From the Vault | Hector Gomez | From Rejection to Redemption

🎙️ FROM THE VAULT

Throughout the month of August, we're revisiting conversations from our podcast archive. Whether you're hearing them for the first time or listening again, we pray these stories continue to point people to Jesus Christ.

In this episode of the From Wrong to Strong Podcast, Omar Calvillo sits down with Hector Gomez to hear his powerful story of growing up in Chicago, entering the foster care system, becoming involved in gang life, and living with the deep wounds of rejection and abandonment. 

After being removed from his home as a young boy, Hector spent years moving between foster homes, searching for acceptance and belonging. As he grew older, that search led him into the streets, where gangs offered the family he longed to have. But beneath the tough exterior was a heart still longing for a mother's love. 

Everything began to change when someone showed him a kind of unconditional love he had never experienced before—a love that opened the door to understanding the love of God. 

In this conversation, Hector shares:

•  Growing up in Chicago. 
•  Entering the foster care system. 
•  The search for acceptance and belonging. 
•  Gang life and the choices that followed. 
•  The lasting effects of childhood trauma. 
•  Learning to receive unconditional love. 
•  Finding hope through God's grace. 

No matter what you've experienced or where your journey has taken you, your past does not have to define your future. There is hope in Jesus Christ.

📖 Coming September 8, 2026

From Darkness to Light: The Gospel Journey by Omar Calvillo

A simple, Gospel-centered guide designed to help readers understand God's plan of salvation and the transforming power of Jesus Christ.

Thank you for listening. If this episode encourages you, consider following the podcast, leaving a review, and sharing it with someone who needs hope today.

Transcript

0:34

Welcome to the From Wrong to Strong podcast. Throughout the month of August, we're opening the vault and revisiting conversations from our podcast archive. Since many of you have joined our community over the past year, this is an opportunity to hear messages that may be new to you or worth hearing again. As we revisit these conversations, I'm also excited to share that my new book, From Darkness to Light: The Gospel Journey, will be releasing on September 8th. My prayer is that it will help even more people discover the hope, forgiveness, and new life found in Jesus Christ. Now, let's jump into today's episode. Yo, everyone, and welcome once again to the Wrong to Strong Chicago podcast. My name is Omar Calvillo, and we're here doing another interview. I'd like to introduce my guest. His name is Hector. This is a, a brother that I met r- recently, and, uh, just through conversations that we've been having, you know, just, uh, going back and forth as far as, like, our personal lives, uh, we found that we, we, we have, like, a similar story. So I'm like, man, as we were talking, I told this brother, "Man, I gotta have you on my podcast." So I'd like to w- welcome Hector. I'll let him maybe introduce himself. Maybe say a little bit about himself real quick. Yeah. What's going on, bro? Uh, my name's Hector. I'm 29. Um, like Omar said, um, well, to be honest, we met each other through work and, um, you know, little by little we started conversing and, uh, like he said, we seen that we had a lot of similarities despite the age difference. And, um, you know, I could relate to a lot of the, the things he'd been through. I can relate to a lot of the other people that been on this podcast. So I was, uh, definitely looking forward to doing this podcast with him. Hey, man, man, the, the, thanks for sharing the age difference, man, 'cause basically calling me an old man, you know? Yeah, yeah. So I'm, I'm 44 years old. Oh, man. But nah, nah, hey, thanks for being here, man. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, let- let's get into your story. I know we talked a l- a little bit b- b- beforehand. Could you tell us, um, I, I know you grew up in Chicago your whole life. Maybe, uh, I know y- you mentioned you moved around, but, uh, what, what, what's one, uh, area that you remember that you grew up in as, as, wh- when you were young? Well, when I was born, I was born in '92. So, um, I was born in, like, the Pilsen, West Pilsen area, uh, till about '98, and then we ended up, me and my family ended up moving to, uh, Cicero. My, uh, grandmother ended up getting a house out there. Okay. And that was around that age. And well, wh- what do you remember at, uh, Pilsen? Like, how, how old were you when, while you were still living there? Up to what age was that? Um, so probably, like, six, to be honest. Okay. Um, but I mean, I m- I remember a lot, you know, growing up over there. It was definitely fun as a kid. I mean- Okay despite the, despite the neighborhood, um, you know, we get to, you know, we see a lot of guys around and we see a lot of people get in trouble. But, you know, you see it every day, every day, every day, and it just becomes, it's like, it's normal, you know? It's like, oh, we're going outside, and you might see somebody breaking somebody's car, but it was like, it's just another day around there, you know? So it wasn't nothing like- I guess to me that was out of the ordinary Got it. Okay. Exactly. So you say, yeah, you were growing up having fun, and man, that's, that's what you knew, so you couldn't really, you know, like, uh, compare it to anything else, I guess, right? Yeah, exactly. Now what, what about as far as like a, a family? H- h- how was your family structure growing up? I mean, it wa- it was all right. You know, my, my mother and my, my tias, you know, my uncles as well, they all, you know, grew up in the gangbanging lifestyle. So I wanna say that was one of the reasons why a lot of the things that I experienced was normalized because it came from our roots. You get me? Like, it came from my mother, it came from my tia, it came from my tio. So, you know, a lot of that we were around it, we were around their friends, and their friends were doing the same thing, so that... I feel like that was one of the reasons why it became, you know, normal and it wasn't out of the ordinary and... Yeah, man. Okay. Yeah, so, so you basically grew up in the neighborhood, and man, it sounds like the whole family was in the- Yeah in the gang there, right? Yeah, basically, man. Man, and, uh, what, what, what, what kinda things do you remember like, uh, growing up, like, like witnessing that, that now when you look back you're like, "Man, that's, that's not maybe something that a kid should've grew up around then." Did you know just like during that age, you know, it- Well, the, I mean, I used to see a lot of shootings, but again, you don't, you don't know that it's one gang shooting at another gang. You just see a car pulling up shooting at another guy, you know? So as far as, you know, perspective, you just see someone trying to hurt somebody. So it wasn't like, "Okay, I know it's this gang versus this gang." You know, it was more so, um, you know, as far as our... we see somebody innocent hurting somebody innocent. You get me? Right. Uh, one of the things, though, growing up that now I can say is, um, definitely we should've been doing, um, when we would go outside and play with our friends in the neighborhood, uh, there would be a lot of, uh, spent shell casings on the floor. So we would pick them up and, you know, we'll look at 'em and be like, "Oh, okay, you know, this a nice little gold piece, nice little brass piece." So we would play with it, but because that's something that caught our eye on the floor, you know. We're, we're kids, you know. We're running around the neighborhood, and, you know, little things like quarters and all that that you find on floor. So all of that, you see all these little shiny pieces on the floor, and we would stumble upon, um, you know, the brass from the spent shell casings, and we would always see like, "Oh, it says 9mm." But this is not nothing that you know at that age. You know, when you get older, you start to say, "Whoa. Like wow, bro, I used to play with these when I was a kid." Right. You know, not even knowing that they could've been used in a murder or whatever the case may be. Right. You were just, you know, naturally just playing with 'em, bro. Like- Yeah, that's, that's crazy, man. I'm sure there's, there's a lot of people out there that can relate to a childhood li- like that, honestly, man. Man, ju- going in the street and man, just picking 'em up like nothing, man. Yeah. That's- Yeah, bro. Yeah that's the way out, man. But yeah, no, that, that's, that's definitely how, how Pilsen was, you know, back then. But, uh, a- a- as you grew older, i- is there like an event or something that, um, maybe like as far as like your family that, uh, brought a change in your life as you're, you know, as you're growing up in this lifestyle? I know you mentioned, you know, family and the gangs. Like, h- how was your, uh, like growing up after that? Um, I mean, like I said, when, when '98 came, um, we ended up moving to Cicero, ended up getting a house over there. And to be honest, it was still a lot of the same. Like, you know, my, my family was still hanging around. You can basically say in the same around of people just in, almost in a nicer neighborhood, you could say. You get me? Like, it wasn't as bad, um, as far as looks. Okay. You get me? Yeah, yeah. 'Cause looks are definitely deceiving. You could be in a, a neighborhood with beautiful houses and just, you know, the group of people that are around there, you get me, it's all upside down. Yeah, yeah. So it's still like the same, uh... It's like they're bringing the, the negativity or- Yeah, yeah or the bad stuff that they're doing- Yeah just into a nicer neighborhood, right? Or the negativity was already there. Okay. It's just, you know, adding more, uh, fuel to the fire, you get me? Gotcha, gotcha. Okay, so, so you moved to Cicero. H- How many years did you spend there? Um, so, you know, my, my family always had the house in Cicero, but, um, I wanna say like me physically, like I ended up moving from there, I wanna say, when I was like in fourth or fifth grade, something like that. We started to get into, uh, foster homes and group homes and, you know, my life started to definitely change at a young age. Man. Do you wanna share what happened that you ended up having to go into a foster care home? Um, basically, I mean, you know, my... You can say that my mother wasn't fit to be a mother. Gotcha. You get me? So, yeah, um, I don't know how it happened, or I don't know if somebody reached out to them, but somehow the state ended up finding out that, you know, my mother was, you know, doing drugs and she wasn't able to, you know, take care of us. So one day from school, um, I was in class and, uh, I remember like it was yesterday, I ended up getting my name called on the speaker, you know, like, "Hey, can you have Hector come down to the office?" And we were watching a movie that day, and I remember one of my classmates telling me, um, "You're lucky that you're getting to go home early." So I get my stuff, you know, not knowing what was gonna happen when I went down to that office. I go downstairs, and sure enough, there's a caseworker ready to take me and my brother and, um, you know, put us in a group home. And I just remember that day like- Like, wow. Like she, you know, she assumed, you know, my classmate, she assumed that we were going home Right and little did I know that I was not going home that day whatsoever. Like, like that was it, bro. Like I didn't see my mom. I didn't get to say bye to my mom, none of my family members. They literally just came to school, um, talked to us for a little bit, talked to the principal, and then took us. Like it was, it was that fast. It was that fast. Man, that, that's crazy. I'm sure that had to be one of the life-altering moments for you. Yeah, definitely. And w- was it just you or who, who, whose was it? It was me and my brother. Got it. You know, at the time, um, uh, it was me and my brother Sam, and, uh, we definitely ended up... It was, it was life-changing, you know? Yeah. We were-- we, we're kids. We're like in, you know, fourth-- I'm like in fourth grade. My brother's probably- How, how, how, how old was that, like, uh? Um, I wanna-- maybe like 10. Okay. You know, give or take. And, um, so for us hearing like, "Oh, you're not going home no more." You're like, we gotta take-- like that hurt us. Yeah. You get me? You know, me and my brother, we're 10 years old. I'm 10 years old. He was probably like, you know, 7 or 8, and we're just crying, you get me? Yeah, yeah. 'Cause we're not gonna see our parents no more, you know? Man. So that, that was definitely, uh, a hurting moment. Yeah, yeah. Definitely, man. I think that'll hurt anybody. Like, like let me ask you this, though. Before this happened, did you have any idea that this could happen? Like as far as like looking back, like as, you know, as your childhood, did, did you see it coming or was it like a complete surprise? No, I-- see, I can't say I would say I seen it coming, only because of the fact that I'm a kid and I don't know nothing about social services. I don't know about, you know, foster homes and group homes and me being potentially put into them predicament. So, you know, now that I look back and I look through everything that we've been through, you see why it happened, but you don't expect them things to happen. Because again, you don't know, you don't know about it, and you don't know what's the Like the, the effects or the results- Exa- that could happen Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Right You know? So you're not, you're not thinking about that. Right. You know, if your mother's making mistakes or the people around you are making mistakes, whether they're negative or not, you're not assuming the worst. Yeah. You get me? You're not assuming, "Okay, she's doing this and tomorrow I'ma be gone." Right. Like, y- you don't think about none of that. No, no. Yeah, definitely, 'cause, uh, I mean, you grew up, so this is like n- uh, everything that's going on at home or in the neighborhood, it's normal. Exactly. Like, this is just the way, you know, it is in my family and the neighborhood, and y- you don't see anything wrong with that. But o- obviously, maybe the, like you mentioned, social services, for whatever reasons, they decided, "Man, you know, they, we, we gotta take you away, you know, from, from home." But, uh, man, you, you wanna share what that experience was? I know, I know it hurt, but where, where, where did you end up going? Like, let's say, like, that first day, like... Um, so the first day, um, we ended up going to a group home, and we were there... So we ended up going to the group home, and I wanna say, I can't give, like, an exact, uh, time how long we were in the group home. I wanna say maybe about, like, three weeks. But living in the group home, it was just, like, a whole bunch of other kids just like us, but their stories may have been worse. Okay. You know, we had-- I remember I met one guy, and, um... well, kid at the time- Yeah and, um, he was telling me how his mom had abandoned him and his sister in an abandoned house. Like, she just took them there, and then she left and never came back. So it's like s- some people got it worse, you get me? Some people got family that just neglects them, you know, from the jump. And- Right so that was kinda like an eye-opener, like, wow, like somebody that you think that loves you just, you know, left you in an abandoned house. Not even with family, you know? Not even in a warm house. Left you in a cold house alone and, you know? And left. Man, that's- And left. Yeah. How, how, how many kids do you think were in that group home? Like, uh... Um, it's, it was hard to say because- Right you got different ages. Yeah. You get me? So when you go to a group home, they kinda put you with your age group, you get me? Because- They still trying to educate you. Okay. You get me? You're still going to, like, some type of slight, um, schooling, I, I guess. Right, right. So they're still trying to educate you, so you're not, you know, necessarily with everybody. You're, you're with your, uh, age group. Right. Okay. Uh, uh, how much time did you spend there? Like, how many years or No, so I wanna say in the group home we were there probably there, it wasn't that long, maybe about three weeks. Oh, okay. We Yeah, so the, the group home was, uh, fairly short, but it was definitely an experience that, you know, you wouldn't forget because this is the beginning stages of you getting taken away and getting put in the system and, you know, just being part of the system, being a statistic. Gotcha. Now, as far as the, the system, can you explain that a little bit? Like, basically what ended up ha- happening next? Where, where did they, uh, put you in, or what was the next move like? So, like, when you first get into the system, before they put you in a group home they try to put you with family members, and we didn't have too many family members that can take us in that maybe didn't have a good background and that they seen fit to take care of us. Gotcha. So one of the first places that me and my brother ended up going out of the group home was, um, my brother's side of the family. We went with his, uh, grandmother. Okay. Did she take, uh, you and your brother? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, she took me and my brother. Um, I stayed there a few months longer than him because my brother's dad's side of the family ended up, uh, coming forward and was able to, um- Um, end up adopting him, bro. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, his, uh, his dad's side of the family ended up adopting him, so. Gotcha. You know, he was definitely fortunate to go with, I would say, like a closer side of his family. Right. Because I don't know my brother's, uh, my little brother, which, that were living with his grandma. I don't know his family like that, you know? Okay. So it wasn't as comfortable as you going to, you know- To, to the other brother's house. Yes, exactly. Okay. So you, you felt like maybe you were closer to that, uh, to his family than to the one you ended up, uh, getting placed in, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. All right. So how long did you stay there, you said? Uh, w- Uh, I was there for about nine months. Okay. Yeah, I was there for about nine months. And what ended up, uh, why did you end up leaving there? Um, drugs. My brother's grandfather, he used to, uh, smoke crack, and he used to do heroin. He used to shoot up. And, you know, one day this, you know, this guy, he would smoke... He smoked crack in front of us. You know? He smoked crack in front of me and my brother. This is like the first time we experienced somebody, like, actually doing hard drugs in front of us. Okay. 'Cause it's like we knew, we knew our mother was doing something, but we didn't know what. Right. And she didn't do it in front of us. What we probably seen was the aftermath and the effects of it. You get me? Yeah, yeah. It's like, like somebody being drunk. You see them all stumbling around. Yeah, but with, with, you didn't see them drinking, but you just see the effects- Exactly that it had, that it had on them. Exactly. Gotcha. You know, so that was, with, with my mom, it was always like the effects. And when we were at my brother's, uh, grandma's house, it was like, you know, he'll do it in front of us a- and you get to see the effects. You get me? But it was the first time that, you know, somebody actually did, like, hard drugs in front of us. Man. We'll be right back I want to take a quick moment right here. If this podcast has been impacting your life, I want to invite you to go a step further. From Wrong to Strong is more than a podcast. We're a nonprofit ministry reaching people inside and outside prison walls through testimonies, devotionals, and outreach. You can be a part of that. Visit fromwrongtostrong.org to learn more, support the mission, or get involved. And if you haven't already, follow the podcast and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. All right, let's get back into it Uh, that, that's crazy there. So he was doing drugs, and did that lead to you living there? Or how did you end up- Yeah, eventually. So he had, like, this routine we would do so he can, you know, buy his, uh, his crack. So, like, every morning, this was, like, summertime. I was, I wanna say, like, fifth or sixth grade, but it was summer vacation, so I was always with him. And, you know, we would always go to, uh... He had this routine where we would go to, like, a Walgreens or a CVS, and he'll go inside, and he'll steal disposable cameras. Right. And when he'll steal the disposable cameras, he'll come back in the car. We would go to a little village on 26th Street, and then he'll flip those cameras and get whatever little money he can get, and then we'll go to the west side, like by K-Town, and, you know, that's where he would go buy, you know, his, his little fix. Man. So after that, where did you end up getting placed after you, you left there? Um, after that I ended up going to another home. I was probably there for about- Two weeks until they found a, a lady who, um, I definitely appreciate taking me in. Her name is, uh, Stacy West. Okay. And, um, she ended up taking me in. And at this time I'm, I'm like 12, 13. Yeah. You know, I'm just... I think I just finished sixth grade, and she ended up taking me in on the far South Side, like on 109th and Vernon. And, um, you know, it was the first time that I was living... Now I'm living with all black family. Okay. So, you know, we're Latinos. You- Yeah you know, we grew up, you know, that's, that's what we know. We're Latinos. And I, I would like to say one thing that I definitely liked going through my experience was that I learned about different races. Yeah. You know, my- Cultures. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Cultures. You get me? Like, I, I definitely learned a lot about them, um, even went- with going to my brother's grandmother. You know, they're, they're Irish and, and it was just a whole different experience, you know, to go to different cultures and seeing how the cultures are. And, you know, it opens your mind to other things 'cause now you're not just closed-minded on, on one culture. Yeah. Your, your culture. You get me? Right. You're, you're getting to expand your mind and see, like, okay. You get to see what it is from your point of view. Gotcha. Hey, r- right now when you mention her name, I, I don't know, it sound like you had like a, like almost like an attachment, like you really appreciated this- Yeah, definitely this lady. I- d- Do you remember some of the things that she did for you maybe that, that you're, like, grateful or thankful for, for what she did for you back then? Well, I mean, just taking me in overall. I mean- Okay her being, you know, a mother. Okay. You get me? Her doing everything that my mother wasn't doing, you know? So I definitely appreciate that. Because one of, one of the things that she told me, like, I, I loved she was always real. Okay. So one of the things that she told me was, like, there's other people that take in kids only for the check. Okay. And I seen that with one of her friends. She had two kids that she took in that were in the system, and you get paid. Okay. You know, you get a check for us every month. Right. Right. Um, I didn't know the specific amount. Yeah. But she wouldn't use those checks on those kids that she had at all, and she would tell me, like, "What you need to understand is you're 13." You know, at this time, like I said, I just came out of sixth grade. Right. I'm 13 and- Nobody's taking in teenagers. Nobody's taking in teenagers. Right. You get what I'm saying? Like, uh, if anybody wants a kid, they want, uh, somebody that's young. Yeah. You get me? Yeah. Not somebody that's already been through so much. It's gonna be hard to control these teenage years and, and actually treat me l- like her son. Right. And, and, and she did that. She definitely did that, man. Man, h- h- how much time did you spend with, with that family there? I was there for about three to four years. Oh, man. Yeah. That was a nice little time there. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Definitely. I ended up graduating, uh, eighth grade, going to high school over there, so yeah. Did she have, uh, children that you grew up with there? Yeah, she did. She had a older son. His name was Jay. Okay. Jason. And I think he was probably, like, four years older than me. Okay. You know, he used to go to Dunbar. Right. And I, I still talk to him now. Oh, yeah? Yeah, he stays in Arizona, so... But I still talk to him now, definitely check up on him and... Yeah, man, that was definitely my, my older brother- Oh, no way at the time, yeah. Man, so I know you mentioned she, she was like a, a mother you never had, but what are s- some of those qualities that, that you've seen from her that re- really, like... The way she loved you in, in some way or- Okay, well, all right, so I got a perfect example. Yeah. When I first moved over there, you know, the neighborhood is all... It, it's an all Black neighborhood. Right. So when I first moved over there, I'm the only Mexican there. You get me? And I want-- Bro, I wanna say for, like, a good two, three months she didn't want me to go outside because she didn't know how the neighborhood was gonna act with me. Gotcha. She didn't know if I was gonna get bullied or it was be- gonna, uh, become something about race. She did not know, and she didn't wanna risk it. Somebody that didn't care would've been- Yeah "Go, go, go outside. Go make friends. Go play." Right. You get me? And- Sure and she didn't do that, bro. She didn't do that. Man, like a go fend for yourself- Mm-hmm but, man, she, she protected you. Yeah, exactly. Man, that, that's deep. Yeah. Okay, so, so you're there three, four years. What's next in, in, in your life after that? Um, well, she ends up wanting to move to Arizona. Okay. She wanted to move to Arizona. I'm about a freshman at this time, so I'm about, you know, 14 going on 15, and I didn't wanna go to Arizona. Gotcha. I didn't wanna go to Arizona. I felt like there was nothing out there for me, you know, considering the fact that all my family is here in Chicago. Right. And so I, I felt like I was gonna be missing something. Yeah. Now l- let me ask you this. While you were staying with her, those three, four years, did you have contact with your family? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that was another thing. Okay. Like one thing with, with Stacy is that she would take me to my brother's house all the way on the North Side. Drop me off all the way by Fullerton, and she'll take me all the way to my brother's house for the weekend, and then we would call our mom and be like, "Hey, can you pick us up, uh, from the North Side where, you know, we're at my brother's, uh, tia's house." Yeah. And my mom was, would come pick us up. So we would always try to get that love and get that affection and try to, you know, still see our mom and meet our mom, no matter, no matter what it was. So when Stacy wanted to go to Arizona, it was like I'm, I'm missing something. Yeah. I'm missing something because I still want that love from my mother. N- no matter how much love I'm getting from Stacy, it's not, it's not the love that I wanted. Yeah. You get me? It was- Or, or, or from who you wanted. E- exactly. Yeah. Or from who I wanted. Exactly. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Man, okay. So man, like your heart was still wanting to connect with Mom in some way. Mm-hmm. And now let me ask you this. Did, uh, Stacy know that you were seeing your mom still? Um, yeah. Okay. Yeah. She didn't mind. You know, what ended up like changing everything was that kept getting in trouble. Okay. You know, when I was in- At the South Side? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I kept getting in trouble. Once I actually went outside, like the first time actually getting out in the neighborhood, it was like they knew me and I knew them for a long time. Okay. So we, we, we clicked. We didn't have no problems, and if anything, I was getting into more trouble. Okay. You know, I was getting now, now I know the neighborhood kids. Right. The ones that you wanted me to stay away from. Okay. You know? So now I was getting into trouble. And, um- When she ended up deciding to move to Arizona, I ran away. All right. I ran away from house. I didn't take nothing. I don't even think I took clothes, and I ended up staying at one of my f- one of my friend's house on the next block, and they would call me, call me. My caseworker would call me, and no, like I'm on the run. I don't wanna go to Arizona. There's nothing out there for me, or I assumed there was nothing out there for me. Right. Right. You know, 'cause again, I felt like I was missing out on something that, you know, that I needed. Yeah. Okay. So you, you ran away and where, where do you go to from here? Like how long, how long do you stay somewhere or where did you end up? So I stayed maybe a few days to a week at one of my friend's house, left there, went to another friend. So I was just jumping from like house to house. Right. Like literally just jumping from house to house until, you know... A- and, and I'm still keeping in contact with my caseworker, but it's more so like, "You need to turn yourself into us so we can put you in a group home or, or find you another home." And I'm not trying to go through that process no more. Right. Like I'm not trying to go through that process no more. You know, I already been through so much, and at this time I'm only 15 But, like, my mindset is, is, you know, a lot older. Gotcha. You know? So I'm not trying to go through this, this process again where I go to another family and another family and hope they like me and hope they treat me good. Yeah. You know, my big thing w- with living with Stacy was just the fact that I didn't wanna go to Arizona. Right. You know? And yeah. Do you think if she hadn't made that choice, you still would've been there? Like, you would've stayed there? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Definitely. And I guess, you know what? Looking back, that's being selfish. Right. Because she had nothing but the best interest for me. Right. You know, who's to say that if I would've went to Arizona I could've had the best life possible? Gotcha. You know, I could've, I could've had a, a good life out there, but I wouldn't know because that wasn't, uh, something that I was risking to do. Right. You know? 'Cause, uh, I just want that love, man. I want that love for my mom. Yeah. Okay. Now l- let me ask you this. Uh, uh, where, where's your dad at, uh, during this time? Or even, like, in the beginning? So my dad, I never, I never met my dad. I think when I did meet my dad I was probably, uh, 22 or 23. Okay. He called me through, uh, a Facebook Messenger, and, um, we start talking and he's telling me how he wants to see me and be a part of my life. And when I tell you, like, I had no contact with him, I don't know who you are. Growing up my mom always told me, "I'm your mom and your dad." You know, she took that role, like, "I'm your mom and your dad. You know, your dad's not here, but don't worry about that." Right. So when he contacted me and he's, like, telling me, like, "Oh, you wanna be part of this?" Like, bro, I already went through everything without you. Right. I already been through group homes and different foster homes, and jumping from home to home. That's when I needed you. Right. Not when I already got a handful of kids and I'm paying my own little rent and I got my own thing going. I'm already a man. Gotcha. There's nothing, there's nothing you can do for me. When I needed you, or w- you know, I don't even think I needed him because I, he wasn't in, in my life. Right. So I don't expect anybody to be there that's not already in my life. Gotcha. You know? So, but there was nothing, um... Like I told him, "There's nothing you can do for me, bro." Like, "I'm, I'm, I'm already a man. I'm paying my own, my own bills, my own rent. I got my kids. There's literally nothing you can do for me." Right. "You know, when I needed you, or if I thought I needed you, you know, that was gonna be back then, not when I already went through all the rough ups and downs." Right. Man. Yeah. A- a- a- was that the only time you had contact with him, or did you talk to him after that? No. No, that was it. After- Oh, that, that was a- Yeah one and done, huh? Yeah. Never talked to him after that. Right. To this day. Gotcha. So, so, and now you mentioned at this point you had kids. Like, so when you ran away, what, what did you end up doing? Like, let's say, I know you mentioned kids, but that was probably maybe some years after? So when I ran away, eventually, like, I wanna say maybe after a couple months, my, uh, caseworker let me move with my tia. So now I'm going back to Pilsen. Okay. So now I'm going back to Pilsen. I'm still a freshman at this time, but I'm gonna finish my school year at, um, at Corliss, which is all the way on the South Side. So I, I finish, uh, my freshman year, but now I'm just getting in trouble with my tia. I'm getting into fights at school, um, and she's not liking it. Right. Um, I'm getting in trouble. I got my first tattoo when I was 15, and, and she just didn't like nothing that I was doing at that time, and you, you can't blame her. Right. You know, I'm a teenager. I don't, I don't pay no bills. I don't pay no rent, and I'm just moving how I wanna move, and I'm doing what I wanna do. Right. You know? And, and nobody can tell me nothing. Yeah. You know? So I just When I was staying with her, um, I think one of the last straws was, uh, I got into a fight at school. I got suspended for, like, 10 days, and, um, we kinda got into a little argument, and she says, "You know what?" I'm tired of what you're doing. Um, you have a, you have an option. You can either... I'll take you to the juvenile place right now and drop you off, or, uh, you can go after I get out the shower." So I told her, "Okay, cool. Go take a shower and we'll go after." As soon as she hopped in, I ran away again. I ran away from there. And I, again, I did the same thing. I stayed at friends' houses and, you know, caseworker contacting me and it got to the point where eventually my caseworker allowed me to stay at my grandmother's house, which is the house in Cicero. Okay. You know? So she had- Back, back, back to where you began. Exactly. Back to where I began, because my mother wasn't there. You know, she was living somewhere else at that time. Okay. So there... You know, in the beginning when we first got into the system, I couldn't go with my grandmother because my mom stayed with my grandma. Yeah. So they weren't gonna put us in the same household. Obviously you'll go- Right upstairs or, you know, a different apartment. But, um, I was able to get granted to go to my grandma's house, and I was happy. You get me? 'Cause now I'm with, with family. Yeah. You get me? Now I'm with, with real family. I mean, I'm not saying my tia wasn't there for me or nothing, 'cause she did all that she could. Right. You know, I don't blame her for making the choice she did because, you know, she got fed up. No, yeah, yeah. You know, she got fed up. She was tired of it. And, and, um, yeah, man, she was just... She was tired of it, you know? And I don't blame her 'cause, you know, I look back now and it's just, I wasn't grateful with a lot of decisions I did. Yeah. You know, I was, I was definitely ungrateful. Yeah. You know, you're a teenager, rebellious, you know. I'm sure you got a lot of anger for... Man, from everything you've experienced. I mean, that's a- Yeah that's a lot of hard stuff that a, that a, a child shouldn't be having to go through, and I'm sure all that, like, builds in and just leads to anger that you wanna, like, vent with rebellion or whatever other stuff you were doing. Yeah, definitely. So once you moved to Cicero, what was the next step in your life there? What, what ended up happening there? Um, ended up going to Morton East- Okay for my sophomore and my junior year. Um, but... And then I started to Get more so into the, the gang banging life. Okay. Like I said, it was always around us. You know, we were always cool with, you know, either this side or that side 'cause I was always like, I hung around with a group of guys at that time where we were Neutrons, but we were Renegade. Like, we're cool with you, but if you wanted to start something, that's fine with us, too. You know? So it was, at that time it was like, you know, I'm, I'm in the middle. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm, I'm in the middle. You know? I haven't, I haven't chose to be with either side. But, you know, back then, a lot of guys, you know, they used to wanna, you know, come and check you. And even, even, you know, back then telling somebody, a gang member that tried to check you and you tell them like, "Nah, you know, I don't do this, I don't do that, or I'm not this," you'll still get into it with them. Yeah. You know? T- saying, saying you're not this- True you're not that, that doesn't mean anything. Yeah. I mean, it even, they could even ask you, "Well, where do you live?" Mm-hmm. And just by if you tell them where you grew up in or live, right away they assume, okay, you're that and- Exactly. Exactly and even like you mentioned, a Neutron, that basically means you're n- neutral, not on one gang or the other. Exactly. So, but yeah, you're right. It, you could tell them, "Man, you know, hey, n- I ain't with this gang banging-" N- none of that matter "but it ain't, nah." None of that matter. 'Cause they'll, you know, they'll always try to make you, you know, drop another gang down or- Right and it's like, what's the point? Yeah. You know? I just told you I'm nothing. Yeah. But I see that nothing gets me nowhere. Right. So you have to defend yourself. Gotcha. Because regardless, it's gonna happen. Right. You go, you know, regardless, especially like growing up in the, in the early 2000s, you know, where gang banging was still active and like now it's more, and you know, everybody has a gun. You know, everybody has a gun, but back then it was more like you actually like fist fighting and, you know, y- a couple people might use some weapons, and you grab a bat or a bottle, you get me? Right. But it was nothing like where you have to jump to the gun every time, every time, every time. Gotcha. All right. So yeah, you're, at this point you say you're in the middle. Did that change at a, at a, at a point in your life? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Me and, uh, the little group we were with, we just- Y- one side started, started to show more love than the other side. Okay. So we were like, "Well, let's see what's up with this side then." Yeah, yeah. You know, they're showing us love, and it, it was definitely that. It was brainwashing, persuading. Like I would go to the hood and we would go out to eat, pero I didn't have to pay for nothing. Gotcha. You know, we would... You know, they'll have drugs around, and if I needed something to sell, they wo- they would front it to me. Right. You know, everything was just, everything was available at, at no cost. Or what you think was no cost. Okay. But putting your life on the line was the ultimate cost. Right. Right. Because in the end, you would die for, for that gang, that block. Right. You get me? For, for a, for a name. So, you know, you're seeing... You're, at first you're like, "Oh, you know, this is, this is love, you know." Yeah. You know, "They're looking out for me. They're, they're buying me stuff. They're buying me this. We got the, we got the girls. You know, we're, we're doing our thing." Right. You know? So they, they brainwash you. You get me? And that's the, you know, the side that show more love was the side that we went to. Okay. Yeah. So you mentioned, uh, uh, uh, uh, brainwashing. So wh- what did that le- le- lead you to do? I mean, getting all this love. You, you mentioned it, it, it's not for free 'cause it came at a cost. So what did you end up doing? Or... Well, I mean, I was the type, like, so growing up in the system, I, I wasn't with, with family. You know, since I was always going like to home to home, before I went with my tia, I always had a solo mindset. So I always, you know, thought to myself, you know, even, even now, like I vent, I vent to myself. Okay. You know, I vent, I vent to myself. Like, uh, my nickname in the hood is Flaco. So when I vent to myself, Hector talks to Flaco and Flaco gives him bad answers. You get me? Gotcha. And that, I did that for a long time. I did that for a long time. Even, even now to this day, you know, I try to stay positive, but if I feel like I don't have nobody to vent to, I will vent to myself. Okay. And I will tell me what I think is good to hear, you know? Right. And, you know, everything sounds good when you're telling yourself it. Right. Yeah, like, like they say, the only time I, I talk to myself is when I need a expert opinion. Yeah. I know, I know it's a joke, but- Oh yeah, okay. No, yeah, yeah, but that, that makes sense, man, 'cause almost... Man, I, I, I would look at it like in almost like a self-preservation mode. Mm-hmm. Like, man, you gotta take care of self, 'cause man- Yeah, of course you know, my, my family's not there for me, you know? Of course. Um, I, I know you had your brother there, but, you know, due to the circumstances, you guys get separated. Mm-hmm. So yeah, definitely that makes perfect sense that, man, you would have that mentality. So, so, uh, okay, you have this mentality look out for self, but now you're in the gang. Mm. How, how does that look as you're, like, in it and getting involved in certain things? Just making a name for myself. Okay. So, you know, every gang's like this. Every gang has that, that handful of people that you only mess with. You know, you could turn on a gang, but out of that whole gang you might be only real close to two people. Right. Like, might just be best friends with only two people, but every- but you're still part of the gang. Right. You know? So when I turned out, it was just more so make a name for myself. If I wasn't going to school with you, and you just happened to be, like, one of the older guys, I'd, I didn't care. Okay. I didn't care. Like, I, I, I had the mindset where, you know, I don't, I don't have to respect you. You get me? And, and vice versa. You don't have to respect me. But I felt like if you weren't in my little circle within my gang, I didn't, I didn't care about you. Okay. Like, I didn't care about you. I just wanted to make my name for myself, hang around with my guys, and, and that was it. Right. You know, a lot of gangs have a lot of cliques. Yeah. You know? So, and it's always like that. It's always like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's, that's, I, I would say, like a lot, like a, like a lot of them, like you say, you got, like, your inner circle, and then of course then you start getting into the bigger... So let, let me ask you this. You got that mindset, like, man, uh, you mentioned about respect. Man, I ain't gonna res- respect you. Mm-hmm. Uh, I'm sure that had to get you into some trouble, especially, let's say w- maybe some of the older guys, like, in the gang. Yeah. Well, yeah, a lot of, a lot of my first fights were with, um, the older guys. Okay. You know, I, a lot of my first fights were with the older guys, and, um, it was more so- About, about respect Okay You know, they would... My mom's not your regular mom Okay So my mom was in the hood when we were in the hood. When I was gang banging on the block, my mom was right there, 'cause, you know, my mom was either coming in the hood to get her, to get her little drugs, or just being in the hood just to be, be in the hood. Okay You get me? So my mom was always around that. With that being said, you know, I, my mom was around the age as a lot of the older guys. Gotcha So if they were drinking, if they were chilling or partying, whatever the case may be, there was times where they disrespected her, whether it was verbally or put their hands on her, where, yeah, all, all day. All day we will fight. Okay All day, you know? And, and the crazy thing is, is that I got into more fights with my guys than I did with opps. That's crazy. Yeah, as crazy as that sounds, bro. Like, as crazy as that sounds, like, a lot of the first fights that my guys would see would be with my, my older guys. Right And I'm 17, 18, and I'm fighting, you know, the 29, 30-year-olds, and- Yeah but that's 'cause their mindset is different. They think they can talk to you how they wanna talk to you, and do this and do that. And w- with me, it just, it wasn't like that. Right. You know? It wasn't... Everything I've been through, it wasn't like that. I wasn't folding for, for nobody. Why? Why? Gotcha Like, no. Man, okay. Yeah, that mean... That, that makes sense. You know, like, now what they say in the gangs, like, sometimes, y- they say you got, like, your chief or whatever. Mm-hmm. You disrespect him, you could, you could fight him, but then, like, would you could get, like, violated afterwards? Nah Or no? How that happen? No. Nah, that wasn't like that with us. Okay We... Man, that wasn't like that with us. Like, we were... Man, in a way, we were renegade. Okay You know? Shit, our, our, our, our little chief would tell us, like, "Hey, if you have a problem with somebody, take it to the alley, or- You know, I don't, I don't know if we curse on here, but, you know, he would- Yeah, I mean, you could. You know, I'll, I'll bleep it. Let me see do I got a beep. No, I don't think I got a beep. But go ahead, man, just talk regular for real. Nah, but, but he would tell us- Yeah like, you know, "If you have a problem with each other, you know, take it to the alley or shut the fuck up." Okay. Period. Right. Like, there was no in between. There was no, "If you do this to him, you do this to him, there's gonna be consequences for both of you." No. Okay. Everything that happened in the hood, whether it was to you or a family member, you dealt with that on your own. Okay. Like, you dealt with that on your own. Like, that's just And, and, and not a lot of hoods are even like that. Right, no, no. Not a, not a lot of hoods are like- There's, there's a- Personally- definitely a, a, a, like a- respect a structure. Exactly. I would say, like, like, like for the gang I was in, you have somebody, f- let's say, we'll call it, like, for a certain, let's say, section or area. Mm-hmm. And then you have, let's say, like a chief, let's say, from one block, let's say this street and then that street, and then they will all go under the other ones. So there was like a certain, I would say order. I guess like a pecking order. Yeah. Yeah, I get what you mean. So, but, yeah, but definitely, like, the, the, the things I witnessed was, like, man you'd, let's say, disrespect that guy, they're they're gonna, like I said- Yeah, man going back to the violations, "Hey, man," um, whatever it is, a minute or whatever it is. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And a lot of, uh, you know, a lot of, a lot of gangs are like that. But, like, I don't know, man, with us it was just different. With me- And with me and my mindset it was just different, 'cause I was the type to tell you, like, you know, "Get, like, get the hell out my face." Yeah. Like, just, like, I don't know, I was quick to, to push people away, push people to the side because growing up that's just what it was already. Right. You know? Like, uh, you know, my loved ones were already not with me, and I used a lot of my excuses based on- You know, the lifestyle I grew up with growing up in foster homes Gotcha You know? So- Yeah, so I'm sure that that played a part in almost like hardening yourself- Yeah, definitely hardening your heart and man- Definitely just your mindset. So okay, you're, you're, you're in that lifestyle, man. What, what, what, what things were you getting involved in? Did you end up getting, let's say, into some legal trouble as you're out there? Or- No, so- How, how, how did that look? So the crazy thing is, like, like, I don't know, man, every time, I was always, like, solo, or I always had like one or two guys, bro. Literally only- Yeah like one or two guys that I, like, trusted. Right. So we, if we, you know, did anything, or whatever the case may be, or went on a mission, like I would either go to them or I would do it by myself. Right. Like, I was always like that type that's just doing my- by myself. So I never got in any legal trouble. Um- But that, but that doesn't mean you were, you weren't causing trouble. No, yeah, yeah. I mean- Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. I, I, I know what you're saying, yeah. So when I say legal trouble, I mean- Yeah more so like, like felonies. Oh, yeah. Right, right. Like, you know, we get locked up for the little, um, mob action- Yeah and the little misdemeanors and, but that's all slight. Right. You know, that, that's all slight. I've... But, like, big legal trouble where I had to do years or anything like that- No I've always just been, you know, just been... I moved smart, you know? I- Gotcha or- Yeah, yeah, yeah I, I thought I moved smart. I, I, I got you, yeah. You get me? So but, but, but you were out there doing your, your things in the street and like you said, it just you just did- Yeah your trouble and that was it. Yeah. Yeah, got you. All right. Yeah, definitely. I got, I got blessed a lot, man. Like, God definitely... I got blessed a lot. Like I got- Okay blessed a lot. You know, there was a time where me and... I'm just leaving out my house with a couple of my guys, and, um, I closed the first door, but I didn't lock it. Okay. So as we're leaving, the narcs pull up, and they ended up hopping out, and they go right to the door where we came out of, and they open it. And I'm thinking like, "Damn." Like, you know, "I know I got some bangers in there." Yeah. "I know I got some drugs in there, and they're about to walk in there like nothing." Like, legit like nothing. So at this point I'm like... And I was living in front of a school. Okay. So add that on top of that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Add that on top of that, man, like, they're not playing that. Yeah. You, you, you wanna share what happens? Uh, maybe there's some people not from Chicago. What, what's the law, like, with that here in Chicago, or...? Well, I mean, when you have like weapons and, and, and drugs, you... I, I think it's like 1,000 feet or- Yeah I don't know what it is. Okay. But it's definitely a certain distance away from schools that you gotta be. If not, they, man, your charges become 10 times more than- Yeah what a regular charge would be. So at this point my, man, my, my adrenaline's pumping. Yeah. You know, they open the first door. They go to the second door. They open it. But if it wasn't for my dog that ran to the door and made them close it- And they got on the walkie-talkies and, and, and they just, "Hey, he has a dog, he has a dog." And they didn't go in there. They... Like, it's the little things, bro. Yeah. Like, like, it's the little things, man, and I was just so, like, like, it was a weight off my shoulder. Like, my life could have been upside down right there. Right. My life could have been upside down, I would've been locked up, and ain't nobody else gonna take no charges. Everything's in your house. Yeah. You get me? Like, I would've been- Oh, yeah, yeah I would've been struck, bro. Right, right. Like, I would've been struck. But I'm telling you, shout out to my dog, man. That, his- And what was his name, man? Blue. Blue. My- Shout out to Blue my boy Blue. You remember the movie, Old School, no? Yeah, yeah. My, my boy Blue. I got you. Hey, I, I, I know right now you mentioned God. You, you, you, you, you brought up God. Mm-hmm. Let, let me ask you, um, in your growing up, your childhood, even up to this point where you're at, you know, with, with, with the situation with the narcs, um, what, what part does God play in your life? Or even in your mind? Like, you, uh... Did you ever have any experience going to church? What, what, wh- wh- what was that like in, in, in, in your life? Yeah. I went to a lot of different churches, I would say. I used to go to Sunday school, which is a... I think it was in Indiana. Okay. You know, they'll come around the neighborhood and, you know, gather everybody up and we would go to church there. But even when I got into the foster homes, like when I was living with Stacy- Yeah um, at first she wasn't religious. Okay. She wasn't religious at all. And she ended up becoming a Jehovah's Witness. Okay. So I think it was, like, every Wednesday we would do, like, a Bible study, and we would talk about Jehovah, and, and we would get into the whole works with that. And there was times where my friends, I would sleep over at their house, and their mom would invite us to church, and it was a Lutheran Church. Right. So I was always around some type of... or I always believed in a higher power. Okay. You get me? I always believed that, like, there was a higher power. If not, I'm telling you, I got blessed a lot. I got blessed a lot to where it's like- I didn't- I don't even have to be here, bro. Okay. I don't even have to be here. You get me? And, and, you know, that's definitely God or there's definitely a higher power looking out and for your... In, in your way, man. In your favor. Right. Okay. Right. And, and now, uh, l- let me ask you this. Like, like recently, is, is there anybody in your life that has, has, uh, been trying to draw, draw you close to God? Yeah, man. Uh, definitely my girl. Okay. Um, you know, she's, she's definitely religious to a T. All right. You know, she, she goes to her retreats, she has her Bible studies. You know, if she's not working on, on her Sundays, she's at service. So she's definitely somebody that keeps me positive. Okay. You know? Like, I... My mindset is, um, is negative, you know? L- I mean, lately it's been... I've been trying to see the positive side of things, so I wanna say, like within the last month or two, I've been, um, pretty positive about situations, even, even thinking twice before I, before I do something. Okay. And before, I was never doing that. I did the thinking after it was... everything was already done. So she gets me. I always say, like, sh- we're like yin and yang, you know? Like- Gotcha like, she's, she's my positive and I'm the negative, you know? She's everything that I wanna be, you know? All right. I wanna be all that, all that positive that she has in her, that's what I want. Okay. You get me? And, um, she definitely keeps me on my toes, man, and definitely keeps me to see the brighter side of things, no matter what. No matter what it is, no matter how bad I think it is, she always wants me to see the positive side of it. Right. And I'm always, I'm always worst case scenario. Gotcha. You know? I know, like, I believe a while back we were talking- Mm-hmm and you mentioned something about her showing you a s- um, a certain type of love, and I, I believe you said something like, "Man, how could somebody love like that?" Yeah. Yeah, so- Do you remember the statement you made? Yeah, definitely. Um, so when I met her, you know, I was going through a lot, um, mentally. I was going through a lot physically, like, you know, with, with, you know, my little medical conditions. And just out of... My mindset wasn't looking for... You know, like, of course I w- I, you... I was messing around with a lot of women. Gotcha. But I wasn't looking for one specific woman to fall in love with, you know? So when I met her, I wanna say within like a month, a month and a half, maybe two, um, she had told me like, "Man," like, like, "I love you." And she would show it. And, and at that time I just told her like, "I, I'm sorry, but I don't love you. Um, this is too early. This is too early and this is not something that..." It, it was weird, bro. It was weird. Okay. It was weird because- She was showing me all this affection. She was buying me things when I didn't ask for them. She was getting the little things for me, and, and when I say little things, it, it like my favorite drink, you know, my favorite food, and she was doing it without me asking. So she was showing me a lot of love, a lot of affection that I haven't experienced in a long time. Okay. You know? Like, I wasn't And it was weird to me because I wasn't getting none of that love from my mom, you know? So when she's telling me that she loves me and that she wants to be with me and she sees a future with me and she wants to be my wife, that's all like, like m- like how? H- how I don't know. Like, how, how can you love somebody so broken? Right. You know? Like, you I'm, I'm so broken and, and you, you're giving me all your love. You're giving me all your love. So it was just weird because- The love that I wanted was from my mom, and she wasn't giving... Like, I w- I didn't get that. Right. And that's something that, you know, I opened up to my girl about, and she'll, she brings it up and she, she'll tell me like, "You are the way you are because of your mom." Right. You know, you, you, you're heartless and, and, and you know, you're cold-hearted to others because of your mom. You know, you won't allow any woman to love you because your mother didn't love you. Right. You know? So that's something that she, you know, she'll, she'll tell me, and it's, it's true. You know, it's true. It's, it's hard to admit, but it's definitely, you know, it's definitely true. You know, I, e- even still to this day, you know, I, I want that, that genuine motherly love. You get me? Right. Without, without all the drama, without the, the drug using and without the drinking and without the gang banging. Like, that, that, that mother that's just gonna be there for you when you call her and she's gonna be your ride or die. Right. You know? That's gonna be there for you through thick and thin, you know, where you don't have to worry about her leaving 2:00, 3:00 in the morning to go to go get some crack or go get some... Like, you get me? Yeah. Man. Yeah. She was just... It was just... I don't know. It was crazy, man. Like, she was just showing me a lot of love that I wasn't used to. Right. That I w- I, I just wasn't used to it, bro. Yeah. Yeah, I, I got you, man. Yeah, it makes sense, I mean, to, to feel that way and look at it that way. Yeah, I, I believe what you told me is like, man, it, it was hard for you to accept, uh, your, your, your girlfriend's love 'cause like, man, you said, "My, my own mom didn't even love me this way." Yeah. Yeah. Facts. So she- She didn't, because you gotta think about it, man. If she loved us the way she loved us, we would've never been in the system so long. And, and the reason why a lot of people might think, "Oh, well, how could you know she don't love you?" And, and we ended up having, um, a meeting with my caseworker. Okay. I wanna say I was probably like in seventh grade. So this was all, like, in the beginning of us getting into the system. And, um, I lost respect for my mom, but I still wanted the love. Like, and when I say I lost respect for my mom that day, it was because of the fact that we're talking about her- Um, getting us back. You know, like living, living together and, and she legit told my caseworker, I'm not even gonna lie, I wasn't gonna try to get them back, and that hurt me because bro, every day, every day I was going to sleep, going to sleep tossing and turning, thinking, "Okay, cool. Maybe tomorrow or maybe the day after that she'll come and get us. May-" Bro, every day, every day. Every day in the back of my head she was trying her hardest to get us back. Right. But in fact, she was living her best life, bro. She was... She had no kids to worry about anymore. She was doing her thing. She was doing her drugs, and she had no responsibilities. Yeah. She had no responsibilities. So I'm like, you know, I'm like, "Damn," because I'm, I'm thinking you're trying- Right and you're not even trying. Like, you're, you, you're not even trying, and that, I lost all respect for her after that. Like, like to where when I started gang banging, I would get into it with her, and I would disrespect her and, um, uh, it was just bad, man. It was just bad. You know, it just, it, it got bad between me and her, and it wasn't until years later, um, that I just decided like, okay, I want a relationship with my mom, and I don't want her to pass away and me regret doing the things that I did or saying- Right the things that I did and although, although it should be the other way around. Yeah. She should swallow her pride and, and, and be there for us and be a mother instead of- Yeah having a mindset of, you know, we're just, we gotta respect you because you're our mom. Yeah. That's fine. I would respect you if you were a mom. Gotcha. You get me? But you had other women in our lives playing that role. Yeah. You know, you had other... You know, Stacy played that role. My tia played that role. My brother's, um, grandparents played that role. You had everybody playing this role that I didn't want that role from. Yeah. But- And, you know, so. Yeah. That's, that's definitely tough, man. But, uh, yeah, like you mentioned, a- at least you have that, not, not the relationship I would say that you want, but at least I guess the communication, you know, in a sense, right, with her now or? Yeah, yeah, definitely now, um, we communicate and everything, like we're cool but- I can't If I was in an emergency, she wouldn't be the number I dial. Yeah, I gotcha. Like, and, and it, it's messed up to say because that's your mother. Right. You get me? But she wouldn't go above and beyond. Yeah. She would not go above and beyond. I can go through my phone right now. If I was in a dying situation, and I would scroll right past her name. Right. Because again, she's not somebody that I can depend on. Yeah. And I knew that growing up in the system. Yeah, yeah. Now, now let me ask you, now going back to, to, to your girl. Now, is that a, a number you feel you could call, like based on the way she You, you mentioned she loves on you. Yeah. You guys- Definitely. Definitely. You know, I love that girl, bro. Okay. Like, she Again, she's everything I'm not. Right. And if it wasn't for her, I would still be in the same mindset I was last year when I met her. Right. Like, you know, I was I had her, but I wanted to keep doing me and keep messing with other women. Yeah. But, but I wanted her. Yeah. You know, I wanted her. And, but, and it wasn't until one day, I wanna say we were, like, maybe six months in, and she was still consistent with the love, with the affection, you know, with that ride or die mindset of just being there for me. Not even getting into any of the BS I was getting into- Right but just being there for me. And, um, it wasn't until one day I woke up and, um- I was just like, man, like, I just, I have to love this woman. Like, I, I have to love... I'm not obligated to, but I- all the love and everything that she's doing for me, like, I have to love this woman. I have to love this woman. God put her in my life for a reason. Right. I could continue to keep doing bad, and she's swerving that path. You get me? She's making me see, like I said, the positive side of things. Right. So I was like, man, like, I have to love this woman. She's doing everything she possibly can for me and then some. Yeah. You know? I, I, I know you mentioned something, uh, earlier. You said how, how, how could she love somebody that, that's broken- Yeah like, like yourself and, uh, man, what, what, what comes to my mind, it's almost like, like God's loving on you through her, man, 'cause I know you mentioned she's always at church. She's, you know, she's always doing, you mentioned retreats- Yeah Bible studies and- Yep man, to be honest, that that's the way that God loves, man, 'cause the God of the Bible, man, the Bible says that when we were yet sinners that Christ died for us. You know, and it's like how can, how could l- God love that way or even like you mentioned, like your girlfriend. Man, I'm broken. Mm-hmm. Like I, I don't deserve this kinda love, man. Like, a- and even the, the Bible t- talks about in the, I think it's in the Book of Psalms, that, that even though my father and my mother forsake me, that the Lord will never forsake us. Mm. And man, like as, as I'm thinking about it, that's, that's kinda like the kind of love you're receiving now, but it's foreign to you, man. Like- Yeah this, this kinda love doesn't exist. Exactly. You know? Like, man, this... If my own mom, my flesh and blood couldn't show me this love, how could, you know, almost like a stranger, right? 'Cause she's not even- Yeah you know? Like, she'll show me th- th- this kind of love. Like, r- right now at this point of life, like where, where do you feel you're at now? I, I know she's, like, trying to draw you, like, to go to church- Mm-hmm or do this meeting or that. But you, like, uh, personally, where do you feel you're at? Like, if you're being honest with yourself- Um- as far as, like, you know- I'm at a, I'm at a standstill. Okay. Um, I'm at a standstill. I'm dealing with something. I'm dealing with a case right now, a legal case that's putting my future on hold because, you know, it's a, it's a certain amount of years that I could potentially get, and it, it, it's hard for me to plan for the future when I don't know what my future brings right now, when I'm paying a lawyer for my future. Gotcha. You get me? So right now I wanna say I'm at a standstill, but I'm in a more positive... I have a more positive attitude because a few months ago when I first got the job that we're working at now, I was just negative. My mind was just money, money, money. How am I gonna pay this lawyer? Uh, how am I gonna pay rent? How am I gonna make sure this and that is done? And then, and my mind was just scrambling all over the place. I was negative. I was getting, I was getting mad about everything, and now that- I have a better point of view as far as, like, seeing things from a positive side. I, I, I feel good. Like, I feel good e- e- even though I don't know what my future brings. Right. You know, I, I still feel in a better mindset, more positive with myself And, and more open to accepting God. Okay. You get me? I, I don't know, bro. Like, my mindset before was just, it was all over the place. It was just negative. I wanna do me. I wanna do what I want, and can nobody tell me nothing. Right. And that was my mindset most of my life. Got you. Like, growing up, that's just what it was, you know? I wanna do me or I want it my way and, and, and that's it. And, um, you know, but I definitely see a future with her. I mean, she's been riding with me through everything. We're almost going on two years. She's been with me before the money. Obviously, she's gonna be there after the money because depending on how this legal case goes, like, you know, it, it's You know, she's definitely my ride or die, bro, so I def- I Man, like I said, I gotta, I gotta love her, bro. Right, right. I got, I got to. Okay. Amen. Now, I know you mentioned, like, a future together. Now, uh, w- w- well, she want you, like, to, to, to go, like, her way? You know, like, as far as, like, the, the church side. I know you mentioned you're in a standstill, but would that have to be, like, part of the deal? Or h- how do you look at it? Or have you guys discussed that? Well, what, what do you mean? Like- Like, uh, yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, she goes to church, and I know you mentioned she's been trying to get you in, man. You know, like- Okay, so, like- Yeah she's not, she doesn't necessarily, like, "Oh, you have to go to my church," nothing like that. Yeah. It's the fact that I'm trying. Okay. It's the fact that I'm even seeking. You get me? And that's, that's better than what it was a year ago. Yeah. Because you asked me to go to church a year ago, I got some money to make today. You know, you can go to church. By the time you come back, we can chill and watch mo- cool kick, whatever, but I got some money to make. Right. So I wasn't My mindset back, like, a year ago when we got together wasn't like, "Yeah, let's go to church." And n- not that I frowned upon that. Right. It was just I felt like at that point in time in my life, like, I didn't Yeah I ha- I always told her, "I got my own relationship with God. I don't have to go to church to have a relationship with him." Okay. You know, I always told her I have my own relationship with him. And, um, you know, so me not, me necessarily, you know, going to her church or nothing- Right, right like, it wasn't, like, the fact that I'm trying now and that you've been inviting me and you've been consistent, you know, for the time that you've been in, in my life and we've been coworkers. You, you know, you, you, you text me invitations to come to, you know, our little workout and, and the word and, and going to service and Bible studies, and you're consistent with that. And the fact that I'm even, um, giving into it. Okay. You know, one thing that she told me when I told her was, "How can you love somebody so broken?" was the fact that she said, "But I see that you can be fixed." Mm. You know? "I see, I see the change in you. If I didn't see the change in you, I wouldn't waste my time." Right. Like, she literally told me that, and, and it's true. Because I was- You know, growing up the way I did, it was always easy for me to, if I had to change, I could change. And nobody can tell me. I don't have nobody in my ear telling me this and telling me that because it was all, it all came down to me. Yeah. Like, it all came down to me. I always made decisions on my own. That's when I would vent to myself. Yeah, yeah. You know, vent to myself. "Hey, this ain't right, this ain't right, this ain't right." But and then try to justify it in my own way. Gotcha. You know? So, but man, yeah, she definitely, um, she's just definitely proud of at least even me attempting to- Right, right. Yeah. You know, y- you're still here. How, how old you say you are, man? Uh, 29. Hey, 29, man, and, uh- Yeah, I'll be 30 in December. Yeah, and I'm sure if you're looking back on your life, you probably look back at it, man, there's a lot of times where you probably could've been taken out, right? Yeah. Being, I mean, being in the streets- Yeah, man and discerning, and you're still here. And I know you mentioned you got this case you're f- you're facing, man. Yeah, bro. But God willing, you know, th- things work out with that. And, and who knows what the future holds for you, man. But, uh, an- anything else you wanna share before we get ready to close out? No, bro. I mean- Yeah I think, uh, you know, as for now, I think we'll end up doing a update in the future and everything. Right, right. But I think for now, I mean, I kinda- said what I felt, you know, needed to be said Okay. All right, man. Hey, tha- tha- thanks for sharing all that, man. That's- that's pr- pretty deep, man. Like, uh, just the childhood, the experience, and man, it's rough, you know. I don't think no kids should be going through that. But man, we were, um, definitely gonna keep you in prayer, man, and, uh, usually I'll- I'll ask our guests to say a prayer, man, you f- if you feel like saying one or, or you want me to, uh, go ahead and I'll say it Yeah, I'd rather you lead with that Okay, I got you I- I would feel, right now I feel- All right I'm a loss of words Gotcha So I wouldn't know- Yeah, well, I got you. No, no you know, the words to put together Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I- I- I'll say a prayer, man, and, uh, I know you'll be praying on part two, man, 'cause by then, you know, God's gonna grab a hold of you and There we go. See, that's the positive. There you go There you go, man There you go, bro By then you're gonna be out here preaching to us, man. So, hey, God willing, man. Hey, but, hey, thanks for coming through, Hector, man, and, uh- Yeah, thank you for having me, bro Hey, man, thanks for sharing your story with us. And I'm gonna say a prayer, man. I'm gonna say a prayer for you. And the- the reason also I wanted you to be on here, 'cause I know you- you were sharing, uh, bits and pieces of the story with me, and I know there's a lot of, uh, kids in Chicago that have gone through that stuff like you mentioned. There was group homes, there was kids all type of different ages, but man, I'm gonna... I'll say a prayer for you a- and them, you know. Uh, Heavenly Father, I just, uh, I- I come to you this evening, Father, in the name of your Son, Jesus. I thank you for Hector, Father, and I just, I pray for him. I just thank you for w- w- the point in his life that he's in. I know he says he's more open, Father, to, to hearing from you. And I, I just thank you 'cause I know you're revealing yourself to him little by little. A- and I know that... I- I feel, Father, that, that you have a plan and a purpose for this young man, that there's a reason why he's alive and, uh, there's a reason why he's been through what he's been through. And, uh, I just pray, Father, that you just grab a hold of him. Uh, I pray that you reveal yourself to him in a personal way. I just thank you for the love that he's been receiving and experiencing in his life. And I know ultimately that that's you loving on him through different ways, different areas. But I like to pray for all, all the young men, the young women that are in group homes, for those that have gone through similar stories like my brother, been taken away from their family, not knowing where they're gonna go to next, that you love on these children. I pray that you place them in good homes, families, like, like he mentioned. Uh, Stacy West, I believe, was her name. Yeah And just, uh, uh, just opening their doors a- a- and showing love, Father, to, to strangers, Father. Uh, well, strangers, but they're ultimate- ultimately all your children. We pray for them, Father, for those that, that the parents, um, have left behind or abandoned and forsaken. But like I mentioned earlier, y- your word says, Father, that you will not f- forsake them. I just thank you for this time, Father. Bless those that are listening to this message. And then just do what you need to do in my life, in his life, and in the, the life of young men that grew up with similar backgrounds, young men and women that grew up in homes, that grew up in the neighborhood and gangs, in the family, drugs, a- a- and all type of things. And I pray that you raise up men and women that will break these generational cycles. A lot of times there's gang life, there's a lifestyle It gets passed down from one generation to the next. But we know, F- Father, that through Jesus Christ that the curses could be broken, generational curses, and that you raise up men and women that'll turn the, the destiny, uh, the paths, the direction of their families around, uh, all for your name and all for your glory, Father. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. All right, Brother Moman, just, uh, thank you for coming, man. And, uh, this is once again, this is, uh, Wrong to Strong Chicago. My name's Omar Calvillo, and I am Wrong to Strong I hope this From the Vault episode encouraged you. If it did, would you take a moment to share it with someone who could use a reminder of God's grace and the hope found in Jesus Christ? And before we wrap up, I'd like to invite you to be watching for my new book, From Darkness to Light, The Gospel Journey, releasing on September 8th. It's a simple gospel-centered guide that walks readers through God's plan of salvation while also weaving in parts of my own testimony and journey from darkness to light. My prayer is it becomes a resource you'll not only read for yourself, but also place in the hands of someone searching for hope, forgiveness, and new life in Jesus Christ