were broken, they were throwing back. 

Speaker 2:
And it was at that moment, that very moment that I felt The Lord whisper to me, "There's beauty in the broken."

Speaker 2:
There's beauty in the broken. It's like a dam just broke. Like these levies or walls or whatever it was, just broke and water just began to flood me. And I was just overwhelmed with peace. And that was one of the biggest breakthroughs in my whole life with this depression. That was it. 

Speaker 2:
I go on to talk about this in the book. It did take several years. And I still... I just told you a few minutes ago, I still deal with it. That's why I call it a journey. I don't know that there will ever be a time when I don't deal with it. But I am so much better now. I'm in such a better head space and I'll give you some pointers about that.

Speaker 2:
So I pulled up my shirt, kind made it into a basket, and at this point I'm bawling. If there would have been police on the beach, they probably would have took me in. To at least question me and make sure I'm okay. But luckily it was still dark, the sun started to come up at this point, but I started collecting all these broken seashells. And I am just so happy. It's like I was looking for more. I wanted more broken seashells. And in my shirt, I started collecting and I must have got at least 100 of them. And then I turned around, I don't know how far I even walked. Maybe two, three miles, and I turned around and started coming back and I found some I had even missed on the way up. 

Speaker 2:
And I looked a hot mess, I'm sure. And by this time, Tiff and Ricky and Andre were up. So when I got back, they were all up and I explained the story to them and explained this overwhelming peace I found, and they celebrated with me, and they prayed with me. And they were so happy because they had seen me in this funk. They had lived it. And so they were so happy. Tiffany even went and found this glass vase that was in the shape of a shell and we put those hundred seashells that were broken in it, and we still have it to this day in Peyton's room. So special.

Speaker 2:
 In a way, back then, I wish I could have seen these 120 people in a room celebrating me. I wish, back then, that I would have knew what was ahead. That this story was meant for good. I used to pray all the time that God would use her story to reach millions. I had no idea how it would happen. I always thought maybe her story would go viral, of her getting healed or something. And she could still get healed, I get that. I totally understand that. And I believe in the power of healing, I do. But for some reason, God has chosen to do it a different way. And now I see this story going out and literally reaching millions. And I'm so grateful to be a part of it. God has been so good to us. He's been so faithful.

Speaker 2:
So reflecting on the last few days, from the book release party to the book releasing last week, to see record pre-sales go out and Amazon putting things like number one in this category, and number one in fatherhood. Number one in Christian Counseling. It's just overwhelming, man. It's overwhelming seeing this kind of stuff and how her story is being used to bless people.

Speaker 2:
So my prayer is today, that you will hear this and think, "Wow, how cool that is." The power of speaking life into people. Will you do that today? Do you think you can reach out to one person? Maybe five people? What if you did it to ten people? Or what if you challenged yourself to do it to one person a day? That's seven people a week, but it comes out to... Gosh, what? 31 people a month? Over... Who knows how many people that is a year? My math is getting hard. But that's incredible. And you may not think that makes a difference, but it does. 

Speaker 2:
When you're holding on to every single minute. When you're living life minute by minute, it's just one more piece of hope that helps you get through that next minute.

Speaker 2:
Think about it, man. For all those lives that can't make it. For all those suicides that we lose, those people that we lose to suicide. I often think, "Wow, what if we could save them and let them see the funeral? The hurt. Of all the things people would say about them. Would it make a difference?"

Speaker 2:
I think it would. It can't hurt, let's put in that way. There's nothing bad that can happen from you being nice to somebody.

Speaker 2:
We also had a chance... This last week right before the book came out, we had a chance to partner with this group. They did this Ruck Run, I believe is what they called it. It was supporting veterans, and this is dear to my heart. I saw my friend, Barrick. Dude is an amazing man, and he was on a treadmill and he had his backpack on and he was practicing for this walk. It was like 20 miles, or at least that's what he was choosing to do with a 70 pound backpack on. It was crazy. With our veterans, it's said that 22 veterans commit suicide a day. That's almost one an hour. It's crazy. So crazy. We can do better than that.

Speaker 2:
And so, we had a chance, and I did this live right before. For anyone who would donate, I would send out a signed copy of my book. And we raised almost $1100 just from my little group. The overall group for that fundraiser raised $26,000. All to go help our veterans. That was so cool.

Speaker 2:
So this has been such a fun last few days for me, and I wanted to share that with you. I hope you enjoyed this. If you haven't got the book and you're interested, it's When Words Don't Come Easy. You can find it anywhere. The easiest way would be to go to AndyHoward.com. You can sign up to my newsletter there, The Howard Hustle. If this has been a blessing to you, about finding the beauty in the broken or you know somebody who may need to hear some hope today, please send this episode to them. Let them know somebody cares about them, someone's praying for them. 

Speaker 2:
Because I am. I'm praying for you. And I hope my book can help you. That's the whole reason I wrote it. That's the whole reason I was vulnerable and raw about it. Is hopefully it will bring help to someone who is where I was. And I feel so much better now, and I know I've got a long way to go, but God has been so faithful to me, even when He probably should have jack-slapped me. But He loves me and He knew I was hurt. He knew I was hurting. He's big enough to take the hard questions. Because He cares. The fact is the word says "He weeps, too." So I'm sure he was weeping with me the whole time.

Speaker 2:
But this weekend was so special. So I just want to thank you guys for being here. Thank you for watching. If you've enjoyed this, will you please subscribe and share it with somebody? I would love for you to share this with somebody so it'll bring some hope to whoever we can reach. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.

Speaker 2:
Thanks so much for tuning in. If this episode helps you in any way, it would mean the world to me if you would leave a review and share it with somebody else. Thanks so much, I'll catch you next time.