Parenting in today's day and age is no joke . There are so many times when it is necessary to have serious conversations with our kids and so often it is necessary to set healthy boundaries and limits for them as they start moving out and about into the world and navigating the wild west of the internet . It can be really hard to keep a sense of humor throughout parenting for sure , but it's also really important to do so . On this episode I'm going to tell you how you can use humor to help make and keep those connections with your kids , how you can also use it when that connection has been broken to start building that connection back up . And in order to have a little fun and give an example of just keeping it late and fun with your own tweener teen , I've got my kid Lena on here today . At the end of the episode we will be talking about slang words . She's going to give me a quiz on the common slang terms that are used nowadays and I've got a quiz for her on some 80s and 90s slang words . And stay tuned till the very end where I have a silly mic check blooper of me and Lena for you . It just seemed fitting with this episode on keeping it humorous and late with your tweens and teens .
Speaker 1Welcome to your Zen Friend , a podcast for parents of tweens and teens who want less conflict and more zen in their lives . I'm your host , lauren Wolfe , a mental health therapist who has worked with families for more than 20 years . I have found the secret to enjoying the challenging years of parenting tweens and teens is to make and keep healthy connections with your kids while also caring for yourself . If you want to be a good parent , raise a great human and find some peace and calm along the way , then listen in . Welcome , zen friend . I hope , wherever you are , you are doing well . I'm glad you're here with me on this episode where we'll talk about using humor to make and keep those connections with our kids .
Speaker 1Okay , so , first of all , it can be hard to connect with humans that are often rolling their eyes at us and muttering things underneath their breath or just seem like they cannot just simply do the thing you've asked without at least complaining about it . Or maybe you find yourself having to ask them to do the thing like take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher , or pick up their socks or whatever it is 450,000 times before they'll do it and maybe it often ends in an argument because they're just giving pushback . It's hard right . Having a sense of humor . Keeping a sense of humor is not only going to help you keep your sanity at this time , but will also help you to just really keep those connections with your kids . Keeping that lightness for yourself , not taking things too seriously . Remember that this time period , although it feels like it will not last forever , I promise you this will get easier at some point . I find that as my children get older now they're 18 and 20 , we are not butting heads as much . We do not have the friction that we had when they were ages 10 to 16 , 17 . It's definitely gotten easier for me and I see that with so many of my clients that I work with , and my friends too . Take heart right there .
Next , I'll just give you a few tips for how you can use humor in a way that's going to help you with connections with your kids . Number one just using lightness in your every day . You can be that parent that allows them to poke a little fun at you . Give them an easy target . Even I love me some Janet Jackson , and I like to listen to Janet Jackson on my little speaker as I do the dishes sometimes and just dance around the kitchen . Sometimes my husband and I will listen to 90s I guess 90s hip hop and music we used to listen to in the club . He used to be a club DJ and I love to go dancing . We'll be listening to all sorts of music . He loves Biggie Smalls , besides Janet Jackson . I also love just pop music and I'm trying to think now of some of the stuff we listen to . Maybe we've got some soul to soul or some I don't even know , it's escaping me , but just think like 90s hip hop and maybe some rap music , some pop music . For sure we will play that and we will dance around the kitchen together as we do dishes .
Speaker 1When the kids were at those ages of like 10 , maybe a little older , maybe like 11 , 12 , up to like 17 , they would just think that was horrible . They would roll their eyes , they would make fun of us . But now that they're older they might still make fun of us a little bit , but then they get a kick out of us and they'll make some jokes . Or then they're trying to take videos of us to send as probably like snapchats to their friends . I'm like do not videotape us but it adds a certain lightness to the house , especially on a weeknight . They're doing homework , everyone's stressed and you're just bringing a little fun . When you're having fun , that energy translates to your kids and if they're making fun of you , it's okay . Right , they're blowing off steam by like , oh my God , look at mom , mom can't dance , whatever . Okay , that's fine , I can handle that . So there's one way just make it light , have some fun . The second way is just in having positive light connection with your kids .
Speaker 1So I'm thinking of a kid that I used to see in counseling , who was a teenager . This was probably about six years ago and he was really into rap music and he also would be pretty hard to connect with sometimes during our sessions , like just a little challenging to get talking . I hadn't seen him off and on since he was a younger kid and he just was at an age Hate to be stereotypical here , but as a teenage boy that can be challenging to get talking . So one day he came in and I just felt goofy and I said , all right , we're going to see who can name more rappers whose name starts with Lil . I'm going to start Lil Kim . And then he said one and he kind of laughed and shook his head a little bit like oh my god . And then Lil Wayne . So we went back and forth a number of times . I don't even know who else I came up with , but of course he won .
Speaker 1So I gave this opportunity , knowing he would win , knowing I would get stumped and he would get to show his knowledge by being able to name like six other rappers whose names started with Lil , and I would have no idea . And then I remember I had just read this is probably what had me thinking of doing this with him . I had just read like some silly Facebook thing that said your rap name is Lil and whatever food you last ate . And I was like , what food did you last eat ? He said Kit Kat . And I'm like , okay , so your name is Lil Kit Kat . So then he looked at me and goes how about you ? And I thought about it and I said banana . I guess my name would be Lil Banana . And he just laughed and he said , yeah , that works . So we had a laugh , right , that just kept it late . And then the next day my daughter was about the same age as him . When I saw her I asked her . Hey , leans , you know , I wonder in if you've heard that rapper recently , lil Uzi Vert . I really like his music . And she went what ? How do you know who that is ? So that was really fun and again , just kept it late .
Speaker 1The third way I will give you to keep it late have some humor with your kid to keep that connection . There are going to be times when the two of you have arguments or you've said no to something your kid wanted a yes to , but that you walk away and you're both really irritated with one another . If every single time this happens , you want to sit down and talk about it afterwards and come to a better place and an agreement or talk about respect or what expectations are , that is going to really hurt your connection with your kid . Sometimes we just need to let things go and I think when we let things go we will often get a . I'm sorry , I'm sorry mom , I'm sorry dad , but we need to pick our battles .
Speaker 1So if you have a situation with one of your kids where you've had some words , you've left and everyone's tense , your tense , he or she's tense . They've gone to their room , maybe , and now imagine they're like walking back through the kitchen and you're in there Instead of saying , hey , can we talk about what happened ? Like if it was like a really big deal and a big thing , then absolutely do that . But if it was something minor like your kid rolled their eyes at you and you lost your patience and said something like gosh , like when are you going to learn to be respectful to me ? Or something like that and they said something else snarky . Maybe you can just let that go . So when that kid comes back through the room , instead of let's sit down and talk about it , just use some humor . You could just use a little lightness to say something like hey , I really hate arguing with you and I think we both are just short on patience today . How about we start over ? So that's probably keeping it light than really using humor . But if you want to go for it with humor , I think that will probably be specific to your kid .
Speaker 1Maybe you have a nickname for them that when you use it , they know you're feeling loving towards them . You could use that and say something like hey , whatever that nickname might be , I call my daughter Goose . Like hey , goose , you want to go watch a show ? Right , and you're just breaking the mood , you're letting them know you're moving on without having to discuss moving on . Or maybe you use one of the new slang terms you're about to learn today . I don't want to spoil and give anything away , but maybe you use one of those in a sentence and just make it very matter of fact and there's no doubt they're going to be like Wait , what ? How do you know that ? And that could break the mood . So , however , you can use humor in a way that feels authentic to you and works for you and your kid .
Speaker 1We send a lot of like goofy pictures of the dogs to one another in our family chat . We call our family chat the Wu Tang . So that is a nod to an old nineties , eighties and nineties I'm not sure An old rap group that has some pretty foul lyrics and they were the Wu Tang clan and it's just kind of funny that we would call ourselves that as a family . So in our Wu Tang group we will post like goofy pictures of the dogs or funny memes or a funny tic-tac video . Those would be other ways of letting your kid know , with humor and lateness , like we're good right here , I'm sending you something funny , let's move on . And again , in doing that , I think you will often get an apology . If it is like a real big deal situation that just came up , then you probably are going to want to circle back , but we don't always need to do this . So let's take a short break and then we'll get right to my little mini episode with Lena and our quizzes on our slang of the eighties , nineties and today .
Speaker 1Hey there , zen friend , I'm so grateful for you listening and I would really appreciate your help by sharing this episode or another episode that you've enjoyed with a friend . It's my mission to support parents so that they don't feel like they are in this alone , they don't feel like they are the only ones often struggling with making and keeping those connections with their kids , and they also can have a little more fun and enjoyment during these challenging parenting years . So just go right to your podcast app . You can share the podcast directly from there . I so appreciate your help because this is also one of the best ways to grow the show , and growing the show means that I will be able to continue bringing you great content and fun guests . So thanks for your help . Let's get back to our show . Welcome , lena , so glad to have you back on the show .
Speaker 2Thank you for having me for a third time now .
Speaker 1Lena , you've become a regular Zen friend . Exactly , very exciting .
So today's episode is all about keeping it light , having humor with your tweens and teens to just foster that connection and keep that connection . I think parenting can be awfully serious and having humor is just a nice way to keep that connection . So you and I are going to have a little fun . You have some slang words or phrases that are popular today that you are going to test me on , and then I am going to test your knowledge on some 80s and 90s slang . Does that sound fun ?
Speaker 2to you . I'm nervous , it does sound fun .
Speaker 1I'm a little nervous . I don't have any prizes , so there's nothing to be nervous about Pressure's still on , though .
Speaker 2Why how ?
Speaker 1is the pressure still on . It's just that competitive part of you you want to do well .
Speaker 2Mom , stop . The first thing I was going to say is that I sound like a narc telling you these slang terms .
Speaker 1So I guess , if you could guess they're like things that kids say to purposely keep parents in the dark .
Speaker 2Okay , maybe , but I just feel like I'm exposing you to I don't know a world of things you don't know about . Maybe I do , Lena , Maybe I do . Okay , should I start with one ? Yeah go for it . Okay , so the first one's like two terms in one , but it's hard launch or soft launch .
Speaker 1I think I totally got this .
Speaker 2All right . So what's a soft launch ?
Speaker 1A soft launch is like , say , you're dating someone and you want to kind of let people know , so like maybe you go around town a little bit with them , like maybe you're seeing places with them . But a hard launch would be like you posting the two of you all snoodled up to each other , on like social media .
Speaker 2Okay , I would give you like a 9.5 out of 10 for that . I feel like a soft launch is like like on Instagram , you like post like their hands , like if you're out to dinner . It's like you post a hand . So it's like a guy's hand , oh , okay .
Speaker 1So it's always or a girl . If you're a girl dating a girl , right or whatever , like you know whoever you're dating , it's trying to be inclusive , but I appreciate that . So is it always on social media if you're talking hard or soft launch .
Speaker 2No , like you could hard launch a guy at the bar , but I'm just referencing like social . You're honestly like kind of hit the nail in the head oh ding , ding , ding .
Speaker 1I think I get a 10 . Would you say , I get a 10 ?
Speaker 2No , give me like a 9.5 . 5 , just a 9.5 .
Speaker 1I don't know .
Speaker 2I just I feel like you weren't like all the way there with it .
Speaker 1Okay , I'll take a 9.5 . Okay next , oh , you want me to go , yeah , or should I ?
Speaker 2give you a .
Speaker 1I'm looking at my list that I wrote yeah , we'll just stick with you . Just give me yours and then I'll give you mine .
Speaker 2I have like four terms . Okay , that's perfect . I feel like this one's not appropriate for your Even better Sneaky link or a slink .
Speaker 1Oh , I know what a sneaky link is . Now tell me , are they both used the same way or are they slightly different ?
Speaker 2No like no like you could use . They're interchangeable .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , that's that person you hook up with and it's like on the down low and you don't want other people to know .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Like that's a sneaky link , yeah . Like maybe you're in a relationship but you're hooking up on the side . Or maybe it's like you're wasted and you hook up with someone and you're like , oh , I shouldn't have hooked up with them . Or maybe it's just like a friends with benefits that you don't want people to know about .
Speaker 2It's more like the third option , okay , like it's not really like a sneaky link . I feel like it isn't . I guess it could be a one-time thing , but then like a slink , like you'd be like oh , you're slinking , it's going to those house , she's going to her sneaky link .
Speaker 1This is so not appropriate for the year , right , so the slink would be like the noun , like that's my slink .
Speaker 2No , or like it's an action , it's a verb , oh , or it could be a verb .
Speaker 1But slink , okay . So say , I'm a young person and I'm out at the club and there's that person . That's been my sneaky link . Could I be like it's my slink yeah ?
Speaker 2And then you could be like I'm slinking to his house . This is not appropriate for the years in front . They're going to be mortified Totally appropriate .
Speaker 1I'm wanting a 10 on that one . What do I get ?
Speaker 2I'll give you a 10 . Oh , thank you , I feel like my terms suck .
Speaker 1Like I really tried this one's like appropriate , no I feel like your terms are amazing and I feel like I'm very hip and relevant . That's my takeaway .
Speaker 2Go for it . Okay , this one's like silly , but . I said this to one of my friends was like you should put this on your list . I was like , okay , I got to discuss everything , sure ?
Speaker 1Oh , I totally know what this is . I do and everything . Shower is when you wash your hair , you probably wash it twice . You condition , maybe you even deep condition . You shave all those parts that you're going to shave , maybe you even exfoliate , maybe you even put on that type of moisturizer you put on in the shower . You are just literally doing all sorts of self care , while you're in there , wait , you're so like in tune with this .
Speaker 2I don't know if my terms are just bad or if I like tell you ever , probably more like I tell you everything . Isn't there another option ?
Speaker 1What do you mean ? Like , I'm just on top of it , I'm highly relive . You're just highly relive . It's impressive . Thank you , it's like very impressive , thank you .
Speaker 2Okay , I have one more . Okay , see if you can stump me this one . Like I don't really say , I feel like this is more like something a guy would say , like a high school boy , but I just thought this was like good for the list .
Speaker 1Okay , Riz , I have heard this one . I have heard this one . I think it's like the SHIT If it's the Riz , it's like like the bomb .
Speaker 2No wait , I'm surprised you didn't get this one , riz , is like I'm trying to think of how , like you do , I guess it's like he has like I don't know how to explain it . He has like swag , swag maybe .
Speaker 1No , okay , take that out .
Speaker 2Cut that out , cut that out . He's like . He's like I'm not cutting it out , okay , awesome . Like he's with it . Like , if a guy like is flirting with a girl at the bar and he's like really like chatting her up , he's Riz-ing her up , he has Riz .
Speaker 1Like he's flirting , oh like hyping . Oh , no , no , it's like flirting .
Speaker 2Ignore the sirens in the back .
Speaker 1I can't even hear them .
Speaker 2Rich Fort . You know what I'm saying . He's like flirting with her . Like he's like hyping her up kind of Okay , do you hear them ?
Speaker 1It's so loud , nope , can't hear them All right . So , riz , is it's like flirting or hyping ?
Speaker 2What's the word ? What if ?
Speaker 1you used it and you're not saying Riz-ing , and it was just Riz . How would you use that ? Like he has Riz .
Speaker 2Like you did say that I'm sorry . Like oh , jack has a lot of Riz . Like he's like look how he's talking to so and so over there .
Speaker 1Like he's like okay , I like it All . Right , I did pretty good three out of four .
Speaker 2Yeah , I would give you like an honestly like a 90 on that . I'm impressed , I'm impressed , thank you .
Speaker 1I know about an everything shower from one of my clients that told me she was going to take one , but I pretty much got it Right .
Speaker 2I mean , I feel like it's pretty , pretty evident yeah , definitely .
Speaker 1All right , are you ready for your 80s and 90s slang ? All right , tell me if you know what a Betty is . This is pretty 90s , isn't that ?
Speaker 2like . Isn't that like a word for like , like B-I-T-C-H , no , like , oh , she's a . Okay , now Give me a hint , or was that all I ?
Speaker 1got no , all right , I'll give you a hint .
Look at those beddies .
Speaker 2Oh , like hot girls . Yes , ding , ding , ding .
Speaker 1Okay , pretty good . When I was in college there we would hang out me and some of my friends would hang out with the guys on the rugby team and they like to call all of us beddies . They'd be like Betty was a . Oh , my God , that's such a flex , such a flex I know what flex is Right . Flex is like yeah , like a compliment .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 1Bragging right , bragging rights . Okay , tripping .
Speaker 2Like bugging out about something or like freaking out , like you're tripping Ding , ding , ding Totally . Oh my God really . Yeah , you got it .
Speaker 1Of course it's like a drug trip , like , depending on like what 80s era you're in . No , no , no , all right , how about the term bite me ?
Speaker 2I feel like that could be taken like a lot of ways . Bite me , yes , maybe like . Oh my god , I sound so vulgar , but like I don't want to say it , go like go after yourself .
Speaker 1Yeah , totally Bite me like screw off . Yeah , perfect , that's exactly right , I'm so with you . You are killin' it , lena . How about if something is gnarly ?
Speaker 2Like cool Ding , ding , ding , ding , ding yeah .
Speaker 1Give me something good , awesome . Give me something hard .
Speaker 2Hella , oh , just like , really like it's a descriptive word right ?
Speaker 1Yes , like hella , cool , really cool , amazing .
Speaker 2Totally yeah . I mean , I was born in 03 , like , only like 20 , 20 years off .
Speaker 1And also you're just , you're with it . Lena , I also have the zen friend as my mom . Yes , right , you span the generations . You're very , very present . Ok , how about if someone I don't know what I'm saying ? How about if someone says , word like word , oh , god .
Speaker 2Dad says that oh , he does , yeah , he totally does .
Speaker 1It's trying to be cool .
Speaker 2It's kind of like hip hop yeah , like , oh , I'm trying to think like word , word Like what's up , maybe like word Like what ?
Speaker 1I don't know . Kind of , I think it's more like oh , I'm going to use a present day term to compare it oh god , ok , I have to remember what it is , though . Oh , I do . Ok , ready , deadass .
Speaker 2OK , right , for real , yeah , for real , yeah , like deadass , for real .
Speaker 1Yeah . So if I say like Lena , like I don't know what I would say If I were a young person and I would say because I don't want people to think I'm like partying with my children or I don't party at all actually .
Speaker 2But if I were to say like Lena , there's like a huge party going on Like the lacrosse scene was starting tonight , like I'd be like , oh , word , word .
Speaker 1Yeah , would you also say deadass that way , like deadass ?
Speaker 2I don't really say deadass , but I would maybe be like for real . I don't know .
Speaker 1But would someone else use it ? Would that be the correct way to use it ? Yeah , yeah , ok , cool , ok . And how about Joneson ?
Speaker 2Oh god , Like dancing maybe .
Speaker 1Doing drugs . Maybe it's like you're Joneson , like I'm Joneson for I don't know , looking for . Yeah , like I'm Joneson for a cupcake .
Speaker 2Fixing to Like fixing to .
Speaker 1Is that like I really want , like I'm Joneson for a party , or I'm Joneson for like I'd be , like I'm Joneson for like going to bed early with my book , but nobody ?
Speaker 2ever says that that's my mind . I'm .
Speaker 1Joneson , it's a good way . Yeah , I'm Joneson , I'm .
Speaker 2Joneson for some chocolate . I'm Joneson . I'm Joneson to listen to the Zen Friend pod .
Speaker 1Ooh , good usage , lena . I like it , yeah , and then I just have one more , but I think , well , I'll do two more . I think you'll totally get this one if someone says to take a chill pill .
Speaker 2Oh , like relax . Yeah , I mean , that's like people say that now .
Speaker 1They do right . They still use it . How about , is it good or bad if you call someone a tool ? Is it like a compliment or negative ?
Speaker 2Negative yeah , totally , because it's like oh , that guy's such a tool .
Speaker 1Yeah , I feel like some people say that I've heard that I feel like I've heard young people say that too . Maybe or maybe it was just you , but and I think that's like a Really old-fashioned expression I feel like that's even Earlier than 80s , 90s but we used to say that in college . I'm gonna give credit to my friend Judy that was her . That was the word she would often use like oh , he's such a tool yeah it was a good one .
Speaker 2Yeah , I know some tools . That's a good and it'd be like .
Speaker 1It'd be kind of like someone that was like trying too hard , yeah , and just being like a , like a doofus . Do people use that anymore ?
Speaker 2I was gonna say , I was gonna say like so I say wait , you could keep this in , okay ginger .
Speaker 1Oh my gosh . Yeah , so you've got code names for people , right ? Yeah , and like , I think that's typical , like I always did with my friends too . So , okay , someone is codenamed big ginger and I think you're saying he might be a tool . He would be like a tool , yeah , oh , I feel like we're being mean . I don't mean to be mean . Oh my god .
Speaker 2I think the big deserves to be called this one . You can cut this out .
Speaker 1He has had some actions that are tool worthy from what you've shared for sure . Oh my gosh , lena , this was so much fun . Thanks for having me , thanks for coming on . Any other Slaying words or phrases that you feel like Would be fun for a parent to just kind of throw out there with their kid and their kid might be like what in like a good way that they might kind of have a giggle or a moment of connection .
Speaker 2Honestly no .
Speaker 1I'm sorry , that's okay .
Speaker 2Maybe I'm not cool and with it because I'm like almost 21 now , but I I really tried to like think of certain terms and I was like I don't know , like I think you did great .
Speaker 1And I think , I think I will give you credit for most of them . I've heard you say so . Otherwise , lena , I would be lost in asking the teenage clients that I work with , like what does that mean ? What's Riz ? But I will say that you definitely often use the phrase I have tea to spill , or spill the tea like talking about , like Gossip over just kind of chatty info . Yeah , but I don't think all parents know that , so I'll throw that out there . If someone wants to say to their tweener team like Spill the tea , yeah , or I have some tea , yeah .
Speaker 1I think that could be . That could be a nice little moment for them , perhaps awesome . Thanks so much , queen . I hope to have you on the show again soon .
Speaker 2Would love to not look at your daughter or anything . Love you , love you more .
Speaker 1Thanks for having me . I'm so grateful that Lena please podcasting with me and I hope that that was fun for you and , most of all , I hope that served as a good example of just how to have fun and Keep it late use a little humor with your tween or teen . I Also want to say that Lena and I are not always so giggly and getting along so well . We are a mother and daughter . We have had our moments of arguments , for sure . Things are definitely easier and we get along much better , more frequently , as she's gotten older . But believe me when I tell you we have had our moments , we will probably have our moments in the future , although I do do my very best to always keep that connection with her . I am human and I lose it sometimes . If you stay tuned till the very end . There's a cute blooper of when we were doing a sound check and I think you'll enjoy it because she gives me a little attitude , so you get to see a little glimmer of that as well .
Speaker 1I Am so grateful for Susan , our amazing editor , and all that she does to make the show sound fantastic . So thank you , susan . Thank you to all of you for listening . I'd love to hear from you . Reach out and connect with me by finding me on Instagram at your zen friend pod . You can email me at your zen friend pod at gmailcom or Join our private Facebook group . That is a really great group and we have fun keeping the conversation going between episodes . Just search for that in groups on Facebook by searching your zen friend . Until next time , friend . I hope you'll take some time today and every day to do something kind for yourself . All right , lena , sing me a little song , say a little ditty , whatever you want to do , little ditty , little p ditty .
Speaker 2Go for it . My p ditty is that I'm so stressed out right now , oh , Tell me more . I just hate boys . Tell me why stop sound checking it .
Speaker 1All right .