Do you ever feel completely beaten down and wish that you had a practice to go to to help you to soothe yourself and to deeply relax ? Or maybe you find that your kids can get really strung out and you have a difficult time soothing them ? Well , if you've answered yes to either of those questions , then this episode is for you . I will tell you all about the Danish practice of huge , what it is and how you can use it to find many benefits of bringing peace and calm to you and your children . So go , get into your coziest socks , curl up with your warmest blanket and a hot cup of something and stay tuned . Welcome to your Zen friend . I'm your host , lauren Wolfe . On this podcast , I will share wisdom from working as a licensed professional counselor for more than 20 years . Using storytelling and lighthearted humor . Each episode will explore themes on personal growth , including tips and strategies to boost mental wellness and overall well-being . If you're a perfectly imperfect human like me , who's always striving to do better and feel better than this podcast is for you . Let's get started . Welcome , zen friend . I hope , wherever you are , you are doing well . I am excited to bring you this episode today and talk to you about the Danish concept of huge . I will tell you what it is and how you can use it to have a more pleasant experience as a parent , especially , and how the practice of huge can also benefit your children . If you are a loving , caring and present parent , which chances are you are right If you're listening to a podcast that helps parents to have deeper , healthier connections with their children tweens and teens especially and it also helps you to practice self care and take care of yourself . So I am willing to bet that you are a very loving , caring and present parent , and maybe you find that sometimes caring for yourself gets pushed to the back burner . So if that is the case , then I hope you'll particularly find today's episode helpful . I know for myself that I am really good at taking care of everybody else taking care of my husband and my dogs and my clients needs as I work as a therapist and friends if they're in need , but I often let my own self care fall to the wayside . That can be the first thing to go if I'm really busy and caring for others . So maybe you relate to that . If so , I hope this episode is helpful to you .
Speaker 1I know that everyone's experience parenting is different . For me , I think the two hardest stages of parenting were when the children were infants , little itty bitty babies , pretty much from the time they were born until one year of age . And then I think the other hardest stage is when they were tweens and teens . I still have a teen , my son is 18 . My daughter's 20 . So I feel like I'm still in the thick of it at times , although there are definitely aspects that have gotten so much easier . So I think those stages are really hard .
Speaker 1That first stage you've got a newborn and you're just figuring out how to care night and day for this tiny little creature who's fully dependent on you that is exhausting . That is usually super sleep depriving . It's just a complete adjustment . Then , when you get to the tween and teen stages of parenting , hopefully you're sleeping . Oh my gosh , hopefully you're sleeping . Hopefully you're not still sleep deprived , although I know some parents who have kids , teens , that still struggle with sleep , but hopefully they're at least not waking you up quite as much . So the needs change . They're different .
Speaker 1I think there's a sweetness to those infant years that is often pretty different when your kid is a tween and teen . Parents at this stage can feel overworked and unappreciated . They can be getting lots of eye rolls , having lots of conflict and arguments with their kids , which is really hard , and when it first happens it's really challenging to figure out for many parents . So both of those stages I found particularly hard and I see with my clients that many of them struggle with those stages as well . So maybe you relate , maybe you think there are some different stages of parenting that were harder for you , but I'm going to tell you how Huga can really help you . No matter what stage of parenting you're in and no matter what stressors are going on in your life , I think the practice of Huga is one that can bring a lot of pleasure , enjoyment and comfort into your life . So I am excited to tell you all about it . So let's take a short break and when I come back we'll get into all things Huga what it is , how you can practice it in your life , the benefits it will have for you and the benefits it will have for your children . Hey there , zen friend , I so appreciate you listening to this podcast and if I could ask two favors of you , please , if you would take a moment to rate and review this podcast on either Apple or Spotify . That helps other Zen friends to find us and that will help me to grow the show and bring on fabulous guests . If you could also share it with a friend , that is another really effective way of helping the show to grow . It is my mission to help parents to fill their own cup and boost their own mental health and overall well-being , so I very much appreciate your help . Now let's get back to our show . Welcome back .
Speaker 1I have read in the past and then just recently , like today , reread the book . It's called the Little Book of Huga . To help me with today's episode , this book was written by Mike Viking or Mike Wiking I'm not sure how his last name is pronounced . I looked it up in the internet . I saw contradictory information , so I'm just gonna call him Mike and I'll spell his name for you . It's M-E-I-K and the last name is W-I-K-I-N-G , and we're just gonna call him Mike . Like I'm good buddies with him , which I'm not , I have never met him . Mike founded the world's first Happiness Research Institute in 2013 in Copenhagen , denmark .
Speaker 1If you're not familiar with Denmark , denmark is located in Northern Europe and it's known for having some pretty severe winters . They have a lot of darkness . Now , I knew this to be true , but I have to be totally honest with you all . I thought their winters were much worse . I did a little research , aka Googling . Turns out Denmark has a average temperature in the winter of 46 degrees and their winter runs from December until March . So I had a little bit of a hold the phone moment because I'm here in Connecticut . If you look up Connecticut winters , you'll see Connecticut winters run from November until April . And living here in Connecticut , I'm going to tell you we also have a lot of darkness and our average temperature I couldn't find that , but it's a lot colder than 46 degrees . Also , in Denmark it doesn't snow that often .
Speaker 1So I was like what the heck ? Why are we giving all of this attention to Denmark as being such difficult winters ? I think Connecticut's worse . I do , and you know what I know . Wah , wah , wah . I mean , I'm not in Alaska , I'm not even in the Midwest . It's probably worse there . But I'll be interested to hear from you all .
Speaker 1Maybe there's something I'm missing , but Denmark has a reputation for having difficult winters . Ok , I am digressing . I'm just a little bit jealous over here in Connecticut thinking that Denmark has an average of 46 degrees . It was a rough winter day here today . So let me get back on track . Ok , so during winter in Denmark you get , if you live there , about seven hours of daylight . Yep , I'm going to say we get a few more here in Connecticut , but not that many . On the darkest of days , like maybe three more hours . So , yeah , not a ton . Okay , now this is where it gets very interesting . Denmark is known to have the happiest people in Europe and some of the happiest people in the world . This has been research . This is research-based . I have not done research on people in Connecticut , but I feel pretty secure , pretty safe , in telling you we are not the happiest people in the world , or probably even in New England , connecticut's not exactly known for the friendliest people . So again , I digress , I'm going to leave it there .
Speaker 1Let me get back to the Danish people and Huga . Okay , so according to Mike , huga is all about atmosphere . Huga is an experience . Mike says it's about being with the people you love and a feeling of home , a feeling of being safe . Wow , let's take that in for a moment . Huga is about experience , atmosphere , about being with the people you love , about feeling at home and a feeling of safety . Doesn't that sound delightful ? So my understanding of Huga is that the people in Denmark , the Danish people , have had such severe winters that they have this concept of Huga , which helps to bring in comfort and pleasure during an otherwise difficult time .
Speaker 1Here are some things that are considered to be very huggily . They include Christmas . Danes are big into Christmas and all the things that go with it celebrating , decorating . They are big into lighting . Think low lighting , think candles , lots of natural , unscented candles . Think fireplaces . Think hot drinks , including tea , coffee they are big coffee drinkers and hot chocolate . They like to eat meat . Danes are meat lovers , according to Mike . They like sweets , including cake and pastries . They like bread , stews , soups , popcorn and other simple , non-fussy comfort foods .
Speaker 1For clothing , huga clothes or Hugli clothes are considered to be clothes that are super comfortable , so think big , oversized sweaters and soft leggings . Scarves are really big in Huga , so are warm wool socks and mittens and hats . Casual hair is what's in style in Huga , like effortless buns or a get up and go kind of look , which I'll just say , no one wants to see my get up and go hair ever . Staying home is very Hugli . Think of having a comfortable nook in your home in which you can relax in with a hot drink , a cozy blanket , a fireplace , some low lighting and some candles . Books are also very Hugli , especially classics .
Being together with people that you care about is Hugli . Think about small get-togethers with just a handful of friends or relatives eating comfort food , sipping mulled wine or hot drinks . Think of a laid-back gathering where you are just enjoying each other's company rather than trying to knock them out and impress them with a multi-course meal . So now that I have kind of outlined for you what Huga is , maybe you are already thinking of ways that you could incorporate a little Huga into your life . Now I wanted to say briefly I think the most necessary self-care for all of us really starts with having our basic needs met and then setting healthy limits and boundaries , so being able to identify what our needs are , being able to ask for what we need , say yes to the things we need and saying no to the things that push us out of balance in our lives .
Speaker 1Now , I know this is extremely privileged . If you are living below the poverty line or in a situation where your job is really taxing , or maybe you're working hours that don't work for you , then embracing any kind of real self-care is hard , if not unattainable . If you have a life that's really far out of balance and your basic needs aren't getting met . So I know it's a privilege to have your basic needs met . I know it's a privilege to be able to embrace some of these concepts of Huga , but also I think a lot of Huga is really affordable and available as long as you have some free time . And if you are someone who is struggling with maybe setting limits and boundaries , with saying no to things that don't serve you , or maybe you're always helping others to the point that you just don't have any time to care for yourself , then check out episode number 63 .
Speaker 1I did a really fun episode with Vicki Smith called Setting Boundaries During the Holiday Season , and it's not just for the holidays . All of the strategies that we talk about can apply to any time of the year , so you might find that helpful . So let's imagine that you have a day where you are getting two tweens or teens up and out of the house for school . Maybe you need to wake one of them up multiple times and perhaps that kid is now super cranky . Maybe the other kid is nervous about something and asking you for a lot of reassurance , all while you are also trying to get yourself out the door for work . You're also making sure the pets are cared for and probably already thinking ahead to dinner , maybe even taking something out of the freezer to defrost , and then you finally get the kids off to school . You're ready to face your own demands from work or whatever your responsibilities are for that day , and then , once you finish , you race to get the kids . And now you've got to get them to two different activities .
Speaker 1You're probably met with complaints and eye rolling from your kids for various reasons . Who knows , while you wait for your kids to complete their activities , maybe you have some small talk or connect with some people that you like , maybe some other parents , maybe you're forced to have a little small talk with people that you don't really like . Maybe you excuse yourself to your car and you send some emails , you make some phone calls and now your kids are done , they've completed their activities and they're feeling tired and overwhelmed from their long days , and overwhelmed thinking about the homework that they have ahead of them . You now go home . You've got to make dinner . Your kids are already complaining about what you're making for dinner before you even start .
Speaker 1You get home , start cooking . One kid starts picking an argument with the other sibling . You have had it . You've been keeping it together all day . You lose it with them both , you lose your temper , and now both of them are united in being angry with you . You're fantasizing about joining the circus , but maybe you remember that you hate to wear a spandex , so that's not even feasible . Also , is there even a circus anymore ? I'm not sure . Ok , here's how you can use the concept of hu-ga to find some comfort after a day like this , and I'm thinking probably many of you relate and have many days like this often .
Speaker 1You could light a candle or two as you make dinner . You could sip on some hot herbal tea or decaf coffee or a little wine . If you drink alcohol , I like to sip on kombucha sometimes , which is alcohol-free and really yummy you could turn the lights down low . Maybe you even put some candles on the table . This could have the effect and often does , of helping the kids to chill out a little bit when they come into the kitchen and they join you for dinner , because once you start to bring your energy down , in addition to the now low lighting , it's going to help the children to also bring their energy down , and maybe you decide to make some hot chocolate or keep it simple , pour glasses of milk and put out some cookies or some kind of sweet treat for dessert , and you encourage your kids to stay .
Speaker 1Now everyone's in a little bit of a better mood Say , hey guys , let's take five minutes and just visit for a little bit . You can have dessert if you want Now . This is such a nice way to unwind . You can be together and rush a little bit less . Yes , they're going to have to go off and get their homework done , but you've taken a little time to reconnect and hit that reset button Once dinner is cleaned up .
Speaker 1Let's imagine the kids have gone back off to complete homework and you've got that couch to yourself or maybe it's you and your partner or you and your pet and you can get into that cozy corner of the sofa . You can bring a super soft blanket . Here's the best part A double dog . Dare you Put your phone on ? Do not disturb . You can read a book or you can watch something like the Gilmore Girls or Ted Lasso or Jane the Virgin . This is no time for something that's going to get your pulse racing . And of course , you've already changed into your coziest pajamas , maybe your softest flannels , and you've put your hair up or back and you've washed your face . You've got your coziest socks on too . So here you are , of course the lighting's low and you are just deeply relaxing , without also playing Candy Crush I'm guilty of that or also answering work emails or texting friends or family , but just sitting there with your show or your book . So now imagine that one of your kids comes into the room and they're probably going to complain why haven't you answered my text ? Didn't you see my text ? You tell them my phone's on . Do not disturb , whoa , hold the phone .
Speaker 1So now your kids are seeing you setting a healthy limit and boundary , you taking time for yourself , and this is so helpful because A it really teaches them to respect you and to respect that you need space and time for yourself . I used to tell my kids when my daughter was home I would say 9.30 is the latest . I cannot have any deep conversations and talk about worries or fears or friendship conflict or anything after 9.30 . And similarly , I hold about the same time . If she wants to call me from college and talk to me , I really often say can it be before 9 o'clock , but 9.30 is my limit . I am toast , I have nothing left to offer at that point . My son doesn't typically come to me late at night with things , so it's not an issue . But when we set limits and boundaries with our kids , they can be loving , and they give them permission to set limits and boundaries with others .
Speaker 1So hookah is a beautiful practice of really caring for yourself , of bringing more pleasure into your life . You are modeling this for your children and this is going to help them to A respect your limits and boundaries and B to practice it themselves . Don't you want your children to take care of themselves and their own needs ? I absolutely do , and I also want them to value being just chilling , recharging and not feel like their self-worth is caught up in constantly doing Okay . So we will leave that beautiful cozy hugali scene , but I hope that I've painted a picture that helps you to visualize how you could invite some hookah into your life , how you can use it to create comfort and pleasure , how you could help balance a difficult time , whether it's winter , whether it's stress that goes along with parenting , no matter what stage your kids are in , whether it's challenges at work that are stressing you out , whatever that might be , I hope that you're seeing how hookah can be a really beautiful practice that helps you to lovingly care for yourself .
Speaker 1If you've enjoyed this episode and hearing all about hookah , I think you'll really enjoy Mike's book Mike Biking or Wiking . His book , again , is called the Little Book of Hookah . I'll have a link in the show notes . I listened to it on Audible . He reads it . I think he does a great job . He's got a great voice , a great accent , although he's perfectly easy to understand . The book itself looks really cute . I think I might have to order it just to have it . I mean , what's more hookah than being curled up reading a book on hookah ? I think I need to have that book too , but definitely check it out .
Speaker 1Just a super quick review on things that are hookahly . They include celebrating Christmas , candles , low lighting fireplaces , hot drinks , meat , sweets including cake and pastries bread , stews , soups , popcorns , comfort food , comfortable clothing , simplicity , gatherings with friends where it's just a small , intimate gathering . I hope that you can find ways to incorporate some hookah in your life . I'd love to hear how you embrace all things hookah . So reach out and connect with me . You can find me on Instagram at your ZenFriend pod . You can also join our private Facebook group . Oh , I hope you'll join that . It's so fun . I love connecting with our members over there . Just search in groups for your ZenFriend . You can also send me an email at yourzenfriendpod at gmailcom . So many ways to connect and all of those ways to find me will be in the show notes . A great big thank you to Suzanne , our amazing editor . I'm so glad you joined me here today and until next time , friend , I hope you'll take some time today and every day to do something kind for yourself . Go get your hookah on . Ooh , you're still there . I'm so glad you are , because maybe you've got time for another podcast and I've got just the podcast for you .
My friend Ann Coleman , who is an attorney turned parent educator , has a fantastic podcast . It's called Speaking of Teens , and she gets into it . Cuteness , internet porn , vaping , mean girls , lying , emotional meltdown , sneaking out , anxiety , depression , school refusal the list goes on . If you're a parent of a teen or a tween , chances are you've dealt with at least some of those issues . Well , ann has dealt with it too , and she is super candid in talking about her own challenges when she was raising her now young adult son . She tells you what she did and what she wishes she did instead . She also has fantastic guest episodes , so check it out . Ann drops a new episode two times a week and I think you'll love her podcast as much as I do . Go to your podcast app wherever you listen to podcasts and search for Speaking of Teens with Ann Coleman , and I guarantee you'll get some great research-based tips and strategies that will make parenting at least a little bit easier .