Discover the sacred blend of divine guidance and practical wisdom as marriage coaches Colette and Bryce Schaffer join us to unravel the secrets of a successful marriage. They shed light on the sobering reality of marriages breaking at an alarming rate and how to counteract this trend with a robust Biblical foundation. The Schaffers bring nearly thirty years of relationship expertise to the table, offering couples the tools to reinforce their bonds and navigate the modern challenges of matrimony with faith and purpose.
Our heartfelt exchange with the Schaffers takes us deeper into the heart of a Christ-centered union, where personal spiritual growth and divine affirmation lay the groundwork for a fulfilling partnership.
Wrapping up the episode, we broach the significance of ongoing self and relational reflection—an essential compass for steering marriages toward continuous growth and harmony. Vision casting emerges as a beacon for couples, illuminating the path to setting and achieving shared goals, and the role of mentorship becomes clear as a cornerstone for constructing resilient matrimonial bonds. The Schaffers introduce their Marriage Builders initiative, extending a helping hand to all who seek to strengthen their marital journey within the embrace of faith.
The FREE Marriage Enrichment Workshop (Live on April 7th at 6:30 pm Mountain time) Replays will be available afterward. https://www.schafferministries.com/workshop-sales-page
The Marriage Builders Course: https://www.schafferministries.com/aimee-blue-sp-2-4-2
The Marriage Builders Course + Coaching: Book a FREE Call at: https://www.schafferministries.com/workshop-sales-page-1
Website: Schafferministries.com
Find Doug and Leslie at:
Email Doug & Leslie at: leslie@heartcallministries.org
Facebook: Doug & Leslie Davis
IG: @thevisiondrivenmarriage
Instagram (@thevisiondrivenmarriage)
Grab freebies and subscribe to the HeartCall newsletter at: Sign Up
INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC CREDITS
Theme music: Dead Winter
ASLC-1BEF9A9E-9E9D609662
Artists: White Bones
Composers: White Bones
Audio source: Epidemic Sound
Find out more about Doug and Leslie:
Discover the sacred blend of divine guidance and practical wisdom as marriage coaches Colette and Bryce Schaffer join us to unravel the secrets of a successful marriage. They shed light on the sobering reality of marriages breaking at an alarming rate and how to counteract this trend with a robust Biblical foundation. The Schaffers bring nearly thirty years of relationship expertise to the table, offering couples the tools to reinforce their bonds and navigate the modern challenges of matrimony with faith and purpose.
Our heartfelt exchange with the Schaffers takes us deeper into the heart of a Christ-centered union, where personal spiritual growth and divine affirmation lay the groundwork for a fulfilling partnership.
Wrapping up the episode, we broach the significance of ongoing self and relational reflection—an essential compass for steering marriages toward continuous growth and harmony. Vision casting emerges as a beacon for couples, illuminating the path to setting and achieving shared goals, and the role of mentorship becomes clear as a cornerstone for constructing resilient matrimonial bonds. The Schaffers introduce their Marriage Builders initiative, extending a helping hand to all who seek to strengthen their marital journey within the embrace of faith.
The FREE Marriage Enrichment Workshop (Live on April 7th at 6:30 pm Mountain time) Replays will be available afterward. https://www.schafferministries.com/workshop-sales-page
The Marriage Builders Course: https://www.schafferministries.com/aimee-blue-sp-2-4-2
The Marriage Builders Course + Coaching: Book a FREE Call at: https://www.schafferministries.com/workshop-sales-page-1
Website: Schafferministries.com
Find Doug and Leslie at:
Email Doug & Leslie at: leslie@heartcallministries.org
Facebook: Doug & Leslie Davis
IG: @thevisiondrivenmarriage
Instagram (@thevisiondrivenmarriage)
Grab freebies and subscribe to the HeartCall newsletter at: Sign Up
INTRO/OUTRO MUSIC CREDITS
Theme music: Dead Winter
ASLC-1BEF9A9E-9E9D609662
Artists: White Bones
Composers: White Bones
Audio source: Epidemic Sound
Find out more about Doug and Leslie:
Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage Podcast. If you're struggling in your marriage, or maybe you're wondering if it's even salvageable, before you give up or before you let things get too hard, let us come alongside you and help you solidify your marriage. We offer biblical encouragement and insight to help you strengthen your marriage. We offer biblical encouragement and insight to help you strengthen your marriage. Welcome to the Vision Driven Marriage podcast. We're Doug and Leslie Davis, and today we're joined by a couple who is just starting a marriage ministry that I know will be a blessing to many of you.
Speaker 3:Today we're joined by Colette and Bryce Schaefer, and together they host the Bringing Hope Home podcast, and they can be found at schaeferministriescom. And I understand, bryce and Colette, that you guys are starting a coaching ministry really soon. Tell us really quick about your marriage ministry and your coaching and then we'll just dive right into our conversation.
Speaker 4:Sure Well you know, we pastored together for many, many years and marriage, teaching, marriage has always been, you know, on the forefront in our church and so we've had the podcast just on Bible study and things like that. But this summer it just seemed like God kept bringing up marriage and people kept asking us do you do marriage and would you consider doing speaking on marriage? And so after about the third or fourth one, we kind of got the hint and you know, maybe we need to pivot and go this direction and it just, you know, and it's a God thing, it just kind of settles.
Speaker 1:And so we started running with it and yeah, and you know the marriage is under attack. It always has been, because it is God's core and center for this, for everything that we do comes from family, and so I think another person on the front lines like yourself, and putting us there, not only in a local church, but trying to be out there for the rest of humanity as well, is something that's really great and needed to really establish a community, community of faith, because you know, it says, if the Lord doesn't build the house, they labor in vain, and so we really want to get out there and help more than just those that walk in our doors at the church, because there's a lot of people out there that can use a little encouragement from Jesus, for sure and I think it is so needed, I, I, it is just so needed.
Speaker 1:We see it all the time yep, yeah, and they, they say you know marriages on average only last about eight, nine years. Oh so, and that was a Forbes. You know research a little bit and so you think, oh, it just hurts your heart as pastors to hear these things over and over again. So if we can try to be a little piece in the puzzle for somebody to keep that going and to figure things out, you know is pretty special for all of us to do.
Speaker 2:And I know Leslie and I feel the same way about the opportunity God's given us with the vision-driven marriage and with the Solidify your Marriage retreats, and we're grateful that, as imperfect as we are, that God continues to teach us and continues to point toward the truth in His Word, that we might be able to point others toward Him and toward His truth. And so tell our listeners a little bit how long have you guys been married and what do you see this ministry, this new marriage ministry, becoming?
Speaker 1:Right? Well, we've been married for almost 29 years now and it just, it was a blink of an eye and it's. You know, it's like we just started, right? You know, it really does. It goes by faster than you think, yeah. And so we, and then we've been in ministry all this time as well, and and so the the concept of all this came out of all the marriage enrichment that we've done over the years, countless weddings and helping people, and I always like to say it's not marriage counseling, I say marriage enrichment, especially for the new couples that are coming together, but seeing, can we help them create an avenue for a more successful life together? Because you know the enemy likes to throw darts at you and is pretty tricky at trying to navigate in around things. So that's where we've kind of decided to really jump off and pivot in that direction. As pastors, as you know, you're trying to have the whole word of God for people as well, and marriage is the whole person. So it kind of goes hand in hand. I think a little bit for sure.
Speaker 4:We just have seen the lack of foundational truths that couples have. They come together, it might have been, they just thought each other were good looking or whatever, and it started on a physical, but they didn have the, the foundation for a good marriage and to build a marriage, um, and so that's really our heart is to help them get the blueprint, god's blueprint, for what marriage is supposed to look like, a godly marriage, um, and then their ideas and their lifestyle and marry those two together, god's plan, their plan, and let's, let's build that foundation and build a strong, a strong marriage yeah, you can't.
Speaker 1:You can't run with a vision without the vision. And that's true houses, too many marriages, don't have a vision. Or you know something to before them to say that's what I want, or that's, oh, that's what I need, right? No, they don't know that.
Speaker 3:So and that's exactly true and I mean, we can totally concur. In fact, that's why this podcast is called the vision-driven marriage, because we we see that all the time and I think that we're going to see that more and more as this generation comes up not, you know, our kids generation and younger, because our kids are now late 20s, early 30s. Oh dear, our kids are eight, late 20s right.
Speaker 3:It's like whoa, but you know that generation and younger they're not raised in church. You know it's it's the first generation that can say is mostly on church and of course they're not going to have the foundation if they don't have God's word in their life and applying God's word in their life. And so, yes, I totally understand your heart on that, because it just it breaks our heart to see them struggling in places where they don't really have to struggle, because God has a plan for that. You know God can can assist through that and can heal those places that hurt and and all the things right and all the things.
Speaker 4:All right, yeah so many things would be settled if they just had their right foundation.
Speaker 2:Right and it is about that foundation. You're absolutely right. And and the thing that amazes me, and I don't know if you all have seen this, but there's things that used to be taught generationally and we didn't even realize they were taught generationally. We really didn't, and some of those things don't get taught as much, and I think that we have an opportunity, really an opportunity to be able to point people toward having a foundation that's rooted in Christ, because a lot of people just don't know what that looks like anymore.
Speaker 2:The place that I kind of laugh that I noticed all of this since I teach at the high school. I've noticed that in the last six or seven years we have kids who, for the first time ever, don't know that people named Robert are called Bob. They don't know that people named William are called Bill. They're like why didn't you just name him Bill? You know, we all just always knew that and it wasn't. We can't remember a specific time that somebody taught that to us. It was just something that was modeled and demonstrated, and I think with marriage, what we see is that it used to be that things were modeled and demonstrated, and maybe that's another place where we've lost out on a little bit of a foundational standing, so let's just jump right into it. How can couples today live in a way that's different from the way the world lives? What kind of foundation can they really have that we should be pointing them toward?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know I think I always like to go to scripture and you know, matthew 7 talks about building the house upon the route. That's what rocked and that's why we do marriage builders, because you have to have that firm foundation and so a young couple coming together. You know, you hear it all the time or you get those probing questions of what makes a marriage work, and when they're just getting started late teens, early 20s, whatever it may be and I always like to say are you going to church together? Have you found a home together? Because that is a good foundation and I'm not seeing the world do that. They come together in a mishmash of ways and then they just decide that they can jump into a marriage and it's all going to work out organically, but if they don't have a church home. So we want to encourage people it doesn't even have to be a church home.
Speaker 1:Yes, find, because churches are like people, they have different flavors and different purposes and in callings, and go find what works for both of you and go together. And I really stress that. And some, you know, take that to heart and some don't, and the ones that don't, you know, do kind of fall by the wayside a little bit, and so that's kind of strange to say go find a home church because that'll solve a lot of things. It'll help you with your relationship issues, it'll help you with your financial issues. When you're all on the same page with God in church and God's able to talk to you weekly, together and separately. Boy things can be ironed out where you know you might have needed a counselor before or otherwise, and so that's to me kind of huge. It might not seem like that's much but you know, over the years I've seen that really pay off for lots of couples.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that is huge, because we know that a married couple recognizes that they want to be intimate. But I think you're right A lot of times it starts with physical intimacy. They understand that they're attracted to one another, but God's made us yes, we are to be physically intimate with our spouse, but also to be emotionally intimate. There's a lot of struggles there, but even more importantly than those two, god wants us to be spiritually intimate. There's a lot of struggles there, but even more importantly than those two, god wants us to be spiritually intimate, and so that's a good word. You know, find that place where God wants to plug you in, where you can grow, is something that I know will help couples. And so we know that marriage is under attack. We see it all the time Divorce rates are higher than they've been in my lifetime. We see that marriage is undermined in social media. It's undermined in movies and in music.
Speaker 1:Commercials everywhere.
Speaker 2:Why do you think Satan wants to destroy marriage in the family?
Speaker 1:Well, you know, I think, because it's the root of God's love. You know, really, if the devil doesn't, he can't get to God. He'll get to the next best thing that he loves, and that's his people that he made in his image. And so if he can destroy one person in a family, it's a ripple effect to dysfunction in other families that are going to be created eventually, you know. So the devil is trying to work overtime in families and try to create single-parent homes, try to create instability, where you know God can help with all those things and bring peace and bring stability into a home If again the parents want to contend for it. You know it says in Titus to contend for your faith, and I think that really has to happen in today's day Especially in today's they were.
Speaker 4:Everything is so. I mean you can have your schedules just jam-packed with all kinds of things and you know they have little kid tournaments and all of that on Sundays, and I mean everything, all every hour is filled up. Well, if you don't make that decision to put God first and have that, you know, solidify that. No, this is God's time we're not going to fill it with other things and to have that as your cornerstone, you know if you don't have that you're just going to go along with the waves and pretty soon you're, you know, drifted off and you don't realize.
Speaker 4:oh wow, I've drifted pretty far. So yeah, so important.
Speaker 3:Or not just drifted but ended up flying over the rapids and down the waterfall right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that happens and you see it, and it's sad to see that happen.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah see that happen. Yes, yeah, yeah. And we know that there's so many places where, where we see those attacks, we see that, um, anxieties on the rise, depressions on the rise. We see that, uh, people have a lack of respect for authority that's on the rise, and all of those things can come together to try to put a wedge between spouses. We know that God's got a solution to remove those things that want to divide husbands and wives, but coming together as a spouse is going to have to start with truly coming together with Christ. I know a lot of couples struggle with that, so a lot of our listeners are just starting out. They're trying to figure things out, and we know that we don't have a monopoly on wisdom, but we have a God who does. So what has God taught you all? What do you think a young couple should put in place in their marriage while they're young so that they can have the best opportunity for a long and happy marriage?
Speaker 4:It's a loaded question? Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it?
Speaker 2:But see, the beauty is. The beauty is what has God taught you. We'll share what God's taught us.
Speaker 1:Right, I think when we first started dating and such one of the keys for me anyway, and I've just taken it over to the rest of my life we tried to teach our kids this is find your personal identity in Christ. You know there's so much. Paul talks about it so often in his writings to us. You know about your identity in him, in whom. And you know Colette always says too you know we're not here to just fulfill each other's needs. That's Christ's job. And if we look at Christ and find out who we are in him as a new creature, the rest of it just kind of molds itself into the shape that he has for us as a family unit. And so, again, finding our place in him, reading our Bible every day personally, is key, I think.
Speaker 4:That's a point Cause we got married young I was. I was 18 years old when we got married, almost 19, but I was 18. And um people would ask you know, they thought it was just you know, infatuation, this young marriage is not going to last.
Speaker 4:You don't know what you're doing, and so I would tell people I'm not looking for him. He's not my savior and I'm not looking to him to meet my needs. My relationship was with God first, and I I'm very fortunate we both were raised in Christian homes um that I had a relationship. I knew my father, god's voice, from a very young age, and so I look to him for my to meet my needs, I look for him for the answers, and so then I could just come along, you know, and we could just join together.
Speaker 4:Confirmation, Confirmation with each other you know, and through all of the things that you go through as young couples where should we live? You know all the decisions. We could pray separately and then we could come together for confirmation. And isn't that awesome to be able to do to go separately to God and to ask and then to come together and say, yeah, that's what I heard too, and so we have confirmation to move forward, and that has been just a huge blessing and I can't imagine doing life any other way for marriage Right.
Speaker 3:Right, because then, when you get in the messy middle, you both can encourage each other because you know what path you're on. You're not in the messy middle by yourself, because God has called you both to the direction that you're going and you both know it. You know. I think that's great and I think that's an excellent word of advice for our listeners to understand that they have an individual responsibility for their individual relationship with Christ.
Speaker 3:Yeah not separate of their marriage, but really as a priority before their relationship with their spouse, because without that leading and without that relationship with Jesus, their relationship is in their own strength, and that's usually not a good thing.
Speaker 2:We hear so many people who are frustrated because they were looking to their spouse to provide their fulfillment.
Speaker 2:And all of us are going to fail. Every one of us are going to let our spouse down because we are flawed and we're fleshly, and so it's a good word. So, with those young couples right now who are saying, well, I've been disappointed by my spouse I hear what Colette and Bryce are sharing. I hear that. I just want to encourage them, though, to realize that Jesus Christ wants to be the one who fulfills you in every way. He wants to be the one who will fill you, and your identity will be in him. You know it's through Christ, right, right. And then you can see the blessing that a holy God has given you through your spouse, when you're recognizing that everything that has completed you and fulfilled you and made you whole has come from the very same God who gave you your spouse.
Speaker 2:And so, you know, one of the things that Leslie and I learned as we were making a lot of mistakes we also were really young when we got married was that we had the opportunity to seek God's will together. And you're right, I love how you pray separately and then you come together and you talk about it, but we had the ability, or had the opportunity, to be able to talk about it in such a way as to work out the things we didn't understand by saying I have no idea. We're going to have to trust God through this, and so one of the other things that I would recommend to a young couple if they want to have a long and happy, a long and happy marriage, is, as you pray and as you realize that Christ is going to fulfill you, not your spouse, that your spouse is a blessing from God but not the one who fulfills you is to seek God's will together, because, even when you don't understand, trusting him together is something that's really a blessing amen.
Speaker 4:And when you're hearing, you know separately, like when he was called to the ministry. You know he had been a teacher for a while and then felt god call him to the ministry. Well, god called me to be a pastor's wife when I was a little girl right so it didn't surprise you right so it didn't surprise me, but I never told him yeah, until he felt the calling he goes. You know, honey, I feel like I'm called to be a minister, and then I could say yeah, you are, yeah our family same thing happened to us too, when Doug came home.
Speaker 3:Yes, doug came home from a youth event where him and the he was the youth director at the time and he came home from a youth event where him and the he was the youth director at the time and he came home from a youth event where he had sat out in the hallway at the hotel making sure that none of the kids escaped while they were you know through the night yes, right, talking to the lead pastor, and Doug told the lead pastor at that time, I, I believe I'm called to preach and he's like, finally, like you know, everybody else knew you know.
Speaker 3:And so when he came home and he said that he was going to going to submit to the call in ministry, I'm like yeah, like I already knew that, like yeah, Praise the. Lord.
Speaker 2:Praise the Lord. Because, once again, god called her first, her first.
Speaker 1:There you go, and we're just we guys are a little slower to pick up on these things, but I love the confirmation that a couple can bring you know single parents that have to do this alone. My heart goes out to them, because almost everything I do now is let's confirm it together, not only with our heavenly father, but let's get it together in our spirits and then we know we're on the right track. So when those waves and wind does come, we can still stand strong, saying no, we heard correctly and heard together, and I love that one of us is gonna, you know, jump ship on each other and in too many again.
Speaker 1:That's why you find a home church together, because then you're, then you're rowing in the same direction and there's too many times I see where one goes to church and one doesn't, or they weren't. You know one found Jesus after they got married and you know there's different graces for those as well, and I'm sure you've talked about those on this podcast. But you do if you can be together. You know it says that three-chord strand is not easily broken in Ecclesiastes, so we love it and it sounds like you guys are the same way and praise the Lord. I wouldn't want life any other way.
Speaker 4:I think it goes to show you know, with both of us, it can be done. There are. It's not outdated, that's what God wants for marriage and that's the perfect plan right To have two of you in relationship with him coming together, being able to confirm his plan for the two of you together. That's what it's supposed to be, and so to get there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that and it's not outdated. It is not an outdated concept, something that is just passing in time or has already passed. You know it is God's grace, for a solid relationship is our relationships with him and his instruction on how to love our spouse and do life together. You know, it just makes it easier.
Speaker 2:Well, and I'm encouraged by everything that you've shared, not only because we're excited to see what God's going to do through your ministry, but it also gives us confirmation. You know that God has a plan for marriage. He's not only called our heart to that, but yours as well. But some of our listeners right now are thinking well, that's easy for the. You know the four of you, you're in ministry. Of course you can do this. What would you tell the couple who? They're going to church together, but they're struggling and they're really wanting to see what is God's plan for my marriage, but they're struggling a little bit. What would you tell them as a first step to be able to move toward recognizing that God has a plan and a purpose for them?
Speaker 1:You know, one of the things I like to have people do is just re-evaluate.
Speaker 1:You know, sit down and, even if you have to put pencil to paper and really look at your strengths, your weaknesses you know pros and cons and but just really evaluate and re-evaluate who you are, who the other is, who you pros and cons, but just really evaluate and reevaluate who you are, who the other is, who you are as a couple, where you want to go as a couple, I think, and then you can prioritize one another. You know, this isn't a race in a marriage to see who gets to go where first or who's last, but it's where we can go together. And so when there's a couple that's sitting there in church and says we're trying this but it's seeming to not work, a lot of times you can't. Again, it doesn't happen organically, it takes work and it takes listening to the Holy Spirit and what the Bible says. So get it down, reevaluate, focus together on those things, have some hard conversations and a lot of times I ask couples if they've done that and they say no, we really haven't.
Speaker 1:We don't do that yet, you know, because it is, it's uncomfortable, but that's what I would say you know, sit down, you know, and you don't have to look like us four, you don't have to look like the couple sitting next to you, because God made each couple unique, just like he made each one of us unique.
Speaker 4:But we do tell couples, you know, the most intimate thing that you can do is not in the bedroom, it's in prayer. Yes, yes, that is the most intimate. If you want to really draw together intimately, it's praying together. You know, and it feels really awkward at first when you try to pray with your spouse, because it is a personal thing and we're not used to letting anybody else into that prayer closet that we have just with God. But when we open up and we pray together, I tell you what that just solidifies. I mean, that's just, you become more intimate, you know, in those special, you know spiritual times with God.
Speaker 4:So put down the, you know the uncomfortable, and it does feel weird, you know. Okay, are we supposed to pray? Are we supposed to? You know, and you can get it, how?
Speaker 1:long do we sit?
Speaker 4:here. Yeah, I would just say, you know, just start Simple, but pray together. You know, start with your meals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, meals are important. Sit down together at a meal.
Speaker 4:And just talk Linger there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And talk.
Speaker 2:And I want to encourage all of you who are listening Don't think that if praying together the first time, second time, third time didn't go the way you planned, don't believe the lie that's being whispered in your ear, that that means you're a failure and you did it wrong. Continue to pray, it's such good advice.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing that, colette, but there's not just one way to do it. Don't think that it didn't go the way I wanted, so somehow we messed it up. Way to do it. Don't think that it didn't go the way I wanted, so somehow we messed it up. Continue to pray together.
Speaker 4:It's one of the ways that God wants you to become more intimate as a couple.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, definitely. And one of our favorite things that we've learned more and more is you know and it's a command to the whole church, but applying it in your marriage is such a blessing in Romans 12, 10, where God tells us that we're supposed to outdo one another by showing honor.
Speaker 3:You know, being able to show honor to your spouse is something that is such an incredible blessing.
Speaker 2:It makes the commands that are specifically for husbands and wives take on a new flavor, because we understand better how to love and how to respect and when we outdo one another in showing honor, and so it's really been a blessing in our life.
Speaker 4:I'll say this. One of the things that he'll say is I am his hobby.
Speaker 3:I am his hobby. I do you know, and what you?
Speaker 4:do with the hobby, you spend money, you spend time you think about it. You want to.
Speaker 3:You know, leave the current activity to go to move on, to spend time with your hobby. Yeah, so make your spouse your hobby. I like that, yeah.
Speaker 4:So make your spouse your hobby.
Speaker 2:I like that a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. When I figured that out it was like aha.
Speaker 4:Well, he was complaining once that. I don't have a hobby, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I'm like well, cause I'm your hobby. Yeah, I guess, if mom was happy, everybody's happy, right?
Speaker 3:That is right. That is right. Right, that may be what we need to implement. You know, moving into the empty nest, um, we've been empty nesters for about five years, I think. You know, and it's everybody's like oh, you're empty nesters, I'm so sorry, I'm like, no, this is great, yeah that's what we raise our kids for right, but looking at it as a hobby, I think that'll add a whole new level to it that's right yeah, empty nesting life is awesome it.
Speaker 1:It is pretty awesome, yeah, I think no, I you know just the whole question that you were asking. It is again re-evaluate. Where are you? Because there are different seasons and different stages of life. And that's the interesting thing in life Once you think you get one just figured out, you're moving into the next one it changes.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it changes, and your vision changes for each stage that you're moving into the next one. Yeah, it changes, and so your vision changes for each stage that you're in. You know, when you have little kids and you see a lot of couples that get to the empty nesting and they are looking at each other like crickets, what are we going to do? Yeah, because they never set that vision of what it was going to look like when it was after the two of them.
Speaker 4:You know what they're going to look like when, in each vision, the two of them. You know what they're going to look like when in each vision. So I'd say, always cast that vision for the next chapter.
Speaker 3:That's a good word.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good word, and those fundamentals that you put in place when you're young are the things that are going to allow you to to build on that foundation. I'm so grateful we talked about your foundation being in Jesus. Those fundamentals are the things that you build on so that, once you get into that next phase in life, you don't have to be the one who looks around and says what do we do now?
Speaker 1:Going to the fundamentals kind of concept those that are professional at something are really really good at the sport or profession that they're in. Really, it really boils down to they're just very, very good at the fundamentals right. It always goes back to that. So what you say you know, doug is is certainly right, on par for all of us. So I just want to validate that because I love it so.
Speaker 3:I just want to validate that because I love it. Doug had mentioned that getting to that, getting to another phase of life and being like, well, what are we going to do now? You know I've had couples that are in my office, in the counseling office. It's not just what are we going to do now, it's who are you? You know we're so disconnected, you, you know they're so disconnected that they don't even know who their spouse is. At that point you know what their values are, because they have lived a life so long in disconnected emotionally disconnected, you know, maybe physically disconnected uh, just not connected and they don't even know each other. You know that's a hard place to be.
Speaker 1:Right, and they had different growth rates and different growth ideas, and that's where you got to go back to that foundation Always go back to church, always go back to who you are, christ and then always cast the vision together all constantly. So communication is key in a marriage. Yeah, you know, if you're not talking, you're probably not succeeding the way you want to.
Speaker 3:That's true. Let's talk about casting a vision. You know, I I my ears perk up every time I hear somebody talk about a vision.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:You know, doug, yes, and it and having a vision is very important to us. But Doug and I I was listening to a podcast the other day and he's a leadership guru, basically, you know, and a goal setting that's his, you know his big thing, but he was talking about the difference between a how and a wow in a person, a how and a wow Well person. A how and a wow well, I'm the wow person, you know. I can come up with an idea and I can talk about it forever and all I want Doug to say is wow, honey, that's a good idea.
Speaker 3:But generally he jumps into well, how are we going to accomplish that? This is what we're going to need to do and we're going to have to consider this. So we're going to have to think about that. And then I'm like, oh, oh, no, wait, that's just no very overwhelming. You know that kind of thing, but when I hear somebody start talking about vision casting in a relationship, I am always interested to know their take on it. So when you talk about vision casting and maybe this is an exercise that you do with your couples in your marriage ministry or in your premarital counseling or marriage counseling what are some of the things that you do with that couple? How do you walk them through? How to vision cast together. This is really putting you on the spot.
Speaker 4:That's all right. We do have a whole lesson in our marriage builders course about casting the vision, getting writing down your blueprint and it really boils down to like what Bryce said is talking about everything and we have a worksheet for them that they can, you know, go through each area and we have a worksheet for them that they can, you know, go through each area. But for us, you know every stage of our marriage. We would look to the next stage. You know, I remember when our kids were little and we were just going into the ministry, people would say, oh, you know you have kids.
Speaker 4:You know what they say about PKs. You know pastor's kids. They're going to be rebellious and they're going to be. And we said no, we cast the vision for our. Our kids are going to serve God, they're going to love God, we're going to enjoy our teenagers, they're going to be awesome. Years we started casting that vision for what it was going to be when they were teenagers, was going to be when they were teenagers, and it was. We enjoyed our teenagers immensely. They're all three serving God. One's a worship pastor, one's our children's and youth pastors and the other one and his fiance. They're just graduating from college to be youth and children's pastors.
Speaker 3:Wonderful.
Speaker 4:So, but we cast that vision and that was. And then we not just cast the vision, but we put action to it. We're in church, we're in ministry, as a family we're doing this, and so we've done that. That's just an example of that area, but we've done that in everyone. Our kids then were teenagers. We started casting the vision. Where do we want to go? In missions, what do we want to do when, you know, the next, the next stage of our lives, where do we vision casting is all just about dreaming, and God gave us a memory.
Speaker 1:He also gave us, you know that, that blank slate in our head that gets filled up with worry and doubt and disbelief and the negativity and that's just the devil's way of trying to overload your system. And when we do that then we all kind of crash. But we got to let God wipe that clean and let him start taking the pen and then you start dreaming with him. And some of those usually look I shouldn't say some, a lot of them look a little bit bigger than we can all do ourselves.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:But God says you know that's where faith comes in, because I want you to be connected to me.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it's going to be bigger than you because it's with me in it.
Speaker 3:And what is it? Ephesians 3.20, I think it says that he can do immensely more than we can ever imagine, and that is one of my favorite Bible verses.
Speaker 1:And so you just let him wipe that slate clean and don't come up with the excuses in a vision. Don't come up with reasons why not, and I'm good at that. I'm good at doubt and disbelief and being real you know.
Speaker 1:But there's a time for that and there's a time just to cast your vision and you do it together and be excited about each other, about together, about our children, about our ministries because even if you're not a minister, you have a ministry out there and get excited for what God's assignment is for you today and for a long haul. And when you start doing that and just saying, god, what's my assignment? You know long-term, short-term. You know goals. You know make them tangible and make them small enough that you don't get discouraged. You know that's important.
Speaker 1:I was a special education teacher and one of the things you have to do is write down goals and objectives. And you know, at first you try to make it while they're gonna be able to read, well, that's ambiguous and uh, you know. And so they, you break it down. You know you, they're gonna do these types of words to read this year, you know. And then you're gonna do objectives so it can be manageable and it can be obtainable. And that's what a vision you definitely can cast it, like he God did with Abraham, which said see the stars in the sand, where that that seems pretty much out of our box. You know, and I think that's. That's great. But then he also reels it back in for us and um and helps us walk that day in, day out visions as well, and we just got to keep an ear to him, eyes to see and ears to hear. You know what God's saying today, because that's where faith is and we just walk that out.
Speaker 4:You know I want to add to his mom came from a very dysfunctional family and so she had a vision of what she thought that marriage and family should be. She got it probably from TV, kind of the 50s, you know, model or whatever, but she worked hard to create that in her family. She didn't have the example, but she had that vision, you know. She saw a successful family or whatever and she used that as an example and copied it, and so I would encourage couples if you've never had that example, you don't know what a healthy marriage looks like.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, go find a couple that can mentor.
Speaker 4:You go, take them out, you know, and asking questions yeah, start a friendship with them and ask lots of questions don't get discouraged where you're at right, you know that's another thing.
Speaker 1:I wish we were like them, or wish you know, don't play that game. That's a slippery slope to discouragement. Um, and we, I've done that, especially when we were early twenties and just getting started. You know a new couple. We got married at the same time, had kids at the same time. Well, they're getting a new car and we're not even close.
Speaker 1:So now, what are we doing wrong? It's not about I've learned, don't? It's not about what we're doing wrong. It's about what we're doing right, right and just sticking with God's plan. But then, learning and growing, and what can I learn? How did you do that? Right, don't get discouraged. But that vision is always being reshaped and we got to put it into a form. Right, you know, if you think of concrete or you think of water in general, if you're just going to pour it out, it just goes everywhere. But if you have a form, a structure that it's going to fit in boy, then it can mold into something. Yes, we have that foundation, and, and what I like to do then, and what our marriage builders course is all about, is letting God form your form. You know, and then, as you pour in your vision and as he downloads into you and things start to unfold. It's there to capture it for you and not get away and be the right way you know, be that right form that you need to have a life built on on him.
Speaker 2:So I like that a lot and you know I've been teaching high school for 31 years now. My very first year when I was teaching, we had a four month old daughter. When I got hired.
Speaker 2:Oh my and so I had parent teacher conferences just to encourage our listeners that they just heard some really good advice. I had parent teacher conferences and I invited a couple who had the two best kids in the building. Their sons were amazing and they never got invited to parent teacher conferences. You invite the kids who are struggling. Their kids didn't have any academic struggles, they didn't have any social struggles, they were just great kids. And so the parents showed up. It was a blessing for me. What they didn't expect was I complimented them on how wonderful their kids were, explained to them that I had a four-month-old daughter and I just asked them questions for my entire time with them.
Speaker 2:So what are you doing that's helping your sons be such good people. And basically that's the advice you just gave our listeners. You know you don't have to have somebody who says let me come mentor you. You can recognize that there's some couples that you may not be able to do what they're doing, but you can find out what is working and you can find out what those, those forms are in their life so that, as God pours into your life, you can see the amazing plan that he has for you. That's really, really, really helpful? Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:So today we've had the privilege to find out about not only your ministry with Marriage Builders coming up, but also the opportunity that people will have to be able to contact you. We're going to put information in the show notes. So, if you're listening, check out the show notes so you can find out where Bryce and Colette's ministry is and where you can find out a little bit about Marriage Builders, because we want you to be able to plug in and connect if this is something that God's leading you toward Right. Amen. We appreciate that. We want to thank you for being with us today. This is the Vision Driven Marriage podcast. We're Doug and Leslie Davis and we continue to pray that God will solidify your marriage.