Strengthening the Family by Realizing the Fruit of the Spirit. An Interview with Robert Bass
Jan 05, 2024Episode 54
Doug & Leslie Davis
Imagine finding your life's calling in the place you least expected. Robert Bass, our esteemed guest, shares his remarkable journey from a personal trainer to a pastor and author, encapsulating a life transformed by faith and intentionality. His latest work, "Hidden Fruit," serves as a guiding light for those yearning to cultivate the fruits of the Holy Spirit in their own lives. As we unravel the layers of Robert's book, we delve into the essence of intentional love within marriage and how it solidifies familial bonds. His unique approach—personal letters from a father to his child—unveils the profound impact of a husband's deliberate acts of love and how they can reinforce the fabric of the family.
Our enlightening exchange with Robert doesn't stop there; we venture into discussions of masculinity, patience, and the joys of fatherhood. His insights offer a refreshing perspective on the virtues that can lead to personal refinement and are only found in following God. For those seeking to reinforce their marital ties, we share resources, including a sneak peek into the transformative "Hidden Fruit," available in the show notes. Tune in for a treasure trove of wisdom that promises to enrich your life with love, joy, peace, and patience.
Note from Robert: "I would like to give you a free sample of my ebook. The website is www.hiddenfruitbook.com, and use coupon code SAMPLE during checkout."
Imagine finding your life's calling in the place you least expected. Robert Bass, our esteemed guest, shares his remarkable journey from a personal trainer to a pastor and author, encapsulating a life transformed by faith and intentionality. His latest work, "Hidden Fruit," serves as a guiding light for those yearning to cultivate the fruits of the Holy Spirit in their own lives. As we unravel the layers of Robert's book, we delve into the essence of intentional love within marriage and how it solidifies familial bonds. His unique approach—personal letters from a father to his child—unveils the profound impact of a husband's deliberate acts of love and how they can reinforce the fabric of the family.
Our enlightening exchange with Robert doesn't stop there; we venture into discussions of masculinity, patience, and the joys of fatherhood. His insights offer a refreshing perspective on the virtues that can lead to personal refinement and are only found in following God. For those seeking to reinforce their marital ties, we share resources, including a sneak peek into the transformative "Hidden Fruit," available in the show notes. Tune in for a treasure trove of wisdom that promises to enrich your life with love, joy, peace, and patience.
Note from Robert: "I would like to give you a free sample of my ebook. The website is www.hiddenfruitbook.com, and use coupon code SAMPLE during checkout."
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast. If you're struggling in your marriage, or maybe you're wondering if it's even salvageable, before you give up or before you let things get too hard, let us come alongside you and help you solidify your marriage. We offer biblical encouragement and insight to help you strengthen your marriage.
Speaker 2:
Welcome to the first episode of 2024. Robert Vass joins us today. Him and his wife, carmen, founded Redeemed On Purpose, where they equip families with resources for a healthy life. In his most recent book, hidden Fruit, robert talks about how to live a fruitful life of love, joy, peace and more. He teaches how to steward our environment to grow closer to God, and it's sure to have impact on our marriages. Let's listen in to our conversation with Robert Vass.
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast. We're Doug and Leslie Davis and we're really excited that you're able to join us today, as we have Robert Vass here with us. He's a husband and a dad. He's a pastor and an author and a podcaster, soon to be a traveler to Israel. We're really glad that you're here with us. Welcome today, Robert.
Speaker 3:
Thank you so much for having me on and I'm looking forward to the conversation.
Speaker 1:
Now our readers will get to know more about you as we have this conversation, but if you could just tell them a little bit about what you've been doing and how it's really impacted the book that you've written?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, like you shared, I've had a journey. I actually used to be a personal trainer, I used to work on cars for a living and now, here I am, having the opportunity to be a pastor and even writing a new book. Who would have known? I'm so thankful for the opportunities that God has given me. It's amazing, isn't it? When you're just faithful and you just obey God, he opens so many opportunities for us. I'm excited to continue.
Speaker 1:
Some of those opportunities can be really difficult because we don't always see each of the steps that are coming. We just see the first step. Sometimes you wonder wow, I never would have imagined that God would bring me here. But I'm really glad that God's brought you to where you are.
Speaker 2:
Oh, absolutely Now, this book that you released. There's something special about this book, isn't it? We had had a little bit of opportunity to talk right before we pressed record, and you shared that the Lord laid it on your heart to bring this book out in Hebrew before you bring it out in English. Tell us a little bit about that.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, like you just mentioned, right, following God. He lights each step and just guides us along, and we don't always have the answers and that's okay, right, I mean, God's a good Heavenly Father and we can trust Him even when we don't have the answers. So, yeah, I began to release this book, hidden Fruit, which is about the fruit of the Holy Spirit, god's presence, love and joy and peace. I went to release it here in America and in English, and I felt like God was speaking to me about releasing it in Israel. First, I've never been to Israel and actually at the time, very knew very few people in Israel and connections to Israel, and so I was like, okay, god, here we go, what does that look like?
Speaker 3:
And I just began to reach out to people I knew, and when I went to share it in Israel, there was just no luck. To be honest with you, I was having closed door after closed door, but as I just continued to follow God, like you mentioned, as I continued to press in, what happened is God began to open the doors to have it translated into a different language, which is Hebrew. And so the book is right now done, translated into Hebrew, and will soon be released in Israel to share with so many people and so very exciting. But who would have known? I had zero plans to have that translated.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I know, when we start out writing and start out ministering, sometimes the Lord has a bigger picture for the tasks going into that ministry than what we can even imagine.
Speaker 1:
Right, and I know there's been a lot of times where if I would have seen everything that God was going to do ahead of time, I might have balked. So I'm grateful for his grace to just show me the next step so often. But with your book Hidden Fruit, I love when we read in Galatians about the fruit of the Spirit. Just it's one of those things that not only has a huge impact in the life of a believer, but through the believer being obedient and seeing God produce that fruit in his or her life, it impacts the world around them. And so you address in your book how a husband can have a great impact on a family, and one of the words that's been important for Leslie and I lately is intentionality. So how important is intentionality when a husband is truly having an impact on the family?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, it makes a massive difference, and that's the unique part about this book is to give your audience a little spoiler and a teaser. There is a personal letter before each chapter of the book that is meant to be read from a father to a child, telling them how to live and experience the fruit. You know. It's one thing to know that someone loves you, right, it's one thing to know God loves me, or my husband and wife that they love me. But when you experience that love, when they're there for you in a difficult moment, when they buy you a gift that's so meaningful, you're experiencing something that changes you in the relationship. And so I tried in this book to help people experience what love is like through a very personal and intimate letter. And, believe it or not, this is not my idea. I just woke up one night, three o'clock in the morning and began to write more of the book, and this is how it came out. It came out in a very personal and intimate way, and even my wife was like this doesn't sound like you. I was like was that a good thing or bad thing? She goes no, it's good, it's good.
Speaker 3:
And so one of the things I learned as a dad, as a man, is. Sometimes it's hard to express with our words, maybe even actions, how we feel right, Because the world has kind of told us to hold it in, to stuff it to. You know, man up, I guess. And so what helped me was to actually write things, to verbalize on paper how I was feeling and going through something, and that is what I've actually been encouraging dads and men to do. It's like you need to share what is in your heart, how you feel you need to share these things. So maybe writing it down as a first step, write someone a letter, get it out, even if it's a small note, right, A small note to someone can actually make a massive difference in their life, and so I think that's a really important step with being intentional is say, OK, maybe I don't know how to express this, but I'm going to find ways to express myself.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I know we just recently had a conversation about how you felt about something Right and the. You know, when I asked him how he felt, the answer began with I don't know, I don't know, you know, and far too often I think that you know.
Speaker 1:
Intellectually I can come up with the words that probably would describe it, but it's not always easy for us to figure out what we're feeling.
Speaker 1:
Sometimes it's even hard for us to recognize that we're feeling something that could change our behavior at all. But with the concept of hidden fruit, what I love about that is we're living in a world right now that often doesn't feel loved and of course, God wants to produce love in us. We need to be better at demonstrating that love. We live in a world that doesn't have joy and they don't have peace and you know they obviously don't see people with self-control or patience, respect, you know. So all of the fruit that God wants to produce in our lives.
Speaker 1:
How incredible is it when we become more in tune to the fact that that's what God's intentionally doing in us. And if we would be more intentional about then letting the love and the peace and the patience and the self-control that we have be demonstrated toward our wives, toward our children, we're going to see a huge, huge impact and just a gigantic impact. But too often I know that a lot of our listeners feel like, well, I'm not doing that very well. I want to be able to do that better. So how can a husband strengthen his positive impact on his family?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, this is going to sound anti, what men want to hear, but it's through surrender, all right. And so when we think of surrender, most people think about it as a negative thing. We think, oh well, that's giving up, that's weakness. But surrender, when it comes to God and our relationship with him, is a strength. So if I'm going to surrender, I'm acknowledging that I don't maybe have what I need, have what it takes, and I'm going to depend on someone that's stronger, wiser than me. That's hard, right. We can acknowledge that that's hard to surrender and admit I don't know everything. But the potential that we have when we surrender to God and it really depends on his strength, I mean, the fruit of the Holy Spirit is not us, right? I mean we all know it's hard to have self-control, right? Someone puts your favorite dessert in front of you.
Speaker 2:
There it goes, I'm out right Right, I don't have any self-control.
Speaker 3:
Not at all. I mean, I love chocolate chip cookies. I'll admit it, that's hard, and so how do we tap into that? How do we tap into that self-control, what's through? Surrender? And it's saying God, I need you, I need your spirit, your presence to flow out of my life, right, and so to surrender, it takes slowing down, just practical steps. It takes slowing down and saying God, what do you have to say about this moment?
Speaker 1:
Such a beautiful truth that I think is misunderstood. I'm glad you're sharing it. Yeah, because too many men believe if I surrender or if I submit that it's going to show weakness. It doesn't Think about the incredibly manly examples of surrender, what it looks like. If I'm going to serve as a soldier in the military, I have to submit to the orders that have been given to me by the commanding officer. That knows the full plan and I have to trust that and I have to submit to it. And it's one of the things that, stereotypically, is very manly to be a soldier who does a great job. We don't realize that part of that includes submitting and surrendering to the commanding officer's direction. There's no difference here, and so I love that. What else can you share about how men can take that, even if they feel like they've been failing, and can say but here's something you can do to start to do it a little better?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, absolutely. It also just practically. It comes with acknowledging that there's some common ground in a relationship that we can come to and say, okay, I might not be doing this great, I may not be, I want to improve, that's fine. But what am I doing well, like how am I loving my wife well, how am I there for my family and starting to build off that? One of the things that I need to do a better job at is affirming my kid when he does do good at something. It's just too easy to notice the negative or the things that they need to improve. It's just too easy to see the negative, but it takes intentionality to say what's working well. How can we build off that? How can we grow? And so, when it comes to having a conversation with your wife, your spouse, your kids or whatever it's, how can you build from the common ground versus going right after immediately the things that need to be worked on or improved, because you'll get there, but maybe that's not the first step that needs to happen.
Speaker 2:
And what I like about the common ground scenario is that it really drives home the importance that you're not on a different team than your spouse. You know, when you start with the common ground, with the things that you have in common, the things that you've done right, the things that are going well, you know when you start with those things, then it gives the support that the couple isn't against each other, they're not working against each other, they're not on separate teams.
Speaker 1:
And it builds a truth that helps defeat one of Satan's favorite lies in a man's life, but also in a couple's life that if there's something that's going wrong, it means you're automatically a failure. Recognizing the things that you are doing well, that you can build on, helps get rid of that lie that just because there's something that needs fixed, it doesn't mean you're completely failing.
Speaker 2:
Or even not failing at all. Sometimes things just go wrong, right, you know.
Speaker 3:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
So true. And so, as we look at all of these incredible things I you know. I want to just take a minute to say how much I appreciate having a book like this that's causing us, as men, not only to seek God's will for us, but to be able to become better at self-reflecting, to see what is going well as well as what's not. And here's one of the things that I've learned lately, and I want to hear something that you learned through the process of writing the book. For a long time, we've been hearing that there's something wrong with masculinity, and I'm just here to say there's not. There's things that we do that shouldn't be done and those things should go away.
Speaker 1:
But masculinity itself isn't the issue. We look at the incredible impact that a father can have in the lives of his children and we realize that that's something that God intends. Just like a mother has an incredible opportunity in the lives of her children. And you can overcome. If you're a single parent, you absolutely can overcome, but it's beautiful to see when we surrender to God's will. Masculinity isn't toxic when it's surrendered to God. It's toxic when it's selfish and narcissistic and abusive. The only reason I shared all of that what you're sharing with people is giving us an opportunity to see that the masculinity part isn't the problem. Who is leading the masculine can be the issue when it's surrendered to God. It's a great thing. We look at how we can pour into the lives of our children. We can pour into the lives of our spouse and have a really positive impact, and I love that. That seems to be one of the focuses in your book. So what did you learn about being a better husband and about being a better father when you were writing your book in fruit?
Speaker 3:
Wow, as you know, when you go to share with others, god has a great and funny way of reminding you of things that you've got to grow and learn in, but also got to firms you, like you said, and remind you we're doing good a lot better than sometimes we think, and so what I enjoyed about writing this book is one of the stories about patience. I remember when God was working with through me on patience and God asked me to give up my watch. I had a smart watch at the time which I really liked and I felt productive with this smart watch and I just felt like God wanted me to give it away and so I did. I gave it away and I remember, a few months later, me and my family driving down the road and we were late for something. I'm not going to blame it on anybody, but we were late, and you're getting every red light, every problem's coming up when you're late. It's just that story. And I'm sitting there and I'm just driving and my wife looks over at me and she goes are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And she goes you seem so calm, you seem so peaceful, right. And she's like why are you not stressed out? And I'm like I don't know. I don't know why I'm not worried and stressed out about being late.
Speaker 3:
And in that moment I realized God freed me from worrying about time and so I didn't really know. My entire life was so wrapped up in time where I was like I've got to do this and this hour and this thing and in this way, and it's good to be productive, right. But If something went wrong in that time, it would mess my life up. I viewed it as bad, right, I viewed it as negative. It attacked me as a person. So I'd get angry, I'd get upset when things didn't go the way I thought they should go, and so I wasn't able to have patience, because everything had to work in its time and it's not for me to control time. You know, time is a gift and we steward it well, but we don't try to control it, because if we try to control it, there's a lot that can go wrong in that.
Speaker 3:
And so for me, that was probably one of the most impactful things in writing the book. It's in one of the chapters so you can read more about it, but that was just so eye-opening me. The power of patience Like there is. We think about patience as this. I got to wait and you know it's a reactive kind of thing, but there is power in patience, like if you've ever met somebody that's patient. They look like they have more authority, Like they know that have that self-control right yeah.
Speaker 3:
I mean God's patient, and he has the ultimate control. He knows how things are going to work out.
Speaker 2:
I prayed for patience and we got pregnant. Oh yeah, and now it goes.
Speaker 3:
Yes, kids are a good indicator on your patient's level.
Speaker 1:
Yes, they are Well. And as we look at all of the hidden fruit and again go to Galatians 522, when we see, you know, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, I think there's something that every single follower of Christ knows that God's currently working on them.
Speaker 1:
You know, in really in regard to it, and there's probably other things that they realize are probably getting ready to be teed up for God to work on those things as well. And so I know that the subject of this book is something that not only causes us to rejoice because we see where God's given us more of whichever thing it is more love, or more patience, or more kindness or more goodness but we also know it's a place where we can see God currently working, because we know that there's an area we're still struggling in, that God's still doing his perfecting work in, and so was there anything you know in that process that you really noticed as you were putting the book together?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, one of the big revelations for me when I was writing the book was I first thought, right, that well, ok, well, I'm going to have love and I'll be a really loving person. I remember the pastor at the church I was growing up with. He was just a very joyous person I'm tired about. When he walked into the room, it was like joy came into the room. Everybody lit up. It was. It was an amazing thing.
Speaker 3:
As a kid I was blown away, Like how can one person walk into the room and atmosphere changed and so, but my, my thinking was always around the one OK, I'm going to be either a really joyous person or I'm going to be a peaceful person or I'll be a patient's person. But what God revealed to me is this is these? These is fruit of his presence, single, single, right, yeah, and so we can have them all. I'm not limited. Like, the more I surrender, the more I depend on God, the more I get to have. And that was that's really eyeopening for me and that's hopeful that I get to have all of it. And and, yeah, god's working on it in different times, he's cultivating that fruit in different seasons and in different ways, but, man, I get to have this full spectrum of fruit in my life. That's going to be important in different seasons and in different ways, and so when I grasped that revelation and that concept, it really did change my life because I realized all that's available.
Speaker 2:
There's a lot of Christians that don't realize what's available to them.
Speaker 1:
And too many people say the fruits of the Spirit, and that's not what God said. He said it's the fruit of the Spirit. So it is one thing you know. All of that is one thing that God gives to us and something else that is a real blessing, and I'm so grateful again for all that God is continuing to do through the book that he has given to you.
Speaker 1:
But one of the things that's amazing is earlier in the chapter of Galatians, before we get to see the list of the fruit of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit, god reminds us that what your mind is set on is what you'll follow after, and what you follow after will produce fruit.
Speaker 1:
And so when your mind is set on the things of the flesh, you're gonna see those things grow. When your mind is set on the things of the spirit, that list that we just gave is what God produces within you and that's what grows. And so the men who you know I really hope that all of our listeners are blessed by that. But, men, I really hope that you are listening to the fact that, regardless of where you are, regardless of what you're doing really Well, there is that common ground, and regardless of how much improvement you think you need, that if you set your mind on these things, god will grow those things in your life to the point when you will be able to have a better impact on your wife and on your kids. Your family will be blessed Simply because your mind is set on the things of the spirit.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, even Philippians 4, right Reminds us of that. I mean, it's all woven through the Bible. God's telling us to focus on the right things.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and so it sounds like such an awesome reminder. We're grateful for your book. We know that the English version is coming out very soon and we want to make sure that our listeners know where they can get it. So tell, tell our listeners where they can find you and where they can find your book.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, they can go to hidden fruit book calm, and there's actually some sample chapters on the website right now. So if your audience wants to get a free Sample chapter, they can go and pick which one, which fruit they they want to work on in their life, and just enter the code sample at checkout and they'll get it for free. So hidden fruit book calm Is where you can find all the resources and get a free sample chapter on there.
Speaker 2:
Wonderful that is. That's very generous. Thank you so much. I'm sure that our listeners are going to love that and I will put those links in the show notes To to follow up with the episodes.
Speaker 3:
Great.
Speaker 1:
Thank you, and again we wanted to thank you for listening to the vision-driven marriage podcast. We're Doug and Leslie Davis. We've been joined today by Robert Bass and so excited about what God has done and will continue to do through his book hidden fruit, and so we want you all to know that that's something that's available to you, and we continue to pray that God will solidify your marriage.