Stop Forcing Positive Thoughts (Do This Instead)

Ever been told that manifesting just takes discipline, that you've got to force the negative thoughts away and stay positive no matter what? 

I got a comment saying exactly that, and I had to make a whole episode about it, because it's some of the most common mindset advice out there and it can quietly make you feel like you're failing. 

In this one I break down why forcing positivity doesn't work, why your "negative" thoughts aren't self-sabotage, and what the actual belief work looks like instead. I'll walk you through the real four-step process I use, the one that's real work but not a willpower battle you're doomed to lose. 

If you've been white-knuckling your way through affirmations and wondering why it's not sticking, this episode is going to take you off the hook. 

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Transcript

Welcome And The Myth To Fix

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the Manifest You Podcast. I am your host Shannon. Here, I teach all things manifesting and mindset with a psychology degree and eight years of coaching women behind everything I say. Because my whole thing is taking that vague, vibey stuff out of manifesting and just telling you how it actually works. And that brings me to today's episode that comes straight from a comment I got. And I want to talk about it because it's one of the most common beliefs about manifesting out there. It's one I hear all the time, it's one I see all the time. And it can come from a good place, but do more harm than good. So I want to be super clear before I even start that this is not me dragging the woman who left the comment. I love her comment. I love her energy. This is me talking about an idea that almost all of us have been handed. And if you believe in this, you may feel bad or feel like you suck at manifesting. But by the end of this episode, I want you feeling free. And here's what she said. She was talking about a post that I made about the work that you have to do, that manifesting can be passive, but there's also work. Like there's work to get to the passive. So she was like, yes, it does take work to force the negative, self-sabotaging thoughts away and to stay positive. It's not hard in a way, but it does take dedication and discipline. So that's what she said. And honestly, I get why she said it, because that is what we have all been taught. When I first started purposefully using mindset and all the mindset training I have and paired it with manifestation, I fell in that too. Just let's force away the negative. And it didn't work. And I'm like, okay, it doesn't work because I know better. I know better because I know how the mind works. So I want to talk about that. First, I want to give her flowers because she's right about the biggest thing. It takes work. She's not out here saying manifesting is passive and sit on your couch and think happy thoughts and some Mercedes is going to show up. She knows that there is effort involved. She knows that you're active in the process. And that alone puts her ahead of 90% of the manifesting advice out there, which wants to sell you this little fantasy that you do nothing and the universe handles it. Just get in line with the universe and it's going to take care of the rest. And so the instinct that it takes dedication and consistency, that part is dead on. Keep that part. It's the what. It's what she thinks the work is that I want to gently flip for not only her, but for everybody today. Because the work isn't what we've been told. Here's the part that can do harm. And it's the idea that the work is forcing

Why Forcing Positivity Fails

SPEAKER_00 3:00

negative thoughts away and that you have to use discipline to constantly stay positive. And I want you to think about what that sets up. It if the job is to force bad thoughts down and white-knuckle your way to the positive, then every single time a negative thought comes, it's going to make you feel that you failed or you're not disciplined enough, that you're not positive enough, that you let yourself slip, right? Or like in the terms I like to use, guys, it's like it just makes you feel like you suck. Okay. You feel like everybody else has this willpower to manifest, or like they're really better at maintaining this thought. We talk about conscious and subconscious around here, but like your conscious thoughts, the 5% where you're forcing down and bringing up like that's 5% work of your brain, but 95% is doing all this other stuff, and you think, well, I don't have the willpower. And it's not that. And it's not that you don't have what it takes, it's truly about how your brain is designed to work. But that advice is very contrary to the natural processes of your brain. And we want to work with the natural processes of our brain, and there is work to do, but it can become easy or passive in our life. And honestly, making it feel like it's this constant thing that you have to monitor in your brain is why so many people quietly decide that manifesting is too hard. And women decide, well, this doesn't work for me because I can't do it. I have too much other stuff going on to maintain this constant high vibe space. And that's just because you're handed a version that is endless willpower and you don't work off endless willpower. You can't force your brain into positivity through sheer discipline. Nobody can. And so if that's the method, of course, you're exhausted and you're losing the freaking battle because that method is really rigged. If you've been forcing and forcing and forcing, please hear me. You're not the issue. This idea of forcing is the problem. And I want to talk about that phrase that she also brought up about self-sabotaging thoughts, because I don't use that language. And if you've been around here for a while, you already know this, but I want to tell you why I don't use that language.

Reframing Self-Sabotage As Protection

SPEAKER_00 5:30

See, when you call your own thoughts self-sabotaging, what you're really saying is that there's some version of you working against you, that some part of you is the enemy that you have to beat. And I don't believe that's true. And honestly, it's just beliefs, right, that are keeping you stuck. Negative thoughts are not sabotage. That's not you betraying yourself. We all have them. And so I think this narrative of self-sabotaging with negative thoughts is that um there's something wrong with us that we have to fix. And that's not the case. You're beautiful and wonderful and amazing, just how you are right here, right now. The only thing that is not letting you experience the reality that you want to be experiencing are old beliefs. And those old beliefs, or whatever beliefs you have, they're not even old, they're current. Your current beliefs, whatever you believe, are doing what they're supposed to, which is protect you. It's the thought that says, like, don't get your hopes up. That's just a bodyguard version from somewhere where you were let down. So maybe your brain decided that hoping was dangerous. Now, this may not fit the life you're trying to build now. It may be outdated. You can have beliefs that you're like, yeah, that doesn't serve me anymore. But when we look at it like that, it's a completely different relationship with our own mind because it takes the really that you have to be in a forever healing era out of the equation. Manifesting to me does not mean you have to be in a constant healing era because you have these negative thoughts or limiting beliefs. You just have beliefs that don't serve you anymore. That's it. They just they served you at one point, they don't serve you anymore. And I'm not saying healing is a bad thing. We all go through healing times, but I also feel like this can lead to being in a perpetual healing state that you don't necessarily have to be in. Because once again, it just boils down to your beliefs. Maybe you have some that don't serve you anymore, or maybe you have some that you just want to build that you never even touched into that realm before, but you want to build some belief around it. So when we're talking about the language of self-sabotage, I don't use that language. You're not sabotaging yourself. You just have beliefs that are no longer serving you. That's it. And you build new beliefs because manifestation is based on what you believe. The reality you experience is directly tied to your beliefs.

The Belief-First Manifesting Process

SPEAKER_00 8:05

So if the work isn't forcing, then what is the work? Let's let's talk about the process. Because I don't ever want to just tell you, well, don't do that and don't do this and just leave you hanging. That sucks. So step one is whatever thought shows up, whether that's negative or not serving you or whatever, don't fight it. Just get curious. Instead of saying, oh my God, that's a bad thought, or oh my God, that doesn't match the reality and desire that I want, and you try to push it down and suppress it, just look at it in an interesting, curious way. Like what is under that? Turn toward it instead of away from it. That alone is the opposite of everything you've been taught. The second step is to find the belief underneath it. Okay. So that thought or whatever you think is getting your way, the thing that you're being curious about, that's really the smoke. The belief is like the fire, so to speak. So if you're thinking, I'll never be able to afford that, that really isn't the thing, right? It's pointing at whatever that belief is. And so the belief really could be money is always hard for me, or people like me don't get to have that. And you follow the thought to the belief driving it. These thoughts are like your breadcrumbs because our beliefs truly live in our subconscious mind. It's something you're not consciously aware of. But the thoughts that come up that you're conscious about, those are the little breadcrumbs that are going to leave you to the belief, the belief that you need to change or release. And then step three, and honestly, a lot of people skip this, is just honor where that belief came from. You know, don't yell at it. It made sense at some point. It kept you safe from something or it provided some sort of predictability or pattern in your life. Our brains love that. Just say, okay, I see ya. I just I don't need you anymore. Moving on, you're not at war with yourself. You're just moving into new experiences, and you do that through belief. So step four is to build your new belief. And build it from somewhere you can get to, that you can build evidence for. So if you're living paycheck to paycheck, you're not going to walk around talking about I'm a millionaire. That's that's too big of a stretch for your brain. Maybe you say, you know, money has come to me before and it can come to me again. Your brain can wrap itself closer to that, and then you'll start finding proof that it's true. The last episode I talked about how your brain finds proof in your reality. So you can go back and listen to that if you would like. So you stack that to make a belief. You stack into your new belief and you gradually bring yourself there. That's the work. The work is simply building up a belief. Because whatever I believe is what I experience. Change the belief, not forcing yourself to just really think happy. I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich. And then a thought comes up, I'm like, girl, please, you can't pay your electric bill until you get paid in a week and a half, even though it's due today. Like, and then you're saying, no, no, no, don't say that, don't say that, don't say that. Um, no, oh, I'm rich, I'm rich. Like, that's just a daily battle you don't need, honey. You you don't need that. Like, that is worse than going out there and getting three other part-time jobs to pay that electric bill. Honestly, to constantly have to monitor your thoughts. Women, y'all know what I'm talking about when we talk about the mental load and the mental labor that women have to go through. Okay, we're not gonna add more on it. We're just gonna build the belief. We're gonna say, okay, my electric bill is due. And you know what? Money is coming to me. Money is coming

Money Stress Example That Stays Real

SPEAKER_00 11:50

to me to pay that bill. That's it. You don't have to put anything else, like, okay, so so what? You know that money is coming in a week and a half because you're getting paid, but you know money is already coming. And so you're building the belief that the money is already it, the money is already there. It is there. Doesn't matter if it's today or or next Thursday, my electric bill is due and I have the money to pay it. That's easier for your brain than saying, oh my gosh, my electric bill is due. I don't have the money. Oh my god, no. And when I say do, y'all know electric bills always have grace periods, okay? That's what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about you got a disconnect notice because I'm also not gonna tell you to ignore real things in your life that are gonna cause you stress and live in a fantasy land. If you got a thing that says your electric bill is gonna get disconnected today, then I would say go be practical, borrow money, you know, go Instacart, go DoorDash, do something like something. Honey, if you got to pawn something and go get it back in a week and a half when you get paid due, like I'm not gonna sit there and tell you on the day you got a disconnect notice to just be like, no, I believe that the money is coming. That's not helpful. That's not helpful to you, and that's not helpful on your manifesting journey. So, this example that I'm giving you about your electric bill, once again, usually there's a grace period. We all want to pay our bills the day that they're due. None of us want to pay late. But if that's where you're starting, and I'm just giving this as an example, I have the money to pay this bill. And you're building that belief. So when you start building this belief, now you're gonna be manifesting. And through that manifestation, the next time that electric bill comes, you have the money to pay it and you believe that you do. Now the belief is there, and now you're experiencing that in your world. And that's the difference. Because we're not forcing and fighting our thoughts, and we're not sitting here pretending life is gonna be sunshine and rainbows when you're stuck in a stress moment. The worst place you can build a new belief is when you're stressed out. Straight up. That's why when I work one-on-one, we make sure what we're building and manifesting is not built on desperation or stress because your brain shuts that off anyway. It's not gonna allow that to go through anyway to build the new belief that you need because it's in a different mode. And so when I'm working one-on-one, we decide where's the best place to start. And so for the woman who left that comment, and to every single one of you who has been forcing or trying to pretend or sitting there in stress, you're not undisciplined, and you're damn sure not self-sabotaging. You've just been given this hard version that's been dressed up like an easy, passive life's gonna be good if you just think happy thoughts. And then when things don't go with those happy thoughts, you're told it's a you problem. It's not a you problem. It's a belief problem. And I want to take that stress off of you today. It's not about your willpower, it's about your beliefs, and it takes work to change your beliefs. But you can't do the belief work if you're fighting your own mind. Now, if you're sitting there and thinking, I do want to do it this way, the belief way, not the exhausting

Free Resource And Closing Mindset

SPEAKER_00 15:20

way where I'm fighting myself. I made something for you. I have put together a teaching series for you on how manifesting actually works, the belief first way, not from forcing, and I'm not gonna tell you to just stay positive. It's some core lessons from my program, The Vision Lab. And I will give you the complete foundation so you can stop fighting your thoughts and shifting the beliefs underneath, so that you can let go of feeling like you suck at this manifesting thing, we're gonna fix it. Manifestation fixed to get rid of all of these things that are keeping you fighting yourself instead of creating the life that you want. And so if this episode made something click in you or made you feel like, hell fucking yeah, I want to go that way. I'm really sick of forcing and fighting and monitoring my mind constantly, then this teaching series is literally your next step. I'm gonna put it in the show notes. Once again, it's free. Go grab it there. And I want you to know that there is no shame, there is no judgment, that is not how I coach, and that is not how I teach. That we take how our brain works and we make it work for us. This week, I want you to understand that there is work in manifestation, but it doesn't have to come from shame or judgment. It can come from understanding how your brain works and allowing your brain to naturally work in a way that allows you to experience your desires. I'll chat with you next week.