WEBVTT 00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:04.320 I hope you're having a great Master's Sunday. 00:00:04.400 --> 00:00:06.799 This is the greatest day of the year if you're a sports fan. 00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:08.880 Pretty excited about this afternoon. 00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:10.080 My name is Chris Kuba. 00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:12.080 Let me add my word of greeting to Rachel's earlier. 00:00:12.240 --> 00:00:14.080 Get to be the lead pastor here at United City. 00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:21.120 I'm feeling the pollen in the air, so just uh hope you'll just all we can commiserate together with all of our allergies today, okay? 00:00:21.280 --> 00:00:25.280 But uh hopefully we can fight through this and we can be able to uh be where we need to be. 00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:29.120 One of our core values here at United City Church is the Bible speaks. 00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:44.719 Uh, whenever we went through the process of naming the church, we came up with some core values at that time as well, and we were surprised that in the midst of all the things that we would decide, what would kind of emerge as core values that the Bible speaks would have to stick out. 00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:59.759 Uh the reason why it did, though, whenever we went through the process, was because we noticed that if you in this area specifically in the city of Houston and larger, what you seem to have is that you were either a church that was really, really strong in the Bible, but you were really boring. 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:05.920 Or you were a church that was really cool, relevant, and hip, but you didn't do much Bible. 00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:11.040 And what we thought was is that there's no reason why the Bible needs to be boring. 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:24.159 But instead, we want to present the Bible to you with the authority and the weight that it deserves in the most compelling and relevant way that we possibly know how, which is why we have one of our core values being the Bible speaks. 00:01:24.319 --> 00:01:28.239 I came across something that I thought was pretty interesting a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to show you. 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:31.359 Uh Greg Mott, a good friend of mine over at Houston's First, showed me this. 00:01:31.519 --> 00:01:33.760 This is a periodic table of the Bible. 00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:34.239 Okay? 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:37.760 This shows you all the 66 books uh that are in the Bible. 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:41.760 39 are in the Old Testament, 27 are in the New Testament. 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:52.879 Uh, I just celebrated last week uh uh seven years here on staff at United City Church, and I made me wonder a little bit uh about just uh thanks, appreciate that. 00:01:55.040 --> 00:02:12.000 In the seven years, if you've been with me for seven years here at United City Church, so far we have either preached through verse by verse or a large chunk of 15 of these books of the Bible, which I thought was really cool. 00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:22.560 I thought that was really exciting, especially when you consider that the stuff we're about to do right now, this brand new sermon series we're about to walk through, is to do our 16th book. 00:02:22.800 --> 00:02:29.199 And I kind of thought, you know what my goal is gonna be is to be the pastor of United City Church and for us to do every one of these books. 00:02:29.439 --> 00:02:30.560 So I would ask you this. 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:33.280 One, you gotta hang out with me for a long time, all right? 00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:35.280 Because it's gonna take a little while to do that. 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:37.199 But but I also want you to show this. 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:41.039 This is the diet that you're gonna get if you go to United City Church. 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:51.919 We're gonna try to serve you all of God's word, the whole council of God's word, the stuff that's really hard, the stuff that's really easy, the stuff that's really challenging, the stuff that's really encouraging, all of it. 00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:59.680 And I hope that this series that we're about to jump into will be one that accomplishes all of those things in your life. 00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:03.039 Turn with me to the book of Song of Solomon, chapter one. 00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:06.560 Song of Solomon, chapter one. 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:14.800 When Hillary and I bought our very first home in Plano, Texas, in North Dallas, we were very excited about being able to do so. 00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:24.319 Uh and we we, of course, were trying to meet our neighbors to become friendly with those that are around us, and we met our our next door neighbors who were a great, great family. 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:26.080 Uh, the husband's name was Saria. 00:03:26.479 --> 00:03:27.759 They were an Indian family. 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:37.759 And as we got to know Saria and just his his story and his life, we we wanted to get to know him even more, and so we invited him and his wife over for dinner at our house. 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:44.400 And in the midst of the conversation, it was the normal get to know you type stuff that goes along with having somebody new in your home. 00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:48.719 And we began to ask them the question, how did you guys meet? 00:03:49.360 --> 00:03:57.199 And they began to tell us, they're about 10 years married at the time, they began to tell us that they actually did not meet until one week before their wedding. 00:03:57.439 --> 00:04:00.879 They said that they came from an arranged marriage. 00:04:01.199 --> 00:04:11.680 And of course, my reaction in that moment was so drastic and so obvious that he clearly was like, you want to know more about that? 00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:13.759 And I did for two reasons. 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:18.240 One, I've got two daughters, and I kind of want to look into that myself, you know. 00:04:20.399 --> 00:04:23.600 But the second reason was, how does it work? 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:26.240 Like, how does this actually happen? 00:04:26.480 --> 00:04:40.480 And so he begins to tell me a little bit about his arranged marriage and how the whole thing worked, and his the parents both met each other, and then they kind of like matched them up and decided it would be good, and then they introduced the concept to each other, and then they met a week before their wedding. 00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:46.319 And then he asked me this question that rocked my world then and still rocks my world today. 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:52.480 He said, You're fascinated by my arranged marriage and how it works, but I have a question for you. 00:04:52.959 --> 00:05:01.360 How do you and your culture get the freedom to choose and to date, yet y'all still screw it up so many times? 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:06.399 Saria's not wrong. 00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:11.120 I mean, let's be honest, the dating culture today doesn't work. 00:05:11.439 --> 00:05:15.279 Like it's totally messed up, and the rules keep changing on a constant basis, Surrey. 00:05:15.360 --> 00:05:17.839 You don't even know what dating even means anymore. 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:27.040 I mean, culture today treats dating like it's more like ordering from a menu at a fast food restaurant than it is anything else. 00:05:27.439 --> 00:05:33.120 Folks, the statistics aren't helping us at all showing anything different. 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:41.360 Consistently, we've seen over the course of many decades 40 to 50 percent of first-time marriages end in divorce. 00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:47.040 You would think that if you or if you're a Christian, if you're in the church, then clearly that means that it's gonna be different. 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:54.079 Statistics actually show there's very marginal difference from those who claim to be a Christian in those statistics. 00:05:54.560 --> 00:06:02.560 Now, if you're an active, committed follower of Jesus, you're pursuing the Lord and his church, the statistics are way better. 00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:09.519 But here's what that shows us the label alone doesn't protect us from the results. 00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:14.319 We got a dating problem, we got a relationship problem. 00:06:14.560 --> 00:06:16.480 Like, why do we do this so bad? 00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:22.959 I think part of the reason is no one's ever taught us how to do it, no one's ever walked it through. 00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:32.399 There's just this assumption that you're just supposed to do certain steps, but the problem is many times those steps don't equal great results. 00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:35.519 The statistics show us that by itself. 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:55.199 So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna look at a book in the Bible where God, who created sex, who created marriage, who created relationships, gives us a bunch of material on how to do it right, like eight chapters as to how to do relationships. 00:06:55.680 --> 00:07:10.160 And what we have to decide is are we going to live out the core value of our church and allow the Bible to speak into an area that the culture has made so confusing? 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:14.720 What I want you to see as we walk through this book, we're gonna look at today attraction. 00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:16.480 What should you be attracted to? 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:20.160 We're gonna look at the whole idea of dating and who should you date. 00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:21.360 We're gonna talk about courtship. 00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:25.680 Okay, now that I am dating, what are the rules of what I'm allowed to do and what I'm allowed to do? 00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:30.639 We're gonna look at marriage and what you should be doing in marriage and how to have a great marriage. 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:35.439 In fact, we're gonna be having a marriage night on May 3rd, Sunday night. 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:37.439 We're gonna be coming in and having uh dinner. 00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:39.439 It's gonna be great, it's gonna be an awesome time together. 00:07:39.600 --> 00:07:43.680 Want to make sure you make your calendars for Sunday night, May 3rd, for us to have our marriage night. 00:07:43.839 --> 00:07:45.199 We're gonna talk about sex. 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:49.839 Did you know there's a whole chapter in the Bible explicitly talking about sex? 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:52.240 That's a PG 13 message, by the way. 00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:53.759 Just give you a heads up on that one. 00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:54.879 Because it's amazing. 00:07:54.959 --> 00:08:00.000 Like I'm telling you, if you knew this stuff was in God's word, you'd have been reading your Bible a long time ago. 00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:01.519 I'm telling you. 00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:26.639 We're gonna walk through this book of Song of Solomon together, and it's gonna be a series that no matter who you are today, whether you're a teenager, whether you're a young adult, whether you're somebody that is a senior adult who finds yourself maybe divorced or a widow or all of a sudden now dating again, or if you've been married for 30 years, you've been married for 50 years. 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:30.160 This series is for you. 00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:36.000 The image we're using for this series to kind of picture it is that of a fire. 00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:41.279 You know, there's very few things that are better than just a really good fire. 00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:47.919 But a fire is something that also takes some care and attention to build right. 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:52.799 Because a fire, when it's done wrong, can actually cause great damage. 00:08:53.120 --> 00:09:01.039 But a fire that is contained and a fire that is cultivated is a fire that can provide warmth for a very long amount of time. 00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:11.440 What I want you to think about is that you can't just light a fire by taking some dry wood, lighting up a match, and then throwing it there on the pile and expecting it to all of a sudden start. 00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:13.519 You have to build kindling around it. 00:09:13.679 --> 00:09:20.399 You have to put some things close by, you've got to make sure there's a border so it doesn't get outside of where it is safe and needs to be. 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:24.240 You have to think about these things prior to starting the fire. 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:33.519 And then when you have the fire, you've got to continually put new logs onto the fire in order to allow it to provide the warmth that you are desiring for it to provide. 00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:40.080 What you don't do is what the culture tells us to do, which is to basically create a lighter fluid fire. 00:09:40.399 --> 00:09:41.679 You know what I'm talking about? 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:43.600 Well, you got a little spark, and what do you do? 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:47.759 You just spray some lighter fluid on it, and then boom, you got this big, huge flame. 00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:48.559 But what happens? 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:50.960 It's a fake fire, it doesn't last that long. 00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:54.559 This is what happens when you say, I love you on the third date. 00:09:59.440 --> 00:10:04.799 This is what happens whenever you push the boundaries way sooner than God intended them to be pushed. 00:10:04.879 --> 00:10:05.759 You have a fake fire. 00:10:05.840 --> 00:10:10.000 It looks like something, it certainly sparks up something, but it's not gonna last. 00:10:10.639 --> 00:10:15.360 And so, what we want to learn is how do I create something that's gonna last for decades? 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:19.519 That's gonna last for the long haul. 00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:22.960 Here's the main thing I want you to take away from the message today. 00:10:23.120 --> 00:10:24.000 It's this. 00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:29.759 Before you go looking for someone to find, become someone worth finding. 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:38.080 Before you go looking for someone to find, become someone worth finding. 00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:39.519 Can we just repeat that together? 00:10:39.600 --> 00:10:40.240 It's that important. 00:10:40.320 --> 00:10:41.120 I want you to hear it, okay? 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:41.840 Let's do it together. 00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:42.320 Ready? 00:10:42.639 --> 00:10:47.759 Before you go looking for someone to find, become someone worth finding. 00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:48.960 That's the idea. 00:10:49.279 --> 00:10:51.600 Like tattoo it on your brain. 00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:53.200 Like write it down. 00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:56.000 Like make sure that you don't forget it. 00:10:56.639 --> 00:11:02.639 And what I want to talk to you today is from God's word, how to become someone worth finding. 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:04.639 Not about what you're looking for. 00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:11.200 Clearly, you're gonna hear me talk about the guys and you're gonna hear me talk about the girls, and your tendency is gonna be to begin to evaluate. 00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:16.399 That's okay, but don't miss the main thing you need to do is figure out who you're becoming. 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:21.360 That's the primary aspect of who you should be attracted to. 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.919 Let's begin reading Song of Solomon, chapter 1, verse 1. 00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:30.799 It says the Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. 00:11:31.120 --> 00:11:33.840 Song of Songs is a Hebrew superlative. 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:39.759 It's the same structure as Holy of Holies or the King of Kings or the Lord of Lords. 00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:46.320 It's saying, Of all the songs that Solomon has written, we find in other places that Solomon wrote over a thousand songs. 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.639 This is the song of all the songs. 00:11:48.879 --> 00:11:52.320 Like this is the best one of all that he has written. 00:11:52.639 --> 00:12:14.080 And praise God that he captures this and recognizes that this song is worthy of giving us wisdom for us to learn about how to do romance, how to do dating, and how to do marriage, how to do sex, how to do conflict, and how to create something that's going to last. 00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:16.399 Let's address the elephant in the room. 00:12:16.480 --> 00:12:18.559 It says there that Solomon is the one who wrote it. 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:19.919 Yep, that's the one. 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:23.759 700 wives, 300 concubines. 00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:32.159 God cared enough about romance to allow a non-perfect person to speak perfect truth. 00:12:32.559 --> 00:12:36.879 And I need you to know this, he's been doing this throughout all of history. 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:44.080 From Genesis all the way up to me on this stage today, God uses truth coming from imperfect people. 00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:50.559 So I want to make sure you don't discount what it says because Solomon screwed it up. 00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:58.559 But instead, allow the wisdom that God speaks in here to give you help and guidance into what his ways are all about. 00:12:59.039 --> 00:13:06.159 This book takes a lot of interpretation because there's a lot of things that it's going to mention that are just not normal and natural for our normal understanding. 00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:09.279 So I'm going to have to walk you through this, but it's going to be super helpful. 00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:13.360 I want to just give you some insight into how the book is kind of structured. 00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:18.399 There are three primary speakers in the book, and here's a fun detail about this book, okay? 00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:22.480 The woman speaks about 53% of the time. 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:28.399 Solomon, the man, speaks about 34% of the time. 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:33.440 And then the woman's friends speak the rest of the time. 00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:39.039 If anybody tries to tell you that the Bible's not relevant, that sounds pretty relevant to me, alright? 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:40.559 That sounds dead on. 00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:42.879 The woman gets the first word and the last word. 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:45.759 This is exactly how it happens in my life, alright? 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:49.200 So, what does this book say to look for? 00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:52.320 What does this book say that you're supposed to become? 00:13:52.879 --> 00:13:57.519 It starts with this before you go looking for someone to find, you got to become someone worth finding. 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:03.759 And woman in this text is about to show you men who you need to become. 00:14:04.879 --> 00:14:06.720 Verse 2, read it with me. 00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:10.240 Says, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:13.600 For your love is better than wine. 00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:15.519 Men, let me give you your list. 00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:16.720 This is who you need to become. 00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:19.440 Number one, be patient, not pushy. 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:22.320 Be patient, not pushy. 00:14:22.799 --> 00:14:23.919 It's interesting here. 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:26.879 This woman speaks first and she is not shy about it. 00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:28.159 I want that man. 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:29.919 I want to kiss that man. 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:33.440 The word for love here is romantic physical desire. 00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:38.559 God put that in the Bible because desire is not the problem. 00:14:39.360 --> 00:14:43.919 What you do with that desire is where there becomes issues. 00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:45.200 Watch what she says. 00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:48.720 She says, His love is better than wine. 00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:56.080 Wine is something that you savor, you swirl it, you smell it, you sip it slowly. 00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:59.279 Wine is not something that you chug. 00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:05.120 Men, you should treat a woman like fine wine, not like fast food. 00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:10.080 Do not be in a hurry to use her up. 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:16.639 He's not trying to see how much he can get as fast as he can get it. 00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:22.960 He treats a woman and the relationship like something that is worth slowing down for. 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:24.639 Here's what I want you to hear, man. 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:28.159 Don't tell her you love her on the second date. 00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:30.559 You're moving way too fast. 00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:34.320 Even if you think you do, you don't even know that you do. 00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:36.080 So don't say it. 00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:38.639 You instead protect her heart. 00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:40.159 You guard her. 00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:44.000 You make sure that you are slow with her. 00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:47.440 Guys, don't be pushing to move in together. 00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:51.600 Pursue a woman, and if you want to move in with her, marry her. 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:58.720 But, ladies, if you've got a guy right now that is pressuring you to move in, he is not your guy. 00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:04.240 He is not treating you with the patience that you deserve. 00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:07.840 That's not the man that you need to be. 00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:14.480 Ladies, if the guy you're talking to right now treats your heart like it's a drive-thru window, that's not passion, that's consumption. 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:18.399 You deserve better than to be consumed. 00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:25.039 So, guys, here's the question: Do you savor or do you consume? 00:16:25.840 --> 00:16:30.559 Because the answer to that question is gonna be a preview of the husband that you'll eventually be. 00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:32.000 Let's keep going. 00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:33.279 Verse 3. 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:37.600 He says, Your anointing oils are fragrant. 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:38.960 Let's explain that. 00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:44.639 The second trait for someone that's worth becoming, worth finding, number two, is you gotta be driven. 00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:46.639 I mean, you gotta be driven. 00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:54.639 In the ancient world, they didn't have daily showers, so they used oil and perfumes to cover up what was going on underneath. 00:16:54.879 --> 00:17:00.320 So when she says your anointing oils are fragrant, she's basically saying, Hey, you take care of yourself. 00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:05.119 Like you put on the Israelite version of Axe Body Spray. 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:06.720 All right, that's what we got going here. 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:11.680 Okay, a man worth finding has initiative. 00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:16.319 Like he has a job or he's working toward a job. 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:19.279 He's pursuing something with his life. 00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:24.559 Men, what this means is this you gotta take a shower. 00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:28.160 Middle school boys, hear me. 00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:30.319 You gotta start taking showers. 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.079 You gotta put on deodorant. 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:40.160 Like, don't be the guy whose mom is still packing his lunch when he's 18 years old. 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:43.920 Like, we've gotta raise the bar a little bit, okay? 00:17:44.160 --> 00:17:54.400 Like you've gotta be someone who takes care of himself, who does what needs to be done to pursue a career that is gonna be able to take care of his bride. 00:17:54.720 --> 00:17:56.960 Look at what it says in the next part of the verse. 00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:00.079 He says, Your name is oil poured out. 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:05.599 Number three thing that you should be, men, as to someone worth finding, is pursue character. 00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:06.720 Pursue character. 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:08.960 What's happened here is a little bit of a pivot. 00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:14.880 She moves from his physical fragrance, how he smells, to something that is deeper. 00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:17.359 You gotta understand the Hebrew to understand the wordplay. 00:18:17.519 --> 00:18:21.599 The word there for name is the name is the Hebrew word shim. 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:26.000 And then the Hebrew word for oil is shuman, which means this. 00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:28.000 She's doing it like a little wordplay there. 00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:31.039 Your name is oil poured out. 00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:44.960 She's saying the thing that really draws me to you is not just how you smell on the outside, the fact that you shower, you put on deodorant, you're taking care of yourself, but also what your name on the inside represents. 00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:50.079 She's saying, Your name, because your name in the ancient world was your reputation. 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:54.960 It was your track record, everything people knew about you when you weren't in the room. 00:18:55.119 --> 00:19:00.000 And she says, Your name is like oil that has been poured out. 00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:04.240 Some translations even say this: it is purified oil. 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:11.039 Purified oil has been through a process, like all the impurities have been burned off. 00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:17.359 Here's how you evaluate what type of character that you have. 00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:20.640 You don't watch a man on his best day. 00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:29.839 Ladies, you aren't looking for how he responds when he scores 20 or he has five catches with three touchdowns. 00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:38.000 You're looking for how he responds when he actually goes 0 for 4 at the plate and struck out three times. 00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:46.000 You can see who a man really is when he faces adversity, not on his best day. 00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:54.079 And in that moment, you're asking the question Are you a man who responds to that adversity with integrity? 00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:57.119 You stick it out and you persevere? 00:19:57.359 --> 00:19:59.279 Or are you a man who runs? 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:01.359 Are you a man who flees? 00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:04.480 I have people come to my office all the time and they're like, oh, I found my mate. 00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:05.440 We're perfect for each other. 00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:06.000 I know everything. 00:20:06.160 --> 00:20:07.119 Well, tell me about your fights. 00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:08.480 And they say, Oh, we've never had a fight. 00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:10.799 I'm like, you have no idea what you're talking about then. 00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:15.200 You have no idea who the guy is you're actually talking about marrying. 00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:18.799 Because you've never seen him in the moment when it matters. 00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:20.160 Please hear me. 00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:26.720 25% of the book of Song of Solomon is about conflict, which is about par for the course of what marriage is like. 00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:29.440 At least 25% of it's gonna be conflict. 00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:32.640 You want to see what is this man like in those moments? 00:20:32.799 --> 00:20:35.279 I talk about this all the time on our Step Up Podcast. 00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:36.960 I encourage you men to go and listen to this. 00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:44.000 We say this: what you're gonna find out who a man really is, is how he responds when he gets punched in the mouth. 00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:46.799 What are you gonna do in those moments? 00:20:46.880 --> 00:20:48.960 Is he gonna be one that runs to Jesus? 00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:51.599 Is he gonna be one that runs to his small group? 00:20:51.839 --> 00:21:00.160 Is he gonna be one that runs to what he's comfortable with that leads him away from what God desires for him? 00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:04.640 You gotta be a man who has proven and shows his character. 00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:06.000 Men, let me just ask you. 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:09.039 Here's the title of my message today is how do you smell? 00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:15.759 Does your life smell like conviction, or does your life smell like compromise? 00:21:16.960 --> 00:21:25.279 Does it smell like you've been with Jesus, or does it smell like you just sprayed something on to cover up what's really going on underneath? 00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:28.079 Look at the end of verse 3. 00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:32.240 It says, Therefore, virgins love you. 00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:35.039 Draw me after you, let us run. 00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:38.480 The king has brought me into his chambers. 00:21:38.559 --> 00:21:41.039 In my Bible, it then shows others. 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.960 It kind of gives a label that shows you that we are changing speakers here. 00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:46.400 Now we're getting the girlfriends. 00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:48.079 Okay, the girlfriends are now speaking. 00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:51.920 At the end of verse 4, it says, We will exalt and rejoice in you. 00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:54.480 We will extol your love more than wine. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:56.960 Rightly do they love you. 00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.599 Fourth thing, men, that I want you to see that you should become. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.480 And you should uh become somewhere worth finding. 00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:04.880 Number four, build a good reputation. 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:07.039 Build a good reputation. 00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:18.799 The women of marrying age, the virgins, it says there at the end of verse three, and then the people that are speaking in verse four are all saying that he this is a man that is honorable. 00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:21.200 This is a man that you should go after. 00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:27.440 What this means is this this isn't a guy who's dating one girl over here and has got a whole another group of girls over here. 00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:29.359 He's a one-woman guy. 00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:31.839 He is he is committed, he's got a good reputation. 00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:34.400 He's the same man in public that he is in private. 00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:38.960 He's the same person on Sunday morning as he is on Thursday afternoon. 00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:42.720 And the girlfriends all approve. 00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:46.880 Men, just to give you a heads up, tell you how this whole thing works, all right? 00:22:47.119 --> 00:22:49.200 You go on a date with a girl, okay? 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:52.880 When you drop that girl off at her apartment, I need you to know this. 00:22:53.039 --> 00:22:59.839 There are a group of girls waiting behind that door, all there, waiting for every detail of that date. 00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:00.480 All right. 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:09.279 And even if they're not physically there, they're gonna be on the phone and they're gonna be FaceTime and they're gonna be saying, given every blow, blah, blah pitch of everything that happened on that date. 00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:13.599 You just need to know girls have a high counsel and they're gonna give input on this thing, all right? 00:23:13.839 --> 00:23:17.680 When you date a girl, you're not just dating that girl, you're dating all of her friends at the same time. 00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:19.279 All right, that's how this works. 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.519 So here's what I want you to see, okay? 00:23:21.759 --> 00:23:26.559 One, do you have a good reputation amongst those girls? 00:23:27.200 --> 00:23:37.279 Because if you don't have a good reputation and these girls speak to the other girl who's infatuated by that date and begins to tell her things, please hear me. 00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:40.240 That's not jealousy, that's honesty. 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:50.960 And so it's important, men, that you have a reputation to where it's not just how you act in front of the girl that you like, but it's also how you act whenever you're not with the girl that you like. 00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:53.519 And you gotta be someone that's got a good reputation. 00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:56.079 Meaning, this, my I've had it with my own kids. 00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:58.240 I'm like, well, tell me what their friends say about them. 00:23:58.480 --> 00:23:59.519 Like, that's what I want to know. 00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.079 And I'll go do some reconnaissance work in the background telling me who is this kid? 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:06.079 Who is this kid taking out with my daughter? 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.319 Okay, who is this girl on my like I want to know what this looks like. 00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:08.559 What? 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:09.440 And you know how you can find out? 00:24:09.519 --> 00:24:10.880 Ask about the friends. 00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:15.519 Because the friends are gonna tell you a whole lot about who they are and what they're really all about. 00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:16.799 Please hear me on this. 00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:20.720 You're gonna end up, ladies, smelling like what you've gotten used to. 00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:26.400 So you want to find a man who's got a good reputation, so that begins to make you smell the same way. 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:28.400 Okay, ladies, your turn. 00:24:28.799 --> 00:24:36.559 Verse 5, she starts talking about herself, and what she reveals tells you everything you need to know about a woman that is worth finding. 00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:38.079 Let's look at what it says. 00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:39.839 Number one, write this down. 00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:41.920 You need to have godly friends. 00:24:42.319 --> 00:24:43.680 You need to have godly friends. 00:24:43.759 --> 00:24:50.559 Let's just go back and realize in verse 4 at the end there that her friends spoke up and gave their endorsement. 00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:55.359 Ladies, the company that you keep tells the direction that you're headed. 00:24:56.160 --> 00:25:05.200 If your closest friends are pulling you towards drama and compromise and gossip, that's the current that you're swimming in. 00:25:05.920 --> 00:25:13.440 So men in light of this know that the best place to find a godly woman is not from an app, it's at the church. 00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:29.519 Because if they're at the church, then they're gonna have godly friends who are gonna be speaking God's word into them, as opposed to just finding some random algorithm that puts you together and you use the check the box Christian and act like somehow that that counts. 00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:31.039 Folks, I get it. 00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:32.720 I'm not saying it's wrong to use apps. 00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:38.640 What I am saying is this the moment that you find somebody on that app, you need to find out who their godly friends are if they have them. 00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:42.000 Because that's who they're gonna become. 00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:47.440 You've heard it many times said that you're most like the five people that are closest around you at all times. 00:25:47.680 --> 00:25:48.880 Who are those five people? 00:25:49.039 --> 00:25:57.119 Ladies, make sure that you're having people where your real character gets revealed because you're around people that are of faith and they love Jesus and they love you. 00:25:57.359 --> 00:25:59.200 Look at verse five and six. 00:25:59.519 --> 00:26:01.680 I am very dark but lovely. 00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:06.319 O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kadar, like the curtains of Solomon. 00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:10.240 Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. 00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:12.559 My mother's sons were angry with me. 00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:16.640 They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. 00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:23.200 Second thing I want you to see, ladies, of who you need to be, someone worth finding, number two, is be proven. 00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:24.880 Be proven. 00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:28.319 It's interesting, she's kind of insecure and she's honest about it. 00:26:28.559 --> 00:26:34.480 In that culture, lighter skin, being more pale, was actually the beauty standard. 00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:37.759 Her skin here is dark because she's been working outside. 00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:40.000 Think about how opposite that is for us, right? 00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:45.440 Instead, we got people that pay a lot of money to put fake tans on to make it look like they've been outside a whole lot, right? 00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:51.119 Uh her brothers, it says here, are very angry with her and they put her to work in the vineyards. 00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:53.200 Her father is actually never mentioned in this book. 00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:56.720 So we she don't we we get the impression that the father's not around. 00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:02.799 She's been pouring into everyone else's fields, and she hasn't been able to invest in herself. 00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:05.039 So she's got family dysfunction. 00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:06.880 She's got a missing dad. 00:27:07.039 --> 00:27:17.920 She's got brothers who are hard on her, and she stands in front of Solomon, in front of his world, and she says, I am very dark, the very first verse five, but I am lovely. 00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:21.839 And Solomon already noticed. 00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:25.200 Before she ever had to explain herself, he saw her. 00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:28.880 His attraction was not confused by her insecurity. 00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:37.519 He saw past the fieldwork tan to the woman that was underneath because her inner beauty magnified her outer beauty. 00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:47.440 Folks, we don't have to give statistics, but it's crazy how much money is spent on women trying to be become more physically attracted, attractive to others. 00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:49.359 And physical attraction matters. 00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:53.359 God designed it, but it is not ultimate. 00:27:54.240 --> 00:27:57.039 Character is what makes attraction last. 00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:02.400 The woman served faithfully in a situation that wasn't her fault and wasn't her choosing. 00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:05.039 Her family was broken and she didn't quit. 00:28:05.200 --> 00:28:06.160 She's proven. 00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:14.160 Become a woman whose life is marked by faithfulness more than beauty. 00:28:14.559 --> 00:28:19.759 Beauty is not bad, but I do want you to know that beauty is not ultimate. 00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:28.960 Find instead become someone who is faithful to Jesus, who is faithful to your friends, who is faithful to your commitments, who does not bail whenever it gets hard. 00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:32.559 She is one who sees things through. 00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:37.920 Number three, I actually look at verse seven before I read that, before I tell you what that is. 00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:36.319 She's not a pick me. 00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:40.880 She's not defined by whether or not she has a boyfriend. 00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:47.759 She's known for her character, not for how much skin she shows on her body on a Friday night. 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.480 That's not a dress code, that's an identity. 00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:52.880 She has a desire, but it's not passive. 00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:55.039 It's also not desperate. 00:29:56.160 --> 00:30:01.920 There's a world of difference between a woman who wants a man and a woman who needs a man. 00:30:03.039 --> 00:30:04.640 You can tell by her history. 00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:10.559 If you find a girl who hasn't been single for more than two weeks at a time since middle school, she's wondering. 00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:13.759 She doesn't need the right guy, she just needs a guy. 00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:17.680 And ladies, you need to hear this. 00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:21.200 You are more than what he sees from across the room. 00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:29.279 The woman in this text had every reason to feel disqualified, and God put her story in the Bible as a model of what is worth finding. 00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:32.240 Your backstory does not disqualify you. 00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:35.119 Not to God and not to the right man. 00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:43.359 So before you become someone, before you go looking for someone to find, you need to become someone worth finding. 00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:50.480 Timothy Atique, uh, a number of years ago, did an illustration about this topic that I want to recreate for you today. 00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:58.000 Timothy is the pastor at Watermart Community Church up in the Dallas area, formerly was the lead speaker at Breakaway Ministries up at Texas AM. 00:30:58.079 --> 00:31:02.400 Uh and so I'm gonna ask uh Haley if you would to come ahead and come up here on stage with me. 00:31:02.559 --> 00:31:05.119 Um let's give her a hand as she comes on up here. 00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:11.039 Awesome. 00:31:13.359 --> 00:31:17.680 What I want to do is I want to just kind of visualize what we're talking about here. 00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:27.279 Um the most important thing that you can do today, whether you're single or whether you are married, is run hard after Jesus. 00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:33.039 Like to seek his face, like to make him the priority of your life. 00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:38.559 Like so, so before anything else comes for dating, you got to get this part right. 00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:44.240