I believe in the power of stories, and Yvonne Marchese's story is a doozy. She is what she calls a "serial pivotal," person, a person who has changed course many times in her life. For many years, she was filled with frustration, anger, and even depression. The future held little promise. But when she was in her late 40s, she had what she calls a "Mid-Life Awakening," not a Mid-Life Crisis.
Yvonne began to understand why she'd never been comfortable with the uncomfortable and the steps that lead to emotional and physical health. Three years ago, she launched her podcast, "Late Bloomer Living" and has not looked back. She takes listeners on a journey as she and her guests talk about what it means to try new things in mid-life and beyond. "It is not about changing yourself," she says, "but about changing how you think about yourself.
"You are not too late. It is never too late."
Today, Yvonne is not only the host of her podcast but a photographer, speaker, mother, and wife. She is smart, involved, and funny.
On a personal note, it is exciting to hear from women a few decades younger than I am (Yikes!) who are getting their acts together and discovering how to age with zest and enthusiasm. There is no dread here, only excitement about the here and now and the future.
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/community
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/community
I believe in the power of stories, and Yvonne Marchese's story is a doozy. She is what she calls a "serial pivotal," person, a person who has changed course many times in her life. For many years, she was filled with frustration, anger, and even depression. The future held little promise. But when she was in her late 40s, she had what she calls a "Mid-Life Awakening," not a Mid-Life Crisis.
Yvonne began to understand why she'd never been comfortable with the uncomfortable and the steps that lead to emotional and physical health. Three years ago, she launched her podcast, "Late Bloomer Living" and has not looked back. She takes listeners on a journey as she and her guests talk about what it means to try new things in mid-life and beyond. "It is not about changing yourself," she says, "but about changing how you think about yourself.
"You are not too late. It is never too late."
Today, Yvonne is not only the host of her podcast but a photographer, speaker, mother, and wife. She is smart, involved, and funny.
On a personal note, it is exciting to hear from women a few decades younger than I am (Yikes!) who are getting their acts together and discovering how to age with zest and enthusiasm. There is no dread here, only excitement about the here and now and the future.
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/community
https://www.latebloomerliving.com/community
Hi, I'm Jane Leder, host of Older Women and Friends. You know, when it comes right down to it, I find aging to be a complex affair Highs, lows and everything in between. But as I see it, the one constant is change, and the key is how we adjust, how we transition. Do we start a new career, write that book we've had rolling around in our heads for years, move to warmer climes to be near our grandchildren, continue teaching or researching or coaching other women, or do we just hang out, travel and have a good time? The guests on Older Women and Friends have many stories to tell, to share, about what they've been up to and what they've learned along the way. So turn up the volume and join me on Older Women and Friends. I believe in the power of stories we tell ourselves and others, and, even though every story is unique, we often find a familiar feeling or experience that tells us that we're not alone.
Speaker 1:Yvonne Marchese, today's guest, tells her story as a serial pivoter. She changed the course of her life many, many times in an attempt to get out of the cycle of frustration, anger and sometimes depression. She was fearful but didn't know why. The future held little promise, but then, after too many years of searching for health and joy, she had what she calls a midlife awakening and for the first time she began to understand why she never felt comfortable with the uncomfortable and the steps she could take on the way to emotional and physical health. Today she's an author, photographer, speaker, mother, wife and, as of three years ago, the host of the podcast Late Bloomer Living Yvonne. Welcome to Older Women and Friends, thank you.
Speaker 2:Wow, thank you so much for that introduction. That was awesome. Thank you, it's always so weird to hear somebody else talk about you.
Speaker 1:I know, and when we're writing those bios and it's like I don't know, and this sounds like I'm bragging or this is not really exactly what I want to say. I've been involved in a lot of rewrites, a lot of editing over the years, so I get it. So what were you like as a young kid?
Speaker 2:Ooh okay. What was I like as a young kid? Like as a young kid, I spent a lot of time in my imagination. I would say I was feisty Still am.
Speaker 1:I was also prone to tears, pretty easily moved to tears. My dad used to call me Sarah Bernhardt Aha, that is my nickname as well.
Speaker 2:So we've got that in common. Yep, yeah, I was. I was. I'll just say I was a geek. I was a Star Wars fan. I'll just say I was a geek, I was a Star Wars fan, I was a card-carrying fan club, member of the Star Wars franchise and, yeah, you know, just really kind of always wanted to leave my hometown of El Paso, texas. From about the time I was six years old, I wanted to live in New York City. I wanted to be an actress, very, very, very young. That hit me. I would watch all the variety shows like Donny and Marie and the Carol Burnett show and all those things, and I just wanted to entertain people wanted to entertain people.
Speaker 1:Now you mentioned that you were, and still are, feisty. And do you still hold dreams?
Speaker 2:of getting up on the stage. Well, I do it a little bit differently these days, and in a way that I never would have expected, which is with public speaking about rethinking aging. But I, yeah, you know I would love to. I would love to be in a movie as, as a kick ass older woman with a fight scene. I think, oh OK, I think that would be just a blast. And, you know, I may get back to acting now that my kids are grown. Once they're grown and flown, I might get back to that. I don't know. I'm leaving that option open.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm a believer in the power of stories, as I said in the introduction, and I mentioned that you have described yourself as a serial pivoter. What does that mean?
Speaker 2:Well, it started when actually the pivoting started, once I had kids, because everything I ever wanted to do started. My dreams were pretty clear from the time I was six or seven Wanted to be an actress, wanted to move to New York City. I did that in my 20s. I pursued an acting career for close to 10 years. I did regional theater, off-broadway theater, things like that. It was great. I was living the dream Literally. I would walk around New York City and think I live here. I was living the dream Literally. I would walk around New York City and think I live here. It would just hit me like a wave of appreciation. When I had kids, I had them late.
Speaker 2:I was 35 when I had my first and I was kind of done with the business of acting. I realized about two years into being a mom that I didn't have the energy to put my focus back into that career again and then I was just frankly lost. So the first pivot I would say was into motherhood and that created a whole like identity crisis of well, who am I and what am I and what am I doing? What do I want to be when I grow up? And I had never asked that question of myself before, because it was all. I always had that answer.
Speaker 2:It took me about five years to figure out that I wanted to be a photographer, and that happened because I got laid off from a full-time job that I had just gone back to. You know, I had just gone back to working full-time and got laid off during the 2008 recession and I went home and just I was crushed and my husband said sleep on it, you'll figure it out. And I woke up in the morning and said photography, I want to try photography. And so that's what I started to do. I still went back to work eventually and I started studying photography and I started doing it on the side and built it up over several years until I could go full-time and so that was pivot number two.
Speaker 2:And then when I was full-time and trying to build my business more, that's when I had my midlife awakening at about the age of 48, as I was approaching 50. That is when I realized that I was unhappy. I felt like a failure. I had some anger, issues with dealing with all life stuff. I don't know. I just felt like everybody else seemed to have it figured out and I wanted to know what was wrong with me. Why didn't I have it all figured out?
Speaker 2:And I I knew something had to change and I knew it was my head. I knew it was these trash talking thought loops in my brain that needed to change. And basically my husband knew I was on a self-help quest and he suggested that I read Mel Robbins' book the Five Second Rule, which blew things wide open for me. I realized I needed to start getting up earlier in the morning so I could have some time to set my intentions for my day. And so I did a 30-day challenge of not hitting the snooze button in the morning and starting my day off late, which started me off on the wrong foot with my kids right away. And doing that 30 days really changed everything, because I was meditating and I was moving my body every morning for about an hour before my kids got up.
Speaker 1:And that is the prescribed method that you get up, you don't press the snooze button, that you meditate, exercise and try to get that all in before you actually quote. Unquote start your day.
Speaker 2:That was the experiment, not a prescription, but that was the experiment was what would happen if I do this habit change, like if I change this one thing. What's going to be the effect on my life? From there and after about a month, my older kid noticed. He didn't know what I was doing. But I went to wake him up one morning and he said you seem happier, mom. And that was all I needed to know that it was working for me and that I needed to keep going because it was showing up in how I showed up with my kids.
Speaker 1:And how old was your son at that point? The one who just melted your heart away?
Speaker 2:He was. I have to think about this. I'm 55 now. Math is not my strong suit. I was 48 then, so we're talking about seven years. He's 20 now, yeah.
Speaker 1:Wow, my how time flies. So you've told the awakening story and it obviously had a very. The experience with your 30-day trial had a significant made a significant impact on how you felt, how you felt about yourself and the goals that you had for continuing to live a happier life. So anything else that you learned from those 30 days that really, really, really set the tone put you on your path.
Speaker 2:Well, I realized on looking back on it, I was looking at why I feel so much better now. I was close to 50 and feeling better than I'd felt in my early 40s, better than I'd felt all through my 40s, and I started to feel hopeful about my next 20 or 30 years because I was like, wow, if I feel this good now, maybe it's not all downhill. And that was the aha. Oh, I have been thinking it's all downhill. That is the loop that's been playing over and over in my brain.
Speaker 2:When I look in the mirror and I see this older woman looking back at me. That doesn't match up with my vision of myself in my head. And I look at her and I think, oh, who are you? And there's dread and there's this thought that it is literally all downhill. I wasn't feeling that way anymore. I was more curious about the next 20 or 30 years, like what's possible from here, if I can stay healthy, if I can do the things that I love, if I'm doing work that I love, what is my next 20 or 30 years going to look like? And I realized then that I had this internalized ageism that I had been just beating myself up with, and that's what gave me the idea to start the podcast, because I thought I can't be the only one who's been doing this.
Speaker 1:Well, we'll talk about the podcast in a minute, but I want to go back to this internal ageism which I think all women have, probably men, but maybe not as profound, and it takes a lot of work, it seems to me, to get beyond that. And I'm curious to know was there an older woman in your life? Was it the media? Where do you think you got these stereotypes and the ones that created such a fear in your life about getting older?
Speaker 2:I think it's everywhere, jane. I think the messaging is in literally, especially now, now that I'm aware of it. I can hear it in almost every conversation that I have with somebody, almost every movie that I watch it's kind of ruined movie and TVs for me, because I notice it now it's everywhere it is. It is if we're goldfish in a tank, it's the water we're swimming in.
Speaker 2:And I have, and I've always known that I was afraid of aging. I was aware that I was afraid of aging. I knew and I said for years and years and years that I was more afraid of aging than dying. Wow, yeah, yeah, because I was afraid that aging meant I was going to lose my mental capacity, lose my physical capacity to be independent, and I value my independence so highly. What I'm learning now is that there's a whole lot of ableism that's attached to ageism and I'm starting to explore the idea of maybe independence shouldn't necessarily be the end-all be-all for me, maybe we're all interdependent upon each other anyway. Maybe, even if I do lose my mental capacity in some way, even if I do end up losing some sort of physical capacity and somebody does have to take care of me, maybe that's okay, maybe that's part of the journey. Maybe that's where there's a lesson in there, and who can I become even in that?
Speaker 1:And that's what I was talking about in the introduction and the importance of change and transitioning, because life is life will change. We are going to be called upon, whether it is that we have to be dependent on somebody else, or we just can't do what we used to do, and we can either bemoan that fact or we can figure out. Okay. So I can't run and leap across the dance floor anymore in my dance classes, but I can kind of chug along and I can bop to the music and that's okay. So instead of beating ourselves up, we go with the flow. I hate that little term, but I think there's a lot to be said about that. Now, you are younger than I am by far, so I'm curious to know have you gone through menopause and, if so, what your experience was and what you might? Just quickly, because I don't want to get into a whole menopause thing, but I'm just curious because that is something that can throw a wrench into the works for many, many women.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. So much so that now, now that I've done so much research on aging and menopause and all the things, I look back at my 40s and I realized that a lot of what I was experiencing was actually perimenopausal symptoms, and there are so many of them and we don't know anything about them. So a lot of what I was experiencing, of the depression, a lot of little physical things that were happening to my body and to my mind they were perimenopausal. I can look at it now and go, oh, that was definitely a part of this experience and, yes, I am postmenopausal now and things have calmed down a little bit. I have decided to go with hormone replacement therapy to deal with some of the things, which took me a while to even decide if I wanted to do that. It is not to be underestimated.
Speaker 1:Well, and there's a fabulous article from last year or the year before in the New York Times magazine that talks about the misunderstanding vis-a-vis HRT and the bad rap that it got and the reputation that, among other things, it was a precursor to breast cancer and as a result, thousands and thousands, probably millions of women did not take HRT and just kind of, you know, slug their way through. But in fact it is not particularly dangerous to take and in fact, all of the benefits, and so I had an easy time during menopause. I think I had one hot flash.
Speaker 1:Oh bless your heart, you lucky girl. But at this point I kind of feel well like hey, maybe that would be interesting to you know, maybe I could use a little more estrogen and progesterone. So I you know, it's an idea that's floating around in my head, but I didn't mean to get off on that floating around in my head but I didn't mean to get off on that. You talked about your midlife awakening and the fact that you started a podcast called the Late Bloomer Living Podcast. Why did you do that? I think it was I wanted to.
Speaker 2:I wanted to provide a space for people to know that they weren't alone, because I felt so alone, and so what I decided to do was, as you said, the power of story right, I've always thought that every single person on this planet has a story worth telling, and if I could take one person and help them tell their story of their midlife pivot or awakening or whatever it was some point in their life where they were up against it, hitting their head against the wall, and they found a way through and if we could talk about that process and how their story changed because they managed to get through it, that was my idea, and so that's what I've been doing for about three and a half years now, and this year I've started exploring, getting more into talking about with experts about some of the issues that come with aging and midlife, and I very much started talking about midlife until I realized that it really goes past that and midlife is a huge swath of time, and how people identify themselves in midlife varies wildly from person to person.
Speaker 1:Someone asked me yesterday. I'm trying to remember exactly how she phrased the question. Now you've explained what you hope to accomplish for your listeners, I'd like to know what you think you're getting from, and I don't mean this in a negative way. What are you gaining? Why is this something that you're doing and spending so much time on? Because I know what it takes to do a good podcast episode. It's not easy. It's not something that we can just snap our fingers. There's so many steps involved, which I will not recite at this point. But what the heck is it for you?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it has changed my life, jane. It has changed my life I have. First of all, when I decided to finally do it, I didn't do it for two years after I had the idea because I didn't have the money to pay somebody to produce the podcast for me and I didn't know how to do it kids at home and my photography business so I was like I don't have time for this, I'll keep later, later, later. But really what was holding me back was this imposter syndrome that was playing in the background that was telling me who, who's going to listen to your podcast. Who are you? I'm not a psychologist. I don't have three letters after my name signifying anything. I'm just like a person who's had my own little experience, my own little experience and who cares.
Speaker 2:But once I realized that that was actually the power of it was in me, sharing my story and in sharing other people's personal stories, that it's all story. The stories that we tell ourselves are so powerful and if we can change the story we're telling ourselves, if it's not serving us anymore, how much power is there in that? And when I started to think about that aspect of it, I started to get real excited and it changed what I think I'm capable of, because I finally did do it and I learned how to build a website and I learned how to edit and I learned how to do all the things and whether or not the podcast reaches thousands of people or a few people, I had to learn how to do this thing. That's what I get out of it. The other thing that I get out of it is community, because I have made some really good friends from the people who have been guests on my podcast and I wasn't looking to make friends, jane, I have enough friends, we got a big family, I have a full life.
Speaker 2:I wasn't looking to make friends, but that is what happened is this community of people who are also looking at how to rethink this aging thing, because I think you said something. I'm trying to go back to what it was, but it's not a one and done process. I still fear aging that's not gone. But if I can look, keep looking at it and kind of playing with the idea and not and maybe let it be a little less scary I keep catching myself oh, there's that ageist thought. Oh, look at that. You know, if I can keep catching it and twisting it and reframing it. How much more fun is that.
Speaker 1:Well, speaking of fun, there are some people who say aging gracefully. There are others who say aging boldly, and you've chosen aging playfully. Why, okay? So get ready, folks Get ready, get ready.
Speaker 2:This is where the feisty comes in. I don't like aging gracefully. I don't like aging well, because there's judgment based on gracefully aging well. There's so many phrases that are out there that imply that if you're not aging in a certain way, you're not doing it well. And I'm saying if you're breathing, you're doing it right, but for yourself, maybe be playful about it, so that you're not fearful of it, so that if there's an interest that you have, chase down that interest, go see where it goes, experiment, be playful about it. You're not dead yet. So keep exploring, keep learning. If you can't do physically what you used to be able to do, okay, what aspect of that thing you used to do could you still do and can you take it and bend it into some new thing? Well, what are?
Speaker 1:you doing, personally, right now? What have you been thinking about? What is one transition, one change to which you want to adapt Anything? What is going on in that pretty head of yours?
Speaker 2:I started roller skating again in the past year. I'm going to continue that. I do wear pads, I do wear a helmet. I am very aware that if I break a bone on my skates I'll probably kick myself, but I used to skate all the time as a kid and I loved it Really. For two or three years I almost lived on my roller skates, and getting back on them has been so much fun. And I will tell you too, I was also surprised at how wobbly and scared I was to get back on them. In actuality, I put them on my feet with all this excitement for the first time and then I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, but about 10, 15 minutes a day. And when I did fall and I landed on the pads and everything kind of worked and I was like, oh, if I fall, it's OK, I started to feel that freedom again and, oh my gosh. So I'm going to keep roller skating.
Speaker 2:That's one thing, and I'm trying to learn the ukulele right now, because, why not, why not, because, why not? And I'm just looking for I'm still in the what do I want to be when I grow up kind of inquiry. I definitely want a little more creativity in my life. So I don't know if that's making videos with my husband. I'm trying to convince him to do that with me. He's another actor. I'm like come on, let's do something, let's do some skits. I don't know. You know, I don't know. It's an inquiry and I'm trying to approach it like one big experiment, like, oh, I'm interested in that, let me look at that a little bit. Maybe do some research, maybe take a class. Well, what's interesting?
Speaker 1:is, though, that you're willing to hold a final decision in abeyance. You are feeling comfortable enough with not knowing, whereas it seems to me, in listening to your story, as a younger woman with young kids and a job, and still asking that basic question what am I going to be when I grow up?
Speaker 2:and not having the clarity and absolutely not being able to not know, I am really on a quest to get comfortable with the unknown and to get comfortable with just being comfortable. It was like having to push myself through those first few months on my roller skates again. I think there's real value in putting yourself into the position of being a beginner, which I think we avoid as we get older because we want to look like we know what we're doing. But I think that's where the juice is is to let ourselves be a beginner.
Speaker 1:How can people find more? Find out more about your juices and what, and the ones that. Okay, jane, nice transition. I hope everybody got that, because you know I'm over here working hard. How can people reach you?
Speaker 2:I am at bloomorlivingcom and pretty much everything anybody needs is there.
Speaker 1:Okay, and how often does your podcast land? Every week, every other week, every Wednesday, every Wednesday, and obviously people can listen on a Wednesday or any other time at their convenience, which is really what makes podcasts interesting and unique. Thank you very, very much and excuse me for sharing this time and your story with me and listeners, thank you. Thank you, jane. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Older Women and Friends and, speaking of friends, please tell yours about this podcast and if you have any suggestions for future episodes or guests or anything else you'd like to share, go to speakpipecom. That's S-P-E-A-K-P-I-P-Ecom forward slash older women and friends. You can send me an audio message or respond to one of mine, because it is your feedback that drives this podcast. Until next time, thank you.