WEBVTT 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:14.640 Uh, this morning I want us to finally get some needed clarity on some common statements that I'm guessing you heard whenever you were children, uh or maybe you've heard now, I know I heard whenever I was growing up, that I think need the facts to come out once and for all. 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:23.839 How many of you were told that if you are chewing gum and somehow along the way you swallowed that gum, it stays in your digestive tract for seven years? 00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:25.120 How many of you are told that? 00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:26.079 Okay. 00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:27.679 It's actually not true. 00:00:27.839 --> 00:00:28.719 Just wanted you to know that. 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:29.199 All right. 00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:32.159 You can chew gum, you can swallow it all you want to, no problem, right? 00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:37.280 Um how many of you are told that sitting too close to a television set would burn your eyelids? 00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:38.799 Anybody told you that? 00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:40.000 Yep, out of two. 00:00:40.479 --> 00:00:41.920 Also not true, okay? 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:47.359 It's kind of weird, but uh it's not something that actually has been proven scientifically that could happen. 00:00:47.520 --> 00:00:53.119 How many of you were told that you had to wait an hour after you ate in order to get into the pool? 00:00:53.359 --> 00:00:54.000 Yep. 00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:56.320 Also not true. 00:00:56.399 --> 00:00:58.000 Okay, just wanted you to know that. 00:00:58.159 --> 00:01:03.280 Uh, it may have been a genius parenting stall technique, but it was not actually based upon fact. 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:07.840 You might get a little bit of cramping, but not enough to actually affect your ability to swim. 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:12.879 How many of you were told that shaving a patch of hair causes it to grow back twice as thick? 00:01:13.040 --> 00:01:14.159 Any of you do that? 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:16.560 I remember the very first hair that I had on my face. 00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:19.519 I shaved that thing all the time, trying to get it to come back even more. 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:20.560 Never worked. 00:01:20.959 --> 00:01:22.079 All right, never, never happened. 00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:23.359 It's just kind of one of those things. 00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:24.480 I got one more. 00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:28.959 When you forgive someone, were you ever told this? 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:32.000 It means you have to forget what they did. 00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:36.319 We're in the midst of a sermon series called Rise from the Pit. 00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:45.359 We've been looking at the last half of the book of Genesis, verses chapter 37 through 50, and we've been looking at leadership lessons from the life of Joseph. 00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:47.760 Last week we kind of went there. 00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:57.519 Like we talked about a topic that is one of the top requested topics in any of our Easter surveys about what people want to hear about, and that is the topic of forgiveness. 00:01:57.840 --> 00:02:05.840 Based upon the emails, the text messages, and the responses that I got from you, I know it struck a nerve. 00:02:06.400 --> 00:02:13.360 Because what it shows is that there's so many people out there who struggle with this idea of forgiveness. 00:02:13.599 --> 00:02:18.400 Last week, our big bottom line was this: leaders let it go. 00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:22.879 We talked about how leaders let it go before the moment ever comes. 00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:27.599 Leaders let it go in the moment when they're facing the person in their living room who offended them. 00:02:27.759 --> 00:02:36.479 Leaders let it go every time that scar tissue comes up and they work it through so that they're able to let it go yet again. 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:39.280 It sounds great. 00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:50.159 In fact, you may have even been told that if you're a good person, if you're a good Christian, it means that forgiveness means immediate trust to another person. 00:02:50.719 --> 00:02:54.159 You've been taught that grace equals gullibility. 00:02:54.240 --> 00:03:08.639 And so, therefore, if someone says, I'm sorry, and you're not willing to forgive them and forget all that they've ever done, then you're the problem in the same way that all of those other things are old wives' tales. 00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:09.520 Please hear me. 00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:15.199 The idea of forgiveness and that means you forget is also not true. 00:03:15.599 --> 00:03:17.199 It's not even realistic. 00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:23.759 You don't know how I know because some of you came up to me and you said a version of this. 00:03:24.319 --> 00:03:26.960 I'm all in on letting it go. 00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:29.280 But what about this? 00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:32.560 What about this situation? 00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:34.960 What about this scenario? 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:37.759 What about this relationship? 00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:41.919 Like, is there an exception clause for me? 00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:44.800 And everybody wants one. 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:45.360 Why? 00:03:45.680 --> 00:03:52.479 Because we know forgiveness is one of those things where I can let it go, but I can't forget it. 00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:55.599 I can't just act like it didn't happen. 00:03:56.719 --> 00:04:02.400 Your spouse says that they're all in on rebuilding your marriage, but their phone is face down and they're working late again. 00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:04.479 Yeah, but what about that? 00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:14.000 Your teenage son says that they're no longer lying and that they've turned over a new leaf, but they still get Snapchat messages at 12 a.m. 00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:38.079 Yeah, but that employee promises this time is gonna be different, but they show up 20 minutes late carrying a Starbucks, yeah, but that friend who completely ghosted you for six months all of a sudden reaches out and wants to get together for lunch like nothing ever happened, yeah, but you hear that you're supposed to forgive. 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:43.199 You even want to forgive, but your gut says, yeah, but not not in this situation. 00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:45.120 This is the exception. 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:48.079 Here's what I want you to write down on page 27. 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:53.920 The bottom line of the message today is this leaders trust but verify. 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:59.759 Leaders trust but verify. 00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:02.720 I want you to think about this. 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:06.879 This is exactly how God treats you if you're a believer in Jesus. 00:05:07.519 --> 00:05:10.079 You've received him as your Lord and Savior. 00:05:10.240 --> 00:05:15.839 In that moment, the Bible declares that our account has been paid for, we are declared forgiven. 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:23.759 We are actually seen as though we have the righteousness of Christ that has been imputed, is what the Bible word tells us, into us. 00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:33.600 And so at that moment, we know that we are declared righteous, we are innocent, but we also know we got a lot of boundaries and rules we got to follow in the midst of being a believer. 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:40.560 What happens is forgiveness is complete, but transformation is gradual. 00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:48.480 We see Jesus give us grace that we don't deserve and truth to hold us accountable. 00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:52.560 He gives us mercy and boundaries. 00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:54.000 Both can be true. 00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:59.519 Jesus shows us what it looks like to trust but verify. 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:06.879 So how do we translate that into the relationships that we have with other people when they hurt us? 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:16.160 Like actually did something against us, which makes us feel like, okay, I can forgive, but the relationship's never gonna be the same. 00:06:16.319 --> 00:06:18.240 Is that okay to think? 00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:21.439 God calls us to a third way. 00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:27.279 We forgive completely, but we rebuild trust wisely. 00:06:27.839 --> 00:06:28.959 I mean, the tension is real. 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:30.079 We talked about it last week. 00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:31.279 Matthew chapter 18. 00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:32.399 Peter comes up to Jesus. 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:33.920 How many times am I supposed to forgive? 00:06:34.079 --> 00:06:34.800 Seven times? 00:06:34.959 --> 00:06:37.759 Jesus responds, 70 times seven. 00:06:37.920 --> 00:06:42.560 Some of you are like, Yeah, but my guy is already at the 491th time. 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:45.759 So what do I do? 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:52.879 And it may feel like, okay, does forgiveness just means I blow it off? 00:06:53.839 --> 00:07:03.680 It seems like the options that have been given to us are either one, I basically am a pushover and I'm like, well, I'm a Christian, so I gotta forgive everyone, and so therefore it doesn't matter. 00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:09.279 Or I'm somebody who builds walls up that says, once burned, never again. 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:12.240 Instead, I believe there's a third way. 00:07:12.639 --> 00:07:17.839 How do we extend grace while exercising wisdom at the same time? 00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:23.199 I'm gonna show you three practices from Joseph's life here in chapter 44 and 45 that help us do this. 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:26.480 Let me set the scene up for you where we get in chapter 44. 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:32.480 Uh we see 13 years ago, Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery after the dreams that he had that they didn't like. 00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:41.279 Uh ultimately, it led through this crazy soap opera experience up and down in Joseph's life, where he had hatred and betrayal, family destruction. 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:43.120 The whole family is just kind of a nightmare. 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:44.240 They're all the works. 00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:47.600 Now there's a famine, and the family needs food. 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:49.600 And guess who's running Egypt? 00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:51.040 It's Joseph. 00:07:51.439 --> 00:07:53.519 But here's what's brilliant about Joseph. 00:07:53.680 --> 00:08:02.959 He doesn't in that moment when he knows who the brothers are, but the brothers don't know who he is, he chooses grace and wisdom. 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:05.279 I find that free. 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:07.680 He doesn't just let them off the hook. 00:08:07.920 --> 00:08:14.480 What we're going to see is that he walks them through a series of circumstances that help determine have these guys really changed. 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:17.279 Let's begin reading in verse 1. 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:19.279 Chapter 44. 00:08:19.839 --> 00:08:33.440 Says then he commanded the steward of his house, fill the men's sacks with food, as much as they can carry, and put each man's money in the mouth of a sack, and put my cup, the silver cup, in the mouth of the sack of the youngest, with his money for the grain. 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:35.360 And he did as Joseph told him. 00:08:35.600 --> 00:08:38.960 As soon as the morning was light, the men were sent away with their donkeys. 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:41.600 They had gone only a short distance from the city. 00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:49.200 Now Joseph said to his steward, Up, follow after the men, and when you overtake them, say to them, Why have you repaid evil for good? 00:08:49.840 --> 00:08:54.080 Is it not from this that my Lord drinks, and by this what he practices divination? 00:08:54.240 --> 00:08:55.919 You have done evil in doing this. 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:58.720 When he overtook them, he spoke to them these words. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:02.240 They said to him, Why does my lord speak such words as these? 00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:05.120 Far be it from your servants to do such a thing. 00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:09.919 Behold, the money that we found in the mouths of our sacks we brought back to you from the land of Canaan. 00:09:10.080 --> 00:09:13.600 How then could we steal silver or gold from your Lord's house? 00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:19.039 Whichever of your servants is found with it shall die, and we also will be my lord's servants. 00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:20.960 He said, Let it be as you say. 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:25.039 He who was found with it shall be my servant, and the rest of you shall be innocent. 00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:28.799 Then each man quickly lowered his sack to the ground, and each man opened his sack. 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:32.000 And he searched, beginning with the eldest and ending with the youngest. 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:34.720 And the cup was found in Benjamin's sack. 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:40.159 Then they tore their clothes, and every man loaded his donkey, and they returned to the city. 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:48.399 I want to give you three ways, three things to do to help trust but verify in your relationships with somebody that has hurt you. 00:09:48.559 --> 00:09:52.080 The first one is this design strategic test. 00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:54.080 Write that down on page 27. 00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:56.720 Design strategic test. 00:09:57.919 --> 00:10:02.080 It's super important that you hear what I'm saying and what I'm not saying. 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:15.279 Because this can very easily be seen as like, oh, okay, well, I totally know uh people that try to basically trust but verify, and they set up little tests with the goal of basically proving what they already assumed was bad about them in the first place. 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:17.440 That's called manipulation. 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:19.840 That's not what I'm talking about here. 00:10:20.240 --> 00:10:28.320 A test is something given to someone with the hope and the goal that they're successful in the test. 00:10:29.039 --> 00:10:33.360 I know some of you, again, I mean I felt this way in some of my relationships wherever I've been burned. 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:38.000 I basically am like, okay, well, I'm gonna give them a test just to prove they're wrong. 00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:41.120 But that is not a heart of forgiveness. 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:47.120 It instead says, I'm gonna forgive them, but I am gonna put up some boundaries here and see how they respond. 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:53.519 In this particular test that we see here, he plants the silver cup in Benjamin's bag and by doing so creates a scenario. 00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:54.799 He gives them a choice. 00:10:54.960 --> 00:11:08.639 If you remember who Benjamin is, there are 12 brothers, Joseph and Benjamin, are both from Rachel, who was the wife of Jacob and was born to her and born to Jacob at a very old age. 00:11:08.799 --> 00:11:11.440 And then she ended up dying after giving birth to Benjamin. 00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:14.720 So now he basically, these are the two favored brothers. 00:11:14.879 --> 00:11:21.039 We remember back in Genesis 37, we know that because he was given a coat of many colors and the brothers didn't like it. 00:11:21.120 --> 00:11:24.399 So they threw him in a pit and they ultimately sold him into slavery. 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:36.799 Now they have this scenario where the younger brother, who is also clearly the favorite, is now in a situation to where they're basically Joseph's trying to see, are they gonna throw him under the bus just like they threw me under the bus? 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:41.360 So he sets up a test to see how they're going to respond. 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:44.799 At first, it feels like Joseph's being mean, but he's actually being brilliant. 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:45.519 Let me tell you why. 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:48.639 I want to give you three different truths about test. 00:11:49.039 --> 00:11:53.279 First one is this test, reveal character. 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:56.559 Test reveal character. 00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:06.000 Joseph had forgiven the offense, he'd let go of the bitterness, but forgiveness doesn't automatically rebuild trust. 00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:10.960 Trust must be rebuilt and it must be verified. 00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:16.720 To this point, they've said all of the right things, but they also needed grain and they needed help. 00:12:16.960 --> 00:12:18.720 Now they're faced with pressure. 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:20.000 And what does pressure reveal? 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:21.600 We talked about this a couple of weeks ago. 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:24.320 Pressure reveals the truth. 00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:30.240 So what we see is this test that he puts in front of them is going to determine what's really going on. 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.360 Are they just saying one thing or what are they gonna actually do? 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:34.720 Let me give you number two. 00:12:34.879 --> 00:12:36.960 Test help prove change. 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:39.519 Test help prove change. 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:46.960 The brothers may have thought that they had changed from the days of selling off their brother and this entire life that was lived without him. 00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:50.799 But you never know until you have a chance to prove it. 00:12:51.120 --> 00:12:53.840 And so what he does is he gives them a test. 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:55.360 And what does this test do? 00:12:55.519 --> 00:13:01.840 It helps prove to the brothers that they've changed, and it helps prove to Joseph that they've changed. 00:13:02.080 --> 00:13:09.919 I'm convinced a lot of times we just have good intentions, but we have no idea how we'd really respond until a test comes, until a trial shows up. 00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:12.639 Then we're gonna find out what we're really made of. 00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:16.720 Number three, tests protect you from naive hope. 00:13:17.039 --> 00:13:20.240 Tests protect from naive hope. 00:13:20.559 --> 00:13:27.600 Some of you kind of have a personality that is just bent towards immediately immediately giving trust to someone when they say that they're sorry. 00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:31.039 I envy you because I don't have that bone in my body at all, right? 00:13:31.279 --> 00:13:33.039 I'm usually the skeptical one, right? 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:36.000 But some of you are such that you're like, hey, I just want things to go back to normal. 00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:38.320 I just want things to go back to what they used to be. 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:41.679 And so therefore, you're gonna give an opportunity to give a test. 00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:44.559 But like, if they say that I'm sorry, hey, they said I'm sorry, what are we doing? 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:48.000 Like, we we should just go back and we should, we should make all things good. 00:13:48.159 --> 00:13:49.600 Hope is a great thing. 00:13:49.759 --> 00:13:55.120 Hope is something that all of us want to have, but blind hope will destroy you. 00:13:56.080 --> 00:13:57.840 Because here's the hard part. 00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:03.440 Sometimes you are going to give a test to someone and they're gonna fail the test. 00:14:04.000 --> 00:14:11.279 But it's better to find out right now than six months into it, whenever it's more and more difficult to make reconciliation. 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.840 Even Jesus tested people's hearts. 00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:15.840 Remember the rich young ruler? 00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:17.279 Jesus gave him a test. 00:14:17.440 --> 00:14:19.279 He said, Sell everything that you have. 00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:24.320 It says the man failed and he walked away, and Jesus let him go. 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:27.200 No compromise, no chasing. 00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:35.039 Genesis chapter 22 is the story of Abraham with the hard test of being asked to sacrifice his one and only son, Isaac. 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:40.159 James chapter one tells us that we're given tests to produce steadfastness in our life. 00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:44.720 So if you are going to navigate the yes, but what about this situation? 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:50.960 Then you're gonna need to design strategic tests to see, okay, how are they gonna respond in this situation? 00:14:51.200 --> 00:14:54.080 How are they gonna respond in this setting? 00:14:54.399 --> 00:15:00.559 Second way to trust and verify is number two, watch and assess carefully. 00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:04.480 Watch and assess carefully. 00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:10.080 The next section in Genesis 44, we're not gonna have time to read all of the verses, but I encourage you to read this on your own. 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:14.000 It's a beautiful, powerfully written scripture, section of scripture. 00:15:14.080 --> 00:15:16.080 I would say maybe in the whole Bible. 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:26.000 When they've taken, been taken back to Egypt, they get confronted by Joseph, one of the brothers, the third one in line named Judah, actually is the one who steps up and becomes the spokesman for the group. 00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:28.639 You can imagine he's like trying to explain the situation. 00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:31.759 He tries to make clear, hey, there's a misunderstanding going on here. 00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:33.840 I want to make sure that things are cleared up. 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:43.919 And what he does, though, is he shows some exciting things to us about what it looks like to watch and assess and you see what was Joseph looking for in the brothers? 00:15:44.159 --> 00:15:46.799 He was looking for true repentance. 00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:57.919 Not just I'm sorry, I don't want to deal with any consequences, but I'm sorry and I have repented from what I've done, meaning I've turned from this way and I've turned to a different way. 00:15:58.080 --> 00:16:01.919 How do you know if someone has truly repented? 00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:10.000 I want you to go back with me, turn your Bibles one page over to Genesis chapter 42, and I want you to look at what happened. 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:16.960 Joseph was listening in on a conversation with his brothers, and he gave him his first indication about their true mental state. 00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:19.120 Look at what it says in verse 21. 00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:32.639 It says, But then they said to one another, In truth we are guilty concerning our brother, and that we saw the distress of his soul when he begged us and we did not listen. 00:16:32.879 --> 00:16:35.440 That is why this distress has come upon us. 00:16:35.679 --> 00:16:39.039 And Reuben answered them, Did I not tell you not to sin against the boy? 00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:40.159 But you did not listen. 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.879 So now there comes a reckoning for his blood. 00:16:43.039 --> 00:16:47.600 They did not know that Joseph understood them, for there was an interpreter between them. 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:57.360 What Joseph observes and he sees from his brothers is that is that they not only feel bad about what they did, but true repentance goes deeper than that. 00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:06.480 And he's wanting to see do they just feel bad for the fact that it seems like their life's hard now, or do they feel bad and feel remorse for what it is that they have done? 00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:07.920 It gives us a little insight. 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:12.720 Go back to chapter 44, look at what Judah says specifically in verse 16. 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:17.599 It says, And Judah said, What shall we say to my Lord? 00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:21.680 What shall we speak, or how can we clear ourselves? 00:17:22.160 --> 00:17:25.599 God has found out the guilt of your servants. 00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:33.200 Behold, we are my Lord's servants, both we and he also in whose hand the cup has been found. 00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:38.640 What I want to do is I want to show you what three things look like when you're trying to assess true repentance. 00:17:38.799 --> 00:17:44.000 If you're looking to somebody, are they really truly sorry that I can begin to build trust with them again? 00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:45.039 You're looking for three things. 00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:48.480 The first one is this complete ownership. 00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:50.720 Complete ownership. 00:17:51.039 --> 00:17:52.799 This is what Judah did. 00:17:53.279 --> 00:18:00.480 He didn't make excuses, he didn't try to explain it away, he didn't present alternatives or justification. 00:18:00.640 --> 00:18:01.359 He owns it. 00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:02.480 We did it. 00:18:03.279 --> 00:18:04.720 We are wrong. 00:18:05.200 --> 00:18:08.400 We should not have done what we did to our brother. 00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:20.240 When David was confronted by his friend Nathan for his adultery and his murderous plot and cover up, Psalm 32, verse 5 is a beautiful, well-written verse that shows this is what true repentance looked like. 00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:26.160 Here's what it says I acknowledge my sin to you and I did not cover my iniquity. 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:33.359 I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. 00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:39.440 If I'm looking to somebody, seeing if I can rebuild trust, I want to see that they raise their hand and be like, I did it. 00:18:39.599 --> 00:18:40.720 I own it. 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:46.240 Because if they're constantly trying to shift and blame other people, they're not repentant. 00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:55.039 What that instead shows is that they have not embraced the idea of real change, which only comes whenever you say, Yeah, it was me. 00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:56.160 I did it. 00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:58.079 Look at verse 30. 00:18:58.400 --> 00:19:14.240 It says, Now, therefore, as soon as I come to your servant, my father, and the boy is not with us, as his life is bound up in the boy's life, as soon as he sees that the boy is not with us, he will die, and your servants will bring down the gray hairs of your servant, our father, with sorrow to Sheol. 00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:23.519 For your servant became a pledge of safety for the boy to my father, saying, If I do not bring him back to you, then I shall bear the blame before my father all my life. 00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:31.279 Now therefore, please let your servant remain instead of the boy as a servant to my Lord, and let the boy go back with his fathers, with his brothers. 00:19:31.599 --> 00:19:34.960 For how can I go back to my father if the boy is not with me? 00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:38.559 I fear to see the evil that would find my father. 00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:42.160 The second sign of true repentance, one is complete ownership. 00:19:42.319 --> 00:19:45.200 Number two, an others focused mindset. 00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:48.000 An others focused mindset. 00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:55.119 The brothers didn't care about their father before because they made him think that his favorite son Joseph was killed. 00:19:55.759 --> 00:20:03.680 They never thought it was necessary to be honest, but just let him live his whole life up to this point, believing that he was dead. 00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:10.400 Now they're in the middle of this test, and they show that they have grown in love and care for their dad. 00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:18.720 Judah is speaking on behalf of the brothers, and they're saying, Look, we can leave and go back to our dad, but we cannot leave without Benjamin. 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:22.079 Because if we do that, it's gonna kill our father. 00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:24.880 It's his favorite son, and we are not gonna go back there. 00:20:25.039 --> 00:20:38.400 What this shows is that somewhere along the way, it wasn't the way when they treated Joseph the way that they did, but now that they're in the middle of this test, they somehow have grown love and compassion for those that are around them. 00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:43.519 Folks, you want to see if somebody has not repented, it's all about them. 00:20:44.319 --> 00:20:46.880 It's all about saving themselves. 00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:51.839 It's all about making sure that no one catches them and they don't have consequences. 00:20:52.000 --> 00:21:04.559 Instead, it's it's it's a situation if you've truly repented, when you begin to look at other people that are around you, and the evidence of a changed person is this you begin to love and care for them, realizing how you've hurt them. 00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:10.000 And so, therefore, if you're gonna build trust with somebody, you need to watch and see how do they how are they responding? 00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:14.079 Are they are they are they actually caring about other people besides themselves? 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:19.200 Number three, true repentance looks like accepting consequences. 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:28.079 Accepting consequences if someone wrongs you, you can forgive them, you can be restored to them. 00:21:29.119 --> 00:21:30.480 Please hear me. 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:33.599 But it doesn't mean everything has to be like it was before. 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:45.200 You can love someone, you can care deeply for them, but because of their actions, as a leader, you still gotta cut them from the team. 00:21:46.880 --> 00:21:58.559 You can have a relationship with a family member or a friend who abused you, who hurt you, who wronged you, and still have boundaries that you put up around them. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:10.240 You can be an employee, a boss, and you can show love and mercy and grace to another person and still fire them from the job. 00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:16.799 Like I don't want you to have this idea that grace and wisdom are separate. 00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:23.839 I instead want you to see there are times when consequences are real and cannot be avoided. 00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:30.079 And this idea that forgiveness means that consequences are removed is not right. 00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:36.000 We hope that is the case and we want to try to move to that being the place, but it isn't always the case. 00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:41.599 If you're a drug addict, I can accept you, but I can still put up boundaries with you. 00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:51.839 If you're a friend who've wronged me, I can forgive you, I can enter into a relationship with you, but I can still put up some healthy boundaries that get re-evaluated over time. 00:22:52.480 --> 00:23:00.880 If someone demands immediate restoration without accepting that the relationship needs rebuilding, they're not truly repentant. 00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:07.680 The brothers weren't saying, we messed up, we own that, and you are not allowed to put us in prison. 00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:10.240 Judah instead says, I messed up. 00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:16.799 Don't put my brother in, put me in, and I will gladly pay the consequences that I deserve. 00:23:17.519 --> 00:23:20.559 This is what you're watching and assessing in the situation. 00:23:20.880 --> 00:23:22.319 Are they owning it completely? 00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:23.680 Are they thinking about others? 00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:25.839 Are they patient with your process? 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.039 Remember, leaders, trust but verify. 00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:40.319 So design strategic tests, watch and assess, but let's just say in the midst of doing that, you begin to see some things of true repentance, some evidence and signs of true repentance. 00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:41.440 Then what do you do? 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:43.599 Look with me at chapter 45. 00:23:45.519 --> 00:23:51.440 Verse 1 reads, Then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood by him. 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:54.640 He cried, Make everyone go out for me. 00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:59.279 So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. 00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:04.240 And he wept aloud so that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it. 00:24:04.400 --> 00:24:06.799 And Joseph said to his brothers, I am Joseph. 00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:08.640 Is my father still alive? 00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:13.039 But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed at his presence. 00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:16.400 So Joseph said to his brothers, Come near to me, please. 00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:17.440 And they came near. 00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:20.799 And he said, I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. 00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:28.240 And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. 00:24:28.559 --> 00:24:34.960 For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither ploughing nor harvest. 00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:41.920 And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to keep alive for you many survivors. 00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:45.200 So it was not you who sent me here, but God. 00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:52.319 He has made me a father to Pharaoh and Lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. 00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:53.920 What an emotional moment. 00:24:54.559 --> 00:25:00.079 What an emotional time, not only for Joseph, but for his brothers who were experiencing this. 00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:03.519 I love it that Joseph immediately begins to reassure them. 00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:04.640 Hey, I know you feel bad. 00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:08.480 I promise you, God has bigger plans. 00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:11.440 He's using this for good. 00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:23.039 He knew based upon what we've talked about the last few weeks that God was working behind the scenes in the life of Joseph to put him in this position at this time for such a time as this. 00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:32.000 And now, because he trusted and verified, he was able to choose to restore completely the relationship that he had with his brothers. 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:37.599 He didn't dismiss what happened, but he chose not to be defined by what happened. 00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:42.400 You need to know this is hard to do, but it is amazingly beautiful when it happens. 00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:45.359 The risk is worth the reward. 00:25:45.519 --> 00:25:49.599 He trusted again because he had evidence that he could do so. 00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:54.000 He rebuilt the trust in stages, not in a moment. 00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:57.200 He tested their character, then he revealed himself partially. 00:25:57.359 --> 00:26:01.119 Finally, after seeing genuine change, he fully restored that relationship. 00:26:01.279 --> 00:26:02.079 Please hear me. 00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:09.759 For you, it may take weeks, it may take months, it may take years, it may take decades for this to happen. 00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:14.640 But Joseph believed that God can and does genuinely transform hearts. 00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:26.400 So he was hopeful that God would be able to let this not just be a one-time thing, but instead to be able to have a relationship with his brothers where their hearts and his heart was totally different. 00:26:26.720 --> 00:26:28.480 Folks, this is what we want. 00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:35.039 To have restored relationships that are built on trust that have been proven and tested over time. 00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:38.000 Practically, what does this look like? 00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:40.319 That spouse who broke trust. 00:26:40.559 --> 00:26:43.359 Start with transparency about your schedules. 00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:47.599 Test with small responsibilities before you get into really big ones. 00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:52.319 That employee who failed, give them a project with clear checkpoints. 00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:53.920 Watch their follow-through. 00:26:54.079 --> 00:26:58.240 That friend who betrayed confidence, share something small first. 00:26:58.400 --> 00:27:01.599 If they honor it, then then continue with more. 00:27:01.759 --> 00:27:03.200 Build it like you would build a house. 00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:07.759 You lay a foundation, then you put up the walls, then you put up the decorations. 00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:15.039 In the same way you allow this to be proven over time, and you also desire it to be the case. 00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.319 Here's the sad reality, though. 00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:22.720 For some of you, this can't happen. 00:27:23.279 --> 00:27:29.279 Maybe the person has died, maybe the person is gone, maybe the person doesn't desire or seek restoration. 00:27:29.359 --> 00:27:32.400 Maybe you've given them tests and they failed those tests. 00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:37.359 And so therefore you realize I may have forgiven them, but I'm not going to be able to trust them. 00:27:37.519 --> 00:27:41.440 What are you supposed to do if reconciliation is not available? 00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:48.960 And I would tell you the same thing that we said last week, which is so vitally important, and you choose to let it go. 00:27:51.119 --> 00:27:55.039 Our desire and our goal is that ultimately we can trust again. 00:27:55.119 --> 00:27:58.799 And ideally, we can trust that very same person who hurt us. 00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:07.680 But even if we're not able to make reconciliation with them, we choose to let it go so that we can trust other people, so that we can trust God. 00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:12.880 So that we're not living in a constant yeah but situation. 00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:16.079 I want you to think about your yeah but situation. 00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:19.039 The person who's asking for another chance. 00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:28.640 That employee who's messed up, that friend who burned you, that spouse who hurt you, that child who's taken advantage of you, whatever it is. 00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:34.240 What's a strategic test that you can put in place and just see how they respond? 00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:39.279 How can you watch and assess have they experienced true repentance? 00:28:40.160 --> 00:28:44.720 And if prayerfully they have, how can you choose to trust again? 00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:48.400 Would you bow your heads and would you close your eyes with me all across this room? 00:28:56.480 --> 00:29:00.880 Here's what makes this whole trust and verify process possible for us. 00:29:04.319 --> 00:29:10.640 In Genesis 44, it says that Judah volunteered to take his brother Benjamin's place. 00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:15.599 He offered himself up to be a substitute. 00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:19.680 He said, take me instead of him. 00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:24.480 This is a picture of what Jesus did for you. 00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:29.440 Jesus became our substitute. 00:29:30.880 --> 00:29:35.200 Jesus paid the penalty that you owed. 00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:45.200 And now through him, we can both extend grace and exercise wisdom. 00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:49.599 Just as you gotta know, you didn't do anything to deserve it. 00:29:50.319 --> 00:29:51.599 But you can receive it. 00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:55.599 All you have to do is give your life to Jesus. 00:29:57.200 --> 00:29:59.279 He died on the cross for you. 00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:02.799 He rose from the dead, and he wants to save you. 00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:05.920 He wants to forgive you of all of your sins. 00:30:07.359 --> 00:30:09.359 Here's the irony of Genesis 44. 00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:11.279 Benjamin did nothing wrong. 00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:13.839 That's not what you can say. 00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:18.480 All of us, the Bible says, have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. 00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:23.200 And we stand before a holy God, we are declared guilty. 00:30:25.759 --> 00:30:33.200 But Jesus wants to step in and say, oh no, he's absolutely guilty. 00:30:33.599 --> 00:30:35.519 But I'll take his punishment. 00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:37.759 I'll take his pain. 00:30:39.279 --> 00:30:41.440 And he dies on a cross. 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:44.000 He then rose from the dead. 00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:48.720 And he now offers you eternal life. 00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:54.000 If you want to receive him, would you just pray this prayer with me right now? 00:30:56.079 --> 00:31:01.759 Dear God, I believe that you sent your son Jesus to die on a cross for me. 00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:04.480 I believe that he rose from the dead. 00:31:05.920 --> 00:31:10.880 And I ask that he would be my substitute. 00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:15.920 I receive his payment for my sins. 00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:22.640 And I receive his free gift of eternal life. 00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:29.039 Would you forgive me? 00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:31.359 Would you change me? 00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:37.279 Continue to keep your heads bound and your eyes closed. 00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:41.759 If you just prayed that prayer with me, the Bible says that you have been saved. 00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:45.039 Thank you so much for joining us this morning. 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:52.160 We can't wait to see you next week for any of our services at 8 30, 10, 11 30, or Espanol at 1 o'clock.