Unlocking the Secrets of Successful Relationships with Cristie Cerniglia

Have you ever witnessed a transformation so profound that it shifts your perspective on love and commitment? Coach Cristie's metamorphosis from a distrustful skeptic to a beacon of hope for faith-infused marriages is nothing short of miraculous. Alongside her, we explore the trenches and triumphs that come with nurturing a relationship under God's guidance. From navigating the echoes of parental divorce to making the bold move to a single-income family, Cristie's tale is a testament to the power of belief, mentorship, and divine intention in creating a resilient marital bond.

Our conversation then turns to a topic that's close to many of our hearts: personal growth and its pivotal role in marital bliss. Cristie opens up about the wisdom gleaned from "The Empowered Wife" by Laura Doyle, particularly the six intimacy skills that revolutionized many relationships in her life.

To cap off our heartfelt exchange, we share the charming "clean car story," a narrative that illustrates the subtle art of inspiring connection through positive expression. We celebrate the beauty of rediscovering the enchanting qualities in our spouses, emphasizing the power of appreciation to eclipse criticism. With Coach Cristie's infectious zeal lighting the way, we offer strategies and hope for those yearning to not only remain in their marriage but to flourish within it, rejoicing in the shared journey of self-improvement and rediscovery. Join us for an episode that promises to embolden your faith, encourage your heart, and put a little more sparkle in your marriage.

Things We Mention:
Tim Keller's book The Meaning of Marriage
Laura Doyle's book The Empowered Wife
Jerry Bridges's book Trusting God
James Clear's book Atomic Habits

Family Life's Weekend To Remember Marriage Retreat

Where you can find Cristie Cerniglia:
https://relationshipswithamap.org/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipswithamap
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/relationshipswithamap

INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC CREDITS
Theme music: Dead Winter
ASLC-1BEF9A9E-9E9D609662
Artists: White Bones
Composers: White Bones
Audio source: Epidemic Sound

Find out more about Doug and Leslie:

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• Current episodes of The Vision Driven Marriage

Click Here

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:07

Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast. If you are struggling in your marriage, or maybe you're wondering if it's even salvageable, before you give up or before you let things get too hard, let us come alongside you and help you solidify your marriage. We offer biblical encouragement and insight to help you strengthen your marriage.

Speaker 1: 0:31

Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast. We're Doug and Leslie Davis and today we're really excited. We've got some great content.

Speaker 2: 0:38

Oh, absolutely, coach Christie is with us today and she's coming to us from a place of. I didn't know how to do it, so I learned it, I put the skills in it and now I help people do it. So we are really excited to introduce to you Coach Christie. Christie, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 3: 1:00

Thank you all for having me. I'm excited to be here with you. And boy, are you right? I'm telling you what I just finished doing a Bible study of the book the Meaning of Marriage, tim Keller. Are you all familiar with that? Yes, and at the end of that study I told the ladies that were with me. I said I really can't believe anyone married my husband and I. They should lose their job. Really, because we were so clueless. We just had no idea what God's intention was for marriage and neither one of us were believers at the time. We actually came to Jesus after our marriage, about four years into marriage. So we had a lot of things stacked against us. But God is good, yes, and he really took us by the hand and said I'm going to show you how to do this thing.

Speaker 1: 1:53

Well, I think a lot of our listeners could completely relate to that, because I think all of us can say we didn't have it together, and so they can understand exactly what you're talking about. So I'm excited to hear what God's taught you through the process.

Speaker 3: 2:07

Yeah, yeah. He brought along other couples, mentors. He brought along church pastors, discipling folks, books, podcasts, all the rest, and just took us by the hand and showed us, step by step, how to build a marriage, how to build a family, and what we have now is a miracle of His creation, is all I can say. If you went to any of the people I knew in high school or college and talked to them about me, they would say we must be talking about somebody different here. A lot has changed.

Speaker 2: 2:45

Well, and then that's just how Jesus works, isn't it? That's just how. What are some of the things that you guys struggled with?

Speaker 3: 2:53

Yeah, Well, when we were first married, I would say I had been raised in that, with quite a bit of feminism and a lot of that 50-50, and I'm going to do this and you're going to do that. And I was. I went to college, I got a degree, I wanted to have a job.

Speaker 3: 3:14

My parents had gone through a terrible divorce my senior year of high school which was terribly painful, and I was old enough that they were sharing things with me that I probably ought not have known, and so my view of marriage was well, why would I do that? After 21 years, my husband will leave me and I'll be all alone. So I was determined to get my degree, get a good job, pay my own way, earn my own living, and that nobody was going to leave me without a way. So I had a lot of trust issues while walking into the marriage, and especially as an unbeliever. But I'll tell you what.

Speaker 3: 3:58

Once the Lord saved me, he said Christy, this is between you and I, and I want you to trust me you know I will take care of your husband, but you trust me, that was hard because I had told my family I'll never get married Too painful.

Speaker 1: 4:18

I think of all of the things that we tell the Lord like that, I'll never do something. And then we see him not only change our lives, but show us just how very wrong we were about what we thought we were going to do.

Speaker 3: 4:29

So true. Yeah, there's so many of those statements in my life I'll never. And then I should just laugh now, because it's probably something he's going to have me do as soon as I say that?

Speaker 2: 4:41

Yes, isn't that how it goes?

Speaker 1: 4:43

But you know trust issues are something that a lot of couples deal with. I know that you know, at one level or another, you want to make sure that you can protect yourself as you can provide for yourself, and it becomes really difficult to have the kind of intimacy that you ought to have when your first thought is I need to take care of myself. So what were the things that God taught you about intimacy through that process?

Speaker 3: 5:09

Well, I will never forget. We went to a Focus on the Family no, no, it's the other one the Weekend to Remember, yes, a Marriage Retreat one weekend. And this was early in the marriage. This was probably four years in and we were newly saved, and they separated the men and the women. And then we were come back together to discuss what we had learned, and my husband said you're never going to believe what the Lord has told me. I said well, you're never going to believe what the Lord has told me. Well, don't you know?

Speaker 3: 5:45

He was very clear to both of us that I was to quit my job and stay home. We were pregnant, expecting our first child, and to me that was the height of trusting God and trusting my husband, because, you know, I was determined to provide for myself, and so that was a very difficult decision. We both knew that was what the Lord was calling us to. But it also involved selling our house and making some other changes, because the one salary wasn't going to cover the same as the two salary. So it was a difficult decision.

Speaker 3: 6:21

It was actually three years my daughter was three years old before we got everything together, but that was the first big decision that the Lord led and directed us on and we obeyed. And so I can say after that, the decisions that he called us to, after that we got a little bit better and a little bit faster and a little bit more confident in obedience. But that was the first time we'd ever heard from the Lord and known this is what he wants us to do. So it's really an exciting thing that we look back on and we're like, oh, that's kind of how it all started, you know.

Speaker 2: 6:57

That's awesome and that desire to lean in to what the Lord is doing. You know, that is just so important and often the hardest thing. But it's just even a leaning in. It's not even a. You know, the Lord could work with just a leaning in, even if it's like not quite a determination that you're going to be obedient. You know, because if you determine it, I'm going to determine to be obedient and then it goes south, you know. But he can work with just a leaning in. You know, and it's awesome that the Lord spoke to both you and your husband separately. I've seen that happen in our relationship a lot. In fact, I knew that he was called to preach before he knew he was called to preach and so it was this waiting and this sweet expectation. And then, when he told me, I'm like, well, yeah, I know, of course.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Here. I thought it was going to be some groundbreaking revelation.

Speaker 2: 8:01

And she's like well, yeah, I thought pretty knew that and so and that was early on in our let's see our children were little yeah, probably seven, katie was seven, maybe before that even when you were called to preach, and not even pastoring at that point, but preaching. And so then shortly after that there was the call to pastor, and that's when I went oh, wait, a minute, let's see.

Speaker 1: 8:34

Well, it is a little bit different, and you know it's different because when you are in that fishbowl and everybody looks at you, sometimes it's difficult to be as intimate when some of those things that are so intimate could be seen from the outside. You're floating around in that little fishbowl of public ministry, but we knew that it was really, really important, for, you know, god wanted to draw us closer to one another. He wanted to speak to us and, just like you did with your husband and with yourself, share the same thing to us in a way that would bring us together, not only closer to each other, but closer to him. And so, you know, we want to look at some of those things that God's taught you, some of the things that you're able to teach people who are struggling with some intimacy. So I know that one of the things that you talk about are the six intimacy skills. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Speaker 3: 9:26

Yeah, so about three years ago. We are gonna celebrate our 30th anniversary in May.

Speaker 2: 9:34

Congratulations.

Speaker 3: 9:35

Thank you. It feels miraculous and it feels like, you know, yesterday I still think I'm 30, but it really is. But about three years ago, I would say we were kind of in a rocky patch and we had some areas that needed some attention. Right, I feel like we've always been overall happy, but you know, there were some rocky spots and so I began to. You know, I'm always a reader, I like to read lots of books.

Speaker 3: 10:02

We go to the conferences, we do the things, but nothing seemed to be addressing these places that I felt really, you know, passionate about getting help with. And so I found a book called the Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle, and I began to read that book and her thoughts were so practical and so simple, and so they really resonated with me and really the bottom line of the message from the book was that I needed to take accountability for my part in what was wrong in our marriage and myself and most all of the women who come to me for coaching the starting place we call it the he, he, he. Starting place. He needs to change, he needs to do this. If he would only do that, then I could be happy, right? Oh, what a terrible place to be when my happiness is dependent on another person changing. Yeah, it's so hopeless, right? I can't change anybody else but me.

Speaker 3: 11:12

So, when I read that book and saw those six intimacy skills and I began to implement them and I began to see changes right away, I found out that there's a mirroring process that happens between my husband and I and really between me and anybody right? If I show up grumpy, grouchy, rude, that's going to impact the way you come back to me, right. But if I show up joyful and happy, then our interaction is going to be much different, and I found that in my marriage. So as I began to make some changes and implement some of these skills, I saw my husband mirroring back to me just in a different way and it was beautiful. But I realized after a certain amount of time that I needed some more specific help.

Speaker 3: 12:01

So I actually hired a coach and I told Leslie I think it was the very first call we were on together. I said I want to do what you're doing, I love what you're doing, I love the way you're doing it. I want to do this. And so I began to look into getting started with coaching myself, which has been probably one of the other than following Jesus, marrying my husband and having my kids. Okay, this is a really good decision for me because it's not only improved my marriage, but it's improved all of my relationships with my mom, with my brother, with my teens, with my adult kids. You know just the skills were in all relationships.

Speaker 2: 12:46

Yeah, I think relationship skills in general. Like you know, we see relationship skills being put into place and think, well, that's outside, you know, that's that's for the workplace or that's for my friends, but we don't see how that works within our marriage, when really developing relationship skills within our marriage should be priority.

Speaker 1: 13:12

Absolutely, and we've seen the same thing that you were talking about so many times, where people come in and I can't tell you how many couples have come in for counseling and they both start with you need to fix her or you need to fix him. And one of the things that we've learned right away is to share with people that the most important thing is that you have to clean up your own side of the street first. Yeah, that's the way we describe it. You got to look. God wants you to look inside it yourself so you can draw close to him before he really draws you close to your spouse the way he wants to.

Speaker 1: 13:44

And the other thing that you shared that I really hope our listeners were able to hear and it resonated in them is that if you're looking to any other person for your self worth, you're going to struggle. We are blessed with our spouse, thank God. We've been given the spouse we've been given, but our worth comes from Christ, and if we are trying to find our worth anywhere else, we struggle greatly. And so that's so important and such a really, really big development, I think, for each of us to have an understanding as to not only where we are, but where God wants us to be as a couple.

Speaker 2: 14:23

Absolutely. And so I know, you know I was raised also to be independent. I'm going to take care of myself. I raised, you know we raised. I tended to impart that on to my daughters, more, I think, than what you did. But just for that safety, now I can resonate with how you were raised so that I'm going to take care of myself, kind of thing. You know I work hard. Not to be needy is what it comes down to now, you know. And so, but anyway, back to Laura Doyle. I'm going to drop that link for that book into the show notes so that our listeners can know where to find that too, and so, but what are the six intimacy skills?

Speaker 3: 15:07

I was thinking. I don't think I answered that and it's so hard to just list them without talking about each one. But the first one is self care, just meaning that if I don't make myself happy, I can't expect you know, I can't wait around for my husband to make me happy. Right, it's up to me. I know the things that make me happy and make me cheerful and put me in a good mood, and I need to manage that because, you know, in the bad old days, when a bad mood would start to come on me and I would start to feel grouchy, I just thought well, there it is, I'm grouchy. Now, what are you going to do? You know, and just walked in it, and now I know what I can do to combat that.

Speaker 3: 15:49

And it's through self care. So that's super important is that I show up as my best self. Because, moms, we set the temperature in the house, right yeah, we do. And you've heard the saying if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy right, yeah, and it's true. So we really need to take care of ourselves, and I think so many wives get into taking care of everybody and everything else but themselves and then the whole thing's going to crumble because, yeah.

Speaker 3: 16:20

So number two is respect. I thought I was a respectful wife. I knew that I felt respect for my husband, but as I got into the skills, I realized that no, in fact there were many things I was doing and saying that were hitting my husband as disrespectful and causing him to feel criticized and corrected and just not good. They were chopping away at the intimacy. So when I begin to show up with respect, that intimacy, he wants to come closer rather than avoid me. Right, one of the search things people will say wives will type in why is my husband avoiding me? That's why. Number three receiving graciously. So do I receive gifts and compliments and help, and do you know why that's so important? I thought, well, that's a strange one. That's what makes me show up feminine right, mm-hmm, when I show up as my feminine self, the way God made me, my husband shows up as his masculine self, the way God made him, and then we are drawn together like magnets. Right, but if I'm not or if he's not, that pull isn't there, we lose that.

Speaker 1: 17:38

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: 17:39

And boy, isn't that a message for today. Yeah, oh, absolutely yeah. Number four is relinquish control. That was a big one for me, relinquish Well, let's say it this way Relinquish, relinquish. Inappropriate control right. When I have my 14-year-old son, he still needs some of my appropriate control right, but my husband does not. And so the way he drives and the clothes that he wears and the decisions that he makes for his work and things, those are all on his paper, as you'd say, on his side of the street, mm-hmm. And I don't have to meddle right, I can relinquish control of those things because I married such a smart and capable man.

Speaker 2: 18:19

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: 18:20

So I feel really good about letting go of those things. And then guess what? I'm more free to do my self-care and the things that make me show up happy, and I'm not carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, which makes me feel resentful.

Speaker 1: 18:35

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 3: 18:37

Number five express gratitude. I thought I thought I did that. You know, I had so many blind spots y'all where I thought you know, and I think it's common but expressing gratitude, everybody likes to be acknowledged for their contributions, and everybody's spouse is making contributions, and so we just need to find those and focus on them and be thankful out loud.

Speaker 1: 19:04

Yes.

Speaker 2: 19:06

That's a key, isn't it? Out loud, right, be thankful out loud.

Speaker 1: 19:09

We've encouraged people to do that a lot because we think those things a lot, we don't say them enough.

Speaker 2: 19:15

But it goes a long way too, not just to encourage the spouse that's on the receiving end of that gratitude, but it does good for our own hearts and our own brains when we cultivate that gratitude attitude. You know, there's studies done that it changes our brain chemistry when we work to be thankful and it's you know, people that are thankful more are less depressed and less moody, you know. And so it goes a long way for our own mental health too.

Speaker 3: 19:53

And with our kid. Yeah, you know, I thought like I said, but when I look back now I see that I was stingy. Thank you with gratitude. I was stingy. Somehow in my twisted way I thought that if I gave too much, that maybe they would stop those good things.

Speaker 3: 20:11

So I was gonna hold it back and wait until I don't know, but now just throw that stuff around like confetti, right, and everybody loves it. And guess what? I get more gratitude too, because I've created that type of atmosphere in the home where we thank each other and we're grateful for our Contribution. So I just love it. I love it. And number six is vulnerability, and this is one that I think I call it the advanced skill. I think it needs more practice, but I think we think that we're vulnerable with our partners. When we're not, many times our hurt feelings come out in anger Rather than the hurt that's underneath the anger. The anger is easier to express, right, but the vulnerability is where we need to go.

Speaker 2: 21:01

So I think that and part of that fear. Part of that fear is that you know when it comes out as anger, that fear that's motivating, that is, you're not gonna handle my heart well if I show you my heart, you know. And so being able to cultivate the trust with the hearts you know is what's gonna allow that vulnerability to be, to even be present in a relationship.

Speaker 1: 21:30

Well, especially if there's been. You know we all can do things poorly before we learn to do them well. Yeah, and vulnerability becomes particularly difficult when, if you've started to be vulnerable and then you feel like your heart wasn't held with tender care, it makes you less likely to want to be vulnerable in the future. But that's one of the most important things for us to get to. You're right, it's an advanced skill. We've got to learn how to do some of these other things really well before we do vulnerability well, but it's absolutely.

Speaker 3: 22:04

And it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable, but if we pay attention, we will notice that vulnerability is what draws us together, yeah, even us, right? If I share vulnerably with you, you feel more connected to me, not less. You feel more connected, and so, as we notice that, we can see ah, and that's what I want with my spouse is more connection.

Speaker 1: 22:31

Right. Well, we know that a lot of folks are thinking I want that, but I'm not sure that I'm at a place right now where I can just automatically plug it in, even though they might want to. And so how is it that you're able to help those who come in and say we've got some things going on in our marriage where we need to learn to be more intimate. We want to know how to plug in these skills. What do you tell them when they come to you?

Speaker 3: 23:01

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 23:02

And people think, oh well, my situation is unique because blah, blah, blah, right.

Speaker 3: 23:07

Or my situation is this we have women from crisis situations where the husband has actively another woman or has moved out or separated, and then all the way down to women who are just feeling a little dry, a little bored, a little discontent, right.

Speaker 3: 23:23

So every variation. And they may look at these skills and think, well, I don't know how that's going to help, Right? But my first step many times I mean I'll do a free, you know, evaluation call with anyone, but I do a four week workshop, and it's four weeks live on Zoom, where I'm teaching the skills, and every week when they leave they've got some homework to do, where they're just experimenting, just with some baby steps of these skills, and usually that's that's the way is, when they see the reaction Of their spouse, they're oh, this really does work. I can't believe it. That lady's not as crazy as I thought, right. And so I encourage ladies to start with a four week workshop and then, if they need more specific help and they want to go into their specific things, we can do one on one coaching or I offer group sessions where you can learn from someone else's issue.

Speaker 2: 24:23

Yeah, sometimes group coaching can be very powerful.

Speaker 3: 24:28

Yeah, it's like when Jesus told it. It tells a parable right and you're able to apply it to your situation and someone else is able to apply it to their situation. So when we get in group coaching, the gal who's being coached, her issue may not be your issue, but the roots a lot of times that are underneath there are are are familiar, and so the strategies you can go ahead and apply to your own situation and maybe you don't feel as smacked in the face, right, because it's in, it's in a story for him.

Speaker 2: 25:05

Yeah, I can learn vicariously through someone else's things that are going on right. Really, can you give us an example of, maybe from your own life, of how these skills play out?

Speaker 3: 25:16

Yeah, oh yeah, I think about my clean car story. So my car is the car that we use to go on family things, right, and to church every Sunday. And so we were coming home from church one day and I go into my rant I call it motivational speaking. I think the family might call it a rant, right? And I'm saying my car is always a mess. You guys leave all your wrappers in my car, all those water bottles. I'm tired of cleaning it up. I want this car clean, right? No one is motivated, no one is jumping to. You know, meet my request.

Speaker 3: 25:55

Well, I learned through the skills that there's a better way. So I decided to express my desire in a way that inspires, and all I said was I would love to have a clean car. Well, do you know what my husband said? Well, I'll take it to get clean today. I said, wow, that worked, right? He suddenly saw an opportunity to make me really happy and it turns out that he really likes to make me happy, and to him that was a really simple request, right? So he takes the car to get it cleaned and I'm just thinking, wow, I can't believe this really worked.

Speaker 3: 26:32

But when he gets home, I make another mistake. I go out to the car and I open the door and I see some little pieces right that they didn't get with the vacuum. And then I see some stuff on the door that they didn't get and I'm you know I'm not saying anything, but certainly my actions are critical, right? Well, I think that I am criticizing the men who did the job, right? But I look at my husband. I see the look on his face and I recognize that he's thinking oh my gosh, can this woman ever be happy? Can I even please her?

Speaker 3: 27:15

And that's when I realized and I slammed the door shut and I said thank you so much for taking my car to get clean. I really appreciated it. It looks fantastic. So I just cleaned that up as best I could. But I really learned. I really learned from that. I saw my complaining maybe for the first time, where in the past I hadn't thought that I was a complainer. But I began to notice, as I study the skills and most women who do, my awareness goes up, up, up and I start to see more of what I'm doing. I start to see more of how it's impacting him and because of the skills, I have some tools in my tool bag that I can pull out instead.

Speaker 2: 27:56

I love that, I love that. So we have a hundred of those stories, I'm sure.

Speaker 1: 28:00

Yes, we do, I believe. I believe you know you'd mentioned earlier that you know as a child you were coming out of a situation where your parents were divorced, and we know that a lot of people who are listening to our podcast in the back of their mind, one of their fears is we don't want anything to happen that'll put a wedge between us as spouses. We don't want anything that's going to cause us to struggle any more than we're struggling, and they don't want to say it out loud, but they really, really don't want to see anything that would cause them to not be together. The beauty of this is the encouragement that comes from the opposite, where you can show them. This is about how you can stay together.

Speaker 1: 28:39

What I love about what you've shared is don't let the fear of what could happen blind you from the reality of what God will do when you practice intimacy. So what are just a couple of quick things that you could give as encouragement for those who say I want my marriage to last. I want it to be solid? How could you encourage those folks and replace the fear with hope?

Speaker 3: 29:06

Yeah, oh, faith over fear. For sure I want your marriage to succeed. I don't just want you to stay married, I want you to thrive in your marriage. Right, I'm not saying don't get a divorce. I'm saying let's be excited to be married. This is a great thing and, like you said, this is a gift from God. Yeah, and so if you are a woman who's struggling in your marriage, in whatever level, I am here to stand with you for your marriage. I am here to help you become the best version of yourself, so that you start looking like the girl that your husband picked again, so that time kind of rewinds back.

Speaker 3: 29:50

You picked him for a reason. I know that you're married to a great guy because you picked him right, and all the things that you loved about him in the beginning are still there. They may be buried and we may have to dig them out, but they're still there. But what happens, I think, over the years, is we begin to focus on the things that are wrong or the things that are missing, rather than all that we have. And so when we begin to look for the evidence that he is romantic, that he is reliable, that he is trustworthy, all of these things. Then we start to find those things right, we find what we're looking for, and when your focus shifts to the good, oh, the possibilities are endless, and I've seen it happen too many times with too many women to doubt it. So if women want to stay married, I believe with my whole heart that they can, and they can do it with joy, and I would love to help in any way I can.

Speaker 2: 30:56

Yeah, that's wonderful. Isn't it Abraham Lincoln that said that you find what you look for? Wasn't Abraham Lincoln this?

Speaker 1: 31:05

Absolutely no idea. You will find what to look for. Yeah, we know that it's true. You do see what you're looking for. What an encouragement, because then not only can you emphasize and continue to build the good, but then, through what you shared with your story, you're able to encourage your spouse then to come alongside you to do things differently where things need to improve, but it starts with recognizing those good things. What a great, great lesson for everyone.

Speaker 2: 31:39

So, as we wrap up here, christy, you said that you were an avid reader, so tell us what's on your book stand now. What are you reading currently that you can share with our listeners?

Speaker 3: 31:53

Yeah, I have two great books that I'm reading right now. One is called Trust in God and it's by Jerry Bridges, and it is wonderful about the sovereignty of God, how everything that he does is for my good and his glory both, and I love it, I love it. And the second book that I'm really into right now is called Atomic Habits oh, yes, I think it's James Clear, mm-hmm, and I'm reading that with my 14 year old son. Oh good, I love it because, well, he was a baseball player, my son's a baseball player, and everything.

Speaker 3: 32:27

I thought this is a really good one. But he just talks about the little changes that we make and how, piled on top of each other, they build into something really big, and I love that. It makes sense for what I'm doing with coaching, but it makes sense just in life. You know that I want to get up and I want to do things that make a difference. I want a life that has meaning, that brings glory to God, and that I use my time that the Lord has given me to that. I'm a good steward.

Speaker 2: 33:00

And I think that concept is so important and even applied to our marriages, because it's the little steps, it's the little things consistently that's going to increase the intimacy in the relationship. It's going to bring a husband and wife back together again. It's not, you know, a lot of these things, a lot of the difficulties that we have have gone on for years, you know, and they're not just going to be fixed overnight. It's going to take those little things consistently, over time, to bring that relationship back together in a way that's positive.

Speaker 3: 33:37

You know, I have a lot of wives who tell me their husbands are kind of watching them with the side eye, like I really like these changes, but I don't know if I can trust them yet, are they? Going to last right. Right. So they're kind of watching us a little suspicious for a time.

Speaker 2: 33:56

It takes time to build that trust back up. Yes, it does. But being trustworthy I know we've talked about on earlier podcasts about being trustworthy, and you know we talk about trust, all that. You know you hear about trust a lot and I've heard women say, well, I just need to be more trusting. And the reality is, is that no, we don't need to be more trusting. We need to be more trustworthy and then our spouse will trust us more, just like our spouse needs to be more trustworthy, and then we trust them more. You know, like you were saying earlier, we can only be responsible for our own side of the street, right? So we become trustworthy and trust then happens.

Speaker 1: 34:43

Yeah, so, chrissy, we want to thank you so much for sharing just wonderful information with us and with our listeners and I know that, if our listeners are interested, we'll have all of your contact information in the show notes so that they can find out a little more about the coaching that you offer and we want to encourage all of you to check out some of these resources that were mentioned and to look to intimacy and to understand that these six intimacy skills are things that really can make your marriage more of what you want it to be.

Speaker 2: 35:18

Christy, it was wonderful to have you on our episode today. Thank you for coming.

Speaker 3: 35:24

Thank you so much for having me. I loved it. It was lots of fun.

Speaker 1: 35:28

We had a lot of fun too, and I know our listeners were blessed. We're Doug and Leslie Davis. This is the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast, and we choose to indifference that God will solidify your marriage.