Planning for Care with Jasilika Davidson

What do you need to know about planning for care?

Join me and my guest, Jasilika Davidson, Owner of Assisted Living Locators of West Columbus, Senior Care Advisor, Dementia Care Certified, TEDX speaker, and Veteran.

In this episode:

🔹 What’s the “in between” that you talk about?

🔹Why should people plan for care now?

🔹What things should people consider when planning for care?

🔹When having the planning for care convo with your family, what are important things to remember?

🔹When should you talk about LTC and plan for care? 

➡Watch this episode on YouTube:  https://youtu.be/UFMToBmq1UE

For additional information about Kelly, check her out on Linkedin or www.SteadfastAgents.com.

To explore your options for long-term care insurance, click here.

Steadfast Care Planning podcast is made possible by AMADA Senior Care and Steadfast Insurance LLC.

Come back next time for more helpful guidance!

Transcript

Kelly Augspurger: [00:00:02] Hey everyone. Welcome to Steadfast Care Planning, where we plan for care to live well. I'm your guide, Kelly Augspurger. With me today is Jasilika Davidson, owner of Assisted Living Locators of West Columbus. She's also a Senior Care Advisor, Dementia Care Certified, PAC Certified, and get this, a TedX speaker. So, Jasilika, so many things to add to your resume there. Thank you so much for being here.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:00:28] Thank you for having me, Kelly. I'm honored.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:00:30] Today we're going to be talking about planning for care. Jasilika, you talk about the "in-between" specifically in your TedX talk, what is the in-between?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:00:39] The in between and I'm glad that you asked that question, Kelly, because the in-between is that phase of life after retirement. So you've already raised your kids, you've loved on them. They've gone and now they're living their own lives and you've retired and you're like, "Okay, I'm going to travel or I'm going to volunteer or I'm going to do everything else." But then there's this period where something starts to change in your life. Maybe it's mobility. Maybe you recently had a stroke and your speech has started to slur. Maybe you have paralyzation. It could be a cognitive decline and no one plans for that, but we've planned for death, so we may have a will in place, but we don't have a conversation, a must needed necessary conversation about what happens in the event that my retirement plans don't look like I envisioned them to look. What happens in the event that it's no longer to stay at home. Or maybe I want to stay at home, but it's not safe for me to stay at home. What happens then? Are my kids aware of what my plan is? Should I be sharing that information with my kids? Or is it something that I should just have written and in place? And we'll figure it out as we go. So that in between is that part of life that we don't talk about, but we need to talk about because planning is necessary not just in the early stages of our lives when our children are young and when they go off to college and when they get married, but planning is important in every area of our life, and doing that helps us get through that in-between.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:02:11] Totally agree and I just love that term. I think it's so endearing. There's an emotional connection there. After you quit working, maybe you've had a career, maybe you were a stay at home mom, whatever the case might be. Okay, what's the next chapter in my life before I move on from this life and so it really is that in-between. It's a beautiful way to say it.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:02:32] Planning is important in every stage of life, but why is planning for care so important in your opinion?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:02:38] Listen, in the space that I work in and that I love in and God has placed me in, and what I've noticed about families and not all families. Some families have already planned for it because maybe they experienced the same thing with their parents, right? But in this particular time in life, it could be overwhelming, anxiety inducing. Things are changing rapidly and you don't have a plan and you don't know what to do, right? So planning helps reduce stress not just for the aging parent, but for your loved ones. Oftentimes, children call me and they are frustrated and you have the different family dynamics and the different roles that each person plays and you have one who's the caregiver and they're like, "I don't know what to do. I'm caring for mom and dad or aunts or grandmother," whomever the family member is. But they're also trying to take care of their own family. So it's that sandwich generation, right?

Kelly Augspurger: [00:03:34] Right.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:03:35] And so they're overwhelmed and they don't have a roadmap and they're trying to figure out, what do I do? I've never discussed finances with my family or my loved ones. I don't know what their wishes are, which is really, really important. It's necessary to understand what is it that you want to do, mom and dad? If you're aging and things are starting to change, do you want to stay at home? If you do want to stay at home, can we afford to stay at home because there's a difference in cost staying at home depending on how many hours you need. So let's look at the bigger picture to understand exactly what it is you need, what they need as far as care, but also financially, can you afford it? And those are conversations that have to happen. They are conversations that are necessary to happen, but they are uncomfortable conversations as well.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:04:21] Yeah, they can be. They can definitely be awkward and I think everything you just said there, Jasilika, boils down to really two things. Family and finances.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:04:30] Yeah.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:04:30] That's why we should plan for care, right?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:04:32] Yeah.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:04:32] We want to protect our family. We want to protect our finances, and we want to stay in control of our care options. We want to choose how we age, how we gracefully, successfully age, wherever that might be. Maybe it's at home, maybe it's in a community, but we want to stay in control of those care options, and we want to protect the people that we love the most and we want to protect our finances, what we've worked so hard for. So, yeah, I think everything you just said it really is summarized in those two things.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:05:03] So when we're looking at planning for care, what do you think the main things are to consider?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:05:09] That's a great question. I think you have to look at a couple of different things. First of all, having that conversation, making sure that it's timely and you have to plan for the conversation and have all those that need to be involved present or now with technology, of course, you can be on a Zoom, you can have a conference call. So making sure that you bring everyone that's invested in this senior, in your loved one's life, to the table and having a heart to heart conversation. And what that could look like, Kelly, is asking the question, mom, dad, I know you've worked hard. You mentioned that earlier. I know you want to save as much as you possibly can. A lot of seniors or Moms and Dads are concerned about after I leave, I want to be able to leave my loved one with something like something tangible, something that they could hold and do something with. However, the care needs may mean that we have to do something different. So really, having a heart to heart conversation, I think is the first step. The second piece is understanding that they may not give you everything that you need right then in that one conversation.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:06:14] Right.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:06:15] It's better to start earlier before there is a need. The way life works, though, is that doesn't always happen. We're usually forced into a situation where we have to make a decision urgently and we don't want that to happen, and that's why planning is essential. That's why planning is necessary. So we're having the conversation. We're making sure that we understand what their concerns are because there's a lot of fear in leaving your home and losing your independence and not knowing what assisted living looks like or memory care, or if you need to go into a skilled care environment, not knowing what that looks like and feeling like you're making the decision for me, make sure that it's a family decision, that you listen more than you speak. That's a little hard sometimes because we love our moms, we love our dads, and sometimes as they're aging because they have this independence, they've always taken care of you, they've loved and supported you, they've provided financial support for you, and so you want to respect who they are. However, you also want to be realistic with what to look for, what to think about for future situations that may or may not happen. If it becomes overwhelming, then I think it's good to take breaks, right? Take breaks and say we can revisit this. We don't want this to be a time where they're frustrated. Sometimes it's going to happen anyway. But always remember the respect factor, the love factor, your commitment to making sure that they age well, whatever that looks like. Understanding the financial piece. Mom, dad, can we talk finances?

Kelly Augspurger: [00:07:48] Right.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:07:48] What happens if this happens? How much can you afford? Do you have long term care insurance, which is really important, and a lot of people didn't even know about it. I mean, listen, they don't know about it. You don't know what you don't know because it's not something that you talk about, but it becomes a great benefit for families, right? And oftentimes it's too late for maybe the aging parents, but maybe not so much for you as your aging.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:08:12] The adult kids.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:08:12] So now you have new information, right? And you can plan better than what your parents planned. That's not always the case. There are a small portion, honestly, of families that I work with have long term care insurance just because they don't know and you don't know what you don't know. So I think understanding if it is a situation where you're having the conversation and it's more of a forced conversation because maybe mom fell and because she fell and it's no longer safe for her to be in the home and you're forced to make a decision right now in this moment and in that case, really taking a breath, understanding what the care needs are, finding someone and I hate to say this because this is a plug, in so many ways. Finding someone who can help guide you through the process of knowing what's out there, knowing what resources are available. I'm a Veteran myself, so when you think about VA Aid and Attendance, whether or not you're a surviving spouse of a Veteran, whether or not you are a Veteran yourself, what are these options that are available? Because the financial piece is an important piece of the puzzle. The care, financial piece is really important.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:09:15] Oh, man, you touched on so many really great things there, Jasilika. You talked about really even the who. Who needs to be involved in this, and this is the family, right? Your spouse, if you have kids, adult kids, or whoever is close to you, that might even be the POA, the power of attorney in the future. So we really want to identify and talk about this and avoid crisis planning at all costs, which, even if you have a plan in place, that doesn't mean it's going to be executed exactly how you envisioned, right? Because things happen that we don't think about or envision. We're not in control, but if we at least have a baseline of, okay, this is who we want to provide care, at least in the beginning. So identifying who's going to be the caregivers, at least in the beginning, where do I want to receive care? Am I going to receive care at home? Have I looked into assisted living communities in my area? What's available? Continuing Care Retirement communities, CCRCs. There's just so many different options today of where people can receive care. So that's really the where -where do I want to receive care? And then the third component, I think and you touched on it, finances. How am I going to pay for this if I'm not relying on family to provide care, which I would not recommend doing that full time. Now, I know sometimes people have to, but there are so many consequences that happen with that when we have to rely on family. Physically, it's hard on caregivers, mentally, emotionally, and then financially. If they're caring for you, they're not working, earning an income, unless you can pay them to provide care. So figuring out that how am I going to pay for the care, that's also an important component too. So yeah, lots of things to consider really in that planning process, Jasilika.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:10:55] And now for a brief message from our show sponsor, the Steadfast Care Planning Podcast is sponsored by AMADA Senior Care Columbus. AMADA is your one stop shop for in-home caregivers, senior housing advice and long term care insurance Claim assistance. Visit amadaseniorcare.com/columbus-senior-care to learn more.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:11:15] So when we're having this conversation with our families what are important things to remember?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:11:20] A couple things that you have to remember. I think you have to remember and it goes back to and listen I was raised in the South, so I have this whole value system, not that others don't, who are born in different parts of the United States, but I was born in the South and so this respect factor for family. Respect factor for elders and I know that sometimes roles start to shift. And what shifting roles looks like is your parents parented you, but now you're parenting your parents. I know that is something people don't want to hear, but as you age, it does change. The responsibility starts to shift and so in the shift, you have to make sure you are respecting them. You are listening to what their needs and their concerns and their wants are. That's really important because their voice should still be heard. Maybe their voice is not the ultimate voice as far as the decision, but they need to have a sense of being heard and understood and a part of the whole plan because it's almost like a puzzle piece. Everyone has their different roles and you're putting it together to see the big picture and making them feel a part of that would be helpful, I think, in the transition as much as you possibly can. Of course, if care is the most important thing you sometimes have to stress, I know this is what you want. I love you and respect you for what you want, but really it's not safe. You know, we've spoken with doctors, health care professionals, and they indicated that the situation, the circumstance no longer works for you. I think it's also about being truthful about what you can handle. Oftentimes, we want to do everything, especially as caregivers who have a big heart and we just want to love on and support those that are nearest and dearest to us. My sister Shawn had been the caregiver for my mommy, I think about 7 to 9 years. I can't remember the exact amount. So I'd say between 7 and 9 years, and I saw her while I'm so happy and they did have a conversation about what that would look like and especially after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, my mommy didn't want Shawn to have to take on that responsibility. I'm in Ohio. I have brothers in different places. She didn't want her to have to take on that responsibility and the background story is my mommy also took care of her mommy. Brought her into the home and so naturally, she was in that caregiver role and she understood the toll it could take on someone.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:13:47] Right.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:13:47] Right. The great responsibility that that entailed and so and doing that, Shawn had to make a decision on whether or not she wanted to. And she was like, there's no other option. But she sacrificed her time. She sacrificed her body. She needed respite. She needed relief quite often. And I'm in Ohio raising my children with my husband and I have siblings who are doing some of the same things.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:14:09] Right.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:14:10] And yet, how can I help you? You know, can I provide financial support? Can I just be an ear to listen to you? Of course I'm praying for you. What can I do to make your life easier? When I come to visit, can I give you some time to just go get your nails done? What can I do to help? What can I do?

Kelly Augspurger: [00:14:27] Yeah.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:14:28] And so I think it's really important. It's really, really important to consider all things from not just the position of the person that's needing the care, but also the one who's ultimately going to be doing the caregiving. There are times where there are multiple siblings and they have equal roles, but more times than not there's one person doing it and the expectation is pretty great.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:14:51] Yeah and the other siblings, like in your situation might not be local.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:14:55] Yeah.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:14:55] You know, they have families, they have businesses, like they just physically can't do it. It's not realistic for them. So yeah, one sibling ends up taking more of that responsibility on. Is that something that they can do and want to do? And if not, okay, what's the plan? Who's going to be that caregiver for mom and dad? Where are they going to receive that care? And then how are we going to pay for that care if we're not having informal caregivers? So yeah, I really appreciate the respect, the honesty. We're being compassionate and empathetic knowing that we want to respect their wishes, but also knowing that things change and you might want to stay at home for your whole life, but if it's not safe for you to be at home, and if it's not financially practical, we need to look at other opportunities, right? We need to look at other ways to be able to practically and efficiently be able to provide care for you. I think a couple other things to keep in mind, Jasilika, even when having that conversation is being prepared on on multiple fronts, like having information. So doing some research of, okay, if we're going to receive care at home, what are the home care agencies in our area? How much do they charge. If we're going to look at assisted living, working with someone like yourself to look at communities in your area, how much do they charge? What kind of plans do they have? You know, do they have activities? Lots and lots of things to consider. And how are you going to pay for that? And I think choosing a good time and environment. I think life events like drafting legal papers, estate plans, those can be good opportunities to have these conversations. We can choose a place to have a convo where people are comfortable. Usually that's in a private setting like your home. I will say holidays not a great time to discuss this.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:16:34] No, you want kind of be present for the holidays.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:16:37] Right.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:16:38] Enjoy Christmas, enjoy Thanksgiving. Let's not cause any anxiety.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:16:42] Right, right. Even though everybody's together and practically it might seem like a good idea because you're all there, but you really just want to enjoy the holiday. So avoiding those conversations at holidays, I think is important and staying positive. You know, telling your loved ones how much you care about them and just your genuine concern for them and that you love them.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:17:02] Yeah.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:17:03] Reminding them that having a plan helps them to stay in control of their care options as much as possible.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:17:08] Yeah.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:17:08] Is really important. And then asking for help. I mean, you know this being a professional in the industry, when helping clients they don't know what they don't know, right?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:17:17] They don't know what they don't know.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:17:19] And so asking for help, asking for help from professionals, it really is a team effort. So reaching out to people that can offer guidance. So if you haven't drafted an estate plan or updated it for years, reach out to an attorney. Find one that can help. If you need to look into home care agencies or communities, looking for those specific resources. If you don't have long term care insurance or a way to pay for care like investigating that, right? There's so many people that are willing to help. It's seeking the help. And actually Jasilika and I are in a group together, the Central Ohio Care Planning Council and so we are a group of professionals that help the community and really giving guidance and giving our expertise so that they can make these decisions that's best for their family.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:18:06] Jasilika, when do you think is best for people to really start that plan for care and talking about it?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:18:12] Yeah, you know, I think about that often because we are aging and people are living longer than they ever lived before because of medicine, right? And that's a gift all in of itself. And I'll always think the earlier the better. And for me, I have two young children, 12 and 13. I should have a plan in action now because God forbid, and it happens to people every single day where something happens and then you're just trying to figure out what to do and where to go and how to do it. So I think good practice would be in your 50s. I'm 47 right now. Go ahead and get that long term care insurance plan. Go ahead and speak with an attorney and plan out your estate. Make sure you have a clear understanding of what your financials look like so that you can share that and understand wanting privacy. Have people that you trust who you know will respect what your wishes are as best they can unless you're unable to make decisions yourself. Make sure that there is a POA, a power of attorney, medical POA, guardian if you have young children. All those things, right? You need to have things in place so that you are protecting you. I like to say protecting, but you're also protecting the ones that you love. What I've noticed too, Kelly, and I don't know if you've experienced this, too, there's a thing called solo aging. So what that looks like is those seniors who are aging by themselves, they don't have any children. Maybe they don't have a spouse or maybe their spouse is deceased, and who's taking care of them? Oftentimes, it's other family members, a niece and nephew, a cousin, a sibling who's coming in trying to help plan, and if you have everything documented, if you have everything in one place and you can point them in the right direction and they understand and you've talked over what your plans are, your expectations, your wishes are, then it makes the process less stressful, it makes it almost seamless. Although we do know that things happen, so hiccups inevitably will happen, but if we have plans that we can execute and we have people that we trust in the position to help carry out what our wishes to the best of their ability unless medical circumstances or financials interfere in some way. I think it's really important on this planning journey as we're planning for the in-between.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:20:27] Beautifully said, Jasilika. Do you have any final advice on how people can plan for care to live well?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:20:32] You know, I think the biggest thing is if you are as young as we are, Kelly. As young as we are right now, making sure that you have a will in place, in addition to that, having long term care insurance is important. I think it's necessary. And Kelly, this is a question that I think that you can answer because I've heard different things about the long term care insurance. Typically at about age 50 is when we should be looking into that. Is that accurate? One or both of the spouses should be at least 50, is that correct?

Kelly Augspurger: [00:21:02] Yeah, so there's not an exact age, Jasilika, but 50 is a great time to look at it, and typically we say that because at that point, hopefully your kids are older, maybe they're still at home, but they're probably not little anymore.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:21:17] Right.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:21:17] At this point you're also probably established in your career and you're doing a good job of saving and investing at this point because we want to make that a priority. You probably already have life insurance and hopefully disability income insurance at this point. And maybe you're even in that sandwich generation where you're seeing your parents starting to need care or slowing down a bit. But health is so important. So the goal really is to look into long term care insurance when you are health eligible. So we want to make sure that we are healthy enough to qualify.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:21:47] I love how you said that. Health eligible.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:21:50] Health eligible. Yeah. And you know, it doesn't mean you're running marathons and you're doing all kinds of CrossFit and really extreme things, but you're taking care of yourself and you're not on like a long list of medications with multiple diagnoses and just a slew of health issues because we get to that point, Jasilika, and it can be harder to get coverage or it's much more expensive or your options are fewer. So I like to say the healthier the younger you are, the better options you're going to have and the less expensive it will be. But also consider, we want to make sure that we have been saving for retirement. We have our life insurance and we've got some disability income insurance, and we've done these things and college planning, if you still need to do that obviously that's a priority too. So we want to make sure some of these financial things have been done and then let's pursue long term care insurance for that in between.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:22:43] That makes sense. Thank you for answering that question, by the way, because I was always I'm always curious about that.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:22:48] The age, yeah, and you know what? Most of my clients are in their 50s,Jasilika, but I certainly, I've got clients that are older and some that are a little bit younger. Sometimes even in 40s people will get a policy, but typically in the 50s those are where most of my clients fall.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:23:03] Jasilika, you've just been a wealth of knowledge today. Thank you so much for your time. Before we say goodbye, tell us where can people find more information about you and how you help people?

Jasilika Davidson: [00:23:14] Yes, thank you so much again for this opportunity to speak with you, to provide some education and information for families who may need services like ours, but who may also be overwhelmed with what is happening in their lives and not knowing what to do. What course of action to take. To answer your question, the best way to reach me is on my landing page: www.assistedlivinglocators.com/westcolumbus. There you're going to be prompted to, you're going to find some information about me first, and then you're going to be prompted to enter your zip code just to make sure that it's a good match. I can be reached at (614) 347-6140. I'm on Instagram at AllWestColumbus and on LinkedIn at Jasilika Golden Davidson. So yes, those are the ways that you can reach me.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:24:00] Wonderful. So a slew of different ways to reach out to Jasilika, and I'd highly recommend it if you know someone or have a loved one where you are investigating communities, you want to look into communities, assisted living, CCRCs, whatever the case might be in your area, reach out to Jasilika and see if she can help. And if she can't personally help you, she can probably direct you to someone who can. Thanks so much for your time today. Have a wonderful day!

Jasilika Davidson: [00:24:26] Thank you so much, Kelly.

Kelly Augspurger: [00:24:28] Bye bye.

Jasilika Davidson: [00:24:28] Bye bye.