Conflict Is Key To A Stronger Marriage :Conflict To Connection

Ever wondered if conflict could be the key to a stronger, more fulfilling marriage? This episode of the Married Life Management Podcast challenges the traditional view of disagreements as obstacles and explores their potential to deepen connection and love within relationships. As someone who has navigated the complexities of marriage alongside my wife, I, Coach Chindah Chindah, share personal stories that illustrate how embracing our differences has brought us closer. Unpacking insights from the renowned Gottman Institute and the Journal of Family Psychology, we delve into why ignoring conflicts can spell trouble and how facing them head-on can transform your partnership into a resilient and harmonious bond.

Navigate the path from conflict to connection with practical strategies and heartfelt advice. Discover the importance of creating a safe space for open and honest communication, where respect and understanding take the forefront. This episode highlights the power of empathy and self-awareness, allowing couples to see misunderstandings as opportunities for dialogue, leading to deeper emotional intimacy. By learning to appreciate personality differences and leveraging them to foster growth, you'll gain tools to resolve issues without causing harm, ensuring that your love endures and thrives in the long run.

Turn challenges into opportunities for growth and unity with actionable steps from my book, "Conflict to Connection." This episode not only promises to strengthen your marriage but also invites you to join our community for ongoing support through Married Life Management's resources, including books, articles, and online courses. Engage with us on social media and in our free Telegram groups, where you can find encouragement and updates to help you build an extraordinary and satisfying marriage. Let conflict be the catalyst for a more loving and connected relationship.

I will like to continue the support and ensure your marriage soars each day as God has designed it to be. This is why I am inviting you to join:

• Our 'Love Without Drama' Couple Marriage Satisfaction Masterminds for continuous marriage renewal throughout your life together by clicking Here. Don't settle for less.
• Obtain our award-signature marriage satisfaction online course. This program is nicknamed The MARRIAGE ENCYCLOPEDIA OR MARRIAGE BIBLE. You can have the entire program for lifetime access for a small fee. Click HERE and get on board now

Transcript

Navigating Conflict in Marriage

Chindah Chindah 0:00

Welcome to the Married Life Management Podcast with Coach Chindah Chindah , a show loaded with practical tips , purposeful scripts , personal stories and simple steps to make your marriage work . So get ready to receive the bespoke , transformational information you need to create and maintain a satisfying marriage daily , from someone you trust , your mentor and marriage satisfying expert , coach chinda chinda hey , welcome to married life management podcast .

Speaker 2 0:39

This is where we try to talk about everything marriage . We provide you with tips , we provide you with scripts , stories . We talk about steps on how you can basically make your own marriage work , and by creating your own version of extraordinary marriage and something that is very satisfying . My name is Cheney Cheney and I'm thrilled to be your host today . I'm a certified life , relationship and marriage coach and we speak here at Best Selling Auto , but I think what makes me very unique is the relationship that I have with my wife as a husband and being able to know how to find a way to make the marriage work for each other . And the other thing also that make me really exciting about everything I do is the two boys I have in my life . These boys , they make you grow , they make you learn , they make you discover yourself , and it's been an amazing journey , and I want to say that in every stage of your life , you need to appreciate this important thing you have If you are married . You have a husband , you have your wife , you have your family . It's important not to take it for granted , because we're not guaranteed tomorrow . So every opportunity you have with your spouse make it a memorable one , and I also want to say that what we're talking about today is really , really important . But before I go into that , I just want to ask you how are you , how have you been , and how's your family In 2025 , we've just got into this place and we're all excited . We're all looking forward to making sure that year brings joy , happiness , peace , and I believe that is going to happen to you and I believe that it's going to make sure that you get the best out of this year , and that will depend on how you approach your marriage and relationship . So just hang in there and continue to grow , continue to learn , continue to be better , and as you do so , you will see the reward . It's going to pay off at the end of the day .

Speaker 2 2:47

Today's discussion in this episode is conflict to connection . That's what I'm talking about today ; conflict to connection , and I can say that it's a topic that I've been thinking about a lot . It's a topic that I've been also examining myself as well , from an experienced perspective and how , me and my wife , we have been able to navigate our differences . We've been able to find a way to ensure that the marriage works and we are happy in the relationship . So conflict in itself is a very unique thing , and today I want to talk about what is conflict ? And I want to talk about why is it critically important that we managed it very well and how does it lead to connection , because that's what we were talking about , right , and how your marriage is very unique from every other marriage and how can you find a way to use conflict to grow and to be a better spouse .

Speaker 2 3:47

Because conflict in itself is not the enemy and it's important to understand that in a marriage , avoidance is the enemy , because when you engage with your spouse from a place , when you engage with your spouse from a place of wanting to grow , of wanting to know , of wanting to be better , growth will happen when two of you are willing to face the discomfort together . No one is running away from it . Avoidance is the enemy , not conflict in itself , and every strong marriage and conflict free . They are conflict resilient because they've managed to find a way to understand that conflict is not the issue , the trouble , but they can navigate , they can thrive by finding a way to mutually understand each other , respect each other and come out on the other side connected and deeply in love like never before , because when you handle conflict with care , it fuels your connection , it unites your two hearts together and it helps you to bond better and gives you the ability to navigate whatever is in front of you . And I also believe that the love you have for each other , the connection you have for each other , the understanding you have for each other is going to be tested in the storm of misunderstanding , conflict , disagreement . But true connection can be burned when both partners choose resolution , finding a way to go forward over resenting each other . And every time you have conflict , every time you have misunderstanding , disagreement , it's just a reality to both of you . That conversation needs to be heard , that is something you need to discuss . That will enable both of you to begin to see yourselves a little bit differently .

Speaker 2 5:54

So marital conflict is a reality and , as a christian , the bible say for all of sin and the glory of god . That is an indication that we're not perfect . We're all work in progress . So , even as a person of faith , you still need to understand that the person you're married isn't perfect , and the person you're married can make mistakes , can do things that you never expect . And this is where God factor comes in , because you have forgiveness , you have tolerance , you have kindness , you have compassion and also you give people grace and you have the humility of heart to find a way to navigate this season or this moment of misunderstanding .

Speaker 2 6:36

So what exactly is marital conflict ? We see that when both of you do not have that sync in agreement , when you don't have that sync in understanding , when you are coming from a different angle , we are looking at something differently . Your perspective is different , your priorities are different . Your needs are different . Your emotions are different . Your all-bringings are different . Your perspectives are different . Your personalities are different . Your preferences about many things are different . Your emotions are different . Your upbringing is different . Your perspectives are different . Your personalities are different . Your preferences about many things are different . The fact they are different does not mean that you guys are doomed . In fact , conflict is great , it's amazing . It's a tool , it's a connecting tool . So it's okay not to be exact in the relationship . It doesn't matter where you're coming from . It doesn't matter where you're coming from , it doesn't matter what you have been through , it doesn't matter the background you have .

Speaker 2 7:28

Even the most prepared relationships and marriages , they are not immune to misunderstanding , to disagreement , to conflict . It's an inherent part of every relationship and it shows that we are human . We are not God and we are very , very imperfect . But you know , when you have faith , when you have some strong biblical principles , it gives you leverage to face that challenge and emerge strongly and thrive in it . Because you now have the foundation to understand the imperfection of your spouse . You have the understanding that they could also be struggling with certain things . They're still work in progress . This will give you the ability to know how to support them and support each other .

Speaker 2 8:13

So even the best of marriages , even the best of relationships , even the best of preparation before marriage or within the marriage , we can't 100% say that no relationship can have one form of conflict or the other . The degrees are different because the more you mature , the more you get better your marriage , begin to see a different steps or strategies to deal with certain things in your relationship . So I want you to approach this in this form . Conflict is a natural thing . I want you to approach this in this form . Conflict is a natural thing and it's just an indication that imperfect people have to find a way to navigate whatever it is that is going on in their lives . So conflict is okay .

Speaker 2 8:58

Conflict is not something you should be scared of . Don't avoid it . Find a way to use it for your own advantage to make your relationship work , because conflict is inevitable in any marriage . No matter how strong their marriage is , no matter how harmonious their marriage is , with experiences that differs with each other , you will see the natural byproduct of two unique individuals , amazing and wonderful people sharing lives together , sharing experiences together , sharing shared goals together , building something together . You will still see something within them that can create uncomfortable moments in their marriage and relationship that doesn't lead to doom , that doesn't lead to the destruction or dissolution of that relationship . They may have different understanding about how finance is to be , or parenting or intimacy . Their career path might be unique or different .

Speaker 2 9:51

These differences in personality , these things , sometimes can create misunderstanding , and the fact that the conflict is creating misunderstanding is for you to find a way to know how to support each other in this , and I said earlier that conflict is a conversation that needs to be heard . There are some things that are hidden that perhaps you need to uncover in your marriage and relationship . So the way both of you approach this aspect of your marriage or relationship , we either make it or break it , because I believe that conflict has different nature to it and that there are unique , dual side of it make or break . So conflict can make your marriage better . It can break the marriage altogether your marriage better . It can break the marriage altogether . The way you handle it constructively , intelligently , maturely , helps you to use conflict as a tool for an opportunity of growth in your marriage and relationship , to better deeply understand your spouse and also to increase your level of bonding and intimacy .

Overcoming Conflict in Relationships

Speaker 2 11:05

But when you ignore it , when you mishandle it , when you become self-centered , when you become intolerant , unkind , then it will lead to resentment , it will build up to emotional withdrawal , it will build up to anger , to wrath , to hatred and , at the end of the day , sometimes it leads to dissolution of that marriage . If you think about your marriage or relationship right now , you realize that the times that you guys have had this roadblock like you can't move forward , but you later find a way to navigate it . So this podcast is to help you understand and to know that whatever you're going through , there is a way around it . So this podcast is to help you understand and to know that whatever you're going through , there is a way around it . There are things you can do differently and uniquely to come out on the other side of connection . Or maybe your own case might be in a form that is becoming so constant , is so frequent , and you don't know how to get out of it . You are just struggling . You're just trying your best and it looks like you are hitting the wall and as this thing persists , it's difficult for you to fully love your spouse again , connect with your spouse . This is why you need to stick around , because I'm going to talk to you about an incredible tool that I have that can really help both of you if you really want to change the dynamic of your marriage and relationship , because it's the desire and it's the plan that your relationship actually works . I remember this incredible researcher .

Speaker 2 12:44

Gottman Institute is a researcher that was based in the US and according to him he said , unresolved conflicts are definite leaders , leading leaders or indicator that can critically predict marriage dissatisfaction and eventual divorce . Predict marriage dissatisfaction and eventual divorce Because the study was looking at couples who avoid conflict , who engage in destructive patterns like criticizing , contempt , defensiveness , stonewalling , avoidance , withdrawal . These people are likely to deteriorate into a relationship that sometimes is almost unsavable . So it's a brave button for you to know that if you avoid it , if you don't sincerely find a way to move forward with this , it can create a lot of issues for you guys in the relationship . And then the other one was also from the , I think , journal of Family Psychology that indicated that unresolved conflict accounts to nearly 69% of personal perpetual issues in marriages , meaning that these problems remain unresolved Right , and these are due to key fundamental personality and lifestyle differences .

Speaker 2 14:04

So every successful couple that you have seen they have used conflict resolution to learn to live with each other their differences , rather than allowing these differences to destroy the relationship . And it's really important that you don't avoid it or suppress it or hide it or mishandle it , because it has some serious , devastating effect in your marriage overall . It's going to create emotional disconnection now and there are things in your heart that you have not shared to your husband or said to your wife and you've not spoken about it . Or maybe you try to speak about it , but the way you approach it is just not the best and it's creating great , great issues and you know that you can't continue like this . You are not emotionally connected , you are not united because you don't have this conversation . This thing also can lead to a possible dissolution of that relationship , because studies have shown that couples who fail to resolve conflict are 2.5 times more likely to end the relationship , to dissolve it , to divorce or to separate or to go their separate way . This is why you can't continue suppressing this resentment , mishandling this misunderstanding that both of you have .

Speaker 2 15:27

And studies also have shown that conflict has no result . Resentment , carrying this anger , this unforgiveness , this hatred , this pain , it creates chronic marital stress . This thing leads to some fundamental problems in your health . It's going to create depression . It's going to create anxiety , sometimes physical illness , sometimes even heart disease , heart attack , hypertension . Many couples are sick today because of all these conflicts , all these misunderstandings in their relationship .

Speaker 2 15:58

Some people are just so quiet about it . They don't want to talk about it . They want to share . But how are you able to solve these things ? How are you able to discuss this ? You know one of the ways that I've really helped my wife and I to find a way to deal with misunderstanding .

Speaker 2 16:16

We are people of faith and sometimes , with the best intention , we might step on each other's toes , we might say things or act in the best of interest , but the activity is read differently . Do you see what I mean . So we have designed this process where , when you're not feeling loved or respected or desired or cherished or wanted , or if you feel like someone is doing something that you're not comfortable about , please speak up . So we created that environment of honest conversation . We didn't want anybody to have something they want to talk about or something they want to discuss and she doesn't have the opportunity to express herself fully . Because how will I learn and grow with my wife if I'm not able to understand her from her own perspective and if I'm not able to approach her suggestions or her constructive criticism or whatever it is to strengthen our relationship ? If I do not want to listen , then how are we even going to build a relationship that works ? Not want to listen , then how are we even going to build a relationship that works ? Because conflict is to lead us to connect better . It's to make us have conversations that we have not had , and it's an opportunity to know what you don't know . We're not God . You don't know everything about your spouse . You keep learning and growing every day . So Conflict forces us to communicate our thoughts , our feelings , our needs you know our desires . And if we do it respectively , in a constructive environment in an atmosphere of fairness and better desire to understand each other . It's going to mean a lot to us is going to mean a lot to us .

Using Conflict to Strengthen Relationships

Speaker 2 18:07

So , if there is any form of disagreement in your relationship , there is things that you want to talk about and it's still holding you back . There are unmet needs in your life . There are things that is causing stress . You have resentment against your husband . You're listening against your wife . You can't continue like this . You have this unforgiveness in your heart . Yes're listening against your wife . You can't continue like this . You have this unforgiveness in your heart . Yes , they've done something , but you need to find a way to have that conversation so that they'll be better understand where you're coming from and be able to help you , because that's what conflict does .

Speaker 2 18:41

You know , sometimes conflict will reveal your core values and your priorities . Maybe you've said this before to your spouse , you've discussed about it , but by the time you disagree , you know about certain things . It's an evident that there are certain aspects of you that is not agreeing to certain things , and this might be based on your priorities or your values . But if you find a way to navigate this misunderstanding or conflict very well , you will learn more about what really matters to your spouse , what really matters to them , and this is why it's important to allow these things to help you guys know each other better . How are you going to show empathy to your spouse if you don't understand their coverlets and their priorities ? How would they even understand what they need and what they want from you ?

Speaker 2 19:33

Conflict helps us to build problem-solving skills together , because walking through that disagreement , that misunderstanding , walking through that perspective clashes personality lifestyle . It helps you as a couple to resolve any kind of issues that you have . You have very constructive , collaborative nature on dealing with stuff . Then you start solving your problems and it will strengthen your partnership . You guys become a team and each person fully involved , fully desired and mutual respect will begin to exist in that marriage , in that relationship . It will help you to build emotional intimacy . You want to be free to share anything with your husband , with your wife . You want to be able to build deeper trust with them .

Speaker 2 20:22

So when I admit I'm wrong , do you know what that means ? It makes my other spouse feel that I'm responsible and I'm admitting to my actions . Okay , I'm not trying to dismiss it . So if your partner is feeling insecure or afraid , or they cannot speak to you freely because of , maybe , the way you're going to yell or shout or defend yourself and all that . That's not going to help your marriage at all . It doesn't show you care . It doesn't even show you are trying to build an emotional connection with your spouse .

Speaker 2 20:54

So conflict is really important . Misunderstanding is really important because it will show your behavior , and that's what marriage does and that's what conflict is . It shows your behavior . It magnifies your assumptions , your triggers , your mindset , everything about you will come to light . So it helps in awareness , self-awareness , so you can know where you need to grow . You can know where you need to be better . And one key person that is important in your life is your spouse , where both of you constructively share , vulnerably with each other so that you can find a way to grow together . So it will inspire you , really really important . And when you see these things happening , when you see conflict happening in your relationship , when you see these things happening , when you see conflict happening in your relationship , very often we start comparing our marriage with another marriage .

Speaker 2 21:53

Your marriage is very unique . Both of you have unique combination of different , distinct stuff that have happened to your lives . Your temperaments are unique . I mean if you a distinct temperament , but there are experiences that differ with each other . There are backgrounds that are upbringing , there are experiences of life . So your conflict , your misunderstanding , your marriage and relationship is going to be very unique and the way you handle it is going to be very unique and the way you handle it is going to be very unique . It's custom , personalized to both of you , because your individuality shines through your lives .

Speaker 2 22:34

So , understanding that both of you , from a cultural perspective , differs your family's traditions might differ from where you grew up . From your perspective , the way they talk in your family might be different from the way they speak in my own family . Your gender roles , your handling things in your marriage and relationship these things are very , very important . They're very , very critical . So , look at your relationship . Don't compare it with somebody else . Don't compare your marriage with somebody else . Understand the fact that your cultural backgrounds differs . And even the way you communicate communication style is very important . Some couples are very direct and very confrontational . Some couples are very reserved , they are indirect , they take their time .

Speaker 2 23:17

All these things are things you begin to examine within your marriage and relationship . What are the dynamics playing out here and what are the emotional triggers . Do you even know your histories about your families , about your homes , even the history of your own life , your own personal history ? Because sometimes it will influence how you feel . It's either going to make you find a way to resolve conflict or even make the whole thing become a big issue . And some of the emotional triggers are things that you've experienced in the past that when you see it happen in your marriage and relationship , it becomes a very big issue . So know how unique is your marriage and relationship from your spousal perspective , how do you deal with things ? Because it's really , really important to understand the dynamics so that you know how to deal with them , you know how to manage them .

Speaker 2 24:09

Otherwise , you will find it very , very difficult to get to a point where both of you are comfortable , both of you are excited to see your relationship so with each other . And I want to say this , because conflict is a reality , you know . I remember God saying that , therefore , a man shall leave his father and mother and will cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh . Becoming one flesh doesn't mean that the couples won't experience any disagreement , doesn't mean that in that unity there is no individuality within the unity . It just means that you are called to walk together . You're called to become a team , to be a partner . You know prioritizing unity , despite the challenges that you guys are facing , you know that you're becoming one is to help the marriage grow , is to bring the glory of God in that relationship . And knowing that you are one it will help you to navigate any form of disunity , any form of constant not being in the same mindset to get things done .

Speaker 2 25:20

The fact that you are individuals and you have your own individual experiences , perspective , preferences , temperament . You know different upbringing , different things that's happened to each of you in the marriage and relationship . That doesn't mean that you will not compromise . That doesn't mean that you will not go into a place of peace , of humility and forgiveness and grace , where you don't allow stubbornness and hardness of heart to prevail over your relationship just because you want to have your way 24-7 . Like I said , a house that is divided against itself , that house will not stand . There's no way you're going to prosper . There's no way you're going to navigate the relationship and come out on the other side . So really , really important that , as we begin to talk about how do we now use conflict to connect , how do we actually do this ? Because it's so important knowing that if we understand these steps , then we'll know how to navigate the challenges that we might be facing .

Speaker 2 26:24

Right Number one shift your perspective on conflict . Instead of viewing conflict as a threat , as an enemy , see it as an opportunity to grow closer . That's the first step If you want to use conflict to connect deeply with your spouse . See it as an opportunity to grow closer . Refrain the disagreement as a chance to you know . Deepen your understanding . Deepen your understanding with each other .

Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies

Speaker 2 26:49

I personally my relationship sanguine , caloric , so I can be very confrontational , I can be very direct from a temperamental perspective , but I've learned not to do that because my spouse is phlegmatic , melancholic , and that might make her to withdraw , that can make her to feel threatened or misunderstood and she might not be able to open up and freely understand . So , knowing our differences , knowing our unique personality differences , it's important to reframe whatever is going on in your marriage . I don't know what exactly is happening right now in your marriage . I don't know what exactly is happening right now in your marriage . I don't know what's happening between you two . But think about it in this way what will happen differently if I think differently about this particular thing that have created resentment , distancing your marriage and relationship . Do you know whether the conflict was a gift ? The disagreement was a gift , so that both of you can just find a way to support each other and be better in that relationship . I don't know what has happened and I'm not undermining the pain perhaps this event or incident had caused or the loss that it has created . I know that this can be very difficult , but can you reframe and think differently ? Can I use this to understand my husband better ? Can I use this to understand my wife better ? So when you begin to come from that place , you will have humility Pride will not be there anymore . Humility and kindness , empathy . I just want to know . I want to understand them better .

Speaker 2 28:43

Number two is practice active listening . I don't know how I'm going to emphasize this . Active listening is absolutely important . I love the scriptures . It said let every man be quick to hear , but slow to speak . Slow to anger . Gear , but slow to speak , slow to anger . Active listening and patience are very crucial in avoiding escalation , first and foremost , and then , secondly , fostering understanding .

Speaker 2 29:16

During this time of misunderstanding , disagreement , unable to be in sync During conflict , one of the biggest challenges we have is you want to talk , you want to speak , you want to say your mind and in the process of doing all this , that can create a lot of distance between you two and sometimes you say things that are not very good . So can you just say , let me listen to her . I mean , maybe while you are listening to this , watching this , you could just say let me go back to my spouse , let's find them . Don't talk like let there be no talk policy . Don't interrupt . Just ask your wife what exactly is the issue ? Why are you feeling like this ? Ask your issue . Why are you feeling like this ? Ask your husband , why are you feeling like this ? And just allow them to speak , allow them to talk . This is very important . If you understand them , that will really go a long way to know what to do next . You've changed your perspective , because conflict is inevitable . Now you want to actively understand .

Speaker 2 30:30

Don't respond . Reflect back , what have you heard , just to make sure that you are clear about what they are telling you and show some humility and some empathy . You could even ask them back , if I hear you correctly , did you say this or that ? Look for ways to understand them . And thirdly , respond .

Speaker 2 31:00

Don't react . It's not the same . Reacting and responding is not the same . Reacting and responding is not the same . Reacting emotionally can escalate the conflict . If you think about when you guys have a misunderstanding about your finance , about your career , about your job , about money , whatever it is , the moment your emotion takes over . You are very reckless in your words , in what you say , you say mean stuff , you use words that are really really discomforting , very disgusting and that can really cause a lot of emotional distance between you two . Instead , take a moment pause , breathe in and then thoughtfully think about do I say this or do I not say this Process what you're about to do , and if you're not in the now phase to do something , just say can we come back later . This will create a better , safe environment for both of you to actually talk , discuss things .

Speaker 2 32:01

Most times we react emotionally , in anger , in yelling , in shouting , in trite triting in words . This thing can scare somebody , this thing can make your spouse so withdrawn . Number one change your perspective . Two active listening . Three respond . Don't react , and reacting emotionally is always the biggest problem we have and it can happen to the best of us . But you can begin to learn how to be more emotionally intelligent . With your spouse , you can learn to be emotionally controlled . You can learn to be emotionally intelligent .

Speaker 2 32:35

Number four focus on the issue , not the person . This is so important . Something has happened in the relationship . Avoid the blame game . Avoid attacking your partner . You know , use different phrases , use different way of speaking . I feel when I am not hot , I feel upset . You don't begin to speak . Oh , you never consult me . You never do this . You are this , you are that . Now you are talking to the person . You are not focusing on that particular issue . This is a very , very important side of using conflict to connect .

Speaker 2 33:27

Are you able to focus on what is the problem Instead of bringing the past ? You did this last year , you did this last week , you did this , you did this , you did that , even things that are being resolved . You are still bringing it up and you're making this person feel so down . So , because you want to win arguments , you want to subdue them . You want to win arguments . You want to subdue them . You want to manipulate them . You gaslight them . You do all these things . It's not a very good place in a marriage and relationship .

Speaker 2 33:50

Focus on the issue , the issue you guys are having right now ? Are you actually focusing on it or you are focusing on the person ? If you focus on the person , it's not going to end . They will feel really upset about it and at the end of the day , you don't go anywhere . You sweep it under the carpet . Sometimes it happens again and happens again and the marriage just continuously be in that cycle of hordes and conflict and there's no way forward . So when you are able to focus on the issue , not the person , you can now be able to acknowledge and validate individual feeling .

Speaker 2 34:24

No-transcript . They know that . You heard them , you understand what they are saying and where they are coming from . This is where empathy comes in . So let me give an example . You can say things like I understand why you feel this way . Try to show some care , some empathy , some respect . I statement is very powerful . Validate it . Don't ignore them , don't make them feel like whatever they are saying doesn't make any sense , because you are trying to . By validating and by trying to listen to what they are saying , you want to foster peace .

Speaker 2 35:05

Peacemaking is the priority here . Pursuing peace during conflict , during misunderstanding , is better than pursuing being right , because pursuing being right , mr Right and Mrs Right , will just escalate things to a place where you don't want to go and it will not bring you guys closer and it's not even going to harm God anyway . So I really want you to think about how you seek solution , which is very powerful , and by pursuing peace number six , you seek solution together and the solution is peace . Peace is the priority here . So have that team conversation . Try to resolve the conflict to make you guys better . Don't focus on winning , because focusing on winning will just ensure that the other person feel they are surprised , they are disregarded and they are not part of the solution . Let it be what we call a win-win scenario . Let each person feel they are part of the solution . Let it be what we call a win-win scenario . Let each person feel they are part of the solution . And it's really important .

Speaker 2 36:16

Lastly , learn to apologize and forgive . I don't know how much I'm going to emphasize it . You have to learn to apologize and to forgive . This is so important because if you continue to hold this thing against your spouse and every time you keep bringing it up , you keep bringing it up you are not looking for peace , you're looking for trouble , you're looking for disconnection , you're looking for lack of intimacy , withdrawal , you're looking for somebody just running away from you . Learn to apologize and forgive all . I've seen and , conscious of the glory of god , we are not 100 perfect . We could do things that we don't mean , and it's good not to take each other for granted or their forgiveness for granted . Apologizing sincerely , forgiving generally from your heart is crucial for healing and for moving forward . After any conflict , any issue , any problem , this will really help the relationship . This will really help the marriage to be strong , to be better and , at the end of the day , you will move forward in your marriage .

Transforming Relationships Through Conflict Resolution

Speaker 2 37:23

As a sign of a final thought around this conflict connection , I want you to know that conflict is a journey . It's a process . We're going somewhere , we're learning from it . It's not a destination . So it's important to know that conflict resolution isn't about eliminating every disagreement altogether , every misunderstanding altogether . Rather , it's just creating a safe space where both partners will feel heard , valued , supported , cherished , respected and able to share whatever is in their mind in perspective to their needs . And it's important for one to be free to do that by approaching conflict from a perspective that is a learning opportunity . To know your spouse better is a way to practice mutual respect , understanding each other and finding a way to transform the relationship and to deeper connect with each other that will change the game on how both of you view each other .

Speaker 2 38:28

I have witnessed countless , countless couples strengthen their relationship intentionally through conflict , managing it In my relationship . For the past 16 years , as at the time of recording this podcast , I know what conflict has done in my marriage , what it has done in my relationship . It has bonded us together , it has helped us to grow and our love is stronger and stronger every day . So I know that conflict is not the best place that most people want to be , but it's not the enemy , it's avoiding it . That is the enemy , because it's a natural , inherent part of every human . It's a mirror to our imperfection as humans . But do you know that if you handle it properly , the reward is growth , is understanding , is intimacy , is bond , is love , is laughter , is discovery , and it's even far , far important that it brings glory to God at the end of the day . So see this as an important , valuable tool that will help you and that will support you to make your marriage even better . Hence I have something also that will help you , if you have watched to this point , that can support you to build your marriage and relationship and make it even stronger . Hence I wrote this book , which is called Conflict to Connection , and it talks about 21 ways to resolve issues without hurting your partner . Conflict to Connection I'll put the link below and you can get it on Sela . If in Africa or other parts of the world , you can also get it through Seller , or you can also get it through Amazon as well .

Speaker 2 40:13

Conflict to Connection and it also has a workbook . So this is the book itself and this is the workbook , and it's such an incredible tool that can help you to navigate . You can do this one chapter a week and have the workbook to follow through very detailed . It can allow you to speak , to share every single week and practice what you have read one chapter and then you do the workbook . Okay , depending on how you want to do it , you can do it once in a day , you can do it once in a week , once in three weeks , once in three days , whatever that's comfortable . But it's such an incredible book that will really change your life and change the way you relate with your spouse and how you can build a relationship that is going to allow the conflict in your marriage and relationship , to connect with each other . So I'm going to put that down in the description of the podcast or the YouTube video and I want you to take advantage of this and it will really really help your marriage and help your relationship to be better . But , above all , it's really really good that you take your relationship and marriage seriously , because I believe that the plan of God and the will of God for you is that your marriage is stronger and stronger every day . Hence , I believe this quote has really really helped me .

Speaker 2 41:46

The goal of conflicting marriage isn't to prove who is right , but to protect the love that brought you together . That's what it is . It's not to prove who is right , but to protect the love that brought you together . Each disagreement , each misunderstanding , each conflict is an invitation to explore the parts of your partner you haven't fully understood yet . Each disagreement is an invitation to explore the parts of your partner you haven't fully understood yet . And I can say , if you can fully use this Conflict Connection book , watch this video , find a way to practice this , you'll be amazed what it's going to do in your marriage , what it's going to do in your relationship , and the change will begin to happen , how you can actually build your marriage and relationship together . So I can't wait for you to get hold of this book and start this process of conflict connection in your marriage , in your relationship .

Speaker 2 42:59

Don't forget , if you've loved this video , please . You can subscribe on the YouTube channel or you can also subscribe on our podcast platform , on Spotify or Apple Podcasts , wherever you've seen this .

Leveraging Conflict for Stronger Marriage

Speaker 2 43:11

It'll just help us to make sure that other people can see it and you can also share this with your friends and family . You can watch this . You can use this video just to help you support the process of using conflict as a tool to connect deeply and to love your spouse very , very well and to support each other to grow . So this is Chinda Chinda , and I'm excited to see you grow , see you become the best version of yourself to your spouse and , at the end of the day , your marriage will grow very well . Don't forget , continue to do this and I'll speak to you in the next video .

Chindah Chindah 43:51

You have been listening to the Married Life Podcast with Coach Chinda Chinda . For more information on books , articles , newsletter signups , speaking engagements , online courses , coaching programs and our free giveaways , please visit wwwmarriedlifemanagementcom or , alternatively , visit wwwtheloveframeworkcom . You can also follow Married Life Management on Facebook , twitter and Instagram , or subscribe to Married Life TV YouTube channel . You can also join our Telegram free groups for more support and updates . Thanks for listening .