lessia Tenebruso [00:00:01 - 00:00:24]
Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, your passport to the world of solo travel with certified life and travel coach Alessia Tenebruso. Join Alessia as she shares her own journey of self-discovery through solo travel while also focusing on topics such as life coaching insights and travel tips along the way. Now here's your host, Alessia Tenebruso.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:00:28 - 00:01:12]
Welcome to the One Girl Travel Podcast, episode number 105. I'm back. Um, I'm excited to be here. I love the podcast because I feel like we're having a conversation. It's as if we're on the phone, we're yapping together, and just get to share like unfiltered, uncurated conversation with you. And something that came up recently was that it's assumed pretty much when people meet me, they think that I was always very outgoing, very friendly, very extroverted. And that couldn't be further from the truth. Growing up, I was the most shy, quiet kid ever.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:01:12 - 00:02:06]
I barely spoke above a whisper. Very, very quiet. And it was always Until I got comfortable with somebody, then I would open up, then I would show my personality more. But when I began solo traveling and I want to meet new people, that really pushed me outside my comfort zone to just go all in and put myself out there, to introduce myself to new people, to start conversations with new people. And I was not comfortable with it at all, but I knew if I wanted to make friends, if I wanted to be social, I had to do it, right? And this comes up a lot with people when they're like, I don't know how to approach people. I feel uncomfortable talking to people I don't know. I feel uncomfortable starting conversations. I feel comfortable going places by myself.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:02:06 - 00:02:49]
It comes up all the time in conversations I have. And that's why I love solo travel because it forces you outside your comfort zone to do the things that you normally wouldn't do. But if you don't do it, then there's consequences of maybe being bored or being lonely or not having as good of a time, whatever it is. So I was recently at an event and it— that came up where the person I was talking to was like, I just, I feel like I'd be so bored by myself if I traveled by myself. And I'm like, there's no reason to be bored. One, because you should be your own best friend. That's the work that you have to do. It's inner work.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:02:49 - 00:03:26]
It's mindset work where you actually become your own best friend, where you love your company. You don't need anybody else because you are a great time on your own and you know it. So that's a podcast for a different day. But 2 is just being open to meeting new people, making yourself vulnerable and introduce yourself and start a conversation with somebody you don't know. And it's practice. A few years ago, even when I would walk down the sidewalk, making eye contact with somebody was very uncomfortable. I would avoid eye contact all the time. I would avoid it.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:03:26 - 00:03:39]
If somebody was walking towards me, I would divert my eyes. I did not want to look at them. I think in some way I thought if I don't look at them, they can't see me. I don't know, but I, it was something I avoided.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:03:39 - 00:03:39]
But then.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:03:40 - 00:04:16]
I started solo traveling and I would basically play a game and it's like, okay, what can I do that's gonna make me uncomfortable? Like, let me start saying hello to strangers. And I would do that and I would just say hello or bonjour, where it depends on where I am. But I would look people in the eye, I would smile and I would greet them. And then I started applying it at home. When I would take walks around my neighborhood. And it is so fun. It is so much fun. I love this.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:04:16 - 00:04:58]
And I do think of it as a game. Like, as soon as I leave my sidewalk and I start walking, every single person I see, I'm waving. I, I feel like I'm in a movie where, like The Truman Show or whatever, where I'm going around and I'm like, good morning. And I'm petting dogs on the head and I'm sniffing flowers and I'm frolicking along. Like, that's what it feels like because it's that interaction. with people, and I would just greet everybody I saw, everybody. And it became really fun. It's just a way, like a simple way to enhancing your everyday, your activities, your just your interactions when you make it fun.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:04:59 - 00:05:32]
And it's like, okay, if they don't greet me back, I kind of think it's funny because like I'm looking at them like dead in the eyes, like, good morning. Making them see me, right? I went from avoiding people so they didn't see me to me directly approaching them and saying good morning. And if they don't acknowledge me, then I just kind of laugh to myself. I'm like, oh, that's funny. Like, okay, I guess that's— they're uncomfortable, whatever it is. I don't know. You don't know what other people are thinking or doing, but it, like, for me, it's like, okay, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do it anyway.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:05:33 - 00:06:13]
And because of all my time traveling by myself, And being open to meeting new people, I can literally go anywhere and meet people. I will talk to anyone now. I don't care. It, it doesn't faze me to go to a party by myself where I don't know anybody. It doesn't faze me to go up to somebody and start a conversation or compliment somebody. That's actually my favorite way of meeting new people is to give a genuine compliment. Because that starts the conversation. And I wanna acknowledge how I feel about somebody where like, oh my God, I love your outfit.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:06:13 - 00:06:37]
I love your earrings. Oh, your hair looks amazing. Your perfume smells amazing. Like whatever it is, I will give compliments out and they're all genuine compliments, but I feel like it's such a great way to break the ice and to just start talking to somebody. And then of course you're going to like assess the vibes. Uh, you can tell if somebody's not interested in having conversation with you. And if that's the case, you just move on. It is nothing personal.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:06:38 - 00:07:20]
Doesn't matter. Like, in my head it's like, okay, it's their loss. They don't wanna be my friend, no problem. But the majority of people that I would go up to and have conversations with, they were just open to it and it doesn't feel forced. And you never know who you're gonna meet, especially when you're traveling. I think traveling is the best time to just start conversations with people you don't know because everyone's in a good mood. Like on a cruise, I will leave a cruise ship at the end of the trip and I would say 60% of the people on board know who I am cuz I probably had a conversation with them. And I think it is so much fun.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:07:20 - 00:08:06]
It's just like smile and walk and say hello and have conversations with people from all over the world. It's really fun. So if you are considering taking a solo trip, but you're uncomfortable talking to people you don't know, or starting conversations, or maybe you don't even wanna solo travel, but you wanna start doing things by yourself. This is all a part of it. Getting comfortable speaking to strangers is basically like a workout. You need to start practicing. You need to put in the reps so you can start getting comfortable doing it, but you're not gonna be comfortable at first. Like, I'll guarantee you, if you don't talk to strangers now, it is not gonna be comfortable the first few times you approach people.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:08:06 - 00:09:07]
But the more you do it, the easier it's gonna get, the more fun it's gonna be, especially when you start meeting new people. And it will change your life. It really will. Because I'm at the point, and I've been at this point for quite some time, where I can literally do anything, go anywhere, and be happy and have fun and never feel lonely because there are people all around you that are willing to have conversations, that are willing to share their stories, that wanna share experience. And you just have to be open to it. And if you are uncomfortable approaching people, I just wanna give you a few tips that I personally have used that I found really help. The first thing is body language, right? You cannot have your arms crossed with your head in your phone and EarPods in and expect somebody to talk to you. That's not gonna happen because every single Sign you're giving them is that you don't wanna be bothered.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:09:08 - 00:09:59]
So you have to put the phone down, close the book, take out your headphones, and actually smile and look around, like be present, because that's how the conversations happen. Somebody's not gonna tap you on your shoulder when they see you have headphones on and you're reading a book. So you have to show your body language to reflect that you are open to conversation. Now I find the best places to start conversations is in a more like community-centered area. So it's less likely that you're gonna have conversations with strangers if you're sitting at a table by yourself. So let's say you're at a restaurant. If you're sitting alone at a table, it's less likely that you're gonna have conversations. It might still happen, but the bar area is a great way to socialize, to sit on a bar stool and just start having a conversation.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:09:59 - 00:10:31]
I feel like there's a bad association with sitting at the bar. I had somebody comment one of my posts saying, Only barflies hang out, hang out at the bar or something like that. I don't know. But everything doesn't have to be about a pickup. Like you're not trying to, you know, pick up somebody. You're just trying to have a conversation. And if it's interpreted differently than the energy you're putting out there, then you can just move on. Then that person's not the right person to have conversations with.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:10:31 - 00:10:31]
Yeah.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:10:31 - 00:11:52]
But I think it is perfectly acceptable to sit at a bar and have a conversation, whether with the bartender or the patrons sitting at the bar. It's a social place, especially if you're at the airport. Do you know how many people I have met and had conversations with, exchanged information with, just sitting at the bar at the airport? That is literally like, you wanna not feel lonely, you sit at a bar at the airport because you will make friends immediately. Every single time I have always met somebody sitting at the bar at the airport. And it's just putting yourself in these places where there's more opportunity to have conversations. I also think that tours and excursions are also a great way to meet new people and have conversations and to initiate the conversations because you're already doing a shared experience, right? So let's say you are in Scotland and you're doing a tour of the castle and you're with the people, you don't know anyone on the tour. You can easily start a conversation like, is this your first time in Scotland? What has been your favorite thing you've seen so far? Do you have any recommendations? What do you think of this tour? What do you think of the castle? Can you take my picture? Like, there's so many icebreakers that you can do because you're on a shared experience with somebody else. And you can ask them their input.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:11:52 - 00:12:50]
You can ask them for their referrals, whatever it is. And it, it's a genuine connection and a genuine conversation that doesn't feel forced. And it feels very easy. So if you want to go to, you know, locally, maybe you want to do a cooking class, a language class, a new sport. Those are all great ways to just start conversations with, have you ever done this before? You know, is there somewhere you can recommend? Where are you from? Like, there's just all these easy openers that you can do when you're having a shared experience. And then my last tip is just make it a game, make it fun. When we force ourselves to do things that we're uncomfortable with, it doesn't feel good, right? We, we don't wanna be forcing ourselves to do things that make us uncomfortable, but if we can change the feeling around it to something that's enjoyable, to something that's fun, and you're also seeing results from it, then it changes. It changes everything.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:12:50 - 00:13:29]
So when you make it a game to be like, I'm gonna look into the eye of every person I pass and smile and say good morning, like when you get their reactions back, it, it's fun. And then even when you don't get the reactions, it's just funny. So like, don't make it personal. Just practice. You're practicing greeting people. There's literally nothing that you're losing from this. You're just gaining the confidence to do it more often. And the more you do it and the more that you can have conversations with people, I just feel like it opens up so much.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:13:29 - 00:14:24]
It opens up new people, new opportunities, new connections. You never know what's gonna come from it. And meeting new people is probably, I would say it's top 3 of my favorite things about solo travel is just meeting new people. I love sharing experiences with new people. And whether I meet them for an hour or I talk to them for 10 years after that, it's just, it's so impactful to share experiences, to connect with new people. I feel like it is such a value-added experience for your life. So I want to encourage you to start going up to people, say hello, make eye contact, Start a conversation and just don't take it personally. Just practice, practice the art of meeting new people.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:14:24 - 00:14:56]
And when you do this, be sure to, you know, tag me, write to me, send me a DM, whatever it is, because I want to hear about your experience doing it. And I hope that it brings you as much joy as it brings me. And for future podcasts, if you have any requests of topics that you want me to cover, Send me a DM or send me an email at contact@ongirltravel.com, and I'll be happy to address it for you on this podcast. I hope you have so much fun meeting new people, and I will talk to you next week. Bye-bye.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:14:58 - 00:15:22]
Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the One Girl Travel Podcast. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to rate, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find out more about your host on her website, onegirltravel.com, or follow her on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and TikTok. Thanks again for tuning in, and we'll catch you in the next episode.
Alessia Tenebruso [00:15:22 - 00:15:22]
Bye!
