WEBVTT 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:01.120 How are we doing? 00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:06.400 Hey, grab your Bibles, open them up with me to Nehemiah chapter 5, Nehemiah chapter 5. 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:18.640 I am not gonna ask you, although I really, really want to, for you to raise your hands if you are the person with the nail or if you are the other one, but I think we all can relate to what we just saw. 00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:19.359 Can we not? 00:00:19.519 --> 00:00:29.519 Whenever you have a situation that is so obvious, that is so clear, that is so relatable, but it's also like, why can't you get it? 00:00:29.679 --> 00:00:39.520 On the other hand, whenever you're in another situation and you're the woman and you just don't necessarily think that that is the problem, you're spending, and by the way, that was not meant to be a sexist comment. 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:41.840 I just happened to point out that she was a woman. 00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:44.079 I was not in any way suggesting that that is the case. 00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:45.920 I walked right into that one. 00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:49.039 All right, me and my chapter five is ever gonna be. 00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:51.039 We're just gonna skip that all together. 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:53.200 It's relatable, though, is it not? 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:58.000 Let me do take this opportunity to welcome the men and women in our correctional facilities and those that are joining us online. 00:00:58.079 --> 00:00:59.200 Let's give them a hand. 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:03.200 Hey, I especially want to say a word of greeting. 00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:13.519 Uh, it's pretty amazing just to think about not only just the correctional facility ministry that we've got so many folks that are streaming our services online each and every week, but we know folks travel and they have a chance to check us out online. 00:01:13.680 --> 00:01:17.120 Every first-time guest I talk to watches this multiple times before they come. 00:01:17.280 --> 00:01:26.480 I got an email yesterday from a buddy of mine from high school who is now in Poland that found our services and has been watching the last couple of weeks. 00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:28.400 Jason, how are you doing, buddy? 00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:30.159 Really glad that you're joining with us too. 00:01:30.239 --> 00:01:36.319 It's just amazing to think about how God can keep us together and keep us connected, and there's no question about it. 00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:39.120 Uh, it's incredible to see and to think about. 00:01:39.280 --> 00:01:41.519 Uh, we are talking about conflict. 00:01:41.599 --> 00:01:42.640 We talked about it last week. 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:59.920 We kind of introduced the concept, and uh, I do want to talk about it yet again today from Nehemiah chapter 5 and Nehemiah chapter 6, introducing to you this whole idea of what do you do whenever you experience something, and two different people are looking at it from different perspectives. 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:09.199 When people have different ideas as to not only what the problem is, but then as well how to actually fix the problems. 00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:12.479 I'm gonna encourage you to grab your journals and make sure you have them handy. 00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:15.039 In fact, if you uh have your journals, show me your journals. 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:17.680 I appreciate the fact that you've been using and bringing these. 00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:20.879 If you don't have a journal, don't have any idea what I'm talking about, raise your hand. 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:23.680 We've got some guys that are going to walk around and we will get one of these to you. 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:27.919 Want to make sure everybody has a journal and has the opportunity to take notes. 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:33.599 Uh again, we're encouraging you to use these as you go to your life groups and you begin to talk through that. 00:02:33.680 --> 00:02:46.319 Uh, but also just as a way of personal reflection, and I'm gonna have a little assignment for you at the end as well, that I encourage you to have those journals ready and available so that you can use and respond to us today as we talk through this. 00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:50.479 We have been looking at a series in the book of Nehemiah on leadership. 00:02:50.800 --> 00:02:52.080 We need leaders. 00:02:52.319 --> 00:03:00.879 We have a desperate need for leaders in our community, we have desperate need for leaders in our schools, desperate need for leaders in our homes, in our churches. 00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:04.319 We desperately need leaders in our own individual lives. 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:10.400 And whether you realize it or not, every single person in this room, everyone watching me online, is a leader. 00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:13.439 At a minimum, you're a leader of yourself. 00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:17.520 And the question ultimately is how do you become a better leader? 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:21.360 We've talked through that along the way in the book of Nehemiah, a bunch of different things. 00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:24.639 We've talked about the need to start on your knees and to be able to pray. 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:28.800 We've talked about the fact that sometimes you're gonna have to wait on God's timing. 00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:42.479 We've talked about the fact that you're gonna have to have a see it before you see it moment, where you get a God-inspired, God-convicted vision of where it is that you want to go and you begin the process of executing that. 00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:52.879 Last week, we talked, though, about how even despite the dreams and the goals and the desires to go and do that, all of that excitement is eventually gonna be met with some resistance. 00:03:53.120 --> 00:04:06.080 It's gonna be met with outside critics, it's gonna be met with internal critics, you're gonna be met with all different types of opposition, and you have that gut level gut check moment where you have to decide, I'm not gonna keep doing this. 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:13.520 This morning we're gonna continue to talk about the idea of conflict and how you deal with conflict as a leader. 00:04:13.759 --> 00:04:24.639 And the principle that I want you to write down on page 21 in the little bubble that is there, the main takeaway today is this leaders stay focused. 00:04:25.439 --> 00:04:28.720 Leaders stay focused. 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:40.480 It's so easy in the midst of conflict to miss what's actually going on and ignoring the nail in your head. 00:04:41.040 --> 00:04:54.879 But you'd have something that is so clearly you've got to deal with, but because you're distracted, because you're being pulled, because of all of the discouragement along the way, it's tough to stay focused. 00:04:55.040 --> 00:05:06.879 What we're gonna look at today in the book of Nehemiah is how we can gain some perspective on the big picture and see what God wants us to see and stay focused as a leader. 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:10.959 Let's begin reading in Nehemiah chapter 5, beginning in verse 1. 00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:17.279 It says, Now there arose a great outcry of the people and of their wives against their Jewish brothers. 00:05:17.519 --> 00:05:26.000 For there were those who said, With our sons and our daughters we are many, so let us get grain that we may eat and keep alive. 00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:32.959 There were also those who said, We are mortgaging our fields, our vineyards, and our houses to get grain because of the famine. 00:05:33.199 --> 00:05:38.560 And there were those who said, We have borrowed money for the king's tax on our fields and our vineyards. 00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:43.600 Now our flesh is as the flesh of our brothers, our children are as their children. 00:05:43.759 --> 00:05:55.759 Yet we are forcing our sons and our daughters to be slaves, and some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but it is not in our power to help it, for other men have our fields and our vineyards. 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:57.199 Let me give you some context. 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:07.920 At the end of chapter 4, what we saw is that Nehemiah set out by going and putting the people in position to be able to both defend the land as well as to build the wall. 00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:15.120 In one hand they had a trowel, in another hand they had a sword, and half the time they were building, and half the time they were protecting. 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:19.839 And the wall was being rebuilt, and things were going really, really well. 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:24.560 Now you get to see another conflict that comes up as they're rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem. 00:06:24.639 --> 00:06:28.560 And this conflict is not an external one, it's an internal one. 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:32.800 The problem was famine and taxation. 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:38.879 Remember, this was Jerusalem, a place where God's blessing was being supposed to be poured out on the people. 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:42.879 It's a land, the Bible says, that's supposed to be flowing with milk and honey. 00:06:42.959 --> 00:06:50.480 It's a place where the temple had been built and the people were there worshiping after God, but they were so far removed from that reality. 00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:53.600 They instead found themselves sitting in ruins. 00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:56.319 Most of the people had been exiled out of the land. 00:06:56.480 --> 00:07:07.040 Something had gone terribly wrong because instead of enjoying the milk and honey of the land, instead it says that they were starving, needing something to eat. 00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:15.279 They were not only out of food, they were having to take out mortgages on their homes in order to pay for something to eat. 00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:26.000 Verse 4, it says they're taking out loans to pay for the taxes that they owed, and these are taxes that were burdening them from their own people. 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:28.720 There's a problem in the camp. 00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:31.199 Things are not happening as they should. 00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:40.240 So we begin to read in the next few verses how Nehemiah handles this, this conflict, and how he stays focused. 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:41.839 Look at verse 6. 00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:46.720 It says, I was very angry when I heard their outcry and these words. 00:07:47.360 --> 00:07:51.600 Verse 7, I took counsel with myself. 00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:57.279 First thing I want you to see, I'm going to give you a number of steps on how to stay focused as a leader. 00:07:57.439 --> 00:08:02.879 First thing I want you to write down is this think before you act. 00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:07.120 Think before you act. 00:08:07.839 --> 00:08:11.439 Verse 6 says that Nehemiah was very angry. 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:13.279 This wasn't just an annoyance. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:18.160 This was full outrighteous anger for what was happening. 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:25.839 But even though he was angry, he did not lead out of that anger. 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:35.279 There are five incredibly important words that I want you to see that are spoken that help Nehemiah as a leader. 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:44.080 Other translations say it like this I pondered them in my mind. 00:08:44.240 --> 00:08:47.519 Another translation says, I consulted with myself. 00:08:47.679 --> 00:09:01.039 What this means is this instead of getting mad, instead of getting enraged and reacting, he takes a step back, takes a deep breath, and he thinks about it for a quick second. 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:54.879 How many times have you been in a situation where you hear about somebody in the company who finds out about something that took place, who hears about what somebody did, who finds out about how somebody reacted, and they immediately begin to get enraged, and they immediately begin to get mad, and they go and they grab their laptop, or they grow and they grab their phone and they begin to type out a very detailed email or a very detailed text, and they begin to outline all of the reasons why this person is wrong and what they did was not what they should, and how they should have reacted in this situation, and not only that, but they did it this time and they did it the time before, and they did it the time before, and they did it the time before, and they get all of this email written out, and they're so angry and they're so mad, and they make the fatal flaw of hitting sin. 00:09:57.600 --> 00:10:18.320 And then 30 minutes later, or an hour later, somebody comes in and begins to tell them about what actually happened, and they begin to discover that all of the things that they just did, the reaction that they just had, the response that they just gave wasn't actually all. 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:26.000 And now they look up and they have all kinds of damage. 00:10:26.960 --> 00:10:28.879 Because here's the thing. 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:32.559 Say it, forget it, write it. 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:40.399 Octoemia didn't just fire something off in a reaction. 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:43.039 He thought about it. 00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:48.000 He backed off and he didn't respond right away. 00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:49.840 There's no question about it. 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:53.360 In leadership, you're gonna have to make decisions in the moment. 00:10:53.519 --> 00:10:58.399 But leaders are not defined by emotional reactions to decisions. 00:10:59.519 --> 00:11:10.159 Instead, are people who say, Let me just take a few minutes, let me take a deep breath, let me think about this before I respond. 00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:14.240 And I'm not trying to say that you can't get angry. 00:11:14.639 --> 00:11:21.600 In fact, I think it's important for us to notice here that it says it was written down, he was very angry. 00:11:22.159 --> 00:11:28.240 He didn't excuse it, he didn't minimize it, he didn't ignore it, he admitted it. 00:11:28.480 --> 00:11:32.559 I think some people, as part of their problem as leaders, is they're not willing to admit. 00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:34.320 I'm really mad right now. 00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:49.120 Like I'm really upset about this, I'm really angry about this, and instead, we try to like shove it in and ignore it and hide it, and what almost always happens is it comes out in an explosive way that causes more damage than good. 00:11:49.840 --> 00:12:06.000 Instead, I want you to see Nehemiah was honest about where he was, he was honest about as much as I am angry about this situation, and many times there are problems with conflict because people don't address their conflict or admit when things actually make them angry. 00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:20.799 I want you to see that Nehemiah, when he admitted it, he didn't react from it, he took counsel with himself, took a step back and he thought through the situation in his heart. 00:12:20.960 --> 00:12:24.240 He examined what's really going on here. 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:25.840 Don't miss this. 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:31.279 Leaders, the problem is never the problem. 00:12:32.799 --> 00:12:36.320 There is always something deeper going on in the background. 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:49.279 I have people that come and they'll call me a husband wants me to meet with him and his wife, or a wife with her and her husband, and they want to sit down, and what they essentially want me to do is to be the referee of the latest argument that they had. 00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:54.480 Thinking that if I can just provide clarity for this latest argument, then all of their problems will go away. 00:12:54.559 --> 00:13:02.000 And the reality is this even if I was to be the referee in that situation, it doesn't change what led us here in the first place. 00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:06.080 Because the problem is never the problem. 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:18.240 So that annoyance or that thing that you're gonna have to deal with tomorrow from that employee of yours who's not reacting the way that you're supposed to, and all you want to do is shake them and make them do what it is that you're doing. 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:22.000 You may want to ask this question is there possible there's something else going on here? 00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:30.000 Is it possible something else bigger is going on in their life that I should maybe consider or be aware of or ask questions about? 00:13:30.639 --> 00:13:33.519 Folks, being a true leader means this. 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:40.320 I know that something is going on deeper when conflicts arise, so therefore I need to take a step back. 00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:43.679 I need to think before I act. 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:50.399 This means that I'm gonna ask tough questions before I fire off that email or send that text or make that phone call. 00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:55.039 This means that I'm gonna ask the heart questions before I respond. 00:13:55.600 --> 00:14:11.039 This means that I'm gonna respond not out of anger, but instead I am going to respond in a way with the goal that I want to lead my family, I want to lead my friends, I want to lead my employees, I want to lead my teammates so that they can improve, not so they can know how mad I am. 00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:14.480 James chapter 1, verse 19 and 20. 00:14:14.799 --> 00:14:25.600 It says, Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. 00:14:26.480 --> 00:14:30.320 For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:34.639 Do you lead out of anger? 00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:40.720 Do you shoot from the hip and not stop, letting it sit for an hour? 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:46.080 Letting it sit for a day, letting it sit for a few days before dealing with something. 00:14:46.480 --> 00:15:00.799 I know I think back some of my biggest leadership decisions that I've had here at United City, I think through them, I pray through them, I seek counsel, I do all the things that God has led me to do, and I've said this so many times, man, I'm just gonna sit on this for a day. 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:03.039 I'm gonna sit on this for a couple of days. 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:07.679 And if I wake up and I believe God's still leading me to do that, man, I'm going all for it. 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:09.120 I believe this is what God wants. 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:21.679 There's been many times, though, that in the midst of what I thought was the right decision after having slept on it and given it just a little bit of time, God has begun to reveal to me, no, the wisest move for you is actually to do this. 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:27.120 Folks, it's so vitally important that you leaders think before they act. 00:15:27.279 --> 00:15:29.919 That's how they can stay focused. 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:32.639 Let's keep reading in verse 7. 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:38.080 I took counsel with myself, and I brought charges against the nobles and the officials. 00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.759 I said to them, You are exacting interest each from his brother. 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:51.440 And I held a great assembly against them and said to them, We, as far as we are able, have brought, have bought back our Jewish brothers who have been sold to the nations. 00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:55.039 But you even sell your brothers that they may be sold to us. 00:15:55.360 --> 00:15:58.080 They were silent and could not find a word to say. 00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:01.200 So I said, The thing that you are doing is not good. 00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:07.200 Ought you not to walk in the fear of our God to prevent the taunts of the nations, our enemies. 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:11.440 You see, the very important, if you're gonna stay focused, first of all, you've got to think before you act. 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:12.399 Here's the problem. 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:15.679 Sometimes, though, some of you you get stuck there. 00:16:16.399 --> 00:16:19.440 Basically, you have paralysis by analysis. 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:21.919 You just get stuck and you can't move forward. 00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:24.960 And you just keep thinking about it, and you keep thinking about it, you keep thinking about it. 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:28.879 But it's important that you see the progression that Nehemiah had. 00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:37.120 He took counsel with himself, and then the second thing I want you to see if you're gonna stay focused, number two, you gotta have tough conversations. 00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:39.679 You gotta have tough conversations. 00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:51.919 Just because Nehemiah thought and pondered the situation in his heart doesn't mean that he neglected to have the conversation that it needed to have, which was to say, you guys, you're wrong. 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:54.000 You don't need to be doing this. 00:16:54.399 --> 00:16:56.080 Notice the words that are used. 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:59.519 He brought charges against them in verse 7. 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:02.960 This thing that me and Nehemiah confronted them. 00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:05.519 Nehemiah had a tough conversation. 00:17:05.759 --> 00:17:09.440 He saw the wrong that was being done and he addressed it. 00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:24.880 Leviticus chapter 25, verse 35 to 37, the law of Moses, it says this if your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. 00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:30.799 Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God that your brother may live beside you. 00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:35.279 You shall not lend him your money and interest, nor give him your food for profit. 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:37.039 The law was clear. 00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:48.240 Don't take advantage of your own people by charging them interest to do exactly what they need to do, which is to eat and which is to live. 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:50.880 And he says here, don't take advantage of your own people. 00:17:51.039 --> 00:17:54.640 That's exactly what they were doing here in Nehemiah chapter 5. 00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:59.119 They're taking advantage of the situation and they're profiting from it wrongly. 00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:08.160 And so Nehemiah, he's mad about it, and it says that he thinks and then he addresses the situation after he thinks it through. 00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:17.440 Sometimes we may know what is wrong, but we don't have the time or the energy or the desire to actually do something about it. 00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:20.319 We would rather just say, yeah, that's a problem. 00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:26.319 Yeah, they're underperforming, yeah, that's not effective, yeah, that's an issue, but we're not gonna touch it. 00:18:26.400 --> 00:18:32.559 We're just gonna look at it and we're gonna talk about it and we're gonna think about it, but we're not gonna actually do anything about it. 00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:50.160 Folks, some of you, part of your problem is the fact that you have gotten stuck just allowing things to fester and continue instead of realizing that part of being a leader means you have to deal with conflict. 00:18:50.720 --> 00:19:00.400 It means that you have to have tough and difficult conversations to address problems in the area that you lead. 00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:04.960 It means you have to be willing to call someone out for what it what it is. 00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:10.559 And then you have to be willing to deal with the consequences of having done that. 00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:16.160 Some of you are stunted right now because you're ignoring what is happening in your family. 00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:24.000 The reason why your family isn't moving forward is because there's a big old issue, and everybody knows there's an issue, but no one's talking about it. 00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:26.480 You're all just looking at the issue. 00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:46.880 Some of you in your relationships, the reason why you're not moving forward to the next place is because you've got this conflict, you've got these challenges, you've got all these things that are around you, and instead of actually dealing with them and having the difficult conversations and cutting through the surface and getting down another layer, instead, you're just gonna keep things surface-y because you don't want to have to bring it up. 00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:51.200 And because of that, it just continually becomes a problem. 00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:57.279 Some of you are acting like the massive elephant in the room isn't in the room. 00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:02.960 And here's what's gonna happen it's always gonna cost you. 00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:05.359 Leaders don't miss this. 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:16.559 You get what you tolerate, and some of you are tolerating way more than you should. 00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:21.920 Conflict is hard, but it is necessary. 00:20:23.119 --> 00:20:30.400 Leadership is hard, and leaders do hard things. 00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:46.000 We have a crisis of leaders in our culture, in our homes, in our churches, and in our schools, and in our community, and a lot of it is because we have people who are not willing to have tough conversations. 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:49.759 Look at what Nehemiah does. 00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:54.640 That teaches us another important part of staying focused when dealing with conflict as a leader. 00:20:54.799 --> 00:20:56.400 One, we think before we act. 00:20:56.640 --> 00:20:58.160 Two, we have tough conversations. 00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:00.000 Look at what it says in verse 10. 00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:05.359 Moreover, I and my brothers and my servants are lending them money and grain. 00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:08.799 Let us abandon this exacting of interest. 00:21:09.200 --> 00:21:20.559 Return to them this very day their fields, their vineyards, their olive orchards, and their houses, and the percentage of money, grain, wine, and oil that you have been exacting from them. 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:23.759 Third principle I want you to see to stay focused. 00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:26.799 Lose in order to win. 00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:31.359 Lose in order to win. 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:38.480 Nehemiah is saying, hey, I want to just show you, I'm modeling this for you guys. 00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:49.440 I've got a willingness to be able to give of what I have in order to help those who are our brothers who find themselves in need. 00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:52.400 And he's asking everybody else to do the same thing. 00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:59.759 He's saying, hey guys, let's all come together and let's give them out of our stuff, let's give them out of what we have, let's give it to them. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.200 Them and help those who actually need it. 00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:10.559 He's saying essentially this let's collectively agree, let's lose a little bit in order to win a lot. 00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:17.440 Let's be willing to forsake some of our privileges in order to win something much greater. 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:23.599 Sometimes I think we can err so much on the side of being black and white that we miss the point of leadership. 00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:28.400 Leadership is done in the context of relationships with sinful people. 00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:33.200 So we can't always hide behind a policy or hide behind the law. 00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:38.960 If you try to lead with law or lead with policy, you're not gonna be a very good leader. 00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:49.440 But instead, we need to recognize that we may have to give up some of our rights or give up some of our privileges in order to win people to a greater purpose. 00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:54.000 Sometimes laying down the hammer is not necessarily the best thing. 00:22:54.160 --> 00:23:01.759 Even though you're gonna overlook something, you may be doing so because you've got a much greater purpose and a much longer term thinking in mind. 00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:05.279 Skip down to verse uh 14. 00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:07.119 I want you to see what happens. 00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:21.519 Moreover, from that time that I was appointed to be their governor in the land of Judah, from the 20th year to the 32nd year of Artaxerxes the king, twelve years, neither I nor my brothers ate the food allowance of the governor. 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:29.119 The former governors who were before me laid heavy burdens on the people and took from them their daily ration forty shekels of silver. 00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:34.480 Even their servants lorded it over the people, but I did not do so, because of the fear of God. 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:41.599 I also preserved in the work of the on this wall, and we acquired no land, and all my servants were gathered there for the work. 00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:48.960 Moreover, there were at my table a hundred and fifty men, Jews and officials, besides those who came to us from the nations that were around us. 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:58.000 Now what was prepared at my expense for each day was one ox and six choice sheep and birds, and every ten days all kinds of wine in abundance. 00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:04.160 Yet for all this I did not demand the food allowance of the governor, because the service was too heavy on this people. 00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:08.799 Remember for my good, oh my God, all that I have done for this people. 00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:10.400 Leaders don't miss this. 00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:16.880 Just because you can doesn't mean you should. 00:24:18.960 --> 00:24:23.039 Just because you can doesn't mean you should. 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:28.559 Leaders are willing to lose in order to win. 00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:34.400 Nehemiah says, look, I could have been eating like a king for 12 straight years. 00:24:34.640 --> 00:24:44.000 It was my right, it was my privilege, it was my advantage, it was my perk of being in the position that I was, and so therefore I had every right to claim it. 00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:52.880 But I decided that it wasn't worth it to eat like the king in order to help the morale of the people. 00:24:53.039 --> 00:25:00.880 Because the goal isn't that I get all of my stuff, the goal is the wall is built and the glory of God is restored. 00:25:01.759 --> 00:25:03.039 What does that show us? 00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:11.359 Sometimes being a leader means that you need to be willing to serve and to sacrifice instead of demand your advantages and your perks. 00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:19.920 It means that you're willing to forsake your privileges in order to help the morale of the people that you lead. 00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:27.039 Folks, this is the same thing that Jesus did, the same attitude that he had, Matthew 20, verse 26 through 28. 00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:32.480 It shall not be so among you, but whoever would be great among you must be your servant. 00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:42.400 And whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. 00:25:43.359 --> 00:25:46.400 If you've been around this church for a while, you know that I love to win. 00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:52.559 I think I think I actually hate losing more than I actually love winning, but makes me love winning even more, right? 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:53.759 Because I just I want to win. 00:25:53.839 --> 00:26:00.240 I mean, if you're if everything's a competition to me, no matter what it is, I want to compete and I want to be able to win. 00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:04.319 But sometimes winning must not be the priority. 00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:08.400 Good leadership means you don't win every argument. 00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:17.839 Good leadership means you often let go of the small, insignificant battles because you're most interested in winning the bigger war. 00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:25.440 Knowing when to give in or when to let up isn't a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of strength. 00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:39.200 Some of us lose focus because we're so concerned about giving in and making sure that it doesn't appear as though we're giving in, and because of that, we are not effectively leading and staying focused on the bigger picture. 00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:42.799 Lose in order to win. 00:26:43.279 --> 00:26:46.559 Let me show you one more way to stay focused during a conflict. 00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:50.559 Look at Nehemiah chapter 6, beginning in verse 1. 00:26:51.680 --> 00:27:02.000 Now, when Sanbalat and Tobiah and Geshem the Arab and the rest of our enemies heard that I had built the wall, that there was no breach left in it, although up to that time I had not set up the doors and the gates. 00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:29.599 Final principle that I want you to see today about how to stay focused. 00:27:29.759 --> 00:27:33.519 Number four, don't get drawn off sides. 00:27:35.279 --> 00:27:38.079 Don't get drawn off sides. 00:27:39.680 --> 00:27:43.519 Conflict has a way of disorienting you as a leader. 00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:51.359 You begin to start questioning things and you begin to start questioning yourself and you begin to start questioning your motives, and all of those things are good. 00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:53.200 Remember, we talked about it last week. 00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:56.000 It should make you immediately begin to pray through it. 00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:01.119 It leads you back to prayer to make sure that I'm aligned and I'm centered with what God wants me to do. 00:28:01.279 --> 00:28:17.440 But ultimately, it also leads you to a place where once I've I've given it some time, I've prayed through it, as long as I know I'm I'm with what God wants me to do, then I gotta stay focused and not get drawn off sides by others who are gonna be critics on the outside. 00:28:18.000 --> 00:28:30.559 What I want you to see here is that these folks are Sam Ballad and Tobiah show up back again, and now they're trying to pull Nehemiah off the task, and they're trying to trap him to where he would then be able to be taken out. 00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:34.720 And they do it by just trying to distract him. 00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:36.720 Hey, why don't you come over here and hang out with us? 00:28:36.799 --> 00:28:37.759 That's not what you're supposed to be doing. 00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:38.960 I'm supposed to be building the wall. 00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:40.640 This is what I'm supposed to be doing. 00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:43.519 This is the corporate takeover, the ambush. 00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:48.319 This is the enemy trying to do what he can to pull you off the mission and trying to distract you. 00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:55.519 This is when success makes you take your eye off why you got into it in the first place. 00:28:57.680 --> 00:28:58.799 Skip down to verse 5. 00:28:58.880 --> 00:28:59.440 Look at what it says. 00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:05.279 In the same way, Sandbalat for the fifth time sent his servant to me with an open letter in his hand. 00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:11.759 And it was written, it is reported among the nations, and Geshem also says it, that you and the Jews intend to rebel. 00:29:11.920 --> 00:29:13.920 That is why you're building the wall. 00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:17.680 And according to these reports, you wish to become their king. 00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:23.279 And you have also set up prophets to proclaim concerning you in Jerusalem, there is a king in Judah. 00:29:23.519 --> 00:29:26.000 And now the king will hear of these reports. 00:29:26.240 --> 00:29:29.119 So now come and let us take counsel together. 00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:36.000 Then I sent to him, saying, No such thing as you have said has been done, for you are inventing them out of your own mind. 00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:41.279 For they all wanted to frighten us, thinking, their hands will drop from the work, and it will not be done. 00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:44.799 But now, O God, strengthen my hands. 00:29:45.039 --> 00:29:54.640 Nehemiah is now faced, one, with the distraction, and now he is faced with flat out lies, and it says that he stays on task. 00:29:54.799 --> 00:29:57.839 He does not allow these guys to draw him off sides. 00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:02.880 He doesn't get distracted with slander and criticism and defending himself. 00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:06.000 He stays on mission. 00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:10.079 Some conflict needs to be dealt with. 00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:13.359 Other conflict needs to be ignored. 00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:17.200 Folks, social media arguments? 00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:23.920 If someone's trying to draw you off sides on social media and they're trying to have an argument with you online, don't do it. 00:30:24.880 --> 00:30:26.240 It's not gonna help. 00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:27.839 And it's not gonna work. 00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:36.640 And what's gonna happen is that you're gonna end up forsaking the whole point in the first place because you're engaging in unnecessary conflict. 00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:38.559 Let's think about this. 00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:45.599 If someone has the goal of defaming or defeating you, those are the types of conflicts that you probably don't need to engage with. 00:30:46.319 --> 00:30:53.279 If you feel like you're on a God-given mission, then you go and know you're gonna face opposition, but it doesn't mean you have to fight every battle. 00:30:54.160 --> 00:30:57.279 If someone is calling you off sides, check your motives. 00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:03.920 If your desire and your goal is to get even, it's to get revenge, it's to get vindicated, don't. 00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:08.960 Stay focused and centered on the ultimate purpose. 00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:11.200 Nehemiah chapter 6, verse 15. 00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:12.400 Look at what it says. 00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:22.319 So the wall was finished on the 25th day of the month Elul in 52 days. 00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:29.759 The wall was finished because Nehemiah was focused and he dealt with conflict. 00:31:30.319 --> 00:31:37.279 I want you to take your journals out, and I want to ask you to write down all four of these questions. 00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:48.079 And I want you to specifically choose one today that you can answer in your journals. 00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:51.519 Here are the questions. 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:59.599 Number one, what area do I need to think more before I act? 00:32:02.640 --> 00:32:10.799 I can assure you there's a spot where your tendency is going to be to react instead of to stop and think. 00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:18.400 Maybe you do really good at the office, but whenever you go home, you're quick tempered. 00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:20.960 You're quick to assume. 00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:23.839 You think you know everything. 00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:30.720 And what you need to do when you walk in the door of your house, just take a deep breath. 00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:32.079 Stop. 00:32:33.039 --> 00:32:36.000 Think, what's really going on here? 00:32:36.559 --> 00:32:38.880 Is it possible I don't have all the information? 00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:42.400 Is it possible I don't know what was happening throughout the day? 00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:44.720 Is it possible that I don't know what's going on in my kids' lives? 00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:49.680 Is it possible that I, my parents, there may be more pressures than I'm aware of? 00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:54.160 And maybe I ought to maybe oughta think about this a little bit differently. 00:32:54.799 --> 00:33:04.000 Is it possible that maybe the person that you're in that conflict with actually has a valid reason for believing what it is that they do? 00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:11.599 And if you were to put yourself in their shoes, is it possible for you to maybe see the situation totally differently? 00:33:12.319 --> 00:33:20.000 And may come to a better understanding of them and perhaps a better solution for the two of you. 00:33:21.359 --> 00:33:22.319 Second question. 00:33:23.039 --> 00:33:25.039 Who do I need to have a tough conversation with? 00:33:27.119 --> 00:33:29.599 I can assure you of this, right now you already feel it. 00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:38.000 No, here's why it won't work, here's why I don't need to do it, here's why it's gonna be hard, and all of those things could be true, but that's why you're a leader. 00:33:39.359 --> 00:33:43.839 Because despite all of those things, you have to have tough conversations. 00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:51.440 We're not looking for fights, but we also understand that there's gonna at times be conversations that have to have. 00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:53.039 What do I need to say? 00:33:54.319 --> 00:33:55.039 I don't know. 00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:56.480 Write out your answer. 00:33:57.920 --> 00:34:02.480 Number three, where can I lose in order to win? 00:34:03.839 --> 00:34:05.680 What right do I have? 00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:07.599 Just isn't worth it? 00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:11.519 What privilege am I holding on to? 00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:16.400 And at the end of the day, it just doesn't help the greater cause. 00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:20.559 What do I need to be willing to let go of? 00:34:20.719 --> 00:34:24.320 What is it that you're that isn't worth it that I'm holding on to? 00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:33.039 And if I really am gonna be the leader that God's calling me to be, it means it means this that hey, I can, but it doesn't mean I should. 00:34:34.480 --> 00:34:37.039 Number four, where am I getting drawn off sides? 00:34:38.079 --> 00:34:39.760 Where are you getting distracted? 00:34:40.559 --> 00:34:43.760 Where are you getting pulled into arguments that you don't need to be involved in? 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:50.320 Where do you find yourself engaging in conflict that at the end of the day you should just ignore? 00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:54.639 How can you let those things go? 00:34:54.800 --> 00:34:59.679 Let me just give you a few moments to pick one of these questions for right now. 00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:06.159 And I just want to encourage you in your journal there to literally write out your answer before the Lord. 00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:08.880 What is he telling you? 00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:11.360 What is he leading you? 00:35:11.679 --> 00:35:13.440 How does he want you to respond? 00:35:31.840 --> 00:35:35.280 Let me ask you if you would to bow your heads and close your eyes. 00:35:40.639 --> 00:35:43.119 Father in heaven, we come before you. 00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:50.719 We know the conflict is something that we can't avoid. 00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:53.679 We can't escape. 00:35:56.239 --> 00:35:59.519 Father, we come before you today and we ask for your help. 00:36:01.760 --> 00:36:03.119 We pray for conviction. 00:36:09.039 --> 00:36:13.360 Father, we ask for your guidance, to lead us as we go forward. 00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:30.239 Father, I pray that you'd give us the courage to do what is needed to be done as we are led by the Holy Spirit, and that we'd have an attitude that has a willingness to do what you ask us to do. 00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:34.320 Thank you for the gift of leadership. 00:36:35.199 --> 00:36:40.800 Thank you for calling us to do great things with and for you. 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:47.199 Let me ask you to continue to keep your heads bowed and your eyes closed. 00:36:49.199 --> 00:37:00.159 Some of you are here today in this room and online, and the conflict that you're experiencing isn't because of external things, it's because of your heart. 00:37:04.639 --> 00:37:25.840 Because of our sin, our world is broken, our lives are broken, and we experience tension and conflict and all the things that we happen on a daily basis, and the and the answer isn't just doing more, trying harder, making more money, having more relationships, freedom, doing whatever it is that you want. 00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:30.559 No, the answer is only found in a relationship with your creator. 00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:34.559 But you couldn't do that on your own because of your sin. 00:37:34.639 --> 00:37:40.719 You fall short of God's standard, but the Bible tells us that God sent his one and only Son, Jesus. 00:37:41.119 --> 00:37:42.960 He died a death on a cross. 00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:59.840 He rose from the dead three days later, and he invites you to have a relationship with him where he gives you his goodness and his righteousness and his purpose and his plan for your life in exchange for all of your sinless life and all of your brokenness. 00:38:00.480 --> 00:38:13.199 It doesn't mean that things are always gonna be perfect on this side of eternity, but what it does mean is this is that even in the brokenness, God uses it to perfect us, to change us, to work in us. 00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:20.079 If you need a relationship with Jesus, I want to invite you in just a moment to come forward and to let one of our team members know. 00:38:20.159 --> 00:38:23.280 We're gonna be up front, we're gonna be on the sides. 00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:25.039 I want to ask that you come forward. 00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:28.719 If you're here and you're online, I want to ask you to follow the prompts on the screens. 00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:31.920 We want nothing more than to have an opportunity to follow up with you. 00:38:32.320 --> 00:38:40.480 Others, if you need to come and join United City Church, we are not a perfect church and we are a church that has conflict, but we also are a church that's not gonna be afraid of it. 00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:47.360 We believe that God uses conflict not only to change us, but also to make us more into the image of his son. 00:38:48.400 --> 00:38:51.440 So therefore, we want to be a people that are honest with each other. 00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:54.079 We want to be a people that are open with each other. 00:38:54.320 --> 00:38:58.000 If God's needing you to come and join United City, I want to ask that you come and lead the way today. 00:38:58.079 --> 00:39:01.199 Maybe others need to be baptized like these three that we saw. 00:39:01.519 --> 00:39:05.360 Gosh, there's just nothing better than seeing people make public decisions. 00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:08.159 Some made the decision this past week. 00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:13.440 We saw the one that gave their life to Christ 10 years ago, but just now making this public decoration. 00:39:13.599 --> 00:39:16.800 Praise God for her, and we want to ask if that's your story, perhaps. 00:39:17.039 --> 00:39:20.880 Maybe you made a decision a long time ago, but you just allowed time to get in the way. 00:39:20.960 --> 00:39:23.440 I want to encourage you, don't let any more time go. 00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:25.599 You come and let us schedule your baptism. 00:39:25.679 --> 00:39:27.440 Maybe some of you need prayer today. 00:39:27.679 --> 00:39:40.480 Prayer because of a difficult situation, prayer because of a conflict, prayer because of something that's causing you to maybe feel drawn off sides, or prayer because there's a conversation that you know you need to have and you're just you're just struggling with it. 00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:42.239 You're you're you're not looking forward to it. 00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:43.920 You you want help. 00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:45.679 We want to pray with you today. 00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:54.079 We don't want you to walk these things alone, but instead, we want to come alongside and help you as you seek the Lord's guidance leading in your life. 00:39:54.320 --> 00:39:57.440 Father, I pray you'd move in these moments we have left. 00:39:57.760 --> 00:40:01.840 Father, I pray you'd give people courage to take bold next steps. 00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:05.039 We are a church where everyone has the next step. 00:40:05.199 --> 00:40:09.760