What if I told you there's a pretty simple way to feel less stress , less anxious , sleep better and , overall , improve your health ? Would you want to try it ? Well , good news there is a way , and all it takes is a regular gratitude practice . On today's episode , I'll tell you what science tells us . Gratitude and having a regular gratitude practice can change in your life . So stay tuned for this episode on gratitude . Welcome to your Zen friend . I'm your host , lauren Wolfe .
Speaker 1On this podcast , I will share wisdom from working as a licensed professional counselor for more than 20 years . Using storytelling and lighthearted humor . Each episode will explore themes on personal growth , including tips and strategies to boost mental wellness and overall well-being . If you're a perfectly imperfect human like me , who's always striving to do better and feel better than this podcast is for you , let's get started . Welcome , zen friend . I hope , wherever you are , you are doing well .
Speaker 1Tis , the season for gratitude . As this episode airs , it will be just a couple of days before Thanksgiving , that's , here in the United States , thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday . I love the simplicity of it . I love the predictability of it . I love many of the foods that go with it . I love hunkering down and staying home for an entire day with the house smelling of delicious food . I love wearing stretchy pants and slippers all day long . I love watching the Macy's Day parade . I especially love when Santa comes rolling down the street in his sled at the very end of the parade . I have loved that since I was a little kid , just realizing that's the real Santa . There he is , that's not one of his helpers , and that just brings so much excitement . I get tears in my eyes every single time . Even as a 51 year old , that sparks that excitement in me . I love being with my husband and my children and my parents . I really love pretty much everything that goes with it . I also love the focus on gratitude that is connected with the holiday of Thanksgiving . So on today's episode I'm going to tell you about some of the many benefits of gratitude . I'll also tell you specifically about a gratitude practice that I have used since the late 1990s so it's been a hot minute and how that has positively impacted my life . So get cozy , pour yourself a hot mug of tea or something delicious , we'll take a short break and then we'll come back and officially ring in the holiday season together with this episode on gratitude .
Speaker 1Hey there , parents . If you are a parent of a teenager , then there's a podcast you have to listen to . It's called College and Career Ready Podcast and it's hosted by my friend , sonia Casique . It is the ultimate resource for parents looking to empower their teens with the knowledge and skills they need for career and college readiness . This podcast is packed with expert interviews , insightful discussions and practical advice that will help you navigate the challenges of preparing your teen through their college and or career journey . Trust me , it is so overwhelming as a parent when you have a teenager and you begin to think about what is needed to figure out the steps after high school . She breaks it down into podcast episodes that give you just enough information to absorb . She has a warm and friendly way about her that is totally reassuring and takes a lot of the stress out of what can be a pretty stressful process . So go to Apple Podcast or Spotify or wherever you find your podcast and follow College and Career Ready Podcast . You'll be so glad that you did Welcome back .
Speaker 1Before I tell you all about my regular gratitude practice and what that looks like , I want to share with you five benefits of gratitude as outlined by UCLA Health . I'll have a link to this article in the show notes , of course , alright . So number one having a regular gratitude practice has been shown to reduce depression . A review of 70 studies that include responses from more than 26,000 people found an association between higher levels of gratitude and lower levels of depression . Wow , that is pretty staggering . The article notes , however , that more research needs to be done to understand the association , so of course that makes sense .
Speaker 1Gratitude seems to reduce depression symptoms . People with a grateful mindset report higher satisfaction with life , strong social relationships and more self-esteem than those who don't practice gratitude . But of course , it's also possible that people who are experiencing depression are less likely to be practicing gratitude . The article goes on to say that most likely , there's a continuous relationship where gratitude lessens symptoms of depression and allows people to recognize what they have . So , even though the article notes that more studies need to be done , I'm going to propose that having a regular gratitude practice and again we'll talk about exactly what that can look like is really easy . It doesn't cost money , you're not taking a medication , so there's no side effects . So I feel like it's just a win-win and , worst case scenario , you won't notice any great benefits . But again , it's free , it's not super time consuming . So I just say , give it a try .
Speaker 1The second way that the article says having a regular gratitude practice can positively impact you is it lessens anxiety . So anxiety often involves worrying and negative thinking , typically about things that happened in the past or could occur in the future . Gratitude can be a coping tool for anxiety . Regularly practicing gratitude combats negative thinking patterns by keeping thoughts focused on the present . If you find yourself focusing on negative thoughts about the past or the future , challenge yourself to find something you are grateful for now . It can break the negative thought process by returning you to the present . So I like this as a strategy for when you find yourself in a negative or a worrying thought loop .
Speaker 1In episode number 54 , what it means to be a flexible thinker and how to become one , I do talk about how I believe that many of us are just wired to focus more on the negative and get stuck in negativity . Of course , we do know that there is such a thing as neuroplasticity , where we are able to rewire the brain and to essentially learn a different way . So I think that this is great research on gratitude , showing that it can help us to have less anxiety . I do think that we are rewiring ourselves when we start training ourselves to bring our attention more to the positive . So again I say , give it a go . I don't think you can go wrong with a gratitude practice .
Speaker 1The third benefit of having a regular gratitude practice is that it supports heart health . A 2021 review of research finds that keeping a gratitude journal can cause a significant drop in the type of blood pressure it's called diastolic blood pressure that forces your heart to exert between beats . Having grateful thoughts , even if you don't write them down , helps your heart by slowing and regulating your breathing to synchronize with your heartbeat . So again , wow , that's a pretty impressive benefit . Give it a try . Number four for benefits from a regular gratitude practice is that it relieves stress . Stress triggers a fate or flight response in our nervous system . Our hearts beat faster , muscles contract and adrenaline pumps , but gratitude can help calm the nervous system . Taking a moment to be thankful causes physiological changes in your body that initiate the parasympathetic nervous system , and that , of course , is the part of your nervous system that helps you to rest and digest . Where we really need to come down out of that fight or flight response , where we are amped up , where our brain is looking for danger . We need to be able to calm our nervous system so that our body can access that rest and repair . So the article says that gratitude and the response it causes helps bring down your blood pressure , as we just discussed , it helps with your heart rate and breathing to help overall relaxation , so that , of course , makes sense . The last benefit that is outlined in this article from having a regular gratitude practice is that it improves sleep .
Speaker 1People with an attitude of gratitude tend to pursue goals that keep them feeling good . It helps them to promote positive action . They engage in activities that support healthy sleep , such as eating well and exercising regularly . Practicing gratitude also makes you less likely to be stressed , anxious or depressed . As it previously outlined , these three factors affect sleep quality and duration . But what you do during the day isn't the only factor in sleeping well . Thinking positive thoughts before falling asleep promotes better sleep , and there's evidence that gratitude causes people to have positive thoughts about their life , social support and social situations . And , as I will describe to you , the gratitude practice that I have really done on a regular basis since I was in my 20s is something that I do right before bed . So this is so interesting to see how really focusing on gratitude before sleep can be particularly helpful , and I'm glad to know I'm already doing that .
Speaker 1Brené Brown has a book , the Power of Vulnerability , which I am actually just listening to right now on Audible . As with all of her books , it's fantastic . She talks in it about having a attitude of gratitude and that that is actually just not enough , right ? Some people will say , well , I don't have a gratitude practice , but I have an attitude of gratitude , and she says , nope , not sufficient . You really need to have a regular gratitude practice to get the benefits that having a gratitude practice lead to . It's not enough to say , oh yeah , I just think about it . So I think that's so interesting . She also talks about you know , she is a researcher , a sociologist and a researcher , not just an author , and so she talks about in her research really looking into what makes what she calls wholehearted individuals , and wholehearted individuals that is the title that she gives to people that really support having a high satisfaction with life . Really , think of happy people , you know , people that report to have positive or happy emotions , very often really a great life satisfaction overall , and she does talk about these individuals having regular gratitude practices . So you know , I think , just more evidence that you absolutely cannot go wrong with implementing a gratitude practice in your life .
Speaker 1So let's just take one final short break and then I'll tell you all about my gratitude practice , as well as tell you about the different ways . This article I'm sharing with you outlines for ways that you can have a gratitude practice . In case the way that I practice gratitude doesn't feel right to you , there are options . All right , I'll be right back . Hey there , zen friend , I so appreciate you listening to this podcast and if I could ask two favors of you , please , if you would take a moment to rate and review this podcast on either Apple or Spotify , that helps other Zen friends to find us and that will help me to grow the show and bring on fabulous guests . If you could also share it with a friend , that is another really effective way of helping the show to grow . It is my mission to help parents to fill their own cup and boost their own mental health and overall wellbeing , so I very much appreciate your help . Now let's get back to our show . Welcome back .
Speaker 1All right , let's get down to the tips on how you can practice gratitude . The first tip is write it down . Take time , either at night or in the morning , to write down something that went well . Dedicate a notebook or journal to gratitude so you can reflect and remind yourself of those moments . This is actually what I do in my regular gratitude practice .
Back in the late 1990s I was watching Oprah Winfrey as one did in the late 1990s . My recollection is that Gwyneth Paltrow I know she's kind of controversial , but she was on an episode and I think that maybe Oprah had given her a gratitude journal , or maybe she gave one to Oprah I can't remember , but they were talking about this gratitude practice of writing down five things every day that you're grateful for . I went out , being the Oprah zealot that I was , I went out and I got a journal and every night before I went to sleep I would write the date . I actually write the day of the week . I don't know why , but I like looking back at that . So I'll write like Thursday , november 9th 2023 . Just pick in a date and then I'll number it one through five as I go , and I'll just write down anything that I'm grateful for from the day . So if it was a really stellar day , maybe it's something super exciting , like landing an interview with someone that I have always wanted to speak to , or maybe it's something like one of my children saying something really loving and kind to me , or them having some kind of win in their life , or my husband maybe being celebrated at work , like something of that nature .
Speaker 1Sometimes , and really very often , I am grateful for very simple simplicities . I'm grateful for snuggling with my dogs on the couch before I got ready for bed . I'm grateful for the great book that I'm reading and I'll write down the title . I'm grateful for time with a friend that week , or maybe time coming up the next day that I'm really looking forward to of spending time with a friend . Sometimes it's been a long day and I'm in a foul mood . I hope that many of you relate to that right when you not that ? I'm hoping you're also in a foul mood at night , but I'm thinking I'm not alone . Is what I'm saying ? That sometimes we get into bed and we are just so done . It's been a long day , we are glad it's over , and sometimes I'm just not having an attitude of gratitude , and in those moments I am still able to find something that I appreciate . So it will often be my warm , comfortable bed , that we live in a safe neighborhood , that my family members are healthy , like that sounds like little things in some ways , but really big things in other ways .
Speaker 1I always have so much that I can be grateful for . Even if there's something terrible going on in the world or terrible going on in my life , I can always find things that I appreciate . And I think it's also important that if you begin a gratitude practice and you have a little trouble , or maybe a lot of trouble , connecting with what you're grateful for , give yourself permission to instead focus on what you appreciate . I think that can be a lot simpler . Sometimes gratitude or feeling grateful feels kind of charged to people , especially if you have a health crisis or maybe you've lost a loved one or something really big and just really painful is going on in your life . Then focusing on what do I appreciate right now can be a softer way of getting to the same place . So that's how I practice my gratitude .
Speaker 1What I absolutely love about this gratitude practice is that I have I don't even know how many journals , lots and lots of journals that are filled with the things that I've been grateful for over the years , and it is a great way of kind of looking back and remembering different parts of my life , because I might have an entry that's like oh , I'm so grateful my brother , his wife and his children are here visiting and I'm so grateful that we did this fun thing all together . And then I'll look back and be like , oh gosh , yeah , remember when we did that . That was so much fun , I totally forgot about that . Or I might have simple things like a day off for a snow day with the kids , where I made hot chocolate and muffins and we all watched a movie together . You know again those kind of like simple everyday moments that , for me , are often truly what I value most and what I look back at over time with the most fondness .
Speaker 1All right , so tip number two for how this article suggests you can practice gratitude is redirecting your thoughts . You may feel negative or frustrated during the day . When that happens , step back and shift your focus to a positive aspect of the situation . And I just want to acknowledge I'm sorry there's like gardening and scraping going on outside my office window , if you can hear that . So this one , I feel like , is a little bit challenging , because it means you have to remember to do this when the situation arises . You have to remember in a moment of having negative feelings , to work to redirect your thoughts . So I'm going to say , maybe write down the things you're grateful for every day , as I was just talking about , and also try to work on this . I think this is just maybe a little bit challenging to remember unless you can find some way of doing this where maybe , like at the end of the day , you could review the challenging or negative moments that you had and try to redirect or find the positive in what happened . But yeah , I do like writing it down . But I love this tip .
Speaker 1They say sharing your gratitude , sending a quick note telling someone why you are thankful for them , or encourage your family to share something they're grateful for each night at dinner . So I love both of those tips . I think it could be such a really great gratitude practice to , on some regularity Maybe it's once a day shoot an email or a text to someone and just tell them how much you appreciate them or how much you appreciate something that they've done for you . Or maybe it's even a handwritten card once a week where you send a letter or note of appreciation . I also love the idea of talking about what you're grateful for or what you appreciate at the table . It's gonna depend on your family and maybe the ages of your children . I think some kids might resist this .
Speaker 1One thing I did for a number of years and I forgot to do it this year I just put out a big Mason jar , a big glass Mason jar . I cut paper into little strips and I put out a pen next to it and I just put it on a central location in my kitchen and throughout the month of November , the kids , my husband and I would write down things that we were grateful for throughout the day . My babysitter Mary , she was amazing . She even did this too . I didn't realize it until on Thanksgiving . We went through all of the different little pieces of paper and together at the table read what people were grateful for . It was so fun and when . I'm remembering too , when we had family members that were visiting , they had written down some things my parents , who we always spend Thanksgiving with , had added to it . So that just was really special and it was a fun lead up to Thanksgiving . And of course , I've saved all those little scrap papers so they're fun to look back at as well .
Speaker 1The other tip that this article has is hitting pause . Many of us reflexively say thanks often . Next time you hear yourself say it , stop and pinpoint precisely what you are thankful for . I think that's a beautiful practice but , again , maybe a little bit challenging to remember . So perhaps you do try the practice of writing down however many things you're grateful for or appreciate each day . I'm really selling my method , I'm noticing , but it has worked for me in such a beautiful way and I'll share a story .
Speaker 1It probably was about a month in after I had started this gratitude practice . Again , for me , I just write down five things every day at the end of the day , right before bed , that I either feel grateful for or appreciate . And I was about a month in and I was driving to work and at the time I was in my probably mid to late 20s , I think I was about 25 or 26 . And I had a job that I did not love . I was in corporate America and I had a car . That was not amazing . Someone had hit the car like it was parked , someone had hit it and hit the driver's side door and so it was busted . I didn't have the money to fix it .
Speaker 1I was getting in and out , for luckily it wasn't too long , but for a period of time I had to get in and out of the passenger side door . That was kind of embarrassing , not exactly a sexy arrival and you have to crawl to the other side and I was feeling kind of down in the dumps and discouraged . And I was driving to work and I saw someone who appeared to be homeless pushing a shopping cart with their belongings and it looked like they were collecting bottles and cans and I felt a lot of compassion for them . And then I also had the realization of I am so lucky that I have my own car . Even though it's a hoopty , even though I have to crawl in and out of one side , I've got my own car , I can get to and from where I need to be and at some point I will be able to get this fixed . And I just remember having other moments like that where I was much more easily able to bring my attention to the positive rather than getting stuck in the negative . And I can get stuck in the negative . I can really dig in and just feel my feelings that are negative and get stuck there . I really noticed a positive difference in being better able and more quickly able to redirect my feelings and to focus on the positive .
Speaker 1So I encourage you to try a gratitude practice . I would love to hear about it , and you can connect with me in a number of ways to reach out and let me know if maybe you already have a gratitude practice or perhaps you'll be starting one after this episode . So connect with me in the way that feels best to you . You can send me an email at your zen friend pod at gmailcom . You can connect with me on Instagram at your zen friend pod . Or my very favorite way to connect is to connect through our private Facebook group . Just search for your zen friend on groups in Facebook . There's also a link in the show notes . I would love so much to see you over there . We can talk about gratitude and keep the conversation going in between episodes . We have a wonderful community of other zen friends over there , so I hope so much to connect with you there soon .
Speaker 1I am super grateful for all of you , each and every one of you . I'm grateful for you , who is listening right now . Thank you so much for listening to this podcast . I would love for you to follow it on your podcast app , either Apple or Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts . That's going to make sure you get a new full length episode every Tuesday and a drop of Zen , a short guided meditation , every Friday . I'm also grateful for Susan , our fantastic editor , for making this episode sound amazing . From my heart to yours , I am wishing you the happiest of thanksgivings . Until next time , friend . I hope you'll take some time today and every day to do something kind for yourself .